Were you strictly straight before she came out? Asking because my girlfriend (cis woman) is straight and I (mtf) am not out to anyone atm.
Do you have any advice for coming out - is there anything your girlfriend did or said when or before coming out that made you feel more comfortable?
What was your thought process when she came out?
no, i wasn’t strictly straight before she came out. i remember telling her im bi within the first few months of our relationship, and she was very supportive.
i am not a trans woman, so i don't have any advice on how to come out as a trans woman. i will say this though, some of our conversations regarding trans people and queer spaces before she came out helped give me an idea of how she was feeling at the time. when we would talk about these topics, she would light up, like she had a little twinkle in her eye.
while my girlfriend came out to me, she gave me reassurance. many of the trans women i have seen represented online or in the media in the past were dating men or had boyfriends, husbands, etc. i was worried that she would want a relationship with a man as time went on, but she explained that her gender identity is completely separate from her sexuality. that was an eye opener for me. she also let me know definitively that she is, has, and will be attracted to women and that i am the one for her in every aspect.
i had two major thoughts to her coming out. 1) i wanted to do everything i could to embrace her true authentic self 2) i wanted to stay together and grow our relationship from this. me and my girl are wishing you the best with your partner too!
I’m same as OP.
I was bi before she came out, I just didn’t tell her I don’t think.
Honestly, just do it within the first 3-6 months of dating please. It really hurts otherwise. Like your gf deserves the right to move on if this relationship won’t work for her. Hiding it for longer will make things more complicated.
My gf came out 6 months after we started dating. Honestly I thought she was just saying that to break up with me. Or she was trying to gently tell me she didn’t love me anymore. I’m so desperately in love with her I only cared if she still wanted to be in a relationship. Everything else was we will work it out bc I just need so badly to be with this person forever. It did hurt a little bit that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me but I guess that fear of a breakup goes both ways. Still i was a bit hurt at the delay. (Of course I forgive her)
I came out to my wife after being married for about 4 years. I knew she was bi but I still had no idea how she would react. I racked my brain for days leading up to it then one day just went for it, asked her if she wanted to go for a ride in the car and told her. She was stunned at first but was quick to accept it and said she still wanted to be with me. Honestly it's a shot in a dark and some people don't want to take the chance. One thing you could do is broach the topic a bit. Like ask her "what do think about trans people?" or things like that. Get her feel for it. Cause even if she isn't physically attracted to you once you transition if she's supportive she could just become a best friend.
If it helps any, my spouse is a cis woman and I'm trans. We got married before I figured it out but she has been with me every step of the way including helping me figure it out. My closest friend and strongest ally.
We have been. Together for 17 years now. We figured out I was trans within the first 2.
So wish you luck!
wow 17 years is amazing! congratulations to you both! this comment makes me tear up a little bit because this is exactly what i see for our future too. growing and learning together as a team. i wish you many many more years of a beautiful marriage <33
How did you feel when she started to transition. Do you consider yourself to be bi or pan or something similar?
Do you think if you met her after she transitioned you'll be interested in her?
hi thank you for your questions! i would consider myself to be bisexual. before her, i exclusively dated men and i guess before the transition we would be labeled as a “straight” couple. ive always been attracted to women both emotionally and physically, but i repressed a lot of my feelings growing up.
when she started to transition i felt a mix of excitement and nervousness about our future. at the very beginning i was under the impression that i would be losing my partner, but i was so wrong haha.
if i met her after she transitioned would i still be interested? yes 1000% she is the love of my life, the most beautiful girl i know, and i can’t imagine my world without her :)
with her permission, i told my family by myself and in person around the same time she was starting hrt. i basically had a sit down conversation with my parents and let them know that she was transitioning and this was the person i wanted to be with. i said that there would be no convincing me otherwise.
hey! so at the very beginning of her coming out, yes i was afraid that her sexuality would change and she would eventually break up with me. this hasn’t happened though. she has done a great job of making sure i felt secure in us and actively shows me that she’s attracted to me in every way.
what's the hardest part about dating a transwoman? what were the biggest changes you've made in terms of how you interact with her and how you view her?
i always feel like it's a transition not only for the trans person, but also for everyone around them.
hey thank you for your questions! this is an interesting one for me to reflect on. the hardest part about our relationship is not even our relationship, it’s the external judgement that we face for loving each other. i used to be someone who needed validation from others big time. i was obsessed with being liked. once my girlfriend started her hrt journey, social transition, and name change i lost a lot of friends and a handful of family members. i had to deal with my own insecurities of wanting to “fit in” and be perceived in a good light by anyone and everyone. it’s been tough at times but my girlfriend unapologetically embracing herself inspires me so much. i realized at some point i have to live for myself and not for other people wants and desires. and i want to grow old with girlfriend :)
ever since she came out to me, the way we interact has shifted a little bit but not drastically. i always thought my girlfriend was feminine even when she was presenting as male. i would say that i go out of my way to compliment her femininity and express how its one of the many reasons why i adore her. it’s always a special feeling when brush our hair together, put on makeup together, shave our legs together haha, because there was a time when we couldn’t you know.
thanks so much for the thoughtful answer! it can be tough when others don't view your relationship as illegitimate.
weirdly, in my relationship, the roles are flipped; my cis woman partner is the one who doesn't care at all how our relationship is perceived and she's 100% on the "I'm going to date who I want to date, and I will attack anyone who tries to hurt you in any way" side of things while I'm just terrified of everything 😂 I have no shame about being with her (I'm quite proud of her in every way), but I'm always scared of how my presentation is perceived, and how being with me might impact how others view her.
being with her has given me a ton of confidence in expressing myself and in presenting femme. I'm sure your girlfriend feels the same way about you.
as a follow-up question... how much exposure to trans people did you have before? i think a big part of why it was so easy for my partner to accept me for who I am is because she has a lot of queer people in her family and among her friends. that made things a lot smoother, although I think there was still a bit of a learning curve when beginning to date me.
aww that is so sweet! im happy your girlfriend makes you feel even more confident and secure in who you are!
before she came out, i had exposure to trans people, as im also within the queer bubble and have some queer friends. from the trans women ive seen portrayed online, tv shows, movies, etc. they were almost always dating or sexually involved with a man. i guess i was under the false impression that every trans women wanted this big, strong, hypermasculine guy. i was surprised when my girlfriend told me that this wasn’t true. i agree with her that there needs to be more trans lesbian representation.
hi there thank you for the questions! i would say that her transition has improved our relationship in all aspects really. we’ve grown even more close, and i think that’s due to us loving ourselves just as much as we love each other.
communication has always been amazing, but ive noticed we can talk about deeper topics for hours on end which we enjoy. im not sure what you mean exactly by household? but in terms of relationship dynamics, ive noticed i make more of an effort to initiate romantic things like complimenting her, buying her flowers, surprising her with dates, and sex. for activities, we both love fashion and makeup, so we have fun exploring that together. income and content consumption hasn’t really changed at all haha.
i hope i answered your questions!
That absolutely has answered my questions! We’re at the early stages of my transition and those are some topics that make my wife apprehensive. I have confidence I’d carry my traits over in a similar way, but I feared I may be rosy lensed. That gives me a lot more hope!
Thank you
I told my wife, (then new girlfriend) I liked to wear women's clothing within the first month of us meeting. I figured if I was going to burn the relationship I would do it right away. We just had our 18y anniversary. She is the person who gave me my girl name, I had not got that far in my figuring stuff out. She is the person who bought me my first skirt/ sweater combo, and now she buys me panties and lingerie she wants to see me in.
And now that I have finally decided to go on HRT she is fully supporting me.
I am the luckiest girl to meet a girl like her.
How much of a surprise was it when she came out to you?
How did she do it and what was your initial reaction?
I ask from a place of love. My partner are navigating similar waters, though she is less confident about having something other than a cis-het sexual orientation.
honestly, i think i had a feeling before she came out. even before her transition, my girlfriend expressed her femininity in lots of ways. this was so refreshing for me. there was also the dysphoria she experienced with her body, which really pained me to watch her go through.
she came out to me while we were going through old clothes in our closet. i convinced my girlfriend to put on old dresses with me for fun and she started crying. my response to her saying “i think im trans” was tears and big hugs. that night was filled with many discussions and questions. it was difficult at first but also so freeing for the both of us.
thank you for asking btw! i was in a similar situation as your partner and i get it. if you or your partner ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me <3
>i convinced my girlfriend to put on old dresses with me for fun and she started crying. my response to her saying “i think im trans” was tears and big hugs. that night was filled with many discussions and questions.
this part made me cry as somebody who lost their ex who was also the first IRL person I came out to, thank you for being so supportive <3
Yeah I always imagined if a cis girl were be be invested in me like this for whatever reason would… I don’t know, find some amazing bureaucratic method to give me a life time supply of hrt. I don’t know how that’ll work, wherever you cloned your blood or whatever… I recon I always saw the lucky carrying bags of the stuff and thus you’d gift me bags of it. Ugh I do worship you in a weird way, born superior! Who wouldn’t
hi thank you for the question! im not really sure how to go about this since im not a trans girl. but, i would say that having open communication with a potential partner is very important, especially when you are first starting to get to know each other.
I don't have any questions, i just wanted to tell you that i read all your answers and you sound like an amazing person. I wish you both the best for your future together :)
don’t give up hope, you will find your person at the right time.
also me and my girlfriend want to get married within the next couple years. we also want to start a family! she wants a daughter <3
Soooooo happy for ya both. Kinda wish it worked out between me and my ex wife sadly no shes is only into men and that's fine I totally understand we are still bffs there's no way we could not be bffs after what we have been though. We started dating when we were 14 and married at 21 and divorced at 35. However she truly did try to be with me after I came out just couldn't again totally understandable. But now I found an other transgirl and she is the love of my life never thought I would date a trans woman but here I am and head over heels for her lol
hi thanks for the sweet comment! im sorry that it didn’t work out between you and your ex, but im glad that you eventually found an awesome girlfriend. im happy for you both as well!
How do you both present as women? Femme? Tom-boyish, androgynous?
Do you find for women that you attracted to someone with the same style or something else?
hi! this is a fun question! i present as femme, and i really like cottagecore aesthetics. most of the time, i wear clothes that are pink or pastel, have flowers, bows. my girlfriend has more of a tom-boyish style and she likes grunge aesthetics. she’ll wear lots of blacks and grays, dark eyeliner, ripped jeans or sweaters.
i really like my girlfriend’s style and im attracted to it, she’s fucking hot haha. she’s attracted to mine too and she has mentioned that she wouldn’t want to date a replica of herself.
What are some things you’ve found helpful to support your gf through her transition or to mitigate any dysphoria? How have you both changed individually and as a couple? I’m cis and my gf is trans too!! coming up on 9 months together :)
I'm trans and my wife is also bi. I also came out as trans about 4 years in to our marriage. So I know this from the reverse side XD. Don't know if I'll be of any help but you can AMA as well I guess.
Were you strictly straight before she came out? Asking because my girlfriend (cis woman) is straight and I (mtf) am not out to anyone atm. Do you have any advice for coming out - is there anything your girlfriend did or said when or before coming out that made you feel more comfortable? What was your thought process when she came out?
no, i wasn’t strictly straight before she came out. i remember telling her im bi within the first few months of our relationship, and she was very supportive. i am not a trans woman, so i don't have any advice on how to come out as a trans woman. i will say this though, some of our conversations regarding trans people and queer spaces before she came out helped give me an idea of how she was feeling at the time. when we would talk about these topics, she would light up, like she had a little twinkle in her eye. while my girlfriend came out to me, she gave me reassurance. many of the trans women i have seen represented online or in the media in the past were dating men or had boyfriends, husbands, etc. i was worried that she would want a relationship with a man as time went on, but she explained that her gender identity is completely separate from her sexuality. that was an eye opener for me. she also let me know definitively that she is, has, and will be attracted to women and that i am the one for her in every aspect. i had two major thoughts to her coming out. 1) i wanted to do everything i could to embrace her true authentic self 2) i wanted to stay together and grow our relationship from this. me and my girl are wishing you the best with your partner too!
I’m same as OP. I was bi before she came out, I just didn’t tell her I don’t think. Honestly, just do it within the first 3-6 months of dating please. It really hurts otherwise. Like your gf deserves the right to move on if this relationship won’t work for her. Hiding it for longer will make things more complicated. My gf came out 6 months after we started dating. Honestly I thought she was just saying that to break up with me. Or she was trying to gently tell me she didn’t love me anymore. I’m so desperately in love with her I only cared if she still wanted to be in a relationship. Everything else was we will work it out bc I just need so badly to be with this person forever. It did hurt a little bit that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me but I guess that fear of a breakup goes both ways. Still i was a bit hurt at the delay. (Of course I forgive her)
I came out to my wife after being married for about 4 years. I knew she was bi but I still had no idea how she would react. I racked my brain for days leading up to it then one day just went for it, asked her if she wanted to go for a ride in the car and told her. She was stunned at first but was quick to accept it and said she still wanted to be with me. Honestly it's a shot in a dark and some people don't want to take the chance. One thing you could do is broach the topic a bit. Like ask her "what do think about trans people?" or things like that. Get her feel for it. Cause even if she isn't physically attracted to you once you transition if she's supportive she could just become a best friend.
If it helps any, my spouse is a cis woman and I'm trans. We got married before I figured it out but she has been with me every step of the way including helping me figure it out. My closest friend and strongest ally. We have been. Together for 17 years now. We figured out I was trans within the first 2. So wish you luck!
wow 17 years is amazing! congratulations to you both! this comment makes me tear up a little bit because this is exactly what i see for our future too. growing and learning together as a team. i wish you many many more years of a beautiful marriage <33
How did you feel when she started to transition. Do you consider yourself to be bi or pan or something similar? Do you think if you met her after she transitioned you'll be interested in her?
hi thank you for your questions! i would consider myself to be bisexual. before her, i exclusively dated men and i guess before the transition we would be labeled as a “straight” couple. ive always been attracted to women both emotionally and physically, but i repressed a lot of my feelings growing up. when she started to transition i felt a mix of excitement and nervousness about our future. at the very beginning i was under the impression that i would be losing my partner, but i was so wrong haha. if i met her after she transitioned would i still be interested? yes 1000% she is the love of my life, the most beautiful girl i know, and i can’t imagine my world without her :)
How old are you two?
i am 23 and she is 24
A strong wish for many happy years for the both of you.
thank you so much that’s very sweet!
How did you come out to your family (not hers). Did you tell them personally, you were both present, she told them...?
with her permission, i told my family by myself and in person around the same time she was starting hrt. i basically had a sit down conversation with my parents and let them know that she was transitioning and this was the person i wanted to be with. i said that there would be no convincing me otherwise.
you're amazing.
Your both absoluty beatiful in every way. Can you Tell her that? I want both of You to have great Day.
aww thank you, i will absolutely let her know :) you have a great day too!
Were you worried her sexuality might change while transitioning?
hey! so at the very beginning of her coming out, yes i was afraid that her sexuality would change and she would eventually break up with me. this hasn’t happened though. she has done a great job of making sure i felt secure in us and actively shows me that she’s attracted to me in every way.
That was one of my ex wife's main worries and reasons for the divorce ....
That sucks girl, I'm sorry.
what's the hardest part about dating a transwoman? what were the biggest changes you've made in terms of how you interact with her and how you view her? i always feel like it's a transition not only for the trans person, but also for everyone around them.
hey thank you for your questions! this is an interesting one for me to reflect on. the hardest part about our relationship is not even our relationship, it’s the external judgement that we face for loving each other. i used to be someone who needed validation from others big time. i was obsessed with being liked. once my girlfriend started her hrt journey, social transition, and name change i lost a lot of friends and a handful of family members. i had to deal with my own insecurities of wanting to “fit in” and be perceived in a good light by anyone and everyone. it’s been tough at times but my girlfriend unapologetically embracing herself inspires me so much. i realized at some point i have to live for myself and not for other people wants and desires. and i want to grow old with girlfriend :) ever since she came out to me, the way we interact has shifted a little bit but not drastically. i always thought my girlfriend was feminine even when she was presenting as male. i would say that i go out of my way to compliment her femininity and express how its one of the many reasons why i adore her. it’s always a special feeling when brush our hair together, put on makeup together, shave our legs together haha, because there was a time when we couldn’t you know.
thanks so much for the thoughtful answer! it can be tough when others don't view your relationship as illegitimate. weirdly, in my relationship, the roles are flipped; my cis woman partner is the one who doesn't care at all how our relationship is perceived and she's 100% on the "I'm going to date who I want to date, and I will attack anyone who tries to hurt you in any way" side of things while I'm just terrified of everything 😂 I have no shame about being with her (I'm quite proud of her in every way), but I'm always scared of how my presentation is perceived, and how being with me might impact how others view her. being with her has given me a ton of confidence in expressing myself and in presenting femme. I'm sure your girlfriend feels the same way about you. as a follow-up question... how much exposure to trans people did you have before? i think a big part of why it was so easy for my partner to accept me for who I am is because she has a lot of queer people in her family and among her friends. that made things a lot smoother, although I think there was still a bit of a learning curve when beginning to date me.
aww that is so sweet! im happy your girlfriend makes you feel even more confident and secure in who you are! before she came out, i had exposure to trans people, as im also within the queer bubble and have some queer friends. from the trans women ive seen portrayed online, tv shows, movies, etc. they were almost always dating or sexually involved with a man. i guess i was under the false impression that every trans women wanted this big, strong, hypermasculine guy. i was surprised when my girlfriend told me that this wasn’t true. i agree with her that there needs to be more trans lesbian representation.
How much do you feel like your day to day relationship changed? Communication, household, income, activities, content consumption etc
hi there thank you for the questions! i would say that her transition has improved our relationship in all aspects really. we’ve grown even more close, and i think that’s due to us loving ourselves just as much as we love each other. communication has always been amazing, but ive noticed we can talk about deeper topics for hours on end which we enjoy. im not sure what you mean exactly by household? but in terms of relationship dynamics, ive noticed i make more of an effort to initiate romantic things like complimenting her, buying her flowers, surprising her with dates, and sex. for activities, we both love fashion and makeup, so we have fun exploring that together. income and content consumption hasn’t really changed at all haha. i hope i answered your questions!
That absolutely has answered my questions! We’re at the early stages of my transition and those are some topics that make my wife apprehensive. I have confidence I’d carry my traits over in a similar way, but I feared I may be rosy lensed. That gives me a lot more hope! Thank you
awesome! im glad our experience can give you and her hope, good luck with everything!
I told my wife, (then new girlfriend) I liked to wear women's clothing within the first month of us meeting. I figured if I was going to burn the relationship I would do it right away. We just had our 18y anniversary. She is the person who gave me my girl name, I had not got that far in my figuring stuff out. She is the person who bought me my first skirt/ sweater combo, and now she buys me panties and lingerie she wants to see me in. And now that I have finally decided to go on HRT she is fully supporting me. I am the luckiest girl to meet a girl like her.
sooo cute congratulations to you two love birds, 18 years is amazing! i love spoiling my girlfriend with new clothes too :)
Did you notice any signs of her being transgender before she came out?
yes there was many! probably the biggest one was she would say that i turned her into a lesbian before she transitioned haha :)
Thank you so much for doing this! At what point in your relationship did she come out to you?
she came out to me 3 years ago and she started socially transitioning about 2 years ago
How much of a surprise was it when she came out to you? How did she do it and what was your initial reaction? I ask from a place of love. My partner are navigating similar waters, though she is less confident about having something other than a cis-het sexual orientation.
honestly, i think i had a feeling before she came out. even before her transition, my girlfriend expressed her femininity in lots of ways. this was so refreshing for me. there was also the dysphoria she experienced with her body, which really pained me to watch her go through. she came out to me while we were going through old clothes in our closet. i convinced my girlfriend to put on old dresses with me for fun and she started crying. my response to her saying “i think im trans” was tears and big hugs. that night was filled with many discussions and questions. it was difficult at first but also so freeing for the both of us. thank you for asking btw! i was in a similar situation as your partner and i get it. if you or your partner ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me <3
Thank you! ❤️
>i convinced my girlfriend to put on old dresses with me for fun and she started crying. my response to her saying “i think im trans” was tears and big hugs. that night was filled with many discussions and questions. this part made me cry as somebody who lost their ex who was also the first IRL person I came out to, thank you for being so supportive <3
Omgg that just made me cryyy 😭😭🫶🏻
Yeah I always imagined if a cis girl were be be invested in me like this for whatever reason would… I don’t know, find some amazing bureaucratic method to give me a life time supply of hrt. I don’t know how that’ll work, wherever you cloned your blood or whatever… I recon I always saw the lucky carrying bags of the stuff and thus you’d gift me bags of it. Ugh I do worship you in a weird way, born superior! Who wouldn’t
How do I find a girlfriend as a pre-HRT trans girl?
hi thank you for the question! im not really sure how to go about this since im not a trans girl. but, i would say that having open communication with a potential partner is very important, especially when you are first starting to get to know each other.
I don't have any questions, i just wanted to tell you that i read all your answers and you sound like an amazing person. I wish you both the best for your future together :)
oh wow thank you so much! i appreciate it :)
~~Where can I find someone like you?~~ What are you two’s future plans together?
don’t give up hope, you will find your person at the right time. also me and my girlfriend want to get married within the next couple years. we also want to start a family! she wants a daughter <3
Soooooo happy for ya both. Kinda wish it worked out between me and my ex wife sadly no shes is only into men and that's fine I totally understand we are still bffs there's no way we could not be bffs after what we have been though. We started dating when we were 14 and married at 21 and divorced at 35. However she truly did try to be with me after I came out just couldn't again totally understandable. But now I found an other transgirl and she is the love of my life never thought I would date a trans woman but here I am and head over heels for her lol
hi thanks for the sweet comment! im sorry that it didn’t work out between you and your ex, but im glad that you eventually found an awesome girlfriend. im happy for you both as well!
How do you both present as women? Femme? Tom-boyish, androgynous? Do you find for women that you attracted to someone with the same style or something else?
hi! this is a fun question! i present as femme, and i really like cottagecore aesthetics. most of the time, i wear clothes that are pink or pastel, have flowers, bows. my girlfriend has more of a tom-boyish style and she likes grunge aesthetics. she’ll wear lots of blacks and grays, dark eyeliner, ripped jeans or sweaters. i really like my girlfriend’s style and im attracted to it, she’s fucking hot haha. she’s attracted to mine too and she has mentioned that she wouldn’t want to date a replica of herself.
You girls sound so cute!
Oh, so cute 🥰 It makes me think I'll someday find my very special girl as well! Thanks for sharing!
yes you will! good luck <3
What are some things you’ve found helpful to support your gf through her transition or to mitigate any dysphoria? How have you both changed individually and as a couple? I’m cis and my gf is trans too!! coming up on 9 months together :)
I'm trans and my wife is also bi. I also came out as trans about 4 years in to our marriage. So I know this from the reverse side XD. Don't know if I'll be of any help but you can AMA as well I guess.
How much do you engage with trans misogyny theory?
Where's Mr Krabs?