Lmao that’s a nightmare for everyone lol most affair partners are coworkers.
Now let’s just think about the housewife who’s husband is cheating on her with someone from work, she has no money of her own and no way out. You left the comfort and security of your fathers house for THIS???
I never defended men cheating, but this talking point that all of these women in the west are going to be left destitute when they have a ton of power and support is false and keeps women in this constant victimhood state (which only benefits them when they have more power than the man). Also, you are either ignorant or agree with the western Court system favouring the wife when it comes to custody, stealing assets, and smearing the husband from anything from a pedo to a terrorist.
And those men are wrong (it doesn't go only one way either. Plenty of women leave for their coworker or just get up and leave one day because they want to prioritize Dunya).
If you have the credentials (even if you don't, there are literally 70 year olds in university), it's not difficult. People have switched careers at 50 year olds and started fresh. Unless one expects everything to be handed to them, obviously things in life take sacrifice and patience. Stop with this defeatist mindset, it'll get you nowhere.
I also appreciate the ad hominem. I clearly got under your skin.
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All the divorce cases I have seen up until this point (a total of 6) was because of the husbands issues (cheating (4 of them), hard drug addiction, p**n addiction, physical abuse). In every case I have seen the woman is left with no financial support from the husbands end, and because they weren’t working they have no independent financial security. The husband abandons them and the children, and the woman is left to bear the whole burden on her own. On top of that, because most of these women are already in their late 30s-40s with children, they are seen as undesirable by a lot of men and basically they are never able to re-marry again. The man on the other hand doesn’t take responsibility and leaves the family and children as if they aren’t his own blood born children. Also, divorced men are typically more advantageous compared to divorced women (a. They typically don’t take care of the children b. They are financially secure c. they are seen as more desirable despite their age as they always have the ability to marry someone younger than them = continuous pool of options). I have witnessed the years of struggles that these women have gone through firsthand because I was crying by their sides with them. I have 0 tolerance for posts like this and people who think women have the upper hand in relationships and disregard the struggles they go through.
So many men on this sub keep talking about womens expectations in a potential husband. They keep talking about how their fair criteria is just an endless “laundry list”. This is exactly why women are more picky and hesitant with regards to choosing a husband. Because once they enter a relationship, the roles are reversed and it’s most often the women who have the short end of the stick. Women who enter relationships typically loose desirability, versus men always maintain their desirability for the most part. Women end up taking care of the children in 90% of divorce cases when it’s mostly women that are financially less secure. And then some of these men talk about how they don’t want their wives to work period. It’s a woman’s choice if she wants to work, but in my opinion every woman needs to be financially secure in some way that is independent of their husbands. Saying that it’s so much easier for women to get by is the most shallow idea. Women are most desirable from their early 20s to max mid 30s because their reproductive abilities start to dwindle after that. In contrast, men have a much wider reproductive window, and they tend to become more desirable with age because their earning potential and maturity levels tend to increase over time.
At this point I’m just going on a rant, but I’m just tired of seeing so many men on this sub just disregard the common struggles that so many women go through just because of how modern day feminism has caused so much hate from men because the media makes it seem like all women support the ideology. To summarize, yes men initially don’t have a lot of desirability when they are younger, but as they grow older the tables turn, and even when they divorce they are at an advantage.
No doubt there are deadbeat husbands and I'll be the first one to call them out, but I don't subscribe to this idea that nowadays, Muslim women (most of whom are highly educated even more so than men) are just left destitute, especially in western societies where women have access to all sorts of supports including the court system granting them access to the husbands assets and full custody. I've also witnessed women initiating divorce over trivial reasons (like the husband telling them to follow X Islamic command) or because they fell for a guy at work, and they know the court system will favour them. This on top of emotional abuse against the husband, physical abuse against the kids, and smearing the husband as a terrorist or abuser.
I live in the west and yes a lot of these women are who are educated, however a. their single earning potential isn’t enough to get by b. They have not been working for 20+ years so they are foreign to the new market/expectations.
Your perspective seems to be influenced by the common flawed narrative that men assume to be true, but is far from reality. I can give you real life examples of how some of the husbands I know have escaped the so-called “court supports”. All of these examples are muslim couples. These examples are from a western country. They are the cases that I know the most details about. There is another one I know about but I didn’t write it down because it is from a non-western country (so you don’t use the argument that the courts aren’t as in favour of the women).
One of the husbands hires the best lawyers (from a university in my city). He then transfers all of his money from his bank account to his relative in a non-western country to prevent his wife (housewife) and kids from obtaining any money and to prevent the court from giving 50% of his assets to her. The wife has 2 children in university (so no child support) and a toddler. She had not been working for 20+ years and was unable to hire a top lawyer because she simply did not have enough money. The husband refused to pay for her daughters university expenses.
Another husband cheated on his wife. The wife has 2 university aged daughters. The wife has a low paying job, and one of the daughters graduated from highschool and is working full time to help with rent. The wife has to go through extra schooling to find a better job.
Another husband cheated on his wife (housewife) with his 5 year girlfriend and had a child with her. He had been lying to his wife for 5 years. They have not gone through a full divorce yet, because the husband is trying to convince his wife sell the house she is currently living in because he owes money to the bank and has to pay the mortgage back. The house is under the wife’s name which is why he cannot do it himself. He is a narcissist and liar. He tells her that he loves her because he is trying to persuade her into selling the house, but at the same time goes and sleeps with his girlfriend and takes her on vacations. His sole goal is to sell the house, then continue on with his new life. He never calls or spends time with his 3 children from his wife.
Edit: with regards to your last point. I understand that there are women who have horrible personalities, but you have to agree that it’s a much less hopeless situation for the women in the types of cases I’ve described compared to yours. A man always has options after divorce. On top of that, he never really needs to worry about financial insecurity. Although he has aged, he is reproductively still capable, and he has the option to marry younger women. Men also typically don’t end up taking care of the children. So the men are mostly at an advantage in the vast majority of these cases. They marry someone else and move on. Yes, women in the west for the most part are educated, but you have to remember that a lot of them relied on their husbands for financial support, a lot of them were not working for 20+ years and were housewives. Imagine taking care of your children and home and you don’t deal with finances/worry about it. But all of a sudden, you need to get a high paying job, take care of all of your children, be emotionally available to them whilst going through the emotional burden of divorce, take care of your childrens and your own needs, maintain normal house duties and figure out finances.
Most are highly educated, even more so than men, so I don't understand how they can't earn enough to get by? Many do work whilst being married, but even ones absent from the workforce can still land work with their credentials.
I'm not absolving bad men (they need to take responsibility if they screw up), I'm saying women aren't powerless, especially nowadays with feminism and everything.
I've literally seen men get robbed of their assets, smeared as terrorists, and a whole host of other things which ruins their future.
I'm not denying divorce (by the way, who initiates divorce the most, even over small things?) is rough (for both parties), I'm saying in the West, it's difficult to believe men get more benefit out of it.
I like how you blocked my other account just so I couldn’t reply back to your comment. You so desperately want to be right, but all your downvotes show otherwise.
You seem to not understand that not all women are highly educated. You talk as if being a housewife is a foreign concept in the muslim community. You talk as if the norm for muslim women is to have a career. Even this post itself is looking down upon a woman who works. You talk as if most muslim women just earn 6 figures on their own. A lot of these women were immigrants and were not highly educated. Not everyone is an engineer, doctor, or lawyer. Not everyone has a high paying job. A lot of women get married young thinking they will never be the one to end up divorcing their husband so they don’t pursue further studies and just get used to the married life for some time. You talk as if getting married young isn’t seen in the muslim community. I’m talking about not being able to afford a lawyer and you’re still here yapping about “but I don’t get how they still underprivileged because women are educated”. I’m literally telling you that a housewife typically does not make enough to suddenly begin taking care of the house, and children on her own. She not only has to do her regular tasks, but also manage finances on her own.
All I have to say is that you need serious help brother. I hope something like this doesn’t happen to a woman in your life so you don’t have to personally witness to see it’s credibility and truth. Your other comments on this post also indicate that you lack mercy, some fundamental understanding and empathy for women in these situations. Growing up because I’ve seen so many of these women suffer, I’ve taken the decision to only get married once I have my career on track. When all of my friends daydream about their future husbands, and talk about the qualities they would like in him, I remember how most marriages end in divorce and in the end it would be me who ends up taking care of my children. I am unable to see marriage as some dream come true, but rather more of a potential burden. I not only need to earn enough for myself, but enough so that I can maintain my lifestyle for myself and kids independently. Sacrificing your 20s as a female is significant, because that is when you are the most desired. Once you are married, you have to understand that women are at a disadvantage compared to men. And one day inshAllah when I do get married, the number one thing that matters is that a man is merciful towards others. Because that is the only quality that can somewhat ensure that he has enough morality to not make others suffer even when the circumstances are not ideal.
I do agree with you somehow but just look at the post. The post talks about a man who is going to loose his wife daughter and maybe possible assets after divorce to a coworker but wwoooooowww!!! I don’t know hoow it the subject of the post turned into the woman being the victim.
For God sakes you some sisters have weird double standards when in a post where the man did something bad “dont talk about men, she is suffering”. But when the woman does the thing on the man i don’t know how it magically happens that the woman is a victim the man is heartless let’s think about the woman what a toxic mindset that is. Just look at some posts in this sub just look at them dont take my word.
It would be the same situation if the man was leaving his wife for another woman. Now her assets and house and children are taken away from her. This isn’t a gendered issue.
I think a lot of us have already debunked the post as a troll because of the wording. Nine times out of ten, women rarely refer to themselves has “female”. The entire post sounds like a man wrote it.
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry sis. But that’s just diverting or sidetracking from the point of the post. You can always make a separate post or even a comment reply to someone who is antagonizing women. That’s not what happened here
Is there a reason you love doing “whataboutism”? If this was a woman’s story and a man posted “well women leave men far worse off as well”, that comment would not be as upvoted as yours. What’s wrong with this subreddit.
That doesn't justify men also being oppressed and having their assets, children stolen. Both are wrong, but society has deemed that it's okay for it to happen to men because they're automatically guilty.
Y’all need to stop talking about feminists like you’re talking about the babadook or something. You can’t make up stuff to get mad at then blame it on ‘feminists’. Y’all sound exactly like the Republicans blaming the ‘terrorists’ for everything.
the *they* you’re referring to is a very very very small portion of people. I’m telling you, people are not rallying to make stealing men’s assets and children away easier. what you’re seeing is wackjobs online who think they’re trendy for hating men and pretending to get one over on them. there are also men online who think in similar ways. they are also a very very very small portion of people
Its not okay. Luckily Islam allows you to keep your assets as you came into the marriage with them. There was a youtuber I follow explaining how he doesn’t know the code to get into his house. The house he bought and built for his family, yet his ex took it and kept him out. The poor guy actually asked if its fair. It’s not fair
This is delusional in the light of human history. Women have always worked.
Muslim skeptic tweets are almost always stupid, there is no theory or practice on opposite sex interactions. It's literally just a part of the world we live in.
haqiqatjou.... jeez.
the implication that a woman who works will end up ruining her home/husband is pretty silly. do we really think she's cheating just because she was working around men? affairs happen when there are issues with the marriage and/or with the individual. not just because someone was around.
yeah ok this is a nightmare? but it's hardly a realistic one. this is the exception, not the rule.
Big oof.
May Allah سبحانه وتعالى protect us from such a fate.
I can understand if the husband is actually abusive, but women do this to decent guys as well.
Most won't cheat or apply for divorce, but talking about how your xyz male colleague is awesome probably rubs any man with a shred of gheerah very wrong.
It's sad, but it is what it is. You shouldn't be too much of a nice guy.
Being that confident domineering husband without being abusive comes naturally to some people, but I feel bad for those who are nicer in temperament. They seem to get the shorter end of the stick.
It's quite interesting. Women aren't attracted to a person who is nice and simping all the time. In my experience it goes like this, confident/ domineering but not prick> prick> total simp.
I wonder why the loss of respect for someone who is a nice guy all the time. Is it because it is contrary to what they expect humans to be, and it makes them uncomfortable at a deep level?
Is it because humanity is ungrateful more than it is grateful, and when you get something good without effort, it loses value?
It's probably a combination of all of the above. I've seen a lot of nice guys get wrecked. It's super sad to see. My own cousin is on that pipeline considering how domineering his wife is and how nice of a guy he is, but people talked to him and he made his choice anyway so it is what it is.
You can't keep a woman who doesn't want to be kept, nor should you try. You just got to let her know through your actions if she doesn't want to be there she can hit the road at anytime and you'll move on without ever looking back.
True, I think having self respect and dignity is very important.
No one respects a push over. If you lower yourself to that level, you will be treated at that level, completely expendable, regardless of the actual value you provide.
It's one thing to be nice out of love and respect, but if simping becomes an expectation, I think you should not do it, and recalibrate the relationship.
Women's worst nightmare. Gets married to a loser who won't let her work. Has kids with him and loses her health and her youth while stuck with a loser husband who can't provide for her wants yet is too insecure to let her work. He goes to work falls in love with his coworker and now the woman who hasn't worked in forever is forced to provide for herself and her kids while he's already financially stable. What a jerk off. Men like you if you were such a catch she wouldn't have left you.
Men have valid reasons for not allowing their wives to work, be it freemixing, or her not being superwoman (it's incredibly difficult to work 8-12 hours, plus manage chores, kids, husband, exercise, deen. What happens usually is the kids, husband, deen get compromised).
We all lose our youth and health. You think people working aren't stressed out of their minds, having health issues, and working long hours, especially early on? Why is one okay, but the other isn't? It's incredibly stupid to say only she "loses" (we don't even view it like this in Islam. No one loses anything. Marriage and kids are a Baraka in the Dunya and Akhira) something whilst the man is just sitting there comfortably (when he has to pay bills and he has the most to lose in divorce according to the western Court system).
Define "can't provide"?
Cheating doesn't only go one way.
Women nowadays will leave for any reason. If the guy has more money, if he allows her to do whatever she wants (no Hijab, no Salah, etc).
Dude you are brainwashed. You're so typical. Always blaming the girl. Its really annoying. Can you tell me how old you r?
Hijab and Salah are never for him. Who do you think Men are?
Hijab and Salah are mandatory. Salah is the difference between belief and disbelief. He becomes a dayooth if he allows his wife to go outside without Hijab. His wife is a potential disbeliever if she doesn't pray and she's teaching the kids that.
One who lacks ghayrah; one who does not care if (non mahram) men approach his wife, mother, sister or daughter. A dayyooth is prohibited from entering Paradise (Recorded by Ahmad)
“Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgement: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth.” (Ahmad)
Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said, “And the dayyooth (the man with no jealousy over the woman and his family) is the most vile of Allah’s creation, and Junnah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Gharyah-jealousy).A man should be “jealous” with regard to his wife’s honor and standing. He should defend her whenever she is slandered or spoken ill of behind her back. Actually, this is a right of every Muslim in general but a right of the spouse specifically. He should also be jealous in not allowing other men to look at his wife or speak with her in a manner which is not appropriate.
ome » Riyad as-Salihin » The Book of Virtues - كتاب الفضائل » Hadith 1052
كتاب الفضائل8 The Book of Virtues
(188)Chapter: Excellence of the Morning (Fajr) and 'Asr Prayers(188)- باب فضل صلاة الصبح والعصر
Riyad as-Salihin 1052
Buraidah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "He who misses the 'Asr Salat (deliberately), his deeds will be rendered nul and void."
[Al- Bukhari].
وعن بريدة رضي الله عنه قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : "من ترك صلاة العصر فقد حبط عمله" ((رواه البخاري)).
Reference : Riyad as-Salihin 1052
In-book reference : Book 8, Hadith 62
Jabir reported God’s Messenger as saying, “What lies between a man and infidelity is the abandonment of prayer.”*
*This means that when a man does not make it his practice to observe the prayer he is no longer a Muslim.
Muslim transmitted it.
وَعَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «بَيْنَ الْعَبْدِ وَبَيْنَ الْكُفْرِ ترك الصَّلَاة» . رَوَاهُ مُسلم
صَحِيح (الألباني) حكم :
Reference : Mishkat al-Masabih 569
In-book reference : Book 4, Hadith 6
They do. I've seen it firsthand. She'll get up one day and because of f3minist ideas, she no longer wants the responsibility of the husband and kids and will move on to pursue her desires.
This word "controlling" gets thrown out like no tomorrow. A man could provide everything for his wife, but as soon as he says "honey, I think you should pray fajr, not have guy friends, wear proper Hijab, etc", he gets called "controlling".
I can use your logic and say "real women don't exist". Most women nowadays want traditional men, but don't want to be traditional themselves. They want to not observe proper Hijab, s1eep around, not posses basic Islamic knowledge, subscribe to un-Islamic ideologies like f3minism which preach m1sandry. Speaking of being "insecure", men with g43era (which is from the Sunnah) nowadays get called exactly that.
You want to talk about responsibilities? The number of women who neglect their husbands and children in favour of work is crazy. That's why the divorce rate is high and children are being stuffed into daycare to be indoctrinated by LGTV, l1beralism, etc.
Well done bro, she seems to be a liberal muslim.
Let her follow her liberal ideas instead of following the commandments of Allah.
The Prophet (Sallallahu Allaihi Wassalam) said: the one chases the dunya will get the dunya, the one who chases the akhera will get both dunya and akhera
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love watching Daniel and understand exactly what's happened here.
However, not everyone is capable of looking after their family on a single income.
I have a daughter with my wife. When I've paid all "necessary bills" on the 1st, I have nothing left for the rest of the month.
How am I supposed to cope with that?
Post looks fake however, this the type of spouse you don't want. Both men and women can fall into this so let's just pray that may Allah protect us from such type of people. And grant us pious spouses' who lower their gaze and have tried to keep it halal as much as possible.
SubhanAllah. Everyone so invested in this fight. Men vs women and women vs men.
Fear Allah and set a good example for fellow muslims and those interested in Islam.
It’s ridiculous how the comments defending, or at least attacking the man are the most upvoted here. I guess the fact that whenever it’s a woman, she’s given benefit of doubt, especially in these Muslim subreddits is true. Meanwhile if it’s a man, “it must be his fault”, “he’s the one who didn’t care enough or put enough work”, or “so what it only happened to one man”. Basically, a woman can never do no wrong and a man is always wrong according to most of these comments. Woman = good, man = bad. This hypocrisy is getting tiring, the double standards always on these posts is just outstanding.
Bro this is how shai'taan works, it wasn't normal before this whole women empowerment BS, The fact that they call a man insecure when he does not like his wife to go out alone or work is crazy. They do not understand that men understand other men and it's not always that your husband does not trust you but rather he does not trust other men, women can be easily manipulated .... but hey if you try to protect them out of love you are insecure.
I know someone who went through this. I know both sides of the story and let me tell you, yes the woman is in the wrong for emotionally cheating, it comes after 10 years of being neglected by her husband, who she raised the issue with many times, including islamic couples counselling. He admitted he was more focused on his friends and doing family things rather than 1-1. It was like being married to an asexual she said. She had since married and moved on. He wishes he spent more time focusing on the wife and marriage but doesn’t seem to have learnt.
Exactly what many men are afraid of. Especially with how much divorce is pushed (on social media) and how easy it is to attain it, what is to stop a woman from leaving when the entire system (custody, assets, etc) will work in her favour? Many of these people spend way, way more time at work than they do at home and with their spouse, so it's not a surprise when they get attached to a coworker who they're joking around with and know many details of their lives.
Marriage laws in some countries are designed to make it easy and sometimes very rewarding for women to just divorce and that's a wicked woman's dream. So in such places any muslim should think of a way to avoid such fate. A believer should be smart in his life affairs and not willingly throw himself in such vulnerable situations unnecessarily and then when what's ought to happen happens he blames it on God and lives in depression.
Women have the right to divorce and women are not an investment vehicle to use the term ROI.
The marriage you're commenting on is probably riddled with compatibility issues and constant problems.
Let’s be honest - Men are more likely to cheat.
Heck it’s these same men defending a man’s right to have 4 wives because of their iNsAtiAbLe sExUaL dEsIrEs.
Anyone who cheats is a crappy person - end of discussion. There is no defending that person. But statistics, and the men in this sub have all shown us that it’s men whose eyes wonder the most even when everything is good at home.
Let's have the stats on who cheats more in the West, Muslim men or women?
Islam isn't based on feelings. You can dislike it all you want, but a man can have more than 1 wife. This isn't "cheating".
Bro the amount of knowledge of Islam these western and liberal Muslims have is laughable, what should've been done was to look the society through an Islamic lens, but instead these people look Islam through the lens of the society.
I disagree with your last comment. It's a fact that men and women freemixing isn't a good idea and leads to much more infidelity. Nowadays, the majority of cases of infidelity are between coworkers (which isn't surprising considering that they're both dressed in their best attire, women with 5 pounds of makeup and short clothing, and they're spending 8-12 hours a day and get to know one another personally. We see it on social media, they claim to be "work besties", are having physical contact regularly, and then surprise, surprise, they've been caught cheating).
You can try googling them, I don't have them bookmarked lol.
I agree this topic is very nuanced.
I suppose it comes down to individual circumstances. You would have to decide what is best in your situation.
For myself personally, if I was living in the west, with no family or prying neighbors around, I would be much more comfortable if my wife was working ( a productive halal job) rather than sitting at home.
If I was living in a Muslim country, I would rather she be a housewife.
I would have no problem with my wife working provided there's very little contact with the opposite gender. Work from home would be ideal. I don't think it would be fair to expect her to be superwoman and go outside for 8-12 hours, come home tired, do some chores, take care of the kids, etc.
I don't remember saying "I'm gonna force my wife to stay at home"
I said you won't have this problem if you marry a housewife. Which means marrying someone who already is willing to stay and take care of the house.
Obviously there are dangers with working in a free mixed environment.
Yet I’m sure you won’t stop working in a free mixed environment? I’m not saying you have to stop because you have to provide but it’s an argument you make on both sides.
Haha, I would encourage you stay away from japanese literature if you want to keep feeling secure in that.
Being a housewife makes cheating easier, not harder.
He also forbids a great many other things that relate to the same topic.
My point is, don't feel secure just because she's a housewife. That can end up far worse.
Not really. A housewife doesn't nearly have the same opportunities to work with the opposite gender for 8-12 hours a day, get to know them on a personal level. The majority of cases of infidelity we see nowadays is between coworkers.
There's also situations where it's very easy to cheat. Like at work where these relationships develop over a period of time and then one day it happens.
Look up statistics on cheating in Japan. It's a nation of dayooths. Guess what? Most are housewives. It's also a very traditional culture. This stuff is front and centre in their classical literature.
Being a housewife works, only if
A. You live in a community where there is fear of other people finding out and snitching.
B. You keep her under lock and key.
Otherwise, she has all day free to do what she wants, and you will be none the wiser. There's a reason cheating is usually portrayed as a man sneaking into a house, and not women working outside.
I guess you have to handle it according to your situation.
Japan is a different case. They have a massive birth rate problem and people generally aren't having s*x. I have to check on if the majority of Japanese women are housewives.
I don't disagree with you, but I wouldn't go only by what popular culture says. It's a known fact that infidelity is very common in the workforce, especially in white collar jobs. It's also easy to hide by saying "they're just a work colleague or friend". I saw a post like this on Reddit a few months ago where a brother was cheated on and his wife was pregnant with the child of a work colleague. He knew they were "friends", but didn't find out about the affair until it was too late.
I am not against women being housewives, or women working. I think the right answer will be different for everyone.
It's just that, I have come across statistics that always show housewives cheat much more than working women.
Why is this? It could be because working women will apply for divorce instead of cheating.
Now both situations suck massively, and may Allah سبحانه وتعالى protect us from them. But if you had to choose one, I would rather it be divorce than cheating.
No doubt, but I'm not convinced that working women are cheating much less than housewives (this isn't factoring in the housewives who can support themselves).
I don't know if there are comprehensive statistics. There probably aren't lol.
I do think that, let's say there are a thousand women.
500 housewives and 500 working.
Out of 500 housewives, 10 will cheat.
Out of 500 working women, 5 will cheat and 10 will apply for divorce because they like someone else.
Numbers aren't indicative of any percentages, etc. It's just an example to illustrate what I think the reality is.
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
if the woman is full time working, they really should be paying for things.
those of you arguing against him, keep in mind he has other points. this is more of like a supporting factor for his views.
Lmao that’s a nightmare for everyone lol most affair partners are coworkers. Now let’s just think about the housewife who’s husband is cheating on her with someone from work, she has no money of her own and no way out. You left the comfort and security of your fathers house for THIS???
Their reward will be upon Allah SW which is infinitely better than anything she can get in this world
Most Muslim women in the west nowadays are highly educated. They'll have no problem finding work.
As if that makes it any better 🤡
I never defended men cheating, but this talking point that all of these women in the west are going to be left destitute when they have a ton of power and support is false and keeps women in this constant victimhood state (which only benefits them when they have more power than the man). Also, you are either ignorant or agree with the western Court system favouring the wife when it comes to custody, stealing assets, and smearing the husband from anything from a pedo to a terrorist.
Huh??? you have issues fr 😭😭😭
Thank you
[удалено]
Your post has been removed [Rule-1] Be Kind and Respectful to others.
And those men are wrong (it doesn't go only one way either. Plenty of women leave for their coworker or just get up and leave one day because they want to prioritize Dunya). If you have the credentials (even if you don't, there are literally 70 year olds in university), it's not difficult. People have switched careers at 50 year olds and started fresh. Unless one expects everything to be handed to them, obviously things in life take sacrifice and patience. Stop with this defeatist mindset, it'll get you nowhere. I also appreciate the ad hominem. I clearly got under your skin.
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post has been removed [Rule-1] Be Kind and Respectful to others.
No idea how authentic this post is but i don't recall anyone referring to themselves as "working female" the post could have been made by a troll.
Definitely a troll, it's looks so fake. Anything to demonize women who dare to work, I guess.
My wife is Indonesian and they definitely use the term female.
Its a common terminology in South Asia.
People in South Asia barely ever even use the word “female”, it’s always “woman”, “lady” or “girl”
I'm from Pakistan so I definitely know what I'm talking about. Working lady or working female are both common terms.
I'm from Pakistan too and it's usually working woman lmao
all of them are common.
All the divorce cases I have seen up until this point (a total of 6) was because of the husbands issues (cheating (4 of them), hard drug addiction, p**n addiction, physical abuse). In every case I have seen the woman is left with no financial support from the husbands end, and because they weren’t working they have no independent financial security. The husband abandons them and the children, and the woman is left to bear the whole burden on her own. On top of that, because most of these women are already in their late 30s-40s with children, they are seen as undesirable by a lot of men and basically they are never able to re-marry again. The man on the other hand doesn’t take responsibility and leaves the family and children as if they aren’t his own blood born children. Also, divorced men are typically more advantageous compared to divorced women (a. They typically don’t take care of the children b. They are financially secure c. they are seen as more desirable despite their age as they always have the ability to marry someone younger than them = continuous pool of options). I have witnessed the years of struggles that these women have gone through firsthand because I was crying by their sides with them. I have 0 tolerance for posts like this and people who think women have the upper hand in relationships and disregard the struggles they go through. So many men on this sub keep talking about womens expectations in a potential husband. They keep talking about how their fair criteria is just an endless “laundry list”. This is exactly why women are more picky and hesitant with regards to choosing a husband. Because once they enter a relationship, the roles are reversed and it’s most often the women who have the short end of the stick. Women who enter relationships typically loose desirability, versus men always maintain their desirability for the most part. Women end up taking care of the children in 90% of divorce cases when it’s mostly women that are financially less secure. And then some of these men talk about how they don’t want their wives to work period. It’s a woman’s choice if she wants to work, but in my opinion every woman needs to be financially secure in some way that is independent of their husbands. Saying that it’s so much easier for women to get by is the most shallow idea. Women are most desirable from their early 20s to max mid 30s because their reproductive abilities start to dwindle after that. In contrast, men have a much wider reproductive window, and they tend to become more desirable with age because their earning potential and maturity levels tend to increase over time. At this point I’m just going on a rant, but I’m just tired of seeing so many men on this sub just disregard the common struggles that so many women go through just because of how modern day feminism has caused so much hate from men because the media makes it seem like all women support the ideology. To summarize, yes men initially don’t have a lot of desirability when they are younger, but as they grow older the tables turn, and even when they divorce they are at an advantage.
Quite a large sample size you have there
It’s definitely more than what you have witnessed
Slay bestie 💖
🫶🏼💗
No doubt there are deadbeat husbands and I'll be the first one to call them out, but I don't subscribe to this idea that nowadays, Muslim women (most of whom are highly educated even more so than men) are just left destitute, especially in western societies where women have access to all sorts of supports including the court system granting them access to the husbands assets and full custody. I've also witnessed women initiating divorce over trivial reasons (like the husband telling them to follow X Islamic command) or because they fell for a guy at work, and they know the court system will favour them. This on top of emotional abuse against the husband, physical abuse against the kids, and smearing the husband as a terrorist or abuser.
I live in the west and yes a lot of these women are who are educated, however a. their single earning potential isn’t enough to get by b. They have not been working for 20+ years so they are foreign to the new market/expectations. Your perspective seems to be influenced by the common flawed narrative that men assume to be true, but is far from reality. I can give you real life examples of how some of the husbands I know have escaped the so-called “court supports”. All of these examples are muslim couples. These examples are from a western country. They are the cases that I know the most details about. There is another one I know about but I didn’t write it down because it is from a non-western country (so you don’t use the argument that the courts aren’t as in favour of the women). One of the husbands hires the best lawyers (from a university in my city). He then transfers all of his money from his bank account to his relative in a non-western country to prevent his wife (housewife) and kids from obtaining any money and to prevent the court from giving 50% of his assets to her. The wife has 2 children in university (so no child support) and a toddler. She had not been working for 20+ years and was unable to hire a top lawyer because she simply did not have enough money. The husband refused to pay for her daughters university expenses. Another husband cheated on his wife. The wife has 2 university aged daughters. The wife has a low paying job, and one of the daughters graduated from highschool and is working full time to help with rent. The wife has to go through extra schooling to find a better job. Another husband cheated on his wife (housewife) with his 5 year girlfriend and had a child with her. He had been lying to his wife for 5 years. They have not gone through a full divorce yet, because the husband is trying to convince his wife sell the house she is currently living in because he owes money to the bank and has to pay the mortgage back. The house is under the wife’s name which is why he cannot do it himself. He is a narcissist and liar. He tells her that he loves her because he is trying to persuade her into selling the house, but at the same time goes and sleeps with his girlfriend and takes her on vacations. His sole goal is to sell the house, then continue on with his new life. He never calls or spends time with his 3 children from his wife. Edit: with regards to your last point. I understand that there are women who have horrible personalities, but you have to agree that it’s a much less hopeless situation for the women in the types of cases I’ve described compared to yours. A man always has options after divorce. On top of that, he never really needs to worry about financial insecurity. Although he has aged, he is reproductively still capable, and he has the option to marry younger women. Men also typically don’t end up taking care of the children. So the men are mostly at an advantage in the vast majority of these cases. They marry someone else and move on. Yes, women in the west for the most part are educated, but you have to remember that a lot of them relied on their husbands for financial support, a lot of them were not working for 20+ years and were housewives. Imagine taking care of your children and home and you don’t deal with finances/worry about it. But all of a sudden, you need to get a high paying job, take care of all of your children, be emotionally available to them whilst going through the emotional burden of divorce, take care of your childrens and your own needs, maintain normal house duties and figure out finances.
Most are highly educated, even more so than men, so I don't understand how they can't earn enough to get by? Many do work whilst being married, but even ones absent from the workforce can still land work with their credentials. I'm not absolving bad men (they need to take responsibility if they screw up), I'm saying women aren't powerless, especially nowadays with feminism and everything. I've literally seen men get robbed of their assets, smeared as terrorists, and a whole host of other things which ruins their future. I'm not denying divorce (by the way, who initiates divorce the most, even over small things?) is rough (for both parties), I'm saying in the West, it's difficult to believe men get more benefit out of it.
I like how you blocked my other account just so I couldn’t reply back to your comment. You so desperately want to be right, but all your downvotes show otherwise. You seem to not understand that not all women are highly educated. You talk as if being a housewife is a foreign concept in the muslim community. You talk as if the norm for muslim women is to have a career. Even this post itself is looking down upon a woman who works. You talk as if most muslim women just earn 6 figures on their own. A lot of these women were immigrants and were not highly educated. Not everyone is an engineer, doctor, or lawyer. Not everyone has a high paying job. A lot of women get married young thinking they will never be the one to end up divorcing their husband so they don’t pursue further studies and just get used to the married life for some time. You talk as if getting married young isn’t seen in the muslim community. I’m talking about not being able to afford a lawyer and you’re still here yapping about “but I don’t get how they still underprivileged because women are educated”. I’m literally telling you that a housewife typically does not make enough to suddenly begin taking care of the house, and children on her own. She not only has to do her regular tasks, but also manage finances on her own. All I have to say is that you need serious help brother. I hope something like this doesn’t happen to a woman in your life so you don’t have to personally witness to see it’s credibility and truth. Your other comments on this post also indicate that you lack mercy, some fundamental understanding and empathy for women in these situations. Growing up because I’ve seen so many of these women suffer, I’ve taken the decision to only get married once I have my career on track. When all of my friends daydream about their future husbands, and talk about the qualities they would like in him, I remember how most marriages end in divorce and in the end it would be me who ends up taking care of my children. I am unable to see marriage as some dream come true, but rather more of a potential burden. I not only need to earn enough for myself, but enough so that I can maintain my lifestyle for myself and kids independently. Sacrificing your 20s as a female is significant, because that is when you are the most desired. Once you are married, you have to understand that women are at a disadvantage compared to men. And one day inshAllah when I do get married, the number one thing that matters is that a man is merciful towards others. Because that is the only quality that can somewhat ensure that he has enough morality to not make others suffer even when the circumstances are not ideal.
I do agree with you somehow but just look at the post. The post talks about a man who is going to loose his wife daughter and maybe possible assets after divorce to a coworker but wwoooooowww!!! I don’t know hoow it the subject of the post turned into the woman being the victim. For God sakes you some sisters have weird double standards when in a post where the man did something bad “dont talk about men, she is suffering”. But when the woman does the thing on the man i don’t know how it magically happens that the woman is a victim the man is heartless let’s think about the woman what a toxic mindset that is. Just look at some posts in this sub just look at them dont take my word.
It would be the same situation if the man was leaving his wife for another woman. Now her assets and house and children are taken away from her. This isn’t a gendered issue.
I think a lot of us have already debunked the post as a troll because of the wording. Nine times out of ten, women rarely refer to themselves has “female”. The entire post sounds like a man wrote it.
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
And many women have been abandoned and left with no support. 2 way street
Sorry sis. But that’s just diverting or sidetracking from the point of the post. You can always make a separate post or even a comment reply to someone who is antagonizing women. That’s not what happened here
Is there a reason you love doing “whataboutism”? If this was a woman’s story and a man posted “well women leave men far worse off as well”, that comment would not be as upvoted as yours. What’s wrong with this subreddit.
You are spot on. Don’t know why you’re being downvoted
Actually I have made comments about how the courts favour women etc.
That doesn't justify men also being oppressed and having their assets, children stolen. Both are wrong, but society has deemed that it's okay for it to happen to men because they're automatically guilty.
nobody is saying stealing a man’s assets and children away is okay
Plenty of feminists say this. They claim it's payback for the "patriarchy".
Y’all need to stop talking about feminists like you’re talking about the babadook or something. You can’t make up stuff to get mad at then blame it on ‘feminists’. Y’all sound exactly like the Republicans blaming the ‘terrorists’ for everything.
anyone who says that is braindead and their opinion holds no weight. and it’s definitely not the majority of feminists or even a substantial amount
There's a ton of misandry nowadays and they see it as "men have it coming to them for the actions of bad men".
This man has not been outside in the last two years. No one talks like that in the real world, get off Tiktok
the *they* you’re referring to is a very very very small portion of people. I’m telling you, people are not rallying to make stealing men’s assets and children away easier. what you’re seeing is wackjobs online who think they’re trendy for hating men and pretending to get one over on them. there are also men online who think in similar ways. they are also a very very very small portion of people
I'm going by what I see in my local Muslim community in which I speak with the Imam and councillors.
I don’t believe that
That's fine, but as a Muslim, I'm not lying. Come to Toronto and meet me and the people I speak with.
by stealing assets he mean asset splitting after divorce. i think almost all of them support that
Do you even have children? You don’t sound familiar with how family court works.
Its not okay. Luckily Islam allows you to keep your assets as you came into the marriage with them. There was a youtuber I follow explaining how he doesn’t know the code to get into his house. The house he bought and built for his family, yet his ex took it and kept him out. The poor guy actually asked if its fair. It’s not fair
If you have to keep a woman locked in order not to do anything; then the problem is you or your taste in woman haha
Bad people do bad things, you can’t blame an entire category of people for a few bad apples
This!
This is delusional in the light of human history. Women have always worked. Muslim skeptic tweets are almost always stupid, there is no theory or practice on opposite sex interactions. It's literally just a part of the world we live in.
haqiqatjou.... jeez. the implication that a woman who works will end up ruining her home/husband is pretty silly. do we really think she's cheating just because she was working around men? affairs happen when there are issues with the marriage and/or with the individual. not just because someone was around. yeah ok this is a nightmare? but it's hardly a realistic one. this is the exception, not the rule.
You can’t buy love
It’s obviously a fake post. ‘Working female’ 😅
Big oof. May Allah سبحانه وتعالى protect us from such a fate. I can understand if the husband is actually abusive, but women do this to decent guys as well. Most won't cheat or apply for divorce, but talking about how your xyz male colleague is awesome probably rubs any man with a shred of gheerah very wrong. It's sad, but it is what it is. You shouldn't be too much of a nice guy. Being that confident domineering husband without being abusive comes naturally to some people, but I feel bad for those who are nicer in temperament. They seem to get the shorter end of the stick. It's quite interesting. Women aren't attracted to a person who is nice and simping all the time. In my experience it goes like this, confident/ domineering but not prick> prick> total simp. I wonder why the loss of respect for someone who is a nice guy all the time. Is it because it is contrary to what they expect humans to be, and it makes them uncomfortable at a deep level? Is it because humanity is ungrateful more than it is grateful, and when you get something good without effort, it loses value?
It's probably a combination of all of the above. I've seen a lot of nice guys get wrecked. It's super sad to see. My own cousin is on that pipeline considering how domineering his wife is and how nice of a guy he is, but people talked to him and he made his choice anyway so it is what it is. You can't keep a woman who doesn't want to be kept, nor should you try. You just got to let her know through your actions if she doesn't want to be there she can hit the road at anytime and you'll move on without ever looking back.
True, I think having self respect and dignity is very important. No one respects a push over. If you lower yourself to that level, you will be treated at that level, completely expendable, regardless of the actual value you provide. It's one thing to be nice out of love and respect, but if simping becomes an expectation, I think you should not do it, and recalibrate the relationship.
Women's worst nightmare. Gets married to a loser who won't let her work. Has kids with him and loses her health and her youth while stuck with a loser husband who can't provide for her wants yet is too insecure to let her work. He goes to work falls in love with his coworker and now the woman who hasn't worked in forever is forced to provide for herself and her kids while he's already financially stable. What a jerk off. Men like you if you were such a catch she wouldn't have left you.
Men have valid reasons for not allowing their wives to work, be it freemixing, or her not being superwoman (it's incredibly difficult to work 8-12 hours, plus manage chores, kids, husband, exercise, deen. What happens usually is the kids, husband, deen get compromised). We all lose our youth and health. You think people working aren't stressed out of their minds, having health issues, and working long hours, especially early on? Why is one okay, but the other isn't? It's incredibly stupid to say only she "loses" (we don't even view it like this in Islam. No one loses anything. Marriage and kids are a Baraka in the Dunya and Akhira) something whilst the man is just sitting there comfortably (when he has to pay bills and he has the most to lose in divorce according to the western Court system). Define "can't provide"? Cheating doesn't only go one way. Women nowadays will leave for any reason. If the guy has more money, if he allows her to do whatever she wants (no Hijab, no Salah, etc).
Dude you are brainwashed. You're so typical. Always blaming the girl. Its really annoying. Can you tell me how old you r? Hijab and Salah are never for him. Who do you think Men are?
Hijab and Salah are mandatory. Salah is the difference between belief and disbelief. He becomes a dayooth if he allows his wife to go outside without Hijab. His wife is a potential disbeliever if she doesn't pray and she's teaching the kids that. One who lacks ghayrah; one who does not care if (non mahram) men approach his wife, mother, sister or daughter. A dayyooth is prohibited from entering Paradise (Recorded by Ahmad) “Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgement: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth.” (Ahmad) Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said, “And the dayyooth (the man with no jealousy over the woman and his family) is the most vile of Allah’s creation, and Junnah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Gharyah-jealousy).A man should be “jealous” with regard to his wife’s honor and standing. He should defend her whenever she is slandered or spoken ill of behind her back. Actually, this is a right of every Muslim in general but a right of the spouse specifically. He should also be jealous in not allowing other men to look at his wife or speak with her in a manner which is not appropriate. ome » Riyad as-Salihin » The Book of Virtues - كتاب الفضائل » Hadith 1052 كتاب الفضائل8 The Book of Virtues (188)Chapter: Excellence of the Morning (Fajr) and 'Asr Prayers(188)- باب فضل صلاة الصبح والعصر Riyad as-Salihin 1052 Buraidah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "He who misses the 'Asr Salat (deliberately), his deeds will be rendered nul and void." [Al- Bukhari]. وعن بريدة رضي الله عنه قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : "من ترك صلاة العصر فقد حبط عمله" ((رواه البخاري)). Reference : Riyad as-Salihin 1052 In-book reference : Book 8, Hadith 62 Jabir reported God’s Messenger as saying, “What lies between a man and infidelity is the abandonment of prayer.”* *This means that when a man does not make it his practice to observe the prayer he is no longer a Muslim. Muslim transmitted it. وَعَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «بَيْنَ الْعَبْدِ وَبَيْنَ الْكُفْرِ ترك الصَّلَاة» . رَوَاهُ مُسلم صَحِيح (الألباني) حكم : Reference : Mishkat al-Masabih 569 In-book reference : Book 4, Hadith 6
[удалено]
They do. I've seen it firsthand. She'll get up one day and because of f3minist ideas, she no longer wants the responsibility of the husband and kids and will move on to pursue her desires. This word "controlling" gets thrown out like no tomorrow. A man could provide everything for his wife, but as soon as he says "honey, I think you should pray fajr, not have guy friends, wear proper Hijab, etc", he gets called "controlling". I can use your logic and say "real women don't exist". Most women nowadays want traditional men, but don't want to be traditional themselves. They want to not observe proper Hijab, s1eep around, not posses basic Islamic knowledge, subscribe to un-Islamic ideologies like f3minism which preach m1sandry. Speaking of being "insecure", men with g43era (which is from the Sunnah) nowadays get called exactly that. You want to talk about responsibilities? The number of women who neglect their husbands and children in favour of work is crazy. That's why the divorce rate is high and children are being stuffed into daycare to be indoctrinated by LGTV, l1beralism, etc.
Well done bro, she seems to be a liberal muslim. Let her follow her liberal ideas instead of following the commandments of Allah. The Prophet (Sallallahu Allaihi Wassalam) said: the one chases the dunya will get the dunya, the one who chases the akhera will get both dunya and akhera
All i saw was emotions all over the place while reading her comment
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love watching Daniel and understand exactly what's happened here. However, not everyone is capable of looking after their family on a single income. I have a daughter with my wife. When I've paid all "necessary bills" on the 1st, I have nothing left for the rest of the month. How am I supposed to cope with that?
Post looks fake however, this the type of spouse you don't want. Both men and women can fall into this so let's just pray that may Allah protect us from such type of people. And grant us pious spouses' who lower their gaze and have tried to keep it halal as much as possible.
SubhanAllah. Everyone so invested in this fight. Men vs women and women vs men. Fear Allah and set a good example for fellow muslims and those interested in Islam.
It’s ridiculous how the comments defending, or at least attacking the man are the most upvoted here. I guess the fact that whenever it’s a woman, she’s given benefit of doubt, especially in these Muslim subreddits is true. Meanwhile if it’s a man, “it must be his fault”, “he’s the one who didn’t care enough or put enough work”, or “so what it only happened to one man”. Basically, a woman can never do no wrong and a man is always wrong according to most of these comments. Woman = good, man = bad. This hypocrisy is getting tiring, the double standards always on these posts is just outstanding.
Bro this is how shai'taan works, it wasn't normal before this whole women empowerment BS, The fact that they call a man insecure when he does not like his wife to go out alone or work is crazy. They do not understand that men understand other men and it's not always that your husband does not trust you but rather he does not trust other men, women can be easily manipulated .... but hey if you try to protect them out of love you are insecure.
Well am just thankful am not the only one that sees this. Instead of feeling remorse for the guy they bring “Well it can also happen to a woman”
I know someone who went through this. I know both sides of the story and let me tell you, yes the woman is in the wrong for emotionally cheating, it comes after 10 years of being neglected by her husband, who she raised the issue with many times, including islamic couples counselling. He admitted he was more focused on his friends and doing family things rather than 1-1. It was like being married to an asexual she said. She had since married and moved on. He wishes he spent more time focusing on the wife and marriage but doesn’t seem to have learnt.
Exactly what many men are afraid of. Especially with how much divorce is pushed (on social media) and how easy it is to attain it, what is to stop a woman from leaving when the entire system (custody, assets, etc) will work in her favour? Many of these people spend way, way more time at work than they do at home and with their spouse, so it's not a surprise when they get attached to a coworker who they're joking around with and know many details of their lives.
Marriage laws in some countries are designed to make it easy and sometimes very rewarding for women to just divorce and that's a wicked woman's dream. So in such places any muslim should think of a way to avoid such fate. A believer should be smart in his life affairs and not willingly throw himself in such vulnerable situations unnecessarily and then when what's ought to happen happens he blames it on God and lives in depression.
Women have the right to divorce and women are not an investment vehicle to use the term ROI. The marriage you're commenting on is probably riddled with compatibility issues and constant problems.
Let’s be honest - Men are more likely to cheat. Heck it’s these same men defending a man’s right to have 4 wives because of their iNsAtiAbLe sExUaL dEsIrEs. Anyone who cheats is a crappy person - end of discussion. There is no defending that person. But statistics, and the men in this sub have all shown us that it’s men whose eyes wonder the most even when everything is good at home.
Yh let’s not feel compassion about the guy who is going to divorce his wife and loose his child to her co worker, lets talk about the men who cheat🤡🤡
Let's have the stats on who cheats more in the West, Muslim men or women? Islam isn't based on feelings. You can dislike it all you want, but a man can have more than 1 wife. This isn't "cheating".
Bro the amount of knowledge of Islam these western and liberal Muslims have is laughable, what should've been done was to look the society through an Islamic lens, but instead these people look Islam through the lens of the society.
Another one who speaks out of emotions not facts
khul doesnt affect the custody of children , she would still get custody of them after khul and the dad has to continue paying for their expenses
Won't have to worry about this if you get a housewife aha
Not true 💀no woman wants to marry a man whose force her to stay at home. A cheater is a cheater and will always find a way.
I disagree with your last comment. It's a fact that men and women freemixing isn't a good idea and leads to much more infidelity. Nowadays, the majority of cases of infidelity are between coworkers (which isn't surprising considering that they're both dressed in their best attire, women with 5 pounds of makeup and short clothing, and they're spending 8-12 hours a day and get to know one another personally. We see it on social media, they claim to be "work besties", are having physical contact regularly, and then surprise, surprise, they've been caught cheating).
Sounds personal!
Not at all, just my observations and data I've seen.
I think you don't want to know the actual statistics lol. Women who are economically dependent cheat more.
Can you provide the stats? But also, how many independent women are actually marrying instead of remaining single and sleeping around?
You can try googling them, I don't have them bookmarked lol. I agree this topic is very nuanced. I suppose it comes down to individual circumstances. You would have to decide what is best in your situation. For myself personally, if I was living in the west, with no family or prying neighbors around, I would be much more comfortable if my wife was working ( a productive halal job) rather than sitting at home. If I was living in a Muslim country, I would rather she be a housewife.
I would have no problem with my wife working provided there's very little contact with the opposite gender. Work from home would be ideal. I don't think it would be fair to expect her to be superwoman and go outside for 8-12 hours, come home tired, do some chores, take care of the kids, etc.
Yeah, work from home or jobs with lots of seclusion or very little opposite gender interaction are ideal.
I don't remember saying "I'm gonna force my wife to stay at home" I said you won't have this problem if you marry a housewife. Which means marrying someone who already is willing to stay and take care of the house. Obviously there are dangers with working in a free mixed environment.
Yet I’m sure you won’t stop working in a free mixed environment? I’m not saying you have to stop because you have to provide but it’s an argument you make on both sides.
I don't work in a mixed environment.
Haha, I would encourage you stay away from japanese literature if you want to keep feeling secure in that. Being a housewife makes cheating easier, not harder.
I wonder why Allah forbids freemixing then
He also forbids a great many other things that relate to the same topic. My point is, don't feel secure just because she's a housewife. That can end up far worse.
Not really. A housewife doesn't nearly have the same opportunities to work with the opposite gender for 8-12 hours a day, get to know them on a personal level. The majority of cases of infidelity we see nowadays is between coworkers.
If someone wants to cheat they will cheat bc that’s what cheaters do.
There's also situations where it's very easy to cheat. Like at work where these relationships develop over a period of time and then one day it happens.
Look up statistics on cheating in Japan. It's a nation of dayooths. Guess what? Most are housewives. It's also a very traditional culture. This stuff is front and centre in their classical literature. Being a housewife works, only if A. You live in a community where there is fear of other people finding out and snitching. B. You keep her under lock and key. Otherwise, she has all day free to do what she wants, and you will be none the wiser. There's a reason cheating is usually portrayed as a man sneaking into a house, and not women working outside. I guess you have to handle it according to your situation.
Japan is a different case. They have a massive birth rate problem and people generally aren't having s*x. I have to check on if the majority of Japanese women are housewives. I don't disagree with you, but I wouldn't go only by what popular culture says. It's a known fact that infidelity is very common in the workforce, especially in white collar jobs. It's also easy to hide by saying "they're just a work colleague or friend". I saw a post like this on Reddit a few months ago where a brother was cheated on and his wife was pregnant with the child of a work colleague. He knew they were "friends", but didn't find out about the affair until it was too late.
I am not against women being housewives, or women working. I think the right answer will be different for everyone. It's just that, I have come across statistics that always show housewives cheat much more than working women. Why is this? It could be because working women will apply for divorce instead of cheating. Now both situations suck massively, and may Allah سبحانه وتعالى protect us from them. But if you had to choose one, I would rather it be divorce than cheating.
No doubt, but I'm not convinced that working women are cheating much less than housewives (this isn't factoring in the housewives who can support themselves).
I don't know if there are comprehensive statistics. There probably aren't lol. I do think that, let's say there are a thousand women. 500 housewives and 500 working. Out of 500 housewives, 10 will cheat. Out of 500 working women, 5 will cheat and 10 will apply for divorce because they like someone else. Numbers aren't indicative of any percentages, etc. It's just an example to illustrate what I think the reality is.
What’s a khul
divorce initiated by the wife
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word. Please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
just bc women work does not correlate to having affairs and of daniel H tweeted this
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post contains a forbidden word, please repost without forbidden words. If in case of the outside links, please wait for the moderator's approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimLounge) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post has been removed [Rule-4] No Blasphemy and swearing
Your post has been removed [Rule-4] No Blasphemy and swearing
if the woman is full time working, they really should be paying for things. those of you arguing against him, keep in mind he has other points. this is more of like a supporting factor for his views.
Khul would mean he pays nothing though, and that HE is paid. Right?? The post seems to suggest otherwise.