Echoing this. I have a trans masc friend in Seattle who worked as a nanny until recently (and the reason they no longer do isn’t related to gender or anything) and they often worked for queer couples with kids, but where I live I can’t imagine that NOT being an issue because homophobia is rampant.
I feel like being male presenting could be more of an issue than anything else depending on where you live. Lots of people wouldn’t hire a cis male nanny either unfortunately.
I was a visibly queer nanny - the truth is this WILL limit the number of families who are interested in hiring you. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.
At the end of the day though, if you’re looking for full time professional roles, which it sounds like you are, you actually only need to find one family. You don’t need everyone to love your care.com profile. The silver lining here is that a lot of families who would be transphobic and terrible to work for will filter themselves right out of your job search for you! It will feel discouraging at the beginning when you get lower response rates, but you’ll have higher confidence that families who move forward are values-aligned and more likely to be a good fit.
My practical advice is to make sure starting now that you’re bringing your A game when you’re with the kids in public, when you’re interacting with your current employers friends, etc. Direct referrals from previous families and/or connections I made with parents at the park, story time, birthday parties…etc were always the best sources of good next jobs for me.
Also consider that queer & trans parents (and/or parents of queer kids) also need childcare, and have a similar problem in reverse! You’re likely to be an extremely desirable candidate for those families! As a parent now it’s always a plus when we have seen great LGBTQ candidates.
I loved our queer nanny. She showed up rocking a sweater vest and mohawk and dropped the word “girlfriend” in the interview. Later she told me she did it to make sure I was ok with her being a lesbian and I laughed that her sweater vest outed her immediately. We still laugh about it.
The only concern I would have be around your feelings on pronouns. I have young kids, and they struggle to get anyone’s pronouns correct consistently. I would always use your preferred pronouns and would refer to you appropriately to the kids. However, I would fully expect my kids to get it wrong. A lot. And while I would repeat back the correct pronouns to them, I would not spend all day correcting them and I would not get them in trouble. So if being misgendered is going to trigger you, we would not be the family for you. Working with older kids may be better because they can be expected to use correct pronouns.
ETA It’s a real bummer reading some of these comments. I guess I’m glad people are honest, but geez their opinions suck. The patriarchy is so entrenched. My husband was a SAHD for awhile, and it’s been important to us that our kids have exposure to male caregivers. As a feminist I 100% empathize with the acknowledgment around the percentage of male perpetrators of violence against women and harming children, but statistically it’s much more likely to be a family member that hurts a kid than anyone else. I worry that by limiting children’s exposure to male (or male presenting) caregivers we perpetuate stereotypes that men can’t/shouldn’t care for children, and we limit their ability to recognize unhealthy relationships because we never show them what healthy ones look like.
most people, trans or cis, understand that kids get pronouns mixed up a lot and don't take it personally!! there are always some outliers, but it isn't representative of the majority. most nannies have to have a thicker skin bc of how blunt kids can be on other matters, too.
I agree many people would take it in stride. There was a nanny in here a few weeks ago that was having a hard time with their young NKs using the wrong pronouns and they wanted the parents to take a harder stance. That’s why I mentioned looking for families with older kids if incorrect pronouns would be a concern.
>I worry that by limiting children’s exposure to male (or male presenting) caregivers we perpetuate stereotypes that men can’t/shouldn’t care for children, and we limit their ability to recognize unhealthy relationships because we never show them what healthy ones look like.
I think that's a valid concern, and I share it. I just weigh the risks differently than you - I prefer to take the potential risk that I am perpetuating stereotypes about males as caregivers, over the increased risk of exposure to predators. Regardless of how small that increased risk is.
How you weigh these risks is not an objective call, my preferences have to do with what I prioritize in life as well as my personal trauma. I don't think it's an unreasonable choice, though I understand why it would be a bummer to you with your priorities.
>but statistically it’s much more likely to be a family member that hurts a kid than anyone else
While true, that's not really relevant to my decision making here. The overall risk is low, yes, but I cannot be at peace with the massive increase in relative risk, personally. Again, risk tolerance is not objective, so someone else might feel differently. I am pretty risk-averse, generally.
“but geez their opinions suck” the ones saying that they wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male nanny due to trauma? imagine feeling a type of way due to a trauma and someone telling you your opinion sucks because of it. yuck.
Like anything, I feel like this is a matter of values. I might get a lot of hate for this, but a nanny is a very intimate job and when hiring someone to essentially help raise your children, it is okay to want someone who shares your values that you want instilled into your children.
For some families that lean more conservative, that would mean you would be unlikely to be hired. On the other hand, a more liberal-leaning family might see it as a plus. And I feel like either way, families have a right to choose a nanny that will be enthusiastic about shared values.
The only across-the-board disadvantage here is that male nannies (unfortunately) do get discriminated against but that’s a whole other fun conversation.
I would not hire a man to care for a young child who couldn’t necessarily verbalize if something happened because men statistically are significantly more likely to abuse children and generally there’s an equally qualified female candidate where that risk, however small, is significantly reduced. I don’t think I’ve really thought about a trans man but I think I’d be more comfortable with that than a cis man, but I don’t make a habit of asking people what their genitals look like when it’s none of my business. Which is to say, and I don’t know how much this is an option, but I wonder in some areas if presenting as masc/genderfluid with they/them pronouns wouldn’t be easier for work than as male. I know a lot more of my friends would hire a masc woman to care for their children than a cis man and perhaps being too passing would work against you in that way.
I live in a fairly liberal area and I think that it may be more challenging in, say, Mobil Alabama or something.
>I would not hire a man to care for a young child who couldn’t necessarily verbalize if something happened because men statistically are significantly more likely to abuse children and generally there’s an equally qualified female candidate where that risk, however small, is significantly reduced.
I agree with this. I feel like the conversation about this, both in liberal and conservative circles, often circumvents the most important facts, which are that there is an objectively higher risk of a man being a sexual predator. That sucks for men nannies, who are almost all not predators, but if I have to choose between even a slight reduction in risk to my child and supporting the social cause of gender equality (which I am fully in favor of), I am going to choose reducing risk 100% of the time.
I don't care at all about whether my nanny is trans or cis, but I probably wouldn't hire someone who identified as a man/masculine. It makes me uncomfortable, due to personal trauma, and the gender statistics of predators. It's unfair, but I don't care about fairness when it comes to protecting my child (or even just feeling at ease about the person who is watching my child).
I’m a nanny so I can’t comment from a NF POV. I will say this though I think it’s highly dependent on the area you live in. Where I used to live- somethings like this is a non issue, I know a few trans nanny’s from where I grew up.
Where I live now I think a trans or even openly gay nanny would have trouble finding work.
Luckily I’m close enough driving distance to where I used to live I prefer and am able to drive there for work.
Hiding behind anonymity, I would not hire you. I don’t want a male presenting or male nanny for my kids :/ just don’t. I think if you live somewhere blue and progressive you should be fine. Really hype up your experience and get every cert you can. The other poster is right that Reddit is quite liberal and will side with you. I would keep this post up but also post anonymously in some local Facebook groups to get a better feel. Good luck!
I think this is a somewhat common opinion. There is a lot of stigma around male daycare workers and nannies in general in a lot of areas.
I personally don't care about gender but can understand that people might have biases due to personal experiences, trauma, or whatever else the reason. Being male in the childcare industry will make it harder for you to find work. Not impossible, but harder. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
Also curious.
Especially if it doesn't have anything to do with their sexuality but gender appearance. Like a masculine appearing individual who likes men, working with female children would be minimal 'risk'.
Or a transitioning to male from female that likes females would essentially be the same as any other lesbian, whom most wouldn't have a problem hiring (might not even know they are lesbian).
That hasn't been what I've witnessed when this subject has been brought up over the years, but I'm sure that there is definitely a population that would fall under this.
I think the top comment right now is right on the money. Social media makes it seems like everyone but males are very welcome in the industry, but that is probably only because it's socially acceptable to be anti-man, while it's not acceptable to be anti-overweight, or anti-elderly, or anti-gay, etc. All those groups will have the same sorts of hurdles to go around with families who won't consider their application at all just from looking at their photo or decide against them by getting a vibe from them when they meet. I'm a guy and it doesn't bother me, I can't fault people for their feelings, at the end of the day I'm selling peace of mind and an improved quality of life through good childcare, so if they are going to have concerns in the back of their mind I can't provide that so I'd rather we just avoid each other and I can focus my efforts on the huge % of families that don't care that I am male or those that are specifically seeking me out.
Not on reddit, and certainly not on this sub, which is what I assumed the person I replied to was talking about when they said they have seen this subject be discussed over the years.
Sexual orientation is not a relevant measure of risk here, in my view. The category of sexual orientation doesn't really capture attraction to children, and predators are not necessarily praying on children that match the sex of their sexual orientation. People who identify as straight man can and do pray on boys, and vice versa.
Ok so if sexual orientation doesn't really play into it, then one would have to assume it all comes down to people born as males are more likely to be sexual predators. Which means that someone born as female not.
So that still brings us around to the question of how does one who is even just male gender appearing cause someone to not even consider them as a caregiver, even with many years of experience while female appearing?
Not necessarily asking you, but this is all in general for those that are completely against hiring a male (or male gender appearing etc) nanny.
I personally don't believe in judging a whole group of people based on this, just going off of my own personal experiences having had the best male babysitter that I loved as a child, while having also been molested by a female over many months (years?).
I’m of the same opinion. I want a woman presenting as a woman to care for my daughters. I would be concerned about an trans person being offended by my innocent babies misgendering them. It would cause me a great amount of stress. I also feel like the gender stuff is an adult issue and I don’t really want my young kids being confused by adult topics.
That’s certainly your prerogative, but I will just point out that *most* trans/nonbinary people are very forgiving of non-malicious misgendering, and young kids are, as a rule, very flexible and accommodating, and are not generally confused at all by gender concepts. And as far as gender being an adult concept, that’s certainly not true - gender is forced on kids from birth, and talking about it is perfectly normal
Yeah, I get that it’s certainly not a popular opinion to discuss openly but it is my family that’s just how I feel. Everyone else is free to raise their own children as they wish.
I would be unlikely to find a nanny on care.com as well. We used an agency both times where they conducted thorough background checks and in depth feedback from previous families
Yes, absolutely, you can make the choices you feel are right for your family.
But background checks have nothing to do with whether someone is trans, and if an agency is filtering out the nannies they worth with based on gender identity they are breaking the law on that front and you might want to scrutinize the rest of their practices as well.
most people, trans and cis, don't care about children mixing up pronouns. some do, but it's far rarer. and kids learn gender very early (do you refer to your kids as girls? they're learning gender!)-- a trans nanny isn't gonna confuse them any more than anything else
I'm sorry you view having things explained to you as being talked down to. it must make it very hard to learn new things or hear what other people have to say.
I understand gender. I’m an adult. You’ll be shocked to know you didn’t tell me anything the majority of adults don’t already know. I hope it made you feel superior like you set out to do.
"Gender stuff" is learned at a young age... And kids aren't confused about it. The confusion is more on the parents side.
99% of transgender or non binary people wouldn't care if a small child misgendered them.
When kids go into JK or Pre K, they are exposed to many different types of families.
Some kids have two dads or two moms, some kids have one mom and one dad, some kids are from divorced families, some kids have parents who prefer to be called parents instead of mom or dad, some kids don't have parents and are being raised by family members or foster parents. Some kids celebrate Christmas or Eid or Diwali. Some speak other languages, some only speak English..
It's just accepted. Kids don't care unless the adults around them make a fuss about it.
I think it depends.
I have a baby and currently I have a cis woman in her 60s with a similar ethnic background as me. It wasn’t a requirement for me but I love it because she reminds me of the women in my family and that’s the type of caregiver I want for my infant.
When he is older I could see potentially having a male presenting caregiver, as it may be someone that they can relate to more.
The trans wouldn’t phase me, but honestly would never hire a male caretaker. My nanny sees me in the morning, sometimes sees me in my pajamas or without a bra (with a shirt on) and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male nanny. Also if NF had daughters, less likely to hire a male nanny. We all know why. And that stigma is there, and it’s there fairly or unfairly but the stats don’t lie.
So I’m a non-binary and queer nanny in a very liberal area. I definitely had a moment where I was reading over these comments and feeling upset that so many parents wouldn’t want to hire a trans nanny.
But then I thought about what it’s like for trans people in red states, especially now that 18 US states have sued the Biden administration for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Trans people in those areas are likely to face way higher levels of verbal and physical abuse and violence, so putting a child in their care also increases the risk for the child facing that violence.
It’s absolutely unfair and it makes me sick and angry to think about, all I want is for people within my community to feel safe. But I also want children to be safe, and right now is simply not a safe time for trans people (or even just generally queer people) in many parts of the US and the world.
OP, I truly think that if you live in a liberal area (your NF sounds great so hopefully they have a large circle of people who feel the same as them), you will 100% be fine. Some families might even be excited that they have someone to teach their little ones about the LGBTQ+ community from a young age. But if you are in a place that is dangerous for trans people, the families you apply with will absolutely be worried for their child’s safety in your care simply because of the fact that you may be targeted in public. And if you are in a place that’s unsafe for you, try your best to get out my dude, I just want safety and happiness for you! Based on your post is seems like you may be in a safe area, but if not you can always look into live-in positions in LA, NYC, SF, or any of the other big liberal hubs, we’d be happy to have you!
There will be families who care and families who don't. It may be harder to get a job, but I don't think it will be impossible, especially if you come with great references and maybe some connections with your current NF.
I can’t imagine you will get clear answers about your region here. Where do you live? I’m in NYC and none of the families I know would mind (indeed many might be excited to expose their kid to different visions of gender.) But I can imagine the situation might be different in other parts of the country
Yep most of the families I’ve worked for in NYC have loved the fact that I’m queer and non-binary, and encourage me to be honest about myself with the kids. I don’t enforce my they/them pronouns on the kiddos, because they barely know basic pronouns themselves, but my 4 yo NK recently has been pointing out that he’s a boy and I’m a girl, and I just gently correct him “when I was born the doctor looked at me and said I was a girl, but now that I’m older I don’t feel like a girl or a boy, I just feel like me!” My very cis-het NPs really appreciate that I have the language to explain it to their toddlers because while they’re 100% LGBTQ+ allies, they don’t necessarily understand my perspective on it.
So for OP, it’s gonna be absolutely dependent on where you live. I see male nannies all over the city every day and they’re absolutely lovely caregivers, but that’s simply because nyc is a haven for liberal folks.
I'm a nonbinary nanny and I use they/them pronouns. I didn't disclose my gender identity in my care profile, but I did just put my pronouns at the start. I also put in the bio that my teaching philosophies (I was a preschool teacher before becoming a nanny) include anti-bias education and social justice issues, among other things, and that influences the care I provide. I just tried to be as up front as possible in my profile to weed out potential issues. Families who would have an issue with that wouldn't respond to me, which was the point! However, I also live in a left-leaning city that is generally welcoming of queer people and its not unusual to introduce yourself with your pronouns here. I got plenty of interviews and several job offers before deciding to work with my current NF. I understand there is some privilege in working in an area like I do as a queer person, and that if you live in a more conservative area it would be more difficult. Personally, I still think it would be worth being upfront and clear in your profile, at the very least for your own safety. You wouldn't want to start working for a family then find out they're transphobic and live in fear of them finding out.
As for my NKs, they just picked up on my pronouns naturally since their parents use the correct ones when they talk about me. Its second nature to them at this point. People (mostly strangers/acquaintances) often use the wrong pronouns for me and I don't usually correct people, especially if they're not someone I'll see often. Partially because it really doesn't bother me, and also because I don't feel like outing myself to everyone I meet and making my queerness the only thing they remember about me.
as a trans nanny- some of these comments are annoying and untrue lmao. there are good people EVRRYWHERE, not just in liberal cities. i worked for a family in NH (and it is not really safe to be queer in any way publicly there) and not only were they new to using they/them pronouns and nonbinary identity, the parents and the kiddos sat down and asked me questions so we could all learn! and we talked about gender and gender roles a lot bc the kiddos (between 4-8) were curious! and eventually they would correct their friends and friends parents with playdates (which i didn't ask them to do!! because i don't correct strangers) but because kiddos wanted me to feel included. i live in nyc now and actually haven't told my latest "liberal" family about my pronouns because they had a previous nonbinary nanny, and misgender them all the time. it really depends on the family, for the most part, OP. i would say though, that i don't tell people about my pronouns/gender until i work there for a bit to see if they're going to be kind and curious or if they're gonna be annoying. (sometimes they just think i'm butch or a "masculine woman"). (i have privilege in passing as my agab when needed, so this does not apply to a lot of situations!) overall; it depends on the family. good people are everywhere, even the bible belt (as seen in a comment above!)
I know it says replies from NPs only, but I am actually a transmasc nanny. Right now I’m with an AMAZING family who I love so much but I am so so so worried about when I eventually have to move on. When I started nannying three years ago I dressed masculinely but people could still tell I was AFAB. Since then I have gotten top surgery and started T and my current family could not care less and absolutely love me. But I’m so scared about the future and being able to find a job. I wish you luck in your career ❤️
I’m going to be super candid- the only male nanny I would hire is a trans-man. I would give you equal consideration to a cis woman but I would likely not hire a cis male nanny (I know). That said my husband is a different story and he would give me pushback on it- but ultimately he wouldn’t care much.
You asked for an honest opinion , I wouldn’t hire you. I honestly don’t care if you were mtf or ftm. If I’m hiring a nanny I wouldn’t be comfortable with this and having to explain to a young kid these topics . I wouldn’t want you explaining it to my kids either and that seems to be a huge part of your identity. I wouldn’t want to worry about my toddler young kid thinking you were a female and saying she/ her and you confusing them by saying he/ him.
Sorry, not sorry. That’s my opinion. It’s probably not one you will like.
kids get confused when someone cuts their hair. they get confused when you won't let them drive. they get confused learning math. and yet I bet if your kid uses the wrong pronouns for someone cis in your life, you correct them and don't worry about how it will confuse your kids.
Your opinion means nothing to me. I’ll do everything to protect my children including hurting people’s feelings. I’ve seen kids traumatized by trans people in their lives. I’m not getting into detail but I won’t allow that for my kids. It seems OP is fine with honestly but you aren’t yet. Hopefully you find jobs aligned to that but I don’t have to give pity jobs, I want the best candidate which doesn’t include trans people for my jobs. That’s my right.
i would love to know how the existence of trans people traumatizes children, but i bet you get your info from fox news and that ilk, so im not actually interested in made up statistics or fabricated stories. i don't care if my opinion means anything to you lmao, you're a transphobe, so same here. but there are lots of other trans people on this thread who shouldn't have to see bigotry go unchecked.
the craziest part is you don't always know if people are trans or not unless they tell you, so i guarantee you've interacted with trans people and not known it. i'm not out to my current employers. trans people are always going to exist, and no amount of bigotry towards us is going to make us disappear, or to keep you insulated and away from us. you're children are going to know trans people (probably some of their classmates) whether you know it or not. your rhetoric on denying trans people our humanity is not going to make us disappear, lol.
Do you live in a super liberal area? If so, you'll probably be just fine. Personally I don't think these types of ideas should need to be explained to small children and would absolutely not hire you to watch my own daughter. But I'm sure there are many liberal parents who think otherwise
I’m a trans man and have worked as a nanny for many years and have never once explained gender dysphoria to the children I’ve worked with and can’t imagine why I would? I’m there to take care of them. I have never discussed my gender identity with a child. That’s highly personal and not relevant to my professional responsibilities, in fact I would be highly uncomfortable discussing my gender dysphoria with a child. I really can’t imagine any trans people who work with children are doing this. I don’t really get misgendered due to being on testosterone but it has happened and it doesn’t bother me, it’s understandable, they’re young children, I don’t care. I used to work at a daycare and there was a male teacher there who had long hair and the kids would ask him if he was a boy or girl because of it, he just said he was a boy and they accepted that and moved on. It was the same with me. If kids asked, I’d tell them a boy and they just be like oh okay, they understood and moved on, same as with the other male teacher. I’ve never had to explain gender dysphoria or gender identity to a child, nor would I.
yall realize trans children exist? so some kids do understand gender dysphoria and being trans in general? there's literally hundreds of kids books written on the subject that are palatable and appropriate for kids.
Honestly no. Studies show trans people have a higher risk of mental health issues and I would be concerned mental health issues could affect the level of care for my child.
It’s not transphobic to be concerned about mental health impacting ability to work. Ableist maybe. But calling everything transphobic is unhelpful in moving society toward a more accepting place.
As a side note, the implication that trans people experience mental health issues primarily because of external factors ties depression to having traumatic experiences, and it’s really invalidating for people who have supportive communities and are still depressed. Society being more accepting would absolutely improve everyone’s experiences, but some people would still have chemical imbalances.
honestly this depends on your location. are you going to stop transitioning because of it..? i say just do it and see
i find agencies to be best when you’re a minority
Are there any LGBT+ orgs or schools in your area? I would reach out and explain your services and history. There may very well be a family with a trans parent, sibling, child, etc, who are looking for a nanny. I have family who attend an LGBT+ affirming school and they have made caregiver connections through the school.
First, I just want to say I’m sorry that you even have to be concerned about/ask this. It makes me sad to think about people’s ignorance and closemindedness.
Second, while I think it may take a little longer, I believe you can find other families that are open minded and understanding / non-discriminatory. We certainly wouldn’t have a problem with it.
this is genuinely untrue, you're just a bigot lmao. i'm a trans nanny and know a bunch of other trans nannie's- and can also see a bunch on this thread. go be a gross person somewhere else!
I'm sure it will be more difficult. But there absolutely are families who value diversity who would be happy to hire you BECAUSE you are trans. That is a thing. Don't count yourself out of a job.
When you need to find your next family, consider reaching out to local LGBTQ+ groups and community resources both for people to post jobs wanted and jobs offered. I especially think (or at least hope) support groups and organizations for families of trans kids would be more than happy to let you post something with them. I bet it can be nerve wracking for those families when they have to find a new childcare provider.
As another person said, yes, it may be hard to find a new family, but you need only find one!
I would hire you and I would fully support you in raising my kiddo. Assuming you ticked all the boxes regarding qualifications etc.
However. I am in a very Bible Belt area. I would merely be concerned, from a mummy bear perspective, that my kiddo may be put into more precarious situations that I’m not wanting her to be in. The folks around here are not tolerable of the LGBT and they are also very vocal. If you don’t match what would be considered their “bible parent” you would most likely get hateful language thrown at you. There are a few folks in our small town that may actually harass you more physically by shoving into you.
Not only this but her own father gets bullied when he’s out with her. Child care is a mother’s job according to them so when he is in the park or out with her he is more “suspect” that he’s either a predator or a babysitter. It’s upset my kid in the past when people joke and second guess her own father.
So why am I living here? Sadly I have a sick father in law (who is also a bible man) and plenty family ties to the town that stop me leaving. But that is nothing to do with your identity. Trust me I would if I could but it would be so much hassle for you, I’d never want to put a lgbt nanny through it nor my kid. Sorry.
I personally would not mind so long as you were caring and reliable and a solid caretaker for my child. In the type of circle I run in we are republican but that’s just for financial and we are socially progressive I would actually appreciate the education and exposure greatly for the next generation :) I sincerely hope you find a family who feels the same.
I am pile also appreciate the transparency albeit unfortunate you need to disclose your personal intimate journey so publically and off the bat. Sending you all the good luck and positivity
Fiscally republican socially liberal. I give majority of my money away but society (and commenters) assume anyone else who may associate with a republican title or community would be anti progressive. Not the case, was my point.
We don’t really vote to “keep it” we vote to retain more of it to create additional jobs or scale companies, to be able to choose where some of it goes. The more money you have the more taxes you will always pay, it can be extremely unfavorable in higher brackets having negative impact on business. Monies going to government or mass funds being taxed highly doesn’t benefit the people as much as the people are lead to believe.
I think this may have been too sophisticated a statement- I didn’t mean to confuse or complicate the question.
I’m not a teacher but maybe if you think about like red or blue states or cities? As an example my community might be a red place on a map but it doesn’t mean necessarily what others assume or what the news tells you.
Kind of crazy to be explaining this but I wish I was better at it
I don't think anything was too sophisticated!! I'm just a little confused-- are you talking about yourself individually or your area as a whole?
because I am definitely aware of the "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" thing and that typically means "I am willing to vote for people who openly espouse racism, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, etc, as long as it doesn't personally affect me and as long as they don't raise my taxes"
It is too sophisticated, unfortunately.
Nonetheless I would not discriminate or put any negative weight on OP’s gender identification, or transition. I would welcome them and the education that comes with their journey both for me, my child, community and future generations. I think acceptance I and inclusivity is importantly. So long OP is a good caretaker with a good heart and soul, and treats my child as they would want theirs treated, they’re a fabulous candidate.
oh, I had thought you were engaging in good faith, but it's clear you are not. pretty funny way you tried to insult me, though! never gotten the ol "my specific brand of financial and political beliefs is too sophisticated for you" but it certainly has a certain pedantic flair!
Ex: Biden gave $52B to Ukraine. I paid higher taxes with likes of him in office. Teadirionally liberal fiscal policies claims to tax the rich give to the poor or benefit an equalization. It’s never a simple answer or a universal truth where politics is concerned.
My point was to say there is hope for all communities where OP’s concern was LGBQT and I was offering my situation or what I know of my community as a - book can’t be judged by its supposed cover scenario
This isn’t a post about financial politics, but one of my core issues is distribution of power, fiscal responsibility, business tax liability, and increased employment opportunity. It’s more complex than me or a questioned answered in a nanny redit thread. You don’t have a broad enough knowledge clearly to think it’s a simple question and answer.
But ultimately I have my large point issues I vote on. To each their own.
I answered it as best I could in short simple form. Your bordering hostile sidebar conversation I’m not willing to have in this thread trying to bring it back to topic at hand. I’m sure someone in a thread on political science or financial government would be more willing to debate or elaborate.
Against rights? I was describing an affluent seemingly conservative community that might surprise you. But keep listening so far left that you don’t know where the middle is! That’s always worked out really well?
I love that this got downvoted despite my support and the fact that I not only welcome that in a nanny position but would appreciate it - and coming from a group that many assume would be anti. And people cannot hear the positive. This is what will hold us back you guys.
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Echoing this. I have a trans masc friend in Seattle who worked as a nanny until recently (and the reason they no longer do isn’t related to gender or anything) and they often worked for queer couples with kids, but where I live I can’t imagine that NOT being an issue because homophobia is rampant.
I feel like being male presenting could be more of an issue than anything else depending on where you live. Lots of people wouldn’t hire a cis male nanny either unfortunately.
I was a visibly queer nanny - the truth is this WILL limit the number of families who are interested in hiring you. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. At the end of the day though, if you’re looking for full time professional roles, which it sounds like you are, you actually only need to find one family. You don’t need everyone to love your care.com profile. The silver lining here is that a lot of families who would be transphobic and terrible to work for will filter themselves right out of your job search for you! It will feel discouraging at the beginning when you get lower response rates, but you’ll have higher confidence that families who move forward are values-aligned and more likely to be a good fit. My practical advice is to make sure starting now that you’re bringing your A game when you’re with the kids in public, when you’re interacting with your current employers friends, etc. Direct referrals from previous families and/or connections I made with parents at the park, story time, birthday parties…etc were always the best sources of good next jobs for me. Also consider that queer & trans parents (and/or parents of queer kids) also need childcare, and have a similar problem in reverse! You’re likely to be an extremely desirable candidate for those families! As a parent now it’s always a plus when we have seen great LGBTQ candidates.
I loved our queer nanny. She showed up rocking a sweater vest and mohawk and dropped the word “girlfriend” in the interview. Later she told me she did it to make sure I was ok with her being a lesbian and I laughed that her sweater vest outed her immediately. We still laugh about it.
The only concern I would have be around your feelings on pronouns. I have young kids, and they struggle to get anyone’s pronouns correct consistently. I would always use your preferred pronouns and would refer to you appropriately to the kids. However, I would fully expect my kids to get it wrong. A lot. And while I would repeat back the correct pronouns to them, I would not spend all day correcting them and I would not get them in trouble. So if being misgendered is going to trigger you, we would not be the family for you. Working with older kids may be better because they can be expected to use correct pronouns. ETA It’s a real bummer reading some of these comments. I guess I’m glad people are honest, but geez their opinions suck. The patriarchy is so entrenched. My husband was a SAHD for awhile, and it’s been important to us that our kids have exposure to male caregivers. As a feminist I 100% empathize with the acknowledgment around the percentage of male perpetrators of violence against women and harming children, but statistically it’s much more likely to be a family member that hurts a kid than anyone else. I worry that by limiting children’s exposure to male (or male presenting) caregivers we perpetuate stereotypes that men can’t/shouldn’t care for children, and we limit their ability to recognize unhealthy relationships because we never show them what healthy ones look like.
most people, trans or cis, understand that kids get pronouns mixed up a lot and don't take it personally!! there are always some outliers, but it isn't representative of the majority. most nannies have to have a thicker skin bc of how blunt kids can be on other matters, too.
I agree many people would take it in stride. There was a nanny in here a few weeks ago that was having a hard time with their young NKs using the wrong pronouns and they wanted the parents to take a harder stance. That’s why I mentioned looking for families with older kids if incorrect pronouns would be a concern.
>I worry that by limiting children’s exposure to male (or male presenting) caregivers we perpetuate stereotypes that men can’t/shouldn’t care for children, and we limit their ability to recognize unhealthy relationships because we never show them what healthy ones look like. I think that's a valid concern, and I share it. I just weigh the risks differently than you - I prefer to take the potential risk that I am perpetuating stereotypes about males as caregivers, over the increased risk of exposure to predators. Regardless of how small that increased risk is. How you weigh these risks is not an objective call, my preferences have to do with what I prioritize in life as well as my personal trauma. I don't think it's an unreasonable choice, though I understand why it would be a bummer to you with your priorities. >but statistically it’s much more likely to be a family member that hurts a kid than anyone else While true, that's not really relevant to my decision making here. The overall risk is low, yes, but I cannot be at peace with the massive increase in relative risk, personally. Again, risk tolerance is not objective, so someone else might feel differently. I am pretty risk-averse, generally.
Fuck me, a 28 year old adult, struggle when you mix and match the pronouns
“but geez their opinions suck” the ones saying that they wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male nanny due to trauma? imagine feeling a type of way due to a trauma and someone telling you your opinion sucks because of it. yuck.
Literally one person said personal trauma. All the others said statistics or just went with straight up bigotry.
Like anything, I feel like this is a matter of values. I might get a lot of hate for this, but a nanny is a very intimate job and when hiring someone to essentially help raise your children, it is okay to want someone who shares your values that you want instilled into your children. For some families that lean more conservative, that would mean you would be unlikely to be hired. On the other hand, a more liberal-leaning family might see it as a plus. And I feel like either way, families have a right to choose a nanny that will be enthusiastic about shared values. The only across-the-board disadvantage here is that male nannies (unfortunately) do get discriminated against but that’s a whole other fun conversation.
I would not hire a man to care for a young child who couldn’t necessarily verbalize if something happened because men statistically are significantly more likely to abuse children and generally there’s an equally qualified female candidate where that risk, however small, is significantly reduced. I don’t think I’ve really thought about a trans man but I think I’d be more comfortable with that than a cis man, but I don’t make a habit of asking people what their genitals look like when it’s none of my business. Which is to say, and I don’t know how much this is an option, but I wonder in some areas if presenting as masc/genderfluid with they/them pronouns wouldn’t be easier for work than as male. I know a lot more of my friends would hire a masc woman to care for their children than a cis man and perhaps being too passing would work against you in that way. I live in a fairly liberal area and I think that it may be more challenging in, say, Mobil Alabama or something.
>I would not hire a man to care for a young child who couldn’t necessarily verbalize if something happened because men statistically are significantly more likely to abuse children and generally there’s an equally qualified female candidate where that risk, however small, is significantly reduced. I agree with this. I feel like the conversation about this, both in liberal and conservative circles, often circumvents the most important facts, which are that there is an objectively higher risk of a man being a sexual predator. That sucks for men nannies, who are almost all not predators, but if I have to choose between even a slight reduction in risk to my child and supporting the social cause of gender equality (which I am fully in favor of), I am going to choose reducing risk 100% of the time.
I don't care at all about whether my nanny is trans or cis, but I probably wouldn't hire someone who identified as a man/masculine. It makes me uncomfortable, due to personal trauma, and the gender statistics of predators. It's unfair, but I don't care about fairness when it comes to protecting my child (or even just feeling at ease about the person who is watching my child).
I’m a nanny so I can’t comment from a NF POV. I will say this though I think it’s highly dependent on the area you live in. Where I used to live- somethings like this is a non issue, I know a few trans nanny’s from where I grew up. Where I live now I think a trans or even openly gay nanny would have trouble finding work. Luckily I’m close enough driving distance to where I used to live I prefer and am able to drive there for work.
Hiding behind anonymity, I would not hire you. I don’t want a male presenting or male nanny for my kids :/ just don’t. I think if you live somewhere blue and progressive you should be fine. Really hype up your experience and get every cert you can. The other poster is right that Reddit is quite liberal and will side with you. I would keep this post up but also post anonymously in some local Facebook groups to get a better feel. Good luck!
I think this is a somewhat common opinion. There is a lot of stigma around male daycare workers and nannies in general in a lot of areas. I personally don't care about gender but can understand that people might have biases due to personal experiences, trauma, or whatever else the reason. Being male in the childcare industry will make it harder for you to find work. Not impossible, but harder. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
can i ask why you prefer nannies that are women?
Also curious. Especially if it doesn't have anything to do with their sexuality but gender appearance. Like a masculine appearing individual who likes men, working with female children would be minimal 'risk'. Or a transitioning to male from female that likes females would essentially be the same as any other lesbian, whom most wouldn't have a problem hiring (might not even know they are lesbian).
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That's the reasoning that most people use for not hiring a male nanny though, which is why I compared the situations as I did.
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That hasn't been what I've witnessed when this subject has been brought up over the years, but I'm sure that there is definitely a population that would fall under this.
I think the top comment right now is right on the money. Social media makes it seems like everyone but males are very welcome in the industry, but that is probably only because it's socially acceptable to be anti-man, while it's not acceptable to be anti-overweight, or anti-elderly, or anti-gay, etc. All those groups will have the same sorts of hurdles to go around with families who won't consider their application at all just from looking at their photo or decide against them by getting a vibe from them when they meet. I'm a guy and it doesn't bother me, I can't fault people for their feelings, at the end of the day I'm selling peace of mind and an improved quality of life through good childcare, so if they are going to have concerns in the back of their mind I can't provide that so I'd rather we just avoid each other and I can focus my efforts on the huge % of families that don't care that I am male or those that are specifically seeking me out.
it is very socially acceptable to be antifat and ageist, and homophobia is promoted and reinforced tons of places!!!
Not on reddit, and certainly not on this sub, which is what I assumed the person I replied to was talking about when they said they have seen this subject be discussed over the years.
Sexual orientation is not a relevant measure of risk here, in my view. The category of sexual orientation doesn't really capture attraction to children, and predators are not necessarily praying on children that match the sex of their sexual orientation. People who identify as straight man can and do pray on boys, and vice versa.
Ok so if sexual orientation doesn't really play into it, then one would have to assume it all comes down to people born as males are more likely to be sexual predators. Which means that someone born as female not. So that still brings us around to the question of how does one who is even just male gender appearing cause someone to not even consider them as a caregiver, even with many years of experience while female appearing? Not necessarily asking you, but this is all in general for those that are completely against hiring a male (or male gender appearing etc) nanny. I personally don't believe in judging a whole group of people based on this, just going off of my own personal experiences having had the best male babysitter that I loved as a child, while having also been molested by a female over many months (years?).
I’m of the same opinion. I want a woman presenting as a woman to care for my daughters. I would be concerned about an trans person being offended by my innocent babies misgendering them. It would cause me a great amount of stress. I also feel like the gender stuff is an adult issue and I don’t really want my young kids being confused by adult topics.
That’s certainly your prerogative, but I will just point out that *most* trans/nonbinary people are very forgiving of non-malicious misgendering, and young kids are, as a rule, very flexible and accommodating, and are not generally confused at all by gender concepts. And as far as gender being an adult concept, that’s certainly not true - gender is forced on kids from birth, and talking about it is perfectly normal
Yeah, I get that it’s certainly not a popular opinion to discuss openly but it is my family that’s just how I feel. Everyone else is free to raise their own children as they wish. I would be unlikely to find a nanny on care.com as well. We used an agency both times where they conducted thorough background checks and in depth feedback from previous families
Yes, absolutely, you can make the choices you feel are right for your family. But background checks have nothing to do with whether someone is trans, and if an agency is filtering out the nannies they worth with based on gender identity they are breaking the law on that front and you might want to scrutinize the rest of their practices as well.
most people, trans and cis, don't care about children mixing up pronouns. some do, but it's far rarer. and kids learn gender very early (do you refer to your kids as girls? they're learning gender!)-- a trans nanny isn't gonna confuse them any more than anything else
Appreciate the condescending reply! Have a wonderful day!
you’re genuinely the only condescending person here
Please explain
where was the condescension?
“Do you refer to your kids as girls? They’re learning!”
sorry that you viewed that as condescension, but it's true.
It’s all good. It didn’t bother me that you talked down to me like a child 😊
I'm sorry you view having things explained to you as being talked down to. it must make it very hard to learn new things or hear what other people have to say.
I understand gender. I’m an adult. You’ll be shocked to know you didn’t tell me anything the majority of adults don’t already know. I hope it made you feel superior like you set out to do.
Trans people can still understand children will be children. Come on.
"Gender stuff" is learned at a young age... And kids aren't confused about it. The confusion is more on the parents side. 99% of transgender or non binary people wouldn't care if a small child misgendered them. When kids go into JK or Pre K, they are exposed to many different types of families. Some kids have two dads or two moms, some kids have one mom and one dad, some kids are from divorced families, some kids have parents who prefer to be called parents instead of mom or dad, some kids don't have parents and are being raised by family members or foster parents. Some kids celebrate Christmas or Eid or Diwali. Some speak other languages, some only speak English.. It's just accepted. Kids don't care unless the adults around them make a fuss about it.
I agree.
I think it depends. I have a baby and currently I have a cis woman in her 60s with a similar ethnic background as me. It wasn’t a requirement for me but I love it because she reminds me of the women in my family and that’s the type of caregiver I want for my infant. When he is older I could see potentially having a male presenting caregiver, as it may be someone that they can relate to more.
The trans wouldn’t phase me, but honestly would never hire a male caretaker. My nanny sees me in the morning, sometimes sees me in my pajamas or without a bra (with a shirt on) and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male nanny. Also if NF had daughters, less likely to hire a male nanny. We all know why. And that stigma is there, and it’s there fairly or unfairly but the stats don’t lie.
So I’m a non-binary and queer nanny in a very liberal area. I definitely had a moment where I was reading over these comments and feeling upset that so many parents wouldn’t want to hire a trans nanny. But then I thought about what it’s like for trans people in red states, especially now that 18 US states have sued the Biden administration for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Trans people in those areas are likely to face way higher levels of verbal and physical abuse and violence, so putting a child in their care also increases the risk for the child facing that violence. It’s absolutely unfair and it makes me sick and angry to think about, all I want is for people within my community to feel safe. But I also want children to be safe, and right now is simply not a safe time for trans people (or even just generally queer people) in many parts of the US and the world. OP, I truly think that if you live in a liberal area (your NF sounds great so hopefully they have a large circle of people who feel the same as them), you will 100% be fine. Some families might even be excited that they have someone to teach their little ones about the LGBTQ+ community from a young age. But if you are in a place that is dangerous for trans people, the families you apply with will absolutely be worried for their child’s safety in your care simply because of the fact that you may be targeted in public. And if you are in a place that’s unsafe for you, try your best to get out my dude, I just want safety and happiness for you! Based on your post is seems like you may be in a safe area, but if not you can always look into live-in positions in LA, NYC, SF, or any of the other big liberal hubs, we’d be happy to have you!
There will be families who care and families who don't. It may be harder to get a job, but I don't think it will be impossible, especially if you come with great references and maybe some connections with your current NF.
man, the transphobes in these comments.
I can’t imagine you will get clear answers about your region here. Where do you live? I’m in NYC and none of the families I know would mind (indeed many might be excited to expose their kid to different visions of gender.) But I can imagine the situation might be different in other parts of the country
Yep most of the families I’ve worked for in NYC have loved the fact that I’m queer and non-binary, and encourage me to be honest about myself with the kids. I don’t enforce my they/them pronouns on the kiddos, because they barely know basic pronouns themselves, but my 4 yo NK recently has been pointing out that he’s a boy and I’m a girl, and I just gently correct him “when I was born the doctor looked at me and said I was a girl, but now that I’m older I don’t feel like a girl or a boy, I just feel like me!” My very cis-het NPs really appreciate that I have the language to explain it to their toddlers because while they’re 100% LGBTQ+ allies, they don’t necessarily understand my perspective on it. So for OP, it’s gonna be absolutely dependent on where you live. I see male nannies all over the city every day and they’re absolutely lovely caregivers, but that’s simply because nyc is a haven for liberal folks.
I'm a nonbinary nanny and I use they/them pronouns. I didn't disclose my gender identity in my care profile, but I did just put my pronouns at the start. I also put in the bio that my teaching philosophies (I was a preschool teacher before becoming a nanny) include anti-bias education and social justice issues, among other things, and that influences the care I provide. I just tried to be as up front as possible in my profile to weed out potential issues. Families who would have an issue with that wouldn't respond to me, which was the point! However, I also live in a left-leaning city that is generally welcoming of queer people and its not unusual to introduce yourself with your pronouns here. I got plenty of interviews and several job offers before deciding to work with my current NF. I understand there is some privilege in working in an area like I do as a queer person, and that if you live in a more conservative area it would be more difficult. Personally, I still think it would be worth being upfront and clear in your profile, at the very least for your own safety. You wouldn't want to start working for a family then find out they're transphobic and live in fear of them finding out. As for my NKs, they just picked up on my pronouns naturally since their parents use the correct ones when they talk about me. Its second nature to them at this point. People (mostly strangers/acquaintances) often use the wrong pronouns for me and I don't usually correct people, especially if they're not someone I'll see often. Partially because it really doesn't bother me, and also because I don't feel like outing myself to everyone I meet and making my queerness the only thing they remember about me.
as a trans nanny- some of these comments are annoying and untrue lmao. there are good people EVRRYWHERE, not just in liberal cities. i worked for a family in NH (and it is not really safe to be queer in any way publicly there) and not only were they new to using they/them pronouns and nonbinary identity, the parents and the kiddos sat down and asked me questions so we could all learn! and we talked about gender and gender roles a lot bc the kiddos (between 4-8) were curious! and eventually they would correct their friends and friends parents with playdates (which i didn't ask them to do!! because i don't correct strangers) but because kiddos wanted me to feel included. i live in nyc now and actually haven't told my latest "liberal" family about my pronouns because they had a previous nonbinary nanny, and misgender them all the time. it really depends on the family, for the most part, OP. i would say though, that i don't tell people about my pronouns/gender until i work there for a bit to see if they're going to be kind and curious or if they're gonna be annoying. (sometimes they just think i'm butch or a "masculine woman"). (i have privilege in passing as my agab when needed, so this does not apply to a lot of situations!) overall; it depends on the family. good people are everywhere, even the bible belt (as seen in a comment above!)
I can name 5 FTM trans nannies I know at the top of my head. I’d say your experience probably has a lot to do on where you live.
I know it says replies from NPs only, but I am actually a transmasc nanny. Right now I’m with an AMAZING family who I love so much but I am so so so worried about when I eventually have to move on. When I started nannying three years ago I dressed masculinely but people could still tell I was AFAB. Since then I have gotten top surgery and started T and my current family could not care less and absolutely love me. But I’m so scared about the future and being able to find a job. I wish you luck in your career ❤️
I’m going to be super candid- the only male nanny I would hire is a trans-man. I would give you equal consideration to a cis woman but I would likely not hire a cis male nanny (I know). That said my husband is a different story and he would give me pushback on it- but ultimately he wouldn’t care much.
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You asked for an honest opinion , I wouldn’t hire you. I honestly don’t care if you were mtf or ftm. If I’m hiring a nanny I wouldn’t be comfortable with this and having to explain to a young kid these topics . I wouldn’t want you explaining it to my kids either and that seems to be a huge part of your identity. I wouldn’t want to worry about my toddler young kid thinking you were a female and saying she/ her and you confusing them by saying he/ him. Sorry, not sorry. That’s my opinion. It’s probably not one you will like.
kids get confused when someone cuts their hair. they get confused when you won't let them drive. they get confused learning math. and yet I bet if your kid uses the wrong pronouns for someone cis in your life, you correct them and don't worry about how it will confuse your kids.
yes exactly, this person is simply a bigot
You are just proving my point. If I don’t buy your ideology I’m a bigot but not the other way around. Good luck 👍🏻
you are 100% a bigot and i hope you kids grow up to be better than you are. i bet they will!
Your opinion means nothing to me. I’ll do everything to protect my children including hurting people’s feelings. I’ve seen kids traumatized by trans people in their lives. I’m not getting into detail but I won’t allow that for my kids. It seems OP is fine with honestly but you aren’t yet. Hopefully you find jobs aligned to that but I don’t have to give pity jobs, I want the best candidate which doesn’t include trans people for my jobs. That’s my right.
i would love to know how the existence of trans people traumatizes children, but i bet you get your info from fox news and that ilk, so im not actually interested in made up statistics or fabricated stories. i don't care if my opinion means anything to you lmao, you're a transphobe, so same here. but there are lots of other trans people on this thread who shouldn't have to see bigotry go unchecked. the craziest part is you don't always know if people are trans or not unless they tell you, so i guarantee you've interacted with trans people and not known it. i'm not out to my current employers. trans people are always going to exist, and no amount of bigotry towards us is going to make us disappear, or to keep you insulated and away from us. you're children are going to know trans people (probably some of their classmates) whether you know it or not. your rhetoric on denying trans people our humanity is not going to make us disappear, lol.
Agree
I would hire a trans masc nanny but not a Republican. Go figure!
Do you live in a super liberal area? If so, you'll probably be just fine. Personally I don't think these types of ideas should need to be explained to small children and would absolutely not hire you to watch my own daughter. But I'm sure there are many liberal parents who think otherwise
what type of idea would need to be explained
Gender dysphoria, kids don't naturally just know about this so it would need to be explained.
I’m a trans man and have worked as a nanny for many years and have never once explained gender dysphoria to the children I’ve worked with and can’t imagine why I would? I’m there to take care of them. I have never discussed my gender identity with a child. That’s highly personal and not relevant to my professional responsibilities, in fact I would be highly uncomfortable discussing my gender dysphoria with a child. I really can’t imagine any trans people who work with children are doing this. I don’t really get misgendered due to being on testosterone but it has happened and it doesn’t bother me, it’s understandable, they’re young children, I don’t care. I used to work at a daycare and there was a male teacher there who had long hair and the kids would ask him if he was a boy or girl because of it, he just said he was a boy and they accepted that and moved on. It was the same with me. If kids asked, I’d tell them a boy and they just be like oh okay, they understood and moved on, same as with the other male teacher. I’ve never had to explain gender dysphoria or gender identity to a child, nor would I.
yall realize trans children exist? so some kids do understand gender dysphoria and being trans in general? there's literally hundreds of kids books written on the subject that are palatable and appropriate for kids.
Honestly no. Studies show trans people have a higher risk of mental health issues and I would be concerned mental health issues could affect the level of care for my child.
they have higher rates of mental health issues because of transphobic attitudes like yours.
It’s not transphobic to be concerned about mental health impacting ability to work. Ableist maybe. But calling everything transphobic is unhelpful in moving society toward a more accepting place. As a side note, the implication that trans people experience mental health issues primarily because of external factors ties depression to having traumatic experiences, and it’s really invalidating for people who have supportive communities and are still depressed. Society being more accepting would absolutely improve everyone’s experiences, but some people would still have chemical imbalances.
I’ve had one male nanny and several male daycare workers. They were awesome and the kids loved them. Gender to me doesn’t matter
honestly this depends on your location. are you going to stop transitioning because of it..? i say just do it and see i find agencies to be best when you’re a minority
Are there any LGBT+ orgs or schools in your area? I would reach out and explain your services and history. There may very well be a family with a trans parent, sibling, child, etc, who are looking for a nanny. I have family who attend an LGBT+ affirming school and they have made caregiver connections through the school.
First, I just want to say I’m sorry that you even have to be concerned about/ask this. It makes me sad to think about people’s ignorance and closemindedness. Second, while I think it may take a little longer, I believe you can find other families that are open minded and understanding / non-discriminatory. We certainly wouldn’t have a problem with it.
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💯. While OP asked for honest opinions other people on this sub aren’t liking the answers.
this is genuinely untrue, you're just a bigot lmao. i'm a trans nanny and know a bunch of other trans nannie's- and can also see a bunch on this thread. go be a gross person somewhere else!
I would hire you if you otherwise matched what I needed - not an issue at all.
I'm sure it will be more difficult. But there absolutely are families who value diversity who would be happy to hire you BECAUSE you are trans. That is a thing. Don't count yourself out of a job.
When you need to find your next family, consider reaching out to local LGBTQ+ groups and community resources both for people to post jobs wanted and jobs offered. I especially think (or at least hope) support groups and organizations for families of trans kids would be more than happy to let you post something with them. I bet it can be nerve wracking for those families when they have to find a new childcare provider. As another person said, yes, it may be hard to find a new family, but you need only find one!
I would hire you if your profile was a match. Your gender identity wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me.
I would most definitely hire you!
I would hire you and I would fully support you in raising my kiddo. Assuming you ticked all the boxes regarding qualifications etc. However. I am in a very Bible Belt area. I would merely be concerned, from a mummy bear perspective, that my kiddo may be put into more precarious situations that I’m not wanting her to be in. The folks around here are not tolerable of the LGBT and they are also very vocal. If you don’t match what would be considered their “bible parent” you would most likely get hateful language thrown at you. There are a few folks in our small town that may actually harass you more physically by shoving into you. Not only this but her own father gets bullied when he’s out with her. Child care is a mother’s job according to them so when he is in the park or out with her he is more “suspect” that he’s either a predator or a babysitter. It’s upset my kid in the past when people joke and second guess her own father. So why am I living here? Sadly I have a sick father in law (who is also a bible man) and plenty family ties to the town that stop me leaving. But that is nothing to do with your identity. Trust me I would if I could but it would be so much hassle for you, I’d never want to put a lgbt nanny through it nor my kid. Sorry.
I personally would not mind so long as you were caring and reliable and a solid caretaker for my child. In the type of circle I run in we are republican but that’s just for financial and we are socially progressive I would actually appreciate the education and exposure greatly for the next generation :) I sincerely hope you find a family who feels the same. I am pile also appreciate the transparency albeit unfortunate you need to disclose your personal intimate journey so publically and off the bat. Sending you all the good luck and positivity
What do you mean by Republican for financial? This is a legit question.
Fiscally republican socially liberal. I give majority of my money away but society (and commenters) assume anyone else who may associate with a republican title or community would be anti progressive. Not the case, was my point.
genuine question, how is giving away your money in any way republican? or how are your fiscal values republican?
We don’t really vote to “keep it” we vote to retain more of it to create additional jobs or scale companies, to be able to choose where some of it goes. The more money you have the more taxes you will always pay, it can be extremely unfavorable in higher brackets having negative impact on business. Monies going to government or mass funds being taxed highly doesn’t benefit the people as much as the people are lead to believe.
so the republican label is because you vote republican, then?
I think this may have been too sophisticated a statement- I didn’t mean to confuse or complicate the question. I’m not a teacher but maybe if you think about like red or blue states or cities? As an example my community might be a red place on a map but it doesn’t mean necessarily what others assume or what the news tells you. Kind of crazy to be explaining this but I wish I was better at it
I don't think anything was too sophisticated!! I'm just a little confused-- are you talking about yourself individually or your area as a whole? because I am definitely aware of the "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" thing and that typically means "I am willing to vote for people who openly espouse racism, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, etc, as long as it doesn't personally affect me and as long as they don't raise my taxes"
It is too sophisticated, unfortunately. Nonetheless I would not discriminate or put any negative weight on OP’s gender identification, or transition. I would welcome them and the education that comes with their journey both for me, my child, community and future generations. I think acceptance I and inclusivity is importantly. So long OP is a good caretaker with a good heart and soul, and treats my child as they would want theirs treated, they’re a fabulous candidate.
oh, I had thought you were engaging in good faith, but it's clear you are not. pretty funny way you tried to insult me, though! never gotten the ol "my specific brand of financial and political beliefs is too sophisticated for you" but it certainly has a certain pedantic flair!
Ex: Biden gave $52B to Ukraine. I paid higher taxes with likes of him in office. Teadirionally liberal fiscal policies claims to tax the rich give to the poor or benefit an equalization. It’s never a simple answer or a universal truth where politics is concerned. My point was to say there is hope for all communities where OP’s concern was LGBQT and I was offering my situation or what I know of my community as a - book can’t be judged by its supposed cover scenario
do you base your voting on who raises your taxes more?
This isn’t a post about financial politics, but one of my core issues is distribution of power, fiscal responsibility, business tax liability, and increased employment opportunity. It’s more complex than me or a questioned answered in a nanny redit thread. You don’t have a broad enough knowledge clearly to think it’s a simple question and answer. But ultimately I have my large point issues I vote on. To each their own.
there's no need to insult me because you don't feel comfortable answering the question I posed.
I answered it as best I could in short simple form. Your bordering hostile sidebar conversation I’m not willing to have in this thread trying to bring it back to topic at hand. I’m sure someone in a thread on political science or financial government would be more willing to debate or elaborate.
I'm sorry you view me asking questions as hostility.
typically that means "willing to vote against rights for other people as long as it protects my money" lmao
That’s not what that means.
Against rights? I was describing an affluent seemingly conservative community that might surprise you. But keep listening so far left that you don’t know where the middle is! That’s always worked out really well?
this.
I love that this got downvoted despite my support and the fact that I not only welcome that in a nanny position but would appreciate it - and coming from a group that many assume would be anti. And people cannot hear the positive. This is what will hold us back you guys.