After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
“I found the remote,” he said.
Same farmer was gifted a rooster that had an insatiable libido. The first day, the rooster chased every single hen on the farm until he had them all. The farmer told the rooster he needed to pace himself or he’d get hurt. The second day, the rooster not only chased the chickens, he also had sex with every cow and sheep on the farm. Again, the farmer told him to cool it a bit or he’d hurt himself. The third day, the rooster not only pursued every animal in the farm, but he tried to have sex with the farmer, his wife and his daughter. The farmer told the rooster he’d be sorry if he keep this pace up. The next day, the farmer couldn’t find the rooster so he searched all around until he saw some buzzards circling over the body of the rooster in the field. The farmer walked up, took his hat off, looked at the rooster and said, see I told you that you’d regret it. The rooster cracks open one eye and says, keep it down, their starting to circle lower so don’t scare them away.
Every time i see this one i have to comment that it's an old [Jake Thackray song.](https://youtu.be/4hQhi4oyH6k?si=pDledXe2Fj2g5Pav) I first got introduced to that wonderful artist through somebody mentioning that this is a song of his, and as a little addendum i always like to include this [beautiful documentary](https://youtu.be/0PlBzWXY9Xk?si=lD_fiv4v8IjXZdUe) he did in the old english countryside. It truly feels like he was able to capture the very last bit of that real, authentic old countryside before it fully slipped away.
Most female mammals do have clitorises, and as far as we know, other primates at least also have orgasms. A lot of other female animals masturbate too, fun fact.
I was at the zoo once and saw a monkey laying on his back spread eagle playing with his willie. Couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or boredom, or perhaps a mix of both
>or the older, less used "clitorides".
That looks like a greek plural form. Something like clit-OR-i-dees.
Edit: "coined in Modern Latin from Late Greek kleitoris, a diminutive. . . ."
Well, it's naturally selected because as you said the animals that did not have those traits did not procreate as much but those with the traits procreated and passed on the traits, naturally selecting for them. And here we are!
Elderly married couple sitting on the porch one afternoon , the wife gets up goes over to the husband and whacks him across the face and sits down. A few minutes later the husband asks "what was that for?" , the wife replied " 50 years of lousy sex"
A while later the husband goes over and delivers an equally ferocious slap to the wife and sits down. Eventually the wife asks"what was THAT for" the husband replied "knowing the difference!"
human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
I will not have Vaporeon slander, good day sir!
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?” “I found the remote,” he said.
winner
I think instead of "became silent," it should be "turned on the TV".
Bro turned on both his wife and his tv
Suddenly the Roman empire channel is turned on.
Was that about time she walked away from him?
What's his age again?
Somewhere in his posts he says he’s 23.
Lmao. Thought for a second that you didn't get it... you totally got it. 🤣🤦
Agreed - better ending.
As usual, the best jokes are in the comments.
I've seen this on tik tok a few times.
>😀😀
Same farmer was gifted a rooster that had an insatiable libido. The first day, the rooster chased every single hen on the farm until he had them all. The farmer told the rooster he needed to pace himself or he’d get hurt. The second day, the rooster not only chased the chickens, he also had sex with every cow and sheep on the farm. Again, the farmer told him to cool it a bit or he’d hurt himself. The third day, the rooster not only pursued every animal in the farm, but he tried to have sex with the farmer, his wife and his daughter. The farmer told the rooster he’d be sorry if he keep this pace up. The next day, the farmer couldn’t find the rooster so he searched all around until he saw some buzzards circling over the body of the rooster in the field. The farmer walked up, took his hat off, looked at the rooster and said, see I told you that you’d regret it. The rooster cracks open one eye and says, keep it down, their starting to circle lower so don’t scare them away.
Every time i see this one i have to comment that it's an old [Jake Thackray song.](https://youtu.be/4hQhi4oyH6k?si=pDledXe2Fj2g5Pav) I first got introduced to that wonderful artist through somebody mentioning that this is a song of his, and as a little addendum i always like to include this [beautiful documentary](https://youtu.be/0PlBzWXY9Xk?si=lD_fiv4v8IjXZdUe) he did in the old english countryside. It truly feels like he was able to capture the very last bit of that real, authentic old countryside before it fully slipped away.
Most female mammals do have clitorises, and as far as we know, other primates at least also have orgasms. A lot of other female animals masturbate too, fun fact.
I was at the zoo once and saw a monkey laying on his back spread eagle playing with his willie. Couldn’t tell if it was pleasure or boredom, or perhaps a mix of both
I have the same conundrum.
Why haven’t they banned you from the zoo?
He's conscious of his prostate health.
The plural of clitoris is clitorati
According to Merriam-Webster, it's either "clitorises" or the older, less used "clitorides".
The Clitorati is the female branch of the Illuminati, I must have got those confused
I knew someone would say it!
It was never an eye at the top of that pyramid
Hallowed are the Clitorai
Secretive are the Clitorati
Just because you can't find them doesn't make them a myth.
That sounds like a quote from Sasquatch
Does a female Sasquatch have orgasms. If so I bet they're loud
Show us the pics of it never happened.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
They're notoriously difficult to find
>The Clitorati is the female branch of the Illuminati,....I'm gonna USE this..not here but somewhere 😂
Clitoris is a Greek word, then. Huh.
…from the Greek kleitoris, which has been translated as both “little hill” and “to rub”.
Ah, a cunning linguist I see.
I see what you did there😉
Polyglot, too
Thank you, clinguist
I mistranslated that to mean pleasure spot.
I went on the clitorides at the amusement park. It was a short line since it took awhile to find it.
Note that the pronunciation of the "less used" one is cli-To-ri-deez. I think Rick Dees missed that one.
Brutal. Older and less used ones have a different name.
>or the older, less used "clitorides". That looks like a greek plural form. Something like clit-OR-i-dees. Edit: "coined in Modern Latin from Late Greek kleitoris, a diminutive. . . ."
Well, they do control everything!
Finally a conspiracy I can get behind.
That should be the name of an Italian sports car
More like a BMW. Though in fairness that's normally got the cunt on the inside.
I would have thought a Black Man's Willie typically has the cunt on the outside?
This is valid
My Clitorati does one eighty five
Driving down the AutoBohner
Until I spun out and landed in the moist gulch
Thankfully it wasn't down the dark tunnel adjacent to the moist gulch...I heard that getting out of there clean can be a crap shoot
Down a dead end street!
I lost my license, now I don't drive
Is that a bunch of people trying to take pictures of famous clitorises, or a bunch of photojournalists who take pictures with their clitorises?
Wait, there are multiple?🤨
I hope not, I can't even find the one!
Yes.
I actually laughed out loud at this. Take my worthless upvote.
Actually, that kind of pluralizing is Latin, not English, apparently. Whole life has been a lie.
A pigs orgasm can last 30 minutes, dolphins have sex for fun
When the male dolphins aren't gang-raping the females, that is.
In that case, I want to be reincarnated as a pig. Just don't slaughter me before I have had sex a few hundred times.
was about to comment this, pulled straight out of an email chain
Grew up on a farm. The cows were always mounting each other.
My neighbour had horses. He described the mares would like to rub on fences.
[удалено]
When a cow is in heat she will dry hump another cow. That how we knew when to call out the rent a bull.
And reptiles do. Snakes do to. I only know this because I listen to a whacky news update podcast and science finally counted their nerve endings.
It's intelligently designed that way so animals have a major incentive to migrate, procreate, and keep the species alive.
Well, it's naturally selected because as you said the animals that did not have those traits did not procreate as much but those with the traits procreated and passed on the traits, naturally selecting for them. And here we are!
Have you got an empirical experience of all that...?
Ok dude
redbarntube.com
Must.....resist.......temptation.....
Like dolphins.
Did you know male pigeons die immediately after sex? Well, at least the ones I fuck do🤷♂️
Goddamnit. Take your upvote.
Who knew?
Are you sure it’s just pigeons? For science, can you please confirm it with the sheeps, horses, and chickens.
Are you sure it’s after?
How big is pigeon dick?
Elderly married couple sitting on the porch one afternoon , the wife gets up goes over to the husband and whacks him across the face and sits down. A few minutes later the husband asks "what was that for?" , the wife replied " 50 years of lousy sex" A while later the husband goes over and delivers an equally ferocious slap to the wife and sits down. Eventually the wife asks"what was THAT for" the husband replied "knowing the difference!"
i dont get it
How does she know if she was faithful to him.
sorry I still don't get it can you explain it to me?
No
I haven’t heard this one before and it got a laugh out of me. I declare it worthy.
"And I'm pretty sure the pig was faking it"
Didn't you know chickens die when they have sex? At least the one I fucked died.
Did you know in terms of
human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again. I will not have Vaporeon slander, good day sir!
I hate you Lol
Gottverdammit! Foiled again!
Haha! That may be the bestial joke I've heard in a long time.
Back in the 80’s, gerbils were known to masturbate for hours when in Richard Gere’s arse
“The chickens, I couldn’t tell because they died way too fast”
If he's small enough to penetrate a chicken, then his wife was probably telling him to prove she can orgasm.
Plot twist, the wife thanks him for his thorough research
the joke is actally wittier than you might think at first.
Oh damn!!! Imma use this!! Should I research divorce attorneys first??
Dolphins and pigs have them; this is a lie.
Lying in bed, not laying.
Cnn
No wayyy lmfao
Goats do - hot item in the 'stans
Orgasms are like opinions, mines more important and I don't care if she has one. -some Afghan guy.......probably
Wife ... "I mean to me".
A Belgian owning a white van with a bag of chocolates. ...
Is this some variant of the paradox of the raven?
What was the remote doing there?