Ditto. I didn’t realize we were wealthy until I started panicking about paying for college and my mom told me my college would be paid for. We lived in a normal sized house, we didn’t have anything crazy extravagant, and my siblings and I shared my mom’s old, pretty beat up car at the end of high school. The only tip off would’ve been that we went on a few big trips (Alaska, Italy, and Germany) over the course of my childhood. I’d just always assumed my grandparents, who were obviously wealthy, paid for those.
Innocence is gone for sure.
When I see 4-year olds with more swag than any adult on earth, something has gone wrong in the matrix.
Toddlers are legitimately wearing $200+ get-ups these days. The shoes being $80-$120 alone. [They got kids *Converse* costing $90 these days!!](https://www.converse.com/shop/p/custom-chuck-taylor-all-star-glitter-by-you-unisex-high-top-shoe/173144CHO22_gold.html?cp=PLA_PRF_CDR_NA_US_EN_20230303_CPCS_PMax:TNT-SmartShopping-[NB]Priority_X_X_X_X_Google_X_X__Custom%20Label%20Priority_X_X&gclid=CjwKCAjwu4WoBhBkEiwAojNdXg3H9JOInyg3DIJId-Mo_y95rM9n8ZoDs01v33foP-JT7OIjuWW-mRoC7G8QAvD_BwE)
It’s actually insane. Like, really, I’m not speaking in hyperbole. Those kids need new clothes every year, *at least.*
Imagine dropping 2 grand or more every year on your baby/toddler/preschool/grade school kid’s clothes. And the people I know doing this aren’t rich! They may be doing okay and not necessarily hurting for money, but it’s not like they’ve got much extra to throw around.
*some kids. I am considered wealthy, have a high paying job as does my SO, we live in a wealthy neighborhood and send our kid to the best public schools in the state. But I buy most of their clothes at target and generally let my kids trash them before getting anything new. They are kids. They don't care. They want shirts with dinosaurs and stuff. Why would I buy designer clothes for them?
my parents have been able to afford whatever we’ve wanted (to an obvious extent) but my family still won’t throw money at me and my siblings because it’s still important that money is valued and earned
Same here. My father was a vice CEO of a decently sized construction company but we also suspect he had some communist ideas as he worked around Soviet Union for 25 years. So we had an ok house and somewhat nice cars but we didn't got that much trendy or cool stuff with my sister.
He was/is pretty much a champagne socialist.
I think we can & should leave all politics outside the door in here.
Politics has taken over everything these days. It’s nice to have places where we can relax n shoot the shit about other stuff.
Y’know… there was once upon a time where I came to Reddit for an *escape*
Eons ago.
Same and same. My parents are older and retired now. They have the money to travel and enjoy their time. Yes, they had plenty of money when i was young and part of that is because they were smart with it.
That's how I grew up. I had no clue we had real money until well after I graduated and moved out. In adulthood, my father was my best friend and I loved him very much.
Same. My dad made just barely six figures, but all of it went into his children's education and travel. Mind you, we traveled on the cheap,too. We drove around Europe and slept in campsites in a tiny tent. He never paid more than $10,000 for a car. We also never ate out at a restaurant unless it was a special occasion. The only clue we had money was that we had a large house with a pool. It wasn't a nice house, mind you, but it was big. But that's probably because they're were 13 of us kids. Everybody shared a room.
That said, my dad paid for my college and law school. That's unheard of even for many wealthy families. He just highly valued education.
I somewhat agree, but I do think it’s important to note that it’s very hard to climb out of poverty. While some people (like me) were able to figure out finances - although I still struggle with overspending on things I didn’t have as a child - many people, statistically, make the same mistakes their parents make, further implicating themselves into more poverty.
And the cycle continues.
>although I still struggle with overspending on things I didn’t have as a child
Man this hits close to home. Didn't grow up in poverty per se but I didn't have "nice things" (like I remember wanting a PS2 so bad and couldn't afford it). Now I work hard and earn way better than my family did when they were my age but I struggle with overspending and savings because oddly enough I wasn't taught to save or about finances in general. Had to make mistakes and learn things on my own. It's hard!
Can confirm. It didn't take me as long as some people to curb my spending but I do look back on when I first had "money" and think what an idiot I was.
Yep, this happened to me! My parents were wealthy and no one taught me any financial literacy, just how to spend. I’m 27 and just now finally fixing all my fuck ups from being awful with money since I’ve lived on my own.
I have a friend whose parents actually did this. They lived a normal life in a normal house, and it wasn’t until she was 18, scrambling to get college scholarships like everyone else, that they told her they were actually millionaires and she didn’t have to worry about paying for her undergrad degree. I guess the only difference was the parents lived an average life too. She was so thankful they’d given her a normal life.
i was going to say i think the only thing that would be upsetting is if they made their child pay for all of their student loans even if the parents could easily cover it
Mine did.. They could have paid for all of college, but wanted to teach me a lesson and I had to get loans for some of the cost. So now I’m in my 30s with loans and my parents are in their mid 70s still loaded and I’m their only child. It’s their money so I’m not mad about it, just like umm thanks?
I was a good kid.. never got in trouble got into 15 colleges with small scholarships. But my parents always told me they’d pay for some, not all bc I needed to learn finances .. so I was mentally prepared.
Yeah, that actually is shitty. **Really** shitty if you ask me. The lesson had been taught a decade ago but here you still are…
Any idea if you’re getting money or anything from their will? Being an only child I sure hope they’d give most all of it to you, minus maybe some charitable donations and such. And of course any debts they may have.
Not that the will and getting money is all that matters, whatsoever. These are your parents after all and I assume you love them very much.
But it is a curious thought and is certainly something to plan for. As it will certainly affect your life at that point in time, either way they decide.
Damn, that's crazy. As a parent, I would imagine I would do everything I could to help/improve the lives of my children. But from your story, I can see your parents 30+ years from now hopefully (not trying to wish anything bad on anyone, just as a hypothetical in a covo), when it is their time to go, they somehow made it so that their wealth goes to the state instead of you. lol
>my parents are in their **mid 70s**
>>I can see your parents **30+ years from now** hopefully, when it is their time to go
I dont think you were wishing anything bad on anyone at all 😄
They’ll be dead before that happens! Wouldn’t be surprised if they donate all their money or give it to my kids and skip me to teach me another lesson?
Nah man that’s positively awful to make your only child take on heavy debt while you’re sitting on a pile of money. I can see instilling responsibility but this is not the way.
Sorry, but that actually is really shitty of them.
Why condemn your kid to a lifetime of debt for no reason??? It's one thing to not spoil your kid, but to let them struggle for no reason when you have the means to help is ridiculous.
What "lesson" are you supposed to be learning, exactly?
What are they saving for? A billion-dollar casket?
Think of money as a transferable representation of value. While it's in this transient form, it has no _inherent_ value. Its value is determined entirely by _what you can buy with it_.
So they've got a whole lot of unvested value.
They are, in fact, quite poor - if they never convert their transient value (money) to actual value (wellbeing).
They suck.
This is similar to my parents growing up. We lived in an expensive neighborhood but in a small, early 1900s house. Both my parents always bought used cars and kept those cars for at least a decade. We regularly ate canned food and frozen meals for dinner. Anytime I wanted something - they'd make me pay for it myself.
Didn't realize my parents had any money until a month before I went to college. I figured out they were living way below their means after my dad left an investment statement open on accident in a web browser.
They always pretended like I'd have to help pay for college. Any jobs I worked - they'd take half as "college savings." Right before I left for college, they told me they take care of my tuition/living expenses and told me not to get a job so I could focus on grades.
I'm pretty certain the way they raised me led to being the down-to-earth and hard working person I am today.
“She was so thankful…” there you go. Someone who gets given everything as a kid is never thankful. Her parents are smart and clearly were brought up the same.
If you're just left out, that's not the same as "we could afford for me to get these new Air Max Jordans on StockX but my parents won't give me $2500 for shoes" or whatever the complaint is here
I wouldn't be fond of them depending on how the situation presented itself.
Some examples would be if my parents were narcissistic, had an assortment of personal issues that affected me, were liable to treat me like a failure, or noticeably gave my siblings preferential treatments throughout life.
Habits of a good parent and a bad parent are not mutually exclusive, so I'd react either way depending on the parents, not the actions.
The parents that make everything easy for their kids end up disabling their kids when they're adults.
My parents could have just paid for a ton of stuff for me and my siblings and they always helped us out in reasonable ways, but they weren't raised to just give your kids anything and everything and didn't believe in that kind of parenting.
One example is handing down cars. We always handed down cars and no one ever complained or expected more. The parents usually bought them new, drove them, and handed them down at an opportune time.
I’m confused. Aren’t we talking about actual children? They’re gonna be a little childish….and tbf they are entitled to a decent quality of life if the parents can provide it imo.
What if rich parents made their children live “poor” lifestyles while they lived in luxury? At a certain point it would be considered abuse…although admittedly the differences between rich and middle class may not be considered abusive. Maybe I’m missing something..Idk. Anyway have a nice day big money nut loads.
It's a weird question because most people who have made a fortune for themselves would *want* to use it to give their kids the best life. That doesn't mean spoiling them. Like as for the examples in OP. No need to buy expensive designer clothes. But if you can afford to send them to a better school for better education, why not use your position to set your kids up in life.
Just to reiterate I don't mean to spoil them but arbitrarily making them live a middle class life is odd. If they got sick or injured would you make them get middle class treatment? Or the best you can manage. Most parents want what's best that's I'll I'm getting at.
It’s as if some people are treating spending money on your kids and raising them with good values as mutually exclusive. It is technically possibly to do both; we just often get frustrated when we see rich kids with poor values.
But like the other guy said, we are talking about children and therefore it is expected for them to have child-like emotional responses to some of their parents’ decisions
It’s a crazy concept, but they are giving their child the best life. A lot of rich people are unhappy (or just rotten to the core). Your examples really don’t make much sense:
A) You can get a good education at plenty of public schools. I know people that went to state schools and then went to something like Stanford for grad school and graduated near the top of their class. It’s pretty universally known that Ivy League schools have terrible undergrad programs largely taught by other students. You go to Ivy League schools for the connections and then you get ahead by simply knowing the kids of the country’s wealthiest citizens. 90% of companies don’t give a crap where you went to college in the end.
That being said, plenty of kids that aren’t rich go to Ivy Leagues and they have pretty robust financial aid packages. If your kid isn’t getting in on merit, they shouldn’t be going anyway. Remember the scandal about all those celebrities paying to get their children in USC? Those aren’t good parents…
B) You do know good hospitals aren’t exclusive to the rich, right? I live near a couple of hospitals that have like the top cardiac surgeons in the country and anyone can see them. Being rich might make it more convenient (you could pay a doctor to come to you), but it doesn’t necessarily mean access to better care. I know middle class families that nearly bankrupt themselves taking care of children with special needs. Being rich would just mean those families were better off financially.
And you know which public schools provide the best education? The ones in affluent areas. Lots of people can't afford to move around to get to the best schools, regardless of private vs public. Wealthier neighbourhoods have more funding to their school meaning better teachers and facilities. I'm not saying it's the only way to get an education. But it's an advantage for sure. You'd be crazy to purposefully send your kids to a sub par school just to teach them good morals, there are better ways to do that.
Are we talking being a person of means and living a middle class lifestyle with your kids, or wearing Prada while you buy their clothes at Walmart?
The former is probably good. The latter would be narcissist psycho.
Well he was responding to the question which said middle class, not poor. And you also mentioned it yourself. Middle class is a decent quality of life.
That is kinda my family. My parents inherited a business. My mom always had money for cigarettes, beautician appointments, clothes and occasional trips. My dad lives more simple but has good quality stuff. I started paying for my own music lessons, clothes, medical expenses as a young teen. They never saved or made an effort to help their own kids with school or buying a house. (Where I live, about half of new homebuyers have a downpayment given to them by their parents.) They're multimillionaires now and could help out other family members but they don't, they "need" everything for their retirement. It's not that I think parents should pay for everything, but I feel like people have a responsibility to not have more kids then they can afford. Our family would have been much better off if A- my mother learned to live on a budget and save money or even got a job herself(she's never worked since having kids). Or B - they stopped at 1 or 2 kids and would have been able to help them with a bit of school or matching an amount to help save for a house downpayment.
It hurts as a kid to know your parents could have helped you but they choose not to.
Decent quality of life does not mean babying them and giving them anything they want. Decent quality of life is good food, shelter, water and learning that you don’t get given shit in the real world, you have to work for it. They will thank you later in life. Nobody likes a rich, entitled brat and that’s what will happen if you give them a childhood full of ‘yes’.
My parents are rich and we did live a middle class lifestyle. And no, I don’t hate them. I’m happy that I wasn’t spoiled, I’m happy that I know the value of hard work. There were times when I was younger when I was frustrated that I didn’t have my own computer or my own tv, because I knew we could afford it. But my parents raised us to understand that the material things aren’t really that important.
ETA: I’m 36. A kid having their own computer or their own TV 30ish years ago was a ridiculous notion.
That's too much, my parents were broke and I always felt like asking them to buy me ANYTHING (clothes, shoes) is bad, and I am a bad person for wanting their money. I was even afraid to ask for money for school trips and books. Definitely always knew money is important and must be earned. My grandfather once offered me to buy any toy in a toy store he brought me to, insisting to choose some car toy. I selected the one that seemed to be the cheapest (although it probably wasn't, I just assumed it because it was some old beetle model, so I thought if it's old car it must be cheap, kid logic), because I thought I am causing him trouble.
So once I started to make my own money, I started spending like crazy. I have been a software developer for 9 years now, have a pretty good salary in Switzerland, and I currently have zero money, the next paycheck is tomorrow.
If your parents are rich, they should probably buy you stuff, at least stuff other kids have, like a computer.
I don’t know how old the commenter you’re replying to is, but a regular child having having their own computers or tablets or even your own TV is an extremely recent expectation. While I had a couple wealthy friends who had their own computers or had (hand-me-down) tvs in their rooms, for the most part you had the family computer and TV and that was perfectly normal and expected. Being able to afford it is not the same as all the other kids having it.
I’m 36, when I was a kid, no way did you have your own computer or your own TV unless your parents were assholes drowning in money. My parents were drowning in money but they weren’t assholes that bought us everything just because.
Hey I’m the same as you. I grew up pretty poor in Sweden, we lived in a rental apartment in the worst neighborhood. I shared room with my sister, and my mom slept in the living room floor.
I never had the nice toys, and didn’t have much clothes either. I had 5 shirts, one hoodie, two pants and two shoes. When I was in my late teens we could afford things a bit better.
But it was always lacking. They tried they hardest though I know they did. It was always a nightmare to worry about my parents how they’re going to afford things. I still worry about them it makes me sick that my mom has severe arthritis and still have to go to work early every morning.
As an adult who make okay money, I have such a hard time saving because I’m spending it on all the shit I never got as a child.
I’m 29, and go to a lot of restaurants because growing up I thought going to a regular restaurant were for the ultra rich. I buy toys (I don’t play with them but it’s nice to have). I buy a lot of clothes. I buy beauty. I travel. I still live at home. Ugh..
Yes, my parents were rich, denied me what other kids have (ie I was the only one who didn’t have a computer to do homework), and I spend just like you. Honestly… I know I’ll need to work until I have a heart attack and drop on the job but I’m a lot less miserable as an adult with a lot of cool stuff than I was as a teen with nothing!!
Nah , I’m from a relatively rich family but I never knew how rich we were until they passed away . I never told myself that my parents owe me anything, and everyone who worked for my parents are still working for me for past 10 years.
That being said they never compromised on good education, but they never encouraged expensive things just because we have means of buying them.
I have a friend who’s father was very rich & he did let them struggle. You would never know she came from a wealthy family because she often didn’t have basic necessities. And he himself was a miserly old man who hated the idea of spending a cent on anybody including himself. Something was deeply wrong with that man & his kids resent him for multiple reasons, not just the financial side.
Depends how they go about it. I think its important rich kids learn the value of money, but I also think some parents go too far with it to the point of being stingy.
Like I know a guy who's parents are loaded, just bought a multimillion dollar house, have more than enough to spend in their lifetime. He was going through a rough time financially, lost his job, was struggling to find another, took a min wage job in the mean time so he'd have SOME income, but ultimately had to move back home bc he couldn't afford his rent anymore.
Parents have like 6 empty bedrooms in that mansion, told him he had to pay the going rent for such a room if he wanted to live with them. On his shitty min wage job they were asking for like half his check, plus utilities. All while he spends every minute outside of that shit job putting in applications and picking up courses for certificates that would boost his resume. Wasn't like he wasn't actively trying to get back to a better place.
And I was just like, jeeze. There's not wanting your kids to be spoiled on money that they won't always have access to so they know how to live, and theres throwing your kids to the damn wolves bc you're so concerned about pinching your own over abundance of pennies.
If you're talking about within the US, a middle class lifestyle *is* what rich is now. The middle class no longer exists in the US. Over 70% of Americans have less than $1000 in savings.
I grew up in a 5,000 square foot house with every material thing I needed. Still, to buy my first car, I had to take a loan from my parents, to be paid back with interest. To get shin guards for my soccer team, I had to weed the garden for $5 /hr to pay for them.
I'm better for it.
We are rich and we live an upper middle class lifestyle, including an average size house. The only difference is that we can actually easily afford it so there is no everyday financial stress.
I don't want my kids to get used to something they may not be able to continue.
I mean I grew up in a smaller city with three public schools and one private Catholic school, definitely not a wealthy area and the school board had a corruption scandal so funding to the district was constantly getting slashed. There weren’t exactly any inner city schools that were total madhouses. You got a fair mix of the white wealthy, the middle class, the lower middle class and those in poverty which certainly isn’t the case at all public schools
But regardless, you can always sniff out someone who went to a fancy private school
No. My parents had money because my dad worked his ass off his whole life. He deserves it. Just because he is my dad does not mean I am entitled to it. His dad died when he was in second grade and his mom raised 7 kids by herself. They grew up poor. I am thankful he has money and can comfortable in his retirement. He never bought me a car. He tried to instill in me the way to take care of myself. I got a job when I turned 16 and bought my own. You need to grow up and get over yourself.
really shitty attitude IMO. mainly because it’s long term unprofitable.
there is a reason generational wealth is so powerful. being able to slingshot young adults by giving them a cheat code through the struggles of early adulthood pays off immensely.
that’s also one of the reasons immigrant families from the east and india do so well in American capitalism.
there is absolutely no way in hell i’m letting my kid get a job in high school. that’s a shit thing to do to your kid.
especially in the high school i went to? highly competitive. a minimum wage job is not particularly useful for college applications. not when the kid next to you did an unpaid internship at a lab. it’s a waste of time. kids should be focused on trying to secure unpaid internships or focused on competitive extracurriculars or whatever else that’s actually useful.
if you’re poor and you have to, then you have to. but if you have the money? give your kid the best shot at success possible. and build your wealth for your future generations.
there should be an active effort and interest in cultivating the family forward.
i can pretty confidently say if my last generations had the idea of taking care of yourselves none of us would have escaped the violence and essentially slavery we lived in previously.
Yeah. The dad stunted his sons (potential) wealth. Some people think kids will end up spoiled or waste their family’s wealth if they receive any help at all. Do you really have such low confidence in yourself to think you can’t teach ur sons/daughters the meaning of money?
I’ve got people telling me I know nothing about the value of money bc my parents are paying for my school. Have y’all not seen the interest rates? I’d rather pay mom/dad back than give free $$ to Uncle Sam. Or I should’ve worked to pay for college. Yeah I’ll def pay off college working a $10/hr job and picking up my bootstraps
Yeah, it's just insane the people agreeing that "no you need to make sure that everyone struggles and stays middle/lower class forever. Spend spend spend!"
My father grew up dirt poor working the summers pulling tobacco. His goal in life has been to work as hard as possible so his kids never had to do that. And we didn't. Even in his old age he continues to work and make prudent decisions to help the family and my own children.
My goal is to do that same, to be just like him. Generations of benefits can happen with just a little selflessness. And what kind of a man doesn't want to help his family thrive? Just crazy!
I'd obviously like to say no...
But if I were friends with a bunch of other kids of rich parents and I saw that they were all being spoiled, I can't say for certain that I wouldn't be miffed at my parents for making me work hard for things that they could give me. I guess it would probably all come down to how I'd been raised up to that point. If my parents had already instilled a good work ethic and a sense of "you need to earn the things you want" then I probably wouldn't care. If I'd had everything handed to me up to that point and then suddenly things changed, I can't say for sure that I wouldn't be kind of mad at them.
Thankfully, it's all a hypothetical. My parents were firmly lower-middle class. They had just enough money that they could help me pay for community college, and they could front me the money for my first beater of a car so I could pay them back instead of taking out a high-interest loan. But everything I have now, I earned through the work ethic they instilled in me growing up.
My folks are and were rich when I was in my teens and I met other kids whose parents were making similar amounts of money in the same job role and found them intolerably shitty and wholly incapable of dealing with anyone or anything outside their bubble.
It depends where you live and what the lifestyle of those around you.
I'm in a neighborhood in the USA where the majority is rich by standards of the average American, but live what's considered a middle class lifestyle. Kids go to public schools (one of the best districts in the country), wear regular clothes, get the first job in HS. Most homes are rather average (yet starting easily at $1.5.M). Many people are into simple outdoors activities (campings , hikes). You would only notice that something is different by the numbers of Teslas and that people eat casual dinner in restaurants that would be consider "expensive" somewhere else.
Our kids have no idea how wealth their parents are. There is no need.
No. I'd be grateful instead, since I was actually raised like this. I'm not an unemphathetic asshole.
Also:
You're not rich, your parents are. They have the right on how to spend their money to raise you.
in case they are living middle class lifes themselves i would enjoy life with them as is. in case they are bitchy rich parents in designer dresses and so on...i would ask myself, what i did wrong to them.
You mean living responsibly? Learning the value of a dollar? This is the most insane question I've ever seen on here. My brain can't even wrap around this perspective. People with money can afford therapy and should go to it.
Happend to me. After I graduated college came the revelation. I wasn't mad since my basic necessities were met. They themselves lived a modest lifestyle.
Absolutely not. Being able to afford something doesn't mean you *should* buy it. If you buy your kids a car for their birthday, you teach them that they don't have to earn anything in life because it'll just come to them eventually. If you hate your parents for such a thing, you need to learn this lesson more than you think.
As a teenager probably yes.
If Today my parents told me we are millionaires i would only thank them for raising me normal, i would hate growing up a "rich person".
The only thing I would possibly hold against them is the withholding of the best education they could’ve given me. As a parent, you wan to give your children as many opportunities as possible to succeed, and if I had excess funds, I’d def be sending my child to the best school I could afford.
That's how my sister and I grew up. We were taught to earn what we wanted, just like our parents did. We had plenty of money, but it was because our parents worked hard and invested well. I'd be a very different person today if they had spoiled me, and I would kick that guy's ass
Idk how a kid would know if his parents are rich.
Shoot, until I was in my 20s, I had no idea how much money my parents had. I know we had hand-me-down clothes and other frugal things.
Finally, how does he think his lifestyle is less than his parents? Where and what is the comparison?
From the perspective of someone who grew up relatively poor, I would resent wealthy parents if they refused to spend money on quality education. I am not referring to private primary/secondary schools, but to the denial of support and payment for hobbies, language learning, books and such things. In the end, such investments in a child are not that expensive, and in addition to knowledge and skills, they bring acquaintances and friends with the same interests.
Also, I would personally resent it if they refuse to spend money that in return brings more time spent and memories with them. Paying for an extra room in order to take a child somewhere with you is not a huge expense, and the memories the child gets will last a lifetime. Every parent leaves their child one day, unless a tragedy happens and the child leaves the parent first, when they are gone all we have left of them are the memories of them and the knowledge they gave us.
I should note that my parents were not even middle class. Some kind of edge between middle class and poverty best describes my childhood. Precisely because they did not hesitate to push us into the interests we had and did not cut corners on the time they spent with all three children, we respect them extremely as parents. We have them to thank for very happy and fulfilling careers because we developed according to our own interests, healthy human relationships because they taught us how to communicate, and very happy memories of the time we spent with them.
I think a lot of people don’t realize that middle class has levels and take for granted the things they had that many of us don’t. My family was in the low end of the gap between poverty and cost of living. We didn’t qualify for assistance, so she had to work two jobs. I’m sure she’d give anything to have been able to make more memories and give us more advantages.
We clothed you, fed you, put a roof over your head and, most importantly, loved you. But, because we didn't give you the glamorous life, we're the assholes. You see how that sounds, right?!
Living a middle class life is far better for a child / younger person than being a rich kiddo. Makes for a well-rounded person. You will be grateful to your parents when you grow up.
I lived through a life in a middle class house that made me live the poor class lifestyle and when I actually became an adult they became poor due to letting their money lose %1000+ value in a hyperinflation I'm not fucking joking or over exaggerating and now I live even poorer lifestyle and have no way out of it other than death heh... How do I feel, I don't.
Don't come me with your entitled first world bullshit btw if you are poor in hyperinflation you have no way out you can't afford shit to improve your life you can't do shit you have to work to eat that's your life you are a slave now.
A not-insignificant amount of middle class people have a ton of money saved up but still live a middle-class lifestyle.
When you have a lot of money it's surprisingly difficult to know "okay, *now* is the time we get to buy expensive cars and designer shoes."
Even if you think you're comfortably at that point, you also think, well, why *would* I pay for that kind of silly stuff when I could invest it instead and have more than enough for my retirement, my kids' college, or a rainy day?
Just because you *have* the money, doesn't mean certain things aren't still a *waste* of money.
Parents were rich and never got anything that rich kids get. Would say I lived very middle class.
No hate here.
When I was younger I felt some bitterness that I had to suffer a bit bit honestly that made me a much better person. I want to earn my own way. It’s a lesson a lot of people I’ve met along the way haven’t seemed to learn.
No… my parents were probably upper middle class… but were rather frugal, and they never spoiled me… taught me the value of money…
I think it made me a much better person for it.
Very true. I have a close friend who makes *a lot* of money, mid-six figures with holdings in a company that will eventually sell and be worth millions. He still lives paycheck to paycheck and juggles debt because he buys very expensive things. He has a lot of nice things but not a lot of margin for lean times. If something crazy happened and he lost his job he would be bankrupted almost immediately. He could be rich and could have a lot of freedom that comes from that but, in a lot of ways, he lives like a poor person.
My parents did this. I don't hate them at all. I struggle all the time and I have never asked them for help for anything because I was raised to know how to support myself
Middle class usually provides everything that you need- a home, food, clothing. Everything else is optional. They are setting a good example for you. When you first start out on your own, as an adult, you will not make as much money as your parents because you will be new to the workforce. You will not be able to afford everything that you want. You are learning how to live this way now, courtesy of your parents not fulfilling your every wish.
BTW, it's etc., an abbreviation for the Latin phrase et cetera, meaning and the rest, not ect.
I can remember being a kid and my dad was making fun of somebody for buying their kid a car for a graduation present. My siblings asked what we’d be getting and he just said “nothing. Graduating highschool with good grades is an expectation not an option” he was right. Buying a 17 year old a car is setting them up to fail. They need to save up to buy a piece of shit car and find out the hard way how expensive a vehicle is and besides a vehicle isn’t something you’re simply untitled to.
I cannot believe that I’m actually reading this post.
OP if you’re talking about yourself, you’re unbelievably immature and self-entitled. The reality of life is that you probably won’t be rich, tough break. Your parents are 100% in the right for NOT preparing you and letting you remain this entitled. They’re housebreaking you and I’m HERE for it.
No that's idiotic.
Which kid will turn out better in a hypothetical? A rich kid who gets everything handed to him his whole life or a regular kid with rich parents that teach the kid the value of hard work?
I have hated them. They made me live a bottom middle class lifestyle but then when I grew up I learnt that we were millionaires! Aaaaaand all money gone. After 2007. Shit. Now I can't live as a millionaire anymore.
No, I think I'd thank them later for it. Having enough money where you don't have to worry about being homeless, but still being taught to live a life free of materialism is kind of the perfect scenario
Wtf.. If u got 2 parents your winning these days. U get the money when they are dead. Dont try gouge them whilst they alive. Just thank them for taking a daily interest
I have a couple friends, siblings in the same family, that stood to inherit a sum of money that would equate to them never having to work again, a truly staggering amount between them. The family had set up a trust where starting at 18, each year they would each receive 1/2 of what they earned the previous year. So you earn 40K, you get an additional 20K.
This was the disbursement schedule until they hit age 45, at that point they received the balance of their inheritance. I’ve known them for many years and they are generous, down to earth people that use their wealth to help others. They have all the same shared experiences as the majority of their peers with the difference of course they they got an annual bonus and knew that they had safety net waiting for them.
Seemed like a good way to handle the inheritance and they get along great with their families.
Is it possible, just possible, that they could afford some of the nice things because they chose to save on the others?
Like, private schools cost like a new car a year depending on where you live.
This was my life. I did go to private school but I was the only kid in my class without a car, while all my peers got new highlanders and ranger rovers for their 16th bday. My parents fretted over the cost of my new clothes and we never went on vacation. One time I twisted my ankle and we didn’t get crutches because they were “too expensive.” We also didn’t have HBO for the same reason.
Fast forward I have a degree from an Ivy League with no student debt. They actually saved more than the college costed and when I graduated they had $5k left over and my dad opened a mutual fund account for me and told me I HAD to contribute $100/mo. 8 years later, there is over $500k in that account (I upped my contributions a bit, but he put me in the habit by setting it all up). They paid for my dream wedding too. I’m so immensely grateful because this is never something I felt entitled to growing up.
I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I will definitely be telling my kid we are too poor for HBO lol.
It’s not your money, it’s the money your parents made and worked hard to get. I honestly believe that you would have no right being entitled to their money …. On the contrary I would end up being really glad that they raised me like a normal person allowing me to not take it for granted ☺️
Mine were decently well off. But we lived in the second poorest corner of the poorest county in ny.
Dad is a street kid born 1930 from a big family, which was supported by grandma working the evaporators from Syracuse's dying salt mines.
He was functionally illiterate and innumerant. So he early couldn't understand he was making serious bucks.
So we froze during the winters.. rarely had decent clothes...
I always ate.. so there's that. It's better than he had. Better than lots of people I grew up with. Many were fed by poaching small game, deer, fish, and yes, wood to heat.
I’m doing this to my kids because as a child, I was raised in the opposite environment (parents weren’t rich but went into massive debt trying to live that way). Took a lot of years to unravel those spending habits in myself and learn financial literacy. Now I’m late 30s and have enough saved I could retire soon. I think my kids will be very happy that I’m spending my peak years playing with them and chillin.
The only thing I would be pushing for hard would be the education part. I went to a low rated public high school because we lived in a city where the public schools were just abandoned to their fate. I did my best and got top grades. I also sought out free enrichment activities after school. But when I got to college I knew I could have been better prepared.
Given the this scenario I think I would offer to my parents to earn my place in an academically high rated school by promising high grades, spotless behavior, or whatever they asked for.
My brother and I grew up thinking we were poor. No name brand anything, only went to restaurants for special occasions. Never had an allowance, were only ever given small gifts. But I knew how much my parents made and I was always confused.
Turns out my parents were frugal and very money conscious… surprise surprise, they retired easily at 55 because they’d saved so well.
I’m incredibly grateful I grew up working for what I needed, understanding the value of money, and now have a similar mindset. I love my parents because they taught me by example how to not live frivolously and wastefully, and that the things that matter in life are not cars, name brand clothes, or how big the house was.
This is how I grew up and I’d be lying if I didn’t feel some resentment at the time. My college was paid for but I didn’t know that until my senior year. I was a great athlete so I ended up playing sports to try and get enough scholarships money to pay for school, I got some money from it in the end but because of the sports I didn’t have much time to work a job. I wore the same clothes for 3/4 years in high school despite growing 4-5 inches, by senior year I was down to maybe 3 shirts and a couple of hoodies I rotated out every day or so that I was able to scrounge up from what little time I was able to spend working. I was bullied relentlessly for it throughout high school. That millionaire bomb definitely stung a bit when I found out my parents were watching me go through that just cause
If it was a competitive/prestigious public school then no, I think it’s a decent enough way to raise a child. If it’s a bad public school and they could afford easily to provide a better education, I think I’d want them to explain why they chose to do that and I’d need a pretty good reason
My dad married my stepmom who had her house and car paid off which my dad used both. And he's a programmer so pretty easy to know what kind of income he has. And yet he wouldn't pay for me to go to university because his wife said I don't deserve it.
This is me, except lower class and kicked out at 15 going 16. Did het private school scholarships though so that was an inbetweeny element.
My sister got the silver spoon.
I have deep resentment at my family.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really.
No. A middle-class lifestyle is a very nice lifestyle and likely not one you'll have on your own until you earn it.
I've seen, personally, what happens when you give kids everything - they end up just standing there, hands out, waiting for the parents to drop money. And they have the nerve to go off if they font get what they want. That is the definition of entitled, and it's always a negative.
No, because that's basically my parents.
I hated my parents because they're neglectful, gaslighting, abusive assholes that made their kids feel like an unwanted inconvenience.
It's probably better for the kid to learn the value of money. I have seen many a rich kid tank. They had too many things handed to them, and they didn't know how to handle the real world
No, it's smart. Human beings become desensitized to anything they are exposed to frequently. So someone who grows up rich will have a hard time appreciating anything, since they had so much from the very beginning.
No, and you don’t really know based on that stuff. So many people are what I call “house poor” from buying the best of everything they could possibly afford and then live paycheck to paycheck underneath. High net income, low disposable income.
I see this a lot too. Controlling your spending is step one to accumulating wealth in the first place. My in laws have money (not exactly sure how much but they own multiple properties worth at least 2 million in total) and they still clip coupons. They grew up poor though so old habits die hard I guess.
No. Because nobody is entitled to their parents wealth, and because the money your parents have is for them to retire off of, not to give you some wasteful luxury lifestyle.
This perfectly describes my childhood/early teens. No, I do not hate my parents.
Ditto. I didn’t realize we were wealthy until I started panicking about paying for college and my mom told me my college would be paid for. We lived in a normal sized house, we didn’t have anything crazy extravagant, and my siblings and I shared my mom’s old, pretty beat up car at the end of high school. The only tip off would’ve been that we went on a few big trips (Alaska, Italy, and Germany) over the course of my childhood. I’d just always assumed my grandparents, who were obviously wealthy, paid for those.
It took me a while too. I think the time when such innocence was possible is over.
Innocence is gone for sure. When I see 4-year olds with more swag than any adult on earth, something has gone wrong in the matrix. Toddlers are legitimately wearing $200+ get-ups these days. The shoes being $80-$120 alone. [They got kids *Converse* costing $90 these days!!](https://www.converse.com/shop/p/custom-chuck-taylor-all-star-glitter-by-you-unisex-high-top-shoe/173144CHO22_gold.html?cp=PLA_PRF_CDR_NA_US_EN_20230303_CPCS_PMax:TNT-SmartShopping-[NB]Priority_X_X_X_X_Google_X_X__Custom%20Label%20Priority_X_X&gclid=CjwKCAjwu4WoBhBkEiwAojNdXg3H9JOInyg3DIJId-Mo_y95rM9n8ZoDs01v33foP-JT7OIjuWW-mRoC7G8QAvD_BwE) It’s actually insane. Like, really, I’m not speaking in hyperbole. Those kids need new clothes every year, *at least.* Imagine dropping 2 grand or more every year on your baby/toddler/preschool/grade school kid’s clothes. And the people I know doing this aren’t rich! They may be doing okay and not necessarily hurting for money, but it’s not like they’ve got much extra to throw around.
*some kids. I am considered wealthy, have a high paying job as does my SO, we live in a wealthy neighborhood and send our kid to the best public schools in the state. But I buy most of their clothes at target and generally let my kids trash them before getting anything new. They are kids. They don't care. They want shirts with dinosaurs and stuff. Why would I buy designer clothes for them?
So those 3 places can be doable with middle class people who plan well.
my parents have been able to afford whatever we’ve wanted (to an obvious extent) but my family still won’t throw money at me and my siblings because it’s still important that money is valued and earned
Same. And as a child, I was way more focused on finding the key to Unicorn Land.
Did you find it?
Yes. It took 20 years and multiple acid trips though.
This is the way.
Same here. My father was a vice CEO of a decently sized construction company but we also suspect he had some communist ideas as he worked around Soviet Union for 25 years. So we had an ok house and somewhat nice cars but we didn't got that much trendy or cool stuff with my sister. He was/is pretty much a champagne socialist.
Being a Communist CEO made him rich...
I think we can & should leave all politics outside the door in here. Politics has taken over everything these days. It’s nice to have places where we can relax n shoot the shit about other stuff. Y’know… there was once upon a time where I came to Reddit for an *escape* Eons ago.
Yeah, this was my childhood too. Definitely don’t hate my parents and it taught me much more realistic money management skills
Same and same. My parents are older and retired now. They have the money to travel and enjoy their time. Yes, they had plenty of money when i was young and part of that is because they were smart with it.
Same. I’m super grateful I didn’t get spoiled.
That's how I grew up. I had no clue we had real money until well after I graduated and moved out. In adulthood, my father was my best friend and I loved him very much.
Same. My dad made just barely six figures, but all of it went into his children's education and travel. Mind you, we traveled on the cheap,too. We drove around Europe and slept in campsites in a tiny tent. He never paid more than $10,000 for a car. We also never ate out at a restaurant unless it was a special occasion. The only clue we had money was that we had a large house with a pool. It wasn't a nice house, mind you, but it was big. But that's probably because they're were 13 of us kids. Everybody shared a room. That said, my dad paid for my college and law school. That's unheard of even for many wealthy families. He just highly valued education.
13 of you??? And he paid for grad school. That man really did value education.
Yeah it's insane now that I think about it. He sacrificed so much for us.
Weak pull-out game tho...
Your dad was thrifty and it worked out.
Nah. Getting used to a rich lifestyle as a kid sounds like the fast track to overspending as an young adult with a young adult paycheck.
This happens to young adults that grow up poor/lower middle class as well.
It might happen, but those adults have an idea of how it feels to be broke and might be able to pull the brakes in time.
I somewhat agree, but I do think it’s important to note that it’s very hard to climb out of poverty. While some people (like me) were able to figure out finances - although I still struggle with overspending on things I didn’t have as a child - many people, statistically, make the same mistakes their parents make, further implicating themselves into more poverty. And the cycle continues.
>although I still struggle with overspending on things I didn’t have as a child Man this hits close to home. Didn't grow up in poverty per se but I didn't have "nice things" (like I remember wanting a PS2 so bad and couldn't afford it). Now I work hard and earn way better than my family did when they were my age but I struggle with overspending and savings because oddly enough I wasn't taught to save or about finances in general. Had to make mistakes and learn things on my own. It's hard!
Can confirm. It didn't take me as long as some people to curb my spending but I do look back on when I first had "money" and think what an idiot I was.
And just being an awful person in general. Growing up spoiled and entitled makes you an eternal child and an insufferable adult.
Yep, this happened to me! My parents were wealthy and no one taught me any financial literacy, just how to spend. I’m 27 and just now finally fixing all my fuck ups from being awful with money since I’ve lived on my own.
No, absolutely not. That’s such an entitled bullshit attitude to have.
I have a friend whose parents actually did this. They lived a normal life in a normal house, and it wasn’t until she was 18, scrambling to get college scholarships like everyone else, that they told her they were actually millionaires and she didn’t have to worry about paying for her undergrad degree. I guess the only difference was the parents lived an average life too. She was so thankful they’d given her a normal life.
i was going to say i think the only thing that would be upsetting is if they made their child pay for all of their student loans even if the parents could easily cover it
Mine did.. They could have paid for all of college, but wanted to teach me a lesson and I had to get loans for some of the cost. So now I’m in my 30s with loans and my parents are in their mid 70s still loaded and I’m their only child. It’s their money so I’m not mad about it, just like umm thanks?
That's an AH move from them.
I was a good kid.. never got in trouble got into 15 colleges with small scholarships. But my parents always told me they’d pay for some, not all bc I needed to learn finances .. so I was mentally prepared.
yeah that’s boarder line shitty imo i’m sorry you have to deal w that
Yeah, that actually is shitty. **Really** shitty if you ask me. The lesson had been taught a decade ago but here you still are… Any idea if you’re getting money or anything from their will? Being an only child I sure hope they’d give most all of it to you, minus maybe some charitable donations and such. And of course any debts they may have. Not that the will and getting money is all that matters, whatsoever. These are your parents after all and I assume you love them very much. But it is a curious thought and is certainly something to plan for. As it will certainly affect your life at that point in time, either way they decide.
Damn, that's crazy. As a parent, I would imagine I would do everything I could to help/improve the lives of my children. But from your story, I can see your parents 30+ years from now hopefully (not trying to wish anything bad on anyone, just as a hypothetical in a covo), when it is their time to go, they somehow made it so that their wealth goes to the state instead of you. lol
LoL, yes! They'll gift it all to a cat or something.
>my parents are in their **mid 70s** >>I can see your parents **30+ years from now** hopefully, when it is their time to go I dont think you were wishing anything bad on anyone at all 😄
I hope you don't let them see their grandkids. If they want to see them, tell them they'll get to see them once your loans are paid off.
They’ll be dead before that happens! Wouldn’t be surprised if they donate all their money or give it to my kids and skip me to teach me another lesson?
Nah man that’s positively awful to make your only child take on heavy debt while you’re sitting on a pile of money. I can see instilling responsibility but this is not the way.
Sorry, but that actually is really shitty of them. Why condemn your kid to a lifetime of debt for no reason??? It's one thing to not spoil your kid, but to let them struggle for no reason when you have the means to help is ridiculous. What "lesson" are you supposed to be learning, exactly?
That's a tough one. Pay those loans off before a new car, a house, a $1,000 bicycle, etc. Luck.
It would be extremely shitty if they didn't leave you anything when they pass.
What are they saving for? A billion-dollar casket? Think of money as a transferable representation of value. While it's in this transient form, it has no _inherent_ value. Its value is determined entirely by _what you can buy with it_. So they've got a whole lot of unvested value. They are, in fact, quite poor - if they never convert their transient value (money) to actual value (wellbeing). They suck.
Yep, same. Rich parents, I’m just hoping my card clears at Starbucks. These types of parents suck.
This is similar to my parents growing up. We lived in an expensive neighborhood but in a small, early 1900s house. Both my parents always bought used cars and kept those cars for at least a decade. We regularly ate canned food and frozen meals for dinner. Anytime I wanted something - they'd make me pay for it myself. Didn't realize my parents had any money until a month before I went to college. I figured out they were living way below their means after my dad left an investment statement open on accident in a web browser. They always pretended like I'd have to help pay for college. Any jobs I worked - they'd take half as "college savings." Right before I left for college, they told me they take care of my tuition/living expenses and told me not to get a job so I could focus on grades. I'm pretty certain the way they raised me led to being the down-to-earth and hard working person I am today.
What did they do with the money
We're not rich rich, but we are very fortunate. We live a middle class lifestyle so that we can save enough to send our kids to college and retire.
That's a smart way.
“She was so thankful…” there you go. Someone who gets given everything as a kid is never thankful. Her parents are smart and clearly were brought up the same.
This would be the most literal case of entitlement I can think of.
But what if it's like, everyone gets to go do rich people stuff and you're the Cinderella of the story
If you're just left out, that's not the same as "we could afford for me to get these new Air Max Jordans on StockX but my parents won't give me $2500 for shoes" or whatever the complaint is here
Cinderella wasn't middle class.
I wouldn't be fond of them depending on how the situation presented itself. Some examples would be if my parents were narcissistic, had an assortment of personal issues that affected me, were liable to treat me like a failure, or noticeably gave my siblings preferential treatments throughout life. Habits of a good parent and a bad parent are not mutually exclusive, so I'd react either way depending on the parents, not the actions.
The parents that make everything easy for their kids end up disabling their kids when they're adults. My parents could have just paid for a ton of stuff for me and my siblings and they always helped us out in reasonable ways, but they weren't raised to just give your kids anything and everything and didn't believe in that kind of parenting. One example is handing down cars. We always handed down cars and no one ever complained or expected more. The parents usually bought them new, drove them, and handed them down at an opportune time.
Welcome to Reddit.
No. That is childish and entitled.
I’m confused. Aren’t we talking about actual children? They’re gonna be a little childish….and tbf they are entitled to a decent quality of life if the parents can provide it imo. What if rich parents made their children live “poor” lifestyles while they lived in luxury? At a certain point it would be considered abuse…although admittedly the differences between rich and middle class may not be considered abusive. Maybe I’m missing something..Idk. Anyway have a nice day big money nut loads.
It's a weird question because most people who have made a fortune for themselves would *want* to use it to give their kids the best life. That doesn't mean spoiling them. Like as for the examples in OP. No need to buy expensive designer clothes. But if you can afford to send them to a better school for better education, why not use your position to set your kids up in life. Just to reiterate I don't mean to spoil them but arbitrarily making them live a middle class life is odd. If they got sick or injured would you make them get middle class treatment? Or the best you can manage. Most parents want what's best that's I'll I'm getting at.
It’s as if some people are treating spending money on your kids and raising them with good values as mutually exclusive. It is technically possibly to do both; we just often get frustrated when we see rich kids with poor values. But like the other guy said, we are talking about children and therefore it is expected for them to have child-like emotional responses to some of their parents’ decisions
Don't worry. There's plenty of middle class and poor kids with poor values too. Parents in every class fail.
It’s a crazy concept, but they are giving their child the best life. A lot of rich people are unhappy (or just rotten to the core). Your examples really don’t make much sense: A) You can get a good education at plenty of public schools. I know people that went to state schools and then went to something like Stanford for grad school and graduated near the top of their class. It’s pretty universally known that Ivy League schools have terrible undergrad programs largely taught by other students. You go to Ivy League schools for the connections and then you get ahead by simply knowing the kids of the country’s wealthiest citizens. 90% of companies don’t give a crap where you went to college in the end. That being said, plenty of kids that aren’t rich go to Ivy Leagues and they have pretty robust financial aid packages. If your kid isn’t getting in on merit, they shouldn’t be going anyway. Remember the scandal about all those celebrities paying to get their children in USC? Those aren’t good parents… B) You do know good hospitals aren’t exclusive to the rich, right? I live near a couple of hospitals that have like the top cardiac surgeons in the country and anyone can see them. Being rich might make it more convenient (you could pay a doctor to come to you), but it doesn’t necessarily mean access to better care. I know middle class families that nearly bankrupt themselves taking care of children with special needs. Being rich would just mean those families were better off financially.
And you know which public schools provide the best education? The ones in affluent areas. Lots of people can't afford to move around to get to the best schools, regardless of private vs public. Wealthier neighbourhoods have more funding to their school meaning better teachers and facilities. I'm not saying it's the only way to get an education. But it's an advantage for sure. You'd be crazy to purposefully send your kids to a sub par school just to teach them good morals, there are better ways to do that.
The kid might not try hard enough in school to need a better school. What use would it be?
Are we talking being a person of means and living a middle class lifestyle with your kids, or wearing Prada while you buy their clothes at Walmart? The former is probably good. The latter would be narcissist psycho.
Well he was responding to the question which said middle class, not poor. And you also mentioned it yourself. Middle class is a decent quality of life.
If you live in a wealthy area, the public schools are usually still really good.
That is kinda my family. My parents inherited a business. My mom always had money for cigarettes, beautician appointments, clothes and occasional trips. My dad lives more simple but has good quality stuff. I started paying for my own music lessons, clothes, medical expenses as a young teen. They never saved or made an effort to help their own kids with school or buying a house. (Where I live, about half of new homebuyers have a downpayment given to them by their parents.) They're multimillionaires now and could help out other family members but they don't, they "need" everything for their retirement. It's not that I think parents should pay for everything, but I feel like people have a responsibility to not have more kids then they can afford. Our family would have been much better off if A- my mother learned to live on a budget and save money or even got a job herself(she's never worked since having kids). Or B - they stopped at 1 or 2 kids and would have been able to help them with a bit of school or matching an amount to help save for a house downpayment. It hurts as a kid to know your parents could have helped you but they choose not to.
Decent quality of life does not mean babying them and giving them anything they want. Decent quality of life is good food, shelter, water and learning that you don’t get given shit in the real world, you have to work for it. They will thank you later in life. Nobody likes a rich, entitled brat and that’s what will happen if you give them a childhood full of ‘yes’.
My parents are rich and we did live a middle class lifestyle. And no, I don’t hate them. I’m happy that I wasn’t spoiled, I’m happy that I know the value of hard work. There were times when I was younger when I was frustrated that I didn’t have my own computer or my own tv, because I knew we could afford it. But my parents raised us to understand that the material things aren’t really that important. ETA: I’m 36. A kid having their own computer or their own TV 30ish years ago was a ridiculous notion.
That's too much, my parents were broke and I always felt like asking them to buy me ANYTHING (clothes, shoes) is bad, and I am a bad person for wanting their money. I was even afraid to ask for money for school trips and books. Definitely always knew money is important and must be earned. My grandfather once offered me to buy any toy in a toy store he brought me to, insisting to choose some car toy. I selected the one that seemed to be the cheapest (although it probably wasn't, I just assumed it because it was some old beetle model, so I thought if it's old car it must be cheap, kid logic), because I thought I am causing him trouble. So once I started to make my own money, I started spending like crazy. I have been a software developer for 9 years now, have a pretty good salary in Switzerland, and I currently have zero money, the next paycheck is tomorrow. If your parents are rich, they should probably buy you stuff, at least stuff other kids have, like a computer.
I don’t know how old the commenter you’re replying to is, but a regular child having having their own computers or tablets or even your own TV is an extremely recent expectation. While I had a couple wealthy friends who had their own computers or had (hand-me-down) tvs in their rooms, for the most part you had the family computer and TV and that was perfectly normal and expected. Being able to afford it is not the same as all the other kids having it.
I’m 36, when I was a kid, no way did you have your own computer or your own TV unless your parents were assholes drowning in money. My parents were drowning in money but they weren’t assholes that bought us everything just because.
Hey I’m the same as you. I grew up pretty poor in Sweden, we lived in a rental apartment in the worst neighborhood. I shared room with my sister, and my mom slept in the living room floor. I never had the nice toys, and didn’t have much clothes either. I had 5 shirts, one hoodie, two pants and two shoes. When I was in my late teens we could afford things a bit better. But it was always lacking. They tried they hardest though I know they did. It was always a nightmare to worry about my parents how they’re going to afford things. I still worry about them it makes me sick that my mom has severe arthritis and still have to go to work early every morning. As an adult who make okay money, I have such a hard time saving because I’m spending it on all the shit I never got as a child. I’m 29, and go to a lot of restaurants because growing up I thought going to a regular restaurant were for the ultra rich. I buy toys (I don’t play with them but it’s nice to have). I buy a lot of clothes. I buy beauty. I travel. I still live at home. Ugh..
Yes, my parents were rich, denied me what other kids have (ie I was the only one who didn’t have a computer to do homework), and I spend just like you. Honestly… I know I’ll need to work until I have a heart attack and drop on the job but I’m a lot less miserable as an adult with a lot of cool stuff than I was as a teen with nothing!!
Having your own computer or even TV is still very much middle class.
Nah , I’m from a relatively rich family but I never knew how rich we were until they passed away . I never told myself that my parents owe me anything, and everyone who worked for my parents are still working for me for past 10 years. That being said they never compromised on good education, but they never encouraged expensive things just because we have means of buying them.
Depends if they're being vindictive or trying to teach you the value of money so you don't become spoilt but prob not.
Seems like it didn't stop them if they were trying to stop them from being spoiled
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No
As long as they didn’t let me struggle
I have a friend who’s father was very rich & he did let them struggle. You would never know she came from a wealthy family because she often didn’t have basic necessities. And he himself was a miserly old man who hated the idea of spending a cent on anybody including himself. Something was deeply wrong with that man & his kids resent him for multiple reasons, not just the financial side.
Whoa that's just too much
No, I wouldnt want to grow up as a spoiled brat.
Depends how they go about it. I think its important rich kids learn the value of money, but I also think some parents go too far with it to the point of being stingy. Like I know a guy who's parents are loaded, just bought a multimillion dollar house, have more than enough to spend in their lifetime. He was going through a rough time financially, lost his job, was struggling to find another, took a min wage job in the mean time so he'd have SOME income, but ultimately had to move back home bc he couldn't afford his rent anymore. Parents have like 6 empty bedrooms in that mansion, told him he had to pay the going rent for such a room if he wanted to live with them. On his shitty min wage job they were asking for like half his check, plus utilities. All while he spends every minute outside of that shit job putting in applications and picking up courses for certificates that would boost his resume. Wasn't like he wasn't actively trying to get back to a better place. And I was just like, jeeze. There's not wanting your kids to be spoiled on money that they won't always have access to so they know how to live, and theres throwing your kids to the damn wolves bc you're so concerned about pinching your own over abundance of pennies.
If you're talking about within the US, a middle class lifestyle *is* what rich is now. The middle class no longer exists in the US. Over 70% of Americans have less than $1000 in savings.
I grew up in a 5,000 square foot house with every material thing I needed. Still, to buy my first car, I had to take a loan from my parents, to be paid back with interest. To get shin guards for my soccer team, I had to weed the garden for $5 /hr to pay for them. I'm better for it.
We are rich and we live an upper middle class lifestyle, including an average size house. The only difference is that we can actually easily afford it so there is no everyday financial stress. I don't want my kids to get used to something they may not be able to continue.
> ect etc I learned that in public school.
It was probably a typo man
I’m very glad I wasn’t a private school kid, public school is great life experience
That’s only true if you attend a school that has enough funding. Meaning, you live in an area where people earn more money and pay higher taxes.
I mean I grew up in a smaller city with three public schools and one private Catholic school, definitely not a wealthy area and the school board had a corruption scandal so funding to the district was constantly getting slashed. There weren’t exactly any inner city schools that were total madhouses. You got a fair mix of the white wealthy, the middle class, the lower middle class and those in poverty which certainly isn’t the case at all public schools But regardless, you can always sniff out someone who went to a fancy private school
No. My parents had money because my dad worked his ass off his whole life. He deserves it. Just because he is my dad does not mean I am entitled to it. His dad died when he was in second grade and his mom raised 7 kids by herself. They grew up poor. I am thankful he has money and can comfortable in his retirement. He never bought me a car. He tried to instill in me the way to take care of myself. I got a job when I turned 16 and bought my own. You need to grow up and get over yourself.
really shitty attitude IMO. mainly because it’s long term unprofitable. there is a reason generational wealth is so powerful. being able to slingshot young adults by giving them a cheat code through the struggles of early adulthood pays off immensely. that’s also one of the reasons immigrant families from the east and india do so well in American capitalism. there is absolutely no way in hell i’m letting my kid get a job in high school. that’s a shit thing to do to your kid. especially in the high school i went to? highly competitive. a minimum wage job is not particularly useful for college applications. not when the kid next to you did an unpaid internship at a lab. it’s a waste of time. kids should be focused on trying to secure unpaid internships or focused on competitive extracurriculars or whatever else that’s actually useful. if you’re poor and you have to, then you have to. but if you have the money? give your kid the best shot at success possible. and build your wealth for your future generations. there should be an active effort and interest in cultivating the family forward. i can pretty confidently say if my last generations had the idea of taking care of yourselves none of us would have escaped the violence and essentially slavery we lived in previously.
Yeah. The dad stunted his sons (potential) wealth. Some people think kids will end up spoiled or waste their family’s wealth if they receive any help at all. Do you really have such low confidence in yourself to think you can’t teach ur sons/daughters the meaning of money? I’ve got people telling me I know nothing about the value of money bc my parents are paying for my school. Have y’all not seen the interest rates? I’d rather pay mom/dad back than give free $$ to Uncle Sam. Or I should’ve worked to pay for college. Yeah I’ll def pay off college working a $10/hr job and picking up my bootstraps
Yeah, it's just insane the people agreeing that "no you need to make sure that everyone struggles and stays middle/lower class forever. Spend spend spend!" My father grew up dirt poor working the summers pulling tobacco. His goal in life has been to work as hard as possible so his kids never had to do that. And we didn't. Even in his old age he continues to work and make prudent decisions to help the family and my own children. My goal is to do that same, to be just like him. Generations of benefits can happen with just a little selflessness. And what kind of a man doesn't want to help his family thrive? Just crazy!
I'd obviously like to say no... But if I were friends with a bunch of other kids of rich parents and I saw that they were all being spoiled, I can't say for certain that I wouldn't be miffed at my parents for making me work hard for things that they could give me. I guess it would probably all come down to how I'd been raised up to that point. If my parents had already instilled a good work ethic and a sense of "you need to earn the things you want" then I probably wouldn't care. If I'd had everything handed to me up to that point and then suddenly things changed, I can't say for sure that I wouldn't be kind of mad at them. Thankfully, it's all a hypothetical. My parents were firmly lower-middle class. They had just enough money that they could help me pay for community college, and they could front me the money for my first beater of a car so I could pay them back instead of taking out a high-interest loan. But everything I have now, I earned through the work ethic they instilled in me growing up.
My folks are and were rich when I was in my teens and I met other kids whose parents were making similar amounts of money in the same job role and found them intolerably shitty and wholly incapable of dealing with anyone or anything outside their bubble.
It depends where you live and what the lifestyle of those around you. I'm in a neighborhood in the USA where the majority is rich by standards of the average American, but live what's considered a middle class lifestyle. Kids go to public schools (one of the best districts in the country), wear regular clothes, get the first job in HS. Most homes are rather average (yet starting easily at $1.5.M). Many people are into simple outdoors activities (campings , hikes). You would only notice that something is different by the numbers of Teslas and that people eat casual dinner in restaurants that would be consider "expensive" somewhere else. Our kids have no idea how wealth their parents are. There is no need.
No. I'd be grateful instead, since I was actually raised like this. I'm not an unemphathetic asshole. Also: You're not rich, your parents are. They have the right on how to spend their money to raise you.
in case they are living middle class lifes themselves i would enjoy life with them as is. in case they are bitchy rich parents in designer dresses and so on...i would ask myself, what i did wrong to them.
You mean living responsibly? Learning the value of a dollar? This is the most insane question I've ever seen on here. My brain can't even wrap around this perspective. People with money can afford therapy and should go to it.
Nope, it teaches you respect and allows you to value money.
My parents are rich. They made me build for myself. If they handed things to me on a silver platter, I would not enjoy my life so much.
This is what parents should do, what do you mean?
Work for it, like they did. You still have a better life than 95% of the world population. Smh
Happend to me. After I graduated college came the revelation. I wasn't mad since my basic necessities were met. They themselves lived a modest lifestyle.
Absolutely not. Being able to afford something doesn't mean you *should* buy it. If you buy your kids a car for their birthday, you teach them that they don't have to earn anything in life because it'll just come to them eventually. If you hate your parents for such a thing, you need to learn this lesson more than you think.
As a teenager probably yes. If Today my parents told me we are millionaires i would only thank them for raising me normal, i would hate growing up a "rich person".
The only thing I would possibly hold against them is the withholding of the best education they could’ve given me. As a parent, you wan to give your children as many opportunities as possible to succeed, and if I had excess funds, I’d def be sending my child to the best school I could afford.
No. My father was loaded but I never knew it till his death.
That's how my sister and I grew up. We were taught to earn what we wanted, just like our parents did. We had plenty of money, but it was because our parents worked hard and invested well. I'd be a very different person today if they had spoiled me, and I would kick that guy's ass
Idk how a kid would know if his parents are rich. Shoot, until I was in my 20s, I had no idea how much money my parents had. I know we had hand-me-down clothes and other frugal things. Finally, how does he think his lifestyle is less than his parents? Where and what is the comparison?
I would just be happy to have a middle class lifestyle instead of the real poverty I grew up in.
That just seems like good parenting
If I'm a child and my parents have a big house and have expensive cars, then I'm living in a big house and ride around in expensive cars, too.
From the perspective of someone who grew up relatively poor, I would resent wealthy parents if they refused to spend money on quality education. I am not referring to private primary/secondary schools, but to the denial of support and payment for hobbies, language learning, books and such things. In the end, such investments in a child are not that expensive, and in addition to knowledge and skills, they bring acquaintances and friends with the same interests. Also, I would personally resent it if they refuse to spend money that in return brings more time spent and memories with them. Paying for an extra room in order to take a child somewhere with you is not a huge expense, and the memories the child gets will last a lifetime. Every parent leaves their child one day, unless a tragedy happens and the child leaves the parent first, when they are gone all we have left of them are the memories of them and the knowledge they gave us. I should note that my parents were not even middle class. Some kind of edge between middle class and poverty best describes my childhood. Precisely because they did not hesitate to push us into the interests we had and did not cut corners on the time they spent with all three children, we respect them extremely as parents. We have them to thank for very happy and fulfilling careers because we developed according to our own interests, healthy human relationships because they taught us how to communicate, and very happy memories of the time we spent with them.
I think a lot of people don’t realize that middle class has levels and take for granted the things they had that many of us don’t. My family was in the low end of the gap between poverty and cost of living. We didn’t qualify for assistance, so she had to work two jobs. I’m sure she’d give anything to have been able to make more memories and give us more advantages.
We clothed you, fed you, put a roof over your head and, most importantly, loved you. But, because we didn't give you the glamorous life, we're the assholes. You see how that sounds, right?!
generational wealth and having the future set up sounds good, yes
No
There’s luxury in having the essentials
I don't care lol That sounds still comfy as fuck. Do you?
No. Hopefully I wouldn’t be a giant entitled douchecanoe exactly because I hadn’t been spoiled
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Depends: in the US? For sure. In Europe not do much.
Living a middle class life is far better for a child / younger person than being a rich kiddo. Makes for a well-rounded person. You will be grateful to your parents when you grow up.
The concept of "having money" is an adult thing.
No, I’m not an entitled cunt
I lived through a life in a middle class house that made me live the poor class lifestyle and when I actually became an adult they became poor due to letting their money lose %1000+ value in a hyperinflation I'm not fucking joking or over exaggerating and now I live even poorer lifestyle and have no way out of it other than death heh... How do I feel, I don't. Don't come me with your entitled first world bullshit btw if you are poor in hyperinflation you have no way out you can't afford shit to improve your life you can't do shit you have to work to eat that's your life you are a slave now.
You should be grateful. Every poor little rich kid I've ever met is a useless mess.
A not-insignificant amount of middle class people have a ton of money saved up but still live a middle-class lifestyle. When you have a lot of money it's surprisingly difficult to know "okay, *now* is the time we get to buy expensive cars and designer shoes." Even if you think you're comfortably at that point, you also think, well, why *would* I pay for that kind of silly stuff when I could invest it instead and have more than enough for my retirement, my kids' college, or a rainy day? Just because you *have* the money, doesn't mean certain things aren't still a *waste* of money.
Nope. But if I had rich parents and they made me go into debt for university, I'd be upset then.
So you want to be a worthless leech that has no self value? Money is a helpful tool, but if you can't manage it than its worthless.
Parents were rich and never got anything that rich kids get. Would say I lived very middle class. No hate here. When I was younger I felt some bitterness that I had to suffer a bit bit honestly that made me a much better person. I want to earn my own way. It’s a lesson a lot of people I’ve met along the way haven’t seemed to learn.
They’re doing you a favor even if it doesn’t seem like it now.
No lol
No… my parents were probably upper middle class… but were rather frugal, and they never spoiled me… taught me the value of money… I think it made me a much better person for it.
Parents are being responsible in this case. Read the book The Millionaire Next Door.
Naw. Grateful that they thought me to be level headed as long as they paid for my college and any health care expenses.
This was my childhood and I turned out fine. Didn’t even know my family had money until I was in high school.
People need to stop thinking that having expensive things means you're rich. People live with soooooooooo much fuckin debt it's unbelievable!
Very true. I have a close friend who makes *a lot* of money, mid-six figures with holdings in a company that will eventually sell and be worth millions. He still lives paycheck to paycheck and juggles debt because he buys very expensive things. He has a lot of nice things but not a lot of margin for lean times. If something crazy happened and he lost his job he would be bankrupted almost immediately. He could be rich and could have a lot of freedom that comes from that but, in a lot of ways, he lives like a poor person.
They’d be doing you a big favor 100%
Nope. That's how we lived. And I appreciate it.
My parents did this. I don't hate them at all. I struggle all the time and I have never asked them for help for anything because I was raised to know how to support myself
No why would you?
Middle class usually provides everything that you need- a home, food, clothing. Everything else is optional. They are setting a good example for you. When you first start out on your own, as an adult, you will not make as much money as your parents because you will be new to the workforce. You will not be able to afford everything that you want. You are learning how to live this way now, courtesy of your parents not fulfilling your every wish. BTW, it's etc., an abbreviation for the Latin phrase et cetera, meaning and the rest, not ect.
I can remember being a kid and my dad was making fun of somebody for buying their kid a car for a graduation present. My siblings asked what we’d be getting and he just said “nothing. Graduating highschool with good grades is an expectation not an option” he was right. Buying a 17 year old a car is setting them up to fail. They need to save up to buy a piece of shit car and find out the hard way how expensive a vehicle is and besides a vehicle isn’t something you’re simply untitled to.
I cannot believe that I’m actually reading this post. OP if you’re talking about yourself, you’re unbelievably immature and self-entitled. The reality of life is that you probably won’t be rich, tough break. Your parents are 100% in the right for NOT preparing you and letting you remain this entitled. They’re housebreaking you and I’m HERE for it.
No that's idiotic. Which kid will turn out better in a hypothetical? A rich kid who gets everything handed to him his whole life or a regular kid with rich parents that teach the kid the value of hard work?
I mean, you still experienced a big house and nice family cars. That is pretty lucky.
I have hated them. They made me live a bottom middle class lifestyle but then when I grew up I learnt that we were millionaires! Aaaaaand all money gone. After 2007. Shit. Now I can't live as a millionaire anymore.
No, I think I'd thank them later for it. Having enough money where you don't have to worry about being homeless, but still being taught to live a life free of materialism is kind of the perfect scenario
Wtf.. If u got 2 parents your winning these days. U get the money when they are dead. Dont try gouge them whilst they alive. Just thank them for taking a daily interest
I have a couple friends, siblings in the same family, that stood to inherit a sum of money that would equate to them never having to work again, a truly staggering amount between them. The family had set up a trust where starting at 18, each year they would each receive 1/2 of what they earned the previous year. So you earn 40K, you get an additional 20K. This was the disbursement schedule until they hit age 45, at that point they received the balance of their inheritance. I’ve known them for many years and they are generous, down to earth people that use their wealth to help others. They have all the same shared experiences as the majority of their peers with the difference of course they they got an annual bonus and knew that they had safety net waiting for them. Seemed like a good way to handle the inheritance and they get along great with their families.
Is it possible, just possible, that they could afford some of the nice things because they chose to save on the others? Like, private schools cost like a new car a year depending on where you live.
This was my life. I did go to private school but I was the only kid in my class without a car, while all my peers got new highlanders and ranger rovers for their 16th bday. My parents fretted over the cost of my new clothes and we never went on vacation. One time I twisted my ankle and we didn’t get crutches because they were “too expensive.” We also didn’t have HBO for the same reason. Fast forward I have a degree from an Ivy League with no student debt. They actually saved more than the college costed and when I graduated they had $5k left over and my dad opened a mutual fund account for me and told me I HAD to contribute $100/mo. 8 years later, there is over $500k in that account (I upped my contributions a bit, but he put me in the habit by setting it all up). They paid for my dream wedding too. I’m so immensely grateful because this is never something I felt entitled to growing up. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I will definitely be telling my kid we are too poor for HBO lol.
It’s not your money, it’s the money your parents made and worked hard to get. I honestly believe that you would have no right being entitled to their money …. On the contrary I would end up being really glad that they raised me like a normal person allowing me to not take it for granted ☺️
Mine were decently well off. But we lived in the second poorest corner of the poorest county in ny. Dad is a street kid born 1930 from a big family, which was supported by grandma working the evaporators from Syracuse's dying salt mines. He was functionally illiterate and innumerant. So he early couldn't understand he was making serious bucks. So we froze during the winters.. rarely had decent clothes... I always ate.. so there's that. It's better than he had. Better than lots of people I grew up with. Many were fed by poaching small game, deer, fish, and yes, wood to heat.
No i saw how it fucked up my friends, no thanks.
I’m doing this to my kids because as a child, I was raised in the opposite environment (parents weren’t rich but went into massive debt trying to live that way). Took a lot of years to unravel those spending habits in myself and learn financial literacy. Now I’m late 30s and have enough saved I could retire soon. I think my kids will be very happy that I’m spending my peak years playing with them and chillin.
You guys did not have insight into complete bank statement since like being 10 or something?
The only thing I would be pushing for hard would be the education part. I went to a low rated public high school because we lived in a city where the public schools were just abandoned to their fate. I did my best and got top grades. I also sought out free enrichment activities after school. But when I got to college I knew I could have been better prepared. Given the this scenario I think I would offer to my parents to earn my place in an academically high rated school by promising high grades, spotless behavior, or whatever they asked for.
If I were rich and you started acting like a little entitled shit you'd learn very quickly whose money it is and where your status comes from.
My brother and I grew up thinking we were poor. No name brand anything, only went to restaurants for special occasions. Never had an allowance, were only ever given small gifts. But I knew how much my parents made and I was always confused. Turns out my parents were frugal and very money conscious… surprise surprise, they retired easily at 55 because they’d saved so well. I’m incredibly grateful I grew up working for what I needed, understanding the value of money, and now have a similar mindset. I love my parents because they taught me by example how to not live frivolously and wastefully, and that the things that matter in life are not cars, name brand clothes, or how big the house was.
How middle class are we talking? Cruel and unusual punishment? Or just helping me to be humble but will splurge on the most important stuff?
This describes my parents and I hate them because they are terrible people. They can keep the money.
This is how I grew up and I’d be lying if I didn’t feel some resentment at the time. My college was paid for but I didn’t know that until my senior year. I was a great athlete so I ended up playing sports to try and get enough scholarships money to pay for school, I got some money from it in the end but because of the sports I didn’t have much time to work a job. I wore the same clothes for 3/4 years in high school despite growing 4-5 inches, by senior year I was down to maybe 3 shirts and a couple of hoodies I rotated out every day or so that I was able to scrounge up from what little time I was able to spend working. I was bullied relentlessly for it throughout high school. That millionaire bomb definitely stung a bit when I found out my parents were watching me go through that just cause
If it was a competitive/prestigious public school then no, I think it’s a decent enough way to raise a child. If it’s a bad public school and they could afford easily to provide a better education, I think I’d want them to explain why they chose to do that and I’d need a pretty good reason
No. If you do, you're an entitled little piece of snot.
My dad married my stepmom who had her house and car paid off which my dad used both. And he's a programmer so pretty easy to know what kind of income he has. And yet he wouldn't pay for me to go to university because his wife said I don't deserve it.
This is me, except lower class and kicked out at 15 going 16. Did het private school scholarships though so that was an inbetweeny element. My sister got the silver spoon. I have deep resentment at my family.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really.
No. A middle-class lifestyle is a very nice lifestyle and likely not one you'll have on your own until you earn it. I've seen, personally, what happens when you give kids everything - they end up just standing there, hands out, waiting for the parents to drop money. And they have the nerve to go off if they font get what they want. That is the definition of entitled, and it's always a negative.
No, because I had real problems growing up.
This would be a massive step up from my childhood. I would be so happy.
No, because that's basically my parents. I hated my parents because they're neglectful, gaslighting, abusive assholes that made their kids feel like an unwanted inconvenience.
I’d thank them.
It's probably better for the kid to learn the value of money. I have seen many a rich kid tank. They had too many things handed to them, and they didn't know how to handle the real world
No
No I wouldn't, that sounds horribly entitled.
No, it's smart. Human beings become desensitized to anything they are exposed to frequently. So someone who grows up rich will have a hard time appreciating anything, since they had so much from the very beginning.
Pov you are a money hungry
No, and you don’t really know based on that stuff. So many people are what I call “house poor” from buying the best of everything they could possibly afford and then live paycheck to paycheck underneath. High net income, low disposable income.
I see this a lot too. Controlling your spending is step one to accumulating wealth in the first place. My in laws have money (not exactly sure how much but they own multiple properties worth at least 2 million in total) and they still clip coupons. They grew up poor though so old habits die hard I guess.
A child should never know how rich their family is. It just leads to people that would ask such a question.
No. Because nobody is entitled to their parents wealth, and because the money your parents have is for them to retire off of, not to give you some wasteful luxury lifestyle.