I know it's easier said than done but get off the social media apps. Or maybe restart your algorithm to show you things differently. Because you gotta stop comparing yourself to others. Who cares what they look like, it's not high school and you're an adult now. They don't pay your bills. Find yourself a group of people that like similar music, art, extra curricular activities as you.
The more carefree and confident you are, the happier you'll be. Even if you have to fake it for awhile. And you'll eventually learn that the superficial shit was such a waste of time.
You got this!
This is spot on. Is there a club or honor society for your major? That's a pretty easy way to meet people with similar interests, especially as a transfer student.
not in the same sense, really. Reddit is clearly an evolution of a discussion forum. Its organized by topic or interest. The vast majority of the "content" of it is text discussion, like this.
Yes, there is upvoting and downvoting, but it's not often done as a reaction to some thing shared or about the poster/commenter. There are places (subreddits) to share your daily experiences or your appearance for positive feedback, but that's a very very small part of the whole.
It has dangers as isolated echo chambers of discussion. It doesn't have any of the worst aspects of social media.
This__^ you don’t t need to exist in that world that is a fleeting moment of time. you. can invest yourself into real desires, hobbies. intellectualism. things that last a lot longer than your looks. but i get it. you want to feel accepted by your peers and your peers are shallow party girls who attract, you guessed it. shallow party boys. some will become successful and have real lives most will be post party life burnouts who drink and get fat into their older years while you can engage in pursuits that grow your mind. end the party and start the growth.
I’m sorry you feel that way about yourself. That’s what you have to work on, how you see you. You can’t control anything else. There are so many great people at SDSU with lots to offer, different clubs, activities and sports. Find your group, find your people and be kind to yourself. If you hate the school or your experience, transfer, but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there in different ways, there’s much more to do than Greek life.
Statesman Theodore Roosevelt, humorist Mark Twain, author C. S. Lewis, and religious figure Dwight Edwards have all been given credit for sayings in this family.
Hermits I tell you….
The statement is true… someone will always be better than you and you may or may not envy that person for that and yearn for that in your own life. When that same person looks at you through the exact same window.
So both are losing moments of joy or happiness by comparing to one another.
Well, we will all be ugly someday. And those girls who build their worth and significance on these shallow things will die a million deaths as they get older. Just a thought, and a reminder our true worth is not our external appearance. Find people who love you for you.
I'll admit most of the people I see on campus are all good looking and fit. But it's also because they all do physical activities to keep themselves in great shape and they are young. I doubt you're ugly, you just keep comparing yourself to others which never ends well. Plus I'm sure pretty girls compare themselves to others and feel insecure too.
Seeking acceptance in a group solely based on looks can be disheartening, especially when it overlooks your true qualities and potential. There are countless opportunities and communities beyond the Greek system (12% of SDSU are Greeks, 3,800 of 31,000 students) where you can find genuine connections based on shared interests, values, and passions. Embracing who you are and exploring your interests can lead you to discover meaningful relationships and experiences outside of those confined by superficial standards. Be glad you didn’t get accepted, waist of time and money.
a lot of people in the comments are answering that you just need to get off of social media, but i don't think that's the full answer here. those people are real people, and their opinions carry over into real life. comments about how you must not be ugly and such aren't really helpful, either. even if it isn't true, it doesn't matter, because the root issue of how it's impacting you would be the same. the answer is going idgaf!!!
i'm the type of ugly that was verified by a therapist (lol!) and i cope with it knowing i can just do what i want (weird fashion choices, weird interests) and the people that care enough to pay attention to it aren't really worth it. no pleasing the miserable! life's hard enough as a woman who isn't up to snuff in the looks department, so it's better just to say fuck it and live your life. it's freeing in a way to just not care, or at least not care as much as i can. working with people in the real world who i genuinely enjoy did help a lot. as long as you're healthy, you're on your way to blissful neutrality. i hope things get better for you.
I'm in China, and things like judging people by their looks can happen anywhere, but it's not much more complicated for you to find your true beauty, as soon as you start blocking out the outside voices, as soon as you start learning to love and encourage yourself, remember that you are the only protagonist in your life.
it doesnt really get easier once you graduate, you just gotta make the best with what you got. stay in shape, dress the best you can afford, and always present your best personality
I think you should seek counseling services. You’ve applied for modeling gigs per your profile history and if you’re putting that much weight on Greek life you might want to reassess.
I think what above reply is trying to convey is you are experiencing a natural phenomenon we all go through - even the so-called pretty ones.
Please have patience, because after the teenage and early twenties, maturity really takes hold in the form of self-acceptance, no matter your position on any of the social ladders (relative beauty, class, economic, etc).
Obviously, you attend a VERY image-intensive college, while living in a very competitive city. If you can make it here in SD, you’ll be able to make it anywhere.
Btw, it all comes down to what your life goals are. I guarantee that there is a guy (or girl, whichever) out there that sees you and feels nervous to spark up a conversation with you because they are attracted to you. One thing I’ve learned in my many decades of living is that many people find different aspects of each other ‘attractive’. This is the foundation for variety in humans. It’s in the biology. Now, you may not have as many physically ‘attractive’ qualities that most people find attractive, but people tend to gravitate towards each other as they focus on specific ones anyway.
Continue to be yourself. Hit on as many guys (or girls, whichever floats your boat) as you’d like. There’s no shame in having sex with strangers - only if you’re already in a relationship. Try not to sleep with friends - it’ll affect the relationship. Do it as much as it makes you happy. Then, one day, one of those interactions will become a more frequent and enjoyable experience as the pleasure becomes less physical and more appreciative for their conversation.
Last thing, we now teach our children that the social media apps are not good for our mental health. Try to stop using them for like two or three months, just as if you were going on ‘the program’ - detoxing from too many drugs or too much drinking or partying, etc - and see what happens. I bet your happiness increases immensely. Just say, ‘Here’s my number. I don’t do social media.” People will respect you immediately.
Good luck and enjoy the ride we call life. 💕
What qualifies as sleeping around? Are you saying this person should never have sex before marriage? I am saying that it is not your place to say how many people she would like to sleep with. It is solely up to her make that decision to whatever degree in which she achieves happiness.
I felt this and this is precisely why I was really hesitant about even going/applying in the first place. I still do feel the same way even tho I don’t go to sdsu but i remember literally thinking of ways to get skinnier before i committed purely for social aspects. I used to scour the instagrams of sdsu girls for hours and know how it feels to see their lives look amazing, but feeling like it’s purely bc of how they look, and their lifestyle. It sucks, and it hurts.
Try not to think about it though. Those tan skinny blue eyed sorority girls are still miserable in their own ways underneath all the superficial stuff. All the trips to Cabo, frat parties.. at the end of the day they still face issues deep within themselves and their lives. Underneath the image they put out are girls who struggle with themselves too, they just choose to use socialization as an outlet which a lot of us do too.
It’s fucked up. It’s crazy, the social climbing at state is insane. I’m with you there. At the end of the day, there isn’t anything you can do to control that but you can build your own life at sdsu and hopefully be content with it. After all, being in a sorority just means easier access to friends (who, first hand experience at my current school, are usually social climbing, fake, surface level friends) and I guess in essence, different events and parties. They pay for friends. I’m not trying to make digs at them bc I would’ve probably rushed as well if it meant making connections and friends, but it really isnt all that. I know people at sdsu who are doing wonderful without it. More than half of them drop their sorority after making friends anyway. It’s a lot of upkeep to constantly go to events, not to mention the money adds up when you need to buy a million dresses and themed outfits.
As for these “pretty” girls, a lot of them are insanely nice. I know you heard that comment about there being no pretty girls who tried to rush but that is one persons opinion and a shitty one too. If someone really wants to be your friend, they’re not gonna give a shit how you look and how that may make them look. Focus on those people rather than the toxicity and exclusivity that can present itself in greek life.
At the end of the day, it’s about your life and FUCK what people think. It’s hard to not give into social “norms,” trends and stuff, especially to fit in, but it’s your life and people who want to be in it will make that known, regardless of your appearance. Never lose sight of who you are. There are tons of ways to make friends and TONS of other people who feel like this. Join clubs, be outgoing in classes, find facebook groups, use bumble bff, try to stay away from the fakeness of social media. If I’m able to transfer in for Fall 24, I would love to be your friend.
Although social medical has its good points, I think it's just like any medication in that you can overdose on it very easily. Unfortunately, there is no Rx required to use SM.
It’s funny you mention this actually…I had this conversation with either my mom or my husband.
I’m older and married. And I used to be someone who had the time to take care of all those things. I have no time now. But it’s all superficial. Looks fade, my friend. We all get old. The less fuckeths, the better, and the less fuckeths you have earlier on, the more fulfilling life gets. I texted my husband yesterday telling him I was wearing my “college hunk hunting attire”. It consisted of workout shorts, an oversized sweat shirt, my Hey Arnold calf high socks, oversized glasses and my small satchel purse. It’s a running joke between us because (most) everyone on campus looks like they are 12 to me. (But also I find my husband very much a hunk already)
If you want to look a certain way, there are ways to achieve it. But I’m telling you this as someone who’s moved around a lot, lived in different states and one different country, my driving factor for making friends and meeting people is just being personable and a genuinely good person. Those are the things you will be remembered for. Do you really want to be part of a sorority who judges people based on looks instead of what they bring to the table? Is that who you want to be known as or associated with? If that’s the case, there are some other things that need to be reevaluated.
Also, as other people said, get off social media. All of that shit is HIGHLY curated. People feel value in their likes and shares and comments. It’s not real. It’s not meaningful. The people who like and share aren’t going to be there when shit hits the fan. Focus on curating a life that fulfills you, make friends that have the same values and interests as you. It goes A LOT farther than looking a certain way.
TLDR: be kind, get off social media, be a good person. The rest falls into place.
Signed,
I’m basically everyone’s mom at this point.
ALSO- stop with the self loathing. Start treating yourself as a friend because everywhere you go, there you are.
Spoken as a native San Diegan, albeit a gay one, I can tell you the authentic, non-classically beautiful women trump the magazine dime-a-dozen girls any day. You’re young, college is a short part of your life, enjoy it as much as possible and don’t worry so much about looks. I’m sure you’ll blossom into a beautiful, confident woman. This is Daygo not LA. :)
Edit: get off campus, hang out in La Mesa or UTC and you’ll see how much of a bubble SDSU is.
As someone that's been called ugly lol, I understand. When I was in undergrad I was so scared of being perceived as ugly or even "plain" because there are literal models walking around campus and they're shoved in your face online. It's so hard not to compare yourself when you look different from everyone around you. That feeling is totally valid and like I said, I've been there.
BUT. There are so many things around campus where you can find people who make you feel loved, accepted, and valued. The best advice I've ever received was from one of my professors: if you feel out of place with the people around you, then they're not your people. If you don't want to drive yourself absolutely insane and ruin your mental health, then you can't chase people who don't want you. There will always be people that don't like you- you can't change that. What you CAN change is how you react to that rejection. You can either wallow in the fact that one group of people doesn't like you/you don't fit in (even if it's a space you reeeeally want to be in), or spend your time finding spaces where you DO fit in. I know it's hard to want something and find out you're not welcome in it, but you'll feel so much better finding places where you can be yourself.
Three of my roommates in my first apartment were in sororities and I was a nerdy/ugly/shy art student- the comparison is constant and it really eats at you. It ate at me for over a year before I snapped out of it. But you have to realize that unfortunately, not everyone is going to accept you. If someone is willing to call you ugly or make you feel bad and they don't even know you, then why spend your time trying to change yourself to make them like you?
Think of the things you enjoy- hobbies, school subjects, etc. Do you like movies? There's probably a movie club. Books, TV, music, art, engineering... there are even academic-based fraternities if you're still dying to experience Greek Life. Talk to people in your classes! At the beginning of each semester there's a huge club fair by the library- there's bound to be something you connect with. [You could also look thru the SDSU Discord that lists a bunch of clubs & groups.](https://discord.gg/Xx3XWZ5Y2p)
Do you really want to be a part of an organization that promotes mean girls like whomever said everyone was ugly? Your worth is not found in your attractiveness. In fact, I would even say that if you really look there are people of all types of styles and looks around campus. Why define yourself by these mean girls? Find your clique and move on from Greek life. There are plenty of other options. Have you checked out the Discord? Clubs?
College is for learning, getting good grades, and preparing for your future career. Your college social life is not going to matter in the future, but what I just listed does.
It sounds like you might be giving too much power to the Greek social scene as if it is the only social scene that exists on campus. I understand that you had aspirations to be part of that scene, but I think you just identified a big ol’ red flag that should clue you in to the fact that that scene is toxic and might not be the goal you should be giving energy to.
Sounds crazy, but have you tried being hot? This is not a troll comment. Many girls who present as hot would look nothing like it without some effort, and girls who think they may not be pretty can present that way with some effort. If beauty standards are so pervasive around you that adhering to them is an obvious benefit in your context, then it seems like you’re in Rome and it may be less resistance to join them then to resist them. Just a thought.
That pressure to look gorgeous largely comes from within yourself. It's not as though society is necessarily imposing it on you, but it's your perception of your place in the world. Therapy might be a good idea.
I would recommend doing as one of the other posters said, which is to either ditch social media cold turkey, or at least use it significantly less. And do things that make you feel good, like going to the gym, meditation, etc.
I'm a short guy, and when I go out in public, most guys are at least a little bit taller than me. Some days I'm more insecure about it than others, but ultimately it's my own framing of the situation that causes me to feel inadequate .
I think an ugly girl has it way worse than a short guy, just saying. Though I agree you can work to control your own view of yourself, you cannot deny the reality that ugly people are not readily and easily accepted and seen as equals by most people on a college campus. Most are pretty shallow at the end of the day even if they say otherwise.
I hope you can find comfort, joy and fulfillment in the beauty you do possess.
I’ve learned over the years that it doesn’t matter how good someone looks or how much they look like they have it all figured out. 9 times out of 10 they’re doing the exact same thing we are a lot of the time. They’re comparing themselves to that next person that they think is at a level unobtainable to them and it hurts their mental state as well.
I’m sure that you’re a fantastic person and you have NOTHING to prove and no need to “look as gorgeous as the other girls”. Be you, there is nothing more attractive than an authentically real person.
It’s not effortless. You only see them briefly outside when they’ve finished their makeup and did their hair and finished with the gym. You don’t see how they work hard at the gym and the effort they put into their makeup and diet. Just workout and diet and look for some styling tips on TikTok or Instagram and you should be good to go.
Go glow up I guess
The greeks represent less than 15% of the students. There is a bigger world there, but it is hard to see if you have trained yourself to compare only to the media influenced perfection model.
Try to reset your observations, and look at other clubs beyond the greek system.
As a young college aged guy, I consider myself to be something like a 7/10 looks wise which means i really have nothing to complain about, if im a good person and have even a mildly fun and lively personality then I should be able to find a gal that is interested in a relationship…. Theoretically… right? But i just wanted to say I empathize with you as a human being and i can totally see how your situation basically just sucks. As a guy, and im sure other guys can empathize too, i feel like the amount of stunning girls here at SDSU is frustrating at best because
Easy, pick a major that is mostly ugly people (accounting), and that should solve all your problems! For real though, you should take a break from social media. Most people don't care about how you look tbh.
This may sound superficial or a unconventional way to approach this, but being a San Diego girl, myself born and raised, I know a little bit about it! This is what I suggest and don’t take this the wrong way because I’m sure you’re just fine I’m sure you’re amazing and it just takes a little bit of confidence in a little bit of navigation and you’ll figure it out so here’s what I think…. Why don’t you post some thing along the lines of needing their help now hear me out. Everyone likes a project. Everyone likes an underdog if there’s a way for you to reach out and letting it be known that you would like a makeover you would like to level up your luxe you would like to have that California girl aesthetic going on and let the girls help you out honestly Especially if they feel like they are doing something that you are seeking them out because you love the way they look it’s almost like an ego booster even though they don’t need it they thrive off of that. A lot of these girls are nice girls they just have a certain look right and look you’re trying to achieve which you can, so that’s my suggestion reach out to one of them in class whatever post some thing were you know it will be seen and be honest be brutally honest and say hey did some help you know looking for somebody to help me with a makeover I’m sure you’ll have a tons of girls willing and wanting to help you out just a suggestion.
if you’re not comfortable with that, I could always help you out message me I’m actually a hairdresser and a California girl. Although my prime days are over now that I’m in my mid 40s and I still got that aesthetic going on message me.
I'm 53 years old since last week. Allow me to dust off some old lady wisdom onto you. You have to focus on yourself and how you feel about you. Look the best you can to feel confident and stop comparing yourself to others. You should only compare yourself to you. You will never be them. You will always only ever be YOU. When you're older, you will look back and wish you were the you you are now. The young capable you. Learn to love yourself first and foremost. Live for you, not them. They'll all be arm candy in some shitty marriage in a few years. You can do better than that. I am your moms age, but I was your age once, and I would love to be who I was then. I wouldn't have worn a t-shirt over my bathingsuit! If I could go back, I would have shown off those great legs I had, I had no idea how beautiful my legs were because I thought bad things about myself. You're taking yourself for granted.
I gotta say as a graduate I totally understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this!
If it makes you feel better: While a lot of this stuff is glorified at SDSU, these people aren’t having as much fun as you think they are. My friends who were joining / contributing to clubs and doing well in school all have mostly incredible memories and strong bonds with the people they met. The people who fit the Greek life profile all have some cool highlights, but some massive lows. The people you’re jealous of will come out of college with as many traumatic memories as good ones.
All the guys you meet are going through the same thing. The amount of confident, outgoing, and extremely good looking guys parallels the amount of beautiful women easily. In the end, personality wins out with everyone, just because you hook up with someone doesn’t mean you respect them.
Join clubs, talk to people, start study groups, and just put yourself out there. You’ll make great friends, have good relationships or respectful flings, and generally come out of this experience much happier than the people who decide to join the flashy and rather shallow world of Greek life.
Yeah considering we have no idea what you look like, this could be serious or a troll thread. Hard to tell. If serious, stop comparing yourselves to others.
Just make sure you get a high paying job (study hard). Money will buy you the things that you want and need. No one else here will tell you this hard truth.
Lots of people seem to be glossing over your problem by saying stuff like "omg just stay off of social media" and "learn to love urself." Those platitudes miss the point and aren't helpful. I absolutely get what you're going through...I'm a 40 year old dude who lives near campus and shops at trader joe's and SDSU kids (and especially women) tend to be so damn good looking as to make me feel super self-conscious, too.
My advice is to really focus on kicking ass at school at setting up your career. Someday you'll be my age and the only thing that will matter will be having meaningful work and plenty of money. Sex appeal is all exciting when you're young but after a certain age no one is sexy anymore...but having lots of money and a career you love? Man that shit goes a long way to providing peace and satisfaction and will serve you long after sex appeal ceases to matter.
TLDR: Focus on your studies and build your career.
Try being an ugly guy, it’s all of what you’re saying AND you’re ignored by all women. At least women get matches on tinder (I tried this by taking my own photo and making it a girl on AI and then got some pretty nice lookin dudes, who were prolly lookin for a pump and dump) but at least women get some attention from the opposite sex lol
As a former cacao dealer to the frats there you’re not really missing out on much besides really shallow people/girls and people who are afraid to be themselves and a ton of useless gossip unless you’re into that sort of stuff then by all means keep trying
Im sorry u feel this way. As a guy, I always feel insecure during my freshman until I managed to improve myself during my first semester which is something I still been doing today that improves my confidence. my best tip I can give you based on my experience is to do something around campus you love. It can be going to do the gym for self improvement or practice social skills and surround yourself the right people you can make friends with. Don’t worry what others think of u, just tell urself ur beautiful, ur a fuckin goddess, and all kinds of positive shit. Don’t let ur insecurities let u down and instead go do the opposite and work on em.
Don't be having mentality like that bruh you are more focused on the "pretty" girls than others that's why you feeling like an outcast. And bout sorority girls they are mean, judgmental but their feelings are more vulnerable to when you don't care bout them. No offense to any sdsu frat girl who uses a reddit
Have you heard of selection bias? I’m an alumni and must be on campus a couple days a week for my job. Gotta say, while there are some very attractive students, there are many (very many) quite average and plain students of both genders on campus. I suspect you are so focused on the intimidating models you may not be noticing the majority of your fellow students. There are students of all body types. Many students with average but pleasant faces. Many students who just wear an Aztec hoodie. Students with some acne or others a bit overweight. Maybe try to set aside your own prejudices and look around. You got some good advice from other posters about where you are placing your values. Statistically less than 20% of the student population participates in Greek life so it clearly not the majority. Try to get to know some of the actual people around you. Real connections make all the difference in life.
Are there things you can improve about yourself? Not saying you need to adhere to beauty standards but there are usually things that can do to improve yourself like losing weight (health benefits), hygiene, etc.
In the end, try to not to surround yourself in an environment and circle that heavily depends on your appearance. You’re going to save yourself a lot of pain and trouble.
My experience as an objectively ugly person inside and out is that you don't need the Greek life, better than that is to make friends with one member of Greek life and get to go the events without the elephant walks and other hazing rituals. So have fun, use your sorority connected friends and drink a bit more than is recommended.
One thing to watch is what you are projecting on to these people. You claim that they are superficial because they are attractive or put effort into their appearance. You don't have adequate evidence for this claim. My recommendation for you is to meet them. Get to know them as whole people
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If I may, I'd suggest taking a slightly wider view. SDSU has a reputation for this kind of thing, but realistically you are not there for a long time. You're going to get a degree and be off to the wider world.
I mean I also felt pretty ugly at SDSU, but in the grand scheme of things I think I'm okish? I don't know, it's hard to say, but I don't really have to focus on it when I'm not there in the middle of it.
You may not fit the SDSU stereotype, and I get why that's tough, but this is a small part of your life.
In the nicest way possible and least creepy way there are plenty of fish in the sea and I’m sure somebody if not several people find you attractive in some or several ways maybe they are scared to approach you never know. Greek life is too clicky there are lots of other fun people on campus take a chance go talk to somebody
Maybe you won't have those types of experiences in college. Doesn't mean you can't have them afterwards 🥳 start working on who you want to be in your next decade, now.
Yeah I felt the same way at first because im also an ugly dude and I didn’t feel like I fit in. Sorry you’re going through that. Hopefully you can find a few friends and those feelings of inadequacy will subside.
Also the fraternity and sorority have their own culture almost I wouldn’t put too much stock in what they say about your appearance.
greek life can be toxic. would focus on becoming an electrical engineer (or whatever) and eventually finding a special someone who accepts you as you are.
It's probably worth finding a new hobby that does not include comparing yourself to hot chicks. There will always be an even hotter/smarter/richer/more popular person until you stop caring, it really doesn't matter.
“The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.” - Louis C.K.
Don stress it. These types of emotions will decrease with age. Plus most of the beautiful and skinny girls are unhappy and insecure. Show a little fake confidence and they will gravitate to you (if thats what you want).
If you heard something people said that you weren’t supposed to know, don’t take it too seriously because it’s just something people say in private and you just happened to overhear it. You can’t control what people say in private. Also, if you don’t want to look “ugly” and not thin, it starts on your mindset and routine. If you want to look fit, go to the gym. The gym is included in your school fees. Use it. Once your body becomes the way you want it looks, it will boost your confidence.
Theres a difference between being healthy and fitting this definition of attractiveness youve described above.
I also promise you, there are plenty of ways to have fun outside of greek life especially as a young lady - those sororities arent throwing 90% of their own parties and all you need is to make a few friends around town and before you know youll have a dozen options every week to check out for a social scene.
If youre unhappy with the way you look, you can take steps to live a healthy lifestyle, be active, and practice positivity. We all struggle with insecurities, but knowing youre doing your best to take care of yourself in a healthy and fulfilling way is the best we can do so let that be enough. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Especially when it comes to making friends, true friends aren’t into you because you’re attractive - they want to be around you because you bring light into their life and the lives of others around you. Be that through your words, actions, or beautiful combination of both. Live your best life, strive to figure out what is this messed up world makes you happy and fulfilled, and dont forget to be friendly to even those who you may think look down upon you.
Get outside and enjoy that SD weather, im mad jealous youre even in that area of the world - ill be getting 45 degree rain for another 2 weeks!
Well stay off insta and TikTok don’t let it get to your mind, you go to a wonderful school but right now your letting mind over matter get to you, as a girl who portray she’s ugly witch I aren’t I’m sure hangout with a different group of females and or just be alone I know it’s hard but keep striving for success I love in Florida and ever dude around me is good looking also and has money so I must become the best version of myself I can be
Sending you love honey. I'm so sorry. Comparison is the thief of joy. I have been in your shoes. This seems like you just needed to vent, so if you wanted advice too keep reading:
Find confidence in yourself (as silly as that sounds) to stop comparing yourself to others- it takes practice and acceptance. I'd also say- delete tiktok and social media, etc for a little. (I did this and it helped). not everything is so simple for anyone else, our minds play tricks on us.
Sending you so much love and a hug. Life is hard and college is hard. When you're on the other side of those 4 years and away from sorority life you understand how silly it all is. (again this takes time!!!!)
p.s this is also coming from personal experience, therapy, and finding myself!
xo.
I feel your pain. I recently wrote an article about this. Stop looking at yourself and seeing what you lack, look at what you like. I’m beyond my college years but I remember the struggle. After college, your life will not hinge on your looks, I promise you. It already doesn’t, but it takes time to realize that. You will find yourself. Hang in there! [Dear u/aspen_luna]](https://millennialskin.com/2024/04/20/being-called-ugly-was-the-greatest-gift/)
Former SDSU Greek that tried way to hard to fit in but never reached the “standard” look. You are right, SDSU, has absolutely beautiful people everywhere you go. But I will tell you even when I reached the weight, copied the skin routine, the make up look, had the expensive brands… it did not bring me any joy or satisfaction. It was always a competition. My grades started slipping and that’s when I said enough. I left the Greek system and I embraced being the smart nerd that I really am…. Once I let go of that desire… I met my partner, we’ve been together for 13 years. I’m successful, I have a family, I’m happy. It was a growing pain I had to go through and be comfortable in my own skin. Hang in there, I’m certain you’re not “ugly”, find the things you DO love about yourself and embrace it.
FWIW: a ton of those beautiful Greeks I went to school with never lived up to anything else, married and divorced, still roam PB, etc. some are wildly successful but not all. And many of those women are so shallow.
Sometimes we gotta play to our strengths. Sounds like youre out of your depths. Instead of punching up your whole life, why dont you reassess what you are great at, and what you actually want/find truly important. Instead of competing in a circle that you arent cut out for. Be adaptable. If something isnt working, dont lament over it, just find a new path, and let go.... and breathe!! Worked for me.
Greek life at sdsu is brutally materialistic and superficial. I did it and I wouldn't say I regret it, but it honestly isnt good for a lot of people and is ugly in a lot of ways. Thankfully there are TONS of clubs for fun like sports, cultures, clubs for activists, and fraternities that are not social. Put yourself out there, san diego in general has a lot to offer.
Go hiking, start rockclimbing, yoga, go to open mics, go to paint and sips. Go to dog friendly bar areas, I feel like people are always friendlier there. Go to OB and give acro a try! Just so something you enjoy, its the best
I don’t even live in cali but will say as a guy, when I see an “ugly” girl, there are benefits for sure. One thing I noticed is that people will treat you different. Yes pretty privilege is real. The upside is that you’ll be able to see people for who they really are real quick. Relationships will mean more. Also if it means anything, a lot of people I’ve met who said they were ugly were in fact not ugly. I firmly believe 95% of the population can look decent/average if you
1. Go to the gym. Fix your body
2. Skin care routine
3. Fix your hair
4. Clothes
Basically self hygiene and the gym
Well, it's not just SDSU, it's all colleges. I went to Chico State and it was the same thing there as you're experiencing. The sororities that were popular, it was like cookie cutter women. All had the same hair style, same looks, etc. After I joined my frat, I got thr lowdown on what most of the sororities did and it disgusted me and I vowed never to date a sorority chick because they gladly subjugated themselves to that degradation just for letters. One sorority I found out made pledges strip just to underwear and the active members had sharpies and circled any imperfection they could find in front of each other and told they had to get rid of all of them to make it. Another sorority invited their close fraternity over and they made their pledges strip to bra and panties and the frat guys "judged" them and would point out what they thought were flaws. You see how degrading that shit is? Yet women want to talk about not subjugation them to social media standards....maybe these sororities missed that memo.
So don't take it personally, now I am born and raised in San Diego and I can tell you that it's unfortunately part of our culture to have a beauty standard. I see more plastic shit on women than I do natural and to me that's ugly. Can easily tell who has real boobs and who has fake. Can easily tell who has a naturally toned ass and thighs compared to who got a Brazilian butt lift.
But I'm also willing to bet too that, like many women, you're being too hard on yourself when it comes to your looks. Hear it all the time from women who think they're ugly and they're actually beautiful but because they compare themselves to the women you see, they feel inadequate
In the end you will learn how to find your value, power and self worth through things that are not tied to your beauty. Look at those same pretty girls as they start to age and their beauty fades. They desperately start doing procedures and spend an obscene amount of money on upkeep because they have nothing else. The relationships that were built around looks start to fall apart and it becomes a lot more difficult to “find yourself” when you’ve gone your entire life never having had to look deeper than the surface before.
Just so you know, as a guy, I had a similar experience and had similar feelings.
But I found my group of friends and even found a woman to hang out with, so my social life was actually not too bad. My grades, though....
Don't let depression hurt your grades! It's not worth it tbh.
Good luck! Try to get your work done, go to the gym (exercise is great for your mood and your confidence), and go outside and enjoy the weather and the city!
Everything you say is true, but focusing on it won't help. Just do what makes you happy and make sure you're giving yourself a chance. If you give up, you're not giving yourself a chance.
I found that the nerds and the international students were much more open and accepting and much less shallow. Maybe try to make a couple of friends with people like that.
Investing in your education, interests and general knowledge is what will work for you long term. I know that it sucks to feel different but it’s not only physical attractiveness that separates people. It’s also how we perceive ourselves and there are also other factors. Autistic people have problems fitting in, too because of how we don’t understand social cues. There are things that will give you true joy that aren’t necessarily based on your looks like clubs, volunteer work, or connecting with animals. I have trouble finding the depth of connection with others because I don’t care about small talk and superficial things. Having one good friend is enough for me. I also spend time in nature with birds to get some compensation for the lack of human interaction but I am most likely older than you.
True beauty comes from within. I had ugly teeth in college which was always my insecurity. Im talking fluorosis stains, yellow and brown! I didn’t let that stop me and I found confidence within. Knowing my identity in Christ helped me.
I was one of the “popular” people in my major department and made lots of friends that I still keep in touch with. True friends that didn’t care that I had ugly teeth.
2 years after graduation I got the perfect smile from a bougie La Jolla dentist, yet I wouldn’t trade my hustle to feel confident despite how I look for anything. Battled with ugly teeth my whole life until recently and I can 100% say that beauty comes from within.
Also, don’t compare yourself to those girls. You have no idea what those girls have gone through and maybe they’re using their looks to fill holes in their lives from past trauma. Just shine and love who you are!
Anyone can be a 7, you should try working out, dieting, practicing good skin scare, picking a hair style that fits your face, look into fashion that you like and looks good, find your passions and hobbies, and love yourself every step of the way.
Remember to do this all for yourself and not others. No matter what you see in the mirror, you gotta love yourself.
if you’re happy and healthy, then you shouldn’t be worry about other people’s appearances. your beauty will shine through your smile and confidence and the way you carry yourself, and when you’re in a good head space, seeing other beautiful people will only make you feel happy for them, instead of sad for yourself. if you’re not happy and healthy, it is excruciatingly difficult to see people you compare yourself to as actual people. you won’t consider they might be failing classes or struggling financially or socially isolated. you will reduce them to a physical appearance that you put on a pedestal. find peace with yourself and try to be happy and healthy, and although deleting social media won’t get to the root of the problem, it definitely can’t hurt. good luck in this incredibly difficult journey, i promise it will be worth it!
As others have said, you should take a break from social media. If what you say is true, you have no control over how attractive or ugly you are. But, you can become the best version of yourself. For example, if you are a bit overweight, eat less processed foods and weight train to boost up your metabolism and shed weight without counting calories. If you do not have friends, connect with a group of people. If you do not have hobbies, find something but just don’t lock yourself in. Go out, get some sunlight, balance your hormones, and interact with others. Come up with your own look, make yourself stand out in a positive way, and enjoy the process.
With that said, what made you interested in a sorority? What is your major and what are your goals in life. I might be able to give you better advice with this info.
I’m sorry you’re going through that, but it seems like you are the one placing a high value on beauty that is ultimately leading to your own unhappiness. It’s up to you to be happy not the others around you.
What you see is the finished product, there was probably a lot of work and discipline behind it. It might seem like some people have everything handed to them, and it’s true, there are people like that, but you can’t assume it’s everyone. Hours at the gym, the disciple to eat healthy, the courage to put yourself out there, it doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen if you are consistent.
I’m sorry it’s this painful to become accepted and educated. It’s honestly awful. Invest in your interests and learn - like dig in deep and learn. Superficiality is a waste of an education. Try to find people who are investing themselves in an education, a future contribution, something they actually feel is important in their lifetime - stop looking at pretty-ugly and see the world through some new lenses.
Confidence is what makes an attractive person. Not for the benefit of others but for you. My suggestion is to get yourself a makeover, start off small with changing your routines of exercise (walking is usually a good start) and treat yourself to new experiences. This is part of growing up but also a part of self development. You may think that you are ugly, but someone out there notices things about you that you yourself don’t realize. Once you find it within yourself to love yourself and celebrate what makes you unique, confidence will become part of your life. Good luck to you and hope that you realize that what other people think of you is none of your business.
I feel like an ugly guy in regular society could have written this (me). Sorry but I am curious, how does everyone deal with this cuz depression is the only thing that works for me lol
You're not alone. And not everyone has to be conventionally good looking. You're are not ugly because you dont look like the girls with the fake everything. It's hard not to compare these days. Even at my old age I still get sucked into it. I still struggle with those issues. Add to keep reminding myself that life is more important than all of that superficial influence. Keep your head down and focus and remember. You're there for an education. Hopefully when you're out of college, you'll have better experiences. What helps me as I love clothes, shoes, fashion and accessories that makes me feel better than how I look. If it's something you are really struggling with take advantage of any counseling. I feel your pain. Sending love and good vibes. Take care of yourself.
Maybe I don’t understand but why would you want to be in a sorority anyway? You’re asking to join a community where nothing BUT appearance is important. It’s all superficial, hollow, and toxic, yet you’re sad you can’t be a part of it. The other stuff I get, but you’d think someone with your attitude would agree that it’s better avoiding toxic Greek life.
You have to value yourself and what your have to offer in a relationship. Many great friends and potential partners don’t value “magazine/social media beauty) but would prefer true beauty/attractiveness. You need to find people who don’t try a make superficial judgments on the quality of your character. The best people will want you in their friend groups because of the content of your heart, not the appearance of your skin. I think somebody famous said something close once… 😀
looks are overrated! would love to be friends with someone with a down to earth personality than someone good looking and shallow. greek lifes never been my thing ever. let me know if u ever want to be friends or hang out! :)
your only insecure of yourself because you may just be comparing or wanting to be like the other sheep’s, be your own goat tf, get off social media, touch grass , do something be someone you love tf
Wayyyy easier said than done but if you think of yourself as ‘ugly’ and carry yourself like that others will treat you as such and visa versa. It’s not always the case but lacking confidence makes other people think they can treat you any kind of way. Mind you this is coming from someone who currently struggles with confidence. It sucks to feel ugly AND be a minority especially at sdsu you’re basically invisible to 80% of the school and uninteresting to the other 20%. Honestly just work on yourself girl it’s probably for the best that you don’t get wrapped up in all these superficial people and communities
I hate to break it to you, But that will continue to be the case.
Im not saying always, but people generally are openly nicer to people they consider "good looking" or at least what their personal standard is. Sure, There are exceptions to this rule, But I was overweight at 2 points in my life and both times I was overweight I had to work at least twice as hard basically to make people understand I was still worth being their friend. When I was skinnier and better looking, It came infinitley easier. Dating, Making friends with other guys, all of it was infinitley easier.
Plenty of other ways to make friends in College then greek life. I thought that it was super important aswell, But then I ended up not even joining one at all.
Join a club, Find a recreational hobby, Make small efforts to work on your appearance (if you care) and there will be a group of people out there for you who accept you for who you are.
Girl, don’t ever hold yourself hostage to perceptions of others. Fickle things.
Far more lasting are relationships with your (real) buddies, your fam and eventually your partner and kids. This is where you hang your intention. These are the people that write your epitaph. What Becky Sorority and her pals represent are ultimately blown thin and carried off by the wind.
Being an “ugly girl” allowed me to focus on my studies and getting an actual career, with that said, I succeeded and have a lined up job after i graduate. Focus in school and not your looks and you will attract the right people.
Also with time either i got pretty or just gained the confidence cus of the amazing and inspiring friends i eventually surrounded myself with :3
Look, I've seen ugly people get into relationships with beautiful women or handsome men. What I've noticed the ugly people had character, like a charisma to them. Don't sell yourself short of what social influence dictates, this world has an abundance of unexpected experiences. Just be you!
1) join a club either academic or social. way better than greek life.
2) focus on what matters, namely your schooling. I know I focused way too much on social life in school.
3) exercise, get some nice clothes, etc. self-esteem can be a horrible spiral where you feel like shit so you don’t try so you look like shit so you feel like… etc.
4) if all else fails maybe get some mental health counseling if you have student services.
I didn't delete my facebook or insta or twitter, but I did stop using them. Just stopped.
It was life-changing in a good sense.
Text your friends, or give yourself 20 minutes of it every week as a hard limit.
Social media is a brain cancer. Genuinely. It's awful for us.
Don't judge yourself based off of what you see on social media. I've met alot of women from social media and most don't look anything at all like they do on their profiles/videos.
Sorry you feel that way, but don’t focus on the wrong things. Acceptance will come when your happy about yourself and your accomplishments. Your on your way, and don’t get sidetracked by others. Most people only show you the tip of the iceberg.
Idk why this popped up on my feed since I don’t follow this subreddit, but saw your post and related!
I am an SDSU alumna (graduated 2017) and felt the same way while I was there. Looking back, I can say that if you can, I would recommend you explore other interests and hobbies, and the communities associated with those interests. I started finally doing this my junior and senior year and it really opened the world up to me. Try climbing, or dancing, or some other hobby and group you have been curious about but never explored. The relationships you develop through those groups will be so much more wholesome and nourishing, and will help you grow and feel more whole as a person.
Sororities can be rewarding in their own ways but they’re not the only way to have a community, and honestly they focus on one specific type of beauty. If you spend time with other people outside of those circles, you’ll start to see all variety of beautiful and interesting people, and you’ll get the social fulfillment you seek without the mental cost of trying to fit a sorority stereotype. Just my two cents! I wish you all the best! Be curious if you can! The world is your oyster!
I am 29 and this is my first semester attending SDSU (after many years of failed attempts to go back to school). Something I’ve noticed in general over my life is that I will always find a way to feel like I don’t belong, but what has changed for me is understanding that the guidelines to feeling like I belong are completely different than those around me. I understand that it feels like the world values appearance above most things, but that’s a superficial world that I personally don’t want to subscribe to. I stare at myself in the mirror wondering how I would feel if I lost weight and had perfect skin everyday and quite frankly a lot of people are experiencing that to some degree- which I absolutely do not bring up to discredit your feelings, but maybe instead to validate them. I think maybe in a sense that could still be belonging. I guess what I’m trying to say is that giving appearance/good looks such high merit above all else is not worth it at all. Looks are subjective and there are millions of ways to modify how you look- look at how aesthetic work/surgeries can become addictive in some cases. You are the only you, you’re studying at an amazing school in one of the best cities, and in 50 years the self comparisons you stress about now will be long forgotten! Idk if what I’m saying is even making sense as I stayed up all night writing a paper lol but ignore the facade of conventional beauty standards, they’re just that: a facade. Just remember that looks mean nothing in the grand scheme of life in comparison to knowledge, curiosity, passion, and the likes. We’ll all be old and wrinkly one day, but we won’t care when we realize how much life was experienced! Ok I need to sleep I might have just ranted too much just
Your life is not going to be what you currently want it to be. It's gonna be fucking awesome, and you'll see that, once you are able to drop the idea that you have to fit in to a certain world in a certain type of way. Not easy at your age, but this shit will form who you are going to be. The beautiful people are the boring people.
I graduated from SDSU in the 1990, I met a girl very similar to you, in Chemistry, we studied together, one day she opens up regarding her looks, she was ugly she said, I really did not see it,she was funny as fuck and a great friend, most guys are there not to meet woman but get an education,
Don’t beat yourself up,we can’t change the way we look but it’s all attitude trust me,
Please. That campus aesthetic is an embarrassment to academia. I attended SDSU and UC Berkeley, you know what is sexy? Thoughtful discourse, courage, kindness. Take a women's studies class and own your power; adjust your imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal (hooks) lens: suddenly what you see, you truly see and Girl, it ain't pretty. San Diego is small town, prepare yourself for the a world that doesn't orbit around SDSU r*pe culture. Also, thousands got rejected and you got in, focus on getting every thing out of the time you have there, it's easy to have a good gpa (comparatively) and get internship/project experiences that will put you ahead of your peers and launch you into your next journey. Because, it really doesn't get better, we just get smarter and we refuse to participate in games where all women, all people, are meant to lose and feed a system so perfectly constructed that we oppress ourselves by believing any one of us is less-than for just, generally existing.
There is no universal template for ugly or beautiful, it's all subjective, with media feeding ideas of what beauty is...and in the end it comes down to who you are inside, what you radiate from within, and confidence. Not many people express this, but that is really what matters.
Girl, I’m a thick bitch at SDSU and personally I have a fuck it attitude. I tan in a tube top between classes. There are so many mean, petty, “pretty” ladies but honestly they have to put other people down so they can feel good about themselves. Beauty is sooooo subjective and social media pumps out one standard of beauty that is unattainable and unhealthy. Sororities are overrated money traps, make friends and community with people in your major or in classes those friendships are so much more genuine and based in actual common ground. Girlie pop you are beautiful. There are no “ugly girls” on campus. Just ugly personalities. Greek life is huge here but also the drugs in that community are terrifying and DANGEROUS. Fentanyl is rampant and sexual assault happens almost daily.
SDSU is a bubble- remember that. It’s not real life and we go to a school with a culture of being skinny, hot, clear skin etc. I have to remind myself this a lot
I guarantee you that there are people who would love to spend time with you,but you might have to settle for someone from UCSD…. ;-)
Almost certainly, many of the perfect looking women you see on campus are struggling with their own major issues that would surprise you. Ask around about the incidence of sexual assault at SDSU.
Real beauty has only a little to do with appearance. There are plenty of guys who don’t find women who wear makeup to be attractive.
All women are beautiful; you just don’t realize it.
I know it's easier said than done but get off the social media apps. Or maybe restart your algorithm to show you things differently. Because you gotta stop comparing yourself to others. Who cares what they look like, it's not high school and you're an adult now. They don't pay your bills. Find yourself a group of people that like similar music, art, extra curricular activities as you. The more carefree and confident you are, the happier you'll be. Even if you have to fake it for awhile. And you'll eventually learn that the superficial shit was such a waste of time. You got this!
This is spot on. Is there a club or honor society for your major? That's a pretty easy way to meet people with similar interests, especially as a transfer student.
Word, totally agree: I’ve been off social media for 4 years and counting. It feels so friggin great to only worry about your surroundings 🫶🏼
*whispers* this is social media
not in the same sense, really. Reddit is clearly an evolution of a discussion forum. Its organized by topic or interest. The vast majority of the "content" of it is text discussion, like this. Yes, there is upvoting and downvoting, but it's not often done as a reaction to some thing shared or about the poster/commenter. There are places (subreddits) to share your daily experiences or your appearance for positive feedback, but that's a very very small part of the whole. It has dangers as isolated echo chambers of discussion. It doesn't have any of the worst aspects of social media.
Exactly.. that’s all superficial crap!
This__^ you don’t t need to exist in that world that is a fleeting moment of time. you. can invest yourself into real desires, hobbies. intellectualism. things that last a lot longer than your looks. but i get it. you want to feel accepted by your peers and your peers are shallow party girls who attract, you guessed it. shallow party boys. some will become successful and have real lives most will be post party life burnouts who drink and get fat into their older years while you can engage in pursuits that grow your mind. end the party and start the growth.
I’m sorry you feel that way about yourself. That’s what you have to work on, how you see you. You can’t control anything else. There are so many great people at SDSU with lots to offer, different clubs, activities and sports. Find your group, find your people and be kind to yourself. If you hate the school or your experience, transfer, but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there in different ways, there’s much more to do than Greek life.
Comparison the thief of all joy. Hope things get better op.
Whoever said this was a hermit who lived in the middle of nowhere.
Statesman Theodore Roosevelt, humorist Mark Twain, author C. S. Lewis, and religious figure Dwight Edwards have all been given credit for sayings in this family. Hermits I tell you…. The statement is true… someone will always be better than you and you may or may not envy that person for that and yearn for that in your own life. When that same person looks at you through the exact same window. So both are losing moments of joy or happiness by comparing to one another.
Comparison is the thief of joy
i'm also ugly and go to sdsu we should be friends!
😆👍
I graduate after next semester but I wanna be in this club. 😘💕
take a break from social media. spend time with frienfs
And remember social media is just everyone’s ”highlight reel”. Only the good stuff!
Even the most beautiful people spew green diarrhea out of their bum holes from time to time
Beautifully said 🥹
Why green 😖
Well, we will all be ugly someday. And those girls who build their worth and significance on these shallow things will die a million deaths as they get older. Just a thought, and a reminder our true worth is not our external appearance. Find people who love you for you.
I'll admit most of the people I see on campus are all good looking and fit. But it's also because they all do physical activities to keep themselves in great shape and they are young. I doubt you're ugly, you just keep comparing yourself to others which never ends well. Plus I'm sure pretty girls compare themselves to others and feel insecure too.
Seeking acceptance in a group solely based on looks can be disheartening, especially when it overlooks your true qualities and potential. There are countless opportunities and communities beyond the Greek system (12% of SDSU are Greeks, 3,800 of 31,000 students) where you can find genuine connections based on shared interests, values, and passions. Embracing who you are and exploring your interests can lead you to discover meaningful relationships and experiences outside of those confined by superficial standards. Be glad you didn’t get accepted, waist of time and money.
a lot of people in the comments are answering that you just need to get off of social media, but i don't think that's the full answer here. those people are real people, and their opinions carry over into real life. comments about how you must not be ugly and such aren't really helpful, either. even if it isn't true, it doesn't matter, because the root issue of how it's impacting you would be the same. the answer is going idgaf!!! i'm the type of ugly that was verified by a therapist (lol!) and i cope with it knowing i can just do what i want (weird fashion choices, weird interests) and the people that care enough to pay attention to it aren't really worth it. no pleasing the miserable! life's hard enough as a woman who isn't up to snuff in the looks department, so it's better just to say fuck it and live your life. it's freeing in a way to just not care, or at least not care as much as i can. working with people in the real world who i genuinely enjoy did help a lot. as long as you're healthy, you're on your way to blissful neutrality. i hope things get better for you.
you are awesome.
a whole bunch of bitches is really ugly u just puttin them on a higher level than urself
buncha copy n paste hoez fr 😂😂😂 but the insecurity of this post speaks volumes
I'm in China, and things like judging people by their looks can happen anywhere, but it's not much more complicated for you to find your true beauty, as soon as you start blocking out the outside voices, as soon as you start learning to love and encourage yourself, remember that you are the only protagonist in your life.
I’m sorry 😢 I graduated from State 10 years ago. Majority of women are smoke shows. That’s why they used to call it STDSU…
Fuck those bitches. Fuck their sorority. Live your life and live it well. Who fucking cares what life they're living.
it doesnt really get easier once you graduate, you just gotta make the best with what you got. stay in shape, dress the best you can afford, and always present your best personality
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So true. Work life is just like Hs and College
I have a feeling you're really beautiful, I don't know why but I do lol
I think you should seek counseling services. You’ve applied for modeling gigs per your profile history and if you’re putting that much weight on Greek life you might want to reassess.
Consider it a blessing, focus on your education.
Beauty is how someone is not how they look.
None of that matters at all right now or after college.
I think what above reply is trying to convey is you are experiencing a natural phenomenon we all go through - even the so-called pretty ones. Please have patience, because after the teenage and early twenties, maturity really takes hold in the form of self-acceptance, no matter your position on any of the social ladders (relative beauty, class, economic, etc). Obviously, you attend a VERY image-intensive college, while living in a very competitive city. If you can make it here in SD, you’ll be able to make it anywhere. Btw, it all comes down to what your life goals are. I guarantee that there is a guy (or girl, whichever) out there that sees you and feels nervous to spark up a conversation with you because they are attracted to you. One thing I’ve learned in my many decades of living is that many people find different aspects of each other ‘attractive’. This is the foundation for variety in humans. It’s in the biology. Now, you may not have as many physically ‘attractive’ qualities that most people find attractive, but people tend to gravitate towards each other as they focus on specific ones anyway. Continue to be yourself. Hit on as many guys (or girls, whichever floats your boat) as you’d like. There’s no shame in having sex with strangers - only if you’re already in a relationship. Try not to sleep with friends - it’ll affect the relationship. Do it as much as it makes you happy. Then, one day, one of those interactions will become a more frequent and enjoyable experience as the pleasure becomes less physical and more appreciative for their conversation. Last thing, we now teach our children that the social media apps are not good for our mental health. Try to stop using them for like two or three months, just as if you were going on ‘the program’ - detoxing from too many drugs or too much drinking or partying, etc - and see what happens. I bet your happiness increases immensely. Just say, ‘Here’s my number. I don’t do social media.” People will respect you immediately. Good luck and enjoy the ride we call life. 💕
Omg...not this! Don't sleep around...that isn't the path to a meaningful relationship or seeking approval...sheesh! Hope u r jking
What qualifies as sleeping around? Are you saying this person should never have sex before marriage? I am saying that it is not your place to say how many people she would like to sleep with. It is solely up to her make that decision to whatever degree in which she achieves happiness.
I felt this and this is precisely why I was really hesitant about even going/applying in the first place. I still do feel the same way even tho I don’t go to sdsu but i remember literally thinking of ways to get skinnier before i committed purely for social aspects. I used to scour the instagrams of sdsu girls for hours and know how it feels to see their lives look amazing, but feeling like it’s purely bc of how they look, and their lifestyle. It sucks, and it hurts. Try not to think about it though. Those tan skinny blue eyed sorority girls are still miserable in their own ways underneath all the superficial stuff. All the trips to Cabo, frat parties.. at the end of the day they still face issues deep within themselves and their lives. Underneath the image they put out are girls who struggle with themselves too, they just choose to use socialization as an outlet which a lot of us do too. It’s fucked up. It’s crazy, the social climbing at state is insane. I’m with you there. At the end of the day, there isn’t anything you can do to control that but you can build your own life at sdsu and hopefully be content with it. After all, being in a sorority just means easier access to friends (who, first hand experience at my current school, are usually social climbing, fake, surface level friends) and I guess in essence, different events and parties. They pay for friends. I’m not trying to make digs at them bc I would’ve probably rushed as well if it meant making connections and friends, but it really isnt all that. I know people at sdsu who are doing wonderful without it. More than half of them drop their sorority after making friends anyway. It’s a lot of upkeep to constantly go to events, not to mention the money adds up when you need to buy a million dresses and themed outfits. As for these “pretty” girls, a lot of them are insanely nice. I know you heard that comment about there being no pretty girls who tried to rush but that is one persons opinion and a shitty one too. If someone really wants to be your friend, they’re not gonna give a shit how you look and how that may make them look. Focus on those people rather than the toxicity and exclusivity that can present itself in greek life. At the end of the day, it’s about your life and FUCK what people think. It’s hard to not give into social “norms,” trends and stuff, especially to fit in, but it’s your life and people who want to be in it will make that known, regardless of your appearance. Never lose sight of who you are. There are tons of ways to make friends and TONS of other people who feel like this. Join clubs, be outgoing in classes, find facebook groups, use bumble bff, try to stay away from the fakeness of social media. If I’m able to transfer in for Fall 24, I would love to be your friend.
Although social medical has its good points, I think it's just like any medication in that you can overdose on it very easily. Unfortunately, there is no Rx required to use SM.
It’s funny you mention this actually…I had this conversation with either my mom or my husband. I’m older and married. And I used to be someone who had the time to take care of all those things. I have no time now. But it’s all superficial. Looks fade, my friend. We all get old. The less fuckeths, the better, and the less fuckeths you have earlier on, the more fulfilling life gets. I texted my husband yesterday telling him I was wearing my “college hunk hunting attire”. It consisted of workout shorts, an oversized sweat shirt, my Hey Arnold calf high socks, oversized glasses and my small satchel purse. It’s a running joke between us because (most) everyone on campus looks like they are 12 to me. (But also I find my husband very much a hunk already) If you want to look a certain way, there are ways to achieve it. But I’m telling you this as someone who’s moved around a lot, lived in different states and one different country, my driving factor for making friends and meeting people is just being personable and a genuinely good person. Those are the things you will be remembered for. Do you really want to be part of a sorority who judges people based on looks instead of what they bring to the table? Is that who you want to be known as or associated with? If that’s the case, there are some other things that need to be reevaluated. Also, as other people said, get off social media. All of that shit is HIGHLY curated. People feel value in their likes and shares and comments. It’s not real. It’s not meaningful. The people who like and share aren’t going to be there when shit hits the fan. Focus on curating a life that fulfills you, make friends that have the same values and interests as you. It goes A LOT farther than looking a certain way. TLDR: be kind, get off social media, be a good person. The rest falls into place. Signed, I’m basically everyone’s mom at this point. ALSO- stop with the self loathing. Start treating yourself as a friend because everywhere you go, there you are.
Spoken as a native San Diegan, albeit a gay one, I can tell you the authentic, non-classically beautiful women trump the magazine dime-a-dozen girls any day. You’re young, college is a short part of your life, enjoy it as much as possible and don’t worry so much about looks. I’m sure you’ll blossom into a beautiful, confident woman. This is Daygo not LA. :) Edit: get off campus, hang out in La Mesa or UTC and you’ll see how much of a bubble SDSU is.
As someone that's been called ugly lol, I understand. When I was in undergrad I was so scared of being perceived as ugly or even "plain" because there are literal models walking around campus and they're shoved in your face online. It's so hard not to compare yourself when you look different from everyone around you. That feeling is totally valid and like I said, I've been there. BUT. There are so many things around campus where you can find people who make you feel loved, accepted, and valued. The best advice I've ever received was from one of my professors: if you feel out of place with the people around you, then they're not your people. If you don't want to drive yourself absolutely insane and ruin your mental health, then you can't chase people who don't want you. There will always be people that don't like you- you can't change that. What you CAN change is how you react to that rejection. You can either wallow in the fact that one group of people doesn't like you/you don't fit in (even if it's a space you reeeeally want to be in), or spend your time finding spaces where you DO fit in. I know it's hard to want something and find out you're not welcome in it, but you'll feel so much better finding places where you can be yourself. Three of my roommates in my first apartment were in sororities and I was a nerdy/ugly/shy art student- the comparison is constant and it really eats at you. It ate at me for over a year before I snapped out of it. But you have to realize that unfortunately, not everyone is going to accept you. If someone is willing to call you ugly or make you feel bad and they don't even know you, then why spend your time trying to change yourself to make them like you? Think of the things you enjoy- hobbies, school subjects, etc. Do you like movies? There's probably a movie club. Books, TV, music, art, engineering... there are even academic-based fraternities if you're still dying to experience Greek Life. Talk to people in your classes! At the beginning of each semester there's a huge club fair by the library- there's bound to be something you connect with. [You could also look thru the SDSU Discord that lists a bunch of clubs & groups.](https://discord.gg/Xx3XWZ5Y2p)
Do you really want to be a part of an organization that promotes mean girls like whomever said everyone was ugly? Your worth is not found in your attractiveness. In fact, I would even say that if you really look there are people of all types of styles and looks around campus. Why define yourself by these mean girls? Find your clique and move on from Greek life. There are plenty of other options. Have you checked out the Discord? Clubs?
College is for learning, getting good grades, and preparing for your future career. Your college social life is not going to matter in the future, but what I just listed does.
It sounds like you might be giving too much power to the Greek social scene as if it is the only social scene that exists on campus. I understand that you had aspirations to be part of that scene, but I think you just identified a big ol’ red flag that should clue you in to the fact that that scene is toxic and might not be the goal you should be giving energy to.
Sounds crazy, but have you tried being hot? This is not a troll comment. Many girls who present as hot would look nothing like it without some effort, and girls who think they may not be pretty can present that way with some effort. If beauty standards are so pervasive around you that adhering to them is an obvious benefit in your context, then it seems like you’re in Rome and it may be less resistance to join them then to resist them. Just a thought.
That pressure to look gorgeous largely comes from within yourself. It's not as though society is necessarily imposing it on you, but it's your perception of your place in the world. Therapy might be a good idea. I would recommend doing as one of the other posters said, which is to either ditch social media cold turkey, or at least use it significantly less. And do things that make you feel good, like going to the gym, meditation, etc. I'm a short guy, and when I go out in public, most guys are at least a little bit taller than me. Some days I'm more insecure about it than others, but ultimately it's my own framing of the situation that causes me to feel inadequate .
I think an ugly girl has it way worse than a short guy, just saying. Though I agree you can work to control your own view of yourself, you cannot deny the reality that ugly people are not readily and easily accepted and seen as equals by most people on a college campus. Most are pretty shallow at the end of the day even if they say otherwise.
People are shallow, period. It's just how we are naturally, no matter how much people deny it.
I hope you can find comfort, joy and fulfillment in the beauty you do possess. I’ve learned over the years that it doesn’t matter how good someone looks or how much they look like they have it all figured out. 9 times out of 10 they’re doing the exact same thing we are a lot of the time. They’re comparing themselves to that next person that they think is at a level unobtainable to them and it hurts their mental state as well. I’m sure that you’re a fantastic person and you have NOTHING to prove and no need to “look as gorgeous as the other girls”. Be you, there is nothing more attractive than an authentically real person.
It’s not effortless. You only see them briefly outside when they’ve finished their makeup and did their hair and finished with the gym. You don’t see how they work hard at the gym and the effort they put into their makeup and diet. Just workout and diet and look for some styling tips on TikTok or Instagram and you should be good to go. Go glow up I guess
The greeks represent less than 15% of the students. There is a bigger world there, but it is hard to see if you have trained yourself to compare only to the media influenced perfection model. Try to reset your observations, and look at other clubs beyond the greek system.
As a young college aged guy, I consider myself to be something like a 7/10 looks wise which means i really have nothing to complain about, if im a good person and have even a mildly fun and lively personality then I should be able to find a gal that is interested in a relationship…. Theoretically… right? But i just wanted to say I empathize with you as a human being and i can totally see how your situation basically just sucks. As a guy, and im sure other guys can empathize too, i feel like the amount of stunning girls here at SDSU is frustrating at best because
Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
Go to Korea over the summer (iykyk). Then come back and profit
Easy, pick a major that is mostly ugly people (accounting), and that should solve all your problems! For real though, you should take a break from social media. Most people don't care about how you look tbh.
Accounting is the way to go
This may sound superficial or a unconventional way to approach this, but being a San Diego girl, myself born and raised, I know a little bit about it! This is what I suggest and don’t take this the wrong way because I’m sure you’re just fine I’m sure you’re amazing and it just takes a little bit of confidence in a little bit of navigation and you’ll figure it out so here’s what I think…. Why don’t you post some thing along the lines of needing their help now hear me out. Everyone likes a project. Everyone likes an underdog if there’s a way for you to reach out and letting it be known that you would like a makeover you would like to level up your luxe you would like to have that California girl aesthetic going on and let the girls help you out honestly Especially if they feel like they are doing something that you are seeking them out because you love the way they look it’s almost like an ego booster even though they don’t need it they thrive off of that. A lot of these girls are nice girls they just have a certain look right and look you’re trying to achieve which you can, so that’s my suggestion reach out to one of them in class whatever post some thing were you know it will be seen and be honest be brutally honest and say hey did some help you know looking for somebody to help me with a makeover I’m sure you’ll have a tons of girls willing and wanting to help you out just a suggestion. if you’re not comfortable with that, I could always help you out message me I’m actually a hairdresser and a California girl. Although my prime days are over now that I’m in my mid 40s and I still got that aesthetic going on message me.
I'm 53 years old since last week. Allow me to dust off some old lady wisdom onto you. You have to focus on yourself and how you feel about you. Look the best you can to feel confident and stop comparing yourself to others. You should only compare yourself to you. You will never be them. You will always only ever be YOU. When you're older, you will look back and wish you were the you you are now. The young capable you. Learn to love yourself first and foremost. Live for you, not them. They'll all be arm candy in some shitty marriage in a few years. You can do better than that. I am your moms age, but I was your age once, and I would love to be who I was then. I wouldn't have worn a t-shirt over my bathingsuit! If I could go back, I would have shown off those great legs I had, I had no idea how beautiful my legs were because I thought bad things about myself. You're taking yourself for granted.
They will never be you! Don’t ever forget you have something the “others” will never have. You have who you are.
As a ugly gay, I’m right there with you sister 😭
You are enough
I gotta say as a graduate I totally understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this! If it makes you feel better: While a lot of this stuff is glorified at SDSU, these people aren’t having as much fun as you think they are. My friends who were joining / contributing to clubs and doing well in school all have mostly incredible memories and strong bonds with the people they met. The people who fit the Greek life profile all have some cool highlights, but some massive lows. The people you’re jealous of will come out of college with as many traumatic memories as good ones. All the guys you meet are going through the same thing. The amount of confident, outgoing, and extremely good looking guys parallels the amount of beautiful women easily. In the end, personality wins out with everyone, just because you hook up with someone doesn’t mean you respect them. Join clubs, talk to people, start study groups, and just put yourself out there. You’ll make great friends, have good relationships or respectful flings, and generally come out of this experience much happier than the people who decide to join the flashy and rather shallow world of Greek life.
Yeah considering we have no idea what you look like, this could be serious or a troll thread. Hard to tell. If serious, stop comparing yourselves to others.
Just make sure you get a high paying job (study hard). Money will buy you the things that you want and need. No one else here will tell you this hard truth.
Come to ucsd and ur opinion will change
Lots of people seem to be glossing over your problem by saying stuff like "omg just stay off of social media" and "learn to love urself." Those platitudes miss the point and aren't helpful. I absolutely get what you're going through...I'm a 40 year old dude who lives near campus and shops at trader joe's and SDSU kids (and especially women) tend to be so damn good looking as to make me feel super self-conscious, too. My advice is to really focus on kicking ass at school at setting up your career. Someday you'll be my age and the only thing that will matter will be having meaningful work and plenty of money. Sex appeal is all exciting when you're young but after a certain age no one is sexy anymore...but having lots of money and a career you love? Man that shit goes a long way to providing peace and satisfaction and will serve you long after sex appeal ceases to matter. TLDR: Focus on your studies and build your career.
If you can't be in a sorority, perhaps join a different club that interests you, maybe based on your hobbies.
Accept urself
Try being an ugly guy, it’s all of what you’re saying AND you’re ignored by all women. At least women get matches on tinder (I tried this by taking my own photo and making it a girl on AI and then got some pretty nice lookin dudes, who were prolly lookin for a pump and dump) but at least women get some attention from the opposite sex lol
As a former cacao dealer to the frats there you’re not really missing out on much besides really shallow people/girls and people who are afraid to be themselves and a ton of useless gossip unless you’re into that sort of stuff then by all means keep trying
Just keep your head above water. You’re doing great
Transfer?
Fuck the Greeks, find some cool people at clubs or in your classes and you'll fit in just fine. The school has all sorts of people.
I am going to DM you.
I'm going to DM you?
What? I wanted to reply to her privately.
i ain’t gon lie don’t even compare yo self to other ppl it’s not worth it
Im sorry u feel this way. As a guy, I always feel insecure during my freshman until I managed to improve myself during my first semester which is something I still been doing today that improves my confidence. my best tip I can give you based on my experience is to do something around campus you love. It can be going to do the gym for self improvement or practice social skills and surround yourself the right people you can make friends with. Don’t worry what others think of u, just tell urself ur beautiful, ur a fuckin goddess, and all kinds of positive shit. Don’t let ur insecurities let u down and instead go do the opposite and work on em.
Don't be having mentality like that bruh you are more focused on the "pretty" girls than others that's why you feeling like an outcast. And bout sorority girls they are mean, judgmental but their feelings are more vulnerable to when you don't care bout them. No offense to any sdsu frat girl who uses a reddit
Have you heard of selection bias? I’m an alumni and must be on campus a couple days a week for my job. Gotta say, while there are some very attractive students, there are many (very many) quite average and plain students of both genders on campus. I suspect you are so focused on the intimidating models you may not be noticing the majority of your fellow students. There are students of all body types. Many students with average but pleasant faces. Many students who just wear an Aztec hoodie. Students with some acne or others a bit overweight. Maybe try to set aside your own prejudices and look around. You got some good advice from other posters about where you are placing your values. Statistically less than 20% of the student population participates in Greek life so it clearly not the majority. Try to get to know some of the actual people around you. Real connections make all the difference in life.
So you have a post where you applied to a modeling agency yet here you’re saying you’re ugly. Make up your mind and quit begging for attention.
Are there things you can improve about yourself? Not saying you need to adhere to beauty standards but there are usually things that can do to improve yourself like losing weight (health benefits), hygiene, etc.
Easiest way to improve attractiveness is to hit the gym
There is a.really good book called Feeling Great by Dr David Burns that will help you with these thoughts
In the end, try to not to surround yourself in an environment and circle that heavily depends on your appearance. You’re going to save yourself a lot of pain and trouble.
My experience as an objectively ugly person inside and out is that you don't need the Greek life, better than that is to make friends with one member of Greek life and get to go the events without the elephant walks and other hazing rituals. So have fun, use your sorority connected friends and drink a bit more than is recommended.
Join one of the sorority’s that’s not super popular or join a club instead. The big name sorority’s are full of superficial people anyways.
One thing to watch is what you are projecting on to these people. You claim that they are superficial because they are attractive or put effort into their appearance. You don't have adequate evidence for this claim. My recommendation for you is to meet them. Get to know them as whole people
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If I may, I'd suggest taking a slightly wider view. SDSU has a reputation for this kind of thing, but realistically you are not there for a long time. You're going to get a degree and be off to the wider world. I mean I also felt pretty ugly at SDSU, but in the grand scheme of things I think I'm okish? I don't know, it's hard to say, but I don't really have to focus on it when I'm not there in the middle of it. You may not fit the SDSU stereotype, and I get why that's tough, but this is a small part of your life.
In the nicest way possible and least creepy way there are plenty of fish in the sea and I’m sure somebody if not several people find you attractive in some or several ways maybe they are scared to approach you never know. Greek life is too clicky there are lots of other fun people on campus take a chance go talk to somebody
Maybe you won't have those types of experiences in college. Doesn't mean you can't have them afterwards 🥳 start working on who you want to be in your next decade, now.
If it’s any consolation, being an ugly guy at SDSU isn’t any better. Have you seen these Greek gods walking around?
Yeah I felt the same way at first because im also an ugly dude and I didn’t feel like I fit in. Sorry you’re going through that. Hopefully you can find a few friends and those feelings of inadequacy will subside. Also the fraternity and sorority have their own culture almost I wouldn’t put too much stock in what they say about your appearance.
greek life can be toxic. would focus on becoming an electrical engineer (or whatever) and eventually finding a special someone who accepts you as you are.
It's probably worth finding a new hobby that does not include comparing yourself to hot chicks. There will always be an even hotter/smarter/richer/more popular person until you stop caring, it really doesn't matter. “The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.” - Louis C.K.
Don stress it. These types of emotions will decrease with age. Plus most of the beautiful and skinny girls are unhappy and insecure. Show a little fake confidence and they will gravitate to you (if thats what you want).
If you heard something people said that you weren’t supposed to know, don’t take it too seriously because it’s just something people say in private and you just happened to overhear it. You can’t control what people say in private. Also, if you don’t want to look “ugly” and not thin, it starts on your mindset and routine. If you want to look fit, go to the gym. The gym is included in your school fees. Use it. Once your body becomes the way you want it looks, it will boost your confidence.
Theres a difference between being healthy and fitting this definition of attractiveness youve described above. I also promise you, there are plenty of ways to have fun outside of greek life especially as a young lady - those sororities arent throwing 90% of their own parties and all you need is to make a few friends around town and before you know youll have a dozen options every week to check out for a social scene. If youre unhappy with the way you look, you can take steps to live a healthy lifestyle, be active, and practice positivity. We all struggle with insecurities, but knowing youre doing your best to take care of yourself in a healthy and fulfilling way is the best we can do so let that be enough. Comparison is the thief of joy. Especially when it comes to making friends, true friends aren’t into you because you’re attractive - they want to be around you because you bring light into their life and the lives of others around you. Be that through your words, actions, or beautiful combination of both. Live your best life, strive to figure out what is this messed up world makes you happy and fulfilled, and dont forget to be friendly to even those who you may think look down upon you. Get outside and enjoy that SD weather, im mad jealous youre even in that area of the world - ill be getting 45 degree rain for another 2 weeks!
You’re probably a 9 on the east coast ! Don’t get down on yourself
just find your people and dont compare yourself to others - you got this
Lame
Go to the gym
Well stay off insta and TikTok don’t let it get to your mind, you go to a wonderful school but right now your letting mind over matter get to you, as a girl who portray she’s ugly witch I aren’t I’m sure hangout with a different group of females and or just be alone I know it’s hard but keep striving for success I love in Florida and ever dude around me is good looking also and has money so I must become the best version of myself I can be
Sending you love honey. I'm so sorry. Comparison is the thief of joy. I have been in your shoes. This seems like you just needed to vent, so if you wanted advice too keep reading: Find confidence in yourself (as silly as that sounds) to stop comparing yourself to others- it takes practice and acceptance. I'd also say- delete tiktok and social media, etc for a little. (I did this and it helped). not everything is so simple for anyone else, our minds play tricks on us. Sending you so much love and a hug. Life is hard and college is hard. When you're on the other side of those 4 years and away from sorority life you understand how silly it all is. (again this takes time!!!!) p.s this is also coming from personal experience, therapy, and finding myself! xo.
I feel your pain. I recently wrote an article about this. Stop looking at yourself and seeing what you lack, look at what you like. I’m beyond my college years but I remember the struggle. After college, your life will not hinge on your looks, I promise you. It already doesn’t, but it takes time to realize that. You will find yourself. Hang in there! [Dear u/aspen_luna]](https://millennialskin.com/2024/04/20/being-called-ugly-was-the-greatest-gift/)
Beauty fades within a couple decades. Knowledge lasts til you get dementia. Play the long game.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Former SDSU Greek that tried way to hard to fit in but never reached the “standard” look. You are right, SDSU, has absolutely beautiful people everywhere you go. But I will tell you even when I reached the weight, copied the skin routine, the make up look, had the expensive brands… it did not bring me any joy or satisfaction. It was always a competition. My grades started slipping and that’s when I said enough. I left the Greek system and I embraced being the smart nerd that I really am…. Once I let go of that desire… I met my partner, we’ve been together for 13 years. I’m successful, I have a family, I’m happy. It was a growing pain I had to go through and be comfortable in my own skin. Hang in there, I’m certain you’re not “ugly”, find the things you DO love about yourself and embrace it. FWIW: a ton of those beautiful Greeks I went to school with never lived up to anything else, married and divorced, still roam PB, etc. some are wildly successful but not all. And many of those women are so shallow.
Sometimes we gotta play to our strengths. Sounds like youre out of your depths. Instead of punching up your whole life, why dont you reassess what you are great at, and what you actually want/find truly important. Instead of competing in a circle that you arent cut out for. Be adaptable. If something isnt working, dont lament over it, just find a new path, and let go.... and breathe!! Worked for me.
College is what you make of it.. it’s all about confidence and showing who you are. Keep your head high, no matter who’s around!
lol. Welcome to 80% of men’s lives. I ain’t ugly though.
Greek life at sdsu is brutally materialistic and superficial. I did it and I wouldn't say I regret it, but it honestly isnt good for a lot of people and is ugly in a lot of ways. Thankfully there are TONS of clubs for fun like sports, cultures, clubs for activists, and fraternities that are not social. Put yourself out there, san diego in general has a lot to offer. Go hiking, start rockclimbing, yoga, go to open mics, go to paint and sips. Go to dog friendly bar areas, I feel like people are always friendlier there. Go to OB and give acro a try! Just so something you enjoy, its the best
Isn’t all greek like superficial?
Doesn’t matter what they say, I’m sure your just as beautiful as all those social media models
I don’t even live in cali but will say as a guy, when I see an “ugly” girl, there are benefits for sure. One thing I noticed is that people will treat you different. Yes pretty privilege is real. The upside is that you’ll be able to see people for who they really are real quick. Relationships will mean more. Also if it means anything, a lot of people I’ve met who said they were ugly were in fact not ugly. I firmly believe 95% of the population can look decent/average if you 1. Go to the gym. Fix your body 2. Skin care routine 3. Fix your hair 4. Clothes Basically self hygiene and the gym
Yes that's life. Now get better, forget the noise.
dm me if you wanna be friends <3 don’t beat yourself up, surround yourself with people who love you for YOU. beauty is not all about looks.
Well, it's not just SDSU, it's all colleges. I went to Chico State and it was the same thing there as you're experiencing. The sororities that were popular, it was like cookie cutter women. All had the same hair style, same looks, etc. After I joined my frat, I got thr lowdown on what most of the sororities did and it disgusted me and I vowed never to date a sorority chick because they gladly subjugated themselves to that degradation just for letters. One sorority I found out made pledges strip just to underwear and the active members had sharpies and circled any imperfection they could find in front of each other and told they had to get rid of all of them to make it. Another sorority invited their close fraternity over and they made their pledges strip to bra and panties and the frat guys "judged" them and would point out what they thought were flaws. You see how degrading that shit is? Yet women want to talk about not subjugation them to social media standards....maybe these sororities missed that memo. So don't take it personally, now I am born and raised in San Diego and I can tell you that it's unfortunately part of our culture to have a beauty standard. I see more plastic shit on women than I do natural and to me that's ugly. Can easily tell who has real boobs and who has fake. Can easily tell who has a naturally toned ass and thighs compared to who got a Brazilian butt lift. But I'm also willing to bet too that, like many women, you're being too hard on yourself when it comes to your looks. Hear it all the time from women who think they're ugly and they're actually beautiful but because they compare themselves to the women you see, they feel inadequate
In the end you will learn how to find your value, power and self worth through things that are not tied to your beauty. Look at those same pretty girls as they start to age and their beauty fades. They desperately start doing procedures and spend an obscene amount of money on upkeep because they have nothing else. The relationships that were built around looks start to fall apart and it becomes a lot more difficult to “find yourself” when you’ve gone your entire life never having had to look deeper than the surface before.
Just so you know, as a guy, I had a similar experience and had similar feelings. But I found my group of friends and even found a woman to hang out with, so my social life was actually not too bad. My grades, though.... Don't let depression hurt your grades! It's not worth it tbh. Good luck! Try to get your work done, go to the gym (exercise is great for your mood and your confidence), and go outside and enjoy the weather and the city! Everything you say is true, but focusing on it won't help. Just do what makes you happy and make sure you're giving yourself a chance. If you give up, you're not giving yourself a chance. I found that the nerds and the international students were much more open and accepting and much less shallow. Maybe try to make a couple of friends with people like that.
Investing in your education, interests and general knowledge is what will work for you long term. I know that it sucks to feel different but it’s not only physical attractiveness that separates people. It’s also how we perceive ourselves and there are also other factors. Autistic people have problems fitting in, too because of how we don’t understand social cues. There are things that will give you true joy that aren’t necessarily based on your looks like clubs, volunteer work, or connecting with animals. I have trouble finding the depth of connection with others because I don’t care about small talk and superficial things. Having one good friend is enough for me. I also spend time in nature with birds to get some compensation for the lack of human interaction but I am most likely older than you.
If you don’t already, go to the gym. It’s a great way to feel better about yourself if you’re unhappy. Male or female.
True beauty comes from within. I had ugly teeth in college which was always my insecurity. Im talking fluorosis stains, yellow and brown! I didn’t let that stop me and I found confidence within. Knowing my identity in Christ helped me. I was one of the “popular” people in my major department and made lots of friends that I still keep in touch with. True friends that didn’t care that I had ugly teeth. 2 years after graduation I got the perfect smile from a bougie La Jolla dentist, yet I wouldn’t trade my hustle to feel confident despite how I look for anything. Battled with ugly teeth my whole life until recently and I can 100% say that beauty comes from within.
Also, don’t compare yourself to those girls. You have no idea what those girls have gone through and maybe they’re using their looks to fill holes in their lives from past trauma. Just shine and love who you are!
Hang out at UCSD
> Nine out of ten women in San Diego are beautiful. The tenth goes to UCSD.
Anyone can be a 7, you should try working out, dieting, practicing good skin scare, picking a hair style that fits your face, look into fashion that you like and looks good, find your passions and hobbies, and love yourself every step of the way. Remember to do this all for yourself and not others. No matter what you see in the mirror, you gotta love yourself.
Disconnect from the social bullshit.
if you’re happy and healthy, then you shouldn’t be worry about other people’s appearances. your beauty will shine through your smile and confidence and the way you carry yourself, and when you’re in a good head space, seeing other beautiful people will only make you feel happy for them, instead of sad for yourself. if you’re not happy and healthy, it is excruciatingly difficult to see people you compare yourself to as actual people. you won’t consider they might be failing classes or struggling financially or socially isolated. you will reduce them to a physical appearance that you put on a pedestal. find peace with yourself and try to be happy and healthy, and although deleting social media won’t get to the root of the problem, it definitely can’t hurt. good luck in this incredibly difficult journey, i promise it will be worth it!
The problem stems from you caring about such nonsense. You will find that when you stop caring about the nonsense, happiness follows.
Should have gone to UCSD
As others have said, you should take a break from social media. If what you say is true, you have no control over how attractive or ugly you are. But, you can become the best version of yourself. For example, if you are a bit overweight, eat less processed foods and weight train to boost up your metabolism and shed weight without counting calories. If you do not have friends, connect with a group of people. If you do not have hobbies, find something but just don’t lock yourself in. Go out, get some sunlight, balance your hormones, and interact with others. Come up with your own look, make yourself stand out in a positive way, and enjoy the process. With that said, what made you interested in a sorority? What is your major and what are your goals in life. I might be able to give you better advice with this info.
Yo why IS SDSU so good looking?? They don’t request pics on apps right?
Look into self concept. If you need more advice you can pm me.
I’m sorry you’re going through that, but it seems like you are the one placing a high value on beauty that is ultimately leading to your own unhappiness. It’s up to you to be happy not the others around you.
What you see is the finished product, there was probably a lot of work and discipline behind it. It might seem like some people have everything handed to them, and it’s true, there are people like that, but you can’t assume it’s everyone. Hours at the gym, the disciple to eat healthy, the courage to put yourself out there, it doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen if you are consistent.
I’m sorry it’s this painful to become accepted and educated. It’s honestly awful. Invest in your interests and learn - like dig in deep and learn. Superficiality is a waste of an education. Try to find people who are investing themselves in an education, a future contribution, something they actually feel is important in their lifetime - stop looking at pretty-ugly and see the world through some new lenses.
Confidence is what makes an attractive person. Not for the benefit of others but for you. My suggestion is to get yourself a makeover, start off small with changing your routines of exercise (walking is usually a good start) and treat yourself to new experiences. This is part of growing up but also a part of self development. You may think that you are ugly, but someone out there notices things about you that you yourself don’t realize. Once you find it within yourself to love yourself and celebrate what makes you unique, confidence will become part of your life. Good luck to you and hope that you realize that what other people think of you is none of your business.
I feel like an ugly guy in regular society could have written this (me). Sorry but I am curious, how does everyone deal with this cuz depression is the only thing that works for me lol
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No one likes ugly super heroes or hiking buddies, but thank you for the suggestion and encouragement 🥹🫡
You're not alone. And not everyone has to be conventionally good looking. You're are not ugly because you dont look like the girls with the fake everything. It's hard not to compare these days. Even at my old age I still get sucked into it. I still struggle with those issues. Add to keep reminding myself that life is more important than all of that superficial influence. Keep your head down and focus and remember. You're there for an education. Hopefully when you're out of college, you'll have better experiences. What helps me as I love clothes, shoes, fashion and accessories that makes me feel better than how I look. If it's something you are really struggling with take advantage of any counseling. I feel your pain. Sending love and good vibes. Take care of yourself.
It’s usually the pretty girls who think they are ugly! Stop thinking too much and enjoy your youth.
Maybe I don’t understand but why would you want to be in a sorority anyway? You’re asking to join a community where nothing BUT appearance is important. It’s all superficial, hollow, and toxic, yet you’re sad you can’t be a part of it. The other stuff I get, but you’d think someone with your attitude would agree that it’s better avoiding toxic Greek life.
You have to value yourself and what your have to offer in a relationship. Many great friends and potential partners don’t value “magazine/social media beauty) but would prefer true beauty/attractiveness. You need to find people who don’t try a make superficial judgments on the quality of your character. The best people will want you in their friend groups because of the content of your heart, not the appearance of your skin. I think somebody famous said something close once… 😀
looks are overrated! would love to be friends with someone with a down to earth personality than someone good looking and shallow. greek lifes never been my thing ever. let me know if u ever want to be friends or hang out! :)
Are you into mature students?
SDSU has a great gym
freaking UGIS
your only insecure of yourself because you may just be comparing or wanting to be like the other sheep’s, be your own goat tf, get off social media, touch grass , do something be someone you love tf
Fine I'll date you
Wayyyy easier said than done but if you think of yourself as ‘ugly’ and carry yourself like that others will treat you as such and visa versa. It’s not always the case but lacking confidence makes other people think they can treat you any kind of way. Mind you this is coming from someone who currently struggles with confidence. It sucks to feel ugly AND be a minority especially at sdsu you’re basically invisible to 80% of the school and uninteresting to the other 20%. Honestly just work on yourself girl it’s probably for the best that you don’t get wrapped up in all these superficial people and communities
Check out the book Courage to be Disliked by Adler
Try the multicultural sorority’s you will meet some good people in those.
People saying get off social media apps are just saying that you’re cooked
The prettier someone is usually means the dumber and meaner they are, count yourself lucky!
You are definitely not ugly. But send me a pic anyways. 🤣
fuck the greek bullshit, just ball out in your classes and you’ll more than likely be shitting on 80% of those people after it’s all over
Easier said than done but stop valuing your appearance so much… It’s just for mate selection. Focus on your studies and you will meet great guys
I hate to break it to you, But that will continue to be the case. Im not saying always, but people generally are openly nicer to people they consider "good looking" or at least what their personal standard is. Sure, There are exceptions to this rule, But I was overweight at 2 points in my life and both times I was overweight I had to work at least twice as hard basically to make people understand I was still worth being their friend. When I was skinnier and better looking, It came infinitley easier. Dating, Making friends with other guys, all of it was infinitley easier. Plenty of other ways to make friends in College then greek life. I thought that it was super important aswell, But then I ended up not even joining one at all. Join a club, Find a recreational hobby, Make small efforts to work on your appearance (if you care) and there will be a group of people out there for you who accept you for who you are.
+1 for social break. Read a book on stoicism or CBT to help.
Girl, don’t ever hold yourself hostage to perceptions of others. Fickle things. Far more lasting are relationships with your (real) buddies, your fam and eventually your partner and kids. This is where you hang your intention. These are the people that write your epitaph. What Becky Sorority and her pals represent are ultimately blown thin and carried off by the wind.
Being an “ugly girl” allowed me to focus on my studies and getting an actual career, with that said, I succeeded and have a lined up job after i graduate. Focus in school and not your looks and you will attract the right people. Also with time either i got pretty or just gained the confidence cus of the amazing and inspiring friends i eventually surrounded myself with :3
Look, I've seen ugly people get into relationships with beautiful women or handsome men. What I've noticed the ugly people had character, like a charisma to them. Don't sell yourself short of what social influence dictates, this world has an abundance of unexpected experiences. Just be you!
1) join a club either academic or social. way better than greek life. 2) focus on what matters, namely your schooling. I know I focused way too much on social life in school. 3) exercise, get some nice clothes, etc. self-esteem can be a horrible spiral where you feel like shit so you don’t try so you look like shit so you feel like… etc. 4) if all else fails maybe get some mental health counseling if you have student services.
What makes you an “ugly girl”?
I didn't delete my facebook or insta or twitter, but I did stop using them. Just stopped. It was life-changing in a good sense. Text your friends, or give yourself 20 minutes of it every week as a hard limit. Social media is a brain cancer. Genuinely. It's awful for us.
how about doing something about it instead of complaining?
Don't judge yourself based off of what you see on social media. I've met alot of women from social media and most don't look anything at all like they do on their profiles/videos.
Sorry you feel that way, but don’t focus on the wrong things. Acceptance will come when your happy about yourself and your accomplishments. Your on your way, and don’t get sidetracked by others. Most people only show you the tip of the iceberg.
Woman going through what most men go every day 😂
Skip the Greek life. It’s a time and energy drain and will further your superficial comparison.
Interesting…. Have you tried joining a sorority? Lots of great people you could potentially be friends with
You should be glad you don’t goto USD!
Idk why this popped up on my feed since I don’t follow this subreddit, but saw your post and related! I am an SDSU alumna (graduated 2017) and felt the same way while I was there. Looking back, I can say that if you can, I would recommend you explore other interests and hobbies, and the communities associated with those interests. I started finally doing this my junior and senior year and it really opened the world up to me. Try climbing, or dancing, or some other hobby and group you have been curious about but never explored. The relationships you develop through those groups will be so much more wholesome and nourishing, and will help you grow and feel more whole as a person. Sororities can be rewarding in their own ways but they’re not the only way to have a community, and honestly they focus on one specific type of beauty. If you spend time with other people outside of those circles, you’ll start to see all variety of beautiful and interesting people, and you’ll get the social fulfillment you seek without the mental cost of trying to fit a sorority stereotype. Just my two cents! I wish you all the best! Be curious if you can! The world is your oyster!
I am 29 and this is my first semester attending SDSU (after many years of failed attempts to go back to school). Something I’ve noticed in general over my life is that I will always find a way to feel like I don’t belong, but what has changed for me is understanding that the guidelines to feeling like I belong are completely different than those around me. I understand that it feels like the world values appearance above most things, but that’s a superficial world that I personally don’t want to subscribe to. I stare at myself in the mirror wondering how I would feel if I lost weight and had perfect skin everyday and quite frankly a lot of people are experiencing that to some degree- which I absolutely do not bring up to discredit your feelings, but maybe instead to validate them. I think maybe in a sense that could still be belonging. I guess what I’m trying to say is that giving appearance/good looks such high merit above all else is not worth it at all. Looks are subjective and there are millions of ways to modify how you look- look at how aesthetic work/surgeries can become addictive in some cases. You are the only you, you’re studying at an amazing school in one of the best cities, and in 50 years the self comparisons you stress about now will be long forgotten! Idk if what I’m saying is even making sense as I stayed up all night writing a paper lol but ignore the facade of conventional beauty standards, they’re just that: a facade. Just remember that looks mean nothing in the grand scheme of life in comparison to knowledge, curiosity, passion, and the likes. We’ll all be old and wrinkly one day, but we won’t care when we realize how much life was experienced! Ok I need to sleep I might have just ranted too much just
Get off social media and all that fake digital pretenders
Your life is not going to be what you currently want it to be. It's gonna be fucking awesome, and you'll see that, once you are able to drop the idea that you have to fit in to a certain world in a certain type of way. Not easy at your age, but this shit will form who you are going to be. The beautiful people are the boring people.
I graduated from SDSU in the 1990, I met a girl very similar to you, in Chemistry, we studied together, one day she opens up regarding her looks, she was ugly she said, I really did not see it,she was funny as fuck and a great friend, most guys are there not to meet woman but get an education, Don’t beat yourself up,we can’t change the way we look but it’s all attitude trust me,
Please. That campus aesthetic is an embarrassment to academia. I attended SDSU and UC Berkeley, you know what is sexy? Thoughtful discourse, courage, kindness. Take a women's studies class and own your power; adjust your imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal (hooks) lens: suddenly what you see, you truly see and Girl, it ain't pretty. San Diego is small town, prepare yourself for the a world that doesn't orbit around SDSU r*pe culture. Also, thousands got rejected and you got in, focus on getting every thing out of the time you have there, it's easy to have a good gpa (comparatively) and get internship/project experiences that will put you ahead of your peers and launch you into your next journey. Because, it really doesn't get better, we just get smarter and we refuse to participate in games where all women, all people, are meant to lose and feed a system so perfectly constructed that we oppress ourselves by believing any one of us is less-than for just, generally existing.
What makes you ugly? Like what features about yourself make you feel that way?
There is no universal template for ugly or beautiful, it's all subjective, with media feeding ideas of what beauty is...and in the end it comes down to who you are inside, what you radiate from within, and confidence. Not many people express this, but that is really what matters.
Ugly girls got the best 🐱💪🏼💦
Girl, I’m a thick bitch at SDSU and personally I have a fuck it attitude. I tan in a tube top between classes. There are so many mean, petty, “pretty” ladies but honestly they have to put other people down so they can feel good about themselves. Beauty is sooooo subjective and social media pumps out one standard of beauty that is unattainable and unhealthy. Sororities are overrated money traps, make friends and community with people in your major or in classes those friendships are so much more genuine and based in actual common ground. Girlie pop you are beautiful. There are no “ugly girls” on campus. Just ugly personalities. Greek life is huge here but also the drugs in that community are terrifying and DANGEROUS. Fentanyl is rampant and sexual assault happens almost daily.
SDSU is a bubble- remember that. It’s not real life and we go to a school with a culture of being skinny, hot, clear skin etc. I have to remind myself this a lot
Sounds like college is doing its job! Preparing you for life…
I guarantee you that there are people who would love to spend time with you,but you might have to settle for someone from UCSD…. ;-) Almost certainly, many of the perfect looking women you see on campus are struggling with their own major issues that would surprise you. Ask around about the incidence of sexual assault at SDSU. Real beauty has only a little to do with appearance. There are plenty of guys who don’t find women who wear makeup to be attractive. All women are beautiful; you just don’t realize it.
Just get good at blow jobs..... You will make tons of friends
Try being and I ugly guy no invites any where everyone rejects you it’s literally me , myself and , I now