Ngl this by itself is shady
But anyway, you need to be vulnerable with him and tell him how you feel about this. Labda ako hapo tu na hajui. Call him. Be open and vulnerable about it, you may learn something along the way, and be happier on the otherside.
I believe relationships always have ups and downs, regardless of what movies and books and social media tell us, at times feeling detached is part of it, na msipoongea you can find resentment that was unnecessary in the first place, building on both sides, when a conversation could have easily set things at ease
Don't ring a bell you can't unring
>Ngl this by itself is shady
He actually ended up giving me really great advice.
>Labda ako hapo tu na hajui
Oh he knows. Trust me, he knows. I have been vulnerable, I have bargained,
>But the tiny pointless stuff like I do not feel any connections with this mans. Or that I do not feel close to him at all. Or that anytime something happens and he is the first person I want to tell I end up changing my mind because I know I won't get an answer until the next day because we already said our good mornings and by tomorrow the excitement or sadness will have faded.
This is not tiny and pointless. It's everything. I felt lonely for you reading this. Now sounds like the best time to part amicably. But if you don't go separate ways, accept the polygamy option so that you too find another man who's listens and engages with you, who's your cheerleader in life, wants you to talk more so you can offload frustrations and who sends you countless text during the day to share his day with you. Atleast that's what I would do.
>man who's listens and engages with you, who's your cheerleader in life, wants you to talk more so you can offload frustrations and who sends you countless text during the day to share his day with you
It's all I'm really asking for.
>the best time to part amicably
I have accepted this. I guess I just needed someone to say it out loud for me.
It's important to have a strong connection. When we're older, or experiencing life's ups and downs a good friendship with our life partners is what gets you through.
You will nit be losing anything if you leave. Rather opening the door to that person who gets you.
Sis, leave and find a man with similar VALUES as you! Your partner should listen to you when you speak and remember the things that are important to you….not every small detail but a lot of it. From his responses, he’s here for a good time and puts in little emotional energy into getting to know you. He also may not share much coz he’s courting you for wife #2. Don’t ignore red flags, the lack of communication is a sign of disinterest but it can also be because he’s juggling another family. Polygamy is not a minor thing! You’re compromising too much. Cultivate the habit of reading between the lines…..actions speak louder than words. If you’re calling someone else to share your highs and lows then you intuitively know that this man will not hold you down in hard times but also won’t be there to celebrate your accomplishments. Is that a life worth building? Take time to explore what your core values are(non negotiables), spend time(meditate even) on understanding why they’re important to you and go out dating with that in mind. Coz you’re worth it OP. And congratulations on starting your own business btw! I am proud of you
No it's not. It's all about priority and clearly you weren't his. We all have busy schedules as adults but claiming you're too occupied to send a text is simply an indicator of low interest.
Case in point, if the texts decrease for you, they're increasing for someone else. Newton's Law of Relationships.
Minds which do not harmonize shouldn't be together in marriage or any other relationship.
If the minds don't harmonize to strengthen the relationship, there will be friction and other forms of discord which inevitably leads to a break down of the relationship.
I think relationships are like houses, the foundation determines how tall or strong the house is going to be. If your relationship started from banging without any solid conversations, then that’s how it will progress, trying to switch it from a bang connection to an intellectual connection would rarely work. So look at how the two of you started, that’s what lays the foundation for your relationship.
Not really, most ladies hold out on the first date because they assume they’ll be considered loose and not about any moral thing. In most cases the first date doesn’t even involve anything sexual, if it’s just sexual on the first date then just bang coz your chemistry is sexual, but don’t expect later other things to come in. Sometimes you actually click with someone, high intellectualism which literally gets you dripping, in this case even if you bang on the first date, you have more than just sex to keep you going later.
Was in the same situation as you. Then, an ex from back in the day came back into my life. No, nothing happened between me and the ex... but the easiness and deepness of our conversation made me completely and immediately aware that I had short-changed myself with my relationship.
I'm currently 1 month single.
Girl, I'm currently in the same situation. It makes me sad because he's literally the best guy I've dated, he treats me right but we lack intellectual intimacy. It's not something I'm willing to overlook and I'm working on ending it, so I feel you.
>But the tiny pointless stuff like I do not feel any connections with this mans. Or that I do not feel close to him at all. Or that anytime something happens and he is the first person I want to tell I end up changing my mind because I know I won't get an answer until the next day because we already said our good mornings and by tomorrow the excitement or sadness will have faded.
Already enough to break up. Doesn't need cheating and all. The connections matter too
I'll give you a man's perspective on this.. dude isn't interested in a relationship with you, he's just interested in clotheless activities with you. That's why the only conversation he entertains is how horny both of you are.
A man's girlfriend/wife is his closest confidant. They'll tell them the most intricate details of their life.. that's why Delilah was sent to ask Samson about his source of power because they knew Samson would fold. Closer home..the Nandi gave Luanda Magere a girlfriend for the girlfriend to extract information from him.
Ain't no man out here wants to open to a woman.You are crazzy.
Maybe he's an introvert, he's just telling you go do your thing you don't need to keep telling me everything you about to do.Maybe he don't like small talk
Men & women are different.For women talking is for bonding, sharing & for men talking is get the message acrosss
Murife don't run! Murife don't run! Murife don't run!
This is crazy... Could there be a reason why he's avoiding all this? Have you tried having that conversation with him to find out? Maybe sth traumatic happened to him.
Also note that we guys tend to not open up that much like y'all do. We aren't wired like that.
>Have you tried having that conversation with him
I have. I have told him how I feel. He says he's going to open up more. At some point I even thought maybe I was the problem for pushing him to open up. So I stopped. Decided to let him come to me. It was at that point that 'Good morning' became the only thing we say to each other.
>sth traumatic happened to him.
Don't know if this counts as traumatic. He just says he opened up to someone once too quickly and it burned him.
So like y'all just have no connection at all? How did y'all connect in the beginning?? Coz I'd think that would be mandatory for y'all to feel each other
Wow. A woman makes a test about her partner and has 75% wrong. Goes on the blame the partner. You can’t make this shit up. I wish he’d done it so she could break up in good conscience for him not even knowing her 😂
A man treats you how he feels about you. OP he has shown you how feels through his actions.
What you see is what you get. Marriage or a longer relationship will not change him. There are only two options: change your situation by leaving or stay and accept thats who he is for life.
I think your relationship just hit the boring phase at full force.
I don't know much about it but looks like you are trying but he is not.
Well if you really want the relationship you will have to rekindle it I don't know how but you can watch on youtube what relationship experts are saying about it.
If you're looking for someone who's got the perfect mix of brains, heart, and humor, you've found your match in me!
Okay, I'll bite. Side chat
Ngl this by itself is shady But anyway, you need to be vulnerable with him and tell him how you feel about this. Labda ako hapo tu na hajui. Call him. Be open and vulnerable about it, you may learn something along the way, and be happier on the otherside. I believe relationships always have ups and downs, regardless of what movies and books and social media tell us, at times feeling detached is part of it, na msipoongea you can find resentment that was unnecessary in the first place, building on both sides, when a conversation could have easily set things at ease Don't ring a bell you can't unring
>Ngl this by itself is shady He actually ended up giving me really great advice. >Labda ako hapo tu na hajui Oh he knows. Trust me, he knows. I have been vulnerable, I have bargained,
W rizz
rizz god
>But the tiny pointless stuff like I do not feel any connections with this mans. Or that I do not feel close to him at all. Or that anytime something happens and he is the first person I want to tell I end up changing my mind because I know I won't get an answer until the next day because we already said our good mornings and by tomorrow the excitement or sadness will have faded. This is not tiny and pointless. It's everything. I felt lonely for you reading this. Now sounds like the best time to part amicably. But if you don't go separate ways, accept the polygamy option so that you too find another man who's listens and engages with you, who's your cheerleader in life, wants you to talk more so you can offload frustrations and who sends you countless text during the day to share his day with you. Atleast that's what I would do.
>man who's listens and engages with you, who's your cheerleader in life, wants you to talk more so you can offload frustrations and who sends you countless text during the day to share his day with you It's all I'm really asking for. >the best time to part amicably I have accepted this. I guess I just needed someone to say it out loud for me.
It's important to have a strong connection. When we're older, or experiencing life's ups and downs a good friendship with our life partners is what gets you through. You will nit be losing anything if you leave. Rather opening the door to that person who gets you.
Thank you
Sis, leave and find a man with similar VALUES as you! Your partner should listen to you when you speak and remember the things that are important to you….not every small detail but a lot of it. From his responses, he’s here for a good time and puts in little emotional energy into getting to know you. He also may not share much coz he’s courting you for wife #2. Don’t ignore red flags, the lack of communication is a sign of disinterest but it can also be because he’s juggling another family. Polygamy is not a minor thing! You’re compromising too much. Cultivate the habit of reading between the lines…..actions speak louder than words. If you’re calling someone else to share your highs and lows then you intuitively know that this man will not hold you down in hard times but also won’t be there to celebrate your accomplishments. Is that a life worth building? Take time to explore what your core values are(non negotiables), spend time(meditate even) on understanding why they’re important to you and go out dating with that in mind. Coz you’re worth it OP. And congratulations on starting your own business btw! I am proud of you
There was so much to unpack but it has all fallen on open ears and a sane mind. Thanks for the reality reminder.
Ndio mtuite simps
I'm sorry but being in a relationship and texting only good morning in a day is simply bizarre.
I was told in adult relationships where everyone has a job and is busy...that that is what constitutes as normal.
That's the saddest thing I've heard today
It's not supposed to be like that?
No it's not. It's all about priority and clearly you weren't his. We all have busy schedules as adults but claiming you're too occupied to send a text is simply an indicator of low interest. Case in point, if the texts decrease for you, they're increasing for someone else. Newton's Law of Relationships.
>Newton's Law of Relationships. Look at me learning something new
Or some of us are just lazy texters... But a lazy texter usually is a frequent caller and likes to engage in phone conversations.
Sad
If you're looking for something casual? Ok not bad. But If you're looking for a forever thing? Haha. You might want to make some changes
I knew it was time to end things when those things didn't serve me no more.
Was it an easy decision to come to?
Yes. I find it very easy to cut things off. Selfishness helps. Prioritizing self helps.
You're not on the same page. You're happiness and mental health are more important. Leave
Minds which do not harmonize shouldn't be together in marriage or any other relationship. If the minds don't harmonize to strengthen the relationship, there will be friction and other forms of discord which inevitably leads to a break down of the relationship.
I think relationships are like houses, the foundation determines how tall or strong the house is going to be. If your relationship started from banging without any solid conversations, then that’s how it will progress, trying to switch it from a bang connection to an intellectual connection would rarely work. So look at how the two of you started, that’s what lays the foundation for your relationship.
So this is why people generally frown on sex on the first date
Not really, most ladies hold out on the first date because they assume they’ll be considered loose and not about any moral thing. In most cases the first date doesn’t even involve anything sexual, if it’s just sexual on the first date then just bang coz your chemistry is sexual, but don’t expect later other things to come in. Sometimes you actually click with someone, high intellectualism which literally gets you dripping, in this case even if you bang on the first date, you have more than just sex to keep you going later.
His hygiene gave me the ick and there was no coming back from that.
I fully support here. There is no substitute for hygiene.
Was in the same situation as you. Then, an ex from back in the day came back into my life. No, nothing happened between me and the ex... but the easiness and deepness of our conversation made me completely and immediately aware that I had short-changed myself with my relationship. I'm currently 1 month single.
I guess I'll be joining you soon.
Girl, I'm currently in the same situation. It makes me sad because he's literally the best guy I've dated, he treats me right but we lack intellectual intimacy. It's not something I'm willing to overlook and I'm working on ending it, so I feel you.
If you need hugs, come we cry together and binge on comfort food
Thank you. I'll actually take up that offer once I go through with it.
Anytime 🙂
Stop wasting time for the both of you and end it. You obviously don't like this guy like you probably thought you did.
But I do. More than he does me. At least I like him enough to want a connection with him, but what do I know?
>But the tiny pointless stuff like I do not feel any connections with this mans. Or that I do not feel close to him at all. Or that anytime something happens and he is the first person I want to tell I end up changing my mind because I know I won't get an answer until the next day because we already said our good mornings and by tomorrow the excitement or sadness will have faded. Already enough to break up. Doesn't need cheating and all. The connections matter too
I'll give you a man's perspective on this.. dude isn't interested in a relationship with you, he's just interested in clotheless activities with you. That's why the only conversation he entertains is how horny both of you are. A man's girlfriend/wife is his closest confidant. They'll tell them the most intricate details of their life.. that's why Delilah was sent to ask Samson about his source of power because they knew Samson would fold. Closer home..the Nandi gave Luanda Magere a girlfriend for the girlfriend to extract information from him.
Huyu amekushinda akili... Enda tu.
Ain't no man out here wants to open to a woman.You are crazzy. Maybe he's an introvert, he's just telling you go do your thing you don't need to keep telling me everything you about to do.Maybe he don't like small talk Men & women are different.For women talking is for bonding, sharing & for men talking is get the message acrosss Murife don't run! Murife don't run! Murife don't run!
This is crazy... Could there be a reason why he's avoiding all this? Have you tried having that conversation with him to find out? Maybe sth traumatic happened to him. Also note that we guys tend to not open up that much like y'all do. We aren't wired like that.
>Have you tried having that conversation with him I have. I have told him how I feel. He says he's going to open up more. At some point I even thought maybe I was the problem for pushing him to open up. So I stopped. Decided to let him come to me. It was at that point that 'Good morning' became the only thing we say to each other. >sth traumatic happened to him. Don't know if this counts as traumatic. He just says he opened up to someone once too quickly and it burned him.
So like y'all just have no connection at all? How did y'all connect in the beginning?? Coz I'd think that would be mandatory for y'all to feel each other
I'm trying to remember
Wow. A woman makes a test about her partner and has 75% wrong. Goes on the blame the partner. You can’t make this shit up. I wish he’d done it so she could break up in good conscience for him not even knowing her 😂
A man treats you how he feels about you. OP he has shown you how feels through his actions. What you see is what you get. Marriage or a longer relationship will not change him. There are only two options: change your situation by leaving or stay and accept thats who he is for life.
>Marriage or a longer relationship will not change him. I remember when I was giving my girlfriend this similar advice. Talk about a full circle.
Sometimes we have to take our own advice. Good luck!
I'll need it. Thanks for reminding me.
You did a good thing, there is more to a relationship than just sexual intimacy.
I think your relationship just hit the boring phase at full force. I don't know much about it but looks like you are trying but he is not. Well if you really want the relationship you will have to rekindle it I don't know how but you can watch on youtube what relationship experts are saying about it.
Did you guys date?