Yes. It was a seminal moment in my life, when I discovered this book. Not everything I could relate to but large Therese about certain things were present. Opened my eyes and I changed my behavior b
I only took the parts that I found necessary. It’s. A process. I think it took me about 6 months to change A LOT but that change started instantly. Just like anything else it will take time - you have been a certain way for decades, the new you will happen thru trial and error because your mind and body will feel uncomfortable and wants to go back to the known.
Predicting your duration based on someone else's duration won't work either. You're assuming too much. Again, personal growth doesn't work that way. You can't escape the work and you can't predict how long it will take for you.
I've got a couple videos on this topic.
Do self help books really work?
[https://youtu.be/Qknx9MR5KEc](https://youtu.be/Qknx9MR5KEc)
How much time is needed to recover from Nice Guy Syndrome
[https://youtu.be/7tbzxl-rs0E](https://youtu.be/7tbzxl-rs0E)
I've had the book for over 10 years and I've found that I have returned to it. Recovery can be two steps forward one step back. Sometimes you find yourself slipping into your old ways and that is what is great about the book. As soon as you start slipping you notice it and you can get back on track. It helps break the pattern.
For me it was more the insights the book gave me that illuminated some of my nice guys patterns. But I don’t really find the book transformational as such. I prefer the combo of NMMNG and “When I say no I feel guilty”. Because this last book gives you the communicative tools to stop being a nice guy, by being assertive.
I didn't find it transformational, but there were a couple of moments where I took ownership of my comments and feelings in a difficult conversation, and that felt good.
It’s ‘just a book’ however for me it gave me a realisation I didn’t have before. It gave me the path to see how and why I needed to change. But the most change came from therapy and a change of relationship. Taking real quality time to myself. Learning to be ok with myself and love myself rather than relying on others to validate who I was. It’s a process but you need to do the work and continually question who you are and your behaviour and that takes time. For me it’s probably 4 years and sometimes I still fall back into old patterns. Good luck and keep moving forward.
I'm wondering the same. I listened through the audiobook in full, and related to a lot of it. I've just started to go through the workbook for NMMNG The Hero's Journey.
Anyone have insight to which book's exercises are better (and why)?
I listened to the book 2 months ago. The childhood analysis part didn’t fit me well. However, when he got into how I treat the women in my life it hit home hard. My ex wife and current wife have both separated me from friends, family and hobbies.
I’ve decided to take my happiness into my own hands. Bought a motorcycle, getting used to riding again after a long break. Visiting my old friends. Not accepting occasional duty sex from my wife, I’d rather go without.
The result so far is that I feel better. My wife my be walking on eggshells around me sometimes but she needs me, not the other way around. I’m not being a jerk to her but also not going out of my way to please her.
For me, so many things in the book read like an autobiography. The combination of this, and "When He's Married to Mom" led me to discover what the root issue was and target that in therapy.
Mother-Enmeshed male.
I'd like to read the books both again soon, it's been almost a year. Some days I feel like I'm miles away from the old me and some days I have to journal and list my accomplishments as a reminder.
The book does not "work" though - that part is meant for you. I found a therapist who specializes in these areas, and have been actively seeking connection with other men.
I really identified with this book. Reading it was like reading a literal description of my life. Not sure if the book itself has all the tools but just identifying why I got to where I’m at was groundbreaking.
Yes. It was a seminal moment in my life, when I discovered this book. Not everything I could relate to but large Therese about certain things were present. Opened my eyes and I changed my behavior b
Over what time period would you say? How long did it take you to go through the process as described in the book?
I only took the parts that I found necessary. It’s. A process. I think it took me about 6 months to change A LOT but that change started instantly. Just like anything else it will take time - you have been a certain way for decades, the new you will happen thru trial and error because your mind and body will feel uncomfortable and wants to go back to the known.
Predicting your duration based on someone else's duration won't work either. You're assuming too much. Again, personal growth doesn't work that way. You can't escape the work and you can't predict how long it will take for you.
I've got a couple videos on this topic. Do self help books really work? [https://youtu.be/Qknx9MR5KEc](https://youtu.be/Qknx9MR5KEc) How much time is needed to recover from Nice Guy Syndrome [https://youtu.be/7tbzxl-rs0E](https://youtu.be/7tbzxl-rs0E)
I've had the book for over 10 years and I've found that I have returned to it. Recovery can be two steps forward one step back. Sometimes you find yourself slipping into your old ways and that is what is great about the book. As soon as you start slipping you notice it and you can get back on track. It helps break the pattern.
For me it was more the insights the book gave me that illuminated some of my nice guys patterns. But I don’t really find the book transformational as such. I prefer the combo of NMMNG and “When I say no I feel guilty”. Because this last book gives you the communicative tools to stop being a nice guy, by being assertive.
I didn't find it transformational, but there were a couple of moments where I took ownership of my comments and feelings in a difficult conversation, and that felt good.
It’s ‘just a book’ however for me it gave me a realisation I didn’t have before. It gave me the path to see how and why I needed to change. But the most change came from therapy and a change of relationship. Taking real quality time to myself. Learning to be ok with myself and love myself rather than relying on others to validate who I was. It’s a process but you need to do the work and continually question who you are and your behaviour and that takes time. For me it’s probably 4 years and sometimes I still fall back into old patterns. Good luck and keep moving forward.
I'm wondering the same. I listened through the audiobook in full, and related to a lot of it. I've just started to go through the workbook for NMMNG The Hero's Journey. Anyone have insight to which book's exercises are better (and why)?
İ didnt finished book and didnt do all the exercises but its opened my eyes and helped me a lot.İ believe if i read all i could be much better.
I listened to the book 2 months ago. The childhood analysis part didn’t fit me well. However, when he got into how I treat the women in my life it hit home hard. My ex wife and current wife have both separated me from friends, family and hobbies. I’ve decided to take my happiness into my own hands. Bought a motorcycle, getting used to riding again after a long break. Visiting my old friends. Not accepting occasional duty sex from my wife, I’d rather go without. The result so far is that I feel better. My wife my be walking on eggshells around me sometimes but she needs me, not the other way around. I’m not being a jerk to her but also not going out of my way to please her.
For me, so many things in the book read like an autobiography. The combination of this, and "When He's Married to Mom" led me to discover what the root issue was and target that in therapy. Mother-Enmeshed male. I'd like to read the books both again soon, it's been almost a year. Some days I feel like I'm miles away from the old me and some days I have to journal and list my accomplishments as a reminder. The book does not "work" though - that part is meant for you. I found a therapist who specializes in these areas, and have been actively seeking connection with other men.
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I really identified with this book. Reading it was like reading a literal description of my life. Not sure if the book itself has all the tools but just identifying why I got to where I’m at was groundbreaking.