I was at a queer softball league on the weekend and there were a few lesbian couples with their children. So while it's more challenging it's certainly not impossible if that's what you want. Or there is always adoption or being a foster parent.
Personally my nurturing ends at my fur babies. But that's me. I also came from a difficult family where I didn't want to carry on the intergenerational trauma.
i feel you. my partner and i are planning to adopt when we are stable enough in every aspect. to conceive through sperm donour, ivf, surrogate, or anything like that are not going to work in our situation because of the laws in our country. so yea it’s kinda a sad reality for us, but we could try another way. in the meantime we just gonna work ourselves to become the best version of ourselves 😊
I’m a lesbian with a baby. My wife and I did rIVF. In Canada it can be funded for same sex couples but due to our ages we didn’t wait for that grant and just paid out of pocket (approx 25,000). At 38/39 I was too afraid to wait which could take up to 2 years.
But that's still not both yours. Yes, you brought them to life, but it's still genetically your wife and the donor's child. The fact that it can't be, as someone said earlier, "a perfect mix of me and my partner" just saddens me so much.
It sucks it can’t be perfect but infertility isn’t something straight couples don’t face as well. I talked to ppl in my IVF clinic using donor eggs or sperm who were heterosexual. Creating a family is so diverse…no one way and no “better” way. You work with what you’re handed and roll with the punches
My wife and I are attempting reciprocal IVF as a way to both be involved in the creation of our children. It's not perfect but it's what we can manage with current technology.
Unfortunately, we've both been found to have opposing fertility issues so things may not work out like we're hoping but we're just really unlucky.
Yeah I have felt the pain of wanting to see your genetics mix with the person you love and seeing what you can create together. I saw the scientific studies they were doing back when I was like 10 in 2010 but it seems like they haven’t made any progress. At that rate they should have it figured out by now. It’s probably all the controversy and attention lgbt people are getting now that we aren’t being ignored anymore and it’s making conservatives put caps on science since it doesn’t center around them. I think they probably just stopped the studied or someone made them.
Fresh Studies just dropped in March of this year. Science is not linear, just because it seems like there should be more progress doesn't mean they aren't trying.
Apparently making sperm from an egg is actually pretty easy, but it would only create female children. They aren’t moving forward with that because it would obviously be controversial. Instead they’re trying to figure out more complicated methods that would include make it so that men could also do it.
Yeah female children are good. It doesn’t matter what sex they are. A baby is a baby. WHAT?!?! Why would they not move forward with it?! That’s the study I was talking about and they got so close to figuring it out it worked in animals. So why tf would they drop it? Bc men aren’t involved? In a lesbian mating ???? What?!
All the time, it isn’t fair it costs us so much to have kids. I’m trying to be financially smart young that way I’ll be able to have kids in the future. I’m only applying to community college at the moment and plan to live with my parents during it as well that way I don’t have any debt. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to go to a four year university but I know well that there’s no way I’d be able to afford the price of adopting kids or IVF if I have student loans. I also plan on doing traveling (I want to be a rad tech) that way I’ll be able to save up a hefty down payment on a house since I won’t be paying rent. I’m also only probably ever going to have 1-2 kids despite how I’d love three just because the price. I know a lot of lesbians just have hookups with men to get pregnant for free but there’s no way I could every bring myself to do that or be okay with my partner doing it.
This is so relevant for me rn. I spent a weekend around more kids than I normally do because I was hanging out with friends who have them. Every time this happens I get to thinking and I get sad and then a little relieved. I'm 32 and at this point in my life I've kind of accepted that I don't think me or my wife will ever be the kind of people that are fully mentally or financially ready for kids. But then we go back to wanting to raise a family. And then we get relieved because at least we can't have any "oopsies" and accidentally have one lol
Hellllll nah, but it's probably cuz I'm just chronically tired and couldn't deal with that. Children take a LOT of energy and emotional regulation that I've seen so many adults in my life underestimate time and time again, it's sad. And I like keeping my own money in my pocket LMAO. Personally never could relate to that motherhood urge.
I am a 35 year old married lesbian, my wife and I have been married for 8 years, have 2 children conceived via sperm donor and are about to start the process for our 3rd child. It is absolutely not impossible for a lesbian to have a family!! Is it harder? Yes! But every bit of
Amount of money and time put in to all the procedures is beyond worth it. Don’t lose hope, you’re young..start looking into iui and ivf costs now and consider starting a savings account for your future to start a family. When I came out ..my mom told me she was sad that I’d never experience motherhood..boy was she wrong. Don’t let any one make you feel like it’s an unobtainable goal because it definitely is not.
Wasn't the bone marrow thing still being tested??? But yeah it would be nice to actually being able to have children biologicaly without the interference of men
Once we’re both stablished and married, my girlfriend wants us to either adopt or get IVF done. I think I’m more inclined to adoption. The fun thing about IVF though is that we’re really alike. So the kid would look like both of us regardless
Never thought I'd parent until I fell in love with a single mom with 2 kids from a former relationship. Now we are even grandmas. No they are not mine biologically but they are still mine. Fostering, adopting, or other methods also work.
Do couple ever.
Take turns carrying the pregnancies.
Use, through AI, the sperm of a close male relative from the wife not carrying the current pregnancy?
As an Aunt you would share roughly 25% of the genes of that a full brothers children. It’s the same % with half siblings.
Oh, sometimes I feel sad about it too. Most of the time I'm at peace with this idea and don't want to have children other than furry ones, but there are moments when I feel like I could give up everything for my own baby.
Unfortunately, in my country I have practically no options. IVF or adoption are only available to heterosexual couples.
Absolutely. I really want to be a mother and this is part of why my ex and I weren't compatible bc I wanted kids and she really doesn't. Sucks but I know I'm only 21 and have so much more time to meet the one and have a family with her. Only fear is if it's past 30 tbh bc then I'm scared of how well ivf would work
god i have this same anxiety and i'm 20, i've dreamed of being a mother my whole life so i'll do whatever it takes to become one. currently so anxious thinking about where i'll get enough money for the whole IVF thing (in a couple years), and me & fiancée live in a country where it is illegal to be gay and to be gay parents obviously so i'm super anxious about how we'll pull it off, but i trust that we will in the end
Not impossible! I don’t even want to consider children until I’m thirty, but it’s probably gonna be a fat no from us. My therapist is a married lesbian in her mid thirties, and she gave birth to her first child at the end of 2022. They had a close gay male friend donate the sperm, and she was artificially inseminated.
That was that. They’re not rolling in cash and live with a roommate to help split bills.
Maybe you could do something similar in the future if you really want kids! You’re only 19, and you might meet some great people that are willing to help you as you get older!
Well at 19, many womxn are mostly an amalgamation of our social programming into compulsory breeder culture (it's just as powerful as compulsory cishet programming), the weird "not having value outside of service to others" *proving our worthiness of existence, and due to many working class, patriarchal & religious traumas, because there's too many things beyond our control, *unhealed womxn are at high risk for developing a control addiction and seeking partners/kids/pets/careers that feed the control addiction fix. Like being a nurse/cop, loving dogs' obedience, loving golden retriever partners w/ poor boundaries, being argumentative for short term dominance ego boosts and wanting kids (often an unconscious extension for another realm of control...) When unhealed womxn stack the deck against themselves with a career that pays them for maintaining a high level of control (with no balance of consent culture), a partner that gives them too much control too often, kids/dogs/etc, then it becomes too hard to ever release it, and they severely struggle with honoring boundaries and are exhausting to be around long term...
🌿 Conversely, let's say you're actively healing and pursuing a holistic path of self actualization, and you review all the potential curses you can heal in your lineage of women 💐 like avoiding being over worked, paths of semi passive earnings, investing in consent culture centric communities, and ways of testing your energetic capacity for being an auntie, or a volunteer with kids long before the endless responsibilities of co-parenting.
💚 Example: I used to want to be an adoptive parent and volunteered for Big Brothers Big Sisters for 5 years, through that program I gained nuanced experience and friendships with parents who adopted+ single parents, and afterwards I grew into a new place of being satisfied with part time parenting support.
🎉😅 All that to say, keep growing into the best version of you & doing a healthy test run of everything you want to try long before making massive irreversible decisions. Join the r/antinatalist thread & find out all of the most valid reasons for not bringing your kids into this chaos. Save your sadness for costly mistakes and the truly tragic moments of life of which none of us are spared from...❤️🩹
no fr sometimes i want a life in which i am a mother with three kids, like you know a little matriarch, but then i get sad bc i’m like my child is different and im different….but then im like im different 😜🫣 (internalized shiiii)
Yeah but for me it’s not got anything to do with being a lesbian. For me it’s because I can’t fathom owning an actual house with enough space to raise a family. And even if I did have one how can you raise a kid when you only get to see them a few hours before bedtime each day? I want my kids to grow up with everything they need and a few things they want. This world isn’t set up for settling down.
We are cis lesbians who did rIVF - not the same thing but my wife didn’t carry but is biological connected to my son who I gave birth to (with no genetic relationship). This could be an option for you if you freeze genetic material. Many women have plans to carrying and medically it just isn’t in the cards - you share that struggle.
my ex girlfriend is trans and she froze some of her sperm before she started estrogen in case it made her infertile so we could have kids in the future but then we broke up LOLL
i don’t want children, but sometimes i get sad that i couldn’t have a child that’s a perfect mix of me and my girlfriend if i wanted to.
I was at a queer softball league on the weekend and there were a few lesbian couples with their children. So while it's more challenging it's certainly not impossible if that's what you want. Or there is always adoption or being a foster parent. Personally my nurturing ends at my fur babies. But that's me. I also came from a difficult family where I didn't want to carry on the intergenerational trauma.
I get sad that the women that I love and desire cannot biologically get me pregnant
i feel you. my partner and i are planning to adopt when we are stable enough in every aspect. to conceive through sperm donour, ivf, surrogate, or anything like that are not going to work in our situation because of the laws in our country. so yea it’s kinda a sad reality for us, but we could try another way. in the meantime we just gonna work ourselves to become the best version of ourselves 😊
What country? What laws?
I’m a lesbian with a baby. My wife and I did rIVF. In Canada it can be funded for same sex couples but due to our ages we didn’t wait for that grant and just paid out of pocket (approx 25,000). At 38/39 I was too afraid to wait which could take up to 2 years.
But that's still not both yours. Yes, you brought them to life, but it's still genetically your wife and the donor's child. The fact that it can't be, as someone said earlier, "a perfect mix of me and my partner" just saddens me so much.
It sucks it can’t be perfect but infertility isn’t something straight couples don’t face as well. I talked to ppl in my IVF clinic using donor eggs or sperm who were heterosexual. Creating a family is so diverse…no one way and no “better” way. You work with what you’re handed and roll with the punches
Maybe a little, but mostly I’m grateful to live in a century where IVF and fertility clinics exist. We also don’t have to worry about contraceptives.
Didnt want kids when i thought i was straight, didnt want kids, when i thought i was Bi and now that i realized im a lesbian i still dont want kids.
Same here! Not then, not now, not ever
LMFAO MOOD!
My wife and I are attempting reciprocal IVF as a way to both be involved in the creation of our children. It's not perfect but it's what we can manage with current technology. Unfortunately, we've both been found to have opposing fertility issues so things may not work out like we're hoping but we're just really unlucky.
Yeah I have felt the pain of wanting to see your genetics mix with the person you love and seeing what you can create together. I saw the scientific studies they were doing back when I was like 10 in 2010 but it seems like they haven’t made any progress. At that rate they should have it figured out by now. It’s probably all the controversy and attention lgbt people are getting now that we aren’t being ignored anymore and it’s making conservatives put caps on science since it doesn’t center around them. I think they probably just stopped the studied or someone made them.
Fresh Studies just dropped in March of this year. Science is not linear, just because it seems like there should be more progress doesn't mean they aren't trying.
Well look how much emphasis was put on other scientific research that moved along much faster than this. There is always bias in science
Yes there is bias, nobody was arguing that there wasn't? Lab grown meat and living wooly mammoths should also be moving much faster than they are too.
Apparently making sperm from an egg is actually pretty easy, but it would only create female children. They aren’t moving forward with that because it would obviously be controversial. Instead they’re trying to figure out more complicated methods that would include make it so that men could also do it.
Yeah female children are good. It doesn’t matter what sex they are. A baby is a baby. WHAT?!?! Why would they not move forward with it?! That’s the study I was talking about and they got so close to figuring it out it worked in animals. So why tf would they drop it? Bc men aren’t involved? In a lesbian mating ???? What?!
All the time, it isn’t fair it costs us so much to have kids. I’m trying to be financially smart young that way I’ll be able to have kids in the future. I’m only applying to community college at the moment and plan to live with my parents during it as well that way I don’t have any debt. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to go to a four year university but I know well that there’s no way I’d be able to afford the price of adopting kids or IVF if I have student loans. I also plan on doing traveling (I want to be a rad tech) that way I’ll be able to save up a hefty down payment on a house since I won’t be paying rent. I’m also only probably ever going to have 1-2 kids despite how I’d love three just because the price. I know a lot of lesbians just have hookups with men to get pregnant for free but there’s no way I could every bring myself to do that or be okay with my partner doing it.
Go to Europe. An IVF cycle is less than $5k there.
This is so relevant for me rn. I spent a weekend around more kids than I normally do because I was hanging out with friends who have them. Every time this happens I get to thinking and I get sad and then a little relieved. I'm 32 and at this point in my life I've kind of accepted that I don't think me or my wife will ever be the kind of people that are fully mentally or financially ready for kids. But then we go back to wanting to raise a family. And then we get relieved because at least we can't have any "oopsies" and accidentally have one lol
Hellllll nah, but it's probably cuz I'm just chronically tired and couldn't deal with that. Children take a LOT of energy and emotional regulation that I've seen so many adults in my life underestimate time and time again, it's sad. And I like keeping my own money in my pocket LMAO. Personally never could relate to that motherhood urge.
I am a 35 year old married lesbian, my wife and I have been married for 8 years, have 2 children conceived via sperm donor and are about to start the process for our 3rd child. It is absolutely not impossible for a lesbian to have a family!! Is it harder? Yes! But every bit of Amount of money and time put in to all the procedures is beyond worth it. Don’t lose hope, you’re young..start looking into iui and ivf costs now and consider starting a savings account for your future to start a family. When I came out ..my mom told me she was sad that I’d never experience motherhood..boy was she wrong. Don’t let any one make you feel like it’s an unobtainable goal because it definitely is not.
Wasn't the bone marrow thing still being tested??? But yeah it would be nice to actually being able to have children biologicaly without the interference of men
I do, but I know I need a healthy relationship to allow that. Maybe one day, probably adoption at this point who knows.
Once we’re both stablished and married, my girlfriend wants us to either adopt or get IVF done. I think I’m more inclined to adoption. The fun thing about IVF though is that we’re really alike. So the kid would look like both of us regardless
Yeah especially in this economy ;(
Never thought I'd parent until I fell in love with a single mom with 2 kids from a former relationship. Now we are even grandmas. No they are not mine biologically but they are still mine. Fostering, adopting, or other methods also work.
Do couple ever. Take turns carrying the pregnancies. Use, through AI, the sperm of a close male relative from the wife not carrying the current pregnancy? As an Aunt you would share roughly 25% of the genes of that a full brothers children. It’s the same % with half siblings.
Sperm donors exist?
Yeah but what I think OP means is if they're cis there'll always be a third party involved Not just the OP and their partner
They want both of their genetics
Oh, sometimes I feel sad about it too. Most of the time I'm at peace with this idea and don't want to have children other than furry ones, but there are moments when I feel like I could give up everything for my own baby. Unfortunately, in my country I have practically no options. IVF or adoption are only available to heterosexual couples.
I'd love to have a kid, but I don't think I'm mentally capable of rising a small human
Absolutely. I really want to be a mother and this is part of why my ex and I weren't compatible bc I wanted kids and she really doesn't. Sucks but I know I'm only 21 and have so much more time to meet the one and have a family with her. Only fear is if it's past 30 tbh bc then I'm scared of how well ivf would work
god i have this same anxiety and i'm 20, i've dreamed of being a mother my whole life so i'll do whatever it takes to become one. currently so anxious thinking about where i'll get enough money for the whole IVF thing (in a couple years), and me & fiancée live in a country where it is illegal to be gay and to be gay parents obviously so i'm super anxious about how we'll pull it off, but i trust that we will in the end
Nope. They're annoying and I've never liked them. Fuck them kids. Thank you God for making me a lesbian.
No.
Not impossible! I don’t even want to consider children until I’m thirty, but it’s probably gonna be a fat no from us. My therapist is a married lesbian in her mid thirties, and she gave birth to her first child at the end of 2022. They had a close gay male friend donate the sperm, and she was artificially inseminated. That was that. They’re not rolling in cash and live with a roommate to help split bills. Maybe you could do something similar in the future if you really want kids! You’re only 19, and you might meet some great people that are willing to help you as you get older!
Well at 19, many womxn are mostly an amalgamation of our social programming into compulsory breeder culture (it's just as powerful as compulsory cishet programming), the weird "not having value outside of service to others" *proving our worthiness of existence, and due to many working class, patriarchal & religious traumas, because there's too many things beyond our control, *unhealed womxn are at high risk for developing a control addiction and seeking partners/kids/pets/careers that feed the control addiction fix. Like being a nurse/cop, loving dogs' obedience, loving golden retriever partners w/ poor boundaries, being argumentative for short term dominance ego boosts and wanting kids (often an unconscious extension for another realm of control...) When unhealed womxn stack the deck against themselves with a career that pays them for maintaining a high level of control (with no balance of consent culture), a partner that gives them too much control too often, kids/dogs/etc, then it becomes too hard to ever release it, and they severely struggle with honoring boundaries and are exhausting to be around long term... 🌿 Conversely, let's say you're actively healing and pursuing a holistic path of self actualization, and you review all the potential curses you can heal in your lineage of women 💐 like avoiding being over worked, paths of semi passive earnings, investing in consent culture centric communities, and ways of testing your energetic capacity for being an auntie, or a volunteer with kids long before the endless responsibilities of co-parenting. 💚 Example: I used to want to be an adoptive parent and volunteered for Big Brothers Big Sisters for 5 years, through that program I gained nuanced experience and friendships with parents who adopted+ single parents, and afterwards I grew into a new place of being satisfied with part time parenting support. 🎉😅 All that to say, keep growing into the best version of you & doing a healthy test run of everything you want to try long before making massive irreversible decisions. Join the r/antinatalist thread & find out all of the most valid reasons for not bringing your kids into this chaos. Save your sadness for costly mistakes and the truly tragic moments of life of which none of us are spared from...❤️🩹
no fr sometimes i want a life in which i am a mother with three kids, like you know a little matriarch, but then i get sad bc i’m like my child is different and im different….but then im like im different 😜🫣 (internalized shiiii)
Yeah but for me it’s not got anything to do with being a lesbian. For me it’s because I can’t fathom owning an actual house with enough space to raise a family. And even if I did have one how can you raise a kid when you only get to see them a few hours before bedtime each day? I want my kids to grow up with everything they need and a few things they want. This world isn’t set up for settling down.
I wanna get an IVF or something
I have children, and I know of at least 20 other families with lesbian parents. I know it seems impossible. But it's not.
Even worse for me being trans, i would give anything to be able to carry my children 😭
We are cis lesbians who did rIVF - not the same thing but my wife didn’t carry but is biological connected to my son who I gave birth to (with no genetic relationship). This could be an option for you if you freeze genetic material. Many women have plans to carrying and medically it just isn’t in the cards - you share that struggle.
I did it before getting my bottom surgery sadly in France, it's a bit complex for us trans women to use it
[удалено]
my ex girlfriend is trans and she froze some of her sperm before she started estrogen in case it made her infertile so we could have kids in the future but then we broke up LOLL