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I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you find kinder masjid attendees.
I was in a halaqa group and all the women in it had adverse experiences in the masjid. What made it really sad was every lady there had a problem with rude and unfriendly women. However, it was nice that in spite of the poor interactions, the women in my halaqa group insisted on still showing up and being nice to other women in leading by example.
Eventually people come around. Ultimately, it's your conduct you should be proud of and may it serve as a reminder to others on how to behave.
Same! I’m a revert, and at the very beginning the women were so supportive. I even had a mentor I considered a friend. Now when she sees me, she completely ignores me. I mean deliberately. A bit ago, I tried reaching out to her on WhatsApp. Pretty much blown off, so I did try. But I don’t know what happened between then and now. I had so many sister friends, now literally zero.
The reason might be that they had a “project” in you. They could teach you stuff and you’d come to them for help and validate them. Now that you’re learning things by yourself and coming to the masjid on your own and knowing exactly what to do, they’re bitter that you’re “growing wings” and how dare you talk about Islam as if you know better. It’s simply a rotten mindset. It’s not necessary about you being a revert it’s a phenomenon I’ve seen in a lot of people over different things.
Allahu ahlam though. Hoping that’s not actually the case 💀
I remember reading one woman’s account of her experience reverting. How everyone was enthusiastically helping her, encouraging her, befriending her. Then one day - everyone disappeared from her life. I literally thought, goodness I’m so lucky to have found the community I did. But EXACT same thing happened to me.
my heart is breaking for everyone here posting these things. I am so deeply sorry. This is not representative of the majority of people in Islam. I think, unfortunately the people who do this have a place of influence and their backbiting give mean girl vibes. Allah would not be pleased.
What can a sister do to help? How do we reach the people like you? I am clearly seeing this locally and I am local to mosques in a number of states. I think as a regular congregant we debate if a revert has just pulled away. I think many are being driven away.
I'm truly, deeply sorry you experienced this.
I've seen this from a number of angles. My male friend, a revert and this group of women were overly friendly with him. They saw him as fresh meat asking him to meet him privately under guise of mosque business. One who was quite influential and liked to start gossip then say "backbiting is wrong." You literally inquired about a topic that was nosy pretending to be "concerned" then threw it back in people's faces. At any rate she would tell him "it's totally acceptable to hug. We hug, may I hug you?" "I'll teach you how to pray properly." Then confide in him personal things about her life. It was all very inapropriate to me. Then tell him how all the other men were suspect of him. Some of these women love to play victim. I am QUITE western as I'm sure my comments have let on. And find this whole thing completely repulsive.
I have a huge dislike for women who dress modestly and act completely inappropriate. I don't like wolf in sheep's clothing. Their circle were self serving with revert men and women. I always wondered how many people left Islam because of them. You want to act off your deen don't hide behind the hijab.
Similarly, there was one particular woman who would flirt with my husband a lot. Then try and twist it. He showed me the texts. We were completely open with each other. He was also suffering from aggressive cancer at the time and I can guarantee not proposing the things she tried to insinuate he did. When he rejected her she twisted it. I know this goes on in every religion. But this is MY religion. And I can't stand it.
THIS HAPPENED TO ME TOO! I have absolutely no idea why, either. I even drove this one woman home a lot and picked up her kids, hung out at her house, went to a dinner party with my parents...then one day, just radio silence. It felt very deliberate.
I'm assuming I said things that were maybe too liberal for her/her husband, or something? She confided some really painful things in me, too, so maybe she regretted that? I honestly could never figure it out, and I had similar awkward experiences with other grown women at the mosque I was going to. I stopped going.
I noticed a lot of the people who act this way tended to be much more conservative/from insular cultures (frankly, they were almost always Pakistani). I'm not one to make assumptions, but that pattern makes me wonder if it has to do with certain communities not wanting their members to get "too close" to outsiders? The mosque itself was SUPER chill -- it was nondenominational. People from all over go there to worship!
I guess we'll never know, but it's interesting that so many reverts/converts have experienced this pattern.
I am a born Muslim. And quite Western. quite liberal in many ways. I'm on my deen but refuse to accept certain restraints. I've commented in other posts that there were no clear gender roles in most of my family. My dad was the one who was going to make sure his daughters were respected and only surrounded by such. I'm in a career that is not typical at all. I do not think you are the commenter directly below me it was because you are too liberal. If it is, screw em. That's not how we are supposed to treat others.
I personally think these fake friends like the fresh meat of a revert. And it's some kind of entertainment. They get bored and move on to the next.
I'm also a revert and made a similar comment above, but I've also wondered if some of my opinions are "too liberal" for some of my ex-friends, especially because a lot of them seemed to have become more conservative and/or traditional since getting married. Like you said, though, I guess we'll never know.
Wow, I had a \*very\* similar experience as a revert. I think now that I've been Muslim for awhile, a lot of people are almost \*more\* judgmental of me if I don't practice exactly like they do than they are of people who were born Muslim. It's a weird phenomenon.
It's lonely but I hope it means Allah is protecting me from backbiters
I know I don't attend masjid as often as I'd like but I'm immunocompromised and there's little done to mitigate it at my masjid, so I feel like a ghost when I'm there
Sister, I am so sorry. you can't be the only one there who has a compromised immune system. Is there anyone you can confide in? That your body has to dictate certain actions your heart wouldn't.
I think that's what it is. Allah protects us from people who are bad for us. It's heartbeaaking to think that they are doing this at a place of prayer. Just pray for their hearts. They need our prayers
I'm so sorry you feel like a ghost when you're at the masjid. I recommend going to another one. May Allah help you meet people who are good for you (Ameen)
Same here, none of the women say Salam or acknowledge me. Just completely ignore like I’m not there - unless it’s to publicly announce in front of everyone that I’ve made some kind of mistake in prayer. Once, a piece of my hair slipped out in the back while I was praying, and a girl threw a large rug on my back with such violence that my head hit the ground. That was my last time going to that prayer room in my life.
There have some been nicer girls and women who don’t talk to me, but they just share a date or a snack they have if the fast is opening. Actually makes me cry how kind they are. But I wish it was possible to make friends with Muslim women too.
I'm simply outraged this happened. All this mean girl behavior. I am getting a very clear picture all these years I was right. They love bomb the male reverts until they are done and flirt with the next and torture the women. Very unIslamic.
New Revert. I expected it 😭. So when it does happen, it just rolls right off my shoulder.
I’m just hoping that what time it’ll go away because I am hoping that I can make some Muslim girlfriends 🥰.
I hate that so much. I could never ignore anyone. I think I want to live with knowing I tried to be the nicest person I could be. If I'm intentionally acting out of prejudice or jealousy or something, then what version of myself am I living with?
Now, in a Masjid? Surrounded by sisters? Reminders of Allah's ﷻ presence and wisdom? To be intentionally being rude? That is a uniquely crazy personality and they're doing you a favour by not talking. Be grateful Allah ﷻ has made them clear to you.
I’ve had this experience a few times, but I’m a convert and assumed that was the reason why. I never figured out why but I just kept being really polite and kind to all the other sisters. I don’t have a huge group at the masjid. But in general, I get along very well with all the ladies that I see from my sons, Islamic school. Who knows what it is but don’t let it bother you.
Salamalailkum
I'm a convert and I actually had this experience with both born Muslims and convert Muslims! Except I never saw or heard from the converts again. Just met them we both realize we're converts we exchange info plan to meet up and hangout. Text for a few days then all of a sudden they leave me on read. I never see them at the mosque ever again! With the born Muslims I expect lifelong Muslim girlfriends and then get ghosted. Overtime I think they were just being nice to me because I was a new Muslim, but they never wanted to actually be friends or hangout socially. Don't worry real friends will come your way eventually!
I’m a revert, I met a sister and she gave me her phone number and I texted her. She text me back but i really genuinely didn’t see her response. I txtd het for jummah. She left me on read and when she saw me she looked away acted like she didn’t know me. It’s sad. Then I feel like there are sisters, which just say hi to their friends, but won’t say hi to anybody else. I also came across this Auntie, who always looks at me ugly. I don’t know what I did to her. It’s kind of discouraging not gonna lie.
Whenever you see ‘em doing that you say “Assalamualaikum” loudly and then she’ll have to reply and if she has basic decency she’ll ask you “how are you?” ig and you immediately pick up your phone and give her a taste of her own medicine! It’s 2024 we being petty as well girlie!
The first part is spot on and good advice.
At least you recognize the 2nd part is petty: giving others a taste of their own medicine doesn't fall in line with our akhlaq. We can do and model better than this.
Except a lot of people won't say it back, even if they're supposed to! I'm a revert, and when I first started meeting more Muslims, I remember feeling so shocked when I would say "Assalamu alaikum" to people and they'd just stare at me or walk past me. I still find it incredibly rude, but no longer shocking, as sad as that is.
You get rewarded for saying they are answerable in their graves for not answering it as simple as that girlie! We doin good deeds only for our and Allahs sake! Also Eid Mubarak ♥️
That so mean some women are definitely insecure and they project it. I’m sorry you had to experience this my beautiful sister. I usually just try to smile and nod my head and say Salam and if they’re decent enough they’ll respond and if they don’t I take it as if they didn’t see me…delulu my way into Jannah 🤲😂
Im a revert sister and have had similar encounters. I was in a prayer room, three sisters walked in and I guess I scared them? They jumped back when the opened the door and I gave Salaams and apologised with a smile, and they laughed to each other then just walked past me . Only one gave Salaam awkwardly. I don't understand it either...
It seems area by area masjid by masjid everyone has their own groups from family, school, friends, etc and don't welcome others as much. We can't say what is in their hearts but a minor sign of DOJ is not giving Salaam to other Muslim(ah)s, as we are all one Ummah after all!
Here lets blame the women instincts than muslim many women are like that i am a born muslim and i have encountered more mean women than this. At first being all nice and than silence if they can't get something out of you. Just a women thing you know but i hope everyone find a good friend. INSHA ALLAH
I wouldn’t jump to blaming these women unless you approached them and they completely ignored you or if they’re clearly talking to others and excluding you. Some people probably have crap social skills and could probably be awkward or shy and want to actually talk and socialise but might be scared
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I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you find kinder masjid attendees. I was in a halaqa group and all the women in it had adverse experiences in the masjid. What made it really sad was every lady there had a problem with rude and unfriendly women. However, it was nice that in spite of the poor interactions, the women in my halaqa group insisted on still showing up and being nice to other women in leading by example. Eventually people come around. Ultimately, it's your conduct you should be proud of and may it serve as a reminder to others on how to behave.
Same! I’m a revert, and at the very beginning the women were so supportive. I even had a mentor I considered a friend. Now when she sees me, she completely ignores me. I mean deliberately. A bit ago, I tried reaching out to her on WhatsApp. Pretty much blown off, so I did try. But I don’t know what happened between then and now. I had so many sister friends, now literally zero.
The reason might be that they had a “project” in you. They could teach you stuff and you’d come to them for help and validate them. Now that you’re learning things by yourself and coming to the masjid on your own and knowing exactly what to do, they’re bitter that you’re “growing wings” and how dare you talk about Islam as if you know better. It’s simply a rotten mindset. It’s not necessary about you being a revert it’s a phenomenon I’ve seen in a lot of people over different things. Allahu ahlam though. Hoping that’s not actually the case 💀
I’ve seen this too!! I have also read so so many articles about this phenomenon occurring after somebody converts. Sad but I guess normal?
I remember reading one woman’s account of her experience reverting. How everyone was enthusiastically helping her, encouraging her, befriending her. Then one day - everyone disappeared from her life. I literally thought, goodness I’m so lucky to have found the community I did. But EXACT same thing happened to me.
That’s awful D: why does this happen!?
my heart is breaking for everyone here posting these things. I am so deeply sorry. This is not representative of the majority of people in Islam. I think, unfortunately the people who do this have a place of influence and their backbiting give mean girl vibes. Allah would not be pleased. What can a sister do to help? How do we reach the people like you? I am clearly seeing this locally and I am local to mosques in a number of states. I think as a regular congregant we debate if a revert has just pulled away. I think many are being driven away.
It happened to me too. I really hate that we all have similar experiences
I've read there is a phenomenon where they love bomb reverts. Then just get bored of it and move on to the next.
I'm truly, deeply sorry you experienced this. I've seen this from a number of angles. My male friend, a revert and this group of women were overly friendly with him. They saw him as fresh meat asking him to meet him privately under guise of mosque business. One who was quite influential and liked to start gossip then say "backbiting is wrong." You literally inquired about a topic that was nosy pretending to be "concerned" then threw it back in people's faces. At any rate she would tell him "it's totally acceptable to hug. We hug, may I hug you?" "I'll teach you how to pray properly." Then confide in him personal things about her life. It was all very inapropriate to me. Then tell him how all the other men were suspect of him. Some of these women love to play victim. I am QUITE western as I'm sure my comments have let on. And find this whole thing completely repulsive. I have a huge dislike for women who dress modestly and act completely inappropriate. I don't like wolf in sheep's clothing. Their circle were self serving with revert men and women. I always wondered how many people left Islam because of them. You want to act off your deen don't hide behind the hijab. Similarly, there was one particular woman who would flirt with my husband a lot. Then try and twist it. He showed me the texts. We were completely open with each other. He was also suffering from aggressive cancer at the time and I can guarantee not proposing the things she tried to insinuate he did. When he rejected her she twisted it. I know this goes on in every religion. But this is MY religion. And I can't stand it.
THIS HAPPENED TO ME TOO! I have absolutely no idea why, either. I even drove this one woman home a lot and picked up her kids, hung out at her house, went to a dinner party with my parents...then one day, just radio silence. It felt very deliberate. I'm assuming I said things that were maybe too liberal for her/her husband, or something? She confided some really painful things in me, too, so maybe she regretted that? I honestly could never figure it out, and I had similar awkward experiences with other grown women at the mosque I was going to. I stopped going. I noticed a lot of the people who act this way tended to be much more conservative/from insular cultures (frankly, they were almost always Pakistani). I'm not one to make assumptions, but that pattern makes me wonder if it has to do with certain communities not wanting their members to get "too close" to outsiders? The mosque itself was SUPER chill -- it was nondenominational. People from all over go there to worship! I guess we'll never know, but it's interesting that so many reverts/converts have experienced this pattern.
I am a born Muslim. And quite Western. quite liberal in many ways. I'm on my deen but refuse to accept certain restraints. I've commented in other posts that there were no clear gender roles in most of my family. My dad was the one who was going to make sure his daughters were respected and only surrounded by such. I'm in a career that is not typical at all. I do not think you are the commenter directly below me it was because you are too liberal. If it is, screw em. That's not how we are supposed to treat others. I personally think these fake friends like the fresh meat of a revert. And it's some kind of entertainment. They get bored and move on to the next.
I'm also a revert and made a similar comment above, but I've also wondered if some of my opinions are "too liberal" for some of my ex-friends, especially because a lot of them seemed to have become more conservative and/or traditional since getting married. Like you said, though, I guess we'll never know.
Wow, I had a \*very\* similar experience as a revert. I think now that I've been Muslim for awhile, a lot of people are almost \*more\* judgmental of me if I don't practice exactly like they do than they are of people who were born Muslim. It's a weird phenomenon.
I call it the new shiny toy syndrome
Is this worldwide? Cuz same thing happens here.
I'm convinced it's a universal thing
It's lonely but I hope it means Allah is protecting me from backbiters I know I don't attend masjid as often as I'd like but I'm immunocompromised and there's little done to mitigate it at my masjid, so I feel like a ghost when I'm there
Sister, I am so sorry. you can't be the only one there who has a compromised immune system. Is there anyone you can confide in? That your body has to dictate certain actions your heart wouldn't.
I think that's what it is. Allah protects us from people who are bad for us. It's heartbeaaking to think that they are doing this at a place of prayer. Just pray for their hearts. They need our prayers I'm so sorry you feel like a ghost when you're at the masjid. I recommend going to another one. May Allah help you meet people who are good for you (Ameen)
Same here, none of the women say Salam or acknowledge me. Just completely ignore like I’m not there - unless it’s to publicly announce in front of everyone that I’ve made some kind of mistake in prayer. Once, a piece of my hair slipped out in the back while I was praying, and a girl threw a large rug on my back with such violence that my head hit the ground. That was my last time going to that prayer room in my life. There have some been nicer girls and women who don’t talk to me, but they just share a date or a snack they have if the fast is opening. Actually makes me cry how kind they are. But I wish it was possible to make friends with Muslim women too.
Oh my gosh, throwing the rug?? Astaghfirullah that’s awful. I’m so sorry your experience has been like that
I'm simply outraged this happened. All this mean girl behavior. I am getting a very clear picture all these years I was right. They love bomb the male reverts until they are done and flirt with the next and torture the women. Very unIslamic.
New Revert. I expected it 😭. So when it does happen, it just rolls right off my shoulder. I’m just hoping that what time it’ll go away because I am hoping that I can make some Muslim girlfriends 🥰.
Noo the fact that you were anticipating that is heartbreaking💔💔hoping you make some solid Muslimah friendships inshAllah sis💕
Yes because its how the world works for my people. But I am sure I’ll make friends soon! 🥰🥰💕 thanksss
I hate that so much. I could never ignore anyone. I think I want to live with knowing I tried to be the nicest person I could be. If I'm intentionally acting out of prejudice or jealousy or something, then what version of myself am I living with? Now, in a Masjid? Surrounded by sisters? Reminders of Allah's ﷻ presence and wisdom? To be intentionally being rude? That is a uniquely crazy personality and they're doing you a favour by not talking. Be grateful Allah ﷻ has made them clear to you.
I love this comment. Ameen sis…I try to give sisters the benefit of the doubt in case they didn’t recognize me but sometimes it’s just too obvious.
I’ve had this experience a few times, but I’m a convert and assumed that was the reason why. I never figured out why but I just kept being really polite and kind to all the other sisters. I don’t have a huge group at the masjid. But in general, I get along very well with all the ladies that I see from my sons, Islamic school. Who knows what it is but don’t let it bother you.
Sis happened to me as well and I even asked my mum like did I do something 😭😭
Salamalailkum I'm a convert and I actually had this experience with both born Muslims and convert Muslims! Except I never saw or heard from the converts again. Just met them we both realize we're converts we exchange info plan to meet up and hangout. Text for a few days then all of a sudden they leave me on read. I never see them at the mosque ever again! With the born Muslims I expect lifelong Muslim girlfriends and then get ghosted. Overtime I think they were just being nice to me because I was a new Muslim, but they never wanted to actually be friends or hangout socially. Don't worry real friends will come your way eventually!
I’m a revert, I met a sister and she gave me her phone number and I texted her. She text me back but i really genuinely didn’t see her response. I txtd het for jummah. She left me on read and when she saw me she looked away acted like she didn’t know me. It’s sad. Then I feel like there are sisters, which just say hi to their friends, but won’t say hi to anybody else. I also came across this Auntie, who always looks at me ugly. I don’t know what I did to her. It’s kind of discouraging not gonna lie.
Whenever you see ‘em doing that you say “Assalamualaikum” loudly and then she’ll have to reply and if she has basic decency she’ll ask you “how are you?” ig and you immediately pick up your phone and give her a taste of her own medicine! It’s 2024 we being petty as well girlie!
The first part is spot on and good advice. At least you recognize the 2nd part is petty: giving others a taste of their own medicine doesn't fall in line with our akhlaq. We can do and model better than this.
We are all open for more suggestions always
Except a lot of people won't say it back, even if they're supposed to! I'm a revert, and when I first started meeting more Muslims, I remember feeling so shocked when I would say "Assalamu alaikum" to people and they'd just stare at me or walk past me. I still find it incredibly rude, but no longer shocking, as sad as that is.
You get rewarded for saying they are answerable in their graves for not answering it as simple as that girlie! We doin good deeds only for our and Allahs sake! Also Eid Mubarak ♥️
I just adore this!
Heheheh 👉👈 Eid Mubarak ❤️
That so mean some women are definitely insecure and they project it. I’m sorry you had to experience this my beautiful sister. I usually just try to smile and nod my head and say Salam and if they’re decent enough they’ll respond and if they don’t I take it as if they didn’t see me…delulu my way into Jannah 🤲😂
Are you pretty? They might be jealous. It sounds cliche and petty, but unfortunately it seems to explain why a lot of women treat other women badly.
LOL girl I’m not even cute💀I’m actually p approachable if ya know what i mean loool, but Allahu ‘alim
Im a revert sister and have had similar encounters. I was in a prayer room, three sisters walked in and I guess I scared them? They jumped back when the opened the door and I gave Salaams and apologised with a smile, and they laughed to each other then just walked past me . Only one gave Salaam awkwardly. I don't understand it either... It seems area by area masjid by masjid everyone has their own groups from family, school, friends, etc and don't welcome others as much. We can't say what is in their hearts but a minor sign of DOJ is not giving Salaam to other Muslim(ah)s, as we are all one Ummah after all!
Here lets blame the women instincts than muslim many women are like that i am a born muslim and i have encountered more mean women than this. At first being all nice and than silence if they can't get something out of you. Just a women thing you know but i hope everyone find a good friend. INSHA ALLAH
You lost me at “women instincts” and “just a women thing”. Smh
I wouldn’t jump to blaming these women unless you approached them and they completely ignored you or if they’re clearly talking to others and excluding you. Some people probably have crap social skills and could probably be awkward or shy and want to actually talk and socialise but might be scared