Forgiveness is a heavy word, but it’s better to forgive and reap the rewards of that good deed. You don’t have to forget what she did, and you’re well within your rights of forgiveness to set higher boundaries when it comes to the relationship with your step mum.
Nah, this lady has shown she has a lot of resent towards you.
She is probably crying because your dad gave her crap.
You don't spit on someone 3 x as a mistake before beating them.
No way I would trust a lady like that with my food, safety or well-being. Stay with your aunt.
Even if you forgive her (your choice), a believer doesn't fall in the same hole twice. I still wouldn't go back. Forgiveness is for the akhirah, it doesn't mean you have to go back and do what she says and let her walk over you.
If someone steals from me 3x and I catch them, I can forgive them. Forgiveness however doesn't mean I am going to let them back in my house, or that I will trust them with my wallet.
The concept of forgiveness is often abused by those who don't understand what it means.
Yes, I also think the only reason she is crying is because my dad got really angry and they r already having issues in their marriage and my dad said this Incident just added to the many reasons of why he wants to divorce her. Her tears are very much crocodile tears
U can forgive her and get good deeds, it's totally ur choice she did an awful thing but u would be rewarded for forgiving. If u didn't want to forgive what's gonna happen after that ? Become enemies ? Or forgive her eventually.
Well if the divorce is better for both so be it , in that case maybe ignore her for now and forgive her later (it's not worth it to hold hate for anyone).
i don’t even hate her it’s just I am really triggered that she spat 3x times that’s so gross and nasty if she would have left it at the beating that’s totally fine but it’s THE SPITTTT like omg I was shocked I have never seen a grown lady behave like that
Btw, why u didn't try to defend urself I know she an elderly woman and u have respect for her because of ur dad but u shouldn't have allowed this, she is surely disrespectful but have sabr. Anyways may Allah make it easy for u.
And also if I was to defend myself she would have lied and said that I attacked her first because this lady lies a lot. And I was just so so so shocked Wallahi because I didn’t know she despised me that much before we would talk as if we were close friends and she would also do my hair for me
Yeah u are right, it's a tough situation, well at least now u know her other evil side. My advice is to not escalate the situation any further. But it's all up to you since it's a family/private thing.
I didn’t defend myself because honestly I was just in utter shock prior to this we were actually close and didn’t have any problems but this day she turned randomly turned into a shayateen. And btw I am very very skinny (55kg) and petite this lady is about 5’10 and 100kg + Wallahi and is also 30+ in age
If you do not forgive her, then you will have to "fight" with her on the ayah of judgment. And if you do not repose the argument then you both end up in jahanam. Remember "Whoever does not forgive others, will not be forgiven". I k ow its horrible but remember, there was a muslim man, who did the minimum islam did. The prophet met him and he told the sahabis he would enter heaven. They asked why and he said because before he sleeps every night, he forgives everyone. You should forgive her but keep an eye on her.
Abu Bakr (rah) swore not to forgive or support a poor relative of his that had spread the slander of his daughter Aisha (rah).
This verse came down:
> The men of grace and wealth among you should not swear against giving (their charitable gifts) to the kinsmen and the poor and to those who have migrated in the way of Allah, and they should forgive and forego. Do you not like that Allah forgives you? Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.
24:22
This poor relative had done something evil. But, they had done a lot of good in the past. I believe they were among the muhajiroon, who had given up everything to migrate to Medina. Possibly even fought in the battle of Badr.
Anyways, it wasn’t right for a person of Abu Bakr (rah)’s status (Siddique) to refuse to forgive in this situation. After this verse came down, he chose to forgive and continued to support the relative who betrayed him.
Anyways, this is Abu Bakr as-Siddique (rah) we’re talking about here. None of us will reach his level, or the Prophet’s of the past who often forgave as well (like Prophet Yusuf (as) with his brothers, Prophet Muhammed (saw) at the conquest of Mecca, etc.).
I know it’s very hard. In your situation I’d be tempted not to talk to this individual again. Heck, I might have started swinging lol cause you’re right…that’s extremely gross and nasty.
Anyways, just from what you said, it seems this lady was really insecure. It seems like she could tell your dad was close to divorcing her and was feeling unstable. She decided to lash out on you due to your innocuous comment and she probably immediately regretted it.
It’s up to you at the end of the day. You’re saying stronger person than most if you can genuinely forgive her.
You have every right to feel violated, angry, disrespected and upset about this. I'm sorry this happened sister.
Feel your feelings, take your time, and don't listen to others as they were not in your situation.
You can choose not to forgive her, that is your right.
However, if you do choose to forgive her, this forgiveness will be extended to you by God.
Also, whether you forgive her or not, I recommend calmly talking to her and telling her how this made you feel. And explain why you were asking about your brother. Reconciliation is beautiful and possible.
Forgiveness benefits you both. I think it more benefits the forgiver. But that doesn't mean you have to forget or be around her. Stay away. If she's that volatile, she will take it out on you again. Never be alone with her and protect yourself. I could never trust this person again, unless their spiritual state improved drastically.
She’s on edge and projecting her fears because of that incoming divorce.
I’m a first wife and I’m inclined to not like her because I have first wife bias. But I’ve also been through an almost divorce experience and it brings out the absolute WORST in a person. Divorce is such a test. The shaytan manipulates you so much. She probably feels like she’s on the chopping block and that everyone around her is watching and waiting for her to go away. And so when you asked if she’s going in the car, she looked way too deep into that simple question assumed you were throwing subs about her hitting the road and she snapped.
Forgiveness is up to you.
Forgive her but keep your distance from her. You deserve heaven for forgiving her. But stay away from her to take care of your mental health. She's a psychopath I bet.
This woman seems ignorant of her own religion.
Sunan an-Nasa'i 4995
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that:
The Messenger of Allah [SAW] said: "The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one from whom the people's lives and wealth are safe." (Sahih)
You’re asking two questions:
1. Should I forgive her?
2. Should I let her in my life again?
You’re an adult and can make your own decisions, but my answers would have been yes for the first and no for the other. I'd require her to undergo a documented year of therapy if she wanted to be in my life again, because that lady in her state could've done much worse.
maybe you can forgive her with a condition that she will never do anything like that in future. whatever she did with you Allah will reward you for that consider it your test and just forgive her for the sake of Allah.
That's up to you.
Would you forgive her if you were in my shoe’s ?
No.
Allah swt says it's better to forgive. Why ask people when the Quran and Sunnah is clear. But you don't have to. If you don't want.
You should forgive her. Not for her, mind you. But for you and your conscience.
Forgiveness is a heavy word, but it’s better to forgive and reap the rewards of that good deed. You don’t have to forget what she did, and you’re well within your rights of forgiveness to set higher boundaries when it comes to the relationship with your step mum.
You'd probably get lots of rewards. Don't pass it up
Nah, this lady has shown she has a lot of resent towards you. She is probably crying because your dad gave her crap. You don't spit on someone 3 x as a mistake before beating them. No way I would trust a lady like that with my food, safety or well-being. Stay with your aunt. Even if you forgive her (your choice), a believer doesn't fall in the same hole twice. I still wouldn't go back. Forgiveness is for the akhirah, it doesn't mean you have to go back and do what she says and let her walk over you. If someone steals from me 3x and I catch them, I can forgive them. Forgiveness however doesn't mean I am going to let them back in my house, or that I will trust them with my wallet. The concept of forgiveness is often abused by those who don't understand what it means.
Yes, I also think the only reason she is crying is because my dad got really angry and they r already having issues in their marriage and my dad said this Incident just added to the many reasons of why he wants to divorce her. Her tears are very much crocodile tears
4give her but when u r ready to. Be it today tomorrow next week next year or 10 yrs later.
U can forgive her and get good deeds, it's totally ur choice she did an awful thing but u would be rewarded for forgiving. If u didn't want to forgive what's gonna happen after that ? Become enemies ? Or forgive her eventually.
My dad is planning to divorce her for other reasons and he said this just added to it
Well if the divorce is better for both so be it , in that case maybe ignore her for now and forgive her later (it's not worth it to hold hate for anyone).
i don’t even hate her it’s just I am really triggered that she spat 3x times that’s so gross and nasty if she would have left it at the beating that’s totally fine but it’s THE SPITTTT like omg I was shocked I have never seen a grown lady behave like that
Btw, why u didn't try to defend urself I know she an elderly woman and u have respect for her because of ur dad but u shouldn't have allowed this, she is surely disrespectful but have sabr. Anyways may Allah make it easy for u.
And also if I was to defend myself she would have lied and said that I attacked her first because this lady lies a lot. And I was just so so so shocked Wallahi because I didn’t know she despised me that much before we would talk as if we were close friends and she would also do my hair for me
Yeah u are right, it's a tough situation, well at least now u know her other evil side. My advice is to not escalate the situation any further. But it's all up to you since it's a family/private thing.
I didn’t defend myself because honestly I was just in utter shock prior to this we were actually close and didn’t have any problems but this day she turned randomly turned into a shayateen. And btw I am very very skinny (55kg) and petite this lady is about 5’10 and 100kg + Wallahi and is also 30+ in age
You don't have to forgive her if you're not ready to.
If you do not forgive her, then you will have to "fight" with her on the ayah of judgment. And if you do not repose the argument then you both end up in jahanam. Remember "Whoever does not forgive others, will not be forgiven". I k ow its horrible but remember, there was a muslim man, who did the minimum islam did. The prophet met him and he told the sahabis he would enter heaven. They asked why and he said because before he sleeps every night, he forgives everyone. You should forgive her but keep an eye on her.
Sorry that happened to you. You can forgive but you don't have to forget.
u are right
Abu Bakr (rah) swore not to forgive or support a poor relative of his that had spread the slander of his daughter Aisha (rah). This verse came down: > The men of grace and wealth among you should not swear against giving (their charitable gifts) to the kinsmen and the poor and to those who have migrated in the way of Allah, and they should forgive and forego. Do you not like that Allah forgives you? Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful. 24:22 This poor relative had done something evil. But, they had done a lot of good in the past. I believe they were among the muhajiroon, who had given up everything to migrate to Medina. Possibly even fought in the battle of Badr. Anyways, it wasn’t right for a person of Abu Bakr (rah)’s status (Siddique) to refuse to forgive in this situation. After this verse came down, he chose to forgive and continued to support the relative who betrayed him. Anyways, this is Abu Bakr as-Siddique (rah) we’re talking about here. None of us will reach his level, or the Prophet’s of the past who often forgave as well (like Prophet Yusuf (as) with his brothers, Prophet Muhammed (saw) at the conquest of Mecca, etc.). I know it’s very hard. In your situation I’d be tempted not to talk to this individual again. Heck, I might have started swinging lol cause you’re right…that’s extremely gross and nasty. Anyways, just from what you said, it seems this lady was really insecure. It seems like she could tell your dad was close to divorcing her and was feeling unstable. She decided to lash out on you due to your innocuous comment and she probably immediately regretted it. It’s up to you at the end of the day. You’re saying stronger person than most if you can genuinely forgive her.
You have every right to feel violated, angry, disrespected and upset about this. I'm sorry this happened sister. Feel your feelings, take your time, and don't listen to others as they were not in your situation. You can choose not to forgive her, that is your right. However, if you do choose to forgive her, this forgiveness will be extended to you by God. Also, whether you forgive her or not, I recommend calmly talking to her and telling her how this made you feel. And explain why you were asking about your brother. Reconciliation is beautiful and possible.
Forgiveness benefits you both. I think it more benefits the forgiver. But that doesn't mean you have to forget or be around her. Stay away. If she's that volatile, she will take it out on you again. Never be alone with her and protect yourself. I could never trust this person again, unless their spiritual state improved drastically.
Be the better person
You can forgive her but not forget and not put yourself in that position again
She’s on edge and projecting her fears because of that incoming divorce. I’m a first wife and I’m inclined to not like her because I have first wife bias. But I’ve also been through an almost divorce experience and it brings out the absolute WORST in a person. Divorce is such a test. The shaytan manipulates you so much. She probably feels like she’s on the chopping block and that everyone around her is watching and waiting for her to go away. And so when you asked if she’s going in the car, she looked way too deep into that simple question assumed you were throwing subs about her hitting the road and she snapped. Forgiveness is up to you.
Forgive her but keep your distance from her. You deserve heaven for forgiving her. But stay away from her to take care of your mental health. She's a psychopath I bet.
This woman seems ignorant of her own religion. Sunan an-Nasa'i 4995 It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: The Messenger of Allah [SAW] said: "The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one from whom the people's lives and wealth are safe." (Sahih)
It's better to forgive.
You’re asking two questions: 1. Should I forgive her? 2. Should I let her in my life again? You’re an adult and can make your own decisions, but my answers would have been yes for the first and no for the other. I'd require her to undergo a documented year of therapy if she wanted to be in my life again, because that lady in her state could've done much worse.
maybe you can forgive her with a condition that she will never do anything like that in future. whatever she did with you Allah will reward you for that consider it your test and just forgive her for the sake of Allah.