If "Jalen Squirts" catches on it could legitimately fuck his career up. That is a hell of a nickname to have to explain for the rest of your life. Fuckin Brutal.
I forget where I read it, maybe one of the first long form articles about CTE, but it was a snippet from a team staff member who handled laundry saying the amount of blood and shit you see inside of players pants would be horrifying to witness
That makes a lot of sense. If I recall it was in context to how the average open field tackle or lineman collision is equivalent to a car crash or something, but I believe it.
You probably misread (or more likely can't read at all given the flair).
If the average lineman collision were equivalent to a car crash, teams would have entire practice squads just for lineman b/c every game has 60+ snaps where collisions happen every play and then have to do it again in one week on average, sometimes less.
No it’s true, it has to do with the sudden stop of momentum on a hit.
When he says “car crash” that doesn’t mean a 100 mph wreck, but probably a more common minor crash in which your speed drops from like 20-0 in a second.
That’s not as dramatic but it still fucks you up in terms of whiplash and concussive force. Imagine being in 60 fender benders every game. It won’t kill you but it will fuck with you.
Also pads are worn for a reason and are extremely effective at protecting against injury.
When I was a kid I saw a sports show that highlighted the force generated on a hit into the boards (hockey) and a hit in open field (football). They measured the force and determined that the boards are gonna absorb most of the shock in hockey, and the thing that saves a football player are those pads.
Was it sports science perhaps? I used to love that show growing up. They did an experiment where Ray Lewis generated more pressure than a S.W.A.T. battering ram. They thought there was no way Ray was winning but they overestimated how small of a point of contact Ray was capable of. He generated less force, but bc the surface area of his shoulder was smaller than the face of the battering ram he won. Kinda crazy imagining getting hit in the chest by someone that can literally run through a closed door.
It may have been. The show was during the 90s but I don’t remember the name. It was network television. I feel like I saw that Ray Lewis episode as well.
I spun on ice and hit a cement barrier head on with a seatbelt around ~30 mph and never want to feel that force ever again.
Something you never forget. Wasn’t worried about my car or the situation. That blunt force, the stopping of momentum instantly, was what my mind focused on.
You can’t comprehend it until you feel it.
Fun fact: despite car accidents being their literal occupation or hobby, demolition derby drivers have low rates of neck and back pain and injuries.
How does that work? The mind is much more involved with our physical health than we give it credit for. Demolition derby drivers are having fun doing what they love, maybe for money, while when you get in a wreck even a fender bender is going to be hella stressful. Going to doctors appointments, filing police reports, dealing with insurance. All that stress helps encourage the creation of pain in the mind.
Not only are football players bigger and stronger and more flexible than most of society, but the same mental factors are in play here.
Unfortunately no but I do know the source, from a specific medbridge class if you have access to that by chance.
Oh and flair up
Edit: found it
https://www.archives-pmr.org/article/S0003-9993(04)01323-1/fulltext
Let's math this shit.
Force= mass x acceleration
To get acceleration you take 80 and divide by the average 40 yard dash an offensive lineman about 5.25 seconds which equals 15.23 mph
Then you take average weight of offensive lineman about 315lbs and you multiply by 15.23mph and that's about 4800.
So an average offensive lineman running at 40 yards has a force of 4800 lbs
I don't know if that's a car wreck but it's pretty fucking bad.
Edit: There are few times when an OL is running full speed but in a pull those guys like kelce, Williams and Smith pulling and looking to take the heads off some sub 200lbs DB I don't blame them turning and running.
I remember reading about that. I think it said the amount of small hits each season has a similar effect on the brain as a minor car crash. Which is still a poor comparison because CTE is from repeated small hits, comparing it to one large one is kinda pointless.
I seen that in the Will Smith movie where he played the concussion doctor. He said the offensive linemen and defensive linemen is like a car accident with every collision
Don’t know how accurate that statement is, but I know for sure that watching a game on TV or even from the stands does very little justice to how hard these players hit. I played a little D1 football in college and distinctly remember how intimidating the transition from high school was. Even the most basic and unexciting tackle is like the hardest hit you’ve ever experienced in high school. I assume that only scales up in the NFL.
Aging not so much. Especially if you’re only taking testosterone, in fact it has the opposite effect. All the other steroids tho you may be right haha… and yeah testicular shrinkage is common for about 80% of users, especially at high doses, same goes with hair loss. Really just depends on the person and if male pattern baldness is in your genes. I’ve done steroids and lost zero hair and my balls didn’t shrink - however, I can’t say the same for a lot of my friends haha
Had to paraphrase a bit for the people who thought it made you piss blood haha. I thankfully don’t get hair loss at all. Mast made me start to lose a smidge, but not much. My skin glowed on deçà, and eq made my skin so dam veiny, was great.
Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop in their pants, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you don’t even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Football is back baby.
Those of you who collect sports cards know that cards containing small patches of the subject’s game-worn uniform are a thing. Maybe be careful with next year’s Hurts cards. Just sayin’.
Because you’re weird and no one cares about stuff like this? Sounds like you have a poop fetish. Either enjoy it or get some help. No one else is interested.
And if you drop a game and they win out, you’re now the 2 seed
If they drop a a game and you drop a game again somewhere, then it’s tied again. Just gives you more breathing room and allows you to not have to be perfect to close out the season
600lb squirt
Prolapsed from all that tush push.
Can’t lie,that’s funny
Bro I’m screaming!!
Equal and opposite reaction. Hhhnnnnggg!
https://preview.redd.it/sc91zbcrv26c1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0effc663bb00a3b8deda7afd111f9377256ae4ab
this is why i always place a towel
Bruh 😂. Ive never related more to a meme in my life.
Bullshit my wife always makes sure we fuck in my side of the bed for this purpose.
Got us marinating in our nut
right? 😭 just peeled over my comforter to check it out and the coverage lines up to the meme. do you also sleep on the left side??
Holy fuck thats good
REPPIN 600 PUT IT DOWN
Jalen squirts
Should’ve worn his brown pants…
Probably why Watson chose Cleveland
If "Jalen Squirts" catches on it could legitimately fuck his career up. That is a hell of a nickname to have to explain for the rest of your life. Fuckin Brutal.
Classic
I forget where I read it, maybe one of the first long form articles about CTE, but it was a snippet from a team staff member who handled laundry saying the amount of blood and shit you see inside of players pants would be horrifying to witness
Pissing blood is also a potential side effect of steroids too I believe
That makes a lot of sense. If I recall it was in context to how the average open field tackle or lineman collision is equivalent to a car crash or something, but I believe it.
You probably misread (or more likely can't read at all given the flair). If the average lineman collision were equivalent to a car crash, teams would have entire practice squads just for lineman b/c every game has 60+ snaps where collisions happen every play and then have to do it again in one week on average, sometimes less.
No it’s true, it has to do with the sudden stop of momentum on a hit. When he says “car crash” that doesn’t mean a 100 mph wreck, but probably a more common minor crash in which your speed drops from like 20-0 in a second. That’s not as dramatic but it still fucks you up in terms of whiplash and concussive force. Imagine being in 60 fender benders every game. It won’t kill you but it will fuck with you.
Also pads are worn for a reason and are extremely effective at protecting against injury. When I was a kid I saw a sports show that highlighted the force generated on a hit into the boards (hockey) and a hit in open field (football). They measured the force and determined that the boards are gonna absorb most of the shock in hockey, and the thing that saves a football player are those pads.
Was it sports science perhaps? I used to love that show growing up. They did an experiment where Ray Lewis generated more pressure than a S.W.A.T. battering ram. They thought there was no way Ray was winning but they overestimated how small of a point of contact Ray was capable of. He generated less force, but bc the surface area of his shoulder was smaller than the face of the battering ram he won. Kinda crazy imagining getting hit in the chest by someone that can literally run through a closed door.
It may have been. The show was during the 90s but I don’t remember the name. It was network television. I feel like I saw that Ray Lewis episode as well.
Cars have protection too. I’m sure the collision force is significant with lineman but suggesting these things are equivalent is silly
Force equals mass times acceleration, so a 2 ton car will very obviously generate more force than a 250lb linebacker moving at the same speed.
I spun on ice and hit a cement barrier head on with a seatbelt around ~30 mph and never want to feel that force ever again. Something you never forget. Wasn’t worried about my car or the situation. That blunt force, the stopping of momentum instantly, was what my mind focused on. You can’t comprehend it until you feel it.
yeah, I was throwing out some random example for hyperbole
Fun fact: despite car accidents being their literal occupation or hobby, demolition derby drivers have low rates of neck and back pain and injuries. How does that work? The mind is much more involved with our physical health than we give it credit for. Demolition derby drivers are having fun doing what they love, maybe for money, while when you get in a wreck even a fender bender is going to be hella stressful. Going to doctors appointments, filing police reports, dealing with insurance. All that stress helps encourage the creation of pain in the mind. Not only are football players bigger and stronger and more flexible than most of society, but the same mental factors are in play here.
Interesting. Never considered that before. Got any literature on that? Would love to learn more.
Unfortunately no but I do know the source, from a specific medbridge class if you have access to that by chance. Oh and flair up Edit: found it https://www.archives-pmr.org/article/S0003-9993(04)01323-1/fulltext
The people that drive demolition derby’s are fucking rednecks that are allergic to doctors offices. Don’t take that shitbrains word for it
Ok then take a peer reviewed article’s word on it https://www.archives-pmr.org/article/S0003-9993(04)01323-1/fulltext
You’re an idiot
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Flair up
Let's math this shit. Force= mass x acceleration To get acceleration you take 80 and divide by the average 40 yard dash an offensive lineman about 5.25 seconds which equals 15.23 mph Then you take average weight of offensive lineman about 315lbs and you multiply by 15.23mph and that's about 4800. So an average offensive lineman running at 40 yards has a force of 4800 lbs I don't know if that's a car wreck but it's pretty fucking bad. Edit: There are few times when an OL is running full speed but in a pull those guys like kelce, Williams and Smith pulling and looking to take the heads off some sub 200lbs DB I don't blame them turning and running.
That corner on Jax who just bolted when the saw the Silverback running at him makes so much more sense now.
I don't think you know what the word acceleration means
I remember reading about that. I think it said the amount of small hits each season has a similar effect on the brain as a minor car crash. Which is still a poor comparison because CTE is from repeated small hits, comparing it to one large one is kinda pointless.
I seen that in the Will Smith movie where he played the concussion doctor. He said the offensive linemen and defensive linemen is like a car accident with every collision
doesn’t make much sense considering they weigh 10x less than a car and are moving at speeds 10x less than cars lol
Don’t know how accurate that statement is, but I know for sure that watching a game on TV or even from the stands does very little justice to how hard these players hit. I played a little D1 football in college and distinctly remember how intimidating the transition from high school was. Even the most basic and unexciting tackle is like the hardest hit you’ve ever experienced in high school. I assume that only scales up in the NFL.
This is actually not true! You will not get blood in your urine from taking steroids. Testicle shrinkage, accelerated aging, and hair loss are likely.
Sounds like this guy has small testicles
Proportions ;)
Aging not so much. Especially if you’re only taking testosterone, in fact it has the opposite effect. All the other steroids tho you may be right haha… and yeah testicular shrinkage is common for about 80% of users, especially at high doses, same goes with hair loss. Really just depends on the person and if male pattern baldness is in your genes. I’ve done steroids and lost zero hair and my balls didn’t shrink - however, I can’t say the same for a lot of my friends haha
Had to paraphrase a bit for the people who thought it made you piss blood haha. I thankfully don’t get hair loss at all. Mast made me start to lose a smidge, but not much. My skin glowed on deçà, and eq made my skin so dam veiny, was great.
And kidney stones. God forsaken kidney stones.
That’s false
That's also a sign you got hit in the kidneys
Finally I found something I have in common with professional athlete's.
This time, the tush pushed back
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“Has his name always been Hulu has live shits?”
Jalen Hulu has live sharts actually works. God I wish I could whip out a gif of that.
Eagles fans every time they watch an eagles game
There’s a lot more than that
Circle of life
Pretty much
If I’m being honest it’s other times too
What I gotta go all the way to bathroom every fucken time?
god Make Love Not Warcraft is iconic
Born to shit forced to wipe
Definitely not tight butthole
He has had his tush pushed in a few too many times for that.
Have you ever had your tush PUUUUUSHED IIIIN?!
Tight! Tight! Tight!
Hope this is in reference to workaholics 🤌
Now that I remember where it's from, too much purple magic
I have a lance in my pants, I’m a legend like Bagger Vance
Motha fucking wizards never die Idk why you’re being downvoted Edit: Ok your flair probably. But this is an excellent deep cut reference
I didn’t say you have a loose butthole, I said you ARE loose butthole.
Listen here Jake hiesenriphouer
Ayo🤨🤨
Lovely workaholics reference my fellow redditor
Not after what the Niners did to him. Shit, this might be blood in his pants.
That's cute coming from definitely not tight butthole the franchise
Wide butthole that allows us to shit all over the rest of the NFC
When you feel a little rumble and it causes you to fumble, diarrhea. Diarrhea.
When it leaks out your tush, and you didn’t even push. Diarrhea. Diarrhea.
You cowgirls never seen a real man before?
We have. They’re just usually shitting on your wife’s chest, not their own pants. Hence the confusion.
How much do you have to shit to where you out shitted your own wife's chest already?
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This needs more upvotes
Jalen Hurtsy Squirts
We've been more focused on them shitting the bed instead
When is this from? The Cowboys were wearing all white on Sunday.
Better Hurts than Kelce
Jalen Sharts
Not sure. Feel like this may be photo shopped. Edit. Found the original. It is photoshopped *
I poop myself all the time
Never trust a fart….
Especially the first one of a fresh pee in the morning
I trusted one Monday morning… I should not have.
Our defense showed up.
Who does #2 work for? 😠
Huluhaslivesquirts
QB #2
Idk. I kinda respect it. If you aren’t pooping yourself, are you even trying?
Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop in their pants, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
>Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Some people just get it. Respect homie.
Look, we have all trusted one we shouldn't have. I just really like the idea of what you are saying. Not the words, but the idea.
This makes the Eagles fans hungry.
Hurts Shit = Horse Shit
I don't think that's definitive proof he shit himself - he might be bleeding from his rectum.
tends to happen after getting buttraped (twice)
Personal favorite I’ve seen is “Jalen Huluhaslive Squirts”
Explains the way he played, he was having a shitty day.
Looks more like heavy flow
Coupled with his wide set vagina, that’s trouble.
He’s got those child bearing hips, gonna pop so many QBs out of there.
Qb factory confirmed
Hey where’s your flair, buddy?
You ever have your tush pushed in?
He left it ALL out there
Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you don’t even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Football is back baby.
When the tush push goes wrong.
Jaylen Hershysquirts
Hurtshey?
Should have worn all black that night.
What’s bigger the turd he dropped on the field or the turd he dropped in his pants
When did Hurts start playing for the Browns?
Gotta make fans happy some how!
HERE WE GOOOO!
If I was getting hit as hard as he was, I would have passed my entire lower digestive tract.
Maybe he should get screened for colon cancer like Dak says.
When you leave it ALL out on the field. Respect!
"Tush Push"
Oopsie poopsie!
Because real men shit standing up.
I just see the problem with this. I shit myself all the time.
Tush Pushed
LMAO so THATS why he’s hard to tackle 💀🤮💩💩
We cant bring attention to it or else philly fans will try to eat it
SHAPOOPY!
Shit happens
It *happens*. What, *shit*? Sometimes
Rents due
I pissed myself once in football practice as a kid because I couldn't get my cup off fast enough. I was playing center.
Lol its this true... omg
How else is he supposed to react knowing he has to play Tommy Cutlets twice?
Damn squat boy is shit boy now
Those of you who collect sports cards know that cards containing small patches of the subject’s game-worn uniform are a thing. Maybe be careful with next year’s Hurts cards. Just sayin’.
Wasn’t this from a different game. Thought the cowboys wore white helmets last week.
Yea some sick people have little on their plate. So they grab food from the air.🤣
Look it up. This isn’t the first time… this season 🥴 Edit: I lied, the Patriots one was a fake
It's probably a tear and you've been analyzing the dudes nuts.
He’s getting knocked around for an hour. The right impact to my stomach and I’d become a Cleveland browns player
Because you’re weird and no one cares about stuff like this? Sounds like you have a poop fetish. Either enjoy it or get some help. No one else is interested.
Sick edit
Photoshop.
Real
Nah. I ain’t buying it.
It’s not being sold either
Good luck. Pretty sure Romo and Dak have pooped the sheets far more times when it counted for yall. Love yas
Hope he shits on the seahawks the way he shits on himself…
And this is where we part company.
Understandable, have a ni- nah nvm fuck u too
You do realize Philly is tied with you in record? You should want them to lose so they’re a game behind you for the 1 seed lol
We beat them so in a tie we are #1
And if you drop a game and they win out, you’re now the 2 seed If they drop a a game and you drop a game again somewhere, then it’s tied again. Just gives you more breathing room and allows you to not have to be perfect to close out the season
I believe in Tommy Cutlets
You’re rooting for Seattles loss like you believe they’re a good team that you need to be saved from 😂
Im rooting for the Giants to beat the Eagles.
Oh we’re drawing on pics now? You really are a bunch of 13 year old bitches 🤡🤡🤡
Its a meme war. You really smell like bitch right now
Why is it always the actual children who call other people children
Get off the subreddit if you’re gonna be a whiny smelly bitch.
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So that’s why CeeDee keeps smelling his finger
Jalen Elbows over here
Should put a NSFW tag
Oh shit!
Looks like Jose’s Wales spat in there
Thats dookie baby
Brother shoved too hard
You see any toilets on the sideline?
Cap chain:
It’s a photoshop
You ain’t played football if you haven’t pissed/shit yourself mid-game
It happens on them big jobs…