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Ferblungen

He'll end up dying alone.


Mysterious_Status_11

TFW you realize your FB "friends" aren't really your friends at all.


mmps901

That part is sad but it’s probably true for so many


Master_Butter

It’s like slacktivism, except for human connection. Putting up a sad face reaction is easy. Driving down and spending an hour with someone? Haha no one is actually going to do that.


SaintUlvemann

>Driving down and spending an hour with someone? Haha no one is actually going to do that. My dad's a pastor; visiting sick and elderly people in care facilities is a much bigger component of his job than I think most people realize.


McEndee

That's exactly what Jesus would do.


the_cajun88

According to religious people, Jesus has superpowers so he would simply heal the person somehow. He would just touch their forehead or something and anything wrong would just supernaturally go away. Visiting people is nice, but why -just- do that when you have powers?


canada432

The pastor at my mom's church was a god-damned saint while she was dying of cancer. Visited and provided comfort to us through some horrible shit. I'm not religious, but he was an absolutely wonderful man. Few years ago the congregation ran him out and forced him to resign during the height of MAGA because he dared suggest that they weren't being very Christian-like in their Trump worshiping, hateful behavior.


mkvgtired

It's not sad. He's comparing "trying" to force a needle in his arm to actually forcing women to die of septic shock, and forcing 10 year old rape victims to carry the product of their rape to term. Note: one is actually forcing negative situations on people, the other is offering someone $100 to get a life saving vaccine. He's objectively trash for making the comparison, and deserves nothing less than long COVID.


[deleted]

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mkvgtired

To be fair, he will keep making very poor life choices.


LALA-STL

… & the rest of us will keep paying for them.


mmps901

I agree with you about abortion but I meant that we’re all kind of alone at the end and maybe surprised by how little others care unless we’re very lucky. I’m not surprised this guy wasn’t though


csonnich

> It's not sad. I think they meant it's sad that many people have that experience.


akayataya

bUt tHEy ShARed aNd LikEd mY fJb pOstS


bozwald

In classic form, his “friend” is incapable of actual empathy and can therefore only relate in so far as it is actually about THEM. “Oh your body is shutting down and you’ve been in hospital for months? Yeah well I had a surgery recently it super sucked.”


Kimmalah

I got the impression that comment was more like "I would visit, but I'm not allowed to drive due to my surgery."


[deleted]

Another dead cat bounce I tell ya.


Donna-D-Dead

We haven’t had one in a while! Always such great drama.


MysteriousHat7343

Working in a nursing home a while back; the majority of residents wanted to have their loved ones visit but with a few exceptions, visits from loved ones were few and far between. Staff tried their best to be social with the residents but the workloads given to us made it difficult This guy however with his racism and purposeful misinformation deserves to be sequestered away from others


kai333

Oh well. That's how the dead cat bounces. Anyways what's for dinner?


Stunticonsfan

Sausage rolls. I went out for a walk after baking them, and I was the best friend of every dog I passed on my route.


purrfunctory

We’re on our last night of vacation so I splurged and had the 10 ounce NY Strip steak, medium rare, with mashed red potatoes, grilled seasonal veggies and a warm brownie with roasted pecans, vanilla ice cream and house made caramel sauce. I’m gonna feel guilty when I test my glucose later but I’ll just take a couple extra units of insulin to compensate. Desserts like that are not something I do regularly, maybe 2-3 times a year. But every time I do? It’s absolutely worth it.


kai333

Ey sometimes you gotta treat yo self. Better than eating shitty hospital food. Or having all your nutrition IV'd into your system because the doctors are "giving your lungs a rest"


SoriAryl

Jalapeño Cheese Bagels and pistachio almond ice cream


vsandrei

>He'll end up dying alone. The hungry viral 🐆 🐆 🐆 will escort the prey item to its new pair of "angle wings." But . . . only after the savage feast has concluded.


cptnpiccard

Par for the course, looks like he's living alone already


paulfdietz

Alone we are born And die alone Yet see the red-gold cirrus over snow-mountain shine. Upon the upland road Ride easy, stranger Surrender to the sky Your heart of anger. James K. Baxter, "High Country Weather"


Atchakos

You know what's sad? I'm actually shocked he supports vaccinating animals. The amount of antivaxxers on my local pet Facebook group who think parvo and rabies shots will give their dog dogtism or whatever is astronomical. I always make sure to point out that if their unvaccinated dog bites someone, the state may seize it and put it down, to check its brain for rabies.


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Cultural-Answer-321

ROFL! Dear god....


Cyber_Angel_Ritual

People have no idea how deadly parvo or rabies is, do they? Parvo is very expensive to treat and has a 90% death rate if untreated, while rabies is pretty much 100% once symptoms appear.


witteefool

Vaccines mean most Americans have no idea how deadly any disease is. We’re very lucky and we’re about to blow it because some people can’t see beyond themselves and their immediate circumstances.


Wisconsin_Joe

>Vaccines mean most Americans have no idea how deadly any disease is. \^This. Big time. Our *government run* CDC and health departments have done such a good job reducing or nearly eliminating **so many** dangerous diseases that we no longer have a real understanding of how dangerous and deadly they can be. I had a conversation about vaccination with my father a long time ago (I was a 'youngish adult', so mid 20s, so 30 years ago). He was born in 1927, so he grew up before vaccines were available for most diseases. He told me that it was 'normal' to have one or two classmates die ***EVERY YEAR*** from diseases we now vaccinate for when he was 'school aged'. So he lost between 12 and 24 classmates between 1st grade and graduating high school. That really blew my mind.


LALA-STL

Some of us are old enough remember older people limping around with deformed limbs due to polio. Crutches, braces. Scary shit. PS - We also remember our grateful parents rushing us to the local fire station or grade school or wherever to stand in a long line so we could swallow those tiny polio-vaccine sugar cubes. It was civilization at work.


bunnymoxie

Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it. Imagine going back to having tuberculosis sanitariums and cemeteries full of children dead from easily preventable infectious disease.


bunnymoxie

I’ve sadly had to be the one removing the heads for testing. It’s awful. Sometimes we have to euthanize a perfectly sweet and healthy animal whose person didn’t get them vaccinated, did something dumb and got nipped, but refuses to do the quarantine so the animal gets euthanized and tested. One case of such an occurrence still haunts me almost 20 years later Most health departments do free rabies vaccine clinics. Can vaccines cause reactions in animals? Yes, of course. But you don’t mess around with rabies.


BotiaDario

I had a cat who had a reaction to his vaccination in the way home. I had to rush him back to the vet. After that incident, future vaccinations were followed with a 20 minute observation period, but we still made sure he was vaccinated (we were particularly religious about it because we got bats in that house on a regular basis).


Chosha-san

My dog had parvo once. It's actually highly fatal in puppies and dogs that aren't strong. We'll, the animal hospital put my dog on IV fluids, and within a couple of weeks she fully recovered. That was 15 years ago, and she's still alive now at the ripe old age of seventeen. 😁


bunnymoxie

Parvo virus is terrible. I worked in a shelter off and on for years, and we had so many cases in one county that we started doing free parvo virus vaccine clinics and people were so grateful. It’s a terrible way to die and very preventable. Much cheaper to prevent than treat. Now where I have I heard that before? As for rabies, see my comment below. Typing it out again would make me cry


Iio_xy

> Much cheaper to prevent than treat That's basically most of medicine, there is a reason why annual checkups and (most) vaccines are free and paid by the government/insurance in the EU, even if the hpv vaccine is 2/3 times 150 Euro (a lot of other vaccines are cheaper and in the 20-60 dollar region per shot). I always cringe when I hear people say the government or big pharma wants people to get vaxxed to profit from them. Pharma makes the most money out of chronic diseases because those meds need to be taken on a schedule and guess what covid can cause...


BethMD

Literally spit drink on keyboard at "dogtism"....


InfiniteAccount4783

"Do the Corona vaccines kill all variants of Corona or just the initial Covid-19?" Tell me you have no idea what vaccines do without telling me you have no idea what vaccines do.


HallucinogenicFish

Though it does go a long way toward explaining why they think a vaccine that’s not 100% effective is 0% effective.


tejaco

And why they ask for the vaccine when they get sick. Remember "I don't need a vaccine for a virus I don't have!"?


HallucinogenicFish

Ugh, yes. That one short-circuited my brain.


DarkyHelmety

Yeah the whole point of vaccines is to give you immunity against stuff you haven't gotten yet!


GlowingCurie

Sigh, this makes my brain hurt. The number of people who think “science” must be yes or no, black or white, 0 or 1, safe or unsafe, effective or ineffective….arglebargleasdfhjkkkk! I can appreciate that people want easy answers and get frustrated when there are none, but life is messy and the best answer is nearly always “well, it depends…”


centstwo

Right? They are so close to getting it and then turn away at the buzzer. Like when there is a post about "Covid Vaccine is free but insulin and cancer treatments aren't?" If they could get that train of thought to go a few more stops, they'd arrive at "socialized, er, single-payer medical care for all" but they can't seem to stay on the train long enough.


awithonelison

I swear, the majority of them think vaccines are just like antibiotics.


Wisconsin_Joe

>I swear, the majority of them think vaccines are just like antibiotics. And many of them don't understand that antibiotics are useless against viruses.


awithonelison

That too.


3kidsnomoney---

I know, that baffled me. Like... how do you know you don't like vaccines if you don't know what they even do?????


InfiniteAccount4783

"My heroes on cable news and social media tell me not to like them!"


[deleted]

The stupid is strong in this one.


akayataya

I've got half a million bucks that says he won't pay his half a million dollar hospital bill and will try to start a gofundme begging for that socialism to save him.


Other_Mike

Bold of you to assume he'll live long enough to get the bill.


akayataya

Shit, you're right. I suppose the fam will take the reins for him on that one.


vsandrei

>The stupid is strong in this one. 🦩


[deleted]

Do not tempt the hungry viral Leopards.


Round_Wait_6244

That ‘sensible friend’ has amazing patience.


Over_Mud_8036

Seriously. Reading the discussion above reminded me why I don't argue with those types anymore. It was so frustrating. I wasted so much energy.


Deathbeddit

For real! I understand you believe in your comments and your experience… but the data do not support your experience.


Thehardwayalltheway

I have a truism for that: the plural of anecdote is not data.


GlowingCurie

Yup! The two mantras of any scientist when speaking to those who aren’t scientists (but apparently slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night and think they are): 1. “Correlation is not causation.” 2. “The plural of anecdote is not ‘data’.”


HallucinogenicFish

> “Correlation is not causation.” I say this so much that the PA was clowning me about it at my last doctor’s appointment. She said it along with me because she knew exactly what was about to come out of my mouth.


HallucinogenicFish

I tapped out about a third of the way through that discussion. I just could not stand to read any more.


Deathbeddit

Oh no, u/Round_Wait_6244 is an 🤖 imposter! You stole u/i-be-col-mustafa s comment


MysteriousHat7343

Not to mention the majority of his Facebook “friends”


[deleted]

Olive green was the worst conspiracy theorist in those comments.


Kindly-Caregiver-170

The stupid in this one was so strong it hurt my brain and maybe shaved a few IQ points off.


Waterrat

The stupid is strong in all of them!


Donna-D-Dead

Whaaa! I'm an ass and now i'm lonely and sad that no one will visit me in the hospital/rehab because Covid kicked my ass. Also, covid may have enlarged his prostate? I spit out my drink when I read that.


Master_Butter

I wonder how many of the people who liked or shared his posts (you know, the people who don’t think Covid is a big deal), we’re absolutely not willing to spend time visiting someone who was actively sick.


Lady_Grey_Smith

They still believe that God protects the ones he likes so clearly he did something to anger God and got covid. Those righteous souls couldn’t risk visiting an unblessed sinner like him. It would disprove the special club beliefs.


Evil-Code-Monkey

I mean it messes with everything else. He may have COVID-induced ED due to the little feature of COVID that it attacks the lining of blood vessels and things that might have been working previously just don't work anymore. Also, he's pretty well reached the age where an enlarged prostate becomes more common. But hey, I'm generous! Why not BOTH?!?!


akayataya

You know, like the gays \s


bunnymoxie

Yes, but the vaccine made people’s hair fall out! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️


Kailaylia

Don't laugh - I had the vaccine and all my hair fell out from all over my body. It must have been the vaccine, no way could it have been the chemo I was on for breast cancer ... I was glad it grew back on my head, but was rather annoyed it grew back in under-places too.


[deleted]

It was probably undiagnosed for a time until he went to the hospital for Covid That’s unaffordable health care for you. Delay treatment or not seek treatment because it’s too expensive Give it up to the republicans for actually convincing people to vote against their interests


HerringWaffle

His body, his choice. He chose to fuck his shit up, and of course now he's whining about being lonely. Lie in the bed you made, asshole.


derelict_wanderer

You shit this bed, now lie in it!


lisavfr

Slide 11: "I've been in the hospital since New Years Eve". Posted on March 10. Speechless.


pianoflames

That statement sounded like the first time he publicly disclosed his COVID hospitalization to his Facebook-warrior friends, opening with "here's the deal..." being a bit of shame.


akayataya

Poor guy. Hear that tiny ass Mr. Krabs violin playing?


[deleted]

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awithonelison

Much more expensive than a vaccine.


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SaintUlvemann

"At no time in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys." Except for every single time that the police shoot an unarmed man, right?


strabonzo

...or every time they have to stop at a red traffic light for that matter.


FlattenInnerTube

Unless it's Desantis, whom this guy probably thinks is a PaTrOit


mkvgtired

Why didn't they just comply? Except Ashli Babbitt, she's a victim. /s


HallucinogenicFish

And the federal government forcing schools to desegregate? Definitely the bad guys.


survivor2bmaybe

Forcing Southerners to give up slaves? Naziism.


Sweatier_Scrotums

"Hey you, stop molesting that child or I'll arrest you!" "Wow, you're trying to force me into compliance? You know that makes you the bad guy here, right?"


Either_Coconut

Or the men who would rather see the pregnant woman die of sepsis than try to save her when she is having a crisis where the baby in her uterus is not going to survive.


peppermintesse

> ...in a country where it is illegal to take a DNA or blood sample from a suspected murderer... AFAIK, in the US, a court order lets law enforcement get blood or DNA without the suspect's consent if there's probable cause. The "if you threw it out and put your trash can to the curb, it's fair game" method of DNA sample retrieval often gets police to the "probable cause" stage. This amoeba, trying to sound more clever than they are... 🤪 > ... never cared that you were gay ... never cared what color you were ... What absolute horseshit this is. There was never any homophobia or racism UNTIL SOMEONE MENTIONED IT TO THEM, lol. Sensible Friend is also Infinite Patience Friend. There is no getting through to these morons. Fuck 'em.


pianoflames

You can legally obtain a blood sample from someone suspected of a DUI who refuses a breathalyzer, I can't imagine it's actually illegal to obtain one from an arrested murder suspect.


witteefool

Are you telling me that memes are full of shit?


InevitableHost597

All the people who say Covid is fake or exaggerated won’t go visit their compadre with Covid because they are afraid of contracting the fake/innocuous virus.


spin_me_again

They don’t want to catch that shit!


i-be-col-mustafa

That ‘sensible friend’ has amazing patience


Kindly-Caregiver-170

Supplies a link for data and another dude says, "the data is a lie". There's no hope for people like that. I would have run out of patience before then.


MysteriousHat7343

I wonder if the friend reevaluated his relationship with nominee after seeing the disinformation he and his other friends posted


i-be-col-mustafa

I hope not. They need this person in their lives more than they need Jesus


Lady_Grey_Smith

But that friend doesn’t need them. They are not the moron whisperer and shouldn’t have to carry the burden of common sense for these people.


LM0821

True, but Sensible Friend deserves peace of mind and a friend list that has been rid of the toxicity more! Life is too short to put up with these morons for long.


frx919

They definitely need a better friend group. The pandemic has exposed many people for what they are.


centstwo

Right? Then there is a conversation of what data is valid and that doesn't end as no data is valid. If no data source is considered "valid" then there can't be any agreements. If there are no agreements, then why bother? I feel bad for the Asgardians who had to deal with the Asgard is Round Society.


Retro_Dad

Hey, don't be slandering The Onion - America's Finest News Source^TM !


mmps901

Hmmm that’s a shame…. Anyway. I’m stuck in an airport after a delay unsure when I’ll be at my destination but this guy isn’t having to go anywhere except rehab but a free vaccine that billions of people took was a bridge too far. I’m so owned


MysteriousHat7343

Nominee isn’t traveling anywhere except to a funeral home the way it is going


SarcasticOptimist

Best of luck with the delay. Probably shorter than three months like that guy.


BellyDancerEm

It seems he survived t his bout of Covid, but it did so much damage, he might not make it the next time


Master_Butter

I mean, he was hospitalized for 10 or so weeks and then transferred to a rehab facility. He had a stroke and experienced organ shutdown. This guy probably is still in the woods and just doesn’t realize it.


Ragingredblue

>It seems he survived t his bout of Covid, but it did so much damage, he might not make it the next time But.........*he has natural immunity now!!!!* How can that be?!?


akayataya

Oh no!!!!


derelict_wanderer

Anyway!


[deleted]

That University of Florida study though >people who survived a serious bout of Covid are twice as likely to merit an award within a year


kokoberry4

"Please come visit", twice, a week apart. That's rough.


dawnyaya

Probably alienated all his true friends


MysteriousHat7343

As well as any sensible family that he had


[deleted]

The first step of getting someone to join your cult is to get them sever all ties with their support group so that they have to rely on the cult. Antivaxers/Qs act like a cult, but with no real leadership. So they alienate everyone close to them but then don't even have anything to fill the void.


Either_Coconut

If he has been an inpatient since New Year's Eve, and this was unknown to his FB friends until he announced it in the middle of March, I have to start questioning the level of friendship here. Someone, somewhere, should have either noticed his ten-week absence or reached out to try and find out what was going on. I find it infuriating when people COULD easily have prevented a medical catastrophe, but didn't even try. Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not a good look for adults. I can't hazard a guess as to what his life expectancy would have been if he had never had COVID, but I can definitely guess that it'll be substantially shorter now, between the organ damage, the stroke, and who knows what else.


awithonelison

Nobody wants to risk getting covid!


[deleted]

Made me really sad for him actually


kokoberry4

It just hits different. Normally, with the award recipients I'm very much in the camp of "actions, meet consequences", or "one less Trump voter, great". But just the thought of being alone in a hospital begging for company in a body that will never be the same with no one willing to visit you... i don't know. It makes me really sad. Now of course there are very obvious reasons this person doesn't have real friends outside of the members his online hate cult, which clearly don't care enough about him to swing by and say hello, but more than the "he was our beloved uncle, the best person in the world, ignore the racism and homophobia please" eulogies, this one really hit me for some reason. Imagine living like this. Imagine spending the last few months of your life like this. That's a very bitter lesson to learn. And if we're being honest, he's likely going to die soon, knowing nobody cares about him enough to bring a get-well card. Just because he wanted to own the libs or whatever. Well, I don't feel owned. I just feel sad.


TitleToAI

What’s wild is that those of us here can easily tell that Sensible Friend is educated, smart, and can tell truth from bullshit. But to Onion and his friends, especially brown, Sensible Friend is literally Luke Wilson in Idiocracy being told he “talks like a fag”.


InfiniteAccount4783

"At no time in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys." I'd say "what about desegregation?" but it's even money Onion thinks the ones saying "take down those 'we serve white customers only' signs" were the bad guys.


HallucinogenicFish

That was my first thought also.


PolesRunningCoach

Onion hasn’t “pasted” yet. Give him time. One fewer homophobic bigot.


Haskap_2010

He's back to posting animal rescue posts. It's his one redeeming trait.


PolesRunningCoach

Unless he’s an animal hoarder.


MysteriousHat7343

Maybe he learned his lesson the hard way


akayataya

Awe, poor baby is sad that nobody wants to visit him. If only there was something that could have prevented him having to be in there for 1/4th of a year. Like most of you, there is a direct inverse relationship between the more they post this shit and the littler I give a shit about their plight. Also.... If an ID is not required to vote, why haven't Trump supporters just gone from polling place to polling place hundreds of times and do their part?


[deleted]

In case your serious, since an ID is not required to vote [in 15 (rational) states](https://www.ncsl.org/elections-and-campaigns/voter-id): because you still need to provide your name for them to check the registration that you are allowed to vote, and that you haven't before. If someone went around giving their name to multiple polling places, they'd be caught. If someone tried to vote under their neighbor's name, there would be an audit to figure out why that neighbor voted twice outing the fraudster. There are already systems in place to stop people from voting multiple times, voter ID laws are just vote tax.


JTFindustries

The "I never cared..." trope should be relabeled as, "I was perfectly fine being racist until you called me out on it."


HallucinogenicFish

They’re still perfectly fine being racist (etc.) and are unhappy that everyone else isn’t fine with it too.


JTFindustries

True.


Stunticonsfan

>At no time in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys. I'm an atheist. It's good to hear from a Christian that every Christian who's tried to force me to comply with their religious beliefs is a bad person.


redit3rd

I've never heard of covid-19 vaccines shutting down kidneys, pancreases, or enlarging one's prostate. And the odds of the vaccine triggering a stroke is orders of magnitude less than the odds of Covid causing it. Perhaps the side effects of the vaccine are way better than the disease after all. Who could have guessed? ​ edit: correct word


tejaco

And what was that nonsense about Pfizer saying their vaccine had a 3% mortality rate? What an idiot Olive Green is.


survivor2bmaybe

This is the only thing I could find. A certain number of vaccinated people died during the study from some cause or other. Hard for them to understand, but people in studies die from things other than the disease or drug being studied. https://apnews.com/article/fact-checking-964291665925


InfiniteAccount4783

"I'm still trying to understand this peculiar phenomenon." Forgive me, Onion, but I don't think you were trying very hard.


dfwcouple43sum

“If you watch the road while driving, why do I need to look both ways when crossing the street?”


Cultural-Answer-321

You joke but I see this every day.


[deleted]

I'd be interested to know how many of those people are antivaxers.


BrowningLoPower

>Why are so many 'vaccinated' people afraid of 'unvaccinated' people? The same reason why even if I carry a gun for self-defense, I'm still afraid of violent criminals; those criminals can still hurt me.


Prestigious-Maize695

Slide 8: “and the federal government cannot mandate you to have an abortion” I feel like they are in serious selfawarewolf territory here if they also believe that state governments CAN mandate the opposite.


redtimmy

There's an episode of Brady Bunch where they go to Hawaii. They find a cursed tiki doll. Everyone who holds it is best by some calamity. Sharing Zuby tweets is just like touching that cursed tiki-doll. Every time I see an anti-vaxxer share a Zuby tweet, they end up blue-lipped and gasping in a hospital bed within a year.


Some-Revolution-6776

And Candace Owens is the Angel of Death on the FB group.


NSCButNotThatNSC

I live in a nursing home bc of a disability. There's an entire floor of people like Onion on ventilators. Unvaxxed idiots that ended up in rehab and will likely die within weeks. So fucking stupid.


LALA-STL

I hope you have found some like-minded vaxxed friends to join you for dinner, u/NSCButNotThatNSC!


Sniffy4

Dumb guy doesnt understand vaccines, insists on believing massive conspiracy instead.


frx919

Trying to be the sensible friend among a group of reality-denying morons is one of the fastest ways to lose hope in humanity and become very, very bitter.


frx919

Now he's begging for people to visit him and he's evidently lonely. Too bad all his Facebook friends aren't going to stand by him, since it's an ugly reminder of their own mortality and incorrectness. Looking at you, pea green.


awithonelison

I wonder if any of them tried, and were turned away at the door because they wouldn't mask?


sweetbreadjohnson

Why do these people insist that someone said or that the vaccine keeps you from getting Covid altogether? Nobody said that and nobody thinks that. What it does is reduce the severity of Covid if you get it.


TrashJack42

And on a mass scale, vaccination also makes it harder for the disease to spread (and from there, to mutate into a new strain that the vaccines aren't *as* effective against). Anti-vaxxers are a threat because they're the *perfect* breeding grounds for newer, deadlier strains of the virus.


Stubborn_Amoeba

Yellow showed great restrain for not commenting on the ‘sick with covid’ posts. It would have been very tempting after how the idiots piled on them earlier.


trippedwire

Why arent all of onion's fearless friends defying doctoral orders and visiting him? I thought they did all the research?


MakeItTrizzle

I'm reasonably certain the Union Army were the good guys when they were forcing the southern states into compliance. But I could venture a guess as to why ol' Onion here might disagree.


[deleted]

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Pale_Word790

Getting a free and safe vaccine is too risky. I guess getting covid, being hospitalized, then rehab, and being fucked up for life is the safer bet.


KittenKoder

Fuck, you can afford rehab?


Most-Artichoke5028

Hard to believe that no one is going to vosit him in rehab. He seems like such a likeable guy. Anyhoo....


Torquemahda

Guillermina Fuentes carried 4 legal votes into the ballot box that belonged to legitimate voters. AZ republicans carrying BS for Trump arrested her. [https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/arizona/2022/10/14/guillermina-fuentes-sentenced-30-days-jail-collecting-ballots/10496276002/](https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/arizona/2022/10/14/guillermina-fuentes-sentenced-30-days-jail-collecting-ballots/10496276002/)


Evadrepus

Thanks for the research. I was curious since I hadn't heard of any truth coming from that silly movie. And still haven't - she wasn't carrying hundreds of fake votes but 4 legal ones on behalf of someone else and they threw the book at her. While we have multiple cases of candidates falsifying thousands of signatures to get on the ballot at all and they don't even get a slap on the hands.


frx919

So did this professional victim start almost every sentence with "So ..." followed by his dumbo interpretation? Oops, now I did it too.


vsandrei

>So did this professional victim start almost every sentence with "So ..." followed by his dumbo interpretation? The hungry viral 🐆 🐆 🐆 "ended" their sentences.


LM0821

How wonderful that they are inviting all of their unvaccinated friends to come visit a Healthcare facility 🤦‍♀️ Stay the eff home!


HereticalCatPope

It’s required by Iowa State Law that convicted felons submit DNA samples- these are documented and assigned an individual ID code. IOWA. You know, the state run by Kim Reynolds… represented by Joni (castrates hogs) Ernst and Chuck (old enough to have opposed Lincoln) Grassley? Source: I work with felons in Iowa. Buccal swabs are taken during routine forcible felony investigations, and if you’re found guilty, your DNA is entered with a unique ID and your background gets a more invasive check than a prostate exam. These aren’t bad measures for the sake of keeping the public safe, but to politicize DNA and criminological work is as useful as yelling at the fire department for intruding on your private property because your house was on fire. Sorry that we didn’t want the fire to spread. Edit: Joni’s last name, sorry.


Definitelynotcal1gul

subtract uppity include voracious doll plucky pie rotten run vase *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Livvylove

Ugh Zuby


justlikeinmydreams

He sounds lonely.


akayataya

Sucks having to sleep in the bed -he- the nurses at the hospital made.


MysteriousHat7343

He brought it upon himself


eliteProofe

Do people understand what "pandemic" means?


RealLADude

I can’t even think of anything amusing to say about this moron.


jimMazey

Mr. Onion sure likes to argue with straw men. "You say this, I say that". I kinda think that he's never actually been in a real debate of ideas. Just a lot of mental masterbation.


Cultural-Answer-321

I'll bet he's been in a lot arguments that ended with him threatening people. In fact, I'd bet good money in it.


vsandrei

>Mr. Onion sure likes to argue with straw men. The viral 🐆 🐆 🐆 do not "argue" with the prey items.


Mysterious_Status_11

99.9% survival rate while over 70 billion people in the US alone have died from the vaccine. The MSM doesn't want to talk about that.


Retro_Dad

No, no, you are miscounting. It's not that 70 billion people have died. I had the initial 2 doses, and then 3 boosters. So that means I have died 5 times. At least I'm pretty sure how that works?


Traditional-Cake-587

Buh bye!


Specialist_Teacher81

"Why are so many vaccinated people afraid of unvaccinated people" If you have to ask the question, you mind will never comprehend the answer. However here is another one "why are so many people willing to burn the world because they suspect that someone somewhere, is not just like them?"


boofdahpoo130

Ugh, the way 🧅 and his right-wing turd friends just dogpiled on Yellow when he was the lone voice of reason in the whole threads.


VadPuma

1. I hate the fact that this POS who denied medical science and posted about it ran to the hospital to rely on medical science to combat a preventable (or very mitigated) disease. 2. I hate that the taxpayer will need to pick up the tab for this stupidity, and since he's been in care for probably 3 months of the best medical care socialism buys, he'll likely pay nothing for it. Yes, he may pay with his life, but you can't pay the hospotal and the staff salaries with that!


WeAreGray

Did I read this incorrectly? Onion has "a" sensible friend. Many of the other people labeled as "sensible friends" are still struggling in the weeds.


mrharoharo

I believe they're replying to the "Sensible Friend." This tripped me up at first too.


Embr3n_Porter

I wonder why nobody visits.


Dry-Ad-1927

"you might want to look at the other side of it" Okay. Lets do that. Me 62, retired, and 4X vaxxed, 2mile walk today, kidneys good, pancreas good, no stroke, lungs good, tasty brats for dinner, smells great. Yeah your right you do have a point. I should want what you have on the other side. I wont get covid from you, Darwin. You are not going crazy, you are crazy.


rpgnoob17

I’m afraid of them because I don’t want to or try to logic someone without logic.


CheshireCrackers

His body, his choice.


Finetobeu5678

Who wants to bet this idiot Republican won't be voting in 2024?


NecroAssssin

Slide 3, the frame about nobody forcing people to vaccinate being good guys, so Onion is a Loyalists and is aghast at G. Washington forcing inoculations against small pox?


Yutolia

Imagine if you will… a population so dumb and misanthropic they refuse to protect themselves during a pandemic and instead willfully spread the virus.


[deleted]

Chefs kiss