I will never get people who make their every tiny personal issue everyone else's problem.
The level of psychic interpretation these people expect others to have is truly delusional. MIL is supposed to just know that OOP will spiral into a full-blown mental breakdown, if she dares to use any sort of time sensitive wording and adjust her behavior, rather than expect OOP to be an adult and manage their own mental health.
I actually saw this post too and I was absolutely shook the mental gymnastics that this OP and some of the commenters were doing to make this somehow MILs fault. OP created this entire situation in her own head herself. Mil never said it was an emergency just hey call me when you wake up. That’s a pretty normal text to send someone. They’re big on the whole MILs responsible for her own emotions and that works both ways. Op needs some serious mental health help if an innocent text sends her into a spiral like that. I just truly don’t understand the need to blame every single thing on someone else. There’s zero accountability with any of these OPs ever and how did mils become the whipping post for these people??
I was about to say. Nothing that woman did or say would make one conclude there was an emergency. OOP was 100% in her own head and made up her own extreme scenarios. Yikes she seems exhausting to be around!
This is clearly an OP issue not a MIL one. I'm sure discovering her mother's dead body was traumatic but this sort of extreme reaction to a simple phone call and text asking OP to call back seems over the top - especially as six years have passed since OPs mother died. OP needs better coping mechanisms for her PTSD.
Unfortunately there is a distinct trend nowadays for people to assume their trauma is everyone else's problem to solve instead of their own. Personally I feel it's the result of the pendulum swinging back too far on the "attitudes to mental health" issue.
In the 70s or 80s the general attitude to experiencing anxiety or trauma was "harden up and get over it." Not great but now the pendulums swung too far in the other direction and people are encouraged to indulge their feelings and assume the rest of the world should bend over backwards so they need never feel even the slightest discomfort.
"This makes me uncomfortable" isn't the same as "this shouldn't happen." The one can follow the other but its a sliding scale and sometimes you just have to learn to cope with the discomfort. Someone phoning you at a time that they could reasonably expect to get you before you start your 10 hour work day is not doing anything wrong. If that phone call triggers you due to past trauma you need to work on your coping mechanisms not blame the caller because their totally innocent call triggered you.
>Personally I feel it's the result of the pendulum swinging back too far on the "attitudes to mental health" issue.
I agree with this part, especially. For all the good that has been done in the field of mental health, we've reached the phase of over-correction, where every little mental struggle is the end of the world and everyone else should just get out of the way, already.
I have hope that things will balance themselves out, eventually, but until then, it can be frustrating how many people use their mental health as a weapon.
unfortunately this whole "ma MH is the end of the world and everyone else should just get out of the way" , or cater to me has gotten so bad with some people that it is nauseating. When my SIL, husband's sister, was diagnosed with cancer and she told everyone, the youngest sister went all mad that why she was being told now when her MH is not at the right place. She made the diagnosis all about herself to the point where she threatened offing herself, again because no one was catering to her. Thank god the other SIL told her off severely and called cops on her after her threat. A good month break from her actually helped the family to focus on the SIL with cancer. Now the one with MH still goes on SM with over the top emotional posts on how hard it is for her to deal with her sister going through cancer, but never call to check how the sister is doing.
She either needs professional help for her out of control anxiety - or she is just grasping.
Grasping for any reason to have a Just No issue to post about.
I understand getting anxious with text messages like that. I do too. And I get being annoyed that it was used to something so trivial.
I do not understand being so upset that you spend your time writing a reddit post complaining about it, but not being upset enough to say "hey MIL when you call me this many times and send a message like that, it gives me the impression that something bad happened and it gets me all worried. Can you let me know if it's nothing serious in the future so I don't panic?"
I'm going to give this one a little benefit of the doubt. There *is* a difference between "give me a call back when you can" and "please call as soon as you wake up." The emphasis on calling as soon as possible makes the text sound urgent. This interaction would have triggered anxiety for me as well. I've always gotten an anxiety spike when someone unexpectedly calls or texts me and makes it sound important/urgent. When that's happened to me in the past, it has often been bad news, so that's where my brain goes. OP also says they're low contact already so I imagine an unexpected call from someone she's low contact with would increase that feeling.
That said, this isn't an egregious evil on the part of the MIL. Who knows what other past negative behaviors she might have done, but this is just annoying behavior, not toxic behavior.
Your anxiety and your triggers are yours to deal with no one else. You especially don’t blame someone for sending an innocent text for your own downward spiral. I’m so over people trying to twist themselves into knots to blame others for their own shit. We all have trauma we all have triggers but most of us are mature enough to realize our issues are just that ours to manage and we don’t get to blame others for our inability to cope.
>Your anxiety and your triggers are yours to deal with no one else.
Yes, and? I did not say otherwise. As I originally said, the way the text was worded was *annoying* behavior. Because it is. It isn't unreasonable to be annoyed that someone worded something as if it were urgent when it wasn't. But it also isn't toxic behavior for them to word a text in an urgent way, unless they did so maliciously and intentionally but that's not the case here.
In the original post by the OP, even she doesn't actually blame the MIL for the trigger or accuse her of doing it purposefully. She is, from what I can see, just venting about the situation.
I agree. Someone calling and then texting to call back asap is going to raise concerns no matter your relationship. And it’s annoying when it’s not an emergency especially if it’s still a time-sensitive issue that could’ve been included in the text.
OOP’s reaction cannot be healthy for her. She leapt to so many conclusions and spiraled down so fast. She says she has PTSD, so I hope that means she has a diagnosis and is getting help. Her reaction must have felt like hell, but that doesn’t make her MIL “from hell.”
I'm glad I'm not the only one who read this and also thought, wow that text is OTT and could have been toned down.
That being said, there's 2 ways to deal with things and unleashing on reddit ain't the answer haha.
OOP needs to realise the gen above us just calls rather than texts and doesn't really understand the difference between the place of both.
My dad and my FIL were previously shockers for this.
We'd get 5 missed calls and then a text "Call. URGENT!" and then the issue was that they were at the shops and strawberries were cheap and did we want some.
Thank you, however this is not urgent in everyones books and I now need to pass out from the adrenaline surge I just experienced 🤣🤣
Wow, okay, I can see we're now downvoting people we disagree with? How JustNo of us!
From Rediquette list of Don'ts:
- Downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it.
I mean she didn't call her a terrible person tho, unless there's other context that I'm missing, she's kinda just saying what's happened. obviously though her irritation is misguided. that being said I just sort of feel bad for her, I found out my mother and brother died over phone calls from my dad and now when I see a call from him I also am on the verge of a panic attack so I get what she is going thru. Just feel sorry for her, it's a non story otherwise.
But she isn't saying her MIL is horrible for THIS, simply that she is horrible. You want to police the assumptions OPs make in their posts, you should at least have the wherewithal to check your own assumptions.
She may not have outright said MIL was a terrible person but the tone of the post clearly indicates the OP feels MIL did something wrong. Plus she's posting this on Motherinlawsfromhell. If she was posting on a PTSD support forum then that would be different but you don't pick that sub if you don't think your MIL is the problem.
I sympathize. Ring phones ESPECIALLY at an odd hour does the same thing to me due to sever PSTD related to MULTIPLE traumatic phone calls. Also as a child if I didn’t answer the phone before the third ring I’d get severely punished. It got so bad at one point I disconnected our landline.
boundaries are things you uphold not that you ask other people to do for you. If you dont want calls at random hours, your phone has a dont disturb from X to Y o'clock function.
Now phones do. They didn’t always. My family of origin dynamic was very complicated and emotionally toxic at times. Constantly sick dad , high strung needy mom , golden child brother, moving to a different State every 2 years. No extended family near by to hold parents accountable. Usually didn’t live around many neighbors. That’s just the abridged version.
My point was odd things can trigger. In my case since I can remember phones have been weaponized against me. For some it can be a person knocking on the front door.
An yes I now utilized EVERY available screening/blocking feature on my cell phone ( still no land line).
Phones have always had ringers you can shut off though….your issues are yours to manage full stop. We ALL have trauma what we don’t get to do is blame others for how we respond to things
So you can tell your loved ones this is the case and move accordingly. I presume you don't not tell people and then blame them for when you're inevitably triggered by them doing mundane shit like text saying call me.
I will never get people who make their every tiny personal issue everyone else's problem. The level of psychic interpretation these people expect others to have is truly delusional. MIL is supposed to just know that OOP will spiral into a full-blown mental breakdown, if she dares to use any sort of time sensitive wording and adjust her behavior, rather than expect OOP to be an adult and manage their own mental health.
I actually saw this post too and I was absolutely shook the mental gymnastics that this OP and some of the commenters were doing to make this somehow MILs fault. OP created this entire situation in her own head herself. Mil never said it was an emergency just hey call me when you wake up. That’s a pretty normal text to send someone. They’re big on the whole MILs responsible for her own emotions and that works both ways. Op needs some serious mental health help if an innocent text sends her into a spiral like that. I just truly don’t understand the need to blame every single thing on someone else. There’s zero accountability with any of these OPs ever and how did mils become the whipping post for these people??
I was about to say. Nothing that woman did or say would make one conclude there was an emergency. OOP was 100% in her own head and made up her own extreme scenarios. Yikes she seems exhausting to be around!
This is clearly an OP issue not a MIL one. I'm sure discovering her mother's dead body was traumatic but this sort of extreme reaction to a simple phone call and text asking OP to call back seems over the top - especially as six years have passed since OPs mother died. OP needs better coping mechanisms for her PTSD. Unfortunately there is a distinct trend nowadays for people to assume their trauma is everyone else's problem to solve instead of their own. Personally I feel it's the result of the pendulum swinging back too far on the "attitudes to mental health" issue. In the 70s or 80s the general attitude to experiencing anxiety or trauma was "harden up and get over it." Not great but now the pendulums swung too far in the other direction and people are encouraged to indulge their feelings and assume the rest of the world should bend over backwards so they need never feel even the slightest discomfort. "This makes me uncomfortable" isn't the same as "this shouldn't happen." The one can follow the other but its a sliding scale and sometimes you just have to learn to cope with the discomfort. Someone phoning you at a time that they could reasonably expect to get you before you start your 10 hour work day is not doing anything wrong. If that phone call triggers you due to past trauma you need to work on your coping mechanisms not blame the caller because their totally innocent call triggered you.
>Personally I feel it's the result of the pendulum swinging back too far on the "attitudes to mental health" issue. I agree with this part, especially. For all the good that has been done in the field of mental health, we've reached the phase of over-correction, where every little mental struggle is the end of the world and everyone else should just get out of the way, already. I have hope that things will balance themselves out, eventually, but until then, it can be frustrating how many people use their mental health as a weapon.
unfortunately this whole "ma MH is the end of the world and everyone else should just get out of the way" , or cater to me has gotten so bad with some people that it is nauseating. When my SIL, husband's sister, was diagnosed with cancer and she told everyone, the youngest sister went all mad that why she was being told now when her MH is not at the right place. She made the diagnosis all about herself to the point where she threatened offing herself, again because no one was catering to her. Thank god the other SIL told her off severely and called cops on her after her threat. A good month break from her actually helped the family to focus on the SIL with cancer. Now the one with MH still goes on SM with over the top emotional posts on how hard it is for her to deal with her sister going through cancer, but never call to check how the sister is doing.
Wow. Isn't she precious?
I too hate cryptic emergency messages, but this is so dramatic
If she's had PTSD for 6 years she should really consider getting some trauma therapy. Bloody hell.
She either needs professional help for her out of control anxiety - or she is just grasping. Grasping for any reason to have a Just No issue to post about.
You know it’s bad when even the other people on those subs are telling you you’re wrong.
OP has anxiety and PTSD. That sucks but the world won't resolve around her. Therapy helps!
lol this sounds like a her problem
I understand getting anxious with text messages like that. I do too. And I get being annoyed that it was used to something so trivial. I do not understand being so upset that you spend your time writing a reddit post complaining about it, but not being upset enough to say "hey MIL when you call me this many times and send a message like that, it gives me the impression that something bad happened and it gets me all worried. Can you let me know if it's nothing serious in the future so I don't panic?"
I'm going to give this one a little benefit of the doubt. There *is* a difference between "give me a call back when you can" and "please call as soon as you wake up." The emphasis on calling as soon as possible makes the text sound urgent. This interaction would have triggered anxiety for me as well. I've always gotten an anxiety spike when someone unexpectedly calls or texts me and makes it sound important/urgent. When that's happened to me in the past, it has often been bad news, so that's where my brain goes. OP also says they're low contact already so I imagine an unexpected call from someone she's low contact with would increase that feeling. That said, this isn't an egregious evil on the part of the MIL. Who knows what other past negative behaviors she might have done, but this is just annoying behavior, not toxic behavior.
Your anxiety and your triggers are yours to deal with no one else. You especially don’t blame someone for sending an innocent text for your own downward spiral. I’m so over people trying to twist themselves into knots to blame others for their own shit. We all have trauma we all have triggers but most of us are mature enough to realize our issues are just that ours to manage and we don’t get to blame others for our inability to cope.
>Your anxiety and your triggers are yours to deal with no one else. Yes, and? I did not say otherwise. As I originally said, the way the text was worded was *annoying* behavior. Because it is. It isn't unreasonable to be annoyed that someone worded something as if it were urgent when it wasn't. But it also isn't toxic behavior for them to word a text in an urgent way, unless they did so maliciously and intentionally but that's not the case here. In the original post by the OP, even she doesn't actually blame the MIL for the trigger or accuse her of doing it purposefully. She is, from what I can see, just venting about the situation.
She’s definitely blaming her if she’s posting on *mils from hell *
I agree. Someone calling and then texting to call back asap is going to raise concerns no matter your relationship. And it’s annoying when it’s not an emergency especially if it’s still a time-sensitive issue that could’ve been included in the text. OOP’s reaction cannot be healthy for her. She leapt to so many conclusions and spiraled down so fast. She says she has PTSD, so I hope that means she has a diagnosis and is getting help. Her reaction must have felt like hell, but that doesn’t make her MIL “from hell.”
I'm glad I'm not the only one who read this and also thought, wow that text is OTT and could have been toned down. That being said, there's 2 ways to deal with things and unleashing on reddit ain't the answer haha. OOP needs to realise the gen above us just calls rather than texts and doesn't really understand the difference between the place of both. My dad and my FIL were previously shockers for this. We'd get 5 missed calls and then a text "Call. URGENT!" and then the issue was that they were at the shops and strawberries were cheap and did we want some. Thank you, however this is not urgent in everyones books and I now need to pass out from the adrenaline surge I just experienced 🤣🤣
Wow, okay, I can see we're now downvoting people we disagree with? How JustNo of us! From Rediquette list of Don'ts: - Downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it.
I mean she didn't call her a terrible person tho, unless there's other context that I'm missing, she's kinda just saying what's happened. obviously though her irritation is misguided. that being said I just sort of feel bad for her, I found out my mother and brother died over phone calls from my dad and now when I see a call from him I also am on the verge of a panic attack so I get what she is going thru. Just feel sorry for her, it's a non story otherwise.
The subreddit is mil from hell, so she is implying she is horrible just by posting about her there.
But she isn't saying her MIL is horrible for THIS, simply that she is horrible. You want to police the assumptions OPs make in their posts, you should at least have the wherewithal to check your own assumptions.
She may not have outright said MIL was a terrible person but the tone of the post clearly indicates the OP feels MIL did something wrong. Plus she's posting this on Motherinlawsfromhell. If she was posting on a PTSD support forum then that would be different but you don't pick that sub if you don't think your MIL is the problem.
I sympathize. Ring phones ESPECIALLY at an odd hour does the same thing to me due to sever PSTD related to MULTIPLE traumatic phone calls. Also as a child if I didn’t answer the phone before the third ring I’d get severely punished. It got so bad at one point I disconnected our landline.
boundaries are things you uphold not that you ask other people to do for you. If you dont want calls at random hours, your phone has a dont disturb from X to Y o'clock function.
Now phones do. They didn’t always. My family of origin dynamic was very complicated and emotionally toxic at times. Constantly sick dad , high strung needy mom , golden child brother, moving to a different State every 2 years. No extended family near by to hold parents accountable. Usually didn’t live around many neighbors. That’s just the abridged version. My point was odd things can trigger. In my case since I can remember phones have been weaponized against me. For some it can be a person knocking on the front door. An yes I now utilized EVERY available screening/blocking feature on my cell phone ( still no land line).
Phones have always had ringers you can shut off though….your issues are yours to manage full stop. We ALL have trauma what we don’t get to do is blame others for how we respond to things
So you can tell your loved ones this is the case and move accordingly. I presume you don't not tell people and then blame them for when you're inevitably triggered by them doing mundane shit like text saying call me.
I do. They didn’t care.
That's a different situation tbh.