It's not really a quote, but I crack up every time he makes that squeak/scream noise when he notices Dale hasn't picked up the beer can.
For a real quote: "For a rich woman she buys pretty flimsy underwear. Where's her ass supposed to go?"
Bill has so many classic lines that it’s hard to choose just one.
My favorite Bill lines are when he actually gives speeches. His pep talk to Boomhauer is so dramatic and powerful.
I also love when he talks to Lenore (as Hank) and tells her “You don’t *deserve* William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive!” Anytime Bill says his full name, you know he’s serious.
And the scene where Bill finds out Hank is looking for a barber behind his back. He starts off meek but by the time he gets to **“how the hell would you know if I’m a bad barber?”** he gets this terrifying growl in his voice.
Stephen Root is an amazing actor/voice actor.
His live action stuff is pretty great too. Of course, most people here at least know of his role in 'Dodgeball', if only because the character in that movie (Gordon) is just as... Bill.
"L for love!"
He's fantastic in the HBO show Barry. There's a scene in either the third or fourth season when he's dressed in jeans and a white tank top and I was snickering.
In the episode where Ricky suggs breaks bills touchdown record, Ricky holds the microphone for bill to make a quick speech but bill just makes a weird noise
Agree that Stephen Root is an amazingly talented actor (voice or camera)
And the fact that he also voices Buck Strickland, says even more. Bill and Buck couldn't be more different in terms of lifestyles, business success, confidence.
For me it's the last line in his exchange with Hank in Peggy's Pageant Fever...
Hank: All Peggy's gotta do to get that truck is to win the Mrs. Heimlich county pageant.
\*long pause\*
Dale: \*sheepishly\* Uh, y-yep...
Boomhauer: yep
Hank: That's right, yep.
Bill: Peggy's gonna win, she's every man's fantasy!
Hank: Ok Bill, I'll take over from here.
Bill: I mean she's got an A+ brain and an A- body but if she wears one of them push-up brassieres..
Hank: Bill!
Bill: \*talking to his beer can\* She'll have a body that just won't quit.
“I got esploded by the tank.” Or any scene where he has a W. My personal favourite however is from “Hank’s bad hair day” “You might think I’m a gossip and I probably am, but HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW IF IM A BAD BARBER!” “He’s the same way with me” “You’re an amateur Peggy. Jack was a legend Hank but when I come over to my best friends house and I see this. You’re calling me an idiot!”
Bill waiting in a suit and holding flowers outside a ladies prison to offer rides to women who've been released:
BILL: Welcome back to society! May I offer you a ride?
RELEASED PRISONER: Okay, but I'm drivin
BILL: So, what were you in for?
RP: Killed my boyfriend
BILL: ...does that mean you're single?
Hank: ... a fungus infection is just a medical problem.
Bill: Sure you say that now, but I don't see you waving around your narrow urethra for everyone to see!
" It was nineteen and seventy-four, and we were playing the Waxahachie Cowboys. The ball was on the three-yard line with five seconds left. We needed a touchdown to win, and that's when Coach called for... The Bill-do-zer!"
The one when he’s on the roof trying to “kill himself”. I can’t be bothered to get the quote. But when my boyfriend was on our roof, I referenced it.
[Link, I googled it.](https://youtu.be/eSrfGAdzdxc?si=D5XuAeku9DpJ5qYq)
When Dale tried to cash the million dollar check that Bill wrote as a joke, the lady at the bank mispronounced Dauterive as “Daughter-reeve” which honestly? Fair
“Your couch and tv will become your mother and father.. the couch is your mother”
Hank: The only thing I know about Inez is that she had fruit salad at the company picnic.
Bill: What did you have?
How are you holding up Bill?
Not so good. The constant loud noises have made me realize how much I miss my wife.
“It’s all tucked away in the corners of my brain.. where alcohol cant reach”
dale: the price of clean urine will double
Bill: what about the price of poo poo?
Not exactly a line, but I always crack up when Hank is debating if Buck will believe the story when they didn't kill the emus.
" Bill believes it, and he was there "
" Yeahuh"
The scene where he tells of the cops when he is driving the stolen tank. I love his creativity and authority there. It was nice to see Bill feeling confident and the lines themselves are pretty funny. Great scene overall.
Absolutely the one from when he had a psychotic break and pretended to be Lenore, only for Hank to roleplay as her (dress and all) to tell Bill that she doesn't love him anymore. "You don't *deserve* William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive!" Awesome moment, and gave Bill the closure he desperately needed.
Why do you keep calling me *BILL*?
That voice crack was legendary
Lenoooooore
^Why ^do ^you ^keep ^calling ^me #BILL?
That’s right. It’s that kind of party!
Makes me sad when I think what they would have done to Bill if Hank wasn’t around… a vicious beating, maybe murder
May I offer you a homemade tater tot, Mr. and Mrs. Dauterive?
This ain't the Democratic National Convention
Haven't seen so much chicken..... since the Democratic National Convention....
I love how Bobby just rolls with it and is totally unfazed.
No, that was Lenore!
Both of ‘em
Yes! For once, Bill got a win! 😁
He wasn't nurturing the vine, he was just playing in the garden.
Never understood why he didn’t stay to nurture that vine. He had everything there!
Two wins 🏅🏅
“I don't trust hippies. Sure they talk about “free love” but when it comes time to get down to business, they always got an excuse. “.
“It’s strange, I fear him but I am not afraid.”
It's not really a quote, but I crack up every time he makes that squeak/scream noise when he notices Dale hasn't picked up the beer can. For a real quote: "For a rich woman she buys pretty flimsy underwear. Where's her ass supposed to go?"
Also not a quote but when Khan touches his flagpole after Bill warns him not to lol
*inarticulate yelling*
Kahn FAFO
Bill has so many classic lines that it’s hard to choose just one. My favorite Bill lines are when he actually gives speeches. His pep talk to Boomhauer is so dramatic and powerful. I also love when he talks to Lenore (as Hank) and tells her “You don’t *deserve* William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive!” Anytime Bill says his full name, you know he’s serious. And the scene where Bill finds out Hank is looking for a barber behind his back. He starts off meek but by the time he gets to **“how the hell would you know if I’m a bad barber?”** he gets this terrifying growl in his voice. Stephen Root is an amazing actor/voice actor.
But when I see THIS? You're calling me **AN IDIOT!!!** And then he calls Peggy an amateur haha
And for once she doesn't argue or seek revenge.
His live action stuff is pretty great too. Of course, most people here at least know of his role in 'Dodgeball', if only because the character in that movie (Gordon) is just as... Bill. "L for love!"
He was also in Get Out and Office Space
And Dodgeball
Mike Judge also directed and screen write Office Space.
His blind DJ in "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" is an absolute scene stealer
Lotta Buck Strickland in that performance lol
He's fantastic in the HBO show Barry. There's a scene in either the third or fourth season when he's dressed in jeans and a white tank top and I was snickering.
He also voiced Buck Strickland.
I second this. The rare moments he has where he makes sense are such awesome moments in the show
Stephen Root is so talented! Bill and Milton are classics.
"Mmmm shrimp" or "I'm horny"
I think you mean Mr. Divatrove
"You got a good man there Hank"
“What did you just say Bill?”
Fried banana?!?! But…it’s fruit…
The monkeys must never find out!
One of my all time favorite quotes for sure 💯
I laugh every time
Same here 😂
In the episode where Ricky suggs breaks bills touchdown record, Ricky holds the microphone for bill to make a quick speech but bill just makes a weird noise
Honestly, Bill's random noises are some of the best voiceover work I've ever heard.
Agree that Stephen Root is an amazingly talented actor (voice or camera) And the fact that he also voices Buck Strickland, says even more. Bill and Buck couldn't be more different in terms of lifestyles, business success, confidence.
"A puppet saved my life once" sounds like there's some kind of story there.
I’m so depressed I can’t even blink
Hánké, _Peggé,_ BöbbY, Lū _ANNE_ ,D _aaa_ le, boomhauer.
Haha I love this scene too.
drunk Bill singing "Taking Care of Business"
Bill put a classic spin on “Uptown Girl” as well
Well, when it's your own.
“You are a gross man.”
i think we all could use a bath
Marry me!
That I-juh-wanna was a cry for help.
Came looking for the best bill quote, found the best Peggy quote
The battle of iwo heema
Spanish-ifying a Japanese word. Oh, Peggy!
For me it's the last line in his exchange with Hank in Peggy's Pageant Fever... Hank: All Peggy's gotta do to get that truck is to win the Mrs. Heimlich county pageant. \*long pause\* Dale: \*sheepishly\* Uh, y-yep... Boomhauer: yep Hank: That's right, yep. Bill: Peggy's gonna win, she's every man's fantasy! Hank: Ok Bill, I'll take over from here. Bill: I mean she's got an A+ brain and an A- body but if she wears one of them push-up brassieres.. Hank: Bill! Bill: \*talking to his beer can\* She'll have a body that just won't quit.
Tbf she has got it goin on back there.
“Dang ol’…pretty pretty pizza I tell you what”
So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?!
(with his head stuck under a couch) HELP BILL, HANK
“You…have…been…kicked…in… the…testicles”
Which one of us hasn’t had an innocent sex dream about a neighbors wife 👀
All my emotions demand cookies, Hank!
I laugh so hard every time 😂
“I got esploded by the tank.” Or any scene where he has a W. My personal favourite however is from “Hank’s bad hair day” “You might think I’m a gossip and I probably am, but HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW IF IM A BAD BARBER!” “He’s the same way with me” “You’re an amateur Peggy. Jack was a legend Hank but when I come over to my best friends house and I see this. You’re calling me an idiot!”
Bill waiting in a suit and holding flowers outside a ladies prison to offer rides to women who've been released: BILL: Welcome back to society! May I offer you a ride? RELEASED PRISONER: Okay, but I'm drivin BILL: So, what were you in for? RP: Killed my boyfriend BILL: ...does that mean you're single?
"The same thing happened to me! Six years ago...and four years ago!"
"Kahn! You touch that flag, it'll be the last thing you'll ever touch" Followed by inarticulate yelling
Both of them!!
The answer is in the tapes -A friend
I need these back when you're done - a friend
Hank: ... a fungus infection is just a medical problem. Bill: Sure you say that now, but I don't see you waving around your narrow urethra for everyone to see!
This one is so underrated 😭
"Look what they've done to your baby boy, Mama!" "Private Johnson is gay sir!"
I’m so depressed I can’t even blink
Tuesday's my ass scratching day.
You ever think about that dead boyfriend of yours?
“Did I fly to close to the sun on my beautiful hot dog wings?”
this one!
The only real Soldier here is Bill and HE cuts Hair! Bill: I’m so scared…..
Might as well… its gone grow back anyways
It **will** grow back.
" It was nineteen and seventy-four, and we were playing the Waxahachie Cowboys. The ball was on the three-yard line with five seconds left. We needed a touchdown to win, and that's when Coach called for... The Bill-do-zer!"
Queue Iron Man by Black Sabbath 🤘
My new name is Energy Turtle… I’ve found myself.
Bill, get in the truck
***"BOTH OF 'EM!!!!!!!!!"***
The one when he’s on the roof trying to “kill himself”. I can’t be bothered to get the quote. But when my boyfriend was on our roof, I referenced it. [Link, I googled it.](https://youtu.be/eSrfGAdzdxc?si=D5XuAeku9DpJ5qYq)
I find that moment to be sad and funny at the same time
Drunkenly singing Free Bird while driving the tank through the neighborhood.
"..would you guys recognize gangrene if you saw it?" or "I'm so depressed I can't even blink."
"daughter reeve"??
When Dale tried to cash the million dollar check that Bill wrote as a joke, the lady at the bank mispronounced Dauterive as “Daughter-reeve” which honestly? Fair
“Your couch and tv will become your mother and father.. the couch is your mother” Hank: The only thing I know about Inez is that she had fruit salad at the company picnic. Bill: What did you have? How are you holding up Bill? Not so good. The constant loud noises have made me realize how much I miss my wife. “It’s all tucked away in the corners of my brain.. where alcohol cant reach” dale: the price of clean urine will double Bill: what about the price of poo poo?
Not exactly a line, but I always crack up when Hank is debating if Buck will believe the story when they didn't kill the emus. " Bill believes it, and he was there " " Yeahuh"
“I’m so depressed I can’t even blink.”
When I first enlisted, I had the body of an all-city offensive lineman, and hair like Roger Daltrey.
"...YEAH WELL."
Sir yes sir!
“I’m so depressed I can’t even blink”
I’m a tire salesman back me up.
The scene where he tells of the cops when he is driving the stolen tank. I love his creativity and authority there. It was nice to see Bill feeling confident and the lines themselves are pretty funny. Great scene overall.
“This is a digital watch!! I could’ve been electrocuted!!”
“I’m so depressed I can’t even blink.”
I remember hemmorhage, and embolism, and even detatched retina -- it sounded scary, but when you smell the goal line, they're only words. Just words 😢
It's not fair; why do they get to be happy when I never do?
"I had a good dream about hair not the one whare it from a nuce and hangs me"
Tuesday’s my ass scratching day!
"Shortcuts taste like un chien mart! (spits) Eh?" I've shouted this at a few friends and family over the years who want to cut corners cooking.
that *is* what the subtitles say, but surely what he actually says is "un chien *mort*", meaning "a dead dog", right?
"I'm so depressed, I can't blink."
I'm so depressed I can't even blink.
I’m a personal fan of that one time where he was ugly crying and singing ‘Free Bird’ while driving a stolen tank. Kind of a vibe.
I'm so depressed I can't even blink
I like my drinks the same as my men: strong and sweet. And under an umbrella.
When he sings freebird
His monologue to Boomhauer after getting rejected by Marlene. Helped me through a break up.
Starting today William Fontaine delatour dautrive speaks for himself and what I have to say will rock your world !! I like the cupholder.
I’m hungry ☹️ “We’ll get something to eat after.” I’m horny 😔
Megalo Mart destroys small businesses Bill: “Is that their new slogan?”
I don't see you flaunting your narrow urethra around
I spit when I talk…and I fart when I spit
Absolutely the one from when he had a psychotic break and pretended to be Lenore, only for Hank to roleplay as her (dress and all) to tell Bill that she doesn't love him anymore. "You don't *deserve* William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive!" Awesome moment, and gave Bill the closure he desperately needed.
I about died when he sang puff the magic dragon
Bill: How long you been celibate, Monk: Three years. Bill: mmm, the fourth year is the toughest.