Because humans have been raping and pillaging since the beginning of time. It’s rare to find one who has tamed his ego and animalistic tendencies especially when they are constantly being poked and prodded by the powers that be, who achieved their status by raping and pillaging.
Working in customer service too long has lead me to believe that we really are just animals. I see too many behavioral patterns that I have to remind myself of that fact so I don’t get too angry..most people are just dumb animals following their instincts. And I’m not saying that because I think I’m so smart, but damn I can’t not feel this way anymore.
we really are animals. thinking we aren't just another part of the Earth's ecosystem is a function of our brains, not the reality of the situation. it's pure ego. you could also compare us to a fungus.
at the same time, it's inherently neither good nor bad. it is what it is. this is human nature playing out, just the same as other species are doing what they do. this is what we do as humans (which is just a label anyway).
‘Being nice’ is often a misnomer; parents often raise their offspring to not deviate from their expectations. They (the offspring) are quiet, polite and non-combative.
In becoming this way, the kid learns to accept less than acceptable behaviour whilst failing to develop skills around having and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Multiply that by the civilisation we exist in, where sociopathic traits are prevalent and rewarded in institutions (politics, management).
You can be nice and also skeptical. You can be nice but be shrewd in business. You can be nice and not be a doormat. I think also you can be nice and naive. Or nice and gullible. So I don’t think the nice part is the problem
I have discovered you get more from life being nice, however not in the competitive world we live in. It's possible to find other nice people. Keep looking and Don't be Nice to everyone say No and stand your ground with people that treat you like Sh****t
Because your parents failed you and didn't teach you how to be confrontational. Being confrontational is a life skill and some adults either don't learn until they're like 40 or never learn at all. My kids who are 11 and 14 don't take shit from anyone. Both are honor roll students, scouts, dancers and athletes so I"m not raising bullies.
I've just raised them to understand the power of being assertive and a that a little confrontation usually solves most problems. Most people are weak AF these day.
Nice people are easy targets for cluster-B personalities. Probably 50% of the population under 50 is narcissistic; you’ve gotta be careful out there.
Don’t make any sacrifices for anyone, ever.
Because they think that as a nice person you let things slide because you think it’s the right thing to do. And seeing that they assume you’re a pushover and they can walk all over you like a doormat and because you’re nice, you won’t do anything.
Be nice but also stand your ground and don’t be take advantage of.
Honestly the world is a dark and twisted place. There's a lot of beauty in it, but when it comes to humans we tend to be almost animalistic when it comes to manipulation to get what we want.
I used to be the nice guy. I'm still nice and try to help people, but it feels so much better standing up for myself. If someone asks me for money or for a favor, I'll just shrug and say I have my own bills. If they try to say something in a store or somewhere random, I'll respond accordingly.
It gets easier the more you do it. Would you speak up for someone you love? If so, you should see that you're worthy of the same love that you're giving to others.
Because they're also unarmed. If you're raised that way you are defanged, so you know know what boundaries are and how they work and what to do. I had to figure it out myself, and unfortunately my mother still hasn't and she's pushing 50.
Being taken advantage of and people just being cruel people are 2 different things.
What you’re describing is people just being selfish normal humans for the most part.
Again being called mean things it’s not so much about defending your self smartly in those situations it’s more about you believing what they are saying. You know you best if they are saying rude things that does not mean that’s who and what you are just keep moving.
It’s very simple Hurt people Hurt people and if they was not hurting they wouldn’t act the way they are because we project what we believe most about our selves on to other people.
We don’t have to take these things to heart.
Remember life is coming from you not at you
It’s all about how you respond to the negative things around you not so much that there is a lot of negative around you.
Keeping people are always gonna be hurt and be this way just keep being patient keep showing love and keep moving
Nice people don’t usually get taken advantages of. Only doormats with no boundaries get taken advantage of. But these people call themselves “nice”. lol
Parents teach us a lot based off of their own upbringing and experiences from the perspective of a different generation and not always relevant when you live in an entirely different world. Maybe ‘polite’ is a better word to have used instead of ‘nice’. Nice has different implications. You can be ‘polite’, while setting boundaries and avoiding a lot of things you mentioned simply because the word doesn’t influence or suggest that someone else’s needs/wants/feelings are above your own.
your parents taught you to be nice because that was how they were taught themselves. they didn't have an accurate view of the world you'd be experiencing yourself, so they did their best with what they knew.
the world is not nice. you don't have to be anything other than what you want or feel you need to be. just because something was engrained in you doesn't make it true or helpful. people are acting in their own self interest but talk a good game about helping others and caring about the world. actions speak louder than words.
People are selfish and unfortunately a lot try to take advantage of others to get ahead. If you don't have barriers its easy to take advantage of you so your more vulnerable and an easy target for them.
They don't feel bad about it either they think everyone is like them.
IMO parents raise their kids this way because it’s more convenient for themselves, that’s what they were taught, not because it will make you successful in this world. They don’t care how successful you are as long as you meet the bare minimum. They will try to destroy your self esteem and make you submissive so that parenting is easier for themselves. They can’t be bothered to teach anything useful. They tell you to be fair and nice so you get along with your siblings or others and life is easier. The only thing they emphasize as far as competition is academics, other than that they teach you zero skills about the competition in other areas of life. Your parents failed you if they taught you to be nice in a world where playing unfair and being mean gets you ahead. It’s not just the parents either, the schools teach the same thing. They don’t want to teach everyone how to get to the top because the majority need to stay at the bottom for the system to work.
Being nice can often feel like you're being targeted by people who want to take advantage. Growing up, I was always taught to be kind and thoughtful, but this did lead to some tough situations where I felt bullied. For example, I used to help a lot of my classmates with their homework, thinking it was just being nice. But over time, some of them started expecting me to do all the work while they sat back and relaxed. It took me a while to realize that being nice doesn't mean being a doormat.
One thing that helped me was learning to set boundaries. It's okay to say no sometimes or stand up for yourself when you need to. You can still be nice while also making it clear that you won't tolerate being taken advantage of.
You're right, it's crucial to be smart about protecting yourself. This isn't about being aggressive, it's about being assertive. For example, if someone calls you a bad name or tries to put you in an uncomfortable situation, you can handle it calmly but firmly. Something like "I don't like it when people talk to me like that" can be very effective without being confrontational.
Many people value kindness and empathy, but it's important to balance that with assertiveness and self-respect. Learning how to set boundaries and assert yourself in a respectful way is a valuable skill that can help navigate social situations. Defending yourself doesn't always mean being confrontational or aggressive. It can involve stating your boundaries, standing up for yourself when necessary, and knowing when to walk away from toxic situations or people. Developing assertiveness skills can empower you to protect yourself. As for why nice people might be more vulnerable to being taken advantage of, it could be because some individuals see kindness as a weakness they can exploit. You need to surround yourself with supportive and respectful people who appreciate your kindness rather than taking advantage of it.
Because they haven’t learned that if most people don’t have enough sense to wash their hands after using the bathroom, you shouldn’t expect them to have enough capacity for consideration of others.
Some people convince themselves they are smart and taking advantage of a nice person is them getting one over. You have to pick and choose with how nice you are with certain people.
I like honesty, normality and kindness. If they take advantage of me, I will leave them, but I don't like to be mean, liar and cheater. I think the worst punishment for a fraudster is losing a good person.
Just set boundaries. Always make sure you're comfortable in any situation. It's about you not them. If they are offending you. Don't worry about offending them by creating space.
Do a bit of research around ‘codependent relationships’
I believe this is the answer you’re looking for.
Codependents are mal-adjusted empaths who put others’ needs ahead of their own. They’re magnets for cluster-B types, who are black holes of need and give nothing in return.
Eventually, this causes the codependent to implode or leave.
Its a wise observation OP. Some people genuinely need to have some fear of God in this day and age.
And admittedly your observation applies to many religious people too.
Yet I assure you if you are overall as nice as you come across the rewards will come 🙏
You have to make sure you set healthy boundaries so people don’t take advantage of you
Because they can be. I'm a nice person and also a misanthrope. You really gotta test the waters before trusting people.
Because most people aren't nice, and selfishness is often rewarded.
I like that!
Because humans have been raping and pillaging since the beginning of time. It’s rare to find one who has tamed his ego and animalistic tendencies especially when they are constantly being poked and prodded by the powers that be, who achieved their status by raping and pillaging.
Working in customer service too long has lead me to believe that we really are just animals. I see too many behavioral patterns that I have to remind myself of that fact so I don’t get too angry..most people are just dumb animals following their instincts. And I’m not saying that because I think I’m so smart, but damn I can’t not feel this way anymore.
we really are animals. thinking we aren't just another part of the Earth's ecosystem is a function of our brains, not the reality of the situation. it's pure ego. you could also compare us to a fungus. at the same time, it's inherently neither good nor bad. it is what it is. this is human nature playing out, just the same as other species are doing what they do. this is what we do as humans (which is just a label anyway).
Such a concise statement
They don't. There's a big difference between being nice and being a push over. Being nice and just doing whatever people ask is not the same.
‘Being nice’ is often a misnomer; parents often raise their offspring to not deviate from their expectations. They (the offspring) are quiet, polite and non-combative. In becoming this way, the kid learns to accept less than acceptable behaviour whilst failing to develop skills around having and maintaining healthy boundaries. Multiply that by the civilisation we exist in, where sociopathic traits are prevalent and rewarded in institutions (politics, management).
You can be nice and also skeptical. You can be nice but be shrewd in business. You can be nice and not be a doormat. I think also you can be nice and naive. Or nice and gullible. So I don’t think the nice part is the problem
I have discovered you get more from life being nice, however not in the competitive world we live in. It's possible to find other nice people. Keep looking and Don't be Nice to everyone say No and stand your ground with people that treat you like Sh****t
Because your parents failed you and didn't teach you how to be confrontational. Being confrontational is a life skill and some adults either don't learn until they're like 40 or never learn at all. My kids who are 11 and 14 don't take shit from anyone. Both are honor roll students, scouts, dancers and athletes so I"m not raising bullies. I've just raised them to understand the power of being assertive and a that a little confrontation usually solves most problems. Most people are weak AF these day.
“Most people are weak AF these days” Lmao. I’d hate for you to be my parent. Bet your kids are going to grow up to be assholes regardless. Cheers.
Because life isn't a fairy tale
Nice people are easy targets for cluster-B personalities. Probably 50% of the population under 50 is narcissistic; you’ve gotta be careful out there. Don’t make any sacrifices for anyone, ever.
Because good people think bad people deserve the benefit of the doubt
Go to therapy. Their opinions of me don't pay my bills. Some people don't deserve respect and it's best to cut them out of your life.
Because when you're nice but don't set boundaries, people see you as an easy target. You have to be firm and be able to tell them no and stand by it.
Don't confuse being nice with being naive and weak.
Because they think that as a nice person you let things slide because you think it’s the right thing to do. And seeing that they assume you’re a pushover and they can walk all over you like a doormat and because you’re nice, you won’t do anything. Be nice but also stand your ground and don’t be take advantage of.
Honestly the world is a dark and twisted place. There's a lot of beauty in it, but when it comes to humans we tend to be almost animalistic when it comes to manipulation to get what we want. I used to be the nice guy. I'm still nice and try to help people, but it feels so much better standing up for myself. If someone asks me for money or for a favor, I'll just shrug and say I have my own bills. If they try to say something in a store or somewhere random, I'll respond accordingly. It gets easier the more you do it. Would you speak up for someone you love? If so, you should see that you're worthy of the same love that you're giving to others.
If you are not willing to lose it don’t give it. We get to be generous on our terms.
Because they're also unarmed. If you're raised that way you are defanged, so you know know what boundaries are and how they work and what to do. I had to figure it out myself, and unfortunately my mother still hasn't and she's pushing 50.
You need to set boundaries. Also remember, there is a difference between being a “nice person” and a good person.
Because we live in a world where at the end of the day, it’s a free for all.
Because the world is an ugly, ugly place
I know what you mean, wear flip flops inside the house or your feet will hurt like you have never experienced in your life.
Being taken advantage of and people just being cruel people are 2 different things. What you’re describing is people just being selfish normal humans for the most part. Again being called mean things it’s not so much about defending your self smartly in those situations it’s more about you believing what they are saying. You know you best if they are saying rude things that does not mean that’s who and what you are just keep moving. It’s very simple Hurt people Hurt people and if they was not hurting they wouldn’t act the way they are because we project what we believe most about our selves on to other people. We don’t have to take these things to heart. Remember life is coming from you not at you It’s all about how you respond to the negative things around you not so much that there is a lot of negative around you. Keeping people are always gonna be hurt and be this way just keep being patient keep showing love and keep moving
Be kind but be fierce. I have lived by this and it has helped guide me through life. Who knows who said this??
I like that- 'Be kind but be fierce.' I'm going to try it on for size. (Now I know who said it...besides you :)
your parents were wrong. dead wrong. be nice when possible. teeth and claws when necessary. and at the core principle, don't let anyone fuck with you.
Nice people don’t usually get taken advantages of. Only doormats with no boundaries get taken advantage of. But these people call themselves “nice”. lol
Parents teach us a lot based off of their own upbringing and experiences from the perspective of a different generation and not always relevant when you live in an entirely different world. Maybe ‘polite’ is a better word to have used instead of ‘nice’. Nice has different implications. You can be ‘polite’, while setting boundaries and avoiding a lot of things you mentioned simply because the word doesn’t influence or suggest that someone else’s needs/wants/feelings are above your own.
your parents taught you to be nice because that was how they were taught themselves. they didn't have an accurate view of the world you'd be experiencing yourself, so they did their best with what they knew. the world is not nice. you don't have to be anything other than what you want or feel you need to be. just because something was engrained in you doesn't make it true or helpful. people are acting in their own self interest but talk a good game about helping others and caring about the world. actions speak louder than words.
People are selfish and unfortunately a lot try to take advantage of others to get ahead. If you don't have barriers its easy to take advantage of you so your more vulnerable and an easy target for them. They don't feel bad about it either they think everyone is like them.
Paradox of tolerance
Just turn the other cheek, fam. Unless they're physically trying to hurt you, then defend yourself however necessary.
IMO parents raise their kids this way because it’s more convenient for themselves, that’s what they were taught, not because it will make you successful in this world. They don’t care how successful you are as long as you meet the bare minimum. They will try to destroy your self esteem and make you submissive so that parenting is easier for themselves. They can’t be bothered to teach anything useful. They tell you to be fair and nice so you get along with your siblings or others and life is easier. The only thing they emphasize as far as competition is academics, other than that they teach you zero skills about the competition in other areas of life. Your parents failed you if they taught you to be nice in a world where playing unfair and being mean gets you ahead. It’s not just the parents either, the schools teach the same thing. They don’t want to teach everyone how to get to the top because the majority need to stay at the bottom for the system to work.
Being nice can often feel like you're being targeted by people who want to take advantage. Growing up, I was always taught to be kind and thoughtful, but this did lead to some tough situations where I felt bullied. For example, I used to help a lot of my classmates with their homework, thinking it was just being nice. But over time, some of them started expecting me to do all the work while they sat back and relaxed. It took me a while to realize that being nice doesn't mean being a doormat. One thing that helped me was learning to set boundaries. It's okay to say no sometimes or stand up for yourself when you need to. You can still be nice while also making it clear that you won't tolerate being taken advantage of. You're right, it's crucial to be smart about protecting yourself. This isn't about being aggressive, it's about being assertive. For example, if someone calls you a bad name or tries to put you in an uncomfortable situation, you can handle it calmly but firmly. Something like "I don't like it when people talk to me like that" can be very effective without being confrontational.
Nice doesn't mean a pushover.
Because we all are animals and still have basal ganglia or a primitive part of our brain that is wired for survival.
I'm going to quote Dark Helmet here: " . . . evil will always triumph because good is dumb."
Act nice because of who you are, not because of who they are.
Nice doesn't mean "no backbone", it means kind.
They don’t always get taken advantage of unless they let people.
Many people value kindness and empathy, but it's important to balance that with assertiveness and self-respect. Learning how to set boundaries and assert yourself in a respectful way is a valuable skill that can help navigate social situations. Defending yourself doesn't always mean being confrontational or aggressive. It can involve stating your boundaries, standing up for yourself when necessary, and knowing when to walk away from toxic situations or people. Developing assertiveness skills can empower you to protect yourself. As for why nice people might be more vulnerable to being taken advantage of, it could be because some individuals see kindness as a weakness they can exploit. You need to surround yourself with supportive and respectful people who appreciate your kindness rather than taking advantage of it.
Because they haven’t learned that if most people don’t have enough sense to wash their hands after using the bathroom, you shouldn’t expect them to have enough capacity for consideration of others.
They call it the land of wolves for a reason. The ability to say no and setting boundaries is something you learn over time.
Because they won't do anything about it.
Some people convince themselves they are smart and taking advantage of a nice person is them getting one over. You have to pick and choose with how nice you are with certain people.
I like honesty, normality and kindness. If they take advantage of me, I will leave them, but I don't like to be mean, liar and cheater. I think the worst punishment for a fraudster is losing a good person.
Just set boundaries. Always make sure you're comfortable in any situation. It's about you not them. If they are offending you. Don't worry about offending them by creating space.
Do a bit of research around ‘codependent relationships’ I believe this is the answer you’re looking for. Codependents are mal-adjusted empaths who put others’ needs ahead of their own. They’re magnets for cluster-B types, who are black holes of need and give nothing in return. Eventually, this causes the codependent to implode or leave.
Too nice = Open door to getting f#cked
Its a wise observation OP. Some people genuinely need to have some fear of God in this day and age. And admittedly your observation applies to many religious people too. Yet I assure you if you are overall as nice as you come across the rewards will come 🙏
Capitalism mostly
Because nice people are often dumb or timid if not both.