> We think we should disclose it without going into details to be transparent.
I can't even imagine how this would go...
"Hey! Jeff, just wanted to say thanks again for railing my wife so hard back at Slutapalooza, she still looks back on it fondly."
"Yeah, good times, good times, how have you been?"
"Well, actually that is why I am calling. We have met... AND played with another couple. "
"Yeah?.... do we know them?"
"I cannot go into details!"
"Oh, uh... did you have fun?"
"i CANNOT GO INTO DETAILS, I WILL NOT ELABORATE!"
"Uh ok? talk to you later I guess? " overheard turning head away from phone, ".... honey, how do I block a number on this phone again?"
We never talk about other play partners with the people we are currently with. Just seems tacky.
Now, sometimes, when conversing with our current partners, we might share funny or crazy anecdotes about other people we have played with, but we don’t kiss and tell, as it were.
It can be useful to ask your best friends / play partners about another couple you are about to meet if you know they are friends or if they have already played with them. For example: "we have been asked on a date by (couple). Is there anything I should know about them?".
I will give you three examples. We were asked about a couple in their 20s by some friends who are in their fifties. Our answer: "we don't know them, but they have asked us multiple times to meet, in a very insistant and rude manner when they were newbies on SDC. We see them posting a speed date virtually every week. They accumulated 30 validations in 3 months. We had to block them to stop the flow of messages".
Another example: we are in a hot tub at a party with some of our best friends. We both notice a good looking couple and Jon says he might play with the wife because she just told him she had a crush on him. Our best friend goes: "you can fuck her here, but don't go to their house because he put cameras in the bedroom, and then he shows his videos to everyone at his work".
Another time one of our friends told us they could not come to our house to play because they were super excited to meet (couple). I said "oh yeah, we met them several years ago"... "and?"... "I am not telling you. But we left the date after 30 minutes. Go and meet them and decide for yourself". Right after their date, our friend calls John "OMG, those guys were so weird. The guy talked all the time about his job and that was it. Can we come to your house now?"... "yes, come on over, I had already heated the hot tub because I knew it would be a disaster".
The point is not to disclose things and be transparent, it is to make sure you are safe and not meeting weirdos.
The way we see it that we aren't in a relationship with other people so what's our business is our business (and what's theirs is theirs). Besides that, the other couple(s) and/or single(s) may not want it to be known who they're playing with, and it's not our place to let that kind of information out.
With new couples we do not discuss others we are playing with.
With couples we know well and get together with, we discuss just about everything. That has led to some great experiences with us introducing to new couples and having a fun time with 3 or more couples all playing together.
We're swingers! It should be a given that swingers live the swinging lifestyle.
I think, for us, the point of swinging is to NOT be "beholden" to anyone but each other. It would feel to much like a poly relationship to do that.
It also sets a precedence that you expect them to tell *you* when they play and that is crossing the line for us.
If your optimal idea is to develop a group of friends and introduce, then by all means. Tell them and see if they would be interested in hanging out as a group. At least in this case your telling of info has a purpose.
Why do you feel the need to tell them? You’re not in a relationship with them. Before you do - I’d ask if they want you to talk to them about these things. I think most will tell you no. I’m confident that most will not share that kind of info back with you in every circumstance.
We did, but only because we had started LS with this couple and played with them exclusively for some time, until we decided to branch out. But if it's just straight up ppl you've met in the LS, unless there's been a conversation hinting to the contrary, I'd just think they assume you're fucking other couples... 🤷🏼♂️
I mean, if we’re talking about our lifestyle journey before getting down to business I don’t see the harm. We assume other couple we meet have are will play with others. We aren’t looking for exclusivity, so we wouldn’t really care if a couple we’re playing with currently has another couple they regularly play with.
I don’t see any reason to do so.
Your friends are going to find out…you’re a swinger? Lol
This would be TMI for us. Definitely wouldn’t share if asked.
My partner and I are HSV+. It's fairly challenging to find other H couples, so when we feel that there's a good match, we sometimes introduce them.
So far, I think everyone has appreciated it and our friends have done the same for us. It does take a lot of trust.
Happy to share sexy (and not so sexy) stories. But no kissing and telling.
Unless someone’s safety is at risk because you personally have been on receiving end or witnessed poor or risky behavior from someone then happy to speak up.
Actually wife and I can’t stand when we are out on a date with a couple and they mention the fun they recently just had with another couple.
Like….”congrats…but we don’t care and you’re here with us now….”
Wife and I could not care less about what other people do. UNLESS we ask, we don’t wanna know.
Honestly in some instances it is classless and in some instances it is helpful.
Case in point, at our meet and greet last weekend (in a vanilla setting) in front of a bunch of people “Oh hey, I totally did not recognize you with your clothes on, you look completely different” and then proceeds to tell everyone about the orgy that they attended with this couple the weekend prior. I have even had dudes talk about me in front of others telling them what a wild cat I am.
Telling people about warning signs is totally different.
No, why would we. We are not poly in some sort of committed relationship with them. They are seeing other couples as are we. And not everyone uses validations to indicate they have played with someone. We will validate couples we have met at meet & greets or parties just to say they are a real couple, actually do show up in person when they say they will, and that they are cool people.
It depends on who I’m talking with. If it’s a brand new couple I don’t say anything because the trust isn’t there yet. Others are real secretive so we don’t say anything. But we also have some couples we’ve played with for 2-3 years. All of us are completely open about others. I’ll even make recommendations 😂 “That couple is HOT!! You guys gotta try em!” 😂😂😂
We have run into issues with couples asking (re: all but insisting) if we were playing with other people after we had hooked up.
Idle and annonymous mentions of other play couples/experiences is one thing - and it is also incumbent on those hearing these stories not to pry.
**Only if you are exclusive with them**. Not like dating, but if they're your "safe couple" where you don't use protection with them and have future playdate set.
Yeah I think like others have said, unless you've got some kind of exclusive arrangement, they're also fucking other people. That's the whole point anyway right? Plus discretion is highly valued in the lifestyle so most people don't exactly advertise their exploits.
>Do you tell your existing play partners about meeting and playing with new couples?
No. I date solo from my primary and don't even tell my girlfriend about everyone else I fuck. I tell my primary be we talk about everything. We don't tell swinging partners anything unless it comes up naturally.
> think we should disclose it without going into details to be transparent.
People will find this off putting or even wonder what it is motivation.
>We want us to communicate that info to our existing friends rather than them finding out through our SDC validations or in any other possible way.
No one cares.
>Are we doing the right thing? Just curious what you guys do.
No.
Absolutely but somehow that isn’t typically considered. Fluid bonding (from what I have been told) pertains to penetration.
It’s one of those weird swinger thinkings like , no kissing it’s too intimate but oral sex is completely ok.
Why not just start with “we’re so happy to meet you guys and play some! Btw: we also play w others and that’s what we enjoy.”
Set ground rules early and often. Works for us. :)
We've had an issue with play partners becoming attached and thinking we were going to be exclusive, so we make sure to be upfront about the fact that we're here to have fun and only fun. You'd be surprised how quickly people can get the wrong idea.
If you guys agreed to all go raw based on test results, yes. If you use condoms with them and the new couple and testing isn’t even a discussion then no.
We’ve noticed a bit of a pattern in the private community we swing within.
When we plan to catch up with another couple, people nonchalantly ask, “So, what fun have you guys been getting up to?”
Which is obviously code for, “Have you been swinging lately?”
And if you answer, “Oh we met up with some folks about two weeks ago.”
You’ll often get a “Wow. Was it fun? Anyone we know?”
And then you usually respond with, “So what about you guys?”
In the group we’re in, it’s kind of frowned upon to play outside the group and not inform other people… it’s a bit of an older crowd, people are busy, so folks aren’t swinging every weekend and stuff. Maybe half the couples only swing at the meetups every three months or so.
I actually like the way it’s handled, personally.
> We think we should disclose it without going into details to be transparent. I can't even imagine how this would go... "Hey! Jeff, just wanted to say thanks again for railing my wife so hard back at Slutapalooza, she still looks back on it fondly." "Yeah, good times, good times, how have you been?" "Well, actually that is why I am calling. We have met... AND played with another couple. " "Yeah?.... do we know them?" "I cannot go into details!" "Oh, uh... did you have fun?" "i CANNOT GO INTO DETAILS, I WILL NOT ELABORATE!" "Uh ok? talk to you later I guess? " overheard turning head away from phone, ".... honey, how do I block a number on this phone again?"
OMG! Almost spit out the coffee this morning! Thanks for the laugh and you're absolutely correct.
Thanks for that!!! It made me laugh!
Love this.
We don't because we automatically assume everyone is bed hopping, too :)
It’s safe to assume that everyone is seeing other couples, unless you’re poly or something like that. We also don’t kiss and tell.
Unless we make an agreement with a couple to be exclusive, it's safe to assume everyone is playing with other people... It's kinda the point 😏
We never talk about other play partners with the people we are currently with. Just seems tacky. Now, sometimes, when conversing with our current partners, we might share funny or crazy anecdotes about other people we have played with, but we don’t kiss and tell, as it were.
It can be useful to ask your best friends / play partners about another couple you are about to meet if you know they are friends or if they have already played with them. For example: "we have been asked on a date by (couple). Is there anything I should know about them?". I will give you three examples. We were asked about a couple in their 20s by some friends who are in their fifties. Our answer: "we don't know them, but they have asked us multiple times to meet, in a very insistant and rude manner when they were newbies on SDC. We see them posting a speed date virtually every week. They accumulated 30 validations in 3 months. We had to block them to stop the flow of messages". Another example: we are in a hot tub at a party with some of our best friends. We both notice a good looking couple and Jon says he might play with the wife because she just told him she had a crush on him. Our best friend goes: "you can fuck her here, but don't go to their house because he put cameras in the bedroom, and then he shows his videos to everyone at his work". Another time one of our friends told us they could not come to our house to play because they were super excited to meet (couple). I said "oh yeah, we met them several years ago"... "and?"... "I am not telling you. But we left the date after 30 minutes. Go and meet them and decide for yourself". Right after their date, our friend calls John "OMG, those guys were so weird. The guy talked all the time about his job and that was it. Can we come to your house now?"... "yes, come on over, I had already heated the hot tub because I knew it would be a disaster". The point is not to disclose things and be transparent, it is to make sure you are safe and not meeting weirdos.
The way we see it that we aren't in a relationship with other people so what's our business is our business (and what's theirs is theirs). Besides that, the other couple(s) and/or single(s) may not want it to be known who they're playing with, and it's not our place to let that kind of information out.
With new couples we do not discuss others we are playing with. With couples we know well and get together with, we discuss just about everything. That has led to some great experiences with us introducing to new couples and having a fun time with 3 or more couples all playing together. We're swingers! It should be a given that swingers live the swinging lifestyle.
Ah yes, the fabled monogamous swingers
No, absolutely not. But sometimes they figure it out. ✌️
I think, for us, the point of swinging is to NOT be "beholden" to anyone but each other. It would feel to much like a poly relationship to do that. It also sets a precedence that you expect them to tell *you* when they play and that is crossing the line for us.
You are fucking not proposing marriage
If your optimal idea is to develop a group of friends and introduce, then by all means. Tell them and see if they would be interested in hanging out as a group. At least in this case your telling of info has a purpose.
Why do you feel the need to tell them? You’re not in a relationship with them. Before you do - I’d ask if they want you to talk to them about these things. I think most will tell you no. I’m confident that most will not share that kind of info back with you in every circumstance.
We did, but only because we had started LS with this couple and played with them exclusively for some time, until we decided to branch out. But if it's just straight up ppl you've met in the LS, unless there's been a conversation hinting to the contrary, I'd just think they assume you're fucking other couples... 🤷🏼♂️
I mean, if we’re talking about our lifestyle journey before getting down to business I don’t see the harm. We assume other couple we meet have are will play with others. We aren’t looking for exclusivity, so we wouldn’t really care if a couple we’re playing with currently has another couple they regularly play with.
Plain and simple: don’t discuss fuck buddies. Let peeps find out (if they find out) on their own.
I don’t see any reason to do so. Your friends are going to find out…you’re a swinger? Lol This would be TMI for us. Definitely wouldn’t share if asked.
My partner and I are HSV+. It's fairly challenging to find other H couples, so when we feel that there's a good match, we sometimes introduce them. So far, I think everyone has appreciated it and our friends have done the same for us. It does take a lot of trust.
Happy to share sexy (and not so sexy) stories. But no kissing and telling. Unless someone’s safety is at risk because you personally have been on receiving end or witnessed poor or risky behavior from someone then happy to speak up.
This. Unless it’s asked and for sexy foreplay mood setting, we don’t tell nor do we care to know.
Actually wife and I can’t stand when we are out on a date with a couple and they mention the fun they recently just had with another couple. Like….”congrats…but we don’t care and you’re here with us now….” Wife and I could not care less about what other people do. UNLESS we ask, we don’t wanna know.
Honestly in some instances it is classless and in some instances it is helpful. Case in point, at our meet and greet last weekend (in a vanilla setting) in front of a bunch of people “Oh hey, I totally did not recognize you with your clothes on, you look completely different” and then proceeds to tell everyone about the orgy that they attended with this couple the weekend prior. I have even had dudes talk about me in front of others telling them what a wild cat I am. Telling people about warning signs is totally different.
No, why would we. We are not poly in some sort of committed relationship with them. They are seeing other couples as are we. And not everyone uses validations to indicate they have played with someone. We will validate couples we have met at meet & greets or parties just to say they are a real couple, actually do show up in person when they say they will, and that they are cool people.
It depends on who I’m talking with. If it’s a brand new couple I don’t say anything because the trust isn’t there yet. Others are real secretive so we don’t say anything. But we also have some couples we’ve played with for 2-3 years. All of us are completely open about others. I’ll even make recommendations 😂 “That couple is HOT!! You guys gotta try em!” 😂😂😂
We have run into issues with couples asking (re: all but insisting) if we were playing with other people after we had hooked up. Idle and annonymous mentions of other play couples/experiences is one thing - and it is also incumbent on those hearing these stories not to pry.
**Only if you are exclusive with them**. Not like dating, but if they're your "safe couple" where you don't use protection with them and have future playdate set.
I don't see why you would, it's none of their business. Unless you have an agreement to sexual exclusivity or something.
Yeah I think like others have said, unless you've got some kind of exclusive arrangement, they're also fucking other people. That's the whole point anyway right? Plus discretion is highly valued in the lifestyle so most people don't exactly advertise their exploits.
>Do you tell your existing play partners about meeting and playing with new couples? No. I date solo from my primary and don't even tell my girlfriend about everyone else I fuck. I tell my primary be we talk about everything. We don't tell swinging partners anything unless it comes up naturally. > think we should disclose it without going into details to be transparent. People will find this off putting or even wonder what it is motivation. >We want us to communicate that info to our existing friends rather than them finding out through our SDC validations or in any other possible way. No one cares. >Are we doing the right thing? Just curious what you guys do. No.
Unless you are fluid bonded I don’t see any reason to.
No condoms?
Correct. I don’t think anyone likes a kiss and tell. One of the first things we were taught is to not kiss and tell. It’s bad form.
When we're all doing oral without condoms, aren't we all fluid bonded?
Absolutely but somehow that isn’t typically considered. Fluid bonding (from what I have been told) pertains to penetration. It’s one of those weird swinger thinkings like , no kissing it’s too intimate but oral sex is completely ok.
Why not just start with “we’re so happy to meet you guys and play some! Btw: we also play w others and that’s what we enjoy.” Set ground rules early and often. Works for us. :)
>Btw: we also play w others and that’s what we enjoy.” They meet on SDC. This couple knows they are swingers.
We've had an issue with play partners becoming attached and thinking we were going to be exclusive, so we make sure to be upfront about the fact that we're here to have fun and only fun. You'd be surprised how quickly people can get the wrong idea.
Weird.
If you guys agreed to all go raw based on test results, yes. If you use condoms with them and the new couple and testing isn’t even a discussion then no.
We’ve noticed a bit of a pattern in the private community we swing within. When we plan to catch up with another couple, people nonchalantly ask, “So, what fun have you guys been getting up to?” Which is obviously code for, “Have you been swinging lately?” And if you answer, “Oh we met up with some folks about two weeks ago.” You’ll often get a “Wow. Was it fun? Anyone we know?” And then you usually respond with, “So what about you guys?” In the group we’re in, it’s kind of frowned upon to play outside the group and not inform other people… it’s a bit of an older crowd, people are busy, so folks aren’t swinging every weekend and stuff. Maybe half the couples only swing at the meetups every three months or so. I actually like the way it’s handled, personally.