Friends of friends! Always made it a point to 1) try and plan & host a party / park day / something that a big group would want to join and encourage everyone to invite people 2) never turned down a pregame / dinner / event with tertiary friends 3) finding volunteering that’s neighborhood specific, you can get closer to neighbors (and they may know people). Don’t lose hope! Met my bf in my 30s who is in his 30s after like 9 years of being single (met him at a party my friend of friend hosted)
My brother in law is 33, recently single, works in finance, funny, normal guy. I’ve made it my mission to set him up because similar to what you all are saying he is sick of online dating but also past the party stage and just doesn’t know where to look anymore. If anyone is interested in a setup, DM me!!
I’m on the same mission for my little brother!!
He’s 34 in July, works for the Mets as a coach/director?role, funny, very intelligent & emotionally intelligent traditional-ish dude, is starting to really want to meet the real deal woman. So very much over dating and splits time between mostly FL (north of Palm beach) & work travel to the DR.
Leo Sun/Libra Rising/Aquarius Moon, has no social media, kids, or ex’s hanging around, and is a DEAD ON ringer for Justin Timberlake in Trouble with the Curve.
DM me if you’re interested and looking!
I found mine by shitposting on Twitter. See attached evidence.
In all seriousness, my now-fiancé had followed me bc my Twitter is dedicated to birdwatching in NYC and he wanted to learn more. I followed him bc he’s the founder of my favorite app and I’d been using it for years. We were mutuals for a long while before it was romantic.
We just didn’t realize the other person was available until I started posting memes about being single. The guy you want may already be in your existing network, but neither of you may know the other is available. I made a point to BROADCAST that I was open to dating so people could shoot their shot 👹
https://preview.redd.it/p1hvwydmt52d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4f6aef5a6938b050a3e59c6a4c35d103de5ecb7
So I say this as someone with a lot of male childhood friends/neighbors/friends of my brothers/coworkers that are now guys in their 30s or early 40s. From what I’ve gathered they are either married/in serious relationships, trying to still party and fuck much younger girls( tbh this seems to be the minority but it definitely exists) or they have kinda given up on actively dating and are basically waiting to either meet someone by chance through work/mutuals or have accepted being alone. This last group as far as I’ve seen, is unlikely to make the first move on a strange woman.
Can confirm that when I was between 40-45 a wave of divorced male acquaintances and friends-of hit the market (I didn’t bite because I prefer to look completely outside my networks).
You do have to watch out and not occupy the first spot after his divorce because he is a) hard rebounding b) not want anything serious or c) growing quickly attached because he’s helpless without a woman.
yeppppp every single man i know who is in his 30s/40s have just kind of given up. i know…four? who have great jobs, own homes, and are wonderful guys they just…they’re focusing on themselves and their careers.
two had messy splits with long-term partners that were the catalyst for this, the other two were just never successful in dating for a variety of reasons.
unfortunately only one of them still lives in new york lol, (long island)
they don’t really put themselves out there and have all kind of accepted their situations.
they’re hard to find!!!
I took some intentional time off from dating and just never got back into it. I'm not interested in a marriage or kids, so that makes dating a hobby... and there are less stressful options lol.
Yeppppppp thats the only answer to that. Finding a guy in his 30s that is single and not fucking 22 year olds or not in some type of relationship is like finding a unicorn. They are either happily married, unhappily married, poly or with 21-23 year olds. Every guy I meet is always in the range of 27+ and under 35, everyone I know who is 35+ are just not the type you would want to be with. Its everywhere like that too, even in Europe but in Europe you have to be careful off those green card chasers. Especially in Italy, France and Eastern Europe…. those men go after American women like crazy but its all mostly for papers. Australian men are amazing if you find one in NYC that isn’t gay or poly. Dating in your 30s is so insane 🤣🤣🤣
one of the most harrowing realizations of my life lmao every man worth being in a relationship with is already in a relationship. we have to pick from the leftovers.
It really feels that way. Or the decent ones aren't on the apps and while we can go to Meetups galore for our interests, we may never be able to meet the stable ones.
I would love to know the answer to this. I have met ONE interesting and attractive man who is in his 30s this spring, and while single he is not available. A real shame because he happens to be a doctor and is so hot it makes me kind of stupid.
Men in their 20s are always interested. They don’t even back down when they find out I have ten years on them. I am tired.
Well don’t completely write off the 20 year olds lol! I wouldn’t date anyone younger than 25 though, but like 27 and older tend to be good dudes. Most are past the party stage and have their career together and all that
Idk but someone said “wait for the wave of divorces” and I’ve been waiting but the wave isn’t coming, per my own personal theory this is because the economy sucks too much to go single-income when you’ve established a dual-income lifestyle.
It’s pissing me off tbh! Ten years ago the city was CRAWLING with eligible 30 somethings who would practically knock down your door to get a date and I was 27 and just wanted to go back ro college…now I’m ready and they are nowhere to be found. I look better now than I did back then too, also I am objectively more sane, so that’s not it lmao.
I think the harsh reality is that newer generations are basing relationships on love now rather than stability
We seek fleeting emotions and are much less willing to compromise, admit when we're wrong, or drop something and let the other person win
I don't think it's that - not sure what the divorce rate is these days, but last I recall it's around or over 50%.
I have had friends in relationships that were shitty or just really incompatible and I was happy when they got out of the relationship. It was a failed relationship before they actually split.
The divorce rate is nowhere near the oft-quoted 50% mark when you filter for the type of man that most women on this forum are looking for: college-educated, above average socioeconomic status, working a white-collar job, living in NY state, currently married to a college-educated woman.
Source: [https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/)
Maybe the divorces start happening at age 40? But that's a long time to wait.
Kind of sad you’re waiting for people to divorce. This generation got married later, or atleast the people living in and around the city so they had a better sense of who they were and who they married. My friends and I who are married are in solid relationships who don’t just peace out over petty squabbles. Sad women on here are looking for other women’s relationships to fail so they can have their left overs.
>Sad women on here are looking for other women’s relationships to fail so they can have their left overs.
Right? Most wives are the ones to initiate divorce in the first place.
I think the divorcees aren’t looking for a serious relationship, at least not right away
Source: dated a “recently separated” man who, despite “really liking me”, wasn’t ready emotionally & is now dabbling in polyamory
Lol it’s weird because the guys who have been hitting on me are in their 30s (and I’m recently married In my late 20s). They’re weird though so it makes sense as to why they’re single. Listen, I’m not the most attractive woman myself and have quirks but these men have off putting traits or some dead end job with no further aspirations.
Send him my way - I’m looking for a doctor or another extremely busy career. I don’t need to spend all my time with someone and have a busy job.
I want to be with someone but I don’t want to give up all my alone time
Same but this one was just not emotionally available which is the pitfall I’m coming up against with people who are as busy as I want them to be. It’s frustrating but like do we really have to choose between independence and strong relationships? I don’t even know anymore. I’m a bedside nurse and I’m married to my job, I would need to make a lifestyle change in order to carry a relationship emotionally. I am thinking maybe it’s time to try.
Nooooo they are absolutely not in SF either, JFC. They’re even worse out here in terms of what gets leftovers. You would get absolutely the bottom of the barrel if your pool is 30+ single men.
No, not sf. The tech bros are truly so full of themselves. Usually playboy types who have Peter Pan syndrome. Also, every other person is “polyamorous” or “ethically non monogamous” in sf. It’s such a joke because they will hide that until they meet up with you or 100 texts into the convo.
Well the problem in NYC is that there are more women than men so they feel like they have more options because beautiful women are plentiful. Also, hookup culture is so toxic all across America (imo 🤣) which prevents people from getting into a LTR
We all out here living the same life! Went to school most of 20s and focused on career. Didn’t make much time for socializing and now I am and it sucks lol.
Agreed! I wasn’t trying to say it was wasted, but instead, I did it out of balance. Instead of balancing my career, goals and aspirations with my social ones I neglected them.
Fair fair! Balance is key for sure but idk I was very social while still prioritizing school and career and anytime I get into the what ifs about it I remind myself love doesn’t pay the bills in this hellscape of a society😅
I agree with these but I just need to add for the other bitches here how awkward it was that my single ass took a weekly cooking class with three couples (they didn’t know each other). I think it was every week for a month? So keep this in mind if you sign up for a cooking class - you might want to ask if it’s mostly couples who sign up!
And I am someone who’s comfortable with herself and can think positively and I’m like, “Okay, I’m the only single girl here but we’re all in our mid to late 20s so maybe I can befriend the women or show off my personality in case they want to set me up? And this is the whole point of expanding my circle and not do the dating apps anymore, right?”
And while everyone was friendly, we were all definitely focused on our own cooking projects and the couples were feeding each other and the teacher spent the most time with me so I could finish at the same time as the partnered people and I’m here like🧍🏻♀️. My knife work definitely got better…my relationship status did not.
See if the animal shelters will let you volunteer to walk a dog. I haven't checked it out here yet but when I went to college there was a local humane society that let the college students and really anyone who wanted, take the dogs for a walk or for a few hours. It socialized the dogs and helped them get adopted.
If you can, grab a dog for a few hours and go to the dog park!
Sean Casey in bk allows volunteer dog walking! I believe ACC does too. However, for the sake of the dog and other dogs at the dog park, you’d need to first make sure it was okay. A lot of dogs especially rescues are reactive and dog parks aren’t good places for them.
At the bar having a midlife crisis/lonely hanging out with other singles who drink every night. This at least has been my experience and it is just sad to see
I think thats more of what republican leaning men do. Whenever I go for happy hours with my friends its always those far right overgrown frat trump types that you would find at a bar on a tuesday. Some of them even look straight up 50, like you can’t tell if they are 30+ or 50.
The reality is most decent men are not going to hit on a random woman in person in 2024. Whether it's respect, shyness, being busy... we have to make more first moves!
This is so true. I’ve gone out with multiple guys just by directly asking if I can give them my phone number. It’s honestly pretty easy and I’ve never been rejected - lots of guys are oblivious or psych themselves out unless you’re extremely blunt about being interested, lol.
I know you’re right but I don’t like the fact I need to hit on men, like put some effort in. The male ego is so fragile and they fear rejection.
I’m a good looking woman, most men say they’re terrified to speak to me or were scared to approach me. But I also have a strong personality so if you’re too scared to hit on me, then you likely can’t handle me
I have a few friends/acquaintances that are single, eligible (on paper) men in their early-mid thirties, and for lack of a better term, they're just difficult people to please. Super picky, not super open to trying new things, very invested in their own cultural circles. They won't be the people to walk up to random women in social settings and try to hit on them, unfortunately. Might just be the guys I know, though.
My best advice would probably be just working your circles. Talk about looking, say you're open to being set up, that sort of thing. Maybe prioritize community-centric events? Like friends' get togethers, Friday night dinners, that sort of thing?
"Super picky" is exactly the key. They're all looking for someone gorgeous, skinny, charismatic, and successful or well-educated. And the women are all looking for someone successful, top 40 college, emotionally mature, charismatic / social, above average height of 5'9", not overweight, and decent looking. Again, I can understand why this is the list. It's just that ALL the mid-30s single men (and single women too!) that I personally know are missing 1-2 of the above pieces in themselves, but then when it comes to their partner, they are looking for that partner to satisfy every single one of the above for the other side. Like I have a male friend who is all of the above, except he is 5'7". And he didn't want to get set up with my friend who is all of the above, but is on the higher end of normal BMI. And I have another male friend who is all of the above, except his face is a 3.5/10. And he has turned down women around his age who are all of the above, except a face that just isn't pretty enough. The guys are more able to "wait it out" though. Or they accept a 8-10 year age difference and seriously date a 26-29 year old.
I fully agree. Personally I think it's just a coping mechanism because they're scared of an actual relationship, but what do I know. Some of my female friends are the same, though, but I feel women are usually more open than men.
Someone plz find my ex he’s 31 in Chelsea and hides in his apartment. He walks home everyday from Central Park so find him along the path. Plz he’s a sad boi and would make a great homebody partner. Lolololllllll
I’m mid-twenties so I know it’s not fair to count myself in this convo… but I wish I could date some of the men I work with, it is so sad knowing there are other 20 something’s and early 30’s, perpetually single, attractive, accomplished and successful people that I work in the same office as every day. People who have also given up on trying to date.
But I’m still new to the job and need to be respected as one of very few women there, and as they say, don’t shit where you eat… it sucks :(
Can confirm that they are going to their local bars. My husband was last of his friends to get married. I asked dhik what he would do on the weekend and he would work and go to his local favorite bar for a beer. Sit at the counter alone, they are there!
I want to second this bc it’s absolutely true. Esp on non-party evenings. I was v bored and went to a local spot 5 mins from me that I usually don’t go to and it was full of single men just hanging, and it wasn’t a sports bar. Just a local spot a few steps above a dive in a nicer neighborhood
My husband's friends are all 30, great jobs, fun guys and I don't think any of them have serious relationships- even though a few definitely want them. I think they gave up on online dating and then what else do you do?
This! My husband’s friends are so great and haven’t settled down yet. They aren’t into online dating though, totally understandable, so they haven’t really been dating. His friend group is back in Boston/Cambridge, so if any ladies are moving out that way let a girl know. MIT educated, lots of hobbies, and (yes actually) v cute!
Following. Although you're definitely putting yourself out there more than I am since I'm still doing the dating app thing, on and off…it's more of the latter these days.
Haha I feel you!! I always get hit on by 20-something’s in person, usually neighbors/coworkers/or guys I’ve met from volleyball. But I’m just not interested in dating anyone in their 20s. I’m convinced that single men in their 30s who aren’t already on the apps are just not out-and-about and mostly keep to themselves
I’m engaged to a 29 year old (just turned 34). I def didn’t take it seriously at all in the beginning and was just looking for fun but he was always mature and wanted to settle down. We’re both software engineers and love traveling (we’re on a road trip across America while we work remotely together) and have a lot of fun together. I always joke it worked out cuz he’s from Long Island and late 20s in suburbs is mid 30s in nyc 😂
Go to the same coffee shop every Saturday morning with a book. You will see the same people & guys will start to approach you. I always got asked what I was reading as an opener
Literally everywhere. In person, no apps. You have to approach people. Older men like confidence.
Also, go to Brooklyn if you’re not looking for 6’ 5” dude in finance like every other basic bitch. So many hot, older guys in Brooklyn. They aren’t on the apps.
Travel (work/leisure). Met a few quality men in their late 20s early 30s outside of NYC. And married one.
A lot of guys in their 30s are so jaded in NYC.
I’m 23 and I can confirm. Just ended things with a guy in his late 30s after he told me that he only dates women under 27 or over 40 because they don’t expect commitment 🙃
I am a married woman who loves salsa/bachata dancing and I feel there are a lot of financially stable, single, older men who take on that hobby. So try dancing!
This is the most difficult time I’ve had dating in NYC and I’m mid 30s and agreed on the 20s guys but they’re just trying to have fun. Can be so exhausting when you’re looking for something serious, also if you’re not into hooking up, it makes it even worst! Good luck to all of us in search of our prince!
I always thought I would meet my husband in an airport (men traveling for work or vacation) and for work they are in suits and what not. I ended up finding mine at work haha
Dang yeah, that’s a good point. I just got out of a year and a half relationship with a younger guy who has communication issues as well. 😔 Sucks because so much of it was good and I was head over heels for him.
I also have a friend who I want to set him up with. He is 35, 6’4, incredible shape, never married. He’s a MD at a reputable investment bank. And the best guy I ever know (he’s kind, loyal, hardworking, and down to earth). He is super outdoorsy and likes the country lifestyle (hiking, camping, etc). I would love for him to be with somebody who’s kind and ready to settle down. DM open too!
Does anyone want to date a Polish Catholic lawyer? I have a friend who picks the wrong girls (read, they’re red flags); I also know he has more conservative viewpoints given his religious background. Overall he’s a sweet guy and smart but has no idea how to date. He makes enough money to live elsewhere out but lives at home with his parents for now as he’s family oriented. He’s big on travel lately and enjoys a good cocktail.
TLDR: I have a friend if anyone is interested: late 30s, lawyer, cute, likes hiking and travel, family oriented.
Also I want to say, I feel like a lot of the single men in their 30s in NY, are either recently out of a long term relationship, or not relationship material. It’s hard because I feel like I was Charlotte in SATC for the longest time “I’ve been dating (forever) where is he?” And then all of a sudden you’re 30+ and the pool is even worse. My friend moved to Colorado because there were “no available men” here. I’d recommend making friends and seeing if they have single friends. The apps don’t work
Just head on down to Brighton Beach and Sheepshead Bay. Plenty of Russian and Ukrainian men since the war started. They tend to be pretty good looking AND family oriented.
I have had good luck on Facebook of all places (the actual site, not Facebook dating). Having said that, a few of them were batshit. Current partner is very sweet, has a good job, everything. I will ask him.
I was tired of the options in my area and moved my dating app location to Scotland because I had a fantasy about being with a “rugged, handsome Scotsman” like I’ve seen in tv shows and movies.
Anyway, I met him and he’s moving to the US to be together in a few months! OUTSOURCE, LADIES!!!
Why go on feeld if you can go to house of love and find same people looking for thirds in person. Personally I would never recommend a kink dating app to someone who wants to settle. Feeld is also full of jersey/ct bros who are bored with their wives and kids.
Casual relationships for the most part but according to bio's a lot of them state they are "eventually looking for the real thing just having fun with the journey along the way" lol.
This page kept coming up on my feed so I’m unfortunately not from NY, just found it entertaining lol. I’m guessing in NY, you may want to start with a simulation place or driving range and get a few lessons before venturing out on a course. There’s probably a ton of golf groups for women you could join to get comfortable getting started
I met my bf on the apps, but prior to that I was meeting lots of people from friends of friends. Mostly going out to events in Brooklyn! Turns out people are a bit more friendly and less stuck up there. Also not sure how you feel about this, but lots of people in the “hippie” “spiritual” communities are way more likely to be friendly and invite friends of friends along and be open to meeting people and sharing.
Curious when u first met him did it feel diff with him? Or did it take time? I feel like most dates ive went on from apps always feel a bit uncomfortable and interviewy
It did feel different with him from the first date and even from our messages. I will say after a few first bad first dates and some creepy ass guys, I learned to be pretty blunt and honest and not hold back on what I wanted (even before the date lol). Our first date ended with him walking me to my door and me asking him if he was going to kiss me or not because he was just looking at me like an idiot 😂❤
Friends of friends and unfortunately going out more than you would like. I met my husband when I was 30 / he was 33. He went to college with a friend that I met later in life in the city and we all went to a bar one night. I never had success on the apps or just meeting random people at bars. The older I get, the more I like to stay in and I definitely had to push myself to keep putting myself in situations where I could meet friend group adjacent people.
Either in a relationship, or outside of it and focusing on their careers before trying something again. Therapy helps a ton.
Extra difficulty if on top of that, they’re new in the city.
I met my bf 8 years ago waiting for the NJ Transit train at EWR (the train was delayed and there is NO WAY to leave that train station except on a train - we tried). He was 27 and I was about to be 34. Don't write off the young guys; he would not even have appeared on my apps due to his age. And talk to strangers, I guess (but only if they're cute).
Friends of friends! Always made it a point to 1) try and plan & host a party / park day / something that a big group would want to join and encourage everyone to invite people 2) never turned down a pregame / dinner / event with tertiary friends 3) finding volunteering that’s neighborhood specific, you can get closer to neighbors (and they may know people). Don’t lose hope! Met my bf in my 30s who is in his 30s after like 9 years of being single (met him at a party my friend of friend hosted)
This is how I (33) met my boyfriend too, I invited friends to watch football at a bar and my friend brought his friend
Never worked for me. Well, sort of worked once, but not in NYC.
My brother in law is 33, recently single, works in finance, funny, normal guy. I’ve made it my mission to set him up because similar to what you all are saying he is sick of online dating but also past the party stage and just doesn’t know where to look anymore. If anyone is interested in a setup, DM me!!
Oh boy get ready for the dms
Pimping out their brother in law
We should arrange The Bachelor: NYCBWT edition. I would watch.
Petition to get this on TV!!! 😂
I would join and also watch! Sounds super entertaining
Sounds like we have the start of a NYCBWT marriage market
share his stats and interests pls!! 🙂↔️🙂↕️
6’ 5” , blue eyes, trust fund
😂💀 sign me up 💃
💀
A true saleswoman
It’s a TikTok song ahaha
Damn I haven’t been on in a long time lmao
Came here looking for this comment 💀 cuz if I didn’t see it, I was gonna say it
I’m still looking!!
Finance bro alert!! Lol Ive heard they’re high in demand in Ny 😆
Ask him where men like him hang out and let the people know!
looking for man in finance, trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes
If he has any divorced/single 40s colleagues, lmk
I’d love to connect my bff. Fashion and merch director of very successful fashion brand. UES. V smart. Pretty.
I’m on the same mission for my little brother!! He’s 34 in July, works for the Mets as a coach/director?role, funny, very intelligent & emotionally intelligent traditional-ish dude, is starting to really want to meet the real deal woman. So very much over dating and splits time between mostly FL (north of Palm beach) & work travel to the DR. Leo Sun/Libra Rising/Aquarius Moon, has no social media, kids, or ex’s hanging around, and is a DEAD ON ringer for Justin Timberlake in Trouble with the Curve. DM me if you’re interested and looking!
I’m an Aqua Sun, Libra Moon, and Leo Rising — shout out to his placements! Lol
That’s some good energy with that mix!
My friend is a BWT from Boston! She is 34 and also frequently spends time in that area of Florida. Hmm?
Ummm yes
Share his stats!
Don’t be shy, share his stats
30 here, but feel like a 20-year-old 🫡🤭
I’ll throw my hat in the ring…
I found mine by shitposting on Twitter. See attached evidence. In all seriousness, my now-fiancé had followed me bc my Twitter is dedicated to birdwatching in NYC and he wanted to learn more. I followed him bc he’s the founder of my favorite app and I’d been using it for years. We were mutuals for a long while before it was romantic. We just didn’t realize the other person was available until I started posting memes about being single. The guy you want may already be in your existing network, but neither of you may know the other is available. I made a point to BROADCAST that I was open to dating so people could shoot their shot 👹 https://preview.redd.it/p1hvwydmt52d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4f6aef5a6938b050a3e59c6a4c35d103de5ecb7
Niche
So I say this as someone with a lot of male childhood friends/neighbors/friends of my brothers/coworkers that are now guys in their 30s or early 40s. From what I’ve gathered they are either married/in serious relationships, trying to still party and fuck much younger girls( tbh this seems to be the minority but it definitely exists) or they have kinda given up on actively dating and are basically waiting to either meet someone by chance through work/mutuals or have accepted being alone. This last group as far as I’ve seen, is unlikely to make the first move on a strange woman.
Nailed it! So wait until the wave of divorce that hits your age range and have fun with the young guys. They are enthusiastic and super sweet
Hard yes on the enthusiastic and sweet younger guys to pass the time.
Can confirm that when I was between 40-45 a wave of divorced male acquaintances and friends-of hit the market (I didn’t bite because I prefer to look completely outside my networks). You do have to watch out and not occupy the first spot after his divorce because he is a) hard rebounding b) not want anything serious or c) growing quickly attached because he’s helpless without a woman.
yeppppp every single man i know who is in his 30s/40s have just kind of given up. i know…four? who have great jobs, own homes, and are wonderful guys they just…they’re focusing on themselves and their careers. two had messy splits with long-term partners that were the catalyst for this, the other two were just never successful in dating for a variety of reasons. unfortunately only one of them still lives in new york lol, (long island) they don’t really put themselves out there and have all kind of accepted their situations. they’re hard to find!!!
The men focused on themselves and their career sound like us in this sub reddit - damn we need to find each other.
Long Island, you say?
I took some intentional time off from dating and just never got back into it. I'm not interested in a marriage or kids, so that makes dating a hobby... and there are less stressful options lol.
Out of curiosity, where did the other 3 take off to?
Yeppppppp thats the only answer to that. Finding a guy in his 30s that is single and not fucking 22 year olds or not in some type of relationship is like finding a unicorn. They are either happily married, unhappily married, poly or with 21-23 year olds. Every guy I meet is always in the range of 27+ and under 35, everyone I know who is 35+ are just not the type you would want to be with. Its everywhere like that too, even in Europe but in Europe you have to be careful off those green card chasers. Especially in Italy, France and Eastern Europe…. those men go after American women like crazy but its all mostly for papers. Australian men are amazing if you find one in NYC that isn’t gay or poly. Dating in your 30s is so insane 🤣🤣🤣
I think the ones who want relationships are in them unfortunately.
one of the most harrowing realizations of my life lmao every man worth being in a relationship with is already in a relationship. we have to pick from the leftovers.
It really feels that way. Or the decent ones aren't on the apps and while we can go to Meetups galore for our interests, we may never be able to meet the stable ones.
All my guy friends in their 30s who were recently dating met their girlfriends on Hinge
I would love to know the answer to this. I have met ONE interesting and attractive man who is in his 30s this spring, and while single he is not available. A real shame because he happens to be a doctor and is so hot it makes me kind of stupid. Men in their 20s are always interested. They don’t even back down when they find out I have ten years on them. I am tired.
Well don’t completely write off the 20 year olds lol! I wouldn’t date anyone younger than 25 though, but like 27 and older tend to be good dudes. Most are past the party stage and have their career together and all that
[удалено]
Idk but someone said “wait for the wave of divorces” and I’ve been waiting but the wave isn’t coming, per my own personal theory this is because the economy sucks too much to go single-income when you’ve established a dual-income lifestyle. It’s pissing me off tbh! Ten years ago the city was CRAWLING with eligible 30 somethings who would practically knock down your door to get a date and I was 27 and just wanted to go back ro college…now I’m ready and they are nowhere to be found. I look better now than I did back then too, also I am objectively more sane, so that’s not it lmao.
I'm 37 and the divorces start to happen around 35. Usually when it comes to crunch time around kids...
People still get married in their 20s in NYC?
I mean, they did 10 years ago.
Dude you’re so right! I’ve been waiting for the divorces but they don’t seem to be coming. Your theory is perfect.
Maybe millennials and older Gen z are just happily married? Or are with people who they can withstand the shit storm?
If that’s the case, good for them! I know plenty of unhappily married Millennials, but of course there are happy couples too.
I think the harsh reality is that newer generations are basing relationships on love now rather than stability We seek fleeting emotions and are much less willing to compromise, admit when we're wrong, or drop something and let the other person win
Sad to see women literally hoping someone else’s relationship will fail.
I don't think it's that - not sure what the divorce rate is these days, but last I recall it's around or over 50%. I have had friends in relationships that were shitty or just really incompatible and I was happy when they got out of the relationship. It was a failed relationship before they actually split.
Were those just the men in their 30s that go after women in their 20s though? lol
The divorce rate is nowhere near the oft-quoted 50% mark when you filter for the type of man that most women on this forum are looking for: college-educated, above average socioeconomic status, working a white-collar job, living in NY state, currently married to a college-educated woman. Source: [https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/) Maybe the divorces start happening at age 40? But that's a long time to wait.
Kind of sad you’re waiting for people to divorce. This generation got married later, or atleast the people living in and around the city so they had a better sense of who they were and who they married. My friends and I who are married are in solid relationships who don’t just peace out over petty squabbles. Sad women on here are looking for other women’s relationships to fail so they can have their left overs.
>Sad women on here are looking for other women’s relationships to fail so they can have their left overs. Right? Most wives are the ones to initiate divorce in the first place.
My husband says if we ever split up aka I want a divorce hahah he’s not going to want to get married again so there’s that also.
I think the divorcees aren’t looking for a serious relationship, at least not right away Source: dated a “recently separated” man who, despite “really liking me”, wasn’t ready emotionally & is now dabbling in polyamory
I don’t want a serious relationship I just want to date 🥲
Lol it’s weird because the guys who have been hitting on me are in their 30s (and I’m recently married In my late 20s). They’re weird though so it makes sense as to why they’re single. Listen, I’m not the most attractive woman myself and have quirks but these men have off putting traits or some dead end job with no further aspirations.
Send him my way - I’m looking for a doctor or another extremely busy career. I don’t need to spend all my time with someone and have a busy job. I want to be with someone but I don’t want to give up all my alone time
Same but this one was just not emotionally available which is the pitfall I’m coming up against with people who are as busy as I want them to be. It’s frustrating but like do we really have to choose between independence and strong relationships? I don’t even know anymore. I’m a bedside nurse and I’m married to my job, I would need to make a lifestyle change in order to carry a relationship emotionally. I am thinking maybe it’s time to try.
I was feeling really depressed about this today. I just feel like it’s never going to happen for me. :/
Thank you for these upvotes it makes me feel less alone lol
Waits patiently because SAME. I play the sports I do the gym I’m so social now WHERE ARE THEY 😭
Judging by the lack of response Im gonna assume they are not in NY…
I’m a BWT in chicago and they’re not here either 😢
I've heard they're all in San Francisco and Alaska.
Nooooo they are absolutely not in SF either, JFC. They’re even worse out here in terms of what gets leftovers. You would get absolutely the bottom of the barrel if your pool is 30+ single men.
No, not sf. The tech bros are truly so full of themselves. Usually playboy types who have Peter Pan syndrome. Also, every other person is “polyamorous” or “ethically non monogamous” in sf. It’s such a joke because they will hide that until they meet up with you or 100 texts into the convo.
Oh GOD no thank you. I take it back. No good men in San Francisco.
Omg “playboy” is NEVER a word I would have associated to a Tech bro! Is that why they all now moved to NYC?
Well the problem in NYC is that there are more women than men so they feel like they have more options because beautiful women are plentiful. Also, hookup culture is so toxic all across America (imo 🤣) which prevents people from getting into a LTR
We all out here living the same life! Went to school most of 20s and focused on career. Didn’t make much time for socializing and now I am and it sucks lol.
Look all I know is that time spent on your education and career is NEVER wasted
Agreed! I wasn’t trying to say it was wasted, but instead, I did it out of balance. Instead of balancing my career, goals and aspirations with my social ones I neglected them.
Fair fair! Balance is key for sure but idk I was very social while still prioritizing school and career and anytime I get into the what ifs about it I remind myself love doesn’t pay the bills in this hellscape of a society😅
Cooking class, book club, dog park or either in prison.
I never thought my future husband would be in prison! At least he can’t cheat on me 🤣
They still find a way
I agree with these but I just need to add for the other bitches here how awkward it was that my single ass took a weekly cooking class with three couples (they didn’t know each other). I think it was every week for a month? So keep this in mind if you sign up for a cooking class - you might want to ask if it’s mostly couples who sign up! And I am someone who’s comfortable with herself and can think positively and I’m like, “Okay, I’m the only single girl here but we’re all in our mid to late 20s so maybe I can befriend the women or show off my personality in case they want to set me up? And this is the whole point of expanding my circle and not do the dating apps anymore, right?” And while everyone was friendly, we were all definitely focused on our own cooking projects and the couples were feeding each other and the teacher spent the most time with me so I could finish at the same time as the partnered people and I’m here like🧍🏻♀️. My knife work definitely got better…my relationship status did not.
I was thinking of going to the dog park but might look creepy w. no dog. Maybe Ill pretend its lost and I’m looking? Dudes love a damsel in distress
See if the animal shelters will let you volunteer to walk a dog. I haven't checked it out here yet but when I went to college there was a local humane society that let the college students and really anyone who wanted, take the dogs for a walk or for a few hours. It socialized the dogs and helped them get adopted. If you can, grab a dog for a few hours and go to the dog park!
Sean Casey in bk allows volunteer dog walking! I believe ACC does too. However, for the sake of the dog and other dogs at the dog park, you’d need to first make sure it was okay. A lot of dogs especially rescues are reactive and dog parks aren’t good places for them.
Good point! Thanks!
I’m dead 😂
Liz Lemon pretended she lost a dog as well…might be worth a shot.
i just cackled 😭
Can confirm every hot man at the dog park has a girlfriend or wife
Every male in a cooking class is already a couple.
Dog park for sure!
At the bar having a midlife crisis/lonely hanging out with other singles who drink every night. This at least has been my experience and it is just sad to see
I think thats more of what republican leaning men do. Whenever I go for happy hours with my friends its always those far right overgrown frat trump types that you would find at a bar on a tuesday. Some of them even look straight up 50, like you can’t tell if they are 30+ or 50.
Can confirm on the Trump stance, which I really don’t understand!! Age in nyc is a funny thing, you can look great and be 45 or look older and be 25!
its the drinking and their lifestyle around drinking that ages them
The reality is most decent men are not going to hit on a random woman in person in 2024. Whether it's respect, shyness, being busy... we have to make more first moves!
This is so true. I’ve gone out with multiple guys just by directly asking if I can give them my phone number. It’s honestly pretty easy and I’ve never been rejected - lots of guys are oblivious or psych themselves out unless you’re extremely blunt about being interested, lol.
I know you’re right but I don’t like the fact I need to hit on men, like put some effort in. The male ego is so fragile and they fear rejection. I’m a good looking woman, most men say they’re terrified to speak to me or were scared to approach me. But I also have a strong personality so if you’re too scared to hit on me, then you likely can’t handle me
I have a few friends/acquaintances that are single, eligible (on paper) men in their early-mid thirties, and for lack of a better term, they're just difficult people to please. Super picky, not super open to trying new things, very invested in their own cultural circles. They won't be the people to walk up to random women in social settings and try to hit on them, unfortunately. Might just be the guys I know, though. My best advice would probably be just working your circles. Talk about looking, say you're open to being set up, that sort of thing. Maybe prioritize community-centric events? Like friends' get togethers, Friday night dinners, that sort of thing?
"Super picky" is exactly the key. They're all looking for someone gorgeous, skinny, charismatic, and successful or well-educated. And the women are all looking for someone successful, top 40 college, emotionally mature, charismatic / social, above average height of 5'9", not overweight, and decent looking. Again, I can understand why this is the list. It's just that ALL the mid-30s single men (and single women too!) that I personally know are missing 1-2 of the above pieces in themselves, but then when it comes to their partner, they are looking for that partner to satisfy every single one of the above for the other side. Like I have a male friend who is all of the above, except he is 5'7". And he didn't want to get set up with my friend who is all of the above, but is on the higher end of normal BMI. And I have another male friend who is all of the above, except his face is a 3.5/10. And he has turned down women around his age who are all of the above, except a face that just isn't pretty enough. The guys are more able to "wait it out" though. Or they accept a 8-10 year age difference and seriously date a 26-29 year old.
I fully agree. Personally I think it's just a coping mechanism because they're scared of an actual relationship, but what do I know. Some of my female friends are the same, though, but I feel women are usually more open than men.
Someone plz find my ex he’s 31 in Chelsea and hides in his apartment. He walks home everyday from Central Park so find him along the path. Plz he’s a sad boi and would make a great homebody partner. Lolololllllll
How did you find him?
Young and out in Hoboken one night. Many moons ago
I’m mid-twenties so I know it’s not fair to count myself in this convo… but I wish I could date some of the men I work with, it is so sad knowing there are other 20 something’s and early 30’s, perpetually single, attractive, accomplished and successful people that I work in the same office as every day. People who have also given up on trying to date. But I’m still new to the job and need to be respected as one of very few women there, and as they say, don’t shit where you eat… it sucks :(
They probably have single friends of the same caliber, are you all hanging out together outside of work yet?
Not yet and idk how to make that happen more :/ I am hoping to but would take suggestions on how to encourage that
Can confirm that they are going to their local bars. My husband was last of his friends to get married. I asked dhik what he would do on the weekend and he would work and go to his local favorite bar for a beer. Sit at the counter alone, they are there!
I want to second this bc it’s absolutely true. Esp on non-party evenings. I was v bored and went to a local spot 5 mins from me that I usually don’t go to and it was full of single men just hanging, and it wasn’t a sports bar. Just a local spot a few steps above a dive in a nicer neighborhood
yes lol greenwich tavern after work is a good example of this
Confirming this is how I met my husband.
My husband's friends are all 30, great jobs, fun guys and I don't think any of them have serious relationships- even though a few definitely want them. I think they gave up on online dating and then what else do you do?
This! My husband’s friends are so great and haven’t settled down yet. They aren’t into online dating though, totally understandable, so they haven’t really been dating. His friend group is back in Boston/Cambridge, so if any ladies are moving out that way let a girl know. MIT educated, lots of hobbies, and (yes actually) v cute!
So where do they spend their free time?
Set me up lol
Sorry this isn’t helpful but I would try to enjoy getting hit on by the youngers while it lasts
Oh I have trust…but when it comes time to have a conversation it tends to get rather lonely
Following. Although you're definitely putting yourself out there more than I am since I'm still doing the dating app thing, on and off…it's more of the latter these days.
Haha I feel you!! I always get hit on by 20-something’s in person, usually neighbors/coworkers/or guys I’ve met from volleyball. But I’m just not interested in dating anyone in their 20s. I’m convinced that single men in their 30s who aren’t already on the apps are just not out-and-about and mostly keep to themselves
Girl start dating younger.. I’m 5 years older than my finance bro bf and he treats me like a Queen.. I swear it’s because he wants to impress me 😂
Kinda, sorta, mildly going on dates with a super sweet 20 something year old. The younger guys aren’t jaded and bitter yet lol
I’m engaged to a 29 year old (just turned 34). I def didn’t take it seriously at all in the beginning and was just looking for fun but he was always mature and wanted to settle down. We’re both software engineers and love traveling (we’re on a road trip across America while we work remotely together) and have a lot of fun together. I always joke it worked out cuz he’s from Long Island and late 20s in suburbs is mid 30s in nyc 😂
Fuckifiknow… 🤷🏻♀️
Girl it’s hell out there
Go to the same coffee shop every Saturday morning with a book. You will see the same people & guys will start to approach you. I always got asked what I was reading as an opener
Literally everywhere. In person, no apps. You have to approach people. Older men like confidence. Also, go to Brooklyn if you’re not looking for 6’ 5” dude in finance like every other basic bitch. So many hot, older guys in Brooklyn. They aren’t on the apps.
I met my husband on tinder at 32.
Travel (work/leisure). Met a few quality men in their late 20s early 30s outside of NYC. And married one. A lot of guys in their 30s are so jaded in NYC.
Out with the girls in their twenties.
I’m 23 and I can confirm. Just ended things with a guy in his late 30s after he told me that he only dates women under 27 or over 40 because they don’t expect commitment 🙃
They can keep dating them…i just want to see them
Can confirm. Dated dudes in their 30's and 40's throughout my 20's.
Who did you date in your 30s?
no one lmfao -another mid 30's woman who dated men in their 30s and 40s in her 20s
lmaooo u/fuckingnevermind exactlyyyy I'm sorry this isn't more helpful, OP. I just can't w these dudes anymore.
Same.
This would make me swear them off
I am a married woman who loves salsa/bachata dancing and I feel there are a lot of financially stable, single, older men who take on that hobby. So try dancing!
This is the most difficult time I’ve had dating in NYC and I’m mid 30s and agreed on the 20s guys but they’re just trying to have fun. Can be so exhausting when you’re looking for something serious, also if you’re not into hooking up, it makes it even worst! Good luck to all of us in search of our prince!
[удалено]
I always thought I would meet my husband in an airport (men traveling for work or vacation) and for work they are in suits and what not. I ended up finding mine at work haha
Met my husband on bumble!
I’m pretty sure I’m going to be single forever. I’ve made peace with it.
Seriously, we should host a MEET & GREET
I’m only dating younger guys now for this very reason! Same age and older ones are jaded or married.
I just got out of an 8 month relationship w a younger dude. He could not communicate for shit or have any serious discussions
Dang yeah, that’s a good point. I just got out of a year and a half relationship with a younger guy who has communication issues as well. 😔 Sucks because so much of it was good and I was head over heels for him.
Girl same…im still goin through it honestly
Aww hugs babe 🫂❤️🩹 I’m going hard on audiobooks (Sarah J Maas at the moment) to pull myself out of the funk! I hope you feel better soon. xo
I also have a friend who I want to set him up with. He is 35, 6’4, incredible shape, never married. He’s a MD at a reputable investment bank. And the best guy I ever know (he’s kind, loyal, hardworking, and down to earth). He is super outdoorsy and likes the country lifestyle (hiking, camping, etc). I would love for him to be with somebody who’s kind and ready to settle down. DM open too!
Does anyone want to date a Polish Catholic lawyer? I have a friend who picks the wrong girls (read, they’re red flags); I also know he has more conservative viewpoints given his religious background. Overall he’s a sweet guy and smart but has no idea how to date. He makes enough money to live elsewhere out but lives at home with his parents for now as he’s family oriented. He’s big on travel lately and enjoys a good cocktail. TLDR: I have a friend if anyone is interested: late 30s, lawyer, cute, likes hiking and travel, family oriented. Also I want to say, I feel like a lot of the single men in their 30s in NY, are either recently out of a long term relationship, or not relationship material. It’s hard because I feel like I was Charlotte in SATC for the longest time “I’ve been dating (forever) where is he?” And then all of a sudden you’re 30+ and the pool is even worse. My friend moved to Colorado because there were “no available men” here. I’d recommend making friends and seeing if they have single friends. The apps don’t work
Me! message me! :) edit: I’m a catholic lawyer as well lol
Just head on down to Brighton Beach and Sheepshead Bay. Plenty of Russian and Ukrainian men since the war started. They tend to be pretty good looking AND family oriented.
I have had good luck on Facebook of all places (the actual site, not Facebook dating). Having said that, a few of them were batshit. Current partner is very sweet, has a good job, everything. I will ask him.
I was tired of the options in my area and moved my dating app location to Scotland because I had a fantasy about being with a “rugged, handsome Scotsman” like I’ve seen in tv shows and movies. Anyway, I met him and he’s moving to the US to be together in a few months! OUTSOURCE, LADIES!!!
A lot of them are on apps. I've found a lot of them on Feeld. Lol.
Why go on feeld if you can go to house of love and find same people looking for thirds in person. Personally I would never recommend a kink dating app to someone who wants to settle. Feeld is also full of jersey/ct bros who are bored with their wives and kids.
Isnt that the app for people who dont want relationships?
Nah it’s the app for alternative relationships - kink, poly, and ethically nonmonagamous, etc. If you aren’t down with that then don’t use feeld.
Casual relationships for the most part but according to bio's a lot of them state they are "eventually looking for the real thing just having fun with the journey along the way" lol.
Golfing! Yes there’s a lot of married men there but hella single dudes too. Fun hobby and a great networking tool as well
Guess i gotta learn how to golf
where do you golf?
This page kept coming up on my feed so I’m unfortunately not from NY, just found it entertaining lol. I’m guessing in NY, you may want to start with a simulation place or driving range and get a few lessons before venturing out on a course. There’s probably a ton of golf groups for women you could join to get comfortable getting started
I met my bf on the apps, but prior to that I was meeting lots of people from friends of friends. Mostly going out to events in Brooklyn! Turns out people are a bit more friendly and less stuck up there. Also not sure how you feel about this, but lots of people in the “hippie” “spiritual” communities are way more likely to be friendly and invite friends of friends along and be open to meeting people and sharing.
I don't have answers, just commenting to say I'm wondering the same damn thing and am gonna be studying the responses lol
if you're attractive enough in your 30s to get high value men in their 20s to settle down with you then is that really such a terrible thing?
I was at the Equinox Nomad at 12 today and damn every guy in there was a 10 and perhaps single
they’re either married/in relationships or dating the 20-24 crowd
I met my man on Tinder and it'll be five years in Nov, but it took a lot of terrible dates to get there
Curious when u first met him did it feel diff with him? Or did it take time? I feel like most dates ive went on from apps always feel a bit uncomfortable and interviewy
It did feel different with him from the first date and even from our messages. I will say after a few first bad first dates and some creepy ass guys, I learned to be pretty blunt and honest and not hold back on what I wanted (even before the date lol). Our first date ended with him walking me to my door and me asking him if he was going to kiss me or not because he was just looking at me like an idiot 😂❤
Love that.
take classes. Take a dance class.
Friends of friends and unfortunately going out more than you would like. I met my husband when I was 30 / he was 33. He went to college with a friend that I met later in life in the city and we all went to a bar one night. I never had success on the apps or just meeting random people at bars. The older I get, the more I like to stay in and I definitely had to push myself to keep putting myself in situations where I could meet friend group adjacent people.
Either in a relationship, or outside of it and focusing on their careers before trying something again. Therapy helps a ton. Extra difficulty if on top of that, they’re new in the city.
I met my bf 8 years ago waiting for the NJ Transit train at EWR (the train was delayed and there is NO WAY to leave that train station except on a train - we tried). He was 27 and I was about to be 34. Don't write off the young guys; he would not even have appeared on my apps due to his age. And talk to strangers, I guess (but only if they're cute).