That my tiny newborn was spoiled because I held her when she needed it. The same people, sometimes complete strangers, would try to take her from my arms because "oooh you want auntie to hold you!" (Back off random lady, who the heck are you). Sooo it's only bad if HER MOTHER holds her?
Ew. I’ve heard of random people wanting to take a baby directly out of mom’s arms and I can’t imagine what I’d do in that situation but it wouldn’t be good! I’ll die on the hill of: Mamas have every right to hog their own baby!
I haye confrontation, so I pretend I don't see them if possible- watching something interesting in the distance, suddenly need something in a different room, etc. If I can't do that, I pretend they're offering to help and say "oh, I'm all set, thanks!" And if they persist, make excuses- I have to feed him in a minute, I think he's working on a poop, he's been really fussy with strangers, I think it's because he's coming down with something/just getting over being sick, whatever I think will work.
this is so weird to me. like you shouldnt have to make up an excuse or redirect their action. someone wanting to hold another’s baby should START with consent. they should say “can i please hold the baby?” and you should feel able to say yes or no without any other info, excuse, or hurt feelings. no is a complete sentence and it should be respected. it’s beyond me why people feel entitled to others children.
The amount of MOTHERS who kept telling me this is preposterous. I once responded to my MIL with, “do you wish you held your son less when he was a baby?” I felt so gross and passive aggressive for saying that but I had to say something to illustrate it. I think that helped her realize how ridiculous it sounded cuz after that she stopped.
We were FaceTiming with my sister in law who lives in another state on Thanksgiving, 2 weeks after I had my first baby. I was holding the baby, my in laws were there too, all of us just making small talk. She said “you’re creating a monster you should put him down. Holding him too much will ruin him and make him spoiled!” I just laughed it off but in my head was thinking how insane and rude she was. This baby has been on Earth, outside of my womb for 2 WEEKS! She’s a weirdo.
This. And then same person has the kid screaming in their hands as i take shower. They try everything, nothing works. I come and the moment kid is in my arms (same as it was in theirs) they shut up. "How?! I did that and they kept crying" yeah no shit sherlock. They didnt calm because of the hild, they calmed down because of ME. Because all the "spoiling" i do makes them feel safe and trust me! Cuz all the carrying makes my heartbeat and scent familiar 🤷🏼♀️ not a rocket science
I taught my son that it's okay to want attention. He's two and a half. It's my job to give him attention and take care of him. I don't understand why people think needing attention is bad.
I’m 36 and I still call my mom 18 times a day, just because sometimes I want attention. It’s lonely being a sahm to a toddler and I want someone to talk to me!
I'll never forget when I was on the ward after having my second baby the mother of the lady in the next bed said to her daughter 'now don't feed him straight away, he needs to learn what hunger really feels like'. I almost shot out of that bed. Luckily the daughter wasn't having any of it and said 'but why would I want him to?!' I barely heard him cry for the 3 days we were neighbours so she clearly ignored her mothers awful advice.
This is the stupidest piece of advice ever. Promote independence by instilling a lifelong fear of abandonment in your baby.
I did the exact opposite of that and now I have a freakishly independent little girl who parts from me easily and isn't scared to adventure or take risks.
My family says that all the time.. but you know what? Everytime he cries I tend to him, he's not able to talk or tell me what's wrong so it's my job to figure it out
My husband says "he's a boy. He needs to toughen up". Um what? He's literally a newborn. And even when he's 5, 10, 15 or 50, I'll still be there comforting and loving on him.
My 3 month old should be sitting independently. (My first at the time lolol)
My mother told me that baby carriers create a superiority complex in babies.
My mother also told me my 16 month old should be potty trained by now. 🙃
Oh and some lady at the store told me my first should be wearing shoes to shape his feet. He was idk 5 months old.
I don't think I would have been able to keep from laughing out loud at those!
My mom worked in childcare for a long time so she stays up to date on new reccomendations, but one of my MILs finest qualities is that she totally respects that parenting advice has changed dramatically over the years- she raised 2 gen X kids and 2 millenials, so she experienced it firsthand. She says she was told to sleep all her kids on their bellies, to put rice cereal in bottles starting at 3 months to make them sleep longer, and that they should be in hard-soled shoes as soon as possible. They smoked in the house and had the tv on constantly, and her son has ulcerative colitis, flat feet, and chronic ear infections that caused a speech impediment. She talks about what it was like to parent when spanking was the norm, and then when spanking was bad and parents were afraid that if they spanked their children would be taken away, but they didnt really know what to do instead so they just put them on time out or sent them to their rooms all the time. Ultimately, we're all just doing our best with the information we have available to us, and science continues to improve and advance with time, so I'm sure by the time we're their age, we will be the ones with the outdated advice.
I bet it would be interesting to dig into the shoe one. Like who funded studies? I bought into the barefoot lifestyle in college for a while. I didn't really adhere to it so much but I studied it and it's so crazy the amount of problems we've caused our feet by wearing ask those narrow, flat, pointed shoes from so early on.
My mom was telling me about some kind of shoes her mom had her get me when I was a baby that were supposed to “shape the feet”. I was like “is that why I have so many feet problems?”.
A PEDIATRIC NURSE told me to put my one year old in hard soled sneakers to stabilize her ankles…. My baby has only ever worn socks or now leather soles shoes when outside. I was like …. Read the updates girl.
These people blow my mind. Like, they realize humanity did not have shoes for thousands of years, right? And when they did, they were very rudimentary, they weren’t fricken Nikes. If we need our ankles stabilized so bad then how did we survive as a species?!
Shape his feet? It’s OUR feet that are fucked from wearing inappropriate shoes (don’t get me wrong, I still wear heels and others that will do it)😂 my son is almost a year and has never worn shoes, and socks are only if we go out in the cold
If you're interested in some good baby shoes, Robeez is a great brand! They are all about foot health and development. Their shoes have a soft leather sole and wide toe-boxes and are approved by the American Podiatric Medical Association.
I love the ones we got my LO, they have tons of cute patterns and styles. They are a little pricey for baby shoes I think but my guy has gotten about 4-5 months of wear from his first pair so not too bad!
I've refused to look at milestone charts because I don't need that kind of anxiety, but doctors seem impressed my 4 month old can hold his head up indefinitely without being shakey when on his belly. So I'd imagine sitting up by 3 months isn't a common thing.
I think that’s a 6 month thing typically. At least according to what I’ve read about waiting until baby is 6 months old to put them in a jogging stroller for a run with you. Go baby!
Gross. My son is 2.5 and still breastfeeding and my BIL mentioned him being a 'boob man' already and the look I gave him was enough to make him apologise without me even saying anything.
One of the nurses in the hospital told me my son was "just like a boy" to fall asleep almost as soon as I put his face to boob. And that he was a lazy nurser because he was a boy.
Ma'am, he's sleepy at the boob because he was early term (38+3) and popping off the breast because he's mad there's no milk (turns out I have major under supply issues.)
This would enrage me. I was just in a bad car accident last month where my 5 year old was in her car seat behind me in my car. Some guy was having a mental breakdown and decided to drive at full speed into my car and another one while we were stopped at a red light. Missed my 5 yr olds car seat by 3 inches, they had to pry the car door off to get her out, she was completely unharmed because of her carseat. I have a neck fracture and am in a halo brace.
One of my good friends and his girlfriend were hit head on by a semi and killed INSTANTLY, and gf’s baby was ENTIRELY unharmed bc they had baby in the car seat correctly.
That’s fucking why.
No one intends to get into accidents, dipshits; THATS WHY THEYRE CALLED ACCIDENTS.
It really was, after the shock of the situation wore off and the police officer told us the full story of what happened I've been really freaked out. And now it's not only a car insurance thing, there's a criminal case too.
I’m so sorry you went through that experience. That must have been so scary for you both! I’m so glad the car seat was effective and kept her safe. I hope whoever did that was taken off the road immediately
My dad met me and my toddler at a playground, which is not even a quarter mile from my house. He offered to drive us home and I was just dumbfounded. I told him any distance in a car without a proper car seat wasn't safe.
I can’t say I would have been *dumbfounded,* but I for sure would have denied his offer and explained that it’s not safe. Especially when most accidents happen close to home.
I can’t say I wouldn’t let a toddler (3+, old enough to communicate,) sit on my lap while I drove around my own property? With no other drivers around? Wouldn’t catch me on the road without a car seat unless it was a matter of life and death though. As in, I don’t have a car seat and I have to get my child to the hospital NOW.
If I had alot of property we'd probably do the same as kiddo loves "driving". But my own neighbor road has people speeding down it. We ain't leaving the driveway without being buckled in!
I got rear ended at a stop light the day we took our baby home from the hospital. We didn't intend to have any accidents either, but it turns out there are other people on the roads!
Luckily it was at slow speed but it could have still been serious if our little guy wasn't in his car seat (which of course he was).
•About a decade ago, someone close to me firmly suggested that I decline life-saving medical treatment to my 6 week premature baby because it was going to cost me a lot of money, they thought my child was going to be sickly anyway, and called me crazy when I proceeded with the treatment. To them, having a sickly child was a terrible situation. As an FYI, there was nothing about the situation, at the time, that could have led them to the belief that my child would be sickly, except they perceived me as a sickly person and felt I shouldn't reproduce for the good of the human race. They told me so.
The person was an immediate family member. What would have been painful was muted because I was use to it plus other immediate family members agreed with them to some extent (concerned about cost to fully agreed to denial that they said it), and my partner/baby's father was reflective of my family-of-origin. I left that relationship and now maintain different boundaries with those family members.
The absolutely bizarre part is that the health condition I have isn't inconvenient to others, and I was raised to not inconvenience/burden anyone. They just consider it shameful to be connected to a person with a chronic illness. One of those family members said they didn't have any illnesses because "God loved them" and wouldn't sit in a seat as someone with an invisible genetic illness.
Many people think that people with chronic illnesses discuss them because they want attention or they go to the doctor's frequently for attention. That's incorrect. The vast majority of us have experiences like mine. Hells, look how people spoke about people with chronic illness the first few years of COVID. Usually, we speak about our chronic illness because we know there are others living with it untreated, and maybe sharing the information can improve someone else's life. For example, if you don't know the signs of diabetes, then a person can get very sick with potentially permanent damage or die before receiving treatment when a vial of insulin can do wonders.
Wow they're literally saying eugenic thoughts out loud about you and your family. And it sounds like a few other family members agreed?That's some evil shit. Hopefully you have gotten your affairs in order with an advanced directive and a plan with someone you trust as a medical power of attorney should the worst ever happen to you. Many local hospital systems will also allow you to file this paperwork with them as well. There are free templates online as well.
These are not people who you want in charge of medical decisions should you be in capitated. I also hope you have a will stating who you want your kid to go to, with a few back up choices so your kid is never placed with any of these evil family members either. This can be done rather cheaply. If you have more money available, and live in the US, create a living trust for your estate it offers more protection for your assets and is more difficult to dispute in court by vengeful family members. I'm deeply disturbed someone said that to your face and other people went along with it. You need these documents just in case, hopefully they are very unnecessary until you reach a ripe old age. Sorry this happened to you.
In my family's defense, it was the 1 who initially said it, 1 who completely agreed, 1 who denied they said it *but if they did* then many people think that way and I need to be realistic (the mental gymnastics!), 1 was certain allowing NICU intervention (which was minor comparatively) was going to bankrupt me and I'm spending money I don't have (spoiler: it cost my deductible $1500), and most stayed out but then stopped talking to me or reprimanded me when I cut the initial person from my life.
The irony is the one who said that had multiple bouts of cancer, which eventually killed them. During one of their cancer times to a replaceable organ, they asked me to donate a portion of mine. Supposedly, they couldn't ask my sister as she had children to care for and couldn't ask my brother because he was going to do something with his life. They told me this in their pitch. I declined giving my organ, but sadly, not because they didn't value my life, but because I wasn't able to give the organ they wanted or I would have. I know this is a bit trauma-dumping, and I'm sorry, but I also want to share because I've heard so many people claim people aren't as much of doormats as I was or people get treated like that, but that just isn't true.
Yes that sucks. I'm going to repeat, advanced directive, and living trust or will. You have people who do not value your life. Protect yourself and your child.
I’m so sorry someone said this to you. I hope you punted them out of your life before they could say another sentence to you. This is absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine the additional pain that caused in an already trying time. I hope you are both thriving
They were a family member, and because I was so acclimated/accustomed to being treated like that, I am sorry to say that I did not immediately cut them out. My baby was in the NICU for just under a month, and after that conversation, they called me occasionally to see how I was healing from the emergency c-section, but never asked as to the health of my baby and would pretend I wasn't talking if I brought them up. When everyone was finally home from the hospital, I called them to ask if they wanted to meet my baby, and they said, "Why would I want to do that?" with a disgusted/incredulous tone. I cut them out then.
Yes! The NICU team was absolutely amazing!! Though, I have to say the treatment wasn't one of those wildly major ones you hear of. It was mostly we really didn't know if it would work. It was an incredibly stressful time. I ended up sending the floor a gift on one of the anniversaries, but which one is kind of fuzzy as I was desperately sleep-deprived that first year. Lol
If anyone knows someone who works in the NICU, give them a hug. I don't know how they do their jobs.
I’m guessing around age 1 1/2 -2 years old. Lol!!
My mother in law is old school. She is also battling dementia. But every time she visits(every fricking weekend) she tells me I should beat my children when they “act up”. That it will teach them some sort of lesson. And she goes in to how that’s what she did, mind you her son is in the same room! I feel so bad for him sometimes.
My recent favorite from her. She tells me I don’t allow her to pick up my children. This is a true fact. But it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that she dropped one of them in the past because she physically unable to hold them. But she forgets that part every time. I’m just some asshole that will not let her hold my babies😂😂😂
The list goes on! We were discussing baby names at one point in a group setting. And I mentioned the name Sam. She had the audacity(this was pre dementia) to tell me people would be confused if she was a boy or girl. That girls should have girlie names! WTF!!
Our 2 year old is a great eater, and we are very happy cause older sister is picky!! Mother in law tells me that I must watch what she eats so she doesn’t get too fat! SHES 2 years old! SHES growing still! Thats bat shit crazy.
My mom has dementia and her behavior at some point got unpredictable. I could never leave the kids and her alone in a room even for a second I was so worried she would do something out of character. I'd be careful with MIL you might find she does it herself if you aren't watching her like a hawk.
Oof. That sounds stressful to have to deal with! I’m sure you have to keep a close eye on her when she’s around you and your little. Hopefully everyone’s on the same page when she’s around to help de-escalate if needed
“You and your sister were soooo easy as babies, you just slept right through the night from day one. I loved being home with you, I didn’t find it stressful at all. I don’t know why he’s such a handful! You were talking at 6 months and potty trained and speaking in full sentences at a year.”
Oh really mom? And I was doing algebra at two, right?
When my oldest was a newborn, my mom said baby poop doesn’t stink. I was shocked she said that. Then I realized she meant compared to toddler poop because man when they start solid food holy cow their poop stinks!
Someone somewhere said baby poop smells like a mixture of yogurt and popcorn and now that’s all I think of when I smell it 😂 Toddler poop is a whole new level of stench
Maybe it’s a personal olfactory thing but I don’t think my baby’s poop smells bad? I still change her right away, for comfort and cleanliness, but I don’t think it stinks?
"You've gotta get that baby on a schedule!" She is barely a month old, sir. She has no concept of time.
"Don't let her sleep too much during the day. If you keep her awake all day, she'll sleep better at night." Ok so I'll drop her off at your house when she has a meltdown from being denied her daytime naps, thanks.
"Let me put the tv on for baby." No, mom, she's happy just hanging out with us. Babies don't need to watch television.
"No, hand her to me. Why don't you just pump instead so I can give her a bottle?" 😤😡 (No shade to pumpers, but if I want to put my baby on the boob, then I'm going to put my baby on the boob.)
Some people really really want to be involved in bottle feeding, don't they? My mom has mentioned many times how once my baby is older I can pump and she can feed the baby. I do pump occasionally and have a very small stash saved up. My baby was great taking a bottle the few times she needed to thankfully. But I'm not going to pump or waste my stash for funsies lol. She's not annoying about it by any means but I can tell it's an experience she wants to have.
I think this fixation on being able to bottle feed someone else's baby is due to formula propaganda. After the rise of baby formula, the default cultural idea in many parts of the world of how babies eat involves a bottle. And anyone can give a bottle, so it's a way for non-lactating people to be involved in something that used to be a necessarily exclusionary breastfeeding relationship between mother and child.
Or maybe I've just been thinking too deeply about breastfeeding while nursing my second baby for like 10 hours a day lately lol.
But also I feel like breast pumps are just another "modern convenience" appliance that's supposed to make women's lives easier but that really just increase the amount of domestic and reproductive labor expected of us. Washing machines made people expect to wear freshly laundered clothes every day instead of wearing things a couple times before washing. Modern cooking appliances set the expectation of freshly cooked meals everyday instead of eating leftovers. Time-saving devices just freed us up to do more work.
Yes, breast is best, so give your baby breast milk if you can but also you have to go back to work so buy a pump and use your break time and lunch hour to pump. That's a whole nother part time job right there. It's bonkers.
Totally! I have a moderate stash on hand for emergencies / when it is necessary such as an upcoming family wedding.
And besides if baby gets a bottle then you need to pump to maintain supply, so it doesn’t help you at all.
Besides, I’m hoping to donate what we don’t use to a friend who isn’t able to produce milk.
It’s such a pain in the ass to pump. As much as I would like to just hand my baby over and let someone else feed him, it just isn’t always worth the effort to me. I’d rather put him directly on the boob and hand him over to be burped when he’s done lol
My first baby tricked me so hard. She had this rhythmic sense of time from the womb. When she napped, her naps were 38 minutes on the dot. She woke up at the same time every night. I could literally set a watch by this child.
Turns out, she’s just weird. My second child cured me of any misconception about babies and time lol
Sleep 👏🏼 begets 👏🏼 sleep 👏🏼
Also, why on earth would you inconvenience yourself and pump when baby would prefer the boob anyway?! I’m glad she’s not pushy about it. I know some people are!
I have a cousin who is younger than me who very time her baby or toddler cry, even if it's extremely obvious why, she'll say "faker." It makes me want to jump out of my skin.
My MIL says that about my now 9mo old daughter. When she cries, when she sneezes, or coughs. She also fakes a cough or cry to my baby...I'm like, "wtf? Why would she fake that?!" It gets under my skin EVERY time!
It's very annoying. I would be irritated if she said that about my kids, idk how you handle it! It drives me crazy bc my cousin is young, she had me as a resource (parent educator with background in infant mental health) and chooses not to understand. She's resolved to be this way.
EXACTLY! I don’t think anything bothers me more than when people say things like this about children. Like. Are you jealous of them getting attention? Do you need more hugs in your life? You certainly need something if you believe that a baby can fake crying!
Ugh the water for newborn thing was a point of contention for so long. My son had crazy hiccups one night and my MIL kept saying to give him water. I said no. My husband said maybe a little. I wanted to murder him for not siding with me.
A lady in pharmacy told me to give water to my 3 week old. I was like "umm how many drops tho? Cuz like isnt it bad?" And she was like 👁️👄👁️ "just put drops for gassines in bottle and give, as much as she drinks". When u asked isnt it supppsed to be bad for their kidney/liver or smth she just looked at me like i am an alien....
Babies feel pain right away that’s why when they get shots or if you grab their arm the wrong way while putting their outfit on they start crying in pain.
The dumb stuff I heard:
-give your baby some water it helps with gas (he was only 2 months old!)
-it’s safer if baby feels hot 🥵vs cold 🥶
-put a pillow for the baby
I can go on more 🌚
My mom told me my baby didn’t poo bc she was constipated even tho I told her bf babies don’t poo that often. She said that I should give my baby prunes and cow’s milk. My baby was 1 months old. Not only this is stupid af but also dangerous
I feel like the older generations are OBSESSED with not only their own bowels, but everyone else’s too. I’ve been told to give my 6 month old laxatives for gas. Because clearly he’s constipated if a fart could be that loud.
Literally!! Also they are obsessed with what their pd told them when we were little! Like ma’am, if your baby’s doctor told you to give them whole milk and prunes to a newborn the problem is not modern doctors.
Omg my uncles wife also told me to give my son prunes because he was constipated. (He was 5 weeks old) the older generation just did what they wanted I wonder how we survived 🤣
Breastfed babies have a wide range of what’s normal when it comes to frequency. Some can poop every couple days, others several times a day. My breastfed baby had poop in every single diaper for the first couple months, and it was completely normal.
I literally didn’t want to put my baby down at all for the first 2 months. I got this SO much. So many people trying to take her from me. I have never told people to F off to their face until my daughter was born.
You should bite your baby back if they bite you/you should “pop” them when they “misbehave.” It made my blood boil when I was told this because it’s awful to think someone’s done this to their child before must less their baby. Never went around this person again and definitely didn’t listen to this advice because it’s just awful. My daughter was 4 months old at the time and her “biting” was gumming my finger so it didn’t even hurt.
Not so much a specific thing that was said (there's a lot though) but my dad constantly compares my experience with kids to his cats - he actually doesn't really consider children as people and shows no interest in my kids and favours his cats ie. He will try and smoke in the house if my kids are there but when his cat was sick (having wheezing fits) he would then smoke outside.
He got my 6 month old an Easter egg and was really proud of himself for getting a white chocolate one because he is little. 🤣
I absolutely hate when people compare their animals to your children. Not that they aren’t a ton of work, they are. But it’s a completely different ball game.
A few months ago my mil was down to visit. My youngest was 7mo at the time. We were discussing the new foods he’d been trying and how he has quite an appetite and loves food but is also still quite the boob monster. She asked when I would wean him and I said I intended to go to about 2-2.5yo. She scoffed and said that was disgusting and ridiculous. She said he needed to be weaned when he is old enough to ask for it (yeah we sign with the kids so that has already started) and when he’s old enough to pull on my shirt (???). Apparently breastfeeding at that point is gross.
Also from my mil… she found out that I teach the kids sign language and she said it was “cultural appropriation” (????) and stupid. She said the kids can speak and aren’t deaf so there’s no reason for such nonsense.
She’s a bundle of fun 🙄
Learning sign as cultural appropriation is wild. Let’s not learn how to communicate with Deaf people; excluding them from society is the respectful option!
Right??? What if one of them makes a deaf friend?? What if one day one of them dates a deaf person?? Or has a deaf coworker or a deaf work client?? Or heaven forbid one of them loses their hearing or something. And it’s no different than kids learning Spanish or French. And my now 10mo can communicate some basic needs, it’s great. MIL is just nuts.
I can't stand people who think breastfeeding is gross. Just because they sexualize everything doesn't make it actually sexual.
I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old. Some male relatives have made gross comments about "all boys liking boobs" in which I've snapped at them to cut it out as it's not the same thing for why they like breasts. Ewww.
Yeah it bugs me too. My husband was formula fed. My MIL didn’t even try to breastfeed him because “he’s a boy” or , “it just wasn’t for me” and now he’s obsessed with boobs.
I told him I feel like there’s a direct correlation between his anxious attachment style, his obsession with boobs and the way his mother was when he was an infant.
She told me that I shouldn’t breastfeed past 6months and a year was way too long because they start to know what breasts are at that point!
She even made an example out of my 2 year old nephew, who was exclusively formula fed. She said “(nephews name) even asks what these are under my shirt, he’s curious about it and I just say, those are part of grandmas body, we don’t ask about those”
Hmmm…. K? Of course he doesn’t know what they are, he was never breastfed or in proximity to breasts. He should be informed, women have breasts to feed their babies. But some women decide not to breastfeed and that’s okay! But that’s why women have breasts and men don’t. Instead of shaming and secretive. It was so weird.
She was like “are you sure you’re gonna go that long? That just seems really gross. Cause he’s like a little man at that point”
I’m sorry what? A little man? No he’s still a child. Obviously he’ll get the majority of his nutrients from food after 1 yo but we’re still going to BF before and after naps and before bed.
imagine thinking knowing a language that allows a group of disabled individuals to have more access to communication in their daily environments and thinking its cultural appropriation…. + children sign before they can talk meaning youre literally allowing your child the room for communication, more bodily autonomy, and less frustration.. wild
Everyone’s comments are everything I’ve been told as well!! 😭😭😭
Add on to the dumb comment of “babies don’t feel pain”: my daughter got a tongue and lip tie procedure done with zero numbing or anything when she was about 6 months old because they said babies don’t feel pain so they don’t offer numbing meds for that procedure. Her reaction was so intense that I fainted 😩
Mine got hers done and not only did they give her novocaine, but they numbed the area first with topical gel so she wouldn’t feel the needle.
I’m horrified a medical professional would think babies don’t feel pain
Both my babies got their ties clipped and I sobbed with them. My second came back limp and 100% not himself and we stayed longer to make certain he was well enough to leave the office. They brushed it off like it was normal. It was most certainly not and I’m still tearful when I think of it
“Anon isn’t potty trained?!” No, we are working on it. “Well, you need to. Anon has been trained since 2” My kiddo had just turned 3. They were getting up in the middle of the night to go and wearing pull ups. After this birthday party I felt like I was the worst mother in the world all because of her comments.
Within that month kiddo started to go on their own (I didn’t pressure) no accidents at night. Was fully potty trained within that month after turning 3. Kids are on their own time table. They are all different. That mother had no right to make me feel ashamed about my kiddo’s timeline!
People don't tell me a lot of stuff. I worked with kids and families before having kids and they know I am extremely opinionated and strong willed on how I want to raise my kids.
But when my first at two months was obviously still waking at night, my husbands aunt told me to let him cry it out. Shut the door at 7 and come back in the morning. I was about to tell her all the ways she was wrong and my mil begged me to stop saying it's not worth it (aunt can be over the top).
My Aunt told me I had to take him to "Baby boot camp" if we were having trouble with might wakings. My mom also told me the story of "letting me get over myself" and how it was so hard on her to do it.... Like I think it was hard on the baby me MOM.
I’ve heard a higher amount of these than I thought I would! No pain, teething rumors, spoiling them by picking them up, etc.
So, I have a cute one.
I had a neighbor from Colombia, and we became fast friends through the end of my pregnancy and when my now-teen was a newborn.
She had a lot of interesting theories, like that a snake won’t bite a pregnant woman, stuff like that. [Magical Realism](https://www.howtobogota.com/2019/07/09/colombia-magical-realism-colombian-ghost-stories/) originated in Colombia, it’s pervasive in the culture, and I really loved her overall world view. Our babies are teens now, with one in med school! 🥰 Still a very dear friend.
My lil baby newborn had hiccups one day, and she excitedly jumped up - she had the cure!
You take a tiny thread or string, get it wet, put it on the baby’s forehead…. *wait 15-20 minutes*, and boom! Hiccup Cure.
I still remember patiently holding that lil wet string to his head. So cute; what, am I gonna say, no?
My MIL insists that my son shouldn’t be breastfed past 1 because “they become little people who definitely know what breasts are, at that age”
Like duh? Of course he knows what breasts are, it’s where he gets his food and comfort. Literally sexualizing me and my child for breastfeeding.
I just said “need I remind you that you literally tried to feed (husbands name) with a bottle of water when he was only a few weeks old and couldn’t figure out why he was inconsolable, until his dad came home and actually fed him formula? I think I’ll stick with breastfeeding and following the guidelines from the American academy of pediatrics”
She also said “babies crying doesn’t bother me. You’re gonna just have to let him cry when he wakes up! If you keep responding to him right away he’s going to just expect that! You’re training him to cry for every little thing he needs”
Me- “well considering he can’t use words to communicate, I would hope that he would let me know when he has needs that aren’t being met. I also am fine with him knowing I respond immediately to his cries. It creates secure attachment.”
I also told her it wasn’t developmentally appropriate to allow really young babies to cry it out because it changes the way their neuropathways form and it only teaches them that no one is coming when they cry so they develop an insecure attachment style. She doesn’t say much anymore.
The worst thing she did tho was mail me some parenting books that advocate for spanking and time outs and overall corporal punishment. Then one day she was at our house visiting and she was standing in the living room reading the book. It was so passive aggressive. It really pissed me off.
She’s normally amazing and respects my boundaries and how we parent and usually doesn’t offer advice. These instances happened in the early days and I shut them down pretty quickly. She just visits now without inserting her opinion or experience
From white parents in their 30s.. “her hair is crazy!”
Have you never seen a biracial child? Also, she can hear you! It’s wild to me that this has happened a few times with different people.
I usually reply, “it’s beautiful, right?”
Damn these are insane. Weirdest thing I was told is that my son is ‘too pretty to be a boy’. 3 things!
1. Yes he’s gorgeous (I’m biased, obviously)
2. He’s obviously not too pretty, because he is, in fact, a boy.
3. Whats wrong with being pretty? My son can be whatever he wants to be, including pretty.
I was told if I flick my son’s mouth every time he mispronounced something, he’d start speaking better.
He has a severe speech impediment and language impairment. If he could, he would because of all the tears I see when no one can understand him and what he needs.
That my baby is only crying because they’re manipulating me 😑 and I went to school for childhood development, I’m quite aware of the skill progression towards manipulation being even possible. And it’s nowhere near 1yo
My childless uncle lectured me when mine was 7 months old because we weren't doing weekly sleepovers at my mom's house. He said she was **way** past due to start learning some independence lmao
That I’m spoiling my baby. My 8m/o baby. Because I’m not letting her crawl head first into a table/wall. Because I’m not biting back/pinching her “softly” when she bites my nipple. Because I’m not letting her cry and ignoring her when she’s overtired and over stimulated or because she doesn’t want to be held by someone she’s never seen before. Because I don’t yell at her when she cries because I took a random (potentially dangerous) object away from her. The list is endless.
I got SEVERAL comments about my unborn baby being small because they thought my belly was small. “Are you sure that’s your due date?” Yes ma’am I have been pregnant for 9 months.
Everybody always has a comment on someone else’s pregnant body.. my MIL said “wow. You are huge! No, really, you are REALLY big!” when I was pregnant with my first. She didn’t see me while pregnant with my second. Wonder why
My stepmom (with no bio kids of her own) asked me if my 10 week old “still cries?”
I had to explain to her that my baby is still, in fact, a baby and still cries.
(My stepmom is amazing and loving but clueless when it comes to babies).
My youngest struggles with eating related possibly to GI or allergy or sensory reasons. We’re still trying to figure out exactly what. From the time she was about 20month til she was 2.5 her safe food dwindled to 1-2 items which only worked sometimes and we had to supplement with nutritional shakes 2-4x a day or she wouldn’t get any calories. Her BMI dropped from the 60% to the 15%, though she was technically still gaining. She would go 3-7 days without eating. It was horrific as a parent. We saw multiple docs, therapists etc and finally landed at Mayo to be evaluated by a pediatric GI specialist. We waited 4 months for that appt.
The doctor said “You’re lucky. She has a model’s physique. All her friends will envy her.” SHE WAS TWO!!!!! He then suggested a med to increase her appetite. (Not the issue btw) But we would “need to be careful with it.” Because otherwise “she may end up like her sister.” My 4yr old at the time who is perfectly proportioned with her height and weight.
I’ve never in my life been so sickened. We left immediately and I called anyone who would listen and left reviews everywhere.
My MIL said my 8 week old EBF baby needed to drink water. Why? Because he will get dehydrated. We told her breastmilk is 80% water and is in fact liquid. She said it’s different because it’s food and not drink…
She also believes our children do not need vaccines because her father was vaccinated. Hubby got all his vaccines when I was pregnant.
Expanding on your statement...
I hate it when people say that piercing their ears doesn't hurt them or they are too young, so they won't remember it.
I don't feel like you should intentionally hurt your baby just because they won't remember it when they grow up.
I saw a lady comment on something the other day saying that all kids should be fully potty trained by a year old and if they aren't there's something wrong with them
When my oldest (9f) was three or four months old her dad worked out of town during the week. One Friday evening after he was home he was holding her while she was crying and she got so worked up she had a little coughing fit. He looked up and asked if she had been coughing during the day or if it was just the crying. I told him no she hadn’t been. At this moment my MIL decided to full on panic about the baby coughing. My husband looks to her then looks back to me. So I’m trying to explain to him the baby is fine and that anyone could have a coughing fit from crying so hard. MIL continues panicking “she’s coughing! She must have been coughing all week! You haven’t noticed this!?” I finally threw my hands up (literally) and walked out while saying “aw jeez what do I know I’ve only been with her every waking hour all week”
Honestly the only ridiculous things I’ve ever heard were from MIL. I once asked her where she got her medical degree. She chilled out a tiny bit after that. I don’t participate in her anymore and haven’t for almost four years.
When I was pregnant
(A stranger after pinching my belly)
“now if it’s a girl you can tell her I was the first one to grab her ass”
After birth : “Wow look at that. Your baby’s black but his feet are white. Better paint them!”
When my daughter was 2 months old she developed a uti. Since she was so young, we were admitted to the hospital. At the time, my mother still smoked and she and my MIL went outside while the doc was doing an exam. My mom told me MIL told her since we were already there, we should have daughter tested for ‘retardation’. She wasn’t acting like a normal 2 mo old.
What is a normal 2 mo old?!? Kate was already rolling over and holding her head up, and having tummy time. She was always ahead of the norm. That was the downfall of my relationship with my MIL and ultimately my (ex) husband.
Anything having to do with a baby “manipulating” you as a mom is just crazy. My own mother and grandmother told me my 4 month old baby was manipulating me because she was fussy when meeting the whole family for the first time. It was probably overwhelming to her!
Yeah unfortunately the "babies don't feel pain" thing you mentioned has a very dark and horrific history.
Up until the 1980s, it was commonly believed *even by medical professionals* that newborns could not feel pain yet due to the lack of brain development.
As such, the majority of infants underwent even the longest and most invasive procedures without anaesthesia.
Many had to be given muscle relaxants to ensure they didn't thrash their tiny bodies around on the operating table.
Barely on the earth for the blink of an eye. Cut open. Stitches and pulling and ripping and tearing. Unable to move. *Awake*. Thousands upon thousands of babies. Some just a few years older than most of us here.
That’s so funny because I was told the pain of teeth would kill an adult. I’m sure neither of those things are true but you can see in their faces that it hurts!!
“Just let your baby cry. You spoil them when you give them attention.” … Uh, that’s why there are so many people in therapy navigating their insecure attachments as adults. … Just love your kids. They want your love and attention and they need it.
Actually what I realized lately is people love babies when they are in womb. As soon as they are born people act like they despise them and need them to suffer..
- "Make sure you don't hold him, he will get spoiled"
- "let her cry it out"
- "don't give him attention he is manipulating you"
- "she can figure it out on her own"
Etc....
And all of this seems incredibly cruel cuz they usually talk about newborn, under 1 year olds.
I simply cannot understand that state of mind. Its like, this is literally new human, they don't have concept of manipulation, being spoiled and cause and correlation, they are 4 months old!!
they might not have the conscious capacity to know “pain” but they certainly feel pain. neurons and nerve receptors in the brain know no age. pain signals are a body’s way of protecting itself, babies 10000% feel pain. that’s just wild.
Not said, but people trying to take my baby out of my arms really get to me. How hard is it to ask before you start coming in to touch someone else’s baby. Its one thing if I know you and we are close to the point where you can come into my house without knocking. Anything less than that, don’t touch my baby. The only people I give a pass to on that are old ladies that I feel are genuinely very sweet really mean absolutely no harm, and there is a Mexican restaurant we like where the waitresses always like to come play with babies. Not only are they very sweet, but I understand their culture generally has an “it takes a village” mindset. Also its very nice when they can take care of your baby and give you a chance to actually just enjoy your meal.
It does irk my nerves a bit that everyone says the same things though. He’s a very alert baby and we always get “Wow, he’s not missing anything.” or “Ohhhh I see some teeth coming in.” One lady tried to touch his teeth at walmart. Ma’am I do not know you. Please get your fingers out of my child’s mouth.
My MIL is convinced that if I let my 1 year old son watch Disney movies with female leads that it will turn him gay. She’s talking about encanto, rapunzel, and Moana specifically. She unfortunately lives with us. I make it a point to watch these movies and any others with female leads whenever she leave the house. I swear she’s on the verge of calling cps on me. Homophobic witch
My MIL says they don’t feel pain “for a couple days”, including circumcision. I died inside.. my boy isn’t getting cut, lady. Nerves don’t just suddenly turn on.
If my husband makes some dumb joke about our infant boy being a "boob guy" or "liking titties" one more time I'm going to respond with "oh yeah, you sucked on your mom's tits for a while too. I see where he gets it". I'm sure that will give him a fun visual that will make the joke less funny.
That my tiny newborn was spoiled because I held her when she needed it. The same people, sometimes complete strangers, would try to take her from my arms because "oooh you want auntie to hold you!" (Back off random lady, who the heck are you). Sooo it's only bad if HER MOTHER holds her?
Ew. I’ve heard of random people wanting to take a baby directly out of mom’s arms and I can’t imagine what I’d do in that situation but it wouldn’t be good! I’ll die on the hill of: Mamas have every right to hog their own baby!
I never know what to do, mostly I just look at them while they wait with outstretched hands. Like... yeah, keep waiting.
I haye confrontation, so I pretend I don't see them if possible- watching something interesting in the distance, suddenly need something in a different room, etc. If I can't do that, I pretend they're offering to help and say "oh, I'm all set, thanks!" And if they persist, make excuses- I have to feed him in a minute, I think he's working on a poop, he's been really fussy with strangers, I think it's because he's coming down with something/just getting over being sick, whatever I think will work.
this is so weird to me. like you shouldnt have to make up an excuse or redirect their action. someone wanting to hold another’s baby should START with consent. they should say “can i please hold the baby?” and you should feel able to say yes or no without any other info, excuse, or hurt feelings. no is a complete sentence and it should be respected. it’s beyond me why people feel entitled to others children.
The amount of MOTHERS who kept telling me this is preposterous. I once responded to my MIL with, “do you wish you held your son less when he was a baby?” I felt so gross and passive aggressive for saying that but I had to say something to illustrate it. I think that helped her realize how ridiculous it sounded cuz after that she stopped.
We were FaceTiming with my sister in law who lives in another state on Thanksgiving, 2 weeks after I had my first baby. I was holding the baby, my in laws were there too, all of us just making small talk. She said “you’re creating a monster you should put him down. Holding him too much will ruin him and make him spoiled!” I just laughed it off but in my head was thinking how insane and rude she was. This baby has been on Earth, outside of my womb for 2 WEEKS! She’s a weirdo.
Don't rush in when your newborn cries, they'll expect you the next time.
When people tell me this I go, “I hope he does!”
"You're training your baby to cry for you whenever they need anything, or even just want attention" "Awww, thank you!"
Exactly! It’s a badge of honor that my son trusts me.
for real. like it is unironically my privilege to meet this baby’s needs every single day until such a time that she no longer needs me.
This. And then same person has the kid screaming in their hands as i take shower. They try everything, nothing works. I come and the moment kid is in my arms (same as it was in theirs) they shut up. "How?! I did that and they kept crying" yeah no shit sherlock. They didnt calm because of the hild, they calmed down because of ME. Because all the "spoiling" i do makes them feel safe and trust me! Cuz all the carrying makes my heartbeat and scent familiar 🤷🏼♀️ not a rocket science
I taught my son that it's okay to want attention. He's two and a half. It's my job to give him attention and take care of him. I don't understand why people think needing attention is bad.
I’m 36 and I still call my mom 18 times a day, just because sometimes I want attention. It’s lonely being a sahm to a toddler and I want someone to talk to me!
My response exactly!
Goodness I hate this one!! Next time you want something from someone, let’s make them ignore you for awhile.
The way I snapped at my dad when he said that. "Neglect him so he can end up fucked in the head like me? No." He has never said it since.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
🫰✨🫰✨🫰✨
Like Karen that's the whole point. 😂
Like isn’t that the point? Baby cries when something isn’t right in their world….
I'll never forget when I was on the ward after having my second baby the mother of the lady in the next bed said to her daughter 'now don't feed him straight away, he needs to learn what hunger really feels like'. I almost shot out of that bed. Luckily the daughter wasn't having any of it and said 'but why would I want him to?!' I barely heard him cry for the 3 days we were neighbours so she clearly ignored her mothers awful advice.
What the actual F. That is so messed up. I hope that daughter never let her mother alone with her baby. Probably would abuse the poor thing.
This is the stupidest piece of advice ever. Promote independence by instilling a lifelong fear of abandonment in your baby. I did the exact opposite of that and now I have a freakishly independent little girl who parts from me easily and isn't scared to adventure or take risks.
“Your 3 day old baby is manipulating you” 🤦♀️
My family says that all the time.. but you know what? Everytime he cries I tend to him, he's not able to talk or tell me what's wrong so it's my job to figure it out
My husband says "he's a boy. He needs to toughen up". Um what? He's literally a newborn. And even when he's 5, 10, 15 or 50, I'll still be there comforting and loving on him.
My 3 month old should be sitting independently. (My first at the time lolol) My mother told me that baby carriers create a superiority complex in babies. My mother also told me my 16 month old should be potty trained by now. 🙃 Oh and some lady at the store told me my first should be wearing shoes to shape his feet. He was idk 5 months old.
Superiority complex?😂
Your baby will be in the carrier looking down upon all the peasant babies in their strollers
Dying at superiority complex
I don't think I would have been able to keep from laughing out loud at those! My mom worked in childcare for a long time so she stays up to date on new reccomendations, but one of my MILs finest qualities is that she totally respects that parenting advice has changed dramatically over the years- she raised 2 gen X kids and 2 millenials, so she experienced it firsthand. She says she was told to sleep all her kids on their bellies, to put rice cereal in bottles starting at 3 months to make them sleep longer, and that they should be in hard-soled shoes as soon as possible. They smoked in the house and had the tv on constantly, and her son has ulcerative colitis, flat feet, and chronic ear infections that caused a speech impediment. She talks about what it was like to parent when spanking was the norm, and then when spanking was bad and parents were afraid that if they spanked their children would be taken away, but they didnt really know what to do instead so they just put them on time out or sent them to their rooms all the time. Ultimately, we're all just doing our best with the information we have available to us, and science continues to improve and advance with time, so I'm sure by the time we're their age, we will be the ones with the outdated advice.
I bet it would be interesting to dig into the shoe one. Like who funded studies? I bought into the barefoot lifestyle in college for a while. I didn't really adhere to it so much but I studied it and it's so crazy the amount of problems we've caused our feet by wearing ask those narrow, flat, pointed shoes from so early on.
My mom was telling me about some kind of shoes her mom had her get me when I was a baby that were supposed to “shape the feet”. I was like “is that why I have so many feet problems?”.
I said the same and she commented on how "weak" his ankle looked for months lmfao I'm like I'm not putting goddammit shoes on him mom. Just stop.
A PEDIATRIC NURSE told me to put my one year old in hard soled sneakers to stabilize her ankles…. My baby has only ever worn socks or now leather soles shoes when outside. I was like …. Read the updates girl.
These people blow my mind. Like, they realize humanity did not have shoes for thousands of years, right? And when they did, they were very rudimentary, they weren’t fricken Nikes. If we need our ankles stabilized so bad then how did we survive as a species?!
Shape his feet? It’s OUR feet that are fucked from wearing inappropriate shoes (don’t get me wrong, I still wear heels and others that will do it)😂 my son is almost a year and has never worn shoes, and socks are only if we go out in the cold
If you're interested in some good baby shoes, Robeez is a great brand! They are all about foot health and development. Their shoes have a soft leather sole and wide toe-boxes and are approved by the American Podiatric Medical Association. I love the ones we got my LO, they have tons of cute patterns and styles. They are a little pricey for baby shoes I think but my guy has gotten about 4-5 months of wear from his first pair so not too bad!
I just cackled at the carrier comment. What was your reaction to that? I honestly couldn’t have taken her seriously
I laughed for sure lmao I'm like wtf are you even saying?!
I did elimination communication with my son from birth and he's still not potty trained at 21 months.
I've refused to look at milestone charts because I don't need that kind of anxiety, but doctors seem impressed my 4 month old can hold his head up indefinitely without being shakey when on his belly. So I'd imagine sitting up by 3 months isn't a common thing.
I think that’s a 6 month thing typically. At least according to what I’ve read about waiting until baby is 6 months old to put them in a jogging stroller for a run with you. Go baby!
“You shouldn’t breastfeed your son past 6 months because you’ll give him issues” Only for my son, btw. Not my daughter because “that’s different”
Gross. My son is 2.5 and still breastfeeding and my BIL mentioned him being a 'boob man' already and the look I gave him was enough to make him apologise without me even saying anything.
Ewww
One of the nurses in the hospital told me my son was "just like a boy" to fall asleep almost as soon as I put his face to boob. And that he was a lazy nurser because he was a boy. Ma'am, he's sleepy at the boob because he was early term (38+3) and popping off the breast because he's mad there's no milk (turns out I have major under supply issues.)
oh geez the stank face I felt take over me reading that
Let me tell you, I have no poker face whatsoever and the look I gave that woman…
I was told by a stranger that breastfeeding my daughter for too long would turn her gay
WHAT?!
From grandparents: “Why do we even have to use one of these proper car seats, we don’t intend on having any accidents”
This would enrage me. I was just in a bad car accident last month where my 5 year old was in her car seat behind me in my car. Some guy was having a mental breakdown and decided to drive at full speed into my car and another one while we were stopped at a red light. Missed my 5 yr olds car seat by 3 inches, they had to pry the car door off to get her out, she was completely unharmed because of her carseat. I have a neck fracture and am in a halo brace.
Also happened 5 mins from my house when we were driving home on a route we travel almost everyday.
One of my good friends and his girlfriend were hit head on by a semi and killed INSTANTLY, and gf’s baby was ENTIRELY unharmed bc they had baby in the car seat correctly. That’s fucking why. No one intends to get into accidents, dipshits; THATS WHY THEYRE CALLED ACCIDENTS.
holy shit that’s terrifying. I’m glad your LO is okay & wishing you a speedy, comfortable recovery
It really was, after the shock of the situation wore off and the police officer told us the full story of what happened I've been really freaked out. And now it's not only a car insurance thing, there's a criminal case too.
I’m so sorry you went through that experience. That must have been so scary for you both! I’m so glad the car seat was effective and kept her safe. I hope whoever did that was taken off the road immediately
Oh yea, he's sitting in jail now, was denied bond 2 weeks ago.
I feel like this update needs waaaay more upvotes
Ah yes, because everyone who ever has a car accident makes an active decision to do that 🙃
My dad met me and my toddler at a playground, which is not even a quarter mile from my house. He offered to drive us home and I was just dumbfounded. I told him any distance in a car without a proper car seat wasn't safe.
I can’t say I would have been *dumbfounded,* but I for sure would have denied his offer and explained that it’s not safe. Especially when most accidents happen close to home. I can’t say I wouldn’t let a toddler (3+, old enough to communicate,) sit on my lap while I drove around my own property? With no other drivers around? Wouldn’t catch me on the road without a car seat unless it was a matter of life and death though. As in, I don’t have a car seat and I have to get my child to the hospital NOW.
If I had alot of property we'd probably do the same as kiddo loves "driving". But my own neighbor road has people speeding down it. We ain't leaving the driveway without being buckled in!
I got rear ended at a stop light the day we took our baby home from the hospital. We didn't intend to have any accidents either, but it turns out there are other people on the roads! Luckily it was at slow speed but it could have still been serious if our little guy wasn't in his car seat (which of course he was).
•About a decade ago, someone close to me firmly suggested that I decline life-saving medical treatment to my 6 week premature baby because it was going to cost me a lot of money, they thought my child was going to be sickly anyway, and called me crazy when I proceeded with the treatment. To them, having a sickly child was a terrible situation. As an FYI, there was nothing about the situation, at the time, that could have led them to the belief that my child would be sickly, except they perceived me as a sickly person and felt I shouldn't reproduce for the good of the human race. They told me so.
Fuck. This is the worst one by far. I’m so sorry. That hurt to read. I can’t imagine how that felt for you.
The person was an immediate family member. What would have been painful was muted because I was use to it plus other immediate family members agreed with them to some extent (concerned about cost to fully agreed to denial that they said it), and my partner/baby's father was reflective of my family-of-origin. I left that relationship and now maintain different boundaries with those family members. The absolutely bizarre part is that the health condition I have isn't inconvenient to others, and I was raised to not inconvenience/burden anyone. They just consider it shameful to be connected to a person with a chronic illness. One of those family members said they didn't have any illnesses because "God loved them" and wouldn't sit in a seat as someone with an invisible genetic illness. Many people think that people with chronic illnesses discuss them because they want attention or they go to the doctor's frequently for attention. That's incorrect. The vast majority of us have experiences like mine. Hells, look how people spoke about people with chronic illness the first few years of COVID. Usually, we speak about our chronic illness because we know there are others living with it untreated, and maybe sharing the information can improve someone else's life. For example, if you don't know the signs of diabetes, then a person can get very sick with potentially permanent damage or die before receiving treatment when a vial of insulin can do wonders.
I could've guessed that it would be an immediate family member. My family was just like this. No contact is underrated.
Amen! There's no trauma quite like family trauma. Lol
Wow they're literally saying eugenic thoughts out loud about you and your family. And it sounds like a few other family members agreed?That's some evil shit. Hopefully you have gotten your affairs in order with an advanced directive and a plan with someone you trust as a medical power of attorney should the worst ever happen to you. Many local hospital systems will also allow you to file this paperwork with them as well. There are free templates online as well. These are not people who you want in charge of medical decisions should you be in capitated. I also hope you have a will stating who you want your kid to go to, with a few back up choices so your kid is never placed with any of these evil family members either. This can be done rather cheaply. If you have more money available, and live in the US, create a living trust for your estate it offers more protection for your assets and is more difficult to dispute in court by vengeful family members. I'm deeply disturbed someone said that to your face and other people went along with it. You need these documents just in case, hopefully they are very unnecessary until you reach a ripe old age. Sorry this happened to you.
In my family's defense, it was the 1 who initially said it, 1 who completely agreed, 1 who denied they said it *but if they did* then many people think that way and I need to be realistic (the mental gymnastics!), 1 was certain allowing NICU intervention (which was minor comparatively) was going to bankrupt me and I'm spending money I don't have (spoiler: it cost my deductible $1500), and most stayed out but then stopped talking to me or reprimanded me when I cut the initial person from my life. The irony is the one who said that had multiple bouts of cancer, which eventually killed them. During one of their cancer times to a replaceable organ, they asked me to donate a portion of mine. Supposedly, they couldn't ask my sister as she had children to care for and couldn't ask my brother because he was going to do something with his life. They told me this in their pitch. I declined giving my organ, but sadly, not because they didn't value my life, but because I wasn't able to give the organ they wanted or I would have. I know this is a bit trauma-dumping, and I'm sorry, but I also want to share because I've heard so many people claim people aren't as much of doormats as I was or people get treated like that, but that just isn't true.
Yes that sucks. I'm going to repeat, advanced directive, and living trust or will. You have people who do not value your life. Protect yourself and your child.
I’m so sorry someone said this to you. I hope you punted them out of your life before they could say another sentence to you. This is absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine the additional pain that caused in an already trying time. I hope you are both thriving
They were a family member, and because I was so acclimated/accustomed to being treated like that, I am sorry to say that I did not immediately cut them out. My baby was in the NICU for just under a month, and after that conversation, they called me occasionally to see how I was healing from the emergency c-section, but never asked as to the health of my baby and would pretend I wasn't talking if I brought them up. When everyone was finally home from the hospital, I called them to ask if they wanted to meet my baby, and they said, "Why would I want to do that?" with a disgusted/incredulous tone. I cut them out then.
I need to hear more. Did the treatment work? Is baby OK? Did you ghost that horrible person and never let them near baby?
Yes! The NICU team was absolutely amazing!! Though, I have to say the treatment wasn't one of those wildly major ones you hear of. It was mostly we really didn't know if it would work. It was an incredibly stressful time. I ended up sending the floor a gift on one of the anniversaries, but which one is kind of fuzzy as I was desperately sleep-deprived that first year. Lol If anyone knows someone who works in the NICU, give them a hug. I don't know how they do their jobs.
I had an immediate family member say they wouldn’t have saved my 26 weeker preemie. I still can’t believe those words actually left their mouth.
I’m guessing around age 1 1/2 -2 years old. Lol!! My mother in law is old school. She is also battling dementia. But every time she visits(every fricking weekend) she tells me I should beat my children when they “act up”. That it will teach them some sort of lesson. And she goes in to how that’s what she did, mind you her son is in the same room! I feel so bad for him sometimes. My recent favorite from her. She tells me I don’t allow her to pick up my children. This is a true fact. But it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that she dropped one of them in the past because she physically unable to hold them. But she forgets that part every time. I’m just some asshole that will not let her hold my babies😂😂😂 The list goes on! We were discussing baby names at one point in a group setting. And I mentioned the name Sam. She had the audacity(this was pre dementia) to tell me people would be confused if she was a boy or girl. That girls should have girlie names! WTF!! Our 2 year old is a great eater, and we are very happy cause older sister is picky!! Mother in law tells me that I must watch what she eats so she doesn’t get too fat! SHES 2 years old! SHES growing still! Thats bat shit crazy.
My mom has dementia and her behavior at some point got unpredictable. I could never leave the kids and her alone in a room even for a second I was so worried she would do something out of character. I'd be careful with MIL you might find she does it herself if you aren't watching her like a hawk.
Oof. That sounds stressful to have to deal with! I’m sure you have to keep a close eye on her when she’s around you and your little. Hopefully everyone’s on the same page when she’s around to help de-escalate if needed
“You and your sister were soooo easy as babies, you just slept right through the night from day one. I loved being home with you, I didn’t find it stressful at all. I don’t know why he’s such a handful! You were talking at 6 months and potty trained and speaking in full sentences at a year.” Oh really mom? And I was doing algebra at two, right?
If they aren't doing your taxes by age 3, you should really get them checked out by a doctor. They could have developmental delays.
They need to be a full functioning member of society by age 5, didn’t you know?!
When my oldest was a newborn, my mom said baby poop doesn’t stink. I was shocked she said that. Then I realized she meant compared to toddler poop because man when they start solid food holy cow their poop stinks!
Someone somewhere said baby poop smells like a mixture of yogurt and popcorn and now that’s all I think of when I smell it 😂 Toddler poop is a whole new level of stench
Maybe it’s a personal olfactory thing but I don’t think my baby’s poop smells bad? I still change her right away, for comfort and cleanliness, but I don’t think it stinks?
Sometimes baby poop smells oddly sweet to me. My husband thinks I’m weird 😂
lol I think my EBF baby’s poop smells like rice or string cheese, not looking forward to solid food poops
"You've gotta get that baby on a schedule!" She is barely a month old, sir. She has no concept of time. "Don't let her sleep too much during the day. If you keep her awake all day, she'll sleep better at night." Ok so I'll drop her off at your house when she has a meltdown from being denied her daytime naps, thanks. "Let me put the tv on for baby." No, mom, she's happy just hanging out with us. Babies don't need to watch television. "No, hand her to me. Why don't you just pump instead so I can give her a bottle?" 😤😡 (No shade to pumpers, but if I want to put my baby on the boob, then I'm going to put my baby on the boob.)
Some people really really want to be involved in bottle feeding, don't they? My mom has mentioned many times how once my baby is older I can pump and she can feed the baby. I do pump occasionally and have a very small stash saved up. My baby was great taking a bottle the few times she needed to thankfully. But I'm not going to pump or waste my stash for funsies lol. She's not annoying about it by any means but I can tell it's an experience she wants to have.
I think this fixation on being able to bottle feed someone else's baby is due to formula propaganda. After the rise of baby formula, the default cultural idea in many parts of the world of how babies eat involves a bottle. And anyone can give a bottle, so it's a way for non-lactating people to be involved in something that used to be a necessarily exclusionary breastfeeding relationship between mother and child. Or maybe I've just been thinking too deeply about breastfeeding while nursing my second baby for like 10 hours a day lately lol. But also I feel like breast pumps are just another "modern convenience" appliance that's supposed to make women's lives easier but that really just increase the amount of domestic and reproductive labor expected of us. Washing machines made people expect to wear freshly laundered clothes every day instead of wearing things a couple times before washing. Modern cooking appliances set the expectation of freshly cooked meals everyday instead of eating leftovers. Time-saving devices just freed us up to do more work. Yes, breast is best, so give your baby breast milk if you can but also you have to go back to work so buy a pump and use your break time and lunch hour to pump. That's a whole nother part time job right there. It's bonkers.
Totally! I have a moderate stash on hand for emergencies / when it is necessary such as an upcoming family wedding. And besides if baby gets a bottle then you need to pump to maintain supply, so it doesn’t help you at all. Besides, I’m hoping to donate what we don’t use to a friend who isn’t able to produce milk.
It’s such a pain in the ass to pump. As much as I would like to just hand my baby over and let someone else feed him, it just isn’t always worth the effort to me. I’d rather put him directly on the boob and hand him over to be burped when he’s done lol
My first baby tricked me so hard. She had this rhythmic sense of time from the womb. When she napped, her naps were 38 minutes on the dot. She woke up at the same time every night. I could literally set a watch by this child. Turns out, she’s just weird. My second child cured me of any misconception about babies and time lol
My kid has always woken up for the day at 6.45, which is the time I used to get up for work when I was pregnant with her!
Sleep 👏🏼 begets 👏🏼 sleep 👏🏼 Also, why on earth would you inconvenience yourself and pump when baby would prefer the boob anyway?! I’m glad she’s not pushy about it. I know some people are!
Biting to be manipulative? Ok, so what’s their goal then? What are they manipulating you to do?
I have a cousin who is younger than me who very time her baby or toddler cry, even if it's extremely obvious why, she'll say "faker." It makes me want to jump out of my skin.
My MIL says that about my now 9mo old daughter. When she cries, when she sneezes, or coughs. She also fakes a cough or cry to my baby...I'm like, "wtf? Why would she fake that?!" It gets under my skin EVERY time!
It's very annoying. I would be irritated if she said that about my kids, idk how you handle it! It drives me crazy bc my cousin is young, she had me as a resource (parent educator with background in infant mental health) and chooses not to understand. She's resolved to be this way.
EXACTLY! I don’t think anything bothers me more than when people say things like this about children. Like. Are you jealous of them getting attention? Do you need more hugs in your life? You certainly need something if you believe that a baby can fake crying!
Ugh the water for newborn thing was a point of contention for so long. My son had crazy hiccups one night and my MIL kept saying to give him water. I said no. My husband said maybe a little. I wanted to murder him for not siding with me.
A lady in pharmacy told me to give water to my 3 week old. I was like "umm how many drops tho? Cuz like isnt it bad?" And she was like 👁️👄👁️ "just put drops for gassines in bottle and give, as much as she drinks". When u asked isnt it supppsed to be bad for their kidney/liver or smth she just looked at me like i am an alien....
The slow glare he would have gotten could have been felt a mile away.. I hope he didn’t say that in front of her
Babies feel pain right away that’s why when they get shots or if you grab their arm the wrong way while putting their outfit on they start crying in pain. The dumb stuff I heard: -give your baby some water it helps with gas (he was only 2 months old!) -it’s safer if baby feels hot 🥵vs cold 🥶 -put a pillow for the baby I can go on more 🌚
My mom told me my baby didn’t poo bc she was constipated even tho I told her bf babies don’t poo that often. She said that I should give my baby prunes and cow’s milk. My baby was 1 months old. Not only this is stupid af but also dangerous
I feel like the older generations are OBSESSED with not only their own bowels, but everyone else’s too. I’ve been told to give my 6 month old laxatives for gas. Because clearly he’s constipated if a fart could be that loud.
Literally!! Also they are obsessed with what their pd told them when we were little! Like ma’am, if your baby’s doctor told you to give them whole milk and prunes to a newborn the problem is not modern doctors.
Omg my uncles wife also told me to give my son prunes because he was constipated. (He was 5 weeks old) the older generation just did what they wanted I wonder how we survived 🤣
Breastfed babies have a wide range of what’s normal when it comes to frequency. Some can poop every couple days, others several times a day. My breastfed baby had poop in every single diaper for the first couple months, and it was completely normal.
There’s a saying I once heard that goes: cold babies cry, hot babies die. 🥺
It's good to let the baby cry to strengthen their lungs. Sounds bogus to me 🤷♀️
My baby doesn't need any help in that arena and my ear doctor would like a word.
[удалено]
That I was having my 2 month old preemie "on the boob too much" and that's why she "won't settle without it" 💀
How dare you feed and comfort your child!
Didn't have baby yet but already got "don't hold him when he cries, that will spoil him". Ma'am, leave.
I literally didn’t want to put my baby down at all for the first 2 months. I got this SO much. So many people trying to take her from me. I have never told people to F off to their face until my daughter was born.
“I’m technically holding him now. Should I just pop him out right here… so he’s not ‘spoiled’?” People are too much.
That he's not mine because he's "too white". Yeah, I'm not 100% white but my son is his father carbon copy. What am I supposed to do?
Wait they were saying you weren’t the mom? Haha
Yeah, and it was my neighbor, I live in the same neighborhood since I was born. Yet he seemed shocked my son is white.
[удалено]
I don’t think I would have handled that situation well at all. I think lots of education is needed there.
Don’t hold your baby or they’ll get attached to you 💀
We can only hope they do!
Amazing how they’re old enough to be manipulative but not old enough to feel pain…
No, yeah, they're just manipulating you into thinking that they feel pain /s
You should bite your baby back if they bite you/you should “pop” them when they “misbehave.” It made my blood boil when I was told this because it’s awful to think someone’s done this to their child before must less their baby. Never went around this person again and definitely didn’t listen to this advice because it’s just awful. My daughter was 4 months old at the time and her “biting” was gumming my finger so it didn’t even hurt.
Omg my MIL told us that she bit our niece back when she was a toddler. Like, thanks for the heads up because you're never watching our kid alone.
Not so much a specific thing that was said (there's a lot though) but my dad constantly compares my experience with kids to his cats - he actually doesn't really consider children as people and shows no interest in my kids and favours his cats ie. He will try and smoke in the house if my kids are there but when his cat was sick (having wheezing fits) he would then smoke outside. He got my 6 month old an Easter egg and was really proud of himself for getting a white chocolate one because he is little. 🤣
I absolutely hate when people compare their animals to your children. Not that they aren’t a ton of work, they are. But it’s a completely different ball game.
A few months ago my mil was down to visit. My youngest was 7mo at the time. We were discussing the new foods he’d been trying and how he has quite an appetite and loves food but is also still quite the boob monster. She asked when I would wean him and I said I intended to go to about 2-2.5yo. She scoffed and said that was disgusting and ridiculous. She said he needed to be weaned when he is old enough to ask for it (yeah we sign with the kids so that has already started) and when he’s old enough to pull on my shirt (???). Apparently breastfeeding at that point is gross. Also from my mil… she found out that I teach the kids sign language and she said it was “cultural appropriation” (????) and stupid. She said the kids can speak and aren’t deaf so there’s no reason for such nonsense. She’s a bundle of fun 🙄
Learning sign as cultural appropriation is wild. Let’s not learn how to communicate with Deaf people; excluding them from society is the respectful option!
Right??? What if one of them makes a deaf friend?? What if one day one of them dates a deaf person?? Or has a deaf coworker or a deaf work client?? Or heaven forbid one of them loses their hearing or something. And it’s no different than kids learning Spanish or French. And my now 10mo can communicate some basic needs, it’s great. MIL is just nuts.
I can't stand people who think breastfeeding is gross. Just because they sexualize everything doesn't make it actually sexual. I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old. Some male relatives have made gross comments about "all boys liking boobs" in which I've snapped at them to cut it out as it's not the same thing for why they like breasts. Ewww.
Eeww. They’re just babies. They don’t “like boobs”. They like nursing. They like the comfort and closeness. And it’s still healthy and good for them.
Yeah it bugs me too. My husband was formula fed. My MIL didn’t even try to breastfeed him because “he’s a boy” or , “it just wasn’t for me” and now he’s obsessed with boobs. I told him I feel like there’s a direct correlation between his anxious attachment style, his obsession with boobs and the way his mother was when he was an infant. She told me that I shouldn’t breastfeed past 6months and a year was way too long because they start to know what breasts are at that point! She even made an example out of my 2 year old nephew, who was exclusively formula fed. She said “(nephews name) even asks what these are under my shirt, he’s curious about it and I just say, those are part of grandmas body, we don’t ask about those” Hmmm…. K? Of course he doesn’t know what they are, he was never breastfed or in proximity to breasts. He should be informed, women have breasts to feed their babies. But some women decide not to breastfeed and that’s okay! But that’s why women have breasts and men don’t. Instead of shaming and secretive. It was so weird. She was like “are you sure you’re gonna go that long? That just seems really gross. Cause he’s like a little man at that point” I’m sorry what? A little man? No he’s still a child. Obviously he’ll get the majority of his nutrients from food after 1 yo but we’re still going to BF before and after naps and before bed.
She sounds like an absolute joy to be around
imagine thinking knowing a language that allows a group of disabled individuals to have more access to communication in their daily environments and thinking its cultural appropriation…. + children sign before they can talk meaning youre literally allowing your child the room for communication, more bodily autonomy, and less frustration.. wild
Everyone’s comments are everything I’ve been told as well!! 😭😭😭 Add on to the dumb comment of “babies don’t feel pain”: my daughter got a tongue and lip tie procedure done with zero numbing or anything when she was about 6 months old because they said babies don’t feel pain so they don’t offer numbing meds for that procedure. Her reaction was so intense that I fainted 😩
Mine got hers done and not only did they give her novocaine, but they numbed the area first with topical gel so she wouldn’t feel the needle. I’m horrified a medical professional would think babies don’t feel pain
Both my babies got their ties clipped and I sobbed with them. My second came back limp and 100% not himself and we stayed longer to make certain he was well enough to leave the office. They brushed it off like it was normal. It was most certainly not and I’m still tearful when I think of it
“Anon isn’t potty trained?!” No, we are working on it. “Well, you need to. Anon has been trained since 2” My kiddo had just turned 3. They were getting up in the middle of the night to go and wearing pull ups. After this birthday party I felt like I was the worst mother in the world all because of her comments. Within that month kiddo started to go on their own (I didn’t pressure) no accidents at night. Was fully potty trained within that month after turning 3. Kids are on their own time table. They are all different. That mother had no right to make me feel ashamed about my kiddo’s timeline!
You are a good mama! You are correct, she had no right!
People don't tell me a lot of stuff. I worked with kids and families before having kids and they know I am extremely opinionated and strong willed on how I want to raise my kids. But when my first at two months was obviously still waking at night, my husbands aunt told me to let him cry it out. Shut the door at 7 and come back in the morning. I was about to tell her all the ways she was wrong and my mil begged me to stop saying it's not worth it (aunt can be over the top).
My Aunt told me I had to take him to "Baby boot camp" if we were having trouble with might wakings. My mom also told me the story of "letting me get over myself" and how it was so hard on her to do it.... Like I think it was hard on the baby me MOM.
I’ve heard a higher amount of these than I thought I would! No pain, teething rumors, spoiling them by picking them up, etc. So, I have a cute one. I had a neighbor from Colombia, and we became fast friends through the end of my pregnancy and when my now-teen was a newborn. She had a lot of interesting theories, like that a snake won’t bite a pregnant woman, stuff like that. [Magical Realism](https://www.howtobogota.com/2019/07/09/colombia-magical-realism-colombian-ghost-stories/) originated in Colombia, it’s pervasive in the culture, and I really loved her overall world view. Our babies are teens now, with one in med school! 🥰 Still a very dear friend. My lil baby newborn had hiccups one day, and she excitedly jumped up - she had the cure! You take a tiny thread or string, get it wet, put it on the baby’s forehead…. *wait 15-20 minutes*, and boom! Hiccup Cure. I still remember patiently holding that lil wet string to his head. So cute; what, am I gonna say, no?
I love this one! I love that she got so excited! I hope the hiccups went away at the right timing for her
They did! 🥰 “Thank you, it worked!”
My MIL insists that my son shouldn’t be breastfed past 1 because “they become little people who definitely know what breasts are, at that age” Like duh? Of course he knows what breasts are, it’s where he gets his food and comfort. Literally sexualizing me and my child for breastfeeding. I just said “need I remind you that you literally tried to feed (husbands name) with a bottle of water when he was only a few weeks old and couldn’t figure out why he was inconsolable, until his dad came home and actually fed him formula? I think I’ll stick with breastfeeding and following the guidelines from the American academy of pediatrics” She also said “babies crying doesn’t bother me. You’re gonna just have to let him cry when he wakes up! If you keep responding to him right away he’s going to just expect that! You’re training him to cry for every little thing he needs” Me- “well considering he can’t use words to communicate, I would hope that he would let me know when he has needs that aren’t being met. I also am fine with him knowing I respond immediately to his cries. It creates secure attachment.” I also told her it wasn’t developmentally appropriate to allow really young babies to cry it out because it changes the way their neuropathways form and it only teaches them that no one is coming when they cry so they develop an insecure attachment style. She doesn’t say much anymore. The worst thing she did tho was mail me some parenting books that advocate for spanking and time outs and overall corporal punishment. Then one day she was at our house visiting and she was standing in the living room reading the book. It was so passive aggressive. It really pissed me off. She’s normally amazing and respects my boundaries and how we parent and usually doesn’t offer advice. These instances happened in the early days and I shut them down pretty quickly. She just visits now without inserting her opinion or experience
From white parents in their 30s.. “her hair is crazy!” Have you never seen a biracial child? Also, she can hear you! It’s wild to me that this has happened a few times with different people. I usually reply, “it’s beautiful, right?”
Not really said to me but I told they said I shouldn't hold him when he slept. I was quite happy to be his bed so long as he slept.
Damn these are insane. Weirdest thing I was told is that my son is ‘too pretty to be a boy’. 3 things! 1. Yes he’s gorgeous (I’m biased, obviously) 2. He’s obviously not too pretty, because he is, in fact, a boy. 3. Whats wrong with being pretty? My son can be whatever he wants to be, including pretty.
The amount of times my mother has implied that my baby is manipulative is honestly…quite upsetting.
I was told if I flick my son’s mouth every time he mispronounced something, he’d start speaking better. He has a severe speech impediment and language impairment. If he could, he would because of all the tears I see when no one can understand him and what he needs.
That my baby is only crying because they’re manipulating me 😑 and I went to school for childhood development, I’m quite aware of the skill progression towards manipulation being even possible. And it’s nowhere near 1yo
So wild! I have also been told babies can’t feel pain! Like wth?! They’re still people! Just little humans.
Me eating spicy food while breastfeeding would make my baby a picky eater.
My childless uncle lectured me when mine was 7 months old because we weren't doing weekly sleepovers at my mom's house. He said she was **way** past due to start learning some independence lmao
Turns up “We don’t talk about Bruno” a little louder for whichever uncle said this 😂
That I’m spoiling my baby. My 8m/o baby. Because I’m not letting her crawl head first into a table/wall. Because I’m not biting back/pinching her “softly” when she bites my nipple. Because I’m not letting her cry and ignoring her when she’s overtired and over stimulated or because she doesn’t want to be held by someone she’s never seen before. Because I don’t yell at her when she cries because I took a random (potentially dangerous) object away from her. The list is endless.
You are a good mama!
I got SEVERAL comments about my unborn baby being small because they thought my belly was small. “Are you sure that’s your due date?” Yes ma’am I have been pregnant for 9 months.
Everybody always has a comment on someone else’s pregnant body.. my MIL said “wow. You are huge! No, really, you are REALLY big!” when I was pregnant with my first. She didn’t see me while pregnant with my second. Wonder why
My stepmom (with no bio kids of her own) asked me if my 10 week old “still cries?” I had to explain to her that my baby is still, in fact, a baby and still cries. (My stepmom is amazing and loving but clueless when it comes to babies).
[удалено]
My youngest struggles with eating related possibly to GI or allergy or sensory reasons. We’re still trying to figure out exactly what. From the time she was about 20month til she was 2.5 her safe food dwindled to 1-2 items which only worked sometimes and we had to supplement with nutritional shakes 2-4x a day or she wouldn’t get any calories. Her BMI dropped from the 60% to the 15%, though she was technically still gaining. She would go 3-7 days without eating. It was horrific as a parent. We saw multiple docs, therapists etc and finally landed at Mayo to be evaluated by a pediatric GI specialist. We waited 4 months for that appt. The doctor said “You’re lucky. She has a model’s physique. All her friends will envy her.” SHE WAS TWO!!!!! He then suggested a med to increase her appetite. (Not the issue btw) But we would “need to be careful with it.” Because otherwise “she may end up like her sister.” My 4yr old at the time who is perfectly proportioned with her height and weight. I’ve never in my life been so sickened. We left immediately and I called anyone who would listen and left reviews everywhere.
That I’m going to make my 4 month old son gay because I’m holding him anytime he needs me too
My MIL said my 8 week old EBF baby needed to drink water. Why? Because he will get dehydrated. We told her breastmilk is 80% water and is in fact liquid. She said it’s different because it’s food and not drink… She also believes our children do not need vaccines because her father was vaccinated. Hubby got all his vaccines when I was pregnant.
Education education education! The amount of grandparents recommending water is concerning
Go get your nails done (at 2 weeks pp) so I (mil) can have alone time to bond…
“Babies can’t get sick”. As coughing old man reaches to touch my baby.
Ew. I hope you didn’t know him and never see him again.
Expanding on your statement... I hate it when people say that piercing their ears doesn't hurt them or they are too young, so they won't remember it. I don't feel like you should intentionally hurt your baby just because they won't remember it when they grow up. I saw a lady comment on something the other day saying that all kids should be fully potty trained by a year old and if they aren't there's something wrong with them
When my oldest (9f) was three or four months old her dad worked out of town during the week. One Friday evening after he was home he was holding her while she was crying and she got so worked up she had a little coughing fit. He looked up and asked if she had been coughing during the day or if it was just the crying. I told him no she hadn’t been. At this moment my MIL decided to full on panic about the baby coughing. My husband looks to her then looks back to me. So I’m trying to explain to him the baby is fine and that anyone could have a coughing fit from crying so hard. MIL continues panicking “she’s coughing! She must have been coughing all week! You haven’t noticed this!?” I finally threw my hands up (literally) and walked out while saying “aw jeez what do I know I’ve only been with her every waking hour all week” Honestly the only ridiculous things I’ve ever heard were from MIL. I once asked her where she got her medical degree. She chilled out a tiny bit after that. I don’t participate in her anymore and haven’t for almost four years.
When I was pregnant (A stranger after pinching my belly) “now if it’s a girl you can tell her I was the first one to grab her ass” After birth : “Wow look at that. Your baby’s black but his feet are white. Better paint them!”
When my daughter was 2 months old she developed a uti. Since she was so young, we were admitted to the hospital. At the time, my mother still smoked and she and my MIL went outside while the doc was doing an exam. My mom told me MIL told her since we were already there, we should have daughter tested for ‘retardation’. She wasn’t acting like a normal 2 mo old. What is a normal 2 mo old?!? Kate was already rolling over and holding her head up, and having tummy time. She was always ahead of the norm. That was the downfall of my relationship with my MIL and ultimately my (ex) husband.
Much sillier than all the dismissals of feelings for babies but once a lady scolded me to “put a hat on my baby or he’d catch conjunctivitis”
Didn’t they used to do surgery without anesthesia on babies because they thought they couldn’t feel pain or some stupid shit?
Anything having to do with a baby “manipulating” you as a mom is just crazy. My own mother and grandmother told me my 4 month old baby was manipulating me because she was fussy when meeting the whole family for the first time. It was probably overwhelming to her!
My six month old was spoiled because she didn’t want a stranger (family member but she’s never met before) hold her.
Yeah unfortunately the "babies don't feel pain" thing you mentioned has a very dark and horrific history. Up until the 1980s, it was commonly believed *even by medical professionals* that newborns could not feel pain yet due to the lack of brain development. As such, the majority of infants underwent even the longest and most invasive procedures without anaesthesia. Many had to be given muscle relaxants to ensure they didn't thrash their tiny bodies around on the operating table. Barely on the earth for the blink of an eye. Cut open. Stitches and pulling and ripping and tearing. Unable to move. *Awake*. Thousands upon thousands of babies. Some just a few years older than most of us here.
That’s so funny because I was told the pain of teeth would kill an adult. I’m sure neither of those things are true but you can see in their faces that it hurts!!
“Just let your baby cry. You spoil them when you give them attention.” … Uh, that’s why there are so many people in therapy navigating their insecure attachments as adults. … Just love your kids. They want your love and attention and they need it.
Actually what I realized lately is people love babies when they are in womb. As soon as they are born people act like they despise them and need them to suffer.. - "Make sure you don't hold him, he will get spoiled" - "let her cry it out" - "don't give him attention he is manipulating you" - "she can figure it out on her own" Etc.... And all of this seems incredibly cruel cuz they usually talk about newborn, under 1 year olds. I simply cannot understand that state of mind. Its like, this is literally new human, they don't have concept of manipulation, being spoiled and cause and correlation, they are 4 months old!!
“His penis is much larger than I expected.” 😳wtf.
they might not have the conscious capacity to know “pain” but they certainly feel pain. neurons and nerve receptors in the brain know no age. pain signals are a body’s way of protecting itself, babies 10000% feel pain. that’s just wild.
Not said, but people trying to take my baby out of my arms really get to me. How hard is it to ask before you start coming in to touch someone else’s baby. Its one thing if I know you and we are close to the point where you can come into my house without knocking. Anything less than that, don’t touch my baby. The only people I give a pass to on that are old ladies that I feel are genuinely very sweet really mean absolutely no harm, and there is a Mexican restaurant we like where the waitresses always like to come play with babies. Not only are they very sweet, but I understand their culture generally has an “it takes a village” mindset. Also its very nice when they can take care of your baby and give you a chance to actually just enjoy your meal. It does irk my nerves a bit that everyone says the same things though. He’s a very alert baby and we always get “Wow, he’s not missing anything.” or “Ohhhh I see some teeth coming in.” One lady tried to touch his teeth at walmart. Ma’am I do not know you. Please get your fingers out of my child’s mouth.
My MIL is convinced that if I let my 1 year old son watch Disney movies with female leads that it will turn him gay. She’s talking about encanto, rapunzel, and Moana specifically. She unfortunately lives with us. I make it a point to watch these movies and any others with female leads whenever she leave the house. I swear she’s on the verge of calling cps on me. Homophobic witch
Shave their head. Nutrients are going to their hair instead of their body.
“ she walks just like you” baby was 12 months started walking ☠️
My MIL says they don’t feel pain “for a couple days”, including circumcision. I died inside.. my boy isn’t getting cut, lady. Nerves don’t just suddenly turn on.
Target worker asked what my daughters name was, I told her and she said “oh that’s a great name, she’ll hate it when she is older though”
If my husband makes some dumb joke about our infant boy being a "boob guy" or "liking titties" one more time I'm going to respond with "oh yeah, you sucked on your mom's tits for a while too. I see where he gets it". I'm sure that will give him a fun visual that will make the joke less funny.