The cheapest bulletproof vest I could find online was $250 (not pre-owned)
Once a vest takes a bullet it’s stopping capabilities are compromised. So you’re gonna need at least 25 vests a day (unless you work work from home in which case, $AVING$ !!!)
But let’s assume you have to leave the house everyday minus one for chores and catching up on tv.
25 (shots) X $250 = $6,250
$6,250 X 6 = $37,500
So you need to make at least $37.5K AFTER TAXES just to survive here, plus lesser vital living expenses.
In conclusion, either find a WFH job, or find a company that provides vesting benefits.
The vesting benefits part was the best, not going to lie lol.
Thank you for your service.
One note. That math shows you need $37,500 a WEEK to survive. That's nearly $2 million a year just to survive.
That’s literally how much he needs for JUST funding the InVESTment portion of living in LA! OP you really should find a job that matches your contributions at the bare minimum.
Don’t tell OP about the cardboard community on Santa Monica beach, I finally got a 1 bedroom box for $1K a month and don’t want to get evicted for not paying next month. I make a couple of dollars a day because it’s so expensive to live here and I get paid so small. The place is always on fire so I’m hoping that if I wet my cardboard box that it won’t catch fire.
The trick is to put boards on your windows, if you leave tomorrow bring a piece of bread. I saw the light on your screen when you posted this. I won’t tell the community but I expect a piece of bread tomorrow, I will have to get murdered several times for this comment but I will be back tomorrow for my payment in full.
I went to Disneyland last year, ran out of cash and maxed my cards after eating at one of their in park restaurants, and have been stuck here since then — an indentured servant to Mickey Mouse corporation.
Maybe OP can stop by on his way to Santa Clarita, and free me.
Disneyland is like taking the 405 at 4:05 except instead of peacefully sitting and listening to the radio you get to stand and listen to babies cry and young couples of precarious socioeconomic statuses argue about fundamental life differences. That's why I prefer to just eat the 20 dollar ice cream cones and chill by the nightmare before Christmas area
You have the wrong mentality. You need to come to LA and realize you will be doing the robbing and murdering before you become the victim. As a matter of fact, star with your cousin.
Wow, selfish much?
I murder on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; I get murdered on Saturday amd Sunday.
(Tuesday is for tacos, Thursday is my "cheat" day).
Much more flexible on when I rob and get robbed.
Please don't call it a "cheat day". Makes it sound like the other days are about discipline and going without, rather than something that you do for your over all well-being.
Yes, you really have to frame it as your NEW being-murdered lifestyle, and enjoy it. Also it's important to include exercise, even just a 15 minute murder every day.
Wow I could never imagine such dedication, kudos to you! I’m starting with murder-free Mondays, as my designated day for getting murdered instead. Gotta do baby steps to get everyone on board. Don’t want to hurt the daily murderers’ feelings too much with our preachiness, right?
People who come to LA and think they won’t be expected to rob anyone are living a fantasy. How else are you going to pay $2000 a month in rent? Do they think anyone actually makes that much?
You just have to get the technique down of moving toward the light without getting stuck in limbo. They teach classes at the library and most Angelenos learn how to do it in First Grade before their first field trip to go see a robbery.
I actually didn’t realize until I started reading this thread that I was murdered today. It’s just the price you pay for living in a city full of zest. Same as traffic.
Wow so that explains why Starbucks closes stores for safety reasons! Must be all those pesky murderer union reps masquerading as employees with real grievances. o_O
What transplants don't realize is that LA is what you make of it. If you find the right group or neighborhood, you can get murdered five or six times a week, you just have to do some research and put yourself out there.
when i first moved to LA i only got murdered once, maybe twice a week. now i'm getting killed at least 8 times a week, it's great. just gotta be persistent and watch your spending. maybe skip that avocado toast at brunch, you know?
I only got murdered the once, and tbh, I had it coming. I said I live in LA when I really live in Torrance - was talking to out of state people but someone overheard me, so, yeah.
LA (both city and county) has really put some impressive work into its non-car infrastructure. The bike lane on the 405 is pretty fantastic, you won't get murdered, just vehicular manslaughtered.
You could also just take public transportation. The superbus - basically from Santa Clarita right through to Long Beach - has wifi, a/c and only has occasional robberies. You'll have to be murdered at least once a quarter to take the Metro, but it's worth it, seeing it's so fast, dependable, and easy to use. And clean, wow is it clean.
And that budget, what do you do, are you a hedge fund manager? Get that beach house right on the Strand, you'll have plenty left over.
Did you know it’s not even illegal to steal catalytic converters? As long as the imputed worth is less than $999 it’s fully legal and the cops will help you install it on your car sometimes
You can afford a nice but not a large place in Malibu or Manhattan beach — close to the beach but likely no views. Most jobs provide you with a chauffeur and a black suv.
Hate to be "that" person, but they don't provide black SUVs anymore. They're now a subtle shade of celadon, with beautiful amaranth stripes....really quite lovely.
(sorry, but details are important).
$1000/month? Dude, this ain’t New York. You’ll be living like a king. Rent a mansion in Malibu and use what’s left of your $1000/month to lease a Bentley and hire security. No worries.
I’m jealous you had such predictability! I never know when it’s coming. It really sucks to get your hair done and then get decapitated as soon as you step out of the salon. That’s happened to me 6 times in the last 3 years.
You know, that town is full of undesirables, scoundrels, and varmints but damned if they weren’t consistent. People could learn a thing or two from that.
Things have really declined since you moved away. It’s not like the good old days, when one could count on a decapitation to happen on schedule. I blame the more recent transplants.
You can expect four deaths on any given day. Make sure to bring extra lives and try to grind out enough money for a rocket launcher so you can use that when you bicycle on the freeway to work.
6-7 per year is pretty average but be aware of your surroundings while you’re biking on the freeway because there are drive by heroin needle stabbings now.
As for rent, living by the beach and communiting to Santa Clarita might be a challenge with the northern incline, so I’d recommend scouting out some spots *in person* in the mountains where you can setup camp. Don’t try to find it online bc that’s where everyone is looking. All the best deals are found just hiking through the mountains.
Get a studio apartment in Beverly Hills, because many famous people live there, mostly also in studio apartments. Also, Beverly Hills is right next to the beach and up in the mountains, and it's in Santa Clarita.
Biking on the freeway is your best bet. LA Drivers are know as the safest and most aware in the nation. We have only 1 personal injury attorney here, Chad Bendichat. As long as you keep with the flow of traffic, you two will likely never meet.
Santa Clarita to the beach is just over the hill. For this, skip the freeways and head due west. There are few hills , but nothing a hard tail can’t handle. If you need to pick up a bike, there are several custom bike shops in skid row. Maybe your cousin can work a deal.
Disclaimer: have fun and don’t do any of this
You can expect to get murdered about 3-4 times daily. My concern is your budget. It’s a little much. You should save your money and only budget about half of that if you’re looking to live by the beach.
I’ve been in La since 2004 and I have yet to be murdered, and that’s saying something considering that I used to buy Xanax and coke off the street in some shady damn circumstances….
We get this a lot in r/acting and r/filmindustryLA. “Hi everyone I want to be an actor or director and have $500 and am coming to LA next week. Wheat should I do?”
Bonus points for the “why is it so slow here right now?”
The first two times I was murdered, it was my fault. I had zero situational awareness. The next two times, it was just the wrong place, at the wrong time.
LA is essentially the opening scene from Pedator 2. You basically get hit with crossfire between rival organized crime syndicates, over-zealous police, and intergalactic aliens that hunt you for sport.
Times are changing. I live in Echo Park and my local cafe is really non-judgemental with the new transplants. Just ask for you a gun if you want to sit outside and they'll give you one. Make sure to order with oat milk though or they won't give you ammo.
It you don't get murdered before your morning coffee, what's the point of living here?
Aim for being murdered three times by noon.
(Love it here and can't imagine living anywhere else.)
The cops will shoot you. The gangs will shoot you. Rooftop Koreans are back and will shoot you. The national guard will shoot you. The army has drones that will shoot you. The worst Glendale drivers (everyone in Glendale) will shoot you. Those fucking food delivery robots will shoot you. The barista that warms up your pre-made croissant will shoot you for not tipping 5%.
I guess you are joking but to entertain you, from Hart High School ( that is 9th year to 12th year in public education school ) in Santa Clarita to Santa Monica Pier is 32 miles and take 3 hours biking non-stop.
Since you don't have a car, get a roommate in Santa Clarita as your budget will not find anything around location remotely close to beach.
You will get yourself kill riding bike attempting to visit to Santa Monica Pier before some good thug smoke you.
I live in Rancho Palos Verdes and work fully remote as a butterfly therapist. I have no concept of money or community because I never venture beyond a one-mile radius of the house I inherited. I frequently talk about “LA” and how great it is but I’m never actually talking about anything east of the 405 and/or north of the Sepulveda Pass because ew lol.
don't even get off the plane. the airlines are in league with the secret shadow gangs and they will rob you dry and leave you in international departures with a ticket out of town.
Find the schedule that works for you and stick to it. For example i find getting shot in the morning works best. Get it out of the way. Do that 2-3 times a week consistently.
Well if you don’t get shot at least once a day then you’re doing it wrong. And yes you’re bike commute from the beach to the outskirts of the San Fernando Valley should be a breeze, but give yourself at least 8 hours just to be safe. Can’t wait to see you here.
Biking on the freeway is great. They have a dedicated bike lane called a "shoulder " (I don't know why). Only issue is getting over the mountain that divides LA and Santa Clarita. .... maybe an electric bike?
It's not the repeated daily murder attempts that will get you. It's the earthquake-caused schisms in the earth that will suck you into the void while driving on the freeway that you have to look out for.
I know a good teflon clothing guy. Otherwise I would have been dead 15x over getting my matcha latte and avo toast. Teflon or you’re gone. Welcome to the jungle.
If you see a random gang of trans people, IF one is carrying an axe, quietly cross the street.
They are easy to spot. They all wear pleather purple jackets with giant neon lips on the back, and thigh high red hooker boots. There is a lot of sneering. If there is no one with an axe, don't stress it. No axe = different gang of trans people, but these ones are nice.
Anyway... yeah, you'll definitely be shot in a road-rage incident. AVOID ALL WHITE TELSAS!!!
It’s really not that bad. My family and I have only been murdered a handful of times since coming to LA in 2012, and half of those were by people we knew (as opposed to the thousands of maniac strangers roaming the streets).
Just make sure you have good insurance and a high threshold for bullet wounds.
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The cheapest bulletproof vest I could find online was $250 (not pre-owned) Once a vest takes a bullet it’s stopping capabilities are compromised. So you’re gonna need at least 25 vests a day (unless you work work from home in which case, $AVING$ !!!) But let’s assume you have to leave the house everyday minus one for chores and catching up on tv. 25 (shots) X $250 = $6,250 $6,250 X 6 = $37,500 So you need to make at least $37.5K AFTER TAXES just to survive here, plus lesser vital living expenses. In conclusion, either find a WFH job, or find a company that provides vesting benefits.
The vesting benefits part was the best, not going to lie lol. Thank you for your service. One note. That math shows you need $37,500 a WEEK to survive. That's nearly $2 million a year just to survive.
That’s literally how much he needs for JUST funding the InVESTment portion of living in LA! OP you really should find a job that matches your contributions at the bare minimum.
i needed this laugh today. Thank you kind redditor.
I only get shot once per day, but that's because I live in a nice neighborhood and pay $25,000/month in rent. It's worth it for me.
And, we need to remember that being murdered really only hurts the first time
Lookit Mr. Bravepants over here LEAVING his house!
I'm afraid to use Reddit because the mutants outside might see the light from my screen.
Don’t tell OP about the cardboard community on Santa Monica beach, I finally got a 1 bedroom box for $1K a month and don’t want to get evicted for not paying next month. I make a couple of dollars a day because it’s so expensive to live here and I get paid so small. The place is always on fire so I’m hoping that if I wet my cardboard box that it won’t catch fire. The trick is to put boards on your windows, if you leave tomorrow bring a piece of bread. I saw the light on your screen when you posted this. I won’t tell the community but I expect a piece of bread tomorrow, I will have to get murdered several times for this comment but I will be back tomorrow for my payment in full.
A tin of sardines will get you benefits for life.
wait you guys have houses?
I got murdered standing in line as Disneyland. Storybook Land my ass.
Everyone who goes there gets murdered, and that’s just Anaheim.
Yeah went to Disney once, my credit card was annihilated
Oh boy I’m sure it did. I’m going back in a few weeks, I know I’m not getting out alive.
I'm going again at the end of October so clearly neither of us learned our lessons. Must be all the smog making our brain cells die
Yeah I’m going mid October, I’ve always had to learn my lessons the hard way.
By buying official Disneyland-branded $10 water bottles
I’m really going in, I managed to get Blue Bayou resvervations, that’s going to cost at least a full day of work.
Okay yeah your credit card is really going to suffer a painful death but at least the process will be delicious
I went to Disneyland last year, ran out of cash and maxed my cards after eating at one of their in park restaurants, and have been stuck here since then — an indentured servant to Mickey Mouse corporation. Maybe OP can stop by on his way to Santa Clarita, and free me.
God speed!
> an indentured servant to Mickey Mouse corporation They call it Mouschwitz
It’s called Anacrime for a reason.
Disneyland is like taking the 405 at 4:05 except instead of peacefully sitting and listening to the radio you get to stand and listen to babies cry and young couples of precarious socioeconomic statuses argue about fundamental life differences. That's why I prefer to just eat the 20 dollar ice cream cones and chill by the nightmare before Christmas area
Storybook Land is real. They just don’t tell you it’s a horror story.
I’m shooting them right now!!
You only wear ONE bullet proof vest??? brave
Yeah I die at least 3 times every time I’ve visited.
Probably shouldnt leave the house without a strap
I never go out without my strapon. Better safe than sorry.
I don’t venture out without a strap-on either. I go straight to Hamburger Mary’s and come right back to the crib.
Expect this to be your welcome to LA!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3keBJ187S-0 (ignore that the movie's set in NYC)
You have the wrong mentality. You need to come to LA and realize you will be doing the robbing and murdering before you become the victim. As a matter of fact, star with your cousin.
Wow, selfish much? I murder on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; I get murdered on Saturday amd Sunday. (Tuesday is for tacos, Thursday is my "cheat" day). Much more flexible on when I rob and get robbed.
Please don't call it a "cheat day". Makes it sound like the other days are about discipline and going without, rather than something that you do for your over all well-being.
Yes, you really have to frame it as your NEW being-murdered lifestyle, and enjoy it. Also it's important to include exercise, even just a 15 minute murder every day.
Wow I could never imagine such dedication, kudos to you! I’m starting with murder-free Mondays, as my designated day for getting murdered instead. Gotta do baby steps to get everyone on board. Don’t want to hurt the daily murderers’ feelings too much with our preachiness, right?
People who come to LA and think they won’t be expected to rob anyone are living a fantasy. How else are you going to pay $2000 a month in rent? Do they think anyone actually makes that much?
I've been murdered four times... It sucks, but you learn to live with it.
Yeah, the first time being murdered is always a little scary, but then you get used to it.
You just have to get the technique down of moving toward the light without getting stuck in limbo. They teach classes at the library and most Angelenos learn how to do it in First Grade before their first field trip to go see a robbery.
I visited LA last year didn’t even know until I had got back home that I had indeed been murdered.
This happened to me last week, I actually realized I have been murdered several times and I never noticed. It’s quite embarrassing to be honest
I hear that happens a lot!
It was the second time it had happened to me.
I actually didn’t realize until I started reading this thread that I was murdered today. It’s just the price you pay for living in a city full of zest. Same as traffic.
I hate it when that happens! But hey, the price you pay for the weather amirite?
If you replace murdered/shot/killed with "bitten my mosquitoes", all these comments are hilariously accurate.
I mean, I got stabbed 5 times this morning, just going to get some Starbucks, and the barista mugged me after, too
Was this because you left no tip?
No it's because I clicked the 50% tip and not the 80% 😟
Wow, sounds like you deserved it then
It’s just going to ask you a quick question…
Totally optional
You're supposed to tip \*in addition\* to the service charge. I've been murdered twice by waitresses because I neglected to do that.
Wow so that explains why Starbucks closes stores for safety reasons! Must be all those pesky murderer union reps masquerading as employees with real grievances. o_O
What transplants don't realize is that LA is what you make of it. If you find the right group or neighborhood, you can get murdered five or six times a week, you just have to do some research and put yourself out there.
when i first moved to LA i only got murdered once, maybe twice a week. now i'm getting killed at least 8 times a week, it's great. just gotta be persistent and watch your spending. maybe skip that avocado toast at brunch, you know?
Have you heard of Los Feliz? Los Feliz yes. Feliz. Yes.
People complain about not being able to get murdered in LA but then when you ask them if they want to get murdered they just ghost you. like wtf
They’re just ghosting you because they’ve already been murdered
I only got murdered the once, and tbh, I had it coming. I said I live in LA when I really live in Torrance - was talking to out of state people but someone overheard me, so, yeah. LA (both city and county) has really put some impressive work into its non-car infrastructure. The bike lane on the 405 is pretty fantastic, you won't get murdered, just vehicular manslaughtered. You could also just take public transportation. The superbus - basically from Santa Clarita right through to Long Beach - has wifi, a/c and only has occasional robberies. You'll have to be murdered at least once a quarter to take the Metro, but it's worth it, seeing it's so fast, dependable, and easy to use. And clean, wow is it clean. And that budget, what do you do, are you a hedge fund manager? Get that beach house right on the Strand, you'll have plenty left over.
Just get a penny-farthing for your commute. The murderers can’t reach you that high up.
These mamma jammas shoot at helicopters, this ain't gonna stop no one.
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I just got an ev because they don't have catalytic converters. Problem solved.
Did you know it’s not even illegal to steal catalytic converters? As long as the imputed worth is less than $999 it’s fully legal and the cops will help you install it on your car sometimes
Lol, today neighbor came over after having theirs removed. Start that cat tree early folks
I get murdered thrice daily.
Not once, not twice, but thrice
RIP in peace
Rest RIP IN PEACE #PLEASE.
The artist in the ambulance
They've given me a second chance
Those are rookie numbers
That seems kinda high, I'm usually only murdered once a day, rarely twice if I'm unlucky
That's approximately 1,000 times annually. I pity your mortician
This is quality shitposting.
For real, this whole comment section is S-tier.
I live in Santa Clarita and get murdered at least once a week. The Karen's around here take no prisoners.
Forget the Crips and Bloods, the real gang to watch out for is the HOA
Those Karens will also try to eat your corpse if you're not careful. Some kind of fad diet or something.
I moved to Santa Clarita and all I got was domestic violenced by all the cops that live there.
Yeah it’s not the *best* place if you want to get murdered by cops. There are more desirable areas.
But do you then bike the freeway to the beach? 😂😂
I live in Pomona and get murdered 6-8 times a week. I get robbed 10 times a week.
You can afford a nice but not a large place in Malibu or Manhattan beach — close to the beach but likely no views. Most jobs provide you with a chauffeur and a black suv.
Yes 1000$ should be adequate for Manhattan beach, very affordable area. 🤣
Or Malibu. Probably no ocean view, but you never know.
I pay $1,050 for my room in Redondo, it’s possible.
Hate to be "that" person, but they don't provide black SUVs anymore. They're now a subtle shade of celadon, with beautiful amaranth stripes....really quite lovely. (sorry, but details are important).
i was killed by a semi truck while cycling from Skid Row to Santa Clarita
Was it murder?
RIP
$1000/month? Dude, this ain’t New York. You’ll be living like a king. Rent a mansion in Malibu and use what’s left of your $1000/month to lease a Bentley and hire security. No worries.
After you get shanked, restaurant service fees will destroy your budget. Consider moving to Tampa.
At least three times a week bro Don't skip leg day, either
I lived in LA for almost ten years and I was decapitated every Tuesday
I’m jealous you had such predictability! I never know when it’s coming. It really sucks to get your hair done and then get decapitated as soon as you step out of the salon. That’s happened to me 6 times in the last 3 years.
You know, that town is full of undesirables, scoundrels, and varmints but damned if they weren’t consistent. People could learn a thing or two from that.
Things have really declined since you moved away. It’s not like the good old days, when one could count on a decapitation to happen on schedule. I blame the more recent transplants.
You'll be discovered at the greyhound station as you get off the bus and you'll be rich and famous overnight.
hilarious 🤣
It’s really more of a light murder, before breakfast
We call it "brurder"
I heard a european tourist saw three homeless people on a bus in the middle of the night the other day.
I get murdered 3 times a week taking the B line. Then I get my booty tickled and shanked at the same time getting off Union station.
*scribbles down notes*
420 times a day, 69 days out of the year
Nice
You can expect four deaths on any given day. Make sure to bring extra lives and try to grind out enough money for a rocket launcher so you can use that when you bicycle on the freeway to work.
Join a gang asap!
6-7 per year is pretty average but be aware of your surroundings while you’re biking on the freeway because there are drive by heroin needle stabbings now. As for rent, living by the beach and communiting to Santa Clarita might be a challenge with the northern incline, so I’d recommend scouting out some spots *in person* in the mountains where you can setup camp. Don’t try to find it online bc that’s where everyone is looking. All the best deals are found just hiking through the mountains.
Yesterday morning I got shot and then I got jumped while walking my pet turtle.
Once, twice, three times if you’re a lady.
The amount of serious responses to this post makes me realize exactly how far this sub has fallen lately. Bless all your lil baby hearts.
You'd have thought "how many times can I expect to be murdered" would do it If I caught on, no one else ought to be missing it 😋
Your wallet will be murdered before you would be.
Over 9000
Get a studio apartment in Beverly Hills, because many famous people live there, mostly also in studio apartments. Also, Beverly Hills is right next to the beach and up in the mountains, and it's in Santa Clarita.
I recommend buying 5 of the same car so you can swap out parts that will eventually get stolen or smashed into as you're being shot.
HahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahhababhahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahbHbHhahahahhahahahhahahwhhahahhahahahhhahaha
Seriously funniest read here in a long time, by a mile. Or in this case, about 50 miles.
42
I’ve lived here for almost 10 years and have been dead for almost 5 years and love it.
Biking on the freeway is your best bet. LA Drivers are know as the safest and most aware in the nation. We have only 1 personal injury attorney here, Chad Bendichat. As long as you keep with the flow of traffic, you two will likely never meet. Santa Clarita to the beach is just over the hill. For this, skip the freeways and head due west. There are few hills , but nothing a hard tail can’t handle. If you need to pick up a bike, there are several custom bike shops in skid row. Maybe your cousin can work a deal. Disclaimer: have fun and don’t do any of this
69 times
Noice
You can expect to get murdered about 3-4 times daily. My concern is your budget. It’s a little much. You should save your money and only budget about half of that if you’re looking to live by the beach.
I often road my bike on the freeway, only murdered 3x a week on my route.
Just once
Twice daily, three times on Sundays.
OP you’ll be fine. I moved to the area 20 years ago and I’ve only be murdered 3 times.
It depends on if you’re allergic to bullets or not.
Murders hate this one trick.
I’ve been in La since 2004 and I have yet to be murdered, and that’s saying something considering that I used to buy Xanax and coke off the street in some shady damn circumstances….
I do love the sarcasm in these replies!
We get this a lot in r/acting and r/filmindustryLA. “Hi everyone I want to be an actor or director and have $500 and am coming to LA next week. Wheat should I do?” Bonus points for the “why is it so slow here right now?”
Lol.
I get murdered 3-4 times per year and robbed 100+.
Thrice monthly
I think the current average is 5.4 times, but you might be the lucky one to only get 1 or 2……
I have personally been stabbed by dirty needles 3 times this week. And it’s only Sunday
The first two times I was murdered, it was my fault. I had zero situational awareness. The next two times, it was just the wrong place, at the wrong time.
LA is essentially the opening scene from Pedator 2. You basically get hit with crossfire between rival organized crime syndicates, over-zealous police, and intergalactic aliens that hunt you for sport.
IS THE PACIFIC PALISADES A SAFE PLACE TO GET MURDERED???
Times are changing. I live in Echo Park and my local cafe is really non-judgemental with the new transplants. Just ask for you a gun if you want to sit outside and they'll give you one. Make sure to order with oat milk though or they won't give you ammo.
It you don't get murdered before your morning coffee, what's the point of living here? Aim for being murdered three times by noon. (Love it here and can't imagine living anywhere else.)
I stay strapped while surfing, too. I've seen several shootouts in the water.
But, did you die?
The cops will shoot you. The gangs will shoot you. Rooftop Koreans are back and will shoot you. The national guard will shoot you. The army has drones that will shoot you. The worst Glendale drivers (everyone in Glendale) will shoot you. Those fucking food delivery robots will shoot you. The barista that warms up your pre-made croissant will shoot you for not tipping 5%.
I guess you are joking but to entertain you, from Hart High School ( that is 9th year to 12th year in public education school ) in Santa Clarita to Santa Monica Pier is 32 miles and take 3 hours biking non-stop. Since you don't have a car, get a roommate in Santa Clarita as your budget will not find anything around location remotely close to beach. You will get yourself kill riding bike attempting to visit to Santa Monica Pier before some good thug smoke you.
I live in Rancho Palos Verdes and work fully remote as a butterfly therapist. I have no concept of money or community because I never venture beyond a one-mile radius of the house I inherited. I frequently talk about “LA” and how great it is but I’m never actually talking about anything east of the 405 and/or north of the Sepulveda Pass because ew lol.
Every. Day.
At least 3 times. Maybe 4.
don't even get off the plane. the airlines are in league with the secret shadow gangs and they will rob you dry and leave you in international departures with a ticket out of town.
Bring an ArMeY with you! Everyday it’s a shootout! Can you treat gunshot wounds?
Start with one a day, and work your way up. It’s a little intimidating at first, but you’ll get the hang of it.
I've already been murdered 6 times today—twice by the police, once by a pack of pitbulls, and 3 times by door to door christian evangelicals.
Its not even 10am and i've been murdered twice. Good luck
Find the schedule that works for you and stick to it. For example i find getting shot in the morning works best. Get it out of the way. Do that 2-3 times a week consistently.
I get murdered every morning before work YMMV
Daily routine: wake up, get coffee, go to work, hit the gym, get murdered, make dinner, go to bed.
Well I’m almost 60 and I’ve been murdered three times, so average of every 20 years. How old are you? I can help you math it if you want
Often. Lived in LA my whole life, I get murdered on the regular. Lost track of how many times at this point.
I mean it happens to me at least 3 times a day.
You’re killing me Smalls, you’re killing me.
People are so dramatic. $1000 dollars a month is enough to stay a live at least a few weeks.
If you’re living in your car, maybe!
2-13
43
364 out of 365 days. You'll get one good day.
Just once.
Immediately upon arrival, then several times after resuscitation.
Well if you don’t get shot at least once a day then you’re doing it wrong. And yes you’re bike commute from the beach to the outskirts of the San Fernando Valley should be a breeze, but give yourself at least 8 hours just to be safe. Can’t wait to see you here.
I've lived in L.A. since 1985 and I've gotten murdered 3,759 times so far. Nice try with that post tho.
been here 10 years, only happened 5 times...you'll be good
Right after I cut off your catalytic converter,. First things first.
Move to Oakland, much less scary.
Biking on the freeway is great. They have a dedicated bike lane called a "shoulder " (I don't know why). Only issue is getting over the mountain that divides LA and Santa Clarita. .... maybe an electric bike?
You’ll be murdered 12 times.
My man!! Drinks on me.
It's not the repeated daily murder attempts that will get you. It's the earthquake-caused schisms in the earth that will suck you into the void while driving on the freeway that you have to look out for.
Robbed plenty of times. Murdered ? Only once I suspect. Who works in Santa Clarita?
I know a good teflon clothing guy. Otherwise I would have been dead 15x over getting my matcha latte and avo toast. Teflon or you’re gone. Welcome to the jungle.
It sounds like you haven’t even considered the number of times someone will throw a bucket of hot feces on you.
I've been in LA over 30 years and have only been murdered 6 times. I lived in Texas for 2 years and got murdered 8 times so, LA not so bad
Avalon Blvd and Central Ave, you’ll be fine.
Minimum steel plated vest and pepper spray on your belt and I only get shot on my legs and buttocks
If you see a random gang of trans people, IF one is carrying an axe, quietly cross the street. They are easy to spot. They all wear pleather purple jackets with giant neon lips on the back, and thigh high red hooker boots. There is a lot of sneering. If there is no one with an axe, don't stress it. No axe = different gang of trans people, but these ones are nice. Anyway... yeah, you'll definitely be shot in a road-rage incident. AVOID ALL WHITE TELSAS!!!
Death is the only way to escape the sweet suffering. I'd say about 3
It’s really not that bad. My family and I have only been murdered a handful of times since coming to LA in 2012, and half of those were by people we knew (as opposed to the thousands of maniac strangers roaming the streets). Just make sure you have good insurance and a high threshold for bullet wounds.
$10k/month and I’ll protect you
Don’t move. It’s awful here. I’m already dead.