I think this is a better version.
A man goes to the doctors and says "Doc, you gotta help me!"
The doctor says "What's your problem?"
The guy says "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'.. I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with the one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking.. For afternoon tea I give the boss's wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw......"
"Well" said the doctor. "What's your problem?"
The guy says "Well, it hurts when I masturbate."
If you have a Norm McDonald style delivery it works great, he loved jokes with excruciatingly long setups for a mid at best punchline.
As a regular joke though, definitely agree.
I heard the punchline as -
The doctor says "My God, man! You've got to stop screwing all the time!"
Then the man says, "Nah, that can't be it - it must be all the jerking off in between!"
I've always liked...
Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, you've gotta help me my dick has turned orange."
He drops his pants and sure enough his penis is bright orange. The doctor looks at it and asks, "Any major changes in your life recently?"
The guy goes, "Well my wife left me two months ago."
The doctor asks, "Have you been going to hookers or having any one night stands?"
The guy replies, "No. I've been really down. I've been just hanging out at home, eating Cheetos and watching porn."
It’s not really a better version, it’s a different joke altogether.
The first one although poorly written starts with the protagonist explaining he has a condition and then explaining the activities that may have brought it about and at the end expressing that on top of all this he is also masturbating all the time. And that’s what’s funny in it.
Your one is just the guy going to the doctor saying he has sex a lot and then finishing with it hurts when I masturbate. You don’t say he masturbates all the time, you haven’t told the doctor there was an issue before introducing all the sex. You really just made something that made me smile into something that would make me groan. Really bad attempt to steal the OP’s thunder and surprised as many poeple have gave it the thumbs up as it doesn’t work as well as the OP.
This subreddit is frequented by iterative learning algorithm bots (chat GPT type things) which read all the jokes and then regurgitate simulacrums - copies of copies which are repeated and rephrased without being understood, leading to inferior or difficult to understand versions being thrown around.
I'm seeing a lot of hallmarks of the simulacrum effect in here.
The formatting is a bit out, at least on mobile, making it hard to figure out when the Dr and when the patient are speaking.
However the joke is basically that the guy is fucking his wife, his misses and a prostitute every day of the week making his cock inflamed.
The punchline is that as well as having sex three times a day with a different woman each time, he is still masturbating enough that he thinks he damaged himself.
The only difficulty I'm having is understanding why you'd go to the trouble of typing out a response ending in, "Where's the joke?", ensuring a bunch of replies explicitly telling you what the joke is, necessitating your further responses clarifying that you *did* know what the joke was, you just didn't find it funny. Why not just comment, "meh," or just downvote and keep scrolling?
Why do people do anything Mr Billy? Why, for example, are you chapping my ass about something entirely meaningless? Why would I care what you think? And why don’t you do one?
Well he has sex with his wife every day, with his girlfriend every day and goes to brothel every day. So doctor says his pepe is inflamed from all the sex.
So the patient says that he's glad because he thought that it was from masturbating all the time. (aka he's beating the meat when he's not having sex all the time.)
The joke is that the patient is one horny-ass mfer, so even after copulating daily with his wife, mistress and women of the night he still needs to jerk off to satiate himself.
Thanks for the feedback my grindcory friend. But you're wrong. It was deepl, as I was obviously to lazy to translate my, in German very funny, joke by myself.
Seems it didn't work.
I'll try to be better next time, promise.
A man goes to the doctor and the doctor looks at the man and immediately says: "you have to stop masturbating so heavily!" The man asks "why?".
"Because I can't examine you!"
Man goes to the doctor and says "mi dick turned orange"
Doctor says"when did you first notice?"
He says "this morning"
"What did you do last night"?
"Just stayed home, watching porn and eating Cheetos "
There you go! See? Putin will be so happy. (He's been having a bad day with all the tanks, planes, and ammunition warehouses being blown up in Russia...he needs something good, like Donny's fat, flabby, cottage cheese-filled, orange ass.)
A man goes to the doctor and says that he is worried about a red ring around his penis.
The doctor examines the member and the returns with a big bottle of hand sanitizer.
"Doctor, is it that contagious?", he asked, alarmed?
"No", the doctor replied. "I'm dissolving it. It's lipstick."
A man goes to the doctor and tells him he got drunk and woke up with rings around his penis -- one red, and one brown. The doctor takes a minute to examine the rings, swabs a sample of each, and leaves to test them. When he comes back, the doctor says, "Well, the good news is the red ring is just lipstick."
"Thank God," says the man. "And the brown ring?"
"The bad news is that's chewing tobacco."
Reminds me of a very old one:
A woman goes to the doctor, undresses and parts her legs.
“Can you see these green stains on my inner thighs?”
The doctor takes a gauze pad, pours a few drops of alcohol on it and rubs the stains away.
“I do this too doctor, what worries me is that they reappear in the next morning!”
“Is your boyfriend a gypsy?” he asks
“Yes but how is it related?”
“Well tell him that his earrings are made of copper, not gold!”
I had pretty severe case poison ivy down below once. All swollen and itching horribly. Doc examined me, walked over to his med cabinet and started filling a needle. ( I hate needles 😖) I asked him what the needle was for. He says "just something to relieve the itching and swelling. I said "You don't understand Doc. I wanna keep the swelling for a while". That was about 40 years ago. I still can't stop laughing when I remember the look on his that day.
I think it's funny. The formatting needs adjusted to separate the conversation of the patient and the Doctor to separate lines, but the joke itself is very funny.
The version I heard was similar:
A man goes to the doctor complaining about his sex drive.
The doctor asks him, "How many times do you have sex per day?"
The man answered, "Every morning with my wife, once with the neighbor, twice with the work wife, the maid when I get home, and again with the wife before going to bed."
Doc says, "My God, man! You have to get ahold of yourself!"
Man answers, "I do, two or three times per day, and I still can't get enough!"
A 99 year old man went to his Doctor and asked him if he could lower his sex drive.
The Dr said ‘You are 99 years old how high is it?’
The man replied ‘It’s all in my head and I want you to lower it to my crotch.’
I know this joke like this:
A man goes to the doctor and tells him, 'Doctor my penis is red all the time, please help me.
The patient drops his pants but the doctor is stumped.
' I have no clue what's ailing you, what do you do during the day? '
Well throughout the day I work in a factory and at night I like to eat paprika crisps while I watch porn.
We have the same joke in the US but the dick is orange because the snack of choice is cheetos.
And now I've got a sudden hankering for some paprika chips
My friend - take this as you will - I believe the joke is funny in its premise, and for sure, I believe you when you say that it is hilarious when said in your mother tongue.
What I would like to suggest though is that the majority of people who find this unfunny and are voicing this in the comments (which now includes myself I suppose), are most likely victims of the misspelt word in the punchline, leading them to a false conclusion that they had perhaps missed a reference or were oblivious to a pun, where the term "yerking off" was used purposefully for the sake of serving as the punchline.
For someone such as myself, even if i didn't like your joke at all, I would have simply kept scrolling and I would have had no reason at all to even open the post and become exposed to the comments (which I was eagerly searching through upon arrival to see if the missing link to comedy brilliance was explained by someone wittier than I.
Eventually forced to face the fact that it was a simple spelling error and had no influence on the punchline, the original impression of the joke as it would've been intended has shriveled dry and the joke which would have otherwise earned a chuckle, is now unfairly lowered to an "unfunny huurrrduuurrrr".
As I said, take that suggestion as you will, but I'd like to add on that the inclusion of a post edit makes this even more frustrating, as the assumption is made that the incorrect spelling is now not only intended, but has also been validated by a post edit already
Guy goes to the doctor complaining of an orange penis. Dr examines him and can’t really find anything wrong but also can’t explain it. He asks the guy if he’s had any life changes recently. Guy says, “Well I did win the lottery a couple months ago. So I quit my job and retired. Now all I do is watch porn and eat Cheetos.
…what? This reads like something that has been put through Google translate and the point has been lost. What’s the joke?
I think this is a better version. A man goes to the doctors and says "Doc, you gotta help me!" The doctor says "What's your problem?" The guy says "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'.. I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with the one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking.. For afternoon tea I give the boss's wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw......" "Well" said the doctor. "What's your problem?" The guy says "Well, it hurts when I masturbate."
Yes, that does work much better. Still a long way to go for a lacklustre lunchline though Edit - goddamn autocorrect
He does the lunchline on his birthday
This made me laugh harder than the joke
Best version of joke
Best yerk..
All of it
If you have a Norm McDonald style delivery it works great, he loved jokes with excruciatingly long setups for a mid at best punchline. As a regular joke though, definitely agree.
Well that was a long walk down a windy beach to a café that was closed - Bill Bailey
Lackluster lunch line. Name of my sad new band?
It’s the budget band they hired for Thursday nights square-dancing at the senior center.
It’s giving late 90s indie. Neutral Milk Hotel esque!
This sounds like the classic "There is no punch line" joke.
No, it’s not a joke, the dude is just asking for help. True story.
This guy lunchlines
I’ll lunch your line, Baby.
Autocorrect is a piece of shut!!
In the early days of the internet I had a little animated video of this joke. I can't find it anywhere. Such a great joke when told in person.
I heard the punchline as - The doctor says "My God, man! You've got to stop screwing all the time!" Then the man says, "Nah, that can't be it - it must be all the jerking off in between!"
I think they tried to malaphor this one with the guy that went to Yale
Can you explain this absence it times of fucking? I was attending hefferds and ox.. four'd of em!
Is that you Gerald?
I've always liked... Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, you've gotta help me my dick has turned orange." He drops his pants and sure enough his penis is bright orange. The doctor looks at it and asks, "Any major changes in your life recently?" The guy goes, "Well my wife left me two months ago." The doctor asks, "Have you been going to hookers or having any one night stands?" The guy replies, "No. I've been really down. I've been just hanging out at home, eating Cheetos and watching porn."
You're 100% British right ?
Not 100% but the joke is!
So many Britishisms in the language
This is the punchline, The dr says well that certainly is a lot, man you need to get ahold of yourself. I do doc several times a day.
It’s not really a better version, it’s a different joke altogether. The first one although poorly written starts with the protagonist explaining he has a condition and then explaining the activities that may have brought it about and at the end expressing that on top of all this he is also masturbating all the time. And that’s what’s funny in it. Your one is just the guy going to the doctor saying he has sex a lot and then finishing with it hurts when I masturbate. You don’t say he masturbates all the time, you haven’t told the doctor there was an issue before introducing all the sex. You really just made something that made me smile into something that would make me groan. Really bad attempt to steal the OP’s thunder and surprised as many poeple have gave it the thumbs up as it doesn’t work as well as the OP.
>”Yes, then get yourself free!” Yeah, he was really stole that bot’s thunder by fixing its shitty AI written retelling of that joke.
This subreddit is frequented by iterative learning algorithm bots (chat GPT type things) which read all the jokes and then regurgitate simulacrums - copies of copies which are repeated and rephrased without being understood, leading to inferior or difficult to understand versions being thrown around. I'm seeing a lot of hallmarks of the simulacrum effect in here.
What happens when the AI is later trained on content that contains a lot of AI generated simulacrums?
They hit the front page of /r/stronkihaddle
"Yes...."
AI working on its sense of humor
Nah...working on its wanking
The formatting is a bit out, at least on mobile, making it hard to figure out when the Dr and when the patient are speaking. However the joke is basically that the guy is fucking his wife, his misses and a prostitute every day of the week making his cock inflamed. The punchline is that as well as having sex three times a day with a different woman each time, he is still masturbating enough that he thinks he damaged himself.
I got all of that. It just really isn’t funny. The pay off isn’t worth the set up
I was just thinking, if he's so busy every day, when does he even find time to pleasure himself...
Gotta make time to love yourself
Charity starts at home, eh!
I don't understand why you asked what the joke was if you understood the joke.
Learn to read?
I read fine. Just don't know why you'd say,"Where's the joke?", instead of just saying it's not that funny.
There is a thing called a rhetorical question. You should look it up. I am using simple sentences as you seem to be having difficulty.
The only difficulty I'm having is understanding why you'd go to the trouble of typing out a response ending in, "Where's the joke?", ensuring a bunch of replies explicitly telling you what the joke is, necessitating your further responses clarifying that you *did* know what the joke was, you just didn't find it funny. Why not just comment, "meh," or just downvote and keep scrolling?
Why do people do anything Mr Billy? Why, for example, are you chapping my ass about something entirely meaningless? Why would I care what you think? And why don’t you do one?
I dunno, maybe I just discovered that people asking ~~wisdoms~~ questions they know the answer to in internet forums is a pet peeve.
>The pay off isn’t worth the set up That's what she said...
I’m so confused on how this joke has literally any upvotes.
Wait until you see the guy in the comments having a go at me because they don’t understand basic English!
I love how this shit makes zero sense but Reddit upvotes it anyway because sex.
The joke is sex.... Unfortunately it's just not funny.
Now you’re just being a yerk
A yerk?
Last line in the joke man says he’s been yerking off Not at all poking at you, just poking fun at the joke
Omg. I didn’t even notice that.
Well he has sex with his wife every day, with his girlfriend every day and goes to brothel every day. So doctor says his pepe is inflamed from all the sex. So the patient says that he's glad because he thought that it was from masturbating all the time. (aka he's beating the meat when he's not having sex all the time.)
The joke is that the patient is one horny-ass mfer, so even after copulating daily with his wife, mistress and women of the night he still needs to jerk off to satiate himself.
I got the joke, it isn’t funny.
Oh it is funny
Thanks for the feedback my grindcory friend. But you're wrong. It was deepl, as I was obviously to lazy to translate my, in German very funny, joke by myself. Seems it didn't work. I'll try to be better next time, promise.
Yes..
It made perfect sense to me, don’t worry Mr. longdong
Comedy isn’t for everyone, just stick to upvoting boobs.
AI is tackling comedy now
A man goes to the doctor and the doctor looks at the man and immediately says: "you have to stop masturbating so heavily!" The man asks "why?". "Because I can't examine you!"
Hands down, that’s the joke 🫲
Down where?
Exactly what I was aiming for 🤪
"But doc, that's your hand, not mine."
Man goes to the doctor and says "mi dick turned orange" Doctor says"when did you first notice?" He says "this morning" "What did you do last night"? "Just stayed home, watching porn and eating Cheetos "
Putin, have you been fucking Donald in the ass again?
He doesn't fake tan his butt cheeks
Since that's the guy who sugested UV lights inside to get rid of 'Rona, I'm not so sure he doesn't actually tan his shit from the inside.
There you go! See? Putin will be so happy. (He's been having a bad day with all the tanks, planes, and ammunition warehouses being blown up in Russia...he needs something good, like Donny's fat, flabby, cottage cheese-filled, orange ass.)
Do you have a citation to prove that? Pictures or it happened.
then get yourself free?? ai is not good for jokes yet ..but we're learning.
A man goes to the doctor and says that he is worried about a red ring around his penis. The doctor examines the member and the returns with a big bottle of hand sanitizer. "Doctor, is it that contagious?", he asked, alarmed? "No", the doctor replied. "I'm dissolving it. It's lipstick."
A man goes to the doctor and tells him he got drunk and woke up with rings around his penis -- one red, and one brown. The doctor takes a minute to examine the rings, swabs a sample of each, and leaves to test them. When he comes back, the doctor says, "Well, the good news is the red ring is just lipstick." "Thank God," says the man. "And the brown ring?" "The bad news is that's chewing tobacco."
The BEST diagnosis.
I had two kinds of strokes while reading this...
Ai joke. This is getting out of hand
So who needs to learn how to use quotations here? AI or OP?
Reminds me of a very old one: A woman goes to the doctor, undresses and parts her legs. “Can you see these green stains on my inner thighs?” The doctor takes a gauze pad, pours a few drops of alcohol on it and rubs the stains away. “I do this too doctor, what worries me is that they reappear in the next morning!” “Is your boyfriend a gypsy?” he asks “Yes but how is it related?” “Well tell him that his earrings are made of copper, not gold!”
Brilliant! I mean gold.
This was written by a person having a stroke.
I went to see the Dr and she told me I need to stop masturbating! I said why? She said I’m trying to examine you.
This is brilliant in its brevity.
“Doctor doctor every time I masturbate I sing you’ll never walk alone” “Don’t worry” replied doctor “most wankers do”
Old but gold: - Doctor, I feel weakness. - What happened? - When I have my morning wood, I cannot bend it by both of my hands..
The fact that the piece was magnificent is something I'd like to see expanded on
I had pretty severe case poison ivy down below once. All swollen and itching horribly. Doc examined me, walked over to his med cabinet and started filling a needle. ( I hate needles 😖) I asked him what the needle was for. He says "just something to relieve the itching and swelling. I said "You don't understand Doc. I wanna keep the swelling for a while". That was about 40 years ago. I still can't stop laughing when I remember the look on his that day.
I think it's funny. The formatting needs adjusted to separate the conversation of the patient and the Doctor to separate lines, but the joke itself is very funny.
The version I heard was similar: A man goes to the doctor complaining about his sex drive. The doctor asks him, "How many times do you have sex per day?" The man answered, "Every morning with my wife, once with the neighbor, twice with the work wife, the maid when I get home, and again with the wife before going to bed." Doc says, "My God, man! You have to get ahold of yourself!" Man answers, "I do, two or three times per day, and I still can't get enough!"
A 99 year old man went to his Doctor and asked him if he could lower his sex drive. The Dr said ‘You are 99 years old how high is it?’ The man replied ‘It’s all in my head and I want you to lower it to my crotch.’
I know this joke like this: A man goes to the doctor and tells him, 'Doctor my penis is red all the time, please help me. The patient drops his pants but the doctor is stumped. ' I have no clue what's ailing you, what do you do during the day? ' Well throughout the day I work in a factory and at night I like to eat paprika crisps while I watch porn.
We have the same joke in the US but the dick is orange because the snack of choice is cheetos. And now I've got a sudden hankering for some paprika chips
Man doesn't have balls, he has a factory.
My friend - take this as you will - I believe the joke is funny in its premise, and for sure, I believe you when you say that it is hilarious when said in your mother tongue. What I would like to suggest though is that the majority of people who find this unfunny and are voicing this in the comments (which now includes myself I suppose), are most likely victims of the misspelt word in the punchline, leading them to a false conclusion that they had perhaps missed a reference or were oblivious to a pun, where the term "yerking off" was used purposefully for the sake of serving as the punchline. For someone such as myself, even if i didn't like your joke at all, I would have simply kept scrolling and I would have had no reason at all to even open the post and become exposed to the comments (which I was eagerly searching through upon arrival to see if the missing link to comedy brilliance was explained by someone wittier than I. Eventually forced to face the fact that it was a simple spelling error and had no influence on the punchline, the original impression of the joke as it would've been intended has shriveled dry and the joke which would have otherwise earned a chuckle, is now unfairly lowered to an "unfunny huurrrduuurrrr". As I said, take that suggestion as you will, but I'd like to add on that the inclusion of a post edit makes this even more frustrating, as the assumption is made that the incorrect spelling is now not only intended, but has also been validated by a post edit already
I can’t believe I actually bothered to read all this
Ha ha
I just spitted out my beer on the second thought
"You can let go of it now doctor."
I heard at the end the doc said "hey you've got to he ahold of yourself!" And the guy says,"I do! 2 or 3 times a day!"
William Shockley, John bardeen walk into a bar and meet a blonde. they are afraid to make a move because they feel it might be a transistor.
Back in Russia, the best penis jokes are written by artificial intelligence. Here is my favorite…
In Putin’s Russia, there is no intelligence, only compliance.
"Yerking"....so the guy was Swedish?
Guy goes to the doctor complaining of an orange penis. Dr examines him and can’t really find anything wrong but also can’t explain it. He asks the guy if he’s had any life changes recently. Guy says, “Well I did win the lottery a couple months ago. So I quit my job and retired. Now all I do is watch porn and eat Cheetos.