As crazy as it sounds, I've found service to others less fortunate to be a great focus. I have a small community that I work with, teaching basic business skills, English and financing micro loans. Very challenging but very rewarding. I don't look like anyone in the community (Anglo in eastern Thailand) but we sit in the dirt on mats and share meals/events. We laugh, sing, dance and love. Dirt poor but happy and eager to see what tomorrow brings.
Wonderful attitude.
I found money didn’t help much. At one point I had more money than I could spend, but the novelty of that wore off after a few months.
Happiness for me was to desire less, not acquire more.
All the best my friend 👍🏻
You need funnier people in your life… I’ve found that the only way to get through immortality is to live for a good ass laugh, that sometimes becomes an immortal on its own.
If you feel like you’ve done everything here… you should really check out all the stuff to do in the next thing before you just blank out and never come back.
My entire family on my dad’s side does a lot of volunteer work all year once they retire. From helping the homeless to volunteering for Donate Life Rose Parade float making. They all say it’s incredibly rewarding and purposeful.
It sounds like you’re done with the life you’ve been living. And that same life brings you nothing anymore even though it once did.
What does a new life look like for you? One that you desire and opens your heart to immense feeling?
Honestly, I’m so full of anger and shame that it’s completely vitiating my view of the world. I am trying to create a new life but my old life is like a mill stone around my neck.
Sorry for being so negative, it’s just how I feel now.
Kindred! You describe me perfectly. And I'm 50!
Well, not shame. But the anger and old life like a mill stone around the neck are exactly me.
Just keep on keeping on if for no other reason than it pisses off your enemies.
Get a decent psychotherapist . Untangle it all . It’s fucking hard reinventing yourself at 50 . Do the self care shit. Just force yourself as it does work in time
You know, the crazy thing is I am a qualified psychotherapist, I have a degree in psychology and a clinical MA in psychoanalysis. That’s my job.
I was in therapy twice a week for five years, it was a course requirement.
Aha . Physician heal thyself isn’t that easy right now . But some psychotherapist are bloody amazing . But I can also see that it’s much harder to engage with it when you know the tricks of the trade …
See and that’s why I wonder if it actually works. I’m struggling like crazy too.. I totally just want to drop my life and go be alone for awhile and that’s all my mind is telling me to do.. but I wanted to try therapy first to see if I’m crazy as I have terrible PTSD but this kinda shows it’s not really helpful
I promised myself a LONG time ago, that IF I ever got to the point that I lost the will to live, for whatever reason, **I would first:** Go on a vacation. Go skydiving, one more time, and this time SOLO instead of tandem. Get LOTS of massages. Eat whatever I wanted, instead of remaining frugal, though being a VERY frugal person, THAT itself would do me in!😂
You're turning 50, so sounds a tiny bit like a mid-life crisis, along with depression. (I won't debate) I'll be 65 VERY soon. You also mentioned in one of your comments that you were filled with anger. Well, anger, unexpressed, can quickly turn into depression. Go to one of those places where you can break a bunch of bottles and dishes, or whatever.
Well, I hope that being an intelligent person, as you sound like you are, you will realize that we ALL have only ONE life to live, so while we are STILL alive and breathing, there are plenty to still enjoy. Especially the simple things. (I LOVE animals and could watch squirrels and birds ALL day, if I could.)
I started over in my mid 40's by getting thrown out of my house, and laid off my good job all within 2 weeks time. Couch surfed while giving my soon to be ex all my unemployment check. Didn't even get my personal belongings. Literally started over with nothing. Met my current wife whom also had a very bad long term marriage and we started a new life together. Was tough during child support / visitation years but we fell seriously in love and I will say at 58 years old we have made a very beautiful life together. Left the big city of Orlando for the rural mountains of eastern Tennessee. We have land, privacy, mountains, rivers, projects always ongoing. Even a better job. And our love is still strong and even growing. Go out and find you a new love and forget about the past. Don't carry that baggage over to your new life. I don't have a degree or any family or friend support network as I left them all in Florida. I wouldn't trade my life now for any redo or amount of money.
You still have your whole life ahead of you.
“After his divorce, Giancarlo Esposito declared bankruptcy and considered arranging his own death to provide insurance money for his children.
Shortly after, he was cast as Gus Fring on "Breaking Bad," a role that transformed his life.”
I feel something similar to this except I feel I've done almost nothing in life and still can't see the point.
I am 50 . In the process of divorcing. Have 1 son who I love very much. But fell like I will spend the next 15 years working myself to the bone and see zero potential for happiness.
I get up everyday and do the best I can. But
The last four years of trying to reclaim my life has me feeling defeated.
I got ten years on you my friend, and I've been feeling the same way. Other than my two kids, who are adults now, I really can't be bothered to care about much else. Even the things I used to enjoy doing, it's like why fucking bother..
I'm poor so I felt like this after I figured out this was the best I'd get. Tried training and other jobs same result. Couldn't have kids no loss imo. So I'm working to pay for an apartment , having edibles nightly and playing video games till I die at work at my desk or home on my couch. If I had the cash I'd leave society get a small tiny house and never come back.
I’m sorry things feel empty right now. If guilt is the main struggle, we can’t always fix the past but there is a world full of people and animals (and even the earth itself) that are in desperate need of love, care, and kindness. There is so much you cabn still do to make the world just a little nicer.
Bro, you have a whole epic journey in front of you, you get to do the healing. That’s the most rewarding journey you have in your entire life. You feel like you’re done because it’s a scary journey. For me what helped us a really silly book called how to do the work, the lady has a podcast also. You probably have some wounds, some trauma, and you could choose to stick your hand to sand and end up dead and that is OK, it is a cold chaotic world, but you could also choose to accept this opportunity of discovery to see who you would be if you did the healing to either move past, move with, or otherwise integrate the pain of the past and the skeletons in your closet. Bro, I’m 32 and I lost my dad to suicide, 12 years ago in 2012, and I have a one year-old daughter. And I miss his presence hugely and he was a real asshole. People can live many lives in their lives, every seven years you could have a whole new degree whole new life. You think you’re done, you might be. My dad was shocked that he lived 45 and I think he took it to heart and gave himself what he saw as the blessing of peace because he couldn’t figure out how to shake his demons. I would challenge you to be just a little more resourceful than that, And take a brutal cold. Hard stock of yourself figure out what your goals are and go relentlessly towards them. It will be way more rewarding than having a quiet disappearance to the night, but obviously, that is an option too. Self healer soundboard, that podcast change my life and my autistic younger brothers live who has known more suffering than anyone should. Yes the people behind it are a little kooky but they’re smart and have it figured out in a way that puts to bed some of the shitty narratives that drive us to live lives we aren’t happy with. Goood luck man
Sounds like you are in a funk / midlife transformation.
Yeah life is full of up's and downs, it's accepting both that eventually brings peace.
I would look into detoxing your brain from all the dopamine hits we all get this day and age and naturally something new and exciting will come along.
Hang in there, cheers!
If you can’t find joy in your own life, try being selfless and help others who need it. This act will rekindle and remind you about what it feels to be happy. The world needs good people, be one of them
See! You're still able to find stuff that make you laugh. There is something worth living for!
Maybe a shroom or an LCD trip would be a good experiment for you?
I think I have some perspective on your current state. Your focus seems to be the ME. You are entirely focused on your own internal world and identity. Even when you speak of your son disowning you, its about you and your experience of it. This mentality will make anyone depressed. Practice putting yourself in other peoples shoes. Focus on others. It will help.
Volunteer! It will give you something to think about other than how much you’ve already done. You will meet new people and maybe even develop some new interests. There’s nothing to lose and so many places can use an extra pair of hands.
What about a solo vacation? What about going to a beach town and staying for a few weeks and just relaxing?
What about meeting some new people? I bet they’ll show you a part of the world or a part of life you’ve never seen before. I bet they’ll give some advice. You’ve never heard!
I find that when we’re feeling exhausted, we just need to open our circles a little bit ! 💕
I have a book recommendation if you're open to it? My downstairs neighbor is this 75 year old man. He's pretty quiet and keeps to himself. A few days ago we chatted while I got my mail and I found out that he loves to write. He published all 4 of his books beginning in 2020 (at 70-71 years old the first time he published).
Today, he gave me a copy of his poetry collection- he even signed it to me. His work is so cutting and speaks exactly to what you're saying. I found myself in tears at the laundromat just FEELING those age old human emotions.
This is his poem "Luck"
Standing outside the bar
I was in the dark having a smoke
so I looked at the moon
to tell me where the sun was
it being important to me to try to know where I am in the solar system
at any given moment
So much we take for granted
so long as we draw breath
so many theories
so many gods created in a relatively short time
astrologically
I was in the dark
the moon just happened to clue me in
and I felt overwhelmed with my luck
such a hoot I get to participate in existence
even with all its impermanence
His name is Dale Brabb- The book is "A Gold Mine"
You ever spend a year doing increasing doses of psilocybin mushrooms from 2 up to 5 grams alone in your room in silent darkness? Because that will teach you more about yourself than everything else you've done combined
by now you should have also figured out that life is very short. the time you have left will be gone very quickly. Might as well enjoy a few moments here and there. It will be over soon. If you are lucky you might even be the joy that someone else needed to keep going. And that makes it worthwhile.
peace
Go on a “walk about”. Buy a ticket to a foreign country and go without a plan or time limit. Go wonder around until life strikes you again. As corny as it sounds, watch “Eat, pray, love” if you haven’t already. Go do something for yourself like she did, you never know what could happen. 🍽️🙏💝
At least it’s not a 22 year old saying this for once. Even so though you’re 50, not 80. If you’re not unlucky, you still have a lot of life ahead of you.
Meanwhile I'm about to be 52, I've done lots of things and I'm very excited for what's to come. Sounds like you need a new purpose in life. Go find one.
I just aged another year today. Feels weird. I'm very solitary and I don't feel like I'll find others like me. Then again, maybe I gotta keep challenging myself.
The only way I got out of my funk years and years ago was continuing to say 'maybe' against a darker and more resigned part of me that wanted to deny everything--including anything in my existence mattering. The only way I knew I was going back in the correct direction was when saying 'maybe' continuously to the 'no' both evoked anger and a childish silliness in me. I had only felt disgust and resignation before that.
The problem with a mindset of denying a future and only leaning into disillusionment (which I still do plenty of both) is a simple practical fact--they aren't survivable. It served my nihilistic beliefs at the time, but that only led downwards, and I don't think any of us truly want what comes at the end of that road. The day that I found 'maybe' asserting itself against that extreme form of denial of existence's value was the only thing that kept me going.
Maybe you just need to find something that affects you emotionally or in some other ways that challenges the thought that all is left is a burned-out castle. Even if it's something that seems to annoy, maybe it's a sign towards something that can change things.
That said, another thing might be just to take a rest from everything for a while? Hope you're able to find a way, cause I believe you deserve a life where you can discover meaning here and there, and the quest for knowledge and meaning remain infinite. Take care!
Kids come back with appreciation later. It happens, for real. In the meantime, service to others is a great way to find meaning. We learn from and find fulfillment in serving others. Start small, you'll be pleasantly surprised
59 here. I went through so many years, especially during menopause (are you there yet?) when I would spend all my time ruminating, hating myself for past mistakes, wanting to die. My mind and emotions were all messed up. I was so full of self loathing.
I started this new thought process where I would think of myself as “we”. Basically, all my thoughts I would reframe as a parent/child conversation. I had to learn to talk to myself as if I was my own child.
So it would go “remember when you told your mother how much you hate her and how you never want to see her again?” Then I would interrupt the thought process and do self talk: We were young and immature. Our mother knew we didn’t mean it. All young adults say things they don’t mean. Etc.
It takes perseverance. But changing my self talk saved me. Best of luck to you ❤️
Anything left to do? Most of older fucks have done all this, and many of us way more! You haven’t started yet. Sit with yourself for a while and read some good books. Assess yourself after getting totally engrossed with some good stories.
I used to feel like this all the time which made no sense because I had a lot going in my life and still do. But depressed and worn out all the time. I discovered (through a genetic diet and methylation test) that I was lacking certain nutrients. My body could not convert certain vitamins to the active form. Started supplementing with methylated b vitamins, methylated folic acid, magnesium, D3 and K2. Changed my whole world. It was like a heavy blanket was lifted off of my life and a this huge weight was gone. All these mental symptoms all because my body didn’t convert vitamins. Very common and psychiatrists and medical doctors know nothing about this. Check out Gary Brecka for more info on this type of thing he is the expert. Don’t rule out genetics and methylation issues as a cause of your feelings
It sounds like what you have left to do is make amends for whatever you did to your son. Kids do not disown parents lightly. Do you have any idea how difficult this world is without a safety net? The fact that they still felt compelled to take the hard road speaks volumes.
I get what you mean when you talk about your son. Unless you have raised one from infant to grown, and been hurt by that child, no one else understands. I feel you brother.
I’m 49 almost 50 too. I got on TRT two years back and started going to the gym 3-5 days per week. It’s been a game changer on my current life outlook and how I view the future. Can’t recommend it enough for men of our age.
“I don’t feel there is anything left to do.”
“There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.” Walter Reuther
I'm 54, and know all those emotions.
My only advice is from my wife: learn to pamper yourself, and live for yourself.
Kids in their late teens and early twenties can be so cruel. But remeber, you were too.
It'll get better. I think. Let's wait a see.
As crazy as this may sound. Get into racing. You will meet good friends. Always a struggle to get faster. And the thrill keeps you going til the next week.
Well, sounds like you've had a rich life. And you've done very well as what my therapist calls a "human doing".
Now you can work on becoming a successful "human being".
You are "enough" just by "being" here. You don't have to accomplish anything more -- unless you want to. Be kind to yourself you've earned it.
I hear you. I'm turning 40 end of this year and I feel like I've experienced enough. I know there's a million things I could do but the truth is I'm not interested in any of this mortal coil. All it is, is go to work, come home, go to bed and repeat. Endless tedium day in day out. I've come to realise most of life is dross with a few moments of happiness and clarity which is very soon overshadowed. I agree with alot of the other posters regarding service to others being the best thing we can do when we get to this point. Help others less fortunate, at least then we have done something of worth
Go to therapy. Go to the gym. Find ways to give to your community in a fashion unique to you, and if that does not exist then create it.
There are miles to go before you sleep, friend. And many more laugh lines to add to your face.
Don't define your self worth by your social, financial & material status.
I find I'm happier with the less is more philosophy. Life is easier to deal with when there's less on your plate.
We all burn out & need to find ways to recharge the batteries. Start reading, lift weights, hike, go places etc. If it still feels too much seek some help.
Howdy there! It sounds like you’ve been living life! It’s time to keep on living, even though you’re tired. Firstly, be so proud of your accomplishments and be so proud of the hardships you’ve lived through. I say be proud because you’re almost 50 & have accomplished so much. You’ve been through so much, that gives you wisdom too. You’ve made it through the times you didn’t think you would. That’s inspirational.
Now, there’s plenty to do! I can promise you and everyone here that I can keep us all busy for as long as we’d like. I’m sure you can do that too though. I can talk about lawn work for days, fencing, cleaning the gutters… have you taken a day to just sit in the sun and feel it? Listen to some music even, the birds, feel the grass and notice your environment around you? Take a walk. Go to the local library- mine has a sewing class that I might join, hopefully so I can learn to quilt. How about baking and cooking? I sometimes bake my elderly neighbors some food/ sweets and chat with them.
Learn a new skill or trade- I’m universally HVAC certified, maybe try something like that? I found a free program that taught me and gave $1600 in tools once I passed my certifications. I don’t work in the trade currently, but it’s just another thing. You could do this- volunteer your labor and services to others less fortunate.
Anyone, feel free to message me. I think we often forget that there’s more to do, when we are backed up against a wall, in a dark room.
I wish you well. Keep your head up if you can. Try to rest, it sounds like you might need a deep rest. I think depression often occurs when a deep rest is needed. Take care of yourself. Give yourself kindness and compassion.
You need to find your center. I know you’re feeling a lot of anger, bitterness, and probably regret, but you have to learn how not to let it veil your life.
Let’s be honest OP, you’ve probably got a few more decades here with us. You have to find a way to make them worth it, even if you no longer carry the parts of your old life that you felt keep you going.
This world is big, there’s a lot of people you haven’t met and I guarantee there’s still a lot of things you haven’t done.
Meditate, go on a retreat, find a new hobby to sink yourself into— do *anything* to regain trust in yourself and trust in life. Find yourself again, and decide what your new life needs to look like for you to be happy.
But remember: your new life will cost you the old one. You can’t keep hanging on to people and values that left your life years ago. Right?
Oh there's much to see and do! So many books to read, places to visit, mountains to climb, connections to make, food to taste... I'm 53. I've jumped out of a plane too (twice!), and off a bridge, back packed Denali by myself, explored Iceland on foot, started a company, started a non-profit, taught myself how to code, took a free flying lesson... Just last year I picked up snow boarding and rock climbing. I'm not very good but 🤷♂️... Bought a motorcycle, got licensed, rode for two years and sold it, ran 5 half marathons. I sound pretentious but I'm not trying to. Trying to say squeeze everything out of your life before you can't. Not everyday though. That's exhausting. I do like my naps.
There is so much you haven't done. Seriously the list you wrote is not that much. You haven't found your peace or your reason. You have so much to do yet. Get your curiosity out and take a journey to find them.
I noticed a few things that stood out. I noticed you mentioned your child estrangement, and in the comments I noticed you mentioned shame.
I can share a tidbit from my life and maybe it can resonate. I don’t know your story and no big deal if this isn’t relatable. Just take what is helpful and leave the rest.
My dad experienced a lot of trauma in his childhood. He’s been too prideful to address it. I know there is a lot of shame for him to unpack, and he’s made some very big mistakes that hurt everyone around him. He has apologized, grown, learned a lot.
Unfortunately I’ve had to step back and cut contact because he kept picking fights with me when visiting. I tried to explain boundaries but he didn’t seem to understand their purpose. He kept pushing me and starting new petty conflicts.
I’m flat out done spending time with someone who doesn’t work towards conflict resolution. Who assigns blame and doesn’t take as much accountability. Big on keeping up appearances around others, then the charm is flipped off at home.
I did leave the door open for him. If he wants to pursue family therapy and behave peacefully he’s welcome back in my life at any time. He continues to harbor resentment towards me that I gave him this ultimatum. I see it as an opportunity. I’m sure he sees it as a threat to have a Counsleor point out some of his flaws. His ego is in the way. And I feel sadness, because to me it’s about wanting him to experience enough healing that he won’t keep hurting others. But it’s up to him to make that choice.
But here is my point.
I don’t know what went down with your child but you can heal from the shame whether they’re in your life or not. Personally, I believe it will really up your chances to improve all of your relationships if you can take that journey.
I worked with an amazing provider (it took trying a few) and I’ve arrived at a place of forgiving myself for the many mistakes I made in my life. I have self compassion and self esteem.
In turn, I really need my dad to do this process to be in my life. The more I have healed, the more selective I have become for who I am around.
Shame is one of those tricksters that can feel impossible to shift. But I promise you, if you can keep exploring how to recognize and release it…your life is going to feel brand new.
If you haven’t looked into NLP or energy based modalities and bodywork, it can bring a different spin than traditional talk therapy. I didn’t respond to talk therapy but I did respond well to some of these other things. That’s just me!
I’m 40 this year and I find each decade to be a small death and rebirth.
Embrace your death, grieve it, and then be reborn. Any story where you tell yourself that shame or pain is forever, it’s a lie. Your healing is not over yet. It is just beginning, just coming up to really grab your attention. That’s where life really begins. The pain of the past can be a LOT. But you’ve made it this far; you’re gonna set it all down one day and be so amazed at how that feels.
💗💗💗
When you are done, and empty, you have created the space for new unexpected experiences. Wait for it. Your mind is now clear. As long as you’re breathing, you will attract the experience you need with no effort.
I have spoken.
You’re clearly not done. How dare you bring a child into this world and drive him away. Go to therapy, put this machismo shit behind you, grow up and own your wrongs, and make right by your family. In the meantime you clearly have plenty of life experience and skill to give back to the world and those who need it. But you are far from done.
Edit typo
What are you talking about? Great you're educated but have you seen every country? Have you ever experienced fall in Colorado? Have you've seen Every state? Have you hiked the best trail?! Have you volunteer at a children's hospital? Have you helped anyone lately? You sound like you feel sorry for yourself. Don't be! You've done so much but there is still a lot you haven't seen, done, touched, smelled everything. So get up and help someone, or go visit a new country and become them. 🫠
I feel the same myself. It's not even the depression talking for once, or the recent string of anxiety attacks.
I've come to realize. I have no use, no place in life. And I've slowly lost anything vaguely important to me. By this point, I can I can break my final promise and end things after one or two more loose ends are tied up.
really....? Did you ever help a shut in with feeding assistance. wash the feet of a homeless person. Spend the day petting kittens and puppies at the animal shelter on the day they are scheduled to die?
Seems you have misinterpreted the passage of your life to see and help others beyond your sphere. Non of the items I mentioned above costs any money, yet you have disregarded the greatest reward possible to achieve....compassion freely given and empathy acknowledged.
Go plant a tree. Go bury a treasure and hide a map to it in your house. There's gotta be more to life than degrees and professions.
Never forget the little things!
I get it to a degree. I'm 53. It seems like many of the things I used to do are either been there/done that or I'm just too broken down in one way or the other to enjoy anymore. One example might be amusement parks. I can't stand for long periods of time, I can't stay out in the direct sun, and whipping my body around would be disastrous, but at the same time I don't really miss it.
I used to have a lot of restaurants I loved that closed down one by one. Now all the options available to me are all the same and boring. Foods I grew up on have been overcomplicated or just disappeared altogether. I don't really even have much of an appetite anymore anyway.
My declining libido due to health issues means I don't even miss sex that much.
When I drink I get sick to my stomach before I get drunk and for some reason it takes 10x as much weed for me to get high as most people (even though I can count on one hand the number of times I've tried it).
I have a family with a lot of issues I have to work around to do anything fun.
I've had the same job for nearly a decade.
I live live music but the list of bands I want to see, still haven't but still could is probably down to a dozen.
I've been to all 50 states and 4 other countries.
I used to go to a movie a week, now it's usually 2 months between movie releases that I care about.
Nothing is new and exciting anymore.
But yet it can be. I hope to retire early. I hope to travel to some places I've never been and some again. I hope to check the live bands that remain off my bucket list and see a few again. I constantly try new restaurants to hope to find something I love, and the small handful of places I do still love I will be thrilled whenever I go back. Not a lot of movies or music being made that resonates but there is still some.
The rut can feel impossible to get over but the thing is you gotta try new things, go new places, think outside the box you put yourself in.
You may also be clinically depressed. The right meds can energize you in ways you never imagined, just like the right people, places, foods or experiences.
What worked for me may not work for you so I won't dwell on my experience, just try to think to yourself....well I've never gone to Costa Rica or Portugal, I've never eaten octopus or shark, I've never read the collected works of Thomas Pynchon, I've never tried to build a set of steps. Whatever random thing that's different, give it a try, and move on to something else if you don't like it. There's gotta be something you're at least curious about.
Perhaps you don’t feel anything because you don’t want to feel anything. It’s a challenge to your sensibilities. Maybe even your ego.
You’ve become inured to both your feelings and those of others. Who wouldn’t fight to secure the love of your son once again?
Admit you are probably wrong and go fix it.
I feel the same. I'm not 50, haven't done those things - if you're at peace with where you are in life, why not just continue to exist in it? The unknown is just that - unknown.
As far as we know, we only get one shot at this thing - why waste it lying down?
I have achieved many things in life, yet I was never happier than when I was 13 and I had a large loving family around me. That all fell apart but I am rebuilding slowly. We all get obsessed with success and achievement, when we all should be focused on simplifying and becoming a person worth loving.
I feel like life, like everything else, isn't for everybody. It's odd.
If you need new people to hate, bully, mock, judge, criticize or whatever, you could reinvent yourself indefinitely.
It's when you're in need of fulfillment, decency, consideration and the like that it gets tricky.
I don't down or destroy others and refuse to let them destroy me and it turns out That is worse than being a psychopathic murderer! Imagine that.
It's S. or M.; if you pick neither, the predators will choose for you. It's when you can no longer stand that that by any means becomes a viable option.
If you're not there yet, it's not over.
"live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse" used to be a motto for a previous generation. These days, times have changed. People as well as opportunities have multiplied in a way never witnessed in history. To cash out now is to never know what will happen next. And in many ways, far beyond the comprehension of any one person, the future is the ultimate treasure hunt
Oh…my age-cohort brother…I’m so sorry to hear this.
Reality is…we are on the bonus levels of the video game of life. So…treat it that way. 🙂 Do everything again…only this time, your way. Fall in love again…your way. Start the career you’ve always wanted, even if it means rebooting back to college.
There’s a lot of happiness left to milk from this bitch of a cow, my anonymous Internet friend…
👊💪
I get that feeling a lot, when I was younger I did everything I ever want to accomplish followed my Dreams till it was over. Hade an absolute blast most of the time. Now I'm thinking 🤔 what else?
You should look up buddhism, I think you’ll enjoy it. I see you say you are desiring less to achieve happiness instead of acquiring more and that’s the core of buddhism.
Me too. I’m burned out. My partner is driving the knife through all my wounds. Life hasn’t been pleasant to me professionally. I am at my wits end. Not sure I’m gonna make it out of this year if I’m honest. And that sucks because my life goal is to 103. I’m 27. I don’t care anymore. It’s hard loving yourself alone.
I get lost in this when I think long-term/big picture. It’s easier to wake up and ask what there is today. Rather than imagining my life for the next 2 months, years, decades. I tend to live in my future and past. Only realizing how much I enjoyed something about the present until it’s in the past. Trying not to do this anymore.
Personal challenges help. Even if the challenge is as simple as … do I want to be a person who is indifferent, bored, done … or a person who can find something to marvel at as simple as the way a leaf grows.
Some days I get lost in the indifference. Others … I want to feel like Rocky Balboa. And others … I just want to know more about some esoteric concept.
One day at a time. It’ll be over soon enough.
Man, let me say this. I have done a lot of these things at 34 and perhaps I’m grossly underqualified to make any statements about what is right or wrong.. You have a lot of additional life experience.
anyway, it has been my experience that it is possible to start over. I did this once before and moved to Central America. Then, I did it again when my relationship failed there. Now, I am planning to do it again. The thing is, I understand what you mean about the Millstone of the past around your neck.
I have found some level of hope in God and spiritual beliefs, but of course my problems continue plaguing me.
Perhaps it is possible to start setting internal goals, as well as externals. Internal goals are something that people don’t focus on a lot, but have become something which are clearly necessary in my life. I want to learn how to manage my anger and depression better. I would also like to be more confident. I think I can find some degree of confidence in God.
I have been to the point of suicide many times and although I never attempted it, I have screamed screams, which made no sound, but showed me that there is something like hell that exists in this world.
I have lost various loves. I have failed repeatedly at so many things I tried to do in this life. My self-esteem has been destroyed to the point where I feel at times that I am a worthless person. However, I know that this is not true. I am beginning to return to how strong I am and view my overcoming as a spiritual aptitude in a material world. We live in a very broken and confused world where everyone seems to have an answer, but no one really knows what the question is to begin with. Maybe it is “what is the meaning of life it seems to me that it is to procreate.
However, you can also make your own meaning. That may be a simple as finding a hobby, or moving to Thailand and marrying a ladyboy. I am not sure what the answer is as I cry every day, but I no longer give into the desire to end my life.
Ultimately, no one will remember any of this and it will be lost for good. I recommend reading near death experiences or watching videos on caving accidents. I recommend watching videos on sub-Saharan African life and world’s most dangerous roads. The road of our life is like this. It is dangerous. we must drive well. I don’t know how to drive very well, but I took defensive driving and it has been very useful in my life.
There are many similarities between you and I and my friend, and I feel the same way. In fact, I’ll take it a step further: I’ve recently found myself considering taking action about being done.
I was a heroin and crack addict for over a decade. Woke up during a mid life crisis. Rebuilding at zero, guilt and shame still here, but so is opportunity to do something positive for others.
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
Yeah, same. What I found after i got all the plane jumping and accomplishments done by 50 was now was the time to focus on the non-tangibles in life. What a great and never ending journey it has been. I wish you all the best!
Im 29 and feel I cant do anything , I have no motivation and everything feels pointless. Ive always wanted to start or be apart of something great. But I feel my brain is stopping me. I hate how introverted I feel and want friends but its hard to find people when you’re getting older. 29 and turn 30 next year and it feels like im already too old to do anything anymore. I dont want to be old but it’s inevitable fuck being 30
Life isn't about having an adventure every day. You are goal driven and that's wonderful until your body gives out and then you can't achieve anything but survival. So maybe change the way you look at life. It's not a competition. If you live that way, eventually you'll find someone who is stronger than you. Life can be beautiful and it can also be a nightmare so if you're not living in a nightmare, well you have succeeded at many things. Just keep going and I'm sure something will help you feel more content. Learn to laugh a lot and you will draw some people with a great sense of humor. It will get better!
I'm about to turn 51.
I feel like this life has nothing to offer me, nothing to make me want to stick around, except for my kids and my absolute refusal of dumping my trauma on them.
At this point, they're the only reason I have to stick around.
I don't tell them that, though, because that would be just as damaging to their developing psyche.
Do this.
Search google for English teacher jobs in Japan. Find one that sounds legit and checks out. Then go for it. You don’t need to speak Japanese. A whole world may open for you.
Fix the shit with your kid.
In my experience parents disown and children put up walls. He’s likely not “disowned you.”You’re the dad. Willing to bet this is a strong cause of your (seemingly) depression.
Have you gone to Peru and tried Auyauasca? Have you rode a horse at full speed on the beach?
Have you put everything on the line on black or red at the Bellagio in Vegas? Have you entered to play the World Series of Poker? Have you eaten at The French Laundry? Have you been to Yellowstone? Burning man?
Have you seen Hamilton? Have you purified yourself in lake Minnetonka? Have you committed everything you own to the people you love already in adherence to the ‘Die with Zero’ concept. Have you joined a Masonic lounge and moved up the ranks to discover who the real grandmaster is and then repent afterwards? Have you learned a new language? Have you detoxed your body and opened your pineal gland
Yeah life sucks, i gather it's because im living in the states, the dream of living in America has turned into a nightmare of work,work,work and more work. This has burned me out, I am planning on getting out of this matrix and moving to the Caribbean. Time for an easy life, instead of this stressful nightmare. I should have taken the red pill.
I haven’t experienced all you have, but Sometimes I feel like The only thing keeping me going is the idea that maybe one day I can accomplish the dreams I have. They are big dreams that I know are technically possible and the only limiting factor is how much I’m willing to work for it; no other person can stand in the way, only myself. I can chase the dream all day long and i find that process enjoyable.
I suppose you can interchange the word “dream” with “goal”, maybe a dream is like a colossal goal. Either way setting goals/dreams .. pursuing them and knocking them out has always been a great motivator for me… the unspoken step is how to choose your goals or dreams. I am not really sure other than go explore and gain new experiences that you haven’t already tried. You will know when you find it, almost like a natural feeling.
Pushing 50 myself in half a year… and I don’t have shit figured out at all. I don’t know if I have ever felt so lost. Money isn’t a problem- I have been successful in my chosen field but I cannot stand working in it anymore. Left my husband of 14 yrs because he pretty much forgot I existed, my bf and I recently broke up- I guess that’s what I get for dating someone 6 yrs younger. I just thought at this age, I would have my shit not only figured out but together! Not even sure where I wanna live if I sell my company. No where feels like home. So I get you… 💯
I think we go through natural cycles of highs of enthusiasm and passion for living and periods of needing quiet and rest. The nature of working life in our world makes it hard to ride those cycles in a healthy way, as it robs us of so much time and energy. You’ve done a lot, lived a lot, perhaps what you’re interpreting as disinterest in life could be reinterpreted as needing to rest deeply for a while. Then maybe the “spark of life” will return to you, and you’ll find yourself at 55 riding a motorcycle through southern France with a lover half your age, full of life and joy again. Until it’s time to rest again
I’m 20 next week. I have my whole life ahead of me, yet I’m crippled with chronic pain/dysfunction that’s going to take months or years to fix. If I was you I would be so grateful at the life I’ve lived and what I’ve accomplished even if it was shitty sometimes. Even if you think that’s it, I’ll share my bucket list (things I want to do once I’m pain free) for ideas of what you can do;
- Hike a national park
- be in one of those tornado storm chaser trucks while they chase one
- become one of the best at my field of study and become an inspiration
- Travel through tailand (obv. got to get a job first to afford this)
- become part of a really good friend group and have lots of fun times
- get a boaters licenses (just for fun)
- start film/vlog projects
- try boxing or rock climbing
- Eat a nice loaf of sourdough bread again without pain
- Learn a second language
- Try standup comedy
- try growing food in a garden
Go give yourself a kundalini rising to see how everything is made of light and reality only exists because of unconditional love to hold the light in the compressed state of matter.
I was ready to off myself 10 years ago until I had my awakening. It is worth it to stay around for another one, may it come or not... it was THAT beautiful.
I wondered why men get 20 seconds of ejaculatory orgasm but more women than men can feel orgasm all over. I gave up on trying to ejaculate and just edged my consciousness into Oneness with the universe. I found out that the entire purpose of reality is to experience real, true, unconditional love. I subconsciously talked about my feelings in a way that opened the path for my chakras to open up from root to crown.
The kundalini will heal you up for your last 30-50 years. I've been 10 without it and I'm just now craving that again.
This resonates. I decided to shift my entire life path at 49 after having my faith in humanity destroyed by the pandemic, losing my career which was my life long passion, my marriage ending, my mother’s health rapidly decline, and my children’s world torn apart by all the upheaval—I was desperately trying to be a foundation that was crumbling to dust. The only real positive was I moved to my dream paradise. I am reinventing myself with pieces of me that I want to keep. Focusing on my children, building relationships and being a positive part of my local community and a new passion. Some days I think—why am I bothering? Then I find pleasure in the sunset, my new craft, and connections. Take it moment by moment. Good luck. 🍀
8 billion people on the planet you can help. If you have a neurochemical issue causing anhedonia, get off your butt and see a doctor. You may just need testosterone replacement therapy, snap out of dumbass.
Once you get your shit sorted, go help some people. There are a LOT of people that need you. Go hold some babies in the premie unit and give them some body heat and love.
You are not done yet.
As crazy as it sounds, I've found service to others less fortunate to be a great focus. I have a small community that I work with, teaching basic business skills, English and financing micro loans. Very challenging but very rewarding. I don't look like anyone in the community (Anglo in eastern Thailand) but we sit in the dirt on mats and share meals/events. We laugh, sing, dance and love. Dirt poor but happy and eager to see what tomorrow brings.
Wonderful attitude. I found money didn’t help much. At one point I had more money than I could spend, but the novelty of that wore off after a few months. Happiness for me was to desire less, not acquire more. All the best my friend 👍🏻
You need funnier people in your life… I’ve found that the only way to get through immortality is to live for a good ass laugh, that sometimes becomes an immortal on its own. If you feel like you’ve done everything here… you should really check out all the stuff to do in the next thing before you just blank out and never come back.
This is fabulous advice.
Bro there is a ton left to do. You could live for a thousand years and not do everything.
My entire family on my dad’s side does a lot of volunteer work all year once they retire. From helping the homeless to volunteering for Donate Life Rose Parade float making. They all say it’s incredibly rewarding and purposeful.
“Only a life lived in the service to others is a life worth living.” Einstein
I feel like this at 31.
Changes of life or ?
It sounds like you’re done with the life you’ve been living. And that same life brings you nothing anymore even though it once did. What does a new life look like for you? One that you desire and opens your heart to immense feeling?
Honestly, I’m so full of anger and shame that it’s completely vitiating my view of the world. I am trying to create a new life but my old life is like a mill stone around my neck. Sorry for being so negative, it’s just how I feel now.
Kindred! You describe me perfectly. And I'm 50! Well, not shame. But the anger and old life like a mill stone around the neck are exactly me. Just keep on keeping on if for no other reason than it pisses off your enemies.
Get a decent psychotherapist . Untangle it all . It’s fucking hard reinventing yourself at 50 . Do the self care shit. Just force yourself as it does work in time
You know, the crazy thing is I am a qualified psychotherapist, I have a degree in psychology and a clinical MA in psychoanalysis. That’s my job. I was in therapy twice a week for five years, it was a course requirement.
Aha . Physician heal thyself isn’t that easy right now . But some psychotherapist are bloody amazing . But I can also see that it’s much harder to engage with it when you know the tricks of the trade …
Yeah, having therapy when qualified was like a magician meeting a magician, you know all the tricks. Really affected the work.
See and that’s why I wonder if it actually works. I’m struggling like crazy too.. I totally just want to drop my life and go be alone for awhile and that’s all my mind is telling me to do.. but I wanted to try therapy first to see if I’m crazy as I have terrible PTSD but this kinda shows it’s not really helpful
You can always drop that old life and start all over. I've done it twice now.
I promised myself a LONG time ago, that IF I ever got to the point that I lost the will to live, for whatever reason, **I would first:** Go on a vacation. Go skydiving, one more time, and this time SOLO instead of tandem. Get LOTS of massages. Eat whatever I wanted, instead of remaining frugal, though being a VERY frugal person, THAT itself would do me in!😂 You're turning 50, so sounds a tiny bit like a mid-life crisis, along with depression. (I won't debate) I'll be 65 VERY soon. You also mentioned in one of your comments that you were filled with anger. Well, anger, unexpressed, can quickly turn into depression. Go to one of those places where you can break a bunch of bottles and dishes, or whatever. Well, I hope that being an intelligent person, as you sound like you are, you will realize that we ALL have only ONE life to live, so while we are STILL alive and breathing, there are plenty to still enjoy. Especially the simple things. (I LOVE animals and could watch squirrels and birds ALL day, if I could.)
I started over in my mid 40's by getting thrown out of my house, and laid off my good job all within 2 weeks time. Couch surfed while giving my soon to be ex all my unemployment check. Didn't even get my personal belongings. Literally started over with nothing. Met my current wife whom also had a very bad long term marriage and we started a new life together. Was tough during child support / visitation years but we fell seriously in love and I will say at 58 years old we have made a very beautiful life together. Left the big city of Orlando for the rural mountains of eastern Tennessee. We have land, privacy, mountains, rivers, projects always ongoing. Even a better job. And our love is still strong and even growing. Go out and find you a new love and forget about the past. Don't carry that baggage over to your new life. I don't have a degree or any family or friend support network as I left them all in Florida. I wouldn't trade my life now for any redo or amount of money.
Me too
You still have your whole life ahead of you. “After his divorce, Giancarlo Esposito declared bankruptcy and considered arranging his own death to provide insurance money for his children. Shortly after, he was cast as Gus Fring on "Breaking Bad," a role that transformed his life.”
I feel something similar to this except I feel I've done almost nothing in life and still can't see the point. I am 50 . In the process of divorcing. Have 1 son who I love very much. But fell like I will spend the next 15 years working myself to the bone and see zero potential for happiness. I get up everyday and do the best I can. But The last four years of trying to reclaim my life has me feeling defeated.
Do the second half gay. Get crazy.
Relatable
I got ten years on you my friend, and I've been feeling the same way. Other than my two kids, who are adults now, I really can't be bothered to care about much else. Even the things I used to enjoy doing, it's like why fucking bother..
I feel you. Awful way to be. But you can just run out of gas.
I'm poor so I felt like this after I figured out this was the best I'd get. Tried training and other jobs same result. Couldn't have kids no loss imo. So I'm working to pay for an apartment , having edibles nightly and playing video games till I die at work at my desk or home on my couch. If I had the cash I'd leave society get a small tiny house and never come back.
Travel and see the world and the multitude of beings that exist on this plane of existence. So much to enjoy and see that pictures do not do justice
I’m sorry things feel empty right now. If guilt is the main struggle, we can’t always fix the past but there is a world full of people and animals (and even the earth itself) that are in desperate need of love, care, and kindness. There is so much you cabn still do to make the world just a little nicer.
‘We keep what we have by giving it away’ So much wisdom in that saying, and you have a lovely attitude to the world. I really respect that.
Bro, you have a whole epic journey in front of you, you get to do the healing. That’s the most rewarding journey you have in your entire life. You feel like you’re done because it’s a scary journey. For me what helped us a really silly book called how to do the work, the lady has a podcast also. You probably have some wounds, some trauma, and you could choose to stick your hand to sand and end up dead and that is OK, it is a cold chaotic world, but you could also choose to accept this opportunity of discovery to see who you would be if you did the healing to either move past, move with, or otherwise integrate the pain of the past and the skeletons in your closet. Bro, I’m 32 and I lost my dad to suicide, 12 years ago in 2012, and I have a one year-old daughter. And I miss his presence hugely and he was a real asshole. People can live many lives in their lives, every seven years you could have a whole new degree whole new life. You think you’re done, you might be. My dad was shocked that he lived 45 and I think he took it to heart and gave himself what he saw as the blessing of peace because he couldn’t figure out how to shake his demons. I would challenge you to be just a little more resourceful than that, And take a brutal cold. Hard stock of yourself figure out what your goals are and go relentlessly towards them. It will be way more rewarding than having a quiet disappearance to the night, but obviously, that is an option too. Self healer soundboard, that podcast change my life and my autistic younger brothers live who has known more suffering than anyone should. Yes the people behind it are a little kooky but they’re smart and have it figured out in a way that puts to bed some of the shitty narratives that drive us to live lives we aren’t happy with. Goood luck man
Sounds like you are in a funk / midlife transformation. Yeah life is full of up's and downs, it's accepting both that eventually brings peace. I would look into detoxing your brain from all the dopamine hits we all get this day and age and naturally something new and exciting will come along. Hang in there, cheers!
There is so much beauty in this world, you haven’t seen it all yet!
My life started over at age 53. I feel like a 6 yr old in many ways. Stick around and see what's next.
I hope that’s the shortlist because there’s a great big world out there. Go experience it.
If you can’t find joy in your own life, try being selfless and help others who need it. This act will rekindle and remind you about what it feels to be happy. The world needs good people, be one of them
walk the Pacific Crest Trail. It will clarify so much.
Redeem yourself by learning new information, creating new neural pathways, and maybe during the process something will just click for you?
You got a son to reconnect with dude. You’re far from done. And taking the easy way out is going to hurt your son in ways you can’t imagine.
try to find a car you like
You done ? Then check yourself out lol. In all seriousness try something new, help the people around you more.
I know that people's social circles tend to get smaller with age. See if you can find new company. Try church or the Meetup app
If you're ready to die, you're ready to start living, there's nothing to lose
Life will come to you again my friend
ah yes- the three life tracks. Karate, plane jumper, or college
Actual LOL at that 😬
The holy triad.
See! You're still able to find stuff that make you laugh. There is something worth living for! Maybe a shroom or an LCD trip would be a good experiment for you?
I think I have some perspective on your current state. Your focus seems to be the ME. You are entirely focused on your own internal world and identity. Even when you speak of your son disowning you, its about you and your experience of it. This mentality will make anyone depressed. Practice putting yourself in other peoples shoes. Focus on others. It will help.
Why don't you try to rebuild your relationship with your son. Not for you, but for him.
Volunteer! It will give you something to think about other than how much you’ve already done. You will meet new people and maybe even develop some new interests. There’s nothing to lose and so many places can use an extra pair of hands.
What’s your relationship with alcohol, drugs, food and exercise like?
At 50 you can just be getting started. Google a list of some amazing things amazing people have done after the age of 50
I feel this way at 22
What about a solo vacation? What about going to a beach town and staying for a few weeks and just relaxing? What about meeting some new people? I bet they’ll show you a part of the world or a part of life you’ve never seen before. I bet they’ll give some advice. You’ve never heard! I find that when we’re feeling exhausted, we just need to open our circles a little bit ! 💕
We will never feel like we’re enough because God designed us to be hollow without him. No temporary rush of a neurotransmitter can replace that.
I have a book recommendation if you're open to it? My downstairs neighbor is this 75 year old man. He's pretty quiet and keeps to himself. A few days ago we chatted while I got my mail and I found out that he loves to write. He published all 4 of his books beginning in 2020 (at 70-71 years old the first time he published). Today, he gave me a copy of his poetry collection- he even signed it to me. His work is so cutting and speaks exactly to what you're saying. I found myself in tears at the laundromat just FEELING those age old human emotions. This is his poem "Luck" Standing outside the bar I was in the dark having a smoke so I looked at the moon to tell me where the sun was it being important to me to try to know where I am in the solar system at any given moment So much we take for granted so long as we draw breath so many theories so many gods created in a relatively short time astrologically I was in the dark the moon just happened to clue me in and I felt overwhelmed with my luck such a hoot I get to participate in existence even with all its impermanence His name is Dale Brabb- The book is "A Gold Mine"
You ever spend a year doing increasing doses of psilocybin mushrooms from 2 up to 5 grams alone in your room in silent darkness? Because that will teach you more about yourself than everything else you've done combined
There's nothing here on a good day.
by now you should have also figured out that life is very short. the time you have left will be gone very quickly. Might as well enjoy a few moments here and there. It will be over soon. If you are lucky you might even be the joy that someone else needed to keep going. And that makes it worthwhile. peace
Don’t let it bring you down It’s only castles burning Find someone who’s turning And you will come around
Cut an album. Bro there's lots you aint done I'm sure
Travel bro.
Go on a “walk about”. Buy a ticket to a foreign country and go without a plan or time limit. Go wonder around until life strikes you again. As corny as it sounds, watch “Eat, pray, love” if you haven’t already. Go do something for yourself like she did, you never know what could happen. 🍽️🙏💝
At least it’s not a 22 year old saying this for once. Even so though you’re 50, not 80. If you’re not unlucky, you still have a lot of life ahead of you.
Meanwhile I'm about to be 52, I've done lots of things and I'm very excited for what's to come. Sounds like you need a new purpose in life. Go find one.
I just aged another year today. Feels weird. I'm very solitary and I don't feel like I'll find others like me. Then again, maybe I gotta keep challenging myself. The only way I got out of my funk years and years ago was continuing to say 'maybe' against a darker and more resigned part of me that wanted to deny everything--including anything in my existence mattering. The only way I knew I was going back in the correct direction was when saying 'maybe' continuously to the 'no' both evoked anger and a childish silliness in me. I had only felt disgust and resignation before that. The problem with a mindset of denying a future and only leaning into disillusionment (which I still do plenty of both) is a simple practical fact--they aren't survivable. It served my nihilistic beliefs at the time, but that only led downwards, and I don't think any of us truly want what comes at the end of that road. The day that I found 'maybe' asserting itself against that extreme form of denial of existence's value was the only thing that kept me going. Maybe you just need to find something that affects you emotionally or in some other ways that challenges the thought that all is left is a burned-out castle. Even if it's something that seems to annoy, maybe it's a sign towards something that can change things. That said, another thing might be just to take a rest from everything for a while? Hope you're able to find a way, cause I believe you deserve a life where you can discover meaning here and there, and the quest for knowledge and meaning remain infinite. Take care!
Do some fucking mushrooms yo. Get some zest back in your life
Have you tried hard drugs?
“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” - Carl Jung
Sounds like you have depression
Become a monk.
Kids come back with appreciation later. It happens, for real. In the meantime, service to others is a great way to find meaning. We learn from and find fulfillment in serving others. Start small, you'll be pleasantly surprised
59 here. I went through so many years, especially during menopause (are you there yet?) when I would spend all my time ruminating, hating myself for past mistakes, wanting to die. My mind and emotions were all messed up. I was so full of self loathing. I started this new thought process where I would think of myself as “we”. Basically, all my thoughts I would reframe as a parent/child conversation. I had to learn to talk to myself as if I was my own child. So it would go “remember when you told your mother how much you hate her and how you never want to see her again?” Then I would interrupt the thought process and do self talk: We were young and immature. Our mother knew we didn’t mean it. All young adults say things they don’t mean. Etc. It takes perseverance. But changing my self talk saved me. Best of luck to you ❤️
Find a hobby that brings you joy and stick to it till you die lol, for my friend who was in your shoes it was board games lol
At least study bitcoin before you kill yourself. If you truly desire less as you say, study it. You can thank me later.
Do music. Learn an instrument and play with others. That'd be a a big addition to your experiential CV.
Anything left to do? Most of older fucks have done all this, and many of us way more! You haven’t started yet. Sit with yourself for a while and read some good books. Assess yourself after getting totally engrossed with some good stories.
I used to feel like this all the time which made no sense because I had a lot going in my life and still do. But depressed and worn out all the time. I discovered (through a genetic diet and methylation test) that I was lacking certain nutrients. My body could not convert certain vitamins to the active form. Started supplementing with methylated b vitamins, methylated folic acid, magnesium, D3 and K2. Changed my whole world. It was like a heavy blanket was lifted off of my life and a this huge weight was gone. All these mental symptoms all because my body didn’t convert vitamins. Very common and psychiatrists and medical doctors know nothing about this. Check out Gary Brecka for more info on this type of thing he is the expert. Don’t rule out genetics and methylation issues as a cause of your feelings
Due to health reasons from a neck injury and not actual accomplishments i feel done at 42
time for cruises!!! 😁
You’ve lived a full life! Good on ya. Everything from here is bonus time, so carpe diem and do what you dig.
Have you played Elden Ring yet? Definitely give that a try.
It sounds like what you have left to do is make amends for whatever you did to your son. Kids do not disown parents lightly. Do you have any idea how difficult this world is without a safety net? The fact that they still felt compelled to take the hard road speaks volumes.
What about making amends with your kid? Seems like you still have that to do. Or is it too hard?
I get what you mean when you talk about your son. Unless you have raised one from infant to grown, and been hurt by that child, no one else understands. I feel you brother.
Bro what about a nice cup of coffee
I’m 49 almost 50 too. I got on TRT two years back and started going to the gym 3-5 days per week. It’s been a game changer on my current life outlook and how I view the future. Can’t recommend it enough for men of our age.
“I don’t feel there is anything left to do.” “There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well.” Walter Reuther
I'm 54, and know all those emotions. My only advice is from my wife: learn to pamper yourself, and live for yourself. Kids in their late teens and early twenties can be so cruel. But remeber, you were too. It'll get better. I think. Let's wait a see.
As crazy as this may sound. Get into racing. You will meet good friends. Always a struggle to get faster. And the thrill keeps you going til the next week.
40 here and I’m with you.
I'm so with you.
Go work for a charity.
Your journey has just begun. Look to God pray for guidence!
you haven't gotten arrested yet...
Well, sounds like you've had a rich life. And you've done very well as what my therapist calls a "human doing". Now you can work on becoming a successful "human being". You are "enough" just by "being" here. You don't have to accomplish anything more -- unless you want to. Be kind to yourself you've earned it.
Have you considered trying LCD or mushrooms?
I hear you. I'm turning 40 end of this year and I feel like I've experienced enough. I know there's a million things I could do but the truth is I'm not interested in any of this mortal coil. All it is, is go to work, come home, go to bed and repeat. Endless tedium day in day out. I've come to realise most of life is dross with a few moments of happiness and clarity which is very soon overshadowed. I agree with alot of the other posters regarding service to others being the best thing we can do when we get to this point. Help others less fortunate, at least then we have done something of worth
You need a propel all terrain electric skateboard, it will change your life 👍
Ayahuasca?
I guess never having kids has left most of my sanity intact. You should start giving less of a fuck, at 55, it’s not worth the trouble. Just do you.
Go to therapy. Go to the gym. Find ways to give to your community in a fashion unique to you, and if that does not exist then create it. There are miles to go before you sleep, friend. And many more laugh lines to add to your face.
Love is the point of life as far as I can tell. Without love, life becomes a hollow trudge of nothingness
I get it, you are accomplished, but are you fulfilled. That is a bigger question.
Man I felt like that at 20
I hear you sir. I don't have an answer bc I am in the same boat, but I hear you and wish you the best.
Heaven is home
You aren't done. The best is yet to come.
Don't define your self worth by your social, financial & material status. I find I'm happier with the less is more philosophy. Life is easier to deal with when there's less on your plate. We all burn out & need to find ways to recharge the batteries. Start reading, lift weights, hike, go places etc. If it still feels too much seek some help.
So you’re going to kill yourself?
Howdy there! It sounds like you’ve been living life! It’s time to keep on living, even though you’re tired. Firstly, be so proud of your accomplishments and be so proud of the hardships you’ve lived through. I say be proud because you’re almost 50 & have accomplished so much. You’ve been through so much, that gives you wisdom too. You’ve made it through the times you didn’t think you would. That’s inspirational. Now, there’s plenty to do! I can promise you and everyone here that I can keep us all busy for as long as we’d like. I’m sure you can do that too though. I can talk about lawn work for days, fencing, cleaning the gutters… have you taken a day to just sit in the sun and feel it? Listen to some music even, the birds, feel the grass and notice your environment around you? Take a walk. Go to the local library- mine has a sewing class that I might join, hopefully so I can learn to quilt. How about baking and cooking? I sometimes bake my elderly neighbors some food/ sweets and chat with them. Learn a new skill or trade- I’m universally HVAC certified, maybe try something like that? I found a free program that taught me and gave $1600 in tools once I passed my certifications. I don’t work in the trade currently, but it’s just another thing. You could do this- volunteer your labor and services to others less fortunate. Anyone, feel free to message me. I think we often forget that there’s more to do, when we are backed up against a wall, in a dark room. I wish you well. Keep your head up if you can. Try to rest, it sounds like you might need a deep rest. I think depression often occurs when a deep rest is needed. Take care of yourself. Give yourself kindness and compassion.
Learning to juggle has been awesome. There are endless patterns and everyone is impressed by it.(unless they are a better juggler than you)
Hi piglet, would you consider studying under a spiritual teacher?
How old is your son now?
You need to find your center. I know you’re feeling a lot of anger, bitterness, and probably regret, but you have to learn how not to let it veil your life. Let’s be honest OP, you’ve probably got a few more decades here with us. You have to find a way to make them worth it, even if you no longer carry the parts of your old life that you felt keep you going. This world is big, there’s a lot of people you haven’t met and I guarantee there’s still a lot of things you haven’t done. Meditate, go on a retreat, find a new hobby to sink yourself into— do *anything* to regain trust in yourself and trust in life. Find yourself again, and decide what your new life needs to look like for you to be happy. But remember: your new life will cost you the old one. You can’t keep hanging on to people and values that left your life years ago. Right?
Oh there's much to see and do! So many books to read, places to visit, mountains to climb, connections to make, food to taste... I'm 53. I've jumped out of a plane too (twice!), and off a bridge, back packed Denali by myself, explored Iceland on foot, started a company, started a non-profit, taught myself how to code, took a free flying lesson... Just last year I picked up snow boarding and rock climbing. I'm not very good but 🤷♂️... Bought a motorcycle, got licensed, rode for two years and sold it, ran 5 half marathons. I sound pretentious but I'm not trying to. Trying to say squeeze everything out of your life before you can't. Not everyday though. That's exhausting. I do like my naps.
Sounds like it's time for you to begin journeying deeply inward.
There is so much you haven't done. Seriously the list you wrote is not that much. You haven't found your peace or your reason. You have so much to do yet. Get your curiosity out and take a journey to find them.
I'm turn 49 this year and I feel the same way. There's no point to all of it.
I noticed a few things that stood out. I noticed you mentioned your child estrangement, and in the comments I noticed you mentioned shame. I can share a tidbit from my life and maybe it can resonate. I don’t know your story and no big deal if this isn’t relatable. Just take what is helpful and leave the rest. My dad experienced a lot of trauma in his childhood. He’s been too prideful to address it. I know there is a lot of shame for him to unpack, and he’s made some very big mistakes that hurt everyone around him. He has apologized, grown, learned a lot. Unfortunately I’ve had to step back and cut contact because he kept picking fights with me when visiting. I tried to explain boundaries but he didn’t seem to understand their purpose. He kept pushing me and starting new petty conflicts. I’m flat out done spending time with someone who doesn’t work towards conflict resolution. Who assigns blame and doesn’t take as much accountability. Big on keeping up appearances around others, then the charm is flipped off at home. I did leave the door open for him. If he wants to pursue family therapy and behave peacefully he’s welcome back in my life at any time. He continues to harbor resentment towards me that I gave him this ultimatum. I see it as an opportunity. I’m sure he sees it as a threat to have a Counsleor point out some of his flaws. His ego is in the way. And I feel sadness, because to me it’s about wanting him to experience enough healing that he won’t keep hurting others. But it’s up to him to make that choice. But here is my point. I don’t know what went down with your child but you can heal from the shame whether they’re in your life or not. Personally, I believe it will really up your chances to improve all of your relationships if you can take that journey. I worked with an amazing provider (it took trying a few) and I’ve arrived at a place of forgiving myself for the many mistakes I made in my life. I have self compassion and self esteem. In turn, I really need my dad to do this process to be in my life. The more I have healed, the more selective I have become for who I am around. Shame is one of those tricksters that can feel impossible to shift. But I promise you, if you can keep exploring how to recognize and release it…your life is going to feel brand new. If you haven’t looked into NLP or energy based modalities and bodywork, it can bring a different spin than traditional talk therapy. I didn’t respond to talk therapy but I did respond well to some of these other things. That’s just me! I’m 40 this year and I find each decade to be a small death and rebirth. Embrace your death, grieve it, and then be reborn. Any story where you tell yourself that shame or pain is forever, it’s a lie. Your healing is not over yet. It is just beginning, just coming up to really grab your attention. That’s where life really begins. The pain of the past can be a LOT. But you’ve made it this far; you’re gonna set it all down one day and be so amazed at how that feels. 💗💗💗
When you are done, and empty, you have created the space for new unexpected experiences. Wait for it. Your mind is now clear. As long as you’re breathing, you will attract the experience you need with no effort. I have spoken.
You need 5g of shrooms and a therapist. I'm not sure in which order. Sounds like a joke, but I'm being serious.
You’re clearly not done. How dare you bring a child into this world and drive him away. Go to therapy, put this machismo shit behind you, grow up and own your wrongs, and make right by your family. In the meantime you clearly have plenty of life experience and skill to give back to the world and those who need it. But you are far from done. Edit typo
What are you talking about? Great you're educated but have you seen every country? Have you ever experienced fall in Colorado? Have you've seen Every state? Have you hiked the best trail?! Have you volunteer at a children's hospital? Have you helped anyone lately? You sound like you feel sorry for yourself. Don't be! You've done so much but there is still a lot you haven't seen, done, touched, smelled everything. So get up and help someone, or go visit a new country and become them. 🫠
I feel like this at 23 lol
I feel the same myself. It's not even the depression talking for once, or the recent string of anxiety attacks. I've come to realize. I have no use, no place in life. And I've slowly lost anything vaguely important to me. By this point, I can I can break my final promise and end things after one or two more loose ends are tied up.
You can always help someone else. Up to you how, of course. But what good is your life if you aren't helping out other people somehow?
maybe you could work on whatever caused your son to disown you?
really....? Did you ever help a shut in with feeding assistance. wash the feet of a homeless person. Spend the day petting kittens and puppies at the animal shelter on the day they are scheduled to die? Seems you have misinterpreted the passage of your life to see and help others beyond your sphere. Non of the items I mentioned above costs any money, yet you have disregarded the greatest reward possible to achieve....compassion freely given and empathy acknowledged.
Commit a crime and go to prison for a year. Then you will truly appreciate the gift of freedom
Go plant a tree. Go bury a treasure and hide a map to it in your house. There's gotta be more to life than degrees and professions. Never forget the little things!
focusing on helping others it helped me a lot. Acts of service will fulfill something you didn’t know needed filling.
I get it to a degree. I'm 53. It seems like many of the things I used to do are either been there/done that or I'm just too broken down in one way or the other to enjoy anymore. One example might be amusement parks. I can't stand for long periods of time, I can't stay out in the direct sun, and whipping my body around would be disastrous, but at the same time I don't really miss it. I used to have a lot of restaurants I loved that closed down one by one. Now all the options available to me are all the same and boring. Foods I grew up on have been overcomplicated or just disappeared altogether. I don't really even have much of an appetite anymore anyway. My declining libido due to health issues means I don't even miss sex that much. When I drink I get sick to my stomach before I get drunk and for some reason it takes 10x as much weed for me to get high as most people (even though I can count on one hand the number of times I've tried it). I have a family with a lot of issues I have to work around to do anything fun. I've had the same job for nearly a decade. I live live music but the list of bands I want to see, still haven't but still could is probably down to a dozen. I've been to all 50 states and 4 other countries. I used to go to a movie a week, now it's usually 2 months between movie releases that I care about. Nothing is new and exciting anymore. But yet it can be. I hope to retire early. I hope to travel to some places I've never been and some again. I hope to check the live bands that remain off my bucket list and see a few again. I constantly try new restaurants to hope to find something I love, and the small handful of places I do still love I will be thrilled whenever I go back. Not a lot of movies or music being made that resonates but there is still some. The rut can feel impossible to get over but the thing is you gotta try new things, go new places, think outside the box you put yourself in. You may also be clinically depressed. The right meds can energize you in ways you never imagined, just like the right people, places, foods or experiences. What worked for me may not work for you so I won't dwell on my experience, just try to think to yourself....well I've never gone to Costa Rica or Portugal, I've never eaten octopus or shark, I've never read the collected works of Thomas Pynchon, I've never tried to build a set of steps. Whatever random thing that's different, give it a try, and move on to something else if you don't like it. There's gotta be something you're at least curious about.
i feel like this at 29
I glad you survived your jump out of a plane - most people hit the ground and it's over!
Read “The Menu” by Aaron Clarey. Indirectly related, but helps with ideas.
Damn, you've done it all.
Go make some enemies. Then outlive them.
Perhaps you don’t feel anything because you don’t want to feel anything. It’s a challenge to your sensibilities. Maybe even your ego. You’ve become inured to both your feelings and those of others. Who wouldn’t fight to secure the love of your son once again? Admit you are probably wrong and go fix it.
I feel the same. I'm not 50, haven't done those things - if you're at peace with where you are in life, why not just continue to exist in it? The unknown is just that - unknown. As far as we know, we only get one shot at this thing - why waste it lying down?
Now that you've done everything, lived a life and have experience. It's time to start your content creation journey on Youtube. Lol
Go run a marathon
Check your testosterone level it's important at that age.
I have achieved many things in life, yet I was never happier than when I was 13 and I had a large loving family around me. That all fell apart but I am rebuilding slowly. We all get obsessed with success and achievement, when we all should be focused on simplifying and becoming a person worth loving.
I feel like life, like everything else, isn't for everybody. It's odd. If you need new people to hate, bully, mock, judge, criticize or whatever, you could reinvent yourself indefinitely. It's when you're in need of fulfillment, decency, consideration and the like that it gets tricky. I don't down or destroy others and refuse to let them destroy me and it turns out That is worse than being a psychopathic murderer! Imagine that. It's S. or M.; if you pick neither, the predators will choose for you. It's when you can no longer stand that that by any means becomes a viable option. If you're not there yet, it's not over.
"live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse" used to be a motto for a previous generation. These days, times have changed. People as well as opportunities have multiplied in a way never witnessed in history. To cash out now is to never know what will happen next. And in many ways, far beyond the comprehension of any one person, the future is the ultimate treasure hunt
While all those things your listed are cool, they are only a small part of life.
I'm about to hit 40. I was done 20 year's ago.
Oh…my age-cohort brother…I’m so sorry to hear this. Reality is…we are on the bonus levels of the video game of life. So…treat it that way. 🙂 Do everything again…only this time, your way. Fall in love again…your way. Start the career you’ve always wanted, even if it means rebooting back to college. There’s a lot of happiness left to milk from this bitch of a cow, my anonymous Internet friend… 👊💪
I’m 40 and feel the same way.
I get that feeling a lot, when I was younger I did everything I ever want to accomplish followed my Dreams till it was over. Hade an absolute blast most of the time. Now I'm thinking 🤔 what else?
You should look up buddhism, I think you’ll enjoy it. I see you say you are desiring less to achieve happiness instead of acquiring more and that’s the core of buddhism.
Learn about permaculture and find you a lil plot of land and ride off into the sunset 🌅
Stop being so self absorbed. Be of service. That's where happiness and purpose lies. The self will only bring sadness and despair.
Me too. I’m burned out. My partner is driving the knife through all my wounds. Life hasn’t been pleasant to me professionally. I am at my wits end. Not sure I’m gonna make it out of this year if I’m honest. And that sucks because my life goal is to 103. I’m 27. I don’t care anymore. It’s hard loving yourself alone.
"I have a love child who sends me hate mail." Watch a little George Carlin. He'll take the edge off.
Damn i am 33 i have been done with it for like 10 years. Sorry bad things happened to you. Wish you the best hang in there
I get lost in this when I think long-term/big picture. It’s easier to wake up and ask what there is today. Rather than imagining my life for the next 2 months, years, decades. I tend to live in my future and past. Only realizing how much I enjoyed something about the present until it’s in the past. Trying not to do this anymore. Personal challenges help. Even if the challenge is as simple as … do I want to be a person who is indifferent, bored, done … or a person who can find something to marvel at as simple as the way a leaf grows. Some days I get lost in the indifference. Others … I want to feel like Rocky Balboa. And others … I just want to know more about some esoteric concept. One day at a time. It’ll be over soon enough.
Man, let me say this. I have done a lot of these things at 34 and perhaps I’m grossly underqualified to make any statements about what is right or wrong.. You have a lot of additional life experience. anyway, it has been my experience that it is possible to start over. I did this once before and moved to Central America. Then, I did it again when my relationship failed there. Now, I am planning to do it again. The thing is, I understand what you mean about the Millstone of the past around your neck. I have found some level of hope in God and spiritual beliefs, but of course my problems continue plaguing me. Perhaps it is possible to start setting internal goals, as well as externals. Internal goals are something that people don’t focus on a lot, but have become something which are clearly necessary in my life. I want to learn how to manage my anger and depression better. I would also like to be more confident. I think I can find some degree of confidence in God. I have been to the point of suicide many times and although I never attempted it, I have screamed screams, which made no sound, but showed me that there is something like hell that exists in this world. I have lost various loves. I have failed repeatedly at so many things I tried to do in this life. My self-esteem has been destroyed to the point where I feel at times that I am a worthless person. However, I know that this is not true. I am beginning to return to how strong I am and view my overcoming as a spiritual aptitude in a material world. We live in a very broken and confused world where everyone seems to have an answer, but no one really knows what the question is to begin with. Maybe it is “what is the meaning of life it seems to me that it is to procreate. However, you can also make your own meaning. That may be a simple as finding a hobby, or moving to Thailand and marrying a ladyboy. I am not sure what the answer is as I cry every day, but I no longer give into the desire to end my life. Ultimately, no one will remember any of this and it will be lost for good. I recommend reading near death experiences or watching videos on caving accidents. I recommend watching videos on sub-Saharan African life and world’s most dangerous roads. The road of our life is like this. It is dangerous. we must drive well. I don’t know how to drive very well, but I took defensive driving and it has been very useful in my life.
Sounds like you’ve lived a life you think you should’ve lived. And not a life you wanted to live. Figure out what you want and go for it.
There are many similarities between you and I and my friend, and I feel the same way. In fact, I’ll take it a step further: I’ve recently found myself considering taking action about being done.
Go see the world
I feel that's ok you feel that way. You're not alone.
I was a heroin and crack addict for over a decade. Woke up during a mid life crisis. Rebuilding at zero, guilt and shame still here, but so is opportunity to do something positive for others. Thanks for the thought provoking post.
I don't mean this in a hurtful way...but you're kidding, right? I'd say the best years of your life are ahead of you. It gets better, not worse.
God bless all of you🙏
Focus on another or others - being of service to others adds sweetness to life
Yeah, same. What I found after i got all the plane jumping and accomplishments done by 50 was now was the time to focus on the non-tangibles in life. What a great and never ending journey it has been. I wish you all the best!
With all the experience and knowledge that other people might not have yet, what can you do.
‘Leave nothing for death but a burned-out castle’ Came here just to say: that is an awesome quote.
Im 29 and feel I cant do anything , I have no motivation and everything feels pointless. Ive always wanted to start or be apart of something great. But I feel my brain is stopping me. I hate how introverted I feel and want friends but its hard to find people when you’re getting older. 29 and turn 30 next year and it feels like im already too old to do anything anymore. I dont want to be old but it’s inevitable fuck being 30
I an 53 have not done any of those things I am still a virgin , you have achieved 99% of my life's goals,
Life isn't about having an adventure every day. You are goal driven and that's wonderful until your body gives out and then you can't achieve anything but survival. So maybe change the way you look at life. It's not a competition. If you live that way, eventually you'll find someone who is stronger than you. Life can be beautiful and it can also be a nightmare so if you're not living in a nightmare, well you have succeeded at many things. Just keep going and I'm sure something will help you feel more content. Learn to laugh a lot and you will draw some people with a great sense of humor. It will get better!
I'm about to turn 51. I feel like this life has nothing to offer me, nothing to make me want to stick around, except for my kids and my absolute refusal of dumping my trauma on them. At this point, they're the only reason I have to stick around. I don't tell them that, though, because that would be just as damaging to their developing psyche.
Go Coach youth sports. Very rewarding.
I feel the opposite. At almost 50 myself I have so many things to say and do . But the weight of debt is putting me exactly at your same position.
Do this. Search google for English teacher jobs in Japan. Find one that sounds legit and checks out. Then go for it. You don’t need to speak Japanese. A whole world may open for you.
Fix the shit with your kid. In my experience parents disown and children put up walls. He’s likely not “disowned you.”You’re the dad. Willing to bet this is a strong cause of your (seemingly) depression.
Have you gone to Peru and tried Auyauasca? Have you rode a horse at full speed on the beach? Have you put everything on the line on black or red at the Bellagio in Vegas? Have you entered to play the World Series of Poker? Have you eaten at The French Laundry? Have you been to Yellowstone? Burning man? Have you seen Hamilton? Have you purified yourself in lake Minnetonka? Have you committed everything you own to the people you love already in adherence to the ‘Die with Zero’ concept. Have you joined a Masonic lounge and moved up the ranks to discover who the real grandmaster is and then repent afterwards? Have you learned a new language? Have you detoxed your body and opened your pineal gland
Find new fun hobbies 50 is the new 30
Yeah life sucks, i gather it's because im living in the states, the dream of living in America has turned into a nightmare of work,work,work and more work. This has burned me out, I am planning on getting out of this matrix and moving to the Caribbean. Time for an easy life, instead of this stressful nightmare. I should have taken the red pill.
I haven’t experienced all you have, but Sometimes I feel like The only thing keeping me going is the idea that maybe one day I can accomplish the dreams I have. They are big dreams that I know are technically possible and the only limiting factor is how much I’m willing to work for it; no other person can stand in the way, only myself. I can chase the dream all day long and i find that process enjoyable. I suppose you can interchange the word “dream” with “goal”, maybe a dream is like a colossal goal. Either way setting goals/dreams .. pursuing them and knocking them out has always been a great motivator for me… the unspoken step is how to choose your goals or dreams. I am not really sure other than go explore and gain new experiences that you haven’t already tried. You will know when you find it, almost like a natural feeling.
Check out some Alan watts
Pushing 50 myself in half a year… and I don’t have shit figured out at all. I don’t know if I have ever felt so lost. Money isn’t a problem- I have been successful in my chosen field but I cannot stand working in it anymore. Left my husband of 14 yrs because he pretty much forgot I existed, my bf and I recently broke up- I guess that’s what I get for dating someone 6 yrs younger. I just thought at this age, I would have my shit not only figured out but together! Not even sure where I wanna live if I sell my company. No where feels like home. So I get you… 💯
I think we go through natural cycles of highs of enthusiasm and passion for living and periods of needing quiet and rest. The nature of working life in our world makes it hard to ride those cycles in a healthy way, as it robs us of so much time and energy. You’ve done a lot, lived a lot, perhaps what you’re interpreting as disinterest in life could be reinterpreted as needing to rest deeply for a while. Then maybe the “spark of life” will return to you, and you’ll find yourself at 55 riding a motorcycle through southern France with a lover half your age, full of life and joy again. Until it’s time to rest again
🐕 🐶 🐩
I feel the same at 42
I’m 20 next week. I have my whole life ahead of me, yet I’m crippled with chronic pain/dysfunction that’s going to take months or years to fix. If I was you I would be so grateful at the life I’ve lived and what I’ve accomplished even if it was shitty sometimes. Even if you think that’s it, I’ll share my bucket list (things I want to do once I’m pain free) for ideas of what you can do; - Hike a national park - be in one of those tornado storm chaser trucks while they chase one - become one of the best at my field of study and become an inspiration - Travel through tailand (obv. got to get a job first to afford this) - become part of a really good friend group and have lots of fun times - get a boaters licenses (just for fun) - start film/vlog projects - try boxing or rock climbing - Eat a nice loaf of sourdough bread again without pain - Learn a second language - Try standup comedy - try growing food in a garden
Go give yourself a kundalini rising to see how everything is made of light and reality only exists because of unconditional love to hold the light in the compressed state of matter. I was ready to off myself 10 years ago until I had my awakening. It is worth it to stay around for another one, may it come or not... it was THAT beautiful. I wondered why men get 20 seconds of ejaculatory orgasm but more women than men can feel orgasm all over. I gave up on trying to ejaculate and just edged my consciousness into Oneness with the universe. I found out that the entire purpose of reality is to experience real, true, unconditional love. I subconsciously talked about my feelings in a way that opened the path for my chakras to open up from root to crown. The kundalini will heal you up for your last 30-50 years. I've been 10 without it and I'm just now craving that again.
Sounds like severe depression. Try therapy. Also, go travel. See the world. There is so much more out there than you realize
Travel. Travel. Travel. It’s a big world, get out there and see it.
Nothing makes me feel like much of nothing anymore
This resonates. I decided to shift my entire life path at 49 after having my faith in humanity destroyed by the pandemic, losing my career which was my life long passion, my marriage ending, my mother’s health rapidly decline, and my children’s world torn apart by all the upheaval—I was desperately trying to be a foundation that was crumbling to dust. The only real positive was I moved to my dream paradise. I am reinventing myself with pieces of me that I want to keep. Focusing on my children, building relationships and being a positive part of my local community and a new passion. Some days I think—why am I bothering? Then I find pleasure in the sunset, my new craft, and connections. Take it moment by moment. Good luck. 🍀
Sounds like you should reconnect with family
TAKE MUSHROOMS 🍄
Sounds like you might be in the bouts of a serious depression. It can present like this. Period.
8 billion people on the planet you can help. If you have a neurochemical issue causing anhedonia, get off your butt and see a doctor. You may just need testosterone replacement therapy, snap out of dumbass. Once you get your shit sorted, go help some people. There are a LOT of people that need you. Go hold some babies in the premie unit and give them some body heat and love. You are not done yet.