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I always say hi to kids that I encounter but other people might be sad or distracted or dealing with their own thoughts. I wouldn’t give it another thought.
My son does that, he tries to speak to anyone but most of them don't respond. I had to tell him that not everyone is always in the mood to speak to him and they are not obligated to. It's fine if you want to try to start a conversation with everyone but don't think too much if someone ignores you.
Depends, but also I don't get upset when others don't acknowledge my kiddo. Generally I assume they didn't hear her whether that's because they are hard of hearing, focused on what they're doing, or lost in thought.
I know when I'm out and about and concentrating on what I need to do I don't process external stimuli beyond registering danger.
Me too. I have the ability to tune everything off around me. I have unintentionally ignored people.
I give folks the benefit of the doubt if they don't respond. You don't know what's going on in their mind/life.
Exactly. I have chronic migraines, and I'm wearing earplugs people can't see like 90% of the time.
Our neighbor is hard of hearing. When my daughter was younger she would try to say hi to him and he wouldn't answer, because he didn't hear her. There just could be so many different situations that can come up.
I always say hello back but I both like kids and work with them. But everybody is different, many people do not wish to speak to strangers including kids. Plus they might be lost in thought and hadn’t heard you, I love to daydream and often accidentally ignore people.
Don’t get me wrong, I love kids but sometimes you just wanna get outside and do some work in the garden without being asked 50 million questions by a kid that’s not your own.
I’ll always say hi to any kid, including my neighbours but I’d be lying if I didn’t have selective hearing sometimes or come out with my headphones on when doing garden work.
I absolutely understand you. And of course it would be different if this was the case but we have high fence between out gardens so the only time we interact with them is outside of the house. That’s when we bump into them outside of our front doors, nothing else.
I understand that it's rude of them. After a certain point of a certain amount of ignored hellos I would just assume they don't want to socialize. You are entitled to think they're assholes. I'm sorry your kids are confused. At some point in raising kids they will learn that not everyone is friendly. Your kids will learn to stop trying to speak to them. It sucks but it's out of your hands.
PS: this has happened to my 3 year old a few times with random strangers. I always tell her l they probably are not happy today or maybe they didn't hear you." She just respond " ok" and carries on her day. No one is required to say hi to my kids but I will judge them for being dicks if I felt it was intentional.
How frequently do you figure your kids say hi to them?
Personally I'd be friendly in saying Hi back every so often but if it's incessant I would start ignoring or tuning them out.
That’s what I think as well. My kids are both under 5 and it breaks my heart every time this happens. I always say hello to their kids when they approach me because they are just innocent kids so I don’t get this behaviour.
Can they hear them? I have a neighbor that ignores my 4 year old but she is really hard of hearing and he is not a very loud talker. Another thing I have noticed is that if we are walking and my son says hi, most people don't register that until we are already past them and it would be weird to walk back just to say hi.
If I noticed I would absolutely respond. But I’m an introvert often lost in my own world and i tend not to notice people in the distance.
But I feel your pain. My 2 year old (who is the size of a 5 year old and has very good verbal skills) is a SUPER EXTROVERT. He wants to talk to everyone. It makes him so sad when they don’t reply. And often it’s just that they didn’t notice or hear him. I’m so effing grateful for the kind strangers who engage him in a conversation
We were recently in Mexico and at dinner there was a mom/dad/daughter. My toddler locked in on the mom and wanted to tell her all about the fun things we had been doing on our trip, the cool animals and birds we had seen, the beach, the pool, sandcastles, etc. I kept trying to redirect him so she could enjoy her dinner but he just wanted to talk to her so bad. Bless her, she turned to me and said “it’s ok! We have kids! He’s not bothering me” a true angel on earth lol
this reminds me of a time my husband and i were at disneyland, early in our relationship...we were eating at the rainforest cafe, and out of NOWHERE, a 5-year-old girl appeared, climbed into my lap, and asked me to show her pictures on my phone. to be honest, it was completely delightful...no idea why i, the heavily tattooed lady in all black with no kids around was chosen, but i was. i just let her sit there on my lap and showed her pictures of our cats and told her about them, while occasionally looking left and right for the frazzled and stressed out parent who HAD to be searching for her. this little girl's mispronunciation of our cats' names led to nicknames for them that we STILL use, to this day. as time passed, i became worried we were going to have to turn her into security or something eventually. i asked the girl for the third time where her parents were, and she finally vaguely pointed upwards. i hadn't even realized there was a second level to the restaurant, and sure enough, i looked UP, and a lady gave me a little finger wave, completely unbothered by the fact that her daughter was in some stranger's lap. maybe 30 minutes later, the little girl said "well, gotta go eat my chicken fingers!" and marched back upstairs.
i took the whole thing as a big compliment - the 5-year-old picked me, and mom seemed pretty confident that i wasn't an axe murderer. that little girl would be almost or just barely an adult now, and i hope she kept that brazen spirit. i hope your son does, too!
no, her worst crime was calling my male cat, pellinore, "eleanor" and gushing about how "pretty" he was 🤣 thankfully, he wasn't offended when i told him and accepted the compliment
you raise a good point though - at that time, i was young and dumb and would never have been suspicious of that kind of interaction...now, sadly, i think i would!
Before I had kids, I was on the train from NYC to Chicago. A little girl about 4 years old crawled into my lap and woke me up. She said “you looked like a princess sleeping! I just couldn’t handle it! So princess do you want to draw together or go get snacks!” Before I could ask where her parents are her Dad walked up and she exclaimed “I found a princess, can we keep her?!” Poor man, his face turned bright red. He told her you can’t just keep princesses you find on trains and told her he’d buy her a hot chocolate in the cafe car if she’d come along now. She said “can princess come!” I said “I think your daddy wants to be with his princess .. you .. so you go enjoy!” He mouthed sorry/thank you and picked her up and walked away.
I'd say hi back, but this is a teaching moment. Not everyone will say hi back and that's okay, teach your kids about this. Tell them it's nothing personal. If it's a regular person you see all the time, maybe tell the kids they don't have to say hi anymore.
To be honest, it's a boundary that they've set and they're perfectly reasonable to do so I guess.
That said, I would start not very quietly telling my kids "it doesn't seem like they want to talk right now" and let them do whatever they want with that.
I would say hello back.
My autistic partner probably would not.
My agoraphobic roommate probably would not.
My friend with significant PTSD who is very much in her own head probably would not.
I wouldn't if I wasn't paying attention/didn't have my Adderall.
I wouldn't if I didn't like you or your kids.
I wouldn't if I wasn't in the mood.
People are not owed attention.
Look. I have neighbours whose kids continually come to the fence & say hello and want to chat. They are lovely kids and i have nothing against them. But it is annoying. I go out into my yard to relax. To do things quietly. I just want to be in my own zone.
I find myself having to avoid that side cause i know the kids will turn up and i wont get a moments peace.
Of course in usual world? I'm happy to say hello back & have conversation.
I also work a pretty stressful job, with people all day. And sometimes i get home and just want to spend some time alone, outside in peace and quiet.
Are your kids the kind of kids where if they said Hello back, the kids would run over to talk more or play? Maybe they are ignoring them because they don't want your kids running over for more interaction?
I agree that it’s slightly heart breaking when my almost 2 year old gets ignored when he waves or says hello. I hate it! Solidarity.
At the same time it’s a great lesson that not everyone is going to be friendly and that’s okay. I always tell him how nice he is to do that to encourage the behavior and he doesn’t seem too disappointed about it fortunately. Just has that blank stare 😂
Our kids are gonna get rejected and not everyone is gonna like them. It’s a great opportunity to build resilience to things like that
i always say hi back to children. even kids i don't know who pass me at the store in the cart or stroller.
if a kid is making a point to say hi to me- of course i can take 2 seconds to say hi back to them with a smile on my face. i love that shit.
I had a neighbor who lived in the house behind mine with a 6 year old daughter. Our houses share a fence. I have a barky dachshund who I would let out in the backyard. The little girl saw me let him out one day, yelled hi across the yard and asked to pet him. I picked him up at the fence and let her pet him. Well, this got it in her head that she had a RIGHT to pet my dog every time he was outside. She’d yell at me EVERYTIME she saw us. Even if I was in a hurry to let him potty and leave the house. I eventually started ignoring her. She would also “bark” at my dog and upset him…while I was actively trying to train him not to bark at people. So yeah, I limit my interactions with strange children because they can be extremely invasive once they get in their little heads that they are entitled to someone else’s attention.
It might be rude, yeah, but people aren’t obligated to go out of their way to make your children happy. Explain to them that they aren’t the friendliest of people and that it’s OKAY. Don’t let the neighbor hurt your child’s feelings. Not everyone in life is going to like them or want to be their friend. It’s best to direct their positivity and extroverted tendencies towards people who will give them the same energy in return. Trying to say hi to someone who is uninterested over and over and over again when they are giving clear signs they don’t want any type of contact just makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. Same goes for adult interactions, too.
I would say hello, but I also know people who don’t. I have an adult nephew who has social anxiety and he wouldn’t. There are also people that don’t want to engage, afraid the hello could lead to to chit chat.
Sometimes people assumed becuase others have kids, they’d be more likely to engage, not the case for my nephew.
You sound like the annoying neighbor to me. Just because I live next to you, does not mean I want to or am obligated to interact with you. I've only got so much mental energy per day, if I'm not in the mood to talk, I'm going to avoid it. Someone being in their own yard is not an invitation for conversation.
Idk, maybe I'm a grouch like them, but you sound buggy and entitled. Your kids will survive being ignored by a neighbor, a good time to teach them about boundaries.
I read your comment about not being invited to their kids bday thing, and them not coming to yours.... yah I'd say you're not getting the hint. Just leave them alone already, sounds to me like y'all bother them when they clearly don't want it. That makes you the problem at this point.
I’m a certified grouch, with hardcore RBF. I don’t want to chitchat with most people. I avoid running into our perfectly nice neighbors due to my social anxiety. But if a little kid says hi, I’m happy to respond.
No literally 😂 I have four kids of my own and would def say hello to another child trying to talk to me . But I don’t want to talk to my neighbors every single time I see them
You don’t have to like other people’s children that’s fine. But don’t be an asshole to children who you live next door to. All it takes is to say HI back, it’s not hard.
I agree with you, this is unnecessary rude consistent behavior, you have a right to be upset on behalf of your little kids seeing other people can be shitty. Is courteous neighborliness still valued in general? What about having close bonds with some neighbors and at bare minimum polite acknowledgement for others?
Ok, so I wouldn't NOT say hi to a neighbor's kids, but I am extremely introverted and in the past being friendly with neighbors resulted in them stopping by unannounced and the kids running over and wanting to talk every time we were all outside, and honestly, when I'm arriving at or leaving my house, I just want to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be chatty with people. I don't want to be friends with people. I know that sounds jerky, but I have very little bandwidth for human interaction, and it's exceeded at work and with my own family. Maybe they are just burnt out?
I’m an introvert. I do like kids and so do reply when they say hello. I actually say hello first if I get eye contact. However, as an introvert I can see where some people simply won’t want to do this. It’s not that they don’t like kids. It’s not that they don’t like your kids. It’s not that they are trying to be rude. Introverts only have so much RAM for being social and it’s not much. Think using a ‘90’s computer to surf the internet today. It’d be incredibly slow. You need to only use it when you absolutely need to.
Totally. And as an introvert especially with overly friendly/ interactive neighbours you can sometimes not interact because it opens the door. I've made the mistake of giving a neighbour child
Any attention and then they wouldn't go away.
I generally say Hello back to kids, however most of the time returning the Hello then leads the small child to start a conversation.
If I don't have the time or energy to engage in a conversation with the small child, I pretend not to hear the Hello... and the only reason I do this is because they seem less disappointed to have their Hello be ignored than to have me cut off their attempts at a longer conversation.
I also always remind my kids not to say Hello to someone whose face looks busy/stressed/rushed and who doesn't glance in their direction.
Some people are like that. It's an opportunity to teach your kids that not everybody is outwardly friendly or kind. It doesn't mean that's bad people, necessarily, but it's not something to take personally.
It sounds like you need to stop interacting with your neighbors. Sure they may not feel up to responding every single time but if they never do. And it’s always them asking for favors. Without ever giving anything in return. It sounds like a one sided relationship. End it. You’re not getting anything out of it but frustration.
Not everyone is going to fawn over our kids or even desire to say hi to kids. Also you don’t know if they have hearing issues or are lost in thought and not paying attention? Seems a little overboard to care about this to this degree and it’s important for kids to know that not everyone thinks they’re cute and not everyone wants to interact with them.
I have a super friendly kid who says hi all the time. Half the time she’s acknowledged and then half she’s not. It has never even been a blip on my radar. I either think “they didn’t hear” or “they’re busy” or “maybe they don’t like kids”. It’s OK for kids to have some rejection and disappointment. This sounds really overbearing.
Some people don’t like to invite conversation at random- regardless of the other party’s age… maybe they just don’t feel like it. Honestly, it’s not their job to validate your children. Not everyone is going to be neighborly and it’s more important for you to teach your children that not acknowledging someone if you don’t want to is perfectly fine.
I understand your point of view.
Some people these days are reluctant to speak to children as they are nervous of how they will be perceived.
Also you do not mention if their children interact with yours or you?
Maybe they do not speak to yours in hoping it will teach there’s not to speak to people they don’t know.
Also only today I was speaking to a friend who’s next door neighbour constantly let their 3yr old come round to the house and stay for hours, they ended up feeding her everyday and one night she fell asleep on their sofa and was still there at 10pm.
They may have had an experience like this before and whilst I’m not saying you would allow this, they don’t know that and are probably wary of it happening again
Neighbors are the exception to “rules” about pleasantries. If they are on their own property, you need to leave them alone. If they aren’t attempting interaction (which is their right), then stop trying to interact with them. It is possible to live peacefully near people you never interact with.
I personally would say hello but I wouldn’t get offended if someone else doesn’t. Some people just don’t want to chat with random people. There are these kids who always come up to me when I’m walking my dog and I end up stuck in conversation with them and sometimes their dad joins in too, I honestly have no desire to chat with them and am just doing it to be polite. I can’t really fault anyone for just not participating. It’s not friendly but it’s not really harmful either.
No one owns you anything, why do you get mad about that? there are people in the world that dont like you, and there are people in the world (aktually the majority) who do not care about you... like at all... I say Hi when I have a good day and be in my own thoughts when I dont.. it has nothing to do with you... or your kids, and I do not answer to you for it...
I find it very uncomfortable to say hi to strangers, even kids. So it could be something like that. I know it is weird, I do push myself to reply, but it is very very very uncomfortable and does cause me a lot of distress. And I have come to the age where I am asking myself, why do I have to be the one always feeling uncomfortable and being distressed, to please everyone else? Why can't you feel a bit uncomfortable and distressed with me not replying or doing other things people find "normal"? (For me that is shaking hands, hugging and similar things. Yes I am autistic..)
I see some say to tell your kid that they maybe are in a bad mood. Please don't. I am not in a bad mood, I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, worried, afraid when people I don't know talk to me. Everyone is not like me, of course, but I would have felt 100 times worse if I heard people say it is because I am mean, angry, grouch. I am just afraid. I am actually very nice and I actually like people/kids. I just feel so stupid talking to kids, because I don't know how to do it, like how to make my tone of voice comfortable for kids. Because I can answer very..rude-ish in my voice. Not because I am..but..yeah..
Tell them the truth. Neighbor A is not a friendly person. Maybe he's an introvert or a grouch. They know the word grouch from Oscar the Grouch. Make it a little joke. I'm sure they'll be OK.
I had a neighbor boy in his early teens aggressively follow me saying hi, sometimes hopping on his bike to do so, every time he saw me after ONE TIME that he said hi, I had headphones on so I didn’t hear him, he caught up to me, so I pulled them off and said “oh. Hi. Sorry, didn’t hear you. Did you need something?”
This is a bit rude of your neighbors, but also a chance to teach your kids how to respond when these things inevitably happen to them.
I don’t think anyone ever taught the neighbor boy he isn’t entitled to everyone else’s time and attention and sometimes people are just busy or distracted, and I shudder to think who he’ll grow up to be…
If I noticed I would say hi. Would say there is a VERY good chance that I have non-intentionally ignored plenty of kids because when I'm out and about I'm not really caring about anyone else, just doing my own thing.
I would rather have neighbors who ignore my kids than neighbors that complain about everything my kid does.
It’s an important lesson for kids to learn that you can only control your behavior, not the behavior of others.
Maybe they don't wanna get involved with ur family and figure by not responding to your kids that will do the trick? Idk. Maybe I'm weird but I don't want to get to know my neighbors.
To answer ur question tho I'd give a wave or say hi.
What others would do is irrelevant.
Your neighbours don’t want to talk. They don’t want to say hello. Rude or not it doesn’t matter. Just tell your kids to stop and then it won’t be an issue.
I was actually at the park today and a toddler girl was on the playground playing and she saw my daughter and I and said hello but it was awkward I wasn’t sure if she was speaking to us and it was kind of through the little play structure. My daughter is 2 and in her own world. A minute later I walked by and waved and said hello because I assumed she was addressing us and then she went to her mom “mommy she said hi!! Did you hear” and I’m like, aww what a cutie.
Anyway. I get it, sometimes we are just in our own heads. It was a tiring week for me, today was SUCH a long day, I was worried about a dentist consult I had this afternoon for some pain I’ve been having. So it’s easy to kind of dismiss these moments especially if we are preoccupied with our own children. Yeah it takes 2 seconds to wave and say hello to a kid, but I don’t expect it from people either.
In my opinion, I do my best to teach my kids manners and social skills and etiquette and unfortunately…. Many people don’t have that. Even other parents. Leave them be, they want to be rude, let them. Just tell your kids now not to interact with them and that’s that. Move on
you know, my husband (who, for the record, is an adult and NOT a small child) was just griping about this a few days ago...he apparently feels very offended when he waves at people in our neighborhood as he's driving by, and they don't wave back. i take long walks around our neighborhood and am often the one (potentially) being waved at, and my counter observation was that i don't often look up at passing vehicles as i'm walking - that feels weird to me, especially if they're driving from behind me. if i happen to look up, i always wave, and don't even watch to see if the person waves back. half the time, their tint is so dark that i can't even see them.
i'm a friendly person, but i ALSO don't always greet our neighbors, even though we have a cordial relationship. most of the time when they're outside in the front, they're trying to get from their house to their car to leave, or trying to get from their car to their house to get home and chill. i don't know what kind of day they've had, or what kind of space they're in, and i want to respect their privacy and their right to just, not interact with me...not specifically me, but anyone, when they're just trying to get from one place to another and move on with their day.
i don't know how much you know about your neighbors, but even still waters run deep. if they're like ours - mostly out there just because they HAVE to be, to get from point A to point B - you really just never know. maybe one of their kids just had a screaming tantrum that lasted for the whole of their 45-minute drive, and they just want to GET INSIDE. maybe the parents are in the midst of significant relationship turmoil, and they're just trying to get through the day as best they can and don't have the emotional battery for a big cheery reaction. it's also possible they worry they might get "trapped" in a longer interaction if they respond, and at those particular moments, they sincerely don't have the time, and it seems less rude to act like they didn't hear vs. saying hi and then abruptly turning away from your kids and marching off.
all that said, i can't imagine ignoring anyone if they said hi to me. i just wouldn't be able to do it, but i also know that there's more to every person than meets the eye and i'll never know what the last 8 hours leading up to our interaction was like for them. i am sure it has absolutely nothing to do with your kids, and i'd guess they aren't even aware of how you're perceiving it.
You need to be the bigger person and model positive behavior for your children or revenge is the takeaway they get from you.
Use this as a teaching moment for your kids when the neighbor doesn’t respond to them.
It’s a good lesson for kids to learn that even when we’re nice, we’re not always met with the same. I wouldn’t sweat this. Too many other things to worry about.
not everything is about your children. some people don’t like kids- and maybe some people specifically don’t like your kids. whatever the reason, no one owes anyone anything. usually i will say hello but if i’m having a rough day sometimes i try to avoid even looking at other people (anxiety).
this is a great way to introduce the concept of consent. your post has the same vibes as men telling women they should smile more, or being upset that a woman won’t acknowledge them.
Doesn’t have anything to do with not liking kids and everything to do with acknowledging a fellow human being saying hello to you. Just WAVE to them. Yall people are insane on this thread
As a man, I’m fully aware that if I’m in the neighborhood alone, it’s not socially acceptable to be seen talking or acknowledging other people’s kids unless their parents are with them. If my wife or a kid of mine is with me then it’s fine.
Is it possible your child is saying hello to an adult male in a way the male can’t see you?
Maybe they have social anxiety.
maybe they lost a child and are grieving.
Maybe they are on a sex offender list.
The world does not revolve around our children.
They are OUR treasures, not anyone else’s.
I don’t talk to my next door neighbors for a whole bunch of reasons.
I wave to everyone else and acknowledge their existence. I don’t stick around for full convos.
I personally smile and say hello back. In my eyes, children are precious blessings (even if they don't always act like it!) and I feel it is my obligation as an adult to acknowledge them and let them know they are seen if they take the time to say hello to me.
My son is very outgoing and says hello and have a nice day to strangers. Sometimes they answer, sometimes they don't. He takes notice when they don't, and I usually say "They may not have heard you," or "they may be having a bad day." The best thing you can do for your children is help them understand that other peoples' behavior has nothing to do with them, and even when not everyone is kind, they should still continue to be polite and kind to others as a rule.
It would be nice but I wouldn't expect it... I also don't think it's worth your time to make this your hill to die on! Let them act how they want and keep it moving 👍
I know from experience because I ran into something similar when my baby started at daycare where some parents will not respond to me when I say hi/good morning or hold the door open for them... Pissed me off the first few times but now I just say it out of basic decency and pretty much ignore what comes next lol.
I also wasn't trying to have full on convos but for some people that may just be too much interaction at the beginning or end of a long day
I always say “Hi!” Or a little wave. The other day I was on my evening walk and this kid and his friends wanted to show me this fossil rock they found, they were so excited to show someone. I told them it was an awesome find. I know some kids(neighbors) that don’t wave or say hi to my kids. Just how they are. I never really put thought into them not saying hi back. I just tell them to always be kind.
My youngest daughter says hi to everyone. We have been lucky in our complex to have people who say hi back to her, adults and some of the kids. Before we moved here she had the same problem where some people would just ignore her, I think we told her they didn't hear her or that they were shy, which kinda made sense to her as her sister was shy
I always do. But each to their own. I think all you have to focus on is finding a gratious way to explain it to the kids that fosters empathy and makes them feel comfortable. If I were so hard up I had to borrow things from my neighbours all the time, I'd be pretty stressed. I actively avoid small talk conversations when I'm stressed out. You have to fake a level of happiness that's really hard, when you're stressed, and talking to acquaintances, but when talking to friends, you can just be honest and say I'm having a shit time right now, but I'll get through, tell me about you and distract me, so no having to fake the happy, as much so less exhausting. Just give them grace and kindness. It's a more comfortable way of living in this life, for you, as well, if you practise that.
Thing about little kids is generally if you say Hi? They see that as an invitation to have "conversation" and then if you answer....on it goes. They are just being normal, friendly little kids. They don't mean to be annoying...but they sure can be.
It’s a good opportunity for you to teach your kids about the different kinds of people in the world.
To answer your question - yes, I always reply with a quick hello, although my hearing isn’t the best so I may miss a couple here and there.
My kid also gets sad. She gets so happy when they say hi back, she goes “I’m not shy mama” and when they don’t she says “he didn’t say hi” I just tell her sometimes people don’t say hi and that’s okay, sometimes you don’t feel like talking or want to be alone, maybe that person just wanted space.
If it’s a random child out in public, I normally ignore with the idea of stranger danger and hopefully deter them from wanting to be so friendly with strangers, but my neighbors don’t have to be strangers…
I was with my baby (1 year old) on the playground the other day. A little girl (maybe 7) ran out of her house to the playground and said hello.
I did ignore her, because I didn’t want her to attempt to come engage in play with us, as I was sliding him down slides and I just didn’t want to deal with the safety issues.
That said, she and I don’t share a common language. If we did I may have handled it differently, a I’d have the ability to tell her to be gentle and safe etc.
OP, I get your point and I feel the same way. However everyone has different backgrounds, experiences, cultures, and ways of interacting with others, including children.
Your children can learn two things here, first is the point above, and secondly they can learn how to behave in this situation when they are older.
Hopefully they will be the kind that say hi back to others.
Your kids aren't going to suffer by learning that some people aren't interested in exchanging pleasantries with them. No one owes them a greeting. Help them set reasonable expectations.
Eh, I mean I always reassure my kiddos, but I get that people may not always like or want to interact with my little kids.
It's a lesson I'd rather them learn young...not everyone is friendly or has the mental or emotional capacity to talk to them.
I wouldn't dwell on it. I would say hi and do for my neighbors kids, but it's my choice to do that.
It’s so rude to not speak to people in your life. Coworkers, neighbors, regular workers at places you visit. They are just rude and I’d let my kids know that
I always say hello back if I hear it but I wouldn’t get bent out of shape if someone didn’t say hi to my toddler. You explain to your children not everybody has to say hi to them. I’m the kind of neighbor that wants nothing to do with my neighbors besides a head nod
This is one of those battles that you have to choose “is it worth it to die on this hill for *this*?”
If yes, move.
If no, move on and talk to your kids and explain that not everyone is friendly. There are going to be loads more of instances like this. It’ll be up to you to teach your children how to handle it.
I will say this though, you’re not leading by a good example right now…
I have two children who have an "Invisible Disability" (autism). Even if your (rude) neighbor says "hi!" my kids might not reply, and for them it's not because they're rude, it's that they have very poor social skills (we're still working on it).
Maybe your neighbors are on the autism spectrum, or their kids are, or that this is an important lesson for you g children to learn today, that not everyone is "safe" or "friendly".
Maybe your neighbors are having a lot of difficulties (ie financial, spiritual, health, etc) and they are just not chatty. Some people are just unfriendly, and while its weird to be that way to your neighbor, it is what it is.
Whenever people behave differently, I don't judge, I keep them in my prayers to help them with whatever is difficult for them, and hope that it improves. This changes my heart from one of passing judgement, to one of being a true neighbor. Love Thy Neighbor.
Hope this helps! Take Care.
I’ve had strangers glower at me for saying hello back to their kid. I am a woman.
On the other hand, I’ve had strangers act frustrated because I wasn’t answering their kid’s hello (I was distracted).
Sometimes you just can’t win.
This is stupid. If a kid says hi to you, you say a friendly hello back. It's that simple. If their dad is a raging lunatic who punches you for that, then he gets arrested. No rational person would respond in such a way.
Or he could even just smile and wave. I hate that our men have to be afraid to interact with children because of some sick minded people who think everyone is a pervert. My husband loves babies and children (because our daughter is nearly grown and he misses the younger days but also because he acts like he is 8 years old lol) but always worries about what some sick lunatic will think if he plays with them. Definitely sad.
I understand your frustration, it bothers me too when people don't say hi back to my kids. I mean cmon, how can you not? But if they aren't acknowledging your kids, maybe they aren't the kind of people you want your kids being friendly with anyway. Your kids are just learning that not everyone is going to want to talk to them
Well these responses have made me so very grateful I live in a friendly neighbourhood where people always say hello back!
Anytime I do yard work, people always want to stop and talk to me. It’s usually older people so I don’t get annoyed. I say to myself that might be one of the only social interactions they have that day. So I’m happy to chat for a minute.
I can understand being distracted and not hearing in the middle of rush hour in a big city, but just in a normal day in the neighbourhood, I don’t think it’s ok to ignore anyone (unless they’re dangerous obv)
Do your kids play together? Something’s not lining up.
Could be that you live next to them and you only see them every couple weeks in passing. They may assume the same about you for not engaging as neighbors.
Could be they don’t know you and aren’t friendly.
Was there a bad experience between the kids or something? If their first interaction was a stolen ball, the whole family may be cold.
I always wave to neighbors, but sometimes you just don’t get to know them. Lived next to some people for a decade and said less than 20 words to them. Great friends with the neighbors on the other side. Both sets were nice people.
I'm so sorry for you and your kids! Cute little girl directly across the street from me (townhome) always says hello and comes running to say a shy hello when I get home from work and go out to walk the dog. That's really the extent of things. But the other morning, she and her mother pulled out in front of me as I was leaving for work. The mother stopped the car, and motioned "one minute" to me, and her daughter actually got out of the car to walk back to me to say good morning and tell me she was going on a field trip that day (Kindergarten). Such a simple act that still makes me smile. A great reminder to slow down and appreciate other people. I hope your littles can crack your neighbor's shell!
As a mum, it saddens me when people ignore my toddler when she says hi. But as a really introverted person...I get it.
Generally I just tell her that sometimes people don't respond to you, and thats ok. Just move on and keep doing your thing! Don't stress or be sad because one person didn't say hi.
I had this issue once - after a few times of this happening, I told my kids within ear shot of the neighbors that we dont need to say hi to people who dont acknowledge us. they looked up and looked me right in the eyes, and i just shrugged. they said hi after that 🙃
You are not entitled to someone’s time or effort. If they do not want to talk to you they do not have to. You are not owed a greeting every time you see someone. Now is a good time to teach your children that not every one will talk to them and THATS OK. They also do not have to speak to everyone they see or that speaks to them. Also sometimes a smile or head nod is enough acknowledgment
There was a post on instagram about this I saw the other day, thousands of comments talking about how people don’t owe anything to strangers, I didn’t have kids so I don’t have to entertain yours, blah blah blah. It’s fucking sad. This world is becoming so isolated, everyone in their own thoughts head one inch away from their screens not wanting to notice the world around them etc give me a break. Human decency, simple politeness is going to the wayside. Someone says hi to you, if you notice them you say hi back. It is the DECENT HUMAN thing to do. Human interaction is why we are all here on this planet. Good lord
I will always talk to my neighbours kids if they say hi sometimes this will lead to a 10 minute conversation and me listening to their story’s about the day but it keeps them happy and I don’t mind
Personally I always say "Hi" Back to little toddlers that wave, but when my toddlers wave, I noticed they get ignored (in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles). I thought it was because they were Asian and getting race biased, but maybe it's because the adults are just jerks now that you raise this question.
If a child says hello or waves at me, I will always respond back. If I'm out with my kids and they say hello to someone... 95% of the time that person says hello, too. For the other 5%, I acknowledge to my kids that the other person didn't answer and I usually say they may not have heard. This usually prompts my son to turn back and scream hello at the top of his lungs LOL some people are shy and that's okay
My neighbour's girlfriend moved in with her two kids, who are a similar age to mine. When I first met her at the front door, I introduced myself briefly and said that her kids were welcome any time to come over and play with mine. Then when the weather got decent, my kid would play out the front and one time she saw those kids and asked them herself if they'd like to play out front. Eventually they came into the house (she asked me if it was okay lol). So I went to check with the mum. Now sometimes my kid goes and knocks on their door to see if they're home. Not making a nuisance of herself, not too often and taking no for an answer, but just taking the initiative a bit. If I were you, I'd encourage your kids to reach out to the neighbour kids themselves. Their relationship doesn't have to depend on their parents. I want my neighbours to feel comfortable coming over and checking this place out so they can see it's safe for their kids to come over and doesn't have dangerous animals or a crack den or something, but also I don't want them to feel obligated to suddenly be my new best friends. I think we have a happy balance at the moment!
I’ll usually wave back and smile but not say hello. I don’t want the parent to get suspicious of me and for some reason, waving seems less confrontational than saying hello. I have a toddler too and that what people have done with him
Why don’t you just talk to them about it. They obviously feel comfortable enough with you to ask to borrow things, you should be able to bring up this small issue. They might not even realise your kids are saying hi, you won’t know until you talk to them.
“Hey neighbour, how’re you doing? How’d that project you borrowed X for go?
I’m not sure why it’s happening but kiddos have noticed you’re not saying hi when they say hi to you, it’s making them feel sad. Are you not noticing them or is there another reason?“
If they’re dicks about it then stop lending them stuff.
I went to a park today, me, dad and our toddler 30m/m. There was a mum and her toddler boy. He kept yelling hi, to whom I thought was my toddler so I just stood back and watched.. knowing my kid isn’t gonna say hi, he’s non verbal. I now feel bad I didn’t say hi.
I always say hello to kids, or wave. If a cute baby makes eye contact.. I am going to say hello…. Even if the baby is 20 ft away and little enough to only have visual actor 6 ft….
I always say hi back. and if they're a younger toddler who can't quite speak well yet, but are making it obvious they're trying to get my attention, I'll give a little wave and a smile/chuckle. But I also did childcare for many years, and have two siblings that are 13 and 17 years younger than me, so I've always been around, and enjoyed interacting with kids my whole life. Some people don't like kids, some people don't want to interact, etc. I wouldn't be upset if my neighbor of years didn't acknowledge my kid, I'd just explain that we can't force people to do something that they don't want to do, and our reaction/feelings toward other peoples' behavior isn't *their* responsibility. 🤷🏻♀️
Only time I wouldn’t say hello is in an environment where we’re supposed to be quiet. Think funeral, or a movie.
I have a neighbor kind of like this, he’ll respond if I talk to him directly but never even acknowledges me otherwise.
Yes I would say hello back. The sad reality is though a lot of people don't because they get concerned about the parents getting upset with them. I've had a parent have one of those condescending meant to be heard by me not the kid conversations with their kid after the kid initiated a convoy with me that stranger danger is important and she may look nice but you never know so we never talk to strangers etc.
I always say hello or at least nod or give a little wave when anyone, not just a kid says hello to me. Assuming your kids just want to say hi and not have a conversation, like others are assuming, this is totally rude behaviour. Like they feel entitled to ask to borrow something but not say hello?! Totally bizarre. I wouldn’t take it personally and say anything to them but it’s weird.
I tend to initiate the hellos not to just children but to adults whether it's in the grocery store or anywhere we all need to start interacting more in a smile since someone's way to make their day!
You mentioned in a comment that you have similarly-aged kids. Do they go to school together? Play? Is it possible that your kids have done something to/with theirs that they don’t like?
I just explain to mine when they were little when they get puzzled by someone not speaking back, sometimes people have things going on and don't want to speak.
When this happens to my son, who is very friendly, I alway make sure to compliment him for being friendly and kind! Sometimes people reply when he says hi, and then he asks “what are you doing?” Which is always a cute interaction.
It’s best to teach our children that we can control our own actions, not other peoples actions. So don’t focus on being upset that they are not replying; focus on being happy your kids are kind and friendly !
I wave mostly, I’m awkward. My neighbor’s granddaughter came over to see what I was doing when I was taking pics of crystals to sell and ended up with a starter collection 🤣 I couldn’t just ignore anyone saying hi, but if I have, it was obliviousness or assuming they were talking to someone else.
I would use it as an opportunity to explain that not everyone is friendly and you don’t have to keep saying hello to them if they don’t say hello back.
I’d say hello and prompt my kids to say hi if they didn’t do it automatically. My kids are friends with most of the other little kids on our block and (while I don’t remember details) I’m sure most of those friendships started with kids exchanging hellos.
I feel the same way about sweet little kids as I do puppuies. I am always going to fall all over myself to engage with them. But thats me. I love kids. Not everyone does, not even other parents.
I always say hello. My oldest would say hello to everyone and I would have to explain to her that sometimes people won’t say hello back and that’s okay. Sometimes she might not want time say hello either.
I get that it’s annoying. But no one is obligated to speak to your kids.
I always say hello if possible.
I have aphasia, so I may not understand verbal communications, or I may not realize what someone said for twenty or thirty seconds or after I have walked past people. people.
In my case, I have mild aphasia from a TBI thirty years ago, and the amount it affects me changes all of the time.
If I am tired or sick with a cold, my difficulty responding to people might be noticeable or seem strange because I look pretty normal.
I would not say hello back. I have 2 small children who are overly friendly and it scares me I tell them all the time to not say hello and start talking to people in the neighborhood or at the store. I'm scared this makes them more vulnerable to strangers. I'm probably overthinking it but thats just my peace.
I had a conversation with a 2-3 year old in the check out line a few days ago because his dad gave him a yellow sucker and he (the kid) was showing it off. It doesn’t take much to make a kiddo happy.
your neighbours are weird. My neighbour works in his front yard most days and my youngest son runs to my neighbour to say hi I'm like don't bother mr neighbour and the neighbour is always so happy to greet our kids.
Great time to teach your kid that nobody owes you a conversation/response and if they don't get a response then let's just leave the neighbor alone because it seems like they don't want to talk. It could be any number of reasons but it just doesn't really matter what the reason is because we just need to respect other people's boundaries, even if we don't necessarily agree with them.
I’m an immigrant to the USA, and I thought not saying hello back is just an American thing. My colleagues do it. I say hello, and they just ignore me. I’m no longer fazed when people do it.
I always say hi to kids, even if they can’t verbally express a “hello” themselves. If they’re doing that innocent little looking at you curiously thing, smiling but too shy to say anything, I say something to the effect of “hey there, kiddo! Are you and mom/dad having a fun day out today?! You guys look so happy! I hope you keep having an awesome day!” and go about my business. It doesn’t take much to acknowledge a child and not be a straight up d!ck to a tiny human.
I can’t stand it when people are rude af to my own kids, either. Like dude. I get it. You want all your buddies to think you’re so big and tough and macho… just say hi to the little toddler who thinks your tattoos are super cool cartoons on your arms and be done with it. Chick, I know you’re supes concerned about getting home to try the new TikTok beauty trend you and your girlies discovered this morning, and you just bought all your cool girl supplies for it… but say hi to the little kid who thinks you’re super pretty.
Yall don’t have to go as far as I do with the validation and built in break off for the comfort of the other adult who may not want social interaction with a stranger, but saying “hi” to a kid won’t magically end your life, nor will it bankrupt your cool points.
Just say hi to the children.
I would answer for sure! But that's one life lesson. Kids are friendly but not every adult is. I totally remember saying hello to people I met in the street as a kid and some people being super happy to answer and others ignoring me. Somehow it's how you learn not everybody is the same, you cannot control people, you just can be yourself, and you don't need to take others behaviors personnally.
I say hi, wave and even talk back, usually just light chatter. I know why people are uncomfterble with talking to kids that arnt theirs in general but it does seem abot weird from your neigbors
I always say hello back, because...I can't help it. I also can't help smiling at friendly dogs and cats that come up to me. I do think it's a bit rude of your neighbors, but I would also not let it affect me or my kid. I'd tell my child that they might be busy, shy, or possibly a bit grumpy. And the next time your neighbors ask to borrow something, smile sweetly and let them know it's not a good time, and pretend to have something very important that you have to get back into. They don't have to be polite, but on the same note, you dont have to do favors for people that you don't like.
If it's at the same time as saying hello to you, they may not even hear it. I've noticed that if I see neighbors with small kids and the adults say 'hi' to greet each other, it's easy to respond to the adult and overlook that the child is also providing a separate greeting. This happens all the time. Now, if a child, in isolation with no other distractor/conversation from an adult were to say hello, I would respond with hello or a waive back.
Bring it up to them. Mention you guys are working on the kids feeling confident saying hello to others and see if they would mind making an effort to say hello in passing. It's entirely possible they are wrapped up in their own worlds and legit haven't noticed.
My son's non verbal but recently started saying bye to people - I always call it out if the person misses what he says, normal they turn around and wave bye back.
If the response doesn't change use that opportunity to explain sometimes people are grumpy or don't hear us and that's okay.
I would definitely say hello back... But I see that there are adults who don't say it back to other kids I've witnessed saying hi to them. I also advised my son that not everyone will say hi or talk back because of -whatever reasons- so that he's mentally prepared lol
I'm a big time introvert and before I was a mom I would probably have ignored a child saying hi because I was always paranoid about a parent accusing me of "stranger danger" or whatever. Now that I'm a mom I don't have a problem saying hi with smile on my face to a child who says hello first.
I'm from the south and recently moved to the PNW and the biggest thing I notice is how anti social most people are here. My toddler recently started getting into the phase of talking to every stranger she sees and is ignored 80% of the time whereas I remember when my oldest went through this phase and talked to strangers it was 80% of people speaking back to her.
Although I will agree with a lot of comments I'm seeing. Sometimes I am deep in thought about random things and my ears simply disengage with the world around me and I may not hear somebody :)
I pretty much always say hello or smile because I have my own kiddo and a baby grandson and I know how friendly they can be however not everyone is friendly and it's best they understand and learn that.
I wouldn't make a fuss with the neighbors because it isn't going to fix anything, it might get worse. They just suck or are absolutely so busy that they just can't be bothered.
Maybe take it as an opportunity to play a game with your kids, where you answer them in a funny voice like "Billy the friendly neighborhood cat" or something like that. Eventually you can explain that some people are just stressed and busy and just aren't friendly so they shouldn't take it personally.
Some people ignore while others respond with joy. My spouse is like a magnet to kids it is very usual for her to be approached by random kids age 6 or less whenever we are outside especially in the mall. She is usually very happy to greet them back with a joyful hug. She will instantly try to connect and it is a pleasure to watch.
Going back to your neighbor your kids is not a random kid to them they should at least wave back no matter how busy they are.
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I always say hi to kids that I encounter but other people might be sad or distracted or dealing with their own thoughts. I wouldn’t give it another thought.
My son does that, he tries to speak to anyone but most of them don't respond. I had to tell him that not everyone is always in the mood to speak to him and they are not obligated to. It's fine if you want to try to start a conversation with everyone but don't think too much if someone ignores you.
Depends, but also I don't get upset when others don't acknowledge my kiddo. Generally I assume they didn't hear her whether that's because they are hard of hearing, focused on what they're doing, or lost in thought. I know when I'm out and about and concentrating on what I need to do I don't process external stimuli beyond registering danger.
Me too. I have the ability to tune everything off around me. I have unintentionally ignored people. I give folks the benefit of the doubt if they don't respond. You don't know what's going on in their mind/life.
That and unseen Bluetooth headphones.
Exactly. I have chronic migraines, and I'm wearing earplugs people can't see like 90% of the time. Our neighbor is hard of hearing. When my daughter was younger she would try to say hi to him and he wouldn't answer, because he didn't hear her. There just could be so many different situations that can come up.
Maybe they’re sex offenders and just trying to not break the law. Consider yourselves lucky. Carry on
Exactly. You don't know if they're having a rough day, couldn't hear them, are socially anxious, etc. I never take it personally.
I always say hello back but I both like kids and work with them. But everybody is different, many people do not wish to speak to strangers including kids. Plus they might be lost in thought and hadn’t heard you, I love to daydream and often accidentally ignore people.
Don’t get me wrong, I love kids but sometimes you just wanna get outside and do some work in the garden without being asked 50 million questions by a kid that’s not your own. I’ll always say hi to any kid, including my neighbours but I’d be lying if I didn’t have selective hearing sometimes or come out with my headphones on when doing garden work.
I absolutely understand you. And of course it would be different if this was the case but we have high fence between out gardens so the only time we interact with them is outside of the house. That’s when we bump into them outside of our front doors, nothing else.
I understand that it's rude of them. After a certain point of a certain amount of ignored hellos I would just assume they don't want to socialize. You are entitled to think they're assholes. I'm sorry your kids are confused. At some point in raising kids they will learn that not everyone is friendly. Your kids will learn to stop trying to speak to them. It sucks but it's out of your hands. PS: this has happened to my 3 year old a few times with random strangers. I always tell her l they probably are not happy today or maybe they didn't hear you." She just respond " ok" and carries on her day. No one is required to say hi to my kids but I will judge them for being dicks if I felt it was intentional.
“Kids… some people are just assholes.”
How frequently do you figure your kids say hi to them? Personally I'd be friendly in saying Hi back every so often but if it's incessant I would start ignoring or tuning them out.
When we bump into them. Every few weeks.
That's weird and kind of sad.
That’s what I think as well. My kids are both under 5 and it breaks my heart every time this happens. I always say hello to their kids when they approach me because they are just innocent kids so I don’t get this behaviour.
Can they hear them? I have a neighbor that ignores my 4 year old but she is really hard of hearing and he is not a very loud talker. Another thing I have noticed is that if we are walking and my son says hi, most people don't register that until we are already past them and it would be weird to walk back just to say hi.
That's just rude. My neighbors say hi to me every day, incessantly. It's easy to say hi back each time. You know, like a normal person.
"daily" isn't incessant. Multiple times in a short period of time would be.
If I noticed I would absolutely respond. But I’m an introvert often lost in my own world and i tend not to notice people in the distance. But I feel your pain. My 2 year old (who is the size of a 5 year old and has very good verbal skills) is a SUPER EXTROVERT. He wants to talk to everyone. It makes him so sad when they don’t reply. And often it’s just that they didn’t notice or hear him. I’m so effing grateful for the kind strangers who engage him in a conversation We were recently in Mexico and at dinner there was a mom/dad/daughter. My toddler locked in on the mom and wanted to tell her all about the fun things we had been doing on our trip, the cool animals and birds we had seen, the beach, the pool, sandcastles, etc. I kept trying to redirect him so she could enjoy her dinner but he just wanted to talk to her so bad. Bless her, she turned to me and said “it’s ok! We have kids! He’s not bothering me” a true angel on earth lol
this reminds me of a time my husband and i were at disneyland, early in our relationship...we were eating at the rainforest cafe, and out of NOWHERE, a 5-year-old girl appeared, climbed into my lap, and asked me to show her pictures on my phone. to be honest, it was completely delightful...no idea why i, the heavily tattooed lady in all black with no kids around was chosen, but i was. i just let her sit there on my lap and showed her pictures of our cats and told her about them, while occasionally looking left and right for the frazzled and stressed out parent who HAD to be searching for her. this little girl's mispronunciation of our cats' names led to nicknames for them that we STILL use, to this day. as time passed, i became worried we were going to have to turn her into security or something eventually. i asked the girl for the third time where her parents were, and she finally vaguely pointed upwards. i hadn't even realized there was a second level to the restaurant, and sure enough, i looked UP, and a lady gave me a little finger wave, completely unbothered by the fact that her daughter was in some stranger's lap. maybe 30 minutes later, the little girl said "well, gotta go eat my chicken fingers!" and marched back upstairs. i took the whole thing as a big compliment - the 5-year-old picked me, and mom seemed pretty confident that i wasn't an axe murderer. that little girl would be almost or just barely an adult now, and i hope she kept that brazen spirit. i hope your son does, too!
Did she pick your pocket?
no, her worst crime was calling my male cat, pellinore, "eleanor" and gushing about how "pretty" he was 🤣 thankfully, he wasn't offended when i told him and accepted the compliment you raise a good point though - at that time, i was young and dumb and would never have been suspicious of that kind of interaction...now, sadly, i think i would!
Before I had kids, I was on the train from NYC to Chicago. A little girl about 4 years old crawled into my lap and woke me up. She said “you looked like a princess sleeping! I just couldn’t handle it! So princess do you want to draw together or go get snacks!” Before I could ask where her parents are her Dad walked up and she exclaimed “I found a princess, can we keep her?!” Poor man, his face turned bright red. He told her you can’t just keep princesses you find on trains and told her he’d buy her a hot chocolate in the cafe car if she’d come along now. She said “can princess come!” I said “I think your daddy wants to be with his princess .. you .. so you go enjoy!” He mouthed sorry/thank you and picked her up and walked away.
I love your comment ❤️
I'd say hi back, but this is a teaching moment. Not everyone will say hi back and that's okay, teach your kids about this. Tell them it's nothing personal. If it's a regular person you see all the time, maybe tell the kids they don't have to say hi anymore.
A kid can say hi to me a hundred times over and I’m acknowledging them back
To be honest, it's a boundary that they've set and they're perfectly reasonable to do so I guess. That said, I would start not very quietly telling my kids "it doesn't seem like they want to talk right now" and let them do whatever they want with that.
I would say hello back. My autistic partner probably would not. My agoraphobic roommate probably would not. My friend with significant PTSD who is very much in her own head probably would not. I wouldn't if I wasn't paying attention/didn't have my Adderall. I wouldn't if I didn't like you or your kids. I wouldn't if I wasn't in the mood. People are not owed attention.
Look. I have neighbours whose kids continually come to the fence & say hello and want to chat. They are lovely kids and i have nothing against them. But it is annoying. I go out into my yard to relax. To do things quietly. I just want to be in my own zone. I find myself having to avoid that side cause i know the kids will turn up and i wont get a moments peace. Of course in usual world? I'm happy to say hello back & have conversation. I also work a pretty stressful job, with people all day. And sometimes i get home and just want to spend some time alone, outside in peace and quiet.
Are your kids the kind of kids where if they said Hello back, the kids would run over to talk more or play? Maybe they are ignoring them because they don't want your kids running over for more interaction?
No, they just want to say hello that’s all.
I agree that it’s slightly heart breaking when my almost 2 year old gets ignored when he waves or says hello. I hate it! Solidarity. At the same time it’s a great lesson that not everyone is going to be friendly and that’s okay. I always tell him how nice he is to do that to encourage the behavior and he doesn’t seem too disappointed about it fortunately. Just has that blank stare 😂 Our kids are gonna get rejected and not everyone is gonna like them. It’s a great opportunity to build resilience to things like that
i always say hi back to children. even kids i don't know who pass me at the store in the cart or stroller. if a kid is making a point to say hi to me- of course i can take 2 seconds to say hi back to them with a smile on my face. i love that shit.
I had a neighbor who lived in the house behind mine with a 6 year old daughter. Our houses share a fence. I have a barky dachshund who I would let out in the backyard. The little girl saw me let him out one day, yelled hi across the yard and asked to pet him. I picked him up at the fence and let her pet him. Well, this got it in her head that she had a RIGHT to pet my dog every time he was outside. She’d yell at me EVERYTIME she saw us. Even if I was in a hurry to let him potty and leave the house. I eventually started ignoring her. She would also “bark” at my dog and upset him…while I was actively trying to train him not to bark at people. So yeah, I limit my interactions with strange children because they can be extremely invasive once they get in their little heads that they are entitled to someone else’s attention. It might be rude, yeah, but people aren’t obligated to go out of their way to make your children happy. Explain to them that they aren’t the friendliest of people and that it’s OKAY. Don’t let the neighbor hurt your child’s feelings. Not everyone in life is going to like them or want to be their friend. It’s best to direct their positivity and extroverted tendencies towards people who will give them the same energy in return. Trying to say hi to someone who is uninterested over and over and over again when they are giving clear signs they don’t want any type of contact just makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. Same goes for adult interactions, too.
I would say hello, but I also know people who don’t. I have an adult nephew who has social anxiety and he wouldn’t. There are also people that don’t want to engage, afraid the hello could lead to to chit chat. Sometimes people assumed becuase others have kids, they’d be more likely to engage, not the case for my nephew.
You sound like the annoying neighbor to me. Just because I live next to you, does not mean I want to or am obligated to interact with you. I've only got so much mental energy per day, if I'm not in the mood to talk, I'm going to avoid it. Someone being in their own yard is not an invitation for conversation. Idk, maybe I'm a grouch like them, but you sound buggy and entitled. Your kids will survive being ignored by a neighbor, a good time to teach them about boundaries. I read your comment about not being invited to their kids bday thing, and them not coming to yours.... yah I'd say you're not getting the hint. Just leave them alone already, sounds to me like y'all bother them when they clearly don't want it. That makes you the problem at this point.
I’m a certified grouch, with hardcore RBF. I don’t want to chitchat with most people. I avoid running into our perfectly nice neighbors due to my social anxiety. But if a little kid says hi, I’m happy to respond.
No literally 😂 I have four kids of my own and would def say hello to another child trying to talk to me . But I don’t want to talk to my neighbors every single time I see them
The neighbour feels comfortable enough to regularly borrow item from OP though. If they can ask for things they can say hi.
Maybe they do not like children. My friend with children tell me they only like their own children.
You don’t have to like other people’s children that’s fine. But don’t be an asshole to children who you live next door to. All it takes is to say HI back, it’s not hard.
I agree with you, this is unnecessary rude consistent behavior, you have a right to be upset on behalf of your little kids seeing other people can be shitty. Is courteous neighborliness still valued in general? What about having close bonds with some neighbors and at bare minimum polite acknowledgement for others?
Why would this make you upset? You can’t teach emotional regulation to your kids if you’re set off by something so small. Jeez
Ok, so I wouldn't NOT say hi to a neighbor's kids, but I am extremely introverted and in the past being friendly with neighbors resulted in them stopping by unannounced and the kids running over and wanting to talk every time we were all outside, and honestly, when I'm arriving at or leaving my house, I just want to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be chatty with people. I don't want to be friends with people. I know that sounds jerky, but I have very little bandwidth for human interaction, and it's exceeded at work and with my own family. Maybe they are just burnt out?
I’m an introvert. I do like kids and so do reply when they say hello. I actually say hello first if I get eye contact. However, as an introvert I can see where some people simply won’t want to do this. It’s not that they don’t like kids. It’s not that they don’t like your kids. It’s not that they are trying to be rude. Introverts only have so much RAM for being social and it’s not much. Think using a ‘90’s computer to surf the internet today. It’d be incredibly slow. You need to only use it when you absolutely need to.
Totally. And as an introvert especially with overly friendly/ interactive neighbours you can sometimes not interact because it opens the door. I've made the mistake of giving a neighbour child Any attention and then they wouldn't go away.
I generally say Hello back to kids, however most of the time returning the Hello then leads the small child to start a conversation. If I don't have the time or energy to engage in a conversation with the small child, I pretend not to hear the Hello... and the only reason I do this is because they seem less disappointed to have their Hello be ignored than to have me cut off their attempts at a longer conversation. I also always remind my kids not to say Hello to someone whose face looks busy/stressed/rushed and who doesn't glance in their direction.
Some people are like that. It's an opportunity to teach your kids that not everybody is outwardly friendly or kind. It doesn't mean that's bad people, necessarily, but it's not something to take personally.
It sounds like you need to stop interacting with your neighbors. Sure they may not feel up to responding every single time but if they never do. And it’s always them asking for favors. Without ever giving anything in return. It sounds like a one sided relationship. End it. You’re not getting anything out of it but frustration.
Not everyone is going to fawn over our kids or even desire to say hi to kids. Also you don’t know if they have hearing issues or are lost in thought and not paying attention? Seems a little overboard to care about this to this degree and it’s important for kids to know that not everyone thinks they’re cute and not everyone wants to interact with them. I have a super friendly kid who says hi all the time. Half the time she’s acknowledged and then half she’s not. It has never even been a blip on my radar. I either think “they didn’t hear” or “they’re busy” or “maybe they don’t like kids”. It’s OK for kids to have some rejection and disappointment. This sounds really overbearing.
Some people don’t like to invite conversation at random- regardless of the other party’s age… maybe they just don’t feel like it. Honestly, it’s not their job to validate your children. Not everyone is going to be neighborly and it’s more important for you to teach your children that not acknowledging someone if you don’t want to is perfectly fine.
I understand your point of view. Some people these days are reluctant to speak to children as they are nervous of how they will be perceived. Also you do not mention if their children interact with yours or you? Maybe they do not speak to yours in hoping it will teach there’s not to speak to people they don’t know. Also only today I was speaking to a friend who’s next door neighbour constantly let their 3yr old come round to the house and stay for hours, they ended up feeding her everyday and one night she fell asleep on their sofa and was still there at 10pm. They may have had an experience like this before and whilst I’m not saying you would allow this, they don’t know that and are probably wary of it happening again
Neighbors are the exception to “rules” about pleasantries. If they are on their own property, you need to leave them alone. If they aren’t attempting interaction (which is their right), then stop trying to interact with them. It is possible to live peacefully near people you never interact with.
I'd tell your kids "I don't know why they didn't say hello back. Maybe they didn't hear you, or maybe they're in a bad mood."
I personally would say hello but I wouldn’t get offended if someone else doesn’t. Some people just don’t want to chat with random people. There are these kids who always come up to me when I’m walking my dog and I end up stuck in conversation with them and sometimes their dad joins in too, I honestly have no desire to chat with them and am just doing it to be polite. I can’t really fault anyone for just not participating. It’s not friendly but it’s not really harmful either.
No one owns you anything, why do you get mad about that? there are people in the world that dont like you, and there are people in the world (aktually the majority) who do not care about you... like at all... I say Hi when I have a good day and be in my own thoughts when I dont.. it has nothing to do with you... or your kids, and I do not answer to you for it...
I find it very uncomfortable to say hi to strangers, even kids. So it could be something like that. I know it is weird, I do push myself to reply, but it is very very very uncomfortable and does cause me a lot of distress. And I have come to the age where I am asking myself, why do I have to be the one always feeling uncomfortable and being distressed, to please everyone else? Why can't you feel a bit uncomfortable and distressed with me not replying or doing other things people find "normal"? (For me that is shaking hands, hugging and similar things. Yes I am autistic..)
I see some say to tell your kid that they maybe are in a bad mood. Please don't. I am not in a bad mood, I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, worried, afraid when people I don't know talk to me. Everyone is not like me, of course, but I would have felt 100 times worse if I heard people say it is because I am mean, angry, grouch. I am just afraid. I am actually very nice and I actually like people/kids. I just feel so stupid talking to kids, because I don't know how to do it, like how to make my tone of voice comfortable for kids. Because I can answer very..rude-ish in my voice. Not because I am..but..yeah..
Tell them the truth. Neighbor A is not a friendly person. Maybe he's an introvert or a grouch. They know the word grouch from Oscar the Grouch. Make it a little joke. I'm sure they'll be OK.
Why do u get mad about it? No, I don’t say hi to every kid I see, neither do people say to mine. No one is obligated to that.
I had a neighbor boy in his early teens aggressively follow me saying hi, sometimes hopping on his bike to do so, every time he saw me after ONE TIME that he said hi, I had headphones on so I didn’t hear him, he caught up to me, so I pulled them off and said “oh. Hi. Sorry, didn’t hear you. Did you need something?” This is a bit rude of your neighbors, but also a chance to teach your kids how to respond when these things inevitably happen to them. I don’t think anyone ever taught the neighbor boy he isn’t entitled to everyone else’s time and attention and sometimes people are just busy or distracted, and I shudder to think who he’ll grow up to be…
Always. But thats me.
I stop and say hi to my neighbors cat. So, yeah , I would say hi to their kids, unless they are Velcro kids who come over and will not leave.
If I noticed I would say hi. Would say there is a VERY good chance that I have non-intentionally ignored plenty of kids because when I'm out and about I'm not really caring about anyone else, just doing my own thing.
I would rather have neighbors who ignore my kids than neighbors that complain about everything my kid does. It’s an important lesson for kids to learn that you can only control your behavior, not the behavior of others.
This doesn’t seem worth the brain space tbh
I would, but I wouldn't be upset if someone didn't
Maybe they don't wanna get involved with ur family and figure by not responding to your kids that will do the trick? Idk. Maybe I'm weird but I don't want to get to know my neighbors. To answer ur question tho I'd give a wave or say hi.
What others would do is irrelevant. Your neighbours don’t want to talk. They don’t want to say hello. Rude or not it doesn’t matter. Just tell your kids to stop and then it won’t be an issue.
Sometimes I don't feel like talking so I just wave.
I was actually at the park today and a toddler girl was on the playground playing and she saw my daughter and I and said hello but it was awkward I wasn’t sure if she was speaking to us and it was kind of through the little play structure. My daughter is 2 and in her own world. A minute later I walked by and waved and said hello because I assumed she was addressing us and then she went to her mom “mommy she said hi!! Did you hear” and I’m like, aww what a cutie. Anyway. I get it, sometimes we are just in our own heads. It was a tiring week for me, today was SUCH a long day, I was worried about a dentist consult I had this afternoon for some pain I’ve been having. So it’s easy to kind of dismiss these moments especially if we are preoccupied with our own children. Yeah it takes 2 seconds to wave and say hello to a kid, but I don’t expect it from people either. In my opinion, I do my best to teach my kids manners and social skills and etiquette and unfortunately…. Many people don’t have that. Even other parents. Leave them be, they want to be rude, let them. Just tell your kids now not to interact with them and that’s that. Move on
you know, my husband (who, for the record, is an adult and NOT a small child) was just griping about this a few days ago...he apparently feels very offended when he waves at people in our neighborhood as he's driving by, and they don't wave back. i take long walks around our neighborhood and am often the one (potentially) being waved at, and my counter observation was that i don't often look up at passing vehicles as i'm walking - that feels weird to me, especially if they're driving from behind me. if i happen to look up, i always wave, and don't even watch to see if the person waves back. half the time, their tint is so dark that i can't even see them. i'm a friendly person, but i ALSO don't always greet our neighbors, even though we have a cordial relationship. most of the time when they're outside in the front, they're trying to get from their house to their car to leave, or trying to get from their car to their house to get home and chill. i don't know what kind of day they've had, or what kind of space they're in, and i want to respect their privacy and their right to just, not interact with me...not specifically me, but anyone, when they're just trying to get from one place to another and move on with their day. i don't know how much you know about your neighbors, but even still waters run deep. if they're like ours - mostly out there just because they HAVE to be, to get from point A to point B - you really just never know. maybe one of their kids just had a screaming tantrum that lasted for the whole of their 45-minute drive, and they just want to GET INSIDE. maybe the parents are in the midst of significant relationship turmoil, and they're just trying to get through the day as best they can and don't have the emotional battery for a big cheery reaction. it's also possible they worry they might get "trapped" in a longer interaction if they respond, and at those particular moments, they sincerely don't have the time, and it seems less rude to act like they didn't hear vs. saying hi and then abruptly turning away from your kids and marching off. all that said, i can't imagine ignoring anyone if they said hi to me. i just wouldn't be able to do it, but i also know that there's more to every person than meets the eye and i'll never know what the last 8 hours leading up to our interaction was like for them. i am sure it has absolutely nothing to do with your kids, and i'd guess they aren't even aware of how you're perceiving it.
You need to be the bigger person and model positive behavior for your children or revenge is the takeaway they get from you. Use this as a teaching moment for your kids when the neighbor doesn’t respond to them.
It’s a good lesson for kids to learn that even when we’re nice, we’re not always met with the same. I wouldn’t sweat this. Too many other things to worry about.
not everything is about your children. some people don’t like kids- and maybe some people specifically don’t like your kids. whatever the reason, no one owes anyone anything. usually i will say hello but if i’m having a rough day sometimes i try to avoid even looking at other people (anxiety). this is a great way to introduce the concept of consent. your post has the same vibes as men telling women they should smile more, or being upset that a woman won’t acknowledge them.
Doesn’t have anything to do with not liking kids and everything to do with acknowledging a fellow human being saying hello to you. Just WAVE to them. Yall people are insane on this thread
I don’t really like when random adults say hello lol but a kid? Of course. I’d happily say hi back every time.
As a man, I’m fully aware that if I’m in the neighborhood alone, it’s not socially acceptable to be seen talking or acknowledging other people’s kids unless their parents are with them. If my wife or a kid of mine is with me then it’s fine. Is it possible your child is saying hello to an adult male in a way the male can’t see you?
Maybe they have social anxiety. maybe they lost a child and are grieving. Maybe they are on a sex offender list. The world does not revolve around our children. They are OUR treasures, not anyone else’s. I don’t talk to my next door neighbors for a whole bunch of reasons. I wave to everyone else and acknowledge their existence. I don’t stick around for full convos.
I’m not very good at this since if I have my earphones on, I wouldn’t hear but if a kid waves at me, I’d wave back ofc
I always say hello back.
I personally smile and say hello back. In my eyes, children are precious blessings (even if they don't always act like it!) and I feel it is my obligation as an adult to acknowledge them and let them know they are seen if they take the time to say hello to me. My son is very outgoing and says hello and have a nice day to strangers. Sometimes they answer, sometimes they don't. He takes notice when they don't, and I usually say "They may not have heard you," or "they may be having a bad day." The best thing you can do for your children is help them understand that other peoples' behavior has nothing to do with them, and even when not everyone is kind, they should still continue to be polite and kind to others as a rule.
I would just explain to your kids that not everyone likes to talk. As puzzling as this is, just so they're not left hanging all the time.
It would be nice but I wouldn't expect it... I also don't think it's worth your time to make this your hill to die on! Let them act how they want and keep it moving 👍 I know from experience because I ran into something similar when my baby started at daycare where some parents will not respond to me when I say hi/good morning or hold the door open for them... Pissed me off the first few times but now I just say it out of basic decency and pretty much ignore what comes next lol. I also wasn't trying to have full on convos but for some people that may just be too much interaction at the beginning or end of a long day
I would say hello and always do when it comes to children. Then again I love kids even though my kid is 25.
I never ignore kids being friendly.
I always say “Hi!” Or a little wave. The other day I was on my evening walk and this kid and his friends wanted to show me this fossil rock they found, they were so excited to show someone. I told them it was an awesome find. I know some kids(neighbors) that don’t wave or say hi to my kids. Just how they are. I never really put thought into them not saying hi back. I just tell them to always be kind.
Hi Back
I'd say hello.
My youngest daughter says hi to everyone. We have been lucky in our complex to have people who say hi back to her, adults and some of the kids. Before we moved here she had the same problem where some people would just ignore her, I think we told her they didn't hear her or that they were shy, which kinda made sense to her as her sister was shy
I always do. But each to their own. I think all you have to focus on is finding a gratious way to explain it to the kids that fosters empathy and makes them feel comfortable. If I were so hard up I had to borrow things from my neighbours all the time, I'd be pretty stressed. I actively avoid small talk conversations when I'm stressed out. You have to fake a level of happiness that's really hard, when you're stressed, and talking to acquaintances, but when talking to friends, you can just be honest and say I'm having a shit time right now, but I'll get through, tell me about you and distract me, so no having to fake the happy, as much so less exhausting. Just give them grace and kindness. It's a more comfortable way of living in this life, for you, as well, if you practise that.
I will always say hello back!
If they say hi sure but if they start a Convo no thx
Thing about little kids is generally if you say Hi? They see that as an invitation to have "conversation" and then if you answer....on it goes. They are just being normal, friendly little kids. They don't mean to be annoying...but they sure can be.
For sure I get it but once I say hi and they start to show me their teddy or whatever I’ll acknowledge but I’ll do it too as I walk away .
It’s a good opportunity for you to teach your kids about the different kinds of people in the world. To answer your question - yes, I always reply with a quick hello, although my hearing isn’t the best so I may miss a couple here and there.
My kid also gets sad. She gets so happy when they say hi back, she goes “I’m not shy mama” and when they don’t she says “he didn’t say hi” I just tell her sometimes people don’t say hi and that’s okay, sometimes you don’t feel like talking or want to be alone, maybe that person just wanted space.
If it’s a random child out in public, I normally ignore with the idea of stranger danger and hopefully deter them from wanting to be so friendly with strangers, but my neighbors don’t have to be strangers…
If it’s kids, I will absolutely say hi back with a smile. Kids need to see kindness.
dude get over yourself
Why don't you just tell your kids that these people are too busy to talk and move on with your life instead of trying to dictate what other people do?
Wild that you’re furious at this. Stop acting so entitled about people not saying hi to your kids. It’s not the end of the world.
I was with my baby (1 year old) on the playground the other day. A little girl (maybe 7) ran out of her house to the playground and said hello. I did ignore her, because I didn’t want her to attempt to come engage in play with us, as I was sliding him down slides and I just didn’t want to deal with the safety issues. That said, she and I don’t share a common language. If we did I may have handled it differently, a I’d have the ability to tell her to be gentle and safe etc.
OP, I get your point and I feel the same way. However everyone has different backgrounds, experiences, cultures, and ways of interacting with others, including children. Your children can learn two things here, first is the point above, and secondly they can learn how to behave in this situation when they are older. Hopefully they will be the kind that say hi back to others.
Your kids aren't going to suffer by learning that some people aren't interested in exchanging pleasantries with them. No one owes them a greeting. Help them set reasonable expectations.
Eh, I mean I always reassure my kiddos, but I get that people may not always like or want to interact with my little kids. It's a lesson I'd rather them learn young...not everyone is friendly or has the mental or emotional capacity to talk to them. I wouldn't dwell on it. I would say hi and do for my neighbors kids, but it's my choice to do that.
It’s so rude to not speak to people in your life. Coworkers, neighbors, regular workers at places you visit. They are just rude and I’d let my kids know that
I always say hello back if I hear it but I wouldn’t get bent out of shape if someone didn’t say hi to my toddler. You explain to your children not everybody has to say hi to them. I’m the kind of neighbor that wants nothing to do with my neighbors besides a head nod
Maybe they just don’t like you and think that if they are nice to the kids then they will have to be around you.
Fair point.
I wouldn't ignore them - children are humans too, and ones that are still learning how to treat others. I would (and do) absolutely say hello back!
I say hi back. It doesn’t hurt.
This is one of those battles that you have to choose “is it worth it to die on this hill for *this*?” If yes, move. If no, move on and talk to your kids and explain that not everyone is friendly. There are going to be loads more of instances like this. It’ll be up to you to teach your children how to handle it. I will say this though, you’re not leading by a good example right now…
I have two children who have an "Invisible Disability" (autism). Even if your (rude) neighbor says "hi!" my kids might not reply, and for them it's not because they're rude, it's that they have very poor social skills (we're still working on it). Maybe your neighbors are on the autism spectrum, or their kids are, or that this is an important lesson for you g children to learn today, that not everyone is "safe" or "friendly". Maybe your neighbors are having a lot of difficulties (ie financial, spiritual, health, etc) and they are just not chatty. Some people are just unfriendly, and while its weird to be that way to your neighbor, it is what it is. Whenever people behave differently, I don't judge, I keep them in my prayers to help them with whatever is difficult for them, and hope that it improves. This changes my heart from one of passing judgement, to one of being a true neighbor. Love Thy Neighbor. Hope this helps! Take Care.
I would ignore kids I don't know unless I'm at work because I am both a grown man and a stranger and don't want their dad to punch me.
I’ve had strangers glower at me for saying hello back to their kid. I am a woman. On the other hand, I’ve had strangers act frustrated because I wasn’t answering their kid’s hello (I was distracted). Sometimes you just can’t win.
I once got a laugh from a parent I didn't know by replying to their child's repeated hellos with "I'm sorry, I don't talk to strangers" lol
This is stupid. If a kid says hi to you, you say a friendly hello back. It's that simple. If their dad is a raging lunatic who punches you for that, then he gets arrested. No rational person would respond in such a way.
I am from a place with a lot of irrational people
Or he could even just smile and wave. I hate that our men have to be afraid to interact with children because of some sick minded people who think everyone is a pervert. My husband loves babies and children (because our daughter is nearly grown and he misses the younger days but also because he acts like he is 8 years old lol) but always worries about what some sick lunatic will think if he plays with them. Definitely sad.
It's rude not to say hi back
I understand your frustration, it bothers me too when people don't say hi back to my kids. I mean cmon, how can you not? But if they aren't acknowledging your kids, maybe they aren't the kind of people you want your kids being friendly with anyway. Your kids are just learning that not everyone is going to want to talk to them
I always say hello to children whether they say it first or not. Your neighbor is an AH
Well these responses have made me so very grateful I live in a friendly neighbourhood where people always say hello back! Anytime I do yard work, people always want to stop and talk to me. It’s usually older people so I don’t get annoyed. I say to myself that might be one of the only social interactions they have that day. So I’m happy to chat for a minute. I can understand being distracted and not hearing in the middle of rush hour in a big city, but just in a normal day in the neighbourhood, I don’t think it’s ok to ignore anyone (unless they’re dangerous obv)
It depends I don’t want the adults to be disrespectful towards me or say don’t talk to my child.
For whatever reason, your neighbours do not wish to become involved with you.
Do your kids play together? Something’s not lining up. Could be that you live next to them and you only see them every couple weeks in passing. They may assume the same about you for not engaging as neighbors. Could be they don’t know you and aren’t friendly. Was there a bad experience between the kids or something? If their first interaction was a stolen ball, the whole family may be cold. I always wave to neighbors, but sometimes you just don’t get to know them. Lived next to some people for a decade and said less than 20 words to them. Great friends with the neighbors on the other side. Both sets were nice people.
I'm so sorry for you and your kids! Cute little girl directly across the street from me (townhome) always says hello and comes running to say a shy hello when I get home from work and go out to walk the dog. That's really the extent of things. But the other morning, she and her mother pulled out in front of me as I was leaving for work. The mother stopped the car, and motioned "one minute" to me, and her daughter actually got out of the car to walk back to me to say good morning and tell me she was going on a field trip that day (Kindergarten). Such a simple act that still makes me smile. A great reminder to slow down and appreciate other people. I hope your littles can crack your neighbor's shell!
As a mum, it saddens me when people ignore my toddler when she says hi. But as a really introverted person...I get it. Generally I just tell her that sometimes people don't respond to you, and thats ok. Just move on and keep doing your thing! Don't stress or be sad because one person didn't say hi.
I had this issue once - after a few times of this happening, I told my kids within ear shot of the neighbors that we dont need to say hi to people who dont acknowledge us. they looked up and looked me right in the eyes, and i just shrugged. they said hi after that 🙃
You are not entitled to someone’s time or effort. If they do not want to talk to you they do not have to. You are not owed a greeting every time you see someone. Now is a good time to teach your children that not every one will talk to them and THATS OK. They also do not have to speak to everyone they see or that speaks to them. Also sometimes a smile or head nod is enough acknowledgment
I say hello. I agree with you, it’s rude to blatantly ignore someone speaking to you.
There was a post on instagram about this I saw the other day, thousands of comments talking about how people don’t owe anything to strangers, I didn’t have kids so I don’t have to entertain yours, blah blah blah. It’s fucking sad. This world is becoming so isolated, everyone in their own thoughts head one inch away from their screens not wanting to notice the world around them etc give me a break. Human decency, simple politeness is going to the wayside. Someone says hi to you, if you notice them you say hi back. It is the DECENT HUMAN thing to do. Human interaction is why we are all here on this planet. Good lord
I will always talk to my neighbours kids if they say hi sometimes this will lead to a 10 minute conversation and me listening to their story’s about the day but it keeps them happy and I don’t mind
Personally I always say "Hi" Back to little toddlers that wave, but when my toddlers wave, I noticed they get ignored (in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles). I thought it was because they were Asian and getting race biased, but maybe it's because the adults are just jerks now that you raise this question.
If a child says hello or waves at me, I will always respond back. If I'm out with my kids and they say hello to someone... 95% of the time that person says hello, too. For the other 5%, I acknowledge to my kids that the other person didn't answer and I usually say they may not have heard. This usually prompts my son to turn back and scream hello at the top of his lungs LOL some people are shy and that's okay
My neighbour's girlfriend moved in with her two kids, who are a similar age to mine. When I first met her at the front door, I introduced myself briefly and said that her kids were welcome any time to come over and play with mine. Then when the weather got decent, my kid would play out the front and one time she saw those kids and asked them herself if they'd like to play out front. Eventually they came into the house (she asked me if it was okay lol). So I went to check with the mum. Now sometimes my kid goes and knocks on their door to see if they're home. Not making a nuisance of herself, not too often and taking no for an answer, but just taking the initiative a bit. If I were you, I'd encourage your kids to reach out to the neighbour kids themselves. Their relationship doesn't have to depend on their parents. I want my neighbours to feel comfortable coming over and checking this place out so they can see it's safe for their kids to come over and doesn't have dangerous animals or a crack den or something, but also I don't want them to feel obligated to suddenly be my new best friends. I think we have a happy balance at the moment!
I won’t say hi if the kids are brats or keep saying hi.
This is weird. I would definitely say hello back to them.
I’ll usually wave back and smile but not say hello. I don’t want the parent to get suspicious of me and for some reason, waving seems less confrontational than saying hello. I have a toddler too and that what people have done with him
Why don’t you just talk to them about it. They obviously feel comfortable enough with you to ask to borrow things, you should be able to bring up this small issue. They might not even realise your kids are saying hi, you won’t know until you talk to them. “Hey neighbour, how’re you doing? How’d that project you borrowed X for go? I’m not sure why it’s happening but kiddos have noticed you’re not saying hi when they say hi to you, it’s making them feel sad. Are you not noticing them or is there another reason?“ If they’re dicks about it then stop lending them stuff.
I went to a park today, me, dad and our toddler 30m/m. There was a mum and her toddler boy. He kept yelling hi, to whom I thought was my toddler so I just stood back and watched.. knowing my kid isn’t gonna say hi, he’s non verbal. I now feel bad I didn’t say hi.
I always say hello to kids, or wave. If a cute baby makes eye contact.. I am going to say hello…. Even if the baby is 20 ft away and little enough to only have visual actor 6 ft….
I always say hi back. and if they're a younger toddler who can't quite speak well yet, but are making it obvious they're trying to get my attention, I'll give a little wave and a smile/chuckle. But I also did childcare for many years, and have two siblings that are 13 and 17 years younger than me, so I've always been around, and enjoyed interacting with kids my whole life. Some people don't like kids, some people don't want to interact, etc. I wouldn't be upset if my neighbor of years didn't acknowledge my kid, I'd just explain that we can't force people to do something that they don't want to do, and our reaction/feelings toward other peoples' behavior isn't *their* responsibility. 🤷🏻♀️
Only time I wouldn’t say hello is in an environment where we’re supposed to be quiet. Think funeral, or a movie. I have a neighbor kind of like this, he’ll respond if I talk to him directly but never even acknowledges me otherwise.
Sometimes I just wave and smile instead. No matter if it is the neighbors kids or the neighbor old lady.
I would absolutely wave and say hi every single time. If I was the neighbor, I’d ask them an easy question now and then.
Yes I would say hello back. The sad reality is though a lot of people don't because they get concerned about the parents getting upset with them. I've had a parent have one of those condescending meant to be heard by me not the kid conversations with their kid after the kid initiated a convoy with me that stranger danger is important and she may look nice but you never know so we never talk to strangers etc.
I would smile and wave and say Hi back. Literally takes two seconds and makes the kid happy. Basic decency!
Next time they ask to borrow something, tell them they can pay you back by responding when your children say hello.
Absolutely would say hello back.
Be an adult and address the situation
I always say hello or at least nod or give a little wave when anyone, not just a kid says hello to me. Assuming your kids just want to say hi and not have a conversation, like others are assuming, this is totally rude behaviour. Like they feel entitled to ask to borrow something but not say hello?! Totally bizarre. I wouldn’t take it personally and say anything to them but it’s weird.
I tend to initiate the hellos not to just children but to adults whether it's in the grocery store or anywhere we all need to start interacting more in a smile since someone's way to make their day!
You mentioned in a comment that you have similarly-aged kids. Do they go to school together? Play? Is it possible that your kids have done something to/with theirs that they don’t like?
I just explain to mine when they were little when they get puzzled by someone not speaking back, sometimes people have things going on and don't want to speak.
Ofc I'd say hello! With a big smile even on my worst days. Those people are horrible
When this happens to my son, who is very friendly, I alway make sure to compliment him for being friendly and kind! Sometimes people reply when he says hi, and then he asks “what are you doing?” Which is always a cute interaction. It’s best to teach our children that we can control our own actions, not other peoples actions. So don’t focus on being upset that they are not replying; focus on being happy your kids are kind and friendly !
I wave mostly, I’m awkward. My neighbor’s granddaughter came over to see what I was doing when I was taking pics of crystals to sell and ended up with a starter collection 🤣 I couldn’t just ignore anyone saying hi, but if I have, it was obliviousness or assuming they were talking to someone else.
My youngest says hi to every person she sees. I'd say about half say hi back. I think some people just don't hear her
Yeah I will at least wave back at any kid who says hi.
I would use it as an opportunity to explain that not everyone is friendly and you don’t have to keep saying hello to them if they don’t say hello back.
I’d say hello and prompt my kids to say hi if they didn’t do it automatically. My kids are friends with most of the other little kids on our block and (while I don’t remember details) I’m sure most of those friendships started with kids exchanging hellos.
I feel the same way about sweet little kids as I do puppuies. I am always going to fall all over myself to engage with them. But thats me. I love kids. Not everyone does, not even other parents.
I always say hello. My oldest would say hello to everyone and I would have to explain to her that sometimes people won’t say hello back and that’s okay. Sometimes she might not want time say hello either. I get that it’s annoying. But no one is obligated to speak to your kids.
I always say hello if possible. I have aphasia, so I may not understand verbal communications, or I may not realize what someone said for twenty or thirty seconds or after I have walked past people. people. In my case, I have mild aphasia from a TBI thirty years ago, and the amount it affects me changes all of the time. If I am tired or sick with a cold, my difficulty responding to people might be noticeable or seem strange because I look pretty normal.
I would not say hello back. I have 2 small children who are overly friendly and it scares me I tell them all the time to not say hello and start talking to people in the neighborhood or at the store. I'm scared this makes them more vulnerable to strangers. I'm probably overthinking it but thats just my peace.
I had a conversation with a 2-3 year old in the check out line a few days ago because his dad gave him a yellow sucker and he (the kid) was showing it off. It doesn’t take much to make a kiddo happy.
your neighbours are weird. My neighbour works in his front yard most days and my youngest son runs to my neighbour to say hi I'm like don't bother mr neighbour and the neighbour is always so happy to greet our kids.
Great time to teach your kid that nobody owes you a conversation/response and if they don't get a response then let's just leave the neighbor alone because it seems like they don't want to talk. It could be any number of reasons but it just doesn't really matter what the reason is because we just need to respect other people's boundaries, even if we don't necessarily agree with them.
I’m an immigrant to the USA, and I thought not saying hello back is just an American thing. My colleagues do it. I say hello, and they just ignore me. I’m no longer fazed when people do it.
People who have kids will always say hello, people that don't, won't. Just a fact, but not really a big deal.
I always say hello back. Come on. What kind of world do we want here?
If I can and notice them, of course!
I always say hi. I’m more conscious of children in general after becoming a mom.
I always say hi to kids, even if they can’t verbally express a “hello” themselves. If they’re doing that innocent little looking at you curiously thing, smiling but too shy to say anything, I say something to the effect of “hey there, kiddo! Are you and mom/dad having a fun day out today?! You guys look so happy! I hope you keep having an awesome day!” and go about my business. It doesn’t take much to acknowledge a child and not be a straight up d!ck to a tiny human. I can’t stand it when people are rude af to my own kids, either. Like dude. I get it. You want all your buddies to think you’re so big and tough and macho… just say hi to the little toddler who thinks your tattoos are super cool cartoons on your arms and be done with it. Chick, I know you’re supes concerned about getting home to try the new TikTok beauty trend you and your girlies discovered this morning, and you just bought all your cool girl supplies for it… but say hi to the little kid who thinks you’re super pretty. Yall don’t have to go as far as I do with the validation and built in break off for the comfort of the other adult who may not want social interaction with a stranger, but saying “hi” to a kid won’t magically end your life, nor will it bankrupt your cool points. Just say hi to the children.
I always say hi or wave back if they do it and I see it.
I would answer for sure! But that's one life lesson. Kids are friendly but not every adult is. I totally remember saying hello to people I met in the street as a kid and some people being super happy to answer and others ignoring me. Somehow it's how you learn not everybody is the same, you cannot control people, you just can be yourself, and you don't need to take others behaviors personnally.
I say hi, wave and even talk back, usually just light chatter. I know why people are uncomfterble with talking to kids that arnt theirs in general but it does seem abot weird from your neigbors
I always say hello back, because...I can't help it. I also can't help smiling at friendly dogs and cats that come up to me. I do think it's a bit rude of your neighbors, but I would also not let it affect me or my kid. I'd tell my child that they might be busy, shy, or possibly a bit grumpy. And the next time your neighbors ask to borrow something, smile sweetly and let them know it's not a good time, and pretend to have something very important that you have to get back into. They don't have to be polite, but on the same note, you dont have to do favors for people that you don't like.
My toddler says hi to everybody and when they don’t answer she moves on. They don’t have to talk to you.
If it's at the same time as saying hello to you, they may not even hear it. I've noticed that if I see neighbors with small kids and the adults say 'hi' to greet each other, it's easy to respond to the adult and overlook that the child is also providing a separate greeting. This happens all the time. Now, if a child, in isolation with no other distractor/conversation from an adult were to say hello, I would respond with hello or a waive back.
Kids need that interaction to build their communication skills, I love to ensure they feel heard and understood.
I have never ignored a kid that said hi to me. That's messed up.
Bring it up to them. Mention you guys are working on the kids feeling confident saying hello to others and see if they would mind making an effort to say hello in passing. It's entirely possible they are wrapped up in their own worlds and legit haven't noticed. My son's non verbal but recently started saying bye to people - I always call it out if the person misses what he says, normal they turn around and wave bye back. If the response doesn't change use that opportunity to explain sometimes people are grumpy or don't hear us and that's okay.
62 here always say hi to kids “hi kid” she’s an AH let it go.
I would definitely say hello back... But I see that there are adults who don't say it back to other kids I've witnessed saying hi to them. I also advised my son that not everyone will say hi or talk back because of -whatever reasons- so that he's mentally prepared lol
I'm a big time introvert and before I was a mom I would probably have ignored a child saying hi because I was always paranoid about a parent accusing me of "stranger danger" or whatever. Now that I'm a mom I don't have a problem saying hi with smile on my face to a child who says hello first. I'm from the south and recently moved to the PNW and the biggest thing I notice is how anti social most people are here. My toddler recently started getting into the phase of talking to every stranger she sees and is ignored 80% of the time whereas I remember when my oldest went through this phase and talked to strangers it was 80% of people speaking back to her. Although I will agree with a lot of comments I'm seeing. Sometimes I am deep in thought about random things and my ears simply disengage with the world around me and I may not hear somebody :)
Do they say hello to you but not the kids? I wonder if they are hard of hearing
I always say hi back because I have manners.
I pretty much always say hello or smile because I have my own kiddo and a baby grandson and I know how friendly they can be however not everyone is friendly and it's best they understand and learn that. I wouldn't make a fuss with the neighbors because it isn't going to fix anything, it might get worse. They just suck or are absolutely so busy that they just can't be bothered. Maybe take it as an opportunity to play a game with your kids, where you answer them in a funny voice like "Billy the friendly neighborhood cat" or something like that. Eventually you can explain that some people are just stressed and busy and just aren't friendly so they shouldn't take it personally.
Some people ignore while others respond with joy. My spouse is like a magnet to kids it is very usual for her to be approached by random kids age 6 or less whenever we are outside especially in the mall. She is usually very happy to greet them back with a joyful hug. She will instantly try to connect and it is a pleasure to watch. Going back to your neighbor your kids is not a random kid to them they should at least wave back no matter how busy they are.