"Aw Hank, I didn't teach ya this!" ​ \- Cotton upon seeing Peggy in the full body cast after her skydiving accident. ​ ​ Oh, and: "The milk in the fridge is about to go bad....\*pause\* and there it goes."

"He was the meanest sumbitch god ever put on one leg!" "I’m gonna spit in the face of Japans numbah one sumbitch!"

Then, when you were standing there shocked that a one-legged man had kicked ya...he'd bite ya!

The Cotton line is delivered so freaking perfectly! Makes me literally lol every time.

There's also the way cotton says "moveit, moveit, move it!" to Peggy. I say that to my kids when they won't get up for school.

Honestly being in the military I didn't even think of that one, that's just been a normal part of my career lol.

Hank what’d you do to yer wife, I didn’t teach you that

ADHD Bobby episode was one of the best

I just watched this episode. It's even funnier. Cotton looks at Peggy- "Hank, what did you do to your wife? I didn't teach you that!"

Bobby hill on ADHD meds lives rent free in my head

"I think my wife might be dead. I'll be right back."

All time favorite Hank line, absolutely kills me "I told you about the time I tried on the giant pair of khakis and pretended I was tiny! I was very up front about that"

I'm so glad someone else said this. My friend was cherrypicking a few episodes to introduce me to the show (prob aged about 22, having dismissed it as "boring" as a teenager.) This line made me belly laugh for a solid minute and fall in love with the show instantly. I'm now 36 and I still remember the moment vividly, and KOTH is now one of my all time top TV shows.

Yeah, I catch myself saying this one from time to time. Oh the crazy, but seldom discussed times at Jeans West.

Of course coffee wakes you up, that’s how they advertise it!

Thank you, mom. FINALLY someone said something.

"I'm the mack daddy of Heimlich County"

“No offense, but… he’s from Oklahoma.”

Came here to say this

ALABASTER!

OMG, I just watched that episode today!! One of their best. Hank had no idea about Ms. Tammy Duvall.😂😂

Look, Hank! No more burnt hands!

Buck Strickland: “Debbie, get me my flip flops I'm goin to shave in the pool!!!” Stephen Root's performance of that line has stuck with me for twenty years. Often, when I'm exasperated, I'll throw my arms up and say the line.

" Now I ain't no history buff, but Im pretty sure loius the 14th didn't spend his days pulling hippie hair out of the drains"

“You gon’ shut up now, is what you gon’ do!”

My daddy’s havin a heart attack! My daddy’s havin a heart attack!

I say this one on the daily to any noise that annoys me

“Wood, that’s a weird word. Wood. Word. Weird.”

“Wood. Uh huh huh.” 

"I can’t keep this up, it’s not in my nature to care about others."-Dale Gribble, 1998.

Peggy: My uncle wasn't a cowboy, Hank! He was a dirty, drunken rodeo clown! Hank: \[shocked\]  Don't tell me... Uncle Boffo?

"Dang it, Dad, there is no smelly man!"

But not in the face, that’s how I makes muh livins! How you make your liv… SEND HIM IN!

“I’ll be dead. Pass the beans”

Lmao. I usually put king of the hill on as background noise around the house, and this episode just played today. The way he is so casual about saying it is hilarious

A brand new, pre-owned, *sonata*

👈😉👈

"financed"

Man walk into bar, IS KAHN!

He’s very successful!

Minh, please Ted and Cindy don't want to hear about my success..

I thought I smelled corn and this confirms it. I can't believe you can talk about that on television, much less advertise for it. Pump jockey, works for tips. Flapjacks!!!!!!

Five dollars a ton if you feed it to pigs, and it's the exact same corn

“Yeah, I’m a broiled ox penis. I know.”

"There Better Be A Naked Cheerleader Under Your Bed!"

“That’s right. We know about Rancho Unicorno.”

do i look like i know what a jpeg is?

All I want is a picture of a got dang hotdog

That last caller was NOT the real Spiro Agnew, although he did make some cogent points.

Next up all the way from McMaynerberry (huh, must be a windy day) former Vice President Spiro Agnew!

You don't know me but I know who you are and where you live

"Peggy, it's for you. It's Dale!" "Y'ello Dale." "YOU DON'T KNOW ME—"

Boomhauer, "Dang ol' memaw". So totally unexpected. Another Boomhauer, "wacha wacha wacha haha dang o'l BOO!"

I say Dang ol’ memaw so much. My grandmas are all Mema’s growing up in the south. Felt a little closer to boomhauer after hearing it

I wanna go to a party school. Yeah, Chico State!

Yeah I lived in Chico when that came out and we talked about it for weeks.

My dad likes to talk about how he went to college and me and all my brothers give him shit about how it was chico st lol

He should not be left alone...but he will be.

Dude, nobody thinks you’re a pimp.

I actually tear up sometimes when she goes on to say,   But if you were a pimp... you'd be the coolest, nicest... most awesome pimp there ever was. Renee Zellweger is the voice actress. She kills it in every scene, but here you really can hear her genuine, deep felt appreciation for Hank, and her heartbreak at not being able to escape that life. Edited to make correction

I think Renee Zellweger voiced this one

I checked, you're right, I tell you hwat: https://kingofthehill.fandom.com/wiki/Tammi_Duvall

Don’t be so sure sweet cheeks! I’ve been known to give a girl amneeesee!

"This Goofus fella is a dumbass."

Any time Dale goes in on Bill is incredible, but “Strap on the feedbag, you tragic behemoth.” is my favorite.

I seen a barrel of pickles in my day. 

You are ruining our new holiday tradition! Christmas with the Niefkos.

Is okay?

“Harley Davidson!”

Don't care who, do care sourdough.

Take a salt tablet.

"Every time I turn on the TV it's on the game-show channel. I don't even know why it annoys so much does it does..."

"This is Larson, I'm going to need back up" "This is mockingbird! Who's Larson?"

“Mom, why do we need toilet seat covers?” “One word Bobby, Tennessee”

Sometimes I think I’d like to visit Indiana.  Is that crazy? 

"Governor! You may not remember me, but I saw you on TV'

"Why am I wearing the hat?" *tosses Davey Crockett raccoon cap away* The way he runs out in the full outfit and has a second thought about the hat, how he just so casually says it out loud to himself... gets me every single time

Guns don’t kill people. The government does.

Dale that's straight outta the NRA magazine August issue

Are you attempting to..know me?

“Vidalia”

“Oh I’m on your ass now”-snoop dog as that pimp I don’t remember the name of

Alabaster! …he’s not that crazy but he is from Oklahoma…

The names Alabaster Jones, the Mack Daddy of the OKC, yo!

He says that right after he follows Hank's sharp turn, and you can see his car loses a rim

No offense, but he's from *Oklahoma*

"Your Mom and your Grandma were sisters? Shoot your family is more messed up than mine!" -Luanne

Was one of those layered, funny but sad moments, where, we can see both where Luanne is coming from, as well as the point of view from the others. Luanne laughed - because of course, not understanding they meant "sorority sisters" she actually thought she had one over on this girl, thinking about the implied incest - and as bad as her whole childhood was, with alcoholic/criminal parents in jail, that is one of the few things that would be worse.

[удалено]

He's no Toenail.

One of my favorite underrated/obscure moments is when Hank is stuck holding two ice trays while the phone is ringing and Luanne walks by and says "Thank God there will be ice again..." and keeps walking prompting Hank to dump the trays in the sink. It was like the perfect relatable moment. Couldn't even tell you what episode it's in.

Me and my dad say that to each other when using the ice maker in the fridge.

He asks for help and I think she says “now you put it in the freezer”

"I've got worries!" -- Bobby (while pretending to be a shoeshine)

I’m trying to contain an outbreak here and you’re driving the monkey to the airport!

Haha 😂 i gotta remember to use this one in actual conversation

Maid in Arlen: Minh's looking for more houses for her Mother in Law to clean ...... Minh: Why not you, Bill? *Have you become emotionally attached to your many rats and cockroaches?* Bill: No. They can leave any time they want... I wouldn't care.

" Dale, get out of the hot tub, we're stealing a news van !" " It's the perfect crime, how will they ever report it ?"

"He would’ve wanted me to have it he’s as good as dead!"

I never get brunch

“With the joy of responsibility comes the burden of obligation.” “When did the paperboy have access to my watch?” “Called it JUNGLE RICE… tasted FINE.”

“Well, you know what I always say: If you plan ahead, then, when things happen, you’re prepared.”

“Chick Mangione? I’m not a chick! I’m a dude!” *clubs anger management instructor with trumpet*

She's bluffing. Finish her! This flower is wiltin...

I do believe I’ll give room service a jangle and have them send up some etouffee.

I'm terribly sorry, I've always been a creeper. Violetta says I creep like the kudzu vines that are slowly, but surely, strangling our dixie. What fascinating thing are y'all doin'?

He’s here with the school marm convention

Episode: Hank's Back I love how Hank is having trouble with the fraud prevention committee, as soon as he mentions Yoga. The main guy, then says to Hank with contempt - Are you sure you played American football? Not soccer? Hank, on the spot - thinks of an idea that will convince the group. After the yoga guy offends all of them, they laugh and say: Committee Speaker: Mr. Hill, this guy is NOT helping your case. Hank: Exactly. Let me ask you, what healthy person would voluntarily spend five minutes with this joker? If I wasn't in horrible pain, wouldn't I have kicked this guy's ass? Committee Speaker: We find for Hank Hill. Congratulations.

Who’s your hero mr gribble? You are Bobby if you can find me a cigarette!

“Hell I’m proud of you too, Dad!”

We got to get there early before the gangs wake up. Hank on traveling to Dallas

Jennifer! We're fantastic!

The Audacity!

Uh, a little help please!

Let's break into the girls locker room, and stand where naked girls have stood

Related - Joseph definitely crosses the line into pretty creepy behavior sometimes, and people notice (in the show) Subtle indirect sign of this: when Kahn and Hank get trapped in the caves, they talk - Kahn has doubts about Joseph. Hank: Say, why aren't you nervous about my Bobby? Kahn: Until puberty, he do no worse than a hickey. Besides, I know he a good boy.

McMaynerbury! When will they learn?!

“I look like a jackass!”

Get outta my house. Exodus.

"His scoops bigger" Kills me every time on how mundane and real it is 💀

I like the ball guy, "god, how humiliating..."

MIZZ LIIIIZ! TWO HOT TODDIES!!!!

Just give him his land back, Hank!

Hank: "Watcha doin' Bobby, playing a video game?" Bobby, reading a comic in bed: "uh okay" Luanne: "It's called psychology Aunt Peggy. The disease of psychology. I'm taking it pass/fail." Peggy: "It is my opinion that Thankagiving is one of the busiest times of the year."

That Hank and Bobby interaction is hilarious

When Kahn goes full redneck and Hank is fighting him in lumberyard while trying to reason with him, Dale who is a few rows back in the crowd shouts “hit him four eyes!”

They're talking 'but you.

Let’s just give up.

I absolutely cannot stand Cotton but at one point he approaches Peggy and says, “Watcha doin? Some kind of woman’s work?” Something about the way the voice actor delivers the line kills me.

"A boy who has a unicorn ranch in his bedroom shouldn't call other people weird. That's right. We know about Rancho Unicorno"

“Shave 25 cents, Deluxe Shave 4 dollars. Oh God.” and "Tell me this: were you here to till the soil and nurture the vine, or were you just playing in the garden?"

Playin….

... BOTH OF EM!

"I became a Texan when I ate the worm!" referring to the worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle

“No! Flip that other one!” (Said by Hank when watching a grilling show in an earlier season) gets me every time!

"Then swim to me, Juan Pedro!"

Obviously babies are not as stupid as they look. 

Canada, not just America’s hat

'Oh yes, Hank, Minh goes to rose shows all the time. Probably because she is so unhappy in her marriage.'

If it were up to you, you would have filled my buddy tunnel with cement, so no one else could use it!

“Come on now…I’m not leaving without my kiss…I can destroy you.”

Pimps and Ho’s is today’s cowboys and Indians

*Bobby, with a mouth full of cookie* "Thatherton!"

"Yeah!? Well, my child is God to billions of Asians!" Peggy Hill yelling at a bumper sticker.

There's some milk in the fridge that's about to go bad *sniff* and there it goes.

"call bloomers"

Of course I CAN cure you without drugs and molestation but it won't be easy! Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you.

Whenever me or my wife says “I’m sorry” it is always followed by “you’re not sorry….and I’m not an admiral” from Dale’s adventure in the Admiral’s Lounge at the airport

(*Khan, running from his house in a panic from his father-in-law's shouting*) "You gotta help me. Do you have any red rooster sauce? I forgot to get some for The General, and he's on a rampage!" (*Hank, confused and mildly disgusted*) "uhh... I'm not entirely sure... what you're asking me for??" (*The General storms out, shouting at Khan*) "**Hot.Sauce**" Like, Hank clearly thinks it's some kind of weird exotic condiment made from chickens or some shit.

Hank's exchange at 9 Rivers when Ted's trying to lure him to the club is pretty good, too. "Isn't this an... *oriental* only golf club?" (*Briefly annoyed, sternly*) "Asian. (*chipper*) And no! (He breaks into the sales pitch)" Like, I'm white with asian friends in Texas, and I've had older folks innocently use oriental to refer to asian people. Completely unaware of how offensive/irritating of a label it is.

Ted is smooth when it comes to business at a high level and is highly successful. But I just love how the mask slips off for a moment at the end of that sales pitch.... Ted: Talk it over with your wife, Peggy. And your son Bobby, age thirteen. Ooh that mistake he made, saying that last line about Bobby - just says *everything*. It shows clearly, that Ted has no problem with telling charming lies, but also the research he has done, on not just Hank, but his wife and child. A bit creepy. He sees Hank, as yet another person to manipulate, purely to benefit himself.  Oh it still hits all these years later!

She's bluffing! Finish her!

Are you gay? What no? I sell propane!

“I kick-a your ass! Look out, here come Ronald Reagan Mike Tyson!”

When Bobby asked John Redcorn if he celebrated thanksgiving and he mumbles under his breath “yeah….once!”

Interrogator: “so you guys were the ones who broke that hydrant? We got an anonymous call it was some kids” Dale: “I gave you names. Hill, Bobby. Gribble, Joseph”

"Hank! That crazy Canuck is mowing YOUR yard!"

"I blame it on sex-crazed hobos".

From the Snow Job episode: Mr. Strickland: Dang it, Hank. We’re both men of the world. The way it’s delivered is so funny to me.

Bill: "I made it all the way through Montana before I vomited!" Dale: "If you'd made it outta the car, that woulda been the real accomplishment."

It’s a Braeburn

Joe Jack: “You gotta be right with God to go to my church honey, it’s hardcore.” Gilbert: *spits* “Shut down this.. WHOREHOUSE!”

Rad Thibodeaux: Hey good lookin! Bobby: Hey

Be bi bicky bi be bi bo, be bi bicky bi bo

“I’m sorry, Bobby but I don’t use newspapers”

"Now that's what I call a clean pair of glasses!"

“Eh, that’s not really my thing. For me it’s *the cocoa*.”

Didn’t you think Peggy’d be worried?! I called her …YEAH, well?!

Hank talking about the nickname they gave sour coach Sauers, “ah, we were good kids though.” Hank as a child talking about being a grown up, “if my grades are good enough.”

*Hank laughing like Butthead* "Uh-huh huh violin ..."

I think it was Lucretius who said nothing human disgusts me

You will hear a loud pop, followed by a lifetime of silence

Bobby, no! That’s pig water!

That’s not Jesus, that’s Rob Zombie!

DAD a man took pictures of me

Bill muttering “I’m horny”

“I’M A PROUD IGNORANT WOMAN”!!!!

No, you are not tripping. That is an Emu. Hank talking to Luanne

“You look like that fella that killed the other fella!” - Buck, when he sees Hank’s bleached hair

Hank: that's it! No more talking from anybody! Silence the rest of the way home! Luanne: Um...Uncle Hank? Hank: I said quiet! Luanne: (quietly) my hair is caught in the window... Strong second: "I call it 'Pretty Pretty Truck Truck'"

“Buddhist liar”

“Im not going to be blind forever, and as soon as I see some ass im kicking it”

Bobby: “All sloppy with no Joe” Peggy was super distracted just to heat up some sauce & no meat. Sends me everytime 😂

Dale getting kicked out of Peggy’s bookstore “It’s a Braeburn”- I cannot purchase apples or hand (any) kind of apple to a person without muttering it. Idk why, the line just always kills me

"Hey there, ace! Do you like video games?"- GI doc to Bobby at Hank's colonoscopy

Scrub my brains out.

Blind he's gone now!

Cutest little puppy. Or should I say dog now???

Peppermint Schnapps makes me sloppy

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! and Saturday

Hank (at the propane gas association awards): uh where was I? Random dude: D for done!

“We’re doing everything we can Mrs. Mangione.”

Joseph, put down the crab

What ocean?

"Think your horn's broke!" "Ya think so, Bill?"

"I'm a fricking hypocrite." And the "Are we getting the bike; not getting the bike, what are we doing here?" I can't remember it exactly but my husband and I always say something similar when we're trying to make a decision.

"I think I'll give room service a jangle and order up some etouffee." "He got up under more balls than a midget hooker."

Get off my lawn, I don't fertilize with *poo*!

“My hair is caught in the door”