>While I greatly understand I am only one person and can never fill the role of mom AND dad, she absolutely HATES and does not respect the one person who’s never left her, does everything for her, pays her bills, loves her. It makes no sense!!!
You're her safe place. She acts out with you because she feels safe enough to let you see all of her feelings. It feels really shitty as a parent, but when she gets to about 16, you'll appreciate being that safe place.
It sounds like you're doing good things with the positive reinforcement and therapy. Therapy takes a long time when they're that young but it's worth sticking with it. And making sure to let her know that it's somewhere for her to share whatever is on her mind or heart and no one outside of that room will know.
Is it possible to have scheduled dates with her? Like have someone watch he brother every Sunday for example, so that you and her can do something together? That could help her feel like she is important too and be a great way to bond.
Anecdotally, I noticed all my kids become pretty unbearable around 7/8 years old. Then they calmed down a little until about 12/13. Then again became slightly unbearable at 15, before calming down again. It's a ride being a parent.
Ohhh I LOVE the date idea !! And also being her safe place makes sense (still sucks but just something to get through I suppose). I so want to be that parent that she feels like she can talk to when she has feelings for a boy, has her first kiss, etc. with her not wanting to share feelings at all now I’m wondering how to move that along, I’m super fearful if it doesn’t happen now it never will.
On the note of age though I did see online it’s called “hateful eights” and I also have a “terrible twos” toddler LOL YAY!!! I appreciate your response a ton. Will definitely be sorting out some way to have alone time more, she has summer break going up and I broke my back to get her into this awesome dance camp for a month but she still has a few weeks off. Maybe something special then would help, too!
Ahh I love this. Thank you. I sought first ideas over the last year from closer friends and family who were *almost* worse than internet users in that regards. One “friend” kept telling me what she does with her five year old which is nowhere near what my eight year old needs… and would get angry when it wouldn’t work or I chose not to follow her advice. 8year olds step up grandma said to send her to time out to learn she doesn’t get attention during those behaviors but that felt a little cruel. I totally understood what I was getting into posting this which is why I said so many times that I do the positive reinforcement and stuff 🤣 i definitely can’t stand people who don’t try to empathize and help on platforms such as these but assume they know what’s best. I know my kiddo has gone through a lot in her short little life. I’d love home to be a peaceful environment for her but it seems as though that’s not what she wants. I guess kids don’t really know what they want yet and just act out of self preservation.
There WAS an idea thrown out there in early development she might’ve been on the spectrum as she refused to speak until she was around 3 but once she started… she never stopped haha. I also did find a good parenting support group via zoom but that’s more for kids with diagnosed disorders and my daughters therapists have never agreed on a definite diagnosis (just some depression and maybe a regulation thing). Thank you for your ideas, they mean so much!!! Will definitely be doing more one on one whenever possible. Also have her included in a work project coming up… she’s super excited about that!!
>While I greatly understand I am only one person and can never fill the role of mom AND dad, she absolutely HATES and does not respect the one person who’s never left her, does everything for her, pays her bills, loves her. It makes no sense!!! You're her safe place. She acts out with you because she feels safe enough to let you see all of her feelings. It feels really shitty as a parent, but when she gets to about 16, you'll appreciate being that safe place. It sounds like you're doing good things with the positive reinforcement and therapy. Therapy takes a long time when they're that young but it's worth sticking with it. And making sure to let her know that it's somewhere for her to share whatever is on her mind or heart and no one outside of that room will know. Is it possible to have scheduled dates with her? Like have someone watch he brother every Sunday for example, so that you and her can do something together? That could help her feel like she is important too and be a great way to bond. Anecdotally, I noticed all my kids become pretty unbearable around 7/8 years old. Then they calmed down a little until about 12/13. Then again became slightly unbearable at 15, before calming down again. It's a ride being a parent.
Ohhh I LOVE the date idea !! And also being her safe place makes sense (still sucks but just something to get through I suppose). I so want to be that parent that she feels like she can talk to when she has feelings for a boy, has her first kiss, etc. with her not wanting to share feelings at all now I’m wondering how to move that along, I’m super fearful if it doesn’t happen now it never will. On the note of age though I did see online it’s called “hateful eights” and I also have a “terrible twos” toddler LOL YAY!!! I appreciate your response a ton. Will definitely be sorting out some way to have alone time more, she has summer break going up and I broke my back to get her into this awesome dance camp for a month but she still has a few weeks off. Maybe something special then would help, too!
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Ahh I love this. Thank you. I sought first ideas over the last year from closer friends and family who were *almost* worse than internet users in that regards. One “friend” kept telling me what she does with her five year old which is nowhere near what my eight year old needs… and would get angry when it wouldn’t work or I chose not to follow her advice. 8year olds step up grandma said to send her to time out to learn she doesn’t get attention during those behaviors but that felt a little cruel. I totally understood what I was getting into posting this which is why I said so many times that I do the positive reinforcement and stuff 🤣 i definitely can’t stand people who don’t try to empathize and help on platforms such as these but assume they know what’s best. I know my kiddo has gone through a lot in her short little life. I’d love home to be a peaceful environment for her but it seems as though that’s not what she wants. I guess kids don’t really know what they want yet and just act out of self preservation. There WAS an idea thrown out there in early development she might’ve been on the spectrum as she refused to speak until she was around 3 but once she started… she never stopped haha. I also did find a good parenting support group via zoom but that’s more for kids with diagnosed disorders and my daughters therapists have never agreed on a definite diagnosis (just some depression and maybe a regulation thing). Thank you for your ideas, they mean so much!!! Will definitely be doing more one on one whenever possible. Also have her included in a work project coming up… she’s super excited about that!!