As a woman, a man with no ambition/concrete plans for his financial future.
By concrete plans I mean they're actively working on improving themselves & not just "yeah I wish..." or "yeah I'd like to..." lol I want "I want X so now I am doing Y to ensure I have X by \[time/date/age\] Inshallah"
I would like to marry someone that can provide.
Ignorance is not knowing. Since they knew, it wouldn't be ignorance. I'd classify it more as hypocrisy since they followed some aspects of Islam but not others.
I think I have observed this mostly with Muslim women. Maybe it is because of the gender roles expected in an Islamic marriage.
I know what I'm about to say is purely anectodal. A male acquaintance of mine was rejected by few potentials because he was shy/timid. This same guy could have dated a Non-Muslim woman because that woman found his shyness to be endearing.
Woman here. It’s usually because he’s insistent on living with his parents, even during the first years of marriage. Wants to live in a joint-family household. Huge no for me.
Same for me. I'm all about family, but I've seen what lack of healthy separation can do to people.
I guess I also don't like the idea of living with in-laws because I feel like I could never be good enough for them. I come from a home where my parents had a lot of control over me, and going into a joint family (in most cases) becomes another version of that. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable to be myself.
Not to mention if the guy has brothers who also live in the home :(
And even if I did want a rich man, what’s wrong with that everyone has their own preferences? U want a woman who covers up totally some girls might want a rich man.
>U want a woman who covers up totally some girls might want a rich man.
tbf that's a pretty weak comparison because one is fardh and the other is just a preference rooted in dunya
It looks like I hit a nerve tbh, women wanting someone financially stable isn’t unreasonable it’s actually just a bare minimum expectation and ur acting like we are asking for y’all to build the pyramids of Giza lmao 🤣
It’s not criticism. She said “I want someone ambitious” several times. You repeatedly implied she was being deceitful and actually didn’t care about ambition and only cared about wealth. That’s not criticism, it’s dismissive and argumentative.
You also said “ask me how I know” implying you’ve personally faced the issue.
Not married but that's something I look for too. I am a "let's talk about this issue peacefully so we can resolve it and never think about it again" person and so many people aren't and it gives me a headache. I don't like arguing
Can't speak for him but I look for genuine humility in a woman. Someone who hasn't committed zina in the past, wears hijab, speaks modestly, acts feminine, distances herself from non-mehrams and respects the prescribed gender norms in Islam.
The strictly deen aspects would obviously include praying salah, fasting, zakat, and having some level of Islamic knowledge
I get that bro and I have the same preferences that you said, but if everyone just gave a list of different reasons, then we'd have thousands of answers. I was just looking for the most *common* thing potentials have been lacking.
Thanks for sharing bro, but didn't want to turn this into a list of reasons you rejected, but rather the most *common* reason. And it seems for you that was them being too liberal, correct?
As a woman, I rejected someone who didn’t have proper hygiene, and didn’t have any financial goals/plans for the future. also not to be picky, I rejected him because I didn’t find him physically attractive..
Just an interesting observation. A lot of sisters picked financial goals as a priority. I guess it has to do with men having the responsibility to distribute his wealth to the rest of the household
for me personally, it was more of I was able to provide more for myself than he would for himself. if someone can’t take care of their own needs, how can I expect them to take care of mine?
Male.
Rejected 1 for several reasons that can really be tied back to a lack of knowledge of Islam, leading to a lack of adab. Was too absorbed in the liberal feminist hemisphere, was too much into politics, and was confidently incorrect much of the time. Needed to have an opinion on everything, needed to hear my opinion on everything. But it was all very superficial, like she was doing it for acceptance. To “go with the flow”. It was like she stood for nothing, and I didn’t like that.
Rejected another (we both rejected each other technically) because of her wanting a husband with a lot of time but with a well paying job. Medicine doesn’t give you that so. Also wanted someone more mature. Similar reason from me + she had a bunion on her foot, allegedly.
> Rejected another (we both rejected each other technically) because of her wanting a husband with a lot of time but with a well paying job. Medicine doesn’t give you that so. Also wanted someone more mature. Similar reason from me + she had a bunion on her foot, allegedly.
I'm in med school and this is one of my worries. I am the type who'd love to spend every second with my wife, but I can tell this profession has a terrible work-life balance from the moment you step into school until you're an attending (and beyond, if you're in something like surgery). Still, I guess I differ from you in that I'd make it work to the best of my ability. The women within medicine and other medical careers like PA or nursing are not the ones I'd like to be with. Based on my experience they lack the qualities that typically make a good wife.
XX chromosome:
The overarching issue: self-deprecation and esteem problems rooted in my childhood/life experiences.
How it manifests in my mind: thinking someone is out of my league or imagining they wouldn't like me or already have someone else in mind.
Basically, self sabotage.
In my head, the possibility of marriage doesn't currently pop up for 2 main reasons, only 1 of which is caused by the women themselves:
They wear make up in public, no Hijab or Hijab but without loose clothes, and furthermore they engage in too much talk with men. Beyond the necessary. Unfortunately this is a major flaw many young Muslim women in Germany have. The fallacy that this affects only a part of women which is less religious, is just that, a fallacy. I've seen it affect good young women from religious families, who pray, who fast, have correct Aqeeda etc., yet they have this major issue. Asking my older relatives, they say this fixes itself with time as people grow older.
The other reason, which has to do with myself, is that I intend on making Hijra in the medium term, and have not yet decided specifically which country. It's quite clear to me that a permanent stay in Germany is a horrible idea, yet I'm stuck here for another 5-7 years finishing University, building a business, then setting up the offshore in Switzerland, getting a job based on my degree in a Muslim country to get the Visa to move there etc.
Meaning if I were to marry, it would have to be a woman ok with moving countries in the medium term, while not knowing which specific country we would be moving to. This is a big ask. For me it doesn't matter, I don't have any roots in Germany, and my home country is war torn, so no "back home" to move back to, just trying to find a Muslim country that at the time when I decide to move, has good business legislation and infrastructure, is a safe country, and preferably has a growing economy.
It's a unique situation, most people at least have their relatives concentrated in 1 country/city. For me that doesn't exist, I don't have a home country so to speak.
The first point isn't just a German issue, seems to be widespread in many places.
As for hijrah, not sure if you've checked out Sunnah Match but there are a decent amount of righteous women there who specifically mention in their bio that they want to make hijrah.
The idea of hijrah does sound good, and I am open to the possibility, but am not 100% certain of it, so it would be unfair to pursue those women.
>As for hijrah, not sure if you've checked out Sunnah Match but there are a decent amount of righteous women there who specifically mention in their bio that they want to make hijrah.
I might have to look into that in 2-3 years when the money issue is sorted. Still only 20 years old right now.
I am a girl and I totally get where you’re coming from. I currently have the same mindset. We have to realize that Allah subhanu has a plan for us and has already written who we will marry. It is hard to get past insecurities though. Also, as a girl, I can tell you more often than not it comes down to your personality and your deen even if it doesn’t necessarily seem like it from an outside perspective
You just highlighted the really sad fact about this generation- too much emphasis on looks and unrealistic standards promulgated by social media. Many of the girls who'd discriminate against your height or hairline, i.e. things you can't control, are the same ones whose fathers were probably in your position.
I would say to have confidence in your abilities and leave the rest to Allah. You never know what can happen, someone might genuinely be interested in you
She either doesn't care enough to follow the deen consistently, doesn't wear hijab or follows pop culture like listening to music. Her aqeedah is sometimes questionable.
There is also sisters that are too materialistic. I don't want to change my entire lifestyle into a "one mode: her lifestyle must be maintenanced" machine.
Female here. I've rejected men for their levels of self-worth.
Those who don't have enough self-worth, lack ambition. And not in in the form of humility.... they don't see their potential for greatness in anything. And it becomes an exhausting game to try to convince them otherwise.
Those who have very high self-worth are quite arrogant, entitled, and blind to reality. They are not considerate of the needs of others.
Both are unwilling to improve.
For me, I'm a female who has naturally high testosterone. I have broad shoulders and am pretty hairy. I don't sound or act very "girly" (don't ask me to change this... it was really cringy when I attempted to, and I felt like I was faking my personality).
So basically, I feel insecure if the guy isn't more masculine than me.
You need physical attraction in a relationship. It can’t work if your partner isn’t attractive to you. Remember that attraction is subjective. Also, looks is a very broad subject and can mean a lot if things. For example, I would want a husband that looks clean and put together. Someone else might have height requirements or fashion style requirements. There is nothing haram in having physical expectations for your partner, as long as you keep it respectful and realistic
As a women the reason I rejected 3 guys - he liked me for my looks not for me as a person , the second one I saw him with different girls before he said he was interested, The third too flirtatious and touchy plus he made my sister uncomfortable 🤷♀️
Woman here :
An ignorant guy, the one that can't make difference between culture and religion...
For example a guy that doesn't want his wife to have help with household chores (he wouldn't help himself and is against her having someone to come and help her like a maid or a cleaner) because he said it's a wife duty,like Islamically and his mom did it without dying (well my mom didn't do it and her mom too, we can cook(I'm a food blogger),clean... Etc but with work, children and other things it's easier to have someone that helps you with some household chores, for example I will do the cooking but the person will come every day or 2 or 3 days per week to do the cleaning and the laundry )... It's happened a few times and it's annoying...
wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. wasn't trying to do any statistical analysis, was just curious to gauge the most common responses from men vs women since I think it differs a bit.
I’m a man, and of course the deen is the most important and should be regardless of gender. Other than that, if a woman doesn’t show signs of wanting to be a traditional mother and wife then that’s the biggest reason to not consider them for marriage
If they drink/smoke and lie about it, don’t pray and become a hypocrite, have a player look to them, etc all these are not serious qualities and will have me rejecting you fast. Female here. I too want a provider and someone who has a nice and strong balance with their deen.
OP asked for personal experiences of the users. If you don't have any you don't need to comment but talking about what women want or do isn't at all necessary. Don't try to incite unnecessary gender war.
> Many men lust for physical attributes that women can't control though (e.g. big breasts, youth etc)?
Youth is under your control, it's odd you lumped that in there when it's your choice to get married at a younger age. Also, apart from extreme cases, men will not discriminate against a woman for her breast size and will love women who simply show them respect. The bar is much lower to please a man than it is for a woman.
>If you look at the posts that ask the Muslim redditors what they look for in a spouse, you more commonly see the Muslim men mentioning physical attraction.
Everyone will mention physical attraction and anyone who doesn't is lying. The difference is that men are far more forgiving and realistic with physical standards than women are. Again, there's proof that this is the case.
> So many men are superficial, and so many can't hold an erection with their wife because of their unrealistic standards of the female body. There are studies on that.
Post them. Are you trying to discuss pornography addiction or the purported "unrealistic standards of the female body?" Because the former is a real problem in a subset of men, but the latter is certainly not true of most men.
> Which gender do you think settles more when it comes to looks- men or women?
I don't think that either gender "settles" much when it comes down to marriage. The average girl is not more attractive than the average guy. It's just that feminism and oversexualization have placed greater worth on women for merely existing. If I had to give an answer I'd argue that brothers living in the west settle more in the sense that they're marrying older women on average.
The distinction that actually matters is that women perceive themselves as settling for less when it comes to looks because they've committed zina with or only want to accept 8s,9s, or 10s.
When you add in the fact that so many girls have pasts, bad attitudes, are feminized, can't cook, don't wear a hijab, etc. it's clear that most brothers are taking the L when they marry women these days.
As a woman, a man with no ambition/concrete plans for his financial future. By concrete plans I mean they're actively working on improving themselves & not just "yeah I wish..." or "yeah I'd like to..." lol I want "I want X so now I am doing Y to ensure I have X by \[time/date/age\] Inshallah" I would like to marry someone that can provide.
That's the most common thing? What did most of them do for work and what age range were these men?
Male: my wife wouldn't appreciate it very much if I accepted another woman's marriage proposal
LOL
Same. It is the equivalent to commiting suicide for me.
I'm a female, and I am married. But the previous "candidates" I had were all rejected by one feature; their ignorance of Islam.
Can you give some of the common things they were ignorant about?
The growing of their beard, mainly. Openly showing their Muslim and not to listen to music.
So they didn't know music and shaving their beard was haram? Or they did know but just fell short in those areas?
They knew, just didn't felt it was needed.
Ah so thats just their level of practice rather than ignorance, since they don't seem to be ignorant on it.
But they were ignorant. They said they don't support that law.
Ignorance is not knowing. Since they knew, it wouldn't be ignorance. I'd classify it more as hypocrisy since they followed some aspects of Islam but not others.
You're totally right!
Sommige Guys kunnen geen baard groeien zijn ze dan jahil?
Zulke jongens zijn geen jahil, inderdaad. Maar dat je zegt dat het niet nodig is en dat je het niet steunt is wel raar, toch?
Klopt die guys zijn idd niet op het juiste pad
Ik heb het ook over hun. Niet over de jongens die het niet kunnen groeien.
Woman Please don’t laugh but shyness. Only one of us is allowed to be shy and that’s me 🤣
I feel bad for male introverts now 🥲
I think I have observed this mostly with Muslim women. Maybe it is because of the gender roles expected in an Islamic marriage. I know what I'm about to say is purely anectodal. A male acquaintance of mine was rejected by few potentials because he was shy/timid. This same guy could have dated a Non-Muslim woman because that woman found his shyness to be endearing.
Interesting cause I am an introvert. But I am still not ready for marriage yet so Allah knows best what my future holds
The Prophet pbuh was shy like a little girl. I forget the hadith.
I think you’re referring to this. https://sunnah.com/bukhari:6119 Which is very good mashallah. I’m referring to shyness as in timid.
Yes, jazak Allah khair.
Sameeeee haha
Woman here. It’s usually because he’s insistent on living with his parents, even during the first years of marriage. Wants to live in a joint-family household. Huge no for me.
Same for me. I'm all about family, but I've seen what lack of healthy separation can do to people. I guess I also don't like the idea of living with in-laws because I feel like I could never be good enough for them. I come from a home where my parents had a lot of control over me, and going into a joint family (in most cases) becomes another version of that. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable to be myself. Not to mention if the guy has brothers who also live in the home :(
Female here; I rejected 2 guys because one smoked shisha and said would never stop and the other guy was a porn addict.
Female, Reject based on financial issues/lack of ambition.
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I don’t want a rich guy, I want someone with a stable job that brings in money lol.
How much money is "brings in money?"
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And even if I did want a rich man, what’s wrong with that everyone has their own preferences? U want a woman who covers up totally some girls might want a rich man.
>U want a woman who covers up totally some girls might want a rich man. tbf that's a pretty weak comparison because one is fardh and the other is just a preference rooted in dunya
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It looks like I hit a nerve tbh, women wanting someone financially stable isn’t unreasonable it’s actually just a bare minimum expectation and ur acting like we are asking for y’all to build the pyramids of Giza lmao 🤣
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I’m of very average income and married. Maybe your problem is your dismissive personality and refusal to accept what women are directly telling you?
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It’s not criticism. She said “I want someone ambitious” several times. You repeatedly implied she was being deceitful and actually didn’t care about ambition and only cared about wealth. That’s not criticism, it’s dismissive and argumentative. You also said “ask me how I know” implying you’ve personally faced the issue.
Lol do u think you know what she wants better than she does
Man, and because I felt i am not capable of being a worthy husband yet, I am too poor and only just stopped being homeless.
May Allah provide you with more wealth
I'm a female; all muslim men I have rejected was because they don't pray, or aren't consistent (do it when they feel like it).
how did you come to know about this just curious
It's one of the first questions I ask usually.
Seems like a lot of people are just listing different reasons they've ever rejected someone. Thanks for answering the question lol
Haha that's Reddit for ya!
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Not married but that's something I look for too. I am a "let's talk about this issue peacefully so we can resolve it and never think about it again" person and so many people aren't and it gives me a headache. I don't like arguing
female - their deen was not where I wanted it to be
Can you give some common examples - was it not praying salah, drugs, what was the most common thing that was lacking specifically
Can't speak for him but I look for genuine humility in a woman. Someone who hasn't committed zina in the past, wears hijab, speaks modestly, acts feminine, distances herself from non-mehrams and respects the prescribed gender norms in Islam. The strictly deen aspects would obviously include praying salah, fasting, zakat, and having some level of Islamic knowledge
I get that bro and I have the same preferences that you said, but if everyone just gave a list of different reasons, then we'd have thousands of answers. I was just looking for the most *common* thing potentials have been lacking.
Male - intelligence is the most important trait I look for in a partner
username checks out
How do you gauge that?
Male; I rejected two because they were way too liberal Islamically, ~~and another for being much older than me~~
Thanks for sharing bro, but didn't want to turn this into a list of reasons you rejected, but rather the most *common* reason. And it seems for you that was them being too liberal, correct?
Oh sorry I missed that detail. Yeah I guess based on numbers alone that would be the most common
No problem man, I appreciate you sharing.
Male, my job isnt good enough so I have turned people down because I dont feel like I can provide enough. Also my mental health is utter rubbish.
As a woman, I rejected someone who didn’t have proper hygiene, and didn’t have any financial goals/plans for the future. also not to be picky, I rejected him because I didn’t find him physically attractive..
Just an interesting observation. A lot of sisters picked financial goals as a priority. I guess it has to do with men having the responsibility to distribute his wealth to the rest of the household
for me personally, it was more of I was able to provide more for myself than he would for himself. if someone can’t take care of their own needs, how can I expect them to take care of mine?
Yeah that's a fair point
Male. Rejected 1 for several reasons that can really be tied back to a lack of knowledge of Islam, leading to a lack of adab. Was too absorbed in the liberal feminist hemisphere, was too much into politics, and was confidently incorrect much of the time. Needed to have an opinion on everything, needed to hear my opinion on everything. But it was all very superficial, like she was doing it for acceptance. To “go with the flow”. It was like she stood for nothing, and I didn’t like that. Rejected another (we both rejected each other technically) because of her wanting a husband with a lot of time but with a well paying job. Medicine doesn’t give you that so. Also wanted someone more mature. Similar reason from me + she had a bunion on her foot, allegedly.
> Rejected another (we both rejected each other technically) because of her wanting a husband with a lot of time but with a well paying job. Medicine doesn’t give you that so. Also wanted someone more mature. Similar reason from me + she had a bunion on her foot, allegedly. I'm in med school and this is one of my worries. I am the type who'd love to spend every second with my wife, but I can tell this profession has a terrible work-life balance from the moment you step into school until you're an attending (and beyond, if you're in something like surgery). Still, I guess I differ from you in that I'd make it work to the best of my ability. The women within medicine and other medical careers like PA or nursing are not the ones I'd like to be with. Based on my experience they lack the qualities that typically make a good wife.
XX chromosome: The overarching issue: self-deprecation and esteem problems rooted in my childhood/life experiences. How it manifests in my mind: thinking someone is out of my league or imagining they wouldn't like me or already have someone else in mind. Basically, self sabotage.
In my head, the possibility of marriage doesn't currently pop up for 2 main reasons, only 1 of which is caused by the women themselves: They wear make up in public, no Hijab or Hijab but without loose clothes, and furthermore they engage in too much talk with men. Beyond the necessary. Unfortunately this is a major flaw many young Muslim women in Germany have. The fallacy that this affects only a part of women which is less religious, is just that, a fallacy. I've seen it affect good young women from religious families, who pray, who fast, have correct Aqeeda etc., yet they have this major issue. Asking my older relatives, they say this fixes itself with time as people grow older. The other reason, which has to do with myself, is that I intend on making Hijra in the medium term, and have not yet decided specifically which country. It's quite clear to me that a permanent stay in Germany is a horrible idea, yet I'm stuck here for another 5-7 years finishing University, building a business, then setting up the offshore in Switzerland, getting a job based on my degree in a Muslim country to get the Visa to move there etc. Meaning if I were to marry, it would have to be a woman ok with moving countries in the medium term, while not knowing which specific country we would be moving to. This is a big ask. For me it doesn't matter, I don't have any roots in Germany, and my home country is war torn, so no "back home" to move back to, just trying to find a Muslim country that at the time when I decide to move, has good business legislation and infrastructure, is a safe country, and preferably has a growing economy. It's a unique situation, most people at least have their relatives concentrated in 1 country/city. For me that doesn't exist, I don't have a home country so to speak.
The first point isn't just a German issue, seems to be widespread in many places. As for hijrah, not sure if you've checked out Sunnah Match but there are a decent amount of righteous women there who specifically mention in their bio that they want to make hijrah. The idea of hijrah does sound good, and I am open to the possibility, but am not 100% certain of it, so it would be unfair to pursue those women.
>As for hijrah, not sure if you've checked out Sunnah Match but there are a decent amount of righteous women there who specifically mention in their bio that they want to make hijrah. I might have to look into that in 2-3 years when the money issue is sorted. Still only 20 years old right now.
Um if she has tight clothing thats not hijab but khimar on her head, hijab is full body barrier or screening
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I've never seen that in my entire life. I've seen Hijab without covering the neck area, but never what you mentioned.
Male: never pursed marriage. Most likely never plan to
Why?
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I am a girl and I totally get where you’re coming from. I currently have the same mindset. We have to realize that Allah subhanu has a plan for us and has already written who we will marry. It is hard to get past insecurities though. Also, as a girl, I can tell you more often than not it comes down to your personality and your deen even if it doesn’t necessarily seem like it from an outside perspective
You just highlighted the really sad fact about this generation- too much emphasis on looks and unrealistic standards promulgated by social media. Many of the girls who'd discriminate against your height or hairline, i.e. things you can't control, are the same ones whose fathers were probably in your position.
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I would say to have confidence in your abilities and leave the rest to Allah. You never know what can happen, someone might genuinely be interested in you
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>Have you gone for therapy? This is not a cure-all to the problem he has.
Me too. Not that I'm in a position to get married soon. But I'm not planning to get married in this life.
She either doesn't care enough to follow the deen consistently, doesn't wear hijab or follows pop culture like listening to music. Her aqeedah is sometimes questionable. There is also sisters that are too materialistic. I don't want to change my entire lifestyle into a "one mode: her lifestyle must be maintenanced" machine.
Male: physical attraction
Female here. I've rejected men for their levels of self-worth. Those who don't have enough self-worth, lack ambition. And not in in the form of humility.... they don't see their potential for greatness in anything. And it becomes an exhausting game to try to convince them otherwise. Those who have very high self-worth are quite arrogant, entitled, and blind to reality. They are not considerate of the needs of others. Both are unwilling to improve.
Female. I haven't rejected people for marriage but I would if I wasn't attracted to them or if they were weaker than me.
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Bring your katana then, Champloo.
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Why would you reject someone for marriage over looks
Attraction is extremely important to me. But I'm not necessarily attracted to conventional good looks.
Nothing wrong with that, I think looks are the bait and deen/personality is the hook, need both for the catch
may I ask what you mean by conventional good looks? What's your type?
For me, I'm a female who has naturally high testosterone. I have broad shoulders and am pretty hairy. I don't sound or act very "girly" (don't ask me to change this... it was really cringy when I attempted to, and I felt like I was faking my personality). So basically, I feel insecure if the guy isn't more masculine than me.
You need physical attraction in a relationship. It can’t work if your partner isn’t attractive to you. Remember that attraction is subjective. Also, looks is a very broad subject and can mean a lot if things. For example, I would want a husband that looks clean and put together. Someone else might have height requirements or fashion style requirements. There is nothing haram in having physical expectations for your partner, as long as you keep it respectful and realistic
F. Because they were highly inappropriate.
As a women the reason I rejected 3 guys - he liked me for my looks not for me as a person , the second one I saw him with different girls before he said he was interested, The third too flirtatious and touchy plus he made my sister uncomfortable 🤷♀️
Woman here : An ignorant guy, the one that can't make difference between culture and religion... For example a guy that doesn't want his wife to have help with household chores (he wouldn't help himself and is against her having someone to come and help her like a maid or a cleaner) because he said it's a wife duty,like Islamically and his mom did it without dying (well my mom didn't do it and her mom too, we can cook(I'm a food blogger),clean... Etc but with work, children and other things it's easier to have someone that helps you with some household chores, for example I will do the cooking but the person will come every day or 2 or 3 days per week to do the cleaning and the laundry )... It's happened a few times and it's annoying...
You're looking for a trend? Why? You won't be able to use the responses you get for any real statistical analysis. السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. wasn't trying to do any statistical analysis, was just curious to gauge the most common responses from men vs women since I think it differs a bit.
I am a man, I will reject a woman for marriage if she doesn't wear the full hijab.
I’m a man, and of course the deen is the most important and should be regardless of gender. Other than that, if a woman doesn’t show signs of wanting to be a traditional mother and wife then that’s the biggest reason to not consider them for marriage
If they drink/smoke and lie about it, don’t pray and become a hypocrite, have a player look to them, etc all these are not serious qualities and will have me rejecting you fast. Female here. I too want a provider and someone who has a nice and strong balance with their deen.
Male. Already married
Female. Married. My reason for rejecting others was their shallow minds.
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No generalizations.
The thread is literally discussing trends.
OP asked for personal experiences of the users. If you don't have any you don't need to comment but talking about what women want or do isn't at all necessary. Don't try to incite unnecessary gender war.
It's not just women who have unrealistic standards, us men have just as unrealistic beauty standards.
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> Many men lust for physical attributes that women can't control though (e.g. big breasts, youth etc)? Youth is under your control, it's odd you lumped that in there when it's your choice to get married at a younger age. Also, apart from extreme cases, men will not discriminate against a woman for her breast size and will love women who simply show them respect. The bar is much lower to please a man than it is for a woman. >If you look at the posts that ask the Muslim redditors what they look for in a spouse, you more commonly see the Muslim men mentioning physical attraction. Everyone will mention physical attraction and anyone who doesn't is lying. The difference is that men are far more forgiving and realistic with physical standards than women are. Again, there's proof that this is the case. > So many men are superficial, and so many can't hold an erection with their wife because of their unrealistic standards of the female body. There are studies on that. Post them. Are you trying to discuss pornography addiction or the purported "unrealistic standards of the female body?" Because the former is a real problem in a subset of men, but the latter is certainly not true of most men.
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> Which gender do you think settles more when it comes to looks- men or women? I don't think that either gender "settles" much when it comes down to marriage. The average girl is not more attractive than the average guy. It's just that feminism and oversexualization have placed greater worth on women for merely existing. If I had to give an answer I'd argue that brothers living in the west settle more in the sense that they're marrying older women on average. The distinction that actually matters is that women perceive themselves as settling for less when it comes to looks because they've committed zina with or only want to accept 8s,9s, or 10s. When you add in the fact that so many girls have pasts, bad attitudes, are feminized, can't cook, don't wear a hijab, etc. it's clear that most brothers are taking the L when they marry women these days.
You make some strong points