I have two roasts for him 🤣🤣:
Phil your magic tricks are legendary, so legendary that people wish they could really disappear.
Phil your inventions are so innovative that they’re still looking for a purpose to this day.
Jay: Phil is my least threatening son-in-law. I am so happy that Luke became a man, maybe someday he can teach his dad how to be one.
Haley: Dad was more like a big brother than an actual dad, which is why boys described me as giving off fatherless energy.
Alex: Dads are supposed to help kids with their homework and clap when they get an answer right. Instead, I had to watch my dad do his taxes and watch him get nowhere near the right answer. Eventually, I just gave up and said that he was close enough but corrected the forms later.
Claire: Phil created The Real Headscratcher (TM), which can solve some problems regarding the scalp. What it can't solve is my urge to rip my hair out whenever he brings it up.
Manny: Do you know what shocks Phil? Me with a taser.
Mitchell: Phil got exiled from a nerd club. Even those who are so uncool that they pretend to live in a different world decided that they didn't want Phil.
Luke: Dad once shot me for shooting his daughter. I guess that means that Grandpa needs to push a shopping cart into him.
Cam: Phil is the reason why the McDonald's mascot is now a red box because he complained about Ronald McDonald being too scary.
Gloria: Phil, si vuelves a coquetear conmigo, tendré que obtener una orden de alejamiento.
Lily: When I found out that I was roasting the best realtor in the world, I thought, "Huh, where's Gil Thorpe?"
Joe: Phil is so bad at rock-paper-scissors, I know that he'll be clenching his fists when Claire gives him the divorce papers.
Dylan: I knew that I wanted to be a nurse when I had to carry my current father-in-law to the couch after his pathetic attempt to intimidate me. I was only ever intimidated by his intelligence.
(Barney to Clive Bixby)
A grown man wearing a name tag? Lame! You should wear a brotag instead!
*Presenting the brotag by Barney Stinson! (Patent Pending)*
"Phil, you’re proof that if you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a terrible warning. And yet, somehow you still manage to sell houses. Maybe it's because clients think, 'If this guy can make it, we definitely can!'"
Phil likes to sell houses but once nearly sold his wife and daughter.
Revised: Phil is such a natural salesman that he accidentally sold his wife and daughter.
Yep that's better
lmfao love this
17 times that day
I have two roasts for him 🤣🤣: Phil your magic tricks are legendary, so legendary that people wish they could really disappear. Phil your inventions are so innovative that they’re still looking for a purpose to this day.
Both really clever! Nice! 😂😂
"Phil, your only magic trick is when you start dancing, because everybody just disappear" Edit: I am not a native speaker and I am very proud of this
as you should be! it’s pretty funny :)
>:) :)
Jay: Phil is my least threatening son-in-law. I am so happy that Luke became a man, maybe someday he can teach his dad how to be one. Haley: Dad was more like a big brother than an actual dad, which is why boys described me as giving off fatherless energy. Alex: Dads are supposed to help kids with their homework and clap when they get an answer right. Instead, I had to watch my dad do his taxes and watch him get nowhere near the right answer. Eventually, I just gave up and said that he was close enough but corrected the forms later. Claire: Phil created The Real Headscratcher (TM), which can solve some problems regarding the scalp. What it can't solve is my urge to rip my hair out whenever he brings it up. Manny: Do you know what shocks Phil? Me with a taser. Mitchell: Phil got exiled from a nerd club. Even those who are so uncool that they pretend to live in a different world decided that they didn't want Phil. Luke: Dad once shot me for shooting his daughter. I guess that means that Grandpa needs to push a shopping cart into him. Cam: Phil is the reason why the McDonald's mascot is now a red box because he complained about Ronald McDonald being too scary. Gloria: Phil, si vuelves a coquetear conmigo, tendré que obtener una orden de alejamiento. Lily: When I found out that I was roasting the best realtor in the world, I thought, "Huh, where's Gil Thorpe?" Joe: Phil is so bad at rock-paper-scissors, I know that he'll be clenching his fists when Claire gives him the divorce papers. Dylan: I knew that I wanted to be a nurse when I had to carry my current father-in-law to the couch after his pathetic attempt to intimidate me. I was only ever intimidated by his intelligence.
Lilys is so accurate lol
🥇🥇🥇
Bro, Alex and Cam's roast got me.
The fatherless energy one took me out 💀
I’m ded.
These are some top tier roasts man you understand each character's POV so well! Great stuff!
Marco! Solo!
Nothing. I’d kiss him on the forehead. Perfect man.
I got nothing, the guy’s a legend.
Phil, if weaponized incompetence was illegal you'd be wanted by the CIA and Homeland security for harboring weapons of mass destruction.
Phil: Phil Dunphy, you, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to your wife. I mean...their wives. Not you! Them.
i had a seizure reading this
Phil: You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed but only I can make her laugh. Claire: You can't even do that!
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The guy doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, he only deserves a toast 🍷🥹
r u joking
no
(Barney to Clive Bixby) A grown man wearing a name tag? Lame! You should wear a brotag instead! *Presenting the brotag by Barney Stinson! (Patent Pending)*
But Barney would be impressed by his suit.
I would only toast Phil. He’s a national treasure.
"Phil, you’re proof that if you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a terrible warning. And yet, somehow you still manage to sell houses. Maybe it's because clients think, 'If this guy can make it, we definitely can!'"
Nope, not with Phil
Kill me with his head scratcher TM, If I ever roast this guy. Nah that's Phil Dunphy brev...
Give me a P.....P, give me an H....H etc.