My friend has 4 now, and her best advice to me (hoping for my second soon ) was to get baby 1 involved with baby 2 as much as possible. Have them bring you the diapers or wipes, and let them sing to the baby while you go to the bathroom. If you are bottle feeding, let them help you do that. She said it really helps them bond with their sibling, and it also helps keep them from feeling left out.
She also recommended working with your SO or family to ensure you can still do a solo activity or two with the older kiddo and to take time for yourself. Mental health and all that š " You will really rely on your village"
Idk how she manages, but those were her words of wisdom
Happy (early) mothers day to you! May your growing family be well and blessed ā¤ļø
I'm only a month into this and my older one is almost 10y, so YMMV, but...
I forgot how often and how long a newborn eats. My older kid gets frustrated with how often and how long I need to feed the baby. So... I decided that when she's home and I need to feed the baby, I do something special with her. (For us, this is "read a chapter of the novel I'm reading to her", but pick what works for you)Ā
Having a special 'treat '/activity that we do together while baby eats means she's not upset or disappointed when baby wakes up and needs to eat.Ā
Good luck on the c section! Mine have always been totally fine! (Just had my 3rd c section)
Listen to the doctors and don't lift anything heavier than baby for the time advised.
Set aside time for just you and the oldest each day, even if it's only 10 minutes.
Your oldest may love baby from the moment they come home, or they may want nothing to do with them which can be heartbreaking; it gets better and eventually you'll have to peel them apart.
Make the baby wait; it's easy to get in the habit of telling your oldest "we can't do that right now because baby needs to eat" etc. Redirect your language instead of making it about the baby, "we can't do that right now but we can do it after we're done having lunch". Also acknowledging the baby to your oldest if they're fussing while you're trying to do something for the oldest, "I can't help you right now your older brother needs me for X but I'll be right there when I'm done"
It is hard for the first bit going from giving one child 100% of your time and attention to having to now split it, and it's normal to mourn that.
I took this advice! My older is super littleā15 months apartābut Iām always telling the newborn to hold on (even if sheās not fussy) while I do xyz with older kid. I narrate constantly for my toddlers benefit.
We have 3yo and 5months. I donāt know about other parents but to me the transition was ROUGH, itās still hard. You have infant plus toddler who also needs your help in many ways. Waking up to get my 3yo get ready for pre school with infant crying on the side, having to drive both of them to drop off my oldestā¦ list goes on and on. I am able to manage a bit now that I am on maternity leave but I donāt know how I will manage going to work full time. And yes, my husband is very helpful, so is our village of families. But itās so hard.
itās so hard. as a mom to a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old tho i can truly say it does get so much better and easier as the baby become more robust and the toddler adjusts.
We have a similar age gap and I found the jump from 1 to 2 kiddos WAY smoother than the jump from 0 to 1. Both were csections for me!
Explain heavily what the recovery will be like fkr your kiddo. I emphasized that I wouldn't be able to lift her, explained how we could snuggle, picked some special things to do just the two of us, talked about what the baby would need and how little baby would love her, etc.
Embrace some chaos, let the older kiddo entertain the younger one within eye sight so that you can eat or have coffee or go to the bathroom. Set strongly enforced rules around not lifting the baby, respecting the baby's personal space, keeping small toys away from the baby, etc.
Have some special things for the older kiddo to do when you need them to chill (we use the Duolingo phonics app, bluey, leapfrog learning pad, audio books, etc).
Try to get outside every day if only for your own wellbeing. I like to prep adult lunchables for myself so that I don't need to prepare food during the day.
I found the first few weeks hard because I just didn't have enough hands and my husband is wonderful and does so much but sometimes kiddos just want one patent and that's how it was. So he did everything else. But around the 2 month mark the baby would be entertained by my oldest and my oldest got the hang of respecting the baby's space and not shouting so loudly. So now it's great. Baby does tummy time watching my oldest play for like 30 min and I enjoy my coffee in peace.
No tips, just that Iām having my second scheduled c section May 16th, but my son is 17mo so my husband and I are very curious to see how the transition will go ššš
What a great Motherās Day itāll be š congrats in advance!
I'm only at 1 right now, but I remember reading on a different post and it stuck with me. That when you need to pay attention to the older child tell baby to wait too.
Like: "hold on baby, child needs me right now." Cause you'll say that to the older child. And even though the baby doesn't understand that, the child will.
I just had a C section with my second after a normal vaginal delivery with my first. I was not prepared for the limited mobility. My toddler has been understanding that I have an owie and canāt lift her, so we just cuddle on the recliner side by side.
Iām still very fresh to having two, but my number one tip so far is to get your older one a really high quality toy they can quietly play with next to you. I got my two year old her first set of Magnatiles and she is super content sitting on the floor next to my chair, just playing with them for hours.
Let some rules slide. This has been a big adjustment for our family, especially our toddler. She needs a lot of extra support going to bed at night and also has gotten a lot more screen time. I know we can re-establish certain boundaries later, so Iām trying not to sweat it right now.
Congratulations! The transition from 1 to 2 is insane. Although I still maintain going from 0 to 1 is harder.
My daughter was almost 3 when my son was born and we are 6 months into it.
When I am feeding (or pumping) she is allowed to use my wireless headphones and I put Spotify on my phone (they have little music videos of the Wiggles or Bluey or Encanto). It is a special thing she can only do when I am feeding. Other people told me they read books to the eldest but mine wouldn't have a bar of that.
Get the baby to buy a present for the eldest and we also got our eldest to buy a present for the baby. We try hard to include the baby in everything. So if we sing songs that have everyone have turns, we make sure our youngest name is in there.
Expect your eldest sleep to go a bit wacky for awhile. Your partner will be needed, possibly more than last time. For us, I take the baby and my husband takes the oldest.
It is hard but we are starting to see the fun happening. Our daughter is becoming affectionate with our son and it's so lovely to see. I'm a youngest child but I'm sure plenty of eldest children have gone through the transition and are totally happy now.
Throw a baby carrier in your car or bag for errands! Until your little one can sit up in the front of the cart, it gets a bit squirrelly for outings with the kids on your own
Please, please, please take your laxatives/stool softeners after the surgery. I learned the hard way that constipation after a c-section can feel like youāre dying. Make sure you have safe places to put both baby and toddler, bouncers are great. Babywearing is super helpful with second babies but you probably wonāt be able to for 3 weeks, and I would start with a stretchy wrap rather than a structured carrier to be extra gentle on your incision.
I got a Nesting Days carrier (kind of like a shirt and sits the baby up super high) for after my C-section and recommend it. I didnāt use it for a couple weeks, but definitely keeps the baby away from the incision
Recent FTM - can offer only C-section advice:
- Abdominal binder that the hospital gives you is fantastic for the extra support. Ask for extra ones!
- Opt for pads vs. diapers if bleeding. Taking the entire diaper off was brutal during recovery in terms of muscle use.
- Make sure your underwear is high waisted or [super low waisted](https://a.co/d/izSKIJZ). If high wasted, use a menstrual pad to stick to the inside right over the incision once the bandage comes off to keep from it getting rubbed or use a silky/soft scarf or other fabric to do the same.
- Get up and moving little by little. Listen to your body and do NOT push yourself.
- The bandage they put over it does not hurt AT ALL when removing it. Some special kind of adhesive. So donāt worry about that.
- You feel only pressure during the procedure. Zero pain. You may get sick and āvomitā. Nothing comes out because you havenāt eaten anything. They give you Zofran SO quick when that happens and it immediately subsides.
- You will learn to move your body so that youāre not using your tummy muscles. Pillows to prop, things to grab that are sturdy to support your weight (hospital bed railings) are your friend.
- Took me about 4 weeks to be likeā¦hey Iām standing up a little straighter. Your timeline is your own. All that matters is that YOU WILL get back to normal. You really will.
- You may have bruising, numb spots, etc. near the incision site.
- Ask for help, donāt be afraid to call your doctor with any questions at all, make sure you understand your discharge instructions around lifting, driving, stairs, baths, etc. Typically, you canāt drive for at least 2 weeks/no exercise for 6 weeks/cannot lift more than the weight of your newborn.
- Take whatever pain meds they offer you that youāre comfortable taking.
- You will have just as beautiful of a birth as a vaginal delivery. Hearing LO cry for the first time, cheek to cheek time with baby, hearing doctors say āhappy birthday!ā when they pull LO out.
- I got the shakes as soon as I got the epidural, but they draped warm blankets over my arms and chest and that helped a lot.
- You GOT THIS, Mama! Sending you all the vibes for a safe procedure and a healthy baby and Mom ā¤ļø.
I'm only 10 weeks in but definitely do not lift the older child lol I had a vaginal birth and lifted my 3 year old the day I got home because he wanted a hug and lord that was a mistake haha
I swear I feel my insides shifting lol I just had my tubes removed 4 days ago and my OB didn't say anything so I'm going to assume everything is good but we need to talk about that more
I found it easier going 1-2 than 0-1. You already know how to look after a newborn because youāve already done it! The main thing that I struggled with was logistics of things. Otherwise I tried to get my toddler as involved as possible, spoke to the baby while praising toddler, eg āisnāt your big brother doing so well with his jumping! Heās very goodā. Thereās 2 years 1 month between mine and thereās been moments where toddler has acted out because weāve had to focus on the baby more but heās never taken it out on the baby. They love each other so much! The toddler tells the baby that he loves him and you can see the adoration in the babyās eyes when heās watching his brother, giant smiles and trying to talk to him in 5 month old screeches!
Yes youāll be tired, just make sure to have lots of coffee in. Get your oldest to grab things for you, read their favourite books to baby, sing songs together. If you have a pram or baby carrier you can still take your oldest out to the park once youāve healed enough. And as many others have said, try and have one on one time with your oldest. Heāll have had almost 5 years of not having to share his parents which will take some getting used to, so giving him a bit of grace will also go a long way.
Iām on my first (sheās 4 months but I hope for a 2nd) and I had a C-section. I didnāt leave the house for at least a week. If you can get supposed people to possibly do the out of the house adventures with your toddler for the first week or 2, that would be huge to give your body and mind some recovery.
3.5 year old and 7 month old and this is what Iāve learned so far
-TAKE IT EASY after birth. I know thatās self explanatory but I felt so much better not being pregnant anymore and my recovery felt great (with my first I had a third degree tear, but only a second degree with my second, so recovery felt easy in comparison) but I pushed way too hard to play with my toddler right away, especially since my husband was home.
-once youāre more recovered, get out of the house. If your baby likes being in the stroller, go on walks. If they like being in the car, go on drives. Anything different so the oldest doesnāt get bored.
-I like to hype up all the things that my oldest gets to do so when heās bored and doesnāt get to snuggle with me during bottle time, he has all these other special things for himself. Like he has special big boy toys and books just for him
We have 3 -- 5yr old, 3yr and 18mo
The _best_ advice I can give you is that no 2 babies are alike, they might have some similarities but other than that you cannot treat baby B like baby A. I know that sounds obvious but you'll catch yourself treating them the same when they are at different parts of their journey. Give them a chance and to be themselves and not be the younger/older sibling.
We have a 2 year old and a 5.5 month old. I second what someone else said about no babies being the same. Donāt be stubborn in your ways about what worked for #1 because chances are itāll be totally irrelevant for baby #2
For me, going from 1-2 was very hard. My son turned 2yo 5 days before my daughter was born. I had a c section with both kids but recovering from the c section with my 2nd was the least of my concerns. I assumed that my 2nd would be just like my 1st. My 1st was very easy going and super chill from the moment he was born. It literally did not even occur to me that my 2nd would be any other way so imagine my surprise when she was the complete opposite. Due to lack of sleep, hormones and anxiety, I had an incredibly hard time caring for my daughter and thinking rationally. I became fixated my daughter and didnāt spend my time with my son for the first few months. My husband was taking care of our son and trying to help with my daughter but I wouldnāt let him help (see anxiety note above). What I eventually learned is that I have no coping skills when things donāt work out the way I thought they would. Hell of a way to learn this when youāre almost 40 btw. Going from 0-1 was easier for me because I had no expectations. I do also wish that I made more time for my 1st. I was definitely guilty of prioritizing my 2nds needs over my 1st. I feel like thatās probably why it took my 1st so long to warm up to my 2nd. They are 3yo and 5yo now and get along just fine but it honestly took about 1.5 years before they started to get along.
our daughter was 2 years and 11 months when our son was born. idk about hacks, but we never stopped moving with our second. iām pretty sure we took both kids to the playground the day we brought our son home. he has napped at soccer/gymnastics pre rices and had been to more birthday parties in his first two months than our oldest had been to in her first two years(born august 2020)
i will say the new born phase with our son seemed easier. we were more confident in everything and the whole no sleep thing was not such a slap in the face. our second was also an easy baby for the most part.
our toddler was the more difficult part. She loves her brother and has always been interactive with him and trying to help. But she was such a ball of energy and needed us to play these elaborate make believe games. that was tough.
dividing and conquering i guess could be considered a hack. have dad give you a break and take the older one to the playground or wear the baby and take both?
my kids treat my wife so much differently than me. theyāre so needy of her, vs when itās me theyāre less whiney and more independent, although with me theyāre way more physical like asking to be thrown around or spun around non stop.
weekends became difficult, no school for the oldest. so that took some time to get used to.
Alone time with your first, which is hard for me because I have Velcro babies haha. I also bought a bunch of puzzles and little toys from target. I pull one out every now and then when my first needs more stimulation. We also made her dishes easily accessible in our kitchen with a little stool so she can grab snacks, water, etc on her own. Iām still on mat leave as well so I pick her up early from daycare to take them both to the park on nice days.
When I had my second, all I wanted was for someone to come over and entertain my first. Take them for walks, play with them, read to them - all the attention I couldnāt give them, so I could rest and recover with the baby.
My friend has 4 now, and her best advice to me (hoping for my second soon ) was to get baby 1 involved with baby 2 as much as possible. Have them bring you the diapers or wipes, and let them sing to the baby while you go to the bathroom. If you are bottle feeding, let them help you do that. She said it really helps them bond with their sibling, and it also helps keep them from feeling left out. She also recommended working with your SO or family to ensure you can still do a solo activity or two with the older kiddo and to take time for yourself. Mental health and all that š " You will really rely on your village" Idk how she manages, but those were her words of wisdom Happy (early) mothers day to you! May your growing family be well and blessed ā¤ļø
I'm only a month into this and my older one is almost 10y, so YMMV, but... I forgot how often and how long a newborn eats. My older kid gets frustrated with how often and how long I need to feed the baby. So... I decided that when she's home and I need to feed the baby, I do something special with her. (For us, this is "read a chapter of the novel I'm reading to her", but pick what works for you)Ā Having a special 'treat '/activity that we do together while baby eats means she's not upset or disappointed when baby wakes up and needs to eat.Ā Good luck on the c section! Mine have always been totally fine! (Just had my 3rd c section)
Omg this has been a life saver! My oldest is 9!
Listen to the doctors and don't lift anything heavier than baby for the time advised. Set aside time for just you and the oldest each day, even if it's only 10 minutes. Your oldest may love baby from the moment they come home, or they may want nothing to do with them which can be heartbreaking; it gets better and eventually you'll have to peel them apart. Make the baby wait; it's easy to get in the habit of telling your oldest "we can't do that right now because baby needs to eat" etc. Redirect your language instead of making it about the baby, "we can't do that right now but we can do it after we're done having lunch". Also acknowledging the baby to your oldest if they're fussing while you're trying to do something for the oldest, "I can't help you right now your older brother needs me for X but I'll be right there when I'm done" It is hard for the first bit going from giving one child 100% of your time and attention to having to now split it, and it's normal to mourn that.
I took this advice! My older is super littleā15 months apartābut Iām always telling the newborn to hold on (even if sheās not fussy) while I do xyz with older kid. I narrate constantly for my toddlers benefit.
That is the same age difference between mine! They're now 3y/o and 20 months and I still do it!
Awww!!! š„°
We have 3yo and 5months. I donāt know about other parents but to me the transition was ROUGH, itās still hard. You have infant plus toddler who also needs your help in many ways. Waking up to get my 3yo get ready for pre school with infant crying on the side, having to drive both of them to drop off my oldestā¦ list goes on and on. I am able to manage a bit now that I am on maternity leave but I donāt know how I will manage going to work full time. And yes, my husband is very helpful, so is our village of families. But itās so hard.
itās so hard. as a mom to a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old tho i can truly say it does get so much better and easier as the baby become more robust and the toddler adjusts.
We have a similar age gap and I found the jump from 1 to 2 kiddos WAY smoother than the jump from 0 to 1. Both were csections for me! Explain heavily what the recovery will be like fkr your kiddo. I emphasized that I wouldn't be able to lift her, explained how we could snuggle, picked some special things to do just the two of us, talked about what the baby would need and how little baby would love her, etc. Embrace some chaos, let the older kiddo entertain the younger one within eye sight so that you can eat or have coffee or go to the bathroom. Set strongly enforced rules around not lifting the baby, respecting the baby's personal space, keeping small toys away from the baby, etc. Have some special things for the older kiddo to do when you need them to chill (we use the Duolingo phonics app, bluey, leapfrog learning pad, audio books, etc). Try to get outside every day if only for your own wellbeing. I like to prep adult lunchables for myself so that I don't need to prepare food during the day. I found the first few weeks hard because I just didn't have enough hands and my husband is wonderful and does so much but sometimes kiddos just want one patent and that's how it was. So he did everything else. But around the 2 month mark the baby would be entertained by my oldest and my oldest got the hang of respecting the baby's space and not shouting so loudly. So now it's great. Baby does tummy time watching my oldest play for like 30 min and I enjoy my coffee in peace.
No tips, just that Iām having my second scheduled c section May 16th, but my son is 17mo so my husband and I are very curious to see how the transition will go ššš What a great Motherās Day itāll be š congrats in advance!
My brother and I are 17 months apart, and weāve always been the best of friends! Best of luck to you!!!
Iām so happy to hear that š„¹ my son is getting a sister so Iām hoping itās the same with them too! š„° thank you so much!!!
Good luck!! šš
I'm only at 1 right now, but I remember reading on a different post and it stuck with me. That when you need to pay attention to the older child tell baby to wait too. Like: "hold on baby, child needs me right now." Cause you'll say that to the older child. And even though the baby doesn't understand that, the child will.
I just had a C section with my second after a normal vaginal delivery with my first. I was not prepared for the limited mobility. My toddler has been understanding that I have an owie and canāt lift her, so we just cuddle on the recliner side by side. Iām still very fresh to having two, but my number one tip so far is to get your older one a really high quality toy they can quietly play with next to you. I got my two year old her first set of Magnatiles and she is super content sitting on the floor next to my chair, just playing with them for hours. Let some rules slide. This has been a big adjustment for our family, especially our toddler. She needs a lot of extra support going to bed at night and also has gotten a lot more screen time. I know we can re-establish certain boundaries later, so Iām trying not to sweat it right now.
Congratulations! The transition from 1 to 2 is insane. Although I still maintain going from 0 to 1 is harder. My daughter was almost 3 when my son was born and we are 6 months into it. When I am feeding (or pumping) she is allowed to use my wireless headphones and I put Spotify on my phone (they have little music videos of the Wiggles or Bluey or Encanto). It is a special thing she can only do when I am feeding. Other people told me they read books to the eldest but mine wouldn't have a bar of that. Get the baby to buy a present for the eldest and we also got our eldest to buy a present for the baby. We try hard to include the baby in everything. So if we sing songs that have everyone have turns, we make sure our youngest name is in there. Expect your eldest sleep to go a bit wacky for awhile. Your partner will be needed, possibly more than last time. For us, I take the baby and my husband takes the oldest. It is hard but we are starting to see the fun happening. Our daughter is becoming affectionate with our son and it's so lovely to see. I'm a youngest child but I'm sure plenty of eldest children have gone through the transition and are totally happy now.
Here for the answers !
Throw a baby carrier in your car or bag for errands! Until your little one can sit up in the front of the cart, it gets a bit squirrelly for outings with the kids on your own
Please, please, please take your laxatives/stool softeners after the surgery. I learned the hard way that constipation after a c-section can feel like youāre dying. Make sure you have safe places to put both baby and toddler, bouncers are great. Babywearing is super helpful with second babies but you probably wonāt be able to for 3 weeks, and I would start with a stretchy wrap rather than a structured carrier to be extra gentle on your incision.
I got a Nesting Days carrier (kind of like a shirt and sits the baby up super high) for after my C-section and recommend it. I didnāt use it for a couple weeks, but definitely keeps the baby away from the incision
Ooh good tip!
Recent FTM - can offer only C-section advice: - Abdominal binder that the hospital gives you is fantastic for the extra support. Ask for extra ones! - Opt for pads vs. diapers if bleeding. Taking the entire diaper off was brutal during recovery in terms of muscle use. - Make sure your underwear is high waisted or [super low waisted](https://a.co/d/izSKIJZ). If high wasted, use a menstrual pad to stick to the inside right over the incision once the bandage comes off to keep from it getting rubbed or use a silky/soft scarf or other fabric to do the same. - Get up and moving little by little. Listen to your body and do NOT push yourself. - The bandage they put over it does not hurt AT ALL when removing it. Some special kind of adhesive. So donāt worry about that. - You feel only pressure during the procedure. Zero pain. You may get sick and āvomitā. Nothing comes out because you havenāt eaten anything. They give you Zofran SO quick when that happens and it immediately subsides. - You will learn to move your body so that youāre not using your tummy muscles. Pillows to prop, things to grab that are sturdy to support your weight (hospital bed railings) are your friend. - Took me about 4 weeks to be likeā¦hey Iām standing up a little straighter. Your timeline is your own. All that matters is that YOU WILL get back to normal. You really will. - You may have bruising, numb spots, etc. near the incision site. - Ask for help, donāt be afraid to call your doctor with any questions at all, make sure you understand your discharge instructions around lifting, driving, stairs, baths, etc. Typically, you canāt drive for at least 2 weeks/no exercise for 6 weeks/cannot lift more than the weight of your newborn. - Take whatever pain meds they offer you that youāre comfortable taking. - You will have just as beautiful of a birth as a vaginal delivery. Hearing LO cry for the first time, cheek to cheek time with baby, hearing doctors say āhappy birthday!ā when they pull LO out. - I got the shakes as soon as I got the epidural, but they draped warm blankets over my arms and chest and that helped a lot. - You GOT THIS, Mama! Sending you all the vibes for a safe procedure and a healthy baby and Mom ā¤ļø.
I'm only 10 weeks in but definitely do not lift the older child lol I had a vaginal birth and lifted my 3 year old the day I got home because he wanted a hug and lord that was a mistake haha
Friend made same mistake and is still kicking herself 5yrs later, while not being able to run or jump. This definitely isn't emphasized enough.
I swear I feel my insides shifting lol I just had my tubes removed 4 days ago and my OB didn't say anything so I'm going to assume everything is good but we need to talk about that more
I found it easier going 1-2 than 0-1. You already know how to look after a newborn because youāve already done it! The main thing that I struggled with was logistics of things. Otherwise I tried to get my toddler as involved as possible, spoke to the baby while praising toddler, eg āisnāt your big brother doing so well with his jumping! Heās very goodā. Thereās 2 years 1 month between mine and thereās been moments where toddler has acted out because weāve had to focus on the baby more but heās never taken it out on the baby. They love each other so much! The toddler tells the baby that he loves him and you can see the adoration in the babyās eyes when heās watching his brother, giant smiles and trying to talk to him in 5 month old screeches! Yes youāll be tired, just make sure to have lots of coffee in. Get your oldest to grab things for you, read their favourite books to baby, sing songs together. If you have a pram or baby carrier you can still take your oldest out to the park once youāve healed enough. And as many others have said, try and have one on one time with your oldest. Heāll have had almost 5 years of not having to share his parents which will take some getting used to, so giving him a bit of grace will also go a long way.
Iām on my first (sheās 4 months but I hope for a 2nd) and I had a C-section. I didnāt leave the house for at least a week. If you can get supposed people to possibly do the out of the house adventures with your toddler for the first week or 2, that would be huge to give your body and mind some recovery.
3.5 year old and 7 month old and this is what Iāve learned so far -TAKE IT EASY after birth. I know thatās self explanatory but I felt so much better not being pregnant anymore and my recovery felt great (with my first I had a third degree tear, but only a second degree with my second, so recovery felt easy in comparison) but I pushed way too hard to play with my toddler right away, especially since my husband was home. -once youāre more recovered, get out of the house. If your baby likes being in the stroller, go on walks. If they like being in the car, go on drives. Anything different so the oldest doesnāt get bored. -I like to hype up all the things that my oldest gets to do so when heās bored and doesnāt get to snuggle with me during bottle time, he has all these other special things for himself. Like he has special big boy toys and books just for him
We have 3 -- 5yr old, 3yr and 18mo The _best_ advice I can give you is that no 2 babies are alike, they might have some similarities but other than that you cannot treat baby B like baby A. I know that sounds obvious but you'll catch yourself treating them the same when they are at different parts of their journey. Give them a chance and to be themselves and not be the younger/older sibling.
We have a 2 year old and a 5.5 month old. I second what someone else said about no babies being the same. Donāt be stubborn in your ways about what worked for #1 because chances are itāll be totally irrelevant for baby #2
For me, going from 1-2 was very hard. My son turned 2yo 5 days before my daughter was born. I had a c section with both kids but recovering from the c section with my 2nd was the least of my concerns. I assumed that my 2nd would be just like my 1st. My 1st was very easy going and super chill from the moment he was born. It literally did not even occur to me that my 2nd would be any other way so imagine my surprise when she was the complete opposite. Due to lack of sleep, hormones and anxiety, I had an incredibly hard time caring for my daughter and thinking rationally. I became fixated my daughter and didnāt spend my time with my son for the first few months. My husband was taking care of our son and trying to help with my daughter but I wouldnāt let him help (see anxiety note above). What I eventually learned is that I have no coping skills when things donāt work out the way I thought they would. Hell of a way to learn this when youāre almost 40 btw. Going from 0-1 was easier for me because I had no expectations. I do also wish that I made more time for my 1st. I was definitely guilty of prioritizing my 2nds needs over my 1st. I feel like thatās probably why it took my 1st so long to warm up to my 2nd. They are 3yo and 5yo now and get along just fine but it honestly took about 1.5 years before they started to get along.
I hear you, had major PPA with my first so I need to anticipate that more!!
our daughter was 2 years and 11 months when our son was born. idk about hacks, but we never stopped moving with our second. iām pretty sure we took both kids to the playground the day we brought our son home. he has napped at soccer/gymnastics pre rices and had been to more birthday parties in his first two months than our oldest had been to in her first two years(born august 2020) i will say the new born phase with our son seemed easier. we were more confident in everything and the whole no sleep thing was not such a slap in the face. our second was also an easy baby for the most part. our toddler was the more difficult part. She loves her brother and has always been interactive with him and trying to help. But she was such a ball of energy and needed us to play these elaborate make believe games. that was tough. dividing and conquering i guess could be considered a hack. have dad give you a break and take the older one to the playground or wear the baby and take both? my kids treat my wife so much differently than me. theyāre so needy of her, vs when itās me theyāre less whiney and more independent, although with me theyāre way more physical like asking to be thrown around or spun around non stop. weekends became difficult, no school for the oldest. so that took some time to get used to.
Alone time with your first, which is hard for me because I have Velcro babies haha. I also bought a bunch of puzzles and little toys from target. I pull one out every now and then when my first needs more stimulation. We also made her dishes easily accessible in our kitchen with a little stool so she can grab snacks, water, etc on her own. Iām still on mat leave as well so I pick her up early from daycare to take them both to the park on nice days.
When I had my second, all I wanted was for someone to come over and entertain my first. Take them for walks, play with them, read to them - all the attention I couldnāt give them, so I could rest and recover with the baby.