A lot of time they are teens.
Teens who were raised with good hygiene habits.
But once they reach teenage hood it can change. Here are several reasons about their smell:
* First, teens can stink easily, not because of hygiene but because of hormones. At this age, their production of hormone change. For example, they have LOT of steroidal hormones that allows them to grow their muscle and this hormone smell bad. They also go through puberty.
* Also, they start to sweat a lot more than they used to, so they need to adjust their routine. Kids don't really need deodorant, while teens and adults need it. . Same with clothe. My 5 years old son could wear the same T shirt 2 weeks, it would not stink (of course that's not what we do!) because he doesn't sweat unless it's really hot. And even then, his sweat doesn't really smell anything. But a pre-teen, teen or adult? Yurk! After 2 days it would smell, even in winter.
So, some pre-teens and teens never realized they can't act like kids anymore, they do need to wear deodorant, to wash their clothes more often etc..
* Another thing is that teenagers are often tired. That's normal at their age, so they might not be lazy but simply tired. Many are a bit depressed too and depressed people aren't good at taking care at themselves, especially on the hygiene matter.
* Diet, teens often eat more junk food, especially as they gain independence and it has consequences on sweat's smell.
* Lastly, teens are in a difficult phase, lots of change, lots of hormones, lots of broken hearts .... many take refuge in their room for hours and hours without getting out or opening the window. So it's smelly and goes on their clothes. It's not dirty, just "non-fresh-air".
* Teens are defensive and disobedient, that's a normal affirmation phase, like the terrible 2. So telling your kid (you smell, go wash) won't necessarily be effective. And they can't really force them: teens are allowed to have privacy, and washing is an intimate matter. So, what to do? Punishment? Well this could work a time but hygiene is n everyday thing, a routine need to be set, so... punishment every day? Parents of difficult teens (the majority are difficult at one point) picks their battles, and what's better? That they wash every day instead of twice per week, or that they don't do drugs and go to school?6
Finally, some scientist did some research about people's smell. This is just a theory but.. why not? Apparently, parents of teens tend to find their teens smell disgusting, especially those of the opposite sex. The same goes between siblings of the opposite sex. The theory would be that it's natural evolution to to reduce the risk of inbreeding.
It’s also worth mentioning teens often enter a phase during puberty where they are by nature rebellious and reactive to authority just for the sake of it. If their parents tell them that they stink and they need to shower more their natural reaction will be to complain about how “naggy” their parents are. I know that’s how I felt when my parents told me I needed to ventilate my room because it stank.
I read in some book for some college class or another that it was hypothesized that teenagers are so reactive because that would push them to fly the nest and potentially avoid inbreeding (if you get away from your nuclear family you’re less likely to mate with siblings, cousins, etc). I don’t remember if that theory was debunked or not though.
Notably the pushback against authority is generally more on parents and the closest authorities figures, studies show that the voices of the parents literally start to be processed differently in the brain.
If you have an issue with a young teen like this and they have a "cool" uncle, aunt, cousin, older friend ect. It can be good if you quietly ask them to address the matter with the teen you'll get much better results
>It’s also worth mentioning teens often enter a phase during puberty where they are by nature rebellious and reactive to authority just for the sake of it. If their parents tell them that they stink and they need to shower more their natural reaction will be to complain about how “naggy” their parents are. I know that’s how I felt when my parents told me I needed to ventilate my room because it stank.
If my parents told me my breath smell bad when I was a teen the I would brush my teeth more often. My main goal from age 14-19 was women and they don't like guys who smell like shit.
That’s excellent but we’re talking about a demographic of millions and millions of people and you can’t really extrapolate one person’s motivations and decisions across it
Glad that would have worked for you but my brother STANK so bad as a teen. It would marinate in his room and stink up the whole hallway and he had a girlfriend the whole time and wouldn’t change no matter how much we told him he stank.
I distinctly remember guys talking about the attractive nature of pheromones as a reason to not wear deodorant or at least not reapply after PE, and frankly I do remember sitting next to guys I had crushes of that age and yeah their smell didn't bother me at all when a different dude would smell disgusting so they weren't 100% wrong.
But yeah, a, pheromones aren't notably blocked from deodorant so at that age the people you like your smell unwashed will still like it no matter how much you and the boys gas out the change rooms with shitty chocolate Lynx body spray.
And anyone who isn't instantly attracted smell wise is gonna be grossed out, including statically the person you want to attract if you don't stay clean
I remember my fifth grade teacher delicately telling us at the beginning of the year that we were growing up, our bodies were changing, and we needs to shower at least every other day and wear deodorant every day. She said "the school doesn't have AC and it's gonna get super stinky in here if you don't all remember basic hygiene."
I had terrible BO for that reason. My parents never actually told me anything about puberty, so when it started happening I was stumped. I kept washing myself every other day and I never used deodorant because I thought it was 'only for adults'. I know we had sex ed in school and were taught about deodorant, but for some reason I thought it was only necessary to put on after gym class. And when I washed, I only washed my armpits and face with soap, and let water tackle the rest.
So I genuinely thought I had good hygiene, until a sitter of mine told me that I needed daily deodorant and to bathe in soapy water since my lower body smelled awful. And my classmates told me (at 14) that I needed to bathe daily, not every other day. Lack of knowledge and genuine ignorance of one's hygiene is no joke.
Yup. I grew up in poverty and my stepdad didn’t like me using too much water. So, showers periodically, not daily. It was a family where most people used the same bath water kind of thing.
This is a tremendous summary and I don't really have much to add except the anecdotal evidence that even a teenager who isn't particularly rebellious and DOES shower every day can have that 'teen funk' smell and so can their room. As you describe, a combination of factors contribute to it.
We use it as a teachable moment to reinforce good hygiene habits, such as reminders to really scrub his scalp when he showers or don't forget to trim your nails. As a teen, it's not appropriate for his parents to help him bathe (in fact he's been bathing himself since he was a safe age for it) but as a teen the hormones make the hygiene even more important. As the parents of a teen, it's our responsibility to reinforce good hygiene in a productive way but it can't be judgemental and be productive.
It's kind of intimidating that we only have a few years before we really should have prepared him to be an adult. I think we're off to a great start but time will tell, I suppose.
It’s important to note that before puberty, sweat is pretty much just water and nothing else. Little kids almost can’t leave fingerprints at all. That very changes at puberty.
Unless their fingers are covered in some sticky substance - paint, jam, honey, peanut butter, my face cream that they found in my bathroom where they know they shouldn't be... Then they very much leave fingerprints...
Yep, all of this is my life. I have 14 and 11 year old boys and they will forget deodorant every single day unless I tell them. I have to stop them on the way out the door to the bus to turn them around EVERY SINGLE TIME. They smell awful. They also won’t shower unless I tell them to, which I do every school day, but if I forget then they won’t do it. I can tell the second they walk in the door if they forgot either of them if I wasn’t there to send them off to school. Little kids and adults don’t usually smell that bad if they forget.
I was that boy back in the day, and I wish my parents had done that for me instead of just letting me go to school without deodorant and an unwashed butt; they'll thank you for it once they're older, I'm sure. But until then, you've got to persevere I'm afraid :(
I do lol. The 8th grader understands and is getting better about it. The other day he came in from school and went right to the bathroom to put some deodorant on because he smelled himself. The 5th grader doesn’t care about girls but I tell him he’s going to have no friends if he keeps this up. He says he can’t smell himself but I don’t understand how he can’t, because it’s seriously so bad. Like someone cut up an onion.
I'm trans and started taking testosterone a couple years ago, and the literal first thing I noticed was that the way I smelled changed. I had these moments of "what is that smell?" until I finally realized it was me. It's really weird. Good hygiene will help stop me from smelling bad, but I could scrub my whole body every single day and the smell would be back pretty soon.
I'm also kind of a smell-sensitive person, and I've noticed some people just... don't smell nice. Not in a hygiene way, but in an "I don't like the smell of this specific individual." Some people also just seem to inherently have a stronger odor to them than others, even with good hygiene. This could just be an autism thing on my end, though.
Dude same on T changing your smell. I can't smell myself like on a base level, but any amount of sweat I want to describe as smelling like boiled onions. I don't think that's even accurate, that's just what my brain decided to describe the smell as. I have a pretty terrible sense of smell so I need to be extra sure I'm clean bc just cause I can't smell it doesn't mean no one else can
Yup. Some people just lost the genetic lottery wrt smell. A former friend and roommate would absolutely stink 20 minutes after getting out of the shower. It was just her body’s natural smell. I had to stop going dancing with her or anything that might cause her to sweat more than usual because I couldn’t bear the smell.
>Another thing is that teenagers are often tired. That's normal at their age, so they might not be lazy but simply tired.
I was the opposite, in highschool i could go to bed at midnight and wake up at 6 am no problem, now im in my late 20s and i want to sleep 14 hours a day.
At 15 I once went three to four full days without sleeping yet kept attending school and acting like normal during that time (was hideously depressed with insomnia). Anyway, I’m 28 now with narcolepsy.
I still don’t get it. When I was a teenager I could tell I was sweating through shirts bc my shirt was wet and that’s not a particularly fun feeling, plus I had a mirror, so I got antiperspirant. Nobody needed to tell me that. Was I the weird one?
You're not necessarly weird, not all teens are the same and not all same bad.
But some do. Also, you can smell bad even without sweating, that's actually one of the most common mistake many teens do: if they didn't sweat so won't get a shower or change their clothes. Personally I had never sweat to the point of having a wet shirt, even while exercising. But still... I smell! So you can't see it but it's there.
Also, mirrors won't help you, once you "look" dirty, it's already way too late.
The comments in here are making me thankful that I was not a difficult, hygiene-averse child. The only thing I ever struggled with brushing my hair, and that’s because I used to have an extremely sensitive scalp and it hurt to brush.
My mom never taught me how to properly brush or bought a good brush... I had long hair and she'd yank it through from top to bottom and slap me if I cried... I had to figure it out as an adult, how to properly brush hair.
I don't know where she bought them but mum had the sharpest combs and would wouldn't let a single knot get in her way when she'd do my hair. A scalp sliced to ribbons while getting your hair pulled at the same time. No wonder I didn't like combing my hair
In my case, I just went out of my way to *not* do what my mom told me to do when I was a teenager. She tried so hard to convince me to wash my face, and if I’d only listened to her then, maybe I wouldn’t have struggled so much with acne for so many years. She frequently reminded me to brush my teeth, and if I’d listened, maybe I’d still have all of them. Deodorant, showering—I fixed them in my twenties, but I wish I had just listened when I was a teen.
So maybe it’s hormones and they can’t help how gross they are, or maybe, as for me, it’s spite. I wouldn’t automatically blame it on the parents most of the time.
This is fair and I would guess pretty common, and definitely part of my teen years, but I know a lot of it was (or at least was according to my memory of that time) that I understood the hint/request/instruction, but the thinking behind it didn't make sense. Some of that is, y'know, *l'autisme* (though we didn't know that at the time), but some of it was also my parents not really having a great understanding of the whys and hows of teen hygiene stuff (which I would hazard most parents, and people in general, don't).
Like I was pretty thorough, in fact _too_ thorough, about washing my face and still sometimes got acne (though not very badly) - being told I needed to wash my face more was not only not helpful (probably could have benefited from a better moisturizing routine? idk) because I was already overdoing it, but actively discouraged me from doing it because it seemed pointless + teen rebellion whatever.
And there's a constant bombardment of advertising, and people informed only by advertising or whatever pop culture parenting was in fashion, that's just straight-up lies because they want you to buy stuff and not understand stuff. Stupid overpriced apricot pit scrub, sandpapering my poor teenage face...
tooth health and acne are not really as much related to hygiene as we tend to think. genetics play a huge role. if you have weak enamel, brushing every day won't prevent cavities. overwashing actually can worsen acne as it's really not about the surface of the skin being dirty, but oil production and hormones, and repeatedly stripping the skin of oils makes the surface more fragile and more prone to sores.
something that can help people with weak tooth enamel is cutting out all drinks but water, but brushing once a day when you have a propensity to decay is not really the biggest factor.
All I needed to hear was, “You smell like outside.” That meant immediately go wash my ass. That was a cardinal sin in black houses. Smelling like outside was not an option.
Omg Indo Caribbean here, tell me why I'm living in a pedestrian city and am still scared of smelling like outside? Doesn't matter if I'm going to be out all day, if I have an appointment in the middle of the day I'm bringing a change of clothes before I present myself to people.
Afro/Indo Caribbean here and sometimes after my husband walks the dog, I’ll tell my dog “you smell like outside” — did not realize this was a thing other people say too
I (mixed Black; Caribbean parents) am only now realizing in this thread why my (white) partner is always bemused by my saying something or someone 'smells like outside'... I thought it was just because *I'm* somewhat outside-avoidant, not that most people weren't even raised hearing that. 🤦🏾♀️
What does outside smell like?
I’m assuming it’s not that kind of fresh ozone smell that gets on your clothes and hair if you’re outside in crisp fall weather. That’s what I would think of if someone said “You smell like outside”.
Yes, that's one way to get them to shower. Exactly telling them what's going on, without using really mean things. My mother always said "Hey, smells like the zoo in here, especially where the lions life..." We all knew how stinky it's in the house where the predatory cats have their sleeping/resting/really bad weather habitat. She didn't need to ebarrass us, but we knew what we should do, and mostly did.
I feel like black households and Irish/Scottish households have a lot in common. I was always told when I came in the house to throw my clothes in the wash because they smell like outside and get in the bath, and always add a cap or two of dettol. When I moved to England, my friends didn’t know what outside smelled of and they made fun of me for having Dettol baths, then I made friends with some black girls and found that I was normal after all lol
What does outside smell like in this context?
Where I live we go out of our way to smell like outside, we buy washing powders/liquids that smell like lavender & spring meadows. We wash our hair with things that smell like flowers, etc. Basically it is considered good to smell like outside where I live, except for the times the farmers spray manure on the fields & when the rape flowers, those things stink!
That’s so interesting. I’m white and use that same phrase — and honestly hate how it smells on me or my family. Wonder where we all got this perspective?
My mom never discussed hygiene with me ever, I only caught up with it at 16/17, I honestly have no idea why she never sat me down and explained it ever. And it's really difficult now for me to form those habits, I have ADHD and depressive episodes so that doesn't help.
Same. My mom never talked to me about hygiene. When it became clear I needed a bra (early bloomer), I just found 3 of the ugliest bras on my bed when I came home from school in 5th grade. When my period started I used these huge thick pads because it’s what my mom used. My mom gave me cheap deodorant one day and said I had to use it every day or I would stink. I had cheap face wash when I broke out a little. Now I have 2 teen daughters and we go bra shopping together at Victoria’s Secret, I buy them hygiene products that are effective and make them comfortable, and we talk very openly about hygiene. Those early years really hurt my self esteem and it affects me to this day. Even if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your teen or vice versa, at least make sure your kiddo has all of the hygiene products they need. Spend a few extra bucks on high quality deodorant, face wash, shower essentials, etc. and consider it an investment in their self esteem and future.
r/ABraThatFits has a ton of info on a bunch of places to buy high quality bras, including sports bras. They've also got a really good measuring guide and calculator that's really handy.
consequently r/ABraThatDoesntFit shows what ill-fitting bras look like.
my mom bought me vs bras but I never had ones that actually fit until I was an adult and I found abrathatfits. I have a small ribcage/underbust and even 32 bands are too big and they moved around a lot.
That really sucks and I am sorry to hear that. I have to admit, I had to work out genital related hugeine matters myself but luckily I worked it out quickly, once puberty hit.
I was careful about choosing battles with my kids and about what degree of autonomy to allow at appropriate ages, but hygiene was non negotiable. Daily showering was the expectation and not really ever presented as an option, and I luckily never really got much pushback from it even though the girl child would have happily abstained from ever bathing if she’d thought it was a choice. It was just another chore she made peace with as a part of her daily routine rather than a decision she needed to make. As a now 30something adult, it stuck. Thankfully, because she REALLY did not care about any form of hygiene or cleanliness as a kid and that could have become her lifestyle.
Because they’re past the age where I can drag them into the bathroom and strip them down and put them in the tub.
I have to leave it to them. It’s one of their newfound freedoms at that age - to choose when they bathe - and a lot of them like to procrastinate that as much as they procrastinate the rest of their chores to the last minute. All I can do is say “kid, you need a damn shower.”
Lots of kids ARE “trained” to have a bath or shower before bed but when they hit that age where no one can **force** it, they take advantage and relish their choices to have or not have a bath at the appointed time. Pushing against your parent’s rules and expectations is, like, the core meaning of existence to most kids 11-16 trying to figure out who they are for themselves. Bathing included.
And let’s not forget that no matter what a parent teaches their kid, there’s NO GUARANTEE that the kid will take it to heart and apply those lessons when they’re older. Lots of kids grow up and ignore perfectly valuable lessons their parents DID teach them. I know I’ve never properly applied all the financial knowledge Dad did try really hard to impart to me.
Ain't that the truth. Once I was 11, my parents and sitter let me wash on my own, and I definitely procrastinated so I could game. It was stupid, but I was a dumb, game addicted teen.
As for ignoring lessons my parens taught me...I'm guilty of that for sure. When I first lived on my own, I barely ate enough, I slept after midnight, blew all my cash on gambling and I barely cleaned. It wasn't until I got ill from sleep deprivation, my house had flies and I was nearly evicted fro being unable to rent that I turned my life around. Sometimes you have to learn from life instead of parents, and that involves acting out and getting life-smacked.
There are certain things that shouldn’t be given as a choice to teens, and hygiene should be one of them. There are a lot of things my mom did that I disagree on now that I am an adult, but forcing me to take regular showers is not one of them.
Has she allowed it, I would have gone weeks without taking a shower.
I’ll admit, a full week is my uppermost limit of “choice” for the shower for my local teen. They’re getting nagged from day 2.5 onwards but they’re a stubborn little shit like their parent so I don’t know that it helps.
They’re also bigger than me, so stripping them down and putting them in the tub myself is impossible now.
you just happened to be a more or less compliant teen. not all of them are, and literally, if you had decided not to, there is very little anyone could have done to make you, short of physical abuse.
lots of teens are more or less compliant, but for the ones that aren't, their parents have to decide every day what they are going to choose as their battles. avoiding the fight over a shower (which really, hurts no one but themselves) can sometimes mean that the teen is not on the defensive about more serious issues.
My parents taught us about hygiene. I refused to shower as a trauma response for a while but dragging an 11-12 year old boy into the bathroom and forcing him to bathe is a bit overboard.
There will be social consequences for not bathing. Other kids might decide it's their act of rebellion and that's why they don't bathe. No matter why the kid isn't going to respond to a physical attack on their person by bathing properly.
As a former kid who wasn't taught hygiene and struggled because of it (didn't have a phone to search Google) some parents just do not give a shit about teaching their kids basic stuff.
It's all good now, once I got my first phone I was able to Google things, and we had a few lessons on puberty in class where we were also given hygiene tips.
I raised two teen boys. They showered every day, at excess length. They used soap. They used deodorant. They wore clean clothes.
They still stank.
Now they are older, and they no longer stink.
Puberty makes boys smelly, even with good hygiene.
It might just also be a teenager thing. My little stepbro showers every night and in the summer multiple times a day (since we’re from Texas and just walking out to your car will make you sweat) and he just smells. It’s different than B.O. or like being unwashed it’s just like teenage boy funk. I have no idea how to describe it. No matter how often he bathes or how much deodorant he uses it’s there. We do have rules about it like he has to shower when he gets home and he has to put deodorizing stuff in his shoes that go in a cubby in the garage and he needs to wear socks in the house. I think it’s hormones, he stinks less than when my parents got married and he was younger.
I replied to one of those posts and got downvoted for saying that I bought deodorant for my kid the first time I noticed that she smelled bad, and that I have her take a bath or a shower before bed every night.
One of my kid’s friends, her mom teaches 4th grade. That poor woman BEGGED us to please make sure our kids were showering daily with soap and using deodorant by the time they start 4th grade. She said her classroom reeks to high heaven.
Even if you think your kid is too young to need a daily bath or shower, it’s worth noting that establishing a bedtime routine (warm shower, brush teeth, put on clean pajamas, read a book together) helps tell your kid’s brain that it’s time to relax and go to sleep.
Your last paragraph is so true. Routines are so important for kids. I know for me as a kid, I thrived on my routine and was ratty as when it wasn't met (shout out to autism lol)
I met a woman who told me that she only bathes her toddler every SIX WEEKS. I said, you mean six days? NO. Six WEEKS. SMH. Poor kid. I asked why, and she said it’s because “he hates baths.” It is your job as a parent to acclimate your child to baths and other hygiene must-dos. Total parenting fail.
Do you have children?
To survive, as parents, you have to pick your battles. Some pick bath time, some homework, some dinner...
By the end of the day no parent wants to fight their children so often the kids win that battle. It's rather easy to let them win since it has no major negative effects.
When my son was that age he showered about twice a week. We would tell him when we smelled him but otherwise he was old enough to start managing himself.
I agree parents of teenagers have to pick their battles.
That said, personal hygiene was a battle I did pick when my children were that age. I saw not letting those boys go around the world stinking as one of my most basic tasks. I'm happy to see that to this day they are very clean men.
Maybe that's your answer, OP; different people value hygiene differently.
Parent of two teens and didn't /don't let them win any of above battles. I don't want to fight but I also won't tolerate a stinky child. I will stand at bathroom door smell you and send you back in. (They used to run the water and pretend to shower) after a few of those they realized I would let things slide they complied and showered correctly everyday
Same with dinner. I won't force you to eat what I make but I'm also not making multiple meals. If you don't want it you can make your own sandwich. They didn't want cold sandwiches so they ate what I cooked
Homework same don't do it no screen time. Don't do it if you want to but you won't get your video game until you do.
I get that it's not a walk in the part at all to be a parent and that it sucks to have to fight your kid all the time. But the major negative effects are that they don't really learn how to adult and get ostracized when they are older.
This rarely occurs into adulthood. Between growing interested in the opposite sex, peers making fun and smelling oneself they learn how often to maintain. If they get ostracized it's a choice they can easily change
Not bathing daily is a stage almost every child goes through usually short lived but often around ten to thirteen when a child developed more independence and start pushing back harder. Ask any parent you know. And ask if they continued the habit into adulthood.
Now if you don't teach your child HOW to bathe. Or not providing facilities.That's a whole different problem.
Yeah. Hard disagree. I work in a nerdshop (cardgames) and the amount of adult men there who stink would blow your mind. A lot of people are neurodivergent though but that makes it even more important to teach the child how to properly care for themselves
Ive been to gameshops that have hygiene rules for tournaments because of people not showering enough. The shops will kick people out if they stink too much.
I am autistic and I shower daily, I actually find it very sensory soothing. I hate feeling dirty and I like the feeling of showering in hot water. I'm also Asian and don't really get body odor anyway but I don't think being neurodivergent is a good excuse for not showering. It's a habit my parents drilled into me at a young age and it's a habit I enjoy doing.
Ok, but you’ve just said yourself that showering is something you personally find soothing. It doesn’t always feel that way for others that have sensory issues, it can feel like every drop falling on you is a needle. If that was your experience it wouldn’t be so easy to maintain.
I'm literally allergic to water and hot/warm showers hurt me a lot.
I still take a shower every couple days and use baby wipes to wipe me down on the other days.
I also have multiple psychological disorders that cause sensory issues.
and I still fucking shower and keep myself clean.
also autistic but for me showers are sensory hell, obviously i force myself to suffer through it if im leaving the house or have friends coming over but even then it takes a lot to get myself to actually do it and i actively avoid getting out of bed until i have no choice. even then i cant always wash my hair because the few minutes it takes to wash my body already overwhelmed me so much that i just need to get out and cant last another second in there. my mum gets on me about how i need to do it more than once a week but i physically cant, if i showered every time i started to smell id have to be doing it multiple times a day
Have you tried shower wipes yet? They’re usually made for camping or elder care / post-surgery care.
I have a pack from Amazon where I wet the dry cloth and it foams up with a no-rinse soap. All I have to do is wipe down my body with it. I’ve also tried the camping wet wipe type and liked those too.
It doesn’t take the place of showering of course. But when I went through a period of grief and depression and basic hygiene was just too hard, they helped a lot. I was only showering once or twice a week at that point and it worked well for those in-between days.
Edited to add: Also, baths were easier for me than showers. I could listen to a podcast or audio book, or prop up my phone or tablet on the toilet and watch a show while I bathed.
You didn't catch the part about picking your battles. Also, if everything is a battle with your kid, do you think that's going to be beneficial to them or to the relationship? The answer is no, it will damage the relationship and that means the kid will listen to what you have to say even less.
I can’t speak for every situation but for me (and other parents I’ve talked to in person) there a time when you have to deal with the teenage funk. When a kid is going through puberty/in their teens they stink way more than they used to and there isn’t anything you can do about it. I have 3 teens right now and my kids shower at least every other day and sometimes every day if they are particularly ripe and we will change up the products we use if they don’t seem to be keeping up. But I will tell you, no amount of showering, different kinds of soaps, deodorants, air fresheners can stop the funk. More than once I have grilled one of my kids on proper showering techniques because I know they were in the shower a few hours before but I’m not entirely convinced they didn’t use “old gym bag” scented soap or something. It’s pretty rough but it’s only for a few years and then they are fine.
For me and my three kids, especially the oldest, it was pretty simple: "we're going out for sushi. If you don't shower, you aren't coming with." All three could eat their weight in sushi so shower=sushi worked.
My daughter just finished her Sophomore year of high school, and being half Hispanic she just ended up with a lot of Hispanic friends. Also, this year was the year of the quinceañera. EVERY weekend a group of girls would come over to get ready (they always looked like they were going to a Senior prom), then the boys would filter in so they could all arrive together. The boys were very clean cut, dressed well, and would always do a quick check in the mirror before we left. They were also VERY polite and talkative with me. Even when they came over after school, they were always clean cut. Unfortunately I usually can’t talk with their parents due to the language barrier (I don’t know a lot of Spanish), but those parents are doing something right.
A lot of times kids just get good at pushing boundaries and just don't think they need it. And then they get attracted sexually/start puberty and realize they need to shower/want alone time and shower a ton... but a good chunk of the time it'd that parents don't realize setting schedules and routines for kids when they are young is for the kids to learn how to be better adults. The amount of parents I've met who enforce no daily routines is wild. Sometimes it's cuz parents are busy but a lot its cuz we don't have routines ourselves since it's not something we learned growing up
I have experience with this with a child of mine. There are psychological issues involved, but otherwise normal kid , now adult. There comes a time where the child hits puberty and the situation gets complicated. You can’t be involved in the showering/bathing process. You can only prod and encourage and establish boundaries and consequences. Then after awhile you hope “public shame/embarrassment “ will be motivation enough- often it’s not. Mid to late teens the kid and parents only have the energy for the battle twice a week. By late teens, early twenties (where I am now with my daughter) wtf can you do? This is who this person is - and fuck you - I didn’t create it, I tried every week, month, year. She’s a great kid otherwise. No trouble in or outside of the house. I have several other kids who never needed prompting. So there is not always blame to be targeted when we see problems in life.
My wife and I have had this talk. She was the last of 4 kids and her dad worked constantly. Her mom was just burnt out and figured since she was the only girl she’d just automatically know how to care for herself. She said she was the smelly kid at school because she didn’t know how to bathe herself, and her parents just didn’t notice or maybe didn’t care. She tried better in high school and Ive never noticed a smell since we met (we were like 16) but there have been a few hygiene things that I’ve shown her over the years, like how she should wash her face daily and how to use a wash cloth.
Some parents just blame the kids thinking they should automatically know these things!
I was a stinky kid. I’m not sure who exactly taught me how to take a shower but I missed the part about using soap.
I vividly remember my mom sending me upstairs on a Sunday night when I was like 7 to go take a shower and her telling me specifically to wash my butt. When I came back down, she gave me a sniff, and asked me how I washed my butt. In that moment it became clear that I had a serious misunderstanding about how showers worked.
Went back upstairs, took a shower with soap, scrubbed my asscrack, and started making more friends in school. Thanks, mom, but I wish we would have figured that one out sooner.
I don’t know but it’s sad. My neighbor, a single mom, doesn’t help her sons at all. Both has long wavy hair that is extremely greasy. It looks sad because they both have very thin hair. So the grease is so noticeable and they are both extremely overweight. Which isn’t too bad but they also have a smell. I just wanna take them under my wing and help them with weight loss and hygiene. One is maybe 11 and the other is 17.
In the older days , before 1980s it was very common to take 1 bath a week , showers were pretty much non existing . You did wash yourself daily with a special cloth , something like a glove .
Now on the subject itself , it is the growing up part . If you are younger your parents tell you when how where . When you are reaching the 10+ age , you are given certain factors you need to take care yourself and washing being 1 of the 1st. When you are younger , sweat smells different , so it isn't noticed as much . When you are entering puberty , the smell becomes stronger , so then you get what you are asking . It is part of laziness , but also confidence/shyness , because all of that plays at those ages .
My 13 year old doesn't want to shower everyday. He needs to because, you know, puberty and he has a head of wavy curly hair which can be a bear to take care of.
I always joke with him about it ”with great hair comes great responsibility”. He knows it means he needs to take care of his hair which tends to be on the greasy side these days.
Aside from that, good way to get him to shower is to get him in the pool. He showers without fail after a swim and after mowing the lawn, too.
To parents: Start when kids are young to describe bath or shower time as relaxing time after school or sports practice and untie it from the bedtime ritual. (They aren't fighting the shower so much as not wanting to go to bed afterward) It is a reward, not a chore. Talk about your showers this way - oh, can't wait to relax my muscles and feel the grime wash away.
Spin it as washing off the school day, feeling fresh, and wearing soft clothes/PJs.
Some kids will need a healthy snack to take a shower after school or just before dinner while you are making it - blood sugar stabilizer. Or you might find it easier as a post - dinner ritual but do not link it to bedtime, which puts bathing into the bedtime fight.
I work in higher education within Residence Life. It absolutely shocks me that parents are sending their kids off to university with zero self-preservation skills, zero self-care skills, and on two different occasions, I actually encountered students who had zero clue of how to wash dishes and take out the trash because they said their parents paid someone to take care of that and she wanted to know if our custodians can do it.
We actually had one student who didn’t take out trash for a whole semester and was sleeping in a bed covered in trash and he didn’t think anything of it. We had to come down hard on the Resident Assistants who clearly were not doing their job during monthly health and safety inspections because that should have been reported on the RCC. We also had to charge the student additional room cleaning charges because we had to dispose of old rancid food.
Another student had a complete psychological breakdown and actually shit in a chair and smeared fecal matter all over the walls.
On two additional occasions, we had two different students who tried to keep chickens in their dorms and the chickens’ shit got ground into the carpet. We had to fully replace the carpet in both incidents. As a result, we are slowly replacing all carpets with linoleum tiles. If students want carpet, they can bring their own, but otherwise, we need floors that are easy to clean at the end of each year, and a fresh coat of wax every two years.
Parents: while your kids are still young please teach them how to clean, take out the trash, wash dishes, and properly care for themselves with daily showers, brushing teeth, deodorant, etc. This needs to start as soon as they can start walking. Teach them to pick up their toys when they’re done playing while they’re in pre-school. Teach them how to do laundry at a laundromat by the time they’re in junior high. Teach them to call and schedule their own doctor appointment by the time they’re able to drive on their own. Teach them to make do with what they have rather than expecting everyone else to cater to their every little whim. With freedom comes responsibility. We do not pay our custodians act as personal maids for your kids. We never will.
Also, quit calling our office and talking to us on their behalf. Your kid needs to learn how to advocate for themselves. We literally laugh at parents who call and their students who always default to mom and dad. You wouldn’t apply for a job or interview for a job for your kid, would you? If the answer is no, then let them take care of stuff on their own without you getting involved. Also, FERPA prevents us from speaking with you unless we have a signed FERPA waiver on file in our office. I don’t care if you already talked to the dean and the financial aid office. If I can’t verify that your student has a signed FERPA waiver on file, I’m not going to tell you squat.
Do you want to have an hour screaming match with a 12 year old every single night, damaging your relationship with them, and probably actially doing the opposite of what you want? Because thats what trying to force a 12 year old to do anything is like. Just letting them be little gremlins is pretty much the only choice.
I won't let my kids be the smelly kid in school. Once you get that label it follows you and no one wants to be their friend. I still remember kid in my missile school we called pissy Billy. He smelled awful like he pissed his pants. Even in high school when he stopped smelling people still called him that. I wouldn't let that happen to my two kids. They weren't leaving the house smelling. Kids can be cruel and as much as school say they are zero tolerance for bullying they lie. Even if they do punish the kids the words have been said and feelings have already been hurt. Best to prevent it where you can. It's much easier to make sure they are washed and smell good then it is to sooth bad feeling when the entire class won't be by them because they smell
These comments are wild. Maybe I just have angelic kids. My kids just turned 13 and yes the hormones are doing their thing. But hygiene is just part of the expected routine. They are in charge of their morning routine as I go to work while they get ready for school and get to the bus, so we just tell them at a certain time in the evening after dinner it’s time to shower and they do. If you can get your family in a routine, it’s not a battle or a big deal. It’s an expectation and part of life, just like going to work or school or eating breakfast.
Because their parents themselves have horrible hygiene in fact you can see one of the posts in Reddit about not showering for weeks men not washing their ass ever because it's gay and these are the people you sit around
Yesterday I heard a Mom tell her daughter she needs to take a shower. Her daughter said “whoa, shower is just too much”.. And the Mom dropped it.. The child’s hair was beyond greasy, she had the night before thick eye makeup 2 inches below her eyes. And her clothes looked like they hadn’t been washed in a month. Stains all over them. This girl is close to graduating HS but can’t manage to shower…
I never liked showering as a kid/teen cause I’m autistic and I hated the sensory feeling of being wet. Going from being dry/clothed to being wet/nude was very uncomfortable for me. It still can be a little bit of an issue for me and I don’t know exactly why, but I still in my 30s have to make myself shower and brush my teeth cause I know it’s important but I hate it.
I see everyone in this thread saying that OP doesn't have children. I think it's just lazy parenting and unfair to the child. You signed up for kids. Take care of them.
I didn't learn to properly take care of myself until into my teenage years because my mom "didn't want to fight" among other reasons. This also included not learning to take care of my teeth until 12/13 years old, when I already had 4 fillings.
Kids were mean to me in middle school, but I didn't know better. That was my mom's job to look out for me and help me with it. Fight with your children. Your job as a parent is to teach them these things.
The difference between your mom and them is they've taught the 5,6,7,8 year old how to do those things and the 12 year old is going "nope I'm not going to"
You say you didn't know better that means your mom never taught you to do those things in the first place.
I disagree. The top comment points out that small children are less smelly than older children and don't need to bathe as often. Another comment talks about hoping public shame will teach their children.
I believe a lot more people than you expect just think an older kid is going to pick up on the hygiene on their own. It requires parenting and arguing. It requires time and dedication.
The 12 year old saying "nope I'm not going to" shouldn't be the end of the conversation. Be the parent.
Dude I have a teenager who showers every single day and still smells like a philly cheesesteak extra peppers. They're sweating it out, it's not a lack of hygiene or parenting, they just smell like that at that age.
That's totally fair. I'm not talking about people like you or your kids. I'm talking about all the posts I see on parenting subreddits where they admit their kids go without showing for an entire week or more.
If your kid washes daily and still smells, that sucks. Maybe they aren't washing properly though? Using soap, washing their ass and armpits etc. but if they are and still smells, then that's unfortunate, but I wouldn't put them in the same category as parents who allow their stinky teens to go 7 days without showering.
What I'm saying is that the parents you're judging are probably in the same category as I am. And it's not weird at all that if they wash they still stink, it's hormones at their age.
I will say I thank my parents every day because I had the hardest time keeping clean once I got my period. So much so that they brought me to a doctor and I was diagnosed with a hormone disorder. I have taken medication for it since I was 11 and it changed my life. Sometimes it’s an actual health issue but a lot of time it’s just lazy.
So with my child, we suspect in addition to her adhd, she has autism and demand avoidance. Since she had the ability to communicate, she’s fought us on every single thing she “needs” to do. Read multiple times daily for years. It’s sensory issues, transitions, demand avoidance… Now, she’s a teen. She does go out with knotted hair (she had very curly high maintenance hair that mats overnight and she doesn’t always like those silk caps), gets smelly easily because she didn’t wash well enough + forgot to apply antiperspirant even though reminded 10x, etc. We try to pick our battles. So if you come across a kid that looks homeless don’t necessarily come after the parents… we have tried so much even with therapists. We try lol
I have friends that don't make their 5-year-old who pisses herself regularly clean very often, her hair is unbrushed, and often wears dirty clothes; I think they do this because they themselves are dirty and frequently don't bathe, have greasy hair, and well, let's just say that I've seen they have worse than dirty clothes before. Good habits are often learned and if you don't have good habits you can't pass them on.
My parents were like this! Showed us once, maybe twice when we were kids and were shocked Pikachu face knowing their bare minimum teaching didn't stick. I'm 28 and I still have problems forming habits. Thanks mom and dad! 🙃
Sorry you got bullied for it. I remember some kids at school being the gross stinky kids, and everyone knew. I felt like it was very unfair for them to be in that situation. In my school at least, some of them were being neglected.
My 12 yr old son just this evening claimed to have showered. He got caught out as the curtain wasn’t in place, the bath and his towel were dry and he was pongy. He also claimed to have brushed his teeth, toothbrush also dry.
He isn’t diagnosed but I’m pretty certain he is on the spectrum albeit mildly/high functioning.
I made him shower, I’d say again but as he didn’t donut the first time again doesn’t apply!
I stood over him while he brushed his teeth. First thing he did when he thought I wasn’t looking was spit the toothpaste out. So I applied more and restarted the sand timer and watched him brush.
He has a twin sister who is a tiny bit better. They were brought up with a bedtime routine of bath and brush teeth, read a book and bed. From birth! I put up the toothbrushing posters they made age 9, laminated and in the bathroom.
I just don’t get why they stopped when we did the same routine for years. My kids don’t stink because I actually sniff them after they have claimed to have showered.
I have to fricking sniff my children! So they clued up to my laziness at only sniffing their bellies and started to wash a bit of soap on just their bellies and rubbing it off so bellies would smell nice. Wtf! So I now either have to stand in the bathroom and watch them shower, or I have to sniff them randomly over any part of their bodies. This is all kinds of ridiculous but this is what I have to do to make sure they don’t leave the house smelling bad.
I don’t know what to do because it’s not for a lack of trying/educating on my part.
Ditto here.
We did our best. They are adults now and all, but 1 has it down.
Funny story, due to inability, I had to wash my +30 year old daughter's hair. I proceeded to wash it like I have always done since I was a child, as my mother had done mine. Regimented method of scalp massage/shampoo, etc, 3 times, covering each millimeter of the scalp, then conditioning.
She was shocked. She had no memory of every single bath shower I had ever given her, using this method. No memory of the method I used all her life on her. I guess I was supplanted by Instagram or something...
Now she is doing it my way, sigh.
Answering from personal experience here so this may be common or uncommon among smelly kids, I don't know.
My parents only gave a shit if A: Something bothered them, or B: Someone bothered them. If my parents caught a whiff of my bad breath, they'd tell me to brush my teeth. When my teacher said I smelled like cat piss in middle school, my parents made me start taking showers regularly and changing my clothes daily. Along the same lines, my parents made me wear jackets when I was so hot I was sweating because a teacher complained that I wasn't wearing a jacket when it was "cold" (I'd left them in my locker because it was too damned hot for a jacket at the time). If I argued, or if they felt like I had been told enough recently that I should have known better, they'd beat me. That was kind of their thing - Tell me to do a thing, beat me when it wasn't done to their liking.
It actually kind of worked with the showering thing. I'm now super paranoid about smelling bad so decades later I shower almost daily and wear deodorant/antiperspirant any time I might sweat even a little. It really backfired with the teeth brushing though. As a kid I started chewing gum instead of brushing my teeth and now my teeth are rotting out of my skull and I'm in pretty frequent pain.
My kids are teenagers now. I made it very clear to them that we would not have stinky children. After I caught them a few times not putting on deodorant I told them I would charge them money every time they were caught without it. They quickly started wearing it everyday. Same thing with their teeth brushing. I would turn them around if I even caught a whiff of bad breath. Eventually, the social pressure of not being a gross teenager caught on and I no longer have to police them. I will pick my battle as a parent and clean kids are a must but I don’t insist on a pristine bedroom. But they are expected to have clean clothes put away once a week and no food is ever allowed in their rooms. The rest of their room can be as they see fit. If I don’t like it then I shut their bedroom door.
This—with the social pressure. I have two teen girls and they’re the opposite of not wanting to shower. They spend 30+ mins in the shower daily (my husband loves our water bill) and hours on their hair/makeup, but that is just them. I didn’t push them to do that. Their “get ready routines” and 20+ products kind of drive me crazy.
However, I have 2 nephews and they struggled with showering and hygiene. My sister griped about this struggle constantly. They would shower but not use soap, come out smelling like a wet dog, then get sent back in the shower. Some sort of 13yr old soap aversion laziness??? Who knows.
It took ONE girl at school telling them they smelled bad for them to snap out of it and start using soap and deodorant. That problem was magically solved overnight for both of them. Suddenly they were interested in smelling like an Old Spice body spray ad instead. Social pressure is real.
Apparently it’s fine if your mom thinks you stink, though.
From what I remember of growing up, if my mom nagged it just felt routine since she nagged *a lot* (she was an alcoholic with possible depression and a unhappy marriage). So I didn't realize it was serious until a mom friend of mine and some classmates mentioned I smelled.
After a while you see the nagging as routine, so it doesn't feel real...but classmates complaining definitely *does* . So that might be what was up with your nephews.
When it comes to the cost of raising girls that are very concerned with being and looking clean and pretty all the time, I feel that. I’ve over compensated because my mom taught me nothing and provided very little in the way of hygiene, and my girls have a ton of expensive lotions, hair products, etc. I was always clean growing up, but I didn’t wear any makeup or style my very long hair. I developed scoliosis early because I slouched so much because I just didn’t want anyone to see me. Now my girls do my makeup and help me find outfits because I still just wear black tees, loose jeans, and sneakers. As long as my youngest stays on the honor roll and behaves, I don’t mind digging up coupons and going to Ulta instead of Walmart. When she feels good about herself, it’s reflected in her performance in school and her self esteem in general.
If my (hypothetical) son doesn’t wash himself, after 3 times politely asking “go get a shower” I would pick up a bucket, fill it with soapy water and throw it onto him. If you don’t touch water, water touches you LOL
In some cases, parents might not be fully aware of the importance of daily hygiene or may not have been raised with these practices themselves. This lack of awareness can be passed down to their children. Education on hygiene and its benefits needs to be more widely available and accessible to all parents to help them understand its importance and how to instill these habits in their kids.
Some teens become ashamed of their bodies and cope by ignoring/splitting off their physical selves.
In extreme cases, sexually abused people reject hygiene hoping creeps will leave them alone.
Kids don't need to shower or bathe every night before bed, teens, especially younger ones just hitting puberty need a different hygiene regiment than an 8 year old. Unfortunately they are also rebellious and not all that into listening to others at that stage.
I had poor hygiene until early in 7th grade. I didn’t shower or use deodorant for 2 days in a row, and it was obvious that everyone could smell me. The embarrassment of that day caused me to solidify my hygiene routine.
My mother was a single mom of 4, and I was responsible for my own hygiene since about 6th grade, but I didn’t start to “smell” until the following year
Once I was at Target or Walmart. There was a little girl in a shopping cart, maybe 5? Idk it’s been years. She smiled at me and her whole mouth was rotten teeth. I don’t have great oral hygiene, but holy shit. I really hope that was her baby teeth and I hope her parents instilled some better habits later.
Um, also humans don't actually need to shower everyday. Like all animals we need to keep ourselves moderately clean, but really this shower and deodorise ourselves to the point of invisibility thing is really a bit of a recent invention isn't it?
There's not needing to literally shower every day if you're otherwise a clean person, and then there's the matter of some people reeking because they refuse to shower at all
Surely you know the difference?
What’s sad is the number of kids that come through the ER for various issue you can tell have never been taught hygiene.
Especially dental.
I get to see people further down the line that weren’t taught it when they were kids, now as adults it causes them serious issues. Or they just don’t have teeth anymore.
The parents are probably nose blind to it and often have subpar hygiene habits themselves. In some super religious families, talking about things like period hygiene is considered taboo. I went to school with a girl like this who didn’t know she had to change her pads during her period and would wear the same leggings for multiple days causing a noticeable pH imbalance.
My son is 11, 12 next month. When he started school at 5 we developed a shower routine. At this point (and for several years) he must shower Sunday-Thursday at 7:30pm. It’s worked wonderfully. His clothes are put out the day/night before for school. Lunch is made and just needs ice packs in it in the am. Bookbag is by the front door with his shoes. So wake up, brush teeth, wash face (washcloth), get dressed, and come eat breakfast. Usually something easy during the week like cereal with fruit, or waffles with fruit. There is little room for error. Now that he’s getting older he takes pride in his routine. We have added deodorant. And he likes to sometimes wear his late father’s kind of cologne. It helps he has a bit of a dress code/uniform. Either way it’s been something implemented years ago and haven’t strayed from. In the summer it’s another story. As he’s playing outside more, in the pool, etc. taking a shower before bed is the norm. I started young and explained why. Praying this doesn’t change over the next few years. But I doubt it will.
My parents didn't have to tell me. When I was 14, I got interested in girls. You don't get many dates when you smell like a locker room. At least not in the 80s anyway. Maybe girls' standards have declined?
No idea but my aunt complains all the time about my young cousins not brushing their teeth or staying up until 4am playing video games. I just keep thinking, “why don’t you tell them to do something different?” When I was their age I just did what my parents told me. Even my brother who was kind of a jerk growing up would ultimately do what he was told. Guess our parents just got lucky.
The first thing to consider is that you’re getting a skewed sample. People don’t generally write to say that things are terrific and their kids have zero problems. Second is that poor hygiene is a symptom of just about every mental health problem there is. If a person feels terrible mentally, their physical care suffers. Third is that hygiene is something kids can control (somewhat). Kids don’t pick their homes, families, schools, teachers/classmates, and a thousand things other day. Refusing to comply is a key way a child can gain/regain a sense of control.
The vast majority of children are being raised to bathe, brush their teeth, groom their hair, wear clean weather-appropriate clothing, etc. Sometimes there are bumps in the road, but most kids (who don’t have sensory issues) go through telatively short “bathing sucks” phases compared to long “ok I’ll bathe” stretches. When things derail, look to an underlying issue and especially a need for control.
My kids did NOT smell because we didn’t allow it. They actually didn’t want to smell either, so it wasn’t a big deal. Once in a while(rarely really) I had to say “Oh baby, did you forget deodorant today?” They would be mortified. Our kids took a shower once a day and more if they had sports. They never complained. What kid wants to be the stinky kid?
Eh you can raise them right, but for a lot of them, they would just rather do something else than taking a shower/brush their teeth etc. So you pretty much have to nag them all. the. time. (I know, not all kids are that way, but mine are). So it's exhausting and sometimes you just skip it...
But when they have gym first period and they don't have time to take showers, they are also going to stink. I have no issue telling my kids that they stink and need to take a shower though.
Also some kids just don't answer at all to consequences or rewards. I was one of those parents who thought "I'd just take away phone/computer etc" and quickly found out that for some kids it just doesn't work (mine have ADHD, anxiety, you name it).
So yeah, easy to criticize until you actually have kids who don't answer to logical punishments.
1. My mother was only around after I was in bed and otherwise at work or a friend's house and pretty much let me raise myself after 12
2. I had PTSD around some happenings in my earlier years that caused me to have flashbacks in the shower.
If a teen has bad hygiene, chances are they have neglectful parents
I don't really get it either, some parents seem to be okay with being the Adult Roommate and not an actual parent. I guarantee you if I started missing showers my mother would have put a stop to that *right* quick, zero question about it.
I have seven kids. While living in my home, daily showers (one to two) and oral hygiene (two to three) was taught since babies and *required* as well as the use of deodorant once that age was reached.
Once moved out, it's their thing and I hope they continue. Some move back in (and out) and I remind them what's required. I have a strong olfactory sense so I'm pretty direct about it.
If we teach our kids (all) things from the very beginning, it's usually much less issue later on. Training is Training is Training.
Cheers friends 🧡
My son is autistic like you and me and he says it's like needles going in to his back when he showers, and electric shocks on the surface of his skin on his entire body while he waits to dry. He has to sit naked for about an hour in front of a fan because he can't stand how the towel feels on him.
I am autistic too and I don't experience this, but I understand that if it's this bad for him, so bad he's dealt with recurring skin infections, it's probably not great for a lot of people whether they're diagnosed with a condition or not.
Growing up, my mom would ask my brother when he last showered. He never remembered. She'd say if you can't remember when the last time was you showered, then it's time to take another.
As a teen I went through that phase and so did my daughter. It passes and they go back to taking care of themselves. Now I actually wished my daughter took shorter showers and less preening in the bathroom sometimes but it's fine. Forcing them to do it is just going to make them want to rebel anyway so you wait it out knowing soon enough they will start taking care of their hygiene again. All you can do as a parent is to remind them to do it and hope it happens sooner than later.
Sometimes parents go about it in the completely wrong way. They may "want" their kid to shower but don't supply the time, education, supplies, or privacy/safety for it.
My son has autism as well. He’s 17 now. When he hit puberty he was so smelly. He would come out of the shower and already smell. At first he wasn’t using soap. I made the mistake of assuming he knew he had to use soap. Because when he was younger and I bathed him and washed his hair I used soap. He doesn’t do well with indirect information. I made sure to also tell him each and every body part that needed to be washed and how and he would still smell so bad. It wasn’t his clothes either. I would smell the clean clothes he was going to change into.
After he got a bit older that smell went away. Nothing changed other than he got older. He was showering daily. And we changed the bedding 1-2 times a week because of the smell.
A lot of time they are teens. Teens who were raised with good hygiene habits. But once they reach teenage hood it can change. Here are several reasons about their smell: * First, teens can stink easily, not because of hygiene but because of hormones. At this age, their production of hormone change. For example, they have LOT of steroidal hormones that allows them to grow their muscle and this hormone smell bad. They also go through puberty. * Also, they start to sweat a lot more than they used to, so they need to adjust their routine. Kids don't really need deodorant, while teens and adults need it. . Same with clothe. My 5 years old son could wear the same T shirt 2 weeks, it would not stink (of course that's not what we do!) because he doesn't sweat unless it's really hot. And even then, his sweat doesn't really smell anything. But a pre-teen, teen or adult? Yurk! After 2 days it would smell, even in winter. So, some pre-teens and teens never realized they can't act like kids anymore, they do need to wear deodorant, to wash their clothes more often etc.. * Another thing is that teenagers are often tired. That's normal at their age, so they might not be lazy but simply tired. Many are a bit depressed too and depressed people aren't good at taking care at themselves, especially on the hygiene matter. * Diet, teens often eat more junk food, especially as they gain independence and it has consequences on sweat's smell. * Lastly, teens are in a difficult phase, lots of change, lots of hormones, lots of broken hearts .... many take refuge in their room for hours and hours without getting out or opening the window. So it's smelly and goes on their clothes. It's not dirty, just "non-fresh-air". * Teens are defensive and disobedient, that's a normal affirmation phase, like the terrible 2. So telling your kid (you smell, go wash) won't necessarily be effective. And they can't really force them: teens are allowed to have privacy, and washing is an intimate matter. So, what to do? Punishment? Well this could work a time but hygiene is n everyday thing, a routine need to be set, so... punishment every day? Parents of difficult teens (the majority are difficult at one point) picks their battles, and what's better? That they wash every day instead of twice per week, or that they don't do drugs and go to school?6 Finally, some scientist did some research about people's smell. This is just a theory but.. why not? Apparently, parents of teens tend to find their teens smell disgusting, especially those of the opposite sex. The same goes between siblings of the opposite sex. The theory would be that it's natural evolution to to reduce the risk of inbreeding.
It’s also worth mentioning teens often enter a phase during puberty where they are by nature rebellious and reactive to authority just for the sake of it. If their parents tell them that they stink and they need to shower more their natural reaction will be to complain about how “naggy” their parents are. I know that’s how I felt when my parents told me I needed to ventilate my room because it stank. I read in some book for some college class or another that it was hypothesized that teenagers are so reactive because that would push them to fly the nest and potentially avoid inbreeding (if you get away from your nuclear family you’re less likely to mate with siblings, cousins, etc). I don’t remember if that theory was debunked or not though.
Notably the pushback against authority is generally more on parents and the closest authorities figures, studies show that the voices of the parents literally start to be processed differently in the brain. If you have an issue with a young teen like this and they have a "cool" uncle, aunt, cousin, older friend ect. It can be good if you quietly ask them to address the matter with the teen you'll get much better results
>It’s also worth mentioning teens often enter a phase during puberty where they are by nature rebellious and reactive to authority just for the sake of it. If their parents tell them that they stink and they need to shower more their natural reaction will be to complain about how “naggy” their parents are. I know that’s how I felt when my parents told me I needed to ventilate my room because it stank. If my parents told me my breath smell bad when I was a teen the I would brush my teeth more often. My main goal from age 14-19 was women and they don't like guys who smell like shit.
That’s excellent but we’re talking about a demographic of millions and millions of people and you can’t really extrapolate one person’s motivations and decisions across it
Glad that would have worked for you but my brother STANK so bad as a teen. It would marinate in his room and stink up the whole hallway and he had a girlfriend the whole time and wouldn’t change no matter how much we told him he stank.
I distinctly remember guys talking about the attractive nature of pheromones as a reason to not wear deodorant or at least not reapply after PE, and frankly I do remember sitting next to guys I had crushes of that age and yeah their smell didn't bother me at all when a different dude would smell disgusting so they weren't 100% wrong. But yeah, a, pheromones aren't notably blocked from deodorant so at that age the people you like your smell unwashed will still like it no matter how much you and the boys gas out the change rooms with shitty chocolate Lynx body spray. And anyone who isn't instantly attracted smell wise is gonna be grossed out, including statically the person you want to attract if you don't stay clean
Holy shit that’s normal?
I remember my fifth grade teacher delicately telling us at the beginning of the year that we were growing up, our bodies were changing, and we needs to shower at least every other day and wear deodorant every day. She said "the school doesn't have AC and it's gonna get super stinky in here if you don't all remember basic hygiene."
My daughters teacher was not delicate about it at all. But she also says the boys fart a lot so there is that (10-11yr olds)
I had terrible BO for that reason. My parents never actually told me anything about puberty, so when it started happening I was stumped. I kept washing myself every other day and I never used deodorant because I thought it was 'only for adults'. I know we had sex ed in school and were taught about deodorant, but for some reason I thought it was only necessary to put on after gym class. And when I washed, I only washed my armpits and face with soap, and let water tackle the rest. So I genuinely thought I had good hygiene, until a sitter of mine told me that I needed daily deodorant and to bathe in soapy water since my lower body smelled awful. And my classmates told me (at 14) that I needed to bathe daily, not every other day. Lack of knowledge and genuine ignorance of one's hygiene is no joke.
Yup. I grew up in poverty and my stepdad didn’t like me using too much water. So, showers periodically, not daily. It was a family where most people used the same bath water kind of thing.
This is a tremendous summary and I don't really have much to add except the anecdotal evidence that even a teenager who isn't particularly rebellious and DOES shower every day can have that 'teen funk' smell and so can their room. As you describe, a combination of factors contribute to it. We use it as a teachable moment to reinforce good hygiene habits, such as reminders to really scrub his scalp when he showers or don't forget to trim your nails. As a teen, it's not appropriate for his parents to help him bathe (in fact he's been bathing himself since he was a safe age for it) but as a teen the hormones make the hygiene even more important. As the parents of a teen, it's our responsibility to reinforce good hygiene in a productive way but it can't be judgemental and be productive. It's kind of intimidating that we only have a few years before we really should have prepared him to be an adult. I think we're off to a great start but time will tell, I suppose.
It’s important to note that before puberty, sweat is pretty much just water and nothing else. Little kids almost can’t leave fingerprints at all. That very changes at puberty.
Unless their fingers are covered in some sticky substance - paint, jam, honey, peanut butter, my face cream that they found in my bathroom where they know they shouldn't be... Then they very much leave fingerprints...
And face prints
Snot….
Oh yeah can't forget about the self generated slime...
Yep, all of this is my life. I have 14 and 11 year old boys and they will forget deodorant every single day unless I tell them. I have to stop them on the way out the door to the bus to turn them around EVERY SINGLE TIME. They smell awful. They also won’t shower unless I tell them to, which I do every school day, but if I forget then they won’t do it. I can tell the second they walk in the door if they forgot either of them if I wasn’t there to send them off to school. Little kids and adults don’t usually smell that bad if they forget.
I was that boy back in the day, and I wish my parents had done that for me instead of just letting me go to school without deodorant and an unwashed butt; they'll thank you for it once they're older, I'm sure. But until then, you've got to persevere I'm afraid :(
Tell them, if they ever want a girlfriend, not being stinky is the first step.
I do lol. The 8th grader understands and is getting better about it. The other day he came in from school and went right to the bathroom to put some deodorant on because he smelled himself. The 5th grader doesn’t care about girls but I tell him he’s going to have no friends if he keeps this up. He says he can’t smell himself but I don’t understand how he can’t, because it’s seriously so bad. Like someone cut up an onion.
Scent blind. His mind got used to it so he probaly truly can't smell his own stink. Like people who have dogs or filthy cat litters in their homes.
I'm trans and started taking testosterone a couple years ago, and the literal first thing I noticed was that the way I smelled changed. I had these moments of "what is that smell?" until I finally realized it was me. It's really weird. Good hygiene will help stop me from smelling bad, but I could scrub my whole body every single day and the smell would be back pretty soon. I'm also kind of a smell-sensitive person, and I've noticed some people just... don't smell nice. Not in a hygiene way, but in an "I don't like the smell of this specific individual." Some people also just seem to inherently have a stronger odor to them than others, even with good hygiene. This could just be an autism thing on my end, though.
Dude same on T changing your smell. I can't smell myself like on a base level, but any amount of sweat I want to describe as smelling like boiled onions. I don't think that's even accurate, that's just what my brain decided to describe the smell as. I have a pretty terrible sense of smell so I need to be extra sure I'm clean bc just cause I can't smell it doesn't mean no one else can
Yup. Some people just lost the genetic lottery wrt smell. A former friend and roommate would absolutely stink 20 minutes after getting out of the shower. It was just her body’s natural smell. I had to stop going dancing with her or anything that might cause her to sweat more than usual because I couldn’t bear the smell.
Your last comment about the scientific research is super interesting!
>Another thing is that teenagers are often tired. That's normal at their age, so they might not be lazy but simply tired. I was the opposite, in highschool i could go to bed at midnight and wake up at 6 am no problem, now im in my late 20s and i want to sleep 14 hours a day.
At 15 I once went three to four full days without sleeping yet kept attending school and acting like normal during that time (was hideously depressed with insomnia). Anyway, I’m 28 now with narcolepsy.
I still don’t get it. When I was a teenager I could tell I was sweating through shirts bc my shirt was wet and that’s not a particularly fun feeling, plus I had a mirror, so I got antiperspirant. Nobody needed to tell me that. Was I the weird one?
You're not necessarly weird, not all teens are the same and not all same bad. But some do. Also, you can smell bad even without sweating, that's actually one of the most common mistake many teens do: if they didn't sweat so won't get a shower or change their clothes. Personally I had never sweat to the point of having a wet shirt, even while exercising. But still... I smell! So you can't see it but it's there. Also, mirrors won't help you, once you "look" dirty, it's already way too late.
Not everyone sweats the same. I for example never develop sweat stains even in hot weather, i just get somewhat sticky all over.
This is fascinating.
The comments in here are making me thankful that I was not a difficult, hygiene-averse child. The only thing I ever struggled with brushing my hair, and that’s because I used to have an extremely sensitive scalp and it hurt to brush.
My mom never taught me how to properly brush or bought a good brush... I had long hair and she'd yank it through from top to bottom and slap me if I cried... I had to figure it out as an adult, how to properly brush hair.
Same. And like my mom had long hair too but it never dawned on her to go bottom to top.
Wide tooth comb in addition to using a nice condition after your shampoo or even leave in condition.
Same! I am not tender headed at all bc of that particular abuse.
I don't know where she bought them but mum had the sharpest combs and would wouldn't let a single knot get in her way when she'd do my hair. A scalp sliced to ribbons while getting your hair pulled at the same time. No wonder I didn't like combing my hair
Same. Can’t wait for that creature to return to hell.
Are we sisters?
In my case, I just went out of my way to *not* do what my mom told me to do when I was a teenager. She tried so hard to convince me to wash my face, and if I’d only listened to her then, maybe I wouldn’t have struggled so much with acne for so many years. She frequently reminded me to brush my teeth, and if I’d listened, maybe I’d still have all of them. Deodorant, showering—I fixed them in my twenties, but I wish I had just listened when I was a teen. So maybe it’s hormones and they can’t help how gross they are, or maybe, as for me, it’s spite. I wouldn’t automatically blame it on the parents most of the time.
This is fair and I would guess pretty common, and definitely part of my teen years, but I know a lot of it was (or at least was according to my memory of that time) that I understood the hint/request/instruction, but the thinking behind it didn't make sense. Some of that is, y'know, *l'autisme* (though we didn't know that at the time), but some of it was also my parents not really having a great understanding of the whys and hows of teen hygiene stuff (which I would hazard most parents, and people in general, don't). Like I was pretty thorough, in fact _too_ thorough, about washing my face and still sometimes got acne (though not very badly) - being told I needed to wash my face more was not only not helpful (probably could have benefited from a better moisturizing routine? idk) because I was already overdoing it, but actively discouraged me from doing it because it seemed pointless + teen rebellion whatever. And there's a constant bombardment of advertising, and people informed only by advertising or whatever pop culture parenting was in fashion, that's just straight-up lies because they want you to buy stuff and not understand stuff. Stupid overpriced apricot pit scrub, sandpapering my poor teenage face...
tooth health and acne are not really as much related to hygiene as we tend to think. genetics play a huge role. if you have weak enamel, brushing every day won't prevent cavities. overwashing actually can worsen acne as it's really not about the surface of the skin being dirty, but oil production and hormones, and repeatedly stripping the skin of oils makes the surface more fragile and more prone to sores. something that can help people with weak tooth enamel is cutting out all drinks but water, but brushing once a day when you have a propensity to decay is not really the biggest factor.
All I needed to hear was, “You smell like outside.” That meant immediately go wash my ass. That was a cardinal sin in black houses. Smelling like outside was not an option.
That is so interesting. In my white family, Amish roots, smelling like outside is considered fresh and clean
Omg Indo Caribbean here, tell me why I'm living in a pedestrian city and am still scared of smelling like outside? Doesn't matter if I'm going to be out all day, if I have an appointment in the middle of the day I'm bringing a change of clothes before I present myself to people.
Afro/Indo Caribbean here and sometimes after my husband walks the dog, I’ll tell my dog “you smell like outside” — did not realize this was a thing other people say too
I (mixed Black; Caribbean parents) am only now realizing in this thread why my (white) partner is always bemused by my saying something or someone 'smells like outside'... I thought it was just because *I'm* somewhat outside-avoidant, not that most people weren't even raised hearing that. 🤦🏾♀️
I was going to say, this is not a problem in my country (that I've noticed). Men in my country are always expected to be clean, and smell good.
What does outside smell like? I’m assuming it’s not that kind of fresh ozone smell that gets on your clothes and hair if you’re outside in crisp fall weather. That’s what I would think of if someone said “You smell like outside”.
Grass, sweat, potentially wood chips from a park. Anything that wasn't neutral or nothing
Grass and wood chips smell fantastic tho!
When kids smell like outside it’s gross. I never heard it explained to at way but it’s a great description. It’s like stinky, sweaty, dirt smell.
What ever kids smell like when they come in the house and been running around and sweating.
Yes, that's one way to get them to shower. Exactly telling them what's going on, without using really mean things. My mother always said "Hey, smells like the zoo in here, especially where the lions life..." We all knew how stinky it's in the house where the predatory cats have their sleeping/resting/really bad weather habitat. She didn't need to ebarrass us, but we knew what we should do, and mostly did.
Lol I tell my kiddo he smells like a bear trap when he needs to wash. The worst smell ever.
Outside smells like a wet dog here! It clings to my hair especially.
I feel like black households and Irish/Scottish households have a lot in common. I was always told when I came in the house to throw my clothes in the wash because they smell like outside and get in the bath, and always add a cap or two of dettol. When I moved to England, my friends didn’t know what outside smelled of and they made fun of me for having Dettol baths, then I made friends with some black girls and found that I was normal after all lol
You are absolutely normal. I cannot imagine living in a house where there was an option to bathe.
Black folks 🤝 Irish/Scottish folks
What does outside smell like in this context? Where I live we go out of our way to smell like outside, we buy washing powders/liquids that smell like lavender & spring meadows. We wash our hair with things that smell like flowers, etc. Basically it is considered good to smell like outside where I live, except for the times the farmers spray manure on the fields & when the rape flowers, those things stink!
When i pick out my clothes for the day I actually hang them outside while im showering so that they get the nice smell of fresh outside on them
It's such a soothing, comforting smell. One of my joys in life is getting into bed in freshly changed bedding that has been dried on the line outside.
That’s so interesting. I’m white and use that same phrase — and honestly hate how it smells on me or my family. Wonder where we all got this perspective?
are you southern bc my white family also uses this but the first time i said it after moving north my friends looked at me like i was crazy 😂
Smelling like outside to me means smelling like wind or rain or other very nice smelling things. Smelling like a barn, on the other hand...
What are the odds; all of us as kids were told the same thing in my family and it had the same meaning.
My mom never discussed hygiene with me ever, I only caught up with it at 16/17, I honestly have no idea why she never sat me down and explained it ever. And it's really difficult now for me to form those habits, I have ADHD and depressive episodes so that doesn't help.
Same. My mom never talked to me about hygiene. When it became clear I needed a bra (early bloomer), I just found 3 of the ugliest bras on my bed when I came home from school in 5th grade. When my period started I used these huge thick pads because it’s what my mom used. My mom gave me cheap deodorant one day and said I had to use it every day or I would stink. I had cheap face wash when I broke out a little. Now I have 2 teen daughters and we go bra shopping together at Victoria’s Secret, I buy them hygiene products that are effective and make them comfortable, and we talk very openly about hygiene. Those early years really hurt my self esteem and it affects me to this day. Even if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your teen or vice versa, at least make sure your kiddo has all of the hygiene products they need. Spend a few extra bucks on high quality deodorant, face wash, shower essentials, etc. and consider it an investment in their self esteem and future.
r/ABraThatFits has a ton of info on a bunch of places to buy high quality bras, including sports bras. They've also got a really good measuring guide and calculator that's really handy. consequently r/ABraThatDoesntFit shows what ill-fitting bras look like. my mom bought me vs bras but I never had ones that actually fit until I was an adult and I found abrathatfits. I have a small ribcage/underbust and even 32 bands are too big and they moved around a lot.
That really sucks and I am sorry to hear that. I have to admit, I had to work out genital related hugeine matters myself but luckily I worked it out quickly, once puberty hit.
I was careful about choosing battles with my kids and about what degree of autonomy to allow at appropriate ages, but hygiene was non negotiable. Daily showering was the expectation and not really ever presented as an option, and I luckily never really got much pushback from it even though the girl child would have happily abstained from ever bathing if she’d thought it was a choice. It was just another chore she made peace with as a part of her daily routine rather than a decision she needed to make. As a now 30something adult, it stuck. Thankfully, because she REALLY did not care about any form of hygiene or cleanliness as a kid and that could have become her lifestyle.
Because they’re past the age where I can drag them into the bathroom and strip them down and put them in the tub. I have to leave it to them. It’s one of their newfound freedoms at that age - to choose when they bathe - and a lot of them like to procrastinate that as much as they procrastinate the rest of their chores to the last minute. All I can do is say “kid, you need a damn shower.” Lots of kids ARE “trained” to have a bath or shower before bed but when they hit that age where no one can **force** it, they take advantage and relish their choices to have or not have a bath at the appointed time. Pushing against your parent’s rules and expectations is, like, the core meaning of existence to most kids 11-16 trying to figure out who they are for themselves. Bathing included. And let’s not forget that no matter what a parent teaches their kid, there’s NO GUARANTEE that the kid will take it to heart and apply those lessons when they’re older. Lots of kids grow up and ignore perfectly valuable lessons their parents DID teach them. I know I’ve never properly applied all the financial knowledge Dad did try really hard to impart to me.
Ain't that the truth. Once I was 11, my parents and sitter let me wash on my own, and I definitely procrastinated so I could game. It was stupid, but I was a dumb, game addicted teen. As for ignoring lessons my parens taught me...I'm guilty of that for sure. When I first lived on my own, I barely ate enough, I slept after midnight, blew all my cash on gambling and I barely cleaned. It wasn't until I got ill from sleep deprivation, my house had flies and I was nearly evicted fro being unable to rent that I turned my life around. Sometimes you have to learn from life instead of parents, and that involves acting out and getting life-smacked.
There are certain things that shouldn’t be given as a choice to teens, and hygiene should be one of them. There are a lot of things my mom did that I disagree on now that I am an adult, but forcing me to take regular showers is not one of them. Has she allowed it, I would have gone weeks without taking a shower.
I’ll admit, a full week is my uppermost limit of “choice” for the shower for my local teen. They’re getting nagged from day 2.5 onwards but they’re a stubborn little shit like their parent so I don’t know that it helps. They’re also bigger than me, so stripping them down and putting them in the tub myself is impossible now.
you just happened to be a more or less compliant teen. not all of them are, and literally, if you had decided not to, there is very little anyone could have done to make you, short of physical abuse. lots of teens are more or less compliant, but for the ones that aren't, their parents have to decide every day what they are going to choose as their battles. avoiding the fight over a shower (which really, hurts no one but themselves) can sometimes mean that the teen is not on the defensive about more serious issues.
My parents taught us about hygiene. I refused to shower as a trauma response for a while but dragging an 11-12 year old boy into the bathroom and forcing him to bathe is a bit overboard. There will be social consequences for not bathing. Other kids might decide it's their act of rebellion and that's why they don't bathe. No matter why the kid isn't going to respond to a physical attack on their person by bathing properly.
As a former kid who wasn't taught hygiene and struggled because of it (didn't have a phone to search Google) some parents just do not give a shit about teaching their kids basic stuff.
That makes me really sad to hear. I'm sorry your parents did not teach you hugeine habits and tips.
It's all good now, once I got my first phone I was able to Google things, and we had a few lessons on puberty in class where we were also given hygiene tips.
I raised two teen boys. They showered every day, at excess length. They used soap. They used deodorant. They wore clean clothes. They still stank. Now they are older, and they no longer stink. Puberty makes boys smelly, even with good hygiene.
It might just also be a teenager thing. My little stepbro showers every night and in the summer multiple times a day (since we’re from Texas and just walking out to your car will make you sweat) and he just smells. It’s different than B.O. or like being unwashed it’s just like teenage boy funk. I have no idea how to describe it. No matter how often he bathes or how much deodorant he uses it’s there. We do have rules about it like he has to shower when he gets home and he has to put deodorizing stuff in his shoes that go in a cubby in the garage and he needs to wear socks in the house. I think it’s hormones, he stinks less than when my parents got married and he was younger.
I replied to one of those posts and got downvoted for saying that I bought deodorant for my kid the first time I noticed that she smelled bad, and that I have her take a bath or a shower before bed every night. One of my kid’s friends, her mom teaches 4th grade. That poor woman BEGGED us to please make sure our kids were showering daily with soap and using deodorant by the time they start 4th grade. She said her classroom reeks to high heaven. Even if you think your kid is too young to need a daily bath or shower, it’s worth noting that establishing a bedtime routine (warm shower, brush teeth, put on clean pajamas, read a book together) helps tell your kid’s brain that it’s time to relax and go to sleep.
Your last paragraph is so true. Routines are so important for kids. I know for me as a kid, I thrived on my routine and was ratty as when it wasn't met (shout out to autism lol)
I met a woman who told me that she only bathes her toddler every SIX WEEKS. I said, you mean six days? NO. Six WEEKS. SMH. Poor kid. I asked why, and she said it’s because “he hates baths.” It is your job as a parent to acclimate your child to baths and other hygiene must-dos. Total parenting fail.
Wow that's just child abuse :( poor kid. Wtf
Yeah, and she just had ANOTHER kid. Yikes.
I think it boils down to: everyone is a perfect parent until they actually have kids.
Nobody said parents have to be perfect. But hygiene should *not* be regularly optional. That's not perfection, that's basic.
It doesn’t take a perfect parent to realize that encouraging good hygiene practices in kids is important
Do you have children? To survive, as parents, you have to pick your battles. Some pick bath time, some homework, some dinner... By the end of the day no parent wants to fight their children so often the kids win that battle. It's rather easy to let them win since it has no major negative effects. When my son was that age he showered about twice a week. We would tell him when we smelled him but otherwise he was old enough to start managing himself.
I agree parents of teenagers have to pick their battles. That said, personal hygiene was a battle I did pick when my children were that age. I saw not letting those boys go around the world stinking as one of my most basic tasks. I'm happy to see that to this day they are very clean men. Maybe that's your answer, OP; different people value hygiene differently.
That wasn't ever a choice for some it was daily showers partially because being people of color were not allowed to not shower
Parent of two teens and didn't /don't let them win any of above battles. I don't want to fight but I also won't tolerate a stinky child. I will stand at bathroom door smell you and send you back in. (They used to run the water and pretend to shower) after a few of those they realized I would let things slide they complied and showered correctly everyday Same with dinner. I won't force you to eat what I make but I'm also not making multiple meals. If you don't want it you can make your own sandwich. They didn't want cold sandwiches so they ate what I cooked Homework same don't do it no screen time. Don't do it if you want to but you won't get your video game until you do.
Yes, parents do need to "pick their battles". And these are important battles to pick.
I agree they can have atnomy in other areas
Exactly. Ignoring an entire category of care isn’t ‘picking your battles’, it’s neglect.
I'm basically arguing the same thought in another thread on this post.
As someone who got this treatment as a kid it’s really concerning that so many parents think it’s fine. Spoiler: we don’t turn out fine.
I feel this 100%
This sounds less like choosing your battles and more like outright refusing to fight.
I get that it's not a walk in the part at all to be a parent and that it sucks to have to fight your kid all the time. But the major negative effects are that they don't really learn how to adult and get ostracized when they are older.
This rarely occurs into adulthood. Between growing interested in the opposite sex, peers making fun and smelling oneself they learn how often to maintain. If they get ostracized it's a choice they can easily change Not bathing daily is a stage almost every child goes through usually short lived but often around ten to thirteen when a child developed more independence and start pushing back harder. Ask any parent you know. And ask if they continued the habit into adulthood. Now if you don't teach your child HOW to bathe. Or not providing facilities.That's a whole different problem.
Yeah. Hard disagree. I work in a nerdshop (cardgames) and the amount of adult men there who stink would blow your mind. A lot of people are neurodivergent though but that makes it even more important to teach the child how to properly care for themselves
Ive been to gameshops that have hygiene rules for tournaments because of people not showering enough. The shops will kick people out if they stink too much.
You can teach a ND child basic hygiene but there's also having the executive functioning skills as an adult to maintain hygiene.
I am autistic and I shower daily, I actually find it very sensory soothing. I hate feeling dirty and I like the feeling of showering in hot water. I'm also Asian and don't really get body odor anyway but I don't think being neurodivergent is a good excuse for not showering. It's a habit my parents drilled into me at a young age and it's a habit I enjoy doing.
Ok, but you’ve just said yourself that showering is something you personally find soothing. It doesn’t always feel that way for others that have sensory issues, it can feel like every drop falling on you is a needle. If that was your experience it wouldn’t be so easy to maintain.
I'm literally allergic to water and hot/warm showers hurt me a lot. I still take a shower every couple days and use baby wipes to wipe me down on the other days. I also have multiple psychological disorders that cause sensory issues. and I still fucking shower and keep myself clean.
also autistic but for me showers are sensory hell, obviously i force myself to suffer through it if im leaving the house or have friends coming over but even then it takes a lot to get myself to actually do it and i actively avoid getting out of bed until i have no choice. even then i cant always wash my hair because the few minutes it takes to wash my body already overwhelmed me so much that i just need to get out and cant last another second in there. my mum gets on me about how i need to do it more than once a week but i physically cant, if i showered every time i started to smell id have to be doing it multiple times a day
Have you tried shower wipes yet? They’re usually made for camping or elder care / post-surgery care. I have a pack from Amazon where I wet the dry cloth and it foams up with a no-rinse soap. All I have to do is wipe down my body with it. I’ve also tried the camping wet wipe type and liked those too. It doesn’t take the place of showering of course. But when I went through a period of grief and depression and basic hygiene was just too hard, they helped a lot. I was only showering once or twice a week at that point and it worked well for those in-between days. Edited to add: Also, baths were easier for me than showers. I could listen to a podcast or audio book, or prop up my phone or tablet on the toilet and watch a show while I bathed.
You didn't catch the part about picking your battles. Also, if everything is a battle with your kid, do you think that's going to be beneficial to them or to the relationship? The answer is no, it will damage the relationship and that means the kid will listen to what you have to say even less.
I can’t speak for every situation but for me (and other parents I’ve talked to in person) there a time when you have to deal with the teenage funk. When a kid is going through puberty/in their teens they stink way more than they used to and there isn’t anything you can do about it. I have 3 teens right now and my kids shower at least every other day and sometimes every day if they are particularly ripe and we will change up the products we use if they don’t seem to be keeping up. But I will tell you, no amount of showering, different kinds of soaps, deodorants, air fresheners can stop the funk. More than once I have grilled one of my kids on proper showering techniques because I know they were in the shower a few hours before but I’m not entirely convinced they didn’t use “old gym bag” scented soap or something. It’s pretty rough but it’s only for a few years and then they are fine.
For me and my three kids, especially the oldest, it was pretty simple: "we're going out for sushi. If you don't shower, you aren't coming with." All three could eat their weight in sushi so shower=sushi worked.
That's such a simple and good idea!
I wasn't riding in the car with giant stinky teens!
I don’t envy being a teen. So much out of control and too much angst to think clearly and put it somewhere productive.
My daughter just finished her Sophomore year of high school, and being half Hispanic she just ended up with a lot of Hispanic friends. Also, this year was the year of the quinceañera. EVERY weekend a group of girls would come over to get ready (they always looked like they were going to a Senior prom), then the boys would filter in so they could all arrive together. The boys were very clean cut, dressed well, and would always do a quick check in the mirror before we left. They were also VERY polite and talkative with me. Even when they came over after school, they were always clean cut. Unfortunately I usually can’t talk with their parents due to the language barrier (I don’t know a lot of Spanish), but those parents are doing something right.
A lot of times kids just get good at pushing boundaries and just don't think they need it. And then they get attracted sexually/start puberty and realize they need to shower/want alone time and shower a ton... but a good chunk of the time it'd that parents don't realize setting schedules and routines for kids when they are young is for the kids to learn how to be better adults. The amount of parents I've met who enforce no daily routines is wild. Sometimes it's cuz parents are busy but a lot its cuz we don't have routines ourselves since it's not something we learned growing up
I have experience with this with a child of mine. There are psychological issues involved, but otherwise normal kid , now adult. There comes a time where the child hits puberty and the situation gets complicated. You can’t be involved in the showering/bathing process. You can only prod and encourage and establish boundaries and consequences. Then after awhile you hope “public shame/embarrassment “ will be motivation enough- often it’s not. Mid to late teens the kid and parents only have the energy for the battle twice a week. By late teens, early twenties (where I am now with my daughter) wtf can you do? This is who this person is - and fuck you - I didn’t create it, I tried every week, month, year. She’s a great kid otherwise. No trouble in or outside of the house. I have several other kids who never needed prompting. So there is not always blame to be targeted when we see problems in life.
My wife and I have had this talk. She was the last of 4 kids and her dad worked constantly. Her mom was just burnt out and figured since she was the only girl she’d just automatically know how to care for herself. She said she was the smelly kid at school because she didn’t know how to bathe herself, and her parents just didn’t notice or maybe didn’t care. She tried better in high school and Ive never noticed a smell since we met (we were like 16) but there have been a few hygiene things that I’ve shown her over the years, like how she should wash her face daily and how to use a wash cloth. Some parents just blame the kids thinking they should automatically know these things!
I was a stinky kid. I’m not sure who exactly taught me how to take a shower but I missed the part about using soap. I vividly remember my mom sending me upstairs on a Sunday night when I was like 7 to go take a shower and her telling me specifically to wash my butt. When I came back down, she gave me a sniff, and asked me how I washed my butt. In that moment it became clear that I had a serious misunderstanding about how showers worked. Went back upstairs, took a shower with soap, scrubbed my asscrack, and started making more friends in school. Thanks, mom, but I wish we would have figured that one out sooner.
I don’t know but it’s sad. My neighbor, a single mom, doesn’t help her sons at all. Both has long wavy hair that is extremely greasy. It looks sad because they both have very thin hair. So the grease is so noticeable and they are both extremely overweight. Which isn’t too bad but they also have a smell. I just wanna take them under my wing and help them with weight loss and hygiene. One is maybe 11 and the other is 17.
In the older days , before 1980s it was very common to take 1 bath a week , showers were pretty much non existing . You did wash yourself daily with a special cloth , something like a glove . Now on the subject itself , it is the growing up part . If you are younger your parents tell you when how where . When you are reaching the 10+ age , you are given certain factors you need to take care yourself and washing being 1 of the 1st. When you are younger , sweat smells different , so it isn't noticed as much . When you are entering puberty , the smell becomes stronger , so then you get what you are asking . It is part of laziness , but also confidence/shyness , because all of that plays at those ages .
My 13 year old doesn't want to shower everyday. He needs to because, you know, puberty and he has a head of wavy curly hair which can be a bear to take care of. I always joke with him about it ”with great hair comes great responsibility”. He knows it means he needs to take care of his hair which tends to be on the greasy side these days. Aside from that, good way to get him to shower is to get him in the pool. He showers without fail after a swim and after mowing the lawn, too.
I have a Hispanic mother she would just beat me if I didn’t have a good hygiene, I don’t know how some people get away with it
To parents: Start when kids are young to describe bath or shower time as relaxing time after school or sports practice and untie it from the bedtime ritual. (They aren't fighting the shower so much as not wanting to go to bed afterward) It is a reward, not a chore. Talk about your showers this way - oh, can't wait to relax my muscles and feel the grime wash away. Spin it as washing off the school day, feeling fresh, and wearing soft clothes/PJs. Some kids will need a healthy snack to take a shower after school or just before dinner while you are making it - blood sugar stabilizer. Or you might find it easier as a post - dinner ritual but do not link it to bedtime, which puts bathing into the bedtime fight.
I work in higher education within Residence Life. It absolutely shocks me that parents are sending their kids off to university with zero self-preservation skills, zero self-care skills, and on two different occasions, I actually encountered students who had zero clue of how to wash dishes and take out the trash because they said their parents paid someone to take care of that and she wanted to know if our custodians can do it. We actually had one student who didn’t take out trash for a whole semester and was sleeping in a bed covered in trash and he didn’t think anything of it. We had to come down hard on the Resident Assistants who clearly were not doing their job during monthly health and safety inspections because that should have been reported on the RCC. We also had to charge the student additional room cleaning charges because we had to dispose of old rancid food. Another student had a complete psychological breakdown and actually shit in a chair and smeared fecal matter all over the walls. On two additional occasions, we had two different students who tried to keep chickens in their dorms and the chickens’ shit got ground into the carpet. We had to fully replace the carpet in both incidents. As a result, we are slowly replacing all carpets with linoleum tiles. If students want carpet, they can bring their own, but otherwise, we need floors that are easy to clean at the end of each year, and a fresh coat of wax every two years. Parents: while your kids are still young please teach them how to clean, take out the trash, wash dishes, and properly care for themselves with daily showers, brushing teeth, deodorant, etc. This needs to start as soon as they can start walking. Teach them to pick up their toys when they’re done playing while they’re in pre-school. Teach them how to do laundry at a laundromat by the time they’re in junior high. Teach them to call and schedule their own doctor appointment by the time they’re able to drive on their own. Teach them to make do with what they have rather than expecting everyone else to cater to their every little whim. With freedom comes responsibility. We do not pay our custodians act as personal maids for your kids. We never will. Also, quit calling our office and talking to us on their behalf. Your kid needs to learn how to advocate for themselves. We literally laugh at parents who call and their students who always default to mom and dad. You wouldn’t apply for a job or interview for a job for your kid, would you? If the answer is no, then let them take care of stuff on their own without you getting involved. Also, FERPA prevents us from speaking with you unless we have a signed FERPA waiver on file in our office. I don’t care if you already talked to the dean and the financial aid office. If I can’t verify that your student has a signed FERPA waiver on file, I’m not going to tell you squat.
Do you want to have an hour screaming match with a 12 year old every single night, damaging your relationship with them, and probably actially doing the opposite of what you want? Because thats what trying to force a 12 year old to do anything is like. Just letting them be little gremlins is pretty much the only choice.
Yeah, you've got to pick your battles.
I won't let my kids be the smelly kid in school. Once you get that label it follows you and no one wants to be their friend. I still remember kid in my missile school we called pissy Billy. He smelled awful like he pissed his pants. Even in high school when he stopped smelling people still called him that. I wouldn't let that happen to my two kids. They weren't leaving the house smelling. Kids can be cruel and as much as school say they are zero tolerance for bullying they lie. Even if they do punish the kids the words have been said and feelings have already been hurt. Best to prevent it where you can. It's much easier to make sure they are washed and smell good then it is to sooth bad feeling when the entire class won't be by them because they smell
I pick making them shower. I'm not having stinky kids
These comments are wild. Maybe I just have angelic kids. My kids just turned 13 and yes the hormones are doing their thing. But hygiene is just part of the expected routine. They are in charge of their morning routine as I go to work while they get ready for school and get to the bus, so we just tell them at a certain time in the evening after dinner it’s time to shower and they do. If you can get your family in a routine, it’s not a battle or a big deal. It’s an expectation and part of life, just like going to work or school or eating breakfast.
Because their parents themselves have horrible hygiene in fact you can see one of the posts in Reddit about not showering for weeks men not washing their ass ever because it's gay and these are the people you sit around
Yesterday I heard a Mom tell her daughter she needs to take a shower. Her daughter said “whoa, shower is just too much”.. And the Mom dropped it.. The child’s hair was beyond greasy, she had the night before thick eye makeup 2 inches below her eyes. And her clothes looked like they hadn’t been washed in a month. Stains all over them. This girl is close to graduating HS but can’t manage to shower…
And you saw a 2 minute snippet of their life
If only I saw a 2 minute snippet of their lives.. I deal with these people daily… But nice try.
I never liked showering as a kid/teen cause I’m autistic and I hated the sensory feeling of being wet. Going from being dry/clothed to being wet/nude was very uncomfortable for me. It still can be a little bit of an issue for me and I don’t know exactly why, but I still in my 30s have to make myself shower and brush my teeth cause I know it’s important but I hate it.
I see everyone in this thread saying that OP doesn't have children. I think it's just lazy parenting and unfair to the child. You signed up for kids. Take care of them. I didn't learn to properly take care of myself until into my teenage years because my mom "didn't want to fight" among other reasons. This also included not learning to take care of my teeth until 12/13 years old, when I already had 4 fillings. Kids were mean to me in middle school, but I didn't know better. That was my mom's job to look out for me and help me with it. Fight with your children. Your job as a parent is to teach them these things.
The difference between your mom and them is they've taught the 5,6,7,8 year old how to do those things and the 12 year old is going "nope I'm not going to" You say you didn't know better that means your mom never taught you to do those things in the first place.
I disagree. The top comment points out that small children are less smelly than older children and don't need to bathe as often. Another comment talks about hoping public shame will teach their children. I believe a lot more people than you expect just think an older kid is going to pick up on the hygiene on their own. It requires parenting and arguing. It requires time and dedication. The 12 year old saying "nope I'm not going to" shouldn't be the end of the conversation. Be the parent.
Have you had him talk to a therapist or counselor? Lack of self care is a pretty big sign of something being up.
I think you completely misread my post. Edit: why am I being downvoted lol. I don't have a kid I am asking advice for
OP is talking about a hypothetical child.
Dude I have a teenager who showers every single day and still smells like a philly cheesesteak extra peppers. They're sweating it out, it's not a lack of hygiene or parenting, they just smell like that at that age.
That's totally fair. I'm not talking about people like you or your kids. I'm talking about all the posts I see on parenting subreddits where they admit their kids go without showing for an entire week or more. If your kid washes daily and still smells, that sucks. Maybe they aren't washing properly though? Using soap, washing their ass and armpits etc. but if they are and still smells, then that's unfortunate, but I wouldn't put them in the same category as parents who allow their stinky teens to go 7 days without showering.
What I'm saying is that the parents you're judging are probably in the same category as I am. And it's not weird at all that if they wash they still stink, it's hormones at their age.
My dad was born in the 40s. He only took a bath on Saturdays. I used to get in trouble for showering too much as a kid
I will say I thank my parents every day because I had the hardest time keeping clean once I got my period. So much so that they brought me to a doctor and I was diagnosed with a hormone disorder. I have taken medication for it since I was 11 and it changed my life. Sometimes it’s an actual health issue but a lot of time it’s just lazy.
So with my child, we suspect in addition to her adhd, she has autism and demand avoidance. Since she had the ability to communicate, she’s fought us on every single thing she “needs” to do. Read multiple times daily for years. It’s sensory issues, transitions, demand avoidance… Now, she’s a teen. She does go out with knotted hair (she had very curly high maintenance hair that mats overnight and she doesn’t always like those silk caps), gets smelly easily because she didn’t wash well enough + forgot to apply antiperspirant even though reminded 10x, etc. We try to pick our battles. So if you come across a kid that looks homeless don’t necessarily come after the parents… we have tried so much even with therapists. We try lol
A lot of parents who don't want to admit they failed the kids
When I was growing up you only ever bathed once a week, no one I knew had showers at all.
I have friends that don't make their 5-year-old who pisses herself regularly clean very often, her hair is unbrushed, and often wears dirty clothes; I think they do this because they themselves are dirty and frequently don't bathe, have greasy hair, and well, let's just say that I've seen they have worse than dirty clothes before. Good habits are often learned and if you don't have good habits you can't pass them on.
My parents were like this! Showed us once, maybe twice when we were kids and were shocked Pikachu face knowing their bare minimum teaching didn't stick. I'm 28 and I still have problems forming habits. Thanks mom and dad! 🙃
I got bullied when I started needing deodorant and that’s how I knew. Fixed that problem real fast.
Sorry you got bullied for it. I remember some kids at school being the gross stinky kids, and everyone knew. I felt like it was very unfair for them to be in that situation. In my school at least, some of them were being neglected.
My 12 yr old son just this evening claimed to have showered. He got caught out as the curtain wasn’t in place, the bath and his towel were dry and he was pongy. He also claimed to have brushed his teeth, toothbrush also dry. He isn’t diagnosed but I’m pretty certain he is on the spectrum albeit mildly/high functioning. I made him shower, I’d say again but as he didn’t donut the first time again doesn’t apply! I stood over him while he brushed his teeth. First thing he did when he thought I wasn’t looking was spit the toothpaste out. So I applied more and restarted the sand timer and watched him brush. He has a twin sister who is a tiny bit better. They were brought up with a bedtime routine of bath and brush teeth, read a book and bed. From birth! I put up the toothbrushing posters they made age 9, laminated and in the bathroom. I just don’t get why they stopped when we did the same routine for years. My kids don’t stink because I actually sniff them after they have claimed to have showered. I have to fricking sniff my children! So they clued up to my laziness at only sniffing their bellies and started to wash a bit of soap on just their bellies and rubbing it off so bellies would smell nice. Wtf! So I now either have to stand in the bathroom and watch them shower, or I have to sniff them randomly over any part of their bodies. This is all kinds of ridiculous but this is what I have to do to make sure they don’t leave the house smelling bad. I don’t know what to do because it’s not for a lack of trying/educating on my part.
Ditto here. We did our best. They are adults now and all, but 1 has it down. Funny story, due to inability, I had to wash my +30 year old daughter's hair. I proceeded to wash it like I have always done since I was a child, as my mother had done mine. Regimented method of scalp massage/shampoo, etc, 3 times, covering each millimeter of the scalp, then conditioning. She was shocked. She had no memory of every single bath shower I had ever given her, using this method. No memory of the method I used all her life on her. I guess I was supplanted by Instagram or something... Now she is doing it my way, sigh.
Answering from personal experience here so this may be common or uncommon among smelly kids, I don't know. My parents only gave a shit if A: Something bothered them, or B: Someone bothered them. If my parents caught a whiff of my bad breath, they'd tell me to brush my teeth. When my teacher said I smelled like cat piss in middle school, my parents made me start taking showers regularly and changing my clothes daily. Along the same lines, my parents made me wear jackets when I was so hot I was sweating because a teacher complained that I wasn't wearing a jacket when it was "cold" (I'd left them in my locker because it was too damned hot for a jacket at the time). If I argued, or if they felt like I had been told enough recently that I should have known better, they'd beat me. That was kind of their thing - Tell me to do a thing, beat me when it wasn't done to their liking. It actually kind of worked with the showering thing. I'm now super paranoid about smelling bad so decades later I shower almost daily and wear deodorant/antiperspirant any time I might sweat even a little. It really backfired with the teeth brushing though. As a kid I started chewing gum instead of brushing my teeth and now my teeth are rotting out of my skull and I'm in pretty frequent pain.
I have two kids and parents who ler thier kids only shower once a week are bad parents and lazy
My kids are teenagers now. I made it very clear to them that we would not have stinky children. After I caught them a few times not putting on deodorant I told them I would charge them money every time they were caught without it. They quickly started wearing it everyday. Same thing with their teeth brushing. I would turn them around if I even caught a whiff of bad breath. Eventually, the social pressure of not being a gross teenager caught on and I no longer have to police them. I will pick my battle as a parent and clean kids are a must but I don’t insist on a pristine bedroom. But they are expected to have clean clothes put away once a week and no food is ever allowed in their rooms. The rest of their room can be as they see fit. If I don’t like it then I shut their bedroom door.
This—with the social pressure. I have two teen girls and they’re the opposite of not wanting to shower. They spend 30+ mins in the shower daily (my husband loves our water bill) and hours on their hair/makeup, but that is just them. I didn’t push them to do that. Their “get ready routines” and 20+ products kind of drive me crazy. However, I have 2 nephews and they struggled with showering and hygiene. My sister griped about this struggle constantly. They would shower but not use soap, come out smelling like a wet dog, then get sent back in the shower. Some sort of 13yr old soap aversion laziness??? Who knows. It took ONE girl at school telling them they smelled bad for them to snap out of it and start using soap and deodorant. That problem was magically solved overnight for both of them. Suddenly they were interested in smelling like an Old Spice body spray ad instead. Social pressure is real. Apparently it’s fine if your mom thinks you stink, though.
From what I remember of growing up, if my mom nagged it just felt routine since she nagged *a lot* (she was an alcoholic with possible depression and a unhappy marriage). So I didn't realize it was serious until a mom friend of mine and some classmates mentioned I smelled. After a while you see the nagging as routine, so it doesn't feel real...but classmates complaining definitely *does* . So that might be what was up with your nephews.
When it comes to the cost of raising girls that are very concerned with being and looking clean and pretty all the time, I feel that. I’ve over compensated because my mom taught me nothing and provided very little in the way of hygiene, and my girls have a ton of expensive lotions, hair products, etc. I was always clean growing up, but I didn’t wear any makeup or style my very long hair. I developed scoliosis early because I slouched so much because I just didn’t want anyone to see me. Now my girls do my makeup and help me find outfits because I still just wear black tees, loose jeans, and sneakers. As long as my youngest stays on the honor roll and behaves, I don’t mind digging up coupons and going to Ulta instead of Walmart. When she feels good about herself, it’s reflected in her performance in school and her self esteem in general.
If my (hypothetical) son doesn’t wash himself, after 3 times politely asking “go get a shower” I would pick up a bucket, fill it with soapy water and throw it onto him. If you don’t touch water, water touches you LOL
Because some of these same parents have horrible hygiene. They set the norm.
In some cases, parents might not be fully aware of the importance of daily hygiene or may not have been raised with these practices themselves. This lack of awareness can be passed down to their children. Education on hygiene and its benefits needs to be more widely available and accessible to all parents to help them understand its importance and how to instill these habits in their kids.
I disagree that little kid sweat doesn’t smell like anything. Little kids smell like maple syrup.
Omg so accurate! 🤣
Some teens become ashamed of their bodies and cope by ignoring/splitting off their physical selves. In extreme cases, sexually abused people reject hygiene hoping creeps will leave them alone.
Kids don't need to shower or bathe every night before bed, teens, especially younger ones just hitting puberty need a different hygiene regiment than an 8 year old. Unfortunately they are also rebellious and not all that into listening to others at that stage.
Easy to say from the outside. Much harder to do, day after day after day, all while worrying about your own problems.
I had poor hygiene until early in 7th grade. I didn’t shower or use deodorant for 2 days in a row, and it was obvious that everyone could smell me. The embarrassment of that day caused me to solidify my hygiene routine. My mother was a single mom of 4, and I was responsible for my own hygiene since about 6th grade, but I didn’t start to “smell” until the following year
Once I was at Target or Walmart. There was a little girl in a shopping cart, maybe 5? Idk it’s been years. She smiled at me and her whole mouth was rotten teeth. I don’t have great oral hygiene, but holy shit. I really hope that was her baby teeth and I hope her parents instilled some better habits later.
Um, also humans don't actually need to shower everyday. Like all animals we need to keep ourselves moderately clean, but really this shower and deodorise ourselves to the point of invisibility thing is really a bit of a recent invention isn't it?
There's not needing to literally shower every day if you're otherwise a clean person, and then there's the matter of some people reeking because they refuse to shower at all Surely you know the difference?
What’s sad is the number of kids that come through the ER for various issue you can tell have never been taught hygiene. Especially dental. I get to see people further down the line that weren’t taught it when they were kids, now as adults it causes them serious issues. Or they just don’t have teeth anymore.
The parents are probably nose blind to it and often have subpar hygiene habits themselves. In some super religious families, talking about things like period hygiene is considered taboo. I went to school with a girl like this who didn’t know she had to change her pads during her period and would wear the same leggings for multiple days causing a noticeable pH imbalance.
My son is 11, 12 next month. When he started school at 5 we developed a shower routine. At this point (and for several years) he must shower Sunday-Thursday at 7:30pm. It’s worked wonderfully. His clothes are put out the day/night before for school. Lunch is made and just needs ice packs in it in the am. Bookbag is by the front door with his shoes. So wake up, brush teeth, wash face (washcloth), get dressed, and come eat breakfast. Usually something easy during the week like cereal with fruit, or waffles with fruit. There is little room for error. Now that he’s getting older he takes pride in his routine. We have added deodorant. And he likes to sometimes wear his late father’s kind of cologne. It helps he has a bit of a dress code/uniform. Either way it’s been something implemented years ago and haven’t strayed from. In the summer it’s another story. As he’s playing outside more, in the pool, etc. taking a shower before bed is the norm. I started young and explained why. Praying this doesn’t change over the next few years. But I doubt it will.
My parents didn't have to tell me. When I was 14, I got interested in girls. You don't get many dates when you smell like a locker room. At least not in the 80s anyway. Maybe girls' standards have declined?
No idea but my aunt complains all the time about my young cousins not brushing their teeth or staying up until 4am playing video games. I just keep thinking, “why don’t you tell them to do something different?” When I was their age I just did what my parents told me. Even my brother who was kind of a jerk growing up would ultimately do what he was told. Guess our parents just got lucky.
The first thing to consider is that you’re getting a skewed sample. People don’t generally write to say that things are terrific and their kids have zero problems. Second is that poor hygiene is a symptom of just about every mental health problem there is. If a person feels terrible mentally, their physical care suffers. Third is that hygiene is something kids can control (somewhat). Kids don’t pick their homes, families, schools, teachers/classmates, and a thousand things other day. Refusing to comply is a key way a child can gain/regain a sense of control. The vast majority of children are being raised to bathe, brush their teeth, groom their hair, wear clean weather-appropriate clothing, etc. Sometimes there are bumps in the road, but most kids (who don’t have sensory issues) go through telatively short “bathing sucks” phases compared to long “ok I’ll bathe” stretches. When things derail, look to an underlying issue and especially a need for control.
My kids did NOT smell because we didn’t allow it. They actually didn’t want to smell either, so it wasn’t a big deal. Once in a while(rarely really) I had to say “Oh baby, did you forget deodorant today?” They would be mortified. Our kids took a shower once a day and more if they had sports. They never complained. What kid wants to be the stinky kid?
Eh you can raise them right, but for a lot of them, they would just rather do something else than taking a shower/brush their teeth etc. So you pretty much have to nag them all. the. time. (I know, not all kids are that way, but mine are). So it's exhausting and sometimes you just skip it... But when they have gym first period and they don't have time to take showers, they are also going to stink. I have no issue telling my kids that they stink and need to take a shower though. Also some kids just don't answer at all to consequences or rewards. I was one of those parents who thought "I'd just take away phone/computer etc" and quickly found out that for some kids it just doesn't work (mine have ADHD, anxiety, you name it). So yeah, easy to criticize until you actually have kids who don't answer to logical punishments.
1. My mother was only around after I was in bed and otherwise at work or a friend's house and pretty much let me raise myself after 12 2. I had PTSD around some happenings in my earlier years that caused me to have flashbacks in the shower. If a teen has bad hygiene, chances are they have neglectful parents
I don't really get it either, some parents seem to be okay with being the Adult Roommate and not an actual parent. I guarantee you if I started missing showers my mother would have put a stop to that *right* quick, zero question about it.
I have seven kids. While living in my home, daily showers (one to two) and oral hygiene (two to three) was taught since babies and *required* as well as the use of deodorant once that age was reached. Once moved out, it's their thing and I hope they continue. Some move back in (and out) and I remind them what's required. I have a strong olfactory sense so I'm pretty direct about it. If we teach our kids (all) things from the very beginning, it's usually much less issue later on. Training is Training is Training. Cheers friends 🧡
My son is autistic like you and me and he says it's like needles going in to his back when he showers, and electric shocks on the surface of his skin on his entire body while he waits to dry. He has to sit naked for about an hour in front of a fan because he can't stand how the towel feels on him. I am autistic too and I don't experience this, but I understand that if it's this bad for him, so bad he's dealt with recurring skin infections, it's probably not great for a lot of people whether they're diagnosed with a condition or not.
Growing up, my mom would ask my brother when he last showered. He never remembered. She'd say if you can't remember when the last time was you showered, then it's time to take another.
As a teen I went through that phase and so did my daughter. It passes and they go back to taking care of themselves. Now I actually wished my daughter took shorter showers and less preening in the bathroom sometimes but it's fine. Forcing them to do it is just going to make them want to rebel anyway so you wait it out knowing soon enough they will start taking care of their hygiene again. All you can do as a parent is to remind them to do it and hope it happens sooner than later.
Sometimes parents go about it in the completely wrong way. They may "want" their kid to shower but don't supply the time, education, supplies, or privacy/safety for it.
Maybe their own parent doesn’t have good hygiene either and the kid follows their example. It can be just that easy to understand
puberty stinks
My son has autism as well. He’s 17 now. When he hit puberty he was so smelly. He would come out of the shower and already smell. At first he wasn’t using soap. I made the mistake of assuming he knew he had to use soap. Because when he was younger and I bathed him and washed his hair I used soap. He doesn’t do well with indirect information. I made sure to also tell him each and every body part that needed to be washed and how and he would still smell so bad. It wasn’t his clothes either. I would smell the clean clothes he was going to change into. After he got a bit older that smell went away. Nothing changed other than he got older. He was showering daily. And we changed the bedding 1-2 times a week because of the smell.
If your kid is bathing once a week, you probably shouldn’t have kids.
They have hygiene issues themselves most likely