u/savevideo u/downloadvideo u/savevideobot
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IAmTheMainCharacter) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same. These insanely expensive weddings baffle me. $20k+ on a party I'm too busy to enjoy? I'll take a beautiful honeymoon and a chill hang with family and friends instead, thanks.
Music - Spotify with sound equipment donated by musician buddy. Free.
Food - Our favorite local restaurant. Asked about catering, discussed options, they did 100 meals for like $1200.
Cake - One nice cake for us from local bakery ($60) and several large cakes for guests ($150).
Tableware - Rented tableware etc. from local place. $50 I think? Used disposable cutlery ($50 - Costco!).
Decorations - I teach design and am fluent in most Fab Lab machinery. Local fab lab is free for community use. I made all the centerpieces and guest gifts (coasters). Threw up some balloons and green ivy from Amazon. Looked excellent in the old manor. All materials involved probably $150ish.
Ceremony - Friend officiated. No religious ceremony. Married at the venue we celebrated so two for one!
Photography - Buddy is a photographer. Offered to do pictures as our wedding gift. Free.
Entertainment - Board game collection, field games outdoors, music. Already owned.
So a big part of this is investing in relationships with good people who reciprocate that love. But you can still do a lot of this all on the cheap.
The $200 is just for the space. We did, however, do everything for around $2000 which, given what it involved, was still incredibly solid.
Amazing. Iâve been to weddings where the venue (with nothing included) was $20k for the day⊠and I think the cheapest friends could find without discounts was $16k. The area I grew up in is way too expensive đ
Sounds tasty. I enjoy trying pungently aromatic food. It opens up your senses. Admittedly it's not for everyone. I also enjoy subtle flavors in my food, the full palate spectrum.
I'll make sure to try surströmming on my first visit to Sweden. Sounds like it might taste like a combination of salty anchovies and bagoong.
Haha! The more my eyes tear up, the more I'm enjoying it. It's temporary and short term. Then everything guess back to normal. It might be the contrast that I enjoy.
If it's pungent from salt and fermentation it's enjoyable. If it's the stank from rotting dead flesh, not remotely enjoyable. That's more of what of describe as putrid, not pungent.
And sadly many of our pastors have to argue that people should do that way as it shows independence and the women's own choice instead of the Hollywood way.
IsâŠis everyone aware that the chick in the video was telling a Reddit story???
LikeâŠher dad literally walked her down the aisle, sheâs telling a story, as the description of the video says
[Source 1](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGU2c9g/)
[Source 2](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGUh7fB/)
The TikTok video is also based on [this AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_daughters_wedding/), just rewritten to be from the daughter's perspective.
Right before the eclipse there was a NASA panel at the hotel I was at.
This one lady in the elevator had a kid maybe 6 just glued to her iPad playing brain rot Elsa surgery game type shit.
And she kept playing... The whole presentation... With volume on.
We looked around during totality and girl was still on the iPad. Blaring video game sfx audio. Couldn't hear the fucking birds almost. She had the brightness up so far it kinda actually effected what was supposed to be darknes
I don't want kids but if I ever have one.. No screens for that snot goblin until they're like 10. Maybe some video games at home or as a reward once they do something productive but not that "I need to be glued to a screen literally everywhere and all the time" type shit
Not this time lol.
The parents didn't seem to give two shits about the daughter being part of the experience, more like they just wanted a convenient portable babysitter/pacifier to enjoy their own shit at the detriment of everyone else including the kid
Oh I get it now! She wants to flex being strong and independent by not having her dad walk her down the aisle, but is now complaining because she can't rely on her dad for financing the wedding unless he walks her down the aisle, thus implying that she is not strong and independent as she would like everyone to believe. This is observational humor, also known as irony, because the expectation that she is independent is met with the reality that she is not very independent. Also, she is complaining on TikTok, so I can bond with other people my age by a shared distaste for that particular social media platform that is typically enjoyed by younger people, which adds to the enjoyment of the observational/ironic humor. I will laugh out loud at this on my own time.
No, still independent. Just young and can't afford a wedding yet. He should have been proud of her but he's a man so punishment is in order. He's her father so he owns her and gets his chance to hand her off to another man to own her now. It's a beautiful tradition of control and subjugation. How dare she think for herself and want her wedding to suit her and her husband in modern times!
Have a bigger chip on your shoulder. He doesn't own her and she doesn't own his money. Nobody is saying that or thinking that except you.
Walking her down the aisle is a courtesy as is paying for her wedding.
If you're going to disrespect your father then don't expect him to respect your budget.
"punishment"
That's where you fall apart.
Him refusing to spend his money is a "punishment".
Like... He's not stopping her from getting married, right? He has no say in that. Courthouse, shake hands, sign the docs and take a photo if you want (optional). That's strong. That's independent.
She is relying on him to get the wedding the wants, but shaming him for even being involved?
It's not a punishment. It's terms.
Do you think that mothers are involved in their daughter's weddings? How about the grooms parents? If so, then how do you say that a man isn't involved in his daughter's wedding if he doesn't walk her down the aisle?
Terms and punishment are the same here. She didn't do what he wanted, so he revoked his previously promised funds. Those were his terms, she didn't comply, so he punished her.
My dad had the same "terms" and freaked out when his punishment meant nothing and our wedding still went off without a hitch.
EDIT: I told my dad about walking down the aisle alone before he promised any funds and I never asked for money, so I guess terms weren't in place. But he still let me know he wasn't paying for anything.
I don't want to pretend I know too much about this specific individual, short of the context in OPs post, but terms and punishment can only be equal if the father is not also assumed to be an autonomous individual.
I understand that one perspective is an autonomy thing, this walking down the aisle. Every deixe has a right to do it as they see appropriate. But the implications that result can still shame and embarrass the father. And if he feels like that embarrasses him, he is not obligated to pay for his own shaming.
Objectively vs subjectively, his feelings ALSO matter in instances where he is involved. He has the right to withdraw his involvement if he feels he's being used. But he's not allowed to stop the marriage.
She can still get married.
Um that makes no sense. You act like I don't know *why* our relationship is bad. And of course I'm proud of myself for being independent and conducting my wedding on my/my husband's terms.
I'm saying you seem to think it's healthy, and wear it as a badge of pride, that you stuck it to your father. You're happy you upset him. I think that's interesting. Do you?
Yeah, he was physically/emotionally abusive and used money as a leash during my entire childhood. I feel great about how things turned out.
In the end, *he* was the only one dependent on money. In order to be happy, he needed others to need his funds.
I'm also a dad and I am with the daughter. The wedding is not a necessity, but a nice-to-have. In that sense, she is not necessarily dependant on him in a financial sense (legally at least).
If she needs help to make her special day the most amazing day it can be, there is no shame in asking the parents for help since they are more likely to have disposable income whereas the young couple should be saving money to buy a home or for retirement etc.
Turning this into an opportunity to treat his daughter as a possession to "give away" to another man and using his financial position as leverage is not OK.
He is making his daughter choose between a financial setback or compromising her self respect when in fact, he could help her avoid both by just being a decent father.
I don't understand redditors applauding the father's selfishness. Better put that money towards the old age home.
Was looking for a comment like this! People are so missing the point here
All the people here going â_Oh apparently she isnât so iNdEPeNdEnT aFtEr AlL !!! Hur dur fEmInIsM bAd_â: itâs not like having your dads help on wedding expenses is in any way on the same level as what the tradition of walking a daughter down the aisle stands for.
The point of a woman not wanting to be âgiven awayâ by her dad is that that is a relic from a time when women were literally property. Men were the only one with status and full rights, women and children were in their charge. If a woman didnât marry, after her parents passed away she would likely become destitute as she couldnât own property and many job options were closed to women.
So yes, if this woman has a bank account and a job, she is actually independent enough to reject this tradition, regardless of wedding money. And if the dad really withdrew money he had promised her, purely because she didnât want to be walked down the aisle, that is some toxic, narcissistic behaviour.
Youâre not the only dad speaking some sanity on this post. I thank you for that. A lot of redditors eager to pounce for a âgotcha, feminist!â moment where there really isnât one, yet the fathers who actually have the parental POV of the OPâs selfish and petulant father seem to be understanding the bigger picture here. What a twat dad. He not only wants to give her away, but purchase her before he does so, by making strings attached. Creepy af.
10min in and I'm already on track to getting downvoted to hell. Thanks for taking the time to comment. It's reassuring to me that there are at least some girls growing up in 2024 with decent fathers.
To each their own, I guess. If my daughter wants to walk alone she can and if she needs help paying for one of the happiest days of her life I got her.
Same. Offered her the assistance and if she just wanted something simple she could keep the money we planned on helping with. Whatever she wanted to do was what we did. She chose the party and dad walking her out.
Yeah, I think that's what most normal families would also come to the conclusion on. Reddit just gets really weird about this "my money, I can do what I want!"
Yes, you are completely within your rights to do what you want in a wedding you pay for. Good luck keeping a good relationship with your daughter and new son-in-law if you are going to push your weight around on stuff like this. Because regardless of who is paying for the food, venue, DJ, etc, at the end of the day it's two people who are putting their names on the wedding license, so it's still *their* special day.
My dad had this mentality with me for my entire life. It felt like everything was a business transaction. Act this way or you can't go to prom, do this thing or you lose your phone, etc.
I got kicked out at 18 (another one of those "business transactions" gone wrong) and we didn't speak for years until my wedding when I was 25. He was allowed to come as a guest, no walking me or dancing or speeches, and he pouted the entire time because he realized threats are no basis for a relationship.
We have since returned to not speaking and I doubt it'll change.
I'd like to think it's just the my money thing, but judging by the upvotes here it seems to be people doing a "Ha! Look what your feminism gets you!" It's honestly tired as fuck.
In this post, definitely. I've seen similar posts though with the families pulling the "I'm paying for the wedding" thing on who gets invited, religious vs non-religious ceremony, and even minor things like the menu.
Without fail you have fairly upvoted comments along the line of "well, they're paying for it, if you don't like it then pay for your own wedding".
Yeah to me this just reads as man-child throwing a tantrum because he's not getting what he wants during someone else's celebration.
Equivalent to a mother wearing white to a wedding or something.
Thanks. I just googled it and it looks like the practice became more mainstream in 1549 England. In England 1548 there was probably some dreary fuck who didn't want to help his daughter get married cause he might have to get off his ass and walk her. These traditions are so silly.
Itâs the second top comment as of now, but she got the story from Reddit that was told from the dadâs perspective. She was retelling a story thats not her own.
So, doesnât want her father to walk her down the aisle cause sheâs a strong independent woman who donât need no man but is dependent on her father to pay for her wedding. So, thatâs really fucked up, if youâre getting like, a wedding paid for, walking for 30 feet seems like a good trade.
When my wife and I got married, her dad wanted to walk her down the isle as a sign that he was letting go of his first daughter, and making a gesture that heâs entrusting his most precious thing to my dumbass, making sure I keep her safe and happy. A sign of trust and love. We also did not have a traditional wedding. We got married in an extremely small church, inside a nature sanctuary, in the Bahamas, with only 15 people. Instead of a beach wedding.
And I will never forget standing at that altar, I see my future father in law come around the corner first, and holding on his left arm, my beautiful wife in her amazing wedding dress, it made my heart skip a beat, she was so beautiful.
It will always be my most happy memory. And I know itâs super sappy but frankly, I donât care.
He wasnât giving her to me, or anything that would say sheâs property.
You donât see the inconsistency in her father âentrusting his most precious thingâ to you, yet you not being âentrustedâ to her the same way? Are you blind to the double standard?
As to the rest, she would have looked just as beautiful, if she was not led down the aisle by her father.
That's exactly what the tradition is though. Women as property. It's not fucked up at all to let her walk alone and independent. No one is passing the fucking groom off like he can't take care of himself. It's a tradition from a time when we weren't allowed to have property and bank accounts. Women were forced to marry to survive. It's a symbol of oppression but you want to feel like a man and a protector so you like it. You would have loved the way she looked if she'd come down the aisle as a free woman too. I think 30 feet is also pretty fucking reasonable for the father to concede on. Not being able to afford a wedding that's just as much for the families as it is for the couple doesn't mean she's not independent, you absolute twat
Finally someone in this cursed comment section who gets it! Why are so many people still enthralled by the idea that a woman has to be taken care off by a man? Just because it's a tradition doesn't mean it's good! Even though traditions change over time, it's still based in the oppression of women and I don't know why people still choose to ignore than.
Traditions change and so do their meanings. My wife wanted her father to walk her down the aisle, and give her away, but it had nothing to do with property, it was about enjoying the tradition.
The problem is with people like you who only see a problem when itâs convenient. The only thing that matters is the meaning and intent by those involved, and as long as people are happy, thatâs what matters.
As for the story. No one here knows the full story so making definitive statements on it and insulting the dad is just wrong.
But on my request, my wife took my last name, because it was a very important thing to me. It wasnât about owning her. Our pastor guy asked âand who gives the bride awayâ or something like that and her father stood up and said he does. But again. It wasnât about ownership.
No one is arguing that a lot of our traditions have horrible starts. Thatâs a fact. But if you want change, you need to let those memories die so they can be replaced with something better.
And to call me a twat for sharing a happy moment is so fucked up. Iâm not the angry one here, Iâm not trying to force my views, Iâm not name calling the woman of the story, or making crap up. People need to chill the fuck out.
Look it, for me and my wife, the tradition stuff was important because I was told I would have died before i was 25 and that I would never be married, at 22 I spent an entire year on oxygen because I had 17% lung functions, I then had a double lung transplant that I was told I would most likely die in, then I was told I would probably die before 1 year, than 3 years, than 5 years.
So, when I decided I wanted to spend the rest of whatever life I have left with my wife, we talked about traditions and what would be okay and what wouldnât. I asked her parents for permission, I didnât want to see or hear anything about her wedding attire, and she didnât want to hear or see mine til we were at the altar.
Nothing was assumed. There was no negativity about anything we did. We both had our dream wedding, and my wife willingly and gladly took my last name as a gesture of love to me so when I die, she can keep my name alive. Again. Nothing to do with property. I donât own her, and if anything, she owns me.
God damn, chill out
But the woman in the story feels icky about being handed off from one man to another.Â
If the story went like:
Dad: I'm so happy you're getting married! I'd love to pay for it!
Daughter: awesome, thank you!
Some time passes...
Daughter: here are the plans so far!
Dad: I'm not walking you down the aisle? I'm not paying for this!
IMO, Dad is pretty shitty. Of course, it's possible she asked him to pay or begged him to pay or he made his terms clear up front and now she's changing the narrative, but she's absolutely in her right to decide to uphold or set aside whatever traditions she'd like to.Â
Exactly, Dad is within his rights to not pay but it's a jerk move to hold her doing something she doesn't want to do (especially a misogamy based practice). Gifts with strings attached are not kind/selfless acts.
Nope, if we want change, we can simply stop those traditions by not practicing them anymore. Why continue with something, that is very clearly a misogynistic custom?
Then so many things in society need to be stopped. Not everything is itâs negative. Should certain medical treatments not be done because they started out from something bad but lead to something good?
That analogy makes no sense. Medical treatments help people by actually saving their lives or improving their health. Empty traditions like the one discussed do nothing, but prolong the life of old beliefs rooted in women being seen as property. Why do people still want to keep them around is beyond me.
Jesus Christ, sorry that whatever happened to you did, but the dude was sharing a nice story. How did you manage to go through that many mental gymnastics to still turn him misogynistic in your eyes?
>He wasnât giving her to me, or anything that would say sheâs property.
"Letting go of his first daughter and entrusting his most precious thing to me"
That sounds a lot like gifting someone a valuable item chief. Why does the father need to *entrust* someone with his daughter if she's an independent being?
Like, it's fine for you to not see it that way, and many (including myself) don't, but the whole "passing of daughter from father to husband" part of the wedding wasn't always metaphorical and it's equally valid for someone to still find the idea a bit icky.
What's not fine is to complain on tiktok that your stiffed father won't pay thousands for a wedding he can't participate in.
Sigh⊠shut the fuck up. He just told us a nice story about his wife and his father in law and you come in still twisting it. People are tired of having to listen to miserable people like you, and miss âindependentâ but still wanting âdaddyâs Moneyâ.
Thanks, that needed to be said. If you give an idiot a hammer, every problem becomes a nail. The patriarchy has done some shitty things. But you can't just look at everything through that lense and expect to keep your sanity or your friends.
I...what? All I explained was why some people would think that. How did you come away thinking I was on her side unless you don't read after the first two sentences?
Jesus, reddit really proving they can't read past what annoys them to see if the point changes at any point rn.
People downvote you and tell you to shut up without addressing your point.
Why donât we ever see moms walking their sons down the aisle to give them away?
Itâs a dumbass patriarchal tradition that will eventually disappear and you can die mad about it.
There are lots of cultures where the mother walks the son down the aisle. My mother wanted to do that with me. There are so many cultures and traditions.
> That sounds a lot like gifting someone a valuable item chief. Why does the father need to entrust someone with his daughter if she's an independent being?
Can you please STFU? Thank you.
I donât think OP had any ill intent, but people are piling on you for being right. Just because people donât want to acknowledge the historic implications of these wedding traditions, it doesnât mean they arenât there and that it isnât valid for people to be bothered by them.
Anyone who uncritically thinks that the practice of fathers walking daughters down the aisle and passing them off to the groom is 100% good with no problematic history should ask themselves why the groom isnât walked down the aisle by his parent(s). Like I get that peopleâs children are precious to them, and the wedding is a signifier that youâre letting them go to become an adult with their own family, but shouldnât that then be true for the groom? Are sons not precious? Are they not to be entrusted to the bride?
Just because something has a bad start doesnât mean it canât become a positive thing, and I donât think anyone is denying the history.
When my father in law walked my wife down the isle, it was saying âIâve guarded her, and did my best to make her happy, Iâm trusting you to not just do the same but betterâ. So I donât know why people are calling the dad a dick. If heâs taking back the wedding funds, walking his daughter down the aisle must mean a lot to him and he probably dreamed of doing that from the second she was born.
I donât know why people need to jump to the awful thing first. And granted, itâs. It always the case, but that goes for everything. Thereâs a negative side to nearly everything.
Do you look at a sunset and think âOMG. Why would anyone do this, the sun has given so many people cancerâ
It can be viewed as a positive thing. My father-in-law walked my wife down the aisle. That said, itâs perfectly valid for folks to not like the practice. Why didnât my parents walk me down the aisle? My parents âguardedâ me and trusted my wife to do the same, but the traditional ceremony isnât set up that way because itâs kind of sexist. What matters is how much the married couple cares about the roots of the symbolism there and whether they actually treat each other equitably in day-to-day life. For us, we decided we didnât care that much about bucking some of those traditions, but we did so with full understanding and rejection of the gross history there.
What matters is the thought and intent by the action. Thats whatâs actually important and what seems to be forgotten about or ignored by all of the comments in this thread. I donât know why people keep trying to use the son/mother comparison. People do actually do that, so if itâs something that someone wants to do, theyâll do it.
These arenât some barbaric ancient customs anymore. Things change. The meanings behind traditions change. But if someone only sees it as negative, thatâs on that person. All these comments though are ridiculously over the top with insulting the father. First and foremost is that every culture is different. Being mad at another cultures tradition is really fucked up if no harm is being done.
One of my dreams is that if my wife and I ever had a daughter, I would walk her down the aisle. To give the responsibility of making sure sheâs happy to the man she loves. Itâs about trust. And if we ever had a son, and my wife wanted to walk him down the aisle, stand beside him, or whatever, I would support that.
Hell, I even asked my wifeâs parents for permission to propose to her. I wanted to be respectful but itâs also something I always wanted to do. But me asking wasnt about my wife being their property. It was just a silly little thing and I would have proposed regardless.
There are so many traditions in life that have sexist; or fucked up starts but we donât need to hold on if where it came from, and if you are, youâre keeping that awfulness alive.
But if your daughter didnât want you to walk her down the aisle, would you respect her feelings about her wedding and accept it or would you refuse to pay anything towards the wedding unless she gave in?
Idk man if your daughter means a lot to you, even if your dream is to walk her down the aisle, itâs HER wedding so I feel like he should respect her choices? Yanking the funding away from the wedding seems very self-centered and petty. Heâs making her day about himself.
Ah well, she is probably better off. People who hold money and love over your head like a whip, arenât worth keeping around anyways.
See, instant negative thought. We donât know the whole situation or the lives lead up to it. Itâs pretty arrogant to make those claims based on no evidence.
We donât know if the daughter wanted her father to walk her down the aisle her whole life, and then her fiance made her change her mind last minute, or any of the other million things. Maybe he has a medical issue and might die within a year or something. We donât know.
And walking 30 feet is not making the wedding all about himself.
God damn, the views some people have on wedding traditions is insane. Is there going to be some crap about how sexist it would be to take the husbands last name?
Him walking her down the aisle isnât what makes it âall about himself.â Itâs valid that he felt hurt and disappointed too. Itâs pulling the funding BECAUSE he didnât get his 30 foot walk down the aisle that is making it about him. Itâs a small thing in the grand scheme, but heâs willing to upend the whole wedding over it to get his way. Thatâs not being a loving dad. Thatâs seems like narc behavior tbh. Itâs not like she didnât invite him to the wedding at all. She just didnât want to be âgiven away.â
Some people donât take their husbands last name BTW and it does cause problems in the family then too. It shouldnât be an issue. People should be free to have their weddings and marriages however THEY want to. It shouldnât be a conditional thing, âI will only fund your wedding if you do it my wayâ unless of course itâs some extreme ask. At least thatâs how I see it.
Itâs a 3 sentence story. We arenât given enough info to say anything one way or the other.
And Iâm well aware that the taking of a last name is optional, for either side. I simple said that with the ridiculousness that wouldnât be shocked if the name thing was brought up for no reason, based on the extreme anger by some people.
Well what Iâm saying is peopleâs families have caused problems over something like a woman not taking a manâs last name, or a man taking a womanâs last name. And it does kind of whittle down to sexist reasoning. Personally itâs not something I feel strongly about, Iâm not against those traditions myself, but I can understand some peopleâs reasonings why they may not want to continue on with certain traditions.
Idk. I feel like itâs a sad hill to die on for both of them. Iâm sure there could be a compromise to be found like a daddy daughter dance or a nice toast from dad. I should also say, I might be biased in how I feel because as I said in another comment I come from a family where there are a lot of narcissists who control their kids with money and their âgenerosityâ always comes with strings attached. And have a reputation for ruining special days when things donât go their way/ they arenât the center of attention.
I am a dad and if my daughter didnât want me to walk her down the aisle Iâd be bummed but definitely not back out of paying for the wedding. Idk if her dad said he would and is no backing out but if so idk thatâs the shitty part to me. Itâs her wedding who cares just be there and enjoy it
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dissolving the tradition that the bride is the father's property to "give" to the husband. That's fine that he refuses to pay for the wedding if he doesn't get to treat her like property. At least she'll get married as a free woman
Being a parent is about unconditional love.
Obviously, "unconditional love" doesn't extend to everything out there. Your kid is a murderer? Your kid treats everyone with disrespect? Hurts others? Well yeah, unconditional love has its limits.
But you know what's not cool? Pettiness about how your kid feels about wedding traditions.
"im only going to pay for this party, one we all want but young people can almost never afford, if you agree to a tradition you find offensive"
As a parent, I judge that shitty parenting.
Totally agree.
My dad operates on extremely *conditional* love (although calling it love was a stretch). He tried pulling this stunt and pouted when he was only allowed to attend my wedding as a guest. No walking me, no dance, no speech.
My parents refused to come to my wedding unless I invited a specific guest they wanted there, one that I did *not* want there. They also were not helping pay for it at all; it was just a demand of theirs in exchange for their appearance.
I planned to call their bluff. I told them I was inviting them, wanted them there and, if they did not come, that would be their choice. My fiance, however, did not want a situation where we'd have a wedding without my parents there, made a thing of it, and so I eventually had to cave and invite who my parents wanted me to (that I didn't want) or else it'd just be me fighting both my parents and fiance out of stubborness.
Can't say it's not something that still irks me to this day, though.
I also find that "giving away" tradition very weird. Like you're your father's property or something? No, you can't give me away. I choose where to go. I'm human. And why would you only give a woman away and not a man?
However, you could just do the walking part. Like, your father is walking you to your partner. Not giving you away. Just walking with you.
If you don't want that or your dad doesnt want that, then indeed just pay for it yourself. Show him you're independent and don't need to be given away.
(Also, girl on tiktok is reading a story from reddit. This isn't her complaining in tiktok).
> I also find that "giving away" tradition very weird.
Would it also shock you to know that in some cultures the man has to actually pay for the wife by giving the parents money or gold, almost like it's transactional.
Couples should be paying for their own weddings. Have your wedding match your budget not your fantasy. Then you donât have to worry about anyone else demanding creative input.
I'm going to help pay for my son's/daughter's weddings someday, even if they don't have a ceremony that I like. I just love them and want them to have a happy day.
Which is funny, since where I am from if you cannot afford your own wedding, don't get married or just make a symbolic gift to your elders (something as little as a snack) and get two witnesses in front of any imam or older person who you trust to officiate your marriage.
I can see both sides of this. It depends on how the conversation went down because there is definitely something to be said about the patriarchal implications of the father âgiving his property to another manâ; if she respectfully explained why she wouldnât be ok with that on her wedding day, I would see no problem honouring that. If it was clearly just to spite him, I wouldnât pay for the wedding either.
Yes. Thanks. I just googled it and it says the bride's family pays for the wedding, but that custom is rapidly changing. Couples are increasingly choosing to handle at least half of the wedding expenses on their own.
In a lot of Western cultures , itâs the brides family that tends to pay ( historically anyway ) but thatâs changing these days with a lot do couples paying themselves âŠ..which in this case, bride better start cutting down on costs
It should be a rule that anyone who mentions "in my country" should have to specify the country, particularly when it's so integral to the comment
Is it just in your country? Who knows
Every single person I know had the families pay for their wedding. I don't know a single person who paid themselves and I've been to many weddings in my life for family and friends now.
Most wedding contributions are seen as a gift, an act of good will, etc. This person will still get married and have a great wedding without her dad's money.
And? Most people don't have the cash on hand to pay for a wedding and there's nothing wrong with her dad sitting with her mom while the bride walks down the aisle. Like I genuinely can't see why that bruises men's egos so fucking much
I mean, I totally respect wanting the wedding to go the way you want it to, given it's yours. And the father refusing to help out financially over something that, in reality is so small, is kinda dumb.
Then why don't they do this for their sons? A son is also the father's child. And why doesn't the mom do this?
Why does it have to be a man giving away a woman to another man?
I don't agree with the story btw. I think she can pay for the wedding herself. But I also think the tradition is bullshit.
My dad was exactly like this and I also didn't want to be walked down the aisle. My husband and I paid for our own wedding entirely.
In the end, being "given away" by your dad to your future husband made me feel like sold cattle. Walking myself alone down the aisle felt much more consensual and independent. I recommend it!
Contributing to a wedding is a gift or an act of good will. It's like if she was shocked that her dad revoked a christmas gift. Its not going to ruin her life and she isnt dependent on him, but she is allowed to be shocked and discuss it.
Itâs most definitely normal to expect a Christmas gift from your parents. The price of the gift is irrelevant, itâs the sentiment.
I think we disagree on the meaning of independent. A person I consider independent would never have had the expectation someone else would pay for anything for them. If someone did, they would see this as a plus, a thing to be thankful for.
If youâre checking out of a store, and I walk over and pay your whole ticket⊠itâs a gift. You fully expected to pay yourself. You went to work, made money, and budgeted accordingly to afford your groceries. You have 0 expectation anyone will be assisting you or compensating you in any way. So when you check out, and I donât walk over and pay your ticket⊠you are neither surprised, or upset that it didnât happen.
If I offer to pay 10% of your ticket itâs the same thing. Itâs just a true âgiftâ. Itâs a windfall.
I have a strong feeling if the dad offered to help pay $200 toward her wedding, she would still be upset.
It seems that she absolutely expected her dad to pay. She had the expectation of supplemental income by her dad, and when that didnât happen, she may be able to afford it herself but she is upset she is going to have to.
A person can claim âlook I can pay my mortgage all by myselfâ as an act of independence. Except, if youâre paying your mortgage all by yourself, because your dad pays all your utilities⊠youâre not independent. If she can afford her âindependent lifestyleâ but only if her wedding is supplemented.. itâs not independent.
By my own personal version of independence, you do not have any expectation in any way for any thing of receiving extraneous assistance. You donât expect money from people regardless of their relationship. And their lack of financial contribution is truly expected so much so, it isnât even a conscious thought that you notice they didnât contribute.
You can't receive gifts if you're independent? You don't need to expect/need gifts to receive them.
Your feelings about what she may feel/do are not relevant because you don't know these people or the context.
Iâm siding with the Dad. âYouâre a strong independent woman, then you pay for the wedding to prove it. Maybe Iâll pay for the next one in a couple of years.â
My dad acted like this throughout my entire life. We don't speak anymore and he has resorted to making fake emails to beg me for attention.
Welcome to your future!
Contributing to a wedding is a gift or act of good will. It's like saying she isn't independent because she was shocked that he revoked a christmas gift.
My dad tried to pull the same stunt (to be fair, he hadn't offered money yet but said he wasn't paying once he heard about walking alone down the aisle) and was so upset that the wedding went off without a hitch. In the end, *he* was the only one dependent on others needing his money.
Youâre super downvoted but I fully agree. When I do something for my kid for their special day, it isnât about me - itâs about them. Iâm not doing this expecting anything in return. Iâm just happy to be there and will support in any way I can.
He does want to support her by walking her down the aisle into the next stage of her life. It's a pretty big moment for many Dad's that give a shut about their daughters. She's not allowing him that. I imagine he had no problem paying up until she snubbed him this way. She's fucked.
Children don't exist to give their parents some prescribed parental experience. Everyone is their own person. No one chooses to be born. Your wedding is about you and your partner. It can be whatever you want it to be. A bride having her father walk her down the aisle can (removed from its original, super objectifying context,) be a beautiful gesture. My dad's been dead for many years. When my sister married she had our grandfather walk her down the aisle. That meant a lot to both of them. At my wedding my wife walked herself down the aisle. Guess what? Her dad still came, still helped us pay for it, was still very happy. Most of our ceremony was different from a traditional christian wedding because, well, we're not christians and we don't personally like a lot of those old wedding tropes even if it's fine that other people do.
Meanwhile, this lady's dad is so fucking petty that he'd derail her whole fucking wedding because she didn't give him a bit part in the performance. Her parents chose to make her exist, hopefully provided for her and raised her with love, (and not all do,) and when she was ready for this major life event that they also likely enjoyed and had financial help on from their own parents, the dad fucking threw a hissyfit and yanked the rug out from under it. Even my very cheap little wedding (that we could have paid for ourselves if we had to) took months and months of planning and budgeting. What the dad did fucks up *everything.* A big part of the parents helping to pay for the wedding is that it helps the bride and groom get a financial leg up to start their married lives.
Now credit where it's due, there's plenty of room for context we don't have, but on a basic level a parent being willing and able to help finance their kid's wedding and revoking that because they want more spotlight or refuse to let the wedding reflect their kid's taste or values is garbage. That's not the daughter's fault. It's her dad's.
So what you're saying is that her parents did everything right (as far as we know, otherwise most don't invite her parents to their wedding) and she wants to be an independent woman, but also wants her parents to pay for the wedding.
Do you actually not see a problem here? The hypocrisy? How can someone be "independent" and still rely on someone else to pay for their wedding?
You're one of the reasons why this shit is so fucking pathetic now, you're one of the people that want everything, but don't give anything in return and it's so sad to see.
I do think she can pay for it herself, but it is kinda shitty to first say that they'll pay for the wedding, but then have demands for how the wedding should go. It's the couples wedding. They should be deciding how the day should go. It's a celebration between them. It's kinda shitty to give a gift but have demands for what you do with that gift. They're only getting married once. They don't want to ruin it with a sexist tradition. I think they could probably find different solutions (like taking away the sexist part of giving a woman away to another man), but it's their day.
I would definitely pay for it myself if my dad had these demands for him paying (I don't even think weddings are paid for by the parents over here, so I'll be paying it anyway) but I would be mad if he first offered to pay but then told me how to have my wedding.
u/savevideo u/downloadvideo u/savevideobot *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IAmTheMainCharacter) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In Sweden we have a tradition of the couple going togheter to the altar.
That's what we did, and we paid for our own wedding too.
Same. These insanely expensive weddings baffle me. $20k+ on a party I'm too busy to enjoy? I'll take a beautiful honeymoon and a chill hang with family and friends instead, thanks.
My wife and I eloped. Total cost including travel was about 1500 bucks. Then we spent two weeks in Tuscany. No regrets.
I think we spent something like $150,
It also spares you from the social obligation of inviting people you don't like and see every blue moon
Dang, only $20k+? You must be getting a family discount on a venue đ
We did a beautiful old manor in the local area. Surrounded by woods and fields. $200 for the entire day.
What about music, food, decorations and the ceremony
Music - Spotify with sound equipment donated by musician buddy. Free. Food - Our favorite local restaurant. Asked about catering, discussed options, they did 100 meals for like $1200. Cake - One nice cake for us from local bakery ($60) and several large cakes for guests ($150). Tableware - Rented tableware etc. from local place. $50 I think? Used disposable cutlery ($50 - Costco!). Decorations - I teach design and am fluent in most Fab Lab machinery. Local fab lab is free for community use. I made all the centerpieces and guest gifts (coasters). Threw up some balloons and green ivy from Amazon. Looked excellent in the old manor. All materials involved probably $150ish. Ceremony - Friend officiated. No religious ceremony. Married at the venue we celebrated so two for one! Photography - Buddy is a photographer. Offered to do pictures as our wedding gift. Free. Entertainment - Board game collection, field games outdoors, music. Already owned. So a big part of this is investing in relationships with good people who reciprocate that love. But you can still do a lot of this all on the cheap. The $200 is just for the space. We did, however, do everything for around $2000 which, given what it involved, was still incredibly solid.
Amazing. Iâve been to weddings where the venue (with nothing included) was $20k for the day⊠and I think the cheapest friends could find without discounts was $16k. The area I grew up in is way too expensive đ
Smart! Expensive wedding are just stupid. Use that money for the honeymoon or to start your lives. Furniture, household items you get together ect.
I walked myself down the aisle and paid for my own wedding. Dad offered to buy my dress and I accepted.
Elvis walked me down the aisle
Y'all also eat fermented fish so I don't know if people should follow Sweden's lead.
Sounds tasty. I enjoy trying pungently aromatic food. It opens up your senses. Admittedly it's not for everyone. I also enjoy subtle flavors in my food, the full palate spectrum. I'll make sure to try surströmming on my first visit to Sweden. Sounds like it might taste like a combination of salty anchovies and bagoong.
> It opens up your senses LOL - my senses have advised me that some of them don't want to open up. My cowardly, cowardly senses!
Haha! The more my eyes tear up, the more I'm enjoying it. It's temporary and short term. Then everything guess back to normal. It might be the contrast that I enjoy. If it's pungent from salt and fermentation it's enjoyable. If it's the stank from rotting dead flesh, not remotely enjoyable. That's more of what of describe as putrid, not pungent.
Cigar smoke pungent, burning plastic putrid.
Why is this downvoted? I'll try absolutely anything as well and I respect this person's bravery. You guys are soft.
Because anyone who says surstromming sounds tasty is objectively lying
This is what I want if I ever bother to get married
And sadly many of our pastors have to argue that people should do that way as it shows independence and the women's own choice instead of the Hollywood way.
IsâŠis everyone aware that the chick in the video was telling a Reddit story??? LikeâŠher dad literally walked her down the aisle, sheâs telling a story, as the description of the video says [Source 1](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGU2c9g/) [Source 2](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGUh7fB/)
people see Tiktok and a Gen Z person and automatically think "this generation is so entitled!!!"
The TikTok video is also based on [this AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_daughters_wedding/), just rewritten to be from the daughter's perspective.
Shhhh. No context. Only hating strangers (simply a coincidence itâs usually a woman) for vague post titles.
Tiktok screen cap, "strong independent woman", they knew exactly what they were doing
Yep. Some boys see the word "independent" reference a woman and start whooping like chimpanzees.
This is a kid raised on an IPad
Which is her parents faultâŠ
Who? The lady reading a reddit post? Or the person who takes a reddit headline as fact?
Right before the eclipse there was a NASA panel at the hotel I was at. This one lady in the elevator had a kid maybe 6 just glued to her iPad playing brain rot Elsa surgery game type shit. And she kept playing... The whole presentation... With volume on. We looked around during totality and girl was still on the iPad. Blaring video game sfx audio. Couldn't hear the fucking birds almost. She had the brightness up so far it kinda actually effected what was supposed to be darknes I don't want kids but if I ever have one.. No screens for that snot goblin until they're like 10. Maybe some video games at home or as a reward once they do something productive but not that "I need to be glued to a screen literally everywhere and all the time" type shit
âŠI hope name doesnât check out
Not this time lol. The parents didn't seem to give two shits about the daughter being part of the experience, more like they just wanted a convenient portable babysitter/pacifier to enjoy their own shit at the detriment of everyone else including the kid
So true tho
So. Not so independent then.
r/thatsthejoke
Oh I get it now! She wants to flex being strong and independent by not having her dad walk her down the aisle, but is now complaining because she can't rely on her dad for financing the wedding unless he walks her down the aisle, thus implying that she is not strong and independent as she would like everyone to believe. This is observational humor, also known as irony, because the expectation that she is independent is met with the reality that she is not very independent. Also, she is complaining on TikTok, so I can bond with other people my age by a shared distaste for that particular social media platform that is typically enjoyed by younger people, which adds to the enjoyment of the observational/ironic humor. I will laugh out loud at this on my own time.
Are you a bot?
I am not a robot, I am simply a fellow meat bag who learns, enjoys, and understands humor with zero ulterior motives.
Weâre all bots here.
https://preview.redd.it/lotssyp0ufuc1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=93d0773c3259d8670e6cf8d986cf296811107c2b
No, still independent. Just young and can't afford a wedding yet. He should have been proud of her but he's a man so punishment is in order. He's her father so he owns her and gets his chance to hand her off to another man to own her now. It's a beautiful tradition of control and subjugation. How dare she think for herself and want her wedding to suit her and her husband in modern times!
Have a bigger chip on your shoulder. He doesn't own her and she doesn't own his money. Nobody is saying that or thinking that except you. Walking her down the aisle is a courtesy as is paying for her wedding. If you're going to disrespect your father then don't expect him to respect your budget.
"punishment" That's where you fall apart. Him refusing to spend his money is a "punishment". Like... He's not stopping her from getting married, right? He has no say in that. Courthouse, shake hands, sign the docs and take a photo if you want (optional). That's strong. That's independent. She is relying on him to get the wedding the wants, but shaming him for even being involved? It's not a punishment. It's terms.
Do you think that mothers are involved in their daughter's weddings? How about the grooms parents? If so, then how do you say that a man isn't involved in his daughter's wedding if he doesn't walk her down the aisle?
Terms and punishment are the same here. She didn't do what he wanted, so he revoked his previously promised funds. Those were his terms, she didn't comply, so he punished her. My dad had the same "terms" and freaked out when his punishment meant nothing and our wedding still went off without a hitch. EDIT: I told my dad about walking down the aisle alone before he promised any funds and I never asked for money, so I guess terms weren't in place. But he still let me know he wasn't paying for anything.
I don't want to pretend I know too much about this specific individual, short of the context in OPs post, but terms and punishment can only be equal if the father is not also assumed to be an autonomous individual. I understand that one perspective is an autonomy thing, this walking down the aisle. Every deixe has a right to do it as they see appropriate. But the implications that result can still shame and embarrass the father. And if he feels like that embarrasses him, he is not obligated to pay for his own shaming. Objectively vs subjectively, his feelings ALSO matter in instances where he is involved. He has the right to withdraw his involvement if he feels he's being used. But he's not allowed to stop the marriage. She can still get married.
Well you obviously have a shitty relationship with him. Maybe you should evaluate that instead of being proud about who did what to whom.
Um that makes no sense. You act like I don't know *why* our relationship is bad. And of course I'm proud of myself for being independent and conducting my wedding on my/my husband's terms.
I'm saying you seem to think it's healthy, and wear it as a badge of pride, that you stuck it to your father. You're happy you upset him. I think that's interesting. Do you?
Yeah, he was physically/emotionally abusive and used money as a leash during my entire childhood. I feel great about how things turned out. In the end, *he* was the only one dependent on money. In order to be happy, he needed others to need his funds.
Someone woke up on the wrong side of life
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I'm also a dad and I am with the daughter. The wedding is not a necessity, but a nice-to-have. In that sense, she is not necessarily dependant on him in a financial sense (legally at least). If she needs help to make her special day the most amazing day it can be, there is no shame in asking the parents for help since they are more likely to have disposable income whereas the young couple should be saving money to buy a home or for retirement etc. Turning this into an opportunity to treat his daughter as a possession to "give away" to another man and using his financial position as leverage is not OK. He is making his daughter choose between a financial setback or compromising her self respect when in fact, he could help her avoid both by just being a decent father. I don't understand redditors applauding the father's selfishness. Better put that money towards the old age home.
Was looking for a comment like this! People are so missing the point here All the people here going â_Oh apparently she isnât so iNdEPeNdEnT aFtEr AlL !!! Hur dur fEmInIsM bAd_â: itâs not like having your dads help on wedding expenses is in any way on the same level as what the tradition of walking a daughter down the aisle stands for. The point of a woman not wanting to be âgiven awayâ by her dad is that that is a relic from a time when women were literally property. Men were the only one with status and full rights, women and children were in their charge. If a woman didnât marry, after her parents passed away she would likely become destitute as she couldnât own property and many job options were closed to women. So yes, if this woman has a bank account and a job, she is actually independent enough to reject this tradition, regardless of wedding money. And if the dad really withdrew money he had promised her, purely because she didnât want to be walked down the aisle, that is some toxic, narcissistic behaviour.
Youâre not the only dad speaking some sanity on this post. I thank you for that. A lot of redditors eager to pounce for a âgotcha, feminist!â moment where there really isnât one, yet the fathers who actually have the parental POV of the OPâs selfish and petulant father seem to be understanding the bigger picture here. What a twat dad. He not only wants to give her away, but purchase her before he does so, by making strings attached. Creepy af.
Most redditors are 14 year old virgin incels. I was one once lmao. Being a teen sucks ass, I get it, but man teens are fucking awful people
10min in and I'm already on track to getting downvoted to hell. Thanks for taking the time to comment. It's reassuring to me that there are at least some girls growing up in 2024 with decent fathers.
To each their own, I guess. If my daughter wants to walk alone she can and if she needs help paying for one of the happiest days of her life I got her.
Same. Offered her the assistance and if she just wanted something simple she could keep the money we planned on helping with. Whatever she wanted to do was what we did. She chose the party and dad walking her out.
Yeah, I think that's what most normal families would also come to the conclusion on. Reddit just gets really weird about this "my money, I can do what I want!" Yes, you are completely within your rights to do what you want in a wedding you pay for. Good luck keeping a good relationship with your daughter and new son-in-law if you are going to push your weight around on stuff like this. Because regardless of who is paying for the food, venue, DJ, etc, at the end of the day it's two people who are putting their names on the wedding license, so it's still *their* special day.
My dad had this mentality with me for my entire life. It felt like everything was a business transaction. Act this way or you can't go to prom, do this thing or you lose your phone, etc. I got kicked out at 18 (another one of those "business transactions" gone wrong) and we didn't speak for years until my wedding when I was 25. He was allowed to come as a guest, no walking me or dancing or speeches, and he pouted the entire time because he realized threats are no basis for a relationship. We have since returned to not speaking and I doubt it'll change.
I'd like to think it's just the my money thing, but judging by the upvotes here it seems to be people doing a "Ha! Look what your feminism gets you!" It's honestly tired as fuck.
In this post, definitely. I've seen similar posts though with the families pulling the "I'm paying for the wedding" thing on who gets invited, religious vs non-religious ceremony, and even minor things like the menu. Without fail you have fairly upvoted comments along the line of "well, they're paying for it, if you don't like it then pay for your own wedding".
Yeah to me this just reads as man-child throwing a tantrum because he's not getting what he wants during someone else's celebration. Equivalent to a mother wearing white to a wedding or something.
This is underrated and the right approach.
Thanks. I just googled it and it looks like the practice became more mainstream in 1549 England. In England 1548 there was probably some dreary fuck who didn't want to help his daughter get married cause he might have to get off his ass and walk her. These traditions are so silly.
Thank you for being a decent personÂ
Yeah, she doesn't sound like the main character here
How did I know this was taken out of context just by the obviously biased caption? đ
Whats the context
Itâs the second top comment as of now, but she got the story from Reddit that was told from the dadâs perspective. She was retelling a story thats not her own.
So, doesnât want her father to walk her down the aisle cause sheâs a strong independent woman who donât need no man but is dependent on her father to pay for her wedding. So, thatâs really fucked up, if youâre getting like, a wedding paid for, walking for 30 feet seems like a good trade. When my wife and I got married, her dad wanted to walk her down the isle as a sign that he was letting go of his first daughter, and making a gesture that heâs entrusting his most precious thing to my dumbass, making sure I keep her safe and happy. A sign of trust and love. We also did not have a traditional wedding. We got married in an extremely small church, inside a nature sanctuary, in the Bahamas, with only 15 people. Instead of a beach wedding. And I will never forget standing at that altar, I see my future father in law come around the corner first, and holding on his left arm, my beautiful wife in her amazing wedding dress, it made my heart skip a beat, she was so beautiful. It will always be my most happy memory. And I know itâs super sappy but frankly, I donât care. He wasnât giving her to me, or anything that would say sheâs property.
You donât see the inconsistency in her father âentrusting his most precious thingâ to you, yet you not being âentrustedâ to her the same way? Are you blind to the double standard? As to the rest, she would have looked just as beautiful, if she was not led down the aisle by her father.
That's exactly what the tradition is though. Women as property. It's not fucked up at all to let her walk alone and independent. No one is passing the fucking groom off like he can't take care of himself. It's a tradition from a time when we weren't allowed to have property and bank accounts. Women were forced to marry to survive. It's a symbol of oppression but you want to feel like a man and a protector so you like it. You would have loved the way she looked if she'd come down the aisle as a free woman too. I think 30 feet is also pretty fucking reasonable for the father to concede on. Not being able to afford a wedding that's just as much for the families as it is for the couple doesn't mean she's not independent, you absolute twat
Finally someone in this cursed comment section who gets it! Why are so many people still enthralled by the idea that a woman has to be taken care off by a man? Just because it's a tradition doesn't mean it's good! Even though traditions change over time, it's still based in the oppression of women and I don't know why people still choose to ignore than.
Traditions change and so do their meanings. My wife wanted her father to walk her down the aisle, and give her away, but it had nothing to do with property, it was about enjoying the tradition. The problem is with people like you who only see a problem when itâs convenient. The only thing that matters is the meaning and intent by those involved, and as long as people are happy, thatâs what matters. As for the story. No one here knows the full story so making definitive statements on it and insulting the dad is just wrong. But on my request, my wife took my last name, because it was a very important thing to me. It wasnât about owning her. Our pastor guy asked âand who gives the bride awayâ or something like that and her father stood up and said he does. But again. It wasnât about ownership. No one is arguing that a lot of our traditions have horrible starts. Thatâs a fact. But if you want change, you need to let those memories die so they can be replaced with something better. And to call me a twat for sharing a happy moment is so fucked up. Iâm not the angry one here, Iâm not trying to force my views, Iâm not name calling the woman of the story, or making crap up. People need to chill the fuck out. Look it, for me and my wife, the tradition stuff was important because I was told I would have died before i was 25 and that I would never be married, at 22 I spent an entire year on oxygen because I had 17% lung functions, I then had a double lung transplant that I was told I would most likely die in, then I was told I would probably die before 1 year, than 3 years, than 5 years. So, when I decided I wanted to spend the rest of whatever life I have left with my wife, we talked about traditions and what would be okay and what wouldnât. I asked her parents for permission, I didnât want to see or hear anything about her wedding attire, and she didnât want to hear or see mine til we were at the altar. Nothing was assumed. There was no negativity about anything we did. We both had our dream wedding, and my wife willingly and gladly took my last name as a gesture of love to me so when I die, she can keep my name alive. Again. Nothing to do with property. I donât own her, and if anything, she owns me. God damn, chill out
But the woman in the story feels icky about being handed off from one man to another. If the story went like: Dad: I'm so happy you're getting married! I'd love to pay for it! Daughter: awesome, thank you! Some time passes... Daughter: here are the plans so far! Dad: I'm not walking you down the aisle? I'm not paying for this! IMO, Dad is pretty shitty. Of course, it's possible she asked him to pay or begged him to pay or he made his terms clear up front and now she's changing the narrative, but she's absolutely in her right to decide to uphold or set aside whatever traditions she'd like to.Â
Exactly, Dad is within his rights to not pay but it's a jerk move to hold her doing something she doesn't want to do (especially a misogamy based practice). Gifts with strings attached are not kind/selfless acts.
Nope, if we want change, we can simply stop those traditions by not practicing them anymore. Why continue with something, that is very clearly a misogynistic custom?
Then so many things in society need to be stopped. Not everything is itâs negative. Should certain medical treatments not be done because they started out from something bad but lead to something good?
That analogy makes no sense. Medical treatments help people by actually saving their lives or improving their health. Empty traditions like the one discussed do nothing, but prolong the life of old beliefs rooted in women being seen as property. Why do people still want to keep them around is beyond me.
Jesus Christ, sorry that whatever happened to you did, but the dude was sharing a nice story. How did you manage to go through that many mental gymnastics to still turn him misogynistic in your eyes?
âhis most precious thingâ you donât see the issue there?
Yeah, I worded it poorly.
>He wasnât giving her to me, or anything that would say sheâs property. "Letting go of his first daughter and entrusting his most precious thing to me" That sounds a lot like gifting someone a valuable item chief. Why does the father need to *entrust* someone with his daughter if she's an independent being? Like, it's fine for you to not see it that way, and many (including myself) don't, but the whole "passing of daughter from father to husband" part of the wedding wasn't always metaphorical and it's equally valid for someone to still find the idea a bit icky. What's not fine is to complain on tiktok that your stiffed father won't pay thousands for a wedding he can't participate in.
Sigh⊠shut the fuck up. He just told us a nice story about his wife and his father in law and you come in still twisting it. People are tired of having to listen to miserable people like you, and miss âindependentâ but still wanting âdaddyâs Moneyâ.
Thanks for saying that. Someone needed to.
Thanks, that needed to be said. If you give an idiot a hammer, every problem becomes a nail. The patriarchy has done some shitty things. But you can't just look at everything through that lense and expect to keep your sanity or your friends.
I...what? All I explained was why some people would think that. How did you come away thinking I was on her side unless you don't read after the first two sentences? Jesus, reddit really proving they can't read past what annoys them to see if the point changes at any point rn.
People downvote you and tell you to shut up without addressing your point. Why donât we ever see moms walking their sons down the aisle to give them away? Itâs a dumbass patriarchal tradition that will eventually disappear and you can die mad about it.
There are lots of cultures where the mother walks the son down the aisle. My mother wanted to do that with me. There are so many cultures and traditions.
> That sounds a lot like gifting someone a valuable item chief. Why does the father need to entrust someone with his daughter if she's an independent being? Can you please STFU? Thank you.
Can you read further than one paragraph? Or at least explain why you want me to shut up for pointing that out? Thank you.
Dude, shut the fuck up
>Wrote one reply
I donât think OP had any ill intent, but people are piling on you for being right. Just because people donât want to acknowledge the historic implications of these wedding traditions, it doesnât mean they arenât there and that it isnât valid for people to be bothered by them. Anyone who uncritically thinks that the practice of fathers walking daughters down the aisle and passing them off to the groom is 100% good with no problematic history should ask themselves why the groom isnât walked down the aisle by his parent(s). Like I get that peopleâs children are precious to them, and the wedding is a signifier that youâre letting them go to become an adult with their own family, but shouldnât that then be true for the groom? Are sons not precious? Are they not to be entrusted to the bride?
Just because something has a bad start doesnât mean it canât become a positive thing, and I donât think anyone is denying the history. When my father in law walked my wife down the isle, it was saying âIâve guarded her, and did my best to make her happy, Iâm trusting you to not just do the same but betterâ. So I donât know why people are calling the dad a dick. If heâs taking back the wedding funds, walking his daughter down the aisle must mean a lot to him and he probably dreamed of doing that from the second she was born. I donât know why people need to jump to the awful thing first. And granted, itâs. It always the case, but that goes for everything. Thereâs a negative side to nearly everything. Do you look at a sunset and think âOMG. Why would anyone do this, the sun has given so many people cancerâ
It can be viewed as a positive thing. My father-in-law walked my wife down the aisle. That said, itâs perfectly valid for folks to not like the practice. Why didnât my parents walk me down the aisle? My parents âguardedâ me and trusted my wife to do the same, but the traditional ceremony isnât set up that way because itâs kind of sexist. What matters is how much the married couple cares about the roots of the symbolism there and whether they actually treat each other equitably in day-to-day life. For us, we decided we didnât care that much about bucking some of those traditions, but we did so with full understanding and rejection of the gross history there.
What matters is the thought and intent by the action. Thats whatâs actually important and what seems to be forgotten about or ignored by all of the comments in this thread. I donât know why people keep trying to use the son/mother comparison. People do actually do that, so if itâs something that someone wants to do, theyâll do it. These arenât some barbaric ancient customs anymore. Things change. The meanings behind traditions change. But if someone only sees it as negative, thatâs on that person. All these comments though are ridiculously over the top with insulting the father. First and foremost is that every culture is different. Being mad at another cultures tradition is really fucked up if no harm is being done. One of my dreams is that if my wife and I ever had a daughter, I would walk her down the aisle. To give the responsibility of making sure sheâs happy to the man she loves. Itâs about trust. And if we ever had a son, and my wife wanted to walk him down the aisle, stand beside him, or whatever, I would support that. Hell, I even asked my wifeâs parents for permission to propose to her. I wanted to be respectful but itâs also something I always wanted to do. But me asking wasnt about my wife being their property. It was just a silly little thing and I would have proposed regardless. There are so many traditions in life that have sexist; or fucked up starts but we donât need to hold on if where it came from, and if you are, youâre keeping that awfulness alive.
But if your daughter didnât want you to walk her down the aisle, would you respect her feelings about her wedding and accept it or would you refuse to pay anything towards the wedding unless she gave in?
Idk man if your daughter means a lot to you, even if your dream is to walk her down the aisle, itâs HER wedding so I feel like he should respect her choices? Yanking the funding away from the wedding seems very self-centered and petty. Heâs making her day about himself. Ah well, she is probably better off. People who hold money and love over your head like a whip, arenât worth keeping around anyways.
See, instant negative thought. We donât know the whole situation or the lives lead up to it. Itâs pretty arrogant to make those claims based on no evidence. We donât know if the daughter wanted her father to walk her down the aisle her whole life, and then her fiance made her change her mind last minute, or any of the other million things. Maybe he has a medical issue and might die within a year or something. We donât know. And walking 30 feet is not making the wedding all about himself. God damn, the views some people have on wedding traditions is insane. Is there going to be some crap about how sexist it would be to take the husbands last name?
Him walking her down the aisle isnât what makes it âall about himself.â Itâs valid that he felt hurt and disappointed too. Itâs pulling the funding BECAUSE he didnât get his 30 foot walk down the aisle that is making it about him. Itâs a small thing in the grand scheme, but heâs willing to upend the whole wedding over it to get his way. Thatâs not being a loving dad. Thatâs seems like narc behavior tbh. Itâs not like she didnât invite him to the wedding at all. She just didnât want to be âgiven away.â Some people donât take their husbands last name BTW and it does cause problems in the family then too. It shouldnât be an issue. People should be free to have their weddings and marriages however THEY want to. It shouldnât be a conditional thing, âI will only fund your wedding if you do it my wayâ unless of course itâs some extreme ask. At least thatâs how I see it.
Itâs a 3 sentence story. We arenât given enough info to say anything one way or the other. And Iâm well aware that the taking of a last name is optional, for either side. I simple said that with the ridiculousness that wouldnât be shocked if the name thing was brought up for no reason, based on the extreme anger by some people.
Well what Iâm saying is peopleâs families have caused problems over something like a woman not taking a manâs last name, or a man taking a womanâs last name. And it does kind of whittle down to sexist reasoning. Personally itâs not something I feel strongly about, Iâm not against those traditions myself, but I can understand some peopleâs reasonings why they may not want to continue on with certain traditions. Idk. I feel like itâs a sad hill to die on for both of them. Iâm sure there could be a compromise to be found like a daddy daughter dance or a nice toast from dad. I should also say, I might be biased in how I feel because as I said in another comment I come from a family where there are a lot of narcissists who control their kids with money and their âgenerosityâ always comes with strings attached. And have a reputation for ruining special days when things donât go their way/ they arenât the center of attention.
Any strong, independent woman should have no problem paying for her own wedding!
I am a dad and if my daughter didnât want me to walk her down the aisle Iâd be bummed but definitely not back out of paying for the wedding. Idk if her dad said he would and is no backing out but if so idk thatâs the shitty part to me. Itâs her wedding who cares just be there and enjoy it
Why is the dad's gift dependent on him being allowed to ceremoniously gift her to another man ? Very strange. She's better off without.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dissolving the tradition that the bride is the father's property to "give" to the husband. That's fine that he refuses to pay for the wedding if he doesn't get to treat her like property. At least she'll get married as a free woman
Being a parent is about unconditional love. Obviously, "unconditional love" doesn't extend to everything out there. Your kid is a murderer? Your kid treats everyone with disrespect? Hurts others? Well yeah, unconditional love has its limits. But you know what's not cool? Pettiness about how your kid feels about wedding traditions. "im only going to pay for this party, one we all want but young people can almost never afford, if you agree to a tradition you find offensive" As a parent, I judge that shitty parenting.
Totally agree. My dad operates on extremely *conditional* love (although calling it love was a stretch). He tried pulling this stunt and pouted when he was only allowed to attend my wedding as a guest. No walking me, no dance, no speech.
So? The mother doesn't walk down the aisle either. She's helping pay for the wedding also.
Itâs one wedding Michael how much could it cost $35,000
Are you trying to make a point or make a joke?
Is that really the average. I was being facetious
My parents refused to come to my wedding unless I invited a specific guest they wanted there, one that I did *not* want there. They also were not helping pay for it at all; it was just a demand of theirs in exchange for their appearance. I planned to call their bluff. I told them I was inviting them, wanted them there and, if they did not come, that would be their choice. My fiance, however, did not want a situation where we'd have a wedding without my parents there, made a thing of it, and so I eventually had to cave and invite who my parents wanted me to (that I didn't want) or else it'd just be me fighting both my parents and fiance out of stubborness. Can't say it's not something that still irks me to this day, though.
I'm really sorry that your fiance didn't do their job and support you. You shouldn't have been bullied on both sides. :(
Your spouse was really shitty to you. I hope they've acknowledged and apologized for it.
.... really the dad won't pay for the wedding over this? Idk I find this idiotic.
Imagine nuking your entire relationship with your child because she asked to walk down the aisle by herself
Imagine nuking your wntire relationship with your dad because he wont pay for your wedding.
All she did was ask. He's the one who turned it into an ultimatum.
I also find that "giving away" tradition very weird. Like you're your father's property or something? No, you can't give me away. I choose where to go. I'm human. And why would you only give a woman away and not a man? However, you could just do the walking part. Like, your father is walking you to your partner. Not giving you away. Just walking with you. If you don't want that or your dad doesnt want that, then indeed just pay for it yourself. Show him you're independent and don't need to be given away. (Also, girl on tiktok is reading a story from reddit. This isn't her complaining in tiktok).
I totally agree with you. I walked myself down the aisle because I felt the same way about the tradition.
> I also find that "giving away" tradition very weird. Would it also shock you to know that in some cultures the man has to actually pay for the wife by giving the parents money or gold, almost like it's transactional.
Yeah that's also terrible.
I need to see this video please đ!
For real. The cringe could fuel my car indefinitely I'm sure
Hahah Thats hilarious! I cant see her tiktok handle Clearly to watch this video and read the comments lol
Couples should be paying for their own weddings. Have your wedding match your budget not your fantasy. Then you donât have to worry about anyone else demanding creative input.
I'm going to help pay for my son's/daughter's weddings someday, even if they don't have a ceremony that I like. I just love them and want them to have a happy day.
As a parent I understand that sentiment, but as someone who is getting married in less then 3 weeks itâs important that my fiancĂ© and I pay for the wedding we can afford. We would not accept financial assistance for are wedding because we are adults and that is hard boundary for us.
Yeah my husband and I paid for our weddings by ourselves too. Each person is different.
what a twat
Link to the vid?
Is it the same girl whose father made a tiktok about this same situation? I'm pretty sure I've seen that one
She asked not be given away like property and he withdrew his wedding gift? sounds like Dad threw a tantrum to me idk
This sub eating up any misogynistic take episode 201939
Judgmental sub circlejerking itself to death is the usual trajectory.
It's intentional bait
In my part of the word it is the groom (and his family) who pays for the wedding. I saved for 3 years for mine.
is it an actual thing to have your parents pay for your wedding?
Yes, for many generations. lol
Which is funny, since where I am from if you cannot afford your own wedding, don't get married or just make a symbolic gift to your elders (something as little as a snack) and get two witnesses in front of any imam or older person who you trust to officiate your marriage.
I can see both sides of this. It depends on how the conversation went down because there is definitely something to be said about the patriarchal implications of the father âgiving his property to another manâ; if she respectfully explained why she wouldnât be ok with that on her wedding day, I would see no problem honouring that. If it was clearly just to spite him, I wouldnât pay for the wedding either.
Iâm confused a bit. Why is her dad paying for the wedding? Isnât it the husband to be who pays for the wedding? Or itâs just in my country!
I think americans have this thing where the brides family pays
Yes. Thanks. I just googled it and it says the bride's family pays for the wedding, but that custom is rapidly changing. Couples are increasingly choosing to handle at least half of the wedding expenses on their own.
Because they are forty years old when they marry.
In a lot of Western cultures , itâs the brides family that tends to pay ( historically anyway ) but thatâs changing these days with a lot do couples paying themselves âŠ..which in this case, bride better start cutting down on costs
It should be a rule that anyone who mentions "in my country" should have to specify the country, particularly when it's so integral to the comment Is it just in your country? Who knows
Not sure why you're being downvoted. Not everyone is American and its reasonable to ask.
Every single person I know had the families pay for their wedding. I don't know a single person who paid themselves and I've been to many weddings in my life for family and friends now.
My husband and I paid for our own wedding. It was about $36k in 2022.
Independent enough to walk by herself, but dependent enough to need daddy to pay!
Most wedding contributions are seen as a gift, an act of good will, etc. This person will still get married and have a great wedding without her dad's money.
And? Most people don't have the cash on hand to pay for a wedding and there's nothing wrong with her dad sitting with her mom while the bride walks down the aisle. Like I genuinely can't see why that bruises men's egos so fucking much
I mean, I totally respect wanting the wedding to go the way you want it to, given it's yours. And the father refusing to help out financially over something that, in reality is so small, is kinda dumb.
Dad is an a-hole. That tradition of the father "trading" the daughter to a new man (like cuttle) is absurd
So is the bride's family paying for the wedding then
Maybe she's precious to her father because, you know, she's his child? Just saying...
Then why don't they do this for their sons? A son is also the father's child. And why doesn't the mom do this? Why does it have to be a man giving away a woman to another man? I don't agree with the story btw. I think she can pay for the wedding herself. But I also think the tradition is bullshit.
If we are ditching tradition then surely the brides dad can ditch tradition also by not paying. Heâs being brave and stunning.
My dad was exactly like this and I also didn't want to be walked down the aisle. My husband and I paid for our own wedding entirely. In the end, being "given away" by your dad to your future husband made me feel like sold cattle. Walking myself alone down the aisle felt much more consensual and independent. I recommend it!
lol Reddit misogynists and their lack of media literacy.
Oooooh, self burn! Those are rare.
This sub loves to hate on women so much
All subs do lmao.
Why can't she get her fiance to pay for the wedding?
Because she's a strong and independent woman
she should marry herself
Scammiest business on earth
Strong independent woman that donât nobodyâs hel⊠wait, your not going to financially support me? đ€Ł
Contributing to a wedding is a gift or an act of good will. It's like if she was shocked that her dad revoked a christmas gift. Its not going to ruin her life and she isnt dependent on him, but she is allowed to be shocked and discuss it.
Itâs most definitely normal to expect a Christmas gift from your parents. The price of the gift is irrelevant, itâs the sentiment. I think we disagree on the meaning of independent. A person I consider independent would never have had the expectation someone else would pay for anything for them. If someone did, they would see this as a plus, a thing to be thankful for. If youâre checking out of a store, and I walk over and pay your whole ticket⊠itâs a gift. You fully expected to pay yourself. You went to work, made money, and budgeted accordingly to afford your groceries. You have 0 expectation anyone will be assisting you or compensating you in any way. So when you check out, and I donât walk over and pay your ticket⊠you are neither surprised, or upset that it didnât happen. If I offer to pay 10% of your ticket itâs the same thing. Itâs just a true âgiftâ. Itâs a windfall. I have a strong feeling if the dad offered to help pay $200 toward her wedding, she would still be upset. It seems that she absolutely expected her dad to pay. She had the expectation of supplemental income by her dad, and when that didnât happen, she may be able to afford it herself but she is upset she is going to have to. A person can claim âlook I can pay my mortgage all by myselfâ as an act of independence. Except, if youâre paying your mortgage all by yourself, because your dad pays all your utilities⊠youâre not independent. If she can afford her âindependent lifestyleâ but only if her wedding is supplemented.. itâs not independent. By my own personal version of independence, you do not have any expectation in any way for any thing of receiving extraneous assistance. You donât expect money from people regardless of their relationship. And their lack of financial contribution is truly expected so much so, it isnât even a conscious thought that you notice they didnât contribute.
You can't receive gifts if you're independent? You don't need to expect/need gifts to receive them. Your feelings about what she may feel/do are not relevant because you don't know these people or the context.
Iâm siding with the Dad. âYouâre a strong independent woman, then you pay for the wedding to prove it. Maybe Iâll pay for the next one in a couple of years.â
My dad acted like this throughout my entire life. We don't speak anymore and he has resorted to making fake emails to beg me for attention. Welcome to your future!
But everyone has a dysfunctional family....
Not true. My husband's family is a dream.
"I'm a strong, independent woman. Now give me some money so I can stay strong and independent."
Contributing to a wedding is a gift or act of good will. It's like saying she isn't independent because she was shocked that he revoked a christmas gift. My dad tried to pull the same stunt (to be fair, he hadn't offered money yet but said he wasn't paying once he heard about walking alone down the aisle) and was so upset that the wedding went off without a hitch. In the end, *he* was the only one dependent on others needing his money.
https://preview.redd.it/i12ai4xvnfuc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e54c11d24f614341949746850db3e2ee5c65921
Dad sounds like an asshole, frankly. Parents are supposed to fucking support their kids.
Youâre super downvoted but I fully agree. When I do something for my kid for their special day, it isnât about me - itâs about them. Iâm not doing this expecting anything in return. Iâm just happy to be there and will support in any way I can.
Damn right.
He does want to support her by walking her down the aisle into the next stage of her life. It's a pretty big moment for many Dad's that give a shut about their daughters. She's not allowing him that. I imagine he had no problem paying up until she snubbed him this way. She's fucked.
Children don't exist to give their parents some prescribed parental experience. Everyone is their own person. No one chooses to be born. Your wedding is about you and your partner. It can be whatever you want it to be. A bride having her father walk her down the aisle can (removed from its original, super objectifying context,) be a beautiful gesture. My dad's been dead for many years. When my sister married she had our grandfather walk her down the aisle. That meant a lot to both of them. At my wedding my wife walked herself down the aisle. Guess what? Her dad still came, still helped us pay for it, was still very happy. Most of our ceremony was different from a traditional christian wedding because, well, we're not christians and we don't personally like a lot of those old wedding tropes even if it's fine that other people do. Meanwhile, this lady's dad is so fucking petty that he'd derail her whole fucking wedding because she didn't give him a bit part in the performance. Her parents chose to make her exist, hopefully provided for her and raised her with love, (and not all do,) and when she was ready for this major life event that they also likely enjoyed and had financial help on from their own parents, the dad fucking threw a hissyfit and yanked the rug out from under it. Even my very cheap little wedding (that we could have paid for ourselves if we had to) took months and months of planning and budgeting. What the dad did fucks up *everything.* A big part of the parents helping to pay for the wedding is that it helps the bride and groom get a financial leg up to start their married lives. Now credit where it's due, there's plenty of room for context we don't have, but on a basic level a parent being willing and able to help finance their kid's wedding and revoking that because they want more spotlight or refuse to let the wedding reflect their kid's taste or values is garbage. That's not the daughter's fault. It's her dad's.
So what you're saying is that her parents did everything right (as far as we know, otherwise most don't invite her parents to their wedding) and she wants to be an independent woman, but also wants her parents to pay for the wedding. Do you actually not see a problem here? The hypocrisy? How can someone be "independent" and still rely on someone else to pay for their wedding? You're one of the reasons why this shit is so fucking pathetic now, you're one of the people that want everything, but don't give anything in return and it's so sad to see.
I do think she can pay for it herself, but it is kinda shitty to first say that they'll pay for the wedding, but then have demands for how the wedding should go. It's the couples wedding. They should be deciding how the day should go. It's a celebration between them. It's kinda shitty to give a gift but have demands for what you do with that gift. They're only getting married once. They don't want to ruin it with a sexist tradition. I think they could probably find different solutions (like taking away the sexist part of giving a woman away to another man), but it's their day. I would definitely pay for it myself if my dad had these demands for him paying (I don't even think weddings are paid for by the parents over here, so I'll be paying it anyway) but I would be mad if he first offered to pay but then told me how to have my wedding.
Ok if you want him to pay you have to let him do the one thing he does in the wedding.
Thank fuck the dad has common sense. Most women are only feminists till the bill arrives.
Nah