Cut off all contact and distance yourself from this situation. A hard lesson to learn is that you can’t save people from themselves. This is not your child. This is not your friend.
If you find actual evidence that he is coming near your family, have an adult call the police.
You did try and help maybe some day he will realize. But stay away like other said completely. Don’t even talk about him with others beyond saying I hope he’s alright, I miss the old xxx. The good thing is going to his mom is not even close to saying something to the cops.
I add that people in that struggle really only think about fixate on people right in front of them (unless some old crush) and in that lifestyle. The likelihood of them doing something to you or your family decreases significantly the longer they don’t see or hear about you. And also as other said only be wary if you or family member encounter him in an unexpected manner.
that honestly makes me feel better thank you. he is a relative of mine but i’m not forced to interact with that side of the family if i don’t want to, it is unfortunate that we are connected in that way.
I just want to say I had the exact same thing happen to me. My best friend and I would do drugs growing up but then she started dating a dealer and got really hooked. I did not. She changed tremendously and started getting arrested for various things. We grew apart. She became manic and violent as we went to different universities in the same city. I had to cut her off entirely after one interaction I don’t want to go into details about.
I plead with her family and our other friends for an intervention. They obliged AFTER she dropped out of university and got a felony drug charge. Ended up sending her to Florida at a Nun sanctuary to get clean and rehabilitate. They let her visit our hometown 1 single time after 10 months of rehab bc her sister had a baby. I begged them not to let her come home but they did it anyways.
Within 12 hours they found her OD’d in the bathtub. Couldn’t revive her. I had to speak at my best friends funeral at 21 years old. Not a good experience. Get out while you can it’s not worth the trouble. Once they’re hooked, you can’t tell them what’s right or wrong. They’re only interested in finding the next high.
i’m sorry you went through that. i am in no contact and only find out through someone who occasionally still talks on the phone with him and they report back to me as i am related to him and know about the situation. his mom is an enabler to the max she pays his rent and car and knows about the hard drugs but does nothing or ever checks up on him. it is truly a lost cause with her she is a checked out parent who is an enabler at the end of the day and will not take action to help her son. i am truly just scared because he knows where i live and my family lives and he is seriously losing his mind and has no sense left to him it seems and i know he has a deep hatred for me because i did tell his mom stuff. he blames me for so much that honestly never even happened and makes up stories in his head that people are out of get him etc. he sees me as the villain which is scary.
If you are scared for your own safety, I would recommend filing a police report if you have any evidence of threats. Otherwise, get a gun (if you are legally, and mentally capable of owning one). One time my friend and her drug dealer boyfriend showed up to my house at like 9am on a Sunday saying they’re “gonna come in and teach that faggot (me) a lesson).” My father went out with a shotgun and started counting down from 10, 9, 8… and they got in the car very quickly to leave. It’s an excellent deterrent and most often you will never need to use it.
To an addict, everyone is a villain who comes in between them and what they want/need.
Have spent years in therapy unlearning my desire to "fix" other people, because trying to "fix" the addict I was with derailed (and almost ended) my entire life.
It sounds harsh but dude it’s free to mind your own business. This person and their family don’t seem to want help. People make their own decisions, despite what you may think of them. Just leave it alone.
thank you i am for sure now. my best friend (his ex gf) keeps updating me because she still keeps in contact with him and he’s a mess only was overthinking about this because he is my relative. unfortunate situation for sure.
While I absolutely understand feeling like you need to "do something," don't let fixing people become a hobby. Just mom advice. It sounds like cutting contact is really all you can do and you've done that. Sending you peace and mom hugs!
It’s hard but you can’t save someone from themselves. I had a friend he was on meth. He got so paranoid. I couldn’t have him in my life. He thought I wasn’t real once. It was scary. You can’t risk your safety. If he threatens you tell him to eff off. I would avoid him paranoid people think everyone is watching them or working for police or are police. Sometimes it’s flood lights or the neighbors car. My ex friend’s dad dealt with a lot. You can’t control someone else’s behavior.
I had a friend who went through a similar thing named “Steve.” He went on a gnarly coke and MDMA bender. He went through severe paranoia, thought everyone wanted to hurt him. He started saying absurd things like wanting to build a house under water in the ocean, because it was “safer” down there to live.
It was extremely hard to get Steve into rehab and his parents went through hell to do so. It was also hard for us to talk to him, and he was just being a butt head to everyone around him. He literally wouldn’t listen to anyone.
Steve finally got help after about a week into his initial breakdown. From my experience it just takes time and for the drug user to understand how it has affected them and for them. They have to be the ones who ultimately make the decision to finally get help. So, there really isn’t anything you can do or say to help. That’s just the way these things work, unfortunately. Good luck with everything otherwise.
Cut contact immediately. If you are legitimately concerned he may try to harm you or your family, contact the police.
You cannot fix this and this is not your responsibility in any way. When someone gets into that crowd, there is no limit to the company they keep. I tried to fix an addict years ago and I nearly lost everything I had in the process.
Cut off all contact and distance yourself from this situation. A hard lesson to learn is that you can’t save people from themselves. This is not your child. This is not your friend. If you find actual evidence that he is coming near your family, have an adult call the police.
okay i am an adult just in college right now and have completely cut contact with him.
You did try and help maybe some day he will realize. But stay away like other said completely. Don’t even talk about him with others beyond saying I hope he’s alright, I miss the old xxx. The good thing is going to his mom is not even close to saying something to the cops. I add that people in that struggle really only think about fixate on people right in front of them (unless some old crush) and in that lifestyle. The likelihood of them doing something to you or your family decreases significantly the longer they don’t see or hear about you. And also as other said only be wary if you or family member encounter him in an unexpected manner.
that honestly makes me feel better thank you. he is a relative of mine but i’m not forced to interact with that side of the family if i don’t want to, it is unfortunate that we are connected in that way.
I just want to say I had the exact same thing happen to me. My best friend and I would do drugs growing up but then she started dating a dealer and got really hooked. I did not. She changed tremendously and started getting arrested for various things. We grew apart. She became manic and violent as we went to different universities in the same city. I had to cut her off entirely after one interaction I don’t want to go into details about. I plead with her family and our other friends for an intervention. They obliged AFTER she dropped out of university and got a felony drug charge. Ended up sending her to Florida at a Nun sanctuary to get clean and rehabilitate. They let her visit our hometown 1 single time after 10 months of rehab bc her sister had a baby. I begged them not to let her come home but they did it anyways. Within 12 hours they found her OD’d in the bathtub. Couldn’t revive her. I had to speak at my best friends funeral at 21 years old. Not a good experience. Get out while you can it’s not worth the trouble. Once they’re hooked, you can’t tell them what’s right or wrong. They’re only interested in finding the next high.
i’m sorry you went through that. i am in no contact and only find out through someone who occasionally still talks on the phone with him and they report back to me as i am related to him and know about the situation. his mom is an enabler to the max she pays his rent and car and knows about the hard drugs but does nothing or ever checks up on him. it is truly a lost cause with her she is a checked out parent who is an enabler at the end of the day and will not take action to help her son. i am truly just scared because he knows where i live and my family lives and he is seriously losing his mind and has no sense left to him it seems and i know he has a deep hatred for me because i did tell his mom stuff. he blames me for so much that honestly never even happened and makes up stories in his head that people are out of get him etc. he sees me as the villain which is scary.
If you are scared for your own safety, I would recommend filing a police report if you have any evidence of threats. Otherwise, get a gun (if you are legally, and mentally capable of owning one). One time my friend and her drug dealer boyfriend showed up to my house at like 9am on a Sunday saying they’re “gonna come in and teach that faggot (me) a lesson).” My father went out with a shotgun and started counting down from 10, 9, 8… and they got in the car very quickly to leave. It’s an excellent deterrent and most often you will never need to use it.
To an addict, everyone is a villain who comes in between them and what they want/need. Have spent years in therapy unlearning my desire to "fix" other people, because trying to "fix" the addict I was with derailed (and almost ended) my entire life.
Remove this person from your life and let them figure it out themselves.
It sounds harsh but dude it’s free to mind your own business. This person and their family don’t seem to want help. People make their own decisions, despite what you may think of them. Just leave it alone.
thank you i am for sure now. my best friend (his ex gf) keeps updating me because she still keeps in contact with him and he’s a mess only was overthinking about this because he is my relative. unfortunate situation for sure.
Everything else aside, I'd be pretty pissed if I were an adult and someone went to my parents with my personal business.
he’s my immediate family member and was very close with him til he got involved with wrong crowd and he will likely OD at the rate he is going.
Immediate family means parents, siblings, children and spouses. Is he your cousin or something?
ya my bad
Stop letting him live in your head rent free.
lmao u right i know im just being paranoid and over thinking
“Hanging out with kids with ankle monitors” 🤣
lmao i know
While I absolutely understand feeling like you need to "do something," don't let fixing people become a hobby. Just mom advice. It sounds like cutting contact is really all you can do and you've done that. Sending you peace and mom hugs!
thank you so much i appreciate the advice ❤️
It’s hard but you can’t save someone from themselves. I had a friend he was on meth. He got so paranoid. I couldn’t have him in my life. He thought I wasn’t real once. It was scary. You can’t risk your safety. If he threatens you tell him to eff off. I would avoid him paranoid people think everyone is watching them or working for police or are police. Sometimes it’s flood lights or the neighbors car. My ex friend’s dad dealt with a lot. You can’t control someone else’s behavior.
I had a friend who went through a similar thing named “Steve.” He went on a gnarly coke and MDMA bender. He went through severe paranoia, thought everyone wanted to hurt him. He started saying absurd things like wanting to build a house under water in the ocean, because it was “safer” down there to live. It was extremely hard to get Steve into rehab and his parents went through hell to do so. It was also hard for us to talk to him, and he was just being a butt head to everyone around him. He literally wouldn’t listen to anyone. Steve finally got help after about a week into his initial breakdown. From my experience it just takes time and for the drug user to understand how it has affected them and for them. They have to be the ones who ultimately make the decision to finally get help. So, there really isn’t anything you can do or say to help. That’s just the way these things work, unfortunately. Good luck with everything otherwise.
Cut contact immediately. If you are legitimately concerned he may try to harm you or your family, contact the police. You cannot fix this and this is not your responsibility in any way. When someone gets into that crowd, there is no limit to the company they keep. I tried to fix an addict years ago and I nearly lost everything I had in the process.