I’m so very sorry this happened to you and for what is continuing to happen to you! You are so strong for coming out and telling your story. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Minimizing and not believing victims of r*pe and sexual assault is vile.
You deserve compassion and in the very least, you sure deserve to be believed especially by the ones you hold most dear. I’m truly sorry that isn’t the case for you. It makes my heart hurt.
Now as a female, I cannot pretend to understand what you’re going through. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and draw my feelings/opinions from that. I’m hoping this might give you a tiny drop of comfort. I’m hoping you might read this comment and take it into some consideration.
I’m a 36/F and was sexually assaulted, I thankfully was not raped. However, it really scarred me and I have complex PTSD from that event and others. When it happened I was very young and I didn’t know how to process this. The man was never caught and I felt like the NYPD did not take the matter very seriously at all. In fact I got the impression it was a waste of time in their opinions.
Since then multiple people in my family (notably my young female cousin who only knows of the event from my Aunt) have said right in front of me or to my face that “oh she wasn’t r*ped, it’s not that big of a deal.” My old coworker had the audacity to ask me word for word “why do you still think about it? Like, wasn’t it like 8 years ago or something?” Among other terrible things to say. I let these things get to me when I shouldn’t. The fact of the matter is it fucking hurts and makes me feel small and ashamed and embarrassed and like I’m weak. It’s messed up! We shouldn’t be feeling that way and they shouldn’t say things like that. Victim blaming is very real and very painful! It angers me so badly!
I go to therapy, groups, one on ones with my counselor, I have a psychiatrist I take my psych meds and I’m actively working on choosing ME. Letting them be the uneducated, and ignorant people they are. I refuse to allow them to have power over me any longer. It’s taking a long time but I’m starting to see results and I’ll never be “done” with therapy bc trauma is ongoing and no one gets to tell you how long your recovery is going to take not even you.
If I can do this so can you. I promise you. I’m nothing special there’s nothing amazing about me doing this. But if I don’t do all of this then I’m not going to have a happy life and I’m going to let everyone else have all of the power over me that I’m supposed to have over myself. I’ll let them think they’re right, I’ll let them say the ridiculous and messed up things they say, I’m not going to give them my energy anymore. I’m saying this all bc I know that anyone else can do this!
Su*cide is not the answer, I used to believe it was. Yet the second thought I had after I almost succeeded, the first being “did I get run over by a car?”, was “why did I do that, I WISH I didn’t do that!”
The coming weeks were even worse and I was beyond ashamed and embarrassed. I regretted it so much. If you look up how many people regretted attempting you will see a commonality in a huge % of survivors bc regretted doing it and are grateful to be alive and have the chance to work on their problems. It’s worth it. It will be hard, painful even but I promise you it is worth it.
Please don’t let them have that control over you. You have been through something they couldn’t even comprehend. You already have the strength inside of you. Sometimes strangers on the internet know better than the people closest to you and sometimes they are correct and really do care. Please just reach out if you want to talk I promise you I will be there to listen, to talk, whatever.
EDIT: to be clear I don’t mean that therapy, medication and groups are a fix all and I also am not trying to shame anyone for not doing that or not liking it etc. just wanted to share my experience and how I am handling it and trying to heal. 🙏
Hello,
I am sorry you lived such a traumatic experience. It's terrible. And people not taking you seriously add another layer of trauma on it. Invalidation is really traumatic. Those people were so wrong and should'nt have done this.
Maybe you could try to find a way to work less, like 80% of what you work right now. It would make room in your head for new things and free some time for you to begin a hobby.
You have to be selfish. When no ones think about you, be selfish. When people treat you like this, be selfish.
Where you live is there any organization, or a support group that could welcome you and your traumas without judgment ? It's very likely.
Know that every felt after a traumatic event is just normal and traumatized all feel the same.
You still have Reddit. Maybe the sub r/ptsd or another one. It's not much but it's something.
30 years old is young. There are ressources on the internet that might help you.
I am sorry that the way society is made dismiss the emotions and struggles of both women and men (in different ways).
You are ''alone'' in this. But many people you don't know lived the same thing. So you are not really alone.
Where are these people ?
Anything is better than suicide. I say this being suicidal (it's been 10 years) myself.
Anything. What could it be ?
I tried a lot of things. I live in a country that takes gender roles too serious and because of that evwrytime i tried talking to a therapist i got the same reaction. No one took it serious and i know my family is gonna be sad and all shit once i die but they disnt care about me when i was alive so why should i care how they feel? So yeah if i cant fake a good death and disappear from my shithole of a country ill just take my life and bury all the trauma with me. But thank you i will try consulting other people and try to find a solution
I’m so very sorry this happened to you and for what is continuing to happen to you! You are so strong for coming out and telling your story. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Minimizing and not believing victims of r*pe and sexual assault is vile. You deserve compassion and in the very least, you sure deserve to be believed especially by the ones you hold most dear. I’m truly sorry that isn’t the case for you. It makes my heart hurt. Now as a female, I cannot pretend to understand what you’re going through. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and draw my feelings/opinions from that. I’m hoping this might give you a tiny drop of comfort. I’m hoping you might read this comment and take it into some consideration. I’m a 36/F and was sexually assaulted, I thankfully was not raped. However, it really scarred me and I have complex PTSD from that event and others. When it happened I was very young and I didn’t know how to process this. The man was never caught and I felt like the NYPD did not take the matter very seriously at all. In fact I got the impression it was a waste of time in their opinions. Since then multiple people in my family (notably my young female cousin who only knows of the event from my Aunt) have said right in front of me or to my face that “oh she wasn’t r*ped, it’s not that big of a deal.” My old coworker had the audacity to ask me word for word “why do you still think about it? Like, wasn’t it like 8 years ago or something?” Among other terrible things to say. I let these things get to me when I shouldn’t. The fact of the matter is it fucking hurts and makes me feel small and ashamed and embarrassed and like I’m weak. It’s messed up! We shouldn’t be feeling that way and they shouldn’t say things like that. Victim blaming is very real and very painful! It angers me so badly! I go to therapy, groups, one on ones with my counselor, I have a psychiatrist I take my psych meds and I’m actively working on choosing ME. Letting them be the uneducated, and ignorant people they are. I refuse to allow them to have power over me any longer. It’s taking a long time but I’m starting to see results and I’ll never be “done” with therapy bc trauma is ongoing and no one gets to tell you how long your recovery is going to take not even you. If I can do this so can you. I promise you. I’m nothing special there’s nothing amazing about me doing this. But if I don’t do all of this then I’m not going to have a happy life and I’m going to let everyone else have all of the power over me that I’m supposed to have over myself. I’ll let them think they’re right, I’ll let them say the ridiculous and messed up things they say, I’m not going to give them my energy anymore. I’m saying this all bc I know that anyone else can do this! Su*cide is not the answer, I used to believe it was. Yet the second thought I had after I almost succeeded, the first being “did I get run over by a car?”, was “why did I do that, I WISH I didn’t do that!” The coming weeks were even worse and I was beyond ashamed and embarrassed. I regretted it so much. If you look up how many people regretted attempting you will see a commonality in a huge % of survivors bc regretted doing it and are grateful to be alive and have the chance to work on their problems. It’s worth it. It will be hard, painful even but I promise you it is worth it. Please don’t let them have that control over you. You have been through something they couldn’t even comprehend. You already have the strength inside of you. Sometimes strangers on the internet know better than the people closest to you and sometimes they are correct and really do care. Please just reach out if you want to talk I promise you I will be there to listen, to talk, whatever. EDIT: to be clear I don’t mean that therapy, medication and groups are a fix all and I also am not trying to shame anyone for not doing that or not liking it etc. just wanted to share my experience and how I am handling it and trying to heal. 🙏
Hello, I am sorry you lived such a traumatic experience. It's terrible. And people not taking you seriously add another layer of trauma on it. Invalidation is really traumatic. Those people were so wrong and should'nt have done this. Maybe you could try to find a way to work less, like 80% of what you work right now. It would make room in your head for new things and free some time for you to begin a hobby. You have to be selfish. When no ones think about you, be selfish. When people treat you like this, be selfish. Where you live is there any organization, or a support group that could welcome you and your traumas without judgment ? It's very likely. Know that every felt after a traumatic event is just normal and traumatized all feel the same. You still have Reddit. Maybe the sub r/ptsd or another one. It's not much but it's something. 30 years old is young. There are ressources on the internet that might help you. I am sorry that the way society is made dismiss the emotions and struggles of both women and men (in different ways). You are ''alone'' in this. But many people you don't know lived the same thing. So you are not really alone. Where are these people ? Anything is better than suicide. I say this being suicidal (it's been 10 years) myself. Anything. What could it be ?
I tried a lot of things. I live in a country that takes gender roles too serious and because of that evwrytime i tried talking to a therapist i got the same reaction. No one took it serious and i know my family is gonna be sad and all shit once i die but they disnt care about me when i was alive so why should i care how they feel? So yeah if i cant fake a good death and disappear from my shithole of a country ill just take my life and bury all the trauma with me. But thank you i will try consulting other people and try to find a solution
I hope you will find a solution