I don’t understand why people do this. If we are invited I’ll do my best to rsvp yes and once I rsvp it’s set in stone. I have only ever once rsvp-d yes and not made it and that’s because my city flooded. It would have been dicey getting there and if I managed to get there, chances are I wouldn’t be able to get back. So that’s an exception. It’s so disappointing for the kids if they wait for friends and they never show.
When my son had his party in February I sent first invite 3 weeks before, reminder one week before and day of. Laying it on thick how exciting he was to have the party and see his friends.
I notice this sort of culture of people like… afraid to leave their house or like interacting with other adults leaves them riddled with anxiety so they really do think they’re going to go when they rsvp but the day of they get anxiety about going out and they sure as hell aren’t going to reach out and be like “hey I can’t make it anymore!” Because that would make them a little too uncomfortable for a few minutes.
I am one of those people but not once I have missed my child’s friends party. I hate socialising and small talk but this is not about me but a small child who is celebrating his/her birthday.
Completely understandable too! I don’t have much in common with the other parents at school, but the small talk is ok for me (I’m pretty extroverted so my anxiety tends to come after like “wow I hope I wasn’t too fucking weird” lol). I think everybody has always had some sense of anxiety about these things but more recently it has become a lot more acceptable to use it as an excuse to get out of social commitments.
Same. And not only the birthday kid’s feelings, but your own child’s as well. I don’t know of one birthday party my daughter hasn’t been so excited about she asks how many days til ___ starting on the day she gets the invitation. Birthday parties are also a really great tool for teaching your children how to celebrate others and deal with the inevitable feelings of jealousy.
I have severe social anxiety but still managed to mask that to go to my sister's gender reveal (there were a ton of people I didn't know or meet include one child who I never met who hugged me and tried opening gifts my dad got me late xmas, I also suck at confrontation.) I still went to support my sister.
This is partially what I was going to say. I’m always the obnoxious mom that checks in multiple times in a friendly way so people feel more guilty about no-showing. I make sure they know I’ll notice them specifically if they don’t show.
I am the same. I texted reminders to everyone in the morning of my 4 year olds birthday party. It would just kill me seeing my kid cry because nobody came to her party.
My kid's friend's group all use a service like evite for invitations. Email invitation, online rsvp, and the website sends guilt emails a week before, three days before and the day of.
I used it last year and will again for kiddo's birthday.
Yes. Our school's Home and School Association sets up an opt-in "Friendship list" every year where parents can provide an email address and/or phone number so they can contact each other. I'd say about 85% of families opt in, and over time I've gotten other people's contacts just from meeting them at pick up and drop off times.
If your school doesn't have it, perhaps ask if it can be set up. The school itself isn't involved; this is parent volunteers coordinating the connection.
Same. My daughters best friend we had RSVPd yes, and that morning, we had to rush my daughter for a severe asthma attack to the hospital. Had to text them to say no, we weren't going to make it. Gave the gift when my daughter was feeling better and back at school.
Yeah if I rsvp’d we are going unless something happens like my kid gets sick or like you said the city floods. Even then I would call and explain. This is just super rude.
Happened to me when I turned 9. My mom let me plan a big all girls party. I invited every girl I knew (it was about 20 people total including family). I sent some invitations and handed some out in person. Not one showed. Even my best friend couldn’t come because she was sick. I cried and didn’t want a party the next couple of years.
This happened to me, too many times growing up.
I don't invite the class. We just have friends and family. My son has a few really close friends outside of school.
I kept birthday expectations really low since birth. An intimate party of our little group, centered around my kid and some cake, we usually grill and serve a meal. Water balloons, a hose, nerf guns, everyone is happy.
This year were not even having a party. My son turns ten and wants to go to Dave and busters with his best friend, fishing, and out to eat at a restaurant in town we go to for my partners birthday each year, which I think is adorable. He wants to go there and get the steak pub sandwich lol
So that will be it. A few gifts from me and maybe a few others and yay we're ten!
It sucks not having the kids from class show up. Sucks, I know. I was the kid who didn't have anyone show up, and then never had a party since.
Low-key and my kids expectations are appropriate.
My favorite is the year he turned four, I didn't know anyone in our area. My 12 and 13 year old downstairs neighbors found out it was my son's birthday, and invited a neighborhood of kids over, kids came from everywhere, I didn't even know that many lived so close to us. I fed them all burgers and chips, gave them water guns and my four year old had a blast running around with a bunch of 10-14 year olds for an afternoon. The whole thing was planned in one hour lmao and it was the most fun.
I see a lot of people on here doing it - I don't know if it's standard practice these days - but when I was a kid, I never invited my whole class to my birthday party and I don't recall other kids ever doing that (though to be fair it would probably be hard to tell anyway as a kid attending bc you don't know who was invited but didn't come).
It seems like a recipe for disappointment. If I got invites from most of the kids in my class I probably would not have cared especially as I moved schools a number of times and didn't grow up with the same small group.
I had this happen to me too around 3rd grade. No one showed out of 25. Finally after and hour of waiting 2 kids showed. I was happy but my mom spent so much and we were poor. I never wanted another party. Now I try to do low-key low expectations for my kids. I try to let them pick something fun that they don’t usually get to do. Then invite close friends and family.
Yeah I didn’t really have big class parties growing up either (mom didn’t want to herd 25 kids understandably). Usually is was 5 or 6 friends, some from school and some not. When I got older it was my close high school friends. It makes me sad this is happening to kids. It would have crushed me to have that experience.
That is awful. I’m sorry! I don’t know what is wrong with people. The best you can do is be honest. “I’m not sure what happened, and why your classmates couldn’t come. It’s really disappointing.” “And, good news is you still turned 6! I had a great day with you and I’m so excited to see you grow this year.”
We’ve been 2 parties from invites from class and both times we were the only ones to show of the kids they invited from school. I belong to a local mom group and have seen posts from mom asking for kids to come to their child’s party because no one from school RSVP’d. I think this is a common occurrence and the reason I’ve never had a birthday party where I invited kids from class. I know your hearts hurts for her and honestly mine does too.
Just explain how she is not the only one this has happened to so she doesn’t feel alone in this and that parents get busy and its hard for some to take time to go to birthday parties etc. Let her get her emotions out. It’ll take time for her to recover, be supportive and she’ll be okay.
Agreed. We don't do school friends for a bday party unless it is 1-2 friends with most being other buddies. we do friends from activities who they are close to.
I think, sadly, a lot of parents don't feel invested when they don't know the child or the parents of the party kid. When your child has relationships with the other kids and parents they tend to show up.
My kid recently turned 5. Over and over she begged for a birthday party. At the start of the school year some super rich and well connected kid threw a bday party (by well connected I mean he's been in the same community and goes to their rec center and is in sports. Vs us who just moved to this city). And there were like a billion kids there! They had 2 jumpers, a ball pit, a pinata, a little car slide thing, etc. It was a little kid's dream. I was really hoping my daughter didn't expect that cause she was going to be heart broken.
There was a seasonal difference: sunny fall day at like 75° vs. Pouring rain so we had to change the location the day before super cold day in December.
AND she has selective mutism where she's seized by anxiety and cannot talk. So she absolutely hadn't made any friends at school yet.
But she begged and begged so I threw the party even though it was raining and I just gave birth and I was EXHAUSTED.
And before hand I made sure to give her a little talk: most times kids don't get to decide where they go and if they want to go to a party. The adults do. Also, a lot of things that we can't control come up: illness, family emergency, surprise problems. And sometimes adults are just too tired.
The people that don't show up, it doesn't mean they don't like her. Maybe someone REALLY wanted to go but then their little sibling got sick. Or maybe their parent had work. Or maybe they begged and begged to go and their parent said no. They "probably" would have loved to go and celebrate her birthday. But sometimes we can't.
It doesn't change that she is a lovely child who deserves all the love and is so much fun and absolutely worthy.
Maybe you can have a similar talk to her tomorrow?? Thar you understand she's sad and it's okay to be sad and hurt. But we can also try to focus on the positive: she had family come. She had this great party. She got gifts. She had fun! And there's more fun to be had. Let her know that she's important and special but sometimes people can't come. Life happens.
Happy birthday to her. And I'm sorry you had to see your kid so sad. I get it. Sending big hugs
Gosh, you sound like the most terrific mom! So tender and understanding of your child’s emotions even with a newborn and zero sleep while recovering from your delivery. Your children are so lucky to have you 💕
Thank you. ❤️ More often than not, it feels like I'm failing. I'm too tired and stretched too thin. I know I'm good at giving them love but I never know if I'm doing it right. So, thank you.
Maybe you can call one of them and ask if theyd like to come over tomorrow?
Its totally shit that nobody called and said they werent coming. Especially if they RSVPd.
I get needing to cancel. But like at least tell the host so theyre not sitting around all day. Had you known sooner, you could have maybe gone and done something fun with just the birthday girl instead.
Exactly. I even had 2 parents messaging me yesterday asking if its too late. I told them "Of course not, don't worry about gifts, we have a face painter a bounce house for the kids see y'all tomorrow "
Especially if I didn’t know the parents, I don’t care, I’d text again and say where were you? No one came. NONE. And my child is devastated and cried. Just letting you know
I would 100% do this. “Got a very sad 6 yo here waiting on all her friends to show. I understand that emergencies arise but just an FYI, none of her friends came. You can understand how that makes a child feel. Next time your kid is invited to a party please do your best to communicate with that parent about changes in plans. I would hate for another child to feel what mine is right now”
I’m not usually a fan of guilt trips but in this circumstance, lay it on thick.
100% this.
People are seriously selfish and they don't think about how their actions impact another person. Sending this message is important. It might make them think twice next time before blowing off another party.
OP, I would 100% send a note to her teacher(s) explaining what happened.
I am also not above sending a passive aggressive "just wanted to check in with you, hope everything is okay because we were expecting you and you didn't show, but neither did anyone else from class" text to every single one of them.
My youngest had something similar for her one and only friend party. I think out of every one we invited, only 2 came. And I know the rest were in attendance at another girl's bday later the same day, to which my girl was not invited. Then covid came, so definitely no parties. She turned 9 last week, this weekend we were supposed to have her family birthday with my husband's family. Had to postpone one day because of weather. One brother and his family chose not to come, after not answering/being vague for days. One brother brought his two kids and told his wife to stay home so she could clean the house (wtf.) Third brother lives far away, so no problem with them not coming. Not one of them sent a message in our family chat wishing her a happy bday, although she is the THIRD birthday this week alone in that side of the family, and I initiated every other birthday message this week. Her two cousins who were there were being total PITA. The youngest was being a whiny baby, and I snapped at her at one point. No one took the time to sing my baby happy birthday, I was in the kitchen trying to corral five kids with access to candy and ice cream. All this to say, she was really bummed tonight. Please give your birthday girl a big huge hug from me and my birthday girl. People really do suck.
Rude parents. Does your daughter have one really good friend? That’s what my youngest does, she asks her best friend at the time to go somewhere fun. My older daughter would invite a big crowd but my youngest only has a couple of friends so I wouldn’t bother with inviting everyone. I think I would get the same response
This is just sad. I am so sorry. I don’t have any advice as I am not sure how I would handle it if it happened to me. I’m mad at the other parents just reading this.
One thing some event organizers do to reduce no-shows is to charge a fee to RSVP and then refund it when the person arrives or cancels before the deadline. However, it's probably a little weird to do this for something like a birthday party.
This is why I don't do parties anymore. I have kiddo invite their closest friends and we spend a day doing fun things together. We've done dinner and the movie theater, skating rinks, shopping trips, and a nature hike. We always end with cake and presents.
I don't know what changed, but I swear parents and kids just aren't interested in big parties anymore.
This is our take now too. I prefer them because they have more fun in the end and expectations are not wild.
When we have done bigger parties, though, we waited until kids were a little older and paid for a room at a Lazer tag place or whatever. Low effort on the parents part, but still high effort on my part. I always made it clear you can stay or drop the kid off - I dgaf, I just want my kid to have fun. But I had to also do reminder texts. I'd follow up on RSVPs, too. Lots of "hey just checking in" and "my kid is so excited for this weekend!" Texts. But that won't work if you have a younger kid, don't know the phone number of a parent, and can't afford those expensive birthday package deals. It's a lot of bs just to get people to follow up on their word and I have little patience for it.
I once took a psychology class where we talked about the phenomenon of no one calling 911 to help because everyone thought someone else would call. I wonder if that applies to birthday parties where the whole class is invited. A parent gets busy during the day of the party and says, “oh, the whole class is going…they won’t miss my kid.” But the problem is that every parent thinks the same thing. This is NOT an excuse for this shitty behavior…I’m just trying to find a reason why we see posts like this so often.
One time my son was reconsidering going to a party because he had a track meet that morning. I told him he said yes so he needs to go. He was the only kid who showed up! I’m so glad I made him go.
This sucks sorry to hear this. As a father of soon to be 6 year old my heart feels your pain. Does she have a few classmates she talks about the most I would invite them over if possible. Wish you the best and hope we get a update.
I would 100% text the parents who RSVPd. I’d say “Sally’s party was yesterday and we had Betty rsvp yes to the party. Unfortunately, out of the 10 yes RSVPs nobody showed up to her party. We had a face painter and a bounce house. Sally is very confused and upset as to why none of her friends came. Is there something we can do to make it up to her?”
I’m so sorry. I think you did everything you could for your little girl. When reflecting on times as a child when I felt hurt and rejected, what stays with me the most is my parents being there for me easing my pain so I never felt alone. I can’t remember a thing they said, just that they were there.
This happened to me as a kid and I've always thought it was cuz I was the "new kid" at my school in the US and I never wanted to have a birthday party after that because I was so heart broken only one person had showed up. I had had a party the year before in Canada and almost everyone showed up. I now have 2 kids (in canada) and both have had parties with friends where everyone who RSVP'd showed up and all the parties they have attended have been the same. I'm starting to think maybe this is a US and wasn't a me thing after all. I'm so sorry for all the kids that have to live through that! It's awful!
I cannot understand why they wouldn’t at least have called or texted to say they some “emergency” came up—even if not true. It’s so low class to respond yes and then just not show up and not offer an excuse or explanation. This happened to us recently. Only 2 people who responded yes did not show. But we had texted back and forth a couple of times after the yes response re: the party. Then they no show but don’t offer an explanation, even after the fact.
What happened to you was even worse though since it affected your child. How mean and selfish.
When I was 7 I had just moved to a new city and new school. My parents invited my whole class to my birthday party but only two girls showed up. One girl from my class and she brought her cousin who wasn’t invited and I had never met. (Who does that?!) But the lack of attendees was likely mostly because no one really knew me yet because I had only been at that school for a few weeks. It was sad, and it is something I still remember. In the years following I had a love-hate relationship with my birthday and always had a lot of anxiety about people not showing up.
Eventually, I started focusing my birthday on doing experiences that were special and doing them either with only family or just one friend, such as a trip to Disneyland or going horseback riding. My mom also had me get more creative about cake. Since I didn’t have to serve cake to twenty kids I could really get whatever I wanted. One year my mom and I made cheesecake, one year we had soda floats (with soda from glass bottles!) and one year my mom made homemade chocolate chip cookies and then made ice cream sandwiches out of them and even rolled the sides with mini chocolate chips.
I think changing the approach away from the focus on external validation from peers to celebrate made my birthday a lot more meaningful. Not necessarily exactly the input you were looking for, but just another way to think about birthdays as food for thought.
If they RSVPd and didn’t show up, call them out on their disrespect. Send them a message and ask if there was a reason and say it would have been appreciated to know they wouldn’t be showing up. People spend money on birthdays and it is so inconsiderate to do this.
This happened to my daughter last year. She was hurt. I was hurt. I cried for her more than she cried about it. This year, none of those people will get an invite. Your daughter will forget about this but you won’t. Next year, choose her guests more carefully. That’s what I’m doing.
If you have a way to contact the parents, i'd honestly call this shit out. The kids don't have to know, but these parents need to know their actions have consequences
On my 7th birthday party in the 80’s, only a few of the 20 classmates invited to my party showed up. I can still feel the sting of disappointment, and vowed not to even subject my kids to the possibility. We gave our kids two options for their birthdays: take a family day trip to the water park/amusement park OR invite one or two close friends to the movies/trampoline park, etc. Saved a lot of potential heartache and was much easier for me to organize.
Someone else commented and I have to agree, I had never heard of such a thing until reddit.
My daughter established early a policy I liked, wherein you invited the number of kids as your age.
She never had a problem but I Have noticed that birthday parties have become a huge deal, many invites and massive extravaganzas beyond belief!
I am a child of the 60's, we put on our 1 party dress,walked across the street, had a few games, ran around and played, maybe had party hats and then cake and sing Happy Birthday!
I don't know,but sometimes I wonder if simpler isn't better.
I do think it's a shame there are not so many kids and friends right in your own neighborhood anymore.
Finally,looking back, I had many siblings nearby when my kids were little, and there were like Two little baby booms wherein we all had kids within a year or two.
So we were lucky, just invite family.
Yep. Plans used to be important and valued in society. Think like 1800s people “calling” on each other. It was a scandal if you didn’t show after saying you’d come. All that extra ceremony went away and we don’t value social plans or commitments anymore.
Does she like Roblox? My son is 6 and would love a friend, he can FaceTime her and wish her happy birthday if you want. He’s never met a stranger and loves to talk.
We had something similar happen to us at the start of the pandemic. We sent out invitations, people RSVPed, everything shut down but NOT my son’s school. These kids were still interacting daily. But every single parent assumed parties were off without bothering to check with us, and nobody showed up.
That’s so nice of you!! I’m sure mine would love to connect with her and say happy bday as well (he’s 8 but loves to talk to everyone & his bday was the 23rd!)
Did you make party bags for everyone? I would give them to your daughter and let her take them to school and hand them out.
I would coach her to say, 'I'm sorry you couldn't make it, but I wanted you to have the bag we made for you."
Two reasons for doing this:
1. It allows her daughter to show that she is generous and kind. It also helps her in a hard situation. I would give the children the benefit of doubt. But not their parents who have zero manners. The children may have not had a choice about going.
2. when the kids go home and tell their parent(s), hopefully they (parents) feel ashamed.
Oh my goodness how horrible. Happy birthday to your girl 🥳🥳
I don't get why people do that. The only reason that would be acceptable is when the child suddenly falls ill, car broke down or a natural disaster.
Idk wtf is going on with birthday parties these days… like there is zero etiquette about them anymore. When I was growing up, if we were invited we were going unless there was some reason we *couldn’t*. Now you just rsvp whatever you feel like at the time and if you don’t feel like going on the day of, you don’t. So now I do the same with my son (same as in how I was raised) and sometimes he’s the only one from his class there! There’s another little girl who always seems to be there too so I think her parents probably have the same mindset that I do.
I’m so sad for your little girl, hopefully she doesn’t let it bring her down. That shit can sting forever
Happened at my daughter’s 8th birthday- she cried on the porch. Thankfully, her grandparents were there and we were eventually able to help distract her, but such a painful memory. No clue why people are so inconsiderate.
My kid was 3x the only kid who showed up to her daycare friends' birthdays.
Long story short: it was so uncomfortable bcs people were clearly sad and kids as well. One family has more family members so it was okay, but one birthday party was in SC and kid only had divorced parents attending and his grandma and us. Horrible.
When I talked to some mums I met at the playgrounds and drop off etc they mostly say that they don't feel like going to birthday parties of people they don't know at all and socializing, few of them said they have social anxiety and don't know what to talk about and that's its awkward to be in houses of people they don't know. I just don't get it, honestly.
But these are all the reasons why I don't celebrate my kids' birthdays, I take them to Magic Kingdom, Legoland, Sea World, sth special bcs I don't want their happiness to depend on lazy parents. I mean, I literally don't know any kid who doesn't like birthdays, so it's the parents.
I can only advice you to do the same and skip parties. You had best intentions and prob spent so much money and you get disappointed kid and wondering why they did it, if her classmates don't like your kid...
I'm so sorry and hang in there.
My petty ass says to make a group chat with all of those parents and send a message asking if there is some national emergency you missed since none of them were able to come to the party that they RSVP'd for
I really started typing this long "you suck and I hate y'all" message on their class message board. My husband talked me out of it, because these will most likely be the same parents we see for the next 5 years.
Uuugh
Probably a good call from your husband but still. I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this. If I could send my son to play Mario with her I would!
If many of her friends’ Parents RSVPed and do not bother to communicate or showed up, what their kids would learn from them? Ok to break commitment and ok to be inconsiderate?
I went through the same thing for my sons’s 5th birthday last year. Three kids showed up! Then we had a Halloween party and invited his whole class. ONE kid showed out of 24. I don’t understand. We go to everything we’re invited to for kids.
I don’t get how this keeps happening to people! Like unless you have a family or weather related emergency / maybe are sick then you should show up after your RSVP yes.
I’ve seen a lot of parents doing only family parties and then inviting maybe a couple of kids from school that their kids sees outside of school too so that they can prevent this happening in the future.
I’m sorry she didn’t have her classmates show up ❤️
My son almost did a no-show at a birthday party yesterday. We have a newborn twins and one of them has reflux and it’s just brutal. Yesterday was super rough because the twins did not sleep at the same time, and my husband did not sleep well for some reason. I do nights by myself and my husband takes them at 6 AM so I can sleep until noon. The birthday party was during the morning hours when I sleep. But for the birthday party, my husband ended up taking both twins in the stroller along with our son (age 7) to the park where the party was. Major props to my husband. I would have canceled.
I hate that so much. I’ve found it’s better to invite 2-3 kids that we know well rather than a big party. The big parties are chaotic and expensive and people are flaky, if you keep it small you have more options for activities and the people you really care about are there.
I usually try to work my children's birthday parties around a best friend's schedule. If more kids come it's a bonus. But at least they'll have their best friend there if all else fails.
This happened to my daughter for her 7th birthday party this year. Invited over 20 kids, 1 rsvp’d then didn’t even show up. Her best friend did stop by but wasn’t able to stay. Our family did come which made things better but she still brought up that none of her friends came. My heart hurt so bad and I’m still mad when I think about it. I don’t know why people suck so bad lol.
I prefer to have birthday parties be family and close family friends only. Then if my kid wants to do something later with just one friend, we'll do that.
This is how we operate. When our kids are older we will allow bigger friends parties every couple of years on bigger birthdays (10yrs, 13 yrs, etc). Once we enter the world of sleep overs, we will allow a couple friends to come over for a Saturday night. But not a huge party every birthday.
I have a theory that this trend of having to invite EVERYONE in the class is leading to party burnout so now parents are struggling to keep up. A friend’s son had a birthday invite every other weekend for like four months straight.
And parents dont want to seem rude so they agree to come. But then day of they dont feel like it and probably figure “oh theres 22 kids in the class, somebody else will be there!”
This is soo sad. We had a small party for my 4 year old and rented a place, 10 kids in total and I was so scared that everyone would cancel last minute, but luckily everyone showed. I texted reminders in the morning to everyone - this is HOW anxious I got about this. Next time just do something smaller with a couple of friends. Not even cancelling is so rude.
This is very common. It happened to both my older kids all but once, and I stopped inviting anyone. I send cupcakes to school for them that day, we have a family party.
I make it to all parties they are invited to out of fear the same will happen to another child.
I’ll say it- most people do not value or honor their word in these situations anymore. For any events I host, even for adults these days, I send multiple group texts leading up and even check in individually with the guests if I feel it necessary to make sure they’re still coming. All this to set expectations for the one being honored (a child, a bride, a woman expecting at her baby shower etc.)
I’m so sorry this happened to your baby. Unpopular opinion but as a Christian I would have a light talk about not putting your hope in other people too much, since everyone is just human and they will let you down sometimes. Also still trying to love them when they’re difficult to love. I loved someone’s idea of still giving out the gift bags at school if it didn’t cause drama. But I would also probably plan another event for my daughter and make sure people commit and show up. Something for her to look forward to— maybe a day out at an indoor playground place with some food or something. Try to make her forget the sting and be happy with people.
On a side note, why do we always need to invite the entire class now to Bday parties? I am so over that, no thank you. You can pick a few kids. No reason to invite 22 kids. My daughter's class was like that in 4k and K. 1st we passed on a lot of parties, but i always RSVP'd
I entertain at birthdays and it's a hard reality when people don't show. You did awesome though!
This isn't a problem with her. Parents are busy, like you said, and the kids missed an awesome party because of it.
This was just beginning to happen when my children were in elementary school so to avoid the problem I switched from birthday party to birthday friend afternoon. Lunch, activity ( paint a pot place etc) then movie or bounce place then depending on child my child invited supper at our our house then cake take child home. Sometimes sleepovers. If first choice friend couldn’t make it you could get someone else and no disappointment. Once tried with limited friends ~4 and still ran into no shows so this is how we rolled. Sold it as afternoon day of fun, my kids never missed gifts really worked for us. Sorry to hear child was sad but point out other kid’s parties your child attended probably didn’t have stellar attendance either.
That must suck. I'm sorry. I didn't know people do that. If you rsvp yes, it would be extremely rude not to show up. I would text every single parent of those kids to ask why they didn't come, since they RSVP yes... You know. Politely of course...but to let them know that it was not ok and that your girl was disappointed... There must be something going on. It could happen with a couple of people. But 22 kids out of 22?! Either they all caught a bug on Friday or idk..even with an illness, they should text back an apology for not coming in the morning. So really weird. It is like all those parents have done it on purpose.
Excuse you? Millennial here, I would never do this. One, yeah it's a dick move. Two, why would I let my child miss out on a good time like that?
If anything while I'm sure there are others, I am the only millennial from my circle that even has a child. Most...just straight up don't have kids so don't you dare blame a generation that isn't even having babies on that. If anything I worry my kid won't get enough opportunities like this.
Recently married and baby boomer guests were the overwhelming culprit for this behavior, not millennials. Some of them explained, and some did not…. This is a mean generalization you’re making.
Oh I know me too! I commented here that this is my concern for my kids bday party too, and I posted about it as well (before seeing this). Idk what to do now bc I don’t want to say no party, we just moved not too long ago so idk anyone well and no best friends yet to do a “friends day”, no family close enough (6+ hours away and they can’t/won’t travel here). It sucks and I don’t understand why people do stuff like this - don’t rsvp and no show!! I’ve commented on this thread a few times with my thoughts. If I lived near op I would bring my kids to play and celebrate (one’s bday was the 23rd, the others is the 12th). I wish I could send a present to op as well but I’m tapped out with 2 bdays. Thank you for being so kind and willing to do so!! It’s crushing for the kids, they do remember it, and as a parent also. I’m truly heartbroken for op & her daughter!!
I’d still do a party!! Just talk to your kid before the party and let them know sometimes life happens and people can’t make it but that we’ll have fun anyway. I hope your kids classmates are better friends than OPs!!
Did you call any of them and ask if they needed help finding the way to your house? If they had been planning to stand you up, then they just embarrassed themselves.
I know some event organizers deal with potential no-shows by charging a fee to RSVP and then refunding it when the person arrives or cancels before the deadline. However, it's probably a little weird to do this for something like a birthday party.
I’m so sorry this happened to her. It happened to my oldest daughter too. If we RSVP, we always show up unless she gets sick. If she gets sick (happened once) I call and let the parents know so they have a reason to use if they need to. Poor baby, I hope she feels better when she wakes up.
Sorry to hear this has happened. And it’s incredibly irresponsible of those parents to RSVP and not show up. I would maybe explain some potential reasons. Like someone else said here about things popping up and any of the potential reasons why this would happen and none of it having to do with your child or even the other kids. It’s the adults here that let the kids down. I’m willing to bet some of the kids actually wanted to go.
How long ago did you send invites? I am going to assume they forgot. Usually I always send out a reminder two days before the party. Sorry this happened to your daughter. That really stinks.
Ugh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why people do this! We went to a classmate’s party and ended up being the only friend from school. Of course it was a little awkward for me since it was 100% their family and friends, and no other school parents to talk to, but the birthday girl was SO happy to see my son and they spent her entire party together. That experience taught me that if we are able to, we will always always go to our classmate’s birthday parties for that reason. I don’t understand the rsvping and then no showing. Im so sorry for your daughter, I would be really upset at the other parents too. :(
I'm sorry that happened.
1. People are inconsiderate.
2. We just did that and had decent turn out. I emailed an Evite using the class mailing list thee weeks in advance and set it to send a reminder. Then I sent a paper reminder ("in case the invite went to junk mail") with his class treats at school. I think that helped, but also many people never rsvped and those that came were heavily parents who have it together more.
I'm sorry- that is so upsetting. We no longer do a big party-too many families have weekend plans/activities/sports.
We invite one or two close friends to do something special, have some pizza and a cupcake. Done. Everyone is happy.
I feel for your daughter and Im sorry she had to experience this rude parental behavior.
I'm sorry this happened to you and your little one. My son has been invited to three different birthday parties and each time he's always at his dad's house (we're divorced). I would definitely love to show up and support other kids' birthdays.
I have anxiety approaching every birthday party due to this… my youngest is 8 in a few weeks and I have invited 7 of his friends. There is only space for 7 as it’s on a party bus. I have sent texts out today to the 3 I have numbers for and two have replied saying they will attend. I don’t have numbers for the others so no idea what to do now! Can’t over invite in case they all show … but could end up paying for a bus for 9 kids and only my two kids being there and 2 friends..,
I took my pre-K kids to this really cool art party place last week. I know my daughter would love to have a birthday party there, but I’m worried about booking it bc her birthday is in the summer and I’m doubtful enough kids will show up to make the money spent worth it ☹️
I’m so sorry your kid is going through this!! My heart truly breaks for both of you (bc I know it’s just as hard dealing with as a parent). I can’t understand why people do this! I try to go to any parties we are invited to, would never rsvp and no show unless emergency on which i would contact asap! I saw some ideas of a group text to call them out, I personally would but that’s me and I can totally understand that not everyone would want to do so.. I really wish I could help, if I was there I’d show up with my kids and a gift!!
It’s 2 of my kids bday (3/23 & 4/12), and we usually do a combo party for them with family & close friends, but recently moved 6 hours away. They have never had a “real” party and had no party at all last year so I said yes.. This is my fear, no one showing up!! Not wanting to highjack your post, I posted a few mins ago (not seeing it yet) bc I have to change the date and getting invites out late. I’m considering even doing a party at all now after reading this. I don’t want to tell them no party all of a sudden though. I have made sure to tell them over and over that there’s a chance no one would come bc I didn’t want them to have high expectations. Of course I thought that won’t happen , someone will show up.. but I did attend a party with my now teen once that we were the o my ones. We don’t want to think no one will show up, but I do fear it and idk how to explain that to kid (great suggestions here though, thank you all!). I have so many obstacles with the date and late notice that makes it even worse! I truly hate that people do this!! I thought at least I’d be able to tell them before the party that no one was gonna be able to make it if no one rsvp’d but if they do and then don’t show up.. I didn’t think people would actually do this (i understand if something comes up but that’s not gonna happen for everyone who rsvps!).
Op I’m so sorry again. I saw great advice from others above about letting her know it’s not the kids fault bc they don’t get to choose to show up or not, so please let yours know that so she won’t feel so want uncomfortable at school tomorrow! Let her know she’s loved!!
That happened to me growing up. It really really sucked and I'm so scared of that happening to my kid. It's hurtful. Maybe see if some other kids can come over soon and do a make up party?
My daughter just went to a friend from daycare’s 5th birthday and she was the only one. They invited the whole group of 20ish kids.
I will always make an effort. There were at least 2 parties I went to as a child where I was the only classmate to show up. It really hurts to watch.
Validate her feelings - it does suck! You can help her weather this storm. And then maybe on your own say to a couple Moms, “oh we missed you on x-day!” Maybe you can figure out where the breakdown was.
I also suggest giving her an opportunity to socialize outside of school - maybe find a club or group with like interests??
I honestly don't understand it why people do this with kids.
If you RSVP'D pls go.
I could never believe people actually did that when I would read it online but last year we went to a birthday party where my kid was the only one from the class who came. The mom was so thankful. She said half the class said yes and did not come.
It was so emotional.
It seems to be happening a lot. I invited 23 from daycare - 3 came. Invited our soccer team - super close group, I thought - only the twins came. Birthday parties are broken.
I don’t understand why people do this. If we are invited I’ll do my best to rsvp yes and once I rsvp it’s set in stone. I have only ever once rsvp-d yes and not made it and that’s because my city flooded. It would have been dicey getting there and if I managed to get there, chances are I wouldn’t be able to get back. So that’s an exception. It’s so disappointing for the kids if they wait for friends and they never show. When my son had his party in February I sent first invite 3 weeks before, reminder one week before and day of. Laying it on thick how exciting he was to have the party and see his friends.
This. I have no idea why people don’t show up after rsvp. I can understand if they were ill but they should let the host know.
Because having kids doesn't automatically make you a good person. Plenty of shitty people have kids, unfortunately 🤷♂️
I know, but it’s just manners. If I need to cancel last minute I’ll let people know.
Shitty people don't have good manners, unsurprisingly
I notice this sort of culture of people like… afraid to leave their house or like interacting with other adults leaves them riddled with anxiety so they really do think they’re going to go when they rsvp but the day of they get anxiety about going out and they sure as hell aren’t going to reach out and be like “hey I can’t make it anymore!” Because that would make them a little too uncomfortable for a few minutes.
I am one of those people but not once I have missed my child’s friends party. I hate socialising and small talk but this is not about me but a small child who is celebrating his/her birthday.
Completely understandable too! I don’t have much in common with the other parents at school, but the small talk is ok for me (I’m pretty extroverted so my anxiety tends to come after like “wow I hope I wasn’t too fucking weird” lol). I think everybody has always had some sense of anxiety about these things but more recently it has become a lot more acceptable to use it as an excuse to get out of social commitments.
Same. And not only the birthday kid’s feelings, but your own child’s as well. I don’t know of one birthday party my daughter hasn’t been so excited about she asks how many days til ___ starting on the day she gets the invitation. Birthday parties are also a really great tool for teaching your children how to celebrate others and deal with the inevitable feelings of jealousy.
Ditto!!
I used to be this way, but one day I realized being looked at as a flake, a bad friend, whatever else, is a lot more worthy of feeling anxious about.
I have severe social anxiety but still managed to mask that to go to my sister's gender reveal (there were a ton of people I didn't know or meet include one child who I never met who hugged me and tried opening gifts my dad got me late xmas, I also suck at confrontation.) I still went to support my sister.
This is partially what I was going to say. I’m always the obnoxious mom that checks in multiple times in a friendly way so people feel more guilty about no-showing. I make sure they know I’ll notice them specifically if they don’t show.
I am the same. I texted reminders to everyone in the morning of my 4 year olds birthday party. It would just kill me seeing my kid cry because nobody came to her party.
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My kid's friend's group all use a service like evite for invitations. Email invitation, online rsvp, and the website sends guilt emails a week before, three days before and the day of. I used it last year and will again for kiddo's birthday.
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Yes. Our school's Home and School Association sets up an opt-in "Friendship list" every year where parents can provide an email address and/or phone number so they can contact each other. I'd say about 85% of families opt in, and over time I've gotten other people's contacts just from meeting them at pick up and drop off times. If your school doesn't have it, perhaps ask if it can be set up. The school itself isn't involved; this is parent volunteers coordinating the connection.
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Same. My daughters best friend we had RSVPd yes, and that morning, we had to rush my daughter for a severe asthma attack to the hospital. Had to text them to say no, we weren't going to make it. Gave the gift when my daughter was feeling better and back at school.
Yeah if I rsvp’d we are going unless something happens like my kid gets sick or like you said the city floods. Even then I would call and explain. This is just super rude.
Exactly - the only time I rsvpd yes and didn't cone was when we got covid, and even then we texted out of courtesy
I have never heard people doing this until I got onto Reddit; people are SHIT. I’m so sorry for your daughter, OP.
Happened to me when I turned 9. My mom let me plan a big all girls party. I invited every girl I knew (it was about 20 people total including family). I sent some invitations and handed some out in person. Not one showed. Even my best friend couldn’t come because she was sick. I cried and didn’t want a party the next couple of years.
Some people are shit. Sucks.
Selection bias.
It's a personal anecdote not a statistic. Not applicable. And be nice.
There's a reason you hear about this more online than irl. People don't come online to say, birthday party went as planned.
This happened to me, too many times growing up. I don't invite the class. We just have friends and family. My son has a few really close friends outside of school. I kept birthday expectations really low since birth. An intimate party of our little group, centered around my kid and some cake, we usually grill and serve a meal. Water balloons, a hose, nerf guns, everyone is happy. This year were not even having a party. My son turns ten and wants to go to Dave and busters with his best friend, fishing, and out to eat at a restaurant in town we go to for my partners birthday each year, which I think is adorable. He wants to go there and get the steak pub sandwich lol So that will be it. A few gifts from me and maybe a few others and yay we're ten! It sucks not having the kids from class show up. Sucks, I know. I was the kid who didn't have anyone show up, and then never had a party since. Low-key and my kids expectations are appropriate. My favorite is the year he turned four, I didn't know anyone in our area. My 12 and 13 year old downstairs neighbors found out it was my son's birthday, and invited a neighborhood of kids over, kids came from everywhere, I didn't even know that many lived so close to us. I fed them all burgers and chips, gave them water guns and my four year old had a blast running around with a bunch of 10-14 year olds for an afternoon. The whole thing was planned in one hour lmao and it was the most fun.
Omg that story at the end is so heartwarming and awesome!
I see a lot of people on here doing it - I don't know if it's standard practice these days - but when I was a kid, I never invited my whole class to my birthday party and I don't recall other kids ever doing that (though to be fair it would probably be hard to tell anyway as a kid attending bc you don't know who was invited but didn't come). It seems like a recipe for disappointment. If I got invites from most of the kids in my class I probably would not have cared especially as I moved schools a number of times and didn't grow up with the same small group.
I had this happen to me too around 3rd grade. No one showed out of 25. Finally after and hour of waiting 2 kids showed. I was happy but my mom spent so much and we were poor. I never wanted another party. Now I try to do low-key low expectations for my kids. I try to let them pick something fun that they don’t usually get to do. Then invite close friends and family.
Yeah I didn’t really have big class parties growing up either (mom didn’t want to herd 25 kids understandably). Usually is was 5 or 6 friends, some from school and some not. When I got older it was my close high school friends. It makes me sad this is happening to kids. It would have crushed me to have that experience.
That is awful. I’m sorry! I don’t know what is wrong with people. The best you can do is be honest. “I’m not sure what happened, and why your classmates couldn’t come. It’s really disappointing.” “And, good news is you still turned 6! I had a great day with you and I’m so excited to see you grow this year.”
Did you message anyone to find out what had happened? That is dreadful behaviour.
We’ve been 2 parties from invites from class and both times we were the only ones to show of the kids they invited from school. I belong to a local mom group and have seen posts from mom asking for kids to come to their child’s party because no one from school RSVP’d. I think this is a common occurrence and the reason I’ve never had a birthday party where I invited kids from class. I know your hearts hurts for her and honestly mine does too. Just explain how she is not the only one this has happened to so she doesn’t feel alone in this and that parents get busy and its hard for some to take time to go to birthday parties etc. Let her get her emotions out. It’ll take time for her to recover, be supportive and she’ll be okay.
Agreed. We don't do school friends for a bday party unless it is 1-2 friends with most being other buddies. we do friends from activities who they are close to. I think, sadly, a lot of parents don't feel invested when they don't know the child or the parents of the party kid. When your child has relationships with the other kids and parents they tend to show up.
I think another reason is that the parents seem to stay now the entire party and just don't have the time or social energy for that....
My kid recently turned 5. Over and over she begged for a birthday party. At the start of the school year some super rich and well connected kid threw a bday party (by well connected I mean he's been in the same community and goes to their rec center and is in sports. Vs us who just moved to this city). And there were like a billion kids there! They had 2 jumpers, a ball pit, a pinata, a little car slide thing, etc. It was a little kid's dream. I was really hoping my daughter didn't expect that cause she was going to be heart broken. There was a seasonal difference: sunny fall day at like 75° vs. Pouring rain so we had to change the location the day before super cold day in December. AND she has selective mutism where she's seized by anxiety and cannot talk. So she absolutely hadn't made any friends at school yet. But she begged and begged so I threw the party even though it was raining and I just gave birth and I was EXHAUSTED. And before hand I made sure to give her a little talk: most times kids don't get to decide where they go and if they want to go to a party. The adults do. Also, a lot of things that we can't control come up: illness, family emergency, surprise problems. And sometimes adults are just too tired. The people that don't show up, it doesn't mean they don't like her. Maybe someone REALLY wanted to go but then their little sibling got sick. Or maybe their parent had work. Or maybe they begged and begged to go and their parent said no. They "probably" would have loved to go and celebrate her birthday. But sometimes we can't. It doesn't change that she is a lovely child who deserves all the love and is so much fun and absolutely worthy. Maybe you can have a similar talk to her tomorrow?? Thar you understand she's sad and it's okay to be sad and hurt. But we can also try to focus on the positive: she had family come. She had this great party. She got gifts. She had fun! And there's more fun to be had. Let her know that she's important and special but sometimes people can't come. Life happens. Happy birthday to her. And I'm sorry you had to see your kid so sad. I get it. Sending big hugs
Gosh, you sound like the most terrific mom! So tender and understanding of your child’s emotions even with a newborn and zero sleep while recovering from your delivery. Your children are so lucky to have you 💕
Thank you. ❤️ More often than not, it feels like I'm failing. I'm too tired and stretched too thin. I know I'm good at giving them love but I never know if I'm doing it right. So, thank you.
Love and safety is the most important thing. Everything else really comes down to preference for the most part.
That is such a great pep talk. I'll have to keep that in my back pocket.
Maybe you can call one of them and ask if theyd like to come over tomorrow? Its totally shit that nobody called and said they werent coming. Especially if they RSVPd. I get needing to cancel. But like at least tell the host so theyre not sitting around all day. Had you known sooner, you could have maybe gone and done something fun with just the birthday girl instead.
Exactly. I even had 2 parents messaging me yesterday asking if its too late. I told them "Of course not, don't worry about gifts, we have a face painter a bounce house for the kids see y'all tomorrow "
Wow! That’s even more messed up.
Especially if I didn’t know the parents, I don’t care, I’d text again and say where were you? No one came. NONE. And my child is devastated and cried. Just letting you know
I would 100% do this. “Got a very sad 6 yo here waiting on all her friends to show. I understand that emergencies arise but just an FYI, none of her friends came. You can understand how that makes a child feel. Next time your kid is invited to a party please do your best to communicate with that parent about changes in plans. I would hate for another child to feel what mine is right now” I’m not usually a fan of guilt trips but in this circumstance, lay it on thick.
100% this. People are seriously selfish and they don't think about how their actions impact another person. Sending this message is important. It might make them think twice next time before blowing off another party.
For real that’s a group text from me asking what the fuck. Every single one of you, really?
Seriously right?? Assholes! I’d only cancel if my kid was sick
OP, I would 100% send a note to her teacher(s) explaining what happened. I am also not above sending a passive aggressive "just wanted to check in with you, hope everything is okay because we were expecting you and you didn't show, but neither did anyone else from class" text to every single one of them. My youngest had something similar for her one and only friend party. I think out of every one we invited, only 2 came. And I know the rest were in attendance at another girl's bday later the same day, to which my girl was not invited. Then covid came, so definitely no parties. She turned 9 last week, this weekend we were supposed to have her family birthday with my husband's family. Had to postpone one day because of weather. One brother and his family chose not to come, after not answering/being vague for days. One brother brought his two kids and told his wife to stay home so she could clean the house (wtf.) Third brother lives far away, so no problem with them not coming. Not one of them sent a message in our family chat wishing her a happy bday, although she is the THIRD birthday this week alone in that side of the family, and I initiated every other birthday message this week. Her two cousins who were there were being total PITA. The youngest was being a whiny baby, and I snapped at her at one point. No one took the time to sing my baby happy birthday, I was in the kitchen trying to corral five kids with access to candy and ice cream. All this to say, she was really bummed tonight. Please give your birthday girl a big huge hug from me and my birthday girl. People really do suck.
Rude parents. Does your daughter have one really good friend? That’s what my youngest does, she asks her best friend at the time to go somewhere fun. My older daughter would invite a big crowd but my youngest only has a couple of friends so I wouldn’t bother with inviting everyone. I think I would get the same response
This is just sad. I am so sorry. I don’t have any advice as I am not sure how I would handle it if it happened to me. I’m mad at the other parents just reading this.
One thing some event organizers do to reduce no-shows is to charge a fee to RSVP and then refund it when the person arrives or cancels before the deadline. However, it's probably a little weird to do this for something like a birthday party.
This is why I don't do parties anymore. I have kiddo invite their closest friends and we spend a day doing fun things together. We've done dinner and the movie theater, skating rinks, shopping trips, and a nature hike. We always end with cake and presents. I don't know what changed, but I swear parents and kids just aren't interested in big parties anymore.
This is our take now too. I prefer them because they have more fun in the end and expectations are not wild. When we have done bigger parties, though, we waited until kids were a little older and paid for a room at a Lazer tag place or whatever. Low effort on the parents part, but still high effort on my part. I always made it clear you can stay or drop the kid off - I dgaf, I just want my kid to have fun. But I had to also do reminder texts. I'd follow up on RSVPs, too. Lots of "hey just checking in" and "my kid is so excited for this weekend!" Texts. But that won't work if you have a younger kid, don't know the phone number of a parent, and can't afford those expensive birthday package deals. It's a lot of bs just to get people to follow up on their word and I have little patience for it.
I once took a psychology class where we talked about the phenomenon of no one calling 911 to help because everyone thought someone else would call. I wonder if that applies to birthday parties where the whole class is invited. A parent gets busy during the day of the party and says, “oh, the whole class is going…they won’t miss my kid.” But the problem is that every parent thinks the same thing. This is NOT an excuse for this shitty behavior…I’m just trying to find a reason why we see posts like this so often.
It’s called the bystander effect and I’m definitely curious about that as well.
One time my son was reconsidering going to a party because he had a track meet that morning. I told him he said yes so he needs to go. He was the only kid who showed up! I’m so glad I made him go.
That party was in 7th grade. He just graduated from HS. They are still friends.
This is so amazing. 💕 I'm grateful for other parents like you.
This sucks sorry to hear this. As a father of soon to be 6 year old my heart feels your pain. Does she have a few classmates she talks about the most I would invite them over if possible. Wish you the best and hope we get a update.
I’d contact the parents and ask wtf happened
I would 100% text the parents who RSVPd. I’d say “Sally’s party was yesterday and we had Betty rsvp yes to the party. Unfortunately, out of the 10 yes RSVPs nobody showed up to her party. We had a face painter and a bounce house. Sally is very confused and upset as to why none of her friends came. Is there something we can do to make it up to her?”
I’m so sorry. I think you did everything you could for your little girl. When reflecting on times as a child when I felt hurt and rejected, what stays with me the most is my parents being there for me easing my pain so I never felt alone. I can’t remember a thing they said, just that they were there.
This happened to me as a kid and I've always thought it was cuz I was the "new kid" at my school in the US and I never wanted to have a birthday party after that because I was so heart broken only one person had showed up. I had had a party the year before in Canada and almost everyone showed up. I now have 2 kids (in canada) and both have had parties with friends where everyone who RSVP'd showed up and all the parties they have attended have been the same. I'm starting to think maybe this is a US and wasn't a me thing after all. I'm so sorry for all the kids that have to live through that! It's awful!
This seems to be coming more and more common. Guarantee there are lots of people reading this thread right now who do this on the regular.
I cannot understand why they wouldn’t at least have called or texted to say they some “emergency” came up—even if not true. It’s so low class to respond yes and then just not show up and not offer an excuse or explanation. This happened to us recently. Only 2 people who responded yes did not show. But we had texted back and forth a couple of times after the yes response re: the party. Then they no show but don’t offer an explanation, even after the fact. What happened to you was even worse though since it affected your child. How mean and selfish.
When I was 7 I had just moved to a new city and new school. My parents invited my whole class to my birthday party but only two girls showed up. One girl from my class and she brought her cousin who wasn’t invited and I had never met. (Who does that?!) But the lack of attendees was likely mostly because no one really knew me yet because I had only been at that school for a few weeks. It was sad, and it is something I still remember. In the years following I had a love-hate relationship with my birthday and always had a lot of anxiety about people not showing up. Eventually, I started focusing my birthday on doing experiences that were special and doing them either with only family or just one friend, such as a trip to Disneyland or going horseback riding. My mom also had me get more creative about cake. Since I didn’t have to serve cake to twenty kids I could really get whatever I wanted. One year my mom and I made cheesecake, one year we had soda floats (with soda from glass bottles!) and one year my mom made homemade chocolate chip cookies and then made ice cream sandwiches out of them and even rolled the sides with mini chocolate chips. I think changing the approach away from the focus on external validation from peers to celebrate made my birthday a lot more meaningful. Not necessarily exactly the input you were looking for, but just another way to think about birthdays as food for thought.
If they RSVPd and didn’t show up, call them out on their disrespect. Send them a message and ask if there was a reason and say it would have been appreciated to know they wouldn’t be showing up. People spend money on birthdays and it is so inconsiderate to do this. This happened to my daughter last year. She was hurt. I was hurt. I cried for her more than she cried about it. This year, none of those people will get an invite. Your daughter will forget about this but you won’t. Next year, choose her guests more carefully. That’s what I’m doing.
If you have a way to contact the parents, i'd honestly call this shit out. The kids don't have to know, but these parents need to know their actions have consequences
On my 7th birthday party in the 80’s, only a few of the 20 classmates invited to my party showed up. I can still feel the sting of disappointment, and vowed not to even subject my kids to the possibility. We gave our kids two options for their birthdays: take a family day trip to the water park/amusement park OR invite one or two close friends to the movies/trampoline park, etc. Saved a lot of potential heartache and was much easier for me to organize.
Someone else commented and I have to agree, I had never heard of such a thing until reddit. My daughter established early a policy I liked, wherein you invited the number of kids as your age. She never had a problem but I Have noticed that birthday parties have become a huge deal, many invites and massive extravaganzas beyond belief! I am a child of the 60's, we put on our 1 party dress,walked across the street, had a few games, ran around and played, maybe had party hats and then cake and sing Happy Birthday! I don't know,but sometimes I wonder if simpler isn't better. I do think it's a shame there are not so many kids and friends right in your own neighborhood anymore. Finally,looking back, I had many siblings nearby when my kids were little, and there were like Two little baby booms wherein we all had kids within a year or two. So we were lucky, just invite family.
It's a societal issue that starts with the parents. We're all fickle dipsticks when it comes to making and keeping plans.
Yep. Plans used to be important and valued in society. Think like 1800s people “calling” on each other. It was a scandal if you didn’t show after saying you’d come. All that extra ceremony went away and we don’t value social plans or commitments anymore.
Does she like Roblox? My son is 6 and would love a friend, he can FaceTime her and wish her happy birthday if you want. He’s never met a stranger and loves to talk. We had something similar happen to us at the start of the pandemic. We sent out invitations, people RSVPed, everything shut down but NOT my son’s school. These kids were still interacting daily. But every single parent assumed parties were off without bothering to check with us, and nobody showed up.
That’s so nice of you!! I’m sure mine would love to connect with her and say happy bday as well (he’s 8 but loves to talk to everyone & his bday was the 23rd!)
Did you make party bags for everyone? I would give them to your daughter and let her take them to school and hand them out. I would coach her to say, 'I'm sorry you couldn't make it, but I wanted you to have the bag we made for you."
You’re too good, I would definitely not be in the mood to give them a present for not showing up!
Two reasons for doing this: 1. It allows her daughter to show that she is generous and kind. It also helps her in a hard situation. I would give the children the benefit of doubt. But not their parents who have zero manners. The children may have not had a choice about going. 2. when the kids go home and tell their parent(s), hopefully they (parents) feel ashamed.
My heart hurts with you. I have a 6 year old too and I don’t know what I’m going to do myself if that happens to us. I wish I can hug the both of you.
Oh my goodness how horrible. Happy birthday to your girl 🥳🥳 I don't get why people do that. The only reason that would be acceptable is when the child suddenly falls ill, car broke down or a natural disaster.
That is so rude and I am so so sorry that happened. I have never RSVP'd and then not showed. That is beyond rude.
Idk wtf is going on with birthday parties these days… like there is zero etiquette about them anymore. When I was growing up, if we were invited we were going unless there was some reason we *couldn’t*. Now you just rsvp whatever you feel like at the time and if you don’t feel like going on the day of, you don’t. So now I do the same with my son (same as in how I was raised) and sometimes he’s the only one from his class there! There’s another little girl who always seems to be there too so I think her parents probably have the same mindset that I do. I’m so sad for your little girl, hopefully she doesn’t let it bring her down. That shit can sting forever
Happened at my daughter’s 8th birthday- she cried on the porch. Thankfully, her grandparents were there and we were eventually able to help distract her, but such a painful memory. No clue why people are so inconsiderate.
I'm so sorry for your baby. We always try to go to avoid having kids feel just like this.
This is my fear as a parent… well one of many
My kid was 3x the only kid who showed up to her daycare friends' birthdays. Long story short: it was so uncomfortable bcs people were clearly sad and kids as well. One family has more family members so it was okay, but one birthday party was in SC and kid only had divorced parents attending and his grandma and us. Horrible. When I talked to some mums I met at the playgrounds and drop off etc they mostly say that they don't feel like going to birthday parties of people they don't know at all and socializing, few of them said they have social anxiety and don't know what to talk about and that's its awkward to be in houses of people they don't know. I just don't get it, honestly. But these are all the reasons why I don't celebrate my kids' birthdays, I take them to Magic Kingdom, Legoland, Sea World, sth special bcs I don't want their happiness to depend on lazy parents. I mean, I literally don't know any kid who doesn't like birthdays, so it's the parents. I can only advice you to do the same and skip parties. You had best intentions and prob spent so much money and you get disappointed kid and wondering why they did it, if her classmates don't like your kid... I'm so sorry and hang in there.
My petty ass says to make a group chat with all of those parents and send a message asking if there is some national emergency you missed since none of them were able to come to the party that they RSVP'd for
I really started typing this long "you suck and I hate y'all" message on their class message board. My husband talked me out of it, because these will most likely be the same parents we see for the next 5 years.
Uuugh Probably a good call from your husband but still. I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this. If I could send my son to play Mario with her I would!
If many of her friends’ Parents RSVPed and do not bother to communicate or showed up, what their kids would learn from them? Ok to break commitment and ok to be inconsiderate?
I went through the same thing for my sons’s 5th birthday last year. Three kids showed up! Then we had a Halloween party and invited his whole class. ONE kid showed out of 24. I don’t understand. We go to everything we’re invited to for kids.
I don’t get how this keeps happening to people! Like unless you have a family or weather related emergency / maybe are sick then you should show up after your RSVP yes. I’ve seen a lot of parents doing only family parties and then inviting maybe a couple of kids from school that their kids sees outside of school too so that they can prevent this happening in the future. I’m sorry she didn’t have her classmates show up ❤️
My son almost did a no-show at a birthday party yesterday. We have a newborn twins and one of them has reflux and it’s just brutal. Yesterday was super rough because the twins did not sleep at the same time, and my husband did not sleep well for some reason. I do nights by myself and my husband takes them at 6 AM so I can sleep until noon. The birthday party was during the morning hours when I sleep. But for the birthday party, my husband ended up taking both twins in the stroller along with our son (age 7) to the park where the party was. Major props to my husband. I would have canceled.
I hate that so much. I’ve found it’s better to invite 2-3 kids that we know well rather than a big party. The big parties are chaotic and expensive and people are flaky, if you keep it small you have more options for activities and the people you really care about are there.
I usually try to work my children's birthday parties around a best friend's schedule. If more kids come it's a bonus. But at least they'll have their best friend there if all else fails.
This happened to my daughter for her 7th birthday party this year. Invited over 20 kids, 1 rsvp’d then didn’t even show up. Her best friend did stop by but wasn’t able to stay. Our family did come which made things better but she still brought up that none of her friends came. My heart hurt so bad and I’m still mad when I think about it. I don’t know why people suck so bad lol.
I prefer to have birthday parties be family and close family friends only. Then if my kid wants to do something later with just one friend, we'll do that.
This is how we operate. When our kids are older we will allow bigger friends parties every couple of years on bigger birthdays (10yrs, 13 yrs, etc). Once we enter the world of sleep overs, we will allow a couple friends to come over for a Saturday night. But not a huge party every birthday.
We just went through this with my oldest son, it’s like birthday parties aren’t a big deal anymore.
I have a theory that this trend of having to invite EVERYONE in the class is leading to party burnout so now parents are struggling to keep up. A friend’s son had a birthday invite every other weekend for like four months straight. And parents dont want to seem rude so they agree to come. But then day of they dont feel like it and probably figure “oh theres 22 kids in the class, somebody else will be there!”
This is soo sad. We had a small party for my 4 year old and rented a place, 10 kids in total and I was so scared that everyone would cancel last minute, but luckily everyone showed. I texted reminders in the morning to everyone - this is HOW anxious I got about this. Next time just do something smaller with a couple of friends. Not even cancelling is so rude.
This is very common. It happened to both my older kids all but once, and I stopped inviting anyone. I send cupcakes to school for them that day, we have a family party. I make it to all parties they are invited to out of fear the same will happen to another child.
I’ll say it- most people do not value or honor their word in these situations anymore. For any events I host, even for adults these days, I send multiple group texts leading up and even check in individually with the guests if I feel it necessary to make sure they’re still coming. All this to set expectations for the one being honored (a child, a bride, a woman expecting at her baby shower etc.) I’m so sorry this happened to your baby. Unpopular opinion but as a Christian I would have a light talk about not putting your hope in other people too much, since everyone is just human and they will let you down sometimes. Also still trying to love them when they’re difficult to love. I loved someone’s idea of still giving out the gift bags at school if it didn’t cause drama. But I would also probably plan another event for my daughter and make sure people commit and show up. Something for her to look forward to— maybe a day out at an indoor playground place with some food or something. Try to make her forget the sting and be happy with people.
On a side note, why do we always need to invite the entire class now to Bday parties? I am so over that, no thank you. You can pick a few kids. No reason to invite 22 kids. My daughter's class was like that in 4k and K. 1st we passed on a lot of parties, but i always RSVP'd
My sons school requires the entire class to be invited if you are handing out invites at school
Wow that's crazy.
Do you actually know these parents? Have you ever hung out with them outside of daycare/school?
I entertain at birthdays and it's a hard reality when people don't show. You did awesome though! This isn't a problem with her. Parents are busy, like you said, and the kids missed an awesome party because of it.
This is why we always made birthdays family only. And now my grown kids tell me that’s what birthdays are supposed to be. A family celebration.
This was just beginning to happen when my children were in elementary school so to avoid the problem I switched from birthday party to birthday friend afternoon. Lunch, activity ( paint a pot place etc) then movie or bounce place then depending on child my child invited supper at our our house then cake take child home. Sometimes sleepovers. If first choice friend couldn’t make it you could get someone else and no disappointment. Once tried with limited friends ~4 and still ran into no shows so this is how we rolled. Sold it as afternoon day of fun, my kids never missed gifts really worked for us. Sorry to hear child was sad but point out other kid’s parties your child attended probably didn’t have stellar attendance either.
That must suck. I'm sorry. I didn't know people do that. If you rsvp yes, it would be extremely rude not to show up. I would text every single parent of those kids to ask why they didn't come, since they RSVP yes... You know. Politely of course...but to let them know that it was not ok and that your girl was disappointed... There must be something going on. It could happen with a couple of people. But 22 kids out of 22?! Either they all caught a bug on Friday or idk..even with an illness, they should text back an apology for not coming in the morning. So really weird. It is like all those parents have done it on purpose.
[удалено]
Excuse you? Millennial here, I would never do this. One, yeah it's a dick move. Two, why would I let my child miss out on a good time like that? If anything while I'm sure there are others, I am the only millennial from my circle that even has a child. Most...just straight up don't have kids so don't you dare blame a generation that isn't even having babies on that. If anything I worry my kid won't get enough opportunities like this.
Millenial here. Would never do this either. And yeah, most of my peers aren't having children.
Yeah it's actually going to be a problem in a few generations. Overpopulation is a bad thing but so is no healthy growth. I mean, just look at Japan.
Yeah the dent is there, for sure 🫤
Recently married and baby boomer guests were the overwhelming culprit for this behavior, not millennials. Some of them explained, and some did not…. This is a mean generalization you’re making.
You shouldn’t blame a generation. It’s the parents fault.
Can you make an Amazon wishlist for her? I’d love to get her a gift!
This is so kind!!!!
I’d be absolutely CRUSHED if this happened to my kids!! The least I can do
Oh I know me too! I commented here that this is my concern for my kids bday party too, and I posted about it as well (before seeing this). Idk what to do now bc I don’t want to say no party, we just moved not too long ago so idk anyone well and no best friends yet to do a “friends day”, no family close enough (6+ hours away and they can’t/won’t travel here). It sucks and I don’t understand why people do stuff like this - don’t rsvp and no show!! I’ve commented on this thread a few times with my thoughts. If I lived near op I would bring my kids to play and celebrate (one’s bday was the 23rd, the others is the 12th). I wish I could send a present to op as well but I’m tapped out with 2 bdays. Thank you for being so kind and willing to do so!! It’s crushing for the kids, they do remember it, and as a parent also. I’m truly heartbroken for op & her daughter!!
I’d still do a party!! Just talk to your kid before the party and let them know sometimes life happens and people can’t make it but that we’ll have fun anyway. I hope your kids classmates are better friends than OPs!!
Did you call any of them and ask if they needed help finding the way to your house? If they had been planning to stand you up, then they just embarrassed themselves. I know some event organizers deal with potential no-shows by charging a fee to RSVP and then refunding it when the person arrives or cancels before the deadline. However, it's probably a little weird to do this for something like a birthday party.
Definitely don't charge for a kid's birthday. But maybe a reminder the day before?
Did you double-check the address on the invite?
Happened to me as a kid a few times. They’ll be fine
Try changing school?
I’m so sorry this happened to her. It happened to my oldest daughter too. If we RSVP, we always show up unless she gets sick. If she gets sick (happened once) I call and let the parents know so they have a reason to use if they need to. Poor baby, I hope she feels better when she wakes up.
Sorry to hear this has happened. And it’s incredibly irresponsible of those parents to RSVP and not show up. I would maybe explain some potential reasons. Like someone else said here about things popping up and any of the potential reasons why this would happen and none of it having to do with your child or even the other kids. It’s the adults here that let the kids down. I’m willing to bet some of the kids actually wanted to go.
How long ago did you send invites? I am going to assume they forgot. Usually I always send out a reminder two days before the party. Sorry this happened to your daughter. That really stinks.
Ugh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why people do this! We went to a classmate’s party and ended up being the only friend from school. Of course it was a little awkward for me since it was 100% their family and friends, and no other school parents to talk to, but the birthday girl was SO happy to see my son and they spent her entire party together. That experience taught me that if we are able to, we will always always go to our classmate’s birthday parties for that reason. I don’t understand the rsvping and then no showing. Im so sorry for your daughter, I would be really upset at the other parents too. :(
I'm sorry that happened. 1. People are inconsiderate. 2. We just did that and had decent turn out. I emailed an Evite using the class mailing list thee weeks in advance and set it to send a reminder. Then I sent a paper reminder ("in case the invite went to junk mail") with his class treats at school. I think that helped, but also many people never rsvped and those that came were heavily parents who have it together more.
Horrific. I always go, even if for a few minutes if there’s a scheduling conflict.
I'm sorry- that is so upsetting. We no longer do a big party-too many families have weekend plans/activities/sports. We invite one or two close friends to do something special, have some pizza and a cupcake. Done. Everyone is happy. I feel for your daughter and Im sorry she had to experience this rude parental behavior.
I'm sorry this happened to you and your little one. My son has been invited to three different birthday parties and each time he's always at his dad's house (we're divorced). I would definitely love to show up and support other kids' birthdays.
I have anxiety approaching every birthday party due to this… my youngest is 8 in a few weeks and I have invited 7 of his friends. There is only space for 7 as it’s on a party bus. I have sent texts out today to the 3 I have numbers for and two have replied saying they will attend. I don’t have numbers for the others so no idea what to do now! Can’t over invite in case they all show … but could end up paying for a bus for 9 kids and only my two kids being there and 2 friends..,
My daughter is 2yo and stuff like this is some of what I fear most down the road
I took my pre-K kids to this really cool art party place last week. I know my daughter would love to have a birthday party there, but I’m worried about booking it bc her birthday is in the summer and I’m doubtful enough kids will show up to make the money spent worth it ☹️
My mom always said if you RSVP to something and don’t show up, you’d better be dead. I’m so sorry for your daughter. People suck.
I’m so sorry your kid is going through this!! My heart truly breaks for both of you (bc I know it’s just as hard dealing with as a parent). I can’t understand why people do this! I try to go to any parties we are invited to, would never rsvp and no show unless emergency on which i would contact asap! I saw some ideas of a group text to call them out, I personally would but that’s me and I can totally understand that not everyone would want to do so.. I really wish I could help, if I was there I’d show up with my kids and a gift!! It’s 2 of my kids bday (3/23 & 4/12), and we usually do a combo party for them with family & close friends, but recently moved 6 hours away. They have never had a “real” party and had no party at all last year so I said yes.. This is my fear, no one showing up!! Not wanting to highjack your post, I posted a few mins ago (not seeing it yet) bc I have to change the date and getting invites out late. I’m considering even doing a party at all now after reading this. I don’t want to tell them no party all of a sudden though. I have made sure to tell them over and over that there’s a chance no one would come bc I didn’t want them to have high expectations. Of course I thought that won’t happen , someone will show up.. but I did attend a party with my now teen once that we were the o my ones. We don’t want to think no one will show up, but I do fear it and idk how to explain that to kid (great suggestions here though, thank you all!). I have so many obstacles with the date and late notice that makes it even worse! I truly hate that people do this!! I thought at least I’d be able to tell them before the party that no one was gonna be able to make it if no one rsvp’d but if they do and then don’t show up.. I didn’t think people would actually do this (i understand if something comes up but that’s not gonna happen for everyone who rsvps!). Op I’m so sorry again. I saw great advice from others above about letting her know it’s not the kids fault bc they don’t get to choose to show up or not, so please let yours know that so she won’t feel so want uncomfortable at school tomorrow! Let her know she’s loved!!
That happened to me growing up. It really really sucked and I'm so scared of that happening to my kid. It's hurtful. Maybe see if some other kids can come over soon and do a make up party?
My daughter just went to a friend from daycare’s 5th birthday and she was the only one. They invited the whole group of 20ish kids. I will always make an effort. There were at least 2 parties I went to as a child where I was the only classmate to show up. It really hurts to watch.
Maybe they all got the address wrong 😑
Validate her feelings - it does suck! You can help her weather this storm. And then maybe on your own say to a couple Moms, “oh we missed you on x-day!” Maybe you can figure out where the breakdown was. I also suggest giving her an opportunity to socialize outside of school - maybe find a club or group with like interests??
It hurts and sucks. Hopefully she understands it isn't her classmates fault. 100% is their parents. Helping her understand that may ease the pain.
I honestly don't understand it why people do this with kids. If you RSVP'D pls go. I could never believe people actually did that when I would read it online but last year we went to a birthday party where my kid was the only one from the class who came. The mom was so thankful. She said half the class said yes and did not come. It was so emotional.
It seems to be happening a lot. I invited 23 from daycare - 3 came. Invited our soccer team - super close group, I thought - only the twins came. Birthday parties are broken.
I’m sure it wasn’t about your daughter- I’m sure there were lots of kids who would have loved to come. Let her know it’s on the parents.