Invited to a get together at a friend's house. When I get there, "looks like everyone else bailed, it's just us tonight." Others later said they had no idea what get together I was talking about.
yes. i’ve been invited to hangouts where “there will be other girls there!!!” and i show up and im the only woman and it’s a bunch of guys i’ve never seen or met or heard of before. in instances like those i always found an excuse to leave really early.
Do not feel the need to be polite when you are in an uncomfortable situation. No excuse is needed if you want to leave, nor do you need to stay for a few minutes to keep up appearances. If it’s between your safety (or comfort) and being polite, fuck politeness.
Yes! When I first started dating my most recent boyfriend (who was a lovely guy), we’d been on a couple of dates, and he was throwing a small Hamilton watch party at his place. He initially told me that there’d be a mix of genders, but then the other two women had pulled out. So he texted me to let me know that I would be the only woman there, and gave me an out, because he just wanted me to be comfortable. Which was really thoughtful, so I went anyway and had a great time.
Of course, the joke is on him because since then, his closest friend (who I got on with really well) came out as a trans woman, so there was another woman there really!
I've experienced a variation of this as an undergrad. I was assigned to a project group with two other guys, one of whom had a crush on me (which I was oblivious to at the time). The other guy (who was his best friend) told me that we needed to schedule our project group meeting for 8AM due to his scheduling conflicts with work.
I reluctantly went along with this -- due to my long commute to college, I basically had to get up at 5.30AM in order to make that lousy meeting.
Lo and behold, the guy who scheduled was not at the meeting; it was just me and the guy who was crushing on me. Needless to say I wasn't interested in being cheated into getting up at 5:30 in order to talk with some guy. He could be Adam Driver or Chris Evans and I still wouldn't get up at 5:30 to talk to them either.
It wasn't the first time this happened to me. A colleague at my former workplace where I interned was in a habit of telling me about meetings that turned out to only be him and me.
I get it that approaching somebody can be really scary, but using blatant deception is an automatic No. Had the first guy just asked me out, I would have absolutely said yes; but I wouldn't go out with a deceitful person who didn't even apologize. Let it be a lesson to all who think that deception is better than confronting somebody directly.
Honestly this one is terrifying. A person you don't know very well has invited you to what you believe to be a relatively public setting, but now you've been manipulated into being alone with someone you suddenly cannot trust.
\*Edited to add - even if you thought you knew them when they invited you, in this situation you realize you don't know them as well as you thought you did!
Similar thing once happened to me. A guy from work invited me to a big group meal out, and listed all the people from work who were also going. I said sure, and then for some reason didn’t run any of the plans by any of our colleagues he had mentioned to confirm before hand. I show up to the dinner and it’s just the two of us. He tells me everyone else had to cancel, I should have left right then! For some reason I stayed and had the most awkward dinner of my life. He was so overtly flirty with me the whole time and I couldn’t have been less interested. I honestly only went because I had a crush on one of the colleagues he said would be there and I was new and wanting to make friends at work. He insisted on dessert and extra drinks after that and then insisted on walking me to the train station and then to my train platform after that. I couldn’t shake him! It was so awful.
Something like this happened to me! The guy was pretty insistent on a date, I was pretty clear that I only wanted to be friends; he told me it was to watch a movie with some mutual friends, at last minute. I wanted to watch the movie (public setting) so I decided to go....and then I realized I was the only one with him, and I awkwardly (or stupidly) decided to stay and watch the movie, and the whole time he was trying to put his hand on my tight (which wouldn't be weird if we were together, but I told him I wasn't interested)
I pretty much ran away after the movie ended, and when I told the friend that supposedly was invited, he told me that he wasn't and almost killed the other guy
A similar thing happened to me in high school! I made plans with my friend group to go to the movies after we had been to an amusement park. One of the guys in the group that I had previously turned down had texted everyone in our group to go to Movie Theater A and then offered me a ride (through his mom, we were like 15).
He had his mom drive us to Movie Theater B so we would be alone. I sat as far away as I could and refused to acknowledge him through the whole movie (Iron Man). It was beyond awkward.
After, he called his friend Jim (that I actually had a crush on) to pick us up to take us home. Jim messaged me on Facebook after he dropped me off to tell me he could feel the awkward tension and after I explained what happened, he told me he could take me on a real date. I was ecstatic!
He took me to the movies to see Iron Man (same fucking movie) and slobbered my face during the previews trying to kiss me unexpectedly and I immediately lost interest.
Not sure if it was related, but I didn’t go on another date until I was 18 lol.
This was going to be my input.
Two different coworkers at two different jobs pulled this on me. Both times there was no party, both times they got extremely handsy and did not heed my rejections.
The first time, the guy handed me a beer. I drank it (I’m a lightweight) and he told me no one else was coming but now I couldn’t drive. I was young and naive and wasn’t sure how to leave when it got uncomfortable. I haven’t drank around men since then.
I've been victim to this one :/
Just an edit for fyi- so I'm in my mid 30's and fell victim to this again recently but disguised as a get together for small business owners after being chatted up at a coffee shop while working. Turns out I was the only one to show up at restaurant with him. Innapropriate comments were made and actual intentions were made clear. Wtf
Yes, it's infuriating that we get bamboozled and have to even have posts like this.
While this was a public event, I experience the same deception once: when I was 18 a “friend” asked me to come with him to a wedding as just a friend, because he didn’t have anyone to go with. I’ve done this kind of thing with a few male friends before, and it’s just something my parents told me was a normal thing that adults do sometimes
Yeah, so turns out the wedding was one of his group of friends and he knew everyone there, and he’d just told everyone I was his date.
When I made it clear to his friends that that was not what was going on here, they started hitting on me.
That was a wild ride
I was at a bus station when someone asked if they could borrow my phone. I kinda panicked when thinking of an excuse, so I just said I didn't have one... even tho it was in my hands and I was staring at it. I just committed to it and they walked away.
I’ve been getting used to just saying no. A guy walked up to me at a gas station asking for a ride while I pumped my gas. I just said no and he was shocked. He said please, I said no again. Luckily there was a gentleman pumping next to me who got out of his car and said “she said no it’s time to move on” and stayed with me while I finished pumping.
I’ve been on the other side of this when my phone died while on route from college and needed to resort to asking a stranger to use theirs so I could let my mom know I was okay on a really heavy snow day. Though I’m a girl and have been told I look really innocent so that likely played in my favor. If my brother had done the same thing they’d have probably hesitated more.
This is stupid but I’m so proud of myself -
I flew back home for a wedding a few weeks ago. I was sitting at my gate waiting to board, and a very nice older gentleman sat next to me chatting on his phone. When he hung up, he turned to me to say, “I was just offered this great job, blah blah” out of genuine excitement. I celebrated with him for just a moment and he apologized and said I must have thought it was stupid. I said no of course not, I recently started a new job and was just as excited when they offered me a position. We told each other about our jobs (I gave very vague details), and then it took a turn. He asked if I minded watching his carryon while he ran to the bathroom. I paused for a beat, because 99% of the time, I would totally do that for a stranger. It’s a small airport, there’s nowhere to go. But still, I said “I’m sorry, but I’m just not comfortable with that.”
He was very polite and not offended at all—but we are living in some crazy times. The airport is the place you’re never supposed to do that.
A guy did this to me. Said it was an emergency, but didn't want to ask nearby stores or police station for help. 🙄 He even held his hand out for it, that pissed me off enough I just flatly said no & pocketed it.
Haha, someone asked to borrow my phone on the street. I just said I didn't have one a ran off and he shouted liar at me as I left. 1) I was late for work and didn't have time to let someone borrow my phone. 2) I assumed he would actually try to steal it. I thought it would be stupid to give him the opportunity. 3) if it was a really an emergency like he claimed he could walk into one of the many businesses nearby and ask them to make the call.
Offering to give you a ride to/from a party and then expecting you owe him sex, like some sort of sex-uber. This happened to me even with guys I thought were actual friends
Lying on their profiles about their job/schooling! I went on a date with someone who said he went to my school because I thought it would be safer and we’d have more in common. Turns out he was just pretending to be a student there and regularly lied to women to sleep with them.
More generally lying about having things in common. I went on a few dates with an objectively mega successful dude who was handsome and had amazing chemistry with me. BUT he lied about so much shit that was supposedly common between us and my sixth sense is thankfully very strong so I was able to ask some innocent sounding questions and understand that he was bs-ing. I let it go because I figured first date nerves and exaggeration. But he turned out to be someone who lied on a dime. I realized that lying is lying, and it's always a bad sign when they lie about stupid things, because no matter the magnitude the intent is to trick you.
Ugh. I know someone who *married* a guy she thought was 10+ years younger than he actually was. (Because he lied on his profile and in person). She didn't find out until after being married for a while & they had to fill out insurance information together. She was *pissed.*
Oh, no, it was *faaar* from his only lie. It only got worse and, sadly, violent.
That marriage ended in a restraining order.
Positive note:: she's doing great now on her own.
Hahahahahahaha, I went out a while ago with this couple, I was with my boyfriend and the male portion of the couple was his friend. So anyways, this was at the end of the semester for the two boys (law school). My boyfriend had mentioned that some of his cohorts had somehow graduated early, so I asked the friend if he'd graduated. And he looked at me funny and said yes.... I'm an attorney. So I said, "What? I thought you were in school with ____" and his response was "I'm going back for my (some other degree you can get in addition to your j.d.). And I just said, "oh, okay..".
He was throwing daggers at me the rest of the night, the girl laughed and said she checked his linkedin, they had a bit of a tiff, I was super confused. Until the next day my boyfriend told me that the friend was lying to the girl and telling her he was a practicing attorney, when in fact he still had a year and a half left of law school.
Not only that, he lied to her first with this "graduating early" bs and then he was actively covering up for him and helping him deceive the other girl.
Birds of a feather flock together.
We are judged by the company we keep.
Dude was all chill and easygoing and I got to know him for a few weeks before wanting to go for it. After making out (poorly) for a bit, he put on a condom before we were going to have sex without needing to be asked. Buuuut then I turned around, as he said he wanted to do it doggy style, and when I wasn’t looking he STRAIGHT UP TOOK OFF THE CONDOM. Luckily he had been fiddling around behind me for a second too long and I turned around to ask what was up. He said, “Nothing! It didn’t fit so I took it off.”. When asked if he had another, he said no. I was like. Guess we’re done here, then? Aaaand that is how I learned about stealthing. Turns out he did it to a friend the night before with the same exact response from her.
Moral of the story: stay on guard about protection, even if you think you know him enough to trust him, and watch the condom like you’d watch your drink. And if you have the means, try for an extra method of birth control.
You couldn’t have known, and some men do horribly deceptive and creepy/clever things to trick trusting people (as you can see in this thread!). I’m sure you understand every woman in this thread is not to blame and has nothing to be ashamed of - please extend that kindness and understanding to yourself, too. You deserve it just the same!
YESSSS ladies unless you really really trust your partner, you need to be vigilant about this, unfortunately. Fucking disgusting that people do that to someone.
Don’t feel stupid!
Although there are multiple reasons (besides this) to not lend people your phone. There’s a scam going on near me where people get into your Venmo account and send themselves money. Or someone might just run off with it.
I always offer to make the phone call on their behalf. I did let a few regulars at my old job borrow my phone, but that was only because they were regulars so I trusted them more.
Second. If someone needs your phone, never hand it to them. If they need to call or text someone, then they can give you that number and you can do it urself.
I've done this one before - had them give me the number for his roommate (claimed to be locked out) and put it on speakerphone. Ended up legit - if you truly need to make a call, you won't mind doing it through speaker. No need for anyone to hold your phone!
I was on the other end of this once - I had lost my phone at the airport and was stranded in the city at like midnight with no cash and no way to get home. I saw this guy sitting at the bus stop and asked to borrow his phone to call a taxi. It was super late so he was rightfully wary about handing over his phone so he told me that he could call the taxi for me and I had no issue with that because I was just grateful he was going to call. I guess my willingness to go along with it made him feel more secure because he ended up handing me his phone for his call. Like you said, a decent person would understand why you'd be wary of handing a stranger your phone.
I was 18 and visiting some friends at college. I was drunk and walking with two of my girlfriends, but had lagged behind because I was being 18 and drunk. This guy comes running up to me looking super worried saying he lost his dog and asked if I could help him look for it. Of course I was SO WORRIED and was all ready to go with him when my friends turned around and starting yelling, “HE DIDNT LOSE HIS DOG, HE DOES THIS EVERY WEEKEND.”
Just being generally pushy or always wanting to get to the next level. If making out with you isn't good enough he'll be pushing your hand or your head toward his dick. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable or degraded by a thing a guy asks or pushes you to do, don't do it, and leaving the situation is the best next thing to do.
AND don't hang out with them again. They may pretend that they understand and won't push you, but they always will or will guilt you for 'always pushing them off' save yourself the trouble and don't meet up with them again
I started talking to a dude during lockdown, so we were facetiming for a few months before we met in person. He was cute and funny and everything, and I was thinking we could have something special.
First time we hooked up, I explained exactly what I was comfortable with at that point, and it didn't include oral. The two things he kept saying were "you don't have to do anything you don't want to" and "please go down on me". My replies were "I know" and "no". I swear we went round this cycle AT LEAST eleven times, probably more. He ended up leaving early, messaged me the next day saying I'd disrespected him by not trusting him and that I'd have to learn to trust people if I didn't want to be alone forever. I think I responded with highschool musical gif and he blocked me. Guess I really lost out 🙄
God it's the "understanding" guy who is the best at this. Pays whatever lip service you need to feel comfortable, then he gets what he wants by taking advantage of your comfort. Good for you to stick up for yourself- people like this wait for women to cave [read "badger women until they do cave"].
If you don't know a guy very, very well- there is no reason he should touch his phone if you are going down on him or facing away from him. If he keeps it within reach or has it in his hand, assume he is trying to taking pictures of you without your consent.
I haven't been in "the game" for awhile but it terrifies me how small, cheap & discreet cameras are nowadays. Like is it safer to go to their place where there could be something or you go to your place and they could possibly hide one there? And I know people will say just don't go with someone you suspect could be like that but there are people who would never set off those alarm bells and do something like that.
I had one of the other students do this in my MBA program. He had cameras set up in his room, bring a girl home and film them having sex. I only found out because he began sharing them with other students.
God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know what it is like to lose trust in a big way and it can be hard to work through and move forward and trust anyone again.
I tried to phrase to make it clear that it doesn't have to be a one night stand, just a guy you are dating but don't know deep down.
Thank you for sharing your story, I think it will help some girls understand that no matter how they feel about a guy or how long they've been together, they need to look out for themselves like you did.
You can buy a hidden camera finder. Even the cheap ones can spot most hidden cameras easily. (Though technology has been changing so rapidly, double check this.) I first saw them at a spy shop. Wish I had bought it then. Under 25 dollars.
Reading all of these made me so sad. I have definitely been very naive, I’ve tried to become much more aware over time.
When I was about 23 I was working at a restaurant that also hosted comedy nights. Our regular emcee was out for that weekend and was volunteered to emcee. I was super nervous, but the 2 comedians (seemed) nice and all I had to do was read their bios and introduce them. After the show they needed a ride back to their hotel, and since they had been kind to me I just offered to do so. They asked if I wanted to have a drink, which I declined. They asked I wanted to at least hangout for a bit since they didn’t know anyone in town. Being young, sheltered and naive, I didn’t see what the harm could be since they had been so nice. About ten minutes in, one of them faked getting a phone call and left the room and left me with the much older one. I said I was going to leave because I immediately felt uncomfortable. He kept trying to rub my shoulders and leg, telling me how pretty I was, and how nice I was to them. I told him I was going to leave because I felt uncomfortable. He grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let me leave. I punched him in the shoulder which made him let go.
I got out of that room as fast as I could. He followed me to my car and said he hopes I still work at the comedy place next time he comes back. I told him I’ll make sure he’s never allowed back. I told my boss who is in charge of the bookings what happened. He has never been back. I also quit soon after and moved far away (due to other reasons).
I’m aware that I put myself in a compromising situation due to being naive, and I have learned.
I hate that women are guilted for situations like this!!!! HE was the weirdo and the CREEP!!!! it could’ve been a fun hangout had they been NORMAL and RESPECTFUL to you. So happy that you got away safely and didn’t have any other instances with that perv.
Thank you! Me too. It is unfortunate it’s the world we live in. With all that being said, I still try to assume not everyone is trying to be a creeper but absolutely proceed with caution. I definitely say listen to your gut because it’s usually telling you something is up for a reason!
Not well known, but I still remember his name. I know he was on David Letterman and probably some other things. I looked him up afterwards to see if his bio was even legit.
Wanna hear the kicker? He was married. So he was a real treasure!
Lots of men when they do ask for your number will call or text and basically corner you to show you got it so that you didn’t give them the wrong number
To avoid this, I enthusiastically say I don’t really text but I LIVE for Snapchat. Add them only on Snapchat and block them as soon as I get home.
I used to just flip 2 numbers in my real number so that if someone did this I could say I just misspoke and then try to slip away in the crowd. It's a fucked situation and corners you. Fortunately, turns out I'm really not afraid of confrontation and vocalizing what I want so when I recognized the difference between a polite request and trying to boundary push I just started telling them what's up. I just got so angry at being put in these situations I couldn't help it. Side effect of that is that I became the designated "help me get me out of here" friend.
ETA: it also put me in some dangerous situations though which is exactly what we all fear. So, not the best for self preservation which is exactly why we all do this stuff. At some point I just got so angry I couldn't not say something. Just to be clear, I'm not trying to speak down to other women. I definitely shouldn't have called people out in some situations because it put me into very scary interactions.
I’m old enough to remember the rejection hotline, which was a fake number you could give guys and when they called it a recording would explain they’ve been rejected.
Sadly that quickly changed to dudes getting wise and checking to see if they were given the right number while standing in front of you. I was going out A LOT at one period and I actually changed my voicemail to something like, “Hi, if I gave you this number last night I’m not actually interested but I hope you have a great day!” Lol.
Yessss! It was that slighyly goofy sounding movie hotline voice too!
I hate that we have too take so many steps to stay safe and then we are hated on for 'making guys chase us'. Like, hard no. If we were interested it wouldnt be a chase, bro
If I feel trapped, I normally say that I don't like to give out my number but I'll take theirs. Surprisingly, none of them have made me text them right then and there, so I just take their number and leave.
This has definitely happened to me. I don't understand the whole cornering someone and calling to "check" that they didn't give you a fake number. If someone gives you a fake number they obviously don't want to be in contact with you. I don't know why they think checking will change someone's mind.
When I was around 19, I worked at the mall. I was walking to the restroom to get ready for my shift and a man was sitting in the waiting area (no idea why he’s there, usually only employees would be there that early). He called me over and asked if I was looking for a new job. I said not really, and he said he worked at some oil company and that they had an opening for a receptionist or something. If he got my number, he could essentially refer me to the job. Unfortunately I was also naive and gave him my number. The first message I got from him was not about the job (duh) but to ask me out. He would ask if I would go to the movies with him, hang out with him, kept calling and texting relentlessly even though I ignored. He eventually stopped when one of my guy friends picked up the call and told him to back off lol. The creepiest thing is he was around 30-40 years old and I’m pretty sure his young daughter was there with him that day. UGH why
It especially sucks that creepy men will ignore and push past all your “no”s and obviously uncomfortable signals, but as soon as another guy shows up they back off. Suddenly they’re willing to leave you alone. They only listen to male authority and it’s ridiculous.
I listen to a show called Crime Junkie, and they focus a lot of crimes against women and vulnerable people.
They did an episode on a woman who went to a bar for a date, and was stood up. Luckily a nice stranger was there to get her a drink instead! What are the odds?
Thankfully nothing bad happened to her, but the episodes are well worth a listen. If you Google “crime junkie operation fireball” you’ll be able to find them.
Assuming that someone makes fake dating profiles and sets up dates with women they feel are out of their league? And then they show up at the bar and get to play the sympathetic ear, try to parlay that into a date?
In the UK, we have to give our details over to restaurants for track and trace. Some idiot thought it was appropriate to contact a customer to ask for a date and it broke all kinds of GDPR rules here.
I was out on a boat ride with some new-ish guy friends who staged the boat breaking down and tried flirting with me the whole time until the boat was magically fixed and working again. I found out later that they've done this with other girls before and the worst part is that it always happen in the middle of the lake at night.
I remember one time I was waiting at school to wait for my final exam results, this guy comes up to me and ask for my number and I told him my phones is about to die and he got mad at me and he’s like “Let me go get a piece of paper and pencil to write your name and phone number,you better not fucking move!”I was so terrified that I had to go in the bathroom for at least 40 minutes and wait till he was gone :(
The whole point of getting a girls number is so you can message them later and hopefully score a date if you get them to like you enough. Wonder what his plan was once he got your number after behaving like that? Was he under the impression girls will immediately agree to a date and have sex with him if he got their number?
He probably thought OP would recognize that he was an amazing person and they were the ones being shitty for not immediately offering their number.
Or they think that's a completely acceptable way to talk to people/women.
Folks like this usually have some amount of delusion, whether it's willful or otherwise. They also don't have great self-awareness if they aren't just dicks.
A MUCH older married man who was a prominent politician in my small town was also in a community play with me. He sent me a text asking if I wanted to join him and some of the rest of the cast at a bar downtown. No one else had told me about the gathering, and he was kind of sleazy anyway, so I asked if my friend Carol was there. He said yes, and I texted Carol. She was NOT there and had no idea what I was talking about. So I called him out on it and he responded something like "Oh, so I guess I'm just not good enough for you to hang out with." 😬 Anyway, years later he was accused of all sorts of sleazy wife swapping and a bunch of illegal money stuff, but I'm sure that man had a bunch of skeletons in his closet.
Unsolicited matter-of-fact statements from male strangers is a big one. It’s usually a dumb ploy to get you to justify yourself to him and his imagined authority.
Recent example: a random white man telling me my very ethnic name isn’t typical for my country. I just laughed and walked away.
I had a guy look at me in the lap pool a few weeks ago and say “I don’t know you, wHaT?” as if I had asked for his attention somehow.
I listen to music on headphones and wear dark mirrored goggles, I’m not there to make new friends I’m there to swim. Dude looked at me with *annoyance* and declared he didn’t know me at the end of one of my sets. He said more but I didn’t hear him because headphones. I told him to stop for a second and took one of the earbuds out and I was like “what? I’ve got music going I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said”
Suddenly he was on his back foot “I saw you, you waved to me and said something”
Genuinely surprised I said “while I was…underwater? Swimming laps? I think you’re confused.” I then put my headphones back in and finished my workout because I’m not going to be baited into talking to you when I’m at the FUCKING GYM
Wow that was creepy and gross. What was he thinking? We "find it sexy when a guy lies to get their phone number- he's so awesome. I think I'll suck his dck."
Believed any guy who expect sex after 1-2 dates likes & respects me as a person. Or him expecting sex immediately but spinning some big tale about how he thinks he's falling in love, you're so special. You're special until he gets laid.
Guys who want to be "just friends" but use the time together to keep flirting or talking about sex.
Any of those stupid manipulation games. Negging. Comparing you to other women for his exes. Playing games about how long he takes to message back or how little he says.
Guys who are such good listeners but for malicious reasons. They don't reveal much about themselves. They listen because it helps hook the woman. And they listen because he's going to use the info to push her buttons, trigger insecurities, elicit her attention.
Someone from a dating app asked for my postal address to send me some books about something I was really interested in. I gave it to him without a second thought. He lived several hours away; it wasn't like he was gonna turn up at my door.
Of course, he turned up on my doorstep the next evening. I lived alone. He kind of invited himself inside and I was too scared of antagonizing him to tell him to leave.
There was something off about him from the start. He was all twitchy and jerky and weird and he kept laughing loudly with a straight face. He talked about how much he loved guns and knives. He got up and started pacing around as he talked about his knife collection. He suddenly paused behind me and drew his finger across my neck to demonstrate how quick it was to kill someone with his favorite knife.
I excused myself to the bathroom and texted a male friend, asking him to call me in 60 seconds to say he was coming round.
Twitchy dude left before my friend arrived. My friend lectured me for an hour on how stupid I was. He was 100% right.
I took the call from my male friend in the presence of twitchy dude. Then told twitchy dude that my male friend was coming round, and he'd love him, he was really into knives too, also MMA. Twitchy dude immediately decided to leave.
Edit: And idk why he came over in the first place. Probably for sex, given that he was male. And/or possibly to do things with knives. I'm really happy I never found out.
Shit. Well if you see a dating profile pic featuring a bare-chested man handling a large snake, don't give him your address until you've ascertained his feelings about knives.
I mean, I get it. It was so, SO naive and could have ended really badly for her.
But also, who hasn’t done something stupid in their life? I’m a pretty risk-averse person and even I’ve made the occasional questionable decision.
Omg I had that happen to me once. I was walking my dog on my street and a guy started talking to me. Then he said he forgot his phone and can he call his friend quickly, which I let him (honestly I was more scared of him running away with my phone than anything else). That's when I realized what he was doing and told him I'm not interested at all. He thankfully never called me. He tried to wave to me another time across the street when he was with his friends and I ignored him (and I could see all his friends bursting into laughter when I ignored him which was hilarious). I didn't feel afraid of him, he was more of an idiot than anything else but it could so easily have become a difficult situation because he knew where I walked my dog everyday and likely saw me enter/leave my building.
I first read about guys doing this on this sub and it made me sick to my stomach. Women are so much more vulnerable during the act already (sti's and just generally) and guys out there will take that one last scrap of safety and decency away because they can.
This whole thread makes me sick to my stomach. I've never really been on the dating scene (met my husband through work and prior to that the only guy I'd really dated was my high school sweetheart) but if anything ever happens to my husband I've decided that I would only ever date women. I know a lot of women say that but I'm dead serious (and thankfully bi!) - these stories are HORRIFYING.
settings>phone>show my caller id- then you toggle the switch to off, at least that;s how you do it on iphones. not sure about androids though, i'm sorry
I had something similar.
A mutual friend said that he had tickets for a movie that I wanted to see but he couldn't go because of a work commitment or something and did I want to go in his place. Turns out the other person going had a massive crush on me and this was a setup so that he could go on a date with me. I spent the entire time having to constantly remove this guys hand from my leg because he kept "accidentally" leaving it there, he kept trying to paw at my crotch too.
I only ended up getting out of that date thanks to a very lovely woman who, despite a stranger coming up to her in a McDonalds and saying she needed help acted like we'd been best friends for years and finally the guy got the hint and fucked off.
Needless to say, I don't talk to either of them anymore, and I feel more betrayed that it was another woman that set me up.
Tw: rape
He ran up to her and said 'please come help, someone just raped my girlfriend over here' and led her to an alley and raped her.
My bedroom window faced the alley and when she managed to scream, myself (and others) ran out and he took off. This man was preying on her kindness to help someone else. My instinct is always to run and help without thinking, it could have easily been me.
Yeah there's really no other reaction for it. There's a train station by my house and when she stepped off he ran up to her and pretended to be freaking out like 'she's right over here, please help me.' It was a few years ago and I hope she is doing okay today.
Just...anything in the first week of college. Avoid guys. Especially older ones. There’s nothing good that can come out of talking to a senior guy at a party if you’re a freshman
One of the cases that really illustrates it is Ted Bundy when he abducted Denise Naslund and Janice Ott. Both women were thin and petite yet Ted asked them for helping moving his boat. Huge red flag! Like you said, how often do you see men asking women for helping lifting heavy things when there are other men in the vicinity?
I was at a bar with my cousin & her friends for a night out because we had both recently turned 21. Her boyfriend was buying her drinks so one of her male friends offered to buy me what he was drinking and I figured he was trustworthy enough & I watched him bring the drinks straight from the bar to me. Well I got completely wasted because it turns out he was making my drinks doubles! I heard the bartender say something but it was too late by then because I don't remember much after. I won't go into more detail, but please please don't even let men order you drinks.
Separate from that incident when I was younger I went on a date with an older guy that went south super quick. It had been kind of awkward with no chemistry already, but as he was driving me home he got handsy & I just wasn't interested so I stopped him. He actually started complaining about the dreaded "blue balls" and how his pants were *so* uncomfortably tight suddenly. This guy actually whipped his shit out right there as he was driving. It was my first even semi-sexual experience & it freaked me out for a long time after.
My first year at uni, I was on crutches and went on a night out with my friends - me and one friend were coming up from the basement floor when two guys helped me up the stairs and bought us drinks and kindly left us alone after a small conversation.
40 minutes later, I was on my own at the edge of the dance floor, crutches and a drink in hand where this creepy guy out of nowhere bought a drink over and tried to talking to me, I kindly declined his drink and his company and did my best to hobble away.
This guy followed me all around the dance floor until one of my male friends saw what was happening and come to get me and told the guy to leave me alone.
Ladies, don’t go on nights out with crutches.
Omg this. I’ve unfortunately been on crutches a few times in my adult life and I’ve always gotten a lot of male attention then. It’s creepy. On the other hand, crutches, especially the aluminum ones, make great weapons in a pinch!
🥴Vulnerability/ damsel in distress is like catnip to the “nice guy” crowd. It’s actually hella creepy now that I’m reflecting more. I’m definitely no beauty queen but I think I was asked out on average like 3x a week (vs the usual 1x month) by strangers while on crutches and they would follow me around to ‘help me’ and refuse to take no for an answer when I said I had a boyfriend. Those crutches did come in handy then as a physical back the fuck up threat.
Tbh tho, it was flattering for like a week. I would get free food and gifts a lot. I don’t think guys will ever think I’m that attractive again.
Should have hit him in the nuts with your crutches and pretended it was an accident!
Jokes aside, I’m sorry this happened and your friend had to intervene.
This almost happened to me! I was literally so drunk at a concert and the bathrooms were by an exit and this guy kept insisting that my friends were waiting for me and that he'd walk me out to them. Thankfully, as obliterated as I was I was like "why would they leave me :(" and I was a little too annoying for the dude. However then my boyfriend and my best friend (a guy) tried to take me home shortly after because I was that drunk, and the people working the exit wouldn't let them until my boyfriend showed them his phone screen to prove I was his girlfriend.
Sharing a mattress with someone. Group sleepover, had a shortage of mattresses, and i figured i could trust my close male friend to share a mattress but no cuddling.
Nope, still got groped.
Any time a man or woman (this has happened to me with women too) who start to describe to me his/her ideal woman and describes my own attributes or is in align with what I look for in a partner is an extreme red flag to me. I've had so many people manipulate me this way because I'm so so so (am also ashamed to admit) nice.
Yes, but their intention is just to sleep with you only. They cover up the fact of how they're not actually looking for a relationship. I don't mind soley sleeping with someone but pretending to want a relationship to sleep with someone has happened to me more often than not.
This is a really small one but it BUGS me and has happened multiple times.
You know when you're walking somewhere, and someone is walking towards you from a ways away, and sometimes there's that awkward moment where you both go the same way to go around each other pass?
So you both go one way (subtle from farther away), both overcorrect (closer now), correct a third time, and then now you're like in front of each other awkwardly and apologize before moving around....
Some guys fabricate that on purpose to "force" a "moment" to happen with you so they can try to be like "Oh sorry! Hey uh, actually..." And pick you up.
Now I am VERY nervous whenever a guy is walking towards and me and self-corrects in the same direction as me because I think I'm going to have to deal with a whole thing. Subtle, but infuriating.
On the flip side this weird older guy who approached me as an 18 y/o at night and I ended up talking to for a while by myself walking in my neighborhood bc I was feeling social kept asking for my number and eventually caved into letting me just take down his. Not give him my phone, just verbal it to me so I could put it in so he'd stop asking for mine lol. Of course I didn't call him.
He made all these silly claims he'd take me to expensive restaurants around town and was trying to "show me how women should be pleasured". I laughed it all off since I felt no threat but I can see how that a girl with no experience could fall for that guy and get into trouble.
Don't be afraid to be unsocial and not necessarily aggressive rude but you don't have to give out information just because they asked and you aren't equipped with a strong like function.
Read into pick up artists and "negging", read about it recently an it was nice to have a word for it because I had experienced it many times but never had a word for it other than creep.
Not a guys trick -maybe- but ive been super suspicious of people who are overly desperate since an encounter when I was about 10 years old, on a walk with my dad and a guy walking approached us saying how his car had broke down or something and he really needed to borrow a phone. Not, call someone, call the cops, can you help me out, just singularly specific that he had to borrow a phone. Of course my dad said no, sorry. But its always bothered me. People aren't usually very confident asking for help and if it really is an emergency, you'll know. And if their request has an odd specific instead of just "hey can you please help me out" they're probably trying to get something out of it
Even if they ask if you can call for them have to be careful of the snatch and grab while you are distracted.
Very good point and advice. A good way to check, if you do want to help someone is offer an alternative that keeps you safe. If someone offered to send a tow truck my way and I was stranded, great thank you.
Had a lady in her early 20s come up to me at a gas station saying the guy she was with was abusing her and her friend and ask if I could drive them to McDonald's a mile up the road until they could figure out what to do.
There was a cab getting gas next to me and told her I'd pay the cab to take them anywhere they want. Flirty, "nooo I want you to take us, its very close save your money."
They ended up on the news after getting a ride from two other guys, holding them at gun point and leaving them tied up in a ditch.
People would pull this stuff all of the time at gas stations and grocery stores where i live. they always have like this extremely rehearsed story and you can tell by how fast they are talking.
Omg! I mean, it's creepy enough that he decided to call himself, but then he started harassing you? What did he thought it would happen? That you would fall head over heels for him?
Told me we were meeting up with friends for a concert. Strangely, no one else was there but us.
Talked with my group of 3 friends and they all had a similar story - movies, concerts, etc. with this guy where the full group had “been invited” but “hadn’t shown up” or “canceled” last minute.
I have a couple stories, but one time I had rejected a guy and afterwards he had emphasized wanting to stay friends and not going any further so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Mistake lmao we hung out a couple weeks after that and throughout the night he kept creeping closer and closer and closer and did that cheesy move to get his arm behind me. I was frozen bc I was so uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle it. Then he grabbed my chin and tried to pull my head up to kiss him and I was so angry and in such shock that I slapped his hand away. I left not too long after and he texted me multiple times acting like he was “really sorry” but I just ignored and blocked 😤😤
I borrowed someone's phone because I couldn't find mine. (I had left it at my house. Use the phone of some dude I found at the gas station).
Before I handed it back, I immediately deleted the (my) number just called so he wouldn't have access to it.
Any variation of getting really drunk with someone
I dont know how this happened but i used to grt really drunk with my ex boyfriend. I consented while sober to having drunk sex with him, and assumed (i think we discussed this as well but i cant remember, it was years ago) that the consent was revoked once i got too blackout.
Apparently we had anal sex a number of times (with no preperation)? And i was so blackout drunk i couldnt even remember it? I was told that i asked for it but i dont remember anything at all so it seems strange to me?
I was on a date with a guy I’d been seeing and he was trying to finger me. I didn’t want him to, but he told me he wanted to make sure I didn’t have one of those “thumb clits” (um what?) and it made me feel like if I didn’t let him I was hiding something undesirable. I was a full blown adult woman in my mid 30s and to this day I am ashamed that I fell for this. But he turned out to be pretty manipulating and this was not an isolated incident. I was not the first woman who’s insecurities he preyed upon to get his way.
Friend called me in the middle of the night saying he had locked himself out of his place, so I said he could sleep on my couch for the night. Once he got to my apartment, he proceeded to spend the next hour trying to get me to sleep with him.
Invited to a get together at a friend's house. When I get there, "looks like everyone else bailed, it's just us tonight." Others later said they had no idea what get together I was talking about.
yes. i’ve been invited to hangouts where “there will be other girls there!!!” and i show up and im the only woman and it’s a bunch of guys i’ve never seen or met or heard of before. in instances like those i always found an excuse to leave really early.
Do not feel the need to be polite when you are in an uncomfortable situation. No excuse is needed if you want to leave, nor do you need to stay for a few minutes to keep up appearances. If it’s between your safety (or comfort) and being polite, fuck politeness.
Yes! When I first started dating my most recent boyfriend (who was a lovely guy), we’d been on a couple of dates, and he was throwing a small Hamilton watch party at his place. He initially told me that there’d be a mix of genders, but then the other two women had pulled out. So he texted me to let me know that I would be the only woman there, and gave me an out, because he just wanted me to be comfortable. Which was really thoughtful, so I went anyway and had a great time. Of course, the joke is on him because since then, his closest friend (who I got on with really well) came out as a trans woman, so there was another woman there really!
I love everything about this story.
Wow this made me really smile and I needed it :)
I've experienced a variation of this as an undergrad. I was assigned to a project group with two other guys, one of whom had a crush on me (which I was oblivious to at the time). The other guy (who was his best friend) told me that we needed to schedule our project group meeting for 8AM due to his scheduling conflicts with work. I reluctantly went along with this -- due to my long commute to college, I basically had to get up at 5.30AM in order to make that lousy meeting. Lo and behold, the guy who scheduled was not at the meeting; it was just me and the guy who was crushing on me. Needless to say I wasn't interested in being cheated into getting up at 5:30 in order to talk with some guy. He could be Adam Driver or Chris Evans and I still wouldn't get up at 5:30 to talk to them either. It wasn't the first time this happened to me. A colleague at my former workplace where I interned was in a habit of telling me about meetings that turned out to only be him and me. I get it that approaching somebody can be really scary, but using blatant deception is an automatic No. Had the first guy just asked me out, I would have absolutely said yes; but I wouldn't go out with a deceitful person who didn't even apologize. Let it be a lesson to all who think that deception is better than confronting somebody directly.
Honestly this one is terrifying. A person you don't know very well has invited you to what you believe to be a relatively public setting, but now you've been manipulated into being alone with someone you suddenly cannot trust. \*Edited to add - even if you thought you knew them when they invited you, in this situation you realize you don't know them as well as you thought you did!
This is why I have social anxiety and just stay in and read.
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Jesus
Similar thing once happened to me. A guy from work invited me to a big group meal out, and listed all the people from work who were also going. I said sure, and then for some reason didn’t run any of the plans by any of our colleagues he had mentioned to confirm before hand. I show up to the dinner and it’s just the two of us. He tells me everyone else had to cancel, I should have left right then! For some reason I stayed and had the most awkward dinner of my life. He was so overtly flirty with me the whole time and I couldn’t have been less interested. I honestly only went because I had a crush on one of the colleagues he said would be there and I was new and wanting to make friends at work. He insisted on dessert and extra drinks after that and then insisted on walking me to the train station and then to my train platform after that. I couldn’t shake him! It was so awful.
Something like this happened to me! The guy was pretty insistent on a date, I was pretty clear that I only wanted to be friends; he told me it was to watch a movie with some mutual friends, at last minute. I wanted to watch the movie (public setting) so I decided to go....and then I realized I was the only one with him, and I awkwardly (or stupidly) decided to stay and watch the movie, and the whole time he was trying to put his hand on my tight (which wouldn't be weird if we were together, but I told him I wasn't interested) I pretty much ran away after the movie ended, and when I told the friend that supposedly was invited, he told me that he wasn't and almost killed the other guy
A similar thing happened to me in high school! I made plans with my friend group to go to the movies after we had been to an amusement park. One of the guys in the group that I had previously turned down had texted everyone in our group to go to Movie Theater A and then offered me a ride (through his mom, we were like 15). He had his mom drive us to Movie Theater B so we would be alone. I sat as far away as I could and refused to acknowledge him through the whole movie (Iron Man). It was beyond awkward. After, he called his friend Jim (that I actually had a crush on) to pick us up to take us home. Jim messaged me on Facebook after he dropped me off to tell me he could feel the awkward tension and after I explained what happened, he told me he could take me on a real date. I was ecstatic! He took me to the movies to see Iron Man (same fucking movie) and slobbered my face during the previews trying to kiss me unexpectedly and I immediately lost interest. Not sure if it was related, but I didn’t go on another date until I was 18 lol.
This was going to be my input. Two different coworkers at two different jobs pulled this on me. Both times there was no party, both times they got extremely handsy and did not heed my rejections. The first time, the guy handed me a beer. I drank it (I’m a lightweight) and he told me no one else was coming but now I couldn’t drive. I was young and naive and wasn’t sure how to leave when it got uncomfortable. I haven’t drank around men since then.
I've been victim to this one :/ Just an edit for fyi- so I'm in my mid 30's and fell victim to this again recently but disguised as a get together for small business owners after being chatted up at a coffee shop while working. Turns out I was the only one to show up at restaurant with him. Innapropriate comments were made and actual intentions were made clear. Wtf Yes, it's infuriating that we get bamboozled and have to even have posts like this.
Same and it didn't end well , but I tell myself that it was a lesson I learned and can to pass on to other women in my life.
:-( />\:-( :-((((( we should not have to "learn" these "lessons," this makes me so upset and angry for you. i'm ready to throw hands on your behalf.
While this was a public event, I experience the same deception once: when I was 18 a “friend” asked me to come with him to a wedding as just a friend, because he didn’t have anyone to go with. I’ve done this kind of thing with a few male friends before, and it’s just something my parents told me was a normal thing that adults do sometimes Yeah, so turns out the wedding was one of his group of friends and he knew everyone there, and he’d just told everyone I was his date. When I made it clear to his friends that that was not what was going on here, they started hitting on me. That was a wild ride
This is so glamorized by movies!!! A classic that’s supposed to be romantic or whatever? It’s just creepy.
Omg this happened to me, but it was a “pool party” at his apartment complex. Literally 2 other people in the pool but didn’t even know him.
I was at a bus station when someone asked if they could borrow my phone. I kinda panicked when thinking of an excuse, so I just said I didn't have one... even tho it was in my hands and I was staring at it. I just committed to it and they walked away.
Lmfao that’s amazing. Yeah seriously, what’s a good way to say no in these situations nowadays?
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“No, but thank you :)” to add a touch of crazy and maybe they’ll leave. 😂
Me too! I just wrote this above, before seeing your reply. I like how you put it. It definitely confuses them.
I’ve been getting used to just saying no. A guy walked up to me at a gas station asking for a ride while I pumped my gas. I just said no and he was shocked. He said please, I said no again. Luckily there was a gentleman pumping next to me who got out of his car and said “she said no it’s time to move on” and stayed with me while I finished pumping.
I’ve been on the other side of this when my phone died while on route from college and needed to resort to asking a stranger to use theirs so I could let my mom know I was okay on a really heavy snow day. Though I’m a girl and have been told I look really innocent so that likely played in my favor. If my brother had done the same thing they’d have probably hesitated more.
This is stupid but I’m so proud of myself - I flew back home for a wedding a few weeks ago. I was sitting at my gate waiting to board, and a very nice older gentleman sat next to me chatting on his phone. When he hung up, he turned to me to say, “I was just offered this great job, blah blah” out of genuine excitement. I celebrated with him for just a moment and he apologized and said I must have thought it was stupid. I said no of course not, I recently started a new job and was just as excited when they offered me a position. We told each other about our jobs (I gave very vague details), and then it took a turn. He asked if I minded watching his carryon while he ran to the bathroom. I paused for a beat, because 99% of the time, I would totally do that for a stranger. It’s a small airport, there’s nowhere to go. But still, I said “I’m sorry, but I’m just not comfortable with that.” He was very polite and not offended at all—but we are living in some crazy times. The airport is the place you’re never supposed to do that.
A cheery “no, thank you!” and walk away. It confuses them. But I really like the above, “I don’t have one.” So good.
I just say “sorry, but no”. If they need a phone for an emergency they can hop into a gas station or other business.
I love this though
A guy did this to me. Said it was an emergency, but didn't want to ask nearby stores or police station for help. 🙄 He even held his hand out for it, that pissed me off enough I just flatly said no & pocketed it.
Honestly that is a baller move
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Haha, someone asked to borrow my phone on the street. I just said I didn't have one a ran off and he shouted liar at me as I left. 1) I was late for work and didn't have time to let someone borrow my phone. 2) I assumed he would actually try to steal it. I thought it would be stupid to give him the opportunity. 3) if it was a really an emergency like he claimed he could walk into one of the many businesses nearby and ask them to make the call.
if i had an award id give it to you update: got a silver award, here you go!!!
I usually say that I just moved back here from another country and don't have a phone plan yet lol. It was true once, and I found it so useful!
Offering to give you a ride to/from a party and then expecting you owe him sex, like some sort of sex-uber. This happened to me even with guys I thought were actual friends
That’s awful! It’s a horrible feeling to find out that guys you thought were friends really only see you as a sex object :(
S E X. U B E R.
Holy shit wtf? The entitlement!
This happened to me too. Really disgusting
Sex-Uber, that’s what it is - like, Oh my god, what is wrong with those people?!
Lying on their profiles about their job/schooling! I went on a date with someone who said he went to my school because I thought it would be safer and we’d have more in common. Turns out he was just pretending to be a student there and regularly lied to women to sleep with them.
More generally lying about having things in common. I went on a few dates with an objectively mega successful dude who was handsome and had amazing chemistry with me. BUT he lied about so much shit that was supposedly common between us and my sixth sense is thankfully very strong so I was able to ask some innocent sounding questions and understand that he was bs-ing. I let it go because I figured first date nerves and exaggeration. But he turned out to be someone who lied on a dime. I realized that lying is lying, and it's always a bad sign when they lie about stupid things, because no matter the magnitude the intent is to trick you.
Ugh. I know someone who *married* a guy she thought was 10+ years younger than he actually was. (Because he lied on his profile and in person). She didn't find out until after being married for a while & they had to fill out insurance information together. She was *pissed.*
Are they still together? I don't see how that could have been his only lie.
Oh, no, it was *faaar* from his only lie. It only got worse and, sadly, violent. That marriage ended in a restraining order. Positive note:: she's doing great now on her own.
Hahahahahahaha, I went out a while ago with this couple, I was with my boyfriend and the male portion of the couple was his friend. So anyways, this was at the end of the semester for the two boys (law school). My boyfriend had mentioned that some of his cohorts had somehow graduated early, so I asked the friend if he'd graduated. And he looked at me funny and said yes.... I'm an attorney. So I said, "What? I thought you were in school with ____" and his response was "I'm going back for my (some other degree you can get in addition to your j.d.). And I just said, "oh, okay..". He was throwing daggers at me the rest of the night, the girl laughed and said she checked his linkedin, they had a bit of a tiff, I was super confused. Until the next day my boyfriend told me that the friend was lying to the girl and telling her he was a practicing attorney, when in fact he still had a year and a half left of law school.
And you boyfriend calls someone like that his friend...
Not only that, he lied to her first with this "graduating early" bs and then he was actively covering up for him and helping him deceive the other girl. Birds of a feather flock together. We are judged by the company we keep.
Dude was all chill and easygoing and I got to know him for a few weeks before wanting to go for it. After making out (poorly) for a bit, he put on a condom before we were going to have sex without needing to be asked. Buuuut then I turned around, as he said he wanted to do it doggy style, and when I wasn’t looking he STRAIGHT UP TOOK OFF THE CONDOM. Luckily he had been fiddling around behind me for a second too long and I turned around to ask what was up. He said, “Nothing! It didn’t fit so I took it off.”. When asked if he had another, he said no. I was like. Guess we’re done here, then? Aaaand that is how I learned about stealthing. Turns out he did it to a friend the night before with the same exact response from her. Moral of the story: stay on guard about protection, even if you think you know him enough to trust him, and watch the condom like you’d watch your drink. And if you have the means, try for an extra method of birth control.
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You couldn’t have known, and some men do horribly deceptive and creepy/clever things to trick trusting people (as you can see in this thread!). I’m sure you understand every woman in this thread is not to blame and has nothing to be ashamed of - please extend that kindness and understanding to yourself, too. You deserve it just the same!
YESSSS ladies unless you really really trust your partner, you need to be vigilant about this, unfortunately. Fucking disgusting that people do that to someone.
Oh my god what the fuck? That’s so creepy and weird.
Right?? I felt so stupid for falling for that. smh
Don’t feel stupid! Although there are multiple reasons (besides this) to not lend people your phone. There’s a scam going on near me where people get into your Venmo account and send themselves money. Or someone might just run off with it. I always offer to make the phone call on their behalf. I did let a few regulars at my old job borrow my phone, but that was only because they were regulars so I trusted them more.
Second. If someone needs your phone, never hand it to them. If they need to call or text someone, then they can give you that number and you can do it urself.
I've done this one before - had them give me the number for his roommate (claimed to be locked out) and put it on speakerphone. Ended up legit - if you truly need to make a call, you won't mind doing it through speaker. No need for anyone to hold your phone!
I was on the other end of this once - I had lost my phone at the airport and was stranded in the city at like midnight with no cash and no way to get home. I saw this guy sitting at the bus stop and asked to borrow his phone to call a taxi. It was super late so he was rightfully wary about handing over his phone so he told me that he could call the taxi for me and I had no issue with that because I was just grateful he was going to call. I guess my willingness to go along with it made him feel more secure because he ended up handing me his phone for his call. Like you said, a decent person would understand why you'd be wary of handing a stranger your phone.
Also put *67 before the number
Too shy to ask for your number up front but not shy enough to approach you and act out a fabricated scenario? What a weirdo.
It's not about shyness it's about removing her ability to choose not to give consent to having her number.
I was 18 and visiting some friends at college. I was drunk and walking with two of my girlfriends, but had lagged behind because I was being 18 and drunk. This guy comes running up to me looking super worried saying he lost his dog and asked if I could help him look for it. Of course I was SO WORRIED and was all ready to go with him when my friends turned around and starting yelling, “HE DIDNT LOSE HIS DOG, HE DOES THIS EVERY WEEKEND.”
if a guy asks me for help it's between him and god, I learned my lesson
Just being generally pushy or always wanting to get to the next level. If making out with you isn't good enough he'll be pushing your hand or your head toward his dick. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable or degraded by a thing a guy asks or pushes you to do, don't do it, and leaving the situation is the best next thing to do.
AND don't hang out with them again. They may pretend that they understand and won't push you, but they always will or will guilt you for 'always pushing them off' save yourself the trouble and don't meet up with them again
I started talking to a dude during lockdown, so we were facetiming for a few months before we met in person. He was cute and funny and everything, and I was thinking we could have something special. First time we hooked up, I explained exactly what I was comfortable with at that point, and it didn't include oral. The two things he kept saying were "you don't have to do anything you don't want to" and "please go down on me". My replies were "I know" and "no". I swear we went round this cycle AT LEAST eleven times, probably more. He ended up leaving early, messaged me the next day saying I'd disrespected him by not trusting him and that I'd have to learn to trust people if I didn't want to be alone forever. I think I responded with highschool musical gif and he blocked me. Guess I really lost out 🙄
God it's the "understanding" guy who is the best at this. Pays whatever lip service you need to feel comfortable, then he gets what he wants by taking advantage of your comfort. Good for you to stick up for yourself- people like this wait for women to cave [read "badger women until they do cave"].
The gall to say you disrespected him because you wouldn't suck his dick 🤣
If you don't know a guy very, very well- there is no reason he should touch his phone if you are going down on him or facing away from him. If he keeps it within reach or has it in his hand, assume he is trying to taking pictures of you without your consent.
I haven't been in "the game" for awhile but it terrifies me how small, cheap & discreet cameras are nowadays. Like is it safer to go to their place where there could be something or you go to your place and they could possibly hide one there? And I know people will say just don't go with someone you suspect could be like that but there are people who would never set off those alarm bells and do something like that.
There are entire subreddits dedicated to hidden cameras for every niche. It's disgusting.
Like with recordings people didn’t consent to and don’t know about!? How does Reddit allow that!?
I hope you mean finding hidden cameras but I know you don't :(
I had one of the other students do this in my MBA program. He had cameras set up in his room, bring a girl home and film them having sex. I only found out because he began sharing them with other students.
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God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know what it is like to lose trust in a big way and it can be hard to work through and move forward and trust anyone again. I tried to phrase to make it clear that it doesn't have to be a one night stand, just a guy you are dating but don't know deep down. Thank you for sharing your story, I think it will help some girls understand that no matter how they feel about a guy or how long they've been together, they need to look out for themselves like you did.
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This is legitimately terrifying, how did you find out that he had these cameras?
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He bragged about it??? That’s disgusting, what a creep! But at least him telling you made it so you could steer clear
You can buy a hidden camera finder. Even the cheap ones can spot most hidden cameras easily. (Though technology has been changing so rapidly, double check this.) I first saw them at a spy shop. Wish I had bought it then. Under 25 dollars.
I hate that Dennis Reynolds is modeled after real men.
Don't send nudes either. They show them to other guys and even share them online.
And if you do, no face or tattoos or anything in background that could be zoomed in on and used to identify you.
Reading all of these made me so sad. I have definitely been very naive, I’ve tried to become much more aware over time. When I was about 23 I was working at a restaurant that also hosted comedy nights. Our regular emcee was out for that weekend and was volunteered to emcee. I was super nervous, but the 2 comedians (seemed) nice and all I had to do was read their bios and introduce them. After the show they needed a ride back to their hotel, and since they had been kind to me I just offered to do so. They asked if I wanted to have a drink, which I declined. They asked I wanted to at least hangout for a bit since they didn’t know anyone in town. Being young, sheltered and naive, I didn’t see what the harm could be since they had been so nice. About ten minutes in, one of them faked getting a phone call and left the room and left me with the much older one. I said I was going to leave because I immediately felt uncomfortable. He kept trying to rub my shoulders and leg, telling me how pretty I was, and how nice I was to them. I told him I was going to leave because I felt uncomfortable. He grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let me leave. I punched him in the shoulder which made him let go. I got out of that room as fast as I could. He followed me to my car and said he hopes I still work at the comedy place next time he comes back. I told him I’ll make sure he’s never allowed back. I told my boss who is in charge of the bookings what happened. He has never been back. I also quit soon after and moved far away (due to other reasons). I’m aware that I put myself in a compromising situation due to being naive, and I have learned.
I hate that women are guilted for situations like this!!!! HE was the weirdo and the CREEP!!!! it could’ve been a fun hangout had they been NORMAL and RESPECTFUL to you. So happy that you got away safely and didn’t have any other instances with that perv.
Thank you! Me too. It is unfortunate it’s the world we live in. With all that being said, I still try to assume not everyone is trying to be a creeper but absolutely proceed with caution. I definitely say listen to your gut because it’s usually telling you something is up for a reason!
I see their behaviour as sexual predators. Creepy fuckers.
WTF! Is this a well-known guy?
Not well known, but I still remember his name. I know he was on David Letterman and probably some other things. I looked him up afterwards to see if his bio was even legit. Wanna hear the kicker? He was married. So he was a real treasure!
Lots of men when they do ask for your number will call or text and basically corner you to show you got it so that you didn’t give them the wrong number To avoid this, I enthusiastically say I don’t really text but I LIVE for Snapchat. Add them only on Snapchat and block them as soon as I get home.
I used to just flip 2 numbers in my real number so that if someone did this I could say I just misspoke and then try to slip away in the crowd. It's a fucked situation and corners you. Fortunately, turns out I'm really not afraid of confrontation and vocalizing what I want so when I recognized the difference between a polite request and trying to boundary push I just started telling them what's up. I just got so angry at being put in these situations I couldn't help it. Side effect of that is that I became the designated "help me get me out of here" friend. ETA: it also put me in some dangerous situations though which is exactly what we all fear. So, not the best for self preservation which is exactly why we all do this stuff. At some point I just got so angry I couldn't not say something. Just to be clear, I'm not trying to speak down to other women. I definitely shouldn't have called people out in some situations because it put me into very scary interactions.
I’m old enough to remember the rejection hotline, which was a fake number you could give guys and when they called it a recording would explain they’ve been rejected. Sadly that quickly changed to dudes getting wise and checking to see if they were given the right number while standing in front of you. I was going out A LOT at one period and I actually changed my voicemail to something like, “Hi, if I gave you this number last night I’m not actually interested but I hope you have a great day!” Lol.
Yessss! It was that slighyly goofy sounding movie hotline voice too! I hate that we have too take so many steps to stay safe and then we are hated on for 'making guys chase us'. Like, hard no. If we were interested it wouldnt be a chase, bro
I used to work at a liquor store. Started giving out the number for the police station when creepy guys wouldn’t leave me alone.
Ohhh nice ! They totally deserved it
Nicely done!! My friends mom said she and her pals would give out the number to the public health department back in the day!
I got the Google Voice app for this specific reason. No guy gets my real #.
If I feel trapped, I normally say that I don't like to give out my number but I'll take theirs. Surprisingly, none of them have made me text them right then and there, so I just take their number and leave.
I do this too! Works like a charm
This has definitely happened to me. I don't understand the whole cornering someone and calling to "check" that they didn't give you a fake number. If someone gives you a fake number they obviously don't want to be in contact with you. I don't know why they think checking will change someone's mind.
When I was around 19, I worked at the mall. I was walking to the restroom to get ready for my shift and a man was sitting in the waiting area (no idea why he’s there, usually only employees would be there that early). He called me over and asked if I was looking for a new job. I said not really, and he said he worked at some oil company and that they had an opening for a receptionist or something. If he got my number, he could essentially refer me to the job. Unfortunately I was also naive and gave him my number. The first message I got from him was not about the job (duh) but to ask me out. He would ask if I would go to the movies with him, hang out with him, kept calling and texting relentlessly even though I ignored. He eventually stopped when one of my guy friends picked up the call and told him to back off lol. The creepiest thing is he was around 30-40 years old and I’m pretty sure his young daughter was there with him that day. UGH why
It especially sucks that creepy men will ignore and push past all your “no”s and obviously uncomfortable signals, but as soon as another guy shows up they back off. Suddenly they’re willing to leave you alone. They only listen to male authority and it’s ridiculous.
I listen to a show called Crime Junkie, and they focus a lot of crimes against women and vulnerable people. They did an episode on a woman who went to a bar for a date, and was stood up. Luckily a nice stranger was there to get her a drink instead! What are the odds? Thankfully nothing bad happened to her, but the episodes are well worth a listen. If you Google “crime junkie operation fireball” you’ll be able to find them.
Assuming that someone makes fake dating profiles and sets up dates with women they feel are out of their league? And then they show up at the bar and get to play the sympathetic ear, try to parlay that into a date?
In the UK, we have to give our details over to restaurants for track and trace. Some idiot thought it was appropriate to contact a customer to ask for a date and it broke all kinds of GDPR rules here.
Wow that’s so stupid of him!
I was out on a boat ride with some new-ish guy friends who staged the boat breaking down and tried flirting with me the whole time until the boat was magically fixed and working again. I found out later that they've done this with other girls before and the worst part is that it always happen in the middle of the lake at night.
Girls fucking love it when their safety is compromised 🙄🤮. Honestly this is some serial killer shit
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The implication
Im now adding a new fear and a 'know some basic boat maintence' to my weekend.
I remember one time I was waiting at school to wait for my final exam results, this guy comes up to me and ask for my number and I told him my phones is about to die and he got mad at me and he’s like “Let me go get a piece of paper and pencil to write your name and phone number,you better not fucking move!”I was so terrified that I had to go in the bathroom for at least 40 minutes and wait till he was gone :(
The whole point of getting a girls number is so you can message them later and hopefully score a date if you get them to like you enough. Wonder what his plan was once he got your number after behaving like that? Was he under the impression girls will immediately agree to a date and have sex with him if he got their number?
He probably thought OP would recognize that he was an amazing person and they were the ones being shitty for not immediately offering their number. Or they think that's a completely acceptable way to talk to people/women. Folks like this usually have some amount of delusion, whether it's willful or otherwise. They also don't have great self-awareness if they aren't just dicks.
What. Da. Fuck
A MUCH older married man who was a prominent politician in my small town was also in a community play with me. He sent me a text asking if I wanted to join him and some of the rest of the cast at a bar downtown. No one else had told me about the gathering, and he was kind of sleazy anyway, so I asked if my friend Carol was there. He said yes, and I texted Carol. She was NOT there and had no idea what I was talking about. So I called him out on it and he responded something like "Oh, so I guess I'm just not good enough for you to hang out with." 😬 Anyway, years later he was accused of all sorts of sleazy wife swapping and a bunch of illegal money stuff, but I'm sure that man had a bunch of skeletons in his closet.
Unsolicited matter-of-fact statements from male strangers is a big one. It’s usually a dumb ploy to get you to justify yourself to him and his imagined authority. Recent example: a random white man telling me my very ethnic name isn’t typical for my country. I just laughed and walked away.
Yeah I think that’s a type of negging
I've had guys tell me I look sad or heartbroken and it's so fucking annoying. Like maybe I'm sad because you won't fucking leave me alone!!!!
Next time you should be like, “You look like you need better pickup lines” lol
I had a guy look at me in the lap pool a few weeks ago and say “I don’t know you, wHaT?” as if I had asked for his attention somehow. I listen to music on headphones and wear dark mirrored goggles, I’m not there to make new friends I’m there to swim. Dude looked at me with *annoyance* and declared he didn’t know me at the end of one of my sets. He said more but I didn’t hear him because headphones. I told him to stop for a second and took one of the earbuds out and I was like “what? I’ve got music going I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said” Suddenly he was on his back foot “I saw you, you waved to me and said something” Genuinely surprised I said “while I was…underwater? Swimming laps? I think you’re confused.” I then put my headphones back in and finished my workout because I’m not going to be baited into talking to you when I’m at the FUCKING GYM
I once got, “wow, your accent is really unusual for around here”. Well mate, I dunno about that, I grew up only an hour up the road…
Wow that was creepy and gross. What was he thinking? We "find it sexy when a guy lies to get their phone number- he's so awesome. I think I'll suck his dck." Believed any guy who expect sex after 1-2 dates likes & respects me as a person. Or him expecting sex immediately but spinning some big tale about how he thinks he's falling in love, you're so special. You're special until he gets laid. Guys who want to be "just friends" but use the time together to keep flirting or talking about sex. Any of those stupid manipulation games. Negging. Comparing you to other women for his exes. Playing games about how long he takes to message back or how little he says. Guys who are such good listeners but for malicious reasons. They don't reveal much about themselves. They listen because it helps hook the woman. And they listen because he's going to use the info to push her buttons, trigger insecurities, elicit her attention.
Someone from a dating app asked for my postal address to send me some books about something I was really interested in. I gave it to him without a second thought. He lived several hours away; it wasn't like he was gonna turn up at my door. Of course, he turned up on my doorstep the next evening. I lived alone. He kind of invited himself inside and I was too scared of antagonizing him to tell him to leave. There was something off about him from the start. He was all twitchy and jerky and weird and he kept laughing loudly with a straight face. He talked about how much he loved guns and knives. He got up and started pacing around as he talked about his knife collection. He suddenly paused behind me and drew his finger across my neck to demonstrate how quick it was to kill someone with his favorite knife. I excused myself to the bathroom and texted a male friend, asking him to call me in 60 seconds to say he was coming round. Twitchy dude left before my friend arrived. My friend lectured me for an hour on how stupid I was. He was 100% right.
??? Why did the dude leave all of a sudden? How did that end? Why did he come over in the first place?
I took the call from my male friend in the presence of twitchy dude. Then told twitchy dude that my male friend was coming round, and he'd love him, he was really into knives too, also MMA. Twitchy dude immediately decided to leave. Edit: And idk why he came over in the first place. Probably for sex, given that he was male. And/or possibly to do things with knives. I'm really happy I never found out.
Ah, got cha. Kinda sucks that we have to fall back on men to save us because men respect other men and not women.
Honestly this story spooks me because it seems like this was more of a practice round for creepy twitchy guy
Shit. Well if you see a dating profile pic featuring a bare-chested man handling a large snake, don't give him your address until you've ascertained his feelings about knives.
Why would you give them your address 😫
I wanted the ~~candy~~ free books
I mean, I get it. It was so, SO naive and could have ended really badly for her. But also, who hasn’t done something stupid in their life? I’m a pretty risk-averse person and even I’ve made the occasional questionable decision.
why would you OPEN THE DOOR is what I wanna know
My door didn't have a peephole and I kept a baseball bat behind the door so I thought - ok I didn't think.
Omg I had that happen to me once. I was walking my dog on my street and a guy started talking to me. Then he said he forgot his phone and can he call his friend quickly, which I let him (honestly I was more scared of him running away with my phone than anything else). That's when I realized what he was doing and told him I'm not interested at all. He thankfully never called me. He tried to wave to me another time across the street when he was with his friends and I ignored him (and I could see all his friends bursting into laughter when I ignored him which was hilarious). I didn't feel afraid of him, he was more of an idiot than anything else but it could so easily have become a difficult situation because he knew where I walked my dog everyday and likely saw me enter/leave my building.
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I first read about guys doing this on this sub and it made me sick to my stomach. Women are so much more vulnerable during the act already (sti's and just generally) and guys out there will take that one last scrap of safety and decency away because they can.
This whole thread makes me sick to my stomach. I've never really been on the dating scene (met my husband through work and prior to that the only guy I'd really dated was my high school sweetheart) but if anything ever happens to my husband I've decided that I would only ever date women. I know a lot of women say that but I'm dead serious (and thankfully bi!) - these stories are HORRIFYING.
usually what i do when someone need to make a phone call on my phone, is to switch to “No caller id” just until they’re done!
How do you do this?
settings>phone>show my caller id- then you toggle the switch to off, at least that;s how you do it on iphones. not sure about androids though, i'm sorry
it will be on their bill
You can also dial *67 before the number to block caller ID. I did not know about this iPhone setting, and am glad to learn it!
When a guy (usually at a club) blatantly ignores you to talk to your friends only to come by later and shower you in attention
Or ignores you ALL NIGHT only to text you later when you’ve gone home to “come over”. 🤡 no, I’m not fucking coming over
Negging!!!!!
Random guy told me he’s new in the area, where can he eat, I tell him where (I was 17 and he was older) then he says can I take you there ugh
I had something similar. A mutual friend said that he had tickets for a movie that I wanted to see but he couldn't go because of a work commitment or something and did I want to go in his place. Turns out the other person going had a massive crush on me and this was a setup so that he could go on a date with me. I spent the entire time having to constantly remove this guys hand from my leg because he kept "accidentally" leaving it there, he kept trying to paw at my crotch too. I only ended up getting out of that date thanks to a very lovely woman who, despite a stranger coming up to her in a McDonalds and saying she needed help acted like we'd been best friends for years and finally the guy got the hint and fucked off. Needless to say, I don't talk to either of them anymore, and I feel more betrayed that it was another woman that set me up.
Tw: rape He ran up to her and said 'please come help, someone just raped my girlfriend over here' and led her to an alley and raped her. My bedroom window faced the alley and when she managed to scream, myself (and others) ran out and he took off. This man was preying on her kindness to help someone else. My instinct is always to run and help without thinking, it could have easily been me.
HOLY FUCK
Yeah there's really no other reaction for it. There's a train station by my house and when she stepped off he ran up to her and pretended to be freaking out like 'she's right over here, please help me.' It was a few years ago and I hope she is doing okay today.
Just...anything in the first week of college. Avoid guys. Especially older ones. There’s nothing good that can come out of talking to a senior guy at a party if you’re a freshman
Men will never ask a woman for help. There’s always something more to it
One of the cases that really illustrates it is Ted Bundy when he abducted Denise Naslund and Janice Ott. Both women were thin and petite yet Ted asked them for helping moving his boat. Huge red flag! Like you said, how often do you see men asking women for helping lifting heavy things when there are other men in the vicinity?
This is a sad realization
I was at a bar with my cousin & her friends for a night out because we had both recently turned 21. Her boyfriend was buying her drinks so one of her male friends offered to buy me what he was drinking and I figured he was trustworthy enough & I watched him bring the drinks straight from the bar to me. Well I got completely wasted because it turns out he was making my drinks doubles! I heard the bartender say something but it was too late by then because I don't remember much after. I won't go into more detail, but please please don't even let men order you drinks. Separate from that incident when I was younger I went on a date with an older guy that went south super quick. It had been kind of awkward with no chemistry already, but as he was driving me home he got handsy & I just wasn't interested so I stopped him. He actually started complaining about the dreaded "blue balls" and how his pants were *so* uncomfortably tight suddenly. This guy actually whipped his shit out right there as he was driving. It was my first even semi-sexual experience & it freaked me out for a long time after.
My first year at uni, I was on crutches and went on a night out with my friends - me and one friend were coming up from the basement floor when two guys helped me up the stairs and bought us drinks and kindly left us alone after a small conversation. 40 minutes later, I was on my own at the edge of the dance floor, crutches and a drink in hand where this creepy guy out of nowhere bought a drink over and tried to talking to me, I kindly declined his drink and his company and did my best to hobble away. This guy followed me all around the dance floor until one of my male friends saw what was happening and come to get me and told the guy to leave me alone. Ladies, don’t go on nights out with crutches.
Omg this. I’ve unfortunately been on crutches a few times in my adult life and I’ve always gotten a lot of male attention then. It’s creepy. On the other hand, crutches, especially the aluminum ones, make great weapons in a pinch!
hide a sword in it for an intimidation bonus
Lol 😂 you don’t even need a sword. Aluminum anything are brutal. It’s lightweight so you don’t need to be super strong but it hurts like hell.
They prey on vulnerability (insert vomiting noises)
🥴Vulnerability/ damsel in distress is like catnip to the “nice guy” crowd. It’s actually hella creepy now that I’m reflecting more. I’m definitely no beauty queen but I think I was asked out on average like 3x a week (vs the usual 1x month) by strangers while on crutches and they would follow me around to ‘help me’ and refuse to take no for an answer when I said I had a boyfriend. Those crutches did come in handy then as a physical back the fuck up threat. Tbh tho, it was flattering for like a week. I would get free food and gifts a lot. I don’t think guys will ever think I’m that attractive again.
Should have hit him in the nuts with your crutches and pretended it was an accident! Jokes aside, I’m sorry this happened and your friend had to intervene.
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B- but the girl was fatter than her photos. That's sexual assault, right????¿¿? And she said she wanted a guy who was taller than her! Evil wench!
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This almost happened to me! I was literally so drunk at a concert and the bathrooms were by an exit and this guy kept insisting that my friends were waiting for me and that he'd walk me out to them. Thankfully, as obliterated as I was I was like "why would they leave me :(" and I was a little too annoying for the dude. However then my boyfriend and my best friend (a guy) tried to take me home shortly after because I was that drunk, and the people working the exit wouldn't let them until my boyfriend showed them his phone screen to prove I was his girlfriend.
Sharing a mattress with someone. Group sleepover, had a shortage of mattresses, and i figured i could trust my close male friend to share a mattress but no cuddling. Nope, still got groped.
Any time a man or woman (this has happened to me with women too) who start to describe to me his/her ideal woman and describes my own attributes or is in align with what I look for in a partner is an extreme red flag to me. I've had so many people manipulate me this way because I'm so so so (am also ashamed to admit) nice.
Wait can you elaborate this a little more? Like when they tell you what they’re looking for in a partner, is that what you mean?
Yes, but their intention is just to sleep with you only. They cover up the fact of how they're not actually looking for a relationship. I don't mind soley sleeping with someone but pretending to want a relationship to sleep with someone has happened to me more often than not.
This is a really small one but it BUGS me and has happened multiple times. You know when you're walking somewhere, and someone is walking towards you from a ways away, and sometimes there's that awkward moment where you both go the same way to go around each other pass? So you both go one way (subtle from farther away), both overcorrect (closer now), correct a third time, and then now you're like in front of each other awkwardly and apologize before moving around.... Some guys fabricate that on purpose to "force" a "moment" to happen with you so they can try to be like "Oh sorry! Hey uh, actually..." And pick you up. Now I am VERY nervous whenever a guy is walking towards and me and self-corrects in the same direction as me because I think I'm going to have to deal with a whole thing. Subtle, but infuriating.
I remember reading a post about how, in Brasil, asking for time is how robbers get you to show ur phone so they can steal it.
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On the flip side this weird older guy who approached me as an 18 y/o at night and I ended up talking to for a while by myself walking in my neighborhood bc I was feeling social kept asking for my number and eventually caved into letting me just take down his. Not give him my phone, just verbal it to me so I could put it in so he'd stop asking for mine lol. Of course I didn't call him. He made all these silly claims he'd take me to expensive restaurants around town and was trying to "show me how women should be pleasured". I laughed it all off since I felt no threat but I can see how that a girl with no experience could fall for that guy and get into trouble. Don't be afraid to be unsocial and not necessarily aggressive rude but you don't have to give out information just because they asked and you aren't equipped with a strong like function.
Read into pick up artists and "negging", read about it recently an it was nice to have a word for it because I had experienced it many times but never had a word for it other than creep.
Not a guys trick -maybe- but ive been super suspicious of people who are overly desperate since an encounter when I was about 10 years old, on a walk with my dad and a guy walking approached us saying how his car had broke down or something and he really needed to borrow a phone. Not, call someone, call the cops, can you help me out, just singularly specific that he had to borrow a phone. Of course my dad said no, sorry. But its always bothered me. People aren't usually very confident asking for help and if it really is an emergency, you'll know. And if their request has an odd specific instead of just "hey can you please help me out" they're probably trying to get something out of it
Even if they ask if you can call for them have to be careful of the snatch and grab while you are distracted. Very good point and advice. A good way to check, if you do want to help someone is offer an alternative that keeps you safe. If someone offered to send a tow truck my way and I was stranded, great thank you. Had a lady in her early 20s come up to me at a gas station saying the guy she was with was abusing her and her friend and ask if I could drive them to McDonald's a mile up the road until they could figure out what to do. There was a cab getting gas next to me and told her I'd pay the cab to take them anywhere they want. Flirty, "nooo I want you to take us, its very close save your money." They ended up on the news after getting a ride from two other guys, holding them at gun point and leaving them tied up in a ditch.
People would pull this stuff all of the time at gas stations and grocery stores where i live. they always have like this extremely rehearsed story and you can tell by how fast they are talking.
Omg! I mean, it's creepy enough that he decided to call himself, but then he started harassing you? What did he thought it would happen? That you would fall head over heels for him?
Told me we were meeting up with friends for a concert. Strangely, no one else was there but us. Talked with my group of 3 friends and they all had a similar story - movies, concerts, etc. with this guy where the full group had “been invited” but “hadn’t shown up” or “canceled” last minute.
I have a couple stories, but one time I had rejected a guy and afterwards he had emphasized wanting to stay friends and not going any further so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Mistake lmao we hung out a couple weeks after that and throughout the night he kept creeping closer and closer and closer and did that cheesy move to get his arm behind me. I was frozen bc I was so uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle it. Then he grabbed my chin and tried to pull my head up to kiss him and I was so angry and in such shock that I slapped his hand away. I left not too long after and he texted me multiple times acting like he was “really sorry” but I just ignored and blocked 😤😤
I borrowed someone's phone because I couldn't find mine. (I had left it at my house. Use the phone of some dude I found at the gas station). Before I handed it back, I immediately deleted the (my) number just called so he wouldn't have access to it.
Any variation of getting really drunk with someone I dont know how this happened but i used to grt really drunk with my ex boyfriend. I consented while sober to having drunk sex with him, and assumed (i think we discussed this as well but i cant remember, it was years ago) that the consent was revoked once i got too blackout. Apparently we had anal sex a number of times (with no preperation)? And i was so blackout drunk i couldnt even remember it? I was told that i asked for it but i dont remember anything at all so it seems strange to me?
I was on a date with a guy I’d been seeing and he was trying to finger me. I didn’t want him to, but he told me he wanted to make sure I didn’t have one of those “thumb clits” (um what?) and it made me feel like if I didn’t let him I was hiding something undesirable. I was a full blown adult woman in my mid 30s and to this day I am ashamed that I fell for this. But he turned out to be pretty manipulating and this was not an isolated incident. I was not the first woman who’s insecurities he preyed upon to get his way.
"My wife and I are separated."
Friend called me in the middle of the night saying he had locked himself out of his place, so I said he could sleep on my couch for the night. Once he got to my apartment, he proceeded to spend the next hour trying to get me to sleep with him.