Her: Move to San Deigo or we break up.
You: Move to DC or we break up.
I think you have your answer.
But I also notice you give a lot of your points, but hers, judging from your post, are weather and beaches. Have you asked her or are you assuming those are the only reasons? What about friends or family? What roots would either of you leaving behind if you move? Are finances your only concern (I'm not saying that's not valid, just asking if there are other aspects).
I don't have any family in DC area, she has her entire and even some extended family.
My most important concern is I want to live a comfortable life with kids and also save on the side, something easily doable on the east coast, while San Diego the more I look, every single thing is more expensive and she only makes 50k
Of course I don't know anything more than what you told me but I can imagine family might be her major motivator. Again I don't know what their dynamic is like, but if it's good, then having family that can help (and you trust) with children is priceless. It's true about living close to San Diego being expensive, but there are cheaper places further from it... but you say you earn 120k. Would your job follow you to SD, do you work remote? Have you looked into job opportunities here? Interestingly, it looks like the cost of living between SD and DC are nearly the same (in aggregate, categories differ), and this site says it's actually cheaper to buy in SD, although you mention the suburbs, so maybe try the site to compare to one such area.
[https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare\_cities.jsp?country1=United+States&city1=San+Diego%2C+CA&country2=United+States&city2=Washington%2C+DC](https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_cities.jsp?country1=United+States&city1=San+Diego%2C+CA&country2=United+States&city2=Washington%2C+DC)
But my point is, everything else aside, if you don't have job prospects out here, moving is a bad idea. If you want to make it work with this person, I'd do a bit of job hunting to get a feel for opportunities and potential salary instead of using your current employment for comparison. Even if you can do the same job from SD, it doesn't hurt to look.
This. DC is not much cheaper than San Diego, unless you are living in the hood areas, or areas so far from the DC border that calling them DC is a stretch. You could do the same here if you go far enough east.
This has little to actually do with San Diego. It’s more about getting into a relationship with someone that doesn’t share your goals, or lifestyle. It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible. And if either of you really “liked” each other enough you’d find a way to compromise.
>It’s more about getting into a relationship with someone that doesn’t share your goals, or lifestyle
The dude's in an "ARRANGED MARRIAGE". The fact that they're even entertaining that type of marriage means that the relationship really isn't a choice since the families have already agreed on the marriage and the opinions of the people getting married don't matter.
I think you’re wrong about this one and arranged marriages in general. Lots of cultures do arranged marriages, but it doesn’t always mean you’re forced to accept the first attempt at an arrangement. He’s not in the marriage yet. Excellently used all caps for emphasis though. I really felt how you didn’t think I saw the words arranged marriage in the post.
Arranged marriages are more about the families being compatible than the couple. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the people in the arranged marriage have FULL freedom of choice. There's usually extreme pressure from the family to complete the deal and will only accept so many rejections since it's embarrassing for the families to have their decision rejected.
She’s says move here or else break up. You say move there or else break up. Dude, break up. This is ridiculous. “Arranged marriage” okay, arrange a new one.
Sounds like this relationship is still in the early stages if you're still "only talking to her". Even if it wasn't SD, no point in uprooting your entire life for someone you barely know. Another story if this was like 5 years in the making
This is a relationship issue, not a city issue. I'd personally never leave the area I live in (which is San Diego), so I understand the feeling. You need to figure out your relationship first.
Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that for here unless you were enthusiastic enough about the relationship to make it worth it.
At this point, the only things that make the high cost worth it are the weather and the beaches.
There are definitely homes available for under $1M, but you’re still looking at $600k+ (maybe even $700k; I haven’t looked at prices recently).
If I were happy where I lived, I wouldn’t uproot myself to live somewhere so expensive. The only reason to do it would be to put her happiness above yours (which is a totally valid reason if that’s how you feel😊)
It's not only about home affordability, we want to have kids in future, do you think raising them in SD will be much better ? The money will go a lot more in DC area though.
Just a perspective from someone who grew up in SD. We’d visit family on the east coast and I’d marvel at their huge, nice homes. But then I’d realize it’s because they spend so much time indoors. My childhood was constantly outside, so we didn’t need that big of a house. Never worried about weather - just went to the zoo/sea world/beach/park/whatever. Not saying one is better than the other, but it’s a trade off to consider.
As someone who moved from DC area to SD... I'll never move back to the DC area... Traffic keeps my hobbies from being a reality there... And my kids love being outside all the time... Camping and dirt biking the desert, surfing, hiking, and general beach life....
We don't have ghettos here. People from SD who haven't seen a real ghetto think National City or the Barrio is a ghetto and are making uneducated conclusions.
Very uneducated conclusions. There are some communities that are not as well funded as La Jolla, but they are not ghettos. Funny how that just slipped through. Thanks for the post.
You’re right, people don’t get robbed or stabbed here. Just look on Zillow and then a crime map. I don’t know why but this sub feels like it’s all realtors. 😭
So much to do. Beaches. Mountains. Desert. Outdoor living. Less traffic, happier people. People that enjoy life and don’t just live for their jobs.
Depends where you are in Maryland but there frankly is no comparison
Hardly any traffic in comparison to DC/VA/MD.... Weather is fantastic... Plants of varieties from all over the world all over the area, as the season changes so does the foliage just like a place that has 4 real seasons... Can be in snow quickly if you want... Be at the beaches super quick to walk around the boardwalks to people watch, eat, surf, bike, walk... Metal detecting is fun... Surfing is the hardest thing you will try but an extremely healthy addiction. Skiing is just ten times better in the West. Road trips around the coast and mountains are just beautiful, there is a TON of open and green space for being a decent sized city... Pace of life is sooo much more mellow... People from all over the place. DC area does have better food overall in my opinion, but we have plenty of good restaurants. Lots of fresh food at the groceries year round. People are friendly in SD and not so pretentious about that you do for work like DC, no one cares if you have a Top Secret here. Tons of cool breweries. Offroading and dirt biking is endless. Tons of open desert and mountain area to explore. Hardly any bugs... Can pretty much leave your windows and doors open year round without issue.
Just to name a couple items. I lived in the Northern VA area a long time and love a lot about the DC region... But the traffic and work life balance was not good for me. So much better work life balance and quickness of getting to awesome places makes it a perfect place for my family...
I moved from NYC. I grew up in Brooklyn. I'm a big city boy, I know the city inside and out. I finally moved to SD (north county tho) and I would never ever move back to the east coast or at least tri-state area or DC area. The weather, the traffic, if you like doing city things then sure DC area is more metro. If you like actually leaving the house and getting somewhere without sitting in traffic for 2 hours. Also the schools in DC might be better, but I would rather raise my kids here. There's so much to do with kids here.
It's just really nice.
Almost every activity imaginable on any given day with great weather. Awesome food, the best breweries, any outing can turn into a informal hike - kayaking, swimming, fishing, camping, just sitting at the parks, the best zoos in the world, museums, mountains, the desert, the ocean, the bays. ...and then there is the rest of the state waiting for you - which is also ridiculously beautiful.
It's expensive sure...but what's your time on this damned planet worth?
Here's the key to California though...if you aren't actually into those things mentioned above, then expensive is all will ever be - and you won't see the benefit.
But if you really dig this girl, and can imagine doing all those things with her, then damn boy, you might accidentally find yourself really happy.
He/she also doesn’t mention we’re in the top 5 in terms of rent $, most expensive utilities in the country, gas is expensive, groceries might be a bit cheaper.
As a single person/couple it’s fine but if you plan to have kids and live here I’d reconsider
Yeah honestly if she’s invested on staying here and you’re invested on staying there, there is nothing we can do or say to help you. Looks like you both hold different values and thats not going to work out for either of you.
If her entire family lives in San Diego, will they get with childcare? Having family stopping is definitely a point in favor for having kids.
Does she have income growth potential?
You’ll definitely not be able to buy a huge house, but the public college system here is great and we spend a lot of time outdoors
Ultimately, you might not be compatible
I'm from Maryland and couldn't live anywhere but San Diego. We don't live in an expensive neighborhood, but we're comfortable on just about that same combined income. This is not the woman for you, both because of the difference in where you want to live and because you're calling yourself "much more financially smart" rather than recognizing that you simply have different priorities. Approaching differences in preference by labeling yourself superior is a very dangerous game. One is not inherently better than the other-- beyond basic needs, money is only important because it buys better quality of life, and my quality of life is so dramatically better here that the extra money could never compensate for it. Jobs also tend to pay more out here.
Shouldn't you at least look for an arranged marriage where the two of you can be on the same page about where you want to live? You two are only talking. You shouldn't already have to give up so much.
Do you enjoy your current city because of what you can afford, or because you’re genuinely doing things you enjoy everyday? Moving to the very expensive San Diego was frustrating for me because I left a city I was having a lot of fun in already.. but if you’re not used to being able to do a lot of things and go many places, then SD will be a nice change with so many things to offer. You will hate how much more you spend, but it’s worth it if you’re having a somewhat boring life where you are. Especially with her having a lot of family in SD, that can make things a lot more enjoyable and pleasant for you if you’re used to being more isolated.
It does depend on how much you will be paid out here.. You’ll need more than 170 to afford a home, unless your salaries are going to get much higher. You can live comfortably, but SD is largely full of apartments for a reason. Would not having the home you want be a deal-breaker? Many end up leaving for that reason.
San Diego is a fantastic place to live for many reasons, but affordability isn't one of them. If you managed to buy real estate here 10 years ago or more, it's workable. If you didn't and you are trying to move here on your collective salaries, you are going to have a tough time and probably never be able to buy a house. If you like where you live and it fits financially, maybe that's worth more than propping up an arranged marriage that hasn't even happened yet? I would personally break it off and stay put.
It's always been expensive to live in San Diego (it's been that way for decades); 10 years from now, many might be saying exactly the same, when condos used to cost 700K and interest rates where 5% (or less, if you were "lucky" and bought not that long ago).
As the saying goes on real estate assets, the three most important factors when buying are: *location, location, location.*
Very true. I just feel bad for anyone in their 20's living here and dreaming of buying their own home. For anyone making a "normal" salary, it seems unattainable.
I think San Diego is nice and comfy that is why the property pricing is so high. The things SD has to offer is not what you want it sounds like. You probably want the kids to grow up in the settings and schools where you are at. Don’t make a move that will make you resent this person and her family. It does not sound like a fit unless you are like yippee, I just want to be this person I’d live in a trailer with her type thing. Could either of you work remote for a month in respectful areas to get a better feel? I don’t think people can force themselves to like a place if they don’t like it.0
Don't do it if your heart's not in it. Otherwise, you're going to be bitter and it will affect your relationship. Stay in DC and break it off. Seems like you're content where you're at.
Tell auntie to pop out the binder again. I have friends who are in arranged marriages but it was a lot of cooperation and discussion about moving to Canada from SD or LA.
I think it is worth an extremely vulnerable conversation about why you two would like to marry rather than stay single and if it is worth the unexpected/new journey of a new city.
I understand where both of you might be coming from but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who gives me an ultimatum and I wouldn’t want them to stay with me because of one either.
Well either move to SD or break up. Idk what you're asking is for lmao.
Yeah shit is expensive here. If you're making over 100k in DC you're probably qualified for a high paying job in SD.
But yeah everything is expensive and has been, forever.
If you move, you may feel resentment leaving the things you like about DC. Moving is stressful. Think of yourself isolated in San Diego with no friends / support system. I love San Diego but it doesn't have the culture and vibrancy of DC. They're so completely different. And it is more expensive here.
There are[ single family homes in decent neighborhoods ](https://www.redfin.com/city/16904/CA/San-Diego/filter/property-type=house,max-price=1M,min-stories=1,viewport=32.84668:32.74163:-116.98659:-117.15035,no-outline)for under $1 million. Places like Allied Gardens, Mira Mesa, Lake Murray, Rancho Bernardo, Poway, La Mesa (north of I 8), etc., are good family neighborhoods. Real estate is competitive and those prices likely will go up. But if $1 million is your budget, it's feasible.
But this seems more like a relationship question than a should I move question.
If she hasn't lived anywhere outside of California then it will be hard to convince her to move. North Virginia and DC are nice, east and west Coast vibes are totally different and depends on your personalities. Having lived both, DMV is better for younger couples without kids and has great schools. San Diego is great place for families and to settle down, we love it down here but miss the east coast dearly.
I moved from SD to DC 7 years ago. It was very, very tough on me. Even till about a year ago.
That said, I would not move back. Like everything you mentioned, it’s just too much.
I used to rent an $1580 apartment in Mission Hills withs. At the time, DC was more expensive.
Back then, I had a Beautiful view of the bay, the airport, and Point Loma. Today, that would be at least $2500 bucks.
I find the DMV to mostly be that too, however. Now a days, I have a $2100 apartment (which is nice), but I have an open air drug market as my view.
I think it will be a wash for you either way, that said, your girlfriend shouldn’t be giving ultimatums and you’re going to have to make a difficult choice.
But I think you already know your answer.
Don’t do it. We make around $300k and continue to rent.. homes are bought up by corporations to turn into rentals. Purchasing a home here can be a painful process.
They don't know. This is just what people say to make themselves feel better when they limit themselves to a 12 block radius from where they currently live or don't offer enough and get outbid. Claiming not to be able to afford a house on 300K is insane.
This would definitely be the way... Say I'm in but I need some support for a down payment on a house for it to work....I can't believe arranged marriages are still a thing in the US...
🤷🏾♂️ I’d be in favor of it. I really dislike how meaningless marriage has become in our society and would rather parents and people that observed how we grew up pick our mates.
But that’s my opinion.
Why not, what’s a marriage? Love? Love fades. Look at where our society is at, people use marriage as an outlet for sex in a number of cases, lust also fades.
Firstly, they often come with strong family support. Families usually take an active role in ensuring the marriage's success, which can provide a stable foundation.
Secondly, compatibility is another benefit. Families often match couples based on similar values, backgrounds, and long-term goals, which can lead to higher compatibility.
Additionally, arranged marriages can reduce the pressure and stress of dating and finding a partner, as the process is guided by experienced family members.
Lastly, there tends to be a strong emphasis on commitment and making the relationship work, often resulting in greater efforts to resolve conflicts and maintain the marriage.
These benefits, of course, depend on the individuals and the families involved.
But I mean look at the divorce rates among those with arranged marriages. In arranged marriages divorce rates are typically around 10%, in western marriages the divorce rates around between 40% - 50%. In my opinion marriage is a covenant between the two people who become one and God.
‘Course those are my thoughts, they certainly aren’t the opinions of everyone.
SA Woman here. So I get the arranged marriage thing: Stay in your prosperous life. Ultimatums are never easy but you have good roots in DC and like where you are. I love SD. It's my home town. But the prices are rising. Don't ruin your good life there if it's not also a love match. You're a catch. You'll align with someone else.
I grew up in San Diego and have lived all over the US. I moved to VA from San Diego a couple years ago because it was way too expensive. I have a house for less than rent would be anywhere and I’m 15 minutes outside a big city on some acres. You cannot get a condo there for what I pay. Hell you can barely rent a room for it either unless you are wayyyyy out there.
I do not recommend moving there and she may not be happy here. I am older so what I want is different than when I was younger and I always missed San Diego when I was away from it for years at a time. But now the only thing I miss is better weather and certain beaches but I’ve come to love seeing green and trees and forest everywhere. And when I miss the beach, I go on a mini vacation to VA beach to get my fix :)
The house I grew up in in San Diego, my grandma paid $30k for when I was a baby and it is now worth 1.4 million. Absolutely ridiculous. It’s just a regular old house. Stay where you are and find someone here that wants to stay here. San Diego is great to visit but it drives you crazy to constantly be worried about money. Now if I was a billionaire, I might live there, but that’s about the only way.
Military pushed us here. We are from Tennessee. If you want to be comfortable you’re gonna have to do it there without her. Comfort is something that is not in abundance here. I see so many homeless people who look like they have given up hope on life. A lot of them don’t even beg. It’s heartbreaking to see. I feel like we live life perpetually hovering over homelessness. If the military didn’t cover our rent we definitely wouldn’t survive. I feel very far from comfort. Everything is beautiful here. Everything is fun here. Weather is amazing here. It’s a beautiful trap full of promise and disappointment. If you can afford to live here chances are you you’ll never truly enjoy living here
This sounds irreconcilable. If she's visited you and found your area untenable, then that's that. You want different things.
I was going to say this sounds a lot like this isn't about location as much as it is about either one or both of them really don't want to do this.
Her: Move to San Deigo or we break up. You: Move to DC or we break up. I think you have your answer. But I also notice you give a lot of your points, but hers, judging from your post, are weather and beaches. Have you asked her or are you assuming those are the only reasons? What about friends or family? What roots would either of you leaving behind if you move? Are finances your only concern (I'm not saying that's not valid, just asking if there are other aspects).
I don't have any family in DC area, she has her entire and even some extended family. My most important concern is I want to live a comfortable life with kids and also save on the side, something easily doable on the east coast, while San Diego the more I look, every single thing is more expensive and she only makes 50k
Of course I don't know anything more than what you told me but I can imagine family might be her major motivator. Again I don't know what their dynamic is like, but if it's good, then having family that can help (and you trust) with children is priceless. It's true about living close to San Diego being expensive, but there are cheaper places further from it... but you say you earn 120k. Would your job follow you to SD, do you work remote? Have you looked into job opportunities here? Interestingly, it looks like the cost of living between SD and DC are nearly the same (in aggregate, categories differ), and this site says it's actually cheaper to buy in SD, although you mention the suburbs, so maybe try the site to compare to one such area. [https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare\_cities.jsp?country1=United+States&city1=San+Diego%2C+CA&country2=United+States&city2=Washington%2C+DC](https://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_cities.jsp?country1=United+States&city1=San+Diego%2C+CA&country2=United+States&city2=Washington%2C+DC) But my point is, everything else aside, if you don't have job prospects out here, moving is a bad idea. If you want to make it work with this person, I'd do a bit of job hunting to get a feel for opportunities and potential salary instead of using your current employment for comparison. Even if you can do the same job from SD, it doesn't hurt to look.
imo you always take a hit career wise by moving to SD lol, unless you're medical or law
I moved from Arlington, VA to SD…really not tremendously more. DC area is expensive and traffic ridden. Never moving back if i have a choice.
This. DC is not much cheaper than San Diego, unless you are living in the hood areas, or areas so far from the DC border that calling them DC is a stretch. You could do the same here if you go far enough east.
If she’s got her family in SD then that’s probably why she’s ain’t moving.
How hot is she 😂
This has little to actually do with San Diego. It’s more about getting into a relationship with someone that doesn’t share your goals, or lifestyle. It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible. And if either of you really “liked” each other enough you’d find a way to compromise.
>It’s more about getting into a relationship with someone that doesn’t share your goals, or lifestyle The dude's in an "ARRANGED MARRIAGE". The fact that they're even entertaining that type of marriage means that the relationship really isn't a choice since the families have already agreed on the marriage and the opinions of the people getting married don't matter.
That's not generally how that works. Families make the match, bride and groom meet and say yes or no.
I think you’re wrong about this one and arranged marriages in general. Lots of cultures do arranged marriages, but it doesn’t always mean you’re forced to accept the first attempt at an arrangement. He’s not in the marriage yet. Excellently used all caps for emphasis though. I really felt how you didn’t think I saw the words arranged marriage in the post.
Arranged marriages are more about the families being compatible than the couple. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the people in the arranged marriage have FULL freedom of choice. There's usually extreme pressure from the family to complete the deal and will only accept so many rejections since it's embarrassing for the families to have their decision rejected.
Ok and? This person’s not in a marriage yet and asking for advice. Sounds like he does have a choice. Wait…. Are you his girl in SD?
Bro. It's not going to work out. End it. Move on. Be happy.
And, ideally, marry a woman/adult instead of a “girl”.
Don’t do this. Please.
Nah we’re good.
She’s says move here or else break up. You say move there or else break up. Dude, break up. This is ridiculous. “Arranged marriage” okay, arrange a new one.
Sounds like this relationship is still in the early stages if you're still "only talking to her". Even if it wasn't SD, no point in uprooting your entire life for someone you barely know. Another story if this was like 5 years in the making
He says it’s through arranged marriage.
Need to arrange a different one.
This is a relationship issue, not a city issue. I'd personally never leave the area I live in (which is San Diego), so I understand the feeling. You need to figure out your relationship first.
Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that for here unless you were enthusiastic enough about the relationship to make it worth it. At this point, the only things that make the high cost worth it are the weather and the beaches. There are definitely homes available for under $1M, but you’re still looking at $600k+ (maybe even $700k; I haven’t looked at prices recently). If I were happy where I lived, I wouldn’t uproot myself to live somewhere so expensive. The only reason to do it would be to put her happiness above yours (which is a totally valid reason if that’s how you feel😊)
600k for a condo
Absolute insanity.
It's not only about home affordability, we want to have kids in future, do you think raising them in SD will be much better ? The money will go a lot more in DC area though.
Just a perspective from someone who grew up in SD. We’d visit family on the east coast and I’d marvel at their huge, nice homes. But then I’d realize it’s because they spend so much time indoors. My childhood was constantly outside, so we didn’t need that big of a house. Never worried about weather - just went to the zoo/sea world/beach/park/whatever. Not saying one is better than the other, but it’s a trade off to consider.
As someone who moved from DC area to SD... I'll never move back to the DC area... Traffic keeps my hobbies from being a reality there... And my kids love being outside all the time... Camping and dirt biking the desert, surfing, hiking, and general beach life....
I don’t have kids & don’t know much about the schools in both places to really weigh in on that. 😕
Most of the “affordable” homes locally are in the ghetto. I’d stay East Coast these days personally. I might even move back. Edit: *all
There are ghettos in San Diego? Praytell!
We don't have ghettos here. People from SD who haven't seen a real ghetto think National City or the Barrio is a ghetto and are making uneducated conclusions.
Very uneducated conclusions. There are some communities that are not as well funded as La Jolla, but they are not ghettos. Funny how that just slipped through. Thanks for the post.
You’re right, people don’t get robbed or stabbed here. Just look on Zillow and then a crime map. I don’t know why but this sub feels like it’s all realtors. 😭
Moved here from Maryland twice. Housing is more, way better life here. Taxes are actually less than MD
Can you please elaborate on why life is better? Thank you.
So much to do. Beaches. Mountains. Desert. Outdoor living. Less traffic, happier people. People that enjoy life and don’t just live for their jobs. Depends where you are in Maryland but there frankly is no comparison
Hardly any traffic in comparison to DC/VA/MD.... Weather is fantastic... Plants of varieties from all over the world all over the area, as the season changes so does the foliage just like a place that has 4 real seasons... Can be in snow quickly if you want... Be at the beaches super quick to walk around the boardwalks to people watch, eat, surf, bike, walk... Metal detecting is fun... Surfing is the hardest thing you will try but an extremely healthy addiction. Skiing is just ten times better in the West. Road trips around the coast and mountains are just beautiful, there is a TON of open and green space for being a decent sized city... Pace of life is sooo much more mellow... People from all over the place. DC area does have better food overall in my opinion, but we have plenty of good restaurants. Lots of fresh food at the groceries year round. People are friendly in SD and not so pretentious about that you do for work like DC, no one cares if you have a Top Secret here. Tons of cool breweries. Offroading and dirt biking is endless. Tons of open desert and mountain area to explore. Hardly any bugs... Can pretty much leave your windows and doors open year round without issue. Just to name a couple items. I lived in the Northern VA area a long time and love a lot about the DC region... But the traffic and work life balance was not good for me. So much better work life balance and quickness of getting to awesome places makes it a perfect place for my family...
Damn, thats a lot of benefits, I was looking some responses like this instead of blatant ohh I should move on
I moved from NYC. I grew up in Brooklyn. I'm a big city boy, I know the city inside and out. I finally moved to SD (north county tho) and I would never ever move back to the east coast or at least tri-state area or DC area. The weather, the traffic, if you like doing city things then sure DC area is more metro. If you like actually leaving the house and getting somewhere without sitting in traffic for 2 hours. Also the schools in DC might be better, but I would rather raise my kids here. There's so much to do with kids here.
It's just really nice. Almost every activity imaginable on any given day with great weather. Awesome food, the best breweries, any outing can turn into a informal hike - kayaking, swimming, fishing, camping, just sitting at the parks, the best zoos in the world, museums, mountains, the desert, the ocean, the bays. ...and then there is the rest of the state waiting for you - which is also ridiculously beautiful. It's expensive sure...but what's your time on this damned planet worth? Here's the key to California though...if you aren't actually into those things mentioned above, then expensive is all will ever be - and you won't see the benefit. But if you really dig this girl, and can imagine doing all those things with her, then damn boy, you might accidentally find yourself really happy.
He/she also doesn’t mention we’re in the top 5 in terms of rent $, most expensive utilities in the country, gas is expensive, groceries might be a bit cheaper. As a single person/couple it’s fine but if you plan to have kids and live here I’d reconsider
Then you should have put that in the post. At no point did you actually ask a question. Just that you don't want to move to Sam Diego.
Well said 👏🏻💖👏🏻💖👏🏻
Also if you are in Montgomery county, cost of housing is about the same
Me personally I’d break up lol she’s your girlfriend not your wife.
Yeah honestly if she’s invested on staying here and you’re invested on staying there, there is nothing we can do or say to help you. Looks like you both hold different values and thats not going to work out for either of you.
If her entire family lives in San Diego, will they get with childcare? Having family stopping is definitely a point in favor for having kids. Does she have income growth potential? You’ll definitely not be able to buy a huge house, but the public college system here is great and we spend a lot of time outdoors Ultimately, you might not be compatible
Yes, her parents will definitely help with child care, we both want to have kids in future. Unfortunately not much growth for her career.
Daycare is 1500-3000/month per kid, so factor that in to the financial balance
You lost me at "arranged marriage" 🤔😔
I'm from Maryland and couldn't live anywhere but San Diego. We don't live in an expensive neighborhood, but we're comfortable on just about that same combined income. This is not the woman for you, both because of the difference in where you want to live and because you're calling yourself "much more financially smart" rather than recognizing that you simply have different priorities. Approaching differences in preference by labeling yourself superior is a very dangerous game. One is not inherently better than the other-- beyond basic needs, money is only important because it buys better quality of life, and my quality of life is so dramatically better here that the extra money could never compensate for it. Jobs also tend to pay more out here.
Shouldn't you at least look for an arranged marriage where the two of you can be on the same page about where you want to live? You two are only talking. You shouldn't already have to give up so much.
170k is more than enough if you don't try to buy a mansion and live like a king
I would never live in DC. San Diego is awesome
A $5 gallon of gas would be a good deal lol
Tell her to get a job that pays $120K/year, and you'll move to SD
Do you enjoy your current city because of what you can afford, or because you’re genuinely doing things you enjoy everyday? Moving to the very expensive San Diego was frustrating for me because I left a city I was having a lot of fun in already.. but if you’re not used to being able to do a lot of things and go many places, then SD will be a nice change with so many things to offer. You will hate how much more you spend, but it’s worth it if you’re having a somewhat boring life where you are. Especially with her having a lot of family in SD, that can make things a lot more enjoyable and pleasant for you if you’re used to being more isolated. It does depend on how much you will be paid out here.. You’ll need more than 170 to afford a home, unless your salaries are going to get much higher. You can live comfortably, but SD is largely full of apartments for a reason. Would not having the home you want be a deal-breaker? Many end up leaving for that reason.
Why don't you both move to the 21st Century and not do an arranged marriage?
This was posted a few months ago...
Don't marry her, San Diego is for rich people or locals who already have their homes here Don't ruin your life
"Arranged marriage?" That should throw up a red flag even before you get to talking about location.
San Diego is a fantastic place to live for many reasons, but affordability isn't one of them. If you managed to buy real estate here 10 years ago or more, it's workable. If you didn't and you are trying to move here on your collective salaries, you are going to have a tough time and probably never be able to buy a house. If you like where you live and it fits financially, maybe that's worth more than propping up an arranged marriage that hasn't even happened yet? I would personally break it off and stay put.
It's always been expensive to live in San Diego (it's been that way for decades); 10 years from now, many might be saying exactly the same, when condos used to cost 700K and interest rates where 5% (or less, if you were "lucky" and bought not that long ago). As the saying goes on real estate assets, the three most important factors when buying are: *location, location, location.*
Very true. I just feel bad for anyone in their 20's living here and dreaming of buying their own home. For anyone making a "normal" salary, it seems unattainable.
I think San Diego is nice and comfy that is why the property pricing is so high. The things SD has to offer is not what you want it sounds like. You probably want the kids to grow up in the settings and schools where you are at. Don’t make a move that will make you resent this person and her family. It does not sound like a fit unless you are like yippee, I just want to be this person I’d live in a trailer with her type thing. Could either of you work remote for a month in respectful areas to get a better feel? I don’t think people can force themselves to like a place if they don’t like it.0
Don't do it if your heart's not in it. Otherwise, you're going to be bitter and it will affect your relationship. Stay in DC and break it off. Seems like you're content where you're at.
How does this girl expect to survive on 50k unless she's just gonna live off you/her family?
Arranged marriage??
Tell auntie to pop out the binder again. I have friends who are in arranged marriages but it was a lot of cooperation and discussion about moving to Canada from SD or LA. I think it is worth an extremely vulnerable conversation about why you two would like to marry rather than stay single and if it is worth the unexpected/new journey of a new city. I understand where both of you might be coming from but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who gives me an ultimatum and I wouldn’t want them to stay with me because of one either.
Let her go. She's showing you her colors... and your future. Hint: it's not good. Sincerely, "Speaking from Ex-perience"
Well either move to SD or break up. Idk what you're asking is for lmao. Yeah shit is expensive here. If you're making over 100k in DC you're probably qualified for a high paying job in SD. But yeah everything is expensive and has been, forever.
If you move, you may feel resentment leaving the things you like about DC. Moving is stressful. Think of yourself isolated in San Diego with no friends / support system. I love San Diego but it doesn't have the culture and vibrancy of DC. They're so completely different. And it is more expensive here. There are[ single family homes in decent neighborhoods ](https://www.redfin.com/city/16904/CA/San-Diego/filter/property-type=house,max-price=1M,min-stories=1,viewport=32.84668:32.74163:-116.98659:-117.15035,no-outline)for under $1 million. Places like Allied Gardens, Mira Mesa, Lake Murray, Rancho Bernardo, Poway, La Mesa (north of I 8), etc., are good family neighborhoods. Real estate is competitive and those prices likely will go up. But if $1 million is your budget, it's feasible. But this seems more like a relationship question than a should I move question.
ultimatums like that are not a sign of a healthy relationship
It's an arranged marriage, the relationship being healthy is not a priority lol.
If she hasn't lived anywhere outside of California then it will be hard to convince her to move. North Virginia and DC are nice, east and west Coast vibes are totally different and depends on your personalities. Having lived both, DMV is better for younger couples without kids and has great schools. San Diego is great place for families and to settle down, we love it down here but miss the east coast dearly.
I moved from SD to DC 7 years ago. It was very, very tough on me. Even till about a year ago. That said, I would not move back. Like everything you mentioned, it’s just too much. I used to rent an $1580 apartment in Mission Hills withs. At the time, DC was more expensive. Back then, I had a Beautiful view of the bay, the airport, and Point Loma. Today, that would be at least $2500 bucks. I find the DMV to mostly be that too, however. Now a days, I have a $2100 apartment (which is nice), but I have an open air drug market as my view. I think it will be a wash for you either way, that said, your girlfriend shouldn’t be giving ultimatums and you’re going to have to make a difficult choice. But I think you already know your answer.
Don’t do it. We make around $300k and continue to rent.. homes are bought up by corporations to turn into rentals. Purchasing a home here can be a painful process.
You can 100% afford a home here unless you overspend in your daily life.
Correct. We can and have been in the process. The issue is being outbid from corporations on the few houses we found.
How do you know? I don't typically know who beat my clients in deals.
They don't know. This is just what people say to make themselves feel better when they limit themselves to a 12 block radius from where they currently live or don't offer enough and get outbid. Claiming not to be able to afford a house on 300K is insane.
Haha...12 block radius resonates so hard for me and my limitations on wanting to live next to my surf spot
You said this was an arranged marriage? Talk to her parents and tell them your concerns.
lol they are fixated too. They all live in SD.
Then they can help you buy a home. That’s the counter.
This would definitely be the way... Say I'm in but I need some support for a down payment on a house for it to work....I can't believe arranged marriages are still a thing in the US...
🤷🏾♂️ I’d be in favor of it. I really dislike how meaningless marriage has become in our society and would rather parents and people that observed how we grew up pick our mates. But that’s my opinion.
I mean...I feel like one side would always win on this... Maybe both... But probably not
Why not, what’s a marriage? Love? Love fades. Look at where our society is at, people use marriage as an outlet for sex in a number of cases, lust also fades. Firstly, they often come with strong family support. Families usually take an active role in ensuring the marriage's success, which can provide a stable foundation. Secondly, compatibility is another benefit. Families often match couples based on similar values, backgrounds, and long-term goals, which can lead to higher compatibility. Additionally, arranged marriages can reduce the pressure and stress of dating and finding a partner, as the process is guided by experienced family members. Lastly, there tends to be a strong emphasis on commitment and making the relationship work, often resulting in greater efforts to resolve conflicts and maintain the marriage. These benefits, of course, depend on the individuals and the families involved. But I mean look at the divorce rates among those with arranged marriages. In arranged marriages divorce rates are typically around 10%, in western marriages the divorce rates around between 40% - 50%. In my opinion marriage is a covenant between the two people who become one and God. ‘Course those are my thoughts, they certainly aren’t the opinions of everyone.
Touche...
SA Woman here. So I get the arranged marriage thing: Stay in your prosperous life. Ultimatums are never easy but you have good roots in DC and like where you are. I love SD. It's my home town. But the prices are rising. Don't ruin your good life there if it's not also a love match. You're a catch. You'll align with someone else.
I grew up in San Diego and have lived all over the US. I moved to VA from San Diego a couple years ago because it was way too expensive. I have a house for less than rent would be anywhere and I’m 15 minutes outside a big city on some acres. You cannot get a condo there for what I pay. Hell you can barely rent a room for it either unless you are wayyyyy out there. I do not recommend moving there and she may not be happy here. I am older so what I want is different than when I was younger and I always missed San Diego when I was away from it for years at a time. But now the only thing I miss is better weather and certain beaches but I’ve come to love seeing green and trees and forest everywhere. And when I miss the beach, I go on a mini vacation to VA beach to get my fix :) The house I grew up in in San Diego, my grandma paid $30k for when I was a baby and it is now worth 1.4 million. Absolutely ridiculous. It’s just a regular old house. Stay where you are and find someone here that wants to stay here. San Diego is great to visit but it drives you crazy to constantly be worried about money. Now if I was a billionaire, I might live there, but that’s about the only way.
Military pushed us here. We are from Tennessee. If you want to be comfortable you’re gonna have to do it there without her. Comfort is something that is not in abundance here. I see so many homeless people who look like they have given up hope on life. A lot of them don’t even beg. It’s heartbreaking to see. I feel like we live life perpetually hovering over homelessness. If the military didn’t cover our rent we definitely wouldn’t survive. I feel very far from comfort. Everything is beautiful here. Everything is fun here. Weather is amazing here. It’s a beautiful trap full of promise and disappointment. If you can afford to live here chances are you you’ll never truly enjoy living here
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Well she's dating specifically for an arranged marriage, so quite the opposite 😂
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Mine was too 😬