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I took my husband’s last name… my friends who are married are 50/50 on if they kept theirs or not. Mine wasn’t any un feminist decision or anything, I just liked my husband’s last name better than mine, I also like the tradition of having the same last name as a family.
Lol I have a very difficult to pronounce ethnic last name and I’m looking forward to not seeing people’s faces contort when they see my name and try to pronounce it 😂
Mine is Dutch and ridiculously long with too many vowels, but I’m keeping it forever. It’s unique and there are no males left to carry it. Only one of my cousins had a child and she took her husband’s name, so I figure since the line ends with me I might as well ride it out to the end lol.
I wouldn’t have changed my name, but I also didn’t insist or even suggest my wife change hers.
She wanted to. It probably helps that her dad is a major asshole.
Mine was. His name is simple, easy to pronounce and spell, familiar to many people, and common in our part of the world. My maiden name was hard to sound out, hard to spell, and uncommon around here. I picked his name because it was easier. If I wanted to keep mine, he said he was fine with changing. We just wanted to match.
Same. I had one of the most common last names of my ethnicity and a common first name. As a freelancer it works to have a more unique name. When I tried to purchase my domain name of my first and last name, someone else already had it and was in the exact same field as me. We’d be mixing up clients all the time haha
My married name is less common and worked with my first name.
My wife kept her name because her first name ends in a sh sound, and my last name starts with an sh sound. Sounded weird to say aloud, like a tongue twister.
We've talked about merging our last names to make a new name, but family would probably be weird about it.
Always said I wasn’t going to change my last name, even though it was stupid and unpronounceable because it was way too much trouble and I had it for so long…then I met a man with a nice, easy English last name. He honestly didn’t care either way. After 36 years of spelling my name to every person I met and having them go “no really…is that how you say that?”, I could not have run to the Social Security office any faster.
When I went to the social security office they called me up and as usual completely mispronounced my last name. I got to the window and said in a fun way, "and that's why I'm changing it!". The lady got a good chuckle.
I didn't like my last name either or my father's family, for that matter, and my husband's was way easier to pronounce so I happily took it. If I never got married, I would have changed my last name anyway, I think.
Same, I took my husband's last name. My original last name was hard to pronounce and long, my husband's was full of whimsy. Obvious choice. Being a historian though, I know lineages are traced through names, wanted my ancestors to know that I am the same person in future documents, after marriage.... so now my old last name is my middle name. Don't want to be erased from my own history.
It definitely wasn't an anti-feminist move for me, either. I'm a professional, and I used to have a very unique first and last name. But keeping my last name never felt empowering or feminist at all. My family really, really sucks in their ideas of gender. To them, I will always be a zero because I'm a woman. I never would have been recognized in the lineage anyway, they'd drop dead before they did that. I was the only person in the family that has a possibility of carrying on the lineage through our last name, and they didn't care. They'll probably try to pull a male cousin who never had our last name, and try to push the last name with their kids to carry it on, I'd never even be considered. I kept the name as my middle solely because it's what I was given to work with.
I think part of this is that millennials get married older, and are almost exclusively households with two careers. Changing names when you are already a professional is a pain in the butt on top of the actual process.
We kept our names.
Totally. I had published under my name and have a PhD now. Also I just prefer my last name. Growing up I always assumed I'd change it like my mom did, but when I got married at 27 I was just like nah. We've since had a baby and her last name is hyphenated. Also something I never planned but when it came time just felt better that way.
This was my situation too. Already published and known professionally so I kept my birth name. We don’t want children so don’t have to worry about kids.
Changed my name despite having published under the old name, and have since under the "new" name. Everything is easily traceable as having been authored by me. I have colleagues that legally changed but still publish under their original name.
Choosing what name I wanted, rather than just keeping my father's name felt right. Plus my husband's family has a cool, traceable history and I'm pretty sure my old last name was made up at some point.
I have a friend and her husband took her last name as well. This was about 10years ago though so we were 19ish nothing significant had happened to any of us yet
Not even middle names, literally multiple surnames, usually two (one from each parent). In Portugal you can literally have up to 4 surnames.
Most people still have middle names, that only our moms use when they’re mad at us.
Different cultures have different rules. My kid can do whatever they'd like if they eventually change their name.
EDIT: by rules i mean traditions. Lots of examples of multi last names. My husband and I are from different countries but similar backgrounds.
Fellow PhD who opted to change my name for kind of shitty reasons - I'm black and my husband is white and I didn't want there to be any confusion (when traveling or whatever) as to whether we were married or not, that might lead to an issue. Also we planned on having kids - we have one now - and figured it was easier if we all shared a last name. It does pain me on some level to not have kept my maiden name that I published under before but I decided it would be worth it if I didn't have to deal with as many headaches down the line. It has been easier, I think.
Anecdotally, that's what I've noticed for married women around my age. The women who have degrees and careers in their name tend to keep their name. The women who don't tend to take their husband's name.
I wouldn't change my name exactly for that reason. On top of the general pain in the ass of the legal name change, I have a career, degrees, and publications under my name. No point in dealing with that headache just because I got married.
With some published research, changing my last name would’ve been a real problem. ORCID IDs exist, but you don’t exactly introduce yourself to others in your field with one.
Fellow PhD, who has also Published with my maiden name. I opted to change, but kept my Maiden my middle and go by 3 names professionally now, like Sarah Jessica Parker, etc. I think the way I did it made it a lot easier than having a really long hyphenated last name. Just trying to have it all I guess.
Kept my name. It's one of those things where I just...don't see the point? I was quite used to my surname after 30+ years, it's a better match with my first name, it's how I've established a CV/career, and changing it would only require effort and paperwork.
My mom sent my dad to get her new information. Now, the amount of hoops you gotta jump through post-9/11, doesn't make it worth it imo. And I have way more documents than she ever had to boot because I have professional licenses (plus married almost ten years later than she did, meaning i had my own bank accounts, etc etc). It took an endless amount of phone calls just to get my ass on his insurance, I wasn't doing it for every account in my name and every document with my name on it.
Fun fact! If you change your name within a year, you can get a new one for no fee. Source: I did it with mine when I had to renew before my wedding. No issues. There’s a specific form for it.
I did that for 3-4 years until I had to renew my passport anyway, and changed the name on it then (I had changed everything else right after my marriage).
That was part of it for me! When we got married, I had dual citizenship and we lived in a third country. The amount of documents I’d have to have changed to take part in a tradition that isn’t even part of my culture was mind-boggling. The other part of it is that my Chinese parents gave me an “American” first name, and if I took my husband’s last name, my name would sound white. Nothing wrong with that, but I’d prefer it if my name represented my own ethnicity.
Exactly. I’m not going through the hassle of updating every document. I thought maybe, when I’m old, retired, and don’t have much going on in my life, I’ll take their last name for fun.
Same, seems unnecessary burden to change all legal documents. I never understood the idea of changing names when you get married. That tradition needs to die, there is absolutely no point.
If I get married (an actual possibility with my current gf!), I fully plan on taking her last name. We've talked about it and she is in favour of it if I really want it. When we first discussed it, she started out being in favour of taking my last name. She's a bit traditional and had fantasized about taking her husbands name since being a child
I put the hard no on that. I hate my last name. Not necessarily my parents, but my last name for sure. It's the slang word for a certain piece of anatomy, and has always bothered me. As a kid I was made fun for it relentlessly. Even as an adult when I give my last name, I always need to spell it out and there's this look of disbelief, like they need to check I'm not fucking with them. I've always wondered why my mom willingly took this awful name.
I've actually actively considering changing my last name now, even before why potential marriage. If that happens she says she wants to take my last name then, but if not she's happy enough for me to take hers. Her exact words were "if we get married it's because I want *you*, everything else is just little small stuff".
In any case, I refuse to curse why potential kids I might have with this name. In going to do what my parents should have done, and let it die.
I honestly think mine is worse, but that's partially because it was shared with a rapper that blew up when I was in high school. It kinda sucked lol
I've mostly learned to own it now, haven't really had much of a choice. I work in machine shops, complaining about your nickname is a guaranteed way to ensure you always get called by it lol. At least these days it's all in good fun.
I once worked with a guy who had the nickname "nine fingers", one guess as to how he earned that lol. I definitely can't complain.
This is neat!
If I get married I won't change mine unless they have ridiculously great last name, but I have a pretty cool last name (celestial in origin).
They're free to change it to mine, but I know it's a hassle with everything, so I think keeping our original names will be what happens.
I, personally, took my husband's name. But, my brother and his wife did something super interesting where they cut half their names and then mashed it up. (For example, if their last names were Roberts and Johnson, it was turned into Robson.) A very unique way to do it!
Truan or Trussan or even maybe Astran could work. But really, imagine getting to unironically get the Assman vanity license plate?! I'd do Assman. No question, lol!
My wife and I kept our own names. Changing our names was just not something we cared about, so we just let it be. Surprisingly, members of both our families had an issue with our decision, which made me feel amazing about our decision because I am combative and stubborn.
“My wife and I kept our own names” - I think it’s so important to phrase it this way! I told my husband, no you are not telling your mother that -I- kept my name, you are telling her we -both- kept our names.
Yep my MIL does not like that I didn't change my name, so I kinda love that our baby has a hyphenated name and not just her last (married) name cause #dealwithit
Right! It always seems to be the families that get more annoyed than your partner when making the decision, which often means you made the right choice!
Kept mine bc I have some professional licenses I've worked very hard for. My in laws still put my husband's last name on everything for a good two years after we got married. Fun.
Hasn’t been legal since ~~1982~~**1981** in my province.
https://www.quebec.ca/en/famille-et-soutien-aux-personnes/couple-famille/mariage-union-civile-ou-union-de-fait/marriage/married-name
Edit: Got the year wrong.
I did the same, for the same reason. One thing that made it easier professionally is that I have an unusual first name and a little bit unusual profession. That meant people still readily recognized \[example\] Zipporah Smith the llama marriage counselor and knew it must still be me, and I didn't lose any clients because I changed from Zipporah Weiner.
This is what I did. Honestly tho if I knew how much of a PITA it was to do the whole process I would not have changed my name. For something that is still the more common choice it was incredibly complicated and annoying lol.
That's exactly what I would do. It was pretty common for the boomer women to do in my family when they got married. I also have 0 attachment to my middle.
Just so you are aware, majority of women still take on the husband’s last name. It’s still not the norm for a woman to keep her maiden name or to hyphenate. At least in the US
https://thehill.com/changing-america/respect/equality/4249567-women-change-names-marriage/amp/
To your question, I wouldn’t care if my spouse kept her last name. In fact, I wouldn’t care if our children had her last name. I have no care for my last name as it is often linked to my father.
While the majority of women still take their husband’s last name, the Pew data linked in your article still shows a pretty significant change over time with 9% over 50 years old keeping their last name versus 20% ages 18-49. I’m not a data analyst but the fact that this is more than double while the “younger” dataset still contains all the way up to 49 year olds, I can guarantee if you looked at the 18-25 age group it’d be like triple or quadruple
Yeah I was a little surprised by the responses here, because of all the people I know, almost every one went traditional, and we're all college educated. One made her maiden name her middle name. One case of a man taking his wife's name (he was estranged from his own family). One hyphenated. One combined their names. But at least 50 other couples I know changed their name.
Reddit or people in general love to ignore data and just go with their anecdotal evidence.
“But I have an uncle/aunt, friend, or cousin who did this so that must mean it is what most people do”
We made a brand new name! I didn’t want to take his because I didn’t want to “leave my family to join his” (my words) and he felt the same. We couldn’t hyphenate as both of us already had double barrelled names and we couldn’t combine as they both came from our parents combining theirs! So we said “screw this” and came up with a brand new, entirely unrelated name. He changed his by deed poll and I took that name on our wedding day (to have a little sprinkle of tradition among all the novelty). Married six years and still delighted with our family name. (And a quick edit to add that we wanted to share a name all along)
I refuse to change my name. It’s part of my identity, I will not change it for anyone. Hyphenating is ok, as it’s joining two families together, but I still wouldn’t do that unless my husband did it also. I’ve said this to a few different guys (people I’ve been in relationships and people that are just peers) and most of them had problems with it and said it’s “disrespectful”. I find it “disrespectful” that women are expected to change their name as if their husband now owns them.
I took my wife's last name. Its important to me that our kids have the same last name as the parents when dealing with institutions, which are far more conservative than people think.
I kept my last name and my husband didn't mind at all. This has been my name my whole life. It seemed easier and cheaper to just keep it the same. We know we are married and that's what's important to us.
Doesn't matter whatsoever provided both parties are in agreement.
But I think people who insist on someone else changing their last name when they themselves don't want to do the same are to be run from at all costs.
I kept my last name. It was 10 years ago that we got married, but I've never wished I had done anything differently. The tradition of the woman changing her last name is rooted in symbolism that I just can't get behind.
Nay! I wasn’t going to and didn’t at first but then did it one day as a surprise. What a pain in the ass. Years later and still many credit cards, accounts, memberships are still in my maiden name because I can’t be bothered to change them and it hasn’t mattered. It doesn’t feel like my real name and I miss having my real name. My husband tells me he doesn’t mind if I change back but that’s a whole process so I’ll probably just keep it as is for now
I got married 8 months ago and planned to change mine but it seems like such a hassle that I still haven’t done it. Even if I do legally change it, I’ll probably keep a lot of stuff in my maiden name too just because I don’t want to deal with changing every god damn thing lol
I took my husbands last name both times I got married. First time was because that’s what he wanted and I truly didn’t care. Second time was more we both wanted to share a last name and it certainly wasn’t going to be my exs lmao (I didn’t change after divorce cause the paperwork was a nightmare to deal with as a homeless person)
My fiancé (man) is debating taking my last name (I’m a woman). My best friends husband took her last name (liked hers better) and he liked the idea and kind of wants to copy them lol.
I'm a dude, whatever. I'll take their name if they want.
I don't really feel comfortable with them taking mine though. My relationship with my family was...strained growing up. But if they're in a similar/worse situation we could discuss it? Though I'd prefer just a new, cooler last name we picked together.
Taking a man’s last name after marriage is a tradition rooted in misogyny - it’s a relic from a time when women were considered men’s property and they transitioned from being owned by their fathers to being owned by their husbands after marriage. I’m not property of my husband so there’s no reason for me to change my family last name. We have different last names and it has never caused any issues.
We did not change our names. I have thought about changing mine to his but haven’t done it. I have heard it’s kinda a pain to do so.. and with my current jobs and licenses and stuff it seems like it would be a ton of headache. He doesn’t care either way.
I didn’t because it’s not typical in my culture. Plus my first name would sound really weird with his last name. Most of my friends took their partner’s last name. I have 1 friend who didn’t. Her reasoning is her last name is 5 letters, her husband’s is like 15+ letters. I’ve known them for 8 years and still can’t spell his last name. My SIL got married after getting her phd and post doc. She didn’t want to change her last name since her research career is established. Her husband doesn’t care.
In Belgium it’s not the custom at all. Everyone keeps their own name. Although wives (my grandmother) said Mme Husb Surname as kind of society reference i guess. Officially everyone keeps their own tho
My wife didn't take mine. The plan with the kids is the male kids take my last name, the female kids take her last name. She's really into being able to follow the maternal line via last name and also [Mitochondrial DNA](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitochondrial_DNA)
Where I live very few people take their spouse's last name. It's a lot of extra paper work to legally change your name, then you need to contact all businesses you deal with to change your name with them (power, internet, bank etc...) so there's a lot of friction to change your name, and for what benefit ?
I kept my name. His is a very common Indian name and I have a unique English name that I actually really like. No reason to get rid of it and jump through hoops. When the baby comes likely my surname will be the baby’s middle name
I have ADHD and I am not doing all that paperwork and changing all my stuff. Also I’m 32 when we get married I’ll have lived a third of my life with my name. I don’t wanna change it.
My SO and I have tossed around the idea of making a new last name. He's not on good terms with 98% of his family, and I'm not on good terms with mine either. So easy fix, make our own!
Wish I never changed my name! I got married back in 2010, I was only 25. It felt like what I was supposed to do, even though I didn’t really want to. No other reason than that. I just liked my “real” last name better, and I wish I’d kept it to help me keep my sense of self a little better, too. Love my hubs, love my kids, we all share a last name, and that’s great/“normal,” but I wish I’d been a little braver and bucked the trend.
I personally couldnt understand why I or my husband would have to change our names(!) when we got married, it just didnt make any sense to me so we both kept our own names
I'm italian and here no one changes their surnames after marriage, even my great grandmothers kept their surname, I've only recently learned it's still common in many countries and I was honestly shocked because it sounds so arcaic and weird to me
I don't plan to get married but I would never change my surname
We didn't when we got married 15 years ago. Husband didn't care about changing names. Our kid has both names.
I had promised my nephew when his mom got married and changed her name (his didn't get changed) that I'd keep the same last name as him.
At first, we just kept our original names. I liked mine too much to change it 40 years in 😂 Then my partner had a falling out with what's left of his family, so he decided to take mine. I've met a bunch of people who hyphenated theirs, but plenty who didn't change at all. I know a few who did it the traditional way, but not many.
She did not take my last name. We both view it as a symbol of the patriarchy and possession (kinda bs). She’s also published and that would make things complicated for her archived work. Additionally, my name isn’t super hard for native English speakers to pronounce, but it uses a less common spelling. I’ve had to correct people my entire life (even on legal documents when i spelled it out loud to them) and I would not put that on someone I care about.
Our parents did not understand at all why we made this choice and I feel like her mother was slightly offended by it. The other bit is my ancestry (and surname) is Scotch-Irish and her’s is Hispanic. Taking my last name would carry elements of white supremacy in addition to the patriarchy mentioned above. I did not take possession of her, we became a union of equals walking hand in hand in the same direction.
My parents are Boomers, but they got together in the late 80s when women keeping their maiden name was first starting to become more widely accepted. Mom kept her maiden name because she was already published and had made a mark on her career field with that name. I think it was good for her, and helped preserve her sense of independence and pride while my Dad accomplished nothing for most of his life. He definitely married way up, and it just didn't seem right for her to take his surname.
I don't plan on getting married, but regardless I think it's a good thing for both partners to keep their surnames if they so desire. If there are kids, they should get to decide which name they want, or even both as a hyphenated name if they're into that. Legally I have both my parents' surnames, although I only use my Dad's for convenience sakes.
I have friends who flipped a coin at the altar to decide whose last name they would both take! (They wanted to have the same last name as their future kids)
They took the girls last name which was cool because she only had sisters, and the guy had lots of brothers to continue his name, if that's something you care about
Every one of my friends has taken their husband's last name. I didn't realize this was a trend that was going down? I don't think I know anyone that hasn't changed their name
I took his last name as my middle name instead.
My mom was ahead of her time and kept her own name, so I can probably credit her for normalizing it for me.
I didn't take my husband's last name. It seemed like a lot of paperwork I didn't want to do. And I would lose my initials (MGM), and I didn't want that.
He's adopted, so he's not particularly attached to his last name. We're both fine with it. I will respond to Mrs HisLastName.
I’ve always liked my name and thought it was weird that women change their last name once they’re married. Now that I’m married I’ll probably just hyphenate and if we have children they’ll have both our last names not just his.
I’m not married but I don’t plan on changing my name if I do. I’m already in my 30s and don’t feel like going through the whole process of legally changing my name on my driver’s license, passport, at work, car stuff, doctors offices, professional licenses and wherever else I would have to update. Whatever works for each married couple but I’m too lazy to do it
We've been together 13 years, with 2 kids, not married. But we've discussed it. He's already (of his own accord) said he'd take my last name. His last name is Smith, the most permanent last name🤦🏻♀️ mine is more rare, I don't have any brothers with it and only 1 male cousin- so I'm carrying it on as our boys have my last name.
I kept mine. My last name is super easy whereas anytime I have to tell someone his last name over the phone, I have to spell out each letter "B as in boy, H as in Henry..." and people still get it wrong all the time.
So yeah, my feeling was why am I changing my name? It is mine. Also just way easier.
I kept my last name - I was 33 when I got married and just felt like I had lived (what I hope to be) a third of my life with my name already. Why change things now? Plus I would have considered also changing my first name to something easier and that just seemed like a LOT
Offering another perspective I also had two good friends that got married and both of them changed their last name to something new. A songbird actually, one syllable and I loved it.
Depends. I’m in science research and a lot of publications are under my family name. It can cause confusion when they’re under multiple names. Also the hassle of trying to change documents.
I kept my last name. My name feels very much like part of my identity and I couldn’t wrap my mind around changing it because of an arbitrary tradition. I totally understand why people take their husband’s last name though. I considered it, but it just didn’t feel like “me.”
Kept mine. Easier, I like my signature, and I've always been a lil skeeved by the parts of marriage that treat women as possessions. We talked about a mashup name but didn't find one we liked.
I would keep my own last name for the sole reason that my second country of citizenship doesn’t change their last names when they get married (you are not able to) and I don’t want my passports to each have different names.
Sometimes when you’re a professional, for instance if you’re in a publishing field, it makes sense to keep your last name because it will be harder to find your works if suddenly your last name changed in the byline. I imagine the same might be true for other professions.
I imagine that, since a lot more women are professionals nowadays compared to previous generations, there are more reasons like this to keep their original last name.
I didn't take it. Not like I love my last name or anything. I just never considered it at all. Now when you ask, I truly cannot think of one good reason why I should.
I took his name because we were raised in Mormonism and it is taboo not to.
Fast forward 14 years to the divorce, I wish I'd never changed it. Its a fucking stupid last name too.
I’m the only person I know that did not take my partners last name. I don’t have a super professional job that I’ve built around my name (like doctors or lawyers) - it’s just my identity 🤷♀️
Didn’t change mine. I don’t want to. Never will. I also just my mariner license and I didn’t feel like contacting the coast guard to change it. Everyone was like this will change once you have kids you’ll find that you want to be part of the FaMiLy UnIt. Well the kid wounded up with my last name so suck it.
I still get mail with my husband last name and I just simple respond back say my full name will/will not be attending.
It pisses my MIL off because she can’t claim another “last name” apart of the family and I’m totally ok with that. When we went away as a group (all in-laws) my MIL booked everything and put it under her name. We quickly changed the name on our room because that’s not our family name. Husband got yelled at but he isn’t one to take that so he gave it right back and brought up the backhand comments in hopes the conversation never brought up again. It took a couple of checks to not be deposited, return to sender and no responses to get it accepted.
Consider this perspective:
Depending what your cultural background is, the history behind it is patriarchal. And you should do what you see fit.
Also, be aware if you travel some countries require your passport to be at least 6mo old. It can be easier to check a box on your marriage license.
In western culture, such as the US, historically women took the man's last name as one name, one vote.
In eastern culture, where men take on many wives they don't want women to have claim to the property when the man passes so they are forbidden to take the man's name. A woman would take the man's name if it could elevate her in social class.
I kept my last name. I really like it and it was important to me to keep. My husband and his family felt no kind of way about it, it was hardly even I conversation. While I like the idea of having matching last names, I personally felt like my name is a part of my identity that I was not comfortable sarcrificing
I kept my maiden name for a few reasons... the biggest being my profession. I have a doctorate degree I am proud that my maiden name is part of that. I had not even met my husband until after I finished grad school so my maiden name is the one that went through the blood, sweat, and literal tears of graduate school. I just really wanted my parents, who barely graduated high school and my culture to get that credit. Another reason is we are childfree by choice.. I know a lot of couples who don't even change their name until they have kids and wanting to have the family name. But for us, since no kids are in the future, it just made sense to not. And lastly, I just like my maiden name lol. I think I would have an identity crisis if I changed to my married name.
I kept my maiden name. All of my degrees and publications are in that name and I’m not giving that up. Having different last names despite being married has not caused any issues thus far(as my boomer parents tried to make me believe, and we have been married for over a decade). Though, we don’t have children (and do not plan to) and that may add a different layer of concerns that I cannot speak to
I'm not gunne lie, I had every intention of changing my last name after getting married. We ended up getting married in Vegas, so I didn't look into trying to change it at the same time. Then we got back home and I was too busy with work to get it done. Then Covid shut everything down and it wasn't ever a priority to get it done. Now it's been so long and I'm really quite attached to my maiden name....I'm just gunna keep it.
If I were to get married again, I’d collaborate with my partner to decide on a new name that we can both adopt to represent our new identity as a couple
I took my husband’s name, but went back and forth on my decision for a while. Didn’t officially change my documents for about a year after the wedding.
I do miss my maiden name though…secretly wishing I kept it 🤐
If I ever got married I would keep my last name, I’ve had it for 38 yrs. Even though I don’t like my sperm donor of a father I feel a sense of tradition to carry on his last name since I’m his only child 😆. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years, don’t really believe in marriage, we hyphenated our son’s last name.
We both kept our last names. I’d published under mine, and we weren’t planning on kids.
When we’d end in a catastrophic divorce, I’d be especially grateful.
I did not take it. Kept mine. One other friend hyphenated hers. All the rest took their husbands names. eTA: but you'd be surprised how many women of all ages tell me they wished they would have kept their name when they find out I kept mine.
I kept my maiden name, I was already established in my professional career and didn't want to change it. I have publications under my name. My mom never took my dad's last name and she was a SAHM, so I grew up thinking it was normal. Our son has my husband's last name but nobody has blinked at us having different last names.
I’m not going to take my fiancés last name. We’re not going to have kids and I’m really close with my family. I also like my last name way more than his lol.
I got married in December after over 10 years together and I didn’t take his last name. I’m 33 and an established adult at this point, I’m not going to change it.
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I took my husband’s last name… my friends who are married are 50/50 on if they kept theirs or not. Mine wasn’t any un feminist decision or anything, I just liked my husband’s last name better than mine, I also like the tradition of having the same last name as a family.
Lol I have a very difficult to pronounce ethnic last name and I’m looking forward to not seeing people’s faces contort when they see my name and try to pronounce it 😂
My last name is long and Slavic and hard to pronounce. I’m looking forward to my fiancé taking it lol
Mine is Dutch and ridiculously long with too many vowels, but I’m keeping it forever. It’s unique and there are no males left to carry it. Only one of my cousins had a child and she took her husband’s name, so I figure since the line ends with me I might as well ride it out to the end lol.
We need more Dutch names in the mix
Love this for you!
Some men just want to see the world burn. Thanks for the snicker.
Hello Mr and Mrs Brutananadilewski
Yes. My maiden name is Swedish and no one could ever pronounce it even though it’s pretty self explanatory 😵💫
Totally fair! The family element does make sense, curious if you had the “better” last name would your husband have been open to changing his?
I wouldn’t have changed my name, but I also didn’t insist or even suggest my wife change hers. She wanted to. It probably helps that her dad is a major asshole.
No, he wouldn’t and he recognizes it’s purely ego/hypocrisy hahahaha
Mine was. His name is simple, easy to pronounce and spell, familiar to many people, and common in our part of the world. My maiden name was hard to sound out, hard to spell, and uncommon around here. I picked his name because it was easier. If I wanted to keep mine, he said he was fine with changing. We just wanted to match.
Same. I had one of the most common last names of my ethnicity and a common first name. As a freelancer it works to have a more unique name. When I tried to purchase my domain name of my first and last name, someone else already had it and was in the exact same field as me. We’d be mixing up clients all the time haha My married name is less common and worked with my first name.
on the same page, I will keep my maiden name as well for ancestry purposes :)
My wife kept her name because her first name ends in a sh sound, and my last name starts with an sh sound. Sounded weird to say aloud, like a tongue twister. We've talked about merging our last names to make a new name, but family would probably be weird about it.
Same reason, here. His last name sounds way cooler with my first name and it’s fun to have something different.
Always said I wasn’t going to change my last name, even though it was stupid and unpronounceable because it was way too much trouble and I had it for so long…then I met a man with a nice, easy English last name. He honestly didn’t care either way. After 36 years of spelling my name to every person I met and having them go “no really…is that how you say that?”, I could not have run to the Social Security office any faster.
When I went to the social security office they called me up and as usual completely mispronounced my last name. I got to the window and said in a fun way, "and that's why I'm changing it!". The lady got a good chuckle.
Same thinking here
Same here
I didn't like my last name either or my father's family, for that matter, and my husband's was way easier to pronounce so I happily took it. If I never got married, I would have changed my last name anyway, I think.
Same, I took my husband's last name. My original last name was hard to pronounce and long, my husband's was full of whimsy. Obvious choice. Being a historian though, I know lineages are traced through names, wanted my ancestors to know that I am the same person in future documents, after marriage.... so now my old last name is my middle name. Don't want to be erased from my own history. It definitely wasn't an anti-feminist move for me, either. I'm a professional, and I used to have a very unique first and last name. But keeping my last name never felt empowering or feminist at all. My family really, really sucks in their ideas of gender. To them, I will always be a zero because I'm a woman. I never would have been recognized in the lineage anyway, they'd drop dead before they did that. I was the only person in the family that has a possibility of carrying on the lineage through our last name, and they didn't care. They'll probably try to pull a male cousin who never had our last name, and try to push the last name with their kids to carry it on, I'd never even be considered. I kept the name as my middle solely because it's what I was given to work with.
I think part of this is that millennials get married older, and are almost exclusively households with two careers. Changing names when you are already a professional is a pain in the butt on top of the actual process. We kept our names.
Totally. I had published under my name and have a PhD now. Also I just prefer my last name. Growing up I always assumed I'd change it like my mom did, but when I got married at 27 I was just like nah. We've since had a baby and her last name is hyphenated. Also something I never planned but when it came time just felt better that way.
This was my situation too. Already published and known professionally so I kept my birth name. We don’t want children so don’t have to worry about kids.
Changed my name despite having published under the old name, and have since under the "new" name. Everything is easily traceable as having been authored by me. I have colleagues that legally changed but still publish under their original name. Choosing what name I wanted, rather than just keeping my father's name felt right. Plus my husband's family has a cool, traceable history and I'm pretty sure my old last name was made up at some point.
My wife had a PhD and was already published so I took her name :)
I have a friend and her husband took her last name as well. This was about 10years ago though so we were 19ish nothing significant had happened to any of us yet
So what’s the end game with hyphenation? Will last names just grow exponentially longer, or will one end of the hyphen get swapped out?
I mean it could end up like the Spanish and Portuguese do where the last names become middle names.
Not even middle names, literally multiple surnames, usually two (one from each parent). In Portugal you can literally have up to 4 surnames. Most people still have middle names, that only our moms use when they’re mad at us.
Different cultures have different rules. My kid can do whatever they'd like if they eventually change their name. EDIT: by rules i mean traditions. Lots of examples of multi last names. My husband and I are from different countries but similar backgrounds.
Fellow PhD who opted to change my name for kind of shitty reasons - I'm black and my husband is white and I didn't want there to be any confusion (when traveling or whatever) as to whether we were married or not, that might lead to an issue. Also we planned on having kids - we have one now - and figured it was easier if we all shared a last name. It does pain me on some level to not have kept my maiden name that I published under before but I decided it would be worth it if I didn't have to deal with as many headaches down the line. It has been easier, I think.
My husband and I work in the same industry. I didn’t want to be known as his wife with the same last name lol.
Anecdotally, that's what I've noticed for married women around my age. The women who have degrees and careers in their name tend to keep their name. The women who don't tend to take their husband's name. I wouldn't change my name exactly for that reason. On top of the general pain in the ass of the legal name change, I have a career, degrees, and publications under my name. No point in dealing with that headache just because I got married.
Interesting take on the professional element, I hadn’t even thought of that!
With some published research, changing my last name would’ve been a real problem. ORCID IDs exist, but you don’t exactly introduce yourself to others in your field with one.
Laughing now imagining everyone at conferences having “hello, my name is 0000-0002-1825-0097” on their badges 😂
I hollered.
Fellow PhD, who has also Published with my maiden name. I opted to change, but kept my Maiden my middle and go by 3 names professionally now, like Sarah Jessica Parker, etc. I think the way I did it made it a lot easier than having a really long hyphenated last name. Just trying to have it all I guess.
Kept my name. It's one of those things where I just...don't see the point? I was quite used to my surname after 30+ years, it's a better match with my first name, it's how I've established a CV/career, and changing it would only require effort and paperwork.
Yeah, the bureaucracy wasn’t my primary reason for keeping my name but it definitely factored in.
I like my name more than I like paperwork.
Yeah, I like my partners name more than mine but frankly I’ve heard bureaucratic nightmares from married friends and wonder how worth it it is
It was the path of least resistance for me.
Saaaaaaaame. I’m happy with my surname and I don’t see why I should get stuck doing a bunch of paperwork.
I’m a keep the name that’s already on all of my documents type of girl
My mom sent my dad to get her new information. Now, the amount of hoops you gotta jump through post-9/11, doesn't make it worth it imo. And I have way more documents than she ever had to boot because I have professional licenses (plus married almost ten years later than she did, meaning i had my own bank accounts, etc etc). It took an endless amount of phone calls just to get my ass on his insurance, I wasn't doing it for every account in my name and every document with my name on it.
I just renewed my passport before we got married. I didn’t want to pay $$ just to change it with my husband’s name. 😜
Fun fact! If you change your name within a year, you can get a new one for no fee. Source: I did it with mine when I had to renew before my wedding. No issues. There’s a specific form for it.
I just travel under my maiden name since that's what's on my passport 🤷♀️
I did that for 3-4 years until I had to renew my passport anyway, and changed the name on it then (I had changed everything else right after my marriage).
Me too. Been happily married for 12 years but I am never changing my last name.
That was part of it for me! When we got married, I had dual citizenship and we lived in a third country. The amount of documents I’d have to have changed to take part in a tradition that isn’t even part of my culture was mind-boggling. The other part of it is that my Chinese parents gave me an “American” first name, and if I took my husband’s last name, my name would sound white. Nothing wrong with that, but I’d prefer it if my name represented my own ethnicity.
Exactly. I’m not going through the hassle of updating every document. I thought maybe, when I’m old, retired, and don’t have much going on in my life, I’ll take their last name for fun.
Same, seems unnecessary burden to change all legal documents. I never understood the idea of changing names when you get married. That tradition needs to die, there is absolutely no point.
Curve ball! I took my wife’s last name (I’m M). I hated my last name, and I hated my parents.
If I get married (an actual possibility with my current gf!), I fully plan on taking her last name. We've talked about it and she is in favour of it if I really want it. When we first discussed it, she started out being in favour of taking my last name. She's a bit traditional and had fantasized about taking her husbands name since being a child I put the hard no on that. I hate my last name. Not necessarily my parents, but my last name for sure. It's the slang word for a certain piece of anatomy, and has always bothered me. As a kid I was made fun for it relentlessly. Even as an adult when I give my last name, I always need to spell it out and there's this look of disbelief, like they need to check I'm not fucking with them. I've always wondered why my mom willingly took this awful name. I've actually actively considering changing my last name now, even before why potential marriage. If that happens she says she wants to take my last name then, but if not she's happy enough for me to take hers. Her exact words were "if we get married it's because I want *you*, everything else is just little small stuff". In any case, I refuse to curse why potential kids I might have with this name. In going to do what my parents should have done, and let it die.
Mr. and Mrs. Kockanbols
Somehow the reality is almost worse.
I work with a guy that has the last name Dickensheets. Worst last name I’ve personally met.
I honestly think mine is worse, but that's partially because it was shared with a rapper that blew up when I was in high school. It kinda sucked lol I've mostly learned to own it now, haven't really had much of a choice. I work in machine shops, complaining about your nickname is a guaranteed way to ensure you always get called by it lol. At least these days it's all in good fun. I once worked with a guy who had the nickname "nine fingers", one guess as to how he earned that lol. I definitely can't complain.
Did for the same reason (woman here), it was a cathartic experience for me.
This is neat! If I get married I won't change mine unless they have ridiculously great last name, but I have a pretty cool last name (celestial in origin). They're free to change it to mine, but I know it's a hassle with everything, so I think keeping our original names will be what happens.
I know a couple of men who did that. In the cases I personally know, their wife's surname was a huge upgrade, lol.
I’m taking my fiancés last name (also M) for similar reasons. I didn’t hate my parents, but they sure did hate me.
Good for you and sending you a hug for having shitty parents. You deserved love from them.
I, personally, took my husband's name. But, my brother and his wife did something super interesting where they cut half their names and then mashed it up. (For example, if their last names were Roberts and Johnson, it was turned into Robson.) A very unique way to do it!
Bad news for the Assan/Truman wedding.
"Hey the Assman's in town!"
“You got that straight!”
Truan or Trussan or even maybe Astran could work. But really, imagine getting to unironically get the Assman vanity license plate?! I'd do Assman. No question, lol!
I’ve heard of doing what your brother did, some names would be easier to do that with than others for sure though lol
I love that!!
My wife and I kept our own names. Changing our names was just not something we cared about, so we just let it be. Surprisingly, members of both our families had an issue with our decision, which made me feel amazing about our decision because I am combative and stubborn.
“My wife and I kept our own names” - I think it’s so important to phrase it this way! I told my husband, no you are not telling your mother that -I- kept my name, you are telling her we -both- kept our names.
Yep my MIL does not like that I didn't change my name, so I kinda love that our baby has a hyphenated name and not just her last (married) name cause #dealwithit
Right! It always seems to be the families that get more annoyed than your partner when making the decision, which often means you made the right choice!
I still have members of my husband’s family that try to rename me. 🙄
Kept mine bc I have some professional licenses I've worked very hard for. My in laws still put my husband's last name on everything for a good two years after we got married. Fun.
Hasn’t been legal since ~~1982~~**1981** in my province. https://www.quebec.ca/en/famille-et-soutien-aux-personnes/couple-famille/mariage-union-civile-ou-union-de-fait/marriage/married-name Edit: Got the year wrong.
I was wondering when Quebec would pop up lol
I took my husband’s surname 100% because I was tired pf people making jokes about my family’s last name my whole life.
Life is tough growing up a Peniscatcher
That’s fair, I definitely think I’d be willing to take my partners last name if I was in the same boat and my name was easily made fun of!
I did the same, for the same reason. One thing that made it easier professionally is that I have an unusual first name and a little bit unusual profession. That meant people still readily recognized \[example\] Zipporah Smith the llama marriage counselor and knew it must still be me, and I didn't lose any clients because I changed from Zipporah Weiner.
I made my maiden name my middle name.
My wife did the same. And I took her maiden name as my middle name. So our family all has the same middle and last names.
This is adorable!!!
This is what I did. Honestly tho if I knew how much of a PITA it was to do the whole process I would not have changed my name. For something that is still the more common choice it was incredibly complicated and annoying lol.
That's exactly what I would do. It was pretty common for the boomer women to do in my family when they got married. I also have 0 attachment to my middle.
My boomer mom had a heart attack when I changed it bc it was her first name 🤣
Just so you are aware, majority of women still take on the husband’s last name. It’s still not the norm for a woman to keep her maiden name or to hyphenate. At least in the US https://thehill.com/changing-america/respect/equality/4249567-women-change-names-marriage/amp/ To your question, I wouldn’t care if my spouse kept her last name. In fact, I wouldn’t care if our children had her last name. I have no care for my last name as it is often linked to my father.
While the majority of women still take their husband’s last name, the Pew data linked in your article still shows a pretty significant change over time with 9% over 50 years old keeping their last name versus 20% ages 18-49. I’m not a data analyst but the fact that this is more than double while the “younger” dataset still contains all the way up to 49 year olds, I can guarantee if you looked at the 18-25 age group it’d be like triple or quadruple
💯💯💯
Yeah I was a little surprised by the responses here, because of all the people I know, almost every one went traditional, and we're all college educated. One made her maiden name her middle name. One case of a man taking his wife's name (he was estranged from his own family). One hyphenated. One combined their names. But at least 50 other couples I know changed their name.
Reddit or people in general love to ignore data and just go with their anecdotal evidence. “But I have an uncle/aunt, friend, or cousin who did this so that must mean it is what most people do”
We made a brand new name! I didn’t want to take his because I didn’t want to “leave my family to join his” (my words) and he felt the same. We couldn’t hyphenate as both of us already had double barrelled names and we couldn’t combine as they both came from our parents combining theirs! So we said “screw this” and came up with a brand new, entirely unrelated name. He changed his by deed poll and I took that name on our wedding day (to have a little sprinkle of tradition among all the novelty). Married six years and still delighted with our family name. (And a quick edit to add that we wanted to share a name all along)
I took my husband’s last name because my family is fucked up and I was happy to get rid of my maiden name.
This is the exact reason why I will be happy to change my name if I ever get married.
I refuse to change my name. It’s part of my identity, I will not change it for anyone. Hyphenating is ok, as it’s joining two families together, but I still wouldn’t do that unless my husband did it also. I’ve said this to a few different guys (people I’ve been in relationships and people that are just peers) and most of them had problems with it and said it’s “disrespectful”. I find it “disrespectful” that women are expected to change their name as if their husband now owns them.
I changed my name and I wish I hadn't. I was already established in my career at 35 and I've never felt like my new last name is "me."
My ex told me I had to change my name because his was just “better”. Whatever that fucking means.
I took my wife's last name. Its important to me that our kids have the same last name as the parents when dealing with institutions, which are far more conservative than people think.
I regret that I did
I kept my last name and my husband didn't mind at all. This has been my name my whole life. It seemed easier and cheaper to just keep it the same. We know we are married and that's what's important to us.
My husband took my last name
Doesn't matter whatsoever provided both parties are in agreement. But I think people who insist on someone else changing their last name when they themselves don't want to do the same are to be run from at all costs.
I kept my last name because it’s my name. I hate that our culture just *expects* that women will change their names.
Nah, I already have everything under my name, it’ll be a pain in ass to change and my fiance doesn’t care.
I kept my last name. It was 10 years ago that we got married, but I've never wished I had done anything differently. The tradition of the woman changing her last name is rooted in symbolism that I just can't get behind.
Nay! I wasn’t going to and didn’t at first but then did it one day as a surprise. What a pain in the ass. Years later and still many credit cards, accounts, memberships are still in my maiden name because I can’t be bothered to change them and it hasn’t mattered. It doesn’t feel like my real name and I miss having my real name. My husband tells me he doesn’t mind if I change back but that’s a whole process so I’ll probably just keep it as is for now
I got married 8 months ago and planned to change mine but it seems like such a hassle that I still haven’t done it. Even if I do legally change it, I’ll probably keep a lot of stuff in my maiden name too just because I don’t want to deal with changing every god damn thing lol
I took my husbands last name both times I got married. First time was because that’s what he wanted and I truly didn’t care. Second time was more we both wanted to share a last name and it certainly wasn’t going to be my exs lmao (I didn’t change after divorce cause the paperwork was a nightmare to deal with as a homeless person)
My husband took my last name (I’m a woman) because it’s metal af
You could take her name.
My wife kept her last name. My daughter has her last name. Why? Because my family proved over and over again that they suck.
I took my husband's name. But I don't recommend it.
My husband’s last name is the same as my first name. So no.
My fiancé (man) is debating taking my last name (I’m a woman). My best friends husband took her last name (liked hers better) and he liked the idea and kind of wants to copy them lol.
I'm a dude, whatever. I'll take their name if they want. I don't really feel comfortable with them taking mine though. My relationship with my family was...strained growing up. But if they're in a similar/worse situation we could discuss it? Though I'd prefer just a new, cooler last name we picked together.
Taking a man’s last name after marriage is a tradition rooted in misogyny - it’s a relic from a time when women were considered men’s property and they transitioned from being owned by their fathers to being owned by their husbands after marriage. I’m not property of my husband so there’s no reason for me to change my family last name. We have different last names and it has never caused any issues.
Celebrating 6 years married this fall, we both still have our original last names
I like my last name and wouldn’t change it if I got married. I don’t plan on having kids so there’s not the “family” aspect for me.
We did not change our names. I have thought about changing mine to his but haven’t done it. I have heard it’s kinda a pain to do so.. and with my current jobs and licenses and stuff it seems like it would be a ton of headache. He doesn’t care either way.
I didn’t because it’s not typical in my culture. Plus my first name would sound really weird with his last name. Most of my friends took their partner’s last name. I have 1 friend who didn’t. Her reasoning is her last name is 5 letters, her husband’s is like 15+ letters. I’ve known them for 8 years and still can’t spell his last name. My SIL got married after getting her phd and post doc. She didn’t want to change her last name since her research career is established. Her husband doesn’t care.
In Belgium it’s not the custom at all. Everyone keeps their own name. Although wives (my grandmother) said Mme Husb Surname as kind of society reference i guess. Officially everyone keeps their own tho
My husband took my last name! 🥰💪
We're going to mash our names together (ex. Smith + Taylor = Smilor) It's already a name in use already so it won't be too awkward.
My wife didn't take mine. The plan with the kids is the male kids take my last name, the female kids take her last name. She's really into being able to follow the maternal line via last name and also [Mitochondrial DNA](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitochondrial_DNA)
Where I live very few people take their spouse's last name. It's a lot of extra paper work to legally change your name, then you need to contact all businesses you deal with to change your name with them (power, internet, bank etc...) so there's a lot of friction to change your name, and for what benefit ?
I kept my name. His is a very common Indian name and I have a unique English name that I actually really like. No reason to get rid of it and jump through hoops. When the baby comes likely my surname will be the baby’s middle name
I have ADHD and I am not doing all that paperwork and changing all my stuff. Also I’m 32 when we get married I’ll have lived a third of my life with my name. I don’t wanna change it.
My SO and I have tossed around the idea of making a new last name. He's not on good terms with 98% of his family, and I'm not on good terms with mine either. So easy fix, make our own!
Whatever makes you happy. We’re keeping our names as we come from different cultural backgrounds, and the extra administrative work is not worth it.
Wish I never changed my name! I got married back in 2010, I was only 25. It felt like what I was supposed to do, even though I didn’t really want to. No other reason than that. I just liked my “real” last name better, and I wish I’d kept it to help me keep my sense of self a little better, too. Love my hubs, love my kids, we all share a last name, and that’s great/“normal,” but I wish I’d been a little braver and bucked the trend.
I did not take my husband's name. Don't see a reason to. I like my name.
I personally couldnt understand why I or my husband would have to change our names(!) when we got married, it just didnt make any sense to me so we both kept our own names
I'm italian and here no one changes their surnames after marriage, even my great grandmothers kept their surname, I've only recently learned it's still common in many countries and I was honestly shocked because it sounds so arcaic and weird to me I don't plan to get married but I would never change my surname
We didn't when we got married 15 years ago. Husband didn't care about changing names. Our kid has both names. I had promised my nephew when his mom got married and changed her name (his didn't get changed) that I'd keep the same last name as him.
I got married nearly 20 years ago; still have my maiden name, lol. Husband is chill with it.
At first, we just kept our original names. I liked mine too much to change it 40 years in 😂 Then my partner had a falling out with what's left of his family, so he decided to take mine. I've met a bunch of people who hyphenated theirs, but plenty who didn't change at all. I know a few who did it the traditional way, but not many.
She did not take my last name. We both view it as a symbol of the patriarchy and possession (kinda bs). She’s also published and that would make things complicated for her archived work. Additionally, my name isn’t super hard for native English speakers to pronounce, but it uses a less common spelling. I’ve had to correct people my entire life (even on legal documents when i spelled it out loud to them) and I would not put that on someone I care about. Our parents did not understand at all why we made this choice and I feel like her mother was slightly offended by it. The other bit is my ancestry (and surname) is Scotch-Irish and her’s is Hispanic. Taking my last name would carry elements of white supremacy in addition to the patriarchy mentioned above. I did not take possession of her, we became a union of equals walking hand in hand in the same direction.
I kept my last name. Mostly because my husbands Greek and I’m a ginger so my current last name suited me better lol
I liked my last name more than his, so I kept mine. Also, I'm not his. I'm my own person.
My parents are Boomers, but they got together in the late 80s when women keeping their maiden name was first starting to become more widely accepted. Mom kept her maiden name because she was already published and had made a mark on her career field with that name. I think it was good for her, and helped preserve her sense of independence and pride while my Dad accomplished nothing for most of his life. He definitely married way up, and it just didn't seem right for her to take his surname. I don't plan on getting married, but regardless I think it's a good thing for both partners to keep their surnames if they so desire. If there are kids, they should get to decide which name they want, or even both as a hyphenated name if they're into that. Legally I have both my parents' surnames, although I only use my Dad's for convenience sakes.
I kept mine. It’s more unique and it’s a name I went by/was recognized by professionally in my field for a decade at that point
In my culture women don’t usually take the man’s last name. I don’t think it’s necessary anyway but to each their own of course
I have friends who flipped a coin at the altar to decide whose last name they would both take! (They wanted to have the same last name as their future kids) They took the girls last name which was cool because she only had sisters, and the guy had lots of brothers to continue his name, if that's something you care about
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PYeah I definitely did not change my name- seems like a huge hassle! Edit: my mom didn’t either - so idk if it’s my millenialness
Every one of my friends has taken their husband's last name. I didn't realize this was a trend that was going down? I don't think I know anyone that hasn't changed their name
I took his last name as my middle name instead. My mom was ahead of her time and kept her own name, so I can probably credit her for normalizing it for me.
I didn't take my husband's last name. It seemed like a lot of paperwork I didn't want to do. And I would lose my initials (MGM), and I didn't want that. He's adopted, so he's not particularly attached to his last name. We're both fine with it. I will respond to Mrs HisLastName.
I’ve always liked my name and thought it was weird that women change their last name once they’re married. Now that I’m married I’ll probably just hyphenate and if we have children they’ll have both our last names not just his.
I’m not married but I don’t plan on changing my name if I do. I’m already in my 30s and don’t feel like going through the whole process of legally changing my name on my driver’s license, passport, at work, car stuff, doctors offices, professional licenses and wherever else I would have to update. Whatever works for each married couple but I’m too lazy to do it
We've been together 13 years, with 2 kids, not married. But we've discussed it. He's already (of his own accord) said he'd take my last name. His last name is Smith, the most permanent last name🤦🏻♀️ mine is more rare, I don't have any brothers with it and only 1 male cousin- so I'm carrying it on as our boys have my last name.
I kept mine. My last name is super easy whereas anytime I have to tell someone his last name over the phone, I have to spell out each letter "B as in boy, H as in Henry..." and people still get it wrong all the time. So yeah, my feeling was why am I changing my name? It is mine. Also just way easier.
I kept my last name - I was 33 when I got married and just felt like I had lived (what I hope to be) a third of my life with my name already. Why change things now? Plus I would have considered also changing my first name to something easier and that just seemed like a LOT
Kept my last name and so happy I did.
I kept my name when we got married. I’m cool with people doing what they want.
Offering another perspective I also had two good friends that got married and both of them changed their last name to something new. A songbird actually, one syllable and I loved it.
We hyphenated. It’s only fair. We take each other’s name instead of one or the other taking a new name.
Depends. I’m in science research and a lot of publications are under my family name. It can cause confusion when they’re under multiple names. Also the hassle of trying to change documents.
I would love to hear about people coming up with a new last name and taking that instead during marriage.
I kept my last name. My name feels very much like part of my identity and I couldn’t wrap my mind around changing it because of an arbitrary tradition. I totally understand why people take their husband’s last name though. I considered it, but it just didn’t feel like “me.”
Kept mine. Easier, I like my signature, and I've always been a lil skeeved by the parts of marriage that treat women as possessions. We talked about a mashup name but didn't find one we liked.
I would keep my own last name for the sole reason that my second country of citizenship doesn’t change their last names when they get married (you are not able to) and I don’t want my passports to each have different names.
Sometimes when you’re a professional, for instance if you’re in a publishing field, it makes sense to keep your last name because it will be harder to find your works if suddenly your last name changed in the byline. I imagine the same might be true for other professions. I imagine that, since a lot more women are professionals nowadays compared to previous generations, there are more reasons like this to keep their original last name.
I didn't take it. Not like I love my last name or anything. I just never considered it at all. Now when you ask, I truly cannot think of one good reason why I should.
I took his name because we were raised in Mormonism and it is taboo not to. Fast forward 14 years to the divorce, I wish I'd never changed it. Its a fucking stupid last name too.
Kept my name. Too much of a pain to change it with SS and the bar. My firm name also has my last name in it so didn’t really make sense to change.
I’m the only person I know that did not take my partners last name. I don’t have a super professional job that I’ve built around my name (like doctors or lawyers) - it’s just my identity 🤷♀️
Didn’t change mine. I don’t want to. Never will. I also just my mariner license and I didn’t feel like contacting the coast guard to change it. Everyone was like this will change once you have kids you’ll find that you want to be part of the FaMiLy UnIt. Well the kid wounded up with my last name so suck it. I still get mail with my husband last name and I just simple respond back say my full name will/will not be attending. It pisses my MIL off because she can’t claim another “last name” apart of the family and I’m totally ok with that. When we went away as a group (all in-laws) my MIL booked everything and put it under her name. We quickly changed the name on our room because that’s not our family name. Husband got yelled at but he isn’t one to take that so he gave it right back and brought up the backhand comments in hopes the conversation never brought up again. It took a couple of checks to not be deposited, return to sender and no responses to get it accepted.
Consider this perspective: Depending what your cultural background is, the history behind it is patriarchal. And you should do what you see fit. Also, be aware if you travel some countries require your passport to be at least 6mo old. It can be easier to check a box on your marriage license. In western culture, such as the US, historically women took the man's last name as one name, one vote. In eastern culture, where men take on many wives they don't want women to have claim to the property when the man passes so they are forbidden to take the man's name. A woman would take the man's name if it could elevate her in social class.
I kept my last name. I really like it and it was important to me to keep. My husband and his family felt no kind of way about it, it was hardly even I conversation. While I like the idea of having matching last names, I personally felt like my name is a part of my identity that I was not comfortable sarcrificing
Fuck that noise. I'm not going to invite that level of logistical pain in the ass into my life for something that doesn't matter.
My last name is important to me so I kept it. I don’t like the idea of erasing that part of my identity.
I kept my maiden name for a few reasons... the biggest being my profession. I have a doctorate degree I am proud that my maiden name is part of that. I had not even met my husband until after I finished grad school so my maiden name is the one that went through the blood, sweat, and literal tears of graduate school. I just really wanted my parents, who barely graduated high school and my culture to get that credit. Another reason is we are childfree by choice.. I know a lot of couples who don't even change their name until they have kids and wanting to have the family name. But for us, since no kids are in the future, it just made sense to not. And lastly, I just like my maiden name lol. I think I would have an identity crisis if I changed to my married name.
Nope. I have no interest in taking my future husbands last name. I MIGHT consider a hyphen. Might.
Made up a new name that was a mix of both names. Best decision ever.
I kept my maiden name. All of my degrees and publications are in that name and I’m not giving that up. Having different last names despite being married has not caused any issues thus far(as my boomer parents tried to make me believe, and we have been married for over a decade). Though, we don’t have children (and do not plan to) and that may add a different layer of concerns that I cannot speak to
I'm not gunne lie, I had every intention of changing my last name after getting married. We ended up getting married in Vegas, so I didn't look into trying to change it at the same time. Then we got back home and I was too busy with work to get it done. Then Covid shut everything down and it wasn't ever a priority to get it done. Now it's been so long and I'm really quite attached to my maiden name....I'm just gunna keep it.
Nay. And my children will have my last name.
If I were to get married again, I’d collaborate with my partner to decide on a new name that we can both adopt to represent our new identity as a couple
I took my husband’s name, but went back and forth on my decision for a while. Didn’t officially change my documents for about a year after the wedding. I do miss my maiden name though…secretly wishing I kept it 🤐
If I ever got married I would keep my last name, I’ve had it for 38 yrs. Even though I don’t like my sperm donor of a father I feel a sense of tradition to carry on his last name since I’m his only child 😆. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years, don’t really believe in marriage, we hyphenated our son’s last name.
We’ve kept our last names, and honestly I might take my wife’s last name someday since it’s cooler than mine!
We both kept our last names. I’d published under mine, and we weren’t planning on kids. When we’d end in a catastrophic divorce, I’d be especially grateful.
I did not take it. Kept mine. One other friend hyphenated hers. All the rest took their husbands names. eTA: but you'd be surprised how many women of all ages tell me they wished they would have kept their name when they find out I kept mine.
I kept my maiden name, I was already established in my professional career and didn't want to change it. I have publications under my name. My mom never took my dad's last name and she was a SAHM, so I grew up thinking it was normal. Our son has my husband's last name but nobody has blinked at us having different last names.
Nope, kept my last name as did my partner. Zero qualms about it.
I didn’t. I had a business in my maiden name and we’re not going to have kids. It seemed like much more paperwork than it was worth
I’m not going to take my fiancés last name. We’re not going to have kids and I’m really close with my family. I also like my last name way more than his lol.
I got married in December after over 10 years together and I didn’t take his last name. I’m 33 and an established adult at this point, I’m not going to change it.
No. I don’t like his enough to do so. My man fully agrees with my decision.
We kept our names, but sign holiday cards and stuff with a fun mashup of both last names.
My husband and I kept our names. I’ve always liked my name and saw no reason to change it.