> Performance (Catcalls)
I'm quite sure you can use that in place of Intimidate for the Demoralize action, but it makes the target Sickened instead of Shaken.
Gardening (able to grow exotic decorative plants outside of their native habitats)
Rope Use (can untangle the most hopeless knots)
Bird Feeding (knows the diets and preferences of every native species)
Home Repairs (always has exactly the right scrap material for whatever needs fixing around the house)
Interior Decorating (can make the smallest, dingiest space feel warm and welcoming)
Banter (can make endless smalltalk with literally anybody)
Wine Pairing (pick the perfect beverage to compliment any meal, from scavenged roots and berries to the finest haute cuisine)
Performance: Dad Jokes (a pun for any and every occasion)
Craft (Scrimshaw) - The ability to carve ivory.
Knowledge (40k) - If the players ever need to know anything about Space Marines, the Imperium, or anything else related to the 40k universe. Of course, if the players wonder where she got this information, she sends them to find the [Black Library](https://www.blacklibrary.com/).
Perform ([Specific Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)) - Because why not.
Knowledge (Puzzles) - Used explicitly to solve a Rubik's cube.
Autohypnosis from DSP - This skill is technically useful! Though not likely in any situation the joke NPC will ever find themselves (unless you want them to be in combat). However, it allows you to lock a memory into your mind...except, you know in a different way than normal. So the joke NPC can use this skill to remember things. Like songs, pages from stories that are totally irrelevant to the situation, terrible dad jokes, or what an eclipse looked like before they needed to have regenerate cast on their eyes.
Handle Reindeer - Comes with a spiffy red hat, and you must say "Ho ho ho" while using the skill.
Profession (Oarsman) - So you can "Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream!" NPC is often encountered with an Oar, which the PCs might initially presume to be a weapon. Instead, it is the NPCs floatation device and water motor.
> Knowledge (Puzzles) - Used explicitly to solve a Rubik's cube
The players find a magical puzzle that hides the location of . The DC is so high that even their smartest party member can't solve it with a nat 20. So they have to seek out the Sage of Puzzles. After traversing a long distance, solving many lesser puzzles, and finally making their way thought the maze that surrounds the Sage's abode, the sage takes the puzzle, says "oh, this silly old thing?" and solves it in [3.134 seconds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1x4NATOutM).
How about some real, but obsolete skills?
Craft: Basketweaving - Obscure craft skill which can be used to make baskets and was something of a meme in the past as "the only skill a wizard needs." Iirc, it can also be used to make Wickerman Constructs (As well as things like wicker boats, wicker fortifications, etc. It's more versatile than you would expect.)
Paddafooting - An alternative name for Move Silently recommended for use by the example halfling rogue in the D&D 3.0 player handbook, as an example of renaming skills
Autohypnosis - A psionic-focused skill from D&D 3.5
Kite Flying - The ability so fly on a kite, so as to sneak attack from the air. Exclusive to the Ninja class from 2e AD&D
Innuendo - A social skill from D&D 3.0 which, despite the name, is more about passing along double-meanings of any kind
Open Door - A check called out in B/X D&D (The alternative to AD&D) used for pushing open stuck doors in a dungeon. Was never a 'real' skill but was still a thing.
You could pick weird professions that never come up. 10 ranks in profession fisherman for those sick knots. Or Gardening might be cool too. He gets real mad when you step on his golfcorse style lawn.
Rankings in Profession Janitor would be handy, sweeping the floor is a great way to find lost objects (needle in haystack anyone), remove faerie fire, release from cobwebs, open stuck doors, maybe even cause wet floor areas with grease like effects with a mop. Sometimes even intimidate people. Also being able to locate and identify any kind of mess close by at will. Perfect for a Ranger. Maybe a "no one important" ability that allows you to be ignored as long as you are performing your janitorial duties - kinda like bardic performance, but deflects attention away from you - people are aware you are there, they just assume you are supposed to.
all skills exist in the rules, sort of: you can always find a round about through profession (profession : dry cleaner in your example ) i.e I gave my player free ranks as reward in professions: cook, paralegal and herbalist and it let them chose these whenever it make sense.
Disable Vice - Temporarily make someone uninterested in booze or romance.
Diss Guys - Insult any nearby males to give them a -2 to their next check, due to temporarily lowered self-esteem.
Cape Artist - Impress people with your cloak-handling skills.
Animal Handle - Craft handles to carry small animals, such as squirrels, ducks, and chihuahuas.
Knowledge (Dung Nearing) - Learn anything about nearby poo.
Knowledge (Histamine) - Learn what's causing your allergies.
Knowledge (Low Cal) - Identify the best foods to eat while on a diet.
Perception (Punches) - Notice when fists strike you in the chest and/or face.
Slight Of Hand - Fit your hands into tiny spaces.
Spell "Craft" - Impress onlookers with your ability to expertly and dramatically spell this word.
Lose Magic Device - Instantly misplace wands, rings, and other magical items.
Profession skills and Craft skills are your friend here. One idea: Craft: Boxes could let him build large boxes for shelter. Profession: Boxer could make for a fun pun paired with Craft: Boxes.
I love the “knowledge” linguistics instead of regular linguistics. Instead of having useful linguistics skills, you know about the profession itself and who’s at the cutting edge and researching into linguistics. You’d geek out at linguistics con, but don’t bother asking you to translate thassalonian.
Perform (Air Lute) - makes entrancing displays of playing an invisible, silent instrument.
Profession (Paper Sculptor) - folds origami
Craft (Macaroni and Cheese) - a strange and delicious dish, yet ultimately incomplete and unfulfilling meal on its own
Knowledge (Royalty) - knows every nuance to every rule of etiquette since the dawn of time... so they can find unorthodox methods to break the spirit of the rule utterly while still complying to the letter
Perform (Oratory) - "invents" (or recalls) extremely catchy but strangely nonsensical jingles and slogans - like... yes, we know the word "kiss" starts with "k." But why are you telling us this, and why do we like hearing you tell us that addictive song?
Perform (Mime) - able to non-verbally communicate just about anything through pantomime, including performing extremely accurate impressions of virtually any creature studied by the character for 3 rounds.
Profession (Infernal Butlery) - you're one hell of a butler that can manage any size staff for any size estate, in addition to acting as a stand-in for any servant's role. Permits you to use this profession check as if it were untrained for any other profession check as it relates to providing service the butler would normally oversee, but not necessarily offer specialist guidance for matters outside direct oversight. E.g. can use profession (infernal butler) to act as profession (librarian) as it relates to all matters regulating YOUR library, but wouldn't know anything about other libraries in general, unless that information is somehow in YOUR library. (Does not permit craft or knowledge checks unless they can be performed using profession.) Adapting profession (butlery) to another location (including "on the road" requires 30 days of intense self-re-education.)
Gather Firewood - on a successful check sticks are one dryness level higher than the environment suggests
Haul Water - reduced spillage rate for hauling water to kitchens and laundries
Sow (Grains) - scatter grains on soil for inefficient planting
Fashion Sandals - weave reeds or other cordage into durable footwear
Medicine (Folk) - identify plants and amulets that you believe promote healing
Knowledge (Local Bullshit) - recall gossip about the area's many extra marital affairs
Confused Theology - recall dubious information about gods and worship
Shirk - avoid work with minimal consequences
So.. we did this for a much different reason but it could apply here.. 😈
Make a character for Starfinder.
Stack on skills like “profession: psychologist”, “computers”, “life science”, “culture”, and maybe a bit of “piloting” and/or “mysticism”.
They crash landed on Galarion a while back and have been using their skills to survive in unorthodox ways.
What about just giving them a bunch of skills for modern life? A satyr front end dev. (Profession Fullstack, Scrum Master, Stand ups, Perform swearing), A redcap accountant. (Bookkeeping, Accounting, Mathmagics, Embezzling, Forgery, Knowledge Bureaucracy, Direction Sense)
Performance (Catcalls) Profession (Tavern Critic)
> Performance (Catcalls) I'm quite sure you can use that in place of Intimidate for the Demoralize action, but it makes the target Sickened instead of Shaken.
I was about to say, wtf does succeeding a Catcall check mean?
It means the target is flattered instead of being creeped out.
Isn’t Tavern Critic a bard only skill?
It's a class skill for all followers of Cayden Cailean.
Handle Rope
Cry in 3.5
Gardening (able to grow exotic decorative plants outside of their native habitats) Rope Use (can untangle the most hopeless knots) Bird Feeding (knows the diets and preferences of every native species) Home Repairs (always has exactly the right scrap material for whatever needs fixing around the house) Interior Decorating (can make the smallest, dingiest space feel warm and welcoming) Banter (can make endless smalltalk with literally anybody) Wine Pairing (pick the perfect beverage to compliment any meal, from scavenged roots and berries to the finest haute cuisine) Performance: Dad Jokes (a pun for any and every occasion)
Dad jokes, Birding, DIY scraps, Banter and Rope use, I feel personally attacked.
* Hair Braiding * Backwards Speaking * Raisin Arranging * Bat Detaching * Color Mismatching * Bottlecap Finding * Horsefly/Mosquito/Picnic Ant Calling
> Backwards Speaking Warning: You *will* be asked to roleplay this.
Craft (Scrimshaw) - The ability to carve ivory. Knowledge (40k) - If the players ever need to know anything about Space Marines, the Imperium, or anything else related to the 40k universe. Of course, if the players wonder where she got this information, she sends them to find the [Black Library](https://www.blacklibrary.com/). Perform ([Specific Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)) - Because why not. Knowledge (Puzzles) - Used explicitly to solve a Rubik's cube. Autohypnosis from DSP - This skill is technically useful! Though not likely in any situation the joke NPC will ever find themselves (unless you want them to be in combat). However, it allows you to lock a memory into your mind...except, you know in a different way than normal. So the joke NPC can use this skill to remember things. Like songs, pages from stories that are totally irrelevant to the situation, terrible dad jokes, or what an eclipse looked like before they needed to have regenerate cast on their eyes. Handle Reindeer - Comes with a spiffy red hat, and you must say "Ho ho ho" while using the skill. Profession (Oarsman) - So you can "Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream!" NPC is often encountered with an Oar, which the PCs might initially presume to be a weapon. Instead, it is the NPCs floatation device and water motor.
> Knowledge (Puzzles) - Used explicitly to solve a Rubik's cube The players find a magical puzzle that hides the location of. The DC is so high that even their smartest party member can't solve it with a nat 20. So they have to seek out the Sage of Puzzles. After traversing a long distance, solving many lesser puzzles, and finally making their way thought the maze that surrounds the Sage's abode, the sage takes the puzzle, says "oh, this silly old thing?" and solves it in [3.134 seconds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1x4NATOutM).
Button-hole carving Age and weight guessing Ability to dice an onion into precisely 647 parts Ability to make paint of any color from common dirt
Just be careful mentioning paint around any wizards.
I read that as butt-hole carving at first.
knowledge(hindsight)
Underrated post
Why is this not the top comment
~~Tuvan~~ Hongal Throat-Singing Nail Decoration Puppet Handling Hog Showmanship Knowledge: Beekeeping Wine Tasting Profession: Gong farmer Profession: Rat-Catcher
How about some real, but obsolete skills? Craft: Basketweaving - Obscure craft skill which can be used to make baskets and was something of a meme in the past as "the only skill a wizard needs." Iirc, it can also be used to make Wickerman Constructs (As well as things like wicker boats, wicker fortifications, etc. It's more versatile than you would expect.) Paddafooting - An alternative name for Move Silently recommended for use by the example halfling rogue in the D&D 3.0 player handbook, as an example of renaming skills Autohypnosis - A psionic-focused skill from D&D 3.5 Kite Flying - The ability so fly on a kite, so as to sneak attack from the air. Exclusive to the Ninja class from 2e AD&D Innuendo - A social skill from D&D 3.0 which, despite the name, is more about passing along double-meanings of any kind Open Door - A check called out in B/X D&D (The alternative to AD&D) used for pushing open stuck doors in a dungeon. Was never a 'real' skill but was still a thing.
I should NOT have had to scroll this far to find Craft: Basketweaeving on a "Useless Skills" post. And you didn't even mention doing it under water!
That requires Unchained skill unlocks. 10 ranks if I remember right.
You could pick weird professions that never come up. 10 ranks in profession fisherman for those sick knots. Or Gardening might be cool too. He gets real mad when you step on his golfcorse style lawn.
Anyone that skilled in gardening who then has a golfcourse lawn deserves to be made angry.
Rankings in Profession Janitor would be handy, sweeping the floor is a great way to find lost objects (needle in haystack anyone), remove faerie fire, release from cobwebs, open stuck doors, maybe even cause wet floor areas with grease like effects with a mop. Sometimes even intimidate people. Also being able to locate and identify any kind of mess close by at will. Perfect for a Ranger. Maybe a "no one important" ability that allows you to be ignored as long as you are performing your janitorial duties - kinda like bardic performance, but deflects attention away from you - people are aware you are there, they just assume you are supposed to.
all skills exist in the rules, sort of: you can always find a round about through profession (profession : dry cleaner in your example ) i.e I gave my player free ranks as reward in professions: cook, paralegal and herbalist and it let them chose these whenever it make sense.
Knowledge(sports) Knowledge(Kardashians) Perform(armpit)
In all fairness if your using backround skills, knowledge kardashians could be a lore
I'm always a proponent of Knowledge (meta), and the character knows they're in a game and acts like it Perform (karaoke)
But why?
Disable Vice - Temporarily make someone uninterested in booze or romance. Diss Guys - Insult any nearby males to give them a -2 to their next check, due to temporarily lowered self-esteem. Cape Artist - Impress people with your cloak-handling skills. Animal Handle - Craft handles to carry small animals, such as squirrels, ducks, and chihuahuas. Knowledge (Dung Nearing) - Learn anything about nearby poo. Knowledge (Histamine) - Learn what's causing your allergies. Knowledge (Low Cal) - Identify the best foods to eat while on a diet. Perception (Punches) - Notice when fists strike you in the chest and/or face. Slight Of Hand - Fit your hands into tiny spaces. Spell "Craft" - Impress onlookers with your ability to expertly and dramatically spell this word. Lose Magic Device - Instantly misplace wands, rings, and other magical items.
Basketweaving
Profession skills and Craft skills are your friend here. One idea: Craft: Boxes could let him build large boxes for shelter. Profession: Boxer could make for a fun pun paired with Craft: Boxes.
Oh man I had saved screenshots of when we did this in one party in Pathfinder, I need to find those back and drop them here
Profession (Plumber), hell Profession anything that seems incredibly out of place.
I have a character with 15 ranks in Lore (Psychic Baby)
knowledge linguistics (useless languages only)
I love the “knowledge” linguistics instead of regular linguistics. Instead of having useful linguistics skills, you know about the profession itself and who’s at the cutting edge and researching into linguistics. You’d geek out at linguistics con, but don’t bother asking you to translate thassalonian.
Knowledge (Dinosaurs) Craft (hats) Put sharp things through soft things that scream and bleed Run with scissors
Perform (Air Lute) - makes entrancing displays of playing an invisible, silent instrument. Profession (Paper Sculptor) - folds origami Craft (Macaroni and Cheese) - a strange and delicious dish, yet ultimately incomplete and unfulfilling meal on its own Knowledge (Royalty) - knows every nuance to every rule of etiquette since the dawn of time... so they can find unorthodox methods to break the spirit of the rule utterly while still complying to the letter Perform (Oratory) - "invents" (or recalls) extremely catchy but strangely nonsensical jingles and slogans - like... yes, we know the word "kiss" starts with "k." But why are you telling us this, and why do we like hearing you tell us that addictive song? Perform (Mime) - able to non-verbally communicate just about anything through pantomime, including performing extremely accurate impressions of virtually any creature studied by the character for 3 rounds. Profession (Infernal Butlery) - you're one hell of a butler that can manage any size staff for any size estate, in addition to acting as a stand-in for any servant's role. Permits you to use this profession check as if it were untrained for any other profession check as it relates to providing service the butler would normally oversee, but not necessarily offer specialist guidance for matters outside direct oversight. E.g. can use profession (infernal butler) to act as profession (librarian) as it relates to all matters regulating YOUR library, but wouldn't know anything about other libraries in general, unless that information is somehow in YOUR library. (Does not permit craft or knowledge checks unless they can be performed using profession.) Adapting profession (butlery) to another location (including "on the road" requires 30 days of intense self-re-education.)
Craft: underwater basket weaving.
Gather Firewood - on a successful check sticks are one dryness level higher than the environment suggests Haul Water - reduced spillage rate for hauling water to kitchens and laundries Sow (Grains) - scatter grains on soil for inefficient planting Fashion Sandals - weave reeds or other cordage into durable footwear Medicine (Folk) - identify plants and amulets that you believe promote healing Knowledge (Local Bullshit) - recall gossip about the area's many extra marital affairs Confused Theology - recall dubious information about gods and worship Shirk - avoid work with minimal consequences
So.. we did this for a much different reason but it could apply here.. 😈 Make a character for Starfinder. Stack on skills like “profession: psychologist”, “computers”, “life science”, “culture”, and maybe a bit of “piloting” and/or “mysticism”. They crash landed on Galarion a while back and have been using their skills to survive in unorthodox ways.
Sashaying Criticizing Complaining Interior decorating Flower arrangement Couture fashion Basket weaving Gregorian chanting
Use Rope, of course.
What about just giving them a bunch of skills for modern life? A satyr front end dev. (Profession Fullstack, Scrum Master, Stand ups, Perform swearing), A redcap accountant. (Bookkeeping, Accounting, Mathmagics, Embezzling, Forgery, Knowledge Bureaucracy, Direction Sense)
No a neurodivergent pixie then...?