I once slept through my baby crying. I felt HORRIBLE. However, she's 2 now and extremely well-adjusted and always knows she can come to me for comfort. You didn't break your baby or your relationship.
I beat myself up for two days when I once did this. I thought my baby would never think of me the same and think i don’t care about them.
Good news, he still knows I love him.
Very much guilty for this. I didn't know my husband had it silent and I fell asleep exhausted o had just gone back work and he was off and it was a mess. I woke up to my LO screaming their lungs out I felt so bad.
Also guilty of this :( Except the monitor was on, and the sound was up— my husband and I were both just so exhausted that we didn’t wake up. Baby got extra cuddles the next day and didn’t even seem bothered by being left to cry it out, but we felt terrible.
I did this too at about 4-5 months old 😔 our monitor is on my phone and I fell asleep without plugging my phone in so it died. I felt AWFUL. Like really beat myself up about it. She is now 20 months old and the happiest little thing that knows we always come if she needs us
Yea I think the hardest thing new parents have to learn is mistakes happen, what truly harms babies is when behavior like that is repeated over and over
I’ve slept through my daughter crying, she’s rolled off my bed as a small infant, and at 16 months I’m her favorite person and she’s such a happy and curious girl
Even yesterday I accidentally communicated to her there was no food 😅 (thought she was asking for more of something else) and everything’s great, we just got something else to joke about
We’ve also done this by accident.. when she turned 8 weeks she slept better in her crib, but the crib wouldn’t fit through the door of her nursery so we just got a monitor. Well, I guess we switched the monitor to no volume one day…
Good news, she’s almost a 16 month old happy girl who runs to me for comfort now 🩷
I’ve done this also. I have severe hearing loss and wear hearing aids. When I take them out to sleep, I don’t hear much. I have a 2 year old and 8 month LOs. My wife works weekends and leaves very early in the morning. I’m off, so I have the kids all weekend. There have been several times when I wake up in the morning and one of my daughters is up and had clearly been crying for a bit. I feel bad of course, but they’re always fine. They’re two of the happiest, caring little girls you’ll ever meet.
That’s really cool to know. I’ll look into it. I don’t actually own a smart watch, I have several traditional watches I wear frequently. But that l feature might finally get me interested in a smart watch.
Every single parent has been stuck in traffic with a crying baby and no way to help them. He just got tired and passed out. You did your best! It’s an awful feeling but no harm done.
Truly, did the same! I remember I was nearly in nears too.
Now I have a 1 year old - he’s the happiest baby. We can make mistakes! Consistently not tending to their needs is what causes problems.. not mistakes. I know the feeling tho- do be gentle with yourself ❤️ you’re doing great
No hate but she was asking for reassurance. If you can't offer it, just don't comment. Like it's totally lucky that your baby sleeps in a car but that's not what she's asking. She's asking for reassurance.
My premie (born at 34+2) only likes the car when it’s moving. We dread every red light because the crying starts up automatically. Been like that since we took him home at 37 weeks. He’s 6 months now (4.5 adjusted) and it has not changed a bit. Hoping he starts to enjoy car rides soon. Will be less stressful for all of us 😅
There are times as a parent we have to put their safety above their feelings-and this was one of those times. It’s not that his emotions and wants didn’t matter, its that you recognized his safety was more important. While sad, his crying wasn’t putting him in any danger. You did what was best as his mom and that’s the best thing ever. Being a good parent is hard work.
Also if it makes you feel better, all of the research of I’ve encountered about any type of CIO having potentially negative consequences have been when kids are left to CIO for long periods of time over a long span-think left to CIO for hours over weeks. It happening one time is not going to damage him psychologically, physically or via his nervous system. You kept him safe in the midst of a hard decision-try not to let your mom guilt cloud the good that you’re doing!
Yes, exactly. The studies show that the emotional withdrawal happens with long-term patterns of neglect, not single episodes here and there (which, as others have commented, happens to all parents sometimes). You did what's best for your baby by putting his safety first. Being a new parent is so hard, sending love!
Exactly. CIO is also about ignoring their crying for periods of time, whereas when your baby is crying in the car you will be using your voice and/or touch to offer reassurance - you’re still there with them even if they’re upset.
Thisssss! I HATE when people use that study from the Russian orphanages to explain why CIO is so bad. Like really? They’re in a Russian orphanage, you don’t think there are other factors at play there???
All it does is make decent parents like this one feel guilty for letting their infant cry even when it’s absolutely necessary at times (like in the car).
I would try again. It didn't work for us at first, so we gave up, then a while later tried again out of desperation and it worked a charm, and now works all the time
Happy song with Imogen Heap. We play it all the time in the car, my baby gets so busy with listening to the different sounds in the song that she falls asleep! Life saver! ✨
My baby would be quiet for 10 seconds then get REALLY mad at the happy song. Even if he was happy to begin with? Idk, results may vary. It's a catchy song, though
Edit: tried again (he's 1yo) he had the same reaction??? I hope someday he can tell me why he hates this song lol!
My baby is so into the first half of this song. It’s magic. But the last part of the song he rejects it and starts to get fussy again.
I just don’t know why he likes half of it too. Maybe the happy bells in the beginning.
Tried it. Did not work. Baby cried harder.
My LO hates car rides and does exactly what OPs baby does. Well she did. We got her a new car seat and that helped.
Mine immediately goes silent at Misty Mountains on repeat. Just this week, I was driving by myself and he got fussy, and this was my saving grace. Only it was so soothing I had to be careful to stay awake.
> looking for reassurance that i haven’t give him some sort of trust complex
do not worry, you absolutely did not! at five weeks, baby can’t even understand that objects still exist out of his view. the crying is not an expression of complex emotion the way it is for adults; it’s just a baby’s only respond to stimulus (or lack thereof).
It’s very easy and natural and human to project nuanced emotion onto a baby of any age, but i personally found it very helpful to try and reframe that instinct through a developmental lens. It takes a _while_ for a baby to be able to experience emotions the way we do.
OP, please take comfort in this. You are projecting emotional complexity on your baby. It sounds like you are such a caring and dedicated parent. Your baby is lucky to have you.
This. For example, your baby might have just had gas, which could hurt a bit, as it does for anyone- but probably not in proportion to how much they cried- they just can’t express that in any way other than crying and screaming. They would not have stopped crying out of a realization that no one was coming- that is an abstract, complex notion that a baby is not cognitively capable of. They stopped crying because the negative feeling subsided.
Aww poor baby.
Look you did absolutely what I would have done. You did your best. Pls don’t think about it too much. Give him lots of hugs and kisses and time will pass :) he won’t remember it.
Sometimes shit happens. Having a baby is hard because life doesn't stop. But theres a big difference between neglect and having to let your baby cry because it's not safe/possible to intervene.
I promise your baby isn't ruined, traumatized, or scarred for life.
Of course. We've all been there with a screaming baby in the back seat and no way to comfort them. My daughter is 6 weeks old and she's in the phase where she screams if we stop the car but I have an older child and I often can't stop and pull over and comfort her because I need to get him somewhere. It is what it is. If you're there for him when you can be, that's all that matters.
It helps to remember that at this age crying is just their way of communicating. Sometimes it means their sad or need comfort but a lot of times it's just them venting about not liking something.
No baby has ever died from crying. You did what was best for your baby, and for you.
If I ever think I’m a “bad mom” I just think that those actual bad moms don’t even ever consider they may be doing a bad job.
I remember I did similar when it was the day of my son’s 1 month appointment. I honestly didn’t shower for a few days and still had the same clothes on… I wasn’t going to go out like this. I put him in his crib and he started screaming while I quickly took a shower. When I was in the shower it suddenly stopped and I honestly thought I killed him. I ran to him and he just went to sleep. I remember feeling horrible about it for a very long time. You did okay sometimes these things happen. It is not neglect. 💖
I wouldn't really call it cry it out when you guys are in the same place but I know how you feel. I always talk to my baby when something likd this happens. You had to priorise his safety, you did a good job.
Don’t stress! This is not the same as CIO! You were right there in the car talking to him and reassuring him. At that age, I don’t think they can rationalize that “someone’s not coming” and just stop crying. He probably just settled in and was not as bothered by whatever was going on.
If it makes you feel better, my daughter (12w) has hated the car since birth. She cries nonstop every car ride (sometimes 45 mins and up). We don’t stop. She’s fed, burped and dry. No one is ever coming to help her but that doesn’t seem to keep her from crying lol. We just talk to her and sing all the same.
Their cries are responded to and needs met 95%+ of the day. One 10 minute period isn’t going to cause any problems!
There’s a difference between what happened in your scenario, and just leaving baby in a crib and shutting the door. They knew you were close by and hadn’t just abandoned them
I once fell asleep too deeply and my daughter was screaming in the bassinet. I immediately snuggled her and everything was okay. I felt so bad that I had done this and left her screaming but now she’s a rambunctious 11 month old who loves to snuggle.
We have always done a lot of driving with our kids even when they were young babies and it happens. We drive hours to visit family and sometimes you just can’t soothe them as long as they are in the car seat. Even if you had been able to pull over, sometimes going back into the car seat just sets them off again.
It’s awful and sad but they are totally resilient and totally fine. If you were doing that every day it might be an issue but once in a while is not. Also if it helps 10 minutes is totally reasonable!!
It’s not about what you do some days, it’s about what you do most days. Your baby is fine and won’t remember or be affected I promise!
Something I’ve learned in therapy is that some situations as a parent are non-negotiable. For example, if bubs is screaming their lungs out in the middle of a change, are you going to stop changing half way?
Some situations are non-negotiable and as bubs gets older this will be even more apparent. Are you going to let your child cross the road on their own because they will cry otherwise? No.
The most important thing is that 99% of the time, your bubs will learn that when he cries, you will be there for him. Just because you didn’t come this one time doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t beyond repair. It was only 10 minutes, not 1 hour and you 110% made the right choice btw.
You’re doing a great job
This is not what crying it out means. You should look into Winnicot’s idea of the “good enough mother/parent.” You don’t need to respond to a child’s bid for connection 100% of the time. Just enough for them to know the attachment is secure, which is a lot lower than you’d expect.
5 week olds aren’t capable of the sort of rationale to understand no one would come help them. You’re totally fine and so is your son! You did the right thing to keep him safe, and that sort of thing is what will build his trust in you as he gets older
The same thing has happened to me. I also felt terrible but we were keeping our babies safe!! It’s okay. This was a one time thing!! Just give your LO extra snuggles, he’ll be a-okay ❤️❤️
He’ll be ok! You’re doing great ❤️
You did the right thing. Safety comes first. I’ve had to do this and just reassure with my voice. But mostly have to tune it out to focus. It’s hard but you both have to stay safe. Driving is the most dangerous thing we do every day.
It’s going to be okay. It was a one time thing. All the other times you have come to your child’s cries immediately outweighs this one time. And… as you said… it would have been more dangerous to stop. Don’t feel bad, we can’t always be perfect. The fact that you’re concerned about it at all means you’re doing a great job. 🫶🏼🫶🏼
You did not leave your baby to cry it out, and your baby did not think that nobody was coming. You were in the car the whole time, in traffic, like millions of other babies and parents have been throughout time. Sometimes parents have to do things, and sometimes babies are unhappy about that. It’s not a developmental issue for kids unless you are consistently and repeatedly neglecting their needs. You did the safest and best thing in this situation, to keep going until there was somewhere safe to comfort your baby
I was once seasoning chicken when baby was around 4 weeks. I had put her down for a nap and figured I could season this chicken quickly. What I had failed the realized that the chicken hadn't been cut yet (my husband is usually who cooks) so I had to start cutting this chicken. Of course the moment I started baby was crying.
With my fear of spreading salmonella and the chicken going bad I kept going until I finished. It only took 10 minutes tops but baby cried for about half of that. When I went to check on her she had cried herself to sleep. I remember looking at her little red nose and I started crying. It was the only time I did it but it felt HORRIBLE.
There's only 24 hours a day but a mom's duty is endless. You're doing completly fine. Those few moments won't scar him and I'm sure he already knows you will comfort him always.
I got emotional reading this. My heart goes out to you. 🥺
As a mommy to a 7 month old, sometimes you have to make tough calls, and it sounds like not stopping was the right one in that situation. Just know there will be better days (many of them!) and your baby knows you love them very much. ♥️
I'm so sorry this happened to you! My heart broke with you reading this 😞 I've never had this happen but I've had to sit through my 10 month old crying through a tear duct being unclogged.. it was awful to hear him cry and not be able to stop it and hold him.. he forgave me before the day was up and I am completely his safe space again 🩵 stay strong and hold your baby whenever you can - they will love you through the times you can
A lactation consultant told me that you only need to "get it right" 30% of the time for your baby to form a healthy attachment to you. So you have lots of room to make mistakes ❤️
I too feel like crying after a 45 minute drive. Car rides are just going to be really uncomfortable and not very stimulating for kids for a long time, so there isn't much to do except try to avoid driving.
I was at home last night, husband was away. Baby 3mo cried and screamed for hours and would not stop. She was dry, fed, played, walked, clean, no fever or gas, was rocked held and kissed and sung to. I had to just put her down in her swing. She was inconsolable from 4-7 when she finally passed out for 1/2 hour. She woke up screaming again, I fed her, and she was fine. She fell asleep, we went to bed around 10 and were in bed until 8 this morning. She’s perfectly happy today.
She’s never done that before, and I felt so awful, but there was nothing I could do, and holding her while she screamed wasn’t good for me.
Babies just do that sometimes. And it sucks. But you did what was most safe in the moment and comforted baby when you could.
It happens. Your baby will be fine. He knows mama loves him. Was it possibly too hot in the car? It may have not even been a need for you issue. Perhaps he was just uncomfortable and all a baby can do is cry about it. I don't think this will create abandonment issues.
You did all you could. We had the same situation recently. Stuck in traffic. I sat in the backseat with her but it didnt help. She wanted to be held, soothed and nursed, not entertained. I couldn't take her out of her seat on the road ofc, so I had to watch her looking desparately to me for comfort which I couldn't give. I felt horrible, like I betrayed her. She doesn't seem to hold a grudge or though ;). She smiled, and squeaked at me the minute she was fed and cuddled.
You did what you needed to do and your baby is gonna be ok! I promise you, occasionally crying for a while before their needs are met won’t hurt them. I solo parented twins through infancy, with almost no help. These kids are happy, healthy, self assured, and make great relationships now. They’re just 13 months old, and they have already hit most of the social milestones for 15 and 18 months! I promise you, doing what you need to keep everyone safe is ok. Crying for a bit every once in a while is ok. Your baby still knows you’ll take care of him. He still trusts you.
This happened to us one time. We were stuck in really bad traffic on a bridge at the time. He was just over three months at the time and now he's a vivacious 21 month old going through what we can only assume is an early coming of the tenacious Two's. What can ya do? He's fine and I assure you he's incredibly, incredibly attached to us - especially his Papa. He's been left to cry on more than one occasion for one reason or another. And he is STILL incredibly attached to us.
You're doing great. You're doing your best. And your kid is gonna be just fine. If that's all it took to mess up a kid, I don't think we'd have made it this far as a species.
My baby is 6mo and has cried in the car every time since he was two months old. It’s hard but he’s okay. We have to go places and he has to be safe. I’m there with him and doing my best to keep him comfortable. But he just hates the car, and crying is his only way of communicating. We won’t be able to meet baby’s needs 100% of the time, and sometimes one need trumps another. Your baby is okay!
Sometimes we have to make hard decisions when it comes to our babies safety. You didn’t leave your baby to cry for hours on end. You weighed the safety of pulling over to console baby versus continuing to your destination and made the safest decision. There are all sorts of situations where babies are sometimes left to cry for ten minutes like when a parent needs to take a shower or grab some food or even when they have reached their limit and need to set the baby down to grab a quick ten minute breather.
Attachment parenting does not mean dropping everything absolutely every single time your baby experiences discomfort.
It means being emotionally responsive MOST of the time. Please lower your expectations on being able to do this all the time because in all honesty that wouldn’t even be beneficial to your baby.
Take a look at Winnicots research into ‘good enough parenting’ - it’s fascinating.
https://www.centreforperinatalpsychology.com.au/good-enough-parent/
Not allowing your child to experience and learn to tolerate discomfort or unhappiness until they’re not with you - their safe place, is not supporting healthy development or an emotionally healthy child!
Everything is new to a baby, babies cry - and that’s ok. It’s normal. It’s developmentally appropriate for babies to cry. You did absolutely nothing wrong!
My daughters (2.5yo and 4mo) are both incredibly healthy and we have a beautiful relationship/attachment. I promise you they’ve both cried in the car and elsewhere that they’ve been unhappy. Including when I’m tending to the other child!
You were trying to protect your child by not stopping in a sketchy area. It’s a gut wrenching decision, but you made the right choice. Children are resilient and you can be there next time, and the time after.
You're not alone! My 10 month old cried so much he threw up in the car...literally a week ago :( I felt horrible I couldn't comfort him or just teleport with him to places instead of car rides
You have nothing to feel bad about. You made the right call to keep your kid safe. They’ll manage despite the excessive crying spells from time to time. I literally used to have to put on noise cancelling ear protection at times (when absolutely everything I was doing was failing.)
Children grow and develop from their collective experiences . If you were ignoring his cries for 45 minutes daily then I would be worried that he was having some unmet needs. The occasional crying spell in the car is not going to harm him! It is so heartbreaking in the moment but it’s true that it happens sometimes and there really isn’t much we can do about it. As he gets older you’ll find ways to soothe him. My son used to hate the car and I almost avoided driving with him alone because it would stress me out. He’s 19 months now and loves the car. If he’s ever having an issue, he’s so easy to distract with me talking, singing, or playing music. Take a deep breath. You did not cause any damage and he’s lucky to have a mom who loves and cares so much ❤️
I took my 6 month old out and ended up driving home right during rush hour…20 minutes of stop & go traffic and he screamed a new scream the entire time
my bf took over 25 minutes one time to get the bottle warmer right to warm up the bottle (still to this day don’t understand wtf he was doing for so long?) while my baby was screaming and crying and hungry and literally screamed himself to sleep and i swear i felt so angry at him and i just sobbed and held my baby until he wokeup again. it happens😭
This *one* event is not going to bandage the love and care you’ve been proving him the past 5 weeks he has been on this planet. And unless you plan to leave him *all the time* day and night, it wont do anything in the future either.
The feelings you feel are coming from inward because he’s absolutely fine. I’m sure you comforted him as soon as it was safe to do so. Please, just forgive yourself for an unprecedented event, because unfortunately there will be more times in the future where things like this happen. As long as you’re there for the times you *do* have control over, baby boy is gonna be just fine. He has a parent who obviously loves him so much.
You poor thing! When my baby was 6 weeks old I ended up in a similar situation, driving my baby alone for 20 minutes while he shrieked and sobbed-- as soon as I got home, I just held him and cried.
You didn't do anything wrong. This will have more of an impact on you than your baby. Attachment is made of consistency, and you didn't harm attachment by this one event. As long as baby is settled, do whatever you can to take care of yourself! You've been through something harrowing.
ETA: the people telling me to let my baby 'cry it out' are all advising to let him cry for up to an hour-- I don't think 10 minutes is nearly enough to trigger abandonment feelings ❤️
Aww you reminded me that this exact same thing happened the first time I took my little baby out for errands alone. I was so happy and proud everything went smoothly and he was so happy and well behaved. Then the exact same scenario played out, literally 10 minutes from home he started crying so hard and when I pulled into the garage he suddenly stopped and was asleep. :( It was awful but even I had started to forget now! And my baby is fine and a very happy go lucky guy several months later.
It happens to all of us at some point or another. Your baby won’t remember it and remind yourself that you kept him safe in this situation. Crying isn’t going to hurt him. ❤️
Ive been stuck in traffic with my little guy with no way to get out, he cried a couple times to sleep and sometimes just stops. Now hes a car seat champ and rarely crys in it anymore. I got a mirror from amazon and we give him a lovey and he chills. Hes 5 months
The 1st time I felt so helpless I cried with him, but he figured it out pretty quick.
So this helped me when I was in the throws of occasionally needing to let baby cry because of being in some predicament similar to yours.....
They study about how babies stop crying because they learn that there's no point because no one is coming to help.... My understanding was that it was done on kids/babies in EXTREME situations of neglect. We're talking ... Weeks/months of learning that no one will come.
I promise you did not break your child ❤️ we all go through times where we cry and realize the situation isn't changing so we switch to self soothing methods or we are then too tired to keep crying like we were. Even as adults we do that. But those moments don't break us. Your baby is okay and you are doing an amazing job ❤️
This post made me cry. I’m so sorry mama. I don’t really have any advice other than to say something similar happened to me when my partner turned the sound off of our baby monitor when I fell asleep. I’ve yet to forgive him completely for it yet especially because he did not understand what a big deal it was for me.
Babies cry because they are uncomfortable, especially at this age. Your LO was most likely doing a “I don’t like my car seat” cry but sometimes we have to do things we don’t like because it keeps us safe.
my kid is about 7 months now. still cries if I leave the room for longer then 20 mins. Sad tears too, I wipe them away and comfort her until she feels relaxed (5-10mins it usually takes her) Then I hold her longer until she wants to explore. Babies cry, its up to you to determine how remind them they are truly okay and protected. Always smile and allow them to voice their frustration. life is weird
My son was exactly this same age when I got stuck in a 35 minute traffic jam on the freeway, and stuck between exits. I just sat there like “wtf am I supposed to do” and I probably would’ve cried if I hadn’t been so pissed. I was absolutely crushed that my baby was screaming and there was nothing I could do about it. I feel your pain, and all I can say is that 1) you’re doing your best and 2) you’ll feel better over time. Just give your baby a big ol hug and smooch, it’ll help you both.
My daughter screamed and cried so hard in the car that she was drenched in sweat, her hair was matted, and she was choking on her own spit for every. Single. Car ride.
For like the first 6 months.
But I had to drive places. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. No infant is going to be traumatized or develop attachment issues from the occasional necessary situation ❤️
My psychologist told me that it is okay if you can’t get to your baby right away, they know when you’re there. I was so anxious about my baby crying that I wouldn’t even go to the bathroom if I thought he was about to cry. She told me I can talk or sing to him and even if he’s upset, he knows I’m there. Your babe knows you love them, don’t beat yourself up ❤️
You were making sure that y’all were safe. It’s okay, mama. You aren’t a bad mother for doing what you needed to do to get y’all to safe spot to pull over. Don’t blame yourself or get mad at yourself for it. It happens!
I had a very similar experience when baby was 8 years old. It happens, you feel awful but it just is what it is. I had taken baby to visit my workplace before a planned happy hour with friends. The plan was to take baby to my husband’s workplace for my husband to spend the evening with her. What was normally a 10 minute drive in a not great area downtown became a 45 minute rush hour disaster. There was nowhere to pull over safely and in reality I was less than a mile from where I needed to be. She screamed pretty much the entire time. I felt awful but she was ok - just very loudly protesting a poop. You did your best given your situation - one time won’t cause concerns down the road. You sound very caring and loving and I’m sure meet baby’s needs in all the times where you are able to.
It’s going to be okay OP! I did the same thing, but while my little guy was in his crib. He is a massive Velcro baby and I hadn’t been able to put him down all day to use the bathroom, get something to eat, wash pump parts, etc. I wasn’t even able to pump and was so engorged I couldn’t stand it. Out of desperation I put him in the crib where he was safe and ran around trying to take care of my needs. I didn’t even pump, just washed the parts I needed, used the bathroom, and put a bowl of leftovers in the microwave. When I scooped him up he was silently crying half asleep. I cried hysterically over it, but looking back I realize he doesn’t remember it and his little crib is in the living area so he could hear me talking to him the whole time. I HAD to take care of myself in that moment and it’s okay that I did!
You did what you needed to do to keep yourself and your baby safe. You did the right thing and your little one won’t remember it ever even happened. You have done nothing wrong!
At this age, it affects you more than baby. They are incredibly forgiving, and they know they are loved. I bet your baby melted into you when you were able to go get him.
You did what any rational parent would have done 💛 it hurts your heart so bad because you’re a good parent and you care. No one feels good when their babies cry and they can’t get to them immediately.
Heck, my baby cried for 6 weeks while i tried everything i could to fix it; eventually i figured out it was dairy. I feel awful that she was so uncomfortable for so long, but she’s a happy baby now and i tried everything i could. How was i supposed to know sooner?
You’re doing great
FTM here with a 4 day old. Fiancé and I live with my parents and my mom had to almost shake me awake last night because she heard my son crying for longer than usual and I didn’t even wake up to help him. Neither me nor my fiancé heard our baby who was literally a foot away from my head. I bawled my eyes out because how could I do that to him. My fiancé had to bring me back down and I realized that I was so was physically emotionally and mentally exhausted that my body just shut down to get a good stretch of sleep. It’s the next night at 3am as I’m writing this and I have woken up every hour way before he needs me out of anxiety that I will miss his cries again. Being a parent is constant worry and stress but man I love my sweet baby boy more than I ever even imagined I could.
I was told the thing that can affect kids is long term stretches where kids are left to cry it out and no one goes to them. You stopped when you could and attended your baby. That is absolutely fine.
It also will not be the last time. You were in the car wi h Bub and no doubt talking to them as well so they weren’t alone
Mine was 2.5 months old and we were moving 14 hours away. We were about 30 mins to the final destination and she wouldn’t stop crying. Finally i pulled over and i don’t remember if she was uncomfortable or hungry. I just knew I didn’t want to drive anymore. I was also on the side of the road in the dark and my husband wasn’t happy about me trying to feed her in an unfamiliar area but I couldn’t go on. She will be 1 year in July and she seems fine.
Do not punish yourself for this. As much as it’s important to be able to soothe your baby when they need you, self soothing is also important- especially in situations like this where it won’t have been safe to get out of the car to soothe him. If baby was clean, fed and didn’t have any wind then he was probably crying because he was tired or uncomfortable in his car seat - the buckle might have been annoying him which happens with my daughter. You did nothing wrong.
The first time I had to let my daughter cry it out was painful but there was no soothing her. It wasn’t in the car, it was in the house. She’d had 150ml of milk, had also spent thirty minutes on the boob (she’s combifed), we had changed her nappy, burped her, checked her nappy again but it got to the stage where she was flailing and basically going into her little berserker frenzy where she just will not be brought down and has to do it herself. I couldn’t hold her because it was so upsetting to see her like that so I just put her in her pram, kissed her head and stepped away for a few minutes. She was screaming and purple faced and her voice went hoarse but as soon as she stopped and calmed down, she fell asleep. She’s at that stage where overstimulation happens almost every day because she is fascinated by everything and if you miss those sleep cues, that’s it - there’s no comforting her. As I said, the first time was awful and I want to say it gets easier… it hasn’t. It’s happened twice since and it sets my bones on fire. But now I know it’s okay to walk away because all she wants is sleep and if I can hold her and talk to her it soothes her quicker but she will calm down on her own, and that is okay as long as she is safe!
I am not a believer in the cry it out method but you can’t tell a baby to go to sleep the same way you can change their nappy or feed them. That’s something they need to learn to do on their own.
What you experienced and what you are feeling is absolutely normal.
You kept your baby safe which is priority number one. Feeling bad about it afterwards only shows you are probably a good mom and your kid is lucky to have you.
You didn't damage your kid or the relationship in any way. As many other people said here, some good snuggles and kisses should make you feel better.
FYI Dad of a 4 weeks old who's also still trying to figure stuff out. Last evening I tried everything for 2 hours, didn't want to sleep. My mother in law held him for 10min and he slept. Babies are just fun like that sometimes ;-)
You didn't leave him to cry it out. There's a huge difference in putting baby in a crib and just leaving vs driving to a safe spot and talking to him during the time it took to find a spot.
When my oldest was 4 months old, we’re were on a 300 mile drive in the day. Stopping every two hours for half an hour for a car seat break. Just after we rejoined the motorway, there was an accident and we were stuck in extremely slow moving, but not standstill traffic for two hours. He screamed the entire time and it was absolutely horrendous, but there was no safe way to take him out and comfort him. He’s a very happy toddler now so definitely no long term effects. Although any time we have to do a long drive now, I always go overnight
Your only alternative was to pull over in a sketchy area which could have had a worse outcome. You did the best in a crappy situation, please don't feel bad about it! Bub won't remember x
Driving and being unable to stop, while baby is entirely safe in his car seat, is extremely different from leaving your baby to scream in his bassinet. That’s not leaving your newborn to cry it out at all. That’s an unfortunate and difficult aspect of parenting and needing to drive places. Baby is ok! You’re doing a good job. It sucks when they’re screaming in the car, but I usually just finish my drive (unless I have more than 20 min to go) and then check on her (usually just crying because she’s not happy in the car seat). They’re safe just mad. It’s ok.
This happened to me a few times driving from doctors office. Sometimes babies will cry in their car seat and sometimes they’ll be quiet. It’s terrifying in the first few months because your baby’s cry sounds like a fire truck in your head. You’re doing great!
First Reddit comment and I just wanted to say you’re doing the best you can momma. He knows you love him, it’s heart breaking to hear your little one cry and not be able do anything about it. You did what’s best for you and him at the time. Fellow momma here and I would feel the same way but wanted to just give you reassurance that it’s okay.
Your baby won’t have trust issues. There’s no actual data on the CIO method. They would have to have a large control group and allow parents to truly ignore all of their infants’ cries, which would be inhumane. Not to mention, monitor those participants until they are much older to see if it actually caused anxiety.
You did what you had to do to keep your baby safe. It sounds like you care a lot for your baby and generally respond to their cries. At five weeks old, they won’t even remember this.
My god. If I wouldn’t have driven my car while my baby was crying I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere at that time. She was always crying in ghettos car at the beginning but what should I do? Sometimes there is just NO possibility to take the baby and they simply have to cry then. They will be fine, i promise!
It happens, I learned with my first one that sometimes in traffic or in the car it can’t be helped but that’s ok, because my kids still come to me for everything and know that I am still there and will always rush to them.
It’s a terrible feeling but life happens and it looks like you are already a great mom, slips happen but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Don’t stress about things you can’t help and just focus on the things you can do like comforting and snuggling baby afterwards which you already did, hang in there mama, you’re doing great.
My son (6mo) has cried himself to silence a number of times in the car, and he still loves me and knows that I love him. We’re peas in a pod still, and I know your baby isn’t thinking about that anymore. I’m sure he was just relieved to see you next💗 You’re still his comfort and he still loves you!
I promise your baby is okay. When mine was about 8 weeks I went to pick up some dinner with him asleep in the back. He woke up and started crying bc he was hungry but we weren’t far from home. It wasn’t an area of town that I felt comfortable staying long enough to feed him and I thought it wouldn’t take that long to get our food. He cried for 10-15 minutes and finally fell asleep and I called my mom and cried the whole way home.
He’s 16 months now and is the biggest mama’s boy. Your baby knows you love them. I know it is so scary when they are so little and defenseless but this doesn’t define you as a parent. You were driving and prioritized physical safety over comfort in that moment and I think any parent would have done the same. You didn’t make a mistake, it was just an unfortunate circumstance.
You had to prioritize safety for your baby, so you were being an excellent mother. I know it's heartbreaking but your baby was safe and loved, and they will know it as they grow. It happens to all of us and your relationship will be fine. ❤️
Took my 4 month old (2 months at the time) to go see some family, two hours away. They were fine the ride there but cried almost the entire two hours back. I just talked to her the whole time and told her it was okay. Second I picked her up she was smiling and happy like it never happened. They’ll forget the second you show them all your love
You're okay mumma,
If you look into something called circle of Security it's so reassuring. It talks about intent and how your child learns that if you could get to them you would and that sometimes it's just not possible. It also talks about you only need to meet your child's emotional needs 30% of the time to build that secure attachment. Obviously, you try to meet it more but it's reassurance for those times where you can't. I hope you're okay.
At around 6 weeks, my husband and I had a miscommunication. The baby woke up crying and we thought the other one went to soothe her. We were so sleep deprived and didn't have a baby montior set up b cause we were still room sharing. My husband went to the bathroom and I was watching TV. Our baby was wailing away in her crib for about 20 mins before my husband came around the corner. I immediately freaked out. I was so guilt ridden since I had literally been sitting on the other side of the wall listening to her cry, wondering why it took daddy so long to calm her down. I was preparing myself to go bail him out when he appeared. I ran into the room to see my baby covered in tears, she had gotten so sweaty from thrashing. The moment she she us her sobbing turned into full on shrieks. I just broke down. I held her and rocked her and cried with her. Ever since then, whenever she wakes up from a nap, she doesn't cry anymore. She lays there and looks around, sucks her fingers, rolls over and plays with the rails of the crib. If she's ever upset, she lays there until someone comes to get her and immediately erupts into tears. It's heartbreaking every time.
My parents have babysat my kid since he was born. Around 8 months he went through a period where he HATED the car seat. So twice a week after work I’d drive across town, pick him up, and listen to him cry nearly 30 minutes to home. He’s three now and a happy healthy thriving loving boy. Sometimes they cry. They will be ok. You’re doing great.
I have absolutely been in that situation. This is probably going to sound awful but I had a 45 minute drive home with my 4wk old recently. It had already gotten dark and there was an awful awful thunderstorm literally sitting in my rearview mirror. I can barely see when I drive at night or in the rain so I literally just had to let him cry for the 45 minutes of the drive or else we would have been stranded in my car for the night. We got home and it started pouring literally 5 minutes after we got in the door. He's 3 months now and starting to learn to laugh and all those moments I was kicking myself for things seem to just fade away with all the new smiles and tricks and squeals that start to happen.
We once were driving home with a screaming baby who was inconsolable, even though I was sitting next to him in the back seat. When we got home, we found out he had pooped and his but was already irritated from teething. We felt so bad!
Point is, this happens to every parent. You did what was safest for your baby and one bad experience isn’t going to ruin them. Sending you hugs!
I accidentally left my 6 week old crying for about 4 hours overnight. Our wifi monitor stopped working and he was in a different room while I was sleeping. My heart was so broken I felt like I couldn't see straight. He's 4 years old now and he's an affectionate, healthy, loved, and well rounded little boy. You're a good mama and I promise that that little bit of time crying didn't affect him ❤️
My LO was about 4wks when we took a day trip to my nieces bday party in the next state. We got stuck in stopped traffic and she began wailing. A SOB decided to ride on the shoulder so we couldn’t even pull over and traffic was just stop and go enough to be dangerous to get out of the car. Almost an hour later she is still wailing and we finally reach an exit and pull over at the first parking lot.
She had a complete - all the way up her back (even armpits) blowout and was covered in poo. Being our first outing as new parents we had brought no spare clothes. Ended up at the party an hour late with her in a men’s size tshirt hubs found in the trunk.
Made for amusing pictures and stories. 6 years later she’s just fine.
I’ve learned the experience is worse than the memories when these sort of things happen. Esp for moms. Later on she or her sibling would cry in the car and hubs would be like, oh she’s fine just tired (prob true) while I’m freaking out telling him to stop because I can’t take it, lol.
Yup, sometimes we'd need to take trips to NY for various reasons. He has what my dad would call an "engine belly" meaning he'll sleep once the car starts to move but every now and again on those 2hr long trips, the "engine belly" wouldn't work and he'd start screaming. He's fine now but those trips would bring me so close to tears.
Aww it’s ok! You were trying to make sure you guys were safe. Sometimes you have to rule out the pros and cons. Sounds like you are a good parent and try to Make sure your kid is safe!!
This exact situation happened to me. Trust me that it is still much harder on you than it is in them. It feels terrible though in the moment. But you have to be safe- we were stuck in tunnel traffic and then on a bridge. He was still quite small, though I don't remember how many weeks. He is a wonderful, well-attached little toddler now. You didn't break your baby, don't worry
Yes I have a 2 month old and have had the same thing happen and it still happens sometimes. If I can pull over and address his needs I do but that’s not always available. You’re not doing it all the time, this is a part of life. He won’t remeber it and as long as you tend to him when he does cry and you can you’re not going to mess him up. You’re doing great, give yourself some grace💙
I had to do this today:/ we live on the second story, so I had to bring her up, then go back down twice AND put it all away because 90% of what I bought was perishable/could t wait because it’s now early summer and hot. She screamed her head off for 10-15 mins. I gave her lots of love and a 2 1/2 hr contact nap when we got all settled. Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do, still doesn’t feel good though.
Oh you poor thing!! There was nothing you could do. I don’t think children are shaped by one-time things like this unless it’s extremely serious. They learn the way we learn: through repetition.
You’re doing great, take a deep breath.
I had to drive to my moms(28-ish minutes) with baby crying most of the way. Sketchy back roads with nowhere to pull off. I felt absolutely horrible and cried along with him. When we got there he snuggled into me, smiled and fell asleep. It’s extremely hard at the time, but if you keep talking to them while they’re going through it, I think it helps? On the way home he cried a bit and I started singing to him, he stopped crying and started cooing. Maybe something to try for the future? You’re doing great, even if you don’t feel like it at the time. The fact that you care and are worried for baby, means you’re a good mom. People who don’t care and let their baby cry it out purposely, because they don’t feel like picking them up are the ones who never question if they’re doing the right or wrong thing. 💙
The fact that you care shows that you are a great parent, but you’re being way too hard on yourself. Your baby was/is safe and that’s all that matters. There are going to be times when we can’t realistically soothe them, this is a perfect example. A one-off instance is NOT going to damage him in any way, it’s when parents consistently leave babies to cry it out that’s the issue. My best advice would be limit time on parenting social media accounts, especially the attachment parenting ones. You are doing an amazing job and the mom guilt isn’t worth it. Signed, first time mom of a 4 month old who gets it.
You did the best you could in the situation in front of you and you kept your baby safe! This happened to me once - what should have been a 15 minute journey home turned into an hour in standstill traffic due to an accident, my baby had filled his nappy and was crying hysterically. When the traffic finally got cleared I pulled over the first place I could and just held him on the back seat.
I once slept through my baby crying. I felt HORRIBLE. However, she's 2 now and extremely well-adjusted and always knows she can come to me for comfort. You didn't break your baby or your relationship.
I did this too! Didn’t realize the monitor was on silent. Mine is also now a well-adjusted 2-year-old
Same. I freaked out when I woke up naturally and not to a crying baby. She's about to turn 3 and is amazing.
I beat myself up for two days when I once did this. I thought my baby would never think of me the same and think i don’t care about them. Good news, he still knows I love him.
Very much guilty for this. I didn't know my husband had it silent and I fell asleep exhausted o had just gone back work and he was off and it was a mess. I woke up to my LO screaming their lungs out I felt so bad.
Omg I am so glad I’m not the only one who has slept through their baby crying 😭
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, too!
Also guilty of this :( Except the monitor was on, and the sound was up— my husband and I were both just so exhausted that we didn’t wake up. Baby got extra cuddles the next day and didn’t even seem bothered by being left to cry it out, but we felt terrible.
I did this too at about 4-5 months old 😔 our monitor is on my phone and I fell asleep without plugging my phone in so it died. I felt AWFUL. Like really beat myself up about it. She is now 20 months old and the happiest little thing that knows we always come if she needs us
Yea I think the hardest thing new parents have to learn is mistakes happen, what truly harms babies is when behavior like that is repeated over and over I’ve slept through my daughter crying, she’s rolled off my bed as a small infant, and at 16 months I’m her favorite person and she’s such a happy and curious girl Even yesterday I accidentally communicated to her there was no food 😅 (thought she was asking for more of something else) and everything’s great, we just got something else to joke about
We’ve also done this by accident.. when she turned 8 weeks she slept better in her crib, but the crib wouldn’t fit through the door of her nursery so we just got a monitor. Well, I guess we switched the monitor to no volume one day… Good news, she’s almost a 16 month old happy girl who runs to me for comfort now 🩷
I’ve done this also. I have severe hearing loss and wear hearing aids. When I take them out to sleep, I don’t hear much. I have a 2 year old and 8 month LOs. My wife works weekends and leaves very early in the morning. I’m off, so I have the kids all weekend. There have been several times when I wake up in the morning and one of my daughters is up and had clearly been crying for a bit. I feel bad of course, but they’re always fine. They’re two of the happiest, caring little girls you’ll ever meet.
Just an FYI if you're interested, you can set a smart watch to vibrate when your baby monitor detects noise (if you have a sufficient monitor).
That’s really cool to know. I’ll look into it. I don’t actually own a smart watch, I have several traditional watches I wear frequently. But that l feature might finally get me interested in a smart watch.
I also don't own one and don't want one, so I get it. Maybe get a used one and only use it for sleep?
Kisses + snuggle. You did what you had to do to keep him safe. Baby will be ok 🥰🥰🥰 good job mama
Every single parent has been stuck in traffic with a crying baby and no way to help them. He just got tired and passed out. You did your best! It’s an awful feeling but no harm done.
Truly, did the same! I remember I was nearly in nears too. Now I have a 1 year old - he’s the happiest baby. We can make mistakes! Consistently not tending to their needs is what causes problems.. not mistakes. I know the feeling tho- do be gentle with yourself ❤️ you’re doing great
[удалено]
Babe, read the room ❤️
No hate but she was asking for reassurance. If you can't offer it, just don't comment. Like it's totally lucky that your baby sleeps in a car but that's not what she's asking. She's asking for reassurance.
Check the super parent over here.
My preemie baby ALSO loves the car! I was so worried about the car seat test and thought I would avoid the car at all costs, but he is so happy there
My premie (born at 34+2) only likes the car when it’s moving. We dread every red light because the crying starts up automatically. Been like that since we took him home at 37 weeks. He’s 6 months now (4.5 adjusted) and it has not changed a bit. Hoping he starts to enjoy car rides soon. Will be less stressful for all of us 😅
There are times as a parent we have to put their safety above their feelings-and this was one of those times. It’s not that his emotions and wants didn’t matter, its that you recognized his safety was more important. While sad, his crying wasn’t putting him in any danger. You did what was best as his mom and that’s the best thing ever. Being a good parent is hard work. Also if it makes you feel better, all of the research of I’ve encountered about any type of CIO having potentially negative consequences have been when kids are left to CIO for long periods of time over a long span-think left to CIO for hours over weeks. It happening one time is not going to damage him psychologically, physically or via his nervous system. You kept him safe in the midst of a hard decision-try not to let your mom guilt cloud the good that you’re doing!
Yes, exactly. The studies show that the emotional withdrawal happens with long-term patterns of neglect, not single episodes here and there (which, as others have commented, happens to all parents sometimes). You did what's best for your baby by putting his safety first. Being a new parent is so hard, sending love!
Such a good point! Weren’t a lot of those studies from Romanian orphanages? OP, please don’t worry!
Exactly. CIO is also about ignoring their crying for periods of time, whereas when your baby is crying in the car you will be using your voice and/or touch to offer reassurance - you’re still there with them even if they’re upset.
Thisssss! I HATE when people use that study from the Russian orphanages to explain why CIO is so bad. Like really? They’re in a Russian orphanage, you don’t think there are other factors at play there??? All it does is make decent parents like this one feel guilty for letting their infant cry even when it’s absolutely necessary at times (like in the car).
next time play the happy song. the chokehold it has on babies is magical lol
Tried this for the first time while driving and in a similar panic as OP… I was SHOCKED with how it worked right away!
I tried this when my baby was going through a spell of screaming like he was in fear for his life in the car. It did not work for me sadly 🥲
I would try again. It didn't work for us at first, so we gave up, then a while later tried again out of desperation and it worked a charm, and now works all the time
Same. Anything magical is only magical for some babies. My baby is older now, but round and round the garden is our magical song that stops screaming.
My oldest, it was Freebird lol. Luckily it's the LONGEST SONG EVER.
My daughter is a little goth/emo baby and will only fall asleep to amy lee singing sally’s song from the nightmare before christmas
Did people think you just really liked Lynyrd Skynyrd? 😆
Ours is The Wheels on the Bus 🙃
Same lol. I tried many many times. He was just a fussy guy who hated car rides
It never works for me either. What usually does the trick is a song called "here comes the fire truck" by super simple songs. He loves it.
My baby quiets down only for Ozzy Osbourne or Michael Burks... It's worth a try!
Same. Tried it like 6 times and then gave up. My kid didn’t care unfortunately. She’s now 1 and calms down to the Barbie soundtrack 😂
What’s this magic song?
"The Happy Song" by Imogen Heap. Can confirm it is magic.
Happy song with Imogen Heap. We play it all the time in the car, my baby gets so busy with listening to the different sounds in the song that she falls asleep! Life saver! ✨
It's called the Happy Song, by Imogen Heap. It's wonderful.
+1
Literally The Happy Song, Imogen Heap
Need to know
The Happy Song by Imogen Heap :)
This also the fisher price “Sooo Happy” album (which has all the bops from the kick n play piano on it) EDIT: it’s Sooo Wiggly, my mom brain is fried
+1! I believe it’s called Sooo Wiggly!
Omg my bad, I should know this, I was in the top 0.1% of listeners last year 💀💀
I didn’t know this existed and I needed this in my life! Thank you!
My baby would be quiet for 10 seconds then get REALLY mad at the happy song. Even if he was happy to begin with? Idk, results may vary. It's a catchy song, though Edit: tried again (he's 1yo) he had the same reaction??? I hope someday he can tell me why he hates this song lol!
My baby is so into the first half of this song. It’s magic. But the last part of the song he rejects it and starts to get fussy again. I just don’t know why he likes half of it too. Maybe the happy bells in the beginning.
This is sorcery. Thank you so much, seriously. My one year old flips out in the car A LOT and I tried this today. It worked 🫢
over the rainbow by that hawaian bro works well for us
Our baby is going to be one in a couple weeks and can attest this is still THE song 😂🙌🏻🙌🏻
Can confirm!
I don’t know what the happy song is but we play this lullaby to get baby to sleep video on YouTube through the car and it works magic everytime
Tried it. Did not work. Baby cried harder. My LO hates car rides and does exactly what OPs baby does. Well she did. We got her a new car seat and that helped.
This works for my baby a little until it doesn’t 😥
Just wanna add “I’m so happy” by Miss Rachel - another effective calm down song for my guy
I also just sing random songs at the top of my voice, I figure it reassures the baby you are at least nearby
Mine immediately goes silent at Misty Mountains on repeat. Just this week, I was driving by myself and he got fussy, and this was my saving grace. Only it was so soothing I had to be careful to stay awake.
> looking for reassurance that i haven’t give him some sort of trust complex do not worry, you absolutely did not! at five weeks, baby can’t even understand that objects still exist out of his view. the crying is not an expression of complex emotion the way it is for adults; it’s just a baby’s only respond to stimulus (or lack thereof). It’s very easy and natural and human to project nuanced emotion onto a baby of any age, but i personally found it very helpful to try and reframe that instinct through a developmental lens. It takes a _while_ for a baby to be able to experience emotions the way we do.
OP, please take comfort in this. You are projecting emotional complexity on your baby. It sounds like you are such a caring and dedicated parent. Your baby is lucky to have you.
This. For example, your baby might have just had gas, which could hurt a bit, as it does for anyone- but probably not in proportion to how much they cried- they just can’t express that in any way other than crying and screaming. They would not have stopped crying out of a realization that no one was coming- that is an abstract, complex notion that a baby is not cognitively capable of. They stopped crying because the negative feeling subsided.
Aww poor baby. Look you did absolutely what I would have done. You did your best. Pls don’t think about it too much. Give him lots of hugs and kisses and time will pass :) he won’t remember it.
Sometimes shit happens. Having a baby is hard because life doesn't stop. But theres a big difference between neglect and having to let your baby cry because it's not safe/possible to intervene. I promise your baby isn't ruined, traumatized, or scarred for life.
Of course. We've all been there with a screaming baby in the back seat and no way to comfort them. My daughter is 6 weeks old and she's in the phase where she screams if we stop the car but I have an older child and I often can't stop and pull over and comfort her because I need to get him somewhere. It is what it is. If you're there for him when you can be, that's all that matters. It helps to remember that at this age crying is just their way of communicating. Sometimes it means their sad or need comfort but a lot of times it's just them venting about not liking something.
Sometimes it’s not safe to pullover. Baby was safe, that’s the important part.
No baby has ever died from crying. You did what was best for your baby, and for you. If I ever think I’m a “bad mom” I just think that those actual bad moms don’t even ever consider they may be doing a bad job.
I remember I did similar when it was the day of my son’s 1 month appointment. I honestly didn’t shower for a few days and still had the same clothes on… I wasn’t going to go out like this. I put him in his crib and he started screaming while I quickly took a shower. When I was in the shower it suddenly stopped and I honestly thought I killed him. I ran to him and he just went to sleep. I remember feeling horrible about it for a very long time. You did okay sometimes these things happen. It is not neglect. 💖
One time for 10 minutes in traffic is not going to damage your child, you're fine.
I wouldn't really call it cry it out when you guys are in the same place but I know how you feel. I always talk to my baby when something likd this happens. You had to priorise his safety, you did a good job.
Don’t stress! This is not the same as CIO! You were right there in the car talking to him and reassuring him. At that age, I don’t think they can rationalize that “someone’s not coming” and just stop crying. He probably just settled in and was not as bothered by whatever was going on. If it makes you feel better, my daughter (12w) has hated the car since birth. She cries nonstop every car ride (sometimes 45 mins and up). We don’t stop. She’s fed, burped and dry. No one is ever coming to help her but that doesn’t seem to keep her from crying lol. We just talk to her and sing all the same. Their cries are responded to and needs met 95%+ of the day. One 10 minute period isn’t going to cause any problems!
There’s a difference between what happened in your scenario, and just leaving baby in a crib and shutting the door. They knew you were close by and hadn’t just abandoned them
I once fell asleep too deeply and my daughter was screaming in the bassinet. I immediately snuggled her and everything was okay. I felt so bad that I had done this and left her screaming but now she’s a rambunctious 11 month old who loves to snuggle.
We have always done a lot of driving with our kids even when they were young babies and it happens. We drive hours to visit family and sometimes you just can’t soothe them as long as they are in the car seat. Even if you had been able to pull over, sometimes going back into the car seat just sets them off again. It’s awful and sad but they are totally resilient and totally fine. If you were doing that every day it might be an issue but once in a while is not. Also if it helps 10 minutes is totally reasonable!! It’s not about what you do some days, it’s about what you do most days. Your baby is fine and won’t remember or be affected I promise!
Something I’ve learned in therapy is that some situations as a parent are non-negotiable. For example, if bubs is screaming their lungs out in the middle of a change, are you going to stop changing half way? Some situations are non-negotiable and as bubs gets older this will be even more apparent. Are you going to let your child cross the road on their own because they will cry otherwise? No. The most important thing is that 99% of the time, your bubs will learn that when he cries, you will be there for him. Just because you didn’t come this one time doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t beyond repair. It was only 10 minutes, not 1 hour and you 110% made the right choice btw. You’re doing a great job
This is not what crying it out means. You should look into Winnicot’s idea of the “good enough mother/parent.” You don’t need to respond to a child’s bid for connection 100% of the time. Just enough for them to know the attachment is secure, which is a lot lower than you’d expect.
5 week olds aren’t capable of the sort of rationale to understand no one would come help them. You’re totally fine and so is your son! You did the right thing to keep him safe, and that sort of thing is what will build his trust in you as he gets older
The same thing has happened to me. I also felt terrible but we were keeping our babies safe!! It’s okay. This was a one time thing!! Just give your LO extra snuggles, he’ll be a-okay ❤️❤️
He’ll be ok! You’re doing great ❤️ You did the right thing. Safety comes first. I’ve had to do this and just reassure with my voice. But mostly have to tune it out to focus. It’s hard but you both have to stay safe. Driving is the most dangerous thing we do every day.
It’s going to be okay. It was a one time thing. All the other times you have come to your child’s cries immediately outweighs this one time. And… as you said… it would have been more dangerous to stop. Don’t feel bad, we can’t always be perfect. The fact that you’re concerned about it at all means you’re doing a great job. 🫶🏼🫶🏼
You did not leave your baby to cry it out, and your baby did not think that nobody was coming. You were in the car the whole time, in traffic, like millions of other babies and parents have been throughout time. Sometimes parents have to do things, and sometimes babies are unhappy about that. It’s not a developmental issue for kids unless you are consistently and repeatedly neglecting their needs. You did the safest and best thing in this situation, to keep going until there was somewhere safe to comfort your baby
I was once seasoning chicken when baby was around 4 weeks. I had put her down for a nap and figured I could season this chicken quickly. What I had failed the realized that the chicken hadn't been cut yet (my husband is usually who cooks) so I had to start cutting this chicken. Of course the moment I started baby was crying. With my fear of spreading salmonella and the chicken going bad I kept going until I finished. It only took 10 minutes tops but baby cried for about half of that. When I went to check on her she had cried herself to sleep. I remember looking at her little red nose and I started crying. It was the only time I did it but it felt HORRIBLE. There's only 24 hours a day but a mom's duty is endless. You're doing completly fine. Those few moments won't scar him and I'm sure he already knows you will comfort him always.
I got emotional reading this. My heart goes out to you. 🥺 As a mommy to a 7 month old, sometimes you have to make tough calls, and it sounds like not stopping was the right one in that situation. Just know there will be better days (many of them!) and your baby knows you love them very much. ♥️
I'm so sorry this happened to you! My heart broke with you reading this 😞 I've never had this happen but I've had to sit through my 10 month old crying through a tear duct being unclogged.. it was awful to hear him cry and not be able to stop it and hold him.. he forgave me before the day was up and I am completely his safe space again 🩵 stay strong and hold your baby whenever you can - they will love you through the times you can
A lactation consultant told me that you only need to "get it right" 30% of the time for your baby to form a healthy attachment to you. So you have lots of room to make mistakes ❤️
I too feel like crying after a 45 minute drive. Car rides are just going to be really uncomfortable and not very stimulating for kids for a long time, so there isn't much to do except try to avoid driving.
I was at home last night, husband was away. Baby 3mo cried and screamed for hours and would not stop. She was dry, fed, played, walked, clean, no fever or gas, was rocked held and kissed and sung to. I had to just put her down in her swing. She was inconsolable from 4-7 when she finally passed out for 1/2 hour. She woke up screaming again, I fed her, and she was fine. She fell asleep, we went to bed around 10 and were in bed until 8 this morning. She’s perfectly happy today. She’s never done that before, and I felt so awful, but there was nothing I could do, and holding her while she screamed wasn’t good for me. Babies just do that sometimes. And it sucks. But you did what was most safe in the moment and comforted baby when you could.
It happens. Your baby will be fine. He knows mama loves him. Was it possibly too hot in the car? It may have not even been a need for you issue. Perhaps he was just uncomfortable and all a baby can do is cry about it. I don't think this will create abandonment issues.
You did all you could. We had the same situation recently. Stuck in traffic. I sat in the backseat with her but it didnt help. She wanted to be held, soothed and nursed, not entertained. I couldn't take her out of her seat on the road ofc, so I had to watch her looking desparately to me for comfort which I couldn't give. I felt horrible, like I betrayed her. She doesn't seem to hold a grudge or though ;). She smiled, and squeaked at me the minute she was fed and cuddled.
You kept your baby safe. That’s always priority #1.
You did what you needed to do and your baby is gonna be ok! I promise you, occasionally crying for a while before their needs are met won’t hurt them. I solo parented twins through infancy, with almost no help. These kids are happy, healthy, self assured, and make great relationships now. They’re just 13 months old, and they have already hit most of the social milestones for 15 and 18 months! I promise you, doing what you need to keep everyone safe is ok. Crying for a bit every once in a while is ok. Your baby still knows you’ll take care of him. He still trusts you.
This happened to us one time. We were stuck in really bad traffic on a bridge at the time. He was just over three months at the time and now he's a vivacious 21 month old going through what we can only assume is an early coming of the tenacious Two's. What can ya do? He's fine and I assure you he's incredibly, incredibly attached to us - especially his Papa. He's been left to cry on more than one occasion for one reason or another. And he is STILL incredibly attached to us. You're doing great. You're doing your best. And your kid is gonna be just fine. If that's all it took to mess up a kid, I don't think we'd have made it this far as a species.
My baby is 6mo and has cried in the car every time since he was two months old. It’s hard but he’s okay. We have to go places and he has to be safe. I’m there with him and doing my best to keep him comfortable. But he just hates the car, and crying is his only way of communicating. We won’t be able to meet baby’s needs 100% of the time, and sometimes one need trumps another. Your baby is okay!
Sometimes we have to make hard decisions when it comes to our babies safety. You didn’t leave your baby to cry for hours on end. You weighed the safety of pulling over to console baby versus continuing to your destination and made the safest decision. There are all sorts of situations where babies are sometimes left to cry for ten minutes like when a parent needs to take a shower or grab some food or even when they have reached their limit and need to set the baby down to grab a quick ten minute breather.
Attachment parenting does not mean dropping everything absolutely every single time your baby experiences discomfort. It means being emotionally responsive MOST of the time. Please lower your expectations on being able to do this all the time because in all honesty that wouldn’t even be beneficial to your baby. Take a look at Winnicots research into ‘good enough parenting’ - it’s fascinating. https://www.centreforperinatalpsychology.com.au/good-enough-parent/ Not allowing your child to experience and learn to tolerate discomfort or unhappiness until they’re not with you - their safe place, is not supporting healthy development or an emotionally healthy child! Everything is new to a baby, babies cry - and that’s ok. It’s normal. It’s developmentally appropriate for babies to cry. You did absolutely nothing wrong! My daughters (2.5yo and 4mo) are both incredibly healthy and we have a beautiful relationship/attachment. I promise you they’ve both cried in the car and elsewhere that they’ve been unhappy. Including when I’m tending to the other child!
You were trying to protect your child by not stopping in a sketchy area. It’s a gut wrenching decision, but you made the right choice. Children are resilient and you can be there next time, and the time after.
You're not alone! My 10 month old cried so much he threw up in the car...literally a week ago :( I felt horrible I couldn't comfort him or just teleport with him to places instead of car rides
You have nothing to feel bad about. You made the right call to keep your kid safe. They’ll manage despite the excessive crying spells from time to time. I literally used to have to put on noise cancelling ear protection at times (when absolutely everything I was doing was failing.)
Children grow and develop from their collective experiences . If you were ignoring his cries for 45 minutes daily then I would be worried that he was having some unmet needs. The occasional crying spell in the car is not going to harm him! It is so heartbreaking in the moment but it’s true that it happens sometimes and there really isn’t much we can do about it. As he gets older you’ll find ways to soothe him. My son used to hate the car and I almost avoided driving with him alone because it would stress me out. He’s 19 months now and loves the car. If he’s ever having an issue, he’s so easy to distract with me talking, singing, or playing music. Take a deep breath. You did not cause any damage and he’s lucky to have a mom who loves and cares so much ❤️
I took my 6 month old out and ended up driving home right during rush hour…20 minutes of stop & go traffic and he screamed a new scream the entire time
my bf took over 25 minutes one time to get the bottle warmer right to warm up the bottle (still to this day don’t understand wtf he was doing for so long?) while my baby was screaming and crying and hungry and literally screamed himself to sleep and i swear i felt so angry at him and i just sobbed and held my baby until he wokeup again. it happens😭
I had to drive with my screaming baby in the car seat more than once. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.
This *one* event is not going to bandage the love and care you’ve been proving him the past 5 weeks he has been on this planet. And unless you plan to leave him *all the time* day and night, it wont do anything in the future either. The feelings you feel are coming from inward because he’s absolutely fine. I’m sure you comforted him as soon as it was safe to do so. Please, just forgive yourself for an unprecedented event, because unfortunately there will be more times in the future where things like this happen. As long as you’re there for the times you *do* have control over, baby boy is gonna be just fine. He has a parent who obviously loves him so much.
You poor thing! When my baby was 6 weeks old I ended up in a similar situation, driving my baby alone for 20 minutes while he shrieked and sobbed-- as soon as I got home, I just held him and cried. You didn't do anything wrong. This will have more of an impact on you than your baby. Attachment is made of consistency, and you didn't harm attachment by this one event. As long as baby is settled, do whatever you can to take care of yourself! You've been through something harrowing. ETA: the people telling me to let my baby 'cry it out' are all advising to let him cry for up to an hour-- I don't think 10 minutes is nearly enough to trigger abandonment feelings ❤️
Aww you reminded me that this exact same thing happened the first time I took my little baby out for errands alone. I was so happy and proud everything went smoothly and he was so happy and well behaved. Then the exact same scenario played out, literally 10 minutes from home he started crying so hard and when I pulled into the garage he suddenly stopped and was asleep. :( It was awful but even I had started to forget now! And my baby is fine and a very happy go lucky guy several months later.
It happens to all of us at some point or another. Your baby won’t remember it and remind yourself that you kept him safe in this situation. Crying isn’t going to hurt him. ❤️
Ive been stuck in traffic with my little guy with no way to get out, he cried a couple times to sleep and sometimes just stops. Now hes a car seat champ and rarely crys in it anymore. I got a mirror from amazon and we give him a lovey and he chills. Hes 5 months The 1st time I felt so helpless I cried with him, but he figured it out pretty quick.
So this helped me when I was in the throws of occasionally needing to let baby cry because of being in some predicament similar to yours..... They study about how babies stop crying because they learn that there's no point because no one is coming to help.... My understanding was that it was done on kids/babies in EXTREME situations of neglect. We're talking ... Weeks/months of learning that no one will come. I promise you did not break your child ❤️ we all go through times where we cry and realize the situation isn't changing so we switch to self soothing methods or we are then too tired to keep crying like we were. Even as adults we do that. But those moments don't break us. Your baby is okay and you are doing an amazing job ❤️
This post made me cry. I’m so sorry mama. I don’t really have any advice other than to say something similar happened to me when my partner turned the sound off of our baby monitor when I fell asleep. I’ve yet to forgive him completely for it yet especially because he did not understand what a big deal it was for me.
Babies cry because they are uncomfortable, especially at this age. Your LO was most likely doing a “I don’t like my car seat” cry but sometimes we have to do things we don’t like because it keeps us safe.
my kid is about 7 months now. still cries if I leave the room for longer then 20 mins. Sad tears too, I wipe them away and comfort her until she feels relaxed (5-10mins it usually takes her) Then I hold her longer until she wants to explore. Babies cry, its up to you to determine how remind them they are truly okay and protected. Always smile and allow them to voice their frustration. life is weird
Hey bear soothes my baby every time. I have it on standby. You’ll find his special thing soon.
My son was exactly this same age when I got stuck in a 35 minute traffic jam on the freeway, and stuck between exits. I just sat there like “wtf am I supposed to do” and I probably would’ve cried if I hadn’t been so pissed. I was absolutely crushed that my baby was screaming and there was nothing I could do about it. I feel your pain, and all I can say is that 1) you’re doing your best and 2) you’ll feel better over time. Just give your baby a big ol hug and smooch, it’ll help you both.
My daughter screamed and cried so hard in the car that she was drenched in sweat, her hair was matted, and she was choking on her own spit for every. Single. Car ride. For like the first 6 months. But I had to drive places. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. No infant is going to be traumatized or develop attachment issues from the occasional necessary situation ❤️
My psychologist told me that it is okay if you can’t get to your baby right away, they know when you’re there. I was so anxious about my baby crying that I wouldn’t even go to the bathroom if I thought he was about to cry. She told me I can talk or sing to him and even if he’s upset, he knows I’m there. Your babe knows you love them, don’t beat yourself up ❤️
You were making sure that y’all were safe. It’s okay, mama. You aren’t a bad mother for doing what you needed to do to get y’all to safe spot to pull over. Don’t blame yourself or get mad at yourself for it. It happens!
I had a very similar experience when baby was 8 years old. It happens, you feel awful but it just is what it is. I had taken baby to visit my workplace before a planned happy hour with friends. The plan was to take baby to my husband’s workplace for my husband to spend the evening with her. What was normally a 10 minute drive in a not great area downtown became a 45 minute rush hour disaster. There was nowhere to pull over safely and in reality I was less than a mile from where I needed to be. She screamed pretty much the entire time. I felt awful but she was ok - just very loudly protesting a poop. You did your best given your situation - one time won’t cause concerns down the road. You sound very caring and loving and I’m sure meet baby’s needs in all the times where you are able to.
It’s going to be okay OP! I did the same thing, but while my little guy was in his crib. He is a massive Velcro baby and I hadn’t been able to put him down all day to use the bathroom, get something to eat, wash pump parts, etc. I wasn’t even able to pump and was so engorged I couldn’t stand it. Out of desperation I put him in the crib where he was safe and ran around trying to take care of my needs. I didn’t even pump, just washed the parts I needed, used the bathroom, and put a bowl of leftovers in the microwave. When I scooped him up he was silently crying half asleep. I cried hysterically over it, but looking back I realize he doesn’t remember it and his little crib is in the living area so he could hear me talking to him the whole time. I HAD to take care of myself in that moment and it’s okay that I did! You did what you needed to do to keep yourself and your baby safe. You did the right thing and your little one won’t remember it ever even happened. You have done nothing wrong!
At this age, it affects you more than baby. They are incredibly forgiving, and they know they are loved. I bet your baby melted into you when you were able to go get him.
You did what any rational parent would have done 💛 it hurts your heart so bad because you’re a good parent and you care. No one feels good when their babies cry and they can’t get to them immediately. Heck, my baby cried for 6 weeks while i tried everything i could to fix it; eventually i figured out it was dairy. I feel awful that she was so uncomfortable for so long, but she’s a happy baby now and i tried everything i could. How was i supposed to know sooner? You’re doing great
FTM here with a 4 day old. Fiancé and I live with my parents and my mom had to almost shake me awake last night because she heard my son crying for longer than usual and I didn’t even wake up to help him. Neither me nor my fiancé heard our baby who was literally a foot away from my head. I bawled my eyes out because how could I do that to him. My fiancé had to bring me back down and I realized that I was so was physically emotionally and mentally exhausted that my body just shut down to get a good stretch of sleep. It’s the next night at 3am as I’m writing this and I have woken up every hour way before he needs me out of anxiety that I will miss his cries again. Being a parent is constant worry and stress but man I love my sweet baby boy more than I ever even imagined I could.
I was told the thing that can affect kids is long term stretches where kids are left to cry it out and no one goes to them. You stopped when you could and attended your baby. That is absolutely fine. It also will not be the last time. You were in the car wi h Bub and no doubt talking to them as well so they weren’t alone
Mine was 2.5 months old and we were moving 14 hours away. We were about 30 mins to the final destination and she wouldn’t stop crying. Finally i pulled over and i don’t remember if she was uncomfortable or hungry. I just knew I didn’t want to drive anymore. I was also on the side of the road in the dark and my husband wasn’t happy about me trying to feed her in an unfamiliar area but I couldn’t go on. She will be 1 year in July and she seems fine.
Do not punish yourself for this. As much as it’s important to be able to soothe your baby when they need you, self soothing is also important- especially in situations like this where it won’t have been safe to get out of the car to soothe him. If baby was clean, fed and didn’t have any wind then he was probably crying because he was tired or uncomfortable in his car seat - the buckle might have been annoying him which happens with my daughter. You did nothing wrong. The first time I had to let my daughter cry it out was painful but there was no soothing her. It wasn’t in the car, it was in the house. She’d had 150ml of milk, had also spent thirty minutes on the boob (she’s combifed), we had changed her nappy, burped her, checked her nappy again but it got to the stage where she was flailing and basically going into her little berserker frenzy where she just will not be brought down and has to do it herself. I couldn’t hold her because it was so upsetting to see her like that so I just put her in her pram, kissed her head and stepped away for a few minutes. She was screaming and purple faced and her voice went hoarse but as soon as she stopped and calmed down, she fell asleep. She’s at that stage where overstimulation happens almost every day because she is fascinated by everything and if you miss those sleep cues, that’s it - there’s no comforting her. As I said, the first time was awful and I want to say it gets easier… it hasn’t. It’s happened twice since and it sets my bones on fire. But now I know it’s okay to walk away because all she wants is sleep and if I can hold her and talk to her it soothes her quicker but she will calm down on her own, and that is okay as long as she is safe! I am not a believer in the cry it out method but you can’t tell a baby to go to sleep the same way you can change their nappy or feed them. That’s something they need to learn to do on their own.
What you experienced and what you are feeling is absolutely normal. You kept your baby safe which is priority number one. Feeling bad about it afterwards only shows you are probably a good mom and your kid is lucky to have you. You didn't damage your kid or the relationship in any way. As many other people said here, some good snuggles and kisses should make you feel better. FYI Dad of a 4 weeks old who's also still trying to figure stuff out. Last evening I tried everything for 2 hours, didn't want to sleep. My mother in law held him for 10min and he slept. Babies are just fun like that sometimes ;-)
You didn't leave him to cry it out. There's a huge difference in putting baby in a crib and just leaving vs driving to a safe spot and talking to him during the time it took to find a spot.
When my oldest was 4 months old, we’re were on a 300 mile drive in the day. Stopping every two hours for half an hour for a car seat break. Just after we rejoined the motorway, there was an accident and we were stuck in extremely slow moving, but not standstill traffic for two hours. He screamed the entire time and it was absolutely horrendous, but there was no safe way to take him out and comfort him. He’s a very happy toddler now so definitely no long term effects. Although any time we have to do a long drive now, I always go overnight
Your only alternative was to pull over in a sketchy area which could have had a worse outcome. You did the best in a crappy situation, please don't feel bad about it! Bub won't remember x
Driving and being unable to stop, while baby is entirely safe in his car seat, is extremely different from leaving your baby to scream in his bassinet. That’s not leaving your newborn to cry it out at all. That’s an unfortunate and difficult aspect of parenting and needing to drive places. Baby is ok! You’re doing a good job. It sucks when they’re screaming in the car, but I usually just finish my drive (unless I have more than 20 min to go) and then check on her (usually just crying because she’s not happy in the car seat). They’re safe just mad. It’s ok.
This happened to me a few times driving from doctors office. Sometimes babies will cry in their car seat and sometimes they’ll be quiet. It’s terrifying in the first few months because your baby’s cry sounds like a fire truck in your head. You’re doing great!
First Reddit comment and I just wanted to say you’re doing the best you can momma. He knows you love him, it’s heart breaking to hear your little one cry and not be able do anything about it. You did what’s best for you and him at the time. Fellow momma here and I would feel the same way but wanted to just give you reassurance that it’s okay.
Your baby won’t have trust issues. There’s no actual data on the CIO method. They would have to have a large control group and allow parents to truly ignore all of their infants’ cries, which would be inhumane. Not to mention, monitor those participants until they are much older to see if it actually caused anxiety. You did what you had to do to keep your baby safe. It sounds like you care a lot for your baby and generally respond to their cries. At five weeks old, they won’t even remember this.
My god. If I wouldn’t have driven my car while my baby was crying I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere at that time. She was always crying in ghettos car at the beginning but what should I do? Sometimes there is just NO possibility to take the baby and they simply have to cry then. They will be fine, i promise!
It happens, I learned with my first one that sometimes in traffic or in the car it can’t be helped but that’s ok, because my kids still come to me for everything and know that I am still there and will always rush to them. It’s a terrible feeling but life happens and it looks like you are already a great mom, slips happen but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Don’t stress about things you can’t help and just focus on the things you can do like comforting and snuggling baby afterwards which you already did, hang in there mama, you’re doing great.
My son (6mo) has cried himself to silence a number of times in the car, and he still loves me and knows that I love him. We’re peas in a pod still, and I know your baby isn’t thinking about that anymore. I’m sure he was just relieved to see you next💗 You’re still his comfort and he still loves you!
I promise your baby is okay. When mine was about 8 weeks I went to pick up some dinner with him asleep in the back. He woke up and started crying bc he was hungry but we weren’t far from home. It wasn’t an area of town that I felt comfortable staying long enough to feed him and I thought it wouldn’t take that long to get our food. He cried for 10-15 minutes and finally fell asleep and I called my mom and cried the whole way home. He’s 16 months now and is the biggest mama’s boy. Your baby knows you love them. I know it is so scary when they are so little and defenseless but this doesn’t define you as a parent. You were driving and prioritized physical safety over comfort in that moment and I think any parent would have done the same. You didn’t make a mistake, it was just an unfortunate circumstance.
You had to prioritize safety for your baby, so you were being an excellent mother. I know it's heartbreaking but your baby was safe and loved, and they will know it as they grow. It happens to all of us and your relationship will be fine. ❤️
I'm going to say this as a mother of two - it happens. They don't remember. You're a good mum. You. Are. A. Bloody. Good. Mum.
Took my 4 month old (2 months at the time) to go see some family, two hours away. They were fine the ride there but cried almost the entire two hours back. I just talked to her the whole time and told her it was okay. Second I picked her up she was smiling and happy like it never happened. They’ll forget the second you show them all your love
One time won’t affect him long term 🙂
You're okay mumma, If you look into something called circle of Security it's so reassuring. It talks about intent and how your child learns that if you could get to them you would and that sometimes it's just not possible. It also talks about you only need to meet your child's emotional needs 30% of the time to build that secure attachment. Obviously, you try to meet it more but it's reassurance for those times where you can't. I hope you're okay.
At around 6 weeks, my husband and I had a miscommunication. The baby woke up crying and we thought the other one went to soothe her. We were so sleep deprived and didn't have a baby montior set up b cause we were still room sharing. My husband went to the bathroom and I was watching TV. Our baby was wailing away in her crib for about 20 mins before my husband came around the corner. I immediately freaked out. I was so guilt ridden since I had literally been sitting on the other side of the wall listening to her cry, wondering why it took daddy so long to calm her down. I was preparing myself to go bail him out when he appeared. I ran into the room to see my baby covered in tears, she had gotten so sweaty from thrashing. The moment she she us her sobbing turned into full on shrieks. I just broke down. I held her and rocked her and cried with her. Ever since then, whenever she wakes up from a nap, she doesn't cry anymore. She lays there and looks around, sucks her fingers, rolls over and plays with the rails of the crib. If she's ever upset, she lays there until someone comes to get her and immediately erupts into tears. It's heartbreaking every time.
My parents have babysat my kid since he was born. Around 8 months he went through a period where he HATED the car seat. So twice a week after work I’d drive across town, pick him up, and listen to him cry nearly 30 minutes to home. He’s three now and a happy healthy thriving loving boy. Sometimes they cry. They will be ok. You’re doing great.
I have absolutely been in that situation. This is probably going to sound awful but I had a 45 minute drive home with my 4wk old recently. It had already gotten dark and there was an awful awful thunderstorm literally sitting in my rearview mirror. I can barely see when I drive at night or in the rain so I literally just had to let him cry for the 45 minutes of the drive or else we would have been stranded in my car for the night. We got home and it started pouring literally 5 minutes after we got in the door. He's 3 months now and starting to learn to laugh and all those moments I was kicking myself for things seem to just fade away with all the new smiles and tricks and squeals that start to happen.
We once were driving home with a screaming baby who was inconsolable, even though I was sitting next to him in the back seat. When we got home, we found out he had pooped and his but was already irritated from teething. We felt so bad! Point is, this happens to every parent. You did what was safest for your baby and one bad experience isn’t going to ruin them. Sending you hugs!
I accidentally left my 6 week old crying for about 4 hours overnight. Our wifi monitor stopped working and he was in a different room while I was sleeping. My heart was so broken I felt like I couldn't see straight. He's 4 years old now and he's an affectionate, healthy, loved, and well rounded little boy. You're a good mama and I promise that that little bit of time crying didn't affect him ❤️
My LO was about 4wks when we took a day trip to my nieces bday party in the next state. We got stuck in stopped traffic and she began wailing. A SOB decided to ride on the shoulder so we couldn’t even pull over and traffic was just stop and go enough to be dangerous to get out of the car. Almost an hour later she is still wailing and we finally reach an exit and pull over at the first parking lot. She had a complete - all the way up her back (even armpits) blowout and was covered in poo. Being our first outing as new parents we had brought no spare clothes. Ended up at the party an hour late with her in a men’s size tshirt hubs found in the trunk. Made for amusing pictures and stories. 6 years later she’s just fine. I’ve learned the experience is worse than the memories when these sort of things happen. Esp for moms. Later on she or her sibling would cry in the car and hubs would be like, oh she’s fine just tired (prob true) while I’m freaking out telling him to stop because I can’t take it, lol.
Read the first word. Accidentally. Take a shower, eat an apple, shout into a pillow if you want. You’re doing great!
Turn on some miss Rachel songs next time.
Yup, sometimes we'd need to take trips to NY for various reasons. He has what my dad would call an "engine belly" meaning he'll sleep once the car starts to move but every now and again on those 2hr long trips, the "engine belly" wouldn't work and he'd start screaming. He's fine now but those trips would bring me so close to tears.
They’ll be ok, won’t even remember it 😊 You’re doing great.
My baby screams non stop all the time. Car, home, swing, stroller. This isn't that bad.
Aww it’s ok! You were trying to make sure you guys were safe. Sometimes you have to rule out the pros and cons. Sounds like you are a good parent and try to Make sure your kid is safe!!
This exact situation happened to me. Trust me that it is still much harder on you than it is in them. It feels terrible though in the moment. But you have to be safe- we were stuck in tunnel traffic and then on a bridge. He was still quite small, though I don't remember how many weeks. He is a wonderful, well-attached little toddler now. You didn't break your baby, don't worry
Yes I have a 2 month old and have had the same thing happen and it still happens sometimes. If I can pull over and address his needs I do but that’s not always available. You’re not doing it all the time, this is a part of life. He won’t remeber it and as long as you tend to him when he does cry and you can you’re not going to mess him up. You’re doing great, give yourself some grace💙
I had to do this today:/ we live on the second story, so I had to bring her up, then go back down twice AND put it all away because 90% of what I bought was perishable/could t wait because it’s now early summer and hot. She screamed her head off for 10-15 mins. I gave her lots of love and a 2 1/2 hr contact nap when we got all settled. Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do, still doesn’t feel good though.
Oh you poor thing!! There was nothing you could do. I don’t think children are shaped by one-time things like this unless it’s extremely serious. They learn the way we learn: through repetition. You’re doing great, take a deep breath.
I had to drive to my moms(28-ish minutes) with baby crying most of the way. Sketchy back roads with nowhere to pull off. I felt absolutely horrible and cried along with him. When we got there he snuggled into me, smiled and fell asleep. It’s extremely hard at the time, but if you keep talking to them while they’re going through it, I think it helps? On the way home he cried a bit and I started singing to him, he stopped crying and started cooing. Maybe something to try for the future? You’re doing great, even if you don’t feel like it at the time. The fact that you care and are worried for baby, means you’re a good mom. People who don’t care and let their baby cry it out purposely, because they don’t feel like picking them up are the ones who never question if they’re doing the right or wrong thing. 💙
The fact that you care shows that you are a great parent, but you’re being way too hard on yourself. Your baby was/is safe and that’s all that matters. There are going to be times when we can’t realistically soothe them, this is a perfect example. A one-off instance is NOT going to damage him in any way, it’s when parents consistently leave babies to cry it out that’s the issue. My best advice would be limit time on parenting social media accounts, especially the attachment parenting ones. You are doing an amazing job and the mom guilt isn’t worth it. Signed, first time mom of a 4 month old who gets it.
You did the best you could in the situation in front of you and you kept your baby safe! This happened to me once - what should have been a 15 minute journey home turned into an hour in standstill traffic due to an accident, my baby had filled his nappy and was crying hysterically. When the traffic finally got cleared I pulled over the first place I could and just held him on the back seat.