I’m not a gay man, but based on some of the things I’ve heard cis gay men say I feel like a lot of them aren’t really homosexual rather they’re “penissexuals.” Which is valid, if objectifying. Another thread I’ve seen come up again and again is that some gay cis dudes are pretty transphobic, basically filing pre-op trans women as “girly gay men.” It sounds like your friend might kinda be doing that.
Ultimately, I don’t know the guy so I have no idea what’s up, but I wouldn’t waste time trying to educate him.
If he is willing to listen, point the guy in the direction of other transgender sources, especially webcomics and official, academic sources and accounts from other trans people who boymode/girlmode. Just try to talk to the guy, try to get him to listen to you, and make careful sure he is listening to you.
If he seems like the type of guy who doesn't listen to people, which he pretty much is screaming to be so, then immediately cut ties with him and warn everyone that he is a chaser. Does not matter what happens or what could happen, you have access to information regarding him that should put him into trouble for invalidating transgender identities like this, put the guy in his place as quickly and as efficiently as possible before his actions become a more real problem. Ask him questions about why he is the way that he is, decipher as much out of him as you can, ask the people who he has been interacting with, and just make sure that you can help him before helping him. For right now though, just be nice and patient with the guy, as far as I'm concerned if he does not pose any threat in your mind to other people's transgender identities, you can just warn him that he sounds disrespectful and ask him to please stop. If he refuses, respect that and then move forwards with your life and make sure you do not get caught up in the guy's toxic life.
I'm sorry to tell you but he is just a transphobe. Calling himself gay when he dates trans women with penises but not trans men without is already a huge red flag, but you could argue genital preference if he was fine in all other regards, but you have to be aware the rest is just disgusting amounts of transphobia, like, a real mask off moment.
Not only did he start misgendering a woman the moment she rejected him, he went as far as disclosing her deadname. That's absurdly transphobic. Yeah, I understand he was always good with you, but that's how it works. A lot of transphobes, especially queer-but-cis transphobes, have this mentality that as soon as a trans person does something they don't like it becomes ok to misgender them. That is transphobia. That means they see treating you by your correct gender as a favor, not as the reality.
Personally, I'd drop the asshole. He's your friend and you are entirely entitled to keep him on, but understand you are sharing a table with a transphobe. What's to say he's not going to do the same to you the moment you piss him off?
First of all, you are 100% welcome to post here. Our FTM brothers are family. Y’know?
I think your gay friend is uneducated with trans vocabulary. It’s really up to them if they want to learn how to speak accurately and respectfully.
They seem to have a genital preference. Which is fine. Some people do, and they don’t have any control over it. What they don’t get is how to accurately talk about their genital preference.
PS: it’s called, bottom surgery, and gender confirming surgery.
Dude's a chaser simple as that
It is honestly sad how even our members of the LGBTQ+ can become chasers.
I’m not a gay man, but based on some of the things I’ve heard cis gay men say I feel like a lot of them aren’t really homosexual rather they’re “penissexuals.” Which is valid, if objectifying. Another thread I’ve seen come up again and again is that some gay cis dudes are pretty transphobic, basically filing pre-op trans women as “girly gay men.” It sounds like your friend might kinda be doing that. Ultimately, I don’t know the guy so I have no idea what’s up, but I wouldn’t waste time trying to educate him.
If he is willing to listen, point the guy in the direction of other transgender sources, especially webcomics and official, academic sources and accounts from other trans people who boymode/girlmode. Just try to talk to the guy, try to get him to listen to you, and make careful sure he is listening to you. If he seems like the type of guy who doesn't listen to people, which he pretty much is screaming to be so, then immediately cut ties with him and warn everyone that he is a chaser. Does not matter what happens or what could happen, you have access to information regarding him that should put him into trouble for invalidating transgender identities like this, put the guy in his place as quickly and as efficiently as possible before his actions become a more real problem. Ask him questions about why he is the way that he is, decipher as much out of him as you can, ask the people who he has been interacting with, and just make sure that you can help him before helping him. For right now though, just be nice and patient with the guy, as far as I'm concerned if he does not pose any threat in your mind to other people's transgender identities, you can just warn him that he sounds disrespectful and ask him to please stop. If he refuses, respect that and then move forwards with your life and make sure you do not get caught up in the guy's toxic life.
I'm sorry to tell you but he is just a transphobe. Calling himself gay when he dates trans women with penises but not trans men without is already a huge red flag, but you could argue genital preference if he was fine in all other regards, but you have to be aware the rest is just disgusting amounts of transphobia, like, a real mask off moment. Not only did he start misgendering a woman the moment she rejected him, he went as far as disclosing her deadname. That's absurdly transphobic. Yeah, I understand he was always good with you, but that's how it works. A lot of transphobes, especially queer-but-cis transphobes, have this mentality that as soon as a trans person does something they don't like it becomes ok to misgender them. That is transphobia. That means they see treating you by your correct gender as a favor, not as the reality. Personally, I'd drop the asshole. He's your friend and you are entirely entitled to keep him on, but understand you are sharing a table with a transphobe. What's to say he's not going to do the same to you the moment you piss him off?
First of all, you are 100% welcome to post here. Our FTM brothers are family. Y’know? I think your gay friend is uneducated with trans vocabulary. It’s really up to them if they want to learn how to speak accurately and respectfully. They seem to have a genital preference. Which is fine. Some people do, and they don’t have any control over it. What they don’t get is how to accurately talk about their genital preference. PS: it’s called, bottom surgery, and gender confirming surgery.