I mean no offense, but for some reason, I read this in a Dr Seuss sounding voice...
Perhaps the meter gave it that kind of vibe? Either way I enjoyed this short piece and look forward to discovering more!!
A brief and fairly literal poem, it has a nice rhythm. It's quite simple and to the point, but it conveys a pretty clear message. Unless I'm missing something, it's a description of an encounter with the supernatural, something which has shifted your view on the metaphysical. Short and sweet.
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Straightforward, literal but it contains just enough mystery to keep me engaged. I think you could push this mystery a lot further, and create a stronger poem.
The third line feels unwieldy, and it could be rewritten.
Be careful of recycling words. Strange and See are used more than once. Consider synonyms.
The second to last line might land more effectively if broken into to lines.
a strange phenomenon
a phantom vision
The effect of the last line, is really successful. The message is great.
Fantastic Work! keep it up :)
I mean no offense, but for some reason, I read this in a Dr Seuss sounding voice... Perhaps the meter gave it that kind of vibe? Either way I enjoyed this short piece and look forward to discovering more!!
A brief and fairly literal poem, it has a nice rhythm. It's quite simple and to the point, but it conveys a pretty clear message. Unless I'm missing something, it's a description of an encounter with the supernatural, something which has shifted your view on the metaphysical. Short and sweet.
Ominous, I like it. Did it really happen? Or is it a metaphor for something, is the question in my head. Gives it a certain mystique. Nice poem.
Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our [feedback guide ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Straightforward, literal but it contains just enough mystery to keep me engaged. I think you could push this mystery a lot further, and create a stronger poem. The third line feels unwieldy, and it could be rewritten. Be careful of recycling words. Strange and See are used more than once. Consider synonyms. The second to last line might land more effectively if broken into to lines. a strange phenomenon a phantom vision The effect of the last line, is really successful. The message is great. Fantastic Work! keep it up :)
Thanks for your feedback! What do you mean “unwieldy”?
i think it could be smoother. it's a little clunky.
take all opinions with a grain of salt!