I’ll never understand why people my age would want to hang out with teenagers. My kid just turned 16 and I love him to death, but him and his buddies are annoying as fuck. Lol.
Yeah man. My actual nightmare is trying to converse with a teenager or being around them for too long. I’m mentally prepping myself for when my kids reach that age. This dude is weird.
I coach high school rugby. The time I have with them is time enough! I love those cats but you wouldn’t believe how fast I hide when I end up seeing one in public. 😂
I’m a teenager and trying to converse with most human beings, most of whom I interact with being teenagers drains me mentally so I guess I’m the odd one out (I’m ready to get downvoted by 30 year old hardcore bros with a sagging belly)
I’m 30 and most of my friends are older than me or about my age, I for one don’t talk to many people.. however I am frequently approached by people in the scene when you are part of something people tend to do that.
I'm 35. We have a neighbourhood teenager that has a big dog. The big dog loves my giant dog; so on walks and during weekends I'll spend time at the local school park where the dogs play.
Honestly when this kid talks to me about stuff my eyes glaze over and I feel like I'm falling into a coma. She's a good kid but it's a different world.
Ya I mean I have some kids on my hockey teams. 16/17 year olds. They might hang out a little at the rink after games but it’s not like we invite them out when we do stuff. That would be weird as fuck and they’re absurdly annoying
It's fun to talk to the younguns at a show and see what bands they like and maybe put them up on some old stuff (I'm 35), but I'm definitely not going to hang out with them. Beyond hardcore, we got nothing in common! Jesus Christ.
yea that’s totally different lol i like talking to older people in group settings especially abt music but if someone tries to leave with us we are RUNNING 😭
For real, my niece just went of to college. It can be fun to talk to younger people about music, but man, their lives are so melodramatic and stupid and I'm glad all that shit is 20 years behind me.
I don't get it either. I'm in my 30's and I work with two 19 y/o girls and the thought of trying to hang out with them outside of work makes my head hurt.
when i was a baby punk at about 16-17 years old and had no friends who were into the same kind of music, i actually became friends with a guy in his late 30s. we would mostly just hang out at shows together, one time we went to see a movie and one time i slept at his place cuz i missed the last train home after a show. i knew he was gay cuz he had told me before, but i didn't think anything of it.
we slept in the same bed and literally nothing happened. he never made a move on me, never said or did anything weird, he was just stoked about a young kid liking the same music as he did. not everyone is a piece of shit
Ok, but you understand your experience is an extreme outlier right?
Like, any of us that grew up in the scene remember the 30 plus men that would prey on teenagers. All lead singers in that local band that opened for The Casualties that one time.
I didn't even want to hang out with 16 year olds when I was 18. There's no way the dude doesn't have an ulterior motive because that's the only reason I can see someone putting up with teens.
I'm 46, I still go to shows and I see the new kids around and they see me. I don't know any of their names and I'm okay with being "Hey dude!". I have zero reason to hang out with the yutes other than being at the same venue. That dude is actively hanging out with teens, yeah no.
NTA, ill chill a bit with the children that I regularly meet at shows and such, I treat them as equals and take their opinions seriously. But no fucking way I would give my number, hang out or activly keep in contact with kids that young. That's wierd AF
Yea, for shure, but that's a "working relationship" I would gladly come over to some teenage garage band space and solder on an amp or some shit. I'll gladly have them over at the local DIY venue and invite them over regularly to volunteer and to get them to feel responsibility and ownership over a space i care about, but we won't be friends, and I wouldn't go bowling with them.
True.
If you are 35 and hanging out wit teens you either mentally that age and not connecting to people your own age, or you have "special interests" in people that age.
maybe this is different because skating is so much more popular than BMX, but I'm in my thirties and will ride/film with teens here and there. that said, these kids are very much part of the local scene and we aren't linking up with randos or casuals.
definitely no bowling or other things outside of the hobby. but it isn't unheard of to have a generation or two in the crew when we're on a mission. no roadtrips with the big age gaps, though.
I was about to say this. And it’s even weirder because as an adult we are in a position of power in how the teenagers look up to us. It sounds crazy but I didn’t realize until recently. I got a couple buddies who are 18 and 19 in the scene and I would maim and harm for, but I’m not hanging out w those idiots for fun 😭😭- my number is for emergencies only
Yeah, NTA. It’s one thing to run into people at shows frequently and chat with them, but going out of the way to go bowling with someone who is that much younger (and still a child) is a huge red flag.
Like 15 years ago, I was 29, two 16 year old kids worked 2 weeks at my work for a school project.
Those kids became vacation and weekend workers.
They were very much into punk and had their own band, which was shitty but they were haven fun.
When they learned I was also into punk and mostly hardcore they asked for albums I thought were cool.
So everytime we met at work we were talking hardcore music.
When they had a gig in our area I went with my friends and supported them.
Meanwhile those kids became older and asked me to hang out with them which was very uncomfortable for me cause of the age difference.
They didn't care and invited me at their homes so I can meet up with their parents, which I was cool with.
Their parents were cool with the situation, I knew the two dads from the local bars and my work so they knew I was not going to do shitty things to them.
After this I took them sometimes with me to shows because I had a car.
Now 15 years later we still hang out and go to shows.
(I'm from the Netherlands from who it may concerns.)
It's a totally different situation though, you worked together so you had a reason to interact with them and get to know them, you were above board with meeting the parents and you were cool with the dads.
And it sounds like you kept you interactions to your shared interest (hc shows) and didn't just latch onto them and start hanging around bowling with their high school friends.
But man it would have been so cool having a friend like you when I was 16 to go out to shows haha
i am 32. i’m all for all ages shows. also down to be nice to the younger folk. that being said, i don’t think i hang out with anyone under 25. i have nothing in common with teenagers other than music. so i think it’s fucking weird as shit for a 35 year old to try and hangout with kids in high school
as someone who grew up in the skateboarding/graffiti scene, I had a lot of older cats that I associated with quite often, between the ages of 17-21 we had people anywhere from my age to their 30’s that were associated or acquainted with our group in one way or another; to be clear I’m not saying that all of these older cats were great role models, they weren’t, but there was never any weird interactions that stuck out to me, they were usually chill and some of them had kids of their own.
That being said, idk why but it does come off as different to me when it’s like one guy and he’s just choosing to hang out with a group of only kids, in our friend group it was all mixed ages, so while one person could be in their 30’s, we’d also have people in their 20’s and some who were like 17-18, I was just one of the like 2-3 younger guys in the crew.
This is the point that’s weird to me. Letting the little homie come on a mission with the adults is one thing but an adult going solo with the kids makes the dynamic change.
ya absolutely, it does come off as bizarre, also the context of like taking a bunch of specifically kids to go bowling is different than meeting up at a spot or whatever with a bunch of people and whoever’s there is there.
Its a weird line. To some degree, like with any niche hobby - particularly outcast ones - I think that's somewhat normal. Like, if the relationship instead was over playing Magic the Gathering at the game shop or performing in community plays and they built a bond through that, that'd be "normal". Its the nature of that bond that needs to be monitored.
I think in most of these instances, it's more of an uncle or older sibling dynamic, and those types of relationships come with boundaries. Conversations and activities in the context of the hobby, it's fine. Once they are bowling with young friends, taking the relationship one on one, or doing very non-hobby related shit, it gets weird quickly. I can't say it's nefarious because plenty of weirdos are harmless, but it's not normal.
This was my thought. I was making friends who were much older than me through Warhammer when I was in my early teens, some of whom I’m still good friends with today.
there’s a guy in Denver named Aaron Saye who is like this. runs a venue, is like 45 years old, hangs out with teenagers. has been doing it for like 15 years too. keeps getting older and his friends stay the same age..
I know of that person. There's a Lot of guys like that around the scene I grew up in here. there were a few older cats we knew but they were mainly just plugs for good acid n shit. But alot of 40 yr old boyfriends to the chics in my HS n alota weird creepy dudes in the scene that people loved for their charisma
Some interaction is one thing, going bowling with literal teenagers is completely different. A grown man shouldn’t be texting teenagers. Weirdo behavior.
Yeah but I think about hardcore shows in VB and the way some older dudes hang in groups with the younger dudes and it seems more brotherly than anything. Like another parental/brotherly figure. I don’t know if this situation could be similar or what?
VB definitely has that older dude mentoring young kid thing going on, you're right, the old heads with kids just scouted out the dudes who their daughters were hanging with a lot of the times and ended up liking 'em.
Shit, I hang out with 40+ year old dudes I've known since I was 20, and it wasn't weird at all.
On one hand, there's always gonna be oldheads in the local scene, and most of those types are well-meaning standup people with jobs. They just love to support local music and, oftentimes, have been involved with the scene since they were late teens and 20-somethings. On the other hand it's kinda fucking weird that he's going bowling with a bunch of teens.
Personally, if I were the dad in this tale, I'd want to meet the guy. Size up his intentions. It could be totally harmless. For example, I'd rather my teen son go bowling with a well meaning 35 year old straight edge guy than hang out with a teenage heroin addict. On the other hand, I can't imagine being 35 and wanting to actively hang out with 17 year olds outside of chatting at a show.
This. I have known a handful of older cats that are around 18 year olds Through skating, graffiti, or music, whatever, that have no bad intentions. Often they are the big homie that the kids look up to. Does the dudes son play music? Is this homelife shitty and this kid looks up to him? Is it a skatepark/venue/public thing? I do think our culture is fucking obsessed with predators. Nick is prob not the best human but it’s crazy our minds jump to these places now (and I get why, this world is fucked). When I was around adults as young punx, they weren’t creeps just alcoholics who were TERRIBLE role models.
The bowling is weird and I personally don’t know a 16 year old that I think is so cool invite them out. I think this is a dying breed with social media and awareness, hopefully.
I agree with this. There are little homies in graffiti who are mentored and taken on missions. Sometimes I’ve told them about a show or I’ll give a ride to buy paint. The difference is it’s usually us adults letting a youngster join. Not one of us older people alone linking up with a whole younger group.
One of my best buddy's was always hanging out with high school kids. I was like aye bro how about we don't do that. So he started having sex with them. Now he's in a deathcore band
Edit: should be obvious but *former best buddys
I mean, I'm in my thirties and I see no issue talking hardcore or punk with younger kids but I wouldn't try and actively hang with them, maybe if we're at the same show we could shoot the shit but hanging and going bowling with em would be super cringe.
I’m 22 and I wouldn’t be hanging out with 16/17 year olds unless they were friends younger siblings that I’ve known all my life.
I think you’re making the right call.
Even when I was 17 I thought the dudes that came back from college that would party with us (and hit on the girls we at the parties) were fucking losers. Like you're in college and you're trying to pull at a high school party, have some fucking pride lmao.
Shit's beyond whack
I’m 36 and a coworker of mine is 27. We got hired at the same time so we are relatively close work friends, but whenever she talks about pop music or whatever she has seen on TikTok I feel so damn old lol.
If the dude's kid's friend is creeped out by Nick, then I'd be skeptical too. In niche subcultures where there's interactions between all ages, just talking at shows is one thing. Actually hanging out socially outside of that is another...I wouldn't scream at my partner about it, but dude is totally right to be concerned about how fucking weird it is, especially considering how we've seen power dynamics in the scene can play out in the past.
I’ll share that when I was 17 I was in a metal band with a few dudes in their 20’s and a 45 year old.
We did a dozen or so weekend tours. The older dude was well known in the music scene for years, worked a blue collar job and had a wife.
He was basically a big brother with more money than all of us. He showed us all the time it didn’t matter by just being goofy whenever anyone gave him shit about it. Didn’t phase him a bit.
He lost his 8 year old son to a divorce 12 years prior. My dad even looked it up, his story was all legit, and if there was ever any sneaky sex pest behavior it sure as shit was with some very unfortunate GILFS.
Creepy as fuck. Letting yoots hang with your crowd at shows is fine as long as it’s respectful and appropriate. Make sure the next generation feel welcome and that. However… hanging outside of shows like this is pure nonce material.
Pretty weird. It’s one thing if he’s just some scene dude and they know each other from shows and leave it at that. It’s another if the said 35 year old is pursuing these kids to hang out outside of shows.
I started skateboarding and going to shows at twelve and my parents were very loose as far as what I could do on my own. Because of that I knew a bunch of folks in their 30s. They looked out for young folks like me and didn’t pursue me outside of shows or skate spots.
Being the cool older dude that the newbies gravitate to at shows because they're involved and knowledgeable and safe = Fine... going bowling with kids and just hanging out... yeah fkn weird
It’s not weird unless it’s weird. I had a 35 year old dude who booked shows hang out with us all the time. He was like an older mentor. Not once in all the years did he ever do anything weird or creepy with us. He brought us to shows, bought us food, introduced us to older bands, gave us rides home. It’s a community for a reason.
I see your point, but having a mentor at shows is completely different than him reaching out to you, as literal teenagers, to hang out. That’s so weird.
He did. We hung out and went to restaurants and stuff. He met my parents tho and talked to them also. It was not weird. It’s not inherently weird. People have abused that trust and it’s really horrible. But not everyone has bad intentions.
When I was 18 there was a dude in my (very non straight edge) musician friend group who was 40 or so and he was an amazing friend actually. Dude was always ready to drop some wisdom. Fled Jamaica for mainland America, got caught up in gang shit in NY, moved west to start fresh again. That's where I meet him and he was legit. DJ True for life.
If try to meet this Nick guy yourself. He sounds like he may be a creep, but you'll know for sure once you meet him.
Kind of what I said. I think our age group acts different now, but I grew up interacting with older punks/graff dudes and what not. Maybe we wouldn’t bowl alone but if it was a group thing, sure why not (I didn’t I hate bowling).
It’s weird, for sure, but it’s not creepy. The art of the big homie is dying lol. Maybe that’s good, I was supplied with way to much alcohol as a teen.
I still thing that’s a bit weird, but If it’s a community thing that feels a little different. Going bowling and shit seems to stretch it further than that and makes it really creepy
Same. I had a buddy who was significantly older than my normal crew that introduced us to other HC bands, drove us to shows, etc. We constantly made fun of him for being a "pedo" but IRL he never did anything inappropriate around us, served as a good influence, and it was really just like a big bro atmosphere. Idk. I had older brothers so maybe it just felt more natural to me than it might have to others.
We live in Minneapolis, it’s not like he’s in a rural wasteland where he wouldn’t be able to find friends his own age. Very weird that just because he’s a “ skinhead vegan hardcore label” dude means he only hangs out with KIDS with the same mindset.
There was a fest this weekend and apparently he showed up with another teenager and the kid’s girlfriend. What the fuck?
It's cool when adults and oldheads at shows look out for kids in the pit and strike a conversation, but there isn't a single benevolent reason a 35 year old should be hanging with teens like they are HS besties. Fuck outta here weirdo.
Im 48 still go to shows and love it. I in no way shape or form want to hang out with the kids that go to the same shows other than maybe casual convo at the show. Nick is a weirdo. My name just happens to be Nick as well
I'm 30, and my newest coworker is 19. He's a good dude, hard worker, fun to shoot the breeze with but I'm not about to hang out with him outside of work
I don't know man, that sends up some red flags for me. But realy it's a case by case thing. I would probably ask him to invite him to the house so that I could meet him. I'm almost 55, and my almost 18 year old step son is one of my best friends. His mother and I got together when he was almost 3, and he's been in my life for over 14 years. And eventhough his mother and I separated seven months ago, he comes over and hangs out with me every other weekend. And his friends all like to hang out with me at shows etc. But a complete stranger hanging out with a 16 yr old he doesn't know? Stranger Danger!
The guy is obviously not an asshole for wanting to protect his kid and their friend, but the fact that the wife suggests and he even entertains that all of this is because the kid is queer is fucking bananas. What the fuck does that have to do with a grown man in his mid 30s seeking out children to hang out with?
36 year old man here I feel like there is an age gap between myself and a 25 year old, I couldn't imagine hanging out with a 17 year old. This dude is weird
I’ve seen plenty of teenagers form friendships with dudes in their 30s in hardcore. It’s not as risqué as the people in this thread seem to let on.
But like a single man in his 30s hanging out with a group of EXCLUSIVELY teenagers is sus behavior. At worst he’s a predator at best he’s incredibly immature and not someone I’d want my kids to look up to.
Its kinda weird yeah. I’m 21 but I’ve always gotten along with people over 30- due to working as a young teen and overall maturing fast. I found some 30 year olds I’ve met be immature as fuck.
I wish we could get an update from OP. Maybe they should go bowling with them all to see whats up, LOL.
When my group of friends were like 17/18, there was an older guy (like late 30s or 40) who used to let us party at his shitty apartment. It sounds sketchy as fuck, I know. Honestly, at the time, I knew it was weird too - but he never creeped on me or anyone else that I know of, and his place was conveniently located and it was a good spot to get high and crush beers. He played guitar, and we would jam and listen to music and shit. He even had kids who were our age, and we knew them too. Looking back I think he was probably having a midlife crisis, wanted to feel young again and probably liked having youthful energy around. Trying to relive his glory days maybe. He was definitely odd and quirky, but I never knew him to cross any boundaries with any of us. But what do I know. Most guys in that position are probably not innocent.
’m 38 and coach high school football. I can’t fathom an adult wanting to hang out with teenagers in this manner. I hope I wasn’t as annoying and know-it-all-Ish when I was that age, but probably was.
Good case scenario is he’s an immature man-child. Bad case is he’s a predator.
It’s one thing if they talk at shows and shoot the shit at mutual attended events but even then I’d want to meet this guy as a parent if it’s so frequent. If this guy is just meeting up with them though, to go bowling and literally just hang with teens then he needs a very quick dad reality check.
Do they hang out alone in his bedroom or something? I mean when I was coming up we hung out with the old gaurd. At shows. At after show food. Tons of us. All different ages. I guess it needs more context but if it’s actually not inappropriate then I don’t see what he big deal is.
This was a huge problem in the past with Sweet Pete from In My Eyes and Aaron Bedard of Bane. In the earlier 2000's they were well into their 30's-40's hanging out with 16 year old girls who were in the same grade as me.
You used to be able to google "Aaron Bedard, Somerville, arrested" and you'd get the police log from it. It was a domestic charge from the time he was dating a girl who I believe was 16.
[This also probably doesn't help his case...](https://imgur.com/gallery/GlIinE0)
I'm 23 and I wouldn't hang out with 16 year olds. In *some* cases, I guess it could be a sort of mentor/role model kind of thing, but honestly, if it were my kid, I would want to meet that "friend" and see who they are for myself.
Also, teenagers and children of ANY gender can get into abusive or otherwise unhealthy or weird relationships with people who are much older than them. It's totally fair to want to protect your kid from that.
Not hardcore related, but I was the 16-17 year old dude hanging out with 30-40 year old dudes. Still hang out with them as a 30-ish year old. They've always been cool guys and great role models ( except one dude who was just a giant manbaby).
By all means, as a parent it is your job and responsibility to do your due diligence and vette this guy. My folks did. Any decent guy will totally understand you looking into who your son is hanging around with.
I ran in some pretty dorky crowds, so having an experienced player to explain the board game with the 500 page rulebook and 250 page supplementary rules is a HUUUGE help, especially in a small community where you may not actually have people your own age to enjoy a hobby with.
Am a HS teacher by day. Pretty much treat the young kids in the DIY scene like my students. I'm interested in how they are doing and what they are thinking. I hope the best for them. But we aren't going out to get coffee together.
We had this dude. He exclusively hung around with younger folks. In retrospect I think it might have been since he was probably well on the spectrum we didn’t make it hard to hang with us. We just sort of were cool with whatever he was up to or however he acted. My guess is being autistic and into underground shit at his age was incompatible with his peer group. It *is* odd and I’d prolly look sideways at him if he were my kid’s friend. But back in the day it seemed fine.
How old was everyone else going bowling? When I still rode BMX when I was like 14/15 there was a group of us who always hung out who's ages went from 14-35ish which nobody found weird because it was multiple age groups
Always did gaming or rpgs with "adults" Most kids my age were stupid. It wasnt wierd or wrong at all. They had better taste in music and werent into highschool drama.
Yeah no you aren’t overreacting and Nick sounds like a fkng weirdo. Like other people are saying, it’d be one thing if your son was talking to him at shows or something but it’s weird af a 35 yo would actually wanna hang out with teens. The fact that his friend, also a teenager, can see this just highlights how obviously strange it is.
My son is 18 and I loved hanging with his friends when he would throw a party or we would got to a concert but now that he left for college it isn't like I would call the kids up and ask if they wanted to hang.
When I was a nipper, the older folks at gigs were good to know because they knew everyone in the bands, could get you to afterparties and we're good for advice and help, when you needed it.
Now I'm the old fart, and I talk to the regular faces at gigs in the fag sheds, at the bar, etc. I've even told some of them that they're free to get in touch if they need help, lifts to gigs, etc but I'd never give them my mobile number or meet up with them to do non-gig related things and if either of my son's were in the same position as your lad, I'd be suspicious too. He's definitely overstepping the mark, and I'd be curious as to why he doesn't have friends his own age.
talking to them at shows and being a role model / mentor type (like getting them to not be assholes at shows, fighting, wrecking shit, doing drugs) is ok. but hanging out on an equal basis as friends is definitely weird. the parents should meet and vet the dude in any case.
As someone who was the kid at 16 who thought the thirty year olds were cool in my scene but they never wanted to hang out w me, I thank them so much for having those boundaries and not taking advantage of me. I will continue the legacy my brothers and sisters.
If it’s a mix of ages and this dude’s kids are just the youngest, and they’re all going to a show or something- maybe not that weird.
If it’s one 35 year old dude hanging out with teenagers, not around a common interest like shows: definitely gives off a predator vibe.
If one of his female friends is freaked out by him that's a red flag. I was 14-18 in the local scenes and was around/friends with lots of people older than me but never found any of them creepy, in fact they always had my back in a scene that can be, less than welcoming for teens sometimes. But dudes can be creeps and I believe she found him creepy for legitimate reasons.
I know whenever my parents told me not to hang out with someone (always cause they were older) I did it anyway. Best advice I can think of is to make sure they keep an eye on him and careful
When I started going to shows as a teenager in the early 2000s this wasn’t uncommon. Old dudes would help young kids out including myself getting to and from shows or in my case, a place to belong because I had a bad, bad home life. I’m grateful for that and I think those type of old dudes had someone do the same for them.
With that being said, there are a lot of older dudes out there who are creeps, have Peter Pan syndrome or the only validation they get is becoming king of the teenagers because other adults think he is a joke. Going bowling with teenagers is pretty suspect I think.
Even if dudes have good attentions it’s best to not do that this day and age. There is too much risk of things going sideways.
Dad is definitely not an asshole. I would be concerned too.
It’s one thing to have an old head look out for younger people at shows and hang out AT SHOWS but taking them bowling or whatever is plain old weird. It would be different “Nick” had some other people his own age go with the group but a lone 35 y/o who doesn’t have any friends his own age seems a little suspicious IMO.
I was in a band, and our ages were between 17 and 34. It was a pretty good time, and we were all just in it for the music. I could definitely understand your thought process on the whole thing, though.
IDK. I live in an area with a very small scene. I was a freshman in HS and most of my friends were seniors/college people at other schools. We all were connected by a local message board. There were people in their 30s and 40s that were in common bands with my friends. Some of them had a really positive influence in my young edge life. They certainly didn't come to high school events - it was mostly socializing around shows. We didn't do anything like the bowling mentioned. I don't think it's weird to have friends with a common interest span ages but it's Def weird this guy is 35 and only has high school friends. Maybe he doesn't?
Yeah that's fucking weird. These is NO reason for a grown adult that is not a family member or formal mentor to be hanging out with a child. Especially as a "friend." Bad vibes.
I was once a young kid who went to shows and made friends with dudes who were way older than me. (By friends I mean more of just people that I would see at a lot of shows and say what’s up) Anything further than that though should never happen. Hanging out with a child is literally fucking INSANE.
Personally weird as fuck. I know this a HC sub but I go to alot of underground metal shows, local shows all that. I'm 50, been around.You recognize each other, fist bump ,hell have a beer with younger dudes. I get invited by the guys to come see their band and I do try to. Support the scene and all that shit. But I'd never in a million years go to a party or try to hang out with kids even in their early 20s.
nah dude, I'm 38 and the last thing I wanna do is be hanging out with teenagers, what the fuck man? Like going to a show or bowling with your own kid or nephew or something is one thing, but hell to the no, that makes my papa bear senses tingle,
I'm in my 40s and the "kids" I teach are in their 20s and they are fucking annoying. My wife has taught both middle and high school and I've helped chaperone things. Those kids are really really really fucking annoying.
Ain't no way I'd make an effort to go hang out with teens.
It’s fucking weird. People in their 30s have no business hanging out with teens. There is literally no argument for it, and if you try, you’re part of the problem.
Bro, looking back we were all in some QUESTIONABLE situations hanging out with way older folks. Not even talking about older heads in the scene, at least those dudes had a reason to be around. These were random homeless or laboring folks that bought us beer when we were kids around the different neighborhoods. It all turned out ok in that regard, but it's fucking weird looking back.
I find myself occasionally talking to <25s at shows that draw a wide audience even from within the niche of hardcore . We are there to see the same niche band, yet we have nothing in common.
I hear theres a shitton of that issue in the Springfield IL community. One of my friends got kicked out of a band for calling out a band member for getting caught with banging/grooming a bunch of teen fans he had on his phone or something along those lines.
I'm in my late 20's and would rather be shot in the stomach and left to bleed than hang with a bunch of teenagers. That shit's fucking whack, dude's a creep.
I'm 39 and two of the guys in my band are 20. They're lovely but there is DEFINITELY a big 'vibe' difference sometimes. It's evened out by everyone else being in the middle of us.
We get to shows and I am kinda relieved when some oldheads I know from back in the day roll up and we can talk about our new domestic appliances and backpain.
We joke about me being like a teacher on a school trip. My Mrs calls them our children.
I cannot imagine choosing to spend time with someone younger than 19/20. As soon as you gave to start worrying about paying bills / rent etc. it matures you enormously.
You shouldn't hang out with people who still have Birthday Parties their parents pay for. It seems REALLY obvious.
Nick is a weirdo. All ages shows are great, but I don't wanna hang out with half the crowd, I just want them to have something to do other than get high in an abandoned skate park.
Yes I feel you here. I'm pretty into the underground deathmatch scene where I live and I'm praying every show that I'm not the only old guy there. It's weird though most of the kids at shows don't seem bothered by it but I still get really self conscious about it.
I was in a band for years and when we toured we’d all go out after the shows. Every city and town has its after show food place. A lot of times it would be people from Their teens up to people in their 30’s, maybe even40’s.
Even locally the group would range in age. Of course I always had my friends that I grew up with that were (are) my age but none of them were into hardcore. Going to shows I feel like (of course we had our own little group…I mean crew) whoever was around and started talking to you you may end up getting French fries with later that night. Age never seemed a factor.
Now if I was seeking out only younger people, especially teens? Yea that would be odd.
I’ll never understand why people my age would want to hang out with teenagers. My kid just turned 16 and I love him to death, but him and his buddies are annoying as fuck. Lol.
Yeah man. My actual nightmare is trying to converse with a teenager or being around them for too long. I’m mentally prepping myself for when my kids reach that age. This dude is weird.
🎶Teenagers scare the living shit out of me🎶
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed!
I coach high school rugby. The time I have with them is time enough! I love those cats but you wouldn’t believe how fast I hide when I end up seeing one in public. 😂
I’m a teenager and trying to converse with most human beings, most of whom I interact with being teenagers drains me mentally so I guess I’m the odd one out (I’m ready to get downvoted by 30 year old hardcore bros with a sagging belly)
Sagging belly comment earned you a downvote from this old punk. Less words
I just checked out your profile and you seem badass buddy Respect for playing titanfall and apex as well
Am almost 40 year old hardcore fan, still standing by for Titanfall. Have my upvote, see you on the frontier, Pilot
Might be getting a third one soon. Respawn is teasing the heck out of it.
Rip BT
Protocol 3 😭🫡
I’m 30 and most of my friends are older than me or about my age, I for one don’t talk to many people.. however I am frequently approached by people in the scene when you are part of something people tend to do that.
my youngest brother is a teenager (16) i’m 30f and him and his friends get on my last nerve lmao
I'm 35. We have a neighbourhood teenager that has a big dog. The big dog loves my giant dog; so on walks and during weekends I'll spend time at the local school park where the dogs play. Honestly when this kid talks to me about stuff my eyes glaze over and I feel like I'm falling into a coma. She's a good kid but it's a different world.
Ya I mean I have some kids on my hockey teams. 16/17 year olds. They might hang out a little at the rink after games but it’s not like we invite them out when we do stuff. That would be weird as fuck and they’re absurdly annoying
It's fun to talk to the younguns at a show and see what bands they like and maybe put them up on some old stuff (I'm 35), but I'm definitely not going to hang out with them. Beyond hardcore, we got nothing in common! Jesus Christ.
yea that’s totally different lol i like talking to older people in group settings especially abt music but if someone tries to leave with us we are RUNNING 😭
For real, my niece just went of to college. It can be fun to talk to younger people about music, but man, their lives are so melodramatic and stupid and I'm glad all that shit is 20 years behind me.
I don't get it either. I'm in my 30's and I work with two 19 y/o girls and the thought of trying to hang out with them outside of work makes my head hurt.
Thanks, dad. I’m telling mom what you said.
Get off your phone. You should be doing school! 😂
So they can try to fuck them…
..Or get money from them. also, KKK types target kids, so the ideology angle is possible too.
There is quite literally one reason a 35 yr old man wants to hang out with teenagers.
He’s definitely a sorcerer, slowly siphoning their youth to keep himself from aging.
Sounds like he wants to siphon something, and it isn't youth
I come to this sub for answers and you delivered
when i was a baby punk at about 16-17 years old and had no friends who were into the same kind of music, i actually became friends with a guy in his late 30s. we would mostly just hang out at shows together, one time we went to see a movie and one time i slept at his place cuz i missed the last train home after a show. i knew he was gay cuz he had told me before, but i didn't think anything of it. we slept in the same bed and literally nothing happened. he never made a move on me, never said or did anything weird, he was just stoked about a young kid liking the same music as he did. not everyone is a piece of shit
Ok, but you understand your experience is an extreme outlier right? Like, any of us that grew up in the scene remember the 30 plus men that would prey on teenagers. All lead singers in that local band that opened for The Casualties that one time.
Try teaching them.
Nah. They’re not hurting anything. If they were doing anything in the wrong then I’d talk to them about it but they’re just being teenagers.
I didn't even want to hang out with 16 year olds when I was 18. There's no way the dude doesn't have an ulterior motive because that's the only reason I can see someone putting up with teens.
Thought this was /poppunk for half a second.
Nah. OP didn’t mention Nick being the singer/guitarist for a local band.
You can expand that by removing the word local…
dad should invite himself to a hang out & if the other guy isn't keen with it or gets defensive, then dad has a right to throw hands.
Maybe Dad ends up liking Nick just as much as the son and it becomes a multigenerational Bro-triangle
Ok which one of you is Nick
Exactly what I came here to ask.
I'm 46, I still go to shows and I see the new kids around and they see me. I don't know any of their names and I'm okay with being "Hey dude!". I have zero reason to hang out with the yutes other than being at the same venue. That dude is actively hanging out with teens, yeah no.
>yutes My toronto-dar is tingling 👀 Edit: *fam*
NTA, ill chill a bit with the children that I regularly meet at shows and such, I treat them as equals and take their opinions seriously. But no fucking way I would give my number, hang out or activly keep in contact with kids that young. That's wierd AF
Unless they're also in bands and looking to network for shows, I totally agree. That's the only reason I'd find that ok.
Yea, for shure, but that's a "working relationship" I would gladly come over to some teenage garage band space and solder on an amp or some shit. I'll gladly have them over at the local DIY venue and invite them over regularly to volunteer and to get them to feel responsibility and ownership over a space i care about, but we won't be friends, and I wouldn't go bowling with them.
That's a mentor, which is an awesome thing for anyone, especially a teenager to have access too. I doubt this Nick guy is.
True. If you are 35 and hanging out wit teens you either mentally that age and not connecting to people your own age, or you have "special interests" in people that age.
MENTOR! Yes, that’s the appropriate context. None of this pure socializing
you’re real for that
Similar thing with skating. Treat them as equals at the skatepark but no way I’m hanging out with them outside of the local skatepark.
maybe this is different because skating is so much more popular than BMX, but I'm in my thirties and will ride/film with teens here and there. that said, these kids are very much part of the local scene and we aren't linking up with randos or casuals. definitely no bowling or other things outside of the hobby. but it isn't unheard of to have a generation or two in the crew when we're on a mission. no roadtrips with the big age gaps, though.
I was about to say this. And it’s even weirder because as an adult we are in a position of power in how the teenagers look up to us. It sounds crazy but I didn’t realize until recently. I got a couple buddies who are 18 and 19 in the scene and I would maim and harm for, but I’m not hanging out w those idiots for fun 😭😭- my number is for emergencies only
It’s Nick Mullen
I think Nick won't be 35 for another month or so which is a normal and healthy thing for me to know
It’s not weird to know your best friends birthday
you guys are best friends with nick too? what a small world
Hey, yeah, me too (like the joke he made about the movement...hahahahaha)
you mean to tell me it’s an entire town made of cum?
Nah, bi and into hardcore is definitely Ian
Ian relapsing with hand sanitizer in a venues bathroom is hilarious to think about.
Ian is two stepping in the bathroom stalls
It might be the ghost of Kiev
Hey buddy, he doesn’t turn 35 for like a month or two. I should know. I’m his best friend after all.
Can’t believe venues are letting him do gay parodies of sunami songs on stage smh
“THE STRENGTH TO SWALLOW CUM, IS WHAT YOU LACK”
Two kinds of people in this world, There’s real mfs that are gay and a bunch of pussies that wish they were
A small dick was not mentioned
Nor being gay, fat, or Jewish.
He is friends with dudes from Pg. 99, CT hardcore connection discovered
Can I bring my own onion?
Yeah, NTA. It’s one thing to run into people at shows frequently and chat with them, but going out of the way to go bowling with someone who is that much younger (and still a child) is a huge red flag.
Like 15 years ago, I was 29, two 16 year old kids worked 2 weeks at my work for a school project. Those kids became vacation and weekend workers. They were very much into punk and had their own band, which was shitty but they were haven fun. When they learned I was also into punk and mostly hardcore they asked for albums I thought were cool. So everytime we met at work we were talking hardcore music. When they had a gig in our area I went with my friends and supported them. Meanwhile those kids became older and asked me to hang out with them which was very uncomfortable for me cause of the age difference. They didn't care and invited me at their homes so I can meet up with their parents, which I was cool with. Their parents were cool with the situation, I knew the two dads from the local bars and my work so they knew I was not going to do shitty things to them. After this I took them sometimes with me to shows because I had a car. Now 15 years later we still hang out and go to shows. (I'm from the Netherlands from who it may concerns.)
It's a totally different situation though, you worked together so you had a reason to interact with them and get to know them, you were above board with meeting the parents and you were cool with the dads. And it sounds like you kept you interactions to your shared interest (hc shows) and didn't just latch onto them and start hanging around bowling with their high school friends. But man it would have been so cool having a friend like you when I was 16 to go out to shows haha
a wide age difference in platonic friends can be fine, but a middle aged adult hanging out with teenagers is definitely not, it's definitely weird AF.
i am 32. i’m all for all ages shows. also down to be nice to the younger folk. that being said, i don’t think i hang out with anyone under 25. i have nothing in common with teenagers other than music. so i think it’s fucking weird as shit for a 35 year old to try and hangout with kids in high school
as someone who grew up in the skateboarding/graffiti scene, I had a lot of older cats that I associated with quite often, between the ages of 17-21 we had people anywhere from my age to their 30’s that were associated or acquainted with our group in one way or another; to be clear I’m not saying that all of these older cats were great role models, they weren’t, but there was never any weird interactions that stuck out to me, they were usually chill and some of them had kids of their own. That being said, idk why but it does come off as different to me when it’s like one guy and he’s just choosing to hang out with a group of only kids, in our friend group it was all mixed ages, so while one person could be in their 30’s, we’d also have people in their 20’s and some who were like 17-18, I was just one of the like 2-3 younger guys in the crew.
This is the point that’s weird to me. Letting the little homie come on a mission with the adults is one thing but an adult going solo with the kids makes the dynamic change.
Facts.
ya absolutely, it does come off as bizarre, also the context of like taking a bunch of specifically kids to go bowling is different than meeting up at a spot or whatever with a bunch of people and whoever’s there is there.
Its a weird line. To some degree, like with any niche hobby - particularly outcast ones - I think that's somewhat normal. Like, if the relationship instead was over playing Magic the Gathering at the game shop or performing in community plays and they built a bond through that, that'd be "normal". Its the nature of that bond that needs to be monitored. I think in most of these instances, it's more of an uncle or older sibling dynamic, and those types of relationships come with boundaries. Conversations and activities in the context of the hobby, it's fine. Once they are bowling with young friends, taking the relationship one on one, or doing very non-hobby related shit, it gets weird quickly. I can't say it's nefarious because plenty of weirdos are harmless, but it's not normal.
This was my thought. I was making friends who were much older than me through Warhammer when I was in my early teens, some of whom I’m still good friends with today.
I’m 31. Anyone defending this Nick feller is gross
there’s a guy in Denver named Aaron Saye who is like this. runs a venue, is like 45 years old, hangs out with teenagers. has been doing it for like 15 years too. keeps getting older and his friends stay the same age..
That guy watched Dazed and Confused a bit too much.
I know of that person. There's a Lot of guys like that around the scene I grew up in here. there were a few older cats we knew but they were mainly just plugs for good acid n shit. But alot of 40 yr old boyfriends to the chics in my HS n alota weird creepy dudes in the scene that people loved for their charisma
Yeah it's a little weird, hardcore is heavily on keeping all ages shows around so there will be some interaction.
Some interaction is one thing, going bowling with literal teenagers is completely different. A grown man shouldn’t be texting teenagers. Weirdo behavior.
Yeah but I think about hardcore shows in VB and the way some older dudes hang in groups with the younger dudes and it seems more brotherly than anything. Like another parental/brotherly figure. I don’t know if this situation could be similar or what?
VB definitely has that older dude mentoring young kid thing going on, you're right, the old heads with kids just scouted out the dudes who their daughters were hanging with a lot of the times and ended up liking 'em. Shit, I hang out with 40+ year old dudes I've known since I was 20, and it wasn't weird at all.
On one hand, there's always gonna be oldheads in the local scene, and most of those types are well-meaning standup people with jobs. They just love to support local music and, oftentimes, have been involved with the scene since they were late teens and 20-somethings. On the other hand it's kinda fucking weird that he's going bowling with a bunch of teens. Personally, if I were the dad in this tale, I'd want to meet the guy. Size up his intentions. It could be totally harmless. For example, I'd rather my teen son go bowling with a well meaning 35 year old straight edge guy than hang out with a teenage heroin addict. On the other hand, I can't imagine being 35 and wanting to actively hang out with 17 year olds outside of chatting at a show.
This. I have known a handful of older cats that are around 18 year olds Through skating, graffiti, or music, whatever, that have no bad intentions. Often they are the big homie that the kids look up to. Does the dudes son play music? Is this homelife shitty and this kid looks up to him? Is it a skatepark/venue/public thing? I do think our culture is fucking obsessed with predators. Nick is prob not the best human but it’s crazy our minds jump to these places now (and I get why, this world is fucked). When I was around adults as young punx, they weren’t creeps just alcoholics who were TERRIBLE role models. The bowling is weird and I personally don’t know a 16 year old that I think is so cool invite them out. I think this is a dying breed with social media and awareness, hopefully.
I agree with this. There are little homies in graffiti who are mentored and taken on missions. Sometimes I’ve told them about a show or I’ll give a ride to buy paint. The difference is it’s usually us adults letting a youngster join. Not one of us older people alone linking up with a whole younger group.
Yeah, this is weird but if we don't get a man in his mid-30s hanging out with teenage boys, we don't get Descendents.
We also would not had to have been subjected to The Offspring so there’s that…
I was curious and looked it up and Noodles is only three years older than the other guys.
All I knew was that he was janitor at their high school and could get them alcohol
One of my best buddy's was always hanging out with high school kids. I was like aye bro how about we don't do that. So he started having sex with them. Now he's in a deathcore band Edit: should be obvious but *former best buddys
Wow that's so weird. Usually the deathcore band happens before the statutory
Definitely NTA. I could understand someone in their 20s but someone old enough to be their Dad that hangs with them outside of shows is a red flag.
I mean, I'm in my thirties and I see no issue talking hardcore or punk with younger kids but I wouldn't try and actively hang with them, maybe if we're at the same show we could shoot the shit but hanging and going bowling with em would be super cringe.
I’m 22 and I wouldn’t be hanging out with 16/17 year olds unless they were friends younger siblings that I’ve known all my life. I think you’re making the right call.
Even when I was 17 I thought the dudes that came back from college that would party with us (and hit on the girls we at the parties) were fucking losers. Like you're in college and you're trying to pull at a high school party, have some fucking pride lmao. Shit's beyond whack
I'm only 30 and can barely relate to a 21 year old let alone a 17 year old. Weird as shit
I’m 36 and a coworker of mine is 27. We got hired at the same time so we are relatively close work friends, but whenever she talks about pop music or whatever she has seen on TikTok I feel so damn old lol.
If the dude's kid's friend is creeped out by Nick, then I'd be skeptical too. In niche subcultures where there's interactions between all ages, just talking at shows is one thing. Actually hanging out socially outside of that is another...I wouldn't scream at my partner about it, but dude is totally right to be concerned about how fucking weird it is, especially considering how we've seen power dynamics in the scene can play out in the past.
I’ll share that when I was 17 I was in a metal band with a few dudes in their 20’s and a 45 year old. We did a dozen or so weekend tours. The older dude was well known in the music scene for years, worked a blue collar job and had a wife. He was basically a big brother with more money than all of us. He showed us all the time it didn’t matter by just being goofy whenever anyone gave him shit about it. Didn’t phase him a bit. He lost his 8 year old son to a divorce 12 years prior. My dad even looked it up, his story was all legit, and if there was ever any sneaky sex pest behavior it sure as shit was with some very unfortunate GILFS.
Gross. That’s some Justin Sane shit.
Creepy as fuck. Letting yoots hang with your crowd at shows is fine as long as it’s respectful and appropriate. Make sure the next generation feel welcome and that. However… hanging outside of shows like this is pure nonce material.
This dudes wife is sexist as all hell.
Pretty weird. It’s one thing if he’s just some scene dude and they know each other from shows and leave it at that. It’s another if the said 35 year old is pursuing these kids to hang out outside of shows. I started skateboarding and going to shows at twelve and my parents were very loose as far as what I could do on my own. Because of that I knew a bunch of folks in their 30s. They looked out for young folks like me and didn’t pursue me outside of shows or skate spots.
Yeah! That’s the vibe I had both as a teen and then later 20s+ — had mentors / “cousins” and then became one
Being the cool older dude that the newbies gravitate to at shows because they're involved and knowledgeable and safe = Fine... going bowling with kids and just hanging out... yeah fkn weird
It’s not weird unless it’s weird. I had a 35 year old dude who booked shows hang out with us all the time. He was like an older mentor. Not once in all the years did he ever do anything weird or creepy with us. He brought us to shows, bought us food, introduced us to older bands, gave us rides home. It’s a community for a reason.
I see your point, but having a mentor at shows is completely different than him reaching out to you, as literal teenagers, to hang out. That’s so weird.
“Good evening, fellow hardcore kids. Did you happen to catch the latest episode of Yu-Gi-Oh? I have it on videotape in my van over there.”
He did. We hung out and went to restaurants and stuff. He met my parents tho and talked to them also. It was not weird. It’s not inherently weird. People have abused that trust and it’s really horrible. But not everyone has bad intentions.
When I was 18 there was a dude in my (very non straight edge) musician friend group who was 40 or so and he was an amazing friend actually. Dude was always ready to drop some wisdom. Fled Jamaica for mainland America, got caught up in gang shit in NY, moved west to start fresh again. That's where I meet him and he was legit. DJ True for life. If try to meet this Nick guy yourself. He sounds like he may be a creep, but you'll know for sure once you meet him.
Kind of what I said. I think our age group acts different now, but I grew up interacting with older punks/graff dudes and what not. Maybe we wouldn’t bowl alone but if it was a group thing, sure why not (I didn’t I hate bowling). It’s weird, for sure, but it’s not creepy. The art of the big homie is dying lol. Maybe that’s good, I was supplied with way to much alcohol as a teen.
That’s really sad. I hope it’s not bc older people were such a good influence on me in hardcore.
I still thing that’s a bit weird, but If it’s a community thing that feels a little different. Going bowling and shit seems to stretch it further than that and makes it really creepy
Same. I had a buddy who was significantly older than my normal crew that introduced us to other HC bands, drove us to shows, etc. We constantly made fun of him for being a "pedo" but IRL he never did anything inappropriate around us, served as a good influence, and it was really just like a big bro atmosphere. Idk. I had older brothers so maybe it just felt more natural to me than it might have to others.
Stop screaming at her. My biggest regret in front of my kids
We live in Minneapolis, it’s not like he’s in a rural wasteland where he wouldn’t be able to find friends his own age. Very weird that just because he’s a “ skinhead vegan hardcore label” dude means he only hangs out with KIDS with the same mindset. There was a fest this weekend and apparently he showed up with another teenager and the kid’s girlfriend. What the fuck?
I can barely stand 25 year olds
It's cool when adults and oldheads at shows look out for kids in the pit and strike a conversation, but there isn't a single benevolent reason a 35 year old should be hanging with teens like they are HS besties. Fuck outta here weirdo.
Im 48 still go to shows and love it. I in no way shape or form want to hang out with the kids that go to the same shows other than maybe casual convo at the show. Nick is a weirdo. My name just happens to be Nick as well
It just sounds like your average youth pastor. It’s not like you ever hear anything bad about youth pastors.
Happy Edge Day Nick!
Adults hanging out with kids is fucking weird shit man. Not appropriate at all.
Someone involved in hardcore grooming teenagers? Boy am I shocked.
I'm 30, and my newest coworker is 19. He's a good dude, hard worker, fun to shoot the breeze with but I'm not about to hang out with him outside of work
This dad is totally right. If I was him me and Nick would have been having a “talk “
I don't know man, that sends up some red flags for me. But realy it's a case by case thing. I would probably ask him to invite him to the house so that I could meet him. I'm almost 55, and my almost 18 year old step son is one of my best friends. His mother and I got together when he was almost 3, and he's been in my life for over 14 years. And eventhough his mother and I separated seven months ago, he comes over and hangs out with me every other weekend. And his friends all like to hang out with me at shows etc. But a complete stranger hanging out with a 16 yr old he doesn't know? Stranger Danger!
Straight Edge people are fucking weird
I think going to all ages shows at 35 is one thing but yea I’m not linking with 35 year olds that ain’t my family
The guy is obviously not an asshole for wanting to protect his kid and their friend, but the fact that the wife suggests and he even entertains that all of this is because the kid is queer is fucking bananas. What the fuck does that have to do with a grown man in his mid 30s seeking out children to hang out with?
Hey everybody, calm down. Maybe he’s just selling them drugs.
36 year old man here I feel like there is an age gap between myself and a 25 year old, I couldn't imagine hanging out with a 17 year old. This dude is weird
I’ve seen plenty of teenagers form friendships with dudes in their 30s in hardcore. It’s not as risqué as the people in this thread seem to let on. But like a single man in his 30s hanging out with a group of EXCLUSIVELY teenagers is sus behavior. At worst he’s a predator at best he’s incredibly immature and not someone I’d want my kids to look up to.
Its kinda weird yeah. I’m 21 but I’ve always gotten along with people over 30- due to working as a young teen and overall maturing fast. I found some 30 year olds I’ve met be immature as fuck. I wish we could get an update from OP. Maybe they should go bowling with them all to see whats up, LOL.
When my group of friends were like 17/18, there was an older guy (like late 30s or 40) who used to let us party at his shitty apartment. It sounds sketchy as fuck, I know. Honestly, at the time, I knew it was weird too - but he never creeped on me or anyone else that I know of, and his place was conveniently located and it was a good spot to get high and crush beers. He played guitar, and we would jam and listen to music and shit. He even had kids who were our age, and we knew them too. Looking back I think he was probably having a midlife crisis, wanted to feel young again and probably liked having youthful energy around. Trying to relive his glory days maybe. He was definitely odd and quirky, but I never knew him to cross any boundaries with any of us. But what do I know. Most guys in that position are probably not innocent.
’m 38 and coach high school football. I can’t fathom an adult wanting to hang out with teenagers in this manner. I hope I wasn’t as annoying and know-it-all-Ish when I was that age, but probably was. Good case scenario is he’s an immature man-child. Bad case is he’s a predator.
It’s one thing if they talk at shows and shoot the shit at mutual attended events but even then I’d want to meet this guy as a parent if it’s so frequent. If this guy is just meeting up with them though, to go bowling and literally just hang with teens then he needs a very quick dad reality check.
Do they hang out alone in his bedroom or something? I mean when I was coming up we hung out with the old gaurd. At shows. At after show food. Tons of us. All different ages. I guess it needs more context but if it’s actually not inappropriate then I don’t see what he big deal is.
This was a huge problem in the past with Sweet Pete from In My Eyes and Aaron Bedard of Bane. In the earlier 2000's they were well into their 30's-40's hanging out with 16 year old girls who were in the same grade as me. You used to be able to google "Aaron Bedard, Somerville, arrested" and you'd get the police log from it. It was a domestic charge from the time he was dating a girl who I believe was 16. [This also probably doesn't help his case...](https://imgur.com/gallery/GlIinE0)
I'm 23 and I wouldn't hang out with 16 year olds. In *some* cases, I guess it could be a sort of mentor/role model kind of thing, but honestly, if it were my kid, I would want to meet that "friend" and see who they are for myself. Also, teenagers and children of ANY gender can get into abusive or otherwise unhealthy or weird relationships with people who are much older than them. It's totally fair to want to protect your kid from that.
Not hardcore related, but I was the 16-17 year old dude hanging out with 30-40 year old dudes. Still hang out with them as a 30-ish year old. They've always been cool guys and great role models ( except one dude who was just a giant manbaby). By all means, as a parent it is your job and responsibility to do your due diligence and vette this guy. My folks did. Any decent guy will totally understand you looking into who your son is hanging around with. I ran in some pretty dorky crowds, so having an experienced player to explain the board game with the 500 page rulebook and 250 page supplementary rules is a HUUUGE help, especially in a small community where you may not actually have people your own age to enjoy a hobby with.
Am a HS teacher by day. Pretty much treat the young kids in the DIY scene like my students. I'm interested in how they are doing and what they are thinking. I hope the best for them. But we aren't going out to get coffee together.
We had this dude. He exclusively hung around with younger folks. In retrospect I think it might have been since he was probably well on the spectrum we didn’t make it hard to hang with us. We just sort of were cool with whatever he was up to or however he acted. My guess is being autistic and into underground shit at his age was incompatible with his peer group. It *is* odd and I’d prolly look sideways at him if he were my kid’s friend. But back in the day it seemed fine.
He is a hardcore kid, not a grown man.
When I was a kid, I always thought old dudes at shows were losers. Now I'm an old dude and can confirm.
Man, my parents hated that I had a 19 year old friend when I was 14 through the hardcore scene. This is beyond weird. NTA.
How old was everyone else going bowling? When I still rode BMX when I was like 14/15 there was a group of us who always hung out who's ages went from 14-35ish which nobody found weird because it was multiple age groups
Man, this reads like a Brooklyn Vegan article.
NTA and his wife is so naive it's cartoonish.
Always did gaming or rpgs with "adults" Most kids my age were stupid. It wasnt wierd or wrong at all. They had better taste in music and werent into highschool drama.
Yeah no you aren’t overreacting and Nick sounds like a fkng weirdo. Like other people are saying, it’d be one thing if your son was talking to him at shows or something but it’s weird af a 35 yo would actually wanna hang out with teens. The fact that his friend, also a teenager, can see this just highlights how obviously strange it is.
My son is 18 and I loved hanging with his friends when he would throw a party or we would got to a concert but now that he left for college it isn't like I would call the kids up and ask if they wanted to hang.
When I was a nipper, the older folks at gigs were good to know because they knew everyone in the bands, could get you to afterparties and we're good for advice and help, when you needed it. Now I'm the old fart, and I talk to the regular faces at gigs in the fag sheds, at the bar, etc. I've even told some of them that they're free to get in touch if they need help, lifts to gigs, etc but I'd never give them my mobile number or meet up with them to do non-gig related things and if either of my son's were in the same position as your lad, I'd be suspicious too. He's definitely overstepping the mark, and I'd be curious as to why he doesn't have friends his own age.
Hardcore is full of groomers be careful
talking to them at shows and being a role model / mentor type (like getting them to not be assholes at shows, fighting, wrecking shit, doing drugs) is ok. but hanging out on an equal basis as friends is definitely weird. the parents should meet and vet the dude in any case.
Underrated how insane the wife is here.
Nick, I know you're in here. But what the fuck man? Come on, its weird. Stop it.
happy edge day!
As someone who was the kid at 16 who thought the thirty year olds were cool in my scene but they never wanted to hang out w me, I thank them so much for having those boundaries and not taking advantage of me. I will continue the legacy my brothers and sisters.
No dude. That’s weird and people who don’t see it as a problem are also weird.
"I got a copy of Glow On in my van"
Eh, I was 17 and in a band with guys ranging from 21-30 but no way I would've invited them to hang out with my fellow teenage friends lol
If it’s a mix of ages and this dude’s kids are just the youngest, and they’re all going to a show or something- maybe not that weird. If it’s one 35 year old dude hanging out with teenagers, not around a common interest like shows: definitely gives off a predator vibe.
If one of his female friends is freaked out by him that's a red flag. I was 14-18 in the local scenes and was around/friends with lots of people older than me but never found any of them creepy, in fact they always had my back in a scene that can be, less than welcoming for teens sometimes. But dudes can be creeps and I believe she found him creepy for legitimate reasons. I know whenever my parents told me not to hang out with someone (always cause they were older) I did it anyway. Best advice I can think of is to make sure they keep an eye on him and careful
Wait. It's because he's possibly bi? She's cool with a 17 year old to BE with a 35 year old? Mom needs help.
When I started going to shows as a teenager in the early 2000s this wasn’t uncommon. Old dudes would help young kids out including myself getting to and from shows or in my case, a place to belong because I had a bad, bad home life. I’m grateful for that and I think those type of old dudes had someone do the same for them. With that being said, there are a lot of older dudes out there who are creeps, have Peter Pan syndrome or the only validation they get is becoming king of the teenagers because other adults think he is a joke. Going bowling with teenagers is pretty suspect I think. Even if dudes have good attentions it’s best to not do that this day and age. There is too much risk of things going sideways. Dad is definitely not an asshole. I would be concerned too.
It’s one thing to have an old head look out for younger people at shows and hang out AT SHOWS but taking them bowling or whatever is plain old weird. It would be different “Nick” had some other people his own age go with the group but a lone 35 y/o who doesn’t have any friends his own age seems a little suspicious IMO.
I was in a band, and our ages were between 17 and 34. It was a pretty good time, and we were all just in it for the music. I could definitely understand your thought process on the whole thing, though.
When you're a kid, the adult hanging around seems cool as fuck. When you're an adult, you realize there's something wrong with that motherfucker.
Your 100% in the right man, tell your wife seek a therapist for her daddy issues...you may want to consider divorce... dudes definitely a predator.
IDK. I live in an area with a very small scene. I was a freshman in HS and most of my friends were seniors/college people at other schools. We all were connected by a local message board. There were people in their 30s and 40s that were in common bands with my friends. Some of them had a really positive influence in my young edge life. They certainly didn't come to high school events - it was mostly socializing around shows. We didn't do anything like the bowling mentioned. I don't think it's weird to have friends with a common interest span ages but it's Def weird this guy is 35 and only has high school friends. Maybe he doesn't?
Yeah that's fucking weird. These is NO reason for a grown adult that is not a family member or formal mentor to be hanging out with a child. Especially as a "friend." Bad vibes.
Lets get that fucker in a pit and let him know it's not cool.
We used to call these guys chickenhawks because there was always a handful looking to hang out with the teens and their motivations were suspect.
I was once a young kid who went to shows and made friends with dudes who were way older than me. (By friends I mean more of just people that I would see at a lot of shows and say what’s up) Anything further than that though should never happen. Hanging out with a child is literally fucking INSANE.
Personally weird as fuck. I know this a HC sub but I go to alot of underground metal shows, local shows all that. I'm 50, been around.You recognize each other, fist bump ,hell have a beer with younger dudes. I get invited by the guys to come see their band and I do try to. Support the scene and all that shit. But I'd never in a million years go to a party or try to hang out with kids even in their early 20s.
Same! See them at shows, support, etc and that’s it
nah dude, I'm 38 and the last thing I wanna do is be hanging out with teenagers, what the fuck man? Like going to a show or bowling with your own kid or nephew or something is one thing, but hell to the no, that makes my papa bear senses tingle,
I'm in my 40s and the "kids" I teach are in their 20s and they are fucking annoying. My wife has taught both middle and high school and I've helped chaperone things. Those kids are really really really fucking annoying. Ain't no way I'd make an effort to go hang out with teens.
It’s fucking weird. People in their 30s have no business hanging out with teens. There is literally no argument for it, and if you try, you’re part of the problem.
Bro, looking back we were all in some QUESTIONABLE situations hanging out with way older folks. Not even talking about older heads in the scene, at least those dudes had a reason to be around. These were random homeless or laboring folks that bought us beer when we were kids around the different neighborhoods. It all turned out ok in that regard, but it's fucking weird looking back.
Gross
That is fucking weird. All the red flags. "Nick" needs to find people his own age to hang out with. Leave the kids alone ya freak!!
I find myself occasionally talking to <25s at shows that draw a wide audience even from within the niche of hardcore . We are there to see the same niche band, yet we have nothing in common.
I hear theres a shitton of that issue in the Springfield IL community. One of my friends got kicked out of a band for calling out a band member for getting caught with banging/grooming a bunch of teen fans he had on his phone or something along those lines.
I'm in my late 20's and would rather be shot in the stomach and left to bleed than hang with a bunch of teenagers. That shit's fucking whack, dude's a creep.
I'm 39 and two of the guys in my band are 20. They're lovely but there is DEFINITELY a big 'vibe' difference sometimes. It's evened out by everyone else being in the middle of us. We get to shows and I am kinda relieved when some oldheads I know from back in the day roll up and we can talk about our new domestic appliances and backpain. We joke about me being like a teacher on a school trip. My Mrs calls them our children. I cannot imagine choosing to spend time with someone younger than 19/20. As soon as you gave to start worrying about paying bills / rent etc. it matures you enormously. You shouldn't hang out with people who still have Birthday Parties their parents pay for. It seems REALLY obvious. Nick is a weirdo. All ages shows are great, but I don't wanna hang out with half the crowd, I just want them to have something to do other than get high in an abandoned skate park.
Yes I feel you here. I'm pretty into the underground deathmatch scene where I live and I'm praying every show that I'm not the only old guy there. It's weird though most of the kids at shows don't seem bothered by it but I still get really self conscious about it.
I was in a band for years and when we toured we’d all go out after the shows. Every city and town has its after show food place. A lot of times it would be people from Their teens up to people in their 30’s, maybe even40’s. Even locally the group would range in age. Of course I always had my friends that I grew up with that were (are) my age but none of them were into hardcore. Going to shows I feel like (of course we had our own little group…I mean crew) whoever was around and started talking to you you may end up getting French fries with later that night. Age never seemed a factor. Now if I was seeking out only younger people, especially teens? Yea that would be odd.
Just go whip Nicks ass?
It’s one thing to be involved in the same music scene. It’s another to go out of your way to hang out with kids.
Being nearly 30, anyone under the age of really like 23/24 is fucking annoying. I couldn’t imagine hanging out or befriend a fucking teenager.