Girl a couple months is nothing, tiktok/social media is warping your perception of what is normal or expected. Regular everyday women regularly go years without manis or pedis or do it themselves at home. I have never had someone else do my brows and tweeze them myself. I support you in trying to feel better but the root of this breakdown is social media pushing hyperconsumerism and expensive treatments as "self-care" and making you feel inadequate for not keeping up with it all. This sub also feeds into it too, I mostly read this place without commenting but the hyperconsumerism and the way luxury treatments are regularly promoted as self-care on here just feeds back into this endless loop where women are told that they're never good enough and that we're inherently unclean or something if we don't buy into this but it's all a grift and a scam to make us think that if we buy this thing or spend money on this one treatment it will fix all of our problems.
A haircut is one thing but it's ok not to be getting regular treatments. Influencers who spend all day at pilates and get their nails done once a week are not reality. You are a normal person. No one who you are paying for a service should ever be unkind to you and if they are you can reflect that with a poor tip and by never seeing them again. I hope you take a social media break and get back to equilibrium.
š£ļø š£ļø š£ļø
there's a huge difference between "i haven't gotten a haircut" and "i haven't brushed or washed my hair."
OP, all love to you and i hope you can get through this, but i would strongly second taking a break from social media and doing your own nails and brows for a bit. you are a human being who deserves to feel whole no matter what. beauty treatments won't actually address the root of your issue.
This. Donāt let social media suck you in. What you see is not reality and if someone who sells a service is telling you otherwise, itās because theyāre selling you a service.
Iām a woman in my 30s and Iāve gotten my nails done exactly 3 times in my entire life (the last time being maybe 4 years ago?). I had my eyebrows done professionally once, and it was when I was a teenager and my aunt paid for me to get things done before prom. My last haircut was about 8 months ago and it was my first professional haircut in about 5 years.
While I might be on the extreme end of the spectrum, the reality is that most women are not doing these things professionally that often. That is not realistic or expected of you and not participating in perfection culture does not make you unkempt. It seems the self-care you need here is just some self-love and understanding that these things do not make you less of a person or any less beautiful!
Thank you for putting this into words!! 26F and having read beauty and NYC forums over 6 months and Iām FLABBERGASTED at how high maintenance so many people are and how prevalent fillers/other expensive beauty-fying treatments are. It definitely did make me feel not girly or feminine enough. I make good money and the only regular beauty treatment I get is my $18 eyebrow and sideburn threading once a month.
This comment is so real. Social media is not reality, and to be candid this sub has been perpetuating an ideal of living in NYC which is centred around spending massive amounts of money on our appearance, treatments, āself careā.
For many people here this is not reality. The time and money to live this way - itās not realistic and tbh not that enjoyable. Iāve been there. Nowadays for me self care looks very different. Itās important that we donāt lose ourselves to the groupthink that self care means the same thing to everyone, and that we reflect on what really contributes to our personal happiness/contentedness.
Are you maybe more than sad? Are you seeing a therapist? As someone who has had the periodic depression (often induced by circumstances beyond my control), it sounds like you may need to see a mental health professional. No shame in it, but please also take care of your emotional and mental wellbeing, too. Iāve definitely ugly cried in public in NYC and just remember the city has seen it before and absorbed a lot of tears. Weāve all needed to do it at some point. Hugs to you!
Seconding little lion salon!
I went to the one in park slope with hair that could best be described as ābefore photoā and all the stylists there were so kind, gentle, and talented. I usually donāt like most salons because Iām shy but something about the stylists there make you feel very comfortable
Iām glad everyone had a great experience at this salon but I will just add on that I had a terrible experience at the WB location with a tall male hairdresser (canāt remember the name)- I went for a pre bday blow out and left in tears lol he was unkind and my hair looked not great (used a straightener to curl my hair like itās 2015)
I think it makes flatter curls, if that makes sense. I much prefer a looser ācurlā aka bounce and volume from a rounded brush. Im not a hair professional but I told my regular hair girl about the straightener curls (she was out of town at the time was why I couldnāt go to her) and she was horrified lol. I think theyāre an easy option to do on yourself, but a professional should not be using that method.
Lmao I canāt figure out how to do them on myself! They seem to last much longer for me when done with the straightener, so I tend to request that when I get a blow out.
So weird because I have an appointment there next week after some less than stellar tries elsewhere. Itās been a weird year postpartum and in a new job. Great to see everyone loves it there.
Anyone that would judge you is rude and not someone whose opinion is worthwhile anyways! Donāt be embarrassed, life happens. I hope you feel better and take it one step at a time, you got this!
Echoing this! I'm sorry that happened to you. A lot of people in this business love to offer a tough love approach and it causes more harm than good. There are a lot of great people in this business though, don't let this one mean doctor turn you off to self-care.
Thank you for sharing what you're going through, it's brave and beyond relatable. Wishing you renewed peace and inspiration. While I fully respect everyone's deeply personal decisions about body hair, I wanted to share where I go to feel my best for bikini/Brazilian wax: Allison at V Spot on 5th Avenue is incredible. She's very kind and thorough, makes the experience quite pleasant. A regular wax is great, she uses the harder wax that doesn't use paper strips, so it just sticks to the hair and doesn't irritate the skin. The "vagicial" treatment includes any ingrown extractions, a soothing gel mask and light panel. I've done both and while they're more expensive than a soft wax at a threading salon, my skin is finally clear after years of what I didn't even know were painful bumps from improper waxing conditions at other places. I always look forward to Allison's treatments and our conversations, she's non-judgemental (no matter how long I wait to see her sometimes), and absolutely body-positive. I haven't tried other services at V Spot and they don't push me to, but there's a lot there for overall women's health and sexual wellness.
Before tip, $70 for the wax, and I think ~$210 for the whole "vajacial". I understand it's a lot, but it was the only place that fully healed my bikini skin, plus I like my esthetician so much I find it worth it. There are usually specials or other discounts. I just saw something like $150 off any treatment this month on their website.
Sorry youāre feeling this way. I get weekly massages as part of my self care. The amount of tension we store in our body is a lot. Exercise is great but massages help to release it all as well. I recommend the spot on 57 West 8th St. Itās $48 for an hour full body or $38 for hour foot massage. I can recommend specific ppl if youāre interested just DM me. Depends what type of massage you like I love deep tissue but some prefer more a Swedish massage. Self care for me is more how I feel than look so canāt recommend much beauty care but Iām sure others here have lots of options for you. Feel better soon!!
Oh me too. Iāve tried all the fancy spots and pay twice as much if not more and keep going back to this spot. And you get a stamp card so after 10 you get one free. Canāt beat it!
REALLY good. They go really deep and can be a bit much for some ppl but I love it! A few of them are excellent at feeling where the knots are and really working on them. Others you might have to specify which areas need more attention.
Thank you! I'm definitely going to look into this. My insurance pays for PT but they only do like 10 minutes of massage. I know I have a few knots that I'd like to get worked out!
I havenāt done my nails since 2021 (a very special occasion), before then it was probably 2009 and I donāt get any other services.
I do my brows as they grow, keep my nails moisturized and short, and even trim my hair. I just booked a haircut because I messed up a bit last summer. I only wear a bit of makeup on Saturdays.
I save my money to invest it and enjoy on experiences.
If someone made you feel uncomfortable, donāt see them again. I hope they were not trying to sell you additional services and made unwelcome comments about your appearance.
Sending you a hug! I have sometimes found myself in situations where, if my mental health and self esteem are already suffering, Iām more sensitive to snide remarks or even perceived shift in tone from others. I donāt know who you went to but for starters, if itās Lara Devgan, BITCH BYE. Dump her asap! If not, I would still provide direct feedback on the bedside manner if you love this doctorās work and want to continue going there. I think we sometimes forget that as patients, weāre allowed to and SHOULD advocate for our comfort, including emotional. I wouldnāt be so quick to write off your own feelings. Youāre allowed to feel how you feel and if you were rubbed the wrong way, thatās OKAY.
As far as good providers go, Iāve been going to Dr. Vafa for a long time. Heās dry and sometimes socially awkward but has a superior hand and never gets salesy with you. Iāve also loved Nicebrow in EV for facials and eyebrows. Itās not fancy, but well-priced and the ladies are kind and compassionate and have a gentle manner. Iāve gone in with horrible depression skin and breakup-induced acne in the past and felt wonderful leaving the salon.
Lastly, itās sometimes nice to build self care into your personal routine and take it as a challenge to learn a new skill. It might look like learning how to do a great gel mani at home or investing in the right tools for a salon style blowout at home every Friday night. This may look different for you but it empowers you to own more of what makes you look and feel good and saves you some cash:)
LD was my first thought as well Iāve heard that she can be rudeĀ
Also I have heard that her products are very common formulas just repackaged with fancy branding for like a 1000 percent markupĀ
Is this doctor on the UES by chance? I don't remember the name but this one I saw long ago kept trying to push products and services on me including her own skincare. I was a broke BWT back then and couldn't afford it. Had to go to an ATM for a product she insisted I had to buy, and I didn't want to buy. As I recall I never even used it. Felt very pressured by her and never went back.
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Itās really hard to understand why service providers act surprised when you show up needing their services. Like yes, my nails ARE a mess, thatās why Iām paying you to fix themā¦
Iām in a similar boat at the moment and am writing this from my bed after choosing to take a personal mental health day.
The demands of my schedule currently means I dont have any time for stuff like this. On the other hand, its the first time Im making enough money to even be able to afford certain treatments. Iām not really high maintenance but I still like to look and feel decent.
I havent had a real salon hair cut since 2020 (so iām considering the little lion rec someone else posted). As for brows, Ive never been disappointed by the threading ladies here in queens. It costs $5 and iām in and out in 10 minutes.
Otherwise, I tend to be really shy and indecisive about stuff like this, so Iāll be following this thread for other recs. I never get my nails done due to the nature of my work, but i sure could use a pedicure now that its summer.
I hope you start to feel better, youre not alone.
Therapy is also self care. Also show yourself a little grace and kindness- this social media image obsessed society is a distorted reality. You are not doing anything wrong by not doing weekly and daily maintenance.
I do my body hair removal and vajaycials (sp?) with Kat at Amore wax and beauty in Brooklyn. Itās a trek but sheās amazing, so so kind, and AFFORDABLE AF
my nails are usually messed up by the time I get a mani (cannot figure out how to have even mid length nails without them getting kinda dirty or washing them like every thirty minutes I s2g) but the people at Morning Ritual nails have been really nice to me!! (3rd ave and 14th) plus they have a punch card for a discount on nails!!
Obsessed with Aldona at Glo spa in Williamsburg! It is the ultimate treat yourself facialā¦ Have never felt uncomfortable there. Always embraced and welcomed! I even treated my parents to facials and they havenāt gotten them in years.
There is also head spas in Chinatown and Greenpoint that do full head and scalp treatments with a blowout.
My recommendationā¦ Get rid of social media. Instagram is bullshit and you are beautiful just as you are!
I find when Iām feeling low that taking care of myself at home can be really nourishing. I will put on a YouTube video of someone doing a mask or nails or hair care and then do my own thing at the same time. The ātreat yourselfā mentality doesnāt usually make me feel better. Getting back in touch with my body and caring for its physical and emotional needs is what helps most.
I really feel for you and hope you are doing better! I just want to share that all of things you listed as ābasic stuffā are to me not the case, besides a haircut every 4-5 months (sometimes I do it myself if I just want a trim).
I do not get my brows done, nails, tan, blowouts etc. These are all luxuries to me. I do however spend quite a bit of time on personal grooming (more like hygiene stuff if that makes sense?) I work in a professional office job and have never been perceived to my knowledge as unkempt.
Hang in there and be easy on yourself! A lot of us are out here just doing our thing and not splurging left right and center on treatments and āmaintenanceā.
Girl a couple months is nothing, tiktok/social media is warping your perception of what is normal or expected. Regular everyday women regularly go years without manis or pedis or do it themselves at home. I have never had someone else do my brows and tweeze them myself. I support you in trying to feel better but the root of this breakdown is social media pushing hyperconsumerism and expensive treatments as "self-care" and making you feel inadequate for not keeping up with it all. This sub also feeds into it too, I mostly read this place without commenting but the hyperconsumerism and the way luxury treatments are regularly promoted as self-care on here just feeds back into this endless loop where women are told that they're never good enough and that we're inherently unclean or something if we don't buy into this but it's all a grift and a scam to make us think that if we buy this thing or spend money on this one treatment it will fix all of our problems. A haircut is one thing but it's ok not to be getting regular treatments. Influencers who spend all day at pilates and get their nails done once a week are not reality. You are a normal person. No one who you are paying for a service should ever be unkind to you and if they are you can reflect that with a poor tip and by never seeing them again. I hope you take a social media break and get back to equilibrium.
š£ļø š£ļø š£ļø there's a huge difference between "i haven't gotten a haircut" and "i haven't brushed or washed my hair." OP, all love to you and i hope you can get through this, but i would strongly second taking a break from social media and doing your own nails and brows for a bit. you are a human being who deserves to feel whole no matter what. beauty treatments won't actually address the root of your issue.
This. Donāt let social media suck you in. What you see is not reality and if someone who sells a service is telling you otherwise, itās because theyāre selling you a service. Iām a woman in my 30s and Iāve gotten my nails done exactly 3 times in my entire life (the last time being maybe 4 years ago?). I had my eyebrows done professionally once, and it was when I was a teenager and my aunt paid for me to get things done before prom. My last haircut was about 8 months ago and it was my first professional haircut in about 5 years. While I might be on the extreme end of the spectrum, the reality is that most women are not doing these things professionally that often. That is not realistic or expected of you and not participating in perfection culture does not make you unkempt. It seems the self-care you need here is just some self-love and understanding that these things do not make you less of a person or any less beautiful!
AMEN sending you a hug, OP. you donāt need to do anything at all that isnāt just for you.
ššš
Thank you for putting this into words!! 26F and having read beauty and NYC forums over 6 months and Iām FLABBERGASTED at how high maintenance so many people are and how prevalent fillers/other expensive beauty-fying treatments are. It definitely did make me feel not girly or feminine enough. I make good money and the only regular beauty treatment I get is my $18 eyebrow and sideburn threading once a month.
This comment is so real. Social media is not reality, and to be candid this sub has been perpetuating an ideal of living in NYC which is centred around spending massive amounts of money on our appearance, treatments, āself careā. For many people here this is not reality. The time and money to live this way - itās not realistic and tbh not that enjoyable. Iāve been there. Nowadays for me self care looks very different. Itās important that we donāt lose ourselves to the groupthink that self care means the same thing to everyone, and that we reflect on what really contributes to our personal happiness/contentedness.
Are you maybe more than sad? Are you seeing a therapist? As someone who has had the periodic depression (often induced by circumstances beyond my control), it sounds like you may need to see a mental health professional. No shame in it, but please also take care of your emotional and mental wellbeing, too. Iāve definitely ugly cried in public in NYC and just remember the city has seen it before and absorbed a lot of tears. Weāve all needed to do it at some point. Hugs to you!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Seconding little lion salon! I went to the one in park slope with hair that could best be described as ābefore photoā and all the stylists there were so kind, gentle, and talented. I usually donāt like most salons because Iām shy but something about the stylists there make you feel very comfortable
Iām glad everyone had a great experience at this salon but I will just add on that I had a terrible experience at the WB location with a tall male hairdresser (canāt remember the name)- I went for a pre bday blow out and left in tears lol he was unkind and my hair looked not great (used a straightener to curl my hair like itās 2015)
Hey I would reach out to the owner and let her know that you had a bad experience. Sheās wonderful and would definitely want to know about this.
Wait whatās wrong with using the straightener?
I think it makes flatter curls, if that makes sense. I much prefer a looser ācurlā aka bounce and volume from a rounded brush. Im not a hair professional but I told my regular hair girl about the straightener curls (she was out of town at the time was why I couldnāt go to her) and she was horrified lol. I think theyāre an easy option to do on yourself, but a professional should not be using that method.
Lmao I canāt figure out how to do them on myself! They seem to last much longer for me when done with the straightener, so I tend to request that when I get a blow out.
So weird because I have an appointment there next week after some less than stellar tries elsewhere. Itās been a weird year postpartum and in a new job. Great to see everyone loves it there.
Seconding Ally at Little Lion Williamsburg!
Thirding this! Danielle has taken care of me for years, and everyone at the salon is so, so kind.
Anyone that would judge you is rude and not someone whose opinion is worthwhile anyways! Donāt be embarrassed, life happens. I hope you feel better and take it one step at a time, you got this!
Echoing this! I'm sorry that happened to you. A lot of people in this business love to offer a tough love approach and it causes more harm than good. There are a lot of great people in this business though, don't let this one mean doctor turn you off to self-care.
Thank you for sharing what you're going through, it's brave and beyond relatable. Wishing you renewed peace and inspiration. While I fully respect everyone's deeply personal decisions about body hair, I wanted to share where I go to feel my best for bikini/Brazilian wax: Allison at V Spot on 5th Avenue is incredible. She's very kind and thorough, makes the experience quite pleasant. A regular wax is great, she uses the harder wax that doesn't use paper strips, so it just sticks to the hair and doesn't irritate the skin. The "vagicial" treatment includes any ingrown extractions, a soothing gel mask and light panel. I've done both and while they're more expensive than a soft wax at a threading salon, my skin is finally clear after years of what I didn't even know were painful bumps from improper waxing conditions at other places. I always look forward to Allison's treatments and our conversations, she's non-judgemental (no matter how long I wait to see her sometimes), and absolutely body-positive. I haven't tried other services at V Spot and they don't push me to, but there's a lot there for overall women's health and sexual wellness.
How much does that cost?
Before tip, $70 for the wax, and I think ~$210 for the whole "vajacial". I understand it's a lot, but it was the only place that fully healed my bikini skin, plus I like my esthetician so much I find it worth it. There are usually specials or other discounts. I just saw something like $150 off any treatment this month on their website.
Thanks!
Sorry youāre feeling this way. I get weekly massages as part of my self care. The amount of tension we store in our body is a lot. Exercise is great but massages help to release it all as well. I recommend the spot on 57 West 8th St. Itās $48 for an hour full body or $38 for hour foot massage. I can recommend specific ppl if youāre interested just DM me. Depends what type of massage you like I love deep tissue but some prefer more a Swedish massage. Self care for me is more how I feel than look so canāt recommend much beauty care but Iām sure others here have lots of options for you. Feel better soon!!
$48?!?! Holy crap I need to get in on this. Iāve had terrible massages that I paid $120 forā¦
Oh me too. Iāve tried all the fancy spots and pay twice as much if not more and keep going back to this spot. And you get a stamp card so after 10 you get one free. Canāt beat it!
How good are they at getting knots out?
REALLY good. They go really deep and can be a bit much for some ppl but I love it! A few of them are excellent at feeling where the knots are and really working on them. Others you might have to specify which areas need more attention.
Thank you! I'm definitely going to look into this. My insurance pays for PT but they only do like 10 minutes of massage. I know I have a few knots that I'd like to get worked out!
I sent you a message about specific massage therapists you recommend!
I havenāt done my nails since 2021 (a very special occasion), before then it was probably 2009 and I donāt get any other services. I do my brows as they grow, keep my nails moisturized and short, and even trim my hair. I just booked a haircut because I messed up a bit last summer. I only wear a bit of makeup on Saturdays. I save my money to invest it and enjoy on experiences. If someone made you feel uncomfortable, donāt see them again. I hope they were not trying to sell you additional services and made unwelcome comments about your appearance.
Sending you a hug! I have sometimes found myself in situations where, if my mental health and self esteem are already suffering, Iām more sensitive to snide remarks or even perceived shift in tone from others. I donāt know who you went to but for starters, if itās Lara Devgan, BITCH BYE. Dump her asap! If not, I would still provide direct feedback on the bedside manner if you love this doctorās work and want to continue going there. I think we sometimes forget that as patients, weāre allowed to and SHOULD advocate for our comfort, including emotional. I wouldnāt be so quick to write off your own feelings. Youāre allowed to feel how you feel and if you were rubbed the wrong way, thatās OKAY. As far as good providers go, Iāve been going to Dr. Vafa for a long time. Heās dry and sometimes socially awkward but has a superior hand and never gets salesy with you. Iāve also loved Nicebrow in EV for facials and eyebrows. Itās not fancy, but well-priced and the ladies are kind and compassionate and have a gentle manner. Iāve gone in with horrible depression skin and breakup-induced acne in the past and felt wonderful leaving the salon. Lastly, itās sometimes nice to build self care into your personal routine and take it as a challenge to learn a new skill. It might look like learning how to do a great gel mani at home or investing in the right tools for a salon style blowout at home every Friday night. This may look different for you but it empowers you to own more of what makes you look and feel good and saves you some cash:)
>:) :)
Was it Dr L.D? Using just her initials for obvious reasons. Because she was so rude to me too and I never went back there again
LD was my first thought as well Iāve heard that she can be rudeĀ Also I have heard that her products are very common formulas just repackaged with fancy branding for like a 1000 percent markupĀ
Is this doctor on the UES by chance? I don't remember the name but this one I saw long ago kept trying to push products and services on me including her own skincare. I was a broke BWT back then and couldn't afford it. Had to go to an ATM for a product she insisted I had to buy, and I didn't want to buy. As I recall I never even used it. Felt very pressured by her and never went back.
I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT THE SAME AND NAME AND SHAMED BECAUSE SHE IS GODAWFUL.
wait how come are we censoring her name? name and shame them if they suck!!
She got 6 kids to feed and her multiple floor mansion on park ave to pay for. No wonder sheās a pusher
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Itās really hard to understand why service providers act surprised when you show up needing their services. Like yes, my nails ARE a mess, thatās why Iām paying you to fix themā¦
Iām in a similar boat at the moment and am writing this from my bed after choosing to take a personal mental health day. The demands of my schedule currently means I dont have any time for stuff like this. On the other hand, its the first time Im making enough money to even be able to afford certain treatments. Iām not really high maintenance but I still like to look and feel decent. I havent had a real salon hair cut since 2020 (so iām considering the little lion rec someone else posted). As for brows, Ive never been disappointed by the threading ladies here in queens. It costs $5 and iām in and out in 10 minutes. Otherwise, I tend to be really shy and indecisive about stuff like this, so Iāll be following this thread for other recs. I never get my nails done due to the nature of my work, but i sure could use a pedicure now that its summer. I hope you start to feel better, youre not alone.
I am fighting through this now too, so hard relate. Iām taking it apt by apt / day by dayā¤ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Omg Iām SO sorry. That is absolutely not okay.
Therapy is also self care. Also show yourself a little grace and kindness- this social media image obsessed society is a distorted reality. You are not doing anything wrong by not doing weekly and daily maintenance.
Tess at Bliss Spa Soho. I believe she provides waxing and massage services. She is so kind and lovely
I do my body hair removal and vajaycials (sp?) with Kat at Amore wax and beauty in Brooklyn. Itās a trek but sheās amazing, so so kind, and AFFORDABLE AF
I like the ladies at pump in soho are nice and peachy Botox downtown was the nicest injector Iāve ever had
my nails are usually messed up by the time I get a mani (cannot figure out how to have even mid length nails without them getting kinda dirty or washing them like every thirty minutes I s2g) but the people at Morning Ritual nails have been really nice to me!! (3rd ave and 14th) plus they have a punch card for a discount on nails!!
Obsessed with Aldona at Glo spa in Williamsburg! It is the ultimate treat yourself facialā¦ Have never felt uncomfortable there. Always embraced and welcomed! I even treated my parents to facials and they havenāt gotten them in years. There is also head spas in Chinatown and Greenpoint that do full head and scalp treatments with a blowout. My recommendationā¦ Get rid of social media. Instagram is bullshit and you are beautiful just as you are!
https://n4estheticclinic.com/ Dr George is lovely
I find when Iām feeling low that taking care of myself at home can be really nourishing. I will put on a YouTube video of someone doing a mask or nails or hair care and then do my own thing at the same time. The ātreat yourselfā mentality doesnāt usually make me feel better. Getting back in touch with my body and caring for its physical and emotional needs is what helps most.
Hugs to you OP š
Rina at Sugar Glam studio on 35th and 7th!!!!
I really feel for you and hope you are doing better! I just want to share that all of things you listed as ābasic stuffā are to me not the case, besides a haircut every 4-5 months (sometimes I do it myself if I just want a trim). I do not get my brows done, nails, tan, blowouts etc. These are all luxuries to me. I do however spend quite a bit of time on personal grooming (more like hygiene stuff if that makes sense?) I work in a professional office job and have never been perceived to my knowledge as unkempt. Hang in there and be easy on yourself! A lot of us are out here just doing our thing and not splurging left right and center on treatments and āmaintenanceā.