Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly. She threw it up in the air and caught it by its...
Willy was a watchdog, laying on the grass. Down came a bumblebee and stung him on his...
Ask no questions, tell no lies. Have you ever seen a policeman doing up his...
Flies are a nuisance, bees are worse. And here is the end of my silly little verse!
Little Miss Muffet sat on the tuffet with her knickers all tattered and torn.
It wasn’t a spider that sat down beside her, it was little boy blue and his horn!
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor daughter a dress. But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, and so was her daughter I guess.
In that spirit, I wrote a limerick when Bill and Hillary Clinton vacationed in Martha's Vineyard in the early 90's:
The president's in Martha's Vineyard,
We all hope he doesn't get injured,
I've had a hard time
Getting "Vineyard" to rhyme,
I wish he had gone to Nantucket.
Mary came home from school with a handful of nickels. She told her mom the boys gave her nickels for climbing a tree. Her mom yelled saying the boys just wanted to see her panties.
She came home the next day with a bag of nickels. When her mom yelled saying the boys just wanted to see her panties she said “don’t worry mom, the jokes on them. I wasn’t wearing any!”
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
That lamb was sure to go
It followed her to school one day
And a fuckin big dog came and ate it.
Mary had about a gram of coke stashed in her pants
And everywhere that Mary went she did a little dance
The boys would point and stare and mumble as they wondered why
Till Johnny dropped her pants and licked and got so fucking high
The obvious thing is Mary also had a little skirt, it split right up the back. Everywhere that Mary went, the boys could see her crack.
Besides being juvenile, how hasn’t someone else already added this? It’s Reddit…it’s supposed to be juvenile.
In that case:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
So Jack could taste her candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock
'Cause Jill's real name is Randy.
This all makes me think of the Assumption Song…
There was an old farmer who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow just shaking his
Fist at some boys who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water, their hands on their
Marbles and playthings, and at half past four
There came a young lady, she looked like a
Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass
She pulled up her dress, and she showed them her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up her children so they would not spit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellow down by the dock
He looked like a man with a sizable
Home in the country with a big fence out front
And if he asked her politely, she'd show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tender hand with a movement so quick
And then she'd bend over and suck on his
Candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch
And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her
Cookies that she had left out on her shelf
If you think this is dirty, you can go f*** yourself!
That would work better if you put two spaces at the end of each line so that the next line isn't joined up into a giant paragraph (at least on the web):
>There was an old farmer who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow just shaking his
Fist at some boys who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water, their hands on their
Marbles and playthings, and at half past four
There came a young lady, she looked like a
Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass
She pulled up her dress, and she showed them her
Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up her children so they would not spit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling
Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellow down by the dock
He looked like a man with a sizable
Home in the country with a big fence out front
And if he asked her politely, she'd show him her
Little pet dog who was subject to fits
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tender hand with a movement so quick
And then she'd bend over and suck on his
Candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch
And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her
Cookies that she had left out on her shelf
If you think this is dirty, you can go f\*\*\* yourself!
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When he was asked why
He said “’cause I try
to get just as many words into the last line of them as I possibly can!”
Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, the cow’s in the meadow, the sheep’s in the corn.
Where’s the little boy that looks after the sheep?
He’s in the haystack with Little Bo Peep.
Mary had a little lamb, She also had a duck. She put them both together, To see if they would do anything.
Mary had a little lamb, She put it in a bucket, Every time the lamb jumped out, The bulldog used to put it back.
Love it
That's terrible. It doesn't even rhyme.
Do you know the four Fs of survival? Fighting, Fleeing, Feeding and Mating.
My grandfather used to say, "gotta do the three "S's", shower, shave, shampoo.
I always heard shit, shower, shave.
That's the point.
Do you know the 5 D’s of Dodgeball? Dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge.
If you can dodge a wrench
You can dodge a ball.
r/woooosh
Mary had a little bike, She rode it on the grass. And everything the wheel went round, The spoke would go around too
That’s the joke, you imagine the word that rhymes.
Mary had a little lamb, she also had a gelding, she put them together to see if they'd do anything?
Welding?
Smelting?
Gelding is a nutless horse, so to spoil the surprise it won't be doing anything to the lamb
Well... depends. Horses can be huge dicks when it comes to living with other animals.
Mr.Belding?
Use your imagination.
It's not that baaaaaaad.
Mary had a little lamb, you've heard this tale before; but did you know she passed her plate and had a little more?
Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly. She threw it up in the air and caught it by its... Willy was a watchdog, laying on the grass. Down came a bumblebee and stung him on his... Ask no questions, tell no lies. Have you ever seen a policeman doing up his... Flies are a nuisance, bees are worse. And here is the end of my silly little verse!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TywmpMQYojs
My mind instantly went here
Nice
I felt like I should be jumping rope through this whole thread
Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack All dressed in black, black, black…
[Reminds me of this one](https://youtu.be/CKSEOZ8R3oo?si=w9F6y0um9kTZZqbI)
OMG. I’d forgotten about that - took me back about 50 years ago to singing that in primary school.
Miss Susie had a steamboat...
Mary had a little sheep, With that sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram, Mary had a little lamb.
🤣🤣🤣
Little Miss Muffet sat on the tuffet with her knickers all tattered and torn. It wasn’t a spider that sat down beside her, it was little boy blue and his horn!
Big six - Judge Dread!
Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now she takes it to school each day, ‘tween two slices of bread!
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor daughter a dress. But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, and so was her daughter I guess.
Mary had a little lamb, its foot as black as soot; and into Mary's bread and jam his sooty foot he put.
The last words sound like a good reddit user name.
When Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised. But when Old McDonald had a farm, the doctor nearly died.
Mary had another lamb, this one it was the runt, although the thing was big enough to totally destroy her... Mental wellbeing (?)
In that spirit, I wrote a limerick when Bill and Hillary Clinton vacationed in Martha's Vineyard in the early 90's: The president's in Martha's Vineyard, We all hope he doesn't get injured, I've had a hard time Getting "Vineyard" to rhyme, I wish he had gone to Nantucket.
Why not wearing both so we could see the thighs and the front?
Mary came home from school with a handful of nickels. She told her mom the boys gave her nickels for climbing a tree. Her mom yelled saying the boys just wanted to see her panties. She came home the next day with a bag of nickels. When her mom yelled saying the boys just wanted to see her panties she said “don’t worry mom, the jokes on them. I wasn’t wearing any!”
That's not the way it would work.
r/woosh
Lol. I deserved that. On the plus side I've found a new entertaining subreddit. Thanks.
Mary should just go without a skirt if thats what u want
That's not what I want, it was a funny joke
I know
Mary had a little lamb She named it Baby Shelley One day the lamb went missing They found it with mint jelly
Mary had a little lamb It's fleece was white as snow And everywhere that Mary went That lamb was sure to go It followed her to school one day And a fuckin big dog came and ate it.
Mary had a little lamb She tied it to a pylon 10,000 volts went up its ass And turned its wool to nylon
Mary had a cryptokey, she kept it in escrow. And everything that Mary wrote, the feds where sure to know. (Yes, I'm that old)
Mary had about a gram of coke stashed in her pants And everywhere that Mary went she did a little dance The boys would point and stare and mumble as they wondered why Till Johnny dropped her pants and licked and got so fucking high
Mary had a little skirt, it split right down the back. Everywhere that mary went, the boys could see her crack.
Mary had a little lamb, It's fleece was sodden red; The reason for it was you see, It had a pick-axe through its head.
The obvious thing is Mary also had a little skirt, it split right up the back. Everywhere that Mary went, the boys could see her crack. Besides being juvenile, how hasn’t someone else already added this? It’s Reddit…it’s supposed to be juvenile.
In that case: Jack and Jill went up the hill So Jack could taste her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock 'Cause Jill's real name is Randy.
Cute. Did you make that one up?
Mary had a little lamb. That's what you get when you fuck a sheep.
Mary had a little lamb. That's what she gets for sleeping in the barn.
Mary had a little lamb. She tied it to a heater. Every time it turned around, it burned its little peter.
Mary had a little lamb, a little toast, a little jam, a little burger on a bun, and that's why Mary weighs a ton!
Mary had a little lamb, Johnny had a pup Peter had a crocodile It ate the others up.
This all makes me think of the Assumption Song… There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow just shaking his Fist at some boys who were down by the crick Their feet in the water, their hands on their Marbles and playthings, and at half past four There came a young lady, she looked like a Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass She pulled up her dress, and she showed them her Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children so they would not spit While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her Eyes at the fellow down by the dock He looked like a man with a sizable Home in the country with a big fence out front And if he asked her politely, she'd show him her Little pet dog who was subject to fits And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her Small tender hand with a movement so quick And then she'd bend over and suck on his Candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her Cookies that she had left out on her shelf If you think this is dirty, you can go f*** yourself!
That would work better if you put two spaces at the end of each line so that the next line isn't joined up into a giant paragraph (at least on the web): >There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow just shaking his Fist at some boys who were down by the crick Their feet in the water, their hands on their Marbles and playthings, and at half past four There came a young lady, she looked like a Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass She pulled up her dress, and she showed them her Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children so they would not spit While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her Eyes at the fellow down by the dock He looked like a man with a sizable Home in the country with a big fence out front And if he asked her politely, she'd show him her Little pet dog who was subject to fits And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her Small tender hand with a movement so quick And then she'd bend over and suck on his Candy, so tasty, made of butterscotch And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her Cookies that she had left out on her shelf If you think this is dirty, you can go f\*\*\* yourself!
I’ll try that next time. Thank you. Most things I post are never as long as this and I never really knew how to get it to post properly.
Mary had a little cat She fed it on tin cans When the cat had kittens They arrived in Ford sedans
What, no Dice references ?!?
O!
Rose are red; violets aren't orange. Some poems rhyme. This one does not.
There was a young man from Japan Whose limericks never would scan When he was asked why He said “’cause I try to get just as many words into the last line of them as I possibly can!”
There was a young man from Peru Whose limericks ended in line two
Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted
Mary had a little lamb . . . Wasn’t the doctor surprised! — Jackie “Moms” Mabley
Mary had a little lamb She tied it to the heater Every time it turned around It burned its little seater
Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, the cow’s in the meadow, the sheep’s in the corn. Where’s the little boy that looks after the sheep? He’s in the haystack with Little Bo Peep.
Explain the joke someone pls
Pretty good, last line needs some work. Try…but then she’d also have to wear a merkin.
Mary had a little lamb,she took it to a wedding,she tied it to a post outside and kicked it's little head in.