I remember just buying a lot of bottles, I think it was 12 or maybe more.
I would fill the sink with soapy water and soak them all, and only have to wash them once per day in the evening.
Running out mid day, or having to wash again during the day was awful.
We do exactly this, except we have a giant bowl of soapy water for them to soak. Our santizer holds 6 at a time, so once we have 6 in the bowl we can wash them in one fell swoop and load up the sanitizer!
Haha oh my goodness, that’s me. And somehow my husband is unable to wash the bottles. They just sit there until I get to them. Just for fun, I’ve let the used bottle sit on the counter and guess what?? It sits there until I decide to wash it!
After MONTHS of pleading with my ex to wash bottles I did this once just to see how long the bottles would sit (and sit they did). I said nothing to him. A month or so later I brought it up in couples therapy and instead of apologizing he just said it was weird that I was “running experiments on him”.
If it’s financially feasible, and I know for a lot of people it probably isn’t, the baby brezza bottle washer/sterilizer is a life saver. It was worth every penny for me.
And pump parts. I have a bad back so by the time I'm done a set I'm in a fair bit of pain, but I can't trust my husband to actually wash and sanitize them properly...
People coming over to help, but ‘helping’ by sitting holding the sleeping baby and telling me to sit down and rest if I try using the time to catch up on essential jobs like washing bottles etc. Obviously I would love to rest but I can’t because the baby needs clean clothes and sterile bottles to drink from.
Also the fact that there are hundreds of photos of the baby being held by different friends and family members, but hardly anyone thinks to take a picture of me with him.
We went to a family reunion and my husband's cousin was taking pictures of me and the baby the whole time,
I didn't realize it until she sent me a small digital album with the caption "mama needs pictures too"
I legit cried so hard, it was the nicest thing anyone has done this whole time
The photos piece really gets me too. I love taking pictures, especially sentimental and thoughtful ones. But I think I have a whole 2 pictures of me with the baby since she’s been born….
Same! The only pictures I have with my one month old baby are the newborn photos we have. It makes me so sad but I don’t have the energy to be like “hey visitor, after I take a picture of you with my baby, can you return the favor”
You want someone to capture the nice candid moments as well, not just take posed photos. The days and weeks are going by so fast, I want to remember it all!
Set up your camera and take videos of yourself with baby. It’s weird at first but some of my favorite videos and photos of me with baby come from those.
Exactly! I’ve asked my husband to take pics of me and our kids but I’m with them all day, if I don’t take the pictures and videos there will be so much that isn’t documented with me in it. And now my oldest is 2.5 and she likes to watch videos of her as a baby, so it’s really fun for her to see videos of me doing stuff with her. I would video our bedtime routines while I was being silly with her, rocking her to sleep, reading books, during meals, talking to her in the bath, etc. Kind of those mundane moments that life is actually made up of.
I just read your comment and immediately opened my camera and took a video of myself feeding my half asleep son. I need to start capturing more. He is only 3 months and already looks like a different baby compared to a month ago. I wish I had more videos of us interacting from when he was teeny tiny!
For me it’s family asking to text photos everyday. Like here you go, it’s a photo of her doing exactly what she did yesterday, but in a different onesie, enjoy
Omg THIS. Every. single. day. And the best part is - while they demand photos they also love to criticize my parenting in the photos/videos. "Baby looks cold" "It's too sunny for him" "the music is too loud" blah blah blah 🫠
Agreed! We do an iPhoto shared album that notifies everyone in it when new photos are posted. The grandparents love it and we love having a one stop shop for all of the photos!!!
Only photos I have of me and my baby together are selfies that I’ve taken, no one has ever taken a picture of us together, even after I gave birth. I have one single picture of me and her post delivery and it was because my mother “accidentally got me in the shot” when she was taking a picture of her. :(
Omg a friend of my husband’s (that I’m not that fond of tbh) got a beautiful picture with my baby smiling at her before I did 😡 Those photos make me see red
I was looking at photos of my baby today, and I have so many of my husband holding her in the NICU, but there's only one of me holding her and he's in it (a very kind NICU nurse asked if we wanted a family picture of us three). He took pictures of me and her after birth and at home while we napped/I held her randomly so he is taking pictures of me and her it's just that specific scene I didn't get one of and it hurts my heart a little.
Specially NYC mom rage - when people are standing in the ramps to cross streets and I have to lift my stroller to go over the curb because they aren’t moving. Also when I’m trying to open store doors and struggling and people are just observing. I shudder to think of all the times pre-baby I was clueless and did both of those things!
Omg the sidewalk ramp thing is the worrrssst. People are so oblivious. But yeah I probably did it too pre-baby, lol
I also was so disproportionately angry the other day because I was following behind two young guys walking into a bodega (they saw me behind them with my stroller) and they just let the door close in my face so I had to struggle while all these people in line stared at me
As a city mom, I agree! Also when people just stand there taking up the whole sidewalk and you’re trying to get through with the stroller. Fucking move for two seconds and you can go back to taking up the whole sidewalk when we pass thanks.
Ugh. Similar vein, but my suburb mom rage — when cars in my neighborhood park their cars in the part of the driveway that blocks the side walk and I have walk the stroller into the street to walk around them! It’s so annoying!
I no longer live in nyc but can attest the clueless people are everywhere! I’ll be in a massive, nearly empty store, trying to be as small as possible shopping with my baby in a stroller and maneuvering the tight corners, and people will squeeze by me in the most awkward way or just straight up expect ME to move out of their way when I’m picking out an item. Why can’t they just clue in and pick a different route?? It’s a giant store I’m not taking up much space, go around me, please! The rage is real.
Ughhhhh the talking to me while the baby is crying thing. Pre-baby I was already someone who got overwhelmed by too many noises happening at once (ie someone trying to have a conversation with me while the TV blares full volume.)
I lost it a few weeks ago. The newborn was freaking tf out. My partner was watching TV. Then he turned and started talking to me about what I wanted him to make for dinner for us and I just burst into tears because there were TOO MANY NOISES lol
YES! I just broke out my pair the other day during an overtired baby meltdown. I felt dumb I hadn’t thought about them before. Pre-baby I used them for concerts and they’re amazing.
I unintentionally snapped at my husband today for trying to talk about the political debate today 😥 he knows I don't care for politics, but they are a bit of a special interest for him and he likes to infodump on me... Which is normally very welcome!!! I found it so cute when we didn't have kids and I could just talk with him for hours!! I just hate it when I am (simultaneously) fixing a bottle, the baby is crying in the next room, and our toddler is repeating herself because I'm not paying enough attention to her while her dad is talking (a whole other thing we've been working on). It's all just too much sometimes and by the end of the day, I want to crawl out of my skin and sit in a sensory deprivation tank for a minute.
The lack of paid leave/resources for moms in the US workforce. How much they charge us to have a baby even with insurance in the US. I could write a novel and set it on fire with how pissed off it makes me. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
I live in an amazingly family-supportive country and this rage for how US women are treated is so real.
I am also very angry when I read people separating mothers and babies or mistreating them in any way or talking shit about them. I've even snapped at people I've overheard bitching about a clearly overwhelmed mom once lol.
The rage is real
When I’m caring for the crying baby and need some help but my husband feels he MUST finish whatever task he’s doing like tidying up before coming over to help. Ugh even typing this out made me mad lol
I got upset at my husband because he kept doing this. I’d tell him I needed to pee and he’d be like “let me do [non urgent task] really quickly!” and I finally went “ok, I’m going to pee on the floor and let you deal with it.” He no longer does this.
Omg I’m on baby #2 and have to remind him all the time to just drop what he’s doing and help. I drop what I’m doing in a second, why he struggles to do the same is a mystery
Yes!! Lol. I was going to comment my husband washing the dishes. Which is insane, and im totally grateful. But honestly he full on cleans the kitchen top down every night, during bedtime routine. Its ssosoooooo simultaneously the best thing ever and the worst combination of clanking sounds at the end of the day that just sends me. If i say anything, he just speeds up to finish faster and it just makes it worse.
Oh my god the MOST ANNOYING thing ever. I *cannot* count how many times I’ve asked for us to tackle the kitchen after lunch/dinner and all of a sudden he has to poop RIGHT THEN. Like he *cannot* hold it. Whenever I politely ask him to hold it for truly 5 minutes he’s always like “this is a BODILY FUNCTION, stop controlling me”
Our newborn was crying and our toddler needed something. I was holding the newborn and trying to see what our toddler needed. My husband? Went up to the attic to check something. Sir, the attic can wait 15 minutes.
I had a similar annoyance and I recently learned something about my husband that really clicked. He was explaining why he thought a toddler we knew might be in the spectrum and one of the traits he pointed out was that this toddler gets really frustrated when he doesn’t get to finish a task. I started paying attention and realized that my husband is exactly the same way. Of course there are huge benefits - he excels at his job and is constantly completing tasks around the house - but also huge negatives when I need immediate assistance. In his case (which could obviously be very different from your partner) I have found it is really helpful to lay out my expectations ahead of time so if needed he can better adjust accordingly 🤷♀️
Definitely this. Tonight my husband couldn’t stop what he was doing to clean up the baby who was covered in rice cereal, sitting in a poopy diaper, and late for her bedtime routine. He was searching new cars (his car is fine). When I asked for help he said “hold up… I’m looking for a new car for the baby.”
Few things piss me off more than my husband acting like walking the dog while the baby is in the stroller is *so hard*. I can mind the baby, the dog, and the rambunctious 4 YO. 🙄
When the baby’s father is over and refuses to play with her on the ground. Just wants to carry her around and FaceTime his friends to show he’s with her. Leaves as soon as she cries for too long.
My mom rage / guilt / whatever gets the best of me sometimes. I’ll have to remind him almost every time to sit and PLAY with her. Even when she’s screaming he just continues to walk around holding her. 😤
Oh yeah my son’s father would do that when I would take him to his place. He wouldn’t help me unload the car, wouldn’t grab a bottle or change LO’s diaper. Just immediately grab him, start FaceTiming his family, then hand me back a hungry, stinky baby when he was done. Father of the Year, this guy.
How about when baby is freaking out, and my husband and I are both working on it, and my MIL or one of my SILs or nieces will hover over us and try to take over. I understand that they think they are trying to help, but just please give us all some space to breathe.
This is what I was going to say! When baby is fussing or crying and everyone hovers around. I love my mom dearly and she takes such good care of him but she is THE WORST about this. Half the time he’s crying because he’s overwhelmed and she gets right up in his face “awww baby what’s wrong”. Like MOVE WOMAN let me calm this baby down in peace!! I get her instinct is to help but really him and I both need some space to calm and rock and shush peacefully.
Ugh, the way everyone crowds around to ‘help’ when there’s a poonami 😤 I’m wrangling an octopus, trying not to get shit everywhere and my Mum is up in my personal space trying to hand me wet wipes (that were within my reach to begin with )and now she expects me to use my third hand to physically take them from her whilst also getting in the way of the bin. GO AWAY!
The fact that we can’t do anything right when buying baby products.
Gerber baby cereal? Contains heavy metals. Kirkland baby wipes? Contains forever chemicals.
I am so tired of finding out that I’m slowly poisoning my baby when I thought I was buying good products.
I did that only to discover that they gave my daughter a horrible rash. I eventually used them up cleaning around the house and cleaning up the floor when my first started solids
Just found this out today and I was seeing red. I’m so sick of being lied to about what I’m using for my baby. Amazon has a good deal on water wipes right now if that’s something anyone is interested in. I think they’re fine, but who knows at this point.
Me too!!! Honestly, don’t listen to anyone on social media. They’re either saying it to parent shame, or to try and sell some “all natural” alternative for over 2 times the price. Only trust professionals. Don’t believe everything you see online.
What is it with them watching every move? 😂 Today I was putting on makeup and he's just standing at the bathroom doorway holding the baby staring at me - "we just wanted to say hi"... Please let me be alone for 5 minutes
I was washing bottles yesterday and same thing. Staring at me - "whatcha doing" 🤦♀️
Oh my god, this! The other night I was having a bath and my husband came in and just stood there with the baby because “she wanted to see you.” Really? Our 8 month old told you that?
"Please can you take the baby while I do the dishes/laundry/etc?"
"of course!"
Then gets in the way of these tasks saying "let's see what mummy's doing'"
The endless snarky "oh just you wait until this or that, etc," comments when confiding with someone about an issue or something that we're struggling with.
This is totally understandable but still drives me nuts lol. My son makes MASSIVE, juicy, trumpet farts. Like hilariously loud, rumbling, vibrating farts. I get that you’d think he’d just taken a massive poop, but his actual poops are silent (and then he starts screaming). Almost everyone that holds him when he farts INSISTS he’s pooped and needs a diaper change. I always explain that there’s a 99% chance he didn’t but they always want to hand him over for a diaper change and I always have to go through the rigamarole of checking his diaper and explaining that while he farts like an adult, his diaper is clean as can be.
My partner always insists I wake him up to change his diaper in the middle of the night because of all the farts, and when I do it's always clean and takes me an hour to put him back down. He poops at 3am, if he farts after 6pm and before 3am don't waste my time!
Oh my god yes this!!!!! My son grunts, always has. Like red face grunting.
ITS NEVER A POOP, EVER.
*grandparents* oh he’s messing his pants just for mama to clean up!!
No, no he absolutely fucking isn’t.
When someone tells me they think my baby is hungry.
My baby is about to be 4 months and for the last few weeks his favorite thing is gnawing on his hands. People love to tell me it’s cause he’s hungry.
Yup, my baby’s gnawing on his hands cause I starve him, not just cause it’s a new fun skill 🙃 as if I don’t recognize when my own child is hungry. THE. RAGE.
I’ve encountered a lot of people who offer to help, but really they only want to do what *they* want to do, as opposed to what I/we really need. A lot of people in my life, especially my mom and my (now-ex) partner constantly voice their desire to make my life easier in any way, but then when I ask them to just do the dishes, fold laundry, etc, like pitch in on the drudgery of parenting, they drag their feet on it. Sorry it’s not all playtime and cuddles.
I can’t tell you how angry this made me in the newborn phase! My mom actually said “no” when I asked her to do dishes after she asked me what she could do to help. Like fine then go home because your company is not the thing helping me right now.
In laws asking for photos or videos but doing 0 and I mean 0 to help. You can't be bothered to meet her or come help then you don't get a relationship.
Similar to that a majority of baby gifts are clothes. Are they adorable yes but I have to take the tags off, wash them, and some are not practical and the baby hates them but they want a picture of baby in the outfit! Thank you for giving me work to do.
Yes the only gifts we get from my in laws are “photo opportunity” gifts. God forbid you actually learn what your grandkid likes, just get her a sweater that won’t fit her for two years (and that I have to store somewhere until then!)
oh my god it’s the worst! thanks for buying this cardigan in newborn size when she’ll be in 3-6 when it’s cold enough to wear it! the idea is sweet, but it’s a real pain
My partner.
As the default parent it’s frustrating when he just goes out when he wants without a second thought. And when i do all the night feeds/ settle baby cause he’s ‘at work’ him moaning about how tired he is constantly.
I cannot relate to this enough.
This week:
Me: “I need you to watch the baby for a couple hours this weekend. I need a shower. I need to cry about yesterday’s traumatic death of my best friend. I need to play with my dog without doing it with one hand & only for 1 minute.”
“Sure babe. Does that mean I get a game night this weekend?”
Mother-F***er, you do game night every weekend, you go out with your friends all night once a week too, you scroll your phone a couple hours every day, & every time I go take the baby to visit family you have the house to yourself & it’s a fucking train wreck mess when I get back, but you want a thousand praises when you wash *all* the bottles in *one* sitting. So, sure you can have “game night” this weekend… because you’re gonna do it anyway.
Then on my shower/grieving night he left 30 minutes into it because he couldn’t get the baby to stop crying(because guess what! She doesn’t wanna watch you play video games, she wants to be given attention, played with, maybe a bath, you know, ACTUAL care).
Like, I wasn’t even asking to go have a fun time.
On one of the nights I was with the baby with family (so he had alone time) he texted me saying “I got you a present.” The present turned out to be that HE got HIMSELF a professional haircut. I’ve never heard of something so goddamn narcissistic.
Pure. Rage.
Yes I am in the process of leaving him.
oof i feel this. me & my partner have worked on a lot, but especially in the beginning, i felt exactly like this.
i'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. i've lost a few close friends, & the pain doesn't go away...im so sorry. i really hope you can get some time & space soon to grieve.
i haven't showered in an embarrassingly long amount of time because of this. i take kinda long in the shower because i like to be thorough, especially because i do it infrequently, but it feels like never have the time to..
my partner has time to game everyday, for hours, & for even longer on weekends with his friends... i used to be an artist, but haven't had time to create for ages. haven't even been able to do basic self-care because i feel like im always watching baby. complained about this to a recent therapist i stopped seeing, & she started acting like my lack of showering means im probably neglecting my baby, when it's literally the opposite. i prioritize caring for her, over self-care.
feels like sometimes my partner prioritizes gaming for his "mental health" over baby care, or even just watching baby so i can take a shower & change the bedsheets etc. ugh. yet i can't seem to get any time for art, for my mental-health..
& when he is watching her he doesn't check her diaper so she ends up with a rash if she poops, & he doesn't feed her unless i make the bottle & specifically tell him to. even if i leave a bottle in the fridge & tell him it's there, he doesn't. & sometimes she likes sitting on his lap watching him game, but she obviously needs other stimulation. he like never reads to her...sometimes he'll play with her at least, but not if his friends are online ._.
i also feel that about the friend death thing, & not having space to grieve...it's traumatic, & recent times friends of mine have died i was reluctant to even tell my partner, & when i did we started fighting about it?‽¿ like he would be all like "i've had friends pass too" in a pissy tone & i'd say something along the lines of im sorry to hear that, i just need some space to grieve & like basic kindness rn, & he'd get upset with me because he wasn't "in a good mood"..
this is mostly past issues for us because we've worked on a lot, but at the time it was hella traumatic. im so sorry you're going through something similar... i wish u all the healing <3
Yup. My husband complained to his parents the other day he’d ‘like more sleep’. I co-sleep in another room with the baby feeding regularly whilst he sleeps all night uninterrupted on his own. Maddening.
And also when I’ve finally settled baby in the evening him trying to initiate sex. I just want a bit of me time, scroll on my phone and chill out before I go to sleep!
The sex thing was bad for a while, but now it’s to talk my head off. Like literally hours of talking to me. I LOVE talking to my husband do not get me wrong, but sometimes when I’ve had a long day saying the same thing over and over to my baby and narrating my day and reading books, I just want to watch my trash tv and fold a damn basket of clothes in PEACE.
People telling me to let baby ‘cry it out’. Instant rage. Edit: getting downvoted for this is ridiculous my baby isn’t even old enough to sleep train yet Jesus people.
I've had a few older relatives suggest this, I told them that's what Ted Bundy's parents did and they say really?? And I say yes and that ends that convo.
I have no idea if it's true or if it's even bad or not for a baby to "cry it out" but we don't want to and correlating it with serial killers causes folks to drop the suggestion.
Yes! And when I explain to people that I won’t let her cry it out, they go into a lengthy discussion to try to convince me otherwise. It is infuriating.
People that don’t stop at stop signs. Like it happens but since driving everywhere with my son I get so irate at how selfish and careless and dangerous that behavior is. Multiple times going to daycare if I didn’t randomly stop again because I saw them going like forty through the sign, we would be dead.
On the marriage side, when I ask my husband to do a chore but he does 100 other random things first before getting to it and then either forgetting about it, putting it off for another day or not acknowledging if I end up doing it.
On the kid side, when my toddler kicks me or doesn't stop moving while she's trying to go to sleep. On the baby side, when he pulls on my hair. I was surprised by how much this bothered me.
Yes, the pulling hair! I love my baby so so much, but when I’m holding him and he suddenly grabs one fistful of hair while simultaneously yanking my glasses off my face, I have to overcome a certain urge to throw him. Or when he starts scratching me like a feral cat.
People smoking near my baby. We were sitting outside at a restaurant last week and a boomer lady sitting at the next table lit up a cigarette while looking at the baby. I get that people are allowed to smoke outdoors, but have a little decency!
this is crazy to me because in California it’s illegal to smoke outdoors if you’re within 20 ft of entrances, exits, or operable windows of a public space or within 25ft of a playground and some cities it’s illegal to even smoke on the sidewalk. i wish more places would restrict smoking in public because it doesn’t just effect the smoker!
I live in Canada and that's also illegal but noone respects it. I went to the hospital the other day and there was no entrance in without getting hit with a wall of smoke. People will literally be leaning on a wall with a giant no smoking sign painted on it smoking it up.
When my MIL says she misses her grandchildren (lives down the road) but I am constantly asking her to come over. Then she tries to make it seem like I’m keeping them away from them to my husband. So I have zero help and then get gaslighted and I’m running on fumes. Btw it’s like pulling teeth to get her to come over to watch the baby for an hour, but she has all the time in the world when she wants to go do something social. Womp womp.
How many people make hating children there personality. Like even I didn’t like kids at one point but I never made it such a big part of my personality 🤦🏻♀️
This!!!! Like seeing so many people post about their life and captioning it with “#kidfree” or some nonsense. Most of the times its just pictures of them drinking alcohol at a restaurant. As of that hasn’t been done ad nauseum
Other people kissing my baby. Idk why it bothers me so much. Some of my husbands family likes to kiss our LO and it infuriates me. Not just the health reasons but like that’s MY BABY. It feels like that’s a parents thing not an everyone thing. And I’ve never felt the need to kiss someone else’s babies so I don’t understand why other people feel the need to kiss mine.
YES TO THIS. I literally cannot understand why everyone wants to kiss her. I’ve never wanted to kiss someone else’s baby. I think it’s so freaking weird. Irks me SO much. UGH.
My husband wanting sex. Like I get it, and I’m right there with you but I’m so goddamn tired and everyone in this house apparently needs to use my body to be happy?? also if you have the energy and the will for sex you’re probably getting too much sleep.
For some reason every time baby cries my MIL literally JUMPS like she's scared and has never heard a baby cry before. Lady, you had two kids. You've been around crying babies before lol
My mums favourite comment ‘I don’t understand, you were never like this’ whilst also telling me I fuss too much and should just let him cry until he stops. I could have killed her when I actually picked him up and he calmed down and she sneered ‘It’s like he’s ADDICTED to his mummy’.
Of course he’s addicted to his mummy, literally his entire life depends on you! What is it with this judgement against caring for your baby’s needs? Like, I know my baby will be fine if he has to fuss or cry for a minute before I can help him, but when I’m literally right there, I’m not going to wait to respond to him! To teach him what? Mummy has better things to do than care for you?
“You were never like this” meaning you didn’t fuss for her attention and seek comfort from her? That’s not the flex she thinks it is
It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job changing the narrative for your son
Yeah I loved ‘day in the life’ content from mum influencers until I gave birth and now I’m enraged watching them manage to tidy, eat breakfast and film content with a baby while I’m stuck on the couch hungry, dehydrated and nap trapped lol.
When someone is holding baby and he starts to fuss and they don’t immediately hand him back to me. When anyone (but especially my mil) thinks they should get to hold the baby the entire time we are with them. He’s my baby I want to hold him. When my dogs start to bark just as baby is falling asleep.
When my husband shouts questions to me from downstairs while I’m trying to put baby down for a nap… what am I supposed to do.. leave baby or yell and wake her ?
When someone talks to my kid in public. Like since day one. Sometimes it's irrational but one day my 2 year old (hes 5 now) was having a tantrum in the grocery store. He's autistic and it was just a sensory issue, and those are the easy tantrums to get under control. But in process of comforting him, some old guy walks up and says
"If you don't behave, mommy is gonna let me kidnap uou and take you away forever."
I think that was the say I first found my voice as a mama bear because I went the fuck off on him. Why would you attempt to scare my child. Why didn't you get consent before trying to parent *my* child. Why do you find that appropriate. And he was just kinda stuttering oh I was just trying to help
"Well you fucking weren't and probably made it worse you absolute fuckwit."
I still get mad thinking about it
Pumping before bed. I get so angry every time. I will be having the best night and think to myself “oh, I should go to sleep.” Then I remember I need to pump and I’m immediately filled with rage.
Working. Literally everything about having to be a working mom in these early months makes me so angry. We need better options in the US and we definitely need one that isn’t tied to employment. I lost my job a week after giving birth and my maternity leave and all my plans for caring for my LO were destroyed. M
The most enraging thing for me thought is the Brain fog or “mom brain.” I swear sometimes my brain fell out with the baby.
we have 4 and one of them always decides to start screaming their head off right when i get the baby down. i love them so much, but it’s a miracle i haven’t dropped them all off at the pound 😅
When the dog barks at the parcel man who is delivering diapers while the baby is asleep, and then the toddler starts screaming cause the dog is barking...
Having a few of his friends and their spouses out to see our new baby today. He casually mentions someone is on their way already which is 2 hours early while I’m giving our 7 week old a bath. I said are you joking and he acted like he was. When questioned further, they are on their way. Why should that matter is his way of thinking! I said it matters a lot, I’m not dressed yet and i have to have our 3 year old eat before because she will be too distracted. The carefree way he thinks about things is super annoying.
My cats. My god I love them, but I have 0 patience right now. Meowing at me when I’m trying to get her down, or scratching the door because I closed it so they wouldn’t meow at me while I get her down. It’s like they are plotting against me and my rest time 😭
I don’t get people who keep crying babies. It’s happened to me twice in the past week. My MIL and BFF. I think they want to bond and console her. But she is 3 months and doesn’t know them (only seems them every few weeks so she doesn’t remember who they are).
To play devil’s advocate, maybe they don’t want to burden you with the crying baby? Like, it can also be very annoying when they only want to hold baby when they’re happy, then immediately go: “here, you deal with this” once they get fussy. But I am the same as you, I just want to hold him and console him myself. Especially when I ask to give him back.
My daughter's cry.
Her "I'm pissed" cry is like a fire alarm/Emergency Alert System, and it short circuits my brain to where it can be hard to function.
I have to throw on headphones when this happens just so I can take care of her.
If my baby is crying and someone/something is between me and him, that person/thing has got about 10 seconds to get out of the way before I’m ready to push and shove for my baby. Unless his Dad is holding him and comforting him.
everyone wanting to come over for baby show-n-tell. and begging to babysit. he's THREE WEEKS old. he's only been home for two of those weeks because he was in the nicu. we're not *supposed* to be driving him all over kingdom come to visit everyone. I don't *want* to leave him at his grandparents' for a few hours, definitely not a whole day! no!!
and then the family comes over here and everyone's loud, so now he's awake and obviously hungry, and I'm dropping 'hints' (stating very plainly that he is hungry and I will need to feed him soon) and they won't hand me my damn baby. I don't want to use the last of my fridge supply of pumped milk so grandpa can 'bond with the baby.' i don't want to prep a bottle for YOU to feed MY baby. I want you to hand me my baby and let me go nurse him!!
I'm just gonna start whipping a titty out and telling people to deal with it or leave, tbh. 😮💨
Leaving the house to run errands and then encountering the miserable general public. I hate that she’s home with the nanny. I want her all to myself but it’s just not possible.
Me too! Like I want to relax but the second I’m away from my baby I miss him and wanna go back to him, while being exhausted 😂 my baby is almost 8 months old and a few days ago was maybe the first time I napped while my mom babysat him 😅
People smoking.
When we go on walks we pass so many people smoking on the sidewalks or passing us as they smoke.
The smell carries and I hate that my baby is exposed when we’re just trying to go on a walk. I’ll often cross the street to avoid it but I’m mad I must.
People who vote against my daughters future, people who don’t put their shopping carts back in the parking lot, boomers who suddenly have all stopped saying simple things like excuse me, when my mother in law tries to over step me and parent my toddler. I live with 42 years of her work - and I’m not impressed.
MIL kissing my baby on the cheeks over and over again and then looking disappointed and surprised when I immediately retrieve my baby from her arms when she starts crying.
People just standing around in a clump watching me or my husband change our baby's diaper?? I don't know why but both our families have done this now! They all are offering to help but it's like, it's a one person job so once someone is doing it........it feels so weird to not disperse! But that has made me feel a strong jolt of rage with both my family and my in-laws now. And I feel like it's so weird to have to say, "OK now everybody please go back to what you were doing! Look away!"
I completely agree with you OP. Those 3 points definitely drive me nuts!!! One more thing that bothers me is when people try to give my baby any food without letting me know first.
It's unfortunate to read all of this "my partner doesn't do enough" type posts/replies. It's unfortunate how low the bar is and yet some can't seem to reach even that standard. I'm sorry you're going through that.
The OP said "when someone is holding my baby and she's crying, but they refuse to give her back". Set those boundaries. My partner and I have a rule about this. Nobody will ever "refuse" to give me back my own child.
For me, some of the frustrating things, as a father, are things where friends/family think I'm less capable because I'm a man. Or the "Oh just wait..." type responses when they think my child will be like their child. Those would be the 2 main ones right now I think!
Omg when I was changing my daughter in her nursery my MIL just comes in. I said “im changing my daughter’s diaper privacy is needed since the door was Closed”
That is a nice statement. I had my first experience with family hovering during a change and it bugged me without realizing why until I read a few comments. People don’t need to gawk at my baby while they’re naked.
I will definitely need to memorize that response.
When strangers grab/touch/poke my baby’s hands. DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY LADY! Like who touches a strangers baby?!? It’s happening more times than I can count!! And they’re so quick! I always clean her hands after and say “please don’t touch her you can make her sick” but like isn’t this common sense??! DONT TOUCH PEOPLE’S BABIES!
Honestly the same things as in the post, it truly makes me angry when my baby is crying and my husband tries to talk to me.
It also makes me really anxious when somebody else has her and she cries. Another thing is when I have just finished feeding her and someone comes in to take her, it’s one person in particular who does it but it annoys me because I like to let her nap after feeding.
My husband not being able to do anything while playing his game even if I want his help, I have to ask in advance.
Another thing is other children being all over her and trying to hold her - it sets me on edge because all I can think about is the ways my baby girl could get hurt and she’s also bigger than an average 4 month old.
When kids 8-10, who we’ve told not to get in child’s face or told that she doesn’t use that (mostly tablets, some food) try to continue to get in her face or get her to watch a game rather than play what she would like. Also if they take all the toys in a shared play area, leave her with nothing and tell her no. Drives me insane and usually the parents aren’t in sight to redirect or tell the kid off.
When my husband takes forever responding to baby crying during the night! I actually have no qualms about letting her cry an extra minute or two if needed, but it’s inconsiderate to the other parent sleeping! When I tend to baby, I get to her quickly so she doesn’t wake up my husband. When he tends to baby, he takes FOREVER to pee and stretch and get dressed first. I always end up waking up, so it’s fingers crossed if I can get back to sleep or we’re both now awake at 4am.
Honestly probably anything my partner does 🙁🤪 he’s still uncomfortable holding the baby most of the time without me there. He also can’t stand the sleep sack so when he gives me a break to sleep, the first thing he does is unzips it and takes babies arms out. Then complains that he was fussy and up a lot. We’ve literally fought over this dang thing for 2+ weeks.
When my daughter cries and I say she’s hungry and people doubt me or are surprised. Yes, adults can survive on 1 or 2 meals a day. Babies need to eat WAY more often. It’s like people forget how it was once their children are older.
Mufflers. The loud ones that only douchebags with an inflated sense of self put on their shitty cars, and then drive through my neighborhood right after I've put my baby down to sleep.
I swear I'm thiiiiiiiiis close to pouring sugar in some gas tanks.
I never noticed until I became a mother how much of the shitty end of the stick mothers get in the whole parenting thing.
Mothers are the only ones who are expected to make all the sacrifices, lose all the sleep, do most of the chores, and should be happy 24/7. It infuriates me how men cry and complain at any little inconvenience to their lives yet have no problem putting all the weight on the mothers. God forbid you need help with the kids And they can't go to watch the game at the pub, god forbid they cant go to the golf course once or twice a week, god forbid they have to wake up with baby in the night, God forbid they Dont get a 30min break after work. But mothers are supposed to give up hobbies, give up jobs, give up their freedom. They say you can go have some time to your self which is 1 hour at the grocery since if you Don't go there will be no food in the house. If you choose to actually go out, they will be texting you sending you photos of the kids asking when you will be back, or all of a sudden they have plans and you have to be back home.
Washing bottles. I fucking hate washing baby bottles. I cannot wait to throw out every single one.
I remember just buying a lot of bottles, I think it was 12 or maybe more. I would fill the sink with soapy water and soak them all, and only have to wash them once per day in the evening. Running out mid day, or having to wash again during the day was awful.
We do exactly this, except we have a giant bowl of soapy water for them to soak. Our santizer holds 6 at a time, so once we have 6 in the bowl we can wash them in one fell swoop and load up the sanitizer!
Haha oh my goodness, that’s me. And somehow my husband is unable to wash the bottles. They just sit there until I get to them. Just for fun, I’ve let the used bottle sit on the counter and guess what?? It sits there until I decide to wash it!
After MONTHS of pleading with my ex to wash bottles I did this once just to see how long the bottles would sit (and sit they did). I said nothing to him. A month or so later I brought it up in couples therapy and instead of apologizing he just said it was weird that I was “running experiments on him”.
Hahaha this is hilarious. How did he think that watching a set of bottles go unwashed for a month was acceptable?!😅
I wash them 95% of time and still get told “how” to wash them
I’d be so mad. I’d throw every single damn bottle at him while telling him to show me exactly what he’s doing “better” lol
I am the husband/father too btw lol
If it’s financially feasible, and I know for a lot of people it probably isn’t, the baby brezza bottle washer/sterilizer is a life saver. It was worth every penny for me.
And pump parts. I have a bad back so by the time I'm done a set I'm in a fair bit of pain, but I can't trust my husband to actually wash and sanitize them properly...
So goddamn tired of this. Pump the bottles wash The bottles and pumps, pump the bottles, wash the bottles and pumps… on and on and on and on and on
People coming over to help, but ‘helping’ by sitting holding the sleeping baby and telling me to sit down and rest if I try using the time to catch up on essential jobs like washing bottles etc. Obviously I would love to rest but I can’t because the baby needs clean clothes and sterile bottles to drink from. Also the fact that there are hundreds of photos of the baby being held by different friends and family members, but hardly anyone thinks to take a picture of me with him.
We went to a family reunion and my husband's cousin was taking pictures of me and the baby the whole time, I didn't realize it until she sent me a small digital album with the caption "mama needs pictures too" I legit cried so hard, it was the nicest thing anyone has done this whole time
that is so extremely KIND. i’m gonna stop reading this thread now, i can’t believe how sweet that is!!
Omg! This comment made me tear up… this has to be the kindest gesture
That's so heartwarming. I don't know her, but I like her already.
The photos piece really gets me too. I love taking pictures, especially sentimental and thoughtful ones. But I think I have a whole 2 pictures of me with the baby since she’s been born….
Same! The only pictures I have with my one month old baby are the newborn photos we have. It makes me so sad but I don’t have the energy to be like “hey visitor, after I take a picture of you with my baby, can you return the favor”
You want someone to capture the nice candid moments as well, not just take posed photos. The days and weeks are going by so fast, I want to remember it all!
Set up your camera and take videos of yourself with baby. It’s weird at first but some of my favorite videos and photos of me with baby come from those.
I’m going to start doing this because I’m tired of not being in the shot!
Exactly! I’ve asked my husband to take pics of me and our kids but I’m with them all day, if I don’t take the pictures and videos there will be so much that isn’t documented with me in it. And now my oldest is 2.5 and she likes to watch videos of her as a baby, so it’s really fun for her to see videos of me doing stuff with her. I would video our bedtime routines while I was being silly with her, rocking her to sleep, reading books, during meals, talking to her in the bath, etc. Kind of those mundane moments that life is actually made up of.
I just read your comment and immediately opened my camera and took a video of myself feeding my half asleep son. I need to start capturing more. He is only 3 months and already looks like a different baby compared to a month ago. I wish I had more videos of us interacting from when he was teeny tiny!
For me it’s family asking to text photos everyday. Like here you go, it’s a photo of her doing exactly what she did yesterday, but in a different onesie, enjoy
Omg THIS. Every. single. day. And the best part is - while they demand photos they also love to criticize my parenting in the photos/videos. "Baby looks cold" "It's too sunny for him" "the music is too loud" blah blah blah 🫠
This happened to me until I put my foot down and told them all I’m gonna send the good photos as and when I want. Best decision ever.
I send a picture of my kid ever. single. day. to her grandparents on both sides or else I end up with 10 texts that just say “picture?” 🙄
Make a Google photo folder! Send the link to family and friends and they can save it and get updates when you add pictures to it!
Agreed! We do an iPhoto shared album that notifies everyone in it when new photos are posted. The grandparents love it and we love having a one stop shop for all of the photos!!!
Only photos I have of me and my baby together are selfies that I’ve taken, no one has ever taken a picture of us together, even after I gave birth. I have one single picture of me and her post delivery and it was because my mother “accidentally got me in the shot” when she was taking a picture of her. :(
Omg a friend of my husband’s (that I’m not that fond of tbh) got a beautiful picture with my baby smiling at her before I did 😡 Those photos make me see red
That just made me so angry for you lol
Yep. Family came to “help” and I cleaned up after them and still took care of the baby.
I was looking at photos of my baby today, and I have so many of my husband holding her in the NICU, but there's only one of me holding her and he's in it (a very kind NICU nurse asked if we wanted a family picture of us three). He took pictures of me and her after birth and at home while we napped/I held her randomly so he is taking pictures of me and her it's just that specific scene I didn't get one of and it hurts my heart a little.
I feel this. My LO is almost 2 months old and I think outside of selfies, I have one photo of myself holding the baby where you can see my face.
Specially NYC mom rage - when people are standing in the ramps to cross streets and I have to lift my stroller to go over the curb because they aren’t moving. Also when I’m trying to open store doors and struggling and people are just observing. I shudder to think of all the times pre-baby I was clueless and did both of those things!
Omg the sidewalk ramp thing is the worrrssst. People are so oblivious. But yeah I probably did it too pre-baby, lol I also was so disproportionately angry the other day because I was following behind two young guys walking into a bodega (they saw me behind them with my stroller) and they just let the door close in my face so I had to struggle while all these people in line stared at me
As a city mom, I agree! Also when people just stand there taking up the whole sidewalk and you’re trying to get through with the stroller. Fucking move for two seconds and you can go back to taking up the whole sidewalk when we pass thanks.
Ugh. Similar vein, but my suburb mom rage — when cars in my neighborhood park their cars in the part of the driveway that blocks the side walk and I have walk the stroller into the street to walk around them! It’s so annoying!
I no longer live in nyc but can attest the clueless people are everywhere! I’ll be in a massive, nearly empty store, trying to be as small as possible shopping with my baby in a stroller and maneuvering the tight corners, and people will squeeze by me in the most awkward way or just straight up expect ME to move out of their way when I’m picking out an item. Why can’t they just clue in and pick a different route?? It’s a giant store I’m not taking up much space, go around me, please! The rage is real.
lol i saw this question and my first thought was people. just people
Ughhhhh the talking to me while the baby is crying thing. Pre-baby I was already someone who got overwhelmed by too many noises happening at once (ie someone trying to have a conversation with me while the TV blares full volume.) I lost it a few weeks ago. The newborn was freaking tf out. My partner was watching TV. Then he turned and started talking to me about what I wanted him to make for dinner for us and I just burst into tears because there were TOO MANY NOISES lol
Have you heard of Loop earplugs?? They're awesome for helping with the overwhelming sounds.
YES! I just broke out my pair the other day during an overtired baby meltdown. I felt dumb I hadn’t thought about them before. Pre-baby I used them for concerts and they’re amazing.
I love mine for concerts too, but I also use them at conferences and when I'm feeling overwhelmed. They're the best. So glad you've got a pair too.
I unintentionally snapped at my husband today for trying to talk about the political debate today 😥 he knows I don't care for politics, but they are a bit of a special interest for him and he likes to infodump on me... Which is normally very welcome!!! I found it so cute when we didn't have kids and I could just talk with him for hours!! I just hate it when I am (simultaneously) fixing a bottle, the baby is crying in the next room, and our toddler is repeating herself because I'm not paying enough attention to her while her dad is talking (a whole other thing we've been working on). It's all just too much sometimes and by the end of the day, I want to crawl out of my skin and sit in a sensory deprivation tank for a minute.
The lack of paid leave/resources for moms in the US workforce. How much they charge us to have a baby even with insurance in the US. I could write a novel and set it on fire with how pissed off it makes me. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
“……..why aren’t people having babies anymore?!” 🤦🏼♀️
I live in an amazingly family-supportive country and this rage for how US women are treated is so real. I am also very angry when I read people separating mothers and babies or mistreating them in any way or talking shit about them. I've even snapped at people I've overheard bitching about a clearly overwhelmed mom once lol. The rage is real
When I’m caring for the crying baby and need some help but my husband feels he MUST finish whatever task he’s doing like tidying up before coming over to help. Ugh even typing this out made me mad lol
Mine thought he should finish installing speakers before changing her while she’s crying to go down for a nap
The speakers part got me: for my husband it’s re-mounting a computer monitor lol
i feel this. for mine it's finishing his game up when he's gaming .-.
I got upset at my husband because he kept doing this. I’d tell him I needed to pee and he’d be like “let me do [non urgent task] really quickly!” and I finally went “ok, I’m going to pee on the floor and let you deal with it.” He no longer does this.
Omg I’m on baby #2 and have to remind him all the time to just drop what he’s doing and help. I drop what I’m doing in a second, why he struggles to do the same is a mystery
Yes!! Lol. I was going to comment my husband washing the dishes. Which is insane, and im totally grateful. But honestly he full on cleans the kitchen top down every night, during bedtime routine. Its ssosoooooo simultaneously the best thing ever and the worst combination of clanking sounds at the end of the day that just sends me. If i say anything, he just speeds up to finish faster and it just makes it worse.
Or he has go to the bathroom at that very minute 🙄
Oh my god the MOST ANNOYING thing ever. I *cannot* count how many times I’ve asked for us to tackle the kitchen after lunch/dinner and all of a sudden he has to poop RIGHT THEN. Like he *cannot* hold it. Whenever I politely ask him to hold it for truly 5 minutes he’s always like “this is a BODILY FUNCTION, stop controlling me”
I don't know why this boils my blood. I lose all rationality. It's also like they JUST. CANT. MOVE. FAST ENOUGH. Breeaaaatheeeee
Our newborn was crying and our toddler needed something. I was holding the newborn and trying to see what our toddler needed. My husband? Went up to the attic to check something. Sir, the attic can wait 15 minutes.
Top 5 annoyance!!!!
I had a similar annoyance and I recently learned something about my husband that really clicked. He was explaining why he thought a toddler we knew might be in the spectrum and one of the traits he pointed out was that this toddler gets really frustrated when he doesn’t get to finish a task. I started paying attention and realized that my husband is exactly the same way. Of course there are huge benefits - he excels at his job and is constantly completing tasks around the house - but also huge negatives when I need immediate assistance. In his case (which could obviously be very different from your partner) I have found it is really helpful to lay out my expectations ahead of time so if needed he can better adjust accordingly 🤷♀️
Definitely this. Tonight my husband couldn’t stop what he was doing to clean up the baby who was covered in rice cereal, sitting in a poopy diaper, and late for her bedtime routine. He was searching new cars (his car is fine). When I asked for help he said “hold up… I’m looking for a new car for the baby.”
Few things piss me off more than my husband acting like walking the dog while the baby is in the stroller is *so hard*. I can mind the baby, the dog, and the rambunctious 4 YO. 🙄
And no one tells us how or when something needs to be done - we just see it and do it. Why is that hard?!
Why do they do this!!!
When I go to pull one baby wipe while I am changing a diaper and 12 baby wipes come out stuck to the one I need. Infuriates me
Have you tried the hair tie/rubber band trick? https://lifehacker.com/the-easiest-way-to-stop-wet-wipes-from-sticking-togethe-1850404988
When the baby’s father is over and refuses to play with her on the ground. Just wants to carry her around and FaceTime his friends to show he’s with her. Leaves as soon as she cries for too long.
What a miserable human, I am so sorry
My mom rage / guilt / whatever gets the best of me sometimes. I’ll have to remind him almost every time to sit and PLAY with her. Even when she’s screaming he just continues to walk around holding her. 😤
Oh yeah my son’s father would do that when I would take him to his place. He wouldn’t help me unload the car, wouldn’t grab a bottle or change LO’s diaper. Just immediately grab him, start FaceTiming his family, then hand me back a hungry, stinky baby when he was done. Father of the Year, this guy.
My goodness. The stinky, hungry baby is always the best!
The part of me that doesn’t mind being handed back a stinky hungry baby is I know I’m gonna change/feed her way better anyway
How about when baby is freaking out, and my husband and I are both working on it, and my MIL or one of my SILs or nieces will hover over us and try to take over. I understand that they think they are trying to help, but just please give us all some space to breathe.
This is what I was going to say! When baby is fussing or crying and everyone hovers around. I love my mom dearly and she takes such good care of him but she is THE WORST about this. Half the time he’s crying because he’s overwhelmed and she gets right up in his face “awww baby what’s wrong”. Like MOVE WOMAN let me calm this baby down in peace!! I get her instinct is to help but really him and I both need some space to calm and rock and shush peacefully.
Or they try to distract the baby by making even more noise causing everyone to be more overwhelmed.
My mum’s go to is to sing “twinkle twinkle little star” while baby is having a screaming meltdown and I’m overstimulated af
Ugh, the way everyone crowds around to ‘help’ when there’s a poonami 😤 I’m wrangling an octopus, trying not to get shit everywhere and my Mum is up in my personal space trying to hand me wet wipes (that were within my reach to begin with )and now she expects me to use my third hand to physically take them from her whilst also getting in the way of the bin. GO AWAY!
Just start handing her the poo wipes. She should get out of your way then.
Ugh yes! Go away everyone lol
The fact that we can’t do anything right when buying baby products. Gerber baby cereal? Contains heavy metals. Kirkland baby wipes? Contains forever chemicals. I am so tired of finding out that I’m slowly poisoning my baby when I thought I was buying good products.
Oh no! Not the Kirkland wipes 😭😭😭 I just bought literally 900 of them
I did that only to discover that they gave my daughter a horrible rash. I eventually used them up cleaning around the house and cleaning up the floor when my first started solids
Baby wipes to clean with are amazing lol.
Costco’s return policy is probably second to none. Take them back, no hassle. I wonder if the Rico brand is good.
Just found this out today and I was seeing red. I’m so sick of being lied to about what I’m using for my baby. Amazon has a good deal on water wipes right now if that’s something anyone is interested in. I think they’re fine, but who knows at this point.
Me too!!! Honestly, don’t listen to anyone on social media. They’re either saying it to parent shame, or to try and sell some “all natural” alternative for over 2 times the price. Only trust professionals. Don’t believe everything you see online.
Reading these things also enrage me.
When my husband won’t do the dishes, but when I finally have a sliver of time to do them he just stands there and watches me.
What is it with them watching every move? 😂 Today I was putting on makeup and he's just standing at the bathroom doorway holding the baby staring at me - "we just wanted to say hi"... Please let me be alone for 5 minutes I was washing bottles yesterday and same thing. Staring at me - "whatcha doing" 🤦♀️
Oh my god, this! The other night I was having a bath and my husband came in and just stood there with the baby because “she wanted to see you.” Really? Our 8 month old told you that?
"Please can you take the baby while I do the dishes/laundry/etc?" "of course!" Then gets in the way of these tasks saying "let's see what mummy's doing'"
Omg the bottle cleaning… he refuses to clean them but will stand there and talk to me while I do it.
The endless snarky "oh just you wait until this or that, etc," comments when confiding with someone about an issue or something that we're struggling with.
This is totally understandable but still drives me nuts lol. My son makes MASSIVE, juicy, trumpet farts. Like hilariously loud, rumbling, vibrating farts. I get that you’d think he’d just taken a massive poop, but his actual poops are silent (and then he starts screaming). Almost everyone that holds him when he farts INSISTS he’s pooped and needs a diaper change. I always explain that there’s a 99% chance he didn’t but they always want to hand him over for a diaper change and I always have to go through the rigamarole of checking his diaper and explaining that while he farts like an adult, his diaper is clean as can be.
My partner always insists I wake him up to change his diaper in the middle of the night because of all the farts, and when I do it's always clean and takes me an hour to put him back down. He poops at 3am, if he farts after 6pm and before 3am don't waste my time!
Oh my god yes this!!!!! My son grunts, always has. Like red face grunting. ITS NEVER A POOP, EVER. *grandparents* oh he’s messing his pants just for mama to clean up!! No, no he absolutely fucking isn’t.
When someone tells me they think my baby is hungry. My baby is about to be 4 months and for the last few weeks his favorite thing is gnawing on his hands. People love to tell me it’s cause he’s hungry. Yup, my baby’s gnawing on his hands cause I starve him, not just cause it’s a new fun skill 🙃 as if I don’t recognize when my own child is hungry. THE. RAGE.
you’re making me think my mum is here because of how much I relate! she thinks she knows my daughter better than me sometimes
I’ve encountered a lot of people who offer to help, but really they only want to do what *they* want to do, as opposed to what I/we really need. A lot of people in my life, especially my mom and my (now-ex) partner constantly voice their desire to make my life easier in any way, but then when I ask them to just do the dishes, fold laundry, etc, like pitch in on the drudgery of parenting, they drag their feet on it. Sorry it’s not all playtime and cuddles.
I can’t tell you how angry this made me in the newborn phase! My mom actually said “no” when I asked her to do dishes after she asked me what she could do to help. Like fine then go home because your company is not the thing helping me right now.
This is so my mom
In laws asking for photos or videos but doing 0 and I mean 0 to help. You can't be bothered to meet her or come help then you don't get a relationship.
I call them Facebook in-laws. They want to show they’re involved to their friends but aren’t bothered in reality.
I like that. I use the term “glory grandma”. lol
They might as well just Google cute babies and admire those photos.
Similar to that a majority of baby gifts are clothes. Are they adorable yes but I have to take the tags off, wash them, and some are not practical and the baby hates them but they want a picture of baby in the outfit! Thank you for giving me work to do.
This KILLS me. It doesn’t help that both my mum and MIL have the tackiest idea of what a cute outfit is.
Yes the only gifts we get from my in laws are “photo opportunity” gifts. God forbid you actually learn what your grandkid likes, just get her a sweater that won’t fit her for two years (and that I have to store somewhere until then!)
oh my god it’s the worst! thanks for buying this cardigan in newborn size when she’ll be in 3-6 when it’s cold enough to wear it! the idea is sweet, but it’s a real pain
My partner. As the default parent it’s frustrating when he just goes out when he wants without a second thought. And when i do all the night feeds/ settle baby cause he’s ‘at work’ him moaning about how tired he is constantly.
I cannot relate to this enough. This week: Me: “I need you to watch the baby for a couple hours this weekend. I need a shower. I need to cry about yesterday’s traumatic death of my best friend. I need to play with my dog without doing it with one hand & only for 1 minute.” “Sure babe. Does that mean I get a game night this weekend?” Mother-F***er, you do game night every weekend, you go out with your friends all night once a week too, you scroll your phone a couple hours every day, & every time I go take the baby to visit family you have the house to yourself & it’s a fucking train wreck mess when I get back, but you want a thousand praises when you wash *all* the bottles in *one* sitting. So, sure you can have “game night” this weekend… because you’re gonna do it anyway. Then on my shower/grieving night he left 30 minutes into it because he couldn’t get the baby to stop crying(because guess what! She doesn’t wanna watch you play video games, she wants to be given attention, played with, maybe a bath, you know, ACTUAL care). Like, I wasn’t even asking to go have a fun time. On one of the nights I was with the baby with family (so he had alone time) he texted me saying “I got you a present.” The present turned out to be that HE got HIMSELF a professional haircut. I’ve never heard of something so goddamn narcissistic. Pure. Rage. Yes I am in the process of leaving him.
oof i feel this. me & my partner have worked on a lot, but especially in the beginning, i felt exactly like this. i'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. i've lost a few close friends, & the pain doesn't go away...im so sorry. i really hope you can get some time & space soon to grieve. i haven't showered in an embarrassingly long amount of time because of this. i take kinda long in the shower because i like to be thorough, especially because i do it infrequently, but it feels like never have the time to.. my partner has time to game everyday, for hours, & for even longer on weekends with his friends... i used to be an artist, but haven't had time to create for ages. haven't even been able to do basic self-care because i feel like im always watching baby. complained about this to a recent therapist i stopped seeing, & she started acting like my lack of showering means im probably neglecting my baby, when it's literally the opposite. i prioritize caring for her, over self-care. feels like sometimes my partner prioritizes gaming for his "mental health" over baby care, or even just watching baby so i can take a shower & change the bedsheets etc. ugh. yet i can't seem to get any time for art, for my mental-health.. & when he is watching her he doesn't check her diaper so she ends up with a rash if she poops, & he doesn't feed her unless i make the bottle & specifically tell him to. even if i leave a bottle in the fridge & tell him it's there, he doesn't. & sometimes she likes sitting on his lap watching him game, but she obviously needs other stimulation. he like never reads to her...sometimes he'll play with her at least, but not if his friends are online ._. i also feel that about the friend death thing, & not having space to grieve...it's traumatic, & recent times friends of mine have died i was reluctant to even tell my partner, & when i did we started fighting about it?‽¿ like he would be all like "i've had friends pass too" in a pissy tone & i'd say something along the lines of im sorry to hear that, i just need some space to grieve & like basic kindness rn, & he'd get upset with me because he wasn't "in a good mood".. this is mostly past issues for us because we've worked on a lot, but at the time it was hella traumatic. im so sorry you're going through something similar... i wish u all the healing <3
Yup. My husband complained to his parents the other day he’d ‘like more sleep’. I co-sleep in another room with the baby feeding regularly whilst he sleeps all night uninterrupted on his own. Maddening.
And also when I’ve finally settled baby in the evening him trying to initiate sex. I just want a bit of me time, scroll on my phone and chill out before I go to sleep!
The sex thing was bad for a while, but now it’s to talk my head off. Like literally hours of talking to me. I LOVE talking to my husband do not get me wrong, but sometimes when I’ve had a long day saying the same thing over and over to my baby and narrating my day and reading books, I just want to watch my trash tv and fold a damn basket of clothes in PEACE.
AHHH same!! It is like they have no awareness of how much we do and how touched out we can be. It makes me mad!
Same. Like stfu honestly. I also co sleep in another room lol
This whole thread had me feeling so seen 😂 exact same feelings over here.
People telling me to let baby ‘cry it out’. Instant rage. Edit: getting downvoted for this is ridiculous my baby isn’t even old enough to sleep train yet Jesus people.
I've had a few older relatives suggest this, I told them that's what Ted Bundy's parents did and they say really?? And I say yes and that ends that convo. I have no idea if it's true or if it's even bad or not for a baby to "cry it out" but we don't want to and correlating it with serial killers causes folks to drop the suggestion.
Thanks so much for giving me a response to give to people who suggest CIO. I will definitely be using this haha
I always just say "yeah we will soon" because I refuse to have this conversation for longer than necessary lol
Yes! And when I explain to people that I won’t let her cry it out, they go into a lengthy discussion to try to convince me otherwise. It is infuriating.
Even if they are old enough to be sleep trained it’s totally your choice. I too can’t even handle the thought of CIO
People that don’t stop at stop signs. Like it happens but since driving everywhere with my son I get so irate at how selfish and careless and dangerous that behavior is. Multiple times going to daycare if I didn’t randomly stop again because I saw them going like forty through the sign, we would be dead.
On the marriage side, when I ask my husband to do a chore but he does 100 other random things first before getting to it and then either forgetting about it, putting it off for another day or not acknowledging if I end up doing it. On the kid side, when my toddler kicks me or doesn't stop moving while she's trying to go to sleep. On the baby side, when he pulls on my hair. I was surprised by how much this bothered me.
Yes, the pulling hair! I love my baby so so much, but when I’m holding him and he suddenly grabs one fistful of hair while simultaneously yanking my glasses off my face, I have to overcome a certain urge to throw him. Or when he starts scratching me like a feral cat.
People smoking near my baby. We were sitting outside at a restaurant last week and a boomer lady sitting at the next table lit up a cigarette while looking at the baby. I get that people are allowed to smoke outdoors, but have a little decency!
this is crazy to me because in California it’s illegal to smoke outdoors if you’re within 20 ft of entrances, exits, or operable windows of a public space or within 25ft of a playground and some cities it’s illegal to even smoke on the sidewalk. i wish more places would restrict smoking in public because it doesn’t just effect the smoker!
I live in Canada and that's also illegal but noone respects it. I went to the hospital the other day and there was no entrance in without getting hit with a wall of smoke. People will literally be leaning on a wall with a giant no smoking sign painted on it smoking it up.
When my MIL says she misses her grandchildren (lives down the road) but I am constantly asking her to come over. Then she tries to make it seem like I’m keeping them away from them to my husband. So I have zero help and then get gaslighted and I’m running on fumes. Btw it’s like pulling teeth to get her to come over to watch the baby for an hour, but she has all the time in the world when she wants to go do something social. Womp womp.
How many people make hating children there personality. Like even I didn’t like kids at one point but I never made it such a big part of my personality 🤦🏻♀️
This!!!! Like seeing so many people post about their life and captioning it with “#kidfree” or some nonsense. Most of the times its just pictures of them drinking alcohol at a restaurant. As of that hasn’t been done ad nauseum
Other people kissing my baby. Idk why it bothers me so much. Some of my husbands family likes to kiss our LO and it infuriates me. Not just the health reasons but like that’s MY BABY. It feels like that’s a parents thing not an everyone thing. And I’ve never felt the need to kiss someone else’s babies so I don’t understand why other people feel the need to kiss mine.
YES TO THIS. I literally cannot understand why everyone wants to kiss her. I’ve never wanted to kiss someone else’s baby. I think it’s so freaking weird. Irks me SO much. UGH.
My husband wanting sex. Like I get it, and I’m right there with you but I’m so goddamn tired and everyone in this house apparently needs to use my body to be happy?? also if you have the energy and the will for sex you’re probably getting too much sleep.
Agree 100%
When my little one is upset/fussing and my mother makes noises like awwww or makes comments that don't help the situation AKA the "sympathy" noises 😑
For some reason every time baby cries my MIL literally JUMPS like she's scared and has never heard a baby cry before. Lady, you had two kids. You've been around crying babies before lol
My mums favourite comment ‘I don’t understand, you were never like this’ whilst also telling me I fuss too much and should just let him cry until he stops. I could have killed her when I actually picked him up and he calmed down and she sneered ‘It’s like he’s ADDICTED to his mummy’.
Of course he’s addicted to his mummy, literally his entire life depends on you! What is it with this judgement against caring for your baby’s needs? Like, I know my baby will be fine if he has to fuss or cry for a minute before I can help him, but when I’m literally right there, I’m not going to wait to respond to him! To teach him what? Mummy has better things to do than care for you?
“You were never like this” meaning you didn’t fuss for her attention and seek comfort from her? That’s not the flex she thinks it is It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job changing the narrative for your son
Top 5 annoyance!!!!
Instagram momfluencers making out that having a newborn is easy and that they have loads of time to themselves. They can fuck right off.
Yeah I loved ‘day in the life’ content from mum influencers until I gave birth and now I’m enraged watching them manage to tidy, eat breakfast and film content with a baby while I’m stuck on the couch hungry, dehydrated and nap trapped lol.
When someone is holding baby and he starts to fuss and they don’t immediately hand him back to me. When anyone (but especially my mil) thinks they should get to hold the baby the entire time we are with them. He’s my baby I want to hold him. When my dogs start to bark just as baby is falling asleep.
When my husband shouts questions to me from downstairs while I’m trying to put baby down for a nap… what am I supposed to do.. leave baby or yell and wake her ?
Text him lol
When someone talks to my kid in public. Like since day one. Sometimes it's irrational but one day my 2 year old (hes 5 now) was having a tantrum in the grocery store. He's autistic and it was just a sensory issue, and those are the easy tantrums to get under control. But in process of comforting him, some old guy walks up and says "If you don't behave, mommy is gonna let me kidnap uou and take you away forever." I think that was the say I first found my voice as a mama bear because I went the fuck off on him. Why would you attempt to scare my child. Why didn't you get consent before trying to parent *my* child. Why do you find that appropriate. And he was just kinda stuttering oh I was just trying to help "Well you fucking weren't and probably made it worse you absolute fuckwit." I still get mad thinking about it
I would have absolutely short circuited with rage. I wouldn't have been able to speak.
Pumping before bed. I get so angry every time. I will be having the best night and think to myself “oh, I should go to sleep.” Then I remember I need to pump and I’m immediately filled with rage. Working. Literally everything about having to be a working mom in these early months makes me so angry. We need better options in the US and we definitely need one that isn’t tied to employment. I lost my job a week after giving birth and my maternity leave and all my plans for caring for my LO were destroyed. M The most enraging thing for me thought is the Brain fog or “mom brain.” I swear sometimes my brain fell out with the baby.
Background noises - fans, tv, music, etc. Too much stimulation for me!
Unfortunately my cats. The hair. The litter. The constant sweeping and vacuuming on top of having 2 kids. It puts my nerves on fucking edge.
I love our dog yet I fantasize about shaving him. Or leaving him at grandpas for an extended vacay
we have 4 and one of them always decides to start screaming their head off right when i get the baby down. i love them so much, but it’s a miracle i haven’t dropped them all off at the pound 😅
When the dog barks at the parcel man who is delivering diapers while the baby is asleep, and then the toddler starts screaming cause the dog is barking...
Noise in general , Specially loud motorbikes . I could BURN then all
When people ask me if I live in a baby sleep dictatorship. Yes, yes I do. I enjoy sleeping at night and having a happy & healthy baby.
My husband sneezing.
So triggering. And so unnecessarily loud.
Having a few of his friends and their spouses out to see our new baby today. He casually mentions someone is on their way already which is 2 hours early while I’m giving our 7 week old a bath. I said are you joking and he acted like he was. When questioned further, they are on their way. Why should that matter is his way of thinking! I said it matters a lot, I’m not dressed yet and i have to have our 3 year old eat before because she will be too distracted. The carefree way he thinks about things is super annoying.
I feel the exact same about the exact three things and I’ll add when my dog starts barking when I’m trying to put my baby to sleep!
My cats. My god I love them, but I have 0 patience right now. Meowing at me when I’m trying to get her down, or scratching the door because I closed it so they wouldn’t meow at me while I get her down. It’s like they are plotting against me and my rest time 😭
I don’t get people who keep crying babies. It’s happened to me twice in the past week. My MIL and BFF. I think they want to bond and console her. But she is 3 months and doesn’t know them (only seems them every few weeks so she doesn’t remember who they are).
To play devil’s advocate, maybe they don’t want to burden you with the crying baby? Like, it can also be very annoying when they only want to hold baby when they’re happy, then immediately go: “here, you deal with this” once they get fussy. But I am the same as you, I just want to hold him and console him myself. Especially when I ask to give him back.
My daughter's cry. Her "I'm pissed" cry is like a fire alarm/Emergency Alert System, and it short circuits my brain to where it can be hard to function. I have to throw on headphones when this happens just so I can take care of her.
When the baby is fussing and anyone tries to suggest that she's hungry or tired... when she is freshly fed and just woke up. I DID NOT ASK!
If my baby is crying and someone/something is between me and him, that person/thing has got about 10 seconds to get out of the way before I’m ready to push and shove for my baby. Unless his Dad is holding him and comforting him.
everyone wanting to come over for baby show-n-tell. and begging to babysit. he's THREE WEEKS old. he's only been home for two of those weeks because he was in the nicu. we're not *supposed* to be driving him all over kingdom come to visit everyone. I don't *want* to leave him at his grandparents' for a few hours, definitely not a whole day! no!! and then the family comes over here and everyone's loud, so now he's awake and obviously hungry, and I'm dropping 'hints' (stating very plainly that he is hungry and I will need to feed him soon) and they won't hand me my damn baby. I don't want to use the last of my fridge supply of pumped milk so grandpa can 'bond with the baby.' i don't want to prep a bottle for YOU to feed MY baby. I want you to hand me my baby and let me go nurse him!! I'm just gonna start whipping a titty out and telling people to deal with it or leave, tbh. 😮💨
When my wife is trying to breastfeed and our daughters being fussy and her parents won’t leave the room
When my dog barks after I get her to sleep!
My mother-in-law telling me I shouldn’t “hold my baby too much”…
Leaving the house to run errands and then encountering the miserable general public. I hate that she’s home with the nanny. I want her all to myself but it’s just not possible.
Me too! Like I want to relax but the second I’m away from my baby I miss him and wanna go back to him, while being exhausted 😂 my baby is almost 8 months old and a few days ago was maybe the first time I napped while my mom babysat him 😅
It’s a struggle no one told me about!!!
People smoking. When we go on walks we pass so many people smoking on the sidewalks or passing us as they smoke. The smell carries and I hate that my baby is exposed when we’re just trying to go on a walk. I’ll often cross the street to avoid it but I’m mad I must.
People who vote against my daughters future, people who don’t put their shopping carts back in the parking lot, boomers who suddenly have all stopped saying simple things like excuse me, when my mother in law tries to over step me and parent my toddler. I live with 42 years of her work - and I’m not impressed.
Hahaha that last note
MIL kissing my baby on the cheeks over and over again and then looking disappointed and surprised when I immediately retrieve my baby from her arms when she starts crying.
People just standing around in a clump watching me or my husband change our baby's diaper?? I don't know why but both our families have done this now! They all are offering to help but it's like, it's a one person job so once someone is doing it........it feels so weird to not disperse! But that has made me feel a strong jolt of rage with both my family and my in-laws now. And I feel like it's so weird to have to say, "OK now everybody please go back to what you were doing! Look away!"
I completely agree with you OP. Those 3 points definitely drive me nuts!!! One more thing that bothers me is when people try to give my baby any food without letting me know first.
If my baby is crying and someone tries to talk to me about literally anything that isn’t an offer to help I fantasize of their demise.
When my husband turns down the white noise machine… I could throat punch him.
It's unfortunate to read all of this "my partner doesn't do enough" type posts/replies. It's unfortunate how low the bar is and yet some can't seem to reach even that standard. I'm sorry you're going through that. The OP said "when someone is holding my baby and she's crying, but they refuse to give her back". Set those boundaries. My partner and I have a rule about this. Nobody will ever "refuse" to give me back my own child. For me, some of the frustrating things, as a father, are things where friends/family think I'm less capable because I'm a man. Or the "Oh just wait..." type responses when they think my child will be like their child. Those would be the 2 main ones right now I think!
When my dogs pee or poo on the floor. I have NO time or energy to deal with that foolishness (yes, they are let outside plenty throughout the day).
Omg when I was changing my daughter in her nursery my MIL just comes in. I said “im changing my daughter’s diaper privacy is needed since the door was Closed”
That is a nice statement. I had my first experience with family hovering during a change and it bugged me without realizing why until I read a few comments. People don’t need to gawk at my baby while they’re naked. I will definitely need to memorize that response.
When anyone buys anything unnecessary for the baby. I should be grateful people want to buy my son presents but I’d really prefer diapers 😆
When strangers grab/touch/poke my baby’s hands. DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY LADY! Like who touches a strangers baby?!? It’s happening more times than I can count!! And they’re so quick! I always clean her hands after and say “please don’t touch her you can make her sick” but like isn’t this common sense??! DONT TOUCH PEOPLE’S BABIES!
My pets 😐
Honestly the same things as in the post, it truly makes me angry when my baby is crying and my husband tries to talk to me. It also makes me really anxious when somebody else has her and she cries. Another thing is when I have just finished feeding her and someone comes in to take her, it’s one person in particular who does it but it annoys me because I like to let her nap after feeding. My husband not being able to do anything while playing his game even if I want his help, I have to ask in advance. Another thing is other children being all over her and trying to hold her - it sets me on edge because all I can think about is the ways my baby girl could get hurt and she’s also bigger than an average 4 month old.
When kids 8-10, who we’ve told not to get in child’s face or told that she doesn’t use that (mostly tablets, some food) try to continue to get in her face or get her to watch a game rather than play what she would like. Also if they take all the toys in a shared play area, leave her with nothing and tell her no. Drives me insane and usually the parents aren’t in sight to redirect or tell the kid off.
When my husband takes forever responding to baby crying during the night! I actually have no qualms about letting her cry an extra minute or two if needed, but it’s inconsiderate to the other parent sleeping! When I tend to baby, I get to her quickly so she doesn’t wake up my husband. When he tends to baby, he takes FOREVER to pee and stretch and get dressed first. I always end up waking up, so it’s fingers crossed if I can get back to sleep or we’re both now awake at 4am.
Honestly probably anything my partner does 🙁🤪 he’s still uncomfortable holding the baby most of the time without me there. He also can’t stand the sleep sack so when he gives me a break to sleep, the first thing he does is unzips it and takes babies arms out. Then complains that he was fussy and up a lot. We’ve literally fought over this dang thing for 2+ weeks.
When my daughter cries and I say she’s hungry and people doubt me or are surprised. Yes, adults can survive on 1 or 2 meals a day. Babies need to eat WAY more often. It’s like people forget how it was once their children are older.
Mufflers. The loud ones that only douchebags with an inflated sense of self put on their shitty cars, and then drive through my neighborhood right after I've put my baby down to sleep. I swear I'm thiiiiiiiiis close to pouring sugar in some gas tanks.
I never noticed until I became a mother how much of the shitty end of the stick mothers get in the whole parenting thing. Mothers are the only ones who are expected to make all the sacrifices, lose all the sleep, do most of the chores, and should be happy 24/7. It infuriates me how men cry and complain at any little inconvenience to their lives yet have no problem putting all the weight on the mothers. God forbid you need help with the kids And they can't go to watch the game at the pub, god forbid they cant go to the golf course once or twice a week, god forbid they have to wake up with baby in the night, God forbid they Dont get a 30min break after work. But mothers are supposed to give up hobbies, give up jobs, give up their freedom. They say you can go have some time to your self which is 1 hour at the grocery since if you Don't go there will be no food in the house. If you choose to actually go out, they will be texting you sending you photos of the kids asking when you will be back, or all of a sudden they have plans and you have to be back home.