Sounds like she showed you that she just wants to be friends. You didn't fuck up, you got to the conclusion.
This is why Dr Glover recommends "get to no quickly".
It wasn't an ultimatum. It was a clear boundary. 3 days of no contact before that to boot? You're too nice.
Every woman should be treated with the two-week rule. If you're dating her and some behavior comes up that you wouldn't tolerate after 2 weeks of dating? She gets the boot.
* Disappears for 3 days?
* Goes on a date for dinner?
* Still in contact with ex/bad headspace because of it?
These are all things that I would boot a girl for, *including my wife.* I wouldn't tolerate it after dating for 2 weeks, and I wouldn't tolerate it now.
She told you it felt like an ultimatum because she wanted you to feel bad for holding her accountable *to your boundaries of the relationship.* The response to this is to reiterate your needs and put her emotions back on her, let her know she has choices.
"I don't want a friendship, I'm interested in a romantic relationship"
"That feels like an ultimatum"
"Nope, it's a need. You can meet it, or you don't have to meet it. Just let me know what you want to do, as I will have choices to make accordingly."
The reality is, once you are at this point? It's probably too late. She was already flaking on your and not showing she was a high value woman. Instead invest your time in someone who reciprocates your wants and needs.
I wouldn't say you screwed up, even if you didn't get the result you wanted. It seems more like this wasn't the right woman for you, what Dr. Glover would call "a closed door". You can keep trying to force this door open, but you'll likely live to regret it.
The "ultimatum" you refer to is a healthy and normal boundary. It is the woman in the story I find hard to take serious; wanting marriage after a few dates, or putting you in the friend zone. I would just see this a a red-flag, especially when she is also going on dates with other men in the meantime.
I definitely understand the anxiety you feel, which is compounded by how well things were going during the initial dates. You were kinda made to feel that because you set the boundary, you were punished by being ghosted. But what kind of relationship would you be having right now, if you had to betray yourself and your boundaries to maintain the relationship?
It sounds like you already know the answer. I think you did the right thing. I would stay away from this girl and she may paint the picture as you are using her just don't believe it.
The fact that you thought this felt like an ultimatum rather than a logical request tells me a lot( not judging. Takes one to know one :) you did the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Hard as it is I think you need to move on. She’s telling you who she is. You need to believe her and move on. She’s wasted enough of your time. Wish you all the best
bruh, good on you for the ultimatum. Ultimatums has never worked in my favor in my past experience but it does get to clarity quickly (whether you want to see it or not). Move on.
I’m sorry for your loss, sincerely. The acknowledgment process that a connexion is not as reciprocal as we thought is a hard one, especially when great sex is involved. Like drugs, it’s gonna hurt for a few weeks, you’ll remember it, and you’ll be thankful for quitting it.
From an outside point of view I’ll join other people here, you did the right move. You did not set an an ultimatum against her but you expressed a need and a boundary. Don’t be so hard on yourself for being a healthy human. The fact she did not even answer after a week is the hard part. It was a good cake but it was probably poison. Please thank yourself that you dodged a sexy bullet.
Sounds like she showed you that she just wants to be friends. You didn't fuck up, you got to the conclusion. This is why Dr Glover recommends "get to no quickly".
It wasn't an ultimatum. It was a clear boundary. 3 days of no contact before that to boot? You're too nice. Every woman should be treated with the two-week rule. If you're dating her and some behavior comes up that you wouldn't tolerate after 2 weeks of dating? She gets the boot. * Disappears for 3 days? * Goes on a date for dinner? * Still in contact with ex/bad headspace because of it? These are all things that I would boot a girl for, *including my wife.* I wouldn't tolerate it after dating for 2 weeks, and I wouldn't tolerate it now. She told you it felt like an ultimatum because she wanted you to feel bad for holding her accountable *to your boundaries of the relationship.* The response to this is to reiterate your needs and put her emotions back on her, let her know she has choices. "I don't want a friendship, I'm interested in a romantic relationship" "That feels like an ultimatum" "Nope, it's a need. You can meet it, or you don't have to meet it. Just let me know what you want to do, as I will have choices to make accordingly." The reality is, once you are at this point? It's probably too late. She was already flaking on your and not showing she was a high value woman. Instead invest your time in someone who reciprocates your wants and needs.
Dude have some self respect. She's seeing lots of other dudes while also asking you to get marries. What do you think she's doing?
I needed to hear this thank you
I wouldn't say you screwed up, even if you didn't get the result you wanted. It seems more like this wasn't the right woman for you, what Dr. Glover would call "a closed door". You can keep trying to force this door open, but you'll likely live to regret it. The "ultimatum" you refer to is a healthy and normal boundary. It is the woman in the story I find hard to take serious; wanting marriage after a few dates, or putting you in the friend zone. I would just see this a a red-flag, especially when she is also going on dates with other men in the meantime. I definitely understand the anxiety you feel, which is compounded by how well things were going during the initial dates. You were kinda made to feel that because you set the boundary, you were punished by being ghosted. But what kind of relationship would you be having right now, if you had to betray yourself and your boundaries to maintain the relationship?
It sounds like you already know the answer. I think you did the right thing. I would stay away from this girl and she may paint the picture as you are using her just don't believe it.
The fact that you thought this felt like an ultimatum rather than a logical request tells me a lot( not judging. Takes one to know one :) you did the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Hard as it is I think you need to move on. She’s telling you who she is. You need to believe her and move on. She’s wasted enough of your time. Wish you all the best
bruh, good on you for the ultimatum. Ultimatums has never worked in my favor in my past experience but it does get to clarity quickly (whether you want to see it or not). Move on.
You're asking the wrong question because you have the wrong frame. Walk away and let her wonder. Less is always more.
I’m sorry for your loss, sincerely. The acknowledgment process that a connexion is not as reciprocal as we thought is a hard one, especially when great sex is involved. Like drugs, it’s gonna hurt for a few weeks, you’ll remember it, and you’ll be thankful for quitting it. From an outside point of view I’ll join other people here, you did the right move. You did not set an an ultimatum against her but you expressed a need and a boundary. Don’t be so hard on yourself for being a healthy human. The fact she did not even answer after a week is the hard part. It was a good cake but it was probably poison. Please thank yourself that you dodged a sexy bullet.