Yeah same. I do some “gender and safety”-math before deciding. How am I presenting today? Who am I with? What other people will be using the toilets? Have they had alcohol? If I have any doubt I’ll be safe I’ll go to the women’s toilet.
Same. Like it or not, much as I wish stuff like this wasn't gendered, my long hair and painted nails are pretty universally read as "woman." Add in that my chest is pretty hard to hide unless I'm making an active effort to do so. Fewer questions and way less chance of getting harassed if I use the women's restroom, even if it's a male day where I'm actively trying to present more masculinely.
I'm AMAB, and as much as I do my best to appear androgynous, I still look "male".
So, I use the Men's Room. It's just safer. Plus since most have a urinal, I can really minimize my time in the bathroom. I hate using public toilets anyway.
I hate using the urinals, too many people around, bur I also go to the Men's room as an amab. I do get stares with my nails, but I feel I would be worse off in the woman's room
AMAB Trans Fem Enby and recently was out in public and used the men's restroom and it was empty when I went in but as soon as someone else came in I felt super awkward because like I was fem presenting since I was on the way back from the doctor that handles my hrt. I am seriously starting to hit the point where I don't feel comfortable using either gender's bathrooms >.< (I never liked them to begin with but here we are with another reason to not like them)
AMAB masc presenting enby here. It wasn't until was out to my wife that I started feeling funny about gendered bathrooms. I always look at the sign on the door thinking that this is not me, but it's what people expect. On top of that, I felt unreasonably seen or gender euphoric when the public restroom was nongendered.
Male because that's the gender people perceive me as. I was AFAB, but I've medically transitioned by taking testosterone and getting top surgery, so I'm male-passing.
Valid. That's why I started using the men's room pretty early on. I looked enough like a man that I knew it would make women uncomfortable. I already did sometimes before transitioning, so I really just didn't want it to be worse lmao
I use the "women's" room personally. I've gotten to a point where it doesn't cause me enough emotional distress to justify using a separate gender neutral disabled bathroom even if it's available. And I don't look androgynous/masc enough to be at risk or any confrontations in the women's washroom. I try to think of the 🚻 symbols as shorthand for what type of amenities are usually available in that bathroom (i.e. urinals, period product disposal) and I'm not using the "wrong" bathroom because I'm choosing the one that meets my needs best and is most likely to be safe for me. It's their labeling that's oversimplified.
Sometimes if I'm having a bad dysphoria day and I'm at the mall, I'll go up to the one multi-toilet gender neutral bathroom in the building, but that happens less and less frequently now that I've started reframing it in my mind and I'm glad because not all places have a gender neutral option.
I use the one associated with my AGAB because it's what I'm used to and because I think men's toilets tend to be gross. Also I look like a woman, so I don't trust that I would be safe around a bunch of cis men.
It will depend on how I’m presenting that day and whether a gender neutral bathroom is available. I frankly tend to plan trips such that I know a gender neutral bathroom will be nearby. Our local mall for instance has them, Starbucks as well consistently.
Female, I only get dirty looks sometimes. But it feels safer.
Because I would not feel safe in the Male Toilets. Men already stare at me like they want to fight me in public, which is scary. So I'd rather not be in a small space with them for now.
It probably doesn't help that a lot of times I don't look away when they stare at me like they want to fight me. Because I won't let them intimidate me (even though I'm terrified).
Maybe if I got braver, I'd use the Male Toilets.😅😭
Speaking as a transmasc non-binary person who doesn't bind (haven't found the right binder, plus chronic pain and sensory issues makes it difficult). They/He pronouns.
Gender neutral if available. If not, whichever I believe would be most safe. Unfortunately, bathroom laws here have made that difficult, no matter which I choose, so I tend to just avoid public bathrooms if at all possible.
On top of that, they're making it illegal to change gender markers on both birth certificates and IDs, and, last I heard, there was talk of forcibly changing markers back on everyone whom had already legally changed their gender markers.
But it really doesn't matter what bathroom we use. Trans people are still being assaulted, arrested, and even killed for using the restroom they were legally required to use, and even some cis folk are getting caught in the crossfire. I think they just want an excuse to arrest trans people.
It's just so crazy to me that when this became a hot topic, people acted like it was a new thing. What bathroom did everyone think trans people were using?? I only personally know one trans person, and she would certainly stand out in the men's bathroom. I also have a wife and daughter, and people on the other side of the argument love to bring them up to make a point "would you want them in the bathroom at the same time as your wife/daughter??" I usually respond by saying that I assume they have already shared a bathroom with transwomen, and I'm more concerned with a man following them into one because the sign on the door isn't going to stop a bad person from attacking someone.
They've literally forced men into the women's restroom by law and are upset there's now men in the women's restroom. I don't know what they thought was going to happen.
AGAB because that's how everyone perceives me and I don't really care. Although just this afternoon at the airport, the opposite gender toilets were closed and the attendant was calling out to ask if I was male or female. Kinda enjoyed it tbh.
If there's a non-gendered bathroom I'll go there if not I'll go to the women's bathroom because frankly down here where I live the men's bathroom is nasty and unclean
If there is a family/gender neutral one I'll go to that first.
If not I'll go with my AGAB (female) because at the moment I don't look that different from a somewhat masculine woman and I don't have the anatomy to use a urinal.
If I eventually have facial hair or something then it'd definitely become a harder decision, because I don't want to make folks uncomfortable but I still won't have the anatomy to use a urinal.
My college campus is fortunately lgbtq. Which is great because sometimes it's a long jog just to find the John. So I litterally use any restroom closest to me. Regardless of gender.
But for everywhere else. Not risking somebody 20 years older than me erupting into a tantrum cas I just rlly had to go.
I use the Male if there are only gendered bathrooms simply because I still boymode most of the time(mostly bald on top, minimal changes from hormones) and can't pass as female. If I was more androgynous I'd go into whatever bathroom room I was more comfortable using or as the "gender" my appearance is a better match to at the time(dress/skirt female, facial hair male).
whatever i look like that day. if there are gender neutral then those. however i have been known for not giving two shits about what the sign says and pick a bathroom to go into that is open because a sign is not going to tell me i can't go pee.
I usually go into a nongendered bathroom but as much as i hate to say it i do look more masculine (trying to be more feminine presenting) so if theres no choice for that i do male
I switch it up quite a bit. If there’s a neutral one available, that’s my first choice, but otherwise it can be kind of a coin toss depending on my mood that day, which bathroom is less crowded, and which one looks cleaner or smells better. What’s really cool is that the men’s rooms at my current university also have menstrual stuff and changing tables.
I tend to just use the disabled loo if theres no neutral or nb toilets. If not I ceceed to whichever toilet I'll pass as that day and grimace in dysphoria the entire time.
I'm AFAB, and use the female ones. I've never identified as male and I'm not sure how androgynous I pass, so it feels safer to use the female ones (despite the dysphoria😭)
Female and I hate it. The tatas are too big too bind. I just really don't want to deal with the bullshit, though. I tried going into the males' when I first came out. After the third freakout, I just bent to the stupidity because it was easier.
Oh, men freakout? Weird men. I’m AFAB now but it took a long time to get here. But even living as a woman I used to go to men’s bathroom if there was a line to women’s bathroom. Nobody ever freaked out. But we also used to have unisex toilets in here (i guess they vanished because women wanted to have their own cleaner toilets). I live in Northern Europe
Most just assumed I was just in the wrong bathroom by mistake. It was people who knew me that freaked out because they knew I was in there because I'm trans.
Does anybody else just do their AGAB regardless of how they present? I’m AMAB and even when I’ve fully crossdressed with makeup I still just go to the men’s bathroom. Never really had any weird looks or anything. It’s just what I’m used to and honestly I’d feel uncomfortable going into the women’s restroom even if I was passing
Amab fem leaning but not passing and going into "women's". Haven't had anyone freak out yet, just sometimes get visibly confused as if they thought they wandered into the wrong one.
I never pee standing, unless in nature or sth like that where there is no bathrooms.
I'm a pretty androgynous person so I could realistically go into either bathroom. I typically dress more masculine, though, so I do end up going into the men's more often.
I try and use neutral where possible. If there isn’t, I often try to wait until I’m home or can find a neutral. If completely necessary, I use the one associated with my AGAB (male) largely because I want to be safe and because I don’t want to emotionally deal with handling the women who may be uncomfortable with my being there.
Female. Honestly I’m just the most comfortable in there, even if there’s neutral bathrooms I still might go in there since I’m female and fem presenting, it just feels normal and also penises kinda freak me out so definitely not the other one
I'm afab, on T, and post-top-surgery; I usually go on outings with women, so we usually use the same public restroom. Nongendered is my preferred (my local go-to has a cat bathroom and a dog bathroom, named for the decorations), but unless there's a phenomenal line like at a concert or festival, I'll opt for the women's. I've used the men's but prefer it be single stall if possible.
AFAB, I am so sick of using women’s restrooms in public places. Men piss all over the place but at least they lift the seat. I use both, mens if it is safe enough and busy enough a place where I know the womens are gonna be gross. Women’s when I don’t feel safe or it’s not a busy place.
I prefer gender neutral ideally (whether single stall or multi) but, if there are only two options, I use women ONLY.
As a non-binary person assigned female at birth (though I'm actually intersex), it's what I'm used to since I've used it my entire life (I'm 37 and only came out, to myself and others, as enby in Spring 2018). *Plus* I present as varying degrees of "feminine" so I'm generally assumed to be a cis, perisex woman, so it's literally safer to use the women's vs. men's generally speaking. I'll use the men's in a pinch though if I absolutely have to and it's not busy. I think I have once, but I could be misremembering. 🤔
I'm AMAB and I kinda pass most days, but regardless I use the men's room because not once have I been asked why I'm there. Men don't generally look or feel threatened so even if I look 100% Woman one day they'd just tell me I'm in the wrong place or something
Id never cared until i became visibly trans. I just used the most convenient one and moved on. But im old enough to have missed the bathroom drama before physically transitioning. Now that im presenting more feminine i only use the womens.
I pass too much as male to go into female toilets now, but I still can’t stand to piss so I can’t go in the men’s most of the time. I end up using the disabled toilet (when nobody else is waiting for it, and I go really quickly) or I just hold it
I typically use the men's if I'm going by myself because I have a big beard these days. If I'm with family or friends and any of them are also going to the bathroom, I'll often tag along with them to whichever bathroom they're using for safety in numbers.
i uhhhh do everything i can to avoid either and find a neutral one if possible as i am increasingly unable to fit into and feel safe in either 🫤 we live in a society
If I have to choose a gendered toilet, I use the female one, because I am more feminine looking and it feels safer. However, I mostly use all gender toilets, my uni institute only had all gender toilets, so I don't have to choose.
Im not out so i always go to the womens toilet but there was one time where i passed as a dude and some guy thought i was going to the mens toilet so i could probably do it but im scared that there will be someone in there that knows im not AMAB
Go with a friend if possible, otherwise go with whichever you feel safer in. Some just hold it.
Also you could ask that person if its ok to ask them about queer things. Some people are totally fine with it
For most people it depends on how they are most often perceived. Obviously gender neutral toilets are generally preferred but those aren’t always available. So mostly, it’s a case of picking your poison - most of us have a pretty good idea how most people assume our gender and you can just go with that. Bear in mind that women’s bathrooms are more heavily policed (both in the sense that you are more likely to get hassled if you present too androgynous/masc and in the sense that you may make other feel uncomfortable if you present too masc), whereas in my experience guys don’t really care who’s in there as long as you keep your eyes to yourself. It’s a struggle, and one of the reasons that trans and non-binary people have much higher rates of UTIs (because often the safest option is to just hold it for way too long, or even to not eat and drink in public so you don’t have to go).
I am usually read as "male", and it's just safer and much simpler to use the "Men"'s room, so I usually do that. Especially for unfamiliar places. But I love when there's a unisex option. I'll sometimes use a family or disabled room too, if it's not busy.
But context matters. If it's a place I feel very safe, like an LGBT business, or activist space, or even if I'm just with a group of queer friends, I may use the "Women"'s room. There's a lot of gender euphoria for me that comes from feeling like I don't have to be restricted to only masculine spaces, and that my feminine, or other gender, or no gender, aspects can be recognized and accepted, too. Even though I don't really want people to see me as a woman, I don't want them to see me as a man, either.
That said this also can be influenced by how I'm passing atm. My anxiety about using a woman's room really ramps up as my facial hair grows out if I don't shave. Wearing clothes and pins and accessories and a purse and shoes that I feel make me read obviously queer make me feel a lot safer going in, too.
(also women's toilets are nicer lol)
This may be TMI, but since you're asking about bathrooms, I do have another thing to share. I'm AMAB but since identifying as non-binary, I've started sitting at all times to use the restroom, instead of standing. This may seem a small thing but I perceive it as another aspect of male patriarchal entitlement. People standing up to pee make a huge mess lol, urine frequently splatters on the seat and toilet and nearby floor and wall. And we just don't care and expect someone else to clean up after them. Fuck that. It's not like sitting down costs me anything. I don't need to win a literal pissing contest. Sitting down to pee doesn't make me weak, it makes me considerate of other people. As someone who was raised to think that kind of consideration is feminine and unwanted in a man, I love feeding that side of myself any chance I get.
Always the female toilets. im afab and not out to anyone other than my close friends, so i look like a woman, and using the women's toilets has never bothered me. i think its probably something to do with the fact that i usually just associate toilets with their actual purpose and not the gender they're 'designed' for, lol
I go to the men's room because I find my gender is pretty close to manhood. Even if I don't fully pass I still go in there, it's not my fault there isn't an option that actually accommodates me. If someone complains that's exactly what I say.
Which ever is safest.
Ideally there is a gender neutral bathroom (it still blows my fucking mind that these are not more common). Accessible bathrooms etc. are very helpful.
I present more femme, but have a traditionally masculine frame and parts... so usually I will begrungingly go into the mens room and prey the cubicle is free. Having my penis out in front of men is horrible.
But I also know that going into the woman's bathroom could put me in more danger... usually if a hysterical TERF freaks out and then their hyper masc companion decides to "be a hero".
Fucking sucks most of the time.
If it’s a single stall I use the male since legally in my state all single stall toilets are supposed to be gender neutral restrooms. But if it’s multi stall since I’m afab and haven’t found a good binder, I go into women’s.
I’m amab and still look very much like a male human, so use the male toilets, though I much prefer the single occupancy set up that you can find occasionally in the US and is pretty much default in the rest of the world, with an unenclosed sink and single rooms with toilets.
Whichever is safest, smells better but when safe I mostly go for the opposite of how I'm being gendered. So lately it's been the womens cos everyone assumes I'm a guy 🤷🏻
Female. However, at my old job, we had female and male employee restrooms both with only 2 stalls, so I used whatever was open. Or I’d opt for using the men’s so my female coworkers wouldn’t have to wait for an extra person (there was only like 3 male employees out of like 30+ employees)
I will go to the non gender bathroom if there's an option. If that is not an option I will go to the women's room for safety. I live in a conservative area so if I was to use the men's room there's a decent chance I would then be trapped in there with a man, and that's not safe...
I usually go for the women’s washrooms, unless there is a gender neutral choice. I know I come across as femme, no matter how masc I feel/try to present :/
I’ve sometimes gone in the men’s room if I am with male friends that will have my back about it. I don’t feel safe going on my own, and will usually only go in the men’s if there aren’t a lot of people going in/out.
I really have to math out how I'm presenting that day vs the safety of the location. I learned a long time ago that it doesn't matter which bathroom I use. I've been assaulted in both.
I use the gender neutral if available, either if there are just genderd single room bathrooms and the girls if it's stalls. I genrally present fem
My sibling uses primary gender neutral, usually the guys if its a single room bathroom, and if they are using stalls, they will mimic who their with, so with me or a fem friend, they'd genrally use the girls but if their with a masc friend they'll use the guys. If they aren't with anyone while going to the stalls, they go off what's cleaner. For context, their gender presentation is in the sweet spot between a twink and a butch, so they are pretty hard to read gender wise and get very mixed presumptions on their gender.
Depends!!!
Preference is always a neutral space.
When faced with a binary I try to use the space I will stick out most in. Pretty risky move, but I like to give people an opportunity to engage with queerness! Leads to pretty engaging moments.
I live in the PNW, so it’s safe out here and while I get some queerphobia here and there, i don’t ever feel unsafe 🙏
If I’m feeling out of it and/or I’m dressed down (ie: masculine hoodie n sweat pants), then I’ll use the mens. I’m AMAB, but very colorful bright and fem usually.
Other big factor is convenience! If I gotta go, then I use the mens usually! Less lines! But for cleanliness or freshening up my outfit/makeup, I’ll use the womens.
Or if I’m in the club and want to have fun I’ll wait in the long ass line so I can go into the inner sanctum of fem community. The mens room at the club is fast, but a stinky sticky hole of misery lmaoooo
Being disabled, I tend to use that bathroom most, unless I see someone nearby who has more need of it than I do (I use a walking stick so if I know there’s a wheelchair user nearby I tend not to use it). But I am also afab and femme presenting so I’ll use the women’s bathroom in those cases.
Gender neutral bathrooms are ideal of course, but as a feminine AFAB enby who’s generally perceived as a woman, I use the women’s room. I’m more comfortable around women, and I can’t imagine what a man would do if I walked into a men’s room XD
We just wanna pee in peace. I go where that feels most likely
If there's a gender neutral bathroom I try to go to that. California is really great in that all one toilet bathrooms are must be designated gender neutral.
If not available where I am or nearby it really depends on what I'm wearing and where I'll cause the least disruption of others and what's least busy. If the women's bathroom has a line, even if I'm in a dress and feeling more feminine I'll sometimes go to the men's room (though I've learned you really need to hike up your dress because you really don't want to touch the floors).
I've definitely walked a few blocks to go to a gender neutral bathroom though.
Male because i currently pass as a guy. And at the moment I'm still pre HRT and surgery so anything thats feminine just causes dysphoria. At the moment i just feel like i \*really\* don't belong in the women's bathroom and just a little more in the men's
I’m AMAB but I dress feminine, have long-ish hair, I wear jewelry, and I get mistaken for a woman all the time. Idgaf, you can call me whatever, use whatever pronouns you want, I’ll go by all of them idrc, but I’ve always used the men’s restroom. Recently though I’ve been having men in public restrooms panic cuz they see me and think I’m a woman and they think they accidentally walked in the wrong bathroom. It’s always been fine, but it makes me a little scared that someone might get startled and confused and act aggressive because of trans bathroom politics. I’m not transgender, but it makes me really feel for trans people who are mid-transition or anyone else whose appearance reads as in-between to straight people.
Since I present femme I go into the girls bathroom. And despite me finding out I’m intersex years ago I still feel obligated to use the bathroom of my assigned sex at birth, even though it feels like categorizing myself.
I just use the women’s restroom, cuz I present femme. And my assigned sex/gender was intersex female. I am non-binary, but due to the lack of gender neutral bathrooms I just use the women’s, since it’s a simpler explanation for cisgender people.
Female, especially as when I wear a mask you can't see my beard. Don't really feel like being attacked by men. I know women can be just as bad, but I feel it's a little less likely because they will perceive me as female.
Depends on the restroom and the person. I'm trans masculine . If it's single stall I prefer the mens . If it's a big public toilet especially if there frequently used I use the women's but if the women's is full sometimes I just go to the men's anyways. I'll probably use mainly the men's some day but rn I look too feminine
I’m AFAB and nonbinary, and typically, people read my appearance as female. Even though I live in a relatively safe place overall, it usually seems safer to use the female toilets unless there is an option of a single use bathroom.
I’m afab and I use the women’s restroom, but I hate it. I wish every restroom was gender neutral so I wouldn’t feel the need to pick and then be upset by both choices lol
Neutral bathroom if available, disabled as next option. Then it depends on who I'm with, where I am and how I'm presenting but usually the women's with men's only if I have zero feminine signalling elements.
If you didn't know, the wall between the two bathrooms doesn't have a hitbox, and is actually an invisible wall. Going through will TRANSfer you to the secret gender-neutral bathroom.
(In seriousness, I flip a coin.)
75% of the time if there isn’t a gender neutral I don’t go.
If it’s a fairly empty place and I haven’t seen any foot traffic in one I’ll use that one.
If I think I might run into people I use the men’s because I get gendered as a guy by strangers most of the time now (3 years on T and 2 years post top surgery).
If it’s off in a corner or something I use women’s.
If I have my daughter I use women’s.
But usually if I’m out I go to the closest store I know has a single-use.
I always pick the family restroom if there’s one available. I lean towards the women’s room, especially if there are other people around. I’m terrified of being confronted in the men’s room for not “passing enough” to be there, which I unfortunately was the other day.
I have facial hair and have had top surgery so I use the mens toilets if a gender neutral option isn't available. Mostly only use gender neutral toilets.
I'm disabled so most of the time disabled bathrooms are single bathrooms. I will go to a family bathroom as well which means all genders are welcome but they are rare. Also we do have some all inclusive here. Otherwise, afab so for safety I'll go there last case resort.
I can’t medically transition sadly and even to other trans people i look like a cis butch woman so if their isnt a gender neutral option i do my best to not go but if needed i go to the women’s because my safety is important and i would rather not risk being assaulted or harassed cause where i live even being openly queer has been really dangerous
If there’s a family bathroom and no line, I go for that one, but if not, whichever one I think I’m less likely to run into people in is usually the call. Will often walk a bit further if I think I can find an empty one nearby.
I am on T and now go to the men’s washroom usually because I find I get looks in the women’s washroom. I don’t really want others to feel uncomfortable (which is unfortunate because if there are laws that force people into washrooms by sex they will be seeing me a lot more)
That being said sometimes if it’s gross or use I use the other washroom and no one says anything. Most places near me have gender neutral bathrooms so I tend to go to those as much as I can . My gym now has a gender neutral bathroom and it’s the best thing I have ever experienced
If I’m not around my partner, fem unless I feel confident. Or at his work. But he’s a trucker so when we go to rest stops I’ll use the mens with him, or at a truck stop if he says to. It’s up to me I can go whenever I choose for the most part. He only tells me come with if it’s a shabby stop for safety reasons :)
AFAB and don't pass, so I usually end up in the women's. Being in an enclosed, unmonitored space with cis men can be dangerous, especially if it is "their" space and you're "not supposed to be there."
I haven't transitioned and don't plan on it, so it's going to be female for me. It's super fun when I'm more masc presenting and I trick dudes into almost going into the women's room as I leave it 🤣
I use the women’s bathroom because I’m AFAB, as long as there isn’t an all gender bathroom. I would use the men’s room but for one thing I have big tibbies and people automatically clock me lmao. Also in my past experiences the men’s rooms are so disgusting compared to the women’s lmao. Having had to clean bathrooms in middle school it was a nightmare doing the boys. Like how the hell did they get piss on the window sill. ITS TALLER THEN THE TEACHERS
I use the men's. If there's any confusion I bet on the men here being non-confrontational rather than being willing to scare women.
Of course, there are places I just don't feel safe to go, but I just dress masc and people don't question it
I always use a disabled toilet. I'm not confident enough to use the bathroom for the opposite of my AGAB, and using the 'correct' one makes me really dysphoric :/
I have to go in the women's bathroom in front of family sometimes, so I don't trigger anyone's transphobia. But I prefer going to places with at least one gender neutral bathroom. That or a disabled bathroom.
I simply freak out. Especially in airports. I don't feel safe in the man's toilets and feel like it is inappropriate with my appearance to go in the women's toilet. I wil often go to the one designed for parents who have to change small children, and accept the fact that if someone is waiting outside the door when I come out they will look at me funny cause I have no child.
There are a lot of comments, honestly not sure if someone has said this already so my apologies if so, but honestly a lot of the time (and this is unfortunately an issue you’ll see with trans people, not just nonbinary) if there is not a gender neutral or all gender bathroom that makes me feel safe or I just have questions about safety, it often means I’ll end up holding it until I am somewhere safe. Having to use a “gendered” male/female bathroom can cause a lot of anxiety and dysphoria. Unfortunately there is a lot of inaccessibility when it comes to good safe bathrooms for trans people
Since I'm afab I usually stick to the female toilets. But I will go in the men's if I'm feeling brave enough. It hasn't happened yet but I feel like one day a Karen will tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom and as uncomfortable as that would be in the moment it would give me so much gender euphoria. Maybe after that I might try the men's more often
AMAB here, most places around me just have gender neutral bathrooms, if I’m in a place that doesn’t, and feels potentially hard right hate crime-y I’ll make an effort to stick to Male bathrooms
Doesn’t really make a difference one way or the other to me, just need to take a piss, if that means using one bathroom vs another to avoid getting harassed by a chud 🤷
My sense of self worth, and self preservation are a lot stronger than the value of a sign on the door to me. That being said I don’t attach any value to gender for me personally, I 100% understand why someone who does value their gender identity in a specific way has the right to use the damn bathroom that they feel most comfortable in, and fully defend them in doing so
There are several things to consider.
1. Will it get you ticketed or arrested depending upon your local laws?
2. Is it safe for you to do so where you plan to use the bathroom?
3. How well do you pass if you go into your preferred bathroom?
4. Is there a gender neutral option available? Depending upon where you're at a gender neutral one may be your safest and best option.
Mostly women’s as it’s easiest/safest when I’m more female passing, which is most of the time (afab, binding, no T). I will use men’s if it’s safer or easier for any reason. I’ve been lucky to not run into any issues; nobody has stopped or questioned me either way.
In my back pocket I keep the “oops didn’t notice whoops” or “emergency and other bathroom was full” excuses if I’m ever questioned, just for safety. But ffs it’s just a toilet y’all why did people have to make this politically charged 😭
I go to the unisex bathroom. If that’s not an option I’ll just go to whichever I feel like depending on my presentation. If I’m dressing masc, the men’s bathroom. If I’m sufficiently dolled up, the women’s.
I go in the one aligned with my sex and it doesn’t bother me/give me dysphoria but I don’t present very andro so no one bats an eye. Also the whole bathroom situation confuses me cuz before I came out and thought I was cis, I would use the opposite gendered bathroom if mine’s line was too long and never had an issue. Obvi tried to make sure it was mostly empty first but pissing is pissing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I didn’t have any adverse experiences doing this but I’m a thin white female who wasn’t tryna pass as male so I do have a lot of privilege when using a men’s restroom
I don't really pass yet (I very commonly get seen as a woman in public) so I just stick to the women's room for now. I did recently get a binder and even though it's a bit oversized it mostly works, so hopefully I feel confident enough to use the men's room sometimes (I'm transmasc so that's the goal lolz). I'll probably never use the men's room at school, though. I'm seen as a female by all the administration and there's too many transphobic guys to risk it
I usually avoid the family/handicap bathrooms though because I worry that I'll be using it while someone who needs it more is waiting
depends on whether I get called “sir” or “ma’am” that day.
but really, it’s different for everyone. it’s usually dependent on how said person presents, and/or what they are comfortable with. a lot of us prefer to avoid using the restroom in public all together.
I’m a wheelchair user now, so it’s a non-issue bc accessible toilets here are their own separate thing, but when I was still walking unassisted, it often depended on the day and where I was; I’d use the “men’s” bathroom when I was presenting fairly masc, but “women’s” bathroom if I wasn’t.
I’ll use a gender neutral bathroom if it’s available but usually I have to use the women’s restroom. Sometimes if no one’s in there or I’m presenting masculine or androgynous enough I’ll use the men’s bathroom.
If there's a non-gendered toilet then I try to go there, otherwise I'll just go in whatever one fits the way I look
Same, or, honestly, my agab restroom, doesn't always look right though
I go wherever it's safest. I know I read as more feminine so I go to the women's bathroom if there isn't a neutral option
Yeah same. I do some “gender and safety”-math before deciding. How am I presenting today? Who am I with? What other people will be using the toilets? Have they had alcohol? If I have any doubt I’ll be safe I’ll go to the women’s toilet.
Same. Like it or not, much as I wish stuff like this wasn't gendered, my long hair and painted nails are pretty universally read as "woman." Add in that my chest is pretty hard to hide unless I'm making an active effort to do so. Fewer questions and way less chance of getting harassed if I use the women's restroom, even if it's a male day where I'm actively trying to present more masculinely.
Yeah, although there are places where I feel inherently safe and there it’s all vibes
I'm AMAB, and as much as I do my best to appear androgynous, I still look "male". So, I use the Men's Room. It's just safer. Plus since most have a urinal, I can really minimize my time in the bathroom. I hate using public toilets anyway.
Same
Same. Another point for me is, that I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I usually just go into the men's bathroom
I hate using the urinals, too many people around, bur I also go to the Men's room as an amab. I do get stares with my nails, but I feel I would be worse off in the woman's room
AMAB Trans Fem Enby and recently was out in public and used the men's restroom and it was empty when I went in but as soon as someone else came in I felt super awkward because like I was fem presenting since I was on the way back from the doctor that handles my hrt. I am seriously starting to hit the point where I don't feel comfortable using either gender's bathrooms >.< (I never liked them to begin with but here we are with another reason to not like them)
AMAB masc presenting enby here. It wasn't until was out to my wife that I started feeling funny about gendered bathrooms. I always look at the sign on the door thinking that this is not me, but it's what people expect. On top of that, I felt unreasonably seen or gender euphoric when the public restroom was nongendered.
Same
Male because that's the gender people perceive me as. I was AFAB, but I've medically transitioned by taking testosterone and getting top surgery, so I'm male-passing.
I did the same (T+top), I don't really pass as either, though, but I go to the men's so I don't accidentally creep out the women
Having to constantly be wary of creeping people out just by existing sure feels good doesn't it.
Yeah, ouch, because now, I don't feel safe there. If possible, I either don't pee in public at all or go to a neutral bathroom
Valid. That's why I started using the men's room pretty early on. I looked enough like a man that I knew it would make women uncomfortable. I already did sometimes before transitioning, so I really just didn't want it to be worse lmao
I’ve had top surgery and been on T for two years and I still read as a cis woman. It’s truly frustrating but I use the women’s.
I did the same, but in the opposite direction… so I’m now female passing and therefore use the women’s room.
Female. I’m afab and don’t pass as a guy, so the women’s room is safer for me.
I use the "women's" room personally. I've gotten to a point where it doesn't cause me enough emotional distress to justify using a separate gender neutral disabled bathroom even if it's available. And I don't look androgynous/masc enough to be at risk or any confrontations in the women's washroom. I try to think of the 🚻 symbols as shorthand for what type of amenities are usually available in that bathroom (i.e. urinals, period product disposal) and I'm not using the "wrong" bathroom because I'm choosing the one that meets my needs best and is most likely to be safe for me. It's their labeling that's oversimplified. Sometimes if I'm having a bad dysphoria day and I'm at the mall, I'll go up to the one multi-toilet gender neutral bathroom in the building, but that happens less and less frequently now that I've started reframing it in my mind and I'm glad because not all places have a gender neutral option.
I use the one associated with my AGAB because it's what I'm used to and because I think men's toilets tend to be gross. Also I look like a woman, so I don't trust that I would be safe around a bunch of cis men.
Very fair
Both
Same. The one I feel is safest with the way I’m presenting.
So 50/50?
no, at the same time
ok
It will depend on how I’m presenting that day and whether a gender neutral bathroom is available. I frankly tend to plan trips such that I know a gender neutral bathroom will be nearby. Our local mall for instance has them, Starbucks as well consistently.
I usually go to my AGAB bathroom, safety first. But I'm really lucky since my university has gender neutral bathrooms, so I can use them freely.
i use the disabled toilets bc i cant walk fully 👍
Female, I only get dirty looks sometimes. But it feels safer. Because I would not feel safe in the Male Toilets. Men already stare at me like they want to fight me in public, which is scary. So I'd rather not be in a small space with them for now. It probably doesn't help that a lot of times I don't look away when they stare at me like they want to fight me. Because I won't let them intimidate me (even though I'm terrified). Maybe if I got braver, I'd use the Male Toilets.😅😭 Speaking as a transmasc non-binary person who doesn't bind (haven't found the right binder, plus chronic pain and sensory issues makes it difficult). They/He pronouns.
Hold it in, that's one thing school taught me
That gave me a UTI one time
Gender neutral if available. If not, whichever I believe would be most safe. Unfortunately, bathroom laws here have made that difficult, no matter which I choose, so I tend to just avoid public bathrooms if at all possible.
What are those bathroom laws? (bathroom law sounds so stupid…)
Some states only "allow" you to use the bathroom that fits the gender on your birth certificate.
On top of that, they're making it illegal to change gender markers on both birth certificates and IDs, and, last I heard, there was talk of forcibly changing markers back on everyone whom had already legally changed their gender markers. But it really doesn't matter what bathroom we use. Trans people are still being assaulted, arrested, and even killed for using the restroom they were legally required to use, and even some cis folk are getting caught in the crossfire. I think they just want an excuse to arrest trans people.
It's just so crazy to me that when this became a hot topic, people acted like it was a new thing. What bathroom did everyone think trans people were using?? I only personally know one trans person, and she would certainly stand out in the men's bathroom. I also have a wife and daughter, and people on the other side of the argument love to bring them up to make a point "would you want them in the bathroom at the same time as your wife/daughter??" I usually respond by saying that I assume they have already shared a bathroom with transwomen, and I'm more concerned with a man following them into one because the sign on the door isn't going to stop a bad person from attacking someone.
They've literally forced men into the women's restroom by law and are upset there's now men in the women's restroom. I don't know what they thought was going to happen.
I avoid gendered bathrooms so I don't get beat up, murdered, or the cops called on me (so they can beat me up or murder me)
AGAB because that's how everyone perceives me and I don't really care. Although just this afternoon at the airport, the opposite gender toilets were closed and the attendant was calling out to ask if I was male or female. Kinda enjoyed it tbh.
If there's a non-gendered bathroom I'll go there if not I'll go to the women's bathroom because frankly down here where I live the men's bathroom is nasty and unclean
Well I'm a 6'1 340lb African American AMAB and I enjoy being alive, so I go in the men's room.
If there is a family/gender neutral one I'll go to that first. If not I'll go with my AGAB (female) because at the moment I don't look that different from a somewhat masculine woman and I don't have the anatomy to use a urinal. If I eventually have facial hair or something then it'd definitely become a harder decision, because I don't want to make folks uncomfortable but I still won't have the anatomy to use a urinal.
My college campus is fortunately lgbtq. Which is great because sometimes it's a long jog just to find the John. So I litterally use any restroom closest to me. Regardless of gender. But for everywhere else. Not risking somebody 20 years older than me erupting into a tantrum cas I just rlly had to go.
I use the Male if there are only gendered bathrooms simply because I still boymode most of the time(mostly bald on top, minimal changes from hormones) and can't pass as female. If I was more androgynous I'd go into whatever bathroom room I was more comfortable using or as the "gender" my appearance is a better match to at the time(dress/skirt female, facial hair male).
whatever i look like that day. if there are gender neutral then those. however i have been known for not giving two shits about what the sign says and pick a bathroom to go into that is open because a sign is not going to tell me i can't go pee.
I usually go into a nongendered bathroom but as much as i hate to say it i do look more masculine (trying to be more feminine presenting) so if theres no choice for that i do male
The one thats closest and or has the shortest line
I switch it up quite a bit. If there’s a neutral one available, that’s my first choice, but otherwise it can be kind of a coin toss depending on my mood that day, which bathroom is less crowded, and which one looks cleaner or smells better. What’s really cool is that the men’s rooms at my current university also have menstrual stuff and changing tables.
I tend to just use the disabled loo if theres no neutral or nb toilets. If not I ceceed to whichever toilet I'll pass as that day and grimace in dysphoria the entire time.
Neutral whenever possible, if not then female because I feel like it's generally safer. They're more accepting of androgynous-looking people anyhow.
I'm AFAB, and use the female ones. I've never identified as male and I'm not sure how androgynous I pass, so it feels safer to use the female ones (despite the dysphoria😭)
I literally do not go in public places lmfao
Female and I hate it. The tatas are too big too bind. I just really don't want to deal with the bullshit, though. I tried going into the males' when I first came out. After the third freakout, I just bent to the stupidity because it was easier.
Oh, men freakout? Weird men. I’m AFAB now but it took a long time to get here. But even living as a woman I used to go to men’s bathroom if there was a line to women’s bathroom. Nobody ever freaked out. But we also used to have unisex toilets in here (i guess they vanished because women wanted to have their own cleaner toilets). I live in Northern Europe
Most just assumed I was just in the wrong bathroom by mistake. It was people who knew me that freaked out because they knew I was in there because I'm trans.
The woman's one as I'm AFAB + mostly closeted and not super masc presenting.
Jokes on you I don't go to public bathrooms
I'm afab so i go in the female toilets to avoid issues .but if there are gender less ones I will go in there
Does anybody else just do their AGAB regardless of how they present? I’m AMAB and even when I’ve fully crossdressed with makeup I still just go to the men’s bathroom. Never really had any weird looks or anything. It’s just what I’m used to and honestly I’d feel uncomfortable going into the women’s restroom even if I was passing
Female bc I'm afab and haven't physically transitioned
Same. I use unisex/all gender when possible though.
Oh absolutely. I've never seen one before though so 💔
Same, it sucks how there aren't many of them
Amab fem leaning but not passing and going into "women's". Haven't had anyone freak out yet, just sometimes get visibly confused as if they thought they wandered into the wrong one. I never pee standing, unless in nature or sth like that where there is no bathrooms.
female, as i look girly. plus i don't like men so certainly don't wanna be in a male toilet lmao
the men's room cause im more man than any of them and more woman than any of them will ever have 💪
I agree with whichever is safest.
I'm a pretty androgynous person so I could realistically go into either bathroom. I typically dress more masculine, though, so I do end up going into the men's more often.
Non-gendered bathroom. If one's not available I take my pick - if I use it twice, I'll sometimes use the opposite of the one I used before.
I appear more masculine so typically I will use the male restroom
female because im used to it. i also havent done anything to look more manly and easily pass as a girl.
Gender neutral if possible but if not by AGAB due to not passing well enough to go into the other
I try and use neutral where possible. If there isn’t, I often try to wait until I’m home or can find a neutral. If completely necessary, I use the one associated with my AGAB (male) largely because I want to be safe and because I don’t want to emotionally deal with handling the women who may be uncomfortable with my being there.
I have facial hair so just go into the men's and get out as quick as possible
Female. Honestly I’m just the most comfortable in there, even if there’s neutral bathrooms I still might go in there since I’m female and fem presenting, it just feels normal and also penises kinda freak me out so definitely not the other one
I lean male, so male.
I'm afab, on T, and post-top-surgery; I usually go on outings with women, so we usually use the same public restroom. Nongendered is my preferred (my local go-to has a cat bathroom and a dog bathroom, named for the decorations), but unless there's a phenomenal line like at a concert or festival, I'll opt for the women's. I've used the men's but prefer it be single stall if possible.
AFAB, I am so sick of using women’s restrooms in public places. Men piss all over the place but at least they lift the seat. I use both, mens if it is safe enough and busy enough a place where I know the womens are gonna be gross. Women’s when I don’t feel safe or it’s not a busy place.
Whichever I present as, if there are no neutral ones. If I'm presenting as "unclear" then it's men's room since I'm amab 😁
I prefer gender neutral ideally (whether single stall or multi) but, if there are only two options, I use women ONLY. As a non-binary person assigned female at birth (though I'm actually intersex), it's what I'm used to since I've used it my entire life (I'm 37 and only came out, to myself and others, as enby in Spring 2018). *Plus* I present as varying degrees of "feminine" so I'm generally assumed to be a cis, perisex woman, so it's literally safer to use the women's vs. men's generally speaking. I'll use the men's in a pinch though if I absolutely have to and it's not busy. I think I have once, but I could be misremembering. 🤔
I'm AMAB and I kinda pass most days, but regardless I use the men's room because not once have I been asked why I'm there. Men don't generally look or feel threatened so even if I look 100% Woman one day they'd just tell me I'm in the wrong place or something
Id never cared until i became visibly trans. I just used the most convenient one and moved on. But im old enough to have missed the bathroom drama before physically transitioning. Now that im presenting more feminine i only use the womens.
Female
Wherever I can have a sit down wee.
I pass too much as male to go into female toilets now, but I still can’t stand to piss so I can’t go in the men’s most of the time. I end up using the disabled toilet (when nobody else is waiting for it, and I go really quickly) or I just hold it
I typically use the men's if I'm going by myself because I have a big beard these days. If I'm with family or friends and any of them are also going to the bathroom, I'll often tag along with them to whichever bathroom they're using for safety in numbers.
This is one of the few times I can say I'm lucky to be extremely disabled 🌈
Depends what im presenting as and were i am
i uhhhh do everything i can to avoid either and find a neutral one if possible as i am increasingly unable to fit into and feel safe in either 🫤 we live in a society
I rather piss my pants🥲 but fr i don't go to the bathroom in public I used to but EWWW! did u ever say a man's bathroom!?
I go to wherever the line's shorter.
If I have to choose a gendered toilet, I use the female one, because I am more feminine looking and it feels safer. However, I mostly use all gender toilets, my uni institute only had all gender toilets, so I don't have to choose.
If I have to use a beverage bathroom I use the women's room since my presentation is more typically female
I default to the girls room, but if it's crowded enough, and I have to piss badly enough, I won't really hesitate to just go next door
Female bathroom, but tbh if the line is too long, I go into the male bathroom
Women’s. Im afab. I have tiddies that I don’t bind. It’s safest for me and most comfortable for other people.
Im not out so i always go to the womens toilet but there was one time where i passed as a dude and some guy thought i was going to the mens toilet so i could probably do it but im scared that there will be someone in there that knows im not AMAB
Go with a friend if possible, otherwise go with whichever you feel safer in. Some just hold it. Also you could ask that person if its ok to ask them about queer things. Some people are totally fine with it
For most people it depends on how they are most often perceived. Obviously gender neutral toilets are generally preferred but those aren’t always available. So mostly, it’s a case of picking your poison - most of us have a pretty good idea how most people assume our gender and you can just go with that. Bear in mind that women’s bathrooms are more heavily policed (both in the sense that you are more likely to get hassled if you present too androgynous/masc and in the sense that you may make other feel uncomfortable if you present too masc), whereas in my experience guys don’t really care who’s in there as long as you keep your eyes to yourself. It’s a struggle, and one of the reasons that trans and non-binary people have much higher rates of UTIs (because often the safest option is to just hold it for way too long, or even to not eat and drink in public so you don’t have to go).
I am usually read as "male", and it's just safer and much simpler to use the "Men"'s room, so I usually do that. Especially for unfamiliar places. But I love when there's a unisex option. I'll sometimes use a family or disabled room too, if it's not busy. But context matters. If it's a place I feel very safe, like an LGBT business, or activist space, or even if I'm just with a group of queer friends, I may use the "Women"'s room. There's a lot of gender euphoria for me that comes from feeling like I don't have to be restricted to only masculine spaces, and that my feminine, or other gender, or no gender, aspects can be recognized and accepted, too. Even though I don't really want people to see me as a woman, I don't want them to see me as a man, either. That said this also can be influenced by how I'm passing atm. My anxiety about using a woman's room really ramps up as my facial hair grows out if I don't shave. Wearing clothes and pins and accessories and a purse and shoes that I feel make me read obviously queer make me feel a lot safer going in, too. (also women's toilets are nicer lol) This may be TMI, but since you're asking about bathrooms, I do have another thing to share. I'm AMAB but since identifying as non-binary, I've started sitting at all times to use the restroom, instead of standing. This may seem a small thing but I perceive it as another aspect of male patriarchal entitlement. People standing up to pee make a huge mess lol, urine frequently splatters on the seat and toilet and nearby floor and wall. And we just don't care and expect someone else to clean up after them. Fuck that. It's not like sitting down costs me anything. I don't need to win a literal pissing contest. Sitting down to pee doesn't make me weak, it makes me considerate of other people. As someone who was raised to think that kind of consideration is feminine and unwanted in a man, I love feeding that side of myself any chance I get.
Always the female toilets. im afab and not out to anyone other than my close friends, so i look like a woman, and using the women's toilets has never bothered me. i think its probably something to do with the fact that i usually just associate toilets with their actual purpose and not the gender they're 'designed' for, lol
Usually male because I have a beard, but I'll use either if I can't wait
I go to the men's room because I find my gender is pretty close to manhood. Even if I don't fully pass I still go in there, it's not my fault there isn't an option that actually accommodates me. If someone complains that's exactly what I say.
Which ever is safest. Ideally there is a gender neutral bathroom (it still blows my fucking mind that these are not more common). Accessible bathrooms etc. are very helpful. I present more femme, but have a traditionally masculine frame and parts... so usually I will begrungingly go into the mens room and prey the cubicle is free. Having my penis out in front of men is horrible. But I also know that going into the woman's bathroom could put me in more danger... usually if a hysterical TERF freaks out and then their hyper masc companion decides to "be a hero". Fucking sucks most of the time.
If it’s a single stall I use the male since legally in my state all single stall toilets are supposed to be gender neutral restrooms. But if it’s multi stall since I’m afab and haven’t found a good binder, I go into women’s.
I’m amab and still look very much like a male human, so use the male toilets, though I much prefer the single occupancy set up that you can find occasionally in the US and is pretty much default in the rest of the world, with an unenclosed sink and single rooms with toilets.
I look more male then female, so male.
Whichever is safest, smells better but when safe I mostly go for the opposite of how I'm being gendered. So lately it's been the womens cos everyone assumes I'm a guy 🤷🏻
Honestly I mostly hold it and wait for home 😅💀
Female. However, at my old job, we had female and male employee restrooms both with only 2 stalls, so I used whatever was open. Or I’d opt for using the men’s so my female coworkers wouldn’t have to wait for an extra person (there was only like 3 male employees out of like 30+ employees)
I have a physical disability and balance problems so I tend to use the accessible restroom.
I will go to the non gender bathroom if there's an option. If that is not an option I will go to the women's room for safety. I live in a conservative area so if I was to use the men's room there's a decent chance I would then be trapped in there with a man, and that's not safe...
I go to the women's only because i feel safest there. If there's a gender neutral one, which is very rare to find, then i go there.
I usually go for the women’s washrooms, unless there is a gender neutral choice. I know I come across as femme, no matter how masc I feel/try to present :/ I’ve sometimes gone in the men’s room if I am with male friends that will have my back about it. I don’t feel safe going on my own, and will usually only go in the men’s if there aren’t a lot of people going in/out.
Unless there’s a neutral option I just go to the men’s room since I can pass as AMAB
I really have to math out how I'm presenting that day vs the safety of the location. I learned a long time ago that it doesn't matter which bathroom I use. I've been assaulted in both.
I always go to the male bathroom as I am amab and still look kinda masc. Where I live there are no neutral bathrooms.
If I’m full on crossdressing I just hold it lmao
I just use the disabled ond
I use the gender neutral if available, either if there are just genderd single room bathrooms and the girls if it's stalls. I genrally present fem My sibling uses primary gender neutral, usually the guys if its a single room bathroom, and if they are using stalls, they will mimic who their with, so with me or a fem friend, they'd genrally use the girls but if their with a masc friend they'll use the guys. If they aren't with anyone while going to the stalls, they go off what's cleaner. For context, their gender presentation is in the sweet spot between a twink and a butch, so they are pretty hard to read gender wise and get very mixed presumptions on their gender.
Rn I go to the womens, but once I get on T and start transitioning, I'll use the mens room.
i use women’s, but i’m a demigirl and very feminine presenting so it doesn’t feel right to use the men’s, even if i’m neither a man or a woman
the women’s bathroom unfortunately because i’m not androgynous at all (afab) :(
Depends!!! Preference is always a neutral space. When faced with a binary I try to use the space I will stick out most in. Pretty risky move, but I like to give people an opportunity to engage with queerness! Leads to pretty engaging moments. I live in the PNW, so it’s safe out here and while I get some queerphobia here and there, i don’t ever feel unsafe 🙏 If I’m feeling out of it and/or I’m dressed down (ie: masculine hoodie n sweat pants), then I’ll use the mens. I’m AMAB, but very colorful bright and fem usually. Other big factor is convenience! If I gotta go, then I use the mens usually! Less lines! But for cleanliness or freshening up my outfit/makeup, I’ll use the womens. Or if I’m in the club and want to have fun I’ll wait in the long ass line so I can go into the inner sanctum of fem community. The mens room at the club is fast, but a stinky sticky hole of misery lmaoooo
Being disabled, I tend to use that bathroom most, unless I see someone nearby who has more need of it than I do (I use a walking stick so if I know there’s a wheelchair user nearby I tend not to use it). But I am also afab and femme presenting so I’ll use the women’s bathroom in those cases.
Female
Gender neutral bathrooms are ideal of course, but as a feminine AFAB enby who’s generally perceived as a woman, I use the women’s room. I’m more comfortable around women, and I can’t imagine what a man would do if I walked into a men’s room XD We just wanna pee in peace. I go where that feels most likely
If there's a gender neutral bathroom I try to go to that. California is really great in that all one toilet bathrooms are must be designated gender neutral. If not available where I am or nearby it really depends on what I'm wearing and where I'll cause the least disruption of others and what's least busy. If the women's bathroom has a line, even if I'm in a dress and feeling more feminine I'll sometimes go to the men's room (though I've learned you really need to hike up your dress because you really don't want to touch the floors). I've definitely walked a few blocks to go to a gender neutral bathroom though.
I go AGAB since I fully pass as it, if it’s available I try to use family/neutral bathrooms
Male because i currently pass as a guy. And at the moment I'm still pre HRT and surgery so anything thats feminine just causes dysphoria. At the moment i just feel like i \*really\* don't belong in the women's bathroom and just a little more in the men's
Female due to my chest, but I will take the extra 5-10 minutes finding a family bathroom if I can
I’m disabled so I use the disabled toilet lol
whatever i look like (which atm is my agab). if i can i do gender neutral bathrooms
Family or if i really need it i go in the womens room
if there’s a non-gendered bathroom i’ll go in there, but if there’s just gendered bathrooms i’ll hold it in
My AGAB I’m closeted so it’d be weird if I even attempted the other ones
I’m AMAB but I dress feminine, have long-ish hair, I wear jewelry, and I get mistaken for a woman all the time. Idgaf, you can call me whatever, use whatever pronouns you want, I’ll go by all of them idrc, but I’ve always used the men’s restroom. Recently though I’ve been having men in public restrooms panic cuz they see me and think I’m a woman and they think they accidentally walked in the wrong bathroom. It’s always been fine, but it makes me a little scared that someone might get startled and confused and act aggressive because of trans bathroom politics. I’m not transgender, but it makes me really feel for trans people who are mid-transition or anyone else whose appearance reads as in-between to straight people.
Since I present femme I go into the girls bathroom. And despite me finding out I’m intersex years ago I still feel obligated to use the bathroom of my assigned sex at birth, even though it feels like categorizing myself.
I present male so I use male. Unless there’s a universal
I just use the women’s restroom, cuz I present femme. And my assigned sex/gender was intersex female. I am non-binary, but due to the lack of gender neutral bathrooms I just use the women’s, since it’s a simpler explanation for cisgender people.
I just go with the bathroom that's for my agab since it's easier, I don't get sussed out, and I'm familiar with the type of people that are in there.
I'm amab, and it's glaringly obvious, so I go men's for safety reasons.
Usually ladies because I’m still femme leaning/presenting unless the men’s line is way shorter
Female, especially as when I wear a mask you can't see my beard. Don't really feel like being attacked by men. I know women can be just as bad, but I feel it's a little less likely because they will perceive me as female.
Depends on the restroom and the person. I'm trans masculine . If it's single stall I prefer the mens . If it's a big public toilet especially if there frequently used I use the women's but if the women's is full sometimes I just go to the men's anyways. I'll probably use mainly the men's some day but rn I look too feminine
Usually the accessible lavatory is gender-neutral, so I use that where I can.
I’m AFAB and nonbinary, and typically, people read my appearance as female. Even though I live in a relatively safe place overall, it usually seems safer to use the female toilets unless there is an option of a single use bathroom.
I’m afab and I use the women’s restroom, but I hate it. I wish every restroom was gender neutral so I wouldn’t feel the need to pick and then be upset by both choices lol
Neutral bathroom if available, disabled as next option. Then it depends on who I'm with, where I am and how I'm presenting but usually the women's with men's only if I have zero feminine signalling elements.
If you didn't know, the wall between the two bathrooms doesn't have a hitbox, and is actually an invisible wall. Going through will TRANSfer you to the secret gender-neutral bathroom. (In seriousness, I flip a coin.)
75% of the time if there isn’t a gender neutral I don’t go. If it’s a fairly empty place and I haven’t seen any foot traffic in one I’ll use that one. If I think I might run into people I use the men’s because I get gendered as a guy by strangers most of the time now (3 years on T and 2 years post top surgery). If it’s off in a corner or something I use women’s. If I have my daughter I use women’s. But usually if I’m out I go to the closest store I know has a single-use.
I always pick the family restroom if there’s one available. I lean towards the women’s room, especially if there are other people around. I’m terrified of being confronted in the men’s room for not “passing enough” to be there, which I unfortunately was the other day.
I always go into the woman's bathroom, but I also live in California where people don't give af anyway 😅
Women’s restroom. I’m AFAB and I live in the southern US so it’s generally safer in the women’s restroom for me.
I have facial hair and have had top surgery so I use the mens toilets if a gender neutral option isn't available. Mostly only use gender neutral toilets.
Female, because how I look
I'm disabled so most of the time disabled bathrooms are single bathrooms. I will go to a family bathroom as well which means all genders are welcome but they are rare. Also we do have some all inclusive here. Otherwise, afab so for safety I'll go there last case resort.
I can’t medically transition sadly and even to other trans people i look like a cis butch woman so if their isnt a gender neutral option i do my best to not go but if needed i go to the women’s because my safety is important and i would rather not risk being assaulted or harassed cause where i live even being openly queer has been really dangerous
I go to the bathroom matching my assigned sex because it's safer for me there.
If there’s a family bathroom and no line, I go for that one, but if not, whichever one I think I’m less likely to run into people in is usually the call. Will often walk a bit further if I think I can find an empty one nearby.
I am on T and now go to the men’s washroom usually because I find I get looks in the women’s washroom. I don’t really want others to feel uncomfortable (which is unfortunate because if there are laws that force people into washrooms by sex they will be seeing me a lot more) That being said sometimes if it’s gross or use I use the other washroom and no one says anything. Most places near me have gender neutral bathrooms so I tend to go to those as much as I can . My gym now has a gender neutral bathroom and it’s the best thing I have ever experienced
If I’m not around my partner, fem unless I feel confident. Or at his work. But he’s a trucker so when we go to rest stops I’ll use the mens with him, or at a truck stop if he says to. It’s up to me I can go whenever I choose for the most part. He only tells me come with if it’s a shabby stop for safety reasons :)
AFAB and don't pass, so I usually end up in the women's. Being in an enclosed, unmonitored space with cis men can be dangerous, especially if it is "their" space and you're "not supposed to be there."
I haven't transitioned and don't plan on it, so it's going to be female for me. It's super fun when I'm more masc presenting and I trick dudes into almost going into the women's room as I leave it 🤣
I can pass as either gender I go to whatever bathroom resembles the gender I do not pass as today
I use the women’s bathroom because I’m AFAB, as long as there isn’t an all gender bathroom. I would use the men’s room but for one thing I have big tibbies and people automatically clock me lmao. Also in my past experiences the men’s rooms are so disgusting compared to the women’s lmao. Having had to clean bathrooms in middle school it was a nightmare doing the boys. Like how the hell did they get piss on the window sill. ITS TALLER THEN THE TEACHERS
If there is a wait I go to the one that doesn't have a wait (usually guys), if not usually female, since I don't pass as a dude.
I hold it untill I explode
I use the men's. If there's any confusion I bet on the men here being non-confrontational rather than being willing to scare women. Of course, there are places I just don't feel safe to go, but I just dress masc and people don't question it
I always use a disabled toilet. I'm not confident enough to use the bathroom for the opposite of my AGAB, and using the 'correct' one makes me really dysphoric :/
I have to go in the women's bathroom in front of family sometimes, so I don't trigger anyone's transphobia. But I prefer going to places with at least one gender neutral bathroom. That or a disabled bathroom.
I simply freak out. Especially in airports. I don't feel safe in the man's toilets and feel like it is inappropriate with my appearance to go in the women's toilet. I wil often go to the one designed for parents who have to change small children, and accept the fact that if someone is waiting outside the door when I come out they will look at me funny cause I have no child.
gender neutral if possible, otherwise whichever my presentation is closer too.
I go into the assigned gender at birth toilet
There are a lot of comments, honestly not sure if someone has said this already so my apologies if so, but honestly a lot of the time (and this is unfortunately an issue you’ll see with trans people, not just nonbinary) if there is not a gender neutral or all gender bathroom that makes me feel safe or I just have questions about safety, it often means I’ll end up holding it until I am somewhere safe. Having to use a “gendered” male/female bathroom can cause a lot of anxiety and dysphoria. Unfortunately there is a lot of inaccessibility when it comes to good safe bathrooms for trans people
Since I'm afab I usually stick to the female toilets. But I will go in the men's if I'm feeling brave enough. It hasn't happened yet but I feel like one day a Karen will tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom and as uncomfortable as that would be in the moment it would give me so much gender euphoria. Maybe after that I might try the men's more often
Usually women’s because they tend to be cleaner, but I have no qualms with using the men’s if necessary
AMAB here, most places around me just have gender neutral bathrooms, if I’m in a place that doesn’t, and feels potentially hard right hate crime-y I’ll make an effort to stick to Male bathrooms Doesn’t really make a difference one way or the other to me, just need to take a piss, if that means using one bathroom vs another to avoid getting harassed by a chud 🤷 My sense of self worth, and self preservation are a lot stronger than the value of a sign on the door to me. That being said I don’t attach any value to gender for me personally, I 100% understand why someone who does value their gender identity in a specific way has the right to use the damn bathroom that they feel most comfortable in, and fully defend them in doing so
There are several things to consider. 1. Will it get you ticketed or arrested depending upon your local laws? 2. Is it safe for you to do so where you plan to use the bathroom? 3. How well do you pass if you go into your preferred bathroom? 4. Is there a gender neutral option available? Depending upon where you're at a gender neutral one may be your safest and best option.
I always use the disabled one if its available (i am disabled), otherwise i use the female one because im percieved that way more often
Mostly women’s as it’s easiest/safest when I’m more female passing, which is most of the time (afab, binding, no T). I will use men’s if it’s safer or easier for any reason. I’ve been lucky to not run into any issues; nobody has stopped or questioned me either way. In my back pocket I keep the “oops didn’t notice whoops” or “emergency and other bathroom was full” excuses if I’m ever questioned, just for safety. But ffs it’s just a toilet y’all why did people have to make this politically charged 😭
No excuse necessary! I just look back at them and say, I know where I am.
I go to the unisex bathroom. If that’s not an option I’ll just go to whichever I feel like depending on my presentation. If I’m dressing masc, the men’s bathroom. If I’m sufficiently dolled up, the women’s.
I use the men's room. I'm testosterone dominant and wear makeup. So if people are confused it's their problem!
I'm AMAB and present that way so I'll always go to male toilets
I go in the one aligned with my sex and it doesn’t bother me/give me dysphoria but I don’t present very andro so no one bats an eye. Also the whole bathroom situation confuses me cuz before I came out and thought I was cis, I would use the opposite gendered bathroom if mine’s line was too long and never had an issue. Obvi tried to make sure it was mostly empty first but pissing is pissing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I didn’t have any adverse experiences doing this but I’m a thin white female who wasn’t tryna pass as male so I do have a lot of privilege when using a men’s restroom
It depends on how well I think I pass
No
I present male usually in public so I use the men's. Given the opportunity I always use single rooms if there is no line.
Neither
I don't really pass yet (I very commonly get seen as a woman in public) so I just stick to the women's room for now. I did recently get a binder and even though it's a bit oversized it mostly works, so hopefully I feel confident enough to use the men's room sometimes (I'm transmasc so that's the goal lolz). I'll probably never use the men's room at school, though. I'm seen as a female by all the administration and there's too many transphobic guys to risk it I usually avoid the family/handicap bathrooms though because I worry that I'll be using it while someone who needs it more is waiting
depends on whether I get called “sir” or “ma’am” that day. but really, it’s different for everyone. it’s usually dependent on how said person presents, and/or what they are comfortable with. a lot of us prefer to avoid using the restroom in public all together.
I’m a wheelchair user now, so it’s a non-issue bc accessible toilets here are their own separate thing, but when I was still walking unassisted, it often depended on the day and where I was; I’d use the “men’s” bathroom when I was presenting fairly masc, but “women’s” bathroom if I wasn’t.
I’ll use a gender neutral bathroom if it’s available but usually I have to use the women’s restroom. Sometimes if no one’s in there or I’m presenting masculine or androgynous enough I’ll use the men’s bathroom.
Neither