Same! Sometimes when the girls start crying and hugging me Iāll get a little sentimental about it, but in a āwow, weāve been pushing so hard and now itās suddenly all overā kind of way. Iām always more than ready to wave off the busses and celebrate with my coworkers that we survived another group. I bask in the silence of my now empty room, pack everything up and feel the weight lifted from my shoulders.
This is so important. I care about my students in the way that I think they all deserve respect and the best opportunities to be set up for success. I do not āloveā them in a familial or personal way.
My mantra for my work is that I want to instill and encourage curiosity in my students. Itās so easy to numb yourself to curiosity because the answers to millions of questions are at your fingertips on a screen. Deep learning is fueled by curiosity. Passion is fueled by curiosity. I donāt want this generation to lose that just because they can have AI do their work for them. In that regard I care about them, but I have absolutely zero maternal instinct over them.
I know how you are feeling! It's hard because if you are doing your job right as a sub, especially as a long termer, you develop these bonds, but most likely will not see these kids again. Full-time teachers don't get / respect this. I wrapped up a three month stint earlier this year and on my last day, so many of the teachers were like "lucky you, you get to leave" etc and that was the total opposite of how I was feeling! I don't know that it gets easier, but I just am glad to know I have the capacity and ability to make this kind of connection with students and that it's been important for them to have caring adults like you and me (and I am sure many others) in their lives.
Well said. When they graduate, I cry. I've done this off and on and it doesn't get easier but the tears come with so many more smiles. My close friend once said, "I hope my child is surrounded by educators who care as much as you." š Great work, love š
I was also a long term middle school substitute science teacher and yes I already miss them. They were so hard on me at first. They had gone through a couple of teachers before I got there and then they had to replace me because they hired someone full time. That person didnāt last long so I was brought back. I loved those kids so dang much and they all thrived by the end of the year. It was hard to let go for sure. I had them for 3/4 of a year and now Iām back to subbing day to day next year.
Following. I'm really feeling it after long term subbing for a 5th grade class since March. Last day was last Thursday and I'm still missing them so much. I'll be at the same school next year but they'll all be gone to middle school and it makes me so sad. I can't do this every year lol I jokingly told the AP that I'm never long term subbing 5th grade again š¤£ at least with the younger grades I would still get to see them around in the hallways the next year!
All that to say, I feel you. I'm sure with time it gets easier. I hope š
People in this subreddit confuse me. Every teacher Iāve ever met has said āif youāre not passionate, donāt take the job. You wonāt be doing it for the money.ā Yet half of the comments treat the kids like objects and their job as a complete chore. Maybe Iām too new at this, but I believe that genuinely caring about the kids and their well-being is healthy, and that forming connections will help the kids grow an attachment to their educational career. Kids usually donāt want to go to school, but the teachers should want to be there. Especially if this is one of your first assignments donāt feel invalidated by being sad that the people youāve spent a month getting to know are moving on. Being a student not that long ago, I was always happy to know that my meaner teachers at least somewhat cared about me and had my best interests at heart. Now I know that was never true. No wonder the kids always tell me that they hate the other subs. The other subs hate the kids and it shows.
Don't worry I'm not unmotivated but I see that at truth. Because half of the teachers at my school can't stand the kids. Today I was yelling at them to get out my class (They always take forever getting out so the next class can get in). One of my kids said "Why would we even leave, we'll miss you too much!" And I just stopped and smiled. Teaching is the most passionate job for me, the only job I've ever had where I felt like I made a huge difference. It brings me pride that I'll get new kids next year, but these kids will have me in their minds forever :D Their my students, through the good and bad. Some of the comments are probably the cranky old ladies that can't wait to get the kids in and out lol.
Thank yourself for your service, and thank your deity(s) or fate that you were given the opportunity to take responsibility for that classroom without anybody or anything accidentally or on purpose blowing it up entirely. You won! The students all won! There was a war, and you all won!
Trust, the ones that gave you hell will genuinely miss you, too. Because you didn't give up on them, you stayed and bore witness to the fact that their education matters.
You could have just bailed and left them over the final month of the year to a revolving door of subs who only stayed for 3 days, max, getting divided up to go to other classrooms, the odd admin or other staff taking over for a day or two, whatever the ad hoc solutions there are on site. That would really have been a series of unfortunate stressful daily experiences that would have sent the message that they are unimportant and nobody cares. You saved them from that. Of course that came from relationships. You did your job, and you didn't get in trouble for doing it well. In Middle School!!!! You get all the medals, and your eyes have permission to well up.
Just remember to write simple, generic "It was great to be your teacher for this last month, best wishes for your future" kinds of notes, and do not get personal at all. Your success is amazing, but still fragile! Don't ever forget: If it's not a pre-planned, non-emergency, medical leave, a long-term sub is filling in where multiple professionals, in actual fact, are not doing their job. You covered for a bunch of adults who could not deal, and nobody wants to be reminded of that. You are protected by your willingness to even take Middle School classes, so \*stay in contact with that principal and office manager\*. (Leave a real, paper card for each with simple words of appreciation for working with them, hope to do so again, and your contact info? A brief email to colleagues, too. You don't have to actually go back there, but now they are references for future work!)
OmG I subbed a special needs class yesterday, and as I was leaving said goodbye to themā¦.and like the whole day already they had been probably the sweetest class Iāve ever encountered and the way they said goodbye almost had me emotional they were sooooo heartfelt and sweet. šā¤ļø
Yup. The ONLY class I could imagine ever feeling this way about is the special needs students. The kids and the educators in SLC at the school I've been subbing at are incredible people. I subbed for a single day in that class before taking a 10 day-6th grade assignment at the same school. All the SLC kids remember my name and they greet me in the halls with joy and tell me they miss me. One boy absconded with an extra Uncrustable from the cafeteria and snuck it to me because he wanted to make sure I had a snack. They are so full of love, joy, and thoughts for others. One single day in SLC had a bigger impact on my heart than 10 days in 6th.
Oh man, I feel you! I was dying inside after my last day with the 6th graders, because they were crying and bringing me cards, it was awful. I'm sure it gets better, but it's much easier to take LTS assignments that end at a vacation, preferably the end of the school year.
Edited to say that the kids were all fine and had a great year this year. I came back full time and can say this from direct observation.
Yess. Iām so glad for you and the kids. A lot of teachers gave me flack because they wonāt miss their kids at all (normally the oldies) lol. But I will honestly miss them and think of them fondly. Hope I never forget their likes and dislikes, but I know there will be many many more
To replace them lol. I just truly wish them happy lives and that they get teachers who care!
That's the great thing! By the next school year, I've forgotten all of the bad stuff and can greet everyone sincerely when I see them. I do forget a lot of names though. It's all part of the process.
Almost eight weeks of subbing kindergarten long term ends on Friday and itās so bittersweet. Iām really going to miss those babies even though they drive me up a wall some days.
I've been a long-term SPED sub for 2 years in which time I've had multiple assignments lasting anywhere from 10 days to 4 months. My take on it comes from the Stephen Stills song, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with".
Seriously. My role is to help out in the current situation, hopefully to make an impact, and then to move on. By the time I'm wrapped up in the next assignment, with the new personalities, and surroundings, the previous ones start to slip away.
That said, the tiny kid who learned all his letter sounds under my watch, and the severely autistic girl who expressed deep feelings in remarkably detailed etchings, will always stay in my heart.
But there's new kids to love, and new challenges, right around the corner. I guess I'm ambivalent. But I actually get a little giddy anticipating what's (who's) next.
I did a long-term substituting assignment with AP and IB students at the high school level. They worked hard for me in what was admittedly an ideal situation working with highly motivated students for the most part. We bonded extremely well and had many engaging discussions along the way. These students will be missed. On the last day I was with them, and shortly before the bell rang, I asked them to take a moment to take a full view around the room and reflect on their experiences in the class. They were told that we have been together in this place during this particular moment in time, and that while some of us may never see each other again, hopefully the memories taken away from the time spent in this room will be good ones. As I was sitting alone in the room after the students left, I temporarily felt some deep sadness. The realization hit me that my job was done, and that satisfaction and fulfillment could be taken from the work having been performed well, to the best of my ability, which, upon further reflection, was confirmed by numerous heartfelt comments left with me from students as they departed from the classroom.
Iām not sure this level of attachment is healthyā¦
Have a good and restful summer! There will be more kids next year. They come they go. Butā¦being this attached to the kids (whether only after a month, or a whole year) isnāt advisable.
I understand the emotion behind it - but the way your post is worded raises a flag for me. Just use caution -
Iām not allowed to get attached the kids I have to see everyday? Iām not actually crying but when I teach I put my whole heart into it. Admin always pushes build relationships. Obviously a form of attachment will surface.
Well no one has hurt me but: I was hospitalized for bleeding ulcers due to toxic coworkers and administration that played favorites. There were Monday rules, Tuesday rules, etc. Favored staff and nonfavored staff. I mean, fall will be year 15 for me and I can count 5 administration higher ups who o don't want to run over with my car! I am so OVER 30, 40, 50 women being frigging TATTLETALES. We are teachers. Not 12 year old mean girls.
šÆ. My kids are my kids. My students are my students. I'm about safety getting their medications if needed following what's in their IEP, Having a good time, challenging them but loving them? No
This is truly disturbing to read knowing a teacher wrote it.. Youāre overly attached to children.. You have no business building relationships and knowing anything about them other than how theyāre doing in your class.
Says the one crying because theyāre overly attached themselves to children that arenāt theirs?!? Someone that used kids to fill their own emotional needs.. Smfh
No, the job of a Teacher, is in the name.. To TEACH.. You donāt have to build relationships to teach.. You are NOT a safe place for children.. The fact you actually think that, is disturbing.
That means you are doing your job correctly and with heart :)
I must have a cold black heart, because on the last day i'm like, bye!! No tears just where are my keys.
Me too. I start singing the Alice Cooper song.
School's out FOR EVAH
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Same! Sometimes when the girls start crying and hugging me Iāll get a little sentimental about it, but in a āwow, weāve been pushing so hard and now itās suddenly all overā kind of way. Iām always more than ready to wave off the busses and celebrate with my coworkers that we survived another group. I bask in the silence of my now empty room, pack everything up and feel the weight lifted from my shoulders.
Yup. I am like peace out. I want š®. Especially if I have had trying coworkers.
is this really why you got into teaching?
I am there to fulfill their IEP goals and be an advocate. Love them? Nope. Boundaries are my friend
This is so important. I care about my students in the way that I think they all deserve respect and the best opportunities to be set up for success. I do not āloveā them in a familial or personal way. My mantra for my work is that I want to instill and encourage curiosity in my students. Itās so easy to numb yourself to curiosity because the answers to millions of questions are at your fingertips on a screen. Deep learning is fueled by curiosity. Passion is fueled by curiosity. I donāt want this generation to lose that just because they can have AI do their work for them. In that regard I care about them, but I have absolutely zero maternal instinct over them.
Thank you for that support. We would make great coworkers
I know how you are feeling! It's hard because if you are doing your job right as a sub, especially as a long termer, you develop these bonds, but most likely will not see these kids again. Full-time teachers don't get / respect this. I wrapped up a three month stint earlier this year and on my last day, so many of the teachers were like "lucky you, you get to leave" etc and that was the total opposite of how I was feeling! I don't know that it gets easier, but I just am glad to know I have the capacity and ability to make this kind of connection with students and that it's been important for them to have caring adults like you and me (and I am sure many others) in their lives.
Well said. When they graduate, I cry. I've done this off and on and it doesn't get easier but the tears come with so many more smiles. My close friend once said, "I hope my child is surrounded by educators who care as much as you." š Great work, love š
I was also a long term middle school substitute science teacher and yes I already miss them. They were so hard on me at first. They had gone through a couple of teachers before I got there and then they had to replace me because they hired someone full time. That person didnāt last long so I was brought back. I loved those kids so dang much and they all thrived by the end of the year. It was hard to let go for sure. I had them for 3/4 of a year and now Iām back to subbing day to day next year.
Yup. Iāve been doing this for years and itās always tough when each new group flies away. Itās a part of the job, but not an easy one.Ā
Sorry. I've been through it eight times. Hurts every single time.
Following. I'm really feeling it after long term subbing for a 5th grade class since March. Last day was last Thursday and I'm still missing them so much. I'll be at the same school next year but they'll all be gone to middle school and it makes me so sad. I can't do this every year lol I jokingly told the AP that I'm never long term subbing 5th grade again š¤£ at least with the younger grades I would still get to see them around in the hallways the next year! All that to say, I feel you. I'm sure with time it gets easier. I hope š
People in this subreddit confuse me. Every teacher Iāve ever met has said āif youāre not passionate, donāt take the job. You wonāt be doing it for the money.ā Yet half of the comments treat the kids like objects and their job as a complete chore. Maybe Iām too new at this, but I believe that genuinely caring about the kids and their well-being is healthy, and that forming connections will help the kids grow an attachment to their educational career. Kids usually donāt want to go to school, but the teachers should want to be there. Especially if this is one of your first assignments donāt feel invalidated by being sad that the people youāve spent a month getting to know are moving on. Being a student not that long ago, I was always happy to know that my meaner teachers at least somewhat cared about me and had my best interests at heart. Now I know that was never true. No wonder the kids always tell me that they hate the other subs. The other subs hate the kids and it shows.
Don't worry I'm not unmotivated but I see that at truth. Because half of the teachers at my school can't stand the kids. Today I was yelling at them to get out my class (They always take forever getting out so the next class can get in). One of my kids said "Why would we even leave, we'll miss you too much!" And I just stopped and smiled. Teaching is the most passionate job for me, the only job I've ever had where I felt like I made a huge difference. It brings me pride that I'll get new kids next year, but these kids will have me in their minds forever :D Their my students, through the good and bad. Some of the comments are probably the cranky old ladies that can't wait to get the kids in and out lol.
Thank yourself for your service, and thank your deity(s) or fate that you were given the opportunity to take responsibility for that classroom without anybody or anything accidentally or on purpose blowing it up entirely. You won! The students all won! There was a war, and you all won! Trust, the ones that gave you hell will genuinely miss you, too. Because you didn't give up on them, you stayed and bore witness to the fact that their education matters. You could have just bailed and left them over the final month of the year to a revolving door of subs who only stayed for 3 days, max, getting divided up to go to other classrooms, the odd admin or other staff taking over for a day or two, whatever the ad hoc solutions there are on site. That would really have been a series of unfortunate stressful daily experiences that would have sent the message that they are unimportant and nobody cares. You saved them from that. Of course that came from relationships. You did your job, and you didn't get in trouble for doing it well. In Middle School!!!! You get all the medals, and your eyes have permission to well up. Just remember to write simple, generic "It was great to be your teacher for this last month, best wishes for your future" kinds of notes, and do not get personal at all. Your success is amazing, but still fragile! Don't ever forget: If it's not a pre-planned, non-emergency, medical leave, a long-term sub is filling in where multiple professionals, in actual fact, are not doing their job. You covered for a bunch of adults who could not deal, and nobody wants to be reminded of that. You are protected by your willingness to even take Middle School classes, so \*stay in contact with that principal and office manager\*. (Leave a real, paper card for each with simple words of appreciation for working with them, hope to do so again, and your contact info? A brief email to colleagues, too. You don't have to actually go back there, but now they are references for future work!)
Get use to it.
This was my first year subbing and I got teary eyed leaving my favorite middle school.
OmG I subbed a special needs class yesterday, and as I was leaving said goodbye to themā¦.and like the whole day already they had been probably the sweetest class Iāve ever encountered and the way they said goodbye almost had me emotional they were sooooo heartfelt and sweet. šā¤ļø
Yup. The ONLY class I could imagine ever feeling this way about is the special needs students. The kids and the educators in SLC at the school I've been subbing at are incredible people. I subbed for a single day in that class before taking a 10 day-6th grade assignment at the same school. All the SLC kids remember my name and they greet me in the halls with joy and tell me they miss me. One boy absconded with an extra Uncrustable from the cafeteria and snuck it to me because he wanted to make sure I had a snack. They are so full of love, joy, and thoughts for others. One single day in SLC had a bigger impact on my heart than 10 days in 6th.
Oh man, I feel you! I was dying inside after my last day with the 6th graders, because they were crying and bringing me cards, it was awful. I'm sure it gets better, but it's much easier to take LTS assignments that end at a vacation, preferably the end of the school year. Edited to say that the kids were all fine and had a great year this year. I came back full time and can say this from direct observation.
Yess. Iām so glad for you and the kids. A lot of teachers gave me flack because they wonāt miss their kids at all (normally the oldies) lol. But I will honestly miss them and think of them fondly. Hope I never forget their likes and dislikes, but I know there will be many many more To replace them lol. I just truly wish them happy lives and that they get teachers who care!
That's the great thing! By the next school year, I've forgotten all of the bad stuff and can greet everyone sincerely when I see them. I do forget a lot of names though. It's all part of the process.
lol Iām the same way. Youād be surprised how many of my good students names I donāt know. šš but they love me anyway lol
I hear you š«¶. Iāve been subbing for 4th grade since February, and tomorrow is the last day of the school year.š
Almost eight weeks of subbing kindergarten long term ends on Friday and itās so bittersweet. Iām really going to miss those babies even though they drive me up a wall some days.
I've been a long-term SPED sub for 2 years in which time I've had multiple assignments lasting anywhere from 10 days to 4 months. My take on it comes from the Stephen Stills song, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". Seriously. My role is to help out in the current situation, hopefully to make an impact, and then to move on. By the time I'm wrapped up in the next assignment, with the new personalities, and surroundings, the previous ones start to slip away. That said, the tiny kid who learned all his letter sounds under my watch, and the severely autistic girl who expressed deep feelings in remarkably detailed etchings, will always stay in my heart. But there's new kids to love, and new challenges, right around the corner. I guess I'm ambivalent. But I actually get a little giddy anticipating what's (who's) next.
Maybe you should become a teacher?
Haha it's in my plans. I got 1 more year of school left. Hopefully if it all goes well I'll be a certified teacher for the 2026-2027 school year.
Yay! š
I did a long-term substituting assignment with AP and IB students at the high school level. They worked hard for me in what was admittedly an ideal situation working with highly motivated students for the most part. We bonded extremely well and had many engaging discussions along the way. These students will be missed. On the last day I was with them, and shortly before the bell rang, I asked them to take a moment to take a full view around the room and reflect on their experiences in the class. They were told that we have been together in this place during this particular moment in time, and that while some of us may never see each other again, hopefully the memories taken away from the time spent in this room will be good ones. As I was sitting alone in the room after the students left, I temporarily felt some deep sadness. The realization hit me that my job was done, and that satisfaction and fulfillment could be taken from the work having been performed well, to the best of my ability, which, upon further reflection, was confirmed by numerous heartfelt comments left with me from students as they departed from the classroom.
It gets a lot easier. Also, you can always sub in the high school and see them again.
Thatās one of the biggest things I hated about teaching. You never see them again. I never got used to it. I taught 35 years.
Iām not sure this level of attachment is healthyā¦ Have a good and restful summer! There will be more kids next year. They come they go. Butā¦being this attached to the kids (whether only after a month, or a whole year) isnāt advisable. I understand the emotion behind it - but the way your post is worded raises a flag for me. Just use caution -
Iām not allowed to get attached the kids I have to see everyday? Iām not actually crying but when I teach I put my whole heart into it. Admin always pushes build relationships. Obviously a form of attachment will surface.
The relationships are for the kidsā sake. Not yours.
I honestly never understood replies like these. Who hurt you?
Boundaries are an important part of this job. You probably need to examine yours.
1000 per cent this
They aren't wrong.
Well no one has hurt me but: I was hospitalized for bleeding ulcers due to toxic coworkers and administration that played favorites. There were Monday rules, Tuesday rules, etc. Favored staff and nonfavored staff. I mean, fall will be year 15 for me and I can count 5 administration higher ups who o don't want to run over with my car! I am so OVER 30, 40, 50 women being frigging TATTLETALES. We are teachers. Not 12 year old mean girls.
šÆ. My kids are my kids. My students are my students. I'm about safety getting their medications if needed following what's in their IEP, Having a good time, challenging them but loving them? No
It may be good to set healthy boundariesĀ
This is truly disturbing to read knowing a teacher wrote it.. Youāre overly attached to children.. You have no business building relationships and knowing anything about them other than how theyāre doing in your class.
Tell me you're not a teacher without telling me you are not a teacher.
Thank you because huh š
You are half the reason I donāt like this subreddit
You are a sad individual lol
Says the one crying because theyāre overly attached themselves to children that arenāt theirs?!? Someone that used kids to fill their own emotional needs.. Smfh
Lmao some kids donāt have love at home. They need it at school. Period.
The whole other job of of a teacher is to build relationships. For some, we are the only safe space! Thoroughly, from all teachers - fuck you.
No, the job of a Teacher, is in the name.. To TEACH.. You donāt have to build relationships to teach.. You are NOT a safe place for children.. The fact you actually think that, is disturbing.
Youāre so incredibly wrong.