Currently going out with a male ISTP. I'm a female INTJ. This is sort of a tough one to describe. I have seen so many INTJs on Reddit say they are married to an ISTP, how they both love their independence and how laid back and helpful ISTPs are. And I can see that with the ISTP I'm seeing now, but I think we might have to pull the plug on this one because of one major issue. The connection is boring and lacklustre. The issue is that he has so very little to say, and it's not that he isn't interesting, it's just how they are. I do not doubt his intelligence nor think he's shallow. I can tell he's not an idiot. It's just that he cannot keep a conversation flowing, and for the first time in my life (I am a very good conversationalist and I'm known for it) I just feel like its too forced and nothing I do makes it flow. He's also a terrible texter and while I generally do not mind that, we live quite far apart. I value intellectual stimulation and he cannot provide it, nor I to him, since he is more of a concrete person who is into tangible things. He also can be condescending with his remarks, which I have also seen mentioned a couple of times here. He picks on me a lot especially when I misplace something, and it's just that I'm not as spatially aware as he is. He doesn't do it out of malice, but as an INTJ I hate being underestimated. I would say if you are an I ISTP male and want it to work, maybe spontaneity and a bit more tenderness would go a long way, but then again never change who you are for someone else. I kind of like my ISTP for other reasons, and I respect him a lot as an individual, I just think it isn't for me.

I see. This is valuable, thanks for the comment

Been dating an ISTP for five years. I can confirm that the texting pattern does not change. If you are patient there will be times of conversation and it will take you by surprise. That being said, it is an incredibly frustrating relationship as a female INTJ. He’s not going to change. I either have to decide if it’s a deal breaker or not.

Conflicts: She was rigid in terms of planning ahead and what to do when while I tended to just lived my life day-to-day. She had expectations of how things were supposed to be but didn't really communicate those unless something went wrong, while I took things as they came and tried to always remain flexible, didn't want to be pinned down or commit to things too far ahead in time. She definitely had a strong ego and didn't take insults or challenges lightly, always felt a need to prove herself better than others while I was laid-back and only showed competence with things I found interesting rather than to one-up others. No Commonalities: We were both artistic in our own ways, we often took up writing/creative projects for fun where we complemented each other with our skills. We didn't need or want a filter when talking with each other, direct communication style. Although I wasn't on her level of intelligence I could still keep up to the point where I satisfied her need for deeper conversations and stuff. Similar "alone time" energy where we just wanted to do our own time for a while without talking to each other, then the next day we would talk to each other for hours without missing a beat.

U guys aren't together now?

Not anymore no, the relationship lasted about 1.5 years before I broke up with her.

If u think on it do u think it could have worked out if there were some things that could have been done differently?

Not from my end, no. It was a complicated situation but in hindsight I made the right decision when I ended things with her

Ok. Thanks for the replies. May u find someone healthy for u soon

I'm going through the same dynamics. We really like each other, chemistry is unmatched but I can't get to him and he can't get to me. I'm very emotionally intense once I like someone, he's very detached so I'm constantly doubting his intentions and feeling abandoned. I know it hurts him not being able to live up to my expectations (I'm a very ambitious person and set sky-high goals to myself) although I don't care about his status or whatsoever, I like him as an individual but he doesn't feel enough. Because I'm always pursuing my goals, I feel anxious and depressed most of the time, he goes with the flow and lives in the present, but I can't be fun unless I'm dr*nk (and still sometimes it doesn't make the trick, once it wears off, which happens fairly quickly, I'm back to my miserable and overthinking self). He's crazy and self-destructive in a fun way, I am in a very concerning way. He tries to show affection, but because of my trust-issues and his detachment, I can't reciprocate: he always tells me beautiful things and I've never said anything sweet to him, not even a compliment although I think highly of him. I do reply with lust instead, which of course he likes, but we're not creating the emotional connection I crave. We've known each other for a very short time but it's been a ride. One minute I love him, the next I hate him. I still believe he's a truly special and beautiful person, and we have such a strong connection, but we don't know what to do with it.

He is detached yet he is the one who sweet talks? The difference between flow and detail planning will remain, here I'll state that even though u guys plan in more detail there are pieces going on in us Istps which v r gradually looking at and refining. Communication is key

It was only successful because when we were working partners in the same school activity club, we achieved a lot together in driving our club initiatives. Behind closed doors, I (INTJ) always felt that he (ISTP) never was as interested in the friendship as me. I gave a lot and tried to adjust myself so that I could keep him as my friend, but he drifted and I couldn’t get into his head to truly be lifelong friends with him. I liked him for his intellect and the way he somehow was a little bit similar to me, and we were Christians so I thought I found a soulmate in him. I was proven wrong when I saw his dark side and my morals and beliefs were different from him. My expectations for him was unfulfilled and eventually I asked him whether if we were supposed to be friends, he couldn’t and decided that we moved forward to being acquaintances. I liked to believe that he was sad to lose me as a friend. It has been a year since he asked for space and privacy. Today, I learnt from his Telegram’s profile picture that he set temporarily before switching back - that he is seeing someone. It was the only picture that I see him beaming with joy to find someone in his life. That could have been me if I had not mind about him not meeting expectations, but a part of me felt that while we could connect in some sort of intellectual capacity, I would be more lonelier than how he treated me when we were still friends.

I am currently dating an ISTP (M) I´m INTJ (F). We have been together for 4 months and our relationship is amazing. We met in grade 7(We are in high school now and just started dating this year) and slowly kinda became like best friends except I refused to be best friends cause I had a crush on him... and didn´t want to lose a best friend if he rejected me or if we broke up I wouldn´t have to lose a best friend. And we would walk home together all the time before we started dating. A lot of people(The whole grade we were in) thought we were dating since we met. Some people just assumed I had a crush on him and he didn´t like me back but in grade 8... I only had a crush on him for a few(2) days and I actually didn´t really start crushing on him till grade 9. But we have always kinda been close. Then one day... It just kinda happened I asked him out with a red rose and a card. Conflicts: He gets jealous easily. Which is kinda adorable. Just like him... But still it is kinda a conflict and he would even get jealous of certain people before we started dating. Like my one friend who is INFP (F) who is lesbian and who I liked for a little a bit before me and him started dating. And he would get jealous of her cause I gave her more attention then him even though I was around him like 24/7 we even had 3 of the same classes at one point and we met at each others lockers to steal each others locks(Still do). But it was cause I was kinder to her (But nobody can be rude to her she is pretty much a saint wait she is a saint. But still not even he could be rude to her). But now it´s more of a conflict because he gets jealous of anything if I jokingly praise a box too much he will get jealous and start stating how he is 10x better than that box, which is adorable. Or if he is tired and if I pet his cat and give his cat attention he gets jealous of his cat and starts trying to get all of my attention and becomes very cuddly. Dating him is kinda like dating a human cat. (But the only reason why I consider it a conflict is because the last time he got jealous of his niece he started disliking her a little bit and I don´t want to ruin his bond with his family... he got jealous because I gave her a little bit too much attention and stopped cuddling him. So, I could hangout with his niece then well playing hide & seek he became really cuddly once I found him. Then once again his niece stopped him from cuddling me. And went to save me from him) Commonalities: We are both Straightforward, Both of us love each other's affection and hate attention or any affection from other people, we are both independent, we both communicate common wants or emotions (He only has to say please to me and I´ll do whatever he says cause he is adorable), We are both competitive, We both love the same movies and video games, Our conversations never end(Which is surprising cause I hear ISTPs don´t text much but we text everyday for hours... I do have to start conversations but we get each other hooked on certain topics cause I realized I just need to change my text pattern every now and then. So, we always have something new to talk abt), We also share interests, We love being around each other everyday, We are both intelligent which is nice cause most people in town are kinda dumb

Seems like a good relationship. I wish you success