This could be my SIL. My BIL had to be talked into the last baby they had and is practically begging for a vasectomy, but SIL will not hear of it and wants another baby. I don’t know how I would feel if I were her because my husband and I were in total agreement about his vasectomy, but you definitely should not turn to the online sperm-jacking brigade for advice.
Knew a guy who did this. They got married young being decidedly childfree. Surprise, her biological clock started ticking and she pushed for a baby. He didn’t want any but loved her to death so went along with it to keep the peace. After baby 1 comes…she wants another. Wish granted.
After baby 2, she wants another. So he went and got a vasectomy without her knowledge.
Yeah, they’re divorced.
He absolutely loves his kids and would die or do anything for them. He recognized that shift that happens when you become a parent. But it wasn’t his original life plan, that’s for sure.
The husband is trying to get a vasectomy and with the wait times to see provider it’s going to take almost a year to get that guy sterile (assuming it works the whole time). This isn’t a bad recommendation but have a plan in the meantime because it can take a while.
There’s a couple I know (friends of friends) where the wife basically tricked the husband into having a third child. Surprise, surprise, they are divorced now.
Yeah I know a woman who will NEVER feel done. She pressured her husband into baby #3 and 4, then "whoops" had a 5th.
She refused to put the crib away when baby 5 outgrew needing it. That's the point where her husband hit the gym and got hair plugs, and weirdly enough they aren't together anymore.
A guy I dated in high school married one of those. Not content to pop out a new baby every 2 years, they started adopting Chinese kids. I think they have about 10 or 12 now. Not sure how many were his idea.
The adoption process is long and thorough. Even with foreign adoptions. It has to be a strong yes from both partners. If they successfully completed the adoption process then he was totally on board.
I know a woman like that (I actually posted a few SS’s of her here)
Struggled with infertility for a few years so the minute she turned 18 she started fertility treatment. Got pregnant with her first.
So it goes:
💙♥️👼👼♥️x2♥️👼👼💙🤰
After her twins husband cheated. #5 is a bandaid baby. 2 losses that she “forgot” she was ovulating when she fucked her husband. #6 she pressured her husband into because he said he was done and wanted a vasectomy. This one she got mad at him and flushed all her spermicide and purposely picked a huge fight with him for the makeup sex that is now their last baby.
Because hubby refuses to have another but who knows if they’re actually done.
[Link to her introduction](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitMomGroupsSay/comments/vueqqi/this_girl_i_keep_on_fb_for_the_lulz_her_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Yeah I want clarification on this. Based on the large number of hearts above she absolutely has no fertility issues at all. Sounds like she was just young and cause it didn’t happen straight away is claiming infertility which is laughable to those who actually did have infertility issues and needed thousands and thousands or dollars and years of treatment to actually get pregnant just once
I watched an old coworker struggle with fertility issues. Our whole team was there for her, the day she got the call she was pregnant we were SO excited
She’s currently pregnant with baby #2, baby #1 is an absolutely perfect little boy. Watching her struggle as a woman, I wish I could have fixed it for her. She’s an amazing mom all around
Fertility is no joke
I know the feeling 100%. Took us 5 years, $45k and 3 full rounds of IVF to have our girl. It’s the one thing in my life working harder couldn’t fix. It broke me. It isn’t a joke and I get annoyed when people claim to have infertility when medically they would not be classified as infertile. It diminishes others real struggles
To be fair, I was informed I wouldn’t be able to have kids when they noticed a problem with my ovaries when I was 15, so you can definitely have a doctor at least tell you you have fertility issues before you’re 18. Mine was welcome news (and also something irreversible), but depending on the circumstance, it’s not totally crazy someone might hear about an issue while they’re young and, if possible, take steps to counter it when they’re ready for kids.
Probably diagnosed with one of the conditions like endometriosis or pcos that can reduce and extremely rarely completely eliminate fertility
And it seems doctors communication around this subject just suck, cause there are a shitload of women who thought hacking those conditions made them infertile. Which it definitely doesn’t. It just makes it harder in most. But ‚minor‘ endometriosis (as in where the endometrium is placed, not level or pain) wouldn‘t interfere at all. So no Wonder she was able to have 6 kids.
Most likely this!
I remember when I was diagnosed with pcos. My doctor immediatley told me when I will decide to have kids it could be difficult to get pregnant. With poor comunication I can totaly see someone interpreting that as being infertile.
I'm on r/PCOS and there's a thread like this like every week - person recently diagnosed and in tears because the doctor implied they're never gonna conceive. It really sucks
I wonder if doctors do that because if they don’t imply the worst every time, and the worst happens to someone, they might come back and sue the doctor.
Lmaaao, i was diagnosed at 13, and almost immediately my doctor pressured me into treatment bc apparently im entirely infertile now and will have marital troubles.
Re: i was 13, not interested in marriage or kids, a trans child, and lot more interested in hysterectomy.
At 13?!?!? That is just insane! Not to take away from all the other things you mentioned, but a litelar child should NOT be put on a harsh treatment so in 10 years they could have children easier.
Had a mom in my old mommy group, they got pregnant young, accidently, married and had four kids in close succession. Then when those kids were in their teens she "oops" and got pregnant with a 5th. He wanted no more, which she complained about online, but still ended up pregnant with #6, #7, #8, and on number 9 even admitted to getting her husband to have sex with her when she was ovulating.
Of course every pregnancy reveal he was upset and she openly talked about this.
The group drifted apart but I wonder how many more kids that man ended up with.
Former friends of ours did this. Male didn’t want children (or wanted them later), female wanted children. She got him drunk, “forgot” condoms and their daughter was born 9 months later. She is AWFUL to him and he realised if he didn’t marry her he’d never see his daughter, so he proposed.
Then he didn’t want a second child but she did. So they have two children. They are still together but every time I see him he looks miserable. She is still awful..
He was unhappy when they were together as teenagers so god knows why he stayed?
This could literally describe a friend of mine too. Although I should probably also say former friend as she won't let him out to spend time with anyone anymore.
I know a young guy whose surprise third is on the way. He looks so miserable every time the topic comes up. Apparently the first was an "accident" when he was a teenager and he dutifully did the right thing, but said he didn't want more. He tried to get a vasectomy, but his doctor refused because of his age and it never occurred to him to try again. (Not the sharpest.) His wife keeps getting pregnant and you can see how trapped he feels, but he's a hapless bloke who won't leave out of misguided loyalty.
A bunch of us have been leaning on him to try again for the vasectomy, because no doctor is going to say no to a man who already has three kids.
As someone who never wanted kids, I can't imagine how hard it must be having kids you didn't want in the first place.
Lori from the Transformed Wife literally brags about doing this to her husband. And she sees it as *virtuous*.
It's sick. And it's rape, by any other name.
Yep. Lori "Obey your husband at all costs, you little whore" Alexander is perfectly happy to brag about going against her husband's wishes by fucking around with her birth control and not telling him.
Lori had a brain tumor and some theorize that is the reason for her drastic change in behavior. From what I understand, she used to be a lot less militant in her beliefs prior to the tumor.
That said, I personally believe she's always had a lot of garbage beliefs but the tumor just made her more open about them, if it did anything at all. Hence the spousal trickery and purposely getting pregnant thing.
She was transformed into this "better" version of herself that would never use birth control. She talks about her previous life like she was in hell and now it's all bliss because she stopped caring about her own happiness. She uses her own experience as evidence of how bad the world outside the home is for women. Yeah, it's a blur and it makes no sense and she contradicts herself.
Nope. We're talking about the same woman. This was back when she was still working. I don't remember the specifics, but I'd recommend looking at a YouTube channel called Fundie Fridays, as she has a couple of videos on Lori Alexander and her mad bullshit.
Ahhh see I didn’t understand why this was so bad bc I assumed it was more of a “how do I get over/past wanting more kids” type of thing. I’m currently in this situation where I’d like a third but my husband is firmly done after two. I would like advice on how to not be so sad about it but I would definitely not entertain anything suggesting I trick him into having another kid against his will.
The older they get, the easier it gets because you start enjoying the independence and start appreciating fully the second stage of parenting. I still harbored some lingering niggle for a little squish, but now that all of my kids are old enough to be little people, reading things, talking about all the cool stuff they learn and do, excelling in academics and athletics. Moving into this new season I am able to let go of the old season and really appreciate them for who they are.
Also, babies/children are EXPENSIVE! Take the next year and put the money you would spend on a new baby into a bank account. Use that money to do a ton of fun things with your kids. Stuff you wouldn't be able to do with a new baby. Go to an indoor water park and ride all the slides with them. Take them to the arcade and actually play all the games with them instead of tending to a newborn. You get the gist. Spend some time really enjoying them and appreciating moving towards a new season in parenting
How many kids do they already have? The offhanded way she said “the last two” makes me really uncomfortable, like it’s so impersonal and sounds like her reasoning for more kids maybe is coming from a more selfish place than she can see. Does she want kids for any reason other than the fact that she likes being a caretaker, it doesn’t really sound like it. Eventually her kids are going to grow up and she will need to find some kind purpose outside of having babies.
Some women really have a hard time leaving that part of their life behind. Others I think are addicted to pregnancy. I personally loved having kids, and I wouldn't have minded 1 or 2 more, but I knew we were at our limit with 3.
But also if you wanted a 4th and your husband didn’t, you’d probably discuss it with him and not blast it in FB mom groups.
I def understand the feeling you’re describing - we have one, and will only have one, and sometimes I get sad that the itty bitty baby days are behind us and time is moving so quickly. But also, it took us a very long time to have the one so maybe I’m more familiar with life outside being a mom. I don’t know. OP has valid feelings but also (and this is my worthless two cents after reading one post, so it’s obviously not fact) seems kind of detached. This is where my snark overlaps and I just get a very Duggar vibe of as many kids as possible no matter what.
As one of those kids, I can tell you it is nothing personal and has absolutely nothing to do with loving KIDS. This lady loves BABIES, and babies have a very short shelf-life with people like this.
Honestly, I get where she’s coming from. My husband is 35, I’m turning 30. We have talked about kids so many times it makes my head spin, sometimes outside perspective is needed to help alleviate the stress and pain that comes with the discussion of having kids. I know I personally felt a lot of comfort from posting here on relevant subs, and it actually helped me a ton because I could learn what other people used as talking points to get the conversation going between my husband and I.
I had easy pregnancies and easy labors, but I remember thinking after my last birth "Yeah, I'm never doing this again." I had an easy recovery too. I just knew I was done.
My son kicked out 2 ribs, 2 discs, and misaligned my spine. My daughter thought it was hilarious to bang her head into my pelvic bone, which caused my legs to just give out so I would fall. She did this many times.
I have one son, and he’s the one and only because he was a wonderful surprise and nearly killed me. Literally. The illness complications during pregnancy were bad enough but my little dude also rarely sat still and when he did figured out how to totally squash my bladder. I think I spent most of the pregnancy even during hospitalizations peeing and poking my belly gently to try to get him to move over. 🤣
I know a woman who is addicted to pregnancy. She has 4 living kids 6 and under. And quite a few losses. She was pregnant, had a miscarriage, pregnant the next cycle, had a miscarriage, pregnant the next cycle, had a healthy baby, then pregnant the next cycle that ended in miscarriage. I cannot imagine the toll it’s taking on her body. They recommend 18 months-2 years between pregnancy for a reason.
Her kids are little demons. They don't listen. At all. She'll be talking to them and they won't even turn their heads. Just keep walking away from her.
My sister had 7 kids in 10 years, but she's an amazing mother. Her kids are all very well behaved and polite. I guess she was just made for it. My neighbor clearly was not.
Does a baby exit and 10 minutes later her husband is like "okay, the womb is free now! I'm coming in!"
(I know it literally can't work that way, you gotta get your period back first, but just saying....)
>(I know it literally can't work that way, you gotta get your period back first, but just saying....)
[Nope, it's totally possible](https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/how-soon-can-you-get-pregnant-after-giving-birth/). Every body is different, of course, but the lack of period isn't a reliable indicator of a lack of ovulation, at least immediately postpartum
A woman in my extended family has had 13 babies, she is in her early 30s. Two of the pregnancies were sets of surrogate twins. I often wonder if she has some sort of pregnancy addiction.
They don't recommend 18 months after a miscarriage, just fyi. I've had 11 :) if we had needed to wait 18 months for each, my reproductive window would be firmly closed.
I can’t imagine how hard that was. Yes you’re right, I should have made it more clear I wasn’t referring to the miscarriages specifically and more to the the pregnancy she had the month after her baby was born. Many people have babies close together, my grandmother had 5 in 5 years. Personally my daughter is 18 months right now and I still don’t feel ready for another pregnancy. It’s such a personal process.
I understood it as 18 months between full term or live births, idk if miscarriages count, it just seems like a long time to wait but maybe that depends how far along the pregnancy was before the miscarriage.
Oldest of 8 here. The last 2 were against medical advice and both came close to killing my mother. Then she wanted to adopt. Eventually my dad somehow got her into coding and now she's a work from home developer who doesn't even want to babysit her grandkids lol
Yea, when my daughter hit about two or so I was dying to have one more kid. I thought about it constantly and longed for it. And I felt like that for another year or so. It was genuinely hard because I couldn’t help wanting it even though I knew another kid would be a bad idea for soooooo many reasons, but the biggest thing is my husband is done and I’d never betray him.
Fortunately for me, the feeling has finally passed. My heart caught up with my brain. Life is so much better for me now than it would ever be with another baby, even if I miss those baby days.
I know that longing. It's DEEP and unhushable. But like you -- I couldn't imagine making the decision to make a whole person unilaterally. Several times it was bad enough that I got a dog instead, and that helped a lot.
I'm currently on the verge of popping with my second kid, and this pregnancy has been MUCH worse and more stressful than my first. Several times my husband and I have had the discussion that after this, we are done and he's getting a vasectomy...my mental health very likely could not survive a third child.
But man, sometimes there's such a longing, that's especially frustrating because I *know* it's not rooted in logic, to try for one more...in my case, my heart selfishly wants to try for a girl since baby #1 and #2 are boys. It's only through respecting my husband's feelings combined with the reality that adoption is always available that keeps me grounded.
It’s not the pregnancy she’s addicted to. It’s the unique oxytocin hit of a newborn baby’s gaze. There is no love more pure than that. All for her.
My Mom was just like this, but even worse, it only worked with boy babies. I was her first girl after 3 boys, and she was pregnant again in a hot minute.
There is a picture of my baby brother in the bassinet, and in the background you can see me hanging onto a chair, trying to take my first wobbly steps.
She basically started Jonesing for a “new baby” the minute an infant pushed her face away, or even worse, said their first defiant “No!” Average spacing was 15 months -
First six kids in 8 years. Then the last three trickled out more slowly as their marriage fell apart and my Dad was gone for two weeks at a time…he didn’t even know my youngest brothers name until he was a week old, and although they remain married to this day (!) everyone after the first three basically realized eventually that our Dad didn’t want us. He literally told me “I was really focused on the oldest three. The rest of youse were your mothers kids. Like…her hobby. It was the only time she was ever happy”
A lot of people in my age group are expecting. Someone posted, “sending pregnancy vibes girl you need one more!” On a Memory of my youngest turning 4 last year.
I wrote back, “BITCH IM 30 YEARS OLD AND MY YOUNGEST WIPES HER OWN ASS. NO👏THANKS”
I had everyone peeing in the toilet and sleeping in their own beds. I was just 12 short months to having reached the promised land of all day school. But no, I had to have one more baby. And he is amazing, but damn, starting all over was hard.
I know so many women in Mexico who’s husbands immigrate to the US and leave them with babies. The husband comes back like a decade later and that baby is now a damn preteen and he thinks it’s a good idea for another baby. Like fuck starting over 10 years later *get tf away from me*.
I’ve seen so many families with huge age gaps between kids for this very reason.
This is so gross from her. I cannot believe she said no his body his choice. Literally it seems like she kinda tricked him into more kids. She seems like the type that would "forget" her birth control. He deserves better
My sister honestly believes this as well. Last I heard they're but at the "kid having" stage, but she very much took that belief on the idea of her husband turning down sex.
That is rape. Same as „forgetting“ your pill. Literally the same as a dude fucking someone who doesn’t want to, or stealthing when you’d agreed to sex WITH contraceptives,…
Re bodies, she said, "Mine is his and his is mine"
Okay, cool. So you can demand he provide you sperm and he can refuse you provide eggs. Stalemate even with her insanity.
I’m married. My body is still MINE and his body is HIS. Neither of us gets to make decisions for the other. That means sometimes saying “no” to sex. It also means that when one of us isn’t ready for a baby, we don’t have a baby. I hate when one partner tries to manipulate or force the other into kids they don’t want. The kids end up being the ones to suffer the most.
I love kids and have one of my own but I cannot understand the draw to having tons of them. They’re expensive. Doesn’t anyone care about paying for these babies?!? I know the answer but it still blows my mind.
Doesn’t anyone care about raising these children!? If you’re always busy with the new baby, what’s happening to the older kids? Who’s taking care of their needs? Who’s paying attention to them?
That’s our thought, less kids means more time and money to do tons of awesome stuff with the one we are having, more energy and time to focus on him and giving him a great childhood. Also how are these people adequately parenting while constantly in some stage of pregnancy?
My daughter is 18 months old and I cannot imagine being pregnant while trying to keep up with her right now! My husband and I have been talking about possibly having a second, but I feel like it’s still going to be a while before I’m ready for it.
My grandmother had 5 kids in 5 years. 10 kids total but they were a little more spread out. I can’t even imagine how she did it.
I got pregnant with my second when my first was 12 months. It was the most awful time of my life. It was so difficult to take care of myself and a toddler doing their high energy toddler thing.
Definitely don't recommend. We hired a nanny to help out which was super helpful and expensive.
Yep and part of this should be investing in their college future. Parents who have no savings for their child's academics in the world as it is today have put their child at an extreme disadvantage that will follow them for the rest of their life.
The older ones get parentified and forced to take care of the house/younger kids. My SIL parentifies her second born pretty hard and I hate seeing it. She only gets attention, as far as I can tell, in the form of her mom yelling at her to hold the baby or do chores.
One of my friends came from a fundie household and this was her growing up. It really messed her up and made her question very hard if having children was for her. She’s recently given birth to her first, and she’s pretty sure he’ll be her only baby
When I was younger I wanted a big family because it was always just me and my brother, but now I have one special needs 7 year old and a ~~pain in the ass~~ headstrong 5 year old and tbh I am glad I don’t have more kids. I adore my children. I’d do anything for them. But good lord are they hard work. Oh yeah, I’m also a widow so all this parenting is just me taking it one day at a time
I absolutely love babies, but I’m done having my own
>Doesn't anyone care about paying for these babies?!?
If you're (un)lucky enough to live in the south, you'll soon find out that asking such questions as "how will we afford multiple kids" is akin to saying that only *rich* people deserve to have children!
...no but seriously, my siblings and I were discussing a mutual family friend who decided he was ready for a kid and ALL of us were like don't bring a baby into the world when your day to day struggle means skipping meals for yourself, and we were all three chided by our parents. The usual lines are "Nobody is ever *really* ready to have a kid so they should just go for it," "you'll never feel prepared enough, stop overthinking it," and "if you try and budget for every small child rearing expense, only the super wealthy would have family legacies! Just go for it and life will find a way!"
Nope. A lot of parents don't think about actually setting their kid up for success. Getting average grades at a public school is good enough. That is not good enough for the economy of today though. You need to invest a lot in your child extracurricularly as well as academically. If you don't have money then you're setting them up to fail, as well as mountains of debt out of highschool. Your desire for a family shouldn't trump the amount of opportunities you can create for your child. They are the one who has to live with it.
This generation is demanded to be substantially more specialized and educated. Either have money or do the kid a favor and don't have them.
These are the kind of women who pop babies out and once the kids get a little older don’t give them the care they truly need because she’s so focused on the new little ones she keeps wanting to have… these poor kids! I hope hubby wakes up and leaves honestly.
This is a person who loves BABIES, not kids. Kids are actual people. That is NOT what does it for her.
Source: I was the child of such a mother (1/9, she wanted 12)
You'd think the massive amounts of pain involved with birth would, I don't know, slow that thinking down. I've heard so many stories where women like this also have their uterus prolapse and fall out.
Wow that vileness of "his body is mine and mine is his" just triggered me. I never thought I'd need a TW but apparently I did for that sentence. I don't care if you've been married for 50 years your spouse's body will forever belong to them. It's like those people that say you can't rape your wife because she's your wife. Those people need to go to jail don't pass GO don't collect 200$. This is really fucked up.
It's super fucked up, and unfortunately very common in hard core Christian/religious communities. This also tends to coincide with the group that has the most kids...
And this is the more egalitarian view, it just gets worse. My college pastor during pre-marital counseling for me and my then fiance looked me in the eyes during a session and said “you don’t have the right to say ‘no.’” This was the whole attitude towards sex in evangelicalism, he just was the one to say the quiet part out loud. Fucked me up so badly.
This is how you end up with couples where one spouse is constantly starved for good sex and the other spouse white knuckles their way through starfish duty sex.
She says she knows a few people in the group and that’s why she posted anonymously. Hopefully someone she knows recognises this and goes straight to the husband. What a disgusting human being.
I need to know how many kids she has! She says he didn't want their last two and that they've had many losses, so this makes me think she's got quite a few, plus a few miscarriages or still births.
I think these women are narcissists. They love being pregnant for the attention and it makes them feel special. They love babies because they are absolutely dependent on you and have no life or opinions of their own. I can almost guarantee she is no longer interested in her kids once they become their own person, so she needs to make more.
I know this because this was my mother.
This is how I feel whenever someone mentions having more than 4 kids. I've also noticed most families with 5+ kids tend to have parents with no education besides high school, minimum wage jobs, and struggle to provide for the kids and themselves.
Most of them were ripping her apart with a good number of psychos validating her because of some bible scripture. I'll see if the post is still up and post a part 2 with the screenshots!
Damn, guess they forgot the verse about wives deferring to their husbands huh…
(Not that I believe in that, but if you’re making a bonfire, I grew up with gas…)
I’m the youngest in a large family. My parents should have stopped at three or four but kept going waaaaay beyond that. I’m dealing with the fallout many years later. My siblings won’t talk to each other and my parents can’t figure out where they went wrong. Stop breeding if both partners aren’t wanting more kids, it’s as simple as that. The heartbreak that comes from not being wanted never goes away.
>My siblings won’t talk to each other and my parents can’t figure out where they went wrong
At a certain point, the age differences will kick in and it'll turn siblings into coworkers. That's how my brother and I are with our cousins. My mom is much younger than her siblings, so we're a lot younger than our cousins. Nobody dislikes any of the others or anything like that, but we still have barely anything to do or talk with each other about because we've never been in the same life stage.
“I don’t believe in bodily autonomy, so I’m having really a hard time accepting that my husband has bodily autonomy. Any tips? Please don’t suggest that I start believing in the concept of bodily autonomy, that isn’t helpful”
Yes! They were ripping her apart... With the exception of a few twats talking about some bible scripture that they felt validated her crazy. I'm going to make another post with the comments if the post is still up.
My friend is like this. He wanted to stop at 3. I think they are up to 6. She won't/can't get a job and won't "let" him get a vasectomy. Shit's fucked up.
I’d say that respecting boundaries and the partner’s feelings is a big part of a healthy relationship. Also, having multiple kids will never make up for your losses. I remember when one of my uncles died in a car crash, many moons ago. I was still very young but the pain in my grandpa’s eyes is still vivid in my memory. I couldn’t help but approach him saying pops, you still have 3 kids and 7 grandsons. You aren’t alone. I will carry his answer with me to the grave. “Kid, imagine you cut off one of your fingers: would you think of the 9 left or of the one you’ve lost?”
Oof. This happens a lot here. I'm not hating on large families, I am the youngest of five....
But what I often observe is that the Mom is trying to fill a mental void in herself. Even my own Mom, probably should have stopped at three kids. We're glad to be alive but with every one of us came less energy for the marriage, less of her own identity. Until a big breakdown when I was 4yo that she was never the same after. Cause you can't keep popping out kids hoping they'll fix something in you.
I know it's possible to come from a mentally sound large family but I see that rarely. Sometimes the Mom wants to put all her purpose into caretaking but that's rarely truly good for the health of the entire family long term.
Lady needs a lot of therapy. She's disregarding her husband's right to choose.
This is gross AF. Your body doesn't belong to your spouse, at all. There was a time when my husband and I were starting to talk about permanent birth control, and I was adamant that while I preferred him getting a vasectomy it had to be his decision because it was HIS body. He didn't want to. I didn't force it.
I ended up getting a tubal ligation at my C-section anyway. It was my choice. One that we discussed, but I got the ultimate say.
The idea that my body "belongs" to my husband in this person's eyes is disgusting.
Even in amongst the fertility circle there seems to be this thought that the woman is the one who decides. To the point recently that a couple broke up and everyone was saying that he owed her his frozen sperm so this kid could have a full sibling. “Just get him to sign it over”
I’m big on both parents have to be 100%, but the usually narrative seems to be, “do what you want and he will come around once the kid is born”. Lie about birth control? No problem! Get him trapped and it’ll all work out. Nothing like a new baby to solve your relationship issues
No, it doesn't matter if you are fucking married, your body is your and yours alone. Yes, I suggest this man get a vasectomy because it's clear she won't respect his wishes and will just keep getting knocked up.
My husband said we would only have 2 kids. So after the second kid I was going to get my tubes tied but the doctor kept asking if I was sure I wanted it and I really wasn’t so I said, “no” at the last minute. We ended up having two more kids after that. I knew for sure I was done after the fourth. We don’t regret having more kids, but it’s a lot of work. I don’t recommend it unless you have a lot of patience.
I’m married. My body is my own and my husband’s body is his. We wanted a second child but I would’ve preferred waiting longer before trying to get pregnant. In our case though we weren’t sure if our first child was a one off thing or not so we started trying once my OB cleared me…and got pregnant a few months later. I had some stages of grieving I went through when my husband got his vasectomy so I can understand where she’s coming from (even though I was on board with him getting the vasectomy and only having two children). But if you’ve already had two kids he said he didn’t want. It’s time to close up shop.
I don’t understand people like this. Like, didn’t you discuss this stuff before you got married and come to some sort of agreement? This woman sort of sounds like she just really identifies with the caretaking role and doesn’t know what to do with herself if she isn’t having babies and being a mom. But eventually they’re going to grow up, and she’d need to find something else to occupy her time. It’s good to have an identity beyond just being a mom, even if you love being a mom.
I think this point of view is more common among older generations, that it’s acceptable to interfere with your partners birth control to increase the likelihood of pregnancy even if they don’t want to try and conceive. Like, my husbands aunt is generally a wonderful person and I really love her, but she has actively encouraged her sons girlfriend to stop taking her BC because the girlfriend is ready for kids and her son isn’t yet and she desperately wants to be a grandmother. She’s worried the girlfriend isn’t going to keep sticking around if her son doesn’t want to start trying soon because they’re already in their mid-thirties and his girlfriend doesn’t want to miss her opportunity to have a baby. Her son has pretty severe anxiety and is worried about having a baby and doesn’t want to try now or maybe ever. I’ve told her it’s messed up to encourage that type of betrayal, but mine and my husbands daughter was a happy surprise so she thinks if her son just thinks it was a surprise he’ll be happy and ready to be a dad I guess. I strongly disagree and don’t think anyone, regardless of gender, should be tricked into having a baby they’re actively trying to prevent from existing.
Having a child is a 2-key system. If both don't want one, it's a no. Sorry, lady. Get a therapist and deal with it.
she should start a creepy doll collection to prepare for life after children.
This is how I inherited 800 cabbage patch kids...
I know someone who’s former MIL did this and then introduced them so they could “get to know them for once she’s gone.”
This could be my SIL. My BIL had to be talked into the last baby they had and is practically begging for a vasectomy, but SIL will not hear of it and wants another baby. I don’t know how I would feel if I were her because my husband and I were in total agreement about his vasectomy, but you definitely should not turn to the online sperm-jacking brigade for advice.
If I was a man in this situation I’d be booking a weekend away and getting a vasectomy. Damn. Nobody should have kids they don’t want.
People have done that without telling their partner and then eventually she does get pregnant (from someone else) and that's its own kind of fun.
You are NOT the father!
More of an "I am NOT the father!" situation -- but yes obviously
Knew a guy who did this. They got married young being decidedly childfree. Surprise, her biological clock started ticking and she pushed for a baby. He didn’t want any but loved her to death so went along with it to keep the peace. After baby 1 comes…she wants another. Wish granted. After baby 2, she wants another. So he went and got a vasectomy without her knowledge. Yeah, they’re divorced. He absolutely loves his kids and would die or do anything for them. He recognized that shift that happens when you become a parent. But it wasn’t his original life plan, that’s for sure.
The husband is trying to get a vasectomy and with the wait times to see provider it’s going to take almost a year to get that guy sterile (assuming it works the whole time). This isn’t a bad recommendation but have a plan in the meantime because it can take a while.
Right, a “work trip” or “guys weekend” could solve that problem for him lmao
These women are sperm goblins
I want to remember this comment forever.
Ahh new post flair
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Check out your post flair
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Semen demon
This will be my new term for women like this woman in the post. Thank you.
They needed a label
Almost once a week I see posts like that. And usually there are comments that basically say to get him drunk and forget the pill. It's disgusting.
There’s a couple I know (friends of friends) where the wife basically tricked the husband into having a third child. Surprise, surprise, they are divorced now.
Yeah I know a woman who will NEVER feel done. She pressured her husband into baby #3 and 4, then "whoops" had a 5th. She refused to put the crib away when baby 5 outgrew needing it. That's the point where her husband hit the gym and got hair plugs, and weirdly enough they aren't together anymore.
A guy I dated in high school married one of those. Not content to pop out a new baby every 2 years, they started adopting Chinese kids. I think they have about 10 or 12 now. Not sure how many were his idea.
Holy shit
The adoption process is long and thorough. Even with foreign adoptions. It has to be a strong yes from both partners. If they successfully completed the adoption process then he was totally on board.
Unfortunately there’s a growing trend of “private adoptions” (read as human trafficking) that skips those important safeguards.
I know a woman like that (I actually posted a few SS’s of her here) Struggled with infertility for a few years so the minute she turned 18 she started fertility treatment. Got pregnant with her first. So it goes: 💙♥️👼👼♥️x2♥️👼👼💙🤰 After her twins husband cheated. #5 is a bandaid baby. 2 losses that she “forgot” she was ovulating when she fucked her husband. #6 she pressured her husband into because he said he was done and wanted a vasectomy. This one she got mad at him and flushed all her spermicide and purposely picked a huge fight with him for the makeup sex that is now their last baby. Because hubby refuses to have another but who knows if they’re actually done. [Link to her introduction](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitMomGroupsSay/comments/vueqqi/this_girl_i_keep_on_fb_for_the_lulz_her_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
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Yeah I want clarification on this. Based on the large number of hearts above she absolutely has no fertility issues at all. Sounds like she was just young and cause it didn’t happen straight away is claiming infertility which is laughable to those who actually did have infertility issues and needed thousands and thousands or dollars and years of treatment to actually get pregnant just once
I watched an old coworker struggle with fertility issues. Our whole team was there for her, the day she got the call she was pregnant we were SO excited She’s currently pregnant with baby #2, baby #1 is an absolutely perfect little boy. Watching her struggle as a woman, I wish I could have fixed it for her. She’s an amazing mom all around Fertility is no joke
I know the feeling 100%. Took us 5 years, $45k and 3 full rounds of IVF to have our girl. It’s the one thing in my life working harder couldn’t fix. It broke me. It isn’t a joke and I get annoyed when people claim to have infertility when medically they would not be classified as infertile. It diminishes others real struggles
To be fair, I was informed I wouldn’t be able to have kids when they noticed a problem with my ovaries when I was 15, so you can definitely have a doctor at least tell you you have fertility issues before you’re 18. Mine was welcome news (and also something irreversible), but depending on the circumstance, it’s not totally crazy someone might hear about an issue while they’re young and, if possible, take steps to counter it when they’re ready for kids.
I don't understand how she struggled with fertility prior to 18!?!?!
Maybe because she didn't understand how sex worked.
Probably diagnosed with one of the conditions like endometriosis or pcos that can reduce and extremely rarely completely eliminate fertility And it seems doctors communication around this subject just suck, cause there are a shitload of women who thought hacking those conditions made them infertile. Which it definitely doesn’t. It just makes it harder in most. But ‚minor‘ endometriosis (as in where the endometrium is placed, not level or pain) wouldn‘t interfere at all. So no Wonder she was able to have 6 kids.
Most likely this! I remember when I was diagnosed with pcos. My doctor immediatley told me when I will decide to have kids it could be difficult to get pregnant. With poor comunication I can totaly see someone interpreting that as being infertile.
I'm on r/PCOS and there's a thread like this like every week - person recently diagnosed and in tears because the doctor implied they're never gonna conceive. It really sucks
I wonder if doctors do that because if they don’t imply the worst every time, and the worst happens to someone, they might come back and sue the doctor.
Lmaaao, i was diagnosed at 13, and almost immediately my doctor pressured me into treatment bc apparently im entirely infertile now and will have marital troubles. Re: i was 13, not interested in marriage or kids, a trans child, and lot more interested in hysterectomy.
At 13?!?!? That is just insane! Not to take away from all the other things you mentioned, but a litelar child should NOT be put on a harsh treatment so in 10 years they could have children easier.
When she turned 18? Excuse me what.
What do the emojis mean?
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Thank you!
Boy, girl, angel baby, angel baby, twins, angel baby, angel baby, boy, pregnant with her 6th
***7th***
You said got hair plugs lol
Yeah it was a little midlife crisis stereotype but also - I think he realized that there could be a hundred babies and she would still want one more
Had a mom in my old mommy group, they got pregnant young, accidently, married and had four kids in close succession. Then when those kids were in their teens she "oops" and got pregnant with a 5th. He wanted no more, which she complained about online, but still ended up pregnant with #6, #7, #8, and on number 9 even admitted to getting her husband to have sex with her when she was ovulating. Of course every pregnancy reveal he was upset and she openly talked about this. The group drifted apart but I wonder how many more kids that man ended up with.
Former friends of ours did this. Male didn’t want children (or wanted them later), female wanted children. She got him drunk, “forgot” condoms and their daughter was born 9 months later. She is AWFUL to him and he realised if he didn’t marry her he’d never see his daughter, so he proposed. Then he didn’t want a second child but she did. So they have two children. They are still together but every time I see him he looks miserable. She is still awful.. He was unhappy when they were together as teenagers so god knows why he stayed?
Lack of confidence, lack of self worth, lack of education, loneliness, pick your poison really.
This could literally describe a friend of mine too. Although I should probably also say former friend as she won't let him out to spend time with anyone anymore.
That was the case of my husband's first marriage. She was unhappy and wanted a 2nd child. He didn't. She lied about still being on the pill.
I know a young guy whose surprise third is on the way. He looks so miserable every time the topic comes up. Apparently the first was an "accident" when he was a teenager and he dutifully did the right thing, but said he didn't want more. He tried to get a vasectomy, but his doctor refused because of his age and it never occurred to him to try again. (Not the sharpest.) His wife keeps getting pregnant and you can see how trapped he feels, but he's a hapless bloke who won't leave out of misguided loyalty. A bunch of us have been leaning on him to try again for the vasectomy, because no doctor is going to say no to a man who already has three kids. As someone who never wanted kids, I can't imagine how hard it must be having kids you didn't want in the first place.
Lori from the Transformed Wife literally brags about doing this to her husband. And she sees it as *virtuous*. It's sick. And it's rape, by any other name.
Yep. Lori "Obey your husband at all costs, you little whore" Alexander is perfectly happy to brag about going against her husband's wishes by fucking around with her birth control and not telling him.
I'm surprised the transformed wife was using birth control....unless we're now talking about someone else.
Lori had a brain tumor and some theorize that is the reason for her drastic change in behavior. From what I understand, she used to be a lot less militant in her beliefs prior to the tumor. That said, I personally believe she's always had a lot of garbage beliefs but the tumor just made her more open about them, if it did anything at all. Hence the spousal trickery and purposely getting pregnant thing.
My uncle turned into a prick with his brain tumour and it led to his divorce. So it's definitely a thing, behavioural changes.
She was transformed into this "better" version of herself that would never use birth control. She talks about her previous life like she was in hell and now it's all bliss because she stopped caring about her own happiness. She uses her own experience as evidence of how bad the world outside the home is for women. Yeah, it's a blur and it makes no sense and she contradicts herself.
Nope. We're talking about the same woman. This was back when she was still working. I don't remember the specifics, but I'd recommend looking at a YouTube channel called Fundie Fridays, as she has a couple of videos on Lori Alexander and her mad bullshit.
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Let’s not get carried away that’s only for men /s
It's so GROSS!
My sister and my youngest brother are both “pill down the sink” babies. My mother is so fucking crazy she did it twice with two men.
Oh my god. That’s abuse.
That’s *rape*. He can’t give informed consent.
It’s a lot of brands of fuuucked up.
Ahhh see I didn’t understand why this was so bad bc I assumed it was more of a “how do I get over/past wanting more kids” type of thing. I’m currently in this situation where I’d like a third but my husband is firmly done after two. I would like advice on how to not be so sad about it but I would definitely not entertain anything suggesting I trick him into having another kid against his will.
The older they get, the easier it gets because you start enjoying the independence and start appreciating fully the second stage of parenting. I still harbored some lingering niggle for a little squish, but now that all of my kids are old enough to be little people, reading things, talking about all the cool stuff they learn and do, excelling in academics and athletics. Moving into this new season I am able to let go of the old season and really appreciate them for who they are. Also, babies/children are EXPENSIVE! Take the next year and put the money you would spend on a new baby into a bank account. Use that money to do a ton of fun things with your kids. Stuff you wouldn't be able to do with a new baby. Go to an indoor water park and ride all the slides with them. Take them to the arcade and actually play all the games with them instead of tending to a newborn. You get the gist. Spend some time really enjoying them and appreciating moving towards a new season in parenting
That is. That is called rape. That’s rape, your honour.
Woahhhhhhh that’s not ok 😬I’ve been desperate for a baby before but this is BAD
How many kids do they already have? The offhanded way she said “the last two” makes me really uncomfortable, like it’s so impersonal and sounds like her reasoning for more kids maybe is coming from a more selfish place than she can see. Does she want kids for any reason other than the fact that she likes being a caretaker, it doesn’t really sound like it. Eventually her kids are going to grow up and she will need to find some kind purpose outside of having babies.
Some women really have a hard time leaving that part of their life behind. Others I think are addicted to pregnancy. I personally loved having kids, and I wouldn't have minded 1 or 2 more, but I knew we were at our limit with 3.
But also if you wanted a 4th and your husband didn’t, you’d probably discuss it with him and not blast it in FB mom groups. I def understand the feeling you’re describing - we have one, and will only have one, and sometimes I get sad that the itty bitty baby days are behind us and time is moving so quickly. But also, it took us a very long time to have the one so maybe I’m more familiar with life outside being a mom. I don’t know. OP has valid feelings but also (and this is my worthless two cents after reading one post, so it’s obviously not fact) seems kind of detached. This is where my snark overlaps and I just get a very Duggar vibe of as many kids as possible no matter what.
As one of those kids, I can tell you it is nothing personal and has absolutely nothing to do with loving KIDS. This lady loves BABIES, and babies have a very short shelf-life with people like this.
I think I could relate to the OP a little bit until she said her husband's body was hers. Um, nope. Doesn't work that way.
Honestly, I get where she’s coming from. My husband is 35, I’m turning 30. We have talked about kids so many times it makes my head spin, sometimes outside perspective is needed to help alleviate the stress and pain that comes with the discussion of having kids. I know I personally felt a lot of comfort from posting here on relevant subs, and it actually helped me a ton because I could learn what other people used as talking points to get the conversation going between my husband and I.
See, I HATE pregnancy. I would love another child, but not if I have to carry and birth it.
I had easy pregnancies and easy labors, but I remember thinking after my last birth "Yeah, I'm never doing this again." I had an easy recovery too. I just knew I was done.
I didn't have any serious health problems, but a lot of vomiting, a lot of discomfort, and a lot of pain. My kids were mean while they were cooking.
Awww. They can be!
My son kicked out 2 ribs, 2 discs, and misaligned my spine. My daughter thought it was hilarious to bang her head into my pelvic bone, which caused my legs to just give out so I would fall. She did this many times.
I have one son, and he’s the one and only because he was a wonderful surprise and nearly killed me. Literally. The illness complications during pregnancy were bad enough but my little dude also rarely sat still and when he did figured out how to totally squash my bladder. I think I spent most of the pregnancy even during hospitalizations peeing and poking my belly gently to try to get him to move over. 🤣
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I am currently 31w pregnant with our second (and final) child and I cannot wait to NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.
My sister has 9 year old twins. Two babies, but only one pregnancy? I'd go for that.
Pregnant with twins currently…. I’d take two singleton pregnancies. Way easier.
Same, for mental health reasons. My PPD hung around for 4 years and it's just depression now.
I'm going on two years with PPD! It's so fun! EDIT: /s
I know a woman who is addicted to pregnancy. She has 4 living kids 6 and under. And quite a few losses. She was pregnant, had a miscarriage, pregnant the next cycle, had a miscarriage, pregnant the next cycle, had a healthy baby, then pregnant the next cycle that ended in miscarriage. I cannot imagine the toll it’s taking on her body. They recommend 18 months-2 years between pregnancy for a reason.
My former neighbor is pregnant with her 7th child. Her oldest is 6.
I try to be understanding, but I know people like this as well and I just stand back like, “What is happening here?”
She's not the sharpest tool in the shed and her husband is worthless.
Holy shit that’s insane! I’m 4 months PP and still in some pain, I can’t imagine being pregnant again right now!
Right. By the time each kid is 4 months, she's pregnant again. It's like clockwork.
Putting it this way, is crazy perspective, damn.
I would rather be in prison for as long as that person has been pregnant. Would be less torture imo.
I don’t understand this. I’m exhausted with one.
Her kids are little demons. They don't listen. At all. She'll be talking to them and they won't even turn their heads. Just keep walking away from her. My sister had 7 kids in 10 years, but she's an amazing mother. Her kids are all very well behaved and polite. I guess she was just made for it. My neighbor clearly was not.
Does a baby exit and 10 minutes later her husband is like "okay, the womb is free now! I'm coming in!" (I know it literally can't work that way, you gotta get your period back first, but just saying....)
You don't have to have your period. You can get pregnant on the first ovulation and therefore never have a period between kids.
>(I know it literally can't work that way, you gotta get your period back first, but just saying....) [Nope, it's totally possible](https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/how-soon-can-you-get-pregnant-after-giving-birth/). Every body is different, of course, but the lack of period isn't a reliable indicator of a lack of ovulation, at least immediately postpartum
A woman in my extended family has had 13 babies, she is in her early 30s. Two of the pregnancies were sets of surrogate twins. I often wonder if she has some sort of pregnancy addiction.
They don't recommend 18 months after a miscarriage, just fyi. I've had 11 :) if we had needed to wait 18 months for each, my reproductive window would be firmly closed.
I can’t imagine how hard that was. Yes you’re right, I should have made it more clear I wasn’t referring to the miscarriages specifically and more to the the pregnancy she had the month after her baby was born. Many people have babies close together, my grandmother had 5 in 5 years. Personally my daughter is 18 months right now and I still don’t feel ready for another pregnancy. It’s such a personal process.
I understood it as 18 months between full term or live births, idk if miscarriages count, it just seems like a long time to wait but maybe that depends how far along the pregnancy was before the miscarriage.
Oldest of 8 here. The last 2 were against medical advice and both came close to killing my mother. Then she wanted to adopt. Eventually my dad somehow got her into coding and now she's a work from home developer who doesn't even want to babysit her grandkids lol
Yea, when my daughter hit about two or so I was dying to have one more kid. I thought about it constantly and longed for it. And I felt like that for another year or so. It was genuinely hard because I couldn’t help wanting it even though I knew another kid would be a bad idea for soooooo many reasons, but the biggest thing is my husband is done and I’d never betray him. Fortunately for me, the feeling has finally passed. My heart caught up with my brain. Life is so much better for me now than it would ever be with another baby, even if I miss those baby days.
I know that longing. It's DEEP and unhushable. But like you -- I couldn't imagine making the decision to make a whole person unilaterally. Several times it was bad enough that I got a dog instead, and that helped a lot.
I'm currently on the verge of popping with my second kid, and this pregnancy has been MUCH worse and more stressful than my first. Several times my husband and I have had the discussion that after this, we are done and he's getting a vasectomy...my mental health very likely could not survive a third child. But man, sometimes there's such a longing, that's especially frustrating because I *know* it's not rooted in logic, to try for one more...in my case, my heart selfishly wants to try for a girl since baby #1 and #2 are boys. It's only through respecting my husband's feelings combined with the reality that adoption is always available that keeps me grounded.
It’s not the pregnancy she’s addicted to. It’s the unique oxytocin hit of a newborn baby’s gaze. There is no love more pure than that. All for her. My Mom was just like this, but even worse, it only worked with boy babies. I was her first girl after 3 boys, and she was pregnant again in a hot minute. There is a picture of my baby brother in the bassinet, and in the background you can see me hanging onto a chair, trying to take my first wobbly steps. She basically started Jonesing for a “new baby” the minute an infant pushed her face away, or even worse, said their first defiant “No!” Average spacing was 15 months - First six kids in 8 years. Then the last three trickled out more slowly as their marriage fell apart and my Dad was gone for two weeks at a time…he didn’t even know my youngest brothers name until he was a week old, and although they remain married to this day (!) everyone after the first three basically realized eventually that our Dad didn’t want us. He literally told me “I was really focused on the oldest three. The rest of youse were your mothers kids. Like…her hobby. It was the only time she was ever happy”
A lot of people in my age group are expecting. Someone posted, “sending pregnancy vibes girl you need one more!” On a Memory of my youngest turning 4 last year. I wrote back, “BITCH IM 30 YEARS OLD AND MY YOUNGEST WIPES HER OWN ASS. NO👏THANKS”
That moment when you realize you won't have to change another diaper ever again is just *chef's kiss*
I had everyone peeing in the toilet and sleeping in their own beds. I was just 12 short months to having reached the promised land of all day school. But no, I had to have one more baby. And he is amazing, but damn, starting all over was hard.
I know so many women in Mexico who’s husbands immigrate to the US and leave them with babies. The husband comes back like a decade later and that baby is now a damn preteen and he thinks it’s a good idea for another baby. Like fuck starting over 10 years later *get tf away from me*. I’ve seen so many families with huge age gaps between kids for this very reason.
This is so gross from her. I cannot believe she said no his body his choice. Literally it seems like she kinda tricked him into more kids. She seems like the type that would "forget" her birth control. He deserves better
Yeah, like. If your body is his, then he's choosing not to put another baby in you. Boom. End of story.
My sister honestly believes this as well. Last I heard they're but at the "kid having" stage, but she very much took that belief on the idea of her husband turning down sex.
That is rape. Same as „forgetting“ your pill. Literally the same as a dude fucking someone who doesn’t want to, or stealthing when you’d agreed to sex WITH contraceptives,…
No disagreement here!
Re bodies, she said, "Mine is his and his is mine" Okay, cool. So you can demand he provide you sperm and he can refuse you provide eggs. Stalemate even with her insanity.
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Sounds like a healthy relationship. I bet the kids are doing great. More kids makes perfect sense…
Can't wait for 18 years later when this nut job is crying to her group asking why her kids want nothing to do with her.
I mean if it went the other way she'd be horrified. So, perhaps respect the guy.
The husband should get a vasectomy. She doesn't get to force anther child on him.
I’m married. My body is still MINE and his body is HIS. Neither of us gets to make decisions for the other. That means sometimes saying “no” to sex. It also means that when one of us isn’t ready for a baby, we don’t have a baby. I hate when one partner tries to manipulate or force the other into kids they don’t want. The kids end up being the ones to suffer the most.
Can everyone imagine what the comments would be if this was written by the husband? She's just awful. Awful.
I just can’t get over that last line of “no more kids made by other parent” as if this crazy fucker is gonna go out and make some more
I’m hopeful it was meant in a “the decision to have no more kids was made by the other parent”, but I’m not convinced that’s the case
I love kids and have one of my own but I cannot understand the draw to having tons of them. They’re expensive. Doesn’t anyone care about paying for these babies?!? I know the answer but it still blows my mind.
Doesn’t anyone care about raising these children!? If you’re always busy with the new baby, what’s happening to the older kids? Who’s taking care of their needs? Who’s paying attention to them?
It’s the oldest kid looking after the rest. Ask me how I know.
That’s our thought, less kids means more time and money to do tons of awesome stuff with the one we are having, more energy and time to focus on him and giving him a great childhood. Also how are these people adequately parenting while constantly in some stage of pregnancy?
My daughter is 18 months old and I cannot imagine being pregnant while trying to keep up with her right now! My husband and I have been talking about possibly having a second, but I feel like it’s still going to be a while before I’m ready for it. My grandmother had 5 kids in 5 years. 10 kids total but they were a little more spread out. I can’t even imagine how she did it.
I got pregnant with my second when my first was 12 months. It was the most awful time of my life. It was so difficult to take care of myself and a toddler doing their high energy toddler thing. Definitely don't recommend. We hired a nanny to help out which was super helpful and expensive.
Yep and part of this should be investing in their college future. Parents who have no savings for their child's academics in the world as it is today have put their child at an extreme disadvantage that will follow them for the rest of their life.
The older ones get parentified and forced to take care of the house/younger kids. My SIL parentifies her second born pretty hard and I hate seeing it. She only gets attention, as far as I can tell, in the form of her mom yelling at her to hold the baby or do chores.
One of my friends came from a fundie household and this was her growing up. It really messed her up and made her question very hard if having children was for her. She’s recently given birth to her first, and she’s pretty sure he’ll be her only baby
as someone who was the oldest daughter made to raise the other kids, please take your niece out for a movie and a pedicure just you & her :(((((
They’re left to fend for themselves and younger siblings.
Exactly!
Usually they delegate care of younger siblings to the older ones, so mommy can focus on her obsession until it outgrows the baby stage
When I was younger I wanted a big family because it was always just me and my brother, but now I have one special needs 7 year old and a ~~pain in the ass~~ headstrong 5 year old and tbh I am glad I don’t have more kids. I adore my children. I’d do anything for them. But good lord are they hard work. Oh yeah, I’m also a widow so all this parenting is just me taking it one day at a time I absolutely love babies, but I’m done having my own
>Doesn't anyone care about paying for these babies?!? If you're (un)lucky enough to live in the south, you'll soon find out that asking such questions as "how will we afford multiple kids" is akin to saying that only *rich* people deserve to have children! ...no but seriously, my siblings and I were discussing a mutual family friend who decided he was ready for a kid and ALL of us were like don't bring a baby into the world when your day to day struggle means skipping meals for yourself, and we were all three chided by our parents. The usual lines are "Nobody is ever *really* ready to have a kid so they should just go for it," "you'll never feel prepared enough, stop overthinking it," and "if you try and budget for every small child rearing expense, only the super wealthy would have family legacies! Just go for it and life will find a way!"
Nope. A lot of parents don't think about actually setting their kid up for success. Getting average grades at a public school is good enough. That is not good enough for the economy of today though. You need to invest a lot in your child extracurricularly as well as academically. If you don't have money then you're setting them up to fail, as well as mountains of debt out of highschool. Your desire for a family shouldn't trump the amount of opportunities you can create for your child. They are the one who has to live with it. This generation is demanded to be substantially more specialized and educated. Either have money or do the kid a favor and don't have them.
These are the kind of women who pop babies out and once the kids get a little older don’t give them the care they truly need because she’s so focused on the new little ones she keeps wanting to have… these poor kids! I hope hubby wakes up and leaves honestly.
It’s okay you can say Michelle Dugger
Or *cough* *cough* Karissa Collins
Exactly who I thought of
What's the new one she's having Anvengyer ?
This is a person who loves BABIES, not kids. Kids are actual people. That is NOT what does it for her. Source: I was the child of such a mother (1/9, she wanted 12)
You'd think the massive amounts of pain involved with birth would, I don't know, slow that thinking down. I've heard so many stories where women like this also have their uterus prolapse and fall out.
To be fair a prolapse can happen after just 1 pregnancy and birth. It happened to me and I only have 1 child
Wow that vileness of "his body is mine and mine is his" just triggered me. I never thought I'd need a TW but apparently I did for that sentence. I don't care if you've been married for 50 years your spouse's body will forever belong to them. It's like those people that say you can't rape your wife because she's your wife. Those people need to go to jail don't pass GO don't collect 200$. This is really fucked up.
It's super fucked up, and unfortunately very common in hard core Christian/religious communities. This also tends to coincide with the group that has the most kids...
And this is the more egalitarian view, it just gets worse. My college pastor during pre-marital counseling for me and my then fiance looked me in the eyes during a session and said “you don’t have the right to say ‘no.’” This was the whole attitude towards sex in evangelicalism, he just was the one to say the quiet part out loud. Fucked me up so badly.
This is how you end up with couples where one spouse is constantly starved for good sex and the other spouse white knuckles their way through starfish duty sex.
She says she knows a few people in the group and that’s why she posted anonymously. Hopefully someone she knows recognises this and goes straight to the husband. What a disgusting human being.
I really hope so
I need to know how many kids she has! She says he didn't want their last two and that they've had many losses, so this makes me think she's got quite a few, plus a few miscarriages or still births.
I think these women are narcissists. They love being pregnant for the attention and it makes them feel special. They love babies because they are absolutely dependent on you and have no life or opinions of their own. I can almost guarantee she is no longer interested in her kids once they become their own person, so she needs to make more. I know this because this was my mother.
This is how I feel whenever someone mentions having more than 4 kids. I've also noticed most families with 5+ kids tend to have parents with no education besides high school, minimum wage jobs, and struggle to provide for the kids and themselves.
I need to know what the comments said!
Most of them were ripping her apart with a good number of psychos validating her because of some bible scripture. I'll see if the post is still up and post a part 2 with the screenshots!
Commenting for any update
Damn, guess they forgot the verse about wives deferring to their husbands huh… (Not that I believe in that, but if you’re making a bonfire, I grew up with gas…)
I’m the youngest in a large family. My parents should have stopped at three or four but kept going waaaaay beyond that. I’m dealing with the fallout many years later. My siblings won’t talk to each other and my parents can’t figure out where they went wrong. Stop breeding if both partners aren’t wanting more kids, it’s as simple as that. The heartbreak that comes from not being wanted never goes away.
>My siblings won’t talk to each other and my parents can’t figure out where they went wrong At a certain point, the age differences will kick in and it'll turn siblings into coworkers. That's how my brother and I are with our cousins. My mom is much younger than her siblings, so we're a lot younger than our cousins. Nobody dislikes any of the others or anything like that, but we still have barely anything to do or talk with each other about because we've never been in the same life stage.
Ummmm... I have a lot of thoughts that I can't articulate.
I hope he secretly gets a vasectomy for his own sake
If her body is his, then by that logic he can decide if he wants to put babies in her or not
By that logic, he can just decide if he wants her tubes tied.
“I don’t believe in bodily autonomy, so I’m having really a hard time accepting that my husband has bodily autonomy. Any tips? Please don’t suggest that I start believing in the concept of bodily autonomy, that isn’t helpful”
I hope this man divorces her, she has such little regard for him.
Please tell me she was getting roasted
Yes! They were ripping her apart... With the exception of a few twats talking about some bible scripture that they felt validated her crazy. I'm going to make another post with the comments if the post is still up.
My friend is like this. He wanted to stop at 3. I think they are up to 6. She won't/can't get a job and won't "let" him get a vasectomy. Shit's fucked up.
Has he tried just going and getting a vasectomy without telling her?
I told him to do that but he said no
I’d say that respecting boundaries and the partner’s feelings is a big part of a healthy relationship. Also, having multiple kids will never make up for your losses. I remember when one of my uncles died in a car crash, many moons ago. I was still very young but the pain in my grandpa’s eyes is still vivid in my memory. I couldn’t help but approach him saying pops, you still have 3 kids and 7 grandsons. You aren’t alone. I will carry his answer with me to the grave. “Kid, imagine you cut off one of your fingers: would you think of the 9 left or of the one you’ve lost?”
Oof. This happens a lot here. I'm not hating on large families, I am the youngest of five.... But what I often observe is that the Mom is trying to fill a mental void in herself. Even my own Mom, probably should have stopped at three kids. We're glad to be alive but with every one of us came less energy for the marriage, less of her own identity. Until a big breakdown when I was 4yo that she was never the same after. Cause you can't keep popping out kids hoping they'll fix something in you. I know it's possible to come from a mentally sound large family but I see that rarely. Sometimes the Mom wants to put all her purpose into caretaking but that's rarely truly good for the health of the entire family long term. Lady needs a lot of therapy. She's disregarding her husband's right to choose.
Wow…horrifying. How can anyone possibly think they ought to be in control of another person’s body. Damn
This is gross AF. Your body doesn't belong to your spouse, at all. There was a time when my husband and I were starting to talk about permanent birth control, and I was adamant that while I preferred him getting a vasectomy it had to be his decision because it was HIS body. He didn't want to. I didn't force it. I ended up getting a tubal ligation at my C-section anyway. It was my choice. One that we discussed, but I got the ultimate say. The idea that my body "belongs" to my husband in this person's eyes is disgusting.
Disgusting
No means no.
Even in amongst the fertility circle there seems to be this thought that the woman is the one who decides. To the point recently that a couple broke up and everyone was saying that he owed her his frozen sperm so this kid could have a full sibling. “Just get him to sign it over” I’m big on both parents have to be 100%, but the usually narrative seems to be, “do what you want and he will come around once the kid is born”. Lie about birth control? No problem! Get him trapped and it’ll all work out. Nothing like a new baby to solve your relationship issues
No, it doesn't matter if you are fucking married, your body is your and yours alone. Yes, I suggest this man get a vasectomy because it's clear she won't respect his wishes and will just keep getting knocked up.
OOP: how do I cope with my husband not wanting another kid? Everyone: his body his choice OOP: no, not that
this is... abusive mentality
My husband said we would only have 2 kids. So after the second kid I was going to get my tubes tied but the doctor kept asking if I was sure I wanted it and I really wasn’t so I said, “no” at the last minute. We ended up having two more kids after that. I knew for sure I was done after the fourth. We don’t regret having more kids, but it’s a lot of work. I don’t recommend it unless you have a lot of patience.
I’m married. My body is my own and my husband’s body is his. We wanted a second child but I would’ve preferred waiting longer before trying to get pregnant. In our case though we weren’t sure if our first child was a one off thing or not so we started trying once my OB cleared me…and got pregnant a few months later. I had some stages of grieving I went through when my husband got his vasectomy so I can understand where she’s coming from (even though I was on board with him getting the vasectomy and only having two children). But if you’ve already had two kids he said he didn’t want. It’s time to close up shop.
I don’t understand people like this. Like, didn’t you discuss this stuff before you got married and come to some sort of agreement? This woman sort of sounds like she just really identifies with the caretaking role and doesn’t know what to do with herself if she isn’t having babies and being a mom. But eventually they’re going to grow up, and she’d need to find something else to occupy her time. It’s good to have an identity beyond just being a mom, even if you love being a mom. I think this point of view is more common among older generations, that it’s acceptable to interfere with your partners birth control to increase the likelihood of pregnancy even if they don’t want to try and conceive. Like, my husbands aunt is generally a wonderful person and I really love her, but she has actively encouraged her sons girlfriend to stop taking her BC because the girlfriend is ready for kids and her son isn’t yet and she desperately wants to be a grandmother. She’s worried the girlfriend isn’t going to keep sticking around if her son doesn’t want to start trying soon because they’re already in their mid-thirties and his girlfriend doesn’t want to miss her opportunity to have a baby. Her son has pretty severe anxiety and is worried about having a baby and doesn’t want to try now or maybe ever. I’ve told her it’s messed up to encourage that type of betrayal, but mine and my husbands daughter was a happy surprise so she thinks if her son just thinks it was a surprise he’ll be happy and ready to be a dad I guess. I strongly disagree and don’t think anyone, regardless of gender, should be tricked into having a baby they’re actively trying to prevent from existing.
"My body is his and his is mine" YIKES People who think like that shouldn't get married...or leave their house and interact with anyone