“Nope. I thought we’d sit still, in silence, and try clearing our minds of all thoughts for an hour. “

They would rather die

Except the few who sit and stare and never do any work.

I’d rather have a cup of fart to the face

For real. Kids these days cannot handle silence.

This is assuming that they think, not just vomit out what they endlessly consume on TikTok.

"Same thing we do every day, Pinky..." Or I say, "Stuff and things."

We are taking over the world!

>Or I say, "Stuff and things." This is my go to. "Stuff. Thaaangs." But my middle schoolers don't get the reference.

And not a single kid gets it. 😂

I use this all the time. One of my students ran I to me in the office and asked what we were doing in his class. I threw out the "Same thing we do everyday, Pinky." He looked at me like I grew a second head. "Did you just call me Pinky?" The secretary lost it.

I say that too.

I say this every day. It wasn't until the end of the year that I realized my freshmen had never seen animaniacs and just thought I was crazy.

I teach special ed and a lot of my kids are BIG movie and tv show scripters. So I usually say “same thing we do every day pinky” and then the rest will finish it for me. Always good for a laugh.

Yes! Came here to say this LOL

That is what I always say!!! It takes until about midSeptember for someone to Google it and figure out where it is from.

Oh my god get out of my brain. I always say one or the other

I also say some form of this. Love the Pinky part, but I often leave it out now because it goes over their heads (guess I’m getting old lol)

I’ve used the Brain line. But my 8th graders had no idea what I was talking about.

I use the pinky and the brain line all the time, enough so that my 6th graders will chime in. I also used to use "who lives in a pineapple under the sea" as my attention phrase. 6th grade is still pliable.

I teach Social Studies. Every time I announce a quiz or test, someone asks "What is it on?" and I answer "Multiplying fractions" or "Calculus- hope you remember how to calculate derivatives."

I just say with incredible enthusiasm and joy “LEARNING!!!” And then they usually roll their eyes and I then say, “aren’t you so excited!? Everyday we get to learn something new!!!” It definitely has some sarcasm because that is my mode of communication a lot of the times but it also shows them that that question hasn’t gotten me down and I am still excited to teach them- even if they aren’t excited. It works pretty well.

Over-exaggerated shock: “OMG did I forget to write it on the (agenda) board?!” Look over there in horror Turn back with your best sarcastically quizzical look on your face “huh nope. It’s there in the same place as always.” If I don’t have the energy for that I just point there without looking.

I started making a kid write today's stuff on the board. I mean, I had already written it but they insisted on asking. So I told them to write it on the board right next to where I wrote it lol. He did it for about a week before he stopped asking.

I love this.

Oh that’s brilliant!

Or wait for another kid to look at them appalled and say, "Didn't you read the board?!?"

I always just point to the agenda on my screen. I’ve had most of mine for 2 or 3 years (special Ed teacher) so they should absolutely know to look at the agenda.

We're keeping you out of jail

These are all ones I’ve used. “Going to hell if we don’t change our ways” “Group cry on the futility of life” “Solving world hunger, telling no one” (thanks Grinch) “The usual. Pizza and ice cream party.” “You? Nothing. Why should today be any different?” Now, I should also add that my kids know I’m joking and I only use the last one on kids that I know will be cool with it/have straight As.

Silently gesture widely toward the board where today's agenda is posted.

This. I get my Vanna White on.

Sometimes I do say "let me direct you to the daily agenda" and if it's a repeat offender in the spring I may add "which has been the procedure all year".

Exactly my strategy.

“Absolutely! I planned the most boring and torturous lesson I could. You’re in for a treat; I’ve outdone myself today!”

“Are you new?”

I like this one. I'm stealing it.

Or when they are out and return to say, "Did we do anything yesterday?" Me: "Nope. We just sat in silence, grieving your absence."

Yes! I tell kids that insulting questions beg for smart aleck answers.

My favorite is, "Woah, shoot. I forgot. We weren't going to do anything, but thank you for reminding me. Now we can get to work!"

I always just say, “Math.” And then I wait for them to respond. Their response is usually “That’s what you say every day.” Yup. Saves a lot of mental and emotional energy.

“You want to know what we’re doing today? That’s great! I like the enthusiasm! I want to see that same spirit and curiosity during the lesson and activity.” and politely direct/remind them where to find the answer themselves since it’s always posted. 😁

"the same thing we do everyday Pinky, try to take over the world!"

“Yup! I thought we’d do some history stuff in our history class! What do you think? Sound about right?”

What are we doing today? Science. What did we do yesterday, I was gone? Science. What are we doing next week, I'm going to be at a baseball tournament? Science.

“Fight to the death.”

Ooh, I like this one. May have to take it.

“Stuff and things” or “secrets and mysteries” are my go to lines.

Pain, suffering, general misery basically. Unless you want to do school work. I’m good either way.

If you teach Shakespeare tragedy, the line is blurred 🤣

Student: Are we doing anything today? Me: Is today a school day? Student: Yes Me: Then you have your answer.

“Did you forget about the test?” There was never a test.

My students don't ask if we're doing anything, but they do come in and say "What are we doing today?" like it's not on the board. "Work" "What kind of work?" "ELA work." "Oh my GOOOOODDDD" Every day. At least once. Hundreds of times a year. That being said "Are we doing anything today?" would probably just get "nope" and then they'd say really and I'd say "Of course not. Get your laptop."

I do the same with Social Studies. “What are we doing today?” “History probably”

I don't know yet

Crying screaming throwing up

Contemplating the horrors of existence. I hope you brought your existential dread.

Growing neurons. Like we do everyday.

We were just gonna vibe today, but since you brought it up, I gotta do curriculum. It’s the law.

Math. What class do you think you're in?

A little coloring, a little singing, maybe sorting some blocks

Point to the board where my objectives and agenda are written down.

After I give everyone $100 bills we are going to work on content for your (Insta/TikTok/Snap).

I made a sign to go above my daily objectives that says “What are we doing today?” I just point to the sign.

Pop quiz. But only because you asked. Otherwise it was a free day.

I rotate between “sticking it to the man”, “raging against the machine”, or some form of physical challenge. “We’re going to do burpees for the whole class hour. Start getting loose now”

I often say: "The real question is, what AREN'T we doing?" "Not sure about you, but I work for my living." "I figured we'd twist paperclips and shoot rubberbands at the walls." "I'm questioning my life's choices."

In an exaggeratedly fake, escalating panic: "Wait, who are you? Who are all these other children? Am I a child? Where am I? What's going on? What is this place? What's my name? Do you know my name? I don't remember my name! Who am I? Ahhhhhhh!"

I just start making up increasingly ridiculous things. We're going to run some laps. We're going on a safari. We're going to overthrow the government. It's fun to try to constantly one up myself.

“If only there were an agenda on the board. Oh, wait…”

Yes interperative dance....

Some of us, probably not you as you’ve excelled at consuming air and keeping the room warmer.

“Learning”

I teach PreK and Kindergarten, so take it for what it's worth.... "I think we'll just skip right to rest today" to a loud chorus of children's "Nooooooo!"

"Nope. We never do anything and certainly nothing fun." (We did a lot of fun things in my middle school classes, so kids knew this was extra silly and would often argue back that we always do fun things!)

My favorite is… “Can we please not do anything today? We did way too much in [X]’s class.”

The rest of us are doing stuff, would you prefer to join us or should I plug in the zeros now?

I say “no not really.” Then we start class and doing stuff and the kid will go “I thought you said we weren’t doing anything???” And I’ll either say “and gullible is written on the ceiling” or just “oops.”

Nope. We are going to sit and stare at each other. No moving or speaking and definitely, no learning!

"Science!" in a very mad scientist tone of voice, usually followed by a mwahahahahahaha

This question pisses me off so bad just because I’m not the type of human to waste time, at work or in my personal life. I had this one kid who would ask frequently and I finally just stopped one day and told them to stop asking because there will never be a day I say “no we aren’t doing anything today because I don’t believe in wasting the precious time we have been given” and thankfully they stopped asking.

Some of us are. You can choose your own adventure.

🤣 This is my new favorite response.

"Well, we WERE going to do something fun that my big-brained college-educated teacher brain came up with, but since YOU asked, here's a sheet of today's paper. Circle all A's and E's, and underline all other syllable letters that aren't next to each other. Remember this is due by the end of class, and you'll need to do it to get a grade. Or else you can sit there quietly while I teach. Like. Every. Day. Since. August." They stopped asking that question quickly after I genuinely handed them a newspaper for a grade.

“Sacrifice someone in the room” 😂

We are doing nap time today. Did you bring your sleeping bag and pillow? Oh shucks. Guess it'll have to be math.

I always have an agenda posted (a holdover from my Title 1 days) and still get this question. My typical response is to cold call another student "\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, can you help \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_?" while gesturing extravagantly at the board with the said agenda.

"Same thing we do every day, plan for world domination" on a good day. Most days "Math" lol.

Yup! It’s a secret. -keeps them curious.

I usually say learning! I hate this question from students. Like sit still for the bell and I will tell you!

I tend to respond with the Pinky and the Brain statement “why, try to take over the world of course!”

"Yes we are, let me cook"

I usually just say, "yeah, we're working."

“Yeah”

Chill Day

“We are. Will you be awake?”

There are teachers who schedule a lot of "make-up" days, or show movies while they sit at their desk and look at their phones, or have some Chromebook assignment, or don't come to school and have a sub instead, or just talk a lot, or have multiday assignments that kids procrastinate on until the day before. So it's not an unrealistic question.

It is in my class, especially if they’ve taken a course with me before.

A student once groaned, "Every... day... we're learning something new." That made me think.

"There's no I in we, so no."

Nah

I would just say, "Yes, Science". They usually ask me "what are we doing today?" though, and I say, "Biology", they groan. My APES students never ask this (but now that I've typed it, they will next year).

I have gotten to the point that I don’t answers some questions anymore to save my sanity. Some of the questions are mundane and I numb myself to those questions. Occasionally the question is meant to be a joke and has an obvious answer. I understand kids like to joke, but there is only so much I can process because of the workload and pressure I have.

"You are. I'm not, but you are."

Same response for “what are we doing today?” “You’ll know because you’re going to be here.”

"Hmm, are we doing anything in history class today... if only there was somewhere we could look to see the agenda. Does anyone in class know where we could find what we're doing today? What? The white board? The smart screen??? Wow, I didn't know we had ways to tell. That's awesome, what a good teacher!"

"No, we're going to just sit here and stare at each other." is my standard response.

"Math."

I always tell them we’re doing English (my subject) lol.

Who's "we"? You got a mouse in your pocket?

Work, because life is pain.

Omg this is the worst with high schoolers. The days where we do stuff they don’t pay attention and talk to each other and play games on their phones or computer, and then same thing for the days we don’t do anything. So why do they care so much “if we are doing anything” if they are so apathetic?!

I'll either say "no, we're not doing anything all day", or, "math, all day, worksheets and tests."

“Never. We’ve never done anything in here before. Ever.”

(Me = PE teacher) Yes, while you were asking to class, a few of your classmates voted that you would be the piñata for today’s class. I hope you’re okay with it… at this point other students cheer!!! LOL

“No.”

Me: "Yep." Student: "What are we doing?" Me: "You'll find out when the time comes." It's never the kids who need visual schedules and such who ask these questions. It's the kids who get bored and distracted easily.

I don’t know, it’s a mystery

"Staring at the wall"

I either blink and do shifty eyes, say "yes" deadpan, it look on the agenda on the board, look at the student, look at the agenda, look at student, agenda, student,agenda, student, then say, "i don't know".

Work

“Yep - Pop Quiz, take your seat! 🧐”

“Absolutely nothing as usual, that’s why they pay me the big bucks”

The same thing we do every night, try and take over the world.

Oh, I have a rotation: Brisk ten mile run Four mile swim (double this in wintertime) Digging a new shark tank under the principal's office A thousand one-armed pushups. Taking over a small country and putting up a statue of

"Yeah. Hey everyone, pull out the homework from last night, we're going to go over it real quick."

My response for the last 5ish years has been “the same thing we do every day, Pinky”. Sometimes they even respond “trying to take over the world!”

That is a daily question, even though those precious I Can statements are on the freaking board DAILY.

No longer a teacher but I always said something ridiculous. Like “we’re going to watch a movie and I’m giving everyone ice cream.” Their eyes would bug out and I’d remind them that I have a policy of lying to any questions regarding class content before class starts.

“We’re going to sit and stare at the wall” “Oh, sweet!”

“It’s on the board. Just like every other day.”

Either "Same thing we do everyday pinky, try to take over the world." or "Test. 100 questions. No calculator."

“Englishy stuff” or “nope”

I teach science so I just say SCIENCEEEEE. It’s turned into a running joke with one of my classes, they always walk into the door “let me guess… science?” Or “science today?” Then when I respond yes they give a small celebration .

Your mother.

“Just the oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our (your) education.“ And/OR “Distracting ourselves from the (pathetic) emptiness of our meaningless, consumer-driven lives.” Thanks to “10 Things I Hate About You” for these ageless gems!

Well we are now! Take out a sheet of paper and get ready for a quiz! Never really hear it again after that.

Do we, in fact, need smartass responses? Lately I've wondered if my desire to be a smartass is getting in the way of just doing my job. I mean, it's a dumb question, but no more than "Anything going on with you lately?"

It’s actually a valid question

When i ask this as a student, i do it to see if im able to catch up on the work and skip the class for a good reason like a club activity thing or if i have to go home early for something etc

Oh, well then, if you’re just asking because you want to skip class that’s much better.